The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Twitter Return? | Nick Di Paolo Show #1339

Episode Date: January 19, 2023

Musk: Biden Might Weaponize Feds Against Twitter. Connecticut Removing Parental Consent For Vaccine. M&M's. 

Hey guys and girls, important message. The video version of this show will only be available on Patreon, Rumble, and NickDip.com starting Monday. That's it. So if you currently watch the show on Facebook or Instagram or BitChute or another platform, please come find me on Patreon, Rumble, or NickDip.com. Nothing is changing for those of you who listen to the show's audio version

on iTunes or anywhere else like this. This is just for the video format of my show. Once again, if you watch the show on Facebook or Instagram or anywhere other than Patreon, Rumble, or NickDip.com, please plan accordingly so you can keep watching me starting Monday, January 23rd. Thank you very, very much. Wow! Wow! Wow!

Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! I want all of you to enjoy your cake. Oh.

So, enjoy. Okay. Now go home and get your fucking shine box. Oh, the hate, the love. I can't decide. How are you, folks? Welcome to the show on a Thursday, final day of the week for us kids here. And yes, kind of a new format starting on Monday, I believe.

I just read it to you. I can't even remember what I read. I just show up and they go, sit here. You're only doing this much today. Don't do that. Remember the thing before? Throw that out. Dance monkey dance. Dance monkey dance. Don't go that far. Anyhow, any he. Went to Tentus yesterday and that's what I can talk about real quick for this, and it's been a whole to do because of the x-rays, I got, I got x-rayed, and then I

bust this thing, you know, I came in the x-ray, and again, then my dentist decided to move into another building, or whatever, they were bought by another, whatever the fuck, he loses that x-ray, building or whatever they were bought by another whatever the fuck he loses that x-ray i don't like x-rays all right i know too much about it um and i got into a fight in new york an argument with a lady where my dentist had to come in and like separate us because she's like no you have to i don't have to fucking have anything number one you know anyways stupid. So anyways, she would give me the finger every time I left the parking lot. So I have the little, and so, yeah, so this was the x-ray. Anyways, they lose my x-rays, my last dentist, right? And so I go to this new guy that's going to do this, and he goes, we need an x-ray.

We need the, you know. So I had to go back to my old dentist. They said, we'll do it for free. Come in, whatever. You know, I took the time. Whatever. They do it. I emailed it over to the new dentist.

I get an email like a couple days later. Okay, we can move ahead now that we got your x-ray. I go to Andy. And this was two or three weeks ago. I go, when I go in there in three weeks, they're going to go, we need an x-ray. I said, I bet. This is how I am. And I go in there in three weeks, they're going to go, we need an x-ray. I said, I bet, this is how I am.

And I'm right 10 out of 9 times. Not 9 out of 10, 10 out of 9. They call me a pessimist. No, I'm a fucking realist. She gets mad at me. Can't you ever be, I go, why? Why would I ever be positive about, are you living on the same planet as me?

I hear you screaming in there at the Verizon people. What the fuck? You know what I mean? I fucking go, sure enough, I go in there yesterday. I'm not screaming in there at the Verizon people what the fuck what you know I mean I fucking sure enough I go in there yesterday I'm not even in the seat we got to get an extra you don't I said you don't and I explained her that they're very nice over there cute black chicks and then why do you have to bring that up Nick I'm just saying there's so much nicer than black people in New York that's all I'm saying New York the girl, the girl would push me in the chair. Go sit down, you dumb fuck.

And they're very nice. And I call. I said, could you get the doctor in here, please? And he goes, yeah, we don't. I said, doc, I just emailed him to you. You guys got back to me saying it's good to go. He goes, let me go check. He goes out of the room for, I don't know, five, ten minutes.

He goes, we can't. And I go, fine, fine. I go, look, I've been walking around like a hillbilly for six months. This thing could have been fixed. Fucking, we could have been halfway to a bone graft by now, whatever you're going to do. Seriously. Fucking move like Stephen Hawking in a snowstorm in this motherfucker.

I've used that one before at a roast. Anyways, I agree. I go, go ahead, fry my nuts. I'm not having kids. Do what you got to do. Shake them. Sure enough, man, I'm standing up at machine, biting on this thing, put my chin here, and this thing comes around. A 360.

You need a shot of my ass crack to fix my teeth. And then I'm sitting down. Dude, I was glowing when I left the fucking joint. You know, just what I said to my wife, I said, I told you. So I disagreed. I go, go ahead. I want to get a permanent thing in here. Whatever the fuck.

And they're really not. And the doctor looks like he's 11. I'm not shitting you. I go, dude. I call him dude. All the nurses are laughing. You call him dude? Is he Asian?

No, he's a red-headed guy. He looks like Conan O'Brien in freshman in high school. I like him. He's very nice about it. He said, I won't even charge you for the... I go, oh, you're a real trooper there. You're not going to charge me for something I already did for you? God, I hope he doesn't watch your show.

But they're very nice. Anyway, so folks, whatever. I don't know if you needed to hear that. Alec Baldwin, Breaking Nose. What are they charging him with? A manslaughter? Manslaughter, yeah. And the armorer.

That's charged. Not convicted yet. Right? Jeez, boy. What happened 10 years ago? It's really moving justice, doesn't it? Unbelievable. Yesterday, I ate six pounds of tabbouleh.

You know what tabbouleh is. You spend a lot of time with those dirty Middle Eastern people. Oh, I recorded it. I was on a three-way call with my Jewish manager and Tommy, who's my Italian agent and half-Jew, they got into it on the phone.

We recorded it. And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous. Now you get the hell out of here. And if that goomba tries any rough stuff, you tell him I ain't no band leader. No, you're not. You're the head of a CAA. Anyhow, Bruins last night against the Islanders,

a decent team. Not a great team, but they're supposed to be great. And they toyed with them in the first period. They were down 1-0. And I go, this is going to be a good game.

The Islanders look like they're on the game. Halfway through the fucking game, it looked like a pro team against a girls college team at UNH. I don't believe how good the Bruins,

I can't, I'm sorry folks, I can't stop talking about it. I listen to the feed from the other team's broadcast now instead of listening to... Because I love to hear them talking about it. They can't believe how good the Bruins are. The goalie, the Bruins goalie, Allmark,

he's 24-2 this year. 24-2. He leads in that. He leads in, I think, goals again. He leads in all three things. That's only happened once. Whatever the fuck. They have the second best record through 44 games.

They have 35 wins. Second best record in the history of the NHL. And that was only done by the 1929-30 Boston Bruins. Fucking insane. Nobody saw this coming. I know you guys can give a sweet fuck. All right, let me talk about Tulane's archery team. Couple of lesbians over there.

All right, that's about it. What's this say? I can't even read the last one. Bruins and I get W-O. Oh, my God. What does it even mean? Let's move on. I better get going.

I've said nothing. First story, Twitter trouble on the horizon, maybe. Business magnate Elon Musk, who purchased Twitter. Thanks for clearing that up. What do they get paid by the word, these fucking hacks? Here's Conan O'Brien looking up at the, what happened to my career? Where has he been? He really fell off the fucking Twitter last year, suggesting in a tweet on Wednesday

that President Joe Biden's administration might attempt to weaponize the federal government to target Twitter if President Donald Trump, former president, returns to the platform. I would believe that. I don't think it's right, but that sounds like Biden. You are correct, sir.

We will be interesting. It says we'll... Jesus, hold on. Can I get the cum out of my eye? Jesus Christ. We'll be interesting to see how the Biden administration reacts. There's a hair in my eye. You can't see it.

It looks like a... You know when a prisoner ties a bunch of sheets together? That's what I'm seeing right now. Reacts to the, Musk wrote when responding to a tweet about Trump potentially returning to Twitter and Facebook, they may try to weaponize federal agencies against Twitter. Twitter permanently suspended Trump in the wake of the January 6th, 2021 Capitol riot where no one on their side was killed. But since acquiring the company, Musk has reinstated many accounts

that have been previously banned, including Trump's. However, Trump has not posted any content since being reinstated. He's playing it cool. He knows what he's doing. NBC News reported that Trump's campaign is aiming to get the former president reinstated on Facebook. He was blocked from the platform in early 2021 by the left-winged fascist cocksuckers who don't

believe in free speech, yet the Taliban was still on there. So suck a dick and die, all of you, with the company later announcing that Trump's accounts would be suspended for a two-year period. But that period has fully passed. We believe that the ban on President Trump's account on Facebook has dramatically distorted and inhibited the public discourse, the campaign wrote in a letter to Meta. That's Facebook now. According to NBC News, must be true, which reported that the campaign asked for a meeting to discuss President Trump's prompt reinstatement to the platform.

The letter reportedly said that every day that President Trump's political voice remains silenced furthers an inappropriate interference in the American political and election process. I am your voice. The outlet pointed to anonymous sources to report that Trump could start using Twitter again. Trump is probably coming back to Twitter. It's just a question of how and when, a Republican said, according to NBC News. He's been talking about it for weeks, but Trump speaks for Trump. Exactly right. I don't want to talk to you.

Get away from me. So it's anyone's guess what he'll do or say when. The outlet reported that someone else said Trump had been seeking input about getting back on Twitter and that the campaign advisors had mulled possibilities for Trump's initial tweet. The billionaire business tycoon tweeted on Wednesday that the World Economic Forum is increasingly becoming

an unelected world government. Exactly right. That the people never ask for and don't want. Yes, sir. We played that yesterday. It's creepy. That is a creepy thing.

But what are they going to do? If Elon Musk says, yeah, I'm putting him back on, what do they come at you? How? What? Legally? I'm not sure how that works. But get ready folks and they're joking about it have you guys been watching any clips from the world economic

what a bunch of elitist assholes John Kerry literally literally referring to himself and the 10 people that they're like interterrestrial they're that bright and it's amazing that a small group of people like us oh my god

the arrogance is breath-fucking-taking. Oh, my God. So what are you going to do if they try to put them back on? And there was a lady of, I don't know from where, one of the European countries, real socialist twat, joking about how in their country, it was probably Canada, that they have, it might have been UK, whatever, they have actual laws against hate speech. You can get, you know, they arrest people. And she

was joking how it's probably coming to your, which it is. It'll be here. That's when the shit kicks off. If it doesn't, I give up on you people. Again, I'd get involved. I don't want to my Sunday's playoffs. What? It's my kid, not yours, is the headline. Connecticut State Rep Kevin Ryan has introduced a bill. Listen closely. Look at him. I said to Dallas, and I've said this before, doesn't he look like that business guy

when you're on an airplane on a long flight, you're waiting to use a bathroom, he's the one who comes out right after he dropped an a-bomb in there it's like mustard gas that could kill the curds doesn't he got that face i just took him i'll wait for the next one to open thank you i just took a big fucking morning business ceo dump after having the continental breakfast at the fucking embassy suites. It ekes through the last like five rows of the plane. Oh, fuck yeah.

You look back there, it looks like a gas leak. Babies are bleeding from their eyes. So anyways, he introduced a bill, this stupid cocksucker, that would enable kids age 12 and up to be vaccinated without parental permission. You're a crumb creep. What are you probably? We'll find out he's touching him later.

Again, that's just a guess. I didn't say you were a fat neck. Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives and General Assembly convened. in General Assembly convened, what does that even mean? That the general statutes be amended to allow a child 12 years of age or older to receive a vaccination with consent of such child's parent or guardian. The text of the measure reads. Those are your kids, folks, not mine. And why you wouldn't get in this guy's face or be down at town,

wherever these jerk-offs hide, and find him and go, really? Who the fuck do you think you are, man? You know what? There's not enough young people dropping dead yet, fast enough for them, I swear. They have vaccines for six-month-old babies now.

And you're an idiot. Met a couple in Kentucky at the bar after the show. I think I told you they had two girls and then they just had triplet. Three girls, triplet. They got five girls. And the mother's like,

I'm not, they're not getting vaccinated. She's like, there's no way. Then her wig fell off. She has cancer from some... No. No, she's,

her instincts are great in my opinion. Anyway, you, again, drunk on power. The Northeast has its own bubble, liberal bubble of stupid. You know what I mean? We're being, you got West Coast stupid, Northeast stupid. You know what I mean?

We still got the South and the Midwest. People still have their marbles, but it's closing in. State Rep. Holly Cheeseman. Sure it's Holly, it's not Henry? Look at that thing. That looks like the woman Shemp had to marry in 24 hours to get the inheritance. State Rep. Holly Cheeseman, but she's right, pushed back against the proposal, raising the prospect of a scenario in which a person's child experiences an adverse reaction. What if the kid experienced an adverse reaction to the shot, but the parent doesn't know what has happened to the child? You don't think that's a matter of time if you pass this shit?

How dare they? I don't know how you folks do it, man, but you better get on the stick. Mine isn't, again, I think it's a good way for these people to meet underage kids mine is there the mine is under the age of 18 and read at a 12th grade level like nick cannot be vaccinated by a health care provider without parental consent according to portal.ct.gov. Portal? What are they, trading kids? You hear little Billy Smith from Wallingford, Connecticut? He's going to Texas next year? You already signed with Ohio State?

But the proposal put forward by Ryan Wood, robbed parents of this authority. That ought to have you people steaming at this. Take a big step back and literally fuck your own face! That's what I want to hear tonight people steaming out there. Take a big step back and literally fuck your own face. That's what I want to hear tonight on NBC Nightly News.

Somebody telling this guy, look it, he looks like he'd enjoy watching a little league game with his cock in his hand. What? Who hasn't done that? Well, they play good defense. I get excited. COVID-19 vaccination has been a point of significant culture contention, including vaccination as it pertains to youth. While many parents have opted to have their kids get the jab because they hate their kids and hope they die,

the COVID-19 vaccine, others have chosen not to have their children get the shots. We call those good parents. Here's Bill, a young Bill Cosby, just picked a girl up at McDonald's and his wife is going here. Before we have dinner, take this, Aisha. Come on, Nick. What? The Centers for Disease Control, that'll be CDC, and Prevention recommends COVID-19 vaccination for people age six months and older. Sell those shots, baby. Sell that medicine. Make that money. It's kids.

I don't give a fuck about. No, they're ignorant. Oh, they is. Oh, they is. Oh, they is. Anyways, look at that. Bill Cosby goes, sit still. It just feels like a bee sting.

Jell-O. What's in this? What kind of medicine? It's Jell-O, pop, pudding, pop. Every time I see a kid getting a shot, I think of this comedian. A goddammit, I can number Tom Sullivan. Just a bland Irish name.

Tom Gilmore. His act never changed, but it was all these really fucking funny, sarcastic lines, you know? Yeah, I went to the doctor today. You know. He goes, remember you go to the doctor, you're like 10 years old, you're about to give me a shot, and they're like, oh, it just feels like a bee sting. Oh, a bee sting. In that case, give me one of the arm and the edge. CDC continues to recommend that everyone, do they really, age six, months of age and older, stay up to date with COVID-19 vaccinations.

This will keep Fauci in good scotch and cigars. This includes individuals who are currently eligible to receive an updated bivalent vaccine. What does that mean? According to the, bivalent, I guess. According to the, I say it like black people would, like police, like Bivalent. That's right. According to the government's agency. Again, you got kids in Connecticut going to school

and this jerk-off's trying that, man. You got to go to his house. I'll say it again. They're steamrolling us. They've thrown the Constitution out the window. Watch Gutfeld tonight, because his monologue, I don't know if I should say that, but his monologue will be about the CDC having to revamp. Even the lefties admit it. Anyhow.

Hey, boys, girls, anything in between, you know I love yous. I'll be back on the road again, working like a fucking 12 fucking 12 year old Vietnamese girl making sneakers for LeBron early next month here's where you can see me February 3rd and 4th the Grove Comedy Club, Lowell, Arkansas March 11th and 12th the Comedy Club of Kansas City, KC, Mizzou

April 21, 22, the Funny Bone St. Louis and St. Charles, Missouri May 12th, Hilton, Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort, Daytona Beach, Florida. You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com. Click on the 12 button. On the button.

I know, everybody's saying that now. Even the pilots, that's when I get nervous. What's that button do? Yeah, exactly. We'll be letting them run away and what what you say uh-uh I'd say a handful of people again with a mask on the plane it makes me irrationally angry and I know they know I know they know that we don't have the balls to confront them because they go, they don't know if I have cancer or not. I'm hoping you do.

How about that? Now I'm ahead of you. I don't know what that means. What the fuck? I don't want to ruin this polyester shirt from Hong Kong. I can't take it over again. You know what I did last night, though? I ate real healthy.

Tabouli, you know, not for an army of six, but tabouli with bulgur wheat, you know, which is, you could clean a Clydesdale's colon in six minutes with a teaspoon. I had three shovels worth. Fucking banging my head on the fucking bathroom ceiling, taking a dump as it was piling up. That's too much information, Nick. I know, but I have a bidet.

I made it myself. Well, it's a garden hose. Well, it's not even that. Remember slip and slide? That's what they should call a bidet, a slip and slide. Anyways, I'm like, well, I'm eating healthy. I'm doing good. Then I go, oh, fuck. You know why? I did, you know what, cardio. Sweat my balls off and lift it, and you lose salt and sugar. And that's why you crave it after.

Sure enough, man, I can hold it off for about three hours. Open a bag of croutons that you get. Dude, they're the best snack. It's better than a 20-year-old chili. Well, unless the guy's drunk. Listen. What? That was gay.

Dude, croutons. It's my favorite snack. Salt, crunch. And I'm lying to you because I ate a bag and a half I opened one that was already open but I wait till my wife goes to bed like if nobody sees me eating it doesn't count she even said that she goes what do you think, that fucking, that's dieting when nobody watches? I said, who asked you? Then I let her out of the cage. What? She's terrific. Anyways, let's move on.

I get tap dance at three. M&Ms, what does that mean? A model with size M cup boobs is opening up about how people treat her. That's all you need to know about this story. Opening up about how people treat her differently all around the world, calling out Americans in particular. Boy, life is tough.

Jasmine Day. Boy, that's a porn name. Oh, those are real. Those aren't fake. Those are natural. We can tell you were born with those. You silly, let me, I got a whole comment.

Why isn't she at my gym? Well, Nick, you don't go to a gym. You work out in the room next to your studio. Well, that's what I mean. Why isn't she here? You better lay off the peck deck. Look at me laughing at her.

Jasmine Day claims people stare at her and harass her over her large breasts. Oh, boy, you. Which is exactly what you wanted, honey, whether you don't. I'm trying to hold back my pen and read the article again. I'm trying to hold back my pen and read the article again. The 29-year-old from Wales told, excuse me, from Wales told news.com.au,

news.com.au, that people in the United States very openly react to her parents and are very forward about it. Yeah, sort of how he is. They will laugh and point or stop and stare. You know who they're talking about? You know who does that? People that don't have manners.

You know the fucking, you know who I'm talking about. They won't make an effort to hide what they are doing. You know what? God bless the people who do that, because that's what she wanted. They won't make an effort to hide what they're doing, she said. Why should they?

They won't make an effort to hide what they're doing, she said. Why should they? I feel like they forget I'm still a human being, which is the idea, honey. Just a human being with huge boobs. No. If you were born with those, I would agree with that. But you chose to do something that literally disfigured you. And you wanted the attention. Subconsciously, you don't realize it. I know something bad happened to you that you and you wanted the attention subconsciously you don't realize it

i know something bad happened to you that you need that type of attention i get because you're you're you're you with an with no boobs would be more attractive and this you're talking about a guy who likes tits like everybody else almost but look at But look at her. Look at her. She's stunning. And because, you know, I guarantee you, her fucking stepfather or somebody got 12 scotches in him and fucking attacked her in the shower one night with a fucking, you know what, that's right, a spatula. I don't know. Whatever. I guarantee you, it's every stripper. She's not even a stripper, I'm guessing, but it's every stripper's story. And you want this attention.

You don't think you do. It was back in the 80s when people started going to gyms, right, when it was first popular. Girls would come in with the, because of Jane Fonda, they'd come up with the bikini thing up their ass and you'd get caught looking at them. They're like, what are you, a pig? No, you're the fucking pig.

I'm just being me. I'm doing me. Then I'm going to do you. No, you're the fucking pig. I'm just being me. I'm doing me. Then I'm going to do you. They allege that people in the UK are just as judgmental,

though not as frank as those in the US. Look at how stupid. I literally thought she was pricing snow globes. Look at her face. Her tits ruin her. She doesn't, God, don't you want to get in her head and go, what could you be thinking? Maybe she has that,

you know how fat skinny girls look in the mirror and they see that they're fat and they really are? Why be so? We are more reserved in the UK. Oh, so they are less vocal, she said. They get a lot of, hey there, look at the fun bags of that pig.

She said, I get a lot of angry stares, mainly from other women. Again, what you wanted. Fucking bitch. The one place Day feels she can go without judgment is Australia. Of course, they get their 40 drinks in them before no time. Day went through surgery in 2018 and again in 2020 so she can have the body of her dreams. Apparently she has a lot of dreams about hot air ballooning.

Over fucking Denver. Prior to going under the knife, she was a natural D cup. Oh, my God. She had natural Ds. What in God's name? My dad had Cs and they were perfect. Her size and breasts now weigh almost 10 pounds combined. Combined.

combined. Combined. She says, I get it. How I look won't be to everyone's taste, and that's okay, she admitted. Then why are you talking about it? Go about your life. Get on your unicycle. I'm not going to ask you. You have to live your life for you and can't control what others say, but you can. And you're doing just that. You want to hear all kinds of remarks about your tits, whether you know it or not. Why don't you call me? I'll explain it to you. I'll meet you in a public restroom right under the Confederate statue.

Remember I was looking at Dallas. Well, you might produce it in last Sunday. I was looking at one, well you might produce it in last I was looking at one of the statues, Confederate this was when they were tearing down statues everywhere and I was looking at one here of a Confederate soldier and I hadn't looked at him in 10 seconds

and a pigeon landed on him and shit on him and I went oh my god they got the pigeons fucking brainwashed it was the weirdest timing. Oh, my God. That's it. A nice show on a, what's today? Thursday.

Thursday. Thursday. A Thursday. Don't forget cameo.com if you want a friend or relative or anybody to be roasted by me. As you know, I cut my teeth. It pisses me off when these young kids are on it. I know you're from the Comedy Center.

You don't know me from the three half hour specials I did that I took three years to develop and picked every word. You know me just from calling Lisa Lampanelli a big fat cock lover. Really pisses you off. I said that to Geraldo O'Farrill. He had me on a show. He had a show on Sundays

on Fox News a long time ago. Right after Geraldo died, he had me on. I think he had me on because he felt bad me and him getting a tiff the first day I met him. And yeah, he referred to Greg as an insult comment. And I said, dude, first of all,

it's not fair. The guy was a fucking brilliantly funny dude, you know And I said, dude, first of all, it's not fair. The guy was a fucking brilliantly funny dude, you know. I said, don't do it to him or me, or I'll knock that fucking lesbian mustache right off your face. No, he's a good guy. That's it, yeah, so go to cammy.com, and, you know, I can be nice. I'll say happy birthday to your parents,

or whatever, if you're still talking to them after the molestation. Or, you know, we roast. You tell me a little bit about the person. Please do it, will you? Think I can afford clothes like this? With that little extra cash? That's it for the week.

Except for you people, we'll see you in a few minutes, who pay monthly. You get that story I was telling you about, about the Cub Scout, the Pope, the soldier, and the fucking, you know what, the politician and the drag queen with the black guy. That's coming up.

You think it, I'll say it. Have a great weekend. You think it, I'll say it. And we'll see you back here on Monday. Hi. Good night, everybody. Thank you. guitar solo Yeah! Thanks for watching!