The Nick DiPaolo Show - Unseen Jan 6 Video Coming! | Nick Di Paolo Show #1358

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

MTG Wants US Divorce. McCarthy Releases Jan 6 Footage to Carlson. Baldwin Gets Big Break. U of H Shoots Down Pronoun Bill. Join Nick for bonus content at Patreon! www.patreon.com/thenickdipaoloshow Go see Nick on the road! www.nickdip.com/tour for tickets

🎵 He's looking at you, kid. Oh, me? Cut it out. Cut it out. You make me weep. I want to die. Just when you said we'd try. Loving and touching and fingering each other.

You're tearing me apart. Oh, every, every day, you're tearing me apart. Oh, what can I say? I'd go on, but I have TB. Hell's go. Listen to this. I have a physical, the jerk-off doctor who I'm never going to again. Did I tell you he looks

at me? What are you listening for? You didn't hear the seven pounds of fucking bacon grease sloshing around in my lungs? You cheese dick, you. Now off to the dentist at four o'clock today. Can't wait till he gets a look at this. He's going to go, what have you been doing?

Blowing guys? You're falling apart, man. Yeah, talk to me when you're 61, pal. What are you talking about? I'm already falling apart. I got a paratrooper body. Please, you land on a parachute. I fell on my head. Right off the bassinet.

Dad kept pushing me. My mother would go, why is he always crying when I come in here? My father dangled me. Anyways, it's Wednesday, I guess. How are you guys doing? Pretty good? Okay. How are you doing?

On the precipice of World War III? And that ain't no bullshit, honest to God. Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi. What a fuck. This is, I've said it a trillion times, I just can't believe how much Biden is doing what they said Trump would do, being a fucking, you know, an amateur, not knowing foreign policy. It's hilarious. Chasing fucking Russia right into China's arms.

It is, I mean, it's like, did he ever even play a game of risk with his foreign policy, this chooch? Oh, my God. And what's his name? Today he called off. Did I do that as a story today or not? Or maybe tomorrow? Did I put the Putin calling off the treaty thing? That's tomorrow, yeah.

Okay, folks. This ain't no game, yo. Anyhow, let me take a sip of my urine like Idi Amin used to. That's true. The head of, was it Uganda? Oh, Ganda. What was it? Ghana.

I don't know. Do you remember him, though? What was his name? I just said it. What did I just say his name? Idi Amin. Maybe Tanzania. I don't know.

But he was a psycho. And he used to, you know, kill his people. And Black is a scary dude. Learned that out of like a Bond movie, a villain. But he would start the morning by drinking his own piss, to give you an idea. And I guess he had like syphilis, which is what made him scary. They made a movie with that black guy, Forrest Whitaker. Remember? The King of Scotland. It was sort of based loosely, I think, on Idi Amin. Either

that or Rick Pitino. I can't remember. What? Who? I mean Tomlin. What? Who? Huh? Anyhow. You're tearing me apart every day. Anyhow, yeah. All right. Let's get on with it. MTG. I always think that's a car. It's an MGT.

Wants a divorce. She already got one personally, but she's talking about she's a car. It's an MGT. Wants a divorce. She already got one personally, but she's talking about she wants a divorce as in we should divorce the libs and the left, and God damn it, I couldn't agree more. Sure, there are some things you have to ask, like what are you going to do with all the missiles? Fresh off her own divorce,

I didn't even know about that. I wonder if the husband was like, Jesus Christ, you're making me nuts. I think she'd be great in the sack, though. She seems like a wild... Remember, you weren't even here. It was before you got here. We ran a campaign out of her

with a fucking gun in her hand when she was running for Congress. I go, who's not going to vote for this? Out of self-terrorism, she had a rifle in her hand. Not like she's in the military, just a fucking housewife. Anyway, look, they always put far right rep. Have you ever heard that in front of far left Ilhan Omar?

Far left anybody? Or do you ever hear, when you're watching a TV show, liberal author? Just another way the right is just laying down. Anyways, far right rep. I'd say she's a moderate. If you guys knew what I wanted to do to the left. Let's put it this way. If they hate me one one thousandth as much as I hate them, oh, it's going to get ugly by a week from Thursday.

Rep Marjorie Taylor Greene, anyways, called Monday. What am I saying? I said South Carolina. It says Georgia here. She's Georgia. The fuck was I talking about? For a national divorce,

the controversial lawmaker, oh, so controversial, unlike Ilhan Omar going, all those dirty Jews in Israel, you know, controversial lawmaker said it was time to divide the country along political lines. I think we already did that. Arguing that the difference between Republican and Democrat-leaning states have become irreconcilable. And you know what? That's about as accurate as the thing I've ever described. Yes, sir! Seriously. You've said it.

My buddy Colin Quinn has said it. Time for balkanization or whatever the fuck. There's nothing. I have to do my old analogy, but I thought it was great. It's like Bobby, your occupier who had like 21 operations on his left knee. Literally no cartilage. bone on bone.

There's nothing buffering. This is us. We have nothing in common. We believe in nothing. But only one of us is set in reality, in my opinion. And, you know, there's not more than one reality. The fact that the left says there is more than one truth or reality tells you they're fucking UBATs.

That's Italian for cuckoo. Anyways, I agree with her. Irreconcilable. We need a national divorce, Green said, in a shocking president's day. Who the fuck wrote this? Huh? What leftist twat?

We need to separate by red states and blue states and shrink the federal government. See, that's another big difference. They want to keep growing it. We want to shrink it. How could you argue, yeah, let's make it bigger? There's so many things you just could look at a Democrat and go, if you've got a friend who votes Democrat. So you're for abortion on demand after even 60 million, and I'm not even a big, but there's a million things you could go on. You want them to take your guns? So only criminals have guns?

I mean, they're really easy fucking arguments. Everyone she says I talk to says this, added Greene, who was reelected to the House last November from the sick and disgusting woke culture issues shoved down our throats to the Democrat traitorous America last policies. She says, we are done. Green, 48, former linebacker at Mississippi, later clarified amid a social media uproar that a national divorce doesn't mean civil war and argued that President Biden is the one leading the country into World War III. Try arguing that point. I mean, again,

you know, I just read today only three out of 10 Democrats want him to run again. Does it matter? And they're going to run again. Does it matter? And they're going to run him again because there's nobody else. They've got no bench. You could run, Dallas, as a Republican, I think, in landslide. People are absolutely fed up and disgusted with left-wing insanity and disaster America last policies. National divorce is not a civil war,

but Biden and the neocons are leading us into World War III while forcing corporate ESG, you know what that is, that's social justice, equality, and Guggenheimer Museum, and gender confusion on our kids. Enough, she says. I love it. But you've got to come up with a plan, Marjorie. You've got to go, okay, who gets the military? Who gets the babies? confusion on our kids. Enough, she says. I love it. But you've got to come up with a plan, Marjorie. You've got to go,

okay, who gets the military? Who gets the baby? You know, child support, army support. She laid a triple down in response to a tweet by President Biden about his surprise visit to Ukraine earlier Monday saying, impeach Biden or give us

a national divorce. I've got to be honest. I want her on the ticket with Trump and DeSantis. Or Candace Owens. Right? Or you know who, Pam Anderson. I know she's Canadian, but God damn it. I still love her.

We don't pay taxes to fund foreign countries' wars who aren't even NATO allies. We aren't sending our sons and daughters. Well, that's the first thing Trump said when he got elected. What the fuck are we paying NATO for? What are they doing? We're not going to send our sons and daughters to die for foreign borders and foreign democracy.

America is broke. Criminals and cartels reign. and you're a fool. That's what she said to Biden. I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore. Good for you, sugar tits. Republican Utah Governor Spencer Cox blasted Greene. Yeah, there you go. Oh, I've ever hear this guy. They call him a Republican. He's to the left of fucking Bloomberg. Oh, not, dude, I wouldn't, I can't even put him in the fucking rhino category. He sounds like a Democrat.

Yeah, he blasted Greene over the tweet calling her word choice evil. No, you're fucking evil calling yourself a Republican. You white, stupid, again, black folks. There's one you want to get. Who am I talking to? It's not black people in Utah. Word shows evil, suggesting that the United States could do with some marriage counseling instead.

Yeah, that sounds like a lib guy. Only a fucking lefty would believe he's a Republican, believe in marriage counseling. I've been there. It's a crock of shit. I just don't believe it because in the end folks it's your decision just like it's gonna be our decision they can give you all the fun I don't I don't mean to

quote I don't mean to quote the the fucking anti-semitic Livia Soprano the mother he's going to therapy? That's a racket for the Jews. This rhetoric is destructive and wrong. Shut up, faggot. Honestly, evil. Shut up, faggot. We don't need a divorce. We need marriage counseling. You know what? You have a warmy cut. Oh boy. Perfect. And we need elected leaders that don't profit by tearing us apart. How is she profiting? Oh, the left, you dumb fuck. We can disagree without hate. Oh my God. Does he sound like a Republican to you? Anybody that uses the

word hate like that just throws it, is just full of shit. They're bought into this PC world. Healthy conflict was critical to our nation's founding and survival. Was. Yeah. Yeah. We've had enough, okay? Why don't you go back to doing what you do best, letting your fucking wife tell you what to do?

Okay? Put on our panties and run around the backyard and touch your kids. What? Oh, stop that. I'm just teasing. He wouldn't do that. Huh? I don't know about that. Yeah.

I ain't got a problem with her at all. It's just refreshing, isn't it? Where are the guys talking like that? You know what I mean? And it's funny, I read about DeSantis and Trump and shit, and the real Trumpers that love Trump hate, I mean, they put up a thing and they said career politician was Trump and DeSantis and they put green checks.

You know, career politician, blah, blah, blah. There's a bunch of things that made me Trump and DeSantis, and they put green checks. You know, career politician, ba-ba-ba, there's a bunch of things that made me uncomfortable about DeSantis that I didn't know. But whatever. Like I said, I'll take either. I think DeSantis would bring a lot less baggage and we could get on with things, but I don know you know you know how these guys are once they get an office they change colors except for Trump because he didn't give a fuck not a career politician an outsider a businessman by the way say goodbye to Jimmy Carter not that he's gone yet but when you checked yourself into hospice I When you check yourself into hospice, I just picture him coming in with an IV bottle to the front desk. Huh?

It's time. They're like, you're on the fifth floor, Mr. Carter. The elevators are over there. I can't get it. He's got to be, what, 96 or whatever? I met that guy. Let me tell you, stinky president, nice guy. Everybody agrees.

You know what I mean? Genuine heart. Matter of fact, I tell you, my wife's reading all those books about how all these higher-up politicians would be off at Young Girls to sleep with. I mean, from Henry Kissinger. It's creepy what goes on. And they said Jimmy Carter was the only one who wanted nothing to do with the young girl shit. And this is when he was young. Remember he said he lusted, you were probably too young,

he lusted for, he admitted to lusting for, I think it was a Playboy centerfold. It was so controversial in the late 70s. Yeah, which made me love him. And then I got to meet him on the Tonight Show and he goes, he wanted me to send him a CD. And I go, Mr. President, you don't want to hear any of this.

He was laughing at my shitty Tonight Show jokes. You know what I mean? But he couldn't have been a sweeter guy, man. And I was reading his book at the time, believe it or not, trying to grow. And you know what? Oh, nothing. I'm fucking retarded still.

He has a pretty significant presence in Savannah historically. Yes. There's pictures of him when you go into some bars and restaurants. Pinky Masters is the biggest one that he would go to all the time. He even said that if he wanted to win anything in Georgia, go to Pinky Masters. That's right. Pinky Masters. There's a picture of him on a mechanical bullnose shirt on. Let's move on. This one excited me right here. The truth about January 6th.

What? Are we going to get to the truth? House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, so far, very, I like what he's doing. And I wasn't a big fan. He seemed very, you know, again, a Republican from California. But he seems, he's backing up so far whatever anyways he's gonna let Fox News host Tucker Carlson excuse me uh access he's giving him access to tens of thousands of hours of closed circuit camera footage from the January 6th, 2021 riot at the Capitol building leading to an outcry from who? Of course, some Democrat lawmakers. Of course. Why would they be for the truth? Why would they?

Why would you be against that if you are for a transparent government and letting the people? Why? Why? We know why. And just the fact that you guys came out and get nervous about this says everything we need to know. Listen to this. 44,000 hours of footage. That's more than the porn I look at in a week. Most of which Carlson claims has never been seen by the public before,

has been under review by the Fox News host producers, his producers, for about a week. And Carlson said Monday that he plans to air some of the footage starting next week. So we've been there about a week. He says our producers, some of our smartest producers, have been there looking at this stuff and trying to figure out what it means and how it contradicts or not the story that we've been told for more than two years. Carlson added, this is going to be great.

Guy digs deep. Are you saying he knows nothing about these matters? To my knowledge, nothing. I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. All right, this committee is now adjourned. Oh, boy. happened here. All right, this committee is now adjourned. Oh boy. Anyhow, Carlson told Axios, that's Spanish for Axel.

That's my mechanic, Jose. Oh, the Axios. That's Axioso. Carlson told Axios that there was never any legitimate reason for this footage to remain secret. How can you argue with that if you're not a bullshit or a Democrat? If there was ever a question that's in the public's interest to know it's what actually happened on January 6th, you know, they called it an insurrection, folks, and this is all you have to know. Nobody was charged with insurrection. That's all you need to know. And Biden still goes out there and says five people died, which is a complete fucking, he's already disproven that on his show. By definition, this video will reveal,

it's impossible for me to understand why any, exactly, why any honest person would be bothered to show this. Rep Bernie Thompson, seen here, former defensive end. Look at this nitwit. I could beat this guy in chess and I don't know how to play chess.

Benny Thompson, the former head of the House January 6th Committee, now running a fucking Walmart in Denver. Why always Denver, Nick? I don't know. Rolls off the tip of my penis. Wand of security risks

with Carlson's producers being given access to the tapes. He says, if Speaker McCarthy has indeed granted Tucker Carlson a Fox host who routinely spreads misinformation, he's the only guy that does it.

And yes, I watch all the other channels. I flip around. Honest to God. And again, I watch all the other channels. I flip around. Honest to God. And again, I'm preaching to the choir. I know you guys think like I do. He's the best at what he does on TV, in my opinion. And when he's wrong, he'll admit it, which isn't very fucking often. I mean, anyways, he says he spreads misinformation, doesn't give any examples and and and really yeah unlike nbc and cnn you know when when when uh trump was in there for four years as putin's agent and all that other horse shit and all the impeachments and and and our what's his name uh the fucking supreme court justice being a gang rapist and all that, you know. You mean like that? Is that what you mean, Benny?

Go smoke a joint with your nephew Ruffles. What? I don't want to show my tooth. Spreads, uh, and Putin's poisonous propaganda, he says. Oh, what a nitwit. Shut up!

Really, go smoke some ribs. And his producer's access to this sensitive footage, he owes the American people an explanation of why he has done so and what steps he has taken to address the significant security concerns at stake. Well, hey, stupid, what do you think he's going to do, doctor him? What are you talking about? Do you know how the constitution works we have every right to know what fucking went on why are you so nervous benny i bet you he got a scolding

from some other dems going just shut the fuck up what are you doing the talker doesn't owe anybody an explanation. You do. Yeah, I think the public should see what happened, McCarthy told reporters. Gotta give a thumbs up to McCarthy. What a mick. You are correct, sir. I can't wait to see that shit. What was that guy named?

Ray Epps. Remember the guy? We showed him many times on the show. He's got a Trump hat on, and he gathers everybody around, and he goes, we got to go that way, to the front door,

or whatever, and they're all going, Fed, Fed. Yeah, he's a fucking chill. Of course. But nobody knows where the fuck he is. And he didn't, he was a co-conspirator,

or whatever, didn't get charged with, with what the other people got charged with. Guys, if you don't know, and Tucker already showed footage of frigging literally those security guards opening the gates. I mean, it's insane. It all looked fake to me. I said that to you. Even when they got in the building and they were going up the stairs, they weren't moving at this crazy pace. I didn't see punches being thrown.

You know what I mean? It looked weird. There's one cop going, stay back. Then you can hear like, I don't know, you can hear the director going, cut. We're losing light. Let's get into the, we have to get into the chambers. Hey, you and the Vikings act. Come here.

You're way too big, man. Take it down. Anyways, that should be good. So look forward to that. Oh, let's talk about one of our favorite libs. And I hate to admit it, I like this guy. I hate his politics. He can be a real blowhard. But I always like Alec Baldwin for, you know,

swinging at the paparazzi when they gave his wife shit. And I like a guy with a short temper. And he's really funny on SNL. Yeah, he's a fucking Long Island lib, New York. Jackoff, as far as that goes. But come on. And he killed a bitch. Good for him.

Nick, that's very... Oh, sorry. That probably hurt. Anyways, why is he back on the news? Well, he catches a break. Who would have guessed? Who would have guessed a famous celeb lib caught a break in court? New Mexico prosecutors announced Monday they have dropped the firearm enhancement against him.

That was a charge they tacked on, which would significantly reduce his prison sentence should he be convicted of manslaughter in the death of Helga Hutchins on the set of Rust. They're shooting, I heard they're continuing the movie, right? Just recently they went back to shooting. Oh, I didn't mean that. No, no. That was a stupid pun. That was silly. The involuntary manslaughter charge, a fourth degree felony, carries a prison sentence of 18 months. That's it?

I'm ready to, I know a few people that do 18 months. But prosecutors also added a firearm enhancement, which carries a minimum five years in prison. What do they mean?

Like, is that when you fucking add a magazine to it or make it? What's an enhancement? You give it tits? Add two inches to the barrel at the doctor's? What are you talking about? Anyways, carry a minimum five years in prison. In order to avoid further litigious distractions by Mr. Baldwin and his attorneys, the district attorney and the special prosecutor, what are the odds their libs, we're a fan of his,

have removed, but this makes sense because they blew it on this charge, have removed the firearm enhancement to the involuntary manslaughter charges and the death of Helena Hutchins on the Russ film set. Kamek all twice said in a statement. That was one of the prosecutors. La, la, la, la. Lawyers for Baldwin and Gutierrez-Reed, that was the chick, right, the armor chick, have argued that applying the firearm enhancement

in the case is unconstitutional, and it makes sense because it became law after the shooting. Why would they think they're going to get away with that? You can't charge somebody with something the law didn't exist when you did what you did. Come on now. You're out of order. You're out of order. The whole trial is out of order.

Baldwin's lawyers, therefore, accused New Mexico prosecutors of committing a basic legal error. Probably did it on purpose. By, I don't know, retroactively charging. That's pretty. That's like law 101, right? By retroactively charging Baldwin under a law that had not yet existed. This is more to meet the eye, but I didn't go to fucking law school. I went to DeVry.

I had two good years. Existed when the alleged crime was committed. There's Baldwin the last time he had peace of mind on the set. Now every time I see him, he's frantic. That's got to be, I don't know. It's got to weigh on you. Maybe not. It depends on the person.

His fucking mind is probably clean. I don't know. But how about if you're the family anyways? So he's not going to do much time, which, look, I kind of understand. You know what I mean? Although, I don't know, got to do at least two years, don't you? And do it in solitary. Make them go nuts.

That's what they should do when they have plea deals, if you lower the sentence. Yeah, but you got to do it in solitary. I heard you go crazy in there. Look, I was locked in my bedroom many times, and I climbed the walls. Anyways, finally tonight on This Chef's Tits, stick your pronoun, Bill, up your objiculo. That's Tony Montana talk

for up your ass. Student Senator Mike Abel at the University of Houston, there he is, he looks like a lady with a beard, successfully challenged the Student Government Association, successfully challenged the Student Government Association, that's SGA, respect for pronouns bill that would have mandated, that means forced, the use of other members' preferred pronouns. They would have made people, you would have had to call the people by the pronouns they prefer, which again, you can't force people into. Well, and again, I still don't understand how that works. I know.

Do I go up to you and say, he, him, Nick, him, Nick, he, Nick? No, but you do now if somebody wants to be called they, you know, which is stupid. I know. That's not how you use pronouns in a conversation. That's why you're like, what are you fucking... Even if it made sense I'm not doing it,

you really, you can't force me to play your little gay games you stupid fuck why would you think you know again I'll say it those right wing conservative Christians in the 50s said they're coming after your kids they weren't that wrong

we let you out of the closet and you couldn't handle it you're fucking running wild now you're trying to again again, this is trans shit. I lump them all together. It's like Puerto Ricans, Colombians. It really pisses off the libs. They go nuts. The bill also calls for name tags.

Again, this is University of Houston. Name tags containing the proper pronouns will be given to every member of the Student Government Association, and it's strongly recommended to list pronouns during Zoom meetings. You know what my answer to all this shit is? Or what? Like Pauly Walnut said when the black rapper was arguing with Tony over the speakerphone. Make that check out, and we want it there by Thursday. Or what? said when the black rapper was arguing with Tony over the speakerphone.

Make that check out and we want it there by Thursday. Oh, what? Don't give me that smart-alecky shit. I agree with you, Pauly. The SGA Supreme Court is poised to rule in favor of Abel, not Cain. Listen, everybody.

Determining that such legislation constituted a violation of the students' First Amendment right. Gee, you think? You've got to be a real scholar. You have to be a real Dershowitz to know that. Campus reform reported on Friday. Specifically, the SGA Supreme Court is said to have found that the last sentence of the legislations, where it says, you straight, egg-bearing people. No, it says, which would have compelled speech from the organizations. I know that you can't.

I can't put words in your mouth. Or my dick. Tell them that. Speech from organizations members was a violation. You can't compel people to play your little game. Be it further enacted, members of the student government association must refer to others by their respective pronouns. This is the sentence that did him in. And respect people's gender identity,

the sentence reads. So the Supreme Court said, no, no, no, no, no. In correspondence obtained by Campus Reform, the SGA Supreme Court Chief Justice, Eddie Munoz, said that all justices agreed that the aforementioned statement is unconstitutional. How many times we got to tell you, you... It looks like it says, hi, Senator Abel. Oh, it does. What the fuck? Hi, Senator Abel. Oh, it does. What the fuck? Hi, Senator Abel. You want to go on a date?

I wanted to keep you updated regarding, this is from Munoz to the, your petition to the court. One of the justices is writing the opinion for it, but we all agree that the last sentence of the bill is unconstitutional, Munoz wrote. Finally, a little common sense. But do you see the push every day? Every week we do a story like this, where they're just trying to push it further. This is on the University of Houston campus, whatever, but still. Why would they think they could ever get away with that?

I say that's a symptom of cultural revolution. Okay, folks, that's it for Wednesday. I can't even talk with the tooth missing. Did I tell you guys I lost the $400 tooth, the flipper thing? I wrapped it. Last I remember, I wrapped it in a paper towel and I put it in my pocket. That's, you know, to keep it sanitary. That's my idea.

And I must have emptied my pockets one night. And, you know, the wife took out the trash three minutes after it. Well, actually I'd do it. It's the only thing I'd do. I threw out my own tooth is the point. I thought I saw a rat running by last night with an extra chopper.

All right, that is it kids. Don't forget cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend or relative. It's really fun. Go to cameo.com. We give them a verbal beat down. They're usually fans of mine. They love it. Or you can say happy birthday or say goodbye to Jimmy Carter. Go to cammy.com. We give them a verbal beatdown. They're usually fans of mine. They love it.

Or you can say happy birthday or say goodbye to Jimmy Carter, any of that shit. All right? That's it. You guys think I'll say it, you're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow. Have a good day. Hi. Good night, everybody.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. guitar solo guitar solo Thanks for watching!