The Nick DiPaolo Show - Underdog Ukraine Winning? | Nick Di Paolo Show #669

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

Peace talks begin. Putin pissed. Taliban for peace? Joy Behar upset about vacation. MMA figther gets broken.

I am so sick and tired of the liberal agenda that is destroying our country from our schools to our workplaces to our media. It's literally everywhere. Well, everywhere maybe, but not this show. Never. Here you get the truth, unfiltered and unapologetic. I don't care if I hurt feelings or if I take a position that isn't agreeable or if I step on somebody's toes. I call them the way I see them and I put it out there for free. To keep this show free, I need your help. Please go to nickdip.com and make a contribution or even better, subscribe at thecomicsgym.com or on Patreon today and get

an extra encore show each day. Discounts on merchandise and a whole lot more. Thank you guys so much for watching, sharing, and contributing to the best show, in my opinion, on the Internet and the most honest. You guys make it happen. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? I'm out. Oh yeah! How are you folks? You heard me fucking jerk off. Don't say a word the whole show. Just sit there.

You must be embarrassed. You're getting your fucking ass handed to you by Ukraine. Try us, you motherless fuck. How are you, folks? Great to be with you on a Monday. I say that with my tongue on my cheek, because I'd rather be home. I'm fucking not talking to anybody.

Well, I can see I ate. Fucking not talking to anybody. Well, I can see I ate a little bit over the weekend. Pizza oven's fixed. Oh, boy. You guys are coming over, Dallas. I made a fucking the palatano. Oh, it was fucking... It was just...

Let me tell you something, folks. When you make pizza, first of all, a lot of people don't cook this. You don't cook the sauce at all. You use raw tomatoes. Where did I learn that? When I was in Italy dating this supermodel named Gianni. What an ass in that kid. What?

Over the weekend, real quick. Nothing. I don't know. I'm getting more boring the fucking older I get. What did I do? What did I do? I'm still swearing at that fucking guitar of mine. I'm bringing it to a Luther, like my friend said.

A Luthier, I should say. There's an I in there. And they build string instruments. And if he tells me that six string is fine, I'm going to break a string instrument over his head Yeah fucking Jesus What the fuck did I do I know I did something worth talking about I want to talk about masturbation for time

I moved the gym in here Dallas. Thank you. I get no. I'm going back to the doctor. This squash is starting to really, I think I took too many shots playing football. I'm starting to fucking wonder. I really am. Yelling at my wife, where's my phone? And I'm on it. And put down a cup of coffee and 20 minutes later, I'm looking for it. It isn't funny, folks. I'll be dead soon, but that's all right. Life goes on. Yeah, I moved my gym equipment. I get it on video. It's just like a bedroom-sized room right here. Nice. It's like a very, very poor man Joe Rogan's studio.

Joe's got like a fucking half-million-square-foot studio with a, honest to God, a gym that's nicer than any planet fitness right now it's fucking tremendous good for him good for you joe don't take those shit off nobody all right enough fucking around uh let's get to it top story obviously is the new york rangers traded a guy for a fifth round draft pick out a minute obviously russia and the uk Ukraine, the big thing, I'm not even doing a story on it. The headline was enough that he put his nuclear guys on high alert. That was kind of creepy. There's rumors out there that he secluded himself for the last

two years because of COVID. And I was reading how everybody that worked with him, yeah, I've got to get there. Everyone that worked with him had to have a stool sample test like every week. I think he's collecting shit in his closet. And anybody who came to visit him, like from wherever, had to be quarantined for two weeks before they came in. Does he have a wife anymore? He's always banging like the hottest gymnast. But, you know, he spent, they said,

a lot of time alone and got into his own head, which scared the shit out. I looked at my wife. I go, do you realize what the... They're saying he might be a little bit crazy. Let's think about this. The two biggest nuclear powers on the planet, Joe Biden with no mind left whatsoever,

and this guy going cuckoo. What could happen? What a great point. I should call fucking Gutfeld and give it to him. Anyways, Russia and Ukraine began talks, these peace talks, Monday, at

the Belarus border. And again, Dallas just, he's just, Dallas has seen some war, and you don't know what's propaganda and what's not, you know? Real quick, obviously a dismal, I'm talking about like in sports, obviously a dismal performance by the Russian offense this weekend. And that means something's up. There's something up.

Because they could take that fucking city with their eyes closed, I think. But how about a hand for Zelensky being out there? You're going to tell me they couldn't find him and wipe him out? I mean, Putin takes out journalists, for Christ's sake, who are hiding from him for years. Anyways, talks began today at the Belarus border, what better place, as a conflict between the two neighbors. Oh, they neighbors? Enter its fifth day. Ukrainian presidential adviser, Mikhailo Podyak, told Reuters via text messages, the face-to-face exchanges have begun. I guess that's good news. Is that him? You come to war in a

windbreaker? The Ukrainian president's office said earlier, the TARC's, this is fucking a little loud, the TARC's aim was an immediate ceasefire and withdrawal of Russian forces from Ukraine. Well, what else would it be? The fuck? Jesus, what are these, eighth grade reporters? And then they said they were mad at each other. President Volodymyr Zelensky,

former stand-up, gotta love this guy, he was on a hit show, said 16 Ukrainian children have been killed and another 45 have been injured in the Russian invasion. You know, we just gloss over those numbers. That doesn't sound like a lot, but think about the parents and shit. He also added that over 4,500 Russian troops have been killed and urged. And again, do we know these numbers are true? 4,500 Russian troops. That sounds like a lot for civilians with Molotov cocktails.

I ain't buying it. Something's fishy here. Here's my real quick theory. I'm telling you. You know when Biden got busted with all that Ukraine shit, the businesses over there and shit? I'm telling you, Putin called China and said, look, we got the dirt on this motherfucker. I'm going in. You sit back until my Olympics.

Please. The Chinese guy said, sit back until the Olympics are over. Then I'll, you know, watch you try to do what you're going to do. Added that 4,500 Russian troops have been killed and urged Putin's troops to lay down their guns and to leave. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? This cocksucker. He added in a video message Monday that every crime, every shelling by the occupiers bring our partners and deaths even closer.

Yeah, and we stand by. We'll send you some, I don't know, what do you need? Got some old Boston Celtics championship t-shirts that were printed. You fucking America. The Ukrainian delegate, yeah, we're putting sanctions on him, and we all know how scared he is of that. The Ukrainian delegation was the first to arrive for the talks with Russia, saying they were unclear whether it'll lead to a breakthrough or not. I don't know nothing about that.

Sure you do. The UN Security Council, that's the UNSC, has also voted to hold a rare emergency special session. What a useless, talk about a useless institution, the fucking UN. Can we just blow it the fuck up? I'm only kidding out there if anybody's listening. But I'm just saying, shut it down. Piece of shit. They have Iran

on the Pete's Council and shit. Rare emergency special session of the General Assembly to debate the crisis. Because what you need is more talk at this point. Engulfing Ukraine after Russia's invasion. The meeting is set down I guess it's going on now,

Monday at UN headquarters in New York. I'm just waiting with bated breath to see what comes out of it. I'm sure they'll have a solution. Anyways, more war talk. Putin pissed. They say that Vlad Putin is furious that his invasion of Ukraine hasn't been easy. He was looking at it like he was a four-touchdown favorite, which he was, and I still believe he is. I don't know why he hasn't put the first team on the field.

And he's pissed because it hasn't been easy. There's something going on. It could be easy. I don't know what it is. After Russian troops have been unable to take even one major city in the three days of fighting. Is that? I don't know what to believe. According to a member of the European Union parliament who said he was citing Ukrainian intelligence reports, Putin is furious. Right, bitch?

He thought that the whole war would be easy and everything would be done in, you know, one to four days, tweeted Raiho Tedes, who is also the former defense chief of NATO member Estonia. Oh, thank God for him. Holy shit. What does he look like? Art Donovan. That's right. So Putin is fucking furious, they say. I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore.

And he's working on his English. The Russians are in shock of the fierce resistance they have encountered, Teres said. He claimed the report shows they don't have a tactical plan. I see, Dallas, you've been in there. Of course they do. And I know everybody's going to quote Tyson. Everybody has a plan. Once you get punched in the face, you forget,

which is not even really Tyson's. That's been a war phrase for a long time. To take a Ukraine that is fighting back, stating that the entire invasion plan relied on sowing panic among the civilians and armed forces and forcing Ukrainian President Zelensky to flee. You're not going to make a stand-up flee. I'm staying right here.

That was me at the improv, and they said I had to get off stage because I offended a black family. Never happened. Terrace posted an image of what appeared to be an intelligence report written in Russian that said, Putin is raging. He was sure it would be a cakewalk. Don't they have audio of him losing his shit? U.S. defense officials also said Saturday that Russian forces are growing increasingly frustrated by the strength of the Ukrainian resistance. Ordinary civilians have joined the Ukrainian forces making Molotov cocktails, blocking

roads, even shooting at the tires of Russian vehicles to impede their progress. They said they learned it from the Canadian truckers. Look at that. Don't waste that fucking potato soup. Nice going, Nick. Coffee all over the goddamn bucket. Get the maid in here. Hey, whore!

Terrorist sighting, the intelligence report said the Russian military has enough rockets only for three or four days. What? You know what's scary? Here's my scary thought. That it's not going that well i think i don't know but putin's like okay that's it what am i sitting on these 40 million fucking nuclear bombs for let's try one uh god fucking forbid rockets only for three or four there and with new sanctions imposed will not be able to replace the depleted weapons. There are not enough weapons, the Intel report said, in two different spots. How is that possible? Like you said, maybe they've

been bluffing the whole time. Fucking, how is that possible? Have you been lying about this? But then again, like Dallas said, you know, you got all those nukes. He's crazy enough to rely on them. Yeah, I'll put the third string out there, but if it goes bad, I'll try the second. And then you know what we do. We bring in Tom Brady, the mother of all quarterbacks. Anyways, do you believe it's going to be March, what, tomorrow? Thank God, end of Black History Month. I'm kidding, blacks, you know that.

That means I'm back on the road next month. You can find all these tour dates and ticket links on my website at nickdip.com. Here's what's currently on sale. March 25th, Hyena's Comedy Club in Dallas. The next night, the 26th, Hyena's Comedy Club, Fort Worth. April 7th through 9th, Comics at Mohegan Sun, Connecticut. May 6th, Governor's Comedy Club in Levittown, New York. May 7th, the next night, the Paramount Theater in Peekskill, New York. September, Soul Joe's Comedy Club in Royalsford, Pennsylvania. September 10th, Algonquin Theater in Manisquan, New Jersey. And September 11th, Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center in Chester, New York. Again, you can get all the links for

tickets at nickdip.com. Just click on that tour date. While you're there, click on the merchandise. I have these beautiful Nick DiPaolo podcast hoop skirts. You... Terrorists for peace. This one cracked me the fuck up.

What is going on in the world? You guys ain't gonna to believe this story. Is this why they're sitting down today and maybe having peace talk? The Taliban. That's how scared the world is that Biden has his finger on the... The Taliban has called on Ukraine to resolve the crisis through peaceful me. Why don't you call on Russia? First of all, but it's hilarious that you guys are calling for peace. You know, as you, yeah, we're going to call for peace, but first we have to push those fags off that

12-story building. Resolve the crisis through peaceful means, months after massacring innocent people as they took over. Remember the airport? Remember that fucking, and 2,000 people died or whatever the fuck, or 1,000 and then more after we left?

Yeah, it is funny, bitch. That looks like... That looks like two guys out of the Bible going to the mall. It's probably a vibrating chair. And a statement posted to the Taliban's official account, which now goes by the name of Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan. Ooh, now they're official. The militant group said it was concerned about real possibility of civilian casualties.

Are you dick styling me? They're concerned about people dying. These are the guys that blew bin Laden. And anybody... Ugh. Allah is bad! Allah is bad! Allah is bad!

That means peace for everybody on Earth. Under the seal of the Emirates Ministry of Foreign Affairs, the close... look at, they stole the fucking thing from us almost. They stole, oh my God, they must have a Kinko's in Kabul. What is that, a coaster for the Jew blood in their cup? That closely resembles the seals used by U.S. government departments. The Taliban call for dialogue to be held between Russia and Ukraine and to safeguard Afghans in Ukraine. No, they didn't. Durka, Durka, Muhammad Jihad. Haka Sherpa Sherpa. Abakala. You heard him.

Look at the dead eyes on this guy. Aye, aye, aye. No soul. You'd think they'd come over here once, maybe, right? Go to Disney World and change their whole point. They'd just piss him off. Yeah, exactly. Make things worse. Yeah, they'd try to blow up a fucking Epcot Center.

This is our territory. What are all these other countries? The Taliban as the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan has yet to be recognized by any country as Afghan's new government since its brutal takeover in August. This is their effort to become legit, and nobody is taking them fucking serious, obviously. I mean, they're at the, what about us? Who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you? I'm Ahmed Shtah and, you know, Hoban. Hoban Saad Mikhail Abdul Jabal.

You know, I'm the foreign ministry of silly walks. Its foreign ministry posted its statement concerning crisis in Ukraine on Friday morning and was shared on Twitter by key Taliban figures. Well, it's good that Twitter's sharing Taliban tweets, isn't

it? You fucking motherless go ahead. Flagging you all the time. Flagging me. I bring up a COVID mask being bullshit. I get kicked off. Jack Dorsey, suck another Egyptian dick, you big girl. The Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan is closely, what's that got to do with Egypt? They're all the same, is closely monitoring the situation in Ukraine and expressed concern about real possibility of civilian casualties, the statement said. The Islamic Emirate calls for restraint because that's what they're known for. By both parties, all sides need to desist from taking positions that could intensify violence, said the man who just beheaded a 12-year-old girl for having a book bag.

Big words for the Taliban. Yeah, very big. They're very peaceful people. When they're not chopping your hands off for shoplifting, they're blowing up the Twin Towers. But please, by all means, sit down and talk it out. Yeah, he's my life coach. I think they have life.

Oh, my God, that's a good premise. Can you imagine the terror? Like, the ISIS has life coaches, of course. It's like coaching two games. Because you're going to blow yourself up in it. Abdul, this is what you do. You've got to have more positive attitude when you kill the Jews. Be smiling about it. According to estimates, over 1,000 civilians

were killed and over 2,000 injured when the Taliban launched their offensive to capture Afghanistan last year. Remember that, Joe, last year? You fucking hypocrite. They really are. They are, but they dress nicely. How are you, bitch? Putin, by himself, lonely. I don't know. Does he get abroad in his life? Other than Biden?

You know what I mean? Does he get a bitch? It's a good show today, folks. Admit it for a Monday. Came up with a good premise when I was single. I said I had no attention span sexually. I said if I knew a woman for more than two or three hours I couldn't get aroused sexually I said it's like a

carton of Chinese food on the counter you better eat that quick you're gonna make you sick there's something in there I'll dig it out next September when I'm at the Manisquan theater and gobble gobble, this was so American and made me laugh so goddamn hard. And this just sums up war. And again, we have been lucky. You know, I understand Putin when he put that little threat out, you'll experience something you never have. Obviously, he's talking about us

because we've never had war on our homeland. Unless you're going to count my marriage. Listen. Where's the drum roll? Fucking rim shot. I'm not prepared today. Anyways, I want you to check this quick video out. If this doesn't say about the

fucking industrial war complex and the fucking profit and advertising and blood and guts as entertainment, people making money. This is, it doesn't bother me because that's who we are. This guy is cracking me up.

Go ahead. And a little bit of chicken pie Cold beer on a Friday night A pair of jeans that fit just right We cut away from live footage of a live war where Zelensky and civilians are fighting for their lives out in the street. And then we cut to what's supposed to be a tough American, a cowboy, the only masculine thing left in this country. And he's fucking wiggling his ass like he's working at fucking the Gold Club in Atlanta on a commercial. We cut from live war, children, women being blown up, to hey, try these chicken wings with a honey fucking nut sauce shift bags.

What the fuck? It's just so ridiculous. I would like to go. God, they go right to an Applebee. God. They go right to an Applebee's. What do they usually do? I forget. Why was that?

That can't be the first time that's happened. But just to that music, people are fucking losing their lives. We're over here watching it. CNN's making money off. I'll tell you, ladies and gentlemen, at least on Fox it'll cut to, I don't know, like an old lady in her hundreds who needs some blood thinner. So it's kind of sad. It kind of just blends in. It doesn't cut to a fucking close-up of guacamole people doing the electric slide. Oh my God, I love my country. guacamole people doing the electric slide. Oh my God, I love my country.

Just ridiculous. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Let's plow on, showy Vlad. Boy, you must be embarrassed right now. Dress like a fucking Chippendale. Oh, that's what I was doing. I was watching The Curse of the Chippendales. They got like a documentary out or whatever fucking series.

I don't know. A couple episodes. Fucking very interesting. No, I wasn't watching it for the cock and the abs. This time. But it's true. Like the fucking, it's very interesting how crooked people get killed and the asses on those fellas. I'll tell you.

Yummy, yummy. Let me just say this. I'd suck their cocks in a second. The American people have to know if their president's a fag. Well, I'm no fag. I'm on fire today. Anyways, CPAC. CPAC this weekend. CPAC! CPAC this weekend! I didn't give you any text for this.

CPAC this weekend. You know that's when all the Republicans, Conservatives, you know, they get together at some giant fucking function room and each goes up and it's like, trying to think of the modern day, not Burning Man, but one of those festivals, music festivals,

north by fucking southwest times east, whatever the fuck they call it. Anyways, Trump was obviously the headliner, but DeSantis was also there. And here's why we miss this. Tears, I started to well up how much I miss President Trump, because he's one of us. I don't care if they don't like him. I don't even mind his personality because I'm a dick too. But I'm just saying watch him try to hold back here. We're gonna have to play this like it's a proto-film. This made me laugh so hard. Anyways take a look at Trump speaking at CPAC this weekend and I'll tell you how popular he is. They said, Abdul, you're killing our soldiers, you better fucking not kill our soldiers anymore.

Because if you do, you will be hit like no country has ever been hit. You will be hit harder than anybody has ever been hit. That's Matt Schlapp. And he said, Mr. President, but why? He actually called me your excellency. He has to let you know that. You think he calls Biden your excellency? How about it? He goes, but why your excellency, Mr. President?

Do you send me a picture of my house? And I said, I'd rather not answer that question. See, I was being very nice. See? I'm being diplomatic. He learned that from the Gambinos. Look at him. He's killing.

He's ripping the tits off the crowd. That was the Tempe improv, I think. He has to let you know that somebody referred to him as your excellency, because his dad never did. There's that love that he's, remember when he was president, and he comes in, Mattis comes in and goes, Sir, Sir. They call me Sir. I said, call me Don. Muhammad, don't you fucking cross. Why do you send a picture of my house? He should have had a better line.

Somebody could have gave him a better line than that. He should have said, I told him I was thinking of buying it. You know, I'm in real estate. Maybe he could use a pool or something. I'll put the hole in the back. How funny was that? Don't you miss that motherfucker?

Where's your fucking boss, huh? Exactly. He was the best guy around. Anyways, they did a they did, you know, a poll after after the weekend everybody speaks and shit and whoever speaks you know

they had to try to say hey I could be in the running which is to me is just hilarious Trump gets 59% second place closest to Santis at 28% Trump has gotten so far in our heads,

and I'm glad, because he's one of us who did good, you know? The other guys didn't even rank. They were like.01,.... Fucking Pence, why are you still in politics, dude? You crossed them.

You fucking crossed... I don't care if they were Trump supporters or whoever. You fucking, you made a boo-boo. Now go home and hate the fags. I'm tired of doing it. That's a joke, everybody. You know I'm half queer. Just half.

Oh, speaking of queers, this is how much I love sports. I saved the Olympics. You know, I deviate. I got to be honest with you. I haven't watched the Olympics in years. I'm disinterested, just like you guys. But because it was China, I wanted to see what was going on. I was hoping I'd see a Uyghur getting beaten with a ski or something.

They did a great job. It was fucking. I love, look, I love downhill skiing. I love the bobs. Anything where, you know, you're off by a second, you could die. That's fucking entertainment to me. Anyways, why did I bring that up? I don't even remember.

I was watching the Olympics. What was I talking about? This is embarrassing. Oh, yeah. You were talking about yeah. I was watching the Olympics. Oh, yeah, fucking figure skating. Can you find the... My wife gets mad at me because she comes in and I'm watching figure skating.

I got my pick in my hand. My pick, oh, prick. And somehow that bothers her. So insecure. These girls are spinning around holding their leg up like, look at my holes. But that's gross. I shouldn't say that, but Jesus Christ.

It's more beautiful than a sunset, a fucking pony, a red wagon, a balloon. Anyways, what was my point? Oh, the figure skating. I brought up gay people. I don't know why. Johnny Ware, do us all a favor, because I know gay people that hate you. Just finish the transition. Will you?

I mean, he lays that on so heavy. I'm just saying. I like gay people. They're a lot of fun. They can dance and, you know, take a punch. Listen. Anyways, hey, if you haven't already, guys, please listen up. Please take a moment.

Sign up at thecomicsgym.com to get my exclusive encore show. Today, I'll be talking about black sperm. I mean, come on. I wanted a topic that the whole family could watch. We're talking about black sperm. That's only the people who pay on a monthly basis gets that story, and you should, too. I'll be talking about black, I'm just gonna, there's a shortage of black sperm. You wouldn't know it from fucking looking down the street in

D.C. and Detroit. Anyway, that'll be the Encore story. To get access, just click on any of the Encore episodes and sign up at the Sonny, Michael, or Vito levels. You'll also get discounts off Nick DiPaolo merchandise. Starting this Thursday, you'll get access to a voicemail line. Boy, this went so well last time. Where you can leave a question or a thought, and I'll play it on the show and address it. It'll be fun. Again, I think it's not enough, Tom.

You've got to give him something else, maybe some fentanyl. Again, you can only get this as a member on thecomicsgym.com. So if you haven't already signed up there, please do so now. This is without a doubt the best way you can support this show. Seriously, and my two Asian kids that live down in Florida. They're like 31. Let's talk about a dumb cunt named Joy Behar. Joy the jerk, I call her.

It's a frustrating thing about wars in addition to... What is this? Is this a quote? No, maybe not. It's a frustrating thing about wars in addition to death, destruction, and displacement. There's also disruption to your European vacation plans. That's the lead to this story. At least that's how Joy Behar of The View saw things on Thursday.

That's her getting laid. Those glasses say I'm a vile twat. It really, how she's still around. When I first moved to New York she was a comic just like me. She was starting to get a little famous because she's abroad. If she was a guy nobody would even, she would have fucking never made it out of Catch Rising Star. And yeah she's made, she's got plenty of money now. Fucking blowjob hack. The show's panelists were discussing Russia's invasion of Ukraine

when this yeast infection on wheels, Behar said she feared yet another missed travel opportunity after two years of the coronavirus pandemic. That's what she was fucking worrying about, this Mama Luke. Oh, God, help us. You pompous, stock-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-faced, dickhead, asshole. Estimates of 50,000 Ukrainians will be dead or wounded, co-host Sonny Hostin first told the viewers. And that this is going to start a humanitarian crisis,

a refugee crisis in Europe. We're talking about possibly 5 million people that are going to be displaced. It's heartbreaking to hear what is going to happen. That's what Sonny Hostin said. Behar then reacted to those comments by saying this. Well, I'm scared of what's going to happen in Western Europe too. Yeah.

You know, you just, you plan a trip, you want to go there, I want to of what's going to happen in Western Europe, too. Yeah. You know, you just you plan a trip. You want to go there. I want to go to Italy for four years. I haven't been able to make it because of of the pandemic. And now this, you know, it's like who's going to what's going to happen there? Yeah. Oh, boy, you what you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt. Wow. Self-absorbed much, Joy? Ay yi, ay. Can you imagine if Melania said that or whatever?

Anybody on the right. Anybody. Marsha Blackburn. They would do two hours on The View about it. This show hurts America. It's only on because they all have, well, they don't all have dicks. I don't whoopee. I was going to say all have vaginas, I mean.

Anyways, you hear, and you can hear whoopee just reflexively going to say all our vaginas, I mean. Anyways, you hear, and you can hear whoopee just reflexively agreeing, yeah, yeah, yeah. They are the dumbest broads. They hurt women. They actually hurt women. People, and other women, I hope, feel this way, although this show's been on forever,

but that doesn't mean anything, in my opinion, because like ABC, NBC, CBS, they'll keep it on if it's good propaganda. I mean like the WNBA is still on. You're going to tell me they get numbers? So that shit goes on in TV. You know what I'm saying?

And so this has been on forever and it makes you women look dumb and you housewives who watch this you are dumb. Ugh. Beha's vacation remarks drew a torrent of reactions on social media. Somebody wrote, Joy Behar is an elitist trash. Oh, that was Washington Times columnist Tim Young.

I bet you it's the first time you... Oh, the Times is... I was thinking it was a post. He had it right. You are correct, sir. War sucks and all. another commenter-o. But what if Joy Behar can't go to Italy? I mean, Ukrainians should really stop getting selfishly blown up.

I think she should go. Wouldn't it be great if she went and then it spilled over into Italy? She's chain-swallowing her fifth yodel, sitting on the steps of the Basilica, and a missile goes right in her fucking yap it was a lot of words for nothing anyways bad blood is the headline of our next story that's a lot of blood joel avarez was on the receiving end of a bad-looking series of blows,

including a vicious elbow at UFC Vegas 49 that caused bad enough damage that his face was masked in blood, and the referee stopped the fight, declaring, I'm sorry, folks, he's a Mongolian. Don't fight these guys from, like, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan. Do not fight these guys. They have this shit down to a science. I'm telling you.

He was the winner by TKO. Look how fatty. It took just until the 157th mark of the second round for Dzhokian to win his fifth straight fight. And the lightweight is now looking for a chance to make good on a 2019 loss to Islam Makachev. Oh, my God. That's like fucking Godzilla versus Mighty Joe. Oh, a couple of semi-terrorists. Nick, don't say that.

But this is brutal, man. And I love this shit like any guy. But just take a look. The fucking elbow opens this guy up like it was a straight razor. Right here. Watch this guy start leaking. Look at that. He sure did.

And now that's a problem. He can't even see the poor prick. Oh, another one. Leaking like a busted pipe. Holy Christ. Who the fucking, who's the referee? Fucking Tex Watson?

That was a Manson reference, folks. That elbow was like a straight razor. And then he can't see, so now he's going to catch a couple more. I'm wondering if the day is going to come, and I hope not. This is why people watch this shit. I don't like, and I've said this on the show before, and I think even actual guys agree with me that do this. Maybe not. This is why people watch this shit. I don't like, and I've said this on the show before, and I think even actual guys agree with me that do this. Maybe not. When they knock a guy unconscious and hit him

with three more, hit him with three more shots when he's unconscious, and I, trust me, I'm a cheap shot specialist. I love football when a guy comes in late and takes a guy's head off and suspended. I live for that shit. But this, somebody's going to get killed and you're going to ruin it for everybody. Um, so he got that elbow in

the face and they, uh, said, did that hurt? And he went, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, stop. You're going to heat lightning and you're going to crap thunder. You're going to crap blood. I like to surprise every one of my opponents. I can't wait for this story to end. TK said, I want to show how I improve my striking wrestling. I can do everything. Now pass remote control.

It was my game plan to make him tired, to choke him or a TKO. I did it. I am very happy. I think I deserve a top 10 ranking and get fights with a top fighter. I'm getting better every day. Dana White, I have picture of your house I give to my uncle Vasili in ISIS. Alvarez started bleeding in the first round like a 15-year-old girl in a gym class. Who put that in there? After Zakir Hinnan hit his nose with an elbow that busted it open, though Alvarez got patched up between rounds, it didn't take long for the other guy to open him up like a ripe melon. With Tasakian targeting his nose, Alvarez was soon bleeding again,

leading the ref to step in. The ref was quoted after the show saying, why did you step in? He said, well, I saw that the mat started to look like Sharon Tate's throw rug. Okay, you didn't like that one? J.F. Kennedy's limo, the interior. Only loss in UFC, adding meaning to a potential rematch. It's going to be the greatest match because we are the best in our division, Sarkian said.

So he says it's going to be a real kick-ass match. You're going to eat lightning and you're going to crap thunder. Anyhow, that is it for today, ladies and gentlemen. That was a fun Monday, I've got to be honest with you. Maybe I'll go to my gym next door. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just stare at it and go. That hurt yesterday.

Fuck. I'm down to two cigarettes a day and you know what I don't even want those anymore listen to this my voice doesn't even sound like me I sound like Brenda Vaccaro doing a tampon commercial don't forget thecomicsgym.com

nickdip.com cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend or relative that's it you guys think I'll say it you are very welcome see you back here tomorrow morning nickdip.com cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend or relative. That's it. You guys think and I'll say it. You are very welcome. See you back here

tomorrow morning at the same time or tomorrow evening, afternoon, whenever you listen. You think and I'll say it. You're welcome. Bye-bye. ស្រូវានប់ពីប្រូវានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ព�君のことを知っている Outro Music