The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump vs Putin, Tough Crowd Diss??

Episode Date: July 16, 2018

On today's show: Trump vs Putin, Father of the Year, Tough Crowd Diss?

Welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen. How are you? It's a steamy Monday. Thank God the septic tank is empty. You know what I'm saying? Thought I had a piece of poop on my upper lip for about a month and a half. Well, as it happens when you live in the country. How are you? Good to be with you.

888-599-NICK 888-599-6425 is the phone number and uh let me get uh some business out of the way uh real quick shout outs these are the people that uh joined at the michael colone level the 30 level and we have over 70 of them or something like that crazy but i want to thank you so much they get 20 off merchandise and they get uh they get shout outs they get a free hat or t-shirt don't forget to include your size your fat fox or your skinny weaklings um and whatever else you're supposed to put in there. But shout-outs, Justin Powell. Thank you so much, Justin.

Adam Shamoon, my favorite name ever. Adam Shamoon. Joshua Smith. J.D. Binkley. Sounds like a porn star from the 70s. Tyler Van Natta. Devin Davis. Philip Paquta. Devin Davis. Philip Paquette.

Vince Jacobo. I thought I already read that one last week. Ray Borks Visor. That's what he put for a name. Ray Borks Visor. Guessing he's a Boston Bruins fan. Or Colorado Avalanche, but come on. He played with the Bruins,

became a Hall of Famer with the Bruins. Let's not kid ourselves. I also want to remind you guys, you can listen to this show. There's a Patreon app that I didn't realize, so keep that in mind. Tour dates for myself.

Tuesday, July 17th. That's tomorrow night, isn't it? No, it isn't. Is it? I think I'm looking at, yeah, Tuesday. What's tomorrow? That's not right, is it? No, I didn't think so. Village Underground.

That would be tomorrow night at 1010. And then this Wednesday, I'm at the Village Underground also. And then Wednesday, July 25th, the Fat Black Pussycat, which is part of the Village Underground. Saturday, July 28th, the Fat Black Pussycat. The Tuesday date, tomorrow night, 10, 10 p.m., Wednesday, 825. Saturday, July 28th, the Fat Black Pussycat. Friday, September 14th, one of my favorite gigs,

Arlington Draft House in Arlington, Virginia. That's where they sit in those big fucked up car seats. Saturday, September 15th, the Arlington Draft House. Friday, September 21st, the Orpheum Theater in Flagstaff, Arizona. That's right. I'm venturing outside my comfort zone into the skin cancer zone. It's going to dip down into the thousands. skin cancer zone it's going to dip down into the thousands and uh then on september 23rd which is a sunday night house of comedy in phoenix and there's a date in there the 22nd of september i'm doing

something else at a festival in the phoenix area don't have the details yet but uh anyways hey on the show tonight hopefully the the great Colin Quinn is going to call in, have a little beef with him, not with him particularly. The guy is as good as gold and he's done more for me than anybody, actually. So he'll be calling in at the bottom of the hour, as they say. How was your weekend, folks? What did you do? I went up to saratoga springs uh it was the wife's 50th birthday last weekend and you know we're busy putting this together shopping for this tie and the shitty shirt so anyways we celebrated our birthday this weekend uh booked some spa and resort the gideon putnam up in saratoga Springs. Beautiful fucking joint. Beautiful joint.

Dave Matthews Band was up there. They have like, it's called SPAC, Saratoga Performing Arts Center. 25,000 people. I don't give a shit. If he was in my hotel room, I would have kicked him out. I don't get it. You guys can explain to me. Look, he's a talented guy. I'm just saying he's not for me. I don't get it. And people were flocking. 25,000 people. And let me tell you, it was whiteness on display up there. You know, first of all, the way that people were dressing and shit. But I'm just saying it was so orderly. There was no track. 25,000 people. They were within probably a half mile of my room. Half mile, about an eighth of a mile from my room. Didn't hear anybody come in or out. Just orderly and, um, what are you trying to say, Nick? Well, it gets a little rowdy at other concerts. You know what I'm saying? But we could hear his shitty music from a distance.

And it just all sounded like, round of applause. I don't get it. And again, I'm not a musician and I'm not. The guys obviously got something that people love. I just don't fucking get it. I don't get it. But beautiful, beautiful place up there, man. And I booked a mineral bath for the wife because she only bathes like once every, I don't know, I'd say probably four or five weeks.

It really bothers me. No, I'm kidding. But, you know, Saratoga Springs and mineral water, this stuff, they found it in 18-something. People have been rinsing their asses in tubs up there, believing it can cure lepidus and cold sores and flat tires. It's like Humira. People believe in this shit. I kept reading about these secret...

People thought it could cure diseases and just... I believe it about as much as I do Avion. And they get that water, you know, from a mountain instead of a toilet in Paris. I really don't buy all that shit. Anyways, so she had a mineral bath. And then... God, that sounded like I was talking about my fucking cocker spaniel. And then we rinsed its face

and ass. That did sound pretty bad. Hey, say hi to the twinks. Give yourselves a shot out of there, twinks. Can you? Look at that. Look at that. A hundred and six pounds of muscle between them, folks. Jesus, Ryan.

Get some sun, will you? I noticed Jason's real shy off camera, but he can't wait to get on that fucking mic. Do you notice? What do you think? You're going to become big at the Westchester Mall there? Ding dong. And look at Ryan.

Nice complexion. What are you, working in a coal mine? Jesus H. I'm in this booth all day. What do you expect? All day. You get here at fucking 4 o'clock. You make Lily Munster look like B.B. King, for fuck's sake.

Get out in the sun. Look at that fucking inflection. Good looking kids though. I would kill to be their age. And they're very bright. And it makes me sick. But anyways, I book a massage for the wife. And I chose, they gave me a choice, male or female.

And I said male. That's, if I was getting one, I want a female. I don't want a guy rubbing my ass with his big Russian knuckles. And I'm sure she would want an opposite sex, wouldn't you? I don't know. Girls are different that way. But I booked a fella for her. And then after she told me about it, I'm a little upset.

I don't like what happened in there. You get to rub my wife's ass? You just met her. You gave her a fucking mineral bath and then you get to rub her ass. Took me like three months worth of red lobster dates to touch her ass. This guy's in there in six seconds. I mean, what is going on? Actually, it really doesn't bother me.

Kind of turns me on. And I said, I asked my wife about the massage after. And I go, you get turned on? She goes, just when I'm laying on my stomach and he's pushing it like the top of the crack of my ass because it's rubbing your private parts against the table. Well, isn't that nice? I hope they rinse that table once every six months. But what if the guy looked like a young Elvis or a Rick Springfield? I'm guessing shit would have went on.

I'd be disappointed if it didn't. Makes for great stories, don't it? But I always thought about that. Same with the gynecologists. That cracks me. But then I thought, you know, my wife's a good looking woman. But for every woman that comes in that looks like my wife, you know, this guy gets like a, you know a hillary type

broad in their 60s a shitty pantsuit with an ass like an 18 wheeler and they have to rub that so i guess it all balances out in the end but same with gynecologists you know guys we have to date women for how many months before you get in there these these fucking doctors put some uh candy corn on a dish in the waiting room, and they're in like Flint. I mean, Jesus H., I don't mean to be overly jealous here, but it kind of bothered me, so I booked myself a massage. Not at a spa resort.

This is at a place. It's above a pizza place in Ardsley. A couple of Korean girls. One of them's missing her right hand, somebody told me, but I'm in there, and I'm going to let her rub my ass and see what happens. It's all true, folks. Did I tell you Colin Quinn might call in? Get a little beep with him.

About Skankfest. I think it's Luis Gomez's project. They call me every year, and for two or three years I've had something going on, so I said no, but get this. They had a little tough crowd reunion without me. I was told by Quinn. We'll get to that in a few, in a few. But my feelings are fucking hurt.

Yes, we'll get to Putin. And what's his name? Trump. They had their big meeting in Helsinki. And I can't even defend Trump on this. I can and I can't. Some parts I can, I can't. parts I can I can't but I'll tell you my take uh on that but before I go any further it's the break in Major League Baseball and um

look I'm from Boston folks so bear with me for the next few minutes we only have the best record any team's ever had before the all-star break or the most wins and yes I realize the all-star game has been pushed a little deeper into the season this year, but that doesn't matter. It's the best start, first half of a season the Boston Red Sox have ever had. And they've been around since 1156 BC. I couldn't be proud of these bats. Chris Sale is starting the All-Star game for the third year in a row.

And I've been watching them religiously, as you would think. And Yankees fans, watch out. I say that kind of kiddingly because we went into Yankee Stadium a couple weeks ago and we got slapped around pretty good. They still make me nervous with that lineup. But we're four and a half games ahead of them. We left Yankee Stadium. We swept the Nats.

We swept Kansas City. Took three out of four from Toronto. I mean, frightening shit. Bogarts is having. Let's play a little clip of my boy Xander Bogarts. He's from the islands. He's our shortstop. And I think he hit a grand salami to end it all the other night.

We got that, fellas? Pull that up. J.D. at first. Swing and a high fly center field. It's deep enough. Oh, goodness gracious. And this ball is good. Oh! And the flagpole.

One-buff grand slams. My aching stem. That's been the type of year. I give you guys the beginning points and the cutoff points. Could you follow them, please? No, you can't edit them, right? So you just stop it right there. All right.

That's on me. Ryan's looking at me with that 106-pound frame like, I will fuck you up if you pick on my clips again. Jesus, who dressed me? Somebody out of a Rodney Dangerfield movie. Anyways, oh, I dressed myself. But, oh, my God. I'm just telling you, they have great pitching,

except for David Price. He's a little iffy. But they have great pitching. They got a great bullpen. And they have a frightening offense. And the numbers prove all. J.D. Martinez, my wife wants to bang this guy. Every time he comes up to bat,

which she doesn't care about baseball, but all of a sudden, she's laser-focused. She's out in the yard cutting the grass. She runs in. I mean, he is a handsome bastard, too. Makes me kind of sick. This guy's numbers, what's he got? 28 or 29 gomers

at the halfway point? 80 ribbies? Are you dog-styling me? Are you dog-styling me? Are you dog-styling me? MVP, I say. 6.94 winning percentage. That's almost 70, okay, for you people who can't do math. Anyways, I had to brag about them a little. If this isn't the year, but you know how baseball is, 4 out of 7.

You have one bad game, and you're out. Baseball is out of seven. You have one bad game and you're out. Baseball is kind of weird. I think it should be the best 20 out of 29 or some shit like that. But best team, I've been watching since I was a kid. This is the best team, most well-rounded Sox team ever, I think. What's that? You got some of his stats? Go ahead.

I'm going to pull up some of his stats. These kids. You're going to pull them up or you're going to tell me? Just going to tell you. Okay, what are they? I got them off my phone. He's batting.328. Batting.328.

He's got 80 ribbies. 80 ribbies at the halfway mark. 29 homers. 29 bombs. But he's leading the league in RBIs, tied for first in home runs. Tied for first in home runs with a guy from Cleveland. Leads the league in RBIs, tied for first in home runs. Tied for first in home runs with a guy from Cleveland. Leads the league in RBIs. Got a lead in slugging.

Got a lead in pussy at local bars. I mean, this guy does it all. He does it all. You know how they tell you? This is how good the Sox are. You know how they tell you when you're having sex with a woman, if you don't want to cum too fast, you're supposed to think of baseball. I tried that the other night.

The Sox are so good, I came in three seconds. It's a true story, ladies and gentlemen. I don't know who the broad was. 888-599-6425. God, I hate these glasses. Lasix, here I come. 888-599-6425. God, I hate being blind

let's take a call or two shall we Barbara in North Carolina anytime you get a woman from I call it a southern state they wear those big hats when they go to horse races and they make grits I love them

Barbara how are you welcome to the show Bobby oh that's my job. I keep telling... I used to have Fury on the radio do it. I was too lazy. Barbara, how are you? Welcome to the show. Barbara? Damn you, Barbara. Are you there? Going once, going twice. See you. Let's go to Nathan in Connecticut. Oh, Nathan in Connecticut? Is this the Nathan from my Sirius radio show? I hope so.

Nathan. Nathan. Yes, it's... Yes, hello, Nick. How are you, my friend? Oh, my God. Long time no speak. Yes.

Oh, wow. Well, you know, it's really a great you know I just learned about that you you show you have a new show and I'm calling to congratulate you on your maiden voyage well I thank you go ahead now you're welcome I think it's great. I was wondering how you made out since, well, two very, it seems to me, two very substantial things have happened. You left the other show that I used to speak to you on and enjoyed, and you also had an unfortunate, from what I learned, an unfortunate incident with a young woman who decided to lay a haymaker on you. Don't tell me you didn't laugh your ass off, Nathan.

I know your politics. And when you heard that, you must have had a good—we got the picture on the screen there. You must have had a good belly laugh when you heard I got sucker punched by a girl who, let's be honest, votes like you, psycho leftist. No, no, no. Well, first of all, I don't condone violence at any level, regardless of my political sway. No, no, no. It is good to see that your brand of comedic vitriol has transferred over to your subterranean lair. You always did have a way with words.

Are you still folding sweaters at the mall, Nathan? Well, I am. Much like yourself, I was unfortunately lifted. See, Nick, I used to work at Macy's, if you recall. Yeah. And what happened was they downsized, and I did not have tenure as I was only there for four or four and a half years. So, unfortunately, much like yourself, I landed on my feet, and I'm working in JCPenney's in the same mall. Good for you, Nathan.

Many people think that JCPenney's is on the way out, but they think you're very good. I wonder what gives them that idea. I've walked by 11 JCPenney's that had duct tape across the front window. No, no, no. They had a very good... And do you know, Nick, that JCPenney's, I actually enjoy working there a lot more. They have a much more well-stocked and substantial break room.

Yeah. And I have some issues with my feet, and they have a much more extensive medical plan with many more podiatrists to choose from. So I'm happy about that. And I'm sorry. It's wonderful, frankly, to hear you speak again. frankly, to hear you speak again.

And even though I don't agree with your screaming right-handed conservative views in many ways, I'm sure, knowing that you have such a substantial fan base, that you are a caravan of opinion operators. You're starting to bore the shit out of me in the college at home. I can tell. We've got to keep this pithy. Nathan, I'm glad you landed on your feet. Likewise, Nick. And I'll try to keep it pithy next time I call. I wish you the best.

You swarthy separators. All the best to you. Same here, buddy. All right. That's why people go, I don't know if she'd take call us or not sometimes let's keep to the topic i should have asked him he's from connecticut if he's a socks fan or a uh you know uh fucking uh red socks fan but uh either way i can't help folks people like the this is a place i try to give voice to the downtrodden. But that was Nathan.

Guy was tremendous on. Let me bring up. All right, let's go to. I'm going to get the tough crowd in a second. But let's go to Pelosi and Putin and Trump. And the lefties have their pants in a bunch. I can understand a little bit, but it was so awkward. Putin and, you know, Trump met in Helsinki today. Let's pull up the beginning.

It was like an awkward first date. It was just quiet. And then Trump finally said something to break the silence. Can we pull that up, Trump and Putin? And it was just weird. This is how quiet it was. Just standing there and it's like, I'm a foot and a half taller than this little fucking KGB prick. I hope he doesn't have stuff of me pissing on somebody or whatnot.

Have a seat, why don't you? And look at, look how uncomfortable. Trump's trying to hide his tie because it's a foot too fucking long. Look at, are you going to fuck me? Kiss me now. What are you going to fucking do? And then, look, you talk for us now. Then Trump spoke.

I'm smart. Not like everybody says. Like, no, I'm smart and I want the sticks. All right. You can cut that it was so goddamn weird and creepy um and look i don't uh i i don't uh i don't agree with uh the way trump handled it today totally i understand where he's coming from because, you know, he's got everybody in the media in this country say he wouldn't have won unless he had Russian interference, which is totally horrible. By the way, the Russian interference literally mounted to a couple hundred thousand dollars in ads on Facebook. And even people on the left, on both sides of the aisle, say it didn't affect the outcome. So that's why he's so defensive.

But he did get a little, I don't know, he showed me a little bit of a lack of balls. left on both sides of the aisle. So it didn't affect the outcome. So that's why he's so defensive. But he did get a little, I don't know, he showed me a little bit of a lack of balls. Then Nancy Pelosi, of course, she had to tweet. And I think this was before the meeting even took place. I don't know what time it was today, 1126. Yeah, I think it was before. It might not but house democrat leader old leather nipples nancy pelosi suggested the kremlin is blackmailing trump boy that's a fucking

new thought suggesting russia has something against the president as uh the two world leaders met in in helsinki she tweeted this every single day i find myself asking, where am I? Are those my tits? What do the Russians have on Trump personally, financially and politically? The answer to that question is that only thing that explains his behavior and his refusal to stand up to Putin. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt. Every time I play her, that's all I can think of. Then we had Democrat Senator, oh, Jeff Merkley of Oregon, which is a little to the left of San Francisco,

also told BuzzFeed on Monday, it's likely the Russians have a P-tape or a similar allegation detailed in the unverified dossier compiled by British spy Christopher Steele about Trump during the 2016 election let me ask you something Senator Merkley you dumb fucking

dick wouldn't that have come out before the election the PP tape if they wanted to make sure Hillary was a shoe in, wouldn't they have released, they released the Hollywood access tape. Him admitting he liked to grab pussy the same way Hillary does. But wouldn't they have released it then?

If they have this shit, are they going to hold it on him for his whole, his whole presidency? Maybe that's your fucking theory. But you know, that that's that's Oregon. Oh, retard alert. Retard alert. I don't like this senator. You're a wormy cocksucker. You know that?

I don't like him whatsoever. But. Yeah, so they met and Putin, Putin and Trump. Yeah, so they met and Putin and Trump, you know, Trump sort of endorsed Putin's denial that he meddled in the elections. But we know they meddled in the elections. You know how we know that? Because both countries, almost all powerful countries, meddled in elections. There's actually statistics that I heard that the United States from 1946 to the year 2000, there's evidence of them meddling in over 80 elections and Russia 30-something. So this has been going on forever. Did you say Colin Quinn's on the phone?

Okay, Colin's on the set of Crashing, so we have to take this call right now. Colin, how are you? I appreciate it. I know you're on the set of Crashing, and you're probably in the green room. You're in the green room snorting coke with Artie. I'm in the middle of talking about Putin but i'm gonna switch gears folks we'll get back to putin and and trump in a second but i talked to colin almost every morning and we talked today on the phone and he says um did rebecca call you about you know the the tough

crowd reunion we did last night and obviously not at skank which I explained earlier, they call me all the time. I've been busy like two years in a row and said no. I didn't say that with animus. But I'm going to be honest, Quinn, I'm a little hurt that nobody, not just Rebecca, everybody on the show, nobody let me know that you guys were doing a little tough crowd reunion in Brooklyn, in Greenpoint, and I've got to be honest, my feelings are fucking hurt, the two feelings I have.

I wouldn't blame you. I wouldn't blame you. Except the only one that I said yes to Rebecca at lunch on Friday. She asked me on Friday. We had lunch. I was doing Skankfest anyway. She goes, would you do like a quick

Tough Crowds secret show? I go, sure. And right away I said, ask Nick, Norton, Bobby, Keith, Voss. I forget. That was it, basically. And then so none of them found out until they were all on the show. So Norton and Bobby or Norton and Voss found out yesterday while they were on the show. Do you want to stop it into a tough crowd? So it was kind of an informal thing.

So it wasn't a planned thing, except me. By Friday, I knew. And I should call you, but I didn't call you myself. But you can blame me for that, I guess. But, you know. Which I am. Which I am. I told them to call.

I know. But I didn't call anybody else either. Well, look, I gave you a break. I didn't call them all. I gave you a break because, look, you've got a bad heart and shit. You've been through a lot. No, it was more than that. I gave a great explanation.

My explanation right now is so good that it sounds like a lie. That's how pure I come off on this one. You understand? That's how good it was. I just thought, look. I just covered every base, and I wasn't lying for once. You said about me once, about Tough Crowd, and you said, I'm quoting you, it was you or my dad.

Nick's the one that, he's the straw that stirs the drink. Did you say that? I didn't use that expression, but you definitely. I think you said me and patrice actually i'm giving you a hard time you and patrice are the guys that yeah that never uh yeah yeah but anyway so it was just one of those it was really i mean they asked norton and also keith last night because they happen to be there so it wasn't like a setup thing it was just she asked me if i would do it i said yeah why yeah, why not? We're there. We're there anyway.

How the fuck does Voss... Anybody think of him before me? Now you're changing the argument. No, he's there. I'm just saying. What do you mean he's there? What do you mean he was sleeping at the venue? Well, basically, he did like six shows this weekend.

Where? Oh, at Rebecca's place? At Skankfest. Oh. No, at Skankfest. Okay, well. Skankfest is a big comedy festival now. How big?

Pretty big. I mean, there's like this giant venue venue there's like four shows going from like one in the afternoon till two in the morning okay how many people call it's like in each i mean hundreds a couple of i'm sure over the weekend there was a few thousand oh terrific well now we'll start saying yes but they would call me and rebecca didn't call me rebecca this is on you I know I turned down I did the well she was busy yeah I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck you're talking tough crowd but and it was like I said they I know but they asked Norton and whoever it was maybe Kate

they asked them at the venue last night an hour two hours before the show so it's not like everyone's going hey we're planning a tough crowd reunion well i'm it wasn't like that i'm gonna have to call the i'm the only one and i i apologize for my oh bullshit that's all right hold you but i didn't call anybody all the shit you've done look you put me on tough crowd in the first place but i'm calling keith robinson at the daycare center or the nursery where a lot of good that did you no i'm calling him i said to find out through his interpreter. I said, I said, God damn, it did just fine. Just fine. I sold six t-shirts this week, so don't

fucking bust my balls. Okay, so I just want to bust your chops about when I hang up from you, I know you're on the set of Crashing, another show they've asked me to do nine times, and I'm like, oh, Judd Apatow is involved. And you know what? Fuck him.

Anyways, I'm going to play a clip from the last Tough Crowd after we hang up with you. A clip. It's the last episode where you went around and asked us what our futures were going to be. You asked my opinion of what the end. Right. And I remember. I know. Unfortunately, I was actually pretty prescient on my predictions, but, uh, you know what I mean? I know.

But, uh, all right, Quinny. Uh, so how's, what's going on at crashing? What are you playing? I heard you're playing a jaded cocktail waitress. Yeah, I'm playing a, I'm playing a young open mic. They got me a wig. What do do you what do they have you doing um it's a flashback to the 80s i have a piano tie and a mullet no um i'm playing i think just playing myself just at the table sitting there you're playing with yourself at the table what

the fuck hope those napkins well, but no, I'm playing myself. Yeah, I know. Watch the hummus the next couple of days. Don't touch the hummus for the next two days. Hey, the hummus has some grease on the top. Hey, that's fine. I know. That's like Louie had me play myself and Horace and Pete,

you pretty much played yourself. We have some range. They just don't realize it. Yeah. Remember Dennis Miller's joke? Got the range of a Daisy air rifle. Yeah, and I had a better one than him. What was it?

At the Pam Anderson roast, talking about her acting. I said she had the range of... What did you say? She had the emotional range of Terri Schiavo. That was a woman that was... That was a woman that was being kept alive. I know. The two twinks, my two producers, they're like 17 years old. They're laughing their balls off.

Apparently, they know who Terry Shibo is. Holy Christ. All right, Quinny, I'll let you go. You can't Google everything. You tell Artie I love her man and and and tell rebecca she better watch her she better watch her back uh no no no i'm kidding all right bye-bye the great colin quinn gotta love him he's on the set of crashing which is shot down what isn't shot at the comedy cellar everything but uh making Middle Eastern food, that movie.

But he took time out of his busy day. Let's go to some footage of the last Tough Crowd episode. We can go back and forth, you know. You can do a close-up of somebody a little bit. Ryan's like, for Christ's sake, make up your mind. Let me set this up. This is the last episode of Tough Crowd. And Colin went around and asked us,

Nick, what do you see that this, Jim's future? What do you see, Geraldo? And, you know, vice versa. So obviously I'm playing when he asked me what these guys' futures were after Tough Crowd. And this is what I said. Any words? Well, the two black guys don't have a future, obviously.

They never do. Because of their high mortality rate? Exactly. All the fat in there. I just want to make sure. Terrible diets, purple cherry soda, Doritos. They'll be gone in a few years. The gunshots and the projects.

Norton will be the only guy in the 21st century to die of some type of chlamydia. And Geraldo, you you know he went to law school he'll he'll go back oh this punk you know what am i a punk you know what and you know why he's a sucker man this dude is a sucker man he just played himself tell me he just said he just said i'm gonna die some type of heart attack he gonna die everybody gonna be dead yeah except for good old prepared Geronimo. Because Geronimo's got a show coming on. You ass-kissing, greasy ass.

That's like Greg's speak. Greg's the only one who's in an uncomfortable position right now. Because he loves his show. But today on USA Today, they had a whole big thing on him and some other shows on the network. So he's in this weird position where, you know, kind of like oh man this is weird you know greg greg what's that did you show me to janet he's sitting right next to you greg and that's the essence and i feel bad because i was like i said prescient that means you can predict the future or a prophet.

You know, saying that about Patrice and I was almost too accurate with that. So Norton better be very nervous. I know he hasn't been celibate for the last few years. So but that show needs to come back. People have been clamoring forever. What camera is supposed to be looking into? No, one. It's the closer.

Not that I'm... Imagine I'm in a six-foot room. We have two cameras. But yeah, so tough crowd. The world needs it more than ever. People loved it because it went against the fucking grain. And it's been off the air almost 10 years. And believe it or not,

the world's even got more politically correct. And, you know, it wouldn't be the same without Geraldo and Patrice. It would not. But I got to tell you, my feelings are a little hurt. But now I feel a little better that Colin explained that

was kind of an impromptu get-together. But Rebecca... Rebecca probably didn't call me because I haven't done the creaking cave in forever. I'll be honest with you, folks. I'm not, you know, I have some of the shit coming to me. I'm just saying that much. Back to Trump and Putin.

And let me give you my theory on everybody's up in the panties and a bunch because Putin denied meddling in the elections and Trump. And this this bothered me, too. Look, he's not a politician. Obviously, I think we've noticed that he refused to accuse Putin and Russia of interfering in the U.S. election. And asked directly if he believed Putin or his own intelligence community, which concluded that the Russians were behind the hacking and other interference. The president did not directly answer. He said, I have great confidence in my intelligence people, but I will tell you that President Putin was extremely strong and powerful in his denial today. Don't you wish your girlfriend was like that?

When you're out drinking and you're messing around with my best friend, and then you deny it, and she's like, well, he was extremely powerful in his denial. So I so I believe him. But I mean, come on, Trump, you got to do better than that. Trump then said he saw no reason why Russia would interfere in America's elections, which, you know. Shut up. Shut, shut, shut. We know they meddle. Shut up. But I have a theory about this.

This is Trump is getting his political advice. He's taking the advice of everything goes back to the Godfather. I know. He's taking the advice of Vito Corleone, who once told his son, Michael, new people who signed up for the Michael table appreciate that. This is his political philosophy. My father taught me many things here. He taught me in this room.

He taught me, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. And there it is. Lefties who are shitting their pants. You know, I'm going to kick out of the fucking line. You want to go to war with Russia now. They're the fucking enemy.

But meanwhile, during the Romney-Obama debates, remember the question who was our biggest geopolitical foe? Romney said Russia, and then jerkoff and chief at the time obama the biggest disgrace ever uh the the 80s called and they want their foreign policy but everybody laughed at romney and shit and now the left wants to go to war with russia they're they they uh you know obama who sent 150 billion in cash to Iran on a wooden pallet. Okay, 150 billion to the biggest supporter of terrorism around the world. He blocked the, they wanted to put defense missiles in Poland.

He blocked that. And by the way, Crimea was fucking stolen by Putin under Obama's fucking nose. But now you want to go to war with Russia. Come on. Stop it, Patton Oswald. Stop it, fucking Rosie O'Donnell. You people are just fucking blinded.

Blinded. And again, Trump could have handled that better. He should have just smirked at Putin when he denied it. You don't have to endorse his denying. But there's people coming out now saying they must have something on him. You know, I think we would have known by now. Don't you think so?

And then you have clips of obama saying right before his election uh like a town hall some woman said are you gonna promise he's not gonna be rigged and there's no way there's no way anybody who thinks that in this day and age this was before he was elected uh that this thing could be rigged um that's just silly it doesn't happen today blah blah blah so stop you fucking there's all kinds of clip making you look like ass fucks. But Trump, for a deal, man, I think he was nervous on the big stage. But I'm telling you, if they have footage of him watching two whores peeing, it would have been out by now. We could have got it.

It would have went viral. Whatever. Let's go to Mark in Bridgewater. Mark, what's going on? Hey, Nick, how's it going? What's happening, buddy? Just so you know, I love the clip of

Tough Crowd, but I couldn't hear it when I was online. I was on hold. hold so okay what it's worth just you know all right we're working on it again we're trying to do tv in 1950 here so i know i appreciate it you're doing a great job but i i want to ask you about this so the trump putin thing yeah and uh i've been following this, and I'm watching the aftermath, and basically Trump is getting slammed. Of course.

Yeah, it was horrendous. Let me ask you this, Nick. What happened to the concept of keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Well, Mark, I just... Isn't that what Trump is doing? Mark, I just played the clip. Maybe you couldn't hear that one either. I couldn't hear it.

Oh, when we had you, Mark, we had you on hold. I just played that clip like four minutes ago. That exact clip. All right. Because that's what I thought. All right. But yeah, so you're kind of on point there. But I didn't like the way, he could have handled it better.

He almost, like I said, endorsed Putin's denial. He could have just, he should have looked at him and rolled his eyes, whatever. But I really believe, I mean, the guy, you know, for Christ's sake, this is this notion of that Trump, you know, that Putin has something on him. I'm having trouble buying it. Look, Putin is an asshole. I'm having trouble buying it. Look, Putin is an asshole. I think we all know that. But Trump is

the best guy to deal with him, I think. No, he is. That's my opinion. No, you're right. It's asshole against asshole. I mean, Putin, you say he calls him an asshole. That's an understatement. He poisons journalists and shit. So that's an understatement. But you can journalists and shit, so that's an understatement. But you can't, but if you're trying to

fuck a broad, right, if you're trying to fuck a broad that you've been trying to, you want to fuck, you treat her nicely, do you not? You pretend you really like her, and then you fuck her and say bye-bye. Well, you know, I've tried to fuck many broads and I've not had much success, but yeah. Well, that's the

hair lip. I'll follow trump's rule no but you make a good point and then again of course the left is going to bash him and shit but uh hey thanks so much mark it's all even on thank you nick i'll talk to you soon i appreciate you sticking to the topic all right buddy um hey can we did we have talk to me do we have trouble with the audio of the tough crowd? No, the audio is fine, but when people are on hold, all they can hear is your mic. No, but he sounded like he was talking about he was watching it. No?

No, he said when he was on hold. Oh, did he say that? Yeah. I don't pay attention. Yeah, it's the same deal with the Godfather. That's why I had a 2.4. I can play it again. In business administration. Now they're getting fucking wise.

That's why I love these guys. They've been here a week, and they're busting my balls into a fine powder i didn't he said that when he was on hold he didn't yeah he said he was on hold well why would he say that if you can't hear the show in your home why would he expect to hear that i think he was hearing your mic too oh i see i i don't know so you figured oh this must be the entire look this whole thing is built on legos folks i i don't know fucking I get two kids, 11 and 14 years old in there. And they're doing a pretty good job. I mean, they grew up on this shit. Which means they're all going to have brain

cancer and tit cancer and neck cancer from their phones and their computers. They'll be blind in another six years. I had pretty good eyesight until these goddamn iPhones came out. I think I already have reading glasses. Ironically, iPhones. I know. Jason has reading glasses.

He looks like De Niro at the end of Casino. Remember? I could always make him a handicap. He's got the glasses of Joe Paterno like he's going to weld a trailer hitch. There you go. You didn't have to do that. It's funny when they didn't know they weren't as thick as I was describing. You know, you got the glasses of...

You ever see the movie Falling Down with Michael douglas don't think i have you haven't that's uh required it's about an angry white guy like myself trying to get home from work in la on a hot steamy day running into uh illegals and all kinds of horseshit if you haven't seen it you're right but i'm running it down but those are the glasses he's wearing oh for the love of so So anyways, back to. Again, the left losing their fucking mind. If you want to call Rosie O'Donnell even relevant. See, Patton Oswalt, he's a smart guy.

But I go on. I click on these on their Twitter and they sound like fucking children. Honest to God. Just fucking children. Trump also praised the Russian strongmanman what's he a fucking wrestler uh for offering to help special counsel robert muller's team investigate the well-documented russian meddling uh that's where trump fucking you know i was like so in quotes this is trump and what he did is an incredible offer everything's incredible even when he's talking about a foe.

And what he did is an incredible offer. He offered to have the people working on the case come and work with their investigators. I think that's an incredible offer, he said. Now I can't even defend him at that point. Really? So Putin's going to put his people on the case to see whether they were meddling in the election or not? Is that what he's saying? Fellas, help me out. Am I reading that wrong? That's like when Ted Kennedy drowned that broad.

You know, we'll put Robert Kennedy in charge of what happened. This is fucking silly. I think. But that was the most awkward, just so fucking awkward. They have to do something else when two heavy hitters like that in the world meet.

They can't just sit in chairs and shit. I don't know. We have to break the tension. They should come out, I don't know, We have to break the tension. They should come out, I don't know, in bathing suits or something. They should sit by a pool in bathing suits.

Trump's got his Miss America experience. What does that mean, Jason? Might be able to pull together some stuff. Like what, Jason? Make it a spectacle. A pageant. That was some comedic input. Go ahead, Jason. I'm with you, i'm okay no i know you're with me i'm trying to think how the pageant works and yeah i guess yeah they could have done something anyways but i'm just

saying trump did fumble it a bit i'm i'm just saying he's he fumbled unless he's doing the video quality only and it's true yeah if you I said, if you want to fuck abroad, you got to keep buying drinks and doing small talk, right? Not that it makes any sense. Let's go to Colin in San Francisco. Buddy Colin. Colin, welcome to the show. How are you? Are you standing on knee deep in human shit?

It's fucking disgusting It's very difficult to live in the city and I am liberal and I love the fact that you speak your mind you're from the Barry Crimmins mentality

and my heart goes out to you I think that's a compliment I'm not sure but thank you mentality and my heart goes out to you. I think that's a compliment. I'm not sure. You are important. Nah, but you're important to whatever these fucking liberals say out here.

Do you know they fucking now have outlawed menthol cigarettes in San Francisco? At an 80% vote? Wait a Francisco. Now, wait a minute. At an 80% vote. Wait a, now hold on a second. Now, that sort of goes against what everything Libs believe in,

because you know who loves menthol cigarettes, don't you? Exactly. People of color. They're getting rid of the black kids. They're getting rid of them out of here. Oh, wait a minute, so that makes sense. No, I was wrong, so that makes sense that they're trying to ban them because they know. Oh, wait a minute. So that makes sense. No, I was wrong. So that makes sense that they're trying to ban them because they know it's going to hurt young black kids.

Yeah, exactly. But how about like the city thinks they're all like all control and everything. Fuck them. I can't believe what's happening. Colin, I used to go out there in the 90s. Like I said, the punchline would have me out there twice a year i spent almost five six weeks doing the comedy competition i was never more in love with the city even when i went back i wouldn't stay in my hotel room i'd go wander into chinatown at two in the morning get drunk by myself i never enjoyed a city more so it breaks

my heart to see what these fucking bleeding heart goo gobblers have done to your beautiful... It is beautiful. It's the most physically beautiful place. It is. It's beautiful. I live right next to Court Tower. Are you kidding me? I live right in the Italian neighborhood.

You fucking get me? Like, I love it. Like... I'm just sorry for what they're doing. White people don't even realize they're doing it. 80% voted to get rid of menthol cigarettes. They don't even know black kids. They don't have a black friend.

Are you fucking kidding me? But was that, hold on, hold on. Was that their reasoning? Of course they hid their reasoning. Their reasoning was... No, no. They put it behind a flavoring in the menthol cigarette or whatever for the vapors. Yeah, e-cigarettes.

They put the whole... You know, it disgusts me. It makes me... I am liberal. I love listening to you. But I don't know how long I can be liberal when I see things like this. Well, you got to wake up. You got to wake up.

There's something called hashtag hashtag walk away. Google it. And you got to wake up to the truth. And it's not just San Francisco. Detroit, Baltimore, Atlanta. Look at all the cities that have been run by the libs. It's a fucking sewer. Thank you, Colin, for the call. I gotta move on. They're doing the same thing everywhere.

They are. They're moving the black kids out. And they're not... Anything... Like, they don't even care. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. I don't know. Thank you, Colin. It's true, Right. It's disgusting. I don't know. Thank you, Colin. It's true, man. That city, oh my God.

I've never been to a more physically beautiful and conventions aren't... Eventually, they'll... Once it starts hitting them in the pocketbook, I guess. But I've seen story after story this year about how businesses are canceling conventions in San Francisco. There's literally...

There's tents and human shit. I don't mind a little dog shit, cat shit, bird shit, but let's keep it to animals. And there's needles, there's dirty needles, and, you know, you can look this shit up. It's not just people on the right making this stuff up. I mean, I call it like I see them, folks. You know, people go, well, you should play both sides.

You should play right down the middle. Well, I will. When both sides make sense to me, I'll play it down the middle. But right now, one side is fucking retarded. We got some audio of, I got some audio of... I got some audio of Putin talking to Trump. Comrade, here is something that might be of interest to you. A transcript of the conversation between your helicopter pilot and his commander.

We intercepted Dragonfly Wolf 10. Colorful names. Here we are. We have them in sight. And the reply, abort the operation immediately. That was from one of the Rambo movies. Most over-the-top Russian bad guy I've ever... Abort the mission immediately.

But yeah, okay. So yeah, Trump was a little too much kissy-assy-assy-assy for a guy who, you know, comes across as the fucking tycoon. But like, if he's trying to keep his enemies close, he, you know... But let's not pretend... You told me, keep your friends close but your enemies closer yes my dad taught me that that's why i watch the yankees every night anyways let's move on to the final story you know i'm sick of hearing how great uh

new york city which it's a great city it's, but it's not the greatest city in the world. It hasn't been for a long time, okay? It's just, if you read the police blotter or whatever in the New York Post, every day there's just, I said it on my serious radio show of the year. It's just, I can't imagine being from you know the middle of the country and coming here and witnessing shit that we see i shouldn't say we haven't taken the subway forever but um this was uh this happened back in june but the the footage just came out uh today uh police are searching for a man with a stroller who was wanted for threatening passengers on a manh a stroller who was wanted for threatening

passengers on a Manhattan subway. The disturbing encounter all started when a father on the train, father in quotes, FTC, the footage was sitting with his four year old daughter and wife and observe the suspect hit his crying baby. The man identified as Robson then told the suspect, you shouldn't do that.

And that's rule number one that i learned quickly after i walked in you don't ever you mind your business in new york you can get away with it in other cities albany buffalo toronto new york you mind your fucking business because mental illness is on fire um the man who saw the guy hit his kid said, you shouldn't do that. And this is quoting the eyewitness. He hit his child on the arm because it was silent at that time. So everybody could hear the noise. He hit the child so hard.

Robeson said, sources said the suspect then told Robeson to worry about his own kid, saying, come do something, I'll kill you. I want to do something. We got a couple of quick clips of the actual incident. I promise you that I will kill you on this train. I promise you. Because he's my son and I can do that. It is an unsettling moment captured on the subway recorded by a passenger threatened

on an E train. Watch as this suspect pushing a baby stroller argues with the man recording it. Eventually he pulls out a knife, even holds open the train doors, his mouth still running. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on here, bro. Grabbing his dick. Come out here, bro. Come out here, bro. He's grabbing his dick and has a knife in his hand. Okay? And the sad part of this whole story is

that kid doesn't have a chance in the stroller or whoever he slapped. Kid doesn't have a chance. And you know who else is to blame? Whatever woman fucking opened their legs for this fucking thug. They never get any of the blame. You know?

You're going to tell me he was a nice guy when you met him? I mean, Jesus Christ. And they should have an IQ thing. I really, I know this sounds fascistic, but this cuts across all races. You should have an IQ test before you can fucking have kids that's planned parenthood that will be planning yeah i mean uh fucking aisha want to have kids

okay let's check your iq well you have the iq of a fucking cum court so we're gonna say no and that cuts across all fucking i mean you know but this is new york city in the subway yeah you know people you stick your nose the guy's grabbing his dick while he's holding the knife could you be more of a fucking stereotype jesus christ probably on drug and their poor kid does not have a chance you want me to believe this guy's going to get help and get straightened out? Police say then the suspect then said, it will be okay. Your daddy will get killed on this train. Expletive.

The suspect kept the train car doors open and displayed a knife before spitting into the train car. He also reportedly called his own son a fuck. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. Well, this particular fella, yeah. But it's not an isolated incident, okay? You read about this in the papers every day.

Shit like this. Or online, you see the... I mean... We really are mentally ill as a society, are we not? But he's grabbing his dick. What's that about?

Like it's... You're not macho enough with your knife out? You gotta fucking grab your cock? What is that? This poor guy just said you shouldn't do that. Bet she doesn't do that again. Let's go to the phone, shall we?

Mike in Queens. I always liked Queens. I lived in Queens for a while. Mike, what's going on? Welcome to the show, pal. Hey, what's up? No, Nick. I used to go on to your show before.

Mike Price, you know, on Twitter. Yes. Mike Price with the, like, yeah, with, like, the Nike logo. No, I'm saying about the video. You have to understand that these guys think that, you know, like, you know, because they holler, they scream, like, we're going to guys think that, you know, like, you know, because they holler, they scream like we're going to be scared about, you know, when they start with that, throwing out that N-word and, yo, what are you going to do? Like that they, you know, scare, run your pockets that they're going to scare somebody with that. Like not everybody's scared about that.

No, you know, people when they do stuff like that, like you, I know that wouldn't faze you at all. I've spoken up a couple times on the train. And one time, you know, the second time I did it, I thought I was going to lose my fucking head. But are you saying that this guy was right to step in and say, hey, don't do that to your kid? Well, the only clip I've seen of the video is this kid, you know, grabbing his nuts and doing, which is all the guys that I went to high school with and everything like that. Like, they try that loud, like, yo, what are you going to do?

Yo, what's up, man? Run your pockets. That doesn't work for everybody, okay? Like, the same way that fat black chick who jumped all over Doug Stanhope that night. Oh, I ain't going to get some nigga over here, you know, talking like that. Like, that doesn't faze me, you know. But some people get scared. Hold on.

All right, but hold on. Hold on. You're talking about two different things. That's when, yeah, I've seen guys getting loud on the subway and fucking threat, whatever. This guy already had the knife out. Are you going to tell me you would have continued to try to challenge this guy even after his weapon's out? The black guy with the red shirt, he had a knife out? Are you?

What are you watching, Gilligan's Island on the phone? I didn't know. I didn't know. No, I'm watching you live. I don't see him. I see him like in the subway doors over there. And, you know, it's like in prison. It's called dry.

All right. Let me put it in perspective. Let me give you the whole story real quick. He was with his little kid, and he cracked the little kid because the kid wasn't behaving or whatever. He slapped him so loud that the eyewitness said the whole train could hear it. So the eyewitness said, dude, you shouldn't do that to you, to your kid. And then this guy went fucking haywire. Oh, sorry, jump in.

Yeah. And this guy pulled out a knife. So I'm just saying, look, cops, I have a lot of cop friends. And the most the most dangerous call they take is what? Domestic violence calls when there's a fight between a couple. You know, that's when the cops are in most danger when they respond to a domestic violence call. So I'm saying if you see something on the street, report it. But you are taking, I'm just saying, I'm using common street sense.

You're taking your life into your hands. If I saw the guy beating a kid to death, I'm going to jump in. But, you know, report it or whatever. Right, right, right. I'm just saying. I didn't get the whole story. I apologize. No, I hear you.

I thought it was just like this guy, the way they jump out. I'm sorry. I didn't get the whole story. I see him in the door, and what I was saying before, it's like a thing that they do in jail or everything like that. It's called dry snitching. You go by a wall, and you start talking loud. You're like, oh oh yeah, Nick, you

want to fight? Yeah, you want to do it just to get attention brought to you so it doesn't happen. I've watched enough lock-up episodes that I know exactly what you're talking about. Hey, thanks for the call. Good hearing from you, Mike. Guys, you can... Oh, I'm back. All right.

All right. Take care. See you, Mike. Let's take one more. Love you, Nick. Same here'm back. All right. All right. Take it easy. See you, Mike. Let's take one more. Love you, Nick. Same here, Mike. Take it easy, buddy. Colton wants to talk about Tough Crowd. Colton, what's going on? Nick.

Nick, how you doing? Good. How you doing? Thanks for having me on. I appreciate it. You got it. Yeah, I saw you back in Somerville a fucking while ago with Andy Fiore. It was a great time, great time.

But yeah, anyway, I wanted to talk about one of the greatest lines. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Somerville, Mass? Yeah, yeah. Was it Somerville, Mass, or was it? No. Could have been another place. I saw you twice in the past year. Arlington, probably. Arlington, Mass?

Arlington. That was it. That was it. Yes. Yes. Yep. Go ahead, Colt. Very funny. Very funny. A couple of ladies actually walked out behind me as soon as you started talking about Trump. It was ridiculous. As soon as I started talking about Trump you mean i was saying i was saying positive shit about trump not not negative yes you were saying positive shit about trump and they just started fucking talking to each other jab slapping at the gums and they were like yeah let's get out

of here they walked out i couldn't believe it yeah that's more open-minded uh massachusetts suburban women they're just like the women of philly my home state has gone to fucking pot but uh real quickly you have the last call, you want to make a tough crowd statement? Yes, yes. It was an episode. It was five people. I believe it was you, Bobby Kelly, Kevin Hart, Patrice.

You, Bobby Kelly, Kevin Hart, Patrice, and Pat Cooper, I believe. Maybe there were six. I think Norton was there. But Pat Cooper was up at the front conducting instead of Colin Quinn. And once he started rambling, Patrice and Kevin Hart both escorted him back to the dugout. And you followed up with a perfect line that said, Well, Pat, now you know what your future is going to look like in about five years.

That's right. Fucking hilarious. That was what I meant was the two black orderlies helping an old white guy. Because that's what it's like. I've been at the nursing. Yes, exactly. Colton, all right. I forgot I even said that.

I'm glad you brought that back, fella. Yes, sir. Thank you for having me on. I appreciate it. Love the show. And I will get out of here since you want to end it. I appreciate it, buddy. Thanks, Colt.

That's a fan. He came out to Arlington, Mass. Nice theater. I appreciate it, buddy. Thanks, Colt. That's a fan. He came out to Arlington, Mass. Nice theater. I mean, that was the Nick is Right tour, which is Arlington's beautiful suburb. I think it was Arlington. God help me. It was something with the Ingon. Arlington, I want to believe.

But nice, beautiful. Some nice towns in Massachusetts, but very, very liberal. But only two broads walked out, and they were heavyset. I'm sure there was a snack bar in the lobby. Nick, why do you have to say that? I don't know. Why not? I think we have covered it all.

Don't forget the Patreon app. You can listen there. And this is the free show today. I'll explain it one more time. For people who are severely retarded on social media, it's really fucking easy. If you're at the Fredo 11 for $7, the Fredo level, you get two free shows and a premium show. The Monday and Wednesday are free, and the Tuesday would be a premium. If it's the Sunny level, the $15 level, you're going to get the two free ones and the two premium ones.

And if you're at the Michael Corleone, you get all four. With sunny, too, you get a break on merchandising. And then at the sunny level, you get all four shows, a free hat, a T-shirt, and almost like 20% off merchandise. It's really easy. I've been trying to explain. You know, me dealing on Twitter, and I love my Twitter followers. Hey, do you notice Twitter purged a bunch of accounts?

I read that article. I teased it last week. Yeah, because there's tens of millions of accounts they purge because they were fake accounts and bots and whatnot. So they said in this article last week, be prepared to lose followers because a lot of people buy their followers and they you know of course not me i wouldn't even know how to do that so i lost a

couple thousand down back to 102 whatever but i saw some people go from you know 250 000 to 11 so kind of inflating this shit but um i don't know how i got off in that rant anyways i'm just trying to explain to people and be nice on twitter but they get so fucking snarky but it me trying to deal with people on social media reaffirmed that i made the correct decision and not having children and that uh wasn't by choice i playing softball, bad hop caught me in the groin area. That's baloney. Anyways, that is it, folks, for today. Again, thank you for joining in.

My dates are on the floor. I'm going to hit them one more time. Come over here. Tomorrow, the Village Underground. Again, that's tomorrow, Tuesday. Then Wednesday, The Village Underground. And then Wednesday, July 25th, The Fat Black Pussycat. Saturday, July 28th, The Fat Black Pussycat.

Friday, September 14th and 15th, Arlington Draft House in Arlington, Virginia. Friday, September 21st, the Orpheum Theater in Flagstaff, Arizona. Doing a private gig the night before that. And then Sunday, the 23rd, I'm being Phoenix at the House of Comedy. And that Saturday, sandwiched in between those gigs, I'm somewhere out there. I will let you know as soon as possible. Go to nickdip.com to watch the show, listen to it. I thank you guys for your support.

The first week was overwhelming with subscriptions. I can't thank you enough. Thank you to the Twinks. That's it. Remember, you think it, I'll say it. You're welcome. Good night, America. We'll be right back.