The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Trounces @ Turning Point | Nick Di Paolo Show #1428

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Trump's Turning Point numbers, a DeSantis staffer and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Keep your friends close, but your enemies close. I would like that to tell us. How are you, folks? Speaking of The Godfather, there's a thing called, I talked about it last week, The Offer. It's a series, you know, with actors and actresses about the making of The Godfather, which is a really unbelievably interesting story.

A lot of people don't know. And it's fun. It's entertaining. You know, some of it's a little over the top, but it's all based on, you know, if you read how that came about and how the mob got upset. It's fucking... There's a guy named Al Ruddy,

but you'll see his name after I go on the producers, who has balls of steel. Let's put it that way. It's nice, some pussy in there. What? Who? Honey, you watching? Real quickly. What the fuck?

Monday. I feel like I'm doing this for the first time in my life. Then what happened? Great weekend in Arlington, Virginia. Dallas came along to record the shows. I did a lot of winging and some vicious, distasteful shit that I'm sure I could get put up on Instagram and have pulled off in 11 seconds

and fuck the rest of the world. Good night, everybody. Yeah, so we had a great time. Real quickly, the hotel, we could check in and some type of dance contest going on between girls, I don't know, 12 to 16. Let me qualify that the hottest girls on the planet, 12. I mean, in that age range.

I don't mean I'm, well, I'm not going to say, well, what else do you want to talk about? Dude, what was your first words when we checked in? Do you remember? Yeah, it's a pedo's fucking dream world. Yeah, you go pedo dream world. It had to be 100 girls running around in leotards inappropriate in my uh but i'm all right with it now no i'm just saying it it's it's odd it's

fucking weird i mean because and i'm not saying i'm attracted to it i'm just saying um epstein had a good point no i'm but they're right they're in the lobby doing splits and some of them look like grown women as far as Dallas was like. I had to pull Dallas up. I go, get in the elevator, you pig. He's out there asking for hand lotion from one girl. he was can you get my back yeah can i yeah that's what he said i mean i did it but it was one of the mothers and she was 22 so i'm talking but i'm just saying it was the most awkward time i've ever spent in a hotel because i didn't know where to fucking put my eyes i because you know we live in a world today if you accidentally look at a fucking kid you're uh so i'm walking around literally oh wow look at the artwork there's nothing up there i'm walking around, literally, oh, wow, look at the artwork. There's nothing up there. I'm walking into people just trying not to fucking look at these nectarine

asses. What? I'm just saying they were doing splits. It was not right. Me and Dan, then I go outside, right? I go, this is the worst move I made. I have a cigarette somebody gave me for the night before I go. I'm getting out of the lobby. So I walk down. They're all over, by the way, in the middle and both.

So I walk down right through a bunch of them to get outside to smoke a cigarette. Now I'm a guy by himself smoking a cigarette, nervously looking in. Blowing smoke rings, which, you know, that's fine, but I shouldn't have done this. I didn't know where to look, what to fucking do. Right there, wasn't it not odd? Every way you turned your frigging head. Ay-yi-yi. And I get in the elevator with a woman who,

she was like the age of the mother czar. And she's like, hi. I go, how are you doing? And she said, I said, I'm trying not to look like a pedophile. She starts belly laughing. I go, are you one of the mothers? No, she goes, hi. I go, how are you doing? And she said, I said, I'm trying not to look like a pedophile. She starts belly laughing. I go, are you one of the mothers? No.

She goes, no. I'm not. But here's the oddest part. And I couldn't believe it. I waited almost a day to tell Dallas this. So Saturday afternoon, I go out to smoke my second cigarette. I'm not out there five minutes. Who comes through the door to

sit down at the bench across from me? About a six foot three, I'd say a 70, 72 year old trans. About 6'3". I don't mean with a womanly face. He looked like a linebacker for the Giants in the 50s.

He had the boxer's nose. I mean, pushed it. But he's got lipstick, a long dress on, fucking jewelry up the ass, and I'm supposed to sit there and I go, hey, how's it going? You know, like he's wearing a suit and tie. Meanwhile, I'm going, Jesus Christ, I'm going to get finger popped. So I'm looking out of the corner of my eye, and I had to say, I don't want to be a dick, and this is what I'm saying. I make all these jokes about trans and shit. And I don't, for the life of me, hate, you got to live and let live. My beef is like the rest of the country's beef. Just don't pull us into it with your, you know, fucking pronouns and all that other horse shit and running against biological

females and thinking you're good. That type of shit deserves, that's when we start making fun of you. But I could tell this guy was old school.'s got his legs crossed ankles like i said like fucking uh gronkowski fucking hands like rocky masi and i go how's it going he goes oh pretty good you know but he's a guy what are you doing make i ain't supposed to get a vagina and complete the pro that's's like Caitlyn Jenner is a guy in a dress with a wig to me. It's fucking hilarious. I'm trying not to smirk. So whatever. I forget what he talked about. I think eating pussy. And no. And I just went, hey, you have a good time. Didn't he ask you if you were there for the dance? Yes. Thank you, Dallas. It's the first thing he goes, are you here for this dance? And I said, no. But in my head, this is what I said.

I go, you're asking me that? I just went, no. And I went like this. And this is what I said. I go, I'm just trying not to look like a pedophile. And he goes like this. Oh, like I went over the line

to good taste. He goes, oh, like that was edgy. Meanwhile, he's sitting there in a Donna Karan. Oh, my God. What a weird... Lipstick to eye make, the whole friggin' thing.

And again, nice guy. Live and let fuckin' live, but don't, you know... And I said, why are you here? He goes, retiring this woman. He was in the Navy, this guy, naturally.

Yeah. Well, what other, you know? In the Navy, and some woman in the navy with him is retiring do i have whatever the fuck last night i'm watching the id network right there's a woman in oregon living on a farm she's like in her 60s she looks like a guy uh and she killed a couple guys and let she let her pigs eat one guy alive. Yeah, this is in Oregon. And then they throw this in like casual.

They go, he was originally, his original name was Stephen Buchanan. He's now Lorraine something fucking. I thought it was just a scary ugly woman who, you know, and... Yeah. It was the...

Guess what Navy That guy was in the Navy On the fucking show last night So what I'm saying is You want to get blown Get in the Navy Whatever I don't know

In the Navy You can drink man gravy In the Navy Anyways Yeah so Happy birthday mom My mom's 86 today And she fucking fucking runs a 4-3-4. So you have a chance.

What does that mean? I have a chance? Oh, to live? Yeah. I thought that was a sex ormark. Anyways, what else? Let's take a look. And real quick, there's my ribs.

I'm making Chinese ribs. When I got three pounds of St. Louis-style ribs, cut them by hand, which is fun. Makes you feel like a butcher, what I should have been doing for a living. That looks like an abortion, doesn't it? They pull that out of the sink. I always use that one at Planned Parenthood. But these are Chinese spirit. And, oh, my God. I'll evenarenthood. But these are Chinese spirit. And, oh my God,

I'll even tell you what the ingredients are real quick. Those are in a, you know what, a crock pot. They'll be simmering. I put them on this morning until about five o'clock. And they'll be like cancer. Meat falling off the bone. Gotta be a better way to describe that.

But when I'm talking, Qingtao is so goddamn good. Real quick, I'll just tell you what's in there. Then you can. Three pounds of ribs. Sweet chili sauce. Honey. Brown sugar.

Hoisin. Grated garlic. About five cloves. Soy sauce. Chinese five-star powder. Fresh ginger. It's a marinade. You marinate them overnight or for a whole day, whatever.

I put them in a hefty bag. Not a hefty bag, a fucking, you know, a sandwich bag. What did you say? A Ziploc bag? A Ziploc. You know, the same thing I put my wife's hands in when I cut her a pie. Anyways, yeah, so those are my, I left my house. It smelled like, you know, the Golden

Goose, pick any China restaurant, fucking golden fence, the wall of Ching Chang. Anyways, all right, I've killed about what? Yeah, so we had a ball, didn't we, Dallas? Male Audience Member 6 in audience Good weekend. Good weekend. Dallas is fucking staying out lighter than me. I'm like, I'm gonna go back back. Ah, fuck it, gal. He's got two prostitutes sitting on his lap.

This guy is wild, man. Anyway, so yeah, it was a good weekend. Hey, in the second half of the show, folks, I'm going to be talking about a serial killer that was caught in Long Island that I used to read about when I lived in New York all the time. And you won't believe, Pizza Crust was involved. Not with the actual killings, I don't think.

Yeah, he fed them dominoes. And also, Bud Light, I think, has a new spokesman. Whether they want it or not, you won't believe who it is. So stay tuned for that exclusively on Mug Club. So join Mug Club now. Go to nickdipaloshow.com to get it. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time.

You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Aight. Aight.

Let's get on with it, right? Arlington chat, it said. I'm like Biden. We just did that. What? Let's move on. As you know, Donald Trump, Trump trounces at Turning Point. You know Turning Point USA, Charlie Kirk?

They have the big conservative convention every year. It's a big thing to like conservatives and to speak at. It's a big deal. I've never been invited. Gottfeld actually did. Anyways, attendees at a major conservative conference Over the weekend Overwhelmingly voted for former president Donald Trump

In a Republican presidential primary Straw poll How about Well he smoked He smoked the competition I'll tell you that much I am your voice one other thing I forgot to say about when we were at the hotel in the lobby when those

girls Dallas yells this out never seen a grown man naked and then he was trying to lure a girl up in the room by saying this. He's looking at you, kid. Anyways, Chinese ribs. Those are the ingredients. I forgot to do all those. Anyways, according to Tragafar Group, they're they're very good they got a bass player who'll kick the shit out of uh a poll uh attendees at the turning point action conference in west palm beach florida chose trump at 87 and a half percent among republican candidates and florida governor

ronnie desantis at what coming close. How about 4.3 percent? DeSantis actually came in third behind Dizzy Gillespie's corpse and Phil Rizzuto. DeSantis actually came in third behind businessman Perry Johnson, whoever the fuck that is, who garnered 7.8%. How the fuck? Come on. Despite the conference happening in the governor's state, meaning DeSantis, about 3,000 attendees responded to the poll. Half of the approximate 6,000 total attendees there. Half of the attendees were between the ages of 18 and 21, while the other half were of varying ages, 5 to 11. Trump attended the event on Saturday, delivering a lengthy speech that covered a number of

different topics. He addressed the, you know, he addressed the double standard as far as him being indicted for, you know, supposedly, you know, classified material not being handled right. Here he is. supposedly, you know, classified material not being handled right. Here he is. After leaving the White House, Bill Clinton kept 79 audio tapes in his socks and in his sock drawer. That's why it's called the Clinton socks case. They included this Clinton socks foreign policy options, both defense and offense against Cuba, the recordings of President Clinton's conversations with the biggest foreign leaders then in the world, sensitive facts

about trade negotiations taken from presidential briefings, discussions with the Secretary of State about the conflict in Bosnia, which was a tough one. Nothing important. And so much more. Unbelievable. Really big stuff. Took it out. These were recordings. Took them out in his socks. They found them in his sock drawer. Nothing happened to him. Not only was Bill Clinton never even considered for criminal prosecution based on the tapes he took, but when he was sued for them, the government sued him civilly, not criminally. They didn't say you're going to go to jail under the espionage act

but when they sued him he won the case judge amy berman jackson's decision listen to the ruling by the judge very conclusively listen to this quote under the statutory scheme established by the presidential records act the decision to segregate personal materials from presidential records is made by the president during the term of the president and in the president's sole discretion. Okay? Precedence. Yes, yes, key word, but not when it comes to Trump.

And then you, how anybody in America, I don't care if you hate this guy's guts or not, you're all right with that though, the double standard, then fuck you. I didn't mean that. I love all you people.

Because liberals don't watch the show, so I didn't mean fuck you guys. You know that. Anyways. Why am I apologizing? Who gives a fuck?

I don't feel like I'm making money here. Meanwhile, DeSantis did not attend the event in his home state. He was playing pickleball with a retarded kid. What? His campaign press secretary, Brian Griffin, said in a statement to the Washington Examiner,

and I quote, Governor DeSantis spent the day with Iowans and spoke to a packed house at the Tennessee GOP statesman dinner later that night. This was the day after he delivered the strongest interview at the Tennessee GOP statesman dinner later that night. This was a day after he delivered the strongest interview at the Family Leadership Summit, which Donald Trump notably skipped. Ron DeSantis is campaigning to win, as opposed to, you know, Trump wants to come in fourth. Get the fuck out of the way. Asa Hutchinson, you know who he is, this jerk off? I think he's a Texas congressman, right? This guy is a rhino to the hundredth power. He's bad-mouthed Trump

before, and he's still pretending he's a Republican. I can't remember the specifics. A couple months ago, I'm like, how is this guy? Asa Hutchinson, who is a wolf in sheep's clothing, in my opinion, and worse than a rhino, got the welcome that he deserved when

he was trying to speak. I'm running for president of the United States, we've got some great, great people that are running. And what we need is respect for those that might have a different opinion. Oh, fucking idiot. How dare you show up at this fucking thing? He makes Mitt Romney look like Strom Thurmond. I mean, he's a fucking two-faced, prick-faced puller. For attendees, second preference, this made me excited because you guys know who I like other than Trump.

For attendees, second preference to be present, half of the respondents chose who? Vivek Ramaswamy, my boy, who also spoke at the conference and was swarmed by a bunch of belly dancers from Calcutta. No, swarmed by attendees afterwards. 21% named Trump as their second choice. And 13 and a half chose DeSantis. As far as vice president goes, 30% of the respondents said Carrie Lake. 24% said Rep. Byron Donald of Florida. And 22% said Ramaswamy. So he did great in both.

Which, you know what, that's uplifting that means somebody's paying attention i think in my opinion unless you dislike them then you can tell me to kiss my grits sorry but it's strong language let's stay on the uh politics here shall we for a a second desantis volunteer with potty mouth did you see this clip this made me laugh the lamb and my pants why it's news, I don't know. It almost makes me want to go fucking vote for DeSantis

if he hires guys like this. Team DeSantis and his super PAC recently bragged about their $100 million door knocking operation.

It's an operation. No, don't fucking do that. Give me the money, you understand me? Give me the fucking money, you hear me? You hear me? I got to come here, you hear me? You hear me? I got to come here, but...

So anyways, here's a video that a South Carolina voter released of paid DeSantis door knocker who showed up at the door and was caught saying, I think, didn't William Taft say this before this? Get sucked my balls, suck my hairy balls, and admits to being, oh, st stoned I didn't even realize check check wait did I already go by it oh good okay Honestly. Eat my big, hairy sack. Delicious.

Thank you. And I'm a little stumpy, so I don't know. All right. Was that loud enough for the people at home? Bon appetit. Suck my, eat my big, hairy ball. And, you know, all the the left what an opportunity this proves DeSantis should be what are you you kidding me if I'm Ronnie DeSantis I'm handing the kid an extra

200 bucks and go you know what you might know I don't want to talk like that but we just got about eight million views showing that we're knocking doors and work. I call that negative attention. This is team DeSantis, ladies and gentlemen. Disgusting, said the person who posted the video, who's living in 1948 in their fucking heads. Give me a goddamn break. Wasn't that funny? I thought it was just Jim fucking Dandy. For those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdapaloshow.com and join to get my full show

and Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot more. And you can click on my tour dates. I don't even know if we got them up yet, but in the fall, I know I'm hitting Cleveland and Buffalo. And speaking of that, I met these characters.

You can't really see this, but I met these characters in Cleveland back Buffalo. And speaking of that, I met these characters. You can't really see this, but I met these characters in Cleveland back in 2021. They're from Pittsburgh. They were at the show this weekend in Virginia. They say Pittsburgh Connection. You know, like Henry Hill

out of Pittsburgh Connection sending, remember, selling coke? Anyhow, that's Kurt, Dan, Nick, Pete, and Matt. Hilarities in Cleveland. We are your Nickas in Pittsburgh. My, my, my.

So thank you, fellas, for being such loyal fans. We'll be right back. guitar solo.