The Nick DiPaolo Show - Twitter Twat Baker Booted | Nick Di Paolo Show #1318

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

Musk Boots Baker. Trump Witch Hunt Complete. FLA Man, Sex With Dog. Canadian Judge Sick With Liberalism. Caroline's to Close.

Make sure to join me on Patreon to get the exclusive Encore episode. Today, I'll be talking about the, uh, what is it, a teacher? West Coast Stupid Trans Teacher. West Coast Stupid Trans Teacher. Once again, uh, saying that, you know, S&M books are good for kids. So, again, I call it West Coast stupid, so don't miss that. Hey, oh yeah, welcome to the show, folks. Wednesday, how are ya? Good to be with ya. Remind me I have a dentist appointment at 4 o'clock. Jesus Christ. I know kids in Appalachia,

they don't go to the dentist as much. Get this fucker. Bobby Kreider's the doctor. He's apparently a specialist at implants. I said, uh, get this and then these. Ask these for Christmas. I don't know what I'm saying. Real quick, before I get to our stories, a couple, I like to, you know, gaze over the front page right before we go on. And, of course, last night, Hershel Walker lost, again, by a conter. We're supposed to believe that's all on the up and up.

And it just feels so, didn't you know that was going to happen and they were going to make it look close and nobody would get upset? Don't you know? I don't even. I didn't even vote. Sorry, Herschel. Didn't vote. Not sure I believe in it anymore. Maybe I shouldn't have said that and pissed off some of my fans, but... And I love Herschel Walker and I think he's changed his life, Robin. Is that really the best Republicans?

Huh? Fucking Warnock. I've seen more him than my wife in the last fucking... I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. You can't. Don't ever try to teach yourself an instrument during campaign season. Jesus Christ. Every YouTube fucking video. You'd think they'd skip one here and there. Oh my God, this prick is in my face.

I got to hand it to him. What kind of dough did they throw at him? Fucking, I'm waiting for him to pop up in a Mike Lindell ad for my pillow. It's the only other guy that's on TV. My campaign. My campaign. My campaign. Yeah, oh my God. So yeah, so that's that. Whatever that means.

All it means is the Democrats don't have to rely on Kamala Harris to break a tie or whatever. I don't think it means much other than that, does it? It more so means Manchin and Sinema are now, don't have to worry about being on the same page as much. You hear that, folks? Well said right there. Guys apparently studying politics. Anyways, and what else?

Real quick. Oh, Aaron Judge. I don't know how he's going to get through life. Decided to deal with the Yankees. He re-upped at nine years for 360 mil. know how he's going to get through life. Decided to deal with the Yankees. He re-upped at nine years for 360 mil. Let me do the math for you folks, for you people who are bagging groceries at Publix or doing a podcast like me. We're about even. That's 40 million a year in my book, It's $40 million a year in my book, I believe.

When you make $1 million a year, you make $20,000 a week. So if you do 40 times 20, he's making $800,000 a week just to let that sink in. And I'm not saying, hey, you're worth, in the open market, you're worth what someone's willing to pay you. I don't begrudge anybody that. I'm just surprised with the tax situation in New York that he wouldn't know what else. I understand it now. As a kid I used to go, why would you go to the Padres? Or whatever. That's not much better. California's worse. But why, I can't believe everybody's not playing for the Marlins or for fucking, you know, Tampa. Speaker 1 in audience member's office Speaker 2 in audience member's office Speaker 1 in audience member's office Speaker 2 in audience member's office Speaker 2 in audience member's office Speaker 2 in audience member's office Speaker 2 in audience member's office Speaker 2 in audience member's office I can't believe everybody's not playing for the Marlins or for fucking, you know, Tampa.

Yeah, yeah, the Rangers. Exactly. That's a lot of taxes. Not that it matters to Aaron. Imagine being 6'8 and fucking king of the world right now. And he's seen, I'll say it again, and it's coming from a fucking Yankee hater. He seems like a cool dude. He should be the face of goddamn baseball.

Never seen the guy get pissed. I say it all the time. I've seen him get called out on pitches a foot below his knees. Doesn't even — God, if I had the temperament, I could have shot to the middle. Not the top, the middle. And one more thing. We do our Florida stories all the time, but this one I just saw. Lady burns to death in Florida. How? Fire pit accident in her backyard with her husband and kids around. She poured gas on the fucking,

it looked like it was out. She takes a can of gas, one smoldering log. Apparently it went up. Can explodes. 100% of her body burned. She dropped in her old, her husband said, and then he said, fuck Dick Van Dyke. Shit don't work. I got to find levity. It's so sad. Why I'm telling you this, my Uncle Al's a fireman. He was. He's long gone now. And he was the most careless

guy, like typical, you know, fucking, just like carpenters, you know, you get too comfortable with your tools. My Uncle Al, he's in my grandparent's yard, which is the house next to my yard growing up. He's got a grill going. He's got a can of Kingsford. He's talking to my dad as he's squirting Kingsford on a fucking fire that's already going. I come out of the house, I remember, I'm in the driveway watching the flame go right up the can, and he just drops and starts laughing.

Like, oh my God. And then my dad tried to burn the field down. He liked to burn the field and let it grow back. You know, he fucking got away from him one time. I fucking come home. It looked like a scene out of frigging, you know what, Meet the Parents. Fucking 40-foot flames in our backyard.

For like a fucking half mile, I got away. No panic. He's fucking kind to laugh. I go, you guys are fucking really dumb guineas. You goddamn guineas really make me laugh. The fire department had to come down and yell at him. He goes, hey, I've been doing this for a hundred years. I got away. Anyway, sorry, lady. Jesus, that'll put a damper on your fucking Christmas. Any good news? Hasn't there been a minute of baby born near a fire pit? Let's get to the real news.

Baker booted. Who's Baker? Jim Baker. The religious guy? No, he's long gone. There's a lot of Jim Bakers. Me and Gutfellow discussing that in text today. There's a lot of Jim Bakers out there that work for the FBI.

Anyways, Elon Musk has fired Twitter's deputy general counsel. Folks, when you hear general counsel, that means a lawyer, basically, okay? James Baker, over his alleged suppression of internal documents about blocking. So he's suppressing stories about the suppression of files at Twitter. So he's suppressing stories about the suppression of files at Twitter. Blocking the Hunter, excuse me, Biden laptop expose. So Elon Musk, who's doing God's work, told that guy to hit the fucking bricks. You're fired.

You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. I heard you, said Mr. Baker. What a scumbag. What a fucking scumbag. Oh, by the way, what you should know about him, maybe it's mentioned in the article, maybe it's not.

He was involved when he was the counselor for the FBI in forwarding the dossier story, that hoax. He helped get that out there, just to give an idea about his morality. Look at him. I can tell by his pencil neck, just to give an idea about his morality. Look at him. I can tell by his pencil neck, his necktie, and his glasses, he should have been shot. In light of concerns about Baker's possible role in suppression of information important to the public dialogue, he was exited from Twitter today. Musk tweeted Tuesday. I like that he was exited. Musk added that he questioned Baker before his firing

about the events surrounding the laptop suppression scandal and that the lawyer's explanation was, this is in quotes, unconvincing. You guys got to be old to get that one. Baker was previously general counsel for the FBI under this slimy, shit-grinning, call me, director. Look at that face. That's the Ralph Crampton face. He knew Alice had him by the balls. Yeah, so he was director under this jerk-off. We all know his morality.

And a key figure in the Bureau's investigation into false claims of collusion between Russia and Donald Trump's 2016 presidential campaign. This is who was in charge of deciding, you know, what would get reported and what wouldn't. It's always good, isn't it, to have an FBI guy working with a big tech company? Well, I guess he was a former FBI, whatever. You get the drift. During his time at FBI, Baker worked with fiercely anti-Trump FBI officials. Remember these two fuckers Peter struck in this pig Lisa Page?

struck in this pig, Lisa Page. I can just smell asshole coming off these two. Remember that fucking email? They had an exchange or a text saying he was in like a Walmart. Oh, you can smell the garbage coming off. Remember? He was a, oh, you dirty. After leaving the Bureau in 2018,

Baker reportedly found himself under criminal investigation for allegedly leaking materials to reporters. You're a crumb creep. Always has been. In addition, Baker has been linked to Mother Jones reporter David Korn, the guy with no lips. Look, who does he look like? I'll tell you who. Every pedophile in Idaho. Tony, Tony Danza.

Tony Danza? No. Tony Danza. Oh, my God. You're fucking funny. That's like when I went into, you know what, Olive Garden shit face in Jacksonville, Florida. And the waiter said I was Frank Stallone. Not Sylvester. Frank.

And he was dead serious. This guy looks like Abe Vigoda's kid. Jones reporter David Cohn, who broke the news on the existence of the Steele dossier, a document compiled by British ex-buy Christopher Steele, loaded with unproven claims about Trump. Take a big step back and literally fuck your own face. Forgot about that one. Baker's axing. That's axing. Not like what a black dude said,

asking. Axing by Musk comes after independent journalist Matt Taibbi revealed internal documents showing the lawyer and other top Twitter executives deliberately over what to do about the post-October 2020 story. So he's collaborating with the fucking Twitter people on Hunter Biden's abandoned laptop and the first son's alleged influence peddling schemes it revealed. Twitter moved to block the story under its hacked materials policy without any evidence of hacking at all. They're just filthy, filthy rotten. The company even suspended the accounts of those. It doesn't feel like that we're, you, me, working class people have been fooled our whole lives. Like there's's two sides, and they're laughing at us.

Look at these idiots trying to play by the rule. It's just really exposed. Goddamn, Musk is doing Mother Teresa's work right now. I wonder if it'd come on the show. Imagine that. Have him zoom in. First of all, I'd say, listen, you realize you're African-American, technically. That means you can wear blackface.

Do it! The company even suspended the accounts of those who tried to share the allegations, including former White House Press Secretary, cutie pie Kayleigh McEnany's account, for linking to the Post reporting on the scandal. You notice Trump surround himself with a bunch of cuties. Did you notice that? That's why you gotta love him. Picture that.

Now picture the fucking black ragamuffin who, you know, she's cute if you're a dyke. What? Any need to talk like that? Absolutely. It's America.

Hacking was the excuse, but within a few hours, pretty much everyone realized that wasn't going to hold. And that's people on Twitter, by the way. But no one had the guts to reverse it, an ex-employee told a tie-ee-bee. So here's to you, Mr. Baker. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, a big fat stinking cunt.

Just cunt. Said Andrew Bernier, tell you, you're a motherfucking cunt. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, motherfucking cunt. Everybody knows from head to toes, you're a big, fat, stinking cunt. Wah, wah, wah. Dave Attell. You guys, everybody remembers this song that was playing the first time they got laid? I remember my da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I can still feel her whiskers.

Get over. I miss Attell. All right. Let's move on, shall we? We shall. Witch hunt complete. The Trump organization. Boy, was this, this one just angers me.

I don't know how the legal system works. I guess he'll just pay a fine. He won't do time, right? I don't know how it works. If a guy that rich, that rich and that white, right, goes to jail, then I don't want to hear how it's fixed. Of course he's not going. The Trump organization, and he probably didn't do it. Ah, let me just fucking read this before I shit blood. The Trump

organization was found guilty Tuesday of criminal tax fraud. In other words, doing what all businesses do. Every business ever been fucked, you know, write-offs and favors for, you know, nobody gave a fuck. It's never affected anybody anywhere. Everybody does it, left, right, center. Hey, I sound like a Democrat. Both sides do it. Well, in the private business world, that's true, regardless of how you vote. Anyways, of criminal tax fraud in now former Donald, President Donald Trump's real estate company could face a $1.6 million fine. real estate company could face a 1.6 million dollar fine. Oh, no.

Are you fucking kidding? He spent that on dinners. That's what he spent on dinners in a month. Not even. Not even. Golf, what? Which I guess, maybe, again, it's just optics. Makes it look like they're basically saying,

we ain't got shit. We're just letting you know we hate. What an obsession. It is irrational how much they hate this guy. It's irrational. Again, it makes sense to me because he's, and nobody else says this. I've said it a million times on the show.

It's not just that he's white. He's alpha male. He's Christian, blonde hair, blue eyed. He is the devil personified to the left. It's fucking weird. The concept of good and evil, it's coming clear to me. Anyways, Trump org was convicted on all 17 counts at face, including tax fraud, falsifying business records, conspiracy in related crimes. That's awful broad. Following two days of deliberations at a Manhattan Supreme Court.

Oh, boy. Think about it. You're supposed to be probably a jury of your peers. He's a fucking Republican in Manhattan. That was Donald losing his shit. You're out of order.

The whole trial is out of order. You're out of order. Sit down, Don Jr. We should have Don on to explain this. The company is set to be sentenced on January 13th. Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg, a big black pro-crime, pro-black, fat fucking

communist, Marxist, fat black, African-American fuckstain, lauded the jury's verdict. The first criminal conviction against one of Trump's companies. The case was about greed and cheating, Bragg said, as he shoved another donut in his fucking octopus face. Today's verdict holds these Trump companies accountable for their long-running... Really?

They did $1.5 million in 40 years worth of... You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. As Jim Schoenfeld said to an NHL referee going down the hallway after a playoff game in the 80s, have another donut, you fat fuck. It's one of the famous clips in hockey. Trump Organization lawyer, Susan, let's call her negligee.

Oh God, no, let's not. Holy shit It's the ghost of fucking Richard Simmons What the fuck is this? Oh my God, I'm getting dizzy She's scary Susan Nedgley Says she and her clients disagree with the verdict

Good for you She's a pro See that? She's a Trump lawyer Would you ever guess that? And plan to appeal H disagree with the verdict. Good for you. She's a pro. See that? She's a Trump lawyer. Would you ever guess that? And plan to appeal. Hours before the verdict, Trump raised on Truth Social that Bragg was out to get him. Murder and violent crime is at an all-time high in New York City. And the DA's office has spent almost all its time and its money fighting a political witch hunt for D.C. against me, the Don, over fringe benefits.

And that's what it is, basically. He wrote, adding that no murder case has gone to trial in six years, much to the consternation of victims' mothers and families who are devastated that nothing is being done to bring justice. Too busy on the Donalds is what they are, he says. Yes, sir. That is so true. It almost feels like, I don't know, almost like they're winking to Trump going, we know everybody does.

I can't explain it. It's just fucking ridiculous. The hate is just, you know what I mean? I didn't explain it. It's just fucking ridiculous. The hate is just, you know what I mean? I didn't like Obama. And people hated him. But can I ask you a question? Why is it always the conservatives and the Republicans always being sued and having to prove that they're,

they're always on the defensive? Are you ever going to take over someday and just start lying and cheating like the, oh, Nick, you don't want to lower your, yeah, I do. It's defensive. Are you ever going to take over someday and just start lying and cheating like the last? Oh, Nick, you don't want to lower you. Yeah, I do. It's the only way you're going to win. Okay? Anyways, fire with fire.

During the trial, prosecutors alleged that for 15 years, the Trump organization helped, listen to this, top executives skirt income taxes on cushy, off-the-books benefits, including rent, private school tuition, and luxury cars. Oh, my God. It's like fucking Schindler's List all over again. The jury of eight men and four pigs, I mean women, were heard, why would you say that,

from star prosecution witness and former trunk organization CFO Allen Weisselberg, who testified last month, and this is him, and I quote, he looks like that guy in the Sopranos that they, he's driving down the street, and he's an old man, and they fucking bump his car in a red light. He gets, he ends up getting killed and put in the trunk. It was my own personal grief, this is Weisselberg talking, that led to this case. That's pretty good he's taking the bullet trump organizational lawyers have maintained that weisselberg acted on his own and that the blame lay solely uh with him trump had a word with him get this through your head

get this through your head you jew motherfucker you uh nicholas pointed i've called the three different names point nestli's Quick pointed the finger at Weisselberg. We are here today because of one reason and one reason only, the greed of Weisselberg, she said in her summations. In a statement after the verdict, Nesli's repeated Trump and his family didn't know about Weisselberg's fraud. Donald said, I don't know nothing about that. Why would a corporation whose owner knew nothing about Weisselberg's personal tax returns be criminally prosecuted for Allen Weisselberg's personal conduct for which they had no visibility or oversight? Negliche said, why? Because you're the CEO. It always comes, the buck stops

there, especially in a case. This case was unprecedented and legally incorrect. Well, correct it in an appeals court, no? Yeah, sure. Meanwhile, the Donald, if you need Christmas gifts, I got the perfect ones for you.

God, that would be a great pick. Remember I told you some guy sent a clip of, was it Don Jr. or actual Donald Trump watching my special? I didn't tell you about this, did I? A picture, apparently he knew Don. Donald Trump was staying at a hotel. And it had him watching my fucking and I was about to fucking put it on

Twitter and Tommy goes, let's check that out for sure enough. I wrote the guy back, what are you doing? You're a fan of mine? You're fucking setting me up? Anyways, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies,

triple D bras, corsets, nipple clamps, and nose rings. They're a great gift for any listener, and it's yet another way for you to support the show. You can also get signed copies of my book. Hey, take that monkey out of my house. Copies of my previous specials and all the Nika shirts just go to nickdip.com and click on store again nickdip.com thank you guys very very much

merchandise been very good to me hold on let me take a sip of this delicious coffee that no no no no that hold on was for you, you know. It's all right. I'm doing good time-wise.

In our FLA segment, a lot of stuff coming out of Florida as the holiday's near. It gets crazier than normal down there. I just talked about the poor lady who burned to death in her own fire pit. That's Satan at work. I'm not religious, but come on.

Anyhow. Oh, by the way, I thought I saw Kirstie Alley's ghost go by my window last night. Then it turned out to be my neighbor. She was a fucking fat fuck. What? No. One Florida man had quite a busy afternoon last Sunday. That's putting it mildly.

Sounds like he was running errands. According to reports, he had sex relations with a dog. Okay, big deal. No. Ugh. How gross. And I Googled that, right? Not like it was going to be a clip of him. But dog, clip comes up of a black guy fucking his dog. I mean, in the camera, just like you're filming a porn. Took me like an hour to get off. It was a poodle. I don't like that.

I'm not attracted to poodles. Give me a little puppy that's screaming. Sexual relations with a dog. He also knocked over several items at a church, causing hundreds of dollars in damage, then destroyed a neighborhood mailbox and attempted to steal a getaway car before he was eventually apprehended and taken to goddamn jail. Is that not Florida? At around 4.30 p.m., police received a call

about a man who had allegedly, listen to this, caused quite a disturbance in a Clearwater neighborhood. According had allegedly, listen to this, caused quite a disturbance in a Clearwater neighborhood, according to witnesses. 36-year-old Chad Mason, senior of Orlando. What the fuck? Chad! I mean, it's not like you're ugly. Seriously.

It's like a're ugly. Seriously. It's like a good-looking guy. What are you doing? What? I want to know what happened to this kid. We have to. Taking a friend's golden, oh, not a golden doodle. Oh, no.

They're known to, look, golden doodles dress like they want to get raped. For a walk in an apartment complex that afternoon when he suddenly began having sex with a dog in full view of the public. This will, I mean, this does happen. What the fuck? All right, take it easy. I left $20 in your house. Including at least one child was watching.

Jesus Christ, Chad. You're a deep doo-doo. When an adult confronted him about the alleged act of bestiality, Mason ran off and took refuge at Northwood Presbyterian Church. You always do want to run right to a church after your fucking dog. Pretty much get, you go right to confession, I think. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I knocked up a cock of spaniel and two sheep hooves. What? Where he supposedly wreaked even more havoc.

Oh, my God, I love that. My mother said they played that when I was baptized. I don't believe her. Witnesses say he upended a nativity scene. Oh, no, he knocked a couple of wise men. You can't knock over a couple of Jews. They're going to sue. A nativity set.

Punted the baby Jesus coffin corner style. No, in several potted plants, causing approximately $400 worth of debt. That's it? The fuck was the nativity scene made of? Sugar cubes? Legos? Can you imagine he fucks a dog, then goes in and knocks over a, is he trying to go to freaking hell? I am like God and God like me. I am as large as God. He is as small as I. He cannot above me nor I. Beneath him, me.

Zalasius, 17th century. So, so, do this. Do, do, do this. Do, do, do this. 17th century. That's the music I put on when me and my wife are about to have sex. She thinks it's sexy. After he left the church, Mason reportedly ran to a nearby neighborhood where he destroyed a mailbox. What? Put these, these don't, one of these things is not like the other. You're fucking a dog, you knock over an activity scene, you break a mailbox. I gotta write a joke, I gotta write a joke about that.

This guy was pissed at the post office, Jesus, and the poodle, and attempted to steal a car. I forgot to throw that in there. Clearwater police ultimately arrested Mason shortly thereafter and booked him in the Pinellas County. That's near, that's Tampa over there. He faces a slew of, oh Orlando too, of disconcerting charges, including two counts of exposure of sexual organs, two counts of exposure of sexual organs, sexual activity involving animals, criminal mischief,

and criminal mischief to a place of worship. This guy's a fucking bad motherfucker. I'm going to stab you through the heart with a fucking pencil. Do you understand me? No, I don't, Father. Mason also faces two counts of lewd or lascivious exhibition for reportedly conducting the sex act with a dog in the presence of a minor. Lucky. There's the dog. As you can tell, his will has been broken.

Looks like this girl I went out with at college when I got done with her. Her ears are a little bigger than that. She was from Lewiston, Maine. Anyways, that's horrible. How dare you? Is that guy going to hell? I guess. I don't know. He didn't fuck a kid. Another one of Louie's sick bits.

He goes, I'd fuck a dead body. Like if I was walking across a field and I stumbled over a dead body. Like if I was walking across a field, and I stumbled over a dead body, and he goes, and it wasn't raining. Do you understand how funny that is? In other words, the rain would have been enough to stop. Oh, God. Guys, bring it.

Anyways, let's move on. Canadian judge. Oh, boy. Guys, bring it. Anyways, let's move on. Canadian judge. Oh, boy. Just that alone. This one really got my short hairs in a lump. Canadian judge proves that liberalism is mental illness. That was my take on it. A violent offender.

Oh, this one pisses me off. Who slashed the throat of a visually impaired man. Did he fuck a dog? No. Will avoid federal prison. Of course he will. He fucked a guy who's legally, I mean, boy, I'm stuck on that dog. He sliced the throat of a guy who's like legally blind.

But no, he's not going to go to prison. He committed that, he did this in the mid-2022. That's this year, according to the Calgary Herald. The judge, considering the history of colonialism, That's this year, according to the Calgary Herald. The judge considering the history of colonialism, that's in quotes, the judge said the history of colonialism and its effects on the native population, meaning what, indigenous, as part of his ruling. He's taking into account the effects of colonialism on the suspect. Let that sink in for a minute. That is scary.

Who the fuck do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? I'm the judge. A nine-inch gash nearly ended the life of Calgary, Canada man who was on a light rail train on his way to work one busy morning as his throat was cut by a man who was on a light rail train on his way to work one busy morning as his throat was cut by a man who allegedly suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome disorder. Well, so does Dallas. He's here every day. Let me ask you a question. Couldn't you apply that here in America? And I'm

sure we have already. They just don't come out and say it. Can you apply that to any time an African American commits a crime? Well, slavery, Billy Bird does. I'm sure that's coming though, legally. Oh, it already is, dude. They just don't say it. Yeah, no, it already has been. It's been going on for years. Which is

the silliest fucking thing. So this guy going to work has just because he's part of a race that hundreds of years ago did something, he's, you know, and this guy's immune to going to jail. A victim impact statement said the doctors told the victim the cut was just one tenth of an inch away from being fatal, with a man's lawyer calling it a horrific act of random violence. And that's all it is, folks. But, you know, those Westerns came in

and just slotted Indians all over North America, and that should come into play. You have to be dicking me. You have to be dicking me. You have to be dicking me. Provincial court judge Harry, his first name, middle name. I suck cock and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yum. Van Harten declined to send the accused to federal prison.

I would just like two minutes in the room with this fucking guy, wouldn't you? Not to hurt him, just to ask him questions. Why are you such a cunt? Instead, opting for the maximum provincial jail time of two years, minus time served, plus probation. So let me get this straight, Judge. Basically, it's legal to

slash a stranger's throat on a train in Canada. As long as you're indigenous. As long as you're fucking, yeah, exactly. They find a kernel of corn in your shit. Like, you know, Liz Warren. According to multiple outlets, the judge cited that the generational trauma that European society, wow, getting right to it, huh, has caused to indigenous communities had to be addressed.

Really? A couple hundred years later? You fucking faggot. It's go time. And I know this is Canada, but it's the same here. Doesn't matter. The history of colonialism has to be taken into account. Oh, does it? Does it? Okay, said the judge.

What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Case closed. A statement of agreed facts states the incident happened at about 6.20 a.m. When the man was attacked on a train, the prosecution claims that the attacker told a friend he wanted to get a guy before walking up to the victim and attacking him with a utility knife. But again, because his great-great-great-grandfather, wolf shit, had a, you know, problem with Whitey way back in the day. I like how all their problems manifested

into them becoming alcoholics. That's kind of funny, isn't it? A lot of black people went through some shit, too. They're not all fucking drunks. They'll do drugs and stab you in the ass. Nick, what are you saying? I'm saying a couple. The ones that play in the NFL and a few NBA guys.

What? What are you trying to do? I don't know. I don't care. Fuck this show. Fuck me. The accused slashed his throat, dragging his knife from the right side

to the left side. Yeah, that's how it works. Thanks for the instructions. Up his neck, said the fucking, said the psycho. The victim claims he's now too afraid to use public transit, pussy, after the attack,

which was his only method of transportation, as his visual impairment prevents him from driving. Guy's fucking basically got his throat slashed, but he has to know that the guy that did it, he'll be around, he'll be on that train soon. Nice going, judge. I hope somebody fucking puts be on that train soon. Nice going, Judge. I hope somebody fucking puts one in the back of your sister's fat ass. Not you. I'll take care of you myself. Me and Dallas are coming down there.

Up there. I always correct people when they do that. Finally, I walked into one. My buddy Greg, the late Greg Zook, he'd be in Florida going, I'm coming down there. I go, I walked into one. My buddy Greg, the late Greg Zook, he'd be in Florida going, I'm coming down there.

I go, I'm up in Georgia. What are you talking about? Hey, guys and gals and everything in between, you know, and I do have, I say that kiddingly, I've had two trans show up to my show loving me,

by the way. When I did a show up in Maine, one of them was a lead, I told you guys this story, lead of a, a singer of a rock band. Was it guy transitioning to a girl or vice, I can't remember. Pretty face, long, blonde hair, like a, you couldn't, you know, it was one of those, but he had still had a boy's voice.

I can't remember. Hands me the CD. It was something called something dynamite. And I'm like, oh, yeah, this will be great. Me and my buddy Zook put it in on the way. Guy plays a fucking guitar, makes Hendrix look like a hack. Oh my God, that was a useless story.

Let's move on. Hey guys and gals, I'll be back on the road next month. Here's where you can see me and when. January 13th, 14th, Comedy Off-Broadway, Lexington, Kentucky. March 11th and 12th, the Comedy Club of Kansas City in Kansas City, Missouri. April 21

22. The Funny Bone. St. Louis first and then St. Charles, Missouri. You can get tickets to all the shows at nickdip.com Just click on the old tour button and we'll fill you in on what's up. Finally tonight Sweet Caroline

Bop Bop Bop Good times never seem so good. I've been inclined to believe they never would. Lay off the sauce. Love on the rocks. Ain't no big surprise. Just pour me a drink and I'll tell you some lies. Sweet Caroline, what is that about?

Laughter will turn into tears on January 1st at Caroline's on Broadway when the city's premier comedy venue for 40 years closes its doors for good. This one hit home with me a little bit. Got me a little misty-eyed. By the way, it hasn't looked that good since the day it opened. Let me just tell you, I'm doing this story because I love the people that run it. Caroline Hirsch was this smoking woman. Even, you know, she's got to be pushing 70 now.

Still, just really. And she was frighteningly good looking when she was young. Married some zillionaire named Hirsch. And I think they got divorced. She got like half of a trillion dollars. I think she was from Brooklyn. Really fucking. And a guy named Louis Ferranda,

barrel chested guy, gay guy, fucking loved me, of course. Hey, DePaulo. I mean, he helped me so much. He ran Catch a Rising Star when I first, which was the hot club, and then he moved over when this opened. This was already open at a different place in New York City, down on the seaport when I moved to New York. After a couple of years of being there, this opened on Broadway between 49th and 50th. It had a million shows there. My favorite stage, like on a Tuesday or Wednesday night with only like, I'd say like a handful, 40, 50 people in there. I sold it out on New Year's Eve a couple of times. I have a history here. I had to show my own ID to get to the fucking Carolines on New Year's Eve because they had all the Times Square blocked off.

I had to show two different cops my fucking name to get to Caroline. But I was so proud that they asked me. These are the things on my resume that mean more than doing a letterman. Honestly, when you're asked to do the, like two years in a row row to do New Year's Eve in New York City at the Premier Club, and I know David Tallon, Louie, probably all, I was just fucking, you know what I mean? They were always good to me. And I was never funnier than if you people saw me there like on a Wednesday night in front of 50, I wouldn't stay up there for an hour and a half. It was just something about how the room was set up. I almost got beat up there. I told Dallas the story.

Only time that I've ever been scared on stage. Some guy was with some girls, came in late, and I was really zinging him because he was yelling shit out. Then he goes, fuck that. He stands up, starts to take off his jacket. Had a neck like a fucking, like twice the size of Michelle Obama's. With his skimmer hat. Anyways, turns out Colin Quinn knew him.

He was only a fucking union guy that would have fucking had me shot. He meant something about the day. Oh, central booking, he said, as he was taking his coat off. He goes, I'm going to central booking right now. I was like, eh. Anyways. And one other quick story. I was there in front of a packed house.

I did a Latino joke in my act, as I do. Somebody from Latina Magazine, the editor, throws a glass from the back of the room. It hits the table of people from Atlanta. Big family in the front. Glass just goes everywhere. So I go fucking nuts on her. She stands up screaming at me. The cops are called. I stay up there. It was something that

I said about Latinos that pissed her off. And then I said, hey, get your brother in here to clean up the mess. Just to fuck. Show, I continue. I go out in the hallway. They got her in fucking cuffs. And she's yelling at me and shit. Do people never learn that you don't hackle a fucking or hackle a goddamn comic? Well, when they're girls, they think, here's the thing with women. When they get drunk, they don't think you're going to get physical. And you can't.

Well, you can. But women are worse than guys because they'll push it further. Guys know you might come out in the fucking audience with a mic stand or vice versa, you know what I mean? Except for that one union guy. That would have fucking ate me for lunch, I think. But Colin Quinn, to this day, laughs his balls off because I had been there another time when a fight broke out. Well, it had nothing to do with me on this one. And I've told you I've had a couple of these. Two tables got into it from New Jersey and New York.

One of them had like biker vests on. The fucking sleeves cut off. Anyways, Colin lived right near Caroline's. He said he was walking by, looks down because he knew I was headlining there sees the cop cars and starts laughing his balls off because it was the second time that I was there where cops had issues only once I was responsible

anyways the point is I love this club I fucking loved it like I said in the middle of the week and on the weekends when you sold it out it was like $2.60 you get a nice fat fucking check. And they treated you like gold. And anyways,

I don't even know if I should do the article. We're way over time. Anyways, the lease ran out. She was going to sign a new lease, but apparently the guy that owns the lot said he could make more money.

That's Caroline, who is just great. She's fucking great. A lib, you know, New York lib. She goes to those high society parties. But she's very cool, because I think she's originally from Brooklyn. Anyways, that place is closing its doors, and that makes me very sad.

And a lot of other comedians. There I am with the great, late Richard Jenney. I did a show called Caroline's Comedy Hour, which was on A&E. I must have done that three times, like every other comic. That's Richard Jetty, who I fucking loved.

That's me the last time I was playing there. That was a few years ago. I don't like that shot. The gut looks a little bigger than I'd like. Giving myself the finger. Is that it?

Yep. That is it. All right, guys, girls. Thank you again. You guys think and I'll say it. All right, guys, girls. Thank you again. You guys think that I'll say it, you're very welcome. See you back here tomorrow. Take care. Hi.

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