The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Reschedules WHCD | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1905

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about No More Phones In NY Schools, Valedictorian Goes Off Script, WHCD Back On, MMA Guy To The Rescue, A Little Kiss and Groom Dies In Helo Crash! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow GET TOUR DATES & TICKETS - https://www.nickdip.com/tour NOVEMBER 5TH - The Punchline: ATLANTA, GA NOVEMBER 6TH - Rivers Casino: PHILADELPHIA, PA NOVEMBER 7TH - Soul Joel's: POTTSTOWN, PA MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

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Ready to get started? Visit night and day, decor.com or call 647-360-6151. That's night and day decor. dot com. Despise it with every fiber of my being. Folks, how are you? Welcome to the live lineup. It's free shows all day.

And if you want to watch ad free shows, it's a joint Rumble premium. Don't forget to follow my channel and download the Rumble app. Today I'll be talking about a story about cell phones and schools that could have been solved, I don't know, 15 years ago. And now, you know,

Hockel celebrating it like she's fucking some what's a broads named Cary that Madame Cary married whatever the fuck I blew that reference how long you been in a comedy Nick about eight minutes some little whore high school girl valedictorian has to you know stick her political left-wing shit in there and she got in trouble for it MMA guy comes to the rescue with a drunken guy in a plane as they always do you notice that these guys are a lot of of stories like that where they do good. I like them. I like these guys. And like I said, they're not out of the mold of the old boxers who are illiterate and just they're sort of a

different breed. I mean, some of them are nuts, yes. But anyhow, anybody watch the, and I know half the world doesn't give a shit or more, as Nick Nolte said, was it Nalti and blue? Oh my God. Come on, help me out. You're a sports fan of basketball movement. something blue. Huh? You got it. Blue chip. Everybody at home.

Blue chips. I think of fucking snacks on a plane. Don't you? Sure. But Nolte. Remember he was a coach and they won some big game? He's like, I know a billion Chinaman couldn't give a shit. But it's such a good to put shit in perspective.

Such a good line. That's how I feel about the NHL finals. I mean, Vegas, Carolina. But my God, guys, if you just like sports, give it a taste. fucking lead the lead changed hands three or four times in about 12 minutes last night

and in the third period late all the goals were coming a goal some guy scored 25 seconds into the game it takes 25 seconds to go from center ice down to the other guy's goal it was first shot of the game

and it was just crazy and I think it's going to be an insane series is so equally matched Like I said, Chinaman don't care. You don't care. But I continue to push the sport like I have stock in the NHL. Worked on my book a bit. I'm getting, yeah, I'm getting too involved chatting with chat, as you say.

Apparently, they think I have a hit on my hands. I'm like, what are you guys stealing this? But they're like 40 years of doing stand-up. You know, you've developed a voice at a point of view that people would kill the habit. And given, again, I don't ask them to write my book. He keeps going back to this joke I make about giving my fat date, giving my fat date a cotton candy to Dill Pickle at the fair. Some reason AI is obsessed with that joke.

They keep going. That's something that nobody could make up. And I said, you're right, I didn't. I got sick on that. It wasn't cotton candy. It was maple can't, you know, maple syrup candy. I was at a football game. with my friend's dad.

I'm about seven or eight years old. He lets me eat that, and then he buys me a giant dill pickle. And my parents were out that evening on a Saturday, my grandmother was babysitting me, and I was throwing up like I swallowed rat poison. She was like, oh, monsieur, in French, you know. She said, what the, it scarred me.

Every time I started to get upset stomach until I was about 10, I was like, oh, no, I'm going to be puking my brains. But that's why I choose the, You know, and some reason AI kept hanging on that. And the thing about my first day getting in a fight and shit, the guys, they're obsessed with that going, that's a, you know. Anyways, it's all positive feedback.

And as you know, people need that shit, especially me. And he makes great points about, well, you've tested this stuff. And I made clear, I said, this isn't my stand-up just putting in a book. I said, this is all stories. I haven't done this shit on stage. There's going to be a few lines about religion that might have been in a few of my bits, but not personal stories.

I really don't do much of that on stage. I don't think other than marriage stuff. Anyways, I'll be accepting my Pulitzer, after I'm dead. I'm excited about it. You know, oh, fuck. If I made a dime doing this, the things almost tell me, like,

this is what you should have been doing, but it's like, no, I had to, here's another great thing, Chat said. What's great about this? And he goes, it's a sign of usually really good books. You're discovering this book. You're not forcing it, which I thought was a great way to put it in perspective, you know? And I said, yeah, too bad.

I waited until I was 64, and they even had an answer for that. Actually, that's the sweet spot. Because when you're young and you're right, you don't have that other angle of looking back on it, how you see it now. And he goes, if you wait until you're 84, you might not do it. I mean, fucking, I go, you're a smart ass. You get an answer for everything. I hung up on him. Hung up on him.

Like I'm on a pay for him. But it's fascinating. It's fucking fascinating. It doesn't feel like, you feel like there's somebody on the phone with you. One person. It has nothing to do with the algorithms. It's creepy. It's very creepy.

I actually said to it. You're creepy. Why do you say that? I said, I don't know. You some Jew fuck. No. Why bring the hebes into it? He said.

I go, what? I'm kidding. I was kidding. Anyways, that's about it. My brother is going to be a grandfather. See, I can't believe that. That's the... I don't know.

It didn't freak me out when my sisters became grandmothers. But my brother, because he was my younger brother my whole life. One of his daughters is having a baby. She's golfing while she's pregnant. So I said to him in a text trying to sound like a no golf. I go, does he actuate give her a little extra length? He starts breaking down a swing. No, I think the belly gets in the way.

Get upstairs. But I see him and my brother, just a different guy that I knew growing up. It's just a, probably could have went to an idealing school. I don't know. I think they sent them there after he started to work for time, one, a cable. But he's very thin. He just looks like a successful guy. He's a little bit of a great life.

Picked up and moved to where his kids, Anthony, his son Anthony, I think got a job around Cincinnati. That's where his daughter lives. So he picked up. He sold his house in Dublin or whatever, beautiful condo right near them. He's living, he's living the American dream. I, however, can't wait for this thing. I can't wait to wake up. What?

Yeah. All right. This is either arthritis or tumor back here. Dude. I also do that. Spent half the night going on AI. Can a arthritic hip cause sharp pain in the groin area?

And it's like, absolutely. God was too excited about it. And it explained why. Your hip socket sits deep in your pelvis and blah, blah, bah. And when, you know, it radiates pain to the front of your pelvis, which is what you're talking about. It's very common. And I'm like, great.

Anyways, then I said, what kind of deer rifle should I suck on when I'm about to leave this planet? They said a nice long, powerful one. All right, let's get to the fucker. Students no longer phoning it in. I really should write for the post. They need help. A majority of New York teachers, this is a real breakthrough. I almost got dizzy, reported huge classroom improvements, folks.

Are you listening? After the state's first phone-free school year. Did you hear that? What are they doing? Origami here, these fucking nitwits. Did you hear that? What is the black girl in the right having her head? Oh, it's a...

Dallas says it like he fucking... grew up with a... I thought it was origami. Did you hear that? They behave better and pay attention when they're not on their phones. That's the big news in New York. Something, I don't know.

White Republican people have been saying for, I don't know, 30 years. Excuse me. After the state's first phone-free school year, thanks to better student focus. Less bullying. I wonder who was doing the bullying.

I just wonder. And more kids just being kids. I don't know if that's good. If I'm the time, I acted like a kid as a kid. I get in trouble. Should have been acting as adult, apparently. But anyways, here's that beautiful mayor of New, mayor, governor. Excuse me, governor of New York State.

I don't know where she came from. We know she wasn't elected. Anyways, because Como grabbed some tits. She got thrown in there. But here's her acting like she's a genius with this rule. Go ahead. This concluded a very engaging conversation with students and teachers about the effect of our, now at the end of our first school year, at the end of our cell phone ban, which is bell to bell, the largest state in America to have done this.

And I'm really, really proud, especially as I hear the results from teachers and students, better than we expected. Yeah, really? What did you expect? Really? Doesn't that just sum up government? They're bragging about a rule they came up with that literally should have been implemented. You could have saved hundreds of kids from bullying and they would have got better grades. If you passed this 15 years ago, you're dumb biotch.

This is what they're celebrating. But that's government. I can always, you know, darn short a day late, a mile behind everybody else. about 600 public school teachers were polled, and 76% of them gave high marks to the no cell phone policy. Implemented in September, you can tell this is a piece. If you ever watch movies about mayors and governors and shit, they have PR people that put out a positive piece. It's all, this will make you look good, you know, important elections coming in. Implementing September, Governor Hockel announced Monday during Rine Table at Brooklyn's PS 383 Middle School.

She was stabbed twice in the announcement, but everything... And nobody had a phone to help her call the doctor. The educators reported a noticeable improvement in student behavior, less tap dancing and rap music and gunplay, and said they were more engaged in discussions and collaborating better with one another. Yes, yes. They're participating in class discussions now.

Oh my God. And teachers can finally teach. I can't say the tease with these teeth. Hockel told reporters Monday, well, teachers can finally teach. That's the breakthrough. We have finally kids talking to each other. Hockel, that won't end well with the race. Hockel was one of the leading proponents of the measure. Oh, I would hope so. Which affected nearly one million K through 12 kids in the state's public and charter schools by requiring them to place their phones in a monitored bin, lockers or secured bags right next to their guns

at the start of each school day. Dave Chappelle was doing this at a show's 10 years ago. Albany touted the measure passed to May 2025 as one of the nation's strongest. What are the strongest? People say they haven't seen anything like it. The likes of which nobody's ever seen.

Strongville. And said it came largely from students. Students, please. for freedom from the social pressures phones put on them during the day. Have you ever seen a grown man naked? That goes on during the phone. Listen to this.

This is from an actual student. This is what the teachers were here. You have to save us from ourselves. Hockel said one of her students told her. I realized it was this addictive device that held their attention throughout the day. Wow! Thanks for connecting the dots, whore. Oh my gosh.

She thinks she's fucking doing murder. she wrote. Stop it. I noticed they're addicted to the phone. And she thinks she's being helpful. Oh my God. Parents have been complaining for years. You know?

And you can see why. I'm a grown adult and I can't put it down. I fucking, I love news. I love news. New York Post has a new friggin headline every 10 minutes. I just, and that's what I get hooked at, you know, hooked on. It's not the, you know, teen runaways.org page.

Unless it's 3 a.m. and you're watching a bunch of weird shit. He's got a great point there. I just pointed out I'm a liar motherfucker. I really do enjoy fistfights in Brazil at three in the morning. Good point. It really is hard to put, and yeah, I blame that of my sleeping, but it can't. You've got to blame the phone on your sleeping problems. It's like, which came first. The fucking rape of the What? I don't know. Torreed. I'm Joe Biden. No. Torreed. November 5th, I'll be at the punchline, Atlanta, Georgia. The next night, the 6th, I'll be at the Rivers Casino in Philly. Never heard of it. But my niece texted my sister. She was with her boyfriend. We just saw Uncle Nick on a billboard. I'm like, oh my God. Oh, God, help us. Anybody draw her dick in my mouth like they did in L.A.? Sol Joles, Pots Town, PA. Go to Nick Dip.com. To get your tickets before they sell out,

merchandise page at NickDib.com, as you see, hoodies, shirts, crutches, DePollo, wheelchairs, bodycast, NickDib.com. Buy something, support the show. Also, if you want to send a personalized video to someone saying, happy birthday, Grammy, I hope you die soon.

never like me. I'm the guy to do that. I'll say what you're thinking so you don't have to book that at shoutout.us or us, I guess, because there's no dot after the you or the, well, anyways, let's move on. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. A North Carolina High School valedictorian hijacked her graduation speech to rant Against what, folks? Sugar and carb? No. Against Israel and ice. But, you know, she's almost 17,

so she can tell us about geopolitical shit better than anybody, don't you think? You see what they've done to these fucking kids? This fraud doesn't, hasn't sprouted tits yet. And she thinks she's fucking gold in my ear. Gold in my ear. Gold in my ear. What? And was dramatically yanked from the podium.

That wasn't dramatic. If I yanked it, it would have been dramatic. Right by your short ones. What? Cut! Shocking video. Again, shocking video, Dallas. Show that.

It's about as shocking as watching somebody strike out looking. Clayton High School Senior, Lean Hidjas. You can't tell me. You're a nickname. Lean Hidjiz. That's a Middle East name, by the way, if you hadn't picked up on it. Was delivering the commencement speech Thursday when she ditched her. pre-approved remarks. I got a hand

over this one. This is a veteran move when you're in TV. When I wrote for Chris Rock, would do this. Even at HBO, there's some shit you can't say and would, you know. But when we wrote for the Oscars for him, we put a bunch of shit in the teleprompter

because they want to go over it before the show. We put a bunch of knock-knock jokes in there and shit. Then he comes out, who got the push there? You know. So she pulled the... When she ditched her pre-approved remarks, unleashing a fiery tirade, blasting immigration enforcement,

that would be ICE, and backing the Palestinian. You notice how the left can't shut the fuck up, whether there's 17 or 70 and everything in between? You don't see the fucking right doing this, do you? Have you seen a girl who's conservative, an Oklahoma, valedictorian, grabbed the mic and go, you know what?

You fucking spoons better get your shit together or something racial like that. Spoons? I was an old, I'm going back old school. Or, you know, you liberals can suck my ass. You don't see that, do you? You know why? Well, behaved, well raised.

We're just better than you. Anyways, back to the show. So, yeah, she's backing the Palestinian cause, according to ceremony footage. Let's take a listen to Ms. Valedictoria, which means she's got some brains, but they've already been polluted. She's got cancer.

Her parents watch fucking MS now in CNN and think it's real. and then they sit at the dinner table while she brings her black boyfriend home disappointing them both quietly and here is the hall let's listen this is our moment let's move forward with confidence ambition and hope for the future before I leave the stage I have one last thing to say what is that whore every single person here has a voice and we are privileged to have the freedom to use it when so many people around the world are struggling and suffering to be struggling and

they're suffering to be heard whether it's the million Whether it's the million suffering in Palestine, Sudan, Congo, Afghanistan, and so many other people around the world, these are the families being torn apart by ice. These are not distant issues. They are happening right now. As I is, we're not giving a voice. There comes Madreya Taylor Green. You stupid fucking blah-a-mouth-cut!

That's how I would have handled it. That smarmy little fucking face. Yeah, don't worry. Some boyfriend will knock it off her in a few years. And when she's about 30 and her tits on. sag in and she ain't so cute. She'll be blowing a guy for a tuna sandwich behind a dumpster and fucking

podunk Missouri, wherever the fuck she is, you little fuck. Anyways, Hidjiz then returned to her seat on the stage, smirking and waving to the crowd as she sat down on somebody's face. The Muslim team proceeded to whine on TikTok

last week, accusing the school. Here she goes. Victim mentality already of refusing to give her a diploma diploma, I'm sorry, a diploma and a glass of vodka after the now viral stunt, moaning that it made her feel so oppressed.

He's a little whore and a little piece of trash. Oh, I wouldn't go that much. She's trying. Look at her, look at her classmate looking at her, like, you fucking quad. With a boy in the back with the sunglasses was just shaking his head. Was he shaking? Is that right? I missed that. God damn it.

You know who I love RFK Jr.? I was just thinking about him on the snakes and shit fucking laughing and scaring his however the teen's diploma has since been awarded oh so she wasn't punished

Johnson County Public Schools and you know why because whoever runs that public school was left leaning said you can't do that you shouldn't have shut her down on speech in the front I can hear it

some black broad from the fucking you know junior college degree in psychology to its own let's move on you don't scare me who said that

the president said Tuesday that he has agreed to reschedule the White House correspondent dinner the one he almost got whacked at you gotta love this guy in order he said to defy the wishes of the man who allegedly tried to assassinate

this fucking guy you gotta love him he didn't have to say that he could just said we rescheduled I love it. I don't know if that guy's, you know, going to get the message. I don't know if he has a TV in his padded cell, but maybe. The Ritzie event on April 25th, as you remember, ended abruptly after Cole Allen,

former defensive back for the Eagles allegedly rushed through a security checkpoint as white guys watched. I don't understand that one either, why you wouldn't tackle somebody. And fired a shot, a shotgun. Oh, yeah, it was a shot. He picked a real easy gun to hide, huh? Prompting the Secret Service to usher President Donald Trump away. This announcement is a very good thing, Trump said. In the, we could not allow lunatics to change our way of life.

It's a great way of life. Some people say it's the best way of life, everybody, whatever, to change our way of life or even it's scheduling. God, I love this guy. Two months later, the president says the event has been rescheduled. Isn't it funny? It's not funny, but he got shot in the fucking almost killed in the ear. Another guy tried to kill him at the golf. Well, it's this one, whatever.

And the left has the balls to be saying that we are a, the right is at its state, that Trump's in an existential threat to democracy. Just let that sit in for a second and tell me how you both that way. And then suck my ass. In a sign of strength and fortitude, it was just announced that the White House correspondence dinner, which violently ended rather abruptly on the 24th. We'll be rescheduled to July 24th. Wow, July's got a lot of shit coming up.

250th birthday. They're going to have that UFC match at the White House. Holy fucking moly. I told Gutfeld to try to get me a ticket. I don't know if he's going to. He sort of left it ambiguous. He sent back a middle finger emoji. So I don't know.

He went on to say that the White House Correspondents Association president, Oweeja Jiang, asked him to speak. at the rescheduled dinner, and he accepted. He said, will you be serving lead again? And she went, I'm making general sow's chicken tonight. That's not too racist. She's got a slanty eyes.

Oh, that reminds me. Panda Express. I don't know whether or not I will give the same rather nasty statements, at least as it concerns certain people. What do you mean? You didn't give them, did you? but we will soon find out.

He's teasing it like it's the apprentice. He's teasing it. That is exactly what he's doing. We'll soon find out. In any event, he says it'll be a hot ticket. He is a salesman to the fucking bone. Apparently, that's what you need, by the way. These were his comments directly after the shooting.

You remember he said this. This is from right out. I think. Rushed out of the White House correspondence dinner after shots were fired on Saturday night. DC police released some information about the attack saying, quote, one suspect is in custody and is believed to have acted alone. Two firearms and multiple knives have been recovered. A Secret Service uniformed division officer was injured and transported with non-life-threatening

injuries. The Secret Service agent reportedly took bullets to his protective gear during the exchange, but survived thanks to his vest. He's been released from the hospital. the hospital. Everyone owes a tremendous debt of gratitude to the courage of law enforcement. He was a lone wolf, whack job. These are crazy people. These are crazy people. And they have to be dealt with. The suspect. They should be dealt with. She should be bent over and spanked. It's probably a fucking AI girl. I don't know. You can't even tell anymore.

anyways Trump's like fuck you man we're doing it again he shouldn't say and I want this is what he should do because he's the president of the United States it will be mandatory for Jimmy Kimmel Seth Myers and Colbert

he'd be sitting right up front and David Letterman by the way and anybody else sit up front and I'm going to roast you faggots what a disappointment Letterman what a disappointment funny hey funny fucking great funny

I mean, no doubt about it, but I'm telling you, if you stay in showbiz long enough. He's at that age, though, I'm saying when he was going through college where, you know, U.S. was the enemy and fucking, but it makes me sick. Is Seth Mye is still on the air? That's another one. This guy doesn't have a funny bone in his fucking body. I mean, talented guy, I'm just saying. You know, he wrote for S&L and no doubt of talented, but I'm just saying.

They are the ones anointed by the government. Like Jimmy Kimmel is just a fucking He's a shill. He's a government shill. It's so obvious. They must have the goods on him

and go, no, you're going to be the point man for this fucking thing. Somebody takes a shot at you. It's not up for him. I'll tell you stupid dick jokes. And it bums me out. I know all these guys. I know him. Even Seth Myers.

Met him when he was on SNL. It's not a bad guy, but this makes him a bad guy. Jimmy Kimmel was his normal. I did a show a couple times. Nice guy, but it's fucking, it makes the hair stand up of my neck. It's creepy. It looks like they've been brainwashed or whatever, you know, but more importantly brainwashed, they've been anointed to fucking, you know,

they used to have a big audience. Cobre. He was on the man show and he acted nice and shit, Boy, talk about a blowharder takes himself too seriously. Anyways, let's move on to some real fellas. MMA guy to the rescue again. A man named Josh Longwood. I think he's a former fighter.

I don't know if he was ever professional, but he's got a cauliflower ear. And a lot of them look just like him. Type of guy that you wouldn't think twice about throwing a punch out. Then you're next to you know, he's got your heads like next to his balls. And he's biting your ears. A man named Josh Longwood, even the name is. He's got all male testosterone. He's got Longwood.

He's going to pound and ground you and then rape you anally. Caught a flight to Chicago and ended up restraining a passenger after the guy tried opening an emergency exit. Everybody's asking why Bernie Sanders was on the flight in the first place. And get this. He used to be an MMA. Once an MMA fighter, always an MMF. Josh Longwood was flying home after attending the bachelor party of his

brother, excuse me, I had a bachelor party for my brother. I'm just not cut out to be a leader. I think we had a keg in a closet somewhere. It was fucking, we went to a titty bar and the girls were on the fucking late 60s. Is it a lunch special? Yeah, we did it at one in the afternoon. They knocked 40% off the mozzarella sticks. I'm like, yeah, okay. They said a couple of girls don't have tits. We're like, yeah, fucking. Anyways, coming back from a party, a bachelor party for his brother, which took place, May 31st. Oh, in Puerto Rico. I went down the street from where I was living. What's the name of that? It was a strip club in Revere, Massachusetts, which if you guys

know Reveille, you'd be laughing right now. Uh, fuck. King authors. That was the name of a flower you use when you cook. It has to be good. All the girls had yeast infection. What? In the middle of the flight, a fellow passenger had allegedly assaulted a flight attendant, and also tried to open the emergency exit, which is a hack move. I tried that just to scare the kids once. The incident took place on a frontier airline. Of course it did. Right? So you've got to listen to this. He sounds Asian, the guy that's causing the trouble. Apparently during this, they put some type of cuffs on him, and it's killing his wrist. And what are you doing? He keeps repeating. and he sounds drunk and Asian.

I don't know, but that's the guy, that's the MNA guy, doing other people's jobs for them. Go ahead. Oh, no, you fucking picture my thing. You don't fucking beat. Turn it up. Turn it up a little. You broke out once.

No, I'm saying what's she's a fucking doing. You're not going to die. You're not going to do it. What's going to do it? You're right. Who the whole she's doing? Look at this shit. I hope this guy gets like a million points on his whatever frequent flyer thing.

You know what I mean? He should. He should get the fly free, but he's like, I don't want to be on front there again. The 37-year-old Longwood stated that he restrained the passenger for around 10 minutes. Ten minutes. You're criss. Holding him twice over that span after the man got out of his restraints. Holy shit, it's Houdini.

From there, Longwood kept control of the man for an extra 20 to 30 minutes. This guy deserves, he should be on TV. Maybe he was. I don't watch his morning fag shows, but you would think, right? These are the guys that should get the ink. 20 to 30 minutes is a long time to hold a crazy chink. He's had too many mitis. Prior to the plane making an emergency landing, which occurred in Miami,

Longwood stated that he's lucky to be a light sleeper and only seats away from when the scene happened. I would have pretended that I was sleeping. On Facebook, he said that he was happy that everybody safely got home and wants the next flight he catches to be significantly more boring. Well, I don't know, then maybe get on a real airline.

Don't? I think spirits close, so. But violence breaks out on planes all the time. Women get, you know, stop panicking. Can the plane's going, and people have to take action. And, well, you've seen this. Any more? I've got to get out of here.

I've got to get out of here. Down, get a hold of yourself. Please, let me handle this. I'll get back to your seat. That's where he is. Don't do you want on the phone. Everything's been all right. Look at the old lady with a gun.

Guys, young people who haven't seen an airplane, go watch it. It's timeless. Just timeless. I couldn't fly this plane. It's a different plane altogether. It's a different plane altogether. Three people say, come on. How much fun, I always think, how much fun that was making that movie?

Because you had a room full of funny motherfuckers. They probably called each other at three. This shit hits you when you're not at least expected. Long good. Oh, it's long good? No, it's long wood, right? Now it's long good. Did I make that up?

Huh? It's Long Good? Yeah, I think that was a 40-inch slip on your end. I don't. I think I saw Longwood in there. No, I just looked. You looked at the beginning? Yeah.

You fucking asshole. You did that to me on purpose. It's Long Good. Yeah, but when you're fucking a girl, Long is good. See how I did the Long Good thing. Wasn't his name Shortwood? Longwood thinks that passenger could have potentially been drinking and was acting erratic. Oh, thank you, doctor.

What gave you that idea? Him foaming from the mouth and doing whales down the long good used to be a professional MMA fighter. This is bugging me. And currently competes in a B.J.J. Blackbelt. That's a blowjob Jew. He's employed as a medical device salesman. I bet you're when people say, No, I'm good. You get some of the figure eight. He was the best guy around. You better treat him right. I got the big thing tomorrow morning. Big dentist. They got to cut open the...

They keep saying he's got to pull back that flap. I don't know what they're talking about. That's how much faith they have in this guy. I'm like, okay, pull back the flap. He can be talking about opening my brain, I wouldn't even know. We shall find out. But I think he's going to pack bone in there. air.

I think that's where to talk about because that's where the... I'm going to actually have teeth that I can bite down on something, not worry about breaking. You know? But you know what's going to happen? As soon as those start working, something else will loosen up. This is what happens when you die. It's like fixing an old car. What's that?

One thing and it exposes the other thing. I fucking said that on stage, man. It's like you're in a fucking jalopy. Right? And I... And a fucking mayor breaks off and... And, uh, you know, Yeah, you, you're heading, you just, you can't get out of the car. And then serious shit, then the fucking carburetor go, do they make carburetor? You know, that's your heart and the liver is your oil.

Then you're, as Louis CK said one bit, you just know it's not going to get better. And that's been dawning on me lately. I, between being an athlete when I was younger and then doing P90, my joints are fried. I swear. Anyhow. But God's good like that. He'll keep my heart strong so I can suffer right to the end. Anyways.

Hey, I'll tell you, folks, when I was 14, 1970. Oh, 13. I think it was 1975, actually. I don't know. You can AI it. I, like every teenage kid, loved kiss. Except for my buddy, Nate, who loved Bruce Springsteen then. he had sort of a mature taste in music,

but turns out I was right. Spring scene's a fucking lib homosexual. I'll take Gene Simmons anytime, a capitalist. But yeah, we fucking, and I had the albums, and my sister, Donna was dating a guy named Eddie, Eddie Pino, and he was actually played drums, you know, as a hobby. And he knew I loved Kiss, So he was over our house for a Sunday dinner

and we're all sitting there and everybody's smirking and whatever and my sister goes, lift up your plate. I left up my plate. There's two tickets for Kiss at the Providence Civic Center like the following weekend.

It was fucking. It was unfrigan real. I thought I was going to die of third degree burns after the first song. The first song, the flames go up. It was like somebody putting a blow torch in your. Anybody check the,

fucking dist. People leaving there with skin grafts and looking like his. It was tremendous. It fucking ears were ringing forever. I remember Eddie trying to piss into a fucking, literally into a beer bottle as he's driving and he's spraying it everywhere.

Tremendous. Why am I talking about that? Well, and here's the thing. I still have the, I have been a click. I like all kinds of, I like good music. I like, and it's not shitty. music, but I still like the shit I liked when I was 14. Van Halen. Even some kiss songs. A fucking, you know, I know the snobs are like,

oh, they didn't, fuck, they wouldn't see. Okay, whatever. Anyways, why am I talking about this? Give me a little kiss. You guys might even know of this. I stumbled over this morning. And then I went, oh yeah, they were in a commercial, I think. Known as the world's shortest band, they hold an official Guinness World Record. Well, how many other bands are all midget? our famous, the only band that was a little short of them was Phil Collins, no, Guinness World Records

and are famous for their high-energy shows, full-kiss-inspired makeup and costumes. Aside from their live concerts, they are also recognized for television appearances on shows like Lip-Sink Battle, Jimmy Kimmel Live, my apologies, Jimmy, and their memorable Super Bowl. camera. Apparently not that man.

I'm not watching the camera, by the way, at halftime. You know what I was doing. I was basing my meat. What? What the fuck? Anyways, let's take a look at some of their work. And you got the best. The hottest little band.

Good to see Bonaducci's getting work. That guy was hand. You hear? I'd like to be 60. Introducing a midget kiss man. And his man. He's fucking. They probably gave them like $50 worth of fucking French fries and beer.

Check them out. It made me laugh when I stumbled over. Creepy. That's when you know your career is kicking ass when you go, how you doing, Benegans? How you doing, Tyler? Must be Texas, no? Maybe other towns called, oh, my God.

I sent this to my wife because my wife's obsessed with little people and dwarfs and shit. She thinks they're good luck and there's pictures everywhere. If she's out and sees one, she'll text me immediately and shit. And I don't know what that's about. Anyways, I'm almost 5-11, so what the fuck? No, I'm not 5-10, maybe. Anyways, that's them. And if they were in Savannah, what's the Dallas,

what's the bar that they have midget wrestling? Not, not. It might be coaches. It might be the original. Oh, Coach's Corner. In the back? Yeah, Coach's Corner. Did they have a room in the back?

I was in there with Andy one night. I think it was Coach's Corner. I might have the wrong bar. But all of a sudden, a bunch of dwarf came by. And I'm like, look, honey, you struck a pot of gold here. They were filing in, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And there was midget wrestling going. And then people were piling to see it.

We have that many midgets here? Huh? Yeah. No, they, apparently these guys tour. It's like a, you know, it's like a theater, national theater group. But they're wrestlers. midget, right? The line was

fucking, we were coming in going, why's the parking lot jammed and, you know. Anyways, that's a mini-kiss, and like I said, I'd go I'd go see him tomorrow. While they originally started as a novelty act using blow-up guitars,

blow up is in, or they blow them up. And simply lip-syncing to the original CDs, the band has evolved. Yeah, they've all grown an inch over the last some. Today you'll often find some members actively playing drums

and guitar live. They're like the Partridge family. Only one guy actually played an instrument. And that was David. It was his dick. Good night, everybody. While others mix in backing tracks and focus heavily on putting on an engaging character-driven.

Driven what? Act? Finish your sentence, or? That's fucking beautiful. Fiorio liked it. Let's move on, boys and girls. Whoa, stop, or my mom will shoot. You know, I was thinking about, I'm telling that story about that first date and seeing Paradise Alley, which was a book that Stallone had written before, you know, he did Rocky.

I kept saying it was probably his worst thing, but it wasn't. He was in something called a movie called Stop or My Mom will shoot. And I think he played that. like a country singer with a rhinestone, if I'm not mistaken. That's the thing about when you're like an Italian guy. You can't really, you can't pull that shit off. You got to be playing a mobster or whatever, a bouncer or a, you can't, you know what I mean? Although Stallone was very good in a movie called Fist, Federal Interstate Trucking,

had nothing to do it had to do with Jimmy Hoffa and the Union. And he was very good in that. He's made some good shit, but, you know, when I was laying in bed going, I know there's another bomb out there. Stop or my mom. Can imagine even naming it? Anyways, till death doors

part. I thought I'd like to throw this in the light in the mood after the midget bend. I'm just throwing this end because I want to believe in, and I'm not saying I don't believe in God. I just look around and see so much misery in the world.

And he's supposedly watching. everything and whatever I just don't get to and they try to explain it and it doesn't ring anyways but I read shit like this a bride and groam leaving their wedding where there's a lot of those huh leaving your wedding and getting a few years ago South Carolina I think wedding they're in a golf cart they just got married minutes ago they're in a golf cart like going to the reception and a drunk girl fucking runs

the golf cart over. Killing, I think, the wife or the husband, one of them. One of them survived, right? Another sign of a loving God. Let that person be a misery the rest of their lives with those memories. Oh, my God. And then there's one,

we've done a few of these. Well, these are maybe different. They're on a honeymoon and they've taken a picture on some cliff somewhere. Some woman get washed away. They're on the rocks taking a picture. She get washed away. I'm drawn. Some guys have all the luck. Oh, that's a good joke.

Come on. That deserve way more. A bride and groom leaving their wedding. Put that in there. We'll sweeten it. A bride and groom leaving their wedding were among those on board a helicopter. Do you hear what I'm saying, folks? That crashed Friday night in Dawson County.

Dave Fiji, probably where they were going, 25 years old was killed when the Robinson R-66 helicopter crashed in a remote. wooded area of Dawson County near Mount Vernon Drive. The pilot whose name has not been released, somebody said something Kobe Bryant, Brain. The pilot was also killed and he's probably lucky. He's gone and we couldn't do nothing about it. These two people, two beautiful people, successful 20s doing what you're supposed to be. He was a precious child. He was a gift from God. That's an email to this show about me. I go, look, man, back it down.

He was a gift from God for us. Well, then God took him away if he gave him to you. Now how do you feel? You get a receipt? Said George Fiji, the father. He was a God-faring child. Yeah, he should have feared God. So handsome, so beautiful.

Now he's so burnt. He set his vows Friday to his bride, Jesney, who he met at a New Testament church a day ago. Could they be any nicer people? you know most of these you go yeah he met her at a whorehouse in Denver it was love at first trip to the clinic their wedding took place at the Revere a wedding and special events venue near dawsonville and it had hundreds of guests

i think we have i know we have video something i don't even know what it is the reception wrapped up around 930 the bride and groom were to leave on a helicopter to Peaks Street to Cab Airport. You don't have opening? No. But why not? It was rainy and foggy. The groom was himself a pilot at Delta.

And his dad says his son expressed concern about flying with such low visibility. Hold on a second. He's 25? And he's a pilot at Delta? Cheapest crow. That would make me nervous if I looked at and saw it. It would make me a little less nervous because he's Indian. As you know, I'm a big fan of the Indian and Asian doctors.

He said I wouldn't fly. This is what the guy, the kid said. I wouldn't fly. We would not fly in this visibility. The groom said. I know. It's a good point. But the pilot decided because the wife is going,

come on. I made, like JFK Jr. You know, I had a bit about that. His wife was going, we got to get to the wedding. I don't give a shit if it's clout. I spent $4,000 on this dress. But the. pilot decided to fly at a higher altitude, he said.

And the helicopter launched. A short time later, it crashed in a densely wooded and mountainous area southwest of Dawsonville. George said Jesney was trapped under the wreckage and trees for five hours before she was rescued. Can you imagine the wife survives? She knew her husband was gone. She said when she woke up, she was under the rubble, he said, she said, what? She said when she woke up, she was under the rubble, he said. Who's right in the shit?

She woke up and saw him lying on her chest. Jesus Christ. She herself is a nurse. When she touched him, she called out to him. He was already called. My God. Do you guys enjoying this? I just took the piss right out of that mini-kiss story.

Jesney was sent to Northeast Georgia Medical Center, and Fiji's parents expected her to be released in the next few days. They said she suffered extensive. cuts and bruises, but she did not break any bones. A helicopter crashes, and she gets cuts and bruises. So there's where the religious people say, ah. And I'd still say, yeah, but why?

Did it happen in the first? Oh, my God. It's not fair. Hey, who knows? It might have been assholes. No, I'm kidding. Oh, fuck. Anyways, let's, let's wrap it up here. Ladies and gentlemen.

What else did I want to tell you? I thought I had something before I went into the first. Red Sox lost again. They literally have wanting track power now. You know, they've lost. They've won nine out of 28 games at Fenway. Do you understand? I'm sick of hair on this, well, they're a different team now.

It's not your dad's Red Sox. These are sort of a National League team, a lot of running and speed. that. Give me the fucking big boppers. Give me the Jim Rice's, the friggin Mo Vons, the where they were unbeatable at Fenway. People would come in there. I don't care if it was the Yankees, whoever.

And the Sox should put up 10 runs in the third inning. Like every year because they had a monstrous lineup. I've had enough of this shit. Even on the 2018 team, they had power. And they were the best team in baseball from beginning to end that. But I'm just saying, All these, they hit a fly.

It looks like it's got, and it's caught on the warning track in front of the green monster. That's 11 feet away, for Christ's sake. Meanwhile, uh, Alonzo, I love how we watch teams come into Fenway with guys that we had for half a season and let go, like Schwabber. He comes in and hits like a 410,

friggin, uh, last night, Pete Alonzo, who we were going to get, but decided it was too expensive. He hit one that landed in fucking, uh, you know, Chicago. Really fucking depressing. Anyways, enough of my whining. Finally tonight,

fentanyl ingredients found in MacArthur Park. Is MacArthur Park named after, I'm guessing? Yeah. I think so. Who else? No, Kevin McArthur. He was a dirt bike racer from Sausalito. No, but there's a song, MacArthur Park, who left the cake out in the rain and Madonna's summer. Federal authorities have announced another major drug arrest tied to LA's troubled MacArthur.

I just mentioned this because I remember hanging out there. Wait, I had an audition, and I drove around it a few times. And it looked kind of nice back then. After officers allegedly discovered more than a kilogram of fentanyl, which is a precursor inside a suspect's backpack, it's a precursor of fentany. I mean, it's an ingredient that you make fetheth. Chevis Cole Williamson,

another Mormon, 43 years old, of Westlake. Hey, jevis, how about trying to make an honest living? Get up and get a fucking job. Okay? How about that? And spread it around to your friends. Nick, that's kind of racist.

I hope so. That's how I meant it. Has been charged federally with possession of a controlled substance after authorities say he was found in possession of more than 1.2 kilograms. That's 2.7 pounds for you people who don't live in the UK. Of a chemical precursor used in the production of fentanyl. Williamson was arrested Thursday evening by the LAPD officers conducting enforcement operations in the MacArthur Park area. Don't you move you, motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out.

Another day, another drug bust in the MacArthur Park area first assistant. U.S. Attorney Bill Assaley wrote on X. As we've stated, law enforcement will maintain a strong presence. at the park. Well, if you're maintaining a strong presence, why's he there? You know what I mean? Apparently your presence isn't that strong.

It's not like he went, ooh, there's 11 cops. I'm going there anyways to sell the shit. There'll be zero tolerance. Oh, there you go. Zero tolerance, except for this guy. For drug dealing, and offenders will face the maximum federal prison sentence for a black guy,

which is 11 days under this law. Law enforcement officials later searched Williamson's apartment where they allegedly found nearly $20,000 worth of Popeye chicken bones. What? A thousand dollars worth the plastic bags on the floor. That's a lot of bags. Bags are about a dime, you know, four cents a P, a thousand of them.

This guy was doing good business. You're not a smaller fry anymore, Tony. Anyways, let's take a look at something. What kind of shit is this? It's the best, man. I got it from a Negro. You're probably so high already. You don't even know it.

That's when you could say funny shit. Unbelievable. Got it from a Negro. That's offensive. I don't like that type of talk. The latest case comes amid ongoing enforcement operations involving federal agents, LAPD officers, and other law enforcement agencies, focused on curving the sale and distribution of narcotics near the park.

You mean, Spencer Pratt? Is that his name? He wasn't involved? You know, real quick before we go, Spencer Pratt, I think. Is that his name, Spencer? My son. He came in second last night. They did the, you know, who's going to run against douchebag.

And there was another woman who was ahead of him, and he piggybacked her. So it's going to be a runoff between him and Bass. How about that? And he's convinced he's going to win. This would be a problem. man. Here's my take. It's a machine out there. It's a communist Marxist machine. They're not

going to let him win, even if he win. Same way, what's his name? Dushbag Newsom was recalled. Remember? So they did that election and he won. I just believe it's a Marxist state. It's like trying to win against Putin.

It's all bullshit. But I hope he proves me wrong. Just make me less cynical. Help me out. Please. Could you? Don't forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or a relative, go to cameo.com. That's it for today, boys and girls.

You guys think that. I'll say it. You're very welcome. We will see you back here for the final, is it the final day tomorrow? We'll see you back here tomorrow at the same time. Have a good rest of the day. Take care.

Hi. Good night, everybody.