The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump's Crazy Offer Not So Crazy | The Nick DiPaolo Show #1951

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about Trump At RNC, Kirk's Assassination Anniversary, Blacks Being Black, Iran's New Toys, Furry Fatigue and Barry Melrose Gone! Don't sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% off with code NICKDIP at http://takeultra.com #UltraPouches #ad WATCH THE FULL SHOW LIVE & FREE at 6pm ET only on Rumble! https://rumble.com/thenickdipaoloshow/ TOUR DATES, SOCIALS, PERSONAL VIDEOS, STREAM ALL MY COMEDY SPECIALS! https://www.nickdip.com/ MERCH - GRAB A MUG, TSHIRT, HOODIE, STICKERS AND MORE! https://shop.nickdip.com/

He described himself as a person who hates Christianity, says that God is transgender. He called the American flag a complicated symbol of hate, claimed that the Ten Commandments are a form of fascism, and when he was asked what he loved most in the world, he said, I love transgender children, which, you know, he was also somebody that hated eating meat. Talk about Tel-RICO. He ran a campaign to beat meat.

He called it beat meat. I don't know what the hell he meant by the... These people are going to tell me what the hell is he wants to beat meat. But it was bad for his image, so he started eating meat. And he recently... It's getting worse. I'm getting myself in trouble. It's getting worse.

But he was recently seen having a barbecue and eating a lot. But that's what happened. He ate it, and then he was seen running backstage to a room and throwing up all over the place. He doesn't like meat. He also loved wearing masks and he was seen wearing a mask just a short number of months ago. Any guy in Texas that's wearing a mask a few months ago, this is not going to be your senator. It's not going to work out. Not going to work out. So getting back, freedom-loving patriots of Texas are going to defeat Talefrico and elect Ken Paxson to protect the loan stars.

He was talking about that far left idiot running against Paxon, Tala Rico, or whatever. I mean, just, and that's all true, everything he just said. And as Gutfeld said, we don't deserve Trump. And this is the other thing, folks. Everybody wants to be a comedian. I've said this. Everybody loves to think that everybody thinks they're funny. Whether it's my dentist, as soon as I tell my doctors my whole life, they start, you know,

some of them are corny and trying to tell me a joke. Others just start acting differently and start making wisecrack. It's so funny and I want to go, you're a surgeon, or you're a fucking cop, or you're a, it's so funny to me. The power of making people laugh. I did it because I couldn't do anything else. I mean, if I had the brains to be a doctor, I'm pretty sure I would have went down.

I would have been a funny doctor. He hates meat. He sounds like he's got a throat. He hates. me. Beech his man. I don't know what that. I swear to God, somebody's writing this shit.

Probably Don Jr. I don't know. He's a big comedy fan. But they're like, he will say this. And he will, and he does it. Like, I can't even explain it. I mean, if he tried to be funny, get laughs the way he says,

like, if he was, if you use that delivery to comedy club, it wouldn't work. But it's a president saying it's, and he stumbles over it. It makes it even funny. It's your president. And can you imagine people looking at him going, he's just lowbrow idiot?

That's all you need to know about the left. They don't have a sense of humor. And that's all I need to know about anybody. And I don't want to know you. Don't want to fucking know you. Don't want to smell you. So, yeah, that was him last night in Dallas. again, not in my producer's ass, just in the city.

And doing a kind of a, you know, this is the beauty of this administration. They're doing kind of a, you know, a midterm convention. And very, very interesting. Anyways, welcome. If you're watching on some other platform and you want to watch my full show, just click the link in the description below. All full episodes of my show are always streaming live at 6 p.m. and for free on Rumble.

And if you want it, ad free, join Rumble premium. And obviously today I'll be talking about what we just showed you. Went down last night in Dallas. And by the way, our buddy Alex Stein was covering it. So next week, you will see him on Tuesday talking. We interviewed him before he went. But I'm just saying he was talking about what he thought he was going to do there. And if he's still alive is what we, you know.

We'll talk about what went on last night in Dallas. And there was a few surprises, some stuff that Trump promised and some people that showed up on camera there. It was pretty cool. Excuse me. And also, today's the first anniversary of Charlie Kirk's death. So we can't just skip over that. also we got blacks being black in New York what does that mean Nick you know what it means

you know they're singing and dancing and winning championships I'm kidding folks I'm talking about street assholes I know they're in every race I'm just saying some of them make the headlines more than others also I'll be talking about Iran has a new missile that they think they're going to scare us with this one's made of Legos and putty you know. And another death that made me very sad. If you're a hockey fan, you know what I'm talking about.

Barry Melrose, he was a, no more for his TV after his career on ESPN and SportsCenter. They gave him his own segment. He was the guy with a mullet, a real Canadian, and loved hockey, sort of like the John Madden of hockey. And he was diagnosed with Parkinson's like two, three years ago, and he quit immediately, you know, quit broadcasting. thinking stuff. That's how he knew it was serious. He passed away yesterday. Very sad. Gretzky, all these people love this guy. Matter of fact, he coached

Gretzky. The guy I'd never coached before ends up coaching the L.A. Kings in the early 90s with Gretzky on it. Takes them all the way to the finals. They lost, but they took them all the way to the final. I mean, just made me very sad. All the people I like. Meanwhile, fucking Keith Oberman

still sitting in his fucking reclinus here in upstate New York, wherever they're jerk office. Why couldn't he have a stroke tonight? You know why? You got to have a brain to have a stroke. Don't you? Anyways, here's Trump last night in Dallas addressing a packed house. I sort of gave this one a generic lead-in because I can't remember what I put there. But here he is. Or somebody. 55 days, Americans will be going to the polls in one of the most important elections in our country's history. Your vote will decide whether our country stumbles at the starting gate of the next 250 years or surges forward and never ever looks back. If we hand America's future to the radical

left Democrats and our nation will spend the next decade just getting back on its feet, it will be a tragedy. Vote Republican and we will leave the world in our dust. For generations to come, there'll be nothing like it. We're right at that game. I gotta believe, that was two videos, right? Yeah. Oh, there's another one. I was busy trying to drink out of an empty coffee cup.

Open this one up for him. Get me off the screen so I can spill shit on myself. The choice in this election is very, very simple. Democrats are asking you to vote for their failed far-left agendas. It's never worked. That destroyed your. finances and delivered you four years of disaster, bedlam and death under Sleepy Joe Biden. Pause. You don't have to boo people. When he makes a statement like that, see, it's sort of rhetorical.

We know you don't have to boo. Do you understand? Then you just confuse shit. They're like, who, why are they born trying to shut the fuck up. We all hate Biden. That's what he meant. We know. The average American, just a fucking, go ahead. And I'm asking you to let us finish the job we began with the greatest two years in the history of the presidency. I've got to agree with that.

We have no memory in that. But I also believe that we're going to, this is why I told you, I'm so cynical about elections and shit. There's no way. After all the shit he's done and what he's done and taken a bull, and all that. There's just no way there's enough people who are pro-socialist, pro-conc.

There's just not. To this point, it feels, even to this point it feels augustrated to me. For people this far left to get that much traction in our country. It feels orchestrated to me. It feels fake.

And who loves that shit? The kids that come off college campuses, the last four generations or more, brainwashed. They're the ones, and you know what, they're not known to go out and vote, no matter how dire the consequences are for the left. They usually don't get off their ass a lot of the times. You're not going to tell me that if people loved,

he didn't just win, he crushed, he won the popular vote, all that stuff. Excuse me. He won huge. So I just got to believe we're more responsible, but we're more adult if you want to believe in elections. I just don't believe that this anyway is, you know.

Then again, with the media, it's the only reason they're still in the game. If, you know, and I do mean game. Anyways, Trump headline the party's first ever midterm convention, boasting about his record, and here was the big takeaway from it, offering, get this. Every American, five large, that's Italian bookie speaker. for 5,000, five dimes. If Republicans hold control of Congress, that means both, you know, Senate and the House and the November 3rd elections.

Here's a video. If the Republicans win the House of Representatives and the United States Senate, both of them, because of our economic, tremendous economic success, like in history, we've never had anything like what's happening. but because of our tremendous strength and success economically. Media. I will issue a dividend to every adult citizen in the United States of America. What?

$5,000. Pause. Now my reaction to that was, as much as I love, who are these broads? How fuck is that thing on the right? A little tranny looking. my reaction is like it's probably what the left's going to they're going to go oh my god he must be in trouble

he's bribing them well that's what politics is you know because you know according to the polls and all the he's underwater and every you know like I said even immigration people don't trust see that's how I think it's fake and bullshit but anyways I know the left's going to report it like this

maybe this truth I don't know Again, I don't believe the left. I think we're shitting our pants over nothing, but I could be wrong. But he's offering us every adult American 5,000 if they win the house in the Senate. And of course, the left is going to go, what about the debt? Now they care about the debt, you know. It's going to be trillions of dollars. I don't give a fuck.

I still think people are going to show because we're more adult. And I think people, the majority of them, and you wouldn't know this. between the internet and the mainstream media, there's only a handful, like the Clancy trial, that woman that strangled her three little kids. There's only a handful of psycho women. But if you watch the internet and mainstream media,

that's all they focus on. So it seems like a trillion women are on her side. And this is the game has been played forever. And I'll say it again, if they didn't have the media in their podcast, which they have their whole lives. I don't know why Republicans can't figure that out and somehow disarm them.

They would never win a fucking race or an election. Anyways, did he say any more about that? That was it. Trump implored listeners to pretend that I'm on the ballot. Pretend him on the ballot. Beat his mate. So he can finish the job before offering them a major financial incentive

to do so, which was the five grand for everything. It's pretty good. That's a lot of money. It's unclear if the idea would pass muster. And you know who muster is. Kevin Muster from Brookline, Mass. With fiscal conservatives. Fuck the fiscal conservatives.

How about that? He's a populace. I'm tired of them, too. In 2020, then Senate Majority Leader, by the way, I'm so sick of hearing about the fucking debt. We're not going to pay it. Why do you say that, Nick? Oh, I don't know.

We've been being threatened with how high the debt is since I was 11. I got a fan of we're not paying it. I got a fan of where the John Goddy. It's like fucking, it's like Goddy. Oh, and somebody, oh, he'd get pissed if you heard me say this, because when he always said, you know, you lose a bet, you pay it either way, whatever side you're on, you know, which he believed. But I'm just saying, picture some fucking, picture some guy that, you know,

had a fucking two team T's on. on the Jets and Giants and one fucking 12 grand. And Gordy won't pay up. We're Garty. Yeah, but how many countries owe us shit? That ain't paying. Money-wise, you mean? Yeah.

I don't know. And the debt's all on us. It grows debt. By the minute, Dallas, we're the ones borrowing all the fucking money. But yes, my point is, with the only superpower left, you know what I mean? You got to have something other than, hey,

you owe me money. What are you going to do to us? You know, it's fucking, I don't doubt that we owe people a ton of money. Anyways, that's my mom. I just sent her a picture. I go, what do you think of the beard? I don't want to know what she's going to say. I like your pretty face. I said, I grew because I saw you in a picture and she had a nice goatee. No. Anyways, in 2020, this is why people are worried about what conservatives think, even though Mitch McConnell, leader Mitch McConnell back in 2020 blocked Trump's request during COVID. Trump requests $2,000 COVID stimulus checks, remember? And, and, uh, Mitch McConnell, I don't think we can do.

Shut up. Uh, anyways, he, he didn't agree with the two grunts. He knocked it down a 600, due to fear of inflation. I don't know, comes to Trump on money and business and Mitch McCona. I'm going to go. Trump rolled out a slate of other new policy ideas for his final two years in office,

including legislation to end surprise medical billing slash fees that credit card companies charge on purchases and end state. There's a million places where you can get that money. An end state level cashless bail policy. which have been a disaster. If you're from the right, if you're from the left, it's been a success. We're putting murderers and rapists back on the street. They're killing American citizens just like we knew they would. And apply the death penalty for large-scale drug dealers.

Trump reminded the crowd what his administration had accomplished so far, and here's that clip. And here at home we ended the woke madness Democrats cruelly inflicted upon America. we abolished all of the diversity, equity, and inclusion. Across the federal government. Pause. Well, you said that, but I don't think anybody's listening to you,

Mr. President. I'm still seeing a bunch of penises when I turn on a girl's volleyball game. Know what I'm saying, yo? Anybody listening to the motherfucker? Action. We made English the official language of the United States.

I remember that. We did? Who's listening to that? Transgender ideology and critical race theory from our public schools. Pause. Which you have. I mean, legally, I guess, in writing, you have. Nobody's listening to you.

That's where we're going to go to war eventually, folks. Don't ever tell me we're going to turn back. Not even to the Joe Biden days, even before that. The DEI or the political record horses shit, we're going to bang heads. I don't know how this is going to look. I just hope I'm around for it because, Nobody's gonna blame me if I don't go out and fight. I get bad hips and I grew this beard to look fucking 111.

I think it's working. Go ahead. Ended the transgender mutilization of our children. Transgender agenda. No, well, mutilation of our children. That sounds like fun. Where do I gotta... What? Oh, I read a... this is not related to this story.

But I read where AI is creating this shit like... It's like, um... it's clearly AI, but it's, it's like little kids being abused. And it's, it's going out there, like the Facebook and shit.

It's like little kids being like bludgeoned and burned with a stove. I know. Fucking AI. I don't know what the fuck, how that happened. I don't even, that's where I start going, what?

But that was, yeah, that was a story today that I couldn't get to because I had already prepared all this. Anyways. Where am I, Dallas? Video four, or do we just show that? Here's the big surprise, other than the $5,000 promise if they win both the Senate and the House of Republicans.

This was a big surprise. Even a John Federman, Senator Federman, appeared by remote video to back a Pennsylvania Republican, Dave McCormick. Here he is on screen. Here's the beauty of Zoom and all that other horseshit. Here he is addressing the Republican crowd, which was a packed house, right? And here he is.

Fetterman, remember, still a Democrat. Still a Democrat. Oh, he went back to the hoodie. Well, he's outside. And again, nobody talks about this. Maybe they did. But the fact that when he blew a gasket in his head, he was all fucking, all for the Democrats, all that left-wing shit.

Soon as it healed. It's like the best metaphor I've ever seen. people who have blown brains believe that shit. People who have healthy brains believe this. I don't think the Republicans and Trump have capitalized on the enough in a funny way. You know, he used to beat his meat. That his brain healed. Here he is.

This was great. Big room of Republicans in Dallas. Yes, I'm Senator John Federman, Pennsylvania. A big hand. Yes, I'm a Democrat. Why am I here talking to you today? because, well, I'm a common sense Democrat. I'm always going to stay with America.

I'm always going to reject the extremes in socialism and that anti-American way of life. Dave McCormick is the kind of senator that gets the job done, and he's going to fight for Pennsylvania. I'm proud to count him as my friend. Folks, it's a Democrat. Talk to a bunch of Republicans.

Pretty cool. I wonder what the Democrat, watch him blow up in a cab next week or something, right? We'll find him. Hillary Clinton, they'll give her that job. She's like a button from Sicily, a button man. Anyways. Folks, new spots today, I think.

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New customers can use code Nick Dip to get 15% off at Take Ultra.com. That's Take Ultra.com for 15% off with code Nick Dip. After you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. report the show and tell them Nick DiPaolo sent you. And we thank them for their sponsorship today. Real quick, folks, October 8th, which is like a month, a little less than a month away now. Hyena's in Dallas for my big return. It's like Barbara Streisand took a few years off.

She came back. She had stage fright. Hineas in Dallas, October 8th. My numbers are, I got a hand to my social media company. since I hired these fuckers, my numbers are high. Instagram's over 100,000, Facebook's over 100 G's and growing. So the eighth of hyenas, November 5th, Punchline, Atlanta, November 6, Rivers, Casino, Philly, November 7th, sold Joe's Potsstown, Pennsylvania.

You go to Nick Dip.com before the tickets sell out while you're there, go to the merchandise page and buy some merch that's the way you, support this show. You do that at nicknip.com. And also, if you want to send a personalized video to someone, I'll say what you're thinking so you don't have to book that at shoutout.us. Let's move on. Ashlawy, again, folks, today's a year anniversary. Boy. And, well, I call this story, when great men try to make a difference. Thursday marks the one-year anniversary. today of the murder of beloved conservative leader Charlie Kirk. Kirk was just 31 years old on September 10th last year when he was shot and killed on the campus of Utah Valley University.

The UVU event was intended to kick off a grand college tour for Turning Point USA, the nonprofit that Kirk founded in 2012, with a microphone in hand, a freedom message emblazing across his chest, and a smile on his face. the married father of two was ready to do what he always did, engage with America's youth about the importance of family, conservative values, and the Christian faith. Everything changed at 12.23 p.m. Mountain time that day when a single bullet struck Kirk in the neck.

By 2.40 p.m. Donald Trump, a personal friend of Kirk, announced that Kirk had died. There's all kinds of stuff swirling around, folks. So I don't know what to believe. I mean, some people are taking it too far. Some people believe like Candace Owens has all these theories. I mean, I don't, hey, look, there's all kinds of footage, this stuff that, then again, and I said this about AI.

I said the most damage thing AI is going to do is undermine trust at what you're watching. I don't care if it's a, you know, like I said, they show a baby deer crossing the street with a bull moose on his back or this. You don't know, but there's a bunch of crazy theories. Some people think that Netanyahu and Israel had to do it. It's crazy. All as I know was what happened to him is what happened when great guys try to confront the system with the truth, a la MLK Jr., John F. Kennedy, Lincoln, on and on it goes. The following day, Kirk's Remains were brought aboard Air Force 2 and Vice President J.D. Vance personally escorted the body from Salt Lake City back to Phoenix, Arizona for burial. And this is what J.D. Vance said then. Now that Charlie is in heaven, I'll ask him to talk to Big Man directly on behalf of his family.

And Trump said, that's me. No. He said, I'll ask him to talk on behalf of his family, his friends in the country. He loved so dearly. You ran a good race, my friend. We've got it from here, Vance wrote. just last week a Utah judge found probable cause, gee, I would hope so, in the case. And Robinson, Tyler Robinson, seen here, he oddly looks a little like Charlie. He could be like a cousin. You know what I'm saying? A little bit? No, kiss my grids.

Has been bound over for trial charged with multiple offenses, including aggravated murder. Is there any any kind of murder? Prosecutors have said from the start they think they've got intent. to seek the death penalty if he's convicted. Despite their grief, and I'd rather let him rot in hell his whole, because he's nice and young. Let him have a good 80 years of being raped. Despite their grief, the folks at TPUSA had to scramble to keep the organization going

in the wake of Kirk's death. Barely a week later, his wife, Erica, was unanimously elected to replace him as CEO. This is where these theories are out there that she had something to do with it, and it's insanely, I don't buy 99% of it. excuse me the cries of this widow this is erika talking will echo around the world like a battle cry

mrs kirk said at the time to everyone listening tonight across america the movement my husband built will not die it won't i refuse to let that happen charlie passionately wanted to reach and save the lost boys of the west the young men who feel like they have no direction

no purpose no faith no reason to live i sort of bland it on the feminist whores and the media and it's true. They do bad in school, and that's all documented, you know. We've heard enough about how oppressed women and young girls are. You know, nobody talks about the boys, and that's who Charlie was aiming. He wanted to save young men just like the one who took his life.

She actually said this, and this is what Christians do, this is why I have problems with my religion. She forgave Charlie's killer. I forgive him, in quotes. That's what you're supposed to do when you're a Christian. I get confused because also in the Bible is an eye for an eye. So I get confused there. I'll forgive you with a bullet right in your throat.

That's the Italian way. Pretty much any, I shouldn't even say anybody. Let's say a father whose daughter was, you know, whatever. So I have a lot of problems. But I did order a crucifix online with a chain. I'm trying, folks. I'm reading my action Bible. I read the book of whatever, Vinny,

the book of whatever last night. Like I said, it's in a comic book form. So this, it gets a little crazy. Like Joshua's in the desert with Moses and Spider-Man is behind him. Anyway. Anyways, rest in peace, Charlie Kirk. And you were on to something. That's why they knocked you.

Like I said, with Kennedy, MLK. and don't ever try to make a big. Bill Hicks has a great bit about and how mediocrity flourishes, but great men are struck down. He's doing this bit at the end of a special. Then he goes, and he falls on the ground.

Beautiful. Let's move on to blacks being black, something we can all relate to. What? A 40-year-old man, I had to do. The footage was great. Was stabbed to death.

In Queens on Wednesday, you're probably going, so what? That happens all the time. Not in this name. neighborhood. St. Albans is actually pretty nice. Wednesday afternoon after threatening a group of people in a parking lot

a group of people. He was threatened a bunch of other black dudes who looked like they just got out of the can 10 minutes ago. They picked the wrong group to come out with a bunch. They don't tell you how it started. It doesn't matter. With a metal pole, according to police, in the video of the

attack. The footage obtained by the post, New York Post, the victim approaching a group of about five men while carrying what appears to be a piece of wood into metal pipe near 194 Street and Lyndon Boulevard. This is at three in the afternoon, folks. Not at night. The victim then winds up and attempts to whack one of the men.

And again, why you try to whack these guys? I swear to God, they look as bad as here. Though it's unclear if you made contact, I don't think you really have to in these guys. He was then chased across the street, and it's pretty, it's graphic enough. I'll just remind you when you see them chasing him across

and you see the guy chasing him and the wife beater doing this, he's not punching him. He's stabbing him with a knife. Check it out. I don't know what started this. Look at the size of these guys. You hear him?

He's getting stabbed there. Right there. Right there. Okay? And if the video followed it, you know, he's probably laying on the ground bleeding out. That's how quick it happens.

Who knows what the background story is, but the point is, right in the middle of day, and again, anyway, a duo of attackers pursued him, at least one of whom brandished a knife and stabbed him repeatedly in the stomach. He then collapsed to the ground.

Police arrived at the scene and found the victim unconscious with multiple stab wounds. These blacks. Who knows? they're going to take the wrong way. Oh, coming at you with a pipe, they'll take the wrong way. He was taken to Long Island Jewish Hospital in Valley Stream but didn't survive. Now the blacks are blaming the Jews.

No, I'm kidding. A man was arrested in connection with the brutal attack. Now, he's going to, I mean, any impulse controls, guys? Now, you're going to spend the rest of your life in jail. Hopefully. Oh, wait, what am I thinking? This is New York. He'll be out next Thursday.

Another suspect is still on the run as of Wednesday evening. He was last seen wearing a blue polo, black shirts. Black shirts. Yeah, he had 11 shirts on just to confuse the cops. Red green and he had black shorts and white sneakers. And as the cops say, oh, that guy. Zuck used to tell me there was a cop he worked with somebody who would call in. He was a black kid.

He had dreadlocks. He's about 22 years old, about 6 foot 1. he had Nike sneakers on a Michael Jordan shirt and the carpet would go, oh, that guy. I love cops. 30 minutes before the Queen's slaying, a man in his 30s, and a woman, 35 years old was stabbed on West 47th Street in Midtown, Manhattan.

Again, daytime. And Colin Quinn still tells me it was worse than the 70s, and I read a lot of people in the comments who lived in New York in the 70s, and they agree with Colin. It was like, it was, more gang related, but they were just roaming the streets and packs and white people. It was fucking.

But what in God's name? Why, if you know, I know a lot of these don't have the choice, but why would you have lived there? I lived there. It was fine. I had Giuliani. I got lucky, man. The women had puncture wounds, the two in Manhattan, to the back and neck. The man had stab wounds to his torso.

Oh, it was a guy and a woman. I'm sorry. They were transported to a local hospital, and they were in stable condition. Oye, what they all haven't caught? Oh, blue cities. Sanctuary cities. I would just like to be a fly in the wall when, who's the fat black dude that? Huh?

Thank you, Dallas. Alvin Bragg. Exactly right. I confuse my whitey American haters. Alvin Bragg, I want to be a fly in the wall when they see shit like that and go, what are you going to do? Yeah, we'll give them. We'll give them.

give him 10, let him out on behavior, good behavior. What if he stabbed somebody? That's a good behavior fan. Let's move on to something that could affect us all. Iran tries new toys. And I don't mean like a plastic sheep from Fisher Price. Iran tries new toys. Iran used its new electro-optical missiles for the first time.

Why would they saving them? in an attempt that they must be getting this shit from Russia. These guys fuck goats. They can't build roads. Well, that's not true. I mean, Iran's a pretty modern city, but I'm just saying missiles for the first time in an attempt attack on U.S. warships on Wednesday, officials claimed

as part of Tehran's retaliation campaign against American vessels in the region. The Islamic Revolutionary Guard fired a wave of strikes overnight targeting U.S. forces in Jordan. Have you seen Jordan? She looks good. And 10 U.S. ships near the straight of whore moves. So they're breaking out their big guns.

They think that they can actually... I can do anything better than you. No, you can. Yes, I can. No, you can. Yes, I can. No you can. Yes, I can.

Shut your hole! That song was written by one of the mullers, the gay guy? The attempted attack on the ships allegedly utilized Iran's electro-optical seeker missiles that use cameras. That's the same thing. My wife has in a drawer.

And light senses to track and hit targets with great precision. If you don't believe me, I'm going to show you some footage right now. This is me looking out the window last night, even though it's daytime. I don't know what happened. Go ahead. That's me on Xyla Phon, by the way. Looks like every other missile to me.

It's so special about it. Yeah, but this one's going to go right up Jordan's ass. The country? No, the fella. What? It does look pointy. It looks like a lawn dart that farted. Who's with me?

Anyways, I guess it's got senses on it and stuff, and it can smell 12-year-old boys 10,000 miles away. U.S. Central Command. That's known as Centcom. That's what I call it when I was in the military. Confirm the strikes, but officials noted that the attack failed, along with one in Jordan. What a pig she is.

Where the Iranian missiles were intercepted for a pick six. Sort of like Drake May last night at the end of the game. I didn't even tell you, Dells. They were up, uh, pets were up 13 nothing for a while, 10 nothing, whatever fucking, uh, yeah. And then you know who tied it up? 13.13. We drive all the way down. I'm not even telling this story, right? I forget. Now we're down. They're ahead, I think. Anyways, I don't know, 30 seconds left. He's rolling out to his right. He tries to force one into the end zone. Picked off game over. And the guy was covered. I mean, covered. He threw three picks, I think, on the second half. I don't care. He's still great. And the Patriots are going to be damn good. You know, obviously, this has nothing to do with the story. But I'm just saying, Your opening game is at the world champions in Seattle.

It's hard enough to beat them when they're 2 and 15 in Seattle. And Pat's had a great defense. We're shutting them out most of the game. And then they, you know, the champs did what they did. But just the running game and the defense the Pat showed, it was pretty impressive, actually. And here's a bad note. Our big, we picked up, what's his name, the receiver Brown?

A.J. A.J. Brown. I fucking hurt his ankle bad last night. Anyways, the strikes came in, back to this, caca. The strikes came in response to America's only retaliatory strikes that took out five oil tankers near the regimes are Karg Island Oil Hub. In response to the U.S.'s aggressive actions

against Iranian oil tankers, armed forces in accordance with their inherent right of legitimate defense attacked, they don't even know how to spell defense. It's an S. attack U.S. military bases and facilities located in Jordan, which continued to support U.S. military attacks against Iran, as well as several U.S. vessels.

The regime claimed at the time, I'm sure they're telling the truth, that the missile sensors allowed it to be highly precise while avoiding GPS altogether, making the missile harder to be taken down by jamming systems. Well, boy, you waited quite a while to break that out. the IRGC also warned of imminent strikes on oil tankers and bases in Bahrain in Kuwait. They're talking about U.S. bases, calling on all crew to evacuate the ships immediately. Oh, on their own?

They're telling their guys to evacuate, right? I don't know. That was kind of ambiguous that statement. But we get bigger pressing issues back in this country. And if this story doesn't go away soon, I'm moving to Bahrain. I'm going to get what they call a flat. Not a tire in apartment. This is English.

Anyways, furry fatigue. You know, people have black fatigue. I have furry fatigue. And I have feminist fatigue. Black people, I'm not even tired of you yet. Well, I was tired of you in high school. Let's be honest. That was 40 years ago.

But I'm just saying, I'm so tired that it went away. But this is no. shit. This is new shit that has to be banned. A recent ban announcement from a half-century-old celebration has some furries, and we've covered what furries are. That's right. Greek girls who don't shave down there. What? Okay, Italian, Puerto Rican. Grab a hairy species, despite admitting that their scene is rooted in obscure sexual themes. These are adults, by the way, And not just young adults, most of them are young, but while Comic-Con and Fan Expo are seemingly thriving environments for, you know, 40-year-old virgins, for furries, there's one place where they might be scaring the families away. What?

A 33-year-old costume wearer going by the alias Aston Hawthorne, that's his fursona, if you will. Isn't that cute? I'd take him out just because of that pun and cut his dick off and put it back where it belongs. in his brother's mouth. Spoke out about the heartbreak he went through after learning that his ilk, meaning cock gobbling, had been banned from an event, not normally associated with adults

who sexualized sports mascots. That's a guy being fair, funny. The Maryland Renaissance Festival. You get what I'm saying? Maryland Renaissance Festival, it's been around forever, 50 years old, is banning these fucking freaks. The festival is reportedly second most attended in the country

with 368. thousand attendees expected this year. It seems festival officials have simply had enough of seeing costumes that have nothing to do with actual renaissance. They don't? This on top of the complaints

led to the recent ban, so people are complaining. What's funny, when we read and finally people go, we've had enough, it just shows you how scared people were being canceled about anything. We're always 20 years down. Not a few weeks, a couple of months. It's always 15 years

down the road. We've had enough of mutilating children, you know, after the damage has been done. Some visitors to this festival reported, in this quote, I quote, feeling uncomfortable by those wearing fur suits. Who said that? The festival's general manager, Julius Smith, under its regulations about headwear, the festival says it must be thematic to the event, you know, the Renaissance, and appropriate for a family-friendly venue. Non-thematic headware will not be permitted through the festival gates. I can't wear my pussy hat this year. Examples of non-compliant headgear slash face coverings include, why don't you,

they should show, they should throw hijab in here too. Include inappropriate face paint, offensive prosthetics. There goes my dick hat, makeup or mass intended to frighten and fur suits. These are, these are young adults folks, college age. Some of them ought to call. I just want to let that sink in. I got a niece who was telling my sister told me in her class, literally, is it my niece or my great-niece?

I don't know. It's way down the ladder. She's 14. Could she be my niece? I don't know. I don't think so. My niece had a kid, whatever that is. She's got kids in her class that pretend to be cats.

And there's a fucking fake litter box for them. I'm not making this shit up. I thought it was exaggerated. Straightforwardly, the company writes, we're not a LARP or a cosplay event. LARP, you know, that's a live action role playing thing. Me and Dallas did it in the park a year ago. We dressed up like a, we did a scene with, what was that movie with Tony Bennett and dressed up like a woman?

I don't know. Hawthorne did admit that, well, Hawthorne, by the way, is one of these furries. He did admit that while the subculture, he claims is indeed largely, based in sexual deviancy and sexual identity. He wasn't sure if that was the reason for the ban. It doesn't matter is right. The media... Oh my God.

You got to grow up. You're not a kid anymore. You're a cat. You're not a kitty anymore. You got to grow up. You're not a kitty anymore. You've got to grow up. It looks like a commercial for frigging Kellogg's Cornflags.

The media does love to portray the furry community as very sexual. enthusiastic, if you will. Again, this is the guy who belongs to, and it's a group of adults being together. It's also a very queer-oriented community, and a lot of that community involves very radical self-expression. That's the book I read. I always tell you guys this, Judge Bork, slouching towards Gamora, and he uses that phrase, it's the first time I was introduced to it, radical self-expression. He was railed against it in that book, and radical individualism. And within that radical self-expression, sexual themes can make an appearance. Wow, could you word that any, you know, safer?

However, he said he hasn't seen those themes in most of the outfits at the fair. Shut up. The fact that you're an adult doing this shit. Look at here's one of the guys. Here's a furry. Oh, he works at Home Depot and his manager, let him dress up. Here he is right before he's going to work at Home Depot. So I just made it into work.

And I'm honestly terrified. Oh, birds is in the back. Got the bird in hand. Gonna head over to the Home Depot. So after I posted a picture on Twitter, I got a lot of questions asking like how and why I got to do this. And basically my managers, some of them have been watching my TikToks and videos. And they really wanted to get somebody in for their Children's Day workshop that they were having that weekend.

and so they couldn't afford to get Disney Prince. Pause. I wish I knew. I would have went in and bought a claw hammer and put it right in his fucking birdhead. I would have killed that. What, that's a bird? You're not even good at this, you dick sucker. Let's move on to the next story.

I'm disgusted. Seriously, real quick, before we go here. RIP, Barry Melrose. I mentioned him earlier. Barry Melrose, a former NHL player and coach who went on to become one of hockey's most popular TV analysts has died according to his family. He was 70. Melrose's wife, Cindy,

and formed longtime ESPN partner of Steve Levy of Levy of Melrose's passing. He had been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease in 2023, and the minute he was, he quit work, and I was like, this is not good. Forcing his retirement from ESPN after first joining the network in 1996,

here's a little video of him doing things. He's a better team. They were deeper, they were bigger. Barry has given so much to the game. That's Kretzky talking. You are the best analyst on television. Barry Melrose. You ever heard of him? Nope.

That's Venice Beach. One timer. When the girl doesn't call back. Oh, yeah, I like that. Put her there. Look at his mullet. You're going to pick it up from there? I thought you were going to maybe toss it to.

And now he needs our support. That's Gretzky years ago. And all of us in hockey. And now, I should say, he's old. Cool as the rule. Are here for him. Very likable dude. Played hockey for the Leafs, Detroit, back in the late 70s, early 80s.

You know, just an average guy. Nobody knew, you know, made it to the pros. I'll give anybody, you know, I mean, and then he becomes a coach of the LA Kings. I don't know how. And that's when Gretzky went to L.A. And they went all the way to the finals. They lost, but they went all the way to the finals. Und to him.

Marrose appeared in 300 NHL games as a defenseman for the Winnipeg Jets, the Maple Leafs, and the Red Wings, from 79 to 86, before leading Wayne Gretzky and the Kings to the Scandic Cup final in his first season as head coach in 1993. He posted an overall record of 84-108-29 as coach, also including a 16-game stint with the Lightning. I didn't know he coached the Lightning in 2008. Still, his true calling was the TV studio where he became one of hockey's beloved figures with flashy suits, a bullion personality.

He's bigger than any team, Gretzky once said on Malrose. For decades, he's been suiting up, and I mean suiting up, making fun of how he used to dress, for the game, for the sport, and for hockey. Excuse me. You see hockey is more than a game. It's a community, this is Gretzky talking, a finely tuned orchestra, and Barry was our conductor.

It made me sad when I read this, because he was very, very likable, you know, and was proud of his white, you know, white Canadian upbringing with the mullets and shit. And anyways, rest and peace, Barry. I got my fingers crossed that Oberman gets hit tonight by a truck or a Zamboni backs over him. How about that and grinds him up like the fucking scumbagie is? I thought it ended on a high note.

All right, folks. That is it. Boy, Senna girls. Monday, no show. Because my choppers will be over the weekend. I'm going to look like a field goal post and I'll be bleeding and shit. And then Tuesday, we will have a good show and the guest. our buddy Alex Stein, so don't forget that.

Also, cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or a relative, go to cameo.com. You guys think that I'll say it? You're very welcome. So I will see you on Tuesday, all right? Until then, take care of yourself. Hi, good night, everybody.