The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Rally in Miami | Nick Di Paolo Show #1595

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Trumps rally, Biden's decline and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder��s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

Music playing We'll do it live. We'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live! I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live! I can all write it and we'll do it live! Fucking thing sucks! That's my dad in the morning. And Dallas. Folks, how you is, what it was, and what it will be. Now here's Tyrone with the weather. in a second I'll have you fix this because it ain't it ain't talking to the fucking anyways how are you folks great to be here it's it's

Wednesday and we got a we're working on a new set we're gonna reveal pretty soon actually I was told yeah getting a new camera too the quality would be better and stuff we're gonna give it a whole new look you know I'm like Madonna I have to reinvent myself and not involve black penises it's amazing what you heard me balls on this break shut up it was a joke anyhow any he I don't know what to say when I leave you guys I don't do much I gotta be honest if I don't know what else to say. When I leave you guys, I don't do much. I've got to be honest. If I don't work out, I go home and practice my guitar

and make blueberry muffins and I rub my feet. All at the same time. You'll see me on America's Greatest Assholes. What is it? AGA. Whatever the fuck. Red Sox last night put up, I think, or 11 11 runs in the top of the second inning I don't even know folks. I don't even know what I'm watching this year. I don't know what I'm watching

But it's so interesting and all of baseball's talking. They have the best record since June 5th and all of Major League Baseball Bunch of fucking rookies and tied together all it's fucking watch out for them You know in a year or two holy moly they're not even completely healthy this year anyways who gives a shit you're like well what are you what are you gonna bring up next as girls feel hockey at Tulane yes they had a good fight last night all right that's all I got early since I live a boring life I was involved in an orgy with all guys we We'll tell you about that next week. Let's get to the news. Fuck it. Oh, in our FLA segment tonight, ladies and gentlemen, usually we bring you a wacky ass story from Florida. You know, usually like a woman naked on a lawn mower, drinking beer and pulled over by the cops and then she blows a cop and it's her cousin that type of stuff this is Trump just as good just as entertaining

he had a rally down the Miami last night so Trump was down in Miami last night giving a rally and I'm so glad he's back aren't you like I said it was like it's like when a good comedian goes away and you don't have his specials anymore He's getting better at this He used to bump into funny by accident But now he's he's I can tell like do this for a living forever And I can tell he's getting a little more comfortable with his getting a little cocky with his job Anyways the first clip he's talking about Challenging this would be priceless.

First of all, it would be impossible for Joe Biden to take this, but Trump was challenged into a golf. Can you imagine the numbers? Dana White will probably jump on it. All right, let's listen to him. Also officially challenging Crooked Joe to an 18 hole golf match right here.

Underao's Blue Monster considered one of the greatest tournament golf courses anywhere in the world. One of the great courses of the world. It will be among the most sports sporting events in history, maybe bigger than the Ryder Cup or even the Masters. And I will even give Joe Biden 10 strokes aside 10 strokes. That's a lot. He already had nine of them strokes in case you don't play golf. You count the ones he had? Wouldn't that be fucking hilarious? Oh my God. Joe Wanda's off into the woods, comes back, poop all over his shoes. Oh God.

I know a thing or two about a thing or two. He does. Um, yeah, so he, uh, that's the thing, man. I love how he's, he's being nice about it. Like during the debate, people pointed that out too. He could have fucking, imagine if it was the old Trump, like during the first debate, he'd go, look, he's drooling. He's shitting his pants. He shit his pants.

Some people said he did. And then he started to bust Joe's balls. And it's a good point, because Joe has been a politician his whole goddamn life for 50-plus years. And when you serve the public, you're not supposed to have a lot of extra money. You know that, don't you? If you know your history. Anyways, so he kind of calls Biden out on that. So let's take a look. He spent almost 50 percent of his presidency on vacation, almost all of it, including many,

many weeks on the beach and mansions are in think of this here's a guy that's been a politician all his life he's got homes in the virgin islands nantucket lake tahoe kiawa island i mean where the hell did i get all this money byron he's got more homes than i do what the hell is going on with him I do what the hell is going on with him just the facts man ah it's a more than I do I'm telling you he likes his comedy when I went to see Don jr. Don jr. killed everybody it's a good way obviously to make people like you didn't work for me but listen it's a great tool whether you're a salesman or whatever you know I mean and he's just I don't know who's gonna write history but

he would go down as one of the most beloved president I don't give a shit what is it and most hated by again not all the people you think they make it sound like it's really the media and the fuck a handful of elites they got you believing that you know more than half the country hates him, which I just don't think is fucking true. I could be wrong, but I never am. All right, and then he moved on to everybody's been talking about fucking Hunter.

Oh, yesterday they said, Hunter, what did they rule on? He pleaded guilty or something because the court said he didn't read all the shit on his gun case. He admitted not to reading it beforehand or some shit. So he admitted to not guilt. I shouldn't even brought it up. I forget. But he followed it, whatever that means. Again, ignore what I just said.

Harry is talking about Hunter's role right now. You know, his son is running it, right? You know that, right? You know that. He's running our government. And Bill is helping. Bill is helping. Where's Hunter?

Remember the sign, Where's Hunter? Where's Hunter? He's in the White House. Hunter is in the White House running government right now, they say. That's interesting. No wonder Joe doesn't want to give up the job. His own staff says that the only hours he works are 10 a.m. to 4. Does anybody here have a job like that? Raise your hand please.

He's doing stand-up. It is interesting. And some people are saying this is just a theory. I don't necessarily agree that Biden's hanging in so he can pardon his son. Which, I mean, you know, you can't think that the Biden's the most dysfunctional family when you think about it. You're gonna fucking he's a crook. The Joe Biden's a crook. His brother's a crook with him. The fucking son's a cokehead and all that shit, which we don't hold again, most rich

kids, guys his age are. But they're fucking fucking dysfunctional and there was that other theory that like that the laptop and all the shit some people thought that that was like hunter getting back at the old man for being a shitty dad or whatever the fuck and now they're saying you know it's whatever you want to believe there's a million theories out there that joe's sticking it out but joe already said he wouldn't pardon them. Who the fuck knows? The point is this is the biggest hoax ever. It's even bigger than Russia Gate that this motherfucker has we know he hasn't been running the country since he got in there. We've known that but now that the but the mainstream media can't hide that shit now it's all out in the open.

They don't know what the they're going to you know, they have to look over here, look over here. And finally, he brought up NATO. I heard flinging Joe yesterday at the G7 summit bragging about how like NATO's paying their full share now. I'm like, what are you talking about? That was Trump's fucking anyway go ahead final clip. I said you know what you're not paying your bills you got to

pay your bills. Somebody stood up from one of the countries 28 countries and only seven were paying what they should be paying. 28 countries think of that and these countries now we added a couple, but 28 countries, and they said, sir, could I ask you, I said, you have to pay your bills. They said, sir, may I ask you a question? If we don't pay our bills, will you protect us from Russia? I said, you mean you're delinquent? They said, yes, we're delinquent.

Let's say we're delinquent. Would you protect us? I said, no, I will not protect you from Russia. The money came in by the billions. He loves to do those and they said sir he loves that he lets you know people have to call him. He loves that I don't give a fuck He should love it He got ripped off in the last election. I don't get everybody fucking knows I can't believe there's people out there and again

I'm not talking about the ballots and stuffing of ballots and mail and shit We're talking about with the help of fucking Facebook, lying about the lap to all that shit. The intelligence community. All that shit. 51 guys signing that shit. Can you just picture the right doing that to the left? They stole the fucking election outright.

He's owed this one. Nick, you're crazy. Nah, you guys, you vote like me so You agree head and part of the forehead you can tell I can snort coke off it. It's like a fucking mirror delicious Hey guys Second half for the show what am I gonna be talking about a big controversy into tour de France it involves sex I'll leave it at that. Also, delicious.

Yes, a bike seat all sweaty. Oh, it's a guy. Also, we'll tell you about a mountain climber who was lost in 2002 who they found and we'll tell you what condition he's in. Let me give you a hint. He's on Kimmel tonight. No All right, that's it get full episodes of Nick the polo show in crowd a show four days a week Brian Callan Mr. Guns and gear with exclusive live streams of Alex Jones at nine dollars monthly or 89 dollars annually Exclusively on mug club so sign up now you do that at Nick the polo on mug club so sign up now you do that at nickdepalo.com I'm not gonna mention the fucking audio whatever the fuck do that at nickdip.com and that's that let's move on a New York based nor other dr. Pitts says Biden has no more wits sometimes he shits on Jill's tits. What are you seven? No, I'll be nine. A New York based neurologist who specializes in treating Parkinson's, my favorite disease. It's a lot of fun. You

pour my full glass of coke suggested Monday that President Biden is exhibiting classic features of neurodegeneration. No kidding. His two-year-old granddaughter, Navy, said that. As speculation swirls about his political future. Political future? How about his life on this planet? Man, he's aging at Mach speed. He must have done a lot of blow to it.

Dr. Tom Pitts went to school with his cousin arm, made his assessment, what? Based on Biden's public appearances while the White House faced questions about why another Parkinson's expert visited the executive mansion eight times in an eight-month stretch last year and early this year. So they're asking about that and you know people are getting bent out of shape. Is this a sick question? No it isn't. I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it.

A depressed Michael J. Fox was seen leaving White House at 10 at night shaking his head like he's finished. I could have diagnosed him from across the mall the doctor said really yeah right across from the ice cream shop he was sniffing a 12 year old girl's head I think he means the Washington Mall anyways the doc said I could have diagnosed him across the mall that dr. Pitts told NBC News now's top story with Tom Lamas. Yamas, let's take a listen to the doctor

with a good head of hair and a nice beard. This is not a palatal issue or a speech discrepancy, which is very different from a liminodysfunction, actual word retrieval, where you pick a similar question or talk around the issue, plus the rigidity, monotone voice. Wait, go back to that, the rigidity, what do you mean? Rigidity, loss of arm swing, standing up lordotically.

You notice when he turns, it's kind of end block turning, it's not a quick turn. Yeah, that's the big one. So that's one of the hallmarks of Parkinsonism, is rigidity and bradykinesia, slow movement. Oh, bradykinesia. And he has that hallmark, especially with the low voice, he said was a cold, hypophonia, a small monotone voice like this over time is a hallmark of parkinsonism i could have diagnosed him from across the mall just like you did that twelve-year-old girl what

uh... yeah this guy talk about checking the boxes i'm sorry joe but i'm waiting any day to wake up. But they're pushing back. Biden at the G-Ed, they must have pumped him up with something yesterday because he spoke well and read well. But that's hit or fucking miss.

After four o'clock he turns into a retard. I'm a Democrat, the doctor said. It's just like this guy is not a hard case, he added. I see him 20 times a day in my clinic. Pitts caveated that he has never been in the same room with the president who has insisted he will carry on with his reelection campaign and could not judge whether Biden's cognitive abilities

had diminished. Well, you just sort of said that. I know you described the physical symptoms. But you've heard them on TV, haven't you, doctor? Come on. Over the weekend, the Post scooped that Biden, ooh, what a scoop, that Biden physician, Dr. Kevin O'Connor, met with Dr. Kevin Kennard, the White House medical units

neurology consultant. Back in January, a subsequent check of visitor logs revealed Kinnard had visited the executive mansion eight times between July of last year and March of this year. Boy, do they keep this shit hush. What, do they bring them in a helicopter? Aren't there cameras and paparazzi outside the White House around the clock?

No, you're thinking of Taylor Swift's house. Pitts called on both Biden 81 and former hit now here's where I lose a lot of credibility with Dr. Pitts. Either they got to him after what he said and said you have to fucking balance this out a little bit. Or he's just another equivocator. As we say, Pitts called on both Biden 81 and former President Trump 78 to take a four-hour neurological test which called the Hallmark test for cognitive performance and if I think

Trump said see what they're doing that's equivocation we call that also Trump never need to teleprompter well that's what I'm saying everybody knows that he does three he'll be in three different states a day. See that's why you just lost all your credibility doctor. I don't know if it was Pitt or this mama loc here. This guy looks like a guy you see at four in the morning trying to sell you denture cream. You know what I mean? He just lost all credibility. Or again the press, the press said you have to you know balance this out that's like saying I don't know a marathon guy in a wheelchair marathoner you know and and Stephen Hawking are the same because they're both in wheelchairs

you know I mean why do I keep bringing up Hawking you think I dated him for Christ's sake I really is this another video? Yeah. And who's this? I forget. These are the gaffs. Oh, these are the, you know, not even all the gaffs. These are a few from a couple years ago, but we threw them together. Go ahead.

Good afternoon, folks. I'm not introducing me, Mark is. So thank you all. God bless you all. Pause, pause. Do you understand that's what it said in the teleprompter? Yeah. I'm not introducing me, Marcus. So thank you all, God bless you all. Pause, pause, pause. Do you understand that's what it said in the teleprompter? Yes. I'm not introducing...

Probably, oh... That wasn't supposed to be right. Oh my God. Go ahead. Let's go... Let's go lick the world, let's get it done. But I tell you what, I don't know about you... Lick the world, he was referring to Lizzo's ass.

...and I'm going to bed. Have a good time. Thank you, thank you, I don't know about you. Like the world, he was referring to Lizzo's ass. Have a good time. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your service from the bottom of my heart. Really. His heart's down by his tips. See you all. Oh, what am I giving this to? We are a community that relies on family.

On Ohana. The middle class was built by the middle class and the unions built the middle class Pause these are two construction workers that found him outside Pissing behind a dumpster they brought him back Go ahead. Two of the great artists of our time representing the groundbreaking legacy of hip hop in America. I love this. LLJ Cool J. You could say even this harder than getting a ticket to the Renaissance tour or.

No, go ahead. I'm sorry. For Brittany's tour she's down in it's kind of warm in brazil right now and by the way pause why but this is this is why the people that are handling him and writing his speeches are so stupid why would you think joe biden 81 or 82 years old is going to reference a taylor Swift and we're going to believe it. You see what I'm saying? Fucking, they're morons. I can't believe Republicans don't win every election every year.

They're fucking morons. Go ahead. With other movies and movies she's earned a Golden Globe and a prime time enemy. Enemy. That's me. of movies and movies she's earned a Golden Globe and a prime time enemy. Enemy. That's me. That's me. What is that? Now that we are back together here in Cambodia,

I look forward to building even stronger progress than we've already made. And I want to thank the Prime Minister of Colombia's leadership and the ASEAN's ASEAN chief. And to say to President Biden, can you hear me, President Biden? This is an historical moment for Brazil. Look at him, he's over there playing with his phone. President Biden, can you hear me? You can? Yes? Good. Wasn't even listening.

Well, we're going to end and we're going to help. We have plans to build a railroad from the Pacific all the way across the Indian Ocean. About making sure that the third world, excuse me, third world, the southern hemisphere had access to change, had access. It wasn't confrontational at all. Thank you everybody, this ends the press conference. Thanks everyone. That's good, I think we get the.

And the things I'm smart, not like everybody says, like dumb, I'm smart and I want the spent. Okay, and everybody's acting like the debate was the first sign of him failing cognitively. You know? Like this hasn't been going on for four fucking years. Anyways, uh

Hey for those of you guys in mug club stick around for the second half of the show everyone else go to nickdip.com Stick and uh join to get my full show Uh also and it's my half the first half of the show is on youtube now uh, I used to be on there till youtube Do does what they do to guys like me? and um And we were using it were using it just to plug the show. But people are very excited I'm back. And we'll see how long before I get shit on again.

Anyway, go to nickdip.com. Join to get my full Steve and Crowder's full show and a whole lot more. And while you're there, click on the tour button. There you go. August 9th, Jacksonville Center for the Performing Arts That's on a Friday night. I believe the next night August 10th gas South theater in Duluth, Georgia Can't wait haven't been to those places in a little while

Hadn't ever been to Duluth actually so I I'm actually looking forward to it. You know me. I don't look forward to anything Hi, good night everybody. Oh, yeah Thanks for watching!