The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Ready To Bomb Again? | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1913

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about Trump Strong Arms Iran, Maher Goes Off On Obama's, Rod Stewarts Breathing, MMA Fighter Catches Predators, GM Robots Kill Jobs and the Giant's Dugout Cancer! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow GET TOUR DATES & TICKETS - https://www.nickdip.com/tour NOVEMBER 5TH - The Punchline: ATLANTA, GA NOVEMBER 6TH - Rivers Casino: PHILADELPHIA, PA NOVEMBER 7TH - Soul Joel's: POTTSTOWN, PA MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to the live lineup on a Monday, motherfuckers. It's free shows all day. And if you want to watch ad free, join Rumble Premium. Rumble Premium. Don't forget to follow my channel and download the Rumble app. Today I'm going to be talking about my yeast infection that won't go away. And the whore who gave it to me, Don Lemon. Good night. Trump's strong arms Iran I'd like to read Dallas because I have no I I don't remember what the stories are this is like news to me Bill Maher rips he rips

you know Obama's fucking travesty of a building Rod Stewart has a close call on stage and I don't mean panties landing on his head either and we got a great sir about an MMA fighter

who approached a big fag. I love those clips when they approach pedophiles. I like the guys who beat them up. There's a couple of guys from Texas. It would be enough to make you quit fucking kids if you saw a clip. Also, you know, the union people who make cars, you know, GM guys who they are up in arms because robots are taking their jobs. Well, you didn't see that coming? Learn to code. Anyways. And also, what else we got? We'll show you a clip of a movie that has, it was an independent, I'm guessing, right? Is he, like, guy, independent film costs the guy $750,000 to make.

It's grossed 285 mil over the weekend or in a week or whatever. In other words, he's set for life and he'll have all these, you know, very powerful Jews in Hollywood, throw him money at him the next 10 years to make something. Even though that world's almost over, so he won't need them, you know. Unbelievable, good story. And an interesting weekend. First of all, happy Father's Day, belated Father's Day, two fathers out there.

You know, mostly I'm talking to white guys because the other one, you don't know where your kids are, or if you had kids. But that's all right, too. I do. I get a little, that I don't have kids. It wasn't an intentional decision. I don't want to get into personal, but,

but yes, I, I, you know, my brother, I see, you know, he would send me clips of his son playing hockey. Just seeing DePaolo on the back of a high school hockey shirt was kind of cool because I played J.B. It wasn't my first sport, folks. Relax. I did it for fun. But now my, now he's a, I watch him go from youth hockey, which seems like a month ago, to now he graduates and he's got big companies chased him because he's got my brother's brains for money and finance. It's pretty fucking. And I do. I get a little, for a clap, as a Jews say. Is that right?

I don't know. Anyways, but I was saying in Dallas. I said, so, yeah, sometimes I feel guilty. Then other times I go, no, you made the right decision. You're a selfish fuck. Maybe that changes when you have a kid. Obviously, you have to change. And I'm not dumb.

I know if you're going to have a kid, I'm not going to do what the, you know-who's do. I'm going to fucking actually follow him and help them. When I said, you know who's, I'm talking about the black Irish, you know. So anyways, so I was telling Dallas, I go, yeah, I don't know that I'd be, you know, and I go, here's a story to back it up. This weekend, there's a great meat market down here. It's almost 25 minutes from my house. It's called Ogichi Meat Market.

And Alice has been telling me about it for a long time, and I've heard about it. And so I decided, probably because they had a couple drinks of me after boom, He's craving steak. Those are disingen. There you go right there. Is that a fucking... Something a father would do? So I go to...

I drive out at Ogichi meat market and I say, yeah, I want three pounds of filet mignon. And the girl said, you want the hole? You want to cut it? I said, I want the steaks, individual steaks. Give me three pounds. And on the thing, it said, this is how I read it, 1599 per pound, $16 per... Which sounded about right to me.

I don't know. I thought because it's an... meat market, it's going to be cheaper than supermarkets. You know I mean? I go, that sounds a little cheap, but that's good. It sounded cheaper than, so I go, yeah, give me three pounds. Anyway, she puts it in a bag, blah, blah, blah. I leave. I get home, I pull it out.

And you know, they slap a sticker on it with the price and the weight and the buck. And it says $95 and $96. And I'm like, what the fuck? As much as I love steak. And then I look where it says pounds, it's hard to see because this print under the stamp of, it says six under pounds. And I'm like six. Well, that makes sense.

That would be 96. But I didn't want six pounds. I wanted three pounds, you know? And I'm like, what the fuck? So I call, leave a polite message. And I don't hear from them on Friday. So Saturday, I wait about more than half the day. I still haven't heard.

I don't like that right there. right there that tells me customers especially they don't know I'm new I guess but potential new customer I don't like that I used to listen to Manny who ran the comedy seller and I told them how he ran it if somebody complained about the dressing he would taste it and go change it and he wouldn't keep anybody on hold for more than 40 seconds I think it was

he goes that's how you and look at it I mean that's and I always you know I'm just saying so I was a little pissed I hadn't heard back. They made the mistake. So I call and I get a woman and I explain I was there yesterday, but but, but, and I come home, it's $95. And for, you know, it says six pounds. Well, she's like, if it was not, for six pounds, nine, you got a good deal. And I'm like, what?

How's that a good deal? I go, you know, I, so I put it on a scale. I didn't tell you this. I put it on my scale. I have a little food scale, and I took a picture. With the fucking thing, it's like a Judge Judy thing. I would have been ready. I would have won.

I got the label, and it says pounds underneath, three pounds, two ounces or whatever. Just to show her, I'm not fucking long. Yes, I know you're probably at home. You guys are going, well, you could have AIed it. First of all, she's probably 70, this woman. So anyways, I'm on the phone with her, and she goes, you actually get a good deal. I'm like, how is that? She's, it's $33 a pound.

I go, that's not what it says here. I said, I took a picture. You know, I can show you. She goes, sir, and this is where it changed. I was being nice. She was being nice. And I'm very sensitive to people being condescending. And maybe she's just a nice lady.

It is the South. She goes, sir, how is a picture going to help me when we're having a phone conversation? I didn't like that. And I said, I can email it to you. And she goes, let me go get somebody that can help you. I go, yeah, you do that. And apparently that came out as the Nick DePaolo. Yeah, you do that asshole.

Which I didn't say asshole. She goes, don't take a tongue with me. And I replied as an adult would do. Fuck you, bitch. That was my reply. Click. Doesn't matter. So I'm like, motherfucker.

I am, Andy has me. And I know Andy's listening like in the other room because she could, she could fucking smooth a deal over with Trump and win. She knows how to turn on the charm And shit It's why I don't do this shit I chewed out a fucking plumber Who was given her shit

That's the only time it was useful Some plumber get wise with fucking I could hear his tone I went downstairs and said Who the fuck you think you're talking to me? He apologized right away though For one time I was an actual adult husband But anyways, point being

So Andy goes over the next day I wanted to go back And she goes, I'm not going to bail you out Over a piece of meat And I said you did with that broad New Jersey. What? They're Bing, bang, bang, bang. So she goes over and, you know,

smooth things out. And the first thing the lady says when Annie explains who she is, the lady goes, this is the woman who owns it, her and her husband. Your husband's not welcome here. So Andy, being an adult woman, goes, eat my ass, you pig. I couldn't believe it. She's thrown up.

Now it's a family thing. No. So my wife's like, yeah, yeah, I know. Can we just settle this? Whatever the fuck. But of course, Andy does research before she goes. She Googles the owners are like very patriotic. You know, they do a lot of shit with veterans

and the military and whatever the fuck. So I do feel bad. But my point was maybe if I had kids younger, I would, yeah, it definitely matures you. Not for the, you know who, but boy, what I don't know. I bet I'm doing. Anyways, maybe I would have changed.

But my father had a bit of a fucking temper. He had five kids. I'm fucking deaf in this. because of this hand of his. So, yeah, so whatever. I don't know that I would, and obviously, becoming a comic when you're 25, you, I know this now that I'm 64.

The liberal arts doesn't really, as far as emotional, it's kind of stunt your growth, especially if you're a comic and you don't take anything serious. The real comics don't. You don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? So yeah, I don't know. But my dad was a good fucking dad.

You know, I mean? He raised, my mother and father raised five productive adults. Well, let's say four. You don't count me, but the other one said nice. Anyhow. So that, so I'm laying in bed. And it's another sign that you're not, it's a good thing you don't have kids. I'm laying in bed.

Was it Saturday or Sunday morning? Sunday morning I'm laying in bed going, okay, I've been banned from. B&D's, that's a bar down here, O'Gichi Meat Market, I was kicked out of a gym in Queens for complaining about the music every day until they did something about it. And, as you guys know,

a couple years ago in Dallas, when I was at that bar. That one, I was not in the wrong. Remember I got into a, actually, the black manager of me had each other by the short call? You can't do that as an adult. Hey, I know. You think I want to, you know, anyways.

That was good, though. TMZ called my house. Remember? I go, really? I'm still on the radar? Fuck, I would have stabbed the guy if I knew that. So, yeah, that's four places that I remember. I'm sure there's others. You know what I mean?

You're on your way to a free ban. If you stamp that. Exactly. One more ban. And I don't know. So, yeah, there's got to be a couple more in there. But those are ones, like, as an adult.

And the Dallas one, and I'm looking back on it. Why didn't I sue those fucks? You realize the cops looked at the footage of me sitting there for the couple and said, you didn't do anything. You know, even Andy didn't believe it. Oh, you said a girl had nice hair and chat. I was trying to be nice. He was fat.

Honestly, I don't know that story. You people in the chat room explain it to them. I've told it a million times. But anyways, so I'm just saying. I don't know if I would have been a good dad or not. Very selfish, but I think that's because of a lifestyle. Also, I made peri, peary chicken over the weekend. A few guys have tried this.

If you hate your girlfriend or her wife, you make it for them. The Skullville measurements are like $44 million. That's how they measure hot pepper, how hot it is. It called for 10 Thai chilies, which aren't the, they're not the worst. So I even said, I'll just go with regular fucking Fresno chilies, which aren't that bad. But I left all the seeds and shit it. I like it so my nose is running. And the seeds is what burns your ass in the way out.

Anyway, Dallas, because, yep, I love that Mexican food. Yeah, so I made Perry, Perry Chicken. Like I said, 8 to 10 chili peppers, 10 cloves of garlic. You throw all the shit in a blender, and it makes like this orange paste. Paprika, you know, a bit of oil, white wine vinegar. Oh, just white vinegar, a little bit of sugar. It makes this orange. perfectly pasty

and then you're supposed to cook it on the grill or you can do it in the oven you can do it in but it makes this chicken you look at it it looks mean but yeah it's this like bright orange and it friggin turns kind of blackish in spots it looks like a fucking mean hot spicy

and which it is so peri-pary chicken Google it South African recipe now Portugal or somebody like that you know how we colonized everywhere not us but the West. Excuse me. Yeah, so that burned Andy's eyes out.

She's blind. And this morning I got up, remembered my teeth. Kind of. Had a foot out the door. You know, when you live 64 years with teeth or 63, you kind of assume they're there. Creatures of habit, anybody. But I couldn't find my license.

I'm in my fucking wall, and I'm going nuts. flipping shit over in the house looking for fucking it's like did i leave it at the fucking bar this week you know i mean i'm like mother of fuck stain i get here and i dump my wallet out there it is i don't think i'm gonna make it i thought i was gonna i have great jeans i thought i was gonna live to 89 9 i don't see that up my hip my neck a throbbing right now and um maybe one of the no memory and if they tell me that i got all time i will i'm telling you right now write it down I told my brother, if I get diagnosed like dad, I'm almost convinced I have it.

I'm saying you better fucking, first time I shit myself, if you don't fucking shoot me in the back of the head behind a tool shed or something, you're not my brother anymore. All right, let's get on with the show. Jesus Christ, that was like talking to a shrink. I yapped so much this. Can we get something else? It's a fucking thing. Life's not aggravating enough. Red Sox took two out of three for the Mariners.

that maybe fucking not even happy all right go ahead make my day who said that dirty Harry said that

many times President Trump threatened to destroy Iran on Sunday I we are going to miss him we really I think about it

whoever comes you could have friggin I don't know fucking Kanye West is the next president would be bored after this guy

he threatened to destroy Iran on Sunday and suggested the U.S. could take full control of the Strait of Hormuz becoming the guardian angel of the oil choke point and take 20% of the crude if the fragile peace deal falls apart. I thought we were going to do that anyways. What are we doing here?

With Iran declaring the Strait of Hormuz closed over the weekend, this is after the deal memo that said we're all lovey-dovey, which is all a joke, folks. I've said it before. This is all a joke. They can't believe. Somebody is smart as Trump and the people that's around. cannot believe.

You can't be that naive about these people and think they're going to fucking keep their worried about anything. I think they're just being given enough rope. They've given plenty of rope. That's enough already. What are they? Throwing them out of a helicopter like a scarface. That guy was a piece of chit.

For all I know, he had my French Antofanedas killed. Fuck that guy. With Iran declaring the straight of Hormuz closed over, Israel's continued attacks in Lebanon. I don't know why. Israel seems to be thrown a monkey wrench. I'm not trusting them bastards either. Trump threatened to blow away the Islamic Republic and make the U.S.

the de facto governor of the waterway. You close it and you won't have a country. Trump said of the straight-ho moves according to Fox and Tray Yinks. He says, you, this is Trump and I quote, talking about Iran.

You won't even make it back to your fucking country. I don't know where they are. What are they in Iowa? We may... Excuse me. No cigarettes. Is this the reward? All right. We may take over

the straight if we have to. If they don't make a deal, we'll collect tolls. The president added. The threats are... Tolls is like the way the mafia used to say, we'll tax them. We'll hit them good. $500K. $500,000

for making fun of my fucking wife? The threats are a significant escalation after the U.S. Iran's memorandum of understanding. Right there. That's silly. The word understanding and you're dealing with these people. All but fell apart like a pork shoulder last week due to Israel and Hezbollah's fighting in southern Lebanon. The conflict led Iran to close the Strait of Hamoos where the Islamic Republic has set up a toll system that it said it wants to implement after the 60-day peace negotiation. earlier reports suggested Tehran would charge up to 2 million

each for oil tankers to cross the strait. That's quite a toll. Trump will come up with something like easy pass and we're going to do it electronically. It is 26. And then he'll have somebody fuck with it so we can, you know, he'll call Elon Musk. How do we...

Iran must immediately stop their highly paid proxies in Lebanon from causing trouble. The president wrote on two social... If they don't, we'll hit Iran very hard again. Just like we did last week, only here's an Iranian guy holding up a report card from a virgin he murdered. Here's Trump letting you know that he's not, he has to, this is from a few days ago, but it made me laugh. Go ahead. We will bomb them.

They will be bombed them on Wednesday night. They will be bombed. Is that all I gave you? Motherfucker. I did, you right? All right. Torreed. God damn.

Torreed. Louis C.K. will be in Yugoslavia. This fucking guy. Do you know he already has... I don't know if I told you this. Louis already has... His... What do you call a rough draft or a book?

I'm doing it. I don't even know. Whatever. No, it's not. There's actually a term for it. Anyways, he's already got that done for his next novel. People are going to be...

They already should be saying this guy, he's like to me, he's underrated. I don't know if, you know, the incident, that set him back a year or whatever, but he made that money back in about a month because he's smarter than the rest of it. I'm not kidding you, folks. I do not get in awe of anybody.

This fucking guy, I have never in my life seen somebody make life look so fucking easy. He's already got a rough draft for his next novel. The first one was on a New York Times best seller, by the way. Not only that, he sketches now. He sent me, he texts me some sketches of like himself on the road. And it looks like, grab an artist, I don't know who fucking, Vincent Van Gogh. You know, everything's sad.

And he sketched the comedians he was working with. And they're great. Isn't that a Renaissance man? Or a con man, I don't know. Maybe he bought them. My point is I'll be a punchline in Atlanta, November 5th, and then November 6th. And then November 6th, Rivet Casino in Philly, November 7th. That's three days in a row, Sol Jolz and Pontchtown, PA.

I'm already nervous about it. This is insane. I will listen to my sets and fucking, I've written all this shit. You probably go, well, you're written all the stuff for your book. It doesn't translate. Some of it does, but I don't tell funny stories. That's not what, I mean, you do that in your act. People want to know a little bit.

I save that for the books and shit, though. But I'll tell you this, it's not going to be, I'm talking about it like it's going to be a bestseller. Dallas has already said he'll buy one and my wife will. I'll sell five. But it's not, well, here's what I've talked about so far, and I told you, that mentally ill family that I grew up across the street from, they should have been in the hills of Appalachia, somehow they were on my street.

I wrote about religion, which is funny. I've talked about religion on stage a little bit. bit. Then the best one so far has been my first girlfriend, the first date that went down in infamy. And the next couple topics I thought I'm doing my most embarrassing moments in life. There's like three stories that I can think of off the top of my head. And then pissing off my father is another chapter. Those sound good, right? I think there's one more idea. I had. Oh, my uncle Bob.

My uncle Bob, my mother's brother, was a handful. A English, Scottish, hard-drinking Democrat, by the way, who lost his dad as a kid and his older brother in a car accident. So, you know, he wasn't raised

sheltered by him, and he was a fucking handful. And scuba died until he was 80 years old. And just a funny motherfucker. he quit drinking. A couple of years after he pushed me off a snowbank when I was like 10.

I'm not shitting. We were throwing ice balls at cars on my street. I'm like, let him, maybe 12. And at night, right? Me and my brother are pegging ice balls at cars going up and down the street. All of a sudden a cab pulls up in front of my house. My uncle gets out staggering.

You can smell the booze a minute the door open. I'm up on a snowbank. He immediately crawls up like I owed him money and pushes me off. I'm talking like six feet. And I'd land on a frozen driveway and the wind came up. And he's laughing. And then he bangs on my front door.

My dad lets him in. And he watches like Jacques Cousteau and passes out in our living room. He was the best, though. He was just full of life. And so I think a chapter on him, you'll love. I probably just told you the whole chapter. I'm ruining the whole book. Also, brushes with death.

Obviously, sepsis will be in there. I was also hit by a car when I was like 10 or 12 in the hospital for like 10 days. And an arrow to the throat. It's another story. And main state troopers pulling out their guns on me and my buddy, which I might have mentioned on the show. Anyways, so that sounds like a good read to me right there, right? I'll take care of it. I'll make the funny funny.

Anyways, while you're at Nick Dip.com, buy a fucking miniskirt and give it to your faggy boyfriend. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, buy something to support the show. Hoodies, hats, underwire bras, boxing gloves, new tampons. I put out a speculum. You know what the speculum is? I design my own, ladies.

I'm saying this because my wife is telling me Holly Barry invested in somebody came up with a new speculum for women. What's matter? You don't like the jaws of life in your snatch open? Sister Christian. All right. Also, if you want to send a personalized video, go to shoutout.us.

I can make fun or roast a friend of yours or whatever and do it because this is Darren Crowder's project and I think he's mad at me. He's not returning my text this weekend. He told me he wanted to read an excerpt in my book and he never fucking answered me. And I think it's because one of these guys on Shoutout that did an order for me, I let it sit there for a little while and I got back to the guy and said, I need more. He's like, yeah, my friend's fat and has glasses.

And I go, I need a little more than that. And it still says pending, pending. And then he finally canceled. So I don't know. That's my theory, Darren. If you're mad at me, it's not my fault. I got back to the guy. Then again, I could be completely wrong about that too.

Probably, yeah. Let's go on to something else. In our Lib's Eaton, a Libs segment tonight, Bill Marsh seems to be making a lot of parents in this segment. Actually, today there was another one. I'm like, well, we already got one for today. Bill Maher called out his audience as fucking

liars. That's in quotes. Bill, I've been yelling at you and your audience for almost 25 years. It's so, what did you quit smoking pot, you're fondly coming around to be an adult? Because you would have been saying

the same thing your audience was saying a few years ago. I'm glad you've took Donald Trump to actually He's no dummy by the way He's an Ivy League guy He also owns piece of the Mets Hello Bill Maher called out his audience

Fucking liars proclaiming they cared about Former Barack Obama's nearly $1 billion abortion Presidential Center I have never seen an uglier building If anything proves White superiority Well Nick

White guys probably designed that That's actually a good point. I don't know. Look at that fucking thing. Look at that thing. How does the rain drop off it? It looks like a Planned Parenthood in downtown Chicago. Look at that fucking abortion.

Maha criticized the design idea and purpose of the near windowless, 225-foot-tall museum at the center of the complex. It's not a museum. It's a fucking library that opened in Chicago on Friday during a discussion with rep co-cana what a stupid name for a stupid man in a stupid state democrat california and journalist jonathan martin uh bill goes do we have a picture of the obama larby because it looks like something aliens built in dubai marr said on real time it costs 850 million i don't understand why progressives like this could because i don't understand couldn't that money be better spent on

something else. Here he is chastising his audience, and his audience deserved it because they're lying pigs. Who's going to go to this? Why do we need a president? Why do you think? Why do we why does anyone need a presidential library? These monuments to somebody's ego out of office? I don't, are you, anybody here in this audience planning to go to the Obama presidential library? There you go. Really? I don't know. Put a bunch of fucking lie as you are. You're not going to the old. That's how you treat your audience.

And they're lying. He's right. No one's got to fucking go. Unless you live in the area. Really? Are you that fucking, you know? And he wasn't even a good president. He was the first African-American, and he sucked to the point where

we're still feeling the repercussions. You don't have to be a righty to feel that way either. Even fucking Bill Marnos. Excuse me. Number one, it's ugly. Number two, what's going to be in it? Fucking pictures of Michelle squatting 400 pounds, deadlifting a thousand.

His chef floating face down in the Martha's Vineyard Pond. I'll go to that. You know what I'm saying? Do you see how, that's called virtue signaling? You understand? That's how deep that black guilt shit runs with white. people who like Bill Maher. They had to applaud because they wouldn't be caught not applauding. That means you're racist. Do you understand? That's how deep that

shit runs. Well, they'll defy a torture host who they love. Because somebody might be watching. That fucking guy, he is the, and it's all coming out how he fucking, I know I'm saying fuck a lot of fucks. I don't give a fuck. How about that? it's all coming out what he did how he did spy on Trump all the shit how Fauci and the CIA were fucking in bed with each other

that's all coming out now I didn't even get to that today Tulsi Gabbard released all this stuff that they were in bed the CIA protected Fauci knowing what he did there's a lot more draining

on the swamp to do on friggin real but the jerk rocana that democrat california he's like um really honoring the first black president uh he compared and then he compared it to the money this idiot that that uh spent uh Elon Musk billions of dollars to venture to Mars he's he's like saying that's a waste if this is a way can you imagine being that stupid you think he's going to Mars to build a house And that's supposedly a progressive. You really are stupid people.

Deep down, you're stupid. This country's so stupid, the white liberal politics. We've turned guys like this. What's the Indian? Rocana. Sounds like a monster that fought Godzilla. Rocana versus Godzilla. Oh, my God.

Doesn't it? It really does. But that's how ignorant the left has gotten. We've taken people like this who are known to be, you know, Southeast Asia. and where their origins are and they're usually bright people even they're tharded now. First of all, we don't need that building

to do that Trump said. I mean, Bill Maher said. Exactly when this guy was saying, he's the first black president. We could pay homage to him. Bill Maher's right on the mind. He goes, we don't need a building to do that. That's in our hearts and our minds.

That already happened, he said. He couldn't have said that better if he was Trump. Good for you, fucking Bill. I know you're 15 years too late, but you're getting even better. I should call Tommy and go, see if he can get me on his podcast where he smokes a pot and drinks.

You know what I mean? And the first thing I'd say was, Bill, you know what? I always wanted to meet you. You represent your side well, but you can't avoid the fucking part you played and turn in this country into liberal idiots and HBO. Yeah, but then you would get a contact high.

Then it would get weird. Then I'd go, you know what, I'll take that back. Are you going to lock me in your closet? This is good shit. I usually don't do this. Okay, you were right about everything. No, I'd like to. First of all, I love that he fucking owns the part of the Mets and shit, you know? He's just a Jew from a smart Jew guy from New Jersey.

He went to name some. I believe he could not Harvard not you. Ah, not Princeton. Maybe it was Princeton. Might have been Princeton. One of those schools. But Ann Colter goes, yeah, but he went to the agricultural part of it. She dated him.

Do you know that? Do you know Aunt Colter? As far right as they get. Those were some interesting dinners. Yes. Yes. Ended with a gravy boat right in somebody's face. For a skinny braint, she's got mammoth boobs.

I think I actually told her that. I don't give a fuck. She loved me. She fucking came to see me a comedy seller. And I was, and this is what you don't do as a comic. I let it affect my act. I'm like, I'm going to lay it on heavy.

And I went a little heavy on the race shit right out of the box. And it was like, mm, people are like, mm-hmm. And then after she was with some guy, he goes to me outside. He goes, you were so bad, you were good. I took that as a compliment, I think. Anyways, let's move on. breath is the deepest. You know this song, folks?

The first cut is the deepest. That Rod, I think it's a remake, but so good. He's got the guy violin. Anyways, Rod Stewart was forced to use an oxygen tank on stage when he nearly fainted during his Utah concert on Friday night, weeks after canceling

a series of gigs over health issues. And I told Dallas before the show, I was about to come on here and make fun of them because, you know, I should have pulled a clip of you know, David Lee Roth. Oh my God. Have you seen him? Dallas, you want to fucking get shivers up to your spine? He's gone. He sounds like you and I trying to sing. Only worse. He's in all leather. Just, he's a big queen is what he is. He's an old Jew queen, who was a tremendous frontman when he was young. Anyways, the 81 year old rock legend.

So I was, you know, you can make fun of this guy, but then I went, you know what, he's 81 and he's still out there. I don't remember him not touring. again it's hard to sit home and you're going to make two million a night I guess you know but still he's 81 performing at the Utah First Credit Union Bank he was in the lobby they were giving out toasters and they needed a big name that's what it sounds like doesn't it

first credit union amphitheater in west valley city when fans noticed he wasn't moving around the stage as much as usual Stewart appeared to lean on instruments stage barriers and a poll for support. Actually, that's not a poll. It's a, while he was continuing to perform. And again, my first instincts was to go,

dude, you got to let it go. But then another, you know what, die with your boots on, brother, man. That's how addictive fame is. And boy, was he, I mean, from the 70s to the, everybody, my mother wanted to blow him, I heard. And a guy said, get in the line. That was my dad. What?

what? Remember when I was a kid, Dallas, in the 70s, and he was huge. There was a rumor going around because even then he was a kind of considered almost gayish because of his hair. You know what I mean? Back then when the gays hadn't become mainstream, everybody wanted if he was bisexual. And the big rumor about him was he was, I think it's a rumor. He was rushed to an emergency room after show. I don't know if it was after a show, but, and they pumped his stomach almost a quart of jizz was in his stomach. That's what the fuck? Oh my God. Like anybody can swallow a quarter jizz.

I'm full after like a half a pint. So, yeah, let's show the... God bless him. It's a tough nut. It's a tank. Can't breathe, man. Of course, a young girl comes out with a tank. Look it.

Look it. Not even trying to hide it. This is why I'm a fan still. Look at him. He's got his fist. And then he said, after that, he goes, the show must go on. I can't do his accent. He goes, the show must go on.

He goes, do you mind if I sit down for the rest of the song? And they're like, ha, ha. And he sat down and finished the song. Another guy I'd like to meet, honestly. At one point, attendance brought out an oxygen tank. Stewart took several deep breaths before addressing the crowd and told him what I just told you. I was going to play that clip, Dallas. I'm very tired.

The British Star then finished the performance seated in a, chair. West Valley City sits rough. The city is in 43 feet above, 4,300 feet above sea level. Altitude might have played a fact that you think. The incident comes one week after Stewart shit himself in Boston. No, canceled the June 12th concert in San Diego, less than an hour before Showtime. He canceled that one, I think. And they saw him the next day at the World cup watching his Scottish team so the people were pissed and shit. But he said he had a sinus infection. He got some shit.

That's why I like him. He loves sport. Guy was a professional soccer player. Do you guys know that? It's a pro soccer player. The singer also cancer two Vegas shows of May, telling fans he was on vocal rest while battling a sinus infection. Hey, go with the teeth infection.

It worked for me. What? Let's move on to catch a faggot. I think I made that clear, didn't I? A mixed martial arts, that's an MMA for you idiots, a fighter with a passion for identifying possible child predators. That's his passion. He's probably who was touched as a kid by his coach, has been credited with exposing another

suspect in South Florida. This time, Dustin Lampros, founder of 561 predator catchers, used a decoy posing online as a 13-year-old boy. Lampro seeks to identify suspect. sexual predators by engaging them in online conversations with people posing as children. He and his associates surprised the targets of their stings at public meeting places. They film the confrontations, then call police and hand it over. I like to see, like I said.

I like the other guys. I don't know if they're still doing. I haven't seen any new footage. There's a couple of guys from down south. They got the accents and they come in. And once they identify, they just start. There's that one clip that's still out there. They pound the shit out of this guy.

And nobody feels bad. And as they're chasing him out the store, they're like, Sean, so-and-so's here to meet boys. And they chase him out to his car and they give him one pop before he gets in. And the kid's like, kids literally yelling help as he's running out of the store. In May, Christian Walden, 21 years old of Boyton Beach, Florida. Look at it.

He's shredded. guy's been living on fucking cheesecake and lasagna. Look at the V shape. He said he wanted to be meatloaf. Then he said, I meant I said I love meatloaf. What? I expected to meet up with a 13-year-old named Justin at a Home Depot for a sexual ron. First of all, why are you going to a Home Depot?

I guess people don't expect fags there. Come on. They caught him when testing drill bits in his asshole. Instead, between potted ferns and pallets of prayers, Lamprose strode up, then the featherweight, Lampros is the MMA guy, then the featherweight fighter pounded Walden unrelentantly with questions. Oh, I thought he meant, I thought it ground and pound about his plans. And then here it is. Christian Walden?

No. No. Hey, listen, man. We work with the organization that monitors online activity between minors and adults. And what are we doing? He's just going to meet someone. Who are you going to? to meet.

Sky. How old is it? I think 14. Pause. He said he's... He doesn't even try to lie. He knows. It's almost like he wants help.

Oh, you're going to get help, all right. In the form of a fucking 16-inch black cock up your ass, which, by the way, will be a reward for you. Anyways, roll him. 14? Is that how old he said? 14, I think, and then 13.

Well, he said he was turning 14, right? Uh-huh. So that means he's 13. Yeah. Right? Yeah. What did you say that was wrong? We were gonna hook up, make out.

And what was the first one? I read it. Make out and... Suck each other's dicks or something? You're gonna do that with 13. The message is seemed comfortable and I read through these dude. Well, maybe we can chill and give each other and make out. My wife sent me that today. After you knew he was 13.

Yeah. I'm trying to understand how this can be your first time. I don't understand. Because I've never done this. You... Never. You fat fuck. Now that's justice and action.

Now in the perfect world, right? They take the cops, take the guy, pretend to go to the station, and they keep going. They get on the highway. They go up over four actions, so they pull into a dirt road. And they put him out of his misery by throwing gas on him

and lighting the bottom half first. And then leaving him there. And coming back later, because he can't walk, his legs are gone. Anyways, the conversation between Walden and Lampro's decoy began on the dating platform Grindr. I try to order sandwiches for like five years on that thing. You know, I did, because, you know, you had, what's the guy's name? The molester, Jacob from Subway?

What about a fucking guy? Jake. I got it all confused. Meanwhile, an associate of Lamproes filmed the interaction, and the men calmly walked towards the store exits together. Outside, Delray Beach police took what they, you have to be. He doesn't seem, he's almost can't wait to get the jail probably, you get a nice spanking, but you, I watch this other, there's a show on, it's kind of boring, it's the same episodes every time. This guy in Texas does the same thing. And the life comes out of these guys, their faces, because they know.

You're definitely doing jail time, number one, and number two, you might not get out of their life. Some of them break down and cry in the fucking thing. I mean, and they should. They took him into custody. Walden told police office that he and Justin allegedly agreed to meet at Home Depot. They were looking at some PVC pipe and some white cock. You know, you put her on your windows. Anyway, so they could engage in sexual activity.

So he was pretty forthcoming. You know why? Because he knew. He knows that that man. Let's move on to robot replacements. Speaking of that, I'm pricing hips online. General Motors has gutted its electric vehicle ambitions. Well, first of all, that's good news.

And killed more than 1,000 jobs at its flagship Detroit assembly plant, replacing those workers with 50 robots and sparking outrage from labor unions. I think we have the robots and one of the workers. right here. I cannot accept that force of action. I cannot accept that course of action. My computer is the best on Earth. It's the Trump robot.

It does not compute. It does not keep you out. Some like we've never seen. The replacement collaborative robots or co-bots have been installed on the assembly line at GM's Factory Zero plant in Michigan amid a sharply reduced demand for its EV models and the ensuing push to cut coalots. us. Look, yeah, I, you know, my first instinct, oh, guys are going to lose a job. Yeah. I mean, it's hard to have sympathy for these union guys. I have a whole bit about it on one of my albums.

I said there used to be time and place for unions, you know, when we used to chain a woman to her bench for 14 hours without a piss break to make fucking umbrella handles. You know, but we fix things. Now they want 300 bucks in office. to fucking drive a bus or whatever the fuck. You know I mean? So, sorry, guys. Sorry. And this is where it's headed. And the fact that your union probably means you vote Democrat,

and that's the party that always says back science. And this is a form of science. Kind of. Mechanical engineering. I don't know. I just don't feel that bad for you. I'm saying, I do and I don't. My point being, I know you might have kids

and whatever the fee, but I'm saying, you should have made a real. arrangements ahead of time. You had to see this coming. The machines are now working alongside the remaining humans there, who attach the body panels to vehicles as they move down the track. That's according to Autoblog.

Have you ever read that? Me either. The automaker insists the co-bots, isn't that cute, like co-eds, are necessary at the Detroit Hamtrak electric truck plant to stay competitive while improving safety. and ergonomics for the workers, according to Crane's Detroit business.

But United Auto Workers, Local, those are the big dudes. Local 22 President Jimmy Cotton isn't buying it, saying the machines are simply a cost-cutting measure that is taking jobs from his union. It's a little deeper than that, Jimmy. It's a little deeper than that. That's where the world's headed. You think you're going to be the only one unemployed?

I still laugh about McDonald's when COVID was going on there. their solution was to put up a kiosk. Instead of having interaction with people at the counter, you could put your fingers on a screen that 400,000 people have already touched and then eat your sandwich. That way they can go, he didn't die a COVID. He died of fucking. Our manpower is being taken away from us, Cotton said, and then a long string came off his head. What?

From top to bottom, we're disgusted that they have co-bots in our plants. We'll fight them. The number of labor hours required, listen to this, to produce a car, has declined 50% to 70% since the 1980s. That's what it's about, banging them out. But that hasn't stopped the UAW wages from going up. Ah, making my point for me. The union was able to make historic wage gains in 2023. Who was in office then?

And the union will likely seek stronger protections in its upcoming 20, 28 contract negotiations. And again, I have limited empathy. Everybody. I mean, actors, actresses, I mean, they have shit out there where they could listen to my albums. Well, they already did it. Wasn't it the guys from South Park that get in trouble? Maybe not. But it was somebody like them, sort of a famous pair, that took some no-noit-name stand-ups act and kind of fucking used it AI-wise or whatever, got in trouble for.

Anyways, let's move on to one of the funniest things on the show today, Cancer and the Clubhouse. Oh, I thought it was an actual cancer story. That's not even funny now, but I said. The San Francisco Giants were attempting. This is interesting because I just liked it because I am a Sox fan. can't wait for the fire sale, folks. Jaron Duran is the first one. I've never seen a guy who can be so good at one minute,

but strikes out at least three times a game. I don't understand it. And then he hits one 445 feet. If he could just, I don't know, if somebody could fix him, the guy would be scary. San Francisco Giants were attempting to rally down one run in the top of the ninth inning against the Marlins on Sunday. when Rafael Devers, former Boston Red Sox,

reached first base on a walk. Giants manager, Tony Vitello, who was eating a grinder, meatball with... That's him. Nice uniform, by the, was about to pinch run for Devers. Because Devers...

By the way, Devers stole a few bases with the Red Soxie. He's not slow by any means, but that's not the point, is it? You want a faster guy in there. You're trying to tie the game up. It was about to pinch run for Devers in hopes of adding... speed on the basis to tie the game.

Jonah Cox ran towards first while Devers tried to shoe him away. Devers pleaded from first base to stay in the game while Cox was caught in the middle of the ordeal. Here's the clip. O2 to 3-2

to walk. He's telling the poor guy who's going to substitute for him to get away. Making him look like an ass. Devers is trying to send Cox. Back to the guy. Pause it. One second, Del.

Now, when he goes in the dugout, watch this. He goes in the dugout, somebody's going to go pat him on the ass. And he goes like, he doesn't want to be touched. That's bothered me more than what he fucking watches. Not happy. He literally waved him away. Watch, right here. And you're probably saying,

Betelso seemed to understand Devers' reasoning for wanting to stay in the game, but also knew that Devis was battling some leg soreness. He said that once he made the decision to have Cox come into the game, There was no turning back. Malta reports indicated last week that the Giants, listen to this, were exploring the possibility of a fire sale because they're having a shitty year,

making Devers and Adames and Matt Chapman available. He's a cancer in the clubhouse is what he is. I didn't want to believe it either with the Red Sox. What he is is a young guy, right? He's still pretty young. He showed him maturity with the Red Sox, even though he played like a veteran the first time. he came to plate.

Unbelievable talent, but he showed in maturity all the time. Like, he'd slide into second, right, and he'd be safe. And instead of just getting up, he'd sit on the base for like five minutes, just to be a douche. Little things like that. But I'm guessing, look, he's probably, he's from a poor country, and I'm not trying to make excuses, you know what I mean? But I'm guessing, I don't know, I'm going to go out and let him say he didn't have good

parents. I don't know. Super talent. You can't argue that. But you know what? That is, he's just ruining his own career, although he's already made enough money to last him for a. He's just, you can't be a canter on the, you get that label.

And you're done. Ask my little league coach. I couldn't come back to the, no, I'm kidding. That's it today, folks. For a Monday, I thought that was pretty good. Didn't you? I snorted like three lines of coke. Remembered my teeth?

Been a grand day. We got some good ones, didn't we? I'll get some good shit there. That's great a chit there, man. Yeah, that's it. So, cameo.com. There it is right there. Or shoutout.us.

Cameo.com, do you want me to, you know, send a personalized video to somebody? Go to Cameo, click on my profile, tell me what you, who will send it to, tell me about the person. You got to tell me a little bit about the person, right? I'm a comedian, and I'm a magician. Oh, I'll tell you. Anyways, I guess that's it. You guys think that I will say it. You're very welcome.

We will see you back here tomorrow at the same time. Have a good rest of the day. Hi. Good night, everybody.