The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump’s Success Rattling Lefties | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1804

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

In this episode, Nick talks about Trump’s trash talk of his old foes, the lingering harm of Biden’s immigration policies, and Alec Baldwin’s latest public blunder. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/NICKDIP and use code NICKDIP and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Watch Nick on the FREE RUMBLE LIVE LINEUP at 6pm ET https://rumble.com/TheNickDiPaoloShow TICKETS - Come see me LIVE! For tour dates and tickets -  https://nickdip.com MERCH - Grab some snazzy t-shirts, hats, hoodies,mugs, stickers etc. from our store! https://shop.nickdip.com/ SOCIALS/COMEDY-  Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy -  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

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I don't know. Nick the pig as a friend. Yeah. Got a problem with that. Welcome to the live lineup, ladies and gentlemen, where you get my show, all these great shows scrolling by for free. Where else can you do that?

And now you get Glenn Greenwald live, which is worth it itself, right here at 7 p.m., right after my show. If you want to watch it all ad-free, sign up for Rumble Premium. And don't forget to download the Rumble app, whatever that is. heard it's pretty good

it saves time and shit anyways today I'll be talking about uh excuse me uh Trump getting a few zingers in uh you know

taking his victory lap and uh giving Hillary a zing zangler you start the fucking clock ass wipe um and uh yeah also um you know

we have another victim of Biden's why isn't he, and everybody that worked from him in jail right now, in a prison? Somebody get raped and murdered by, somebody he let in, you know, but you guys keep arguing that Democrat Party is right.

And also, Alec Baldwin, when he's not killing people on the set, he's running into oak trees. So we got that for you. Every picture of him now is on a cell phone with a, like, a burning house behind him or his dog is bleeding

from his ass. Put that in there, folks, guys. Um, anyhow, uh, top of the show chatter. Uh, what happened last night? Oh, two Monday night games that I don't even care about. By the time Sunday rolls around, I'm filled with football. I'm going to be honest. I'll still watch it, but I'll watch the game.

And this is how I know I'm not into the NFL that much of me. I'll do it. And then I'll click over while I'm watching the ID network, something about, you know, a murder that took place in 1988, very important. and then back to the game and I just, I don't care. Buffalo Bills lose to the Falcons. What's going on there?

They lost to the Patriots. I love it. That's this league. You guys understand they call it the socialist football league, right? Because the talent is distributed equally to everybody. Somebody called it that.

You know how they do that. The teams that come in last place get the pick and the draft first. It's actually genius. And if you're a bookie, it's just how you want it. You want to fucking pay Paul from Peter and you,

take the skim off the top. It is, it's really genius. And you can put on a shitty game. And you know, because it's close, people think, but it's close for the wrong reasons.

Both teams are mediocre. Watch college football. Then try to watch NFL. There's 14 penalties in the first half. People jumping off sides. Just cheerleaders, taking a nap. All kinds of shit.

People are tired of it. And anyhow, so I had a total of five Out of 16 picks. You wonder why I don't go to Vegas anymore. Just ridiculous. Then again, I didn't really look too much studying. If I don't have at least $1,000 on a game,

I'm not going to look up as he was playing quarterback. But what's funny is it still means a lot because you don't want to get beat by Aunt Jeannie and fucking some retarded cousin of yours in a diaper who's 11 and 0. but every time I put the game on this is the first thing I'll hear from the announcers

like you know the team will come to the line for the very first snap of the game and they'll talk about let's say I have the lines and they're on defense the lines of missing 11 starting defensive players on defense they have a fat girl

from Denver playing noseguard tonight we'll see if they dolphins don't exploit that they list everything And they're starting quarterback's got a bad ankle. The tight end just found that he has cancer, so he's not in a good mood. And I'm just sitting there going, ugh, fuck me. That's why, you know, I used to bet heavy, like, when I got out of college

because I hung out with a guy who was a bookie, and his dad was a, his dad was sort of one of these guys. He handed out those betting cards. He was a general contract. So he had construction sites all over Massachusetts and he would have the guy in the canteen trucks you know the trucks

that pull up the construction sites that feed them lunch he had all those guys handing out cars selling cards that me and his son would look at it when he lost like 10 grand and he wouldn't even blink because then we realized

he had like 40 coming in oh my God but it would ruin it well it would make it exciting on Sunday but if I let's say and this is before I had any money at all I'd wake up on my money at all I'd wake up on Monday and I'd lost $1,500, you know, I have $1,800 to my net worth, and I'm like, ugh.

And then it almost, you know, you started to hate football. That's when I started following a roller derby. Started betting on that. Oh, what a mistake. What the hell else is good? Did you see, oh, I had the bears right. They won at the last minute over the command. It's what I'm talking about.

That was like an exciting game with two fucking average teams. and the bears have no reason to be beating anybody. And the commanders are wishy-washy. It's just a lot of shit going on. And Trump, you know, it's amazing. So I wake up this morning. And just to take the edge off Trump's victory or whatever, or to maybe, depending on how you look at it,

there's a clip on the front page of every paper of Hamas executing like eight or ten guys on their knees that supposedly were adversaries during the conflict and helped out on the other side. You don't know. They could have, it's probably eight gay guys that they saw the dance studio. You know how they do shit over there.

Just savage, savage. Can imagine on your knees fucking, anyhow. But Trump said, they said, we're going to let them handle it internally or whatever. But he also said this, we'll see how it turns out. He didn't make any problem.

They can't wait. The fucking media, you can't hate these people enough. they can't even give Trump credit for this. A few of them had to break down and do it. You know, even Hillary to give you an idea how big a deal this is. But the fucking New York Times in their headlines, they don't mention his name.

What next is in the headline on the New York Times? I don't know. What did you ever do? It's fucking, they're like children. And I go on X, I don't know why. My blood pressure goes up. People defending

Trump's a nobody. There's a clip of Martin Sheen going, Trump's a, tell Trump he's a no one, and he should become human. Who gives a fuck with Martin, why don't you go bail your kid out of rehab again, you fucking loser? He's liberal royalty, you know,

Martin Sheen in Hollywood, that generation. They're handed careers by how they vote. Don't ever forget it. I lived there for five years. I saw it happen. Mark Ruffalo, do you think he's that talented? No, he sucks liberal cock.

Pretty good. Have you tried? Delicious. Fucking Dallas is on today. Let me tell you. I might have him sit next to me. We'll call him, we'll do the wild morning zoo show. Fucking Duncan Dallas.

You know how many of those I did? My 30-something years are doing comedy. They wake up at 7 in the morning. You go to the fucking wacky zoo show in Omaha. One of them was a sidekick. I'll never forget. This fat guy named Otis or something. They had them running down the street,

naked, just covered in lottery tickets. And those are the people that are going to come out to my show and hopefully I do clever stuff. And I always tell that story, the bus pulls up next to me. It's in Green Bay. It's snowing. It's like six in the morning. And this is, you know, halfway through my career. I'm getting a little fucking angry about it all.

The bus pulls up next to me. I look over it. It's my old roommate, Louis C.K., advertising is HBO special in the bus. So I curl up in the fetal position in the backseat. The guy's like, what are you doing? I'm crying. Just go to the studio. Can't wait to see

Wacky Willie in the fucking Ugh Anyways, don't forget to watch me tomorrow on Loudow with Crowder tomorrow morning and then Thursday morning with Loudow at Crowder I'll be in studio with him, fellas

Also Thursday night Zaney's in Nashville my buddy Lee from Australia he's a world-known body billy he was and he flies around and gives you know speeches and all kinds

He's still like an expert on this shit. But he lives in Australia. I complain about flying. This motherfucker flies from Australia to the United States like it's going from Buffalo to Albany. I don't know how he... I don't understand it for the life of me. Maybe he's out of money.

I don't know. Jesus, just for the life of me, I don't know how he fucking does it. You're talking for... Anyway, I'm getting queasy. And I just have to drive 20 minutes to the friggin airport where there's nobody there usually, we get voted again.

Condi Nass, whatever that is, whatever Condi Nass is, some type of fashion. I don't even know. They make hats, shoes, nipples. I don't give a, they voted Savannah Airport. This is the six-year running, first Best in the Nation.

So, and it's freaking true. They expanded it. We didn't even know they were doing construction. It's amazing. You just saw little Asian kids. It's seven at night, limping away, bleeding, missing fingers. But you knew something was going on. All right, let's get to it.

This seemed like a headline when I fucking picked it 48 hours ago. Trump trashes Biden. President Donald Trump settled scores with his political foes during his passionate address to the Israeli parliament on Monday, taking a swipe at thick-ankled dogface Hillary Clinton and blasting his predecessors, Joe Biden and Barack Hussein. I hate America, but pretend to like it. I'm clean and I shower Obama.

He's the worst thing that ever happened in this country. And he's a likable guy. I'll give you that much. He's a likable guy. But he's out there on the Mark Marin podcast. I think it's Maron's last that I read that. He's on Mark Marron's podcast. a comedian friend of my

you know big lib but I like him he's an angry Jew anyways he's on there yesterday and he's sitting there talking about you know the evils of Trump sending in the military to these cities and stuff just sitting there and we all

know what he did how he spied on Trump and how he should be and he's just sitting there crowing away because he knows he has immunity because he was the first African American president and the blast in my opinion good God

but he's just sitting there legs cross like a bitch wearing a mini skirt and a fucking belly shirt and just shitting all over Trump and you know he couldn't carry Trump's fucking notebook that's what eats these people alive

because they think they're intellectuals it's all they have in life they went to Harvard and Yale and they got a New York real estate developer who's spanking them for the last 10 years steps into their business and makes them look silly and when I say it makes them look silly,

meaning he's actually for us, the taxpayer and the people. He puts us for us. How dare you do that in Washington? Anyways, so he spoke in front of the Knesset on Monday to tout Israel Hamas ceasefire a deal that he broke, and said that the two Democratic presidents who precede him in the White House harbored hatred. Hatred for the Jews.

Hates Jews. Hates Jews. I like the fucking even when you mention Jews in a two second clip you can hear sirens in the back trouble follows these people all of the countries in the Middle East

that could have he says that could have what I'm reading it here's your AI for you all the countries in the Middle East that could have what we're doing now could have done what we're doing now is that if they meant

or maybe I'm wrong it could have happened a long time ago but it was strength tangled and set back almost irretrievably by the administrations of Barack Obama and then jerk off Joe Biden. Trump told the Israeli lawmakers like they weren't aware of that. There was there was hatred towards Israel, he said. And Biden, I mean, the worst ever. That's not a, you know a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that?

That was Trump when they were transitioning. excuse me by the way these are pictures are aren't current so don't think they were fucking dittly dailing with each other yesterday uh

Trump said nobody asked Joe Biden to come up and speak he says I guarantee that I just told you you know you're a fucking mumbling stuttering little fuck you know that those are the people that had to pay him after you got a hundred grand for a speech after he was president

the broadside came moments after Trump hailed the hostages for prisoners exchange and vowed the next phase of his plan would deliver lasting calm in Gaza. And few jerk off lefties who are already out there can't wait for it to fall apart and shit. There's going to be rough spot. New York Times literally had a headline,

what next? Can you fucking imagine you assholes? What next? Nobel Prize next year? How about that? Probably not, though, right? right? Because those are elitist assholes. Hopefully

Netanyahu and the Jews have some pull there. Like they do what, you know, the Fed. What? Who? Hi-ho. We had a very weak administration, Trump said in reference to the Biden administration. This is why I love him. He brands shit. He's been saying worst president

in the history. And you know what? I love it. I fucking love it. Because he gets zero credit. They've been shitting on him since he came down the escalator. He has to goes on, because nobody else will. Worst president in the history of our country by far. And Barack Obama was not far behind, by the

way, he said. Amen to that. The only difference, Obama could actually talk and didn't nap in between pauses when you were talking to. The president also tied the region's bloodiest chapters to the 2015 Iran nuclear pack. Remember that? We sent a pallet

with a couple billion dollars on it, so they could just hand it. Tehran could hand it out to all the terrorists organizations. The setbacks really started when President Obama signed the Iran nuclear deal, he told the Kedesit. This was a disaster for Israel, and it was a disaster for everyone. Trump also claimed Arab leaders now see the U.S. revival under his watch.

It really is true, because the whole world is ready to stop on us. Where would we be if frigging, God forbid, if fucking Kamala Harris won? Do you understand? Can you see her settling the Middle East problem? She couldn't even go to the border that she was in charge of. She's like, you know, they'd be like, we need you over there and to meet with Netanyahu. Oh, do I get to connect? I can't through television. It's dangerous. The remarks come a day after even Hillary thick-ankled dog face, hairy,

armpitted walking yeast infection, praise Trump's administration. This head to hurt her to say this. It must have been, seriously. It's like, I don't know, Bill Clinton coming up the driveway at two in the morning with two hoot his waitresses under his arm, and she's looking out the window, wearing a moo-moo, shaking her head as she eats another bag of bonbons. Nick, relax. Okay. Here she is begrudgingly complimenting the Trump administration. Does this diplomatic breakthrough make you hopeful about what's next? This hurts her bad. Nora, it does.

It's a really significant first step. And I really commend. When did you turn into fucking Iggy? Stardust. Go ahead. President Trump and his administration. Oh, that had to hurt. Arab leaders in the region.

Yeah, that's where I cut it. She had more to say, but I was getting queasy. That's the best she's ever looked, by there. There's probably 11 filters on the fucking thing. You know, she's dropping OZMPIC. We have to, yes, we have to give this asshole credit. Did I say asshole? It's so fun.

He ruined her life. I love it. Hey, this episode is brought you by prize picks. and I make decisions every day, but on prize picks, being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this football season on prize picks where it's good to be right. Getting in on the action is simple. Just pick more or less. Even I could do this. It's very easy and it's fun on at least two player stats. Then watch the game and see if you've earned yourself some cashies, some cheta, some smoke.

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Prize picks, it's good to be right. We thank them for sponsoring the show today. More coffee. And then I wonder why I am dehydrated by 4 o'clock. you know, and I can't move my bowels. Let's see, I'm 63. I don't know. You hope to make 80.

Do you realize that's only 17 years? Do you realize 17 years was 2008? Does that seem that long ago to you? I might as well just lay down on the dirt right now, I have my wife cover. I told Dallas and Jason my headstone's going to read. What the fuck was that all about? don't steal that out there

that's mine I have it right now let's move on to more blood on Biden's hands probably trying to shave a Haitian migrant released into the U.S. by former President Joe Jerkoff Biden and his administration

has been sentenced to 10 to 12 years in prison for raping a child in Massachusetts migrant shelter last year that 10 to 12 10 to 12 10 to 12 good behavior he'll be out in six eh you only fuck the baby Massachusetts

embarrassing just think about that and let me tell you if that was a white hey where's all the white racist bigoted clansmen that were a threat to democracy where are they

that's another question that I want Trump to keep bringing up where are they it looks like the left is the cancer the antifas of the world and everything anyways that's it 10 to 12 he won't do that You know that.

Corey Alvarez, a 27. Look, he can just look in his eyes. He's just fucking dead. 27-year-old migrant from Haiti, because we need a lot more of them, was convicted of raping a 15-year-old girl in 2024 at a taxpayer-funded migrant shelter. Once again, when the government's involved,

everything goes smoothly in the sanctuary state of Massachusetts. Oh, God. What happened to my goddamn state? This is rape. Sounded like my prom night. Listen, what? Gilligot? Alvarez case guard of national attention

after a judge released him on a $500 bail following the rape charges. Did you hear what I just said? 500 bucks. And you don't think that your government fucking hate you? They couldn't hate you more.

I mean, the libs. the judges, the people that make the world go round. The poor victim said, I told him to leave me alone, but he didn't stop. Last week, Alvarez was sentenced to 10 to 12 years in state prison. That's it. The migrant's attorneys continue to claim

that Alvarez did not receive a fair trial. Okay, then go back to Haiti and get a trial. Didn't receive a fair trial. Oh, I'm sure. Because this country is, this legal system is so against minorities. another big myth the only other big myth

is that black people are afraid of the police but that's got nothing to do with this matter of fact since Trump came into office I see black and white people it's refreshing I've said it before on the show you go online and you see I'm talking excuse me working class black guys and women defending Trump

especially now in the blue cities where he's sending in finally some help you know after the police departments were defunded and for 20 years they've been having to look both ways and they step out of the house so they don't get shot. And I don't know how much more wrong the left could be on everything. Elvarez was one of the hundreds of thousands of migrants who were allowed to enter the United hundreds of thousands. How about millions? Who wrote this? Oh, there's a pie chart. It must be USA today under the Biden administration through CHNV program. It's where I was

SEC, isn't it? That federal officials admitted was filled with fraud. Well, it was a Joe Biden thing. But Joe Biden! That was his family on Easter. At the time, reps Jim Jordan, Republican, Ohio,

former wrestler. I haven't seen him in a long time. Huh? Where's Jimmy Jordan? Honestly, drop right out of the... He's always in there. raised in hell. And Tom McClintock, Republican in California, that must be a mistake, asked the Biden administration for information regarding how Everest was allowed to enter the U.S.

But administration officials, guess what, they didn't respond to the request. Why is that? Too busy, bad-mouthing Trump. I, honest to God, I want you to think back. And Trump, remember those first debates when he came down the escalator? And remember he was just calling Rosie a fat pig and little. And did you ever see? I'm not a positive guy. And I'm not making this up.

I've told you guys. They made a superl that I'm in high school up for me. I was class pessimist, which again, I even said it back then. I'm a realist. And half the people that bought me there, they're dead now. Who won that one? I'm not a very positive guy I don't believe oh if you think positively

there's you know I don't believe in that that fucking that mind-body connection like if you get cancer you can wish it away ooh is that a smile in his face we better get the fuck out of here I don't buy that shit until Mr. Trump came along I have never heard this guy be negative in his life

and even when he throws digs at the the Democrats, it's not at the Democrat people who vote Democrat, he goes after, you know, with ad hoc attacks or ad hominem, I should say, right? You know, Jason, ad hoc, whatever. Ed Hawk is a kid I went to school with. Ed Hawk. But he is. He's nothing but positive, and it really disturbs me. And he doesn't even drink. How the fuck? I just sit there going, oh my God, think about the... You wonder why he beat all his competition in New York

when he was a real estate guy? Who outworked this guy? And then he goes to Studio 54 and gets blown by, I don't know, fucking Charo. I don't know what year it was. Richard Gere probably blew. Anyways, speaking of Hollywood stars, let's talk about a retarded one.

not so smart, Alec. No, no, no, wow, wow, blah, blah, Alec Baldwin, who by the way, and I always say this, I like not as politics, obviously. He fucking, you grew up in New York and you're politically retarded. I don't know why that is.

But he's a funny fuck. And, you know, Colin Quinn, those are pretty good. And, you know, I like when he would fucking get in the paparazzi's face. Same with Sean Penn. I like guys who lose this shit in public. and they're famous and they don't care.

Now, I don't care. I'm not too crazy about him shooting a cinematographer on this set. That was a little over the top. This guy can't stay out of trouble. Anyways, Emmy Award winning actor, Alec Baldwin plowed his Rangerover into a tree

while cruising through the Hamptons with his brother on Monday, according to the photographs that we saw in the post. Look at it. They said no airbags were deployed, because he is one. Good night, everybody. Hey, ba-p-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba.

Wild stuff, Ed, huh? Ed so drunk, a mosquito landed on bid his armament, and they went home and beat his wife. Baldwin, 67, was photographed. time we see him he's on the cell phone looking disheveled and annoyed there he is going no i didn't kill a director stephen put his hands over my eyes uh and annoyed as he made a call did the air just kick on i got a breeze up my ass and stood with his hands in his pockets at the crash site his car a white range rover was smashed surprised you got a white rain that's racist shit man In the front, after crashing head on into a tree,

Alec in defense to him said he beeped the horn like twice and the Maple sprinted in front of the car in the East Hamptons where the axe owns a ritzie summer. Half the article was about him trying to sell his house. I'm not kidding you. Like an article was like, it could have been two paragraphs. It was like 14. And the last 10 were about him trying to sell his house.

He knocked 10 mil off the price. Apparently put a... Who gives a fuck? Police quickly arrived on scene and helped the duo take shelter in the pouring rain. Baldwin is reportedly out east for the Hampton's

International Film Festival, which about eight people give a fuck about. Which ran from October 5th to the... Who goes to these things? We're solving a Middle East problem. Ooh. Sean Penn's got a new film out because I'm an asswiper. Anyways, which

ran from the 5th to the 13th of October. He's the co-chair of its board, executive committee. I wonder how he got that job. I must have to pull some strings. What a silly life. I do. I liked him better when he was in Manhattan and just getting in a fucking reporter's faces.

You would threaten to fight him a job. Another guy, though. Doesn't ever have a boring day. Throws Kim Basinger, one of the hottest people ever walked the planet, throws her away. Fucking, and his wife's pretty hot, though. Has a bunch of kids with her.

I don't know how you do it. Well, you've got to have money and patience. I'm owing two. Let's move on to, well, he was, remember he called? That's the other thing I love. Remember he left the message with his daughter called her a little pig? Nick, why do you like that? I don't know.

Sounds like my dad yelling at me. Speaking of dads and good ones, here's a guy that I am, I'm literally, I'm going to send money. I am going to send money to this guy. A father accused of killing his 14-year-old daughter's rapist is running to be sheriff, claiming the legal system failed him by charging him with murder. Aaron Spencer, my new hero,

that's the rapist on the right. How in God's name could he groom anybody? Look at that guy. Looks like a retired Baltimore. Oriole. Aaron Spencer allegedly gunned down Michael Fossler, 67. That guy on the right's dead.

After catching him, driving off with his daughter, whom Fossler had already been charged with grooming and abusing, according to a court document. So this guy blasted him. That's fucking beautiful. Spencer was charged with second

degree moiter, spurring him to run for sheriff in Lono County, Arkansas. he said Saturday, and a Facebook video launching his campaign. And I suggest anybody who sees that, my fans out there, we send them a few bucks. I always complain, and I always, when I'm watching the news, and I always say to my wife,

why don't I see more vigilante story? We live in such an evil world, and I know it's easy to say, well, do you want to go to prison? Well, if it was my child, yes. almost to the point where I think if you didn't do something like this you don't give a fuck. How about that?

That might be a bit of a leap but I'm just saying I can't imagine knowing this piece of shit raped my daughter. Anyhow, here he is kicking off his campaign to be sheriff in the Arkansas town.

Hello, Loneau. My name is Aaron Spencer. Many of you know my story. story. I'm the father who acted to protect his daughter when the system failed. I'm also a husband, a combat veteran of the 82nd Airborne Division, a contractor and a farmer. And through my own fight for justice, I have seen firsthand the failures in law enforcement and in our circuit court. And I refuse to stand by while others face these same failures. That's why I'm announcing my candidacy to run for Lownd Oak County Sheriff. This campaign isn't about me. It's

about every parent, every neighbor, every family who deserves to feel safe in their homes and safe in their community. It's about restoring trust where neighbors know law enforcement is on their side and families know that they will not be left alone in a moment of need. Together we can build a safer, stronger, low-note county for every family. I'm Aaron Spencer and I'm running for sheriff of low-note county. Now, let me put on the razorbacks. I'll get 12 grand on this one. Okay, that's a guy who took somebody's life.

Justifiably so. How do you not want him as sheriff? I think that's, as they say, he's got his bona fides. That's Latin for boner. What? Spencer's wife, Heather, who I dated back in, no, I didn't. launched an online fundraiser for her husband saying their underage daughter

had been targeted, groomed, and ultimately raped by the boyfriend of a family friend. We let the justice system do its job. The monster who hurt our child was charged quickly but released even faster on a $50,000 bond. He was a, that's a little much, isn't it? Oh, he's white, we'll kick it up the fifth.

He was awaiting court in December for several felonies in relation to what he did to our child, she added. She called the charges against her hero husband outrageous, adding that her child would have not come home

if my husband hadn't found her. He was the best guy around. Wait a minute. I know. It sounded like the rapist. No. The dad. That guy was past tense. We're talking about the dad, not Popeye. That's him with his dogs. The good.

guy. How is he? I want to see. Let's follow that race. I want to see who's running against him and try to put their record up against it. Ah, his daughter was asking for it. See how she was dressed? Come on. She had her sweats on her ass and said juicy. Come on. Let's follow that race. Let's send them a few bucks. Um, anyhow. That's vigilanteism. Oh, don't take the onto your own hands. Well, nobody's helping us, so what do you expect us to do? Charging him with murder. I wonder if that judge went to Hobart or Yale or Georgetown. Anyhow.

I better slow down. Oh, mama. made beef stew the other night. It might be my best. Mother of God. What else did I want to say to you, people? Come out Thursday. If you're in the Nashville area,

please, no guitars. You know, it's so funny. I've been in Nashville, but the only thing I've seen is Zaney's green room and in my hotel room. What am I going to do? Fucking take an Uber to Luke Bryant's place and do a number?

Release my hit at the Ole Opry. It's called I'm a Hick with Whiskey Dick. It shot to the top of the charts. It's supposed to be a great town. Dallas, he seemed like a Nashville guy. No? No. I don't like cowboy boats.

And that's it right now. date of 2025, still teetering on whether I want to do stand up. It better be sold out in Nashville. I'm going to, it's going to have a lot to do with my decision. Watch, I'll get there, 14 people. Quit. Signs. Get off the road. Let's move on to, I had to report this. I found this story a couple days ago. Didn't get to it yesterday. But it really, I mentioned earlier how since Trump came of age, politically that, you know, blacks and whites seem to be getting together and a little bit more than they do. But this one really jumped out at me. It was like watching, I don't know, a movie with a surprise that.

The family of a 26-year-old, of 26-year-old Elijah Wilkes, who was shot and killed by an off-duty office of Thursday, young black fellow. That's him? He was in a, he was in a, uh, millie-manilly cover band, apparently. Jesus, that hair must get heavy when it's raining. It's like a fucking Janitor's mop. Held a press conference Friday and said the officer, get this, the family's saying this about their kid. The officer, a black family said,

who killed the kid was justified. I mean, how is this not all over the, huh? How was this not on a loop at CNN and MSNBC in the New York Times? And the Milwaukee, oh, it doesn't fit their narrative. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel noted that Wilkes family watched a video of the incident, which showed Wilkes slapping off duty Milwaukee police department with a gun.

That's called pistol whipping. Not a slap. The fuck, who wrote this, Ruth Buzzy? What the fuck kind of slap me with his gun? Oh, he pistol whipped you, you dink. Following a minor car crash. It's a good move. You're getting offended better.

smack the cop with your gun. That's good. Wilkes then allegedly pointed his gun at the off-duty officer and guess what? He was shot and fatally wounded. Don't you move you, motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out. Don't you move you, motherfucker? I'll blow

your wig off. The off-duty officer who shot Wilkes was a 40-year-old man who's been with the department for 20 years. After watching the video of the incident, Wilk's aunt said he made a decision. Where's the mom? It's the art. I think we might see where he went wrong. He made a

decision that he should not have made, and that is just something we have to live with. Thank you for being a mature, reasonable person, Auntie. Honestly, think how much better the world would be. He says, we have to, she said, we have to live with it. Him as a person, he was a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, and a Millie Vanilli fan. The Wilkes family attorney, where do they come up with these? This is the guy's name,

B, apostrophe, ivory, B ivory. Bivory. Bivry, Dallas says. It's bivry. It is. I say B ivory. You know, ivory soap floats? That was this selling point.

Now, I used to go, yeah, so did shit. I'm not going to wash my face with it. Anyways, Bivry, Lamar. There's a football player this weekend in some college. His name's Bo Jackson, but his real name is Lamar Jackson. Guy's destined to be famous.

Fucking, what's his middle name? Michael? Come on. The Wilkes family attorney, Bivry, Lamar, said, This was refreshing to hear from a black lawyer too. After which the video does depict Elijah pointing the firearm at the off-duty officer

and the off-duty officer did respond what we believe in the court is with his training and did fire off several shots. You hear the person crying in the back. Later on the clip, he moves out of the way and she dropped her hot dog in the dirt. Nook, that's some of the hilarity you'll see at Zanies. I'm 63.

I'm cashing a check that says Zanis. Can't wait to get the mist of banana heads. Ugh. Where am I? Oh, Jesus. Let's talk. Kids, anything going on? What am I ripping through?

Jesus Christ, stayed up all night pulling this shit. Fucking hour. 40 was perfect. Right, fellas? Remember? I think somebody heard me say that. What the hell else that I want to tell you, baby? I got a colonoscopy coming up.

Delicious. Yes, if I bathe. this was the colonoscopy I told you guys about that I did about a year ago and um when I woke up I already told this but I woke up and then like we have to do it again because it wasn't you know they give you all kinds of shit and I followed the instructions to a T because I've done these things before I have them every two years supposed to have them every 10 years but I like to feel it um so uh yeah and the and I wake up and the nurse has like a clip over the serious look and I go what the f how could something go wrong and a colonoscopy yeah we weren't fully cleansed so you know we couldn't see well just guess how about that I'm gonna stick something up my ass again ten times a month so I put it off but lately I've uh well anyway a lot of blood that I um yes so I have to November 4th

I look forward to that. I don't know if I've told these jokes. I think I did because I'm using them in my act now. But I lay it on my side and I pulled, and this is all true. I'm on that morphine. It's worth it. Just that buzz they give you.

I can see why people get hit. That must be a lot like heroin, that feeling. Mother of God, I wanted to chat all day. And I lay to my side and I pulled my knees up to my chest and one of the nurses, whatever you call him, she goes, oh, he knows the position. I was an altar boy for six year. I was murdering.

and then I fucking woke up after I was violated. Goodness gracious. First of all, it's prophenol that knocked you out, I think. I said morphine before. I don't know. They gave that to relax.

I don't know. Anyways, whatever that shit is, why can't I have that? People who can't sleep? Well, I ask Michael Jackson. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. You're talking one minute.

Next you can know, someone's going, you're all done you know it's like a date rape I was told by one of the nurses yes and the other thing was they found the Lee press on nail in there I said don't tell my wife it's not hers and I'm not kidding my doctor looked like a young Richard Nixon good excuse to do a Richard Nitchell I didn't see any polyps let me just say this I never stuck a tube up your ass and I never will again.

Anyhow, so I get that to look forward to. I'm ruining my year. And then, I can't talk about the thing. I can mention it's been in the papers, but the, you know, the Pandora thing. Supposedly moving ahead with that. It's only been three to half years. Anyways, let's move on to a Japanese fellow.

Move over, Otani. ML clubs in the market for power hitters got good news on Friday. First of all, who's not in the market for a power hitter? Another major option alongside Kyle Schwerber, who the socks had for five minutes. A couple of years ago, we picked him up for the run. He only, you know, hit about 12 homers and four games for a, yeah. I mean, I don't understand. Oh, budget cap.

Stick the cap up your ass. Kyle Schwabber, Kyle Tucker, another kid. These are three people that you, well, Jason, you know your baseball. Pete Alonzo, they are power hitters and they're free. All we need is one of those guys and the Red Sox will win the World Series. You heard me say it here, please. They're going to hit the free agent market this year. To me, the free in baseball, the off season, they call it stove top or what do they call it?

Hot stove. Hot stove, top. Yeah, it's a stuffing, Nick. Delicious. Yeah, it's as exciting as freaking baseball. Meet Munataka Marakami. Do I have to say it like that? Yeah, I do.

Look at him. Here he is flexing. Boy, he looks like Kim Jong-un in shape. Jesus. Meet Monotaka, Moakami, who is, I love Japanese name. It's expected to be posted by the Nippon professional baseball Yakult Swallows. That's a team of whores, if I've ever heard one.

I think my wife played for them in high school. The occult swallows. Yeah, she's a clean-up here. Honey, I didn't mean that. You know that. We know you better at eight. Listen, known as the Babe Ruth, a Babe Ruth of Higo, Murakami has been terrorizing NPB National Pussy Broadcasting

pitches for the last eight years. He slugged 200. 65 home runs in three games. What kind of league is that? No. In 103 games, with a high of 56 homers in 2022. And this is not, guys, it's not big. It's not, you know, going to the show, but it's close enough.

You've seen guys come over, Hideki and all those other, you know, fucking who's the guy that fuck Godzilla? They do very well, Ichero. Anyways, which set an NPB record for, Japanese-born players. At six-foot-two, 213 pounds, that's when I always, I look at Otani, and I go, I've never seen a Japanese guy built that bit. He's got to have a lot of something else at him. They're not known as tall, slender, muscular, p. O'Tani,

6-2, 213 pounds. Marikami can put a charge into the ball. Don't mean hit it. They mean he can put a charge into. He's an electronics major, like a lot of the Japanese people at Sony. What? His 223 World Baseball Classic Homer off USA's Merrill Kelly clocked in at 115.1 miles per hour off the bat and hit a little girl in the back of the head. She's gone. Not the way you could do by it. No, traveled 432 feet. Well, when Schwab, when Schwab follows one off, it goes that far. But anyways, this, this is exciting. Please, please, Red Sox, take a look. Look, we got, you know who, I can't, what's his name?

Matsusaka yuma, yume, I can't, anyways, he's kind of good. Here's a video of this guy playing ball. One of the greatest power hitters Japan has ever seen is coming stateside. Here's everything you need to know. 25-year-old slugger moonatakamorakami is officially set to be posted by the MPB and will be made available to all 30 major league teams. A long-awaited move which was initially first announced three years ago. I played for the PDJs.

Rejected the lefty to make his move state-side. in 2025 after posting one of the biggest seasons in Japanese baseball history. They don't tell you that's a little late car. Morikami hit mainstream media after hitting 56 home runs as a 22 year old in 2022. Look at the size. Oh, he flipped the bat like a cocky guy. Wow. He became the youngest player in league history to take home the Triple Crown Award after

hitting 318 and driving in. They even bowed of the mascots. He would go on to follow up his record-breaking season hitting 31 home runs in 2023 and 33 and this season in an injury riddled year, believe it or not, was on pace to hit 50 home runs after racking up 22 in just 56 games. A third baseman early on, the lefty has shifted to first base, however, can play both spots. And if there's one concern that could steer teams away, it's his strikeout rate, which

has ballooned to near 30% over the last three years. Pause, he strikes out 30%. And that's in the Japanese league. That might kick up to the high 70s. Go ahead. Met some Phillies to the frontrunners. With a deal. expected to potentially approach the $300 million mark.

Really? But you know what? Then you think what, Otani? They gave him part of ownership of the Dodgers. He deferred his zillions. This guy, when Otani retires, it would be like 38 with fucking literally owning part of the dog. Oh, yoy, yoy.

What a country, folks. In 2025, Murakami averaged one home run for every 9.2 at bats. A better rate than MLB home run leader. Cal Raleigh's 9.9. Big dumper, they call him. I still haven't found out the origin of that. Is it because of his ass?

It is? Is that why? Oh, all right. Yeah, someone behind home play at the Blue Jays game wore a butt plug shirt with Raleigh's number on it. A butt plug shirt? Yeah, it was an attempt to stanch his home run power, apparently. And that turned into a big dumper?

wasn't that Lizzo? Murakami, however, is of questionable value in the field. He's a primary third baseman who has also seen time at first base and his metrics back up below average defense. Make him a fucking day age. He was in the 18th percentile with his total zone rating in 2025, a comparative metric indicative of a defender's run-saving potential.

God, boy, these guys are under scrutiny these days. Murkami also had issues with his parents. He burned them to death in a trailer in Shinko Tingang. No, injuries in 2025. He's injured a lot. There's no crying in baseball. He played just 69 games after having off-season elbow surgery. he also endured a series of upper body injuries.

Is that it for the video? Thank God. Anyways, I don't know. We got to get socks. You've got to open your wallet, not for this guy, but for Schwabur or... And he liked his time in Boston. Who doesn't? You're playing on a Tuesday night.

There's 35,000 people there, no matter what your record is. Why wouldn't you want to play there? No, I'll go to San Diego for the billions. Anyways. finally tonight on Dallas that's a show Dallas not that let me out a massive gorilla was seen charging at the this video by the way I almost didn't put it in they put it up there like they had a close-up and slow motion of this thing you can fucking barely see it a man it could see this if you want I'll make that later on a massive

is seen charging at the wall of its enclosure at a California zoo smashing a portion of a thick glass panel in front of horrified onlookers shocking video almost captured look at the arms on this guy and what if he can dunk Nick I'm just saying out of all the I always say to me the scariest thing was to die at the hands of a bear having a bear just fucking tear and I think this might you realize and I'm not kidding you

if this thing slapped you your head would come on off your shoulders that's how fucking strong they are Denny Jesus really I was thinking quintavius villain racist joke on the story anytime you feel like it

look at the fucking they're beautiful though aren't they look how long is arms are. Denny, a 10-year-old Westin Lolan gorilla being looked at by the Yankees and the Red Star, shattered one layer

of a, oh, he's a pussy. Only one layer of a three-layered glider. I put my, I put, this is true, and I was drunk in college, and I got in a fight with a girl I was dating, and went back to my dorm, and I put my hand through a farglass window in the men's room.

Two pains, no cuts. A little bit of blood on the sheets. I wake up my rule. roommate goes, oh, you remember what you did last night? I looked out of my hand, I go, yeah. Tap a glass panel at the San Diego Zoo guerrilla forest habitat on Saturday. Zoo officials

confirmed in a statement. Let's take a look. And again, we might have to run it twice because, I don't know, Michael J. Fox was holding the camera. Go ahead. Oh, great. Thanks. Some scary video from the San Diego Zoo shows the moment a Gorilla sprinted towards the viewing glass and cracked a thick pain of glass. Oh! Right in front of visitors, the zoo said this 10-year-old Western Lolan gorilla named Denny damaged one layer of a three-layered tempered glass panel.

Denny wasn't injured, but we'll now be careful behind the seat until the panel is replaced. Brunt through a motherfucker face. Is that him over there now? Just sitting under a tray laughing? it would have been better if he went right through the glass and grabbed the little girl just ran with her remember the one

fucking, we've seen a few where guys fall into the cage oh my God eye aye aye footage obtained by CBS8 captured him catapulting towards the, you know how much strength? That's a fucking, that's not like regular glass folks

that's like hockey glass and he cracks do you understand the power and you know why he did it because you named him Denny his guerrilla friends are going hey denny they all have nice African names Abdul Jabar and shit like that captured him catapulting towards the glass

causing several onlookers to shit their pants and scream as they walked away take your sticking paws off me you damn dirty age later on he got a little girl in Cajun Images also showed members of the crowd investigating the partially shattered panel. Is there a glass company having a field trip there following the smashing session?

Danny was not injured in the incident. He's day to day with a hamstring, but the Ravens expect them back this Sunday. We're not putting that one up. I got enough problems with my other shit. Hey, we put a clip up of the Pam Anderson rope roast a couple months ago. It's at 2.2 million views. I know it's a couple months, folks, and that's, but for, you know, an old man, I said, flood the zone with my shit. There's two generations who are just being introduced to me as I'm dying.

Danny was not injured. He and the other gorilla living in the enclosure. What? What? He's got a life partner? Danny and Sharon, that's a, he and other guerrilla. living in the enclosure will be cared for while the panel is replaced and they will be charged. It is common for male guerrillas, especially in adolescence, to express these types of behaviors,

bursts of energy charging, dragging items, looting, burning, running sideways, stealing diapers and formula from a CVS at the corner of Fight the Power and Die Whitey Avenue. Anyways, for a young male. That's true they get ran by what a beautiful animal.

Do we have any zoos around? Just hang out in the 30s. I'll see the same thing. Anyways, spokesman for the Sandeague Zoo. Yeah, I figured he worked at the zoo the guy that said that. The fuck, why did they do that?

Said a guy who drives a bread truck. All right. Previously, Denny had lived with his other siblings in a foster home after being left at a fire station in Detroit, including his brother, oh, see, his brother's a maka, a maker, make a wish, who suddenly died in August at the age of 30 drug deal gone bad. filling racist from a cardiac event what were you feeding them pizza and sticks of butter he had a COVID shot huh?

yeah I probably had the jab you fucking A right gave him the jab Dr. Aaron Riley an anthropology professor at San Diego State said several facts could have provoked the behavior including seeing a white guy sticking his ass against the window

including Denny's griefers late brother. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, that's what it was. One comment by a college professor, and it's stupid. Yeah, he was pissed about his parents' divorce. Fucking asshole. All right, that's enough. I milked it pretty good. Fucking talk like an auctioneer. What do I get to prepare 10 stories? Jesus. It's like when you're doing stand-up and you look down, you think you're at 45 when you're doing an hour and it says 22 and you almost start crying. Then you go, I'll be right back, and you come back on a unicycle with bottle rockets, and people love you more, and you quit.

That is it, ladies and gentlemen. Don't forget, listen to me tomorrow morning and Thursday, I'm on on Stephen Crowder, and then this Thursday night, which is October 16th, I'll be at Zanis and Nashville. So come on out if you're in the area. You go to my website, nickdip.com. We have a merchandise page with a whole bunch of new stuff, stuff you've never seen on merch, you know, hats and T-shirts and fucking clogs and

Crocs, DePaulo Crocs. Have you seen those? That's it. You guys think it? I'll say it. Did I say that right? All of a sudden, I'm having trouble with that.

Have a great weekend, if I don't see it, this week. And we'll see you back here on Monday. Thank you. Hi. Good night, everybody. Oh, wow. You know, I'm going to be. Oh!

A AIMEY BOR. Oh, Awe-W-W-A-W-W-W-W-A-W-W-A-W.