The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Winning In Cabinet | Nick Di Paolo Show #1650

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Don Jr. on Nick, Weary Geary, Trump's Cabinet and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! SEE NICK LIVE: 2/20/2025 -- Bricktown Comedy Club – Tulsa, OK TIX:  https://www.nickdip.com/tour  For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

Avrion certo il langorino! Ovviamente non panino! No, no, no! Un boccone ricco di gusto! Si conosco il posto giusto! Siam d'accordo, su, su, via! Tutti alla piadineria! È tornata la solare! Con crudo e stracciatella!

Aggiungi salsa mango, black pepper and black pepper. You will love every bite! The Piadineria, the best one! Kiss my ass. Hi folks, welcome to the big show on a filthy Tuesday out of the state of Georgia. Good to be with you in the news today. Got some funny shit? I don't know. You know how I've been avoiding bread? I'm like a fucking bitch with this shit. But I have to. This job isn't conducive to moving around.

I'll be sitting on a plane or in a hotel room or at my fucking desk at home or on the couch. And it's just not conducive. I mean I force myself to work out a couple times a week. But most of my life, and I'm having a hard time, room or at my fucking desk at home or on the couch. And it's just not conducive. I mean, I force myself to work out a couple times a week. But most of my life, and I'm half Italian, as you know, and I'm fucking avoiding bread and pizza like it's AIDS, I just got sick of it last night. So I ate two croissants. And you're like, ooh, big deal.

I'm not done yet. I just ate two. My wife eats all that shit. Like Dutfeld says, it's about accessibility. When I lived by myself as a bachelor, I never had any food. You open my fridge, bottle of vodka, jar of pickles, some mustard.

I could get through a month with that. But now, and the wife has a metabolism of a fucking hummingbird who smokes meth. And she just fucking sits in front of me rubbing it in. And I go, I don't understand why you don't have pizza and pasta four times a day. I would be doing that. So I'm so sick of it.

And last night, I'm like, Jesus Christ. I worked hard. I'm fucking flying all over. I ate the two croissants. Then I ate two popsicles. And then I went back in after she went to bed. I grabbed It's about a third of a loaf of Italian bread left. I Left it in the bag brought it in sat on the couch and ripped pieces out of it. I mean a chunk of bread like this

It's probably the equivalent of eating like two large subs bread wise I was just Fucking sitting there watching the Dolphins fucking beat up on you know who Rams who of course I had in the pool boy did I embarrass myself I think a six-year-old retarded girl won the pool this week she picked the she picked the pretty colors on the hockey team she wanted. And I am stinking it up. Although I could get like a 13, this is how the pool works. But I could get a 13 and the guy up top could get a 4 this way, hopefully. But the guys at the top seem to be getting 9s and 11s all year. So I don't know why that's, I won the whole thing once, that's all you need to know.

But so depressing. So I don't know why that's I won the whole thing once it's all you need to know but um so depressing I Told you yesterday when I got home Sunday every time I flipped the channel something bad was happening to the team I had Same thing last night. I'm watching King of Tulsa, which you should King of Tulsa King. I always say King of Tulsa. What the fuck? Yeah, he's Arab Yes, he's yeah Tulsa King and it's guys you gotta watch it the the writings predictable

And you know, it's a little cheeky whatever but it's it's like a fun show people are loving it I mean it's getting great numbers you know it's the mob New York mob with Stallone going against rednecks in Tulsa it's fucking how can that not be fun and it's just what you think it is it's a little over the top but it's easy to follow and Stallone is just this charming and you're watching him and half the time you you lose the plot line because you're studying Stallone's face going what the fuck he's just his cheeks are all puffed out his mouth crooked fucking uh jeez i hope he's not watching because he does follow me remember on instagram sly you're the best what i'm saying is i've been watching it religiously and it's a i fucking love it it's just fun I yeah some of the writing is very predictable but it's just good fun what was I talking about

something about Monday Night Football that's what I was saying I yeah I kill time you guys know I don't watch sports in real time I haven't for years so I you know I'll watch a couple of King of Tulsa's Tulsa Kings and then I you know I flipped at a game and sure enough I see like first thing I put on I see a fucking a dolphin doing a sweep you haven't seen running since 1960 for about 40. Anyways, enough of my yappity dappity. Did I say I didn't show you guys a clip of Seinfeld talking about me on Tom Popper's podcast did I? Well show I'll bring that clip in in a day or two. This is called blow your own horn week for Nick DiPaolo. But somebody sent this my wife said come in here I want to show you something. And I'm like, what did I do? Did I fucking leave mud in the kitchen? I've actually been

known to go out in the backyard to take the trash out in the alley and I come back and I track dog shit through the house. You've got me spying this. Fucking unbelievable. Anyway, she says, take a look at that. I think you're going to like this. And she had a smirk on her face I think I was thinking it was gonna be whatever and she found Don Jr. Talking about yours truly And and and just a full disclosure. I had him on this show a couple times when he was promoting books

Probably gonna get him back Anyways, this is him on his show on rumumble. Oh, let me say this real quick. I know you guys are a little confused out there that, you know, used to get my show on Mug Club and you're wondering where to go after the first half is over. And they are working on that. This shit happens very fast, but Gerald Crowder, all the brain trusts there and Rumble are working on it. Eventually, these are going to be a, I know right now you're like, where's the second,

where do I get the second half of the show eventually there's going to be a rumble button they're telling me on my page it'll send you to so like I said before crowdest thing got bought up by rumble his channel and anyways I know right now it's in flux but they're working on it as we speak and I'll bring it up again in the show. Here's Don Jr. on his podcast today talking about me or yesterday. I don't know. Nick DePaulo for press secretary. I was on with Nick DePaulo and Crowder on election night, although I had a crappy cell

phone reception. I don't know if it was Secret Service or whatever it was trying to get through, but Nick DePaulo is great. I mean, he's one of the funniest guys out there. I would pay good money to see Nick DiPaolo's press secretary if only for a few minutes. Great guy. He actually gave me one of the great compliments I ever received in my life.

He showed up to one of my rallies back in, I think it was 20 maybe, it was, yeah, I think it was 20 maybe. And I didn't even know he was gonna be there. And I did my thing, 45 minute speech, and he pulled me aside. He was like, hey Don, I'm Nick DePaulo. I was like, oh my God, you're like the comedian,

Nick DePaulo. We were hanging out, it was before he was on TV as much, so I definitely knew the name from listening to him for years. He's like, man, I'm glad I don't have to follow you. You had great comedic timing. And I was like, whoa, that's one of the great compliments in my life.

So I was super psyched about that. Great guy. I was on with him the other night. Super funny. Total wild man, which is great. All right. Thank you, Don Jr. I'm this close to the fucking White House. Banging on the door.

They won't let me in. They're like, ah, ah, ah, we saw the Artie Lang roast. I just want some cheese. Saw the Artie Lang roast. Stay right where some cheese. Saw the Artie Lang roast. Stay right where you are. You can stay on the steps, but this is far as you go. Don Jr., thank you. I got a feeling we will have him on the show. We had him on twice before when he was promoting books, so we'll get him. I'll probably be on Rumble at that point and you'll all get to see it or whatever.

So I thought that was pretty good. You know Mr. DiPaolo, I'm really proud of you. Come on, between that I got a clip of Seinfeld saying Nick DiPaolo gave me the best joke any comedian's ever given me. And he tells the joke on Papa and he told me that when I gave it to him I ran into him a week later in LA he told me he goes that's the best joke in my act right now and he still feels the same way and I know he wasn't bullshitting because he used it I probably said this on the show before but he used it on Letterman I saw him in his sitcom you know he does stand up at the beginning he used it

there and and somewhere else I can't remember so I was very proud of that I'll pull that one we'll do it Thursday yeah sure all right let's get to it I think I came on myself that's enough yeah you got to say it into the mic too you got to say you would have just hit it you would have just hit a... That would have been a home run in 28 parks. But what you do... You turn them into a long single.

It's like one of those line drives up the Green Monster. Everybody's like, this thing's going a mile! And it ends up a single. Avrion certo l'angorino! Ovviamente no panino! No, no, no! And it ends up a single. The Piadineria is back with raw and striped to this yesterday but I thought it was indicative of what what the fucking left has done in this country. Where Gary cops quit an entire city's leadership has crumbled after the failure of political leaders to meet the police department's needs its former chief said the entire Gary Police Department in Oklahoma including chief Alicia Ford resigned on Halloween. City council members Rocky Colvin and Christy Miller, sounds

just like a stripper, resigned shortly afterward as Fox 25 Oklahoma City first reported. Mayor Waylon Aptego, I'm guessing Hispanic, yeah? Then resigned. The mayor resigned. The Wontonga Republican reported that. I get that every day my friend steps that one time now you know so they said you know what by by ford said uh... she had gone to up jago in the city council requesting their help to

address the overworked and understaffed police department plus budget cuts that had recently impacted pay and bonuses for offices on top of us some other administrative issues. Nobody stepped up, she said, according to the former police chief. They cut the jail. They cut our dispatch, and that puts strain on us. But we found we went to another agency, and they have done an excellent in accommodating

us with that dispatch, Ford explained. The mayor consistently refused to keep his word when it came to basic needs of equipment and the safety issues within our department. Yeah, why would you want to treat the people that are, you know, putting their necks on the live and protecting you every day? Why would you want to not give them? We talked about the budget cuts that cause hardships for these officers and myself that were unnecessary. Ford gave the mayor and city council a month's notice to address the police department's concerns saying that if needs were not met, they would resign. They even offered city leaders a timeline. And then we followed through with our timeline, Ford said.

So you know what? Good for you good for everybody that's fucking beautiful what the fuck I was looking at an interim chief has since taken over and his name is bump Phillips Brian Erlich an interim chief has since taken over the Gary Police Department and residents are still able to make 9-11 calls. 9-1-1. I always fuck that up.

It's 9-1-1. You don't... I always say that when I'm talking about the towers. I've referred to it as 9-1-1. And I go, fuck you people, it looks like two ones. He dyslexic? Honestly, might be. Because I get fooled on shit like that that you can twist.

I always, my parents said it's just retardation. My father pushed me off the bassinet when I was about 11 months old. Hit the corner of a fucking coffee table. He didn't give a shit. That's not funny. People could probably die that way. All right, let's get to the big-ass shit. First of all, Trump has the last laugh with female chief of staff. When Donald Trump took the stage in West Palm Beach, Florida, to claim victory in last week's presidential election.

He called his campaign manager, Suzy Wiles, out from behind a row of his relatives to thank her. He made her the first female chief of staff ever. Oh, you know, that's burning the tits off the Democrats. Mr. Sexist, Mr. Hitler, he's appointing women and minorities, you know, I'll get to rubbing it in your face the left, he's everything you want to be. The people who voted for him, all that diversity you pretend to love, he's getting it all, because they can tell he's authentic and you're all full of fucking shit. Here is a bit about who Suzy Wiles is.

Donald Trump has made campaign co-chair Suzy Wiles his incoming White House Chief of Staff. This makes Wiles the first woman to step into the powerful role. So who is she? Wiles has been in politics since the 1970s, but with this role she moves from being largely behind the scenes to the president's close advisor and counsel. Wiles had stints in Ronald Reagan's campaign, but most of her experience was in Florida. For example, she's credited with helping businessman Rick Scott win the governor's office. Pause.

Okay, that's good, but I'm not a big fan of him. I think he's a snake in the grass too, I could be wrong good oh boy I did a shit job of picking that clip excuse me he also appointed but so she's chief of staff why would she do that well I don't know she ran this campaign you think she did a good job it wasn't a home run it was a grand fucking slam a grand slam walk off bottom of the night down by pocket three and it's clear that he listened to her that's exactly right

that's exactly right i don't think is a democrat guy fucking assholes you see on the Democrat side always going women get there anything man they don't they walk they don't walk the walk they yep the yap for the votes can you imagine how much smarter and more more qualified to be the president of the United States than she was in Kamala Harris just let that sink through she was in charge of the biggest camp the most important campaign,

arguably in the history of this country. And she smoked it. God, I'm sounding like a feminist. But it's true. I mean, my fucking wife's the same way. She'd run circles around me with this shit, you know. I can't help it. When I was 25, I made a decision to tell dick jokes at midnight. Anyways, the President's son likes it. He also appointed a couple of New Yorkers to his cabinet yesterday, Lee Zeldin, who I like. Lee Zeldin, remember he ran for mayor.

Mayor or governor of New York? Huh? I think it was mayor, too. And he should have won. Yeah, and they put Adams instead and this guy did pretty well actually for before beat running in New York City and Guthrie has Monaco you know once or twice a month and he's fun he's got a great sense of humor smart as a whip as Jews are I think he's Jewish I know Lee Zeldin as

head of the EPA that's the environmental protection agency I forget why he's qualified for that but anyways I'm why he's qualified for that, but anyways, I'm glad he's in there. And my girl who initially when Trump was looking to pick a vice president nominee, Elise Stefanik was my first choice because she always had his back during COVID and all that other horse shit. She was always on TV defending him. I think she's Staten Island.

It's tough as nails. she was always on tv defending him i think she's statin island stuff is nails uh... least a panic a very pro israel choice to be ambassador to the u n smart see he knows what he's doing now he was a novice when he came in the first time but he's surrounded by great people uh... i guess he is in a massage is this is what i said i don't think he's a massage in this after all said no one in the

idiotic mainstream media You know are you learning anything from this? No, you're not They were already out there bashing and fucking haven't learned a goddamn thing. Where the fuck are my sound drops? They disappear I'm gonna let you watch me put them in I need I need a witness Goddamnit. So yes damn it so yes those are the those are the picks also I don't know if this confirmed but when I went to bed last night it said Marco Rubio was this far from being Secretary of State he'll be the first Hispanic Secretary of State Wow what a racist Hitler is you guys on

the left oh by the way let me just throw this in I read Joy Reid's show was down 69% Morning Joe 40% They took a fucking beating in the ratings last night or the day I mean cratering Lawrence O'Donnell the most pompous jerk off on at 11 o'clock. These people are irrelevant Anyways, this shows a cratering. You know why we have a new media it's called x-slash-twitter You're finished

America finally woke up. I thought they would do it when I started comedy at 88 it took fucking I was a little off 37 years So anyways Oh Christy gnome head of Homeland Security Secretary. Hopefully there'll be some dogs running wild, and she'll put them down like you read about in Dog Weekly.

So he's picking people. First of all, another chick. And I knew she was going to have a, I'm just saying this, and I mean this as a compliment trump he's a pussy but they can he takes the beautiful his lawyer abba she's a supermodel but she's smart as the fucking she's pretty

noam is a governor he knows what the fuck he's done skies he's you have there and at least if Stefanik is a killer. I mean, again, folks, I'll say it one time real quick. I already mentioned. Those of you guys, I guess you're on rumble now. I think Mug Club is dissolved.

And like I said, you're probably looking for a way to get to the second half of my show. And like I said, they're going to straighten that out within days, I'm told. So we know where to send you. So don't, I'm just saying be patient. This thing's happened so quick. Anyways. And that's about all I have to say about Rumble.

I'll keep you abreast of what's going on. And also I will go to nickdip.com to see my one lonely tour date in FET, which is enough for me right now. After that week, oh, fucking. February 20th, that's of 2025. Brick Town Comedy Club, Tulsa, the April mention Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Be there, or be a queer, be there, be there. Also second half of the show a shocking display of anti-christian sentiment coming out of the UK you know same mocking Christianity and only people questioning now have you done that the Muslims are they're finally asking questions I was asking 20 years ago on tough crowd and pointing out the triple standards.

We'll tell you about that in detail. Hi, good night everybody. I'm hungry Oh Thanks for watching!