The Nick DiPaolo Show - U.S. Soccer Dykes Spurn Veteran | Nick Di Paolo Show #567

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

Woke-Ass Military. Reverse the Races. NHL Heartbreak.

Hey guys, this show, The Nick DiPaolo Show, is a place you can come to for an hour each day and know that the truth is going to be spoken. Sometimes it's politics, sometimes it's comedy, oftentimes it's both. Any way that you cut it, though, it's always honest, unfiltered, and free from the bias you'll find pretty much everywhere else, and certainly all day long by mainstream media. Free speech lives here, and it always will. I want to thank you all for supporting the show, and I want to encourage you to contribute on the comicsgym.com page or visit nickdip.com and click on Contribute.

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Who's... I don't think the experiment is working. ស្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប� Yeah, hello everybody. Welcome to the big show. On a Tuesday from the state of Georgia. How you doing, folks? Good to be with you. Yeah, that clip says it all, doesn't it? That opening clip.

That's where we are. I don't know who said it. I forget, but I quote the guy all the time. They said it way, way back in the day. That, you know, if we don't assimilate and people don't want to be Americans, we're going to end up a nation of immigrants living side by side or communities that have nothing in common and just squabbling with each other.

Boy, was that right on the money. What the fuck? Ever read the headlines in the morning like I do? You want to put a pistol in your mouth three seconds in. Baby cutting half by three. Shit like that. You know? Kitten found in fucking condo rubble with two legs.

Hard-hitting shit. But, you know, it is a gross world. I got to tell you a quick funny one, though, before I get on with it because I forgot yesterday. I'm talking to my mom on the phone, and she says, oh, by the way, you're banned from doing any eulogies in Danvers, which is my hometown. Listen to this.

So she's talking to, we use some, we use this couple, you know, homes. We use Campbell for my dad. And my mother wants to be buried at Lyons. They were sort of like friends of the family. So she was talking to Lyons. You know, that's what you do when you're 83. You're making your own arrangements.

Anyway, she's talking to the guy. And the guy says, by the way, your son Nick can't do any eulogies. And my mother's like, what? Apparently, what they used as an excuse, which I think is bullshit. I think the guy didn't like it because I was being kind of silly, as a comedian will be, even at his dad's funeral. He said I went over the allotted time. What am I, fucking yuck yucks in Philly?

Nobody gave me the candle, Father. So, yeah. And my mother said, yeah, I guess they said it was 10 minutes. First of all, nobody told me there was a time. It's my dad. What are we doing, the fucking Oscars? You going to play me off? I'd like to thank my agent, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the old man.

He did a lot of shit for me. Hey, I'm not done yet. So that was the excuse. And by the way, I did 14 minutes. So even if there was a 10 minute time, which there wasn't, he's just saying that to be nice. So what? I did a few jokes about the crucifix behind me and Jesus looking like Abe Bogota from Fish. And by the way, the pastor of that church is a former marine and he's known to be a hard-ass and a stickler so I know this is all true but apparently here's what's funny about it all last summer after I did my dad's eulogy I talked about it on stage when I was doing stand-up and I would say I would say just jokingly I hope I don't get banned from the circuit,

the eulogy circuit. I must have said that five or six times when I was doing live comedy. That phone call had me fucking laughing. Oh my God. I got to wear that like a badge of honor. My dad would have been so proud of me. Maybe he heard it. I thought I heard some giggling and some banging around in there. But yeah, so I'm banned. That's going to cost me a good 30 grand. People hire me. You know, like cameos, I do eulogies all over Massachusetts. Hey, wait a minute. I think I came up with a new gig. gig. Anyhow, yeah, so I'm banned from doing eulogies, and I thought that was so goddamn funny as I was joking about it for six months, and this priest is a real stickler. Relax. I wanted to say to him, hey, my dad was a Marine, too, you know, and he didn't believe in any of

this shit, but anyways, my father used to lay in bed on Sunday morning, and this was true when we were kids. My mother was trying to get us ready to go to church, and we'd be complaining. He'd yell from his bed, go to church or you're going to hell. So one day I go, why are you, you're not going to church, you're going to hell. He said, I'm already married. I'm in hell. True story. But anyways, so that's that. So don't look for me on the circuit,

especially at Lyons. Oh, even my mother found it funny. And you know, let's get on with it, shall we? It really is depressing watching and reading the fucking news lately, huh? Boy, it really is depressing watching and reading the fucking news lately, huh? Boy, do they hate white people. It's so fun now, huh? We found out who all the racists were and all the people who hate the country and between feminists and minorities. You know how much nicer this country would be if you just shut the fuck up? I could have said leave, but I didn't because I want you to stay here and enjoy it.

But if you don't like it and it's an old saying, fucking leave it. Who am I talking about? The ungrateful dykes that make up women's soccer. They still call that a sport, apparently. They've been pushing that sport on us. Jesus Christ, I do look 220. Fuck. My head's like a fucking... I didn't even eat anything yesterday. that sport on us. Jesus Christ, I do look 220. Fuck! My head's like a fucking...

I didn't even eat anything yesterday! Anyways, they've been pushing that sport on us. And I guess the... Oh, U.S. women's soccer. If you watch that, can I just tell you you're not a fucking fan of sports. You're just a big leper.

It goes for you guys, too. Several members of the United States women's soccer team turn their filthy backs while 98 year old World War II veteran Pete Dupre plays the national anthem on his harmonica and 98 he's still out there doing it I was afraid this guy's a better shape than biden for christ's sake he remembered all the notes that's him when he was uh young okay we'll show you the

video right and watch the assholes mustache Mustache. Pause. Now, this is what's weird. I saw a distance shot of it, right? And these two women are actually looking in the direction he was in. It's the other clam lappers that I have a problem with. I don't know what their look. Can you imagine on a 98-year-old world? Boy, why don't you, could you put your pussy away and quit flying your gay flag for two seconds show some fucking respect first of all when you're done

with this shit you're not going to have a career in anything well you could go to some pro women's league but again there's 11 people watching who gives you who the fuck do you think you are anyways that guy's done more for this country than you'll ever do. What's that fucking broad's name? The one that hated Trump? Megan, whatever the fuck with the pink hair. Rapinoe. Whatever. Now she's doing commercials for Subway.

Yuck. Go ahead. Hey, I'm over here. Hey! Lappers! I'm over here! My vagina's angry. It really is.

It is. Yeah. It's pissed off. So are you. Hooah, hooah. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Some of the girls were asked after, um, what the fuck? You don't like the World War II veteran of the national anthem?

I despise it with every fiber of my being. And that's a woman talking, by the way. Ha, ha, ha, way. What a disgrace. Even the Mexicans, when they played the Mexican national anthem, faced their flag, had no problem with it. We have cornered the market on cunts. Hate to use that word so early in the show. Who am I kidding?

Can't sleep if I don't say it ten times a day. Nick, that's why you're not on Fox Nation. I know. Oh, say can you see the dirty mouth divers in that tree, what so proudly we hail at the lapper's last gleam. I can't even think. I don't do song parodies. I'm no hack. Speaking of angry bitches and whatnot, the military, you guys realize what's happening,

right? This is all laid out and planned, that the military is so woke. You do understand what's going on, right? This is all laid out and planned that the military is so woke. You do understand what's going on, right? We have woke people in the military, like that fucking Colonel Major Milley that we showed last week. Yeah, I think we should know about white rage. And I'm going to, I've studied Stalin. That doesn't make me a... Can you imagine? Can you imagine? It's all, you understand? We were the only superpower left for the greatest military ever. And it's all being taken apart by Biden and fucking douchebag Harris and the whole administration. They're actually listening to the squad. Those unhappy pig-faced thick-ankled whores.

They're the ones running the country right now. Not fucking shit for brains Biden. Not fucking shit for brains Biden. Anyways, a U.S. Army video compilation featuring soldiers marching in cadence with masks on has sparked criticism and mocking after the service's official Twitter account posted it on Thursday. The video tweeted July 1st begins with a clip of soldiers in their physical training uniforms, P2Us, with a clip of soldiers in their physical training uniforms, P2Us, black and gold shirts and shorts, but wearing masks like little bitches, but wearing masks outdoors while they're marching.

That's faggot stuff. I know. You want to call it by its name, that's strictly for fags. Yes, it is. She's kind of hot, the black chick marching there. She's the general. She's the staff. The tweet said, the week is almost done. Time for some step-by-step hashtag motivation.

What's your favorite cadence? How about, hee-ho, fuck off. Okay, here's Sergeant Tanisha marching a bunch of white boys around. Probably a wet dream for her. Go ahead. Your mama was home when you left. You're right. Your daddy was home when you left.

You're right. Your brother was home when you left. You're right. Your sister was home when you left. You're right. Your cat was home when you left. You're right. Your dog was home when you left.

You're right. Your brother was home when you left. Your sister was home when you left. Your cat. What the fuck? What happened to the nice filthy songs they used to sing? Your mother's a whore still. What the fuck?

What's going on? I'm black, y'all, and I'm black, y'all. And I'm blickety, blickety black, y'all. Sergeant, as Nicholson said and a few good men, believe me, there's nothing sexier than having to salute a woman in the morning that outranks you. Sure, I'll sign the papers, Danny, but you have to ask me nicely. What?

That's right, I don't mind the blood, the guts. I don't want medals. I just want you to stand there with that faggoty white uniform on and show me some fucking respect with that smart Harvard mouth of yours. Oh, anyways, they're wearing masks. What is going on? The sight of the soldiers in their PT uniforms marching in cadence while wearing masks prompted confusion and mocking. Columnist Tim Young tweeted,

aren't they all vaccinated? Why are they wearing masks outside, is what that feller asked. It was kind of a good question, I guess, don't you think? It's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. Retired Army Colonel Kurt Schlichter, who I've been on his show, he has been on my show, great writer. He writes for one of the conservative, funny son of a gun. We've got to get him on as a guest again. Anyways, he tweeted, a cadence of his own, calling the army a disaster and woke.

Blaze TV host Elijah Schaefer tweeted, the military isn't what you think it is. The video compilation features four clips. In two of the clips, soldiers are wearing their physical training uniforms with masks on. Can you imagine the Chinese laughing their balls off? First of all, they created the germ. Second of all, they're like, oh my God. Don't you get angry now when you see people still wearing their masks? Doesn't it make you fucking physically crazy?

The clips in the compilation tweeted Thursday are not dated, and there's no context provided in the tweet, but they appear to be from a cadence competition held at Fort Sill last year in August. The four clips were first posted on Fort Sill's Facebook page in August of 2020. However, even then, masks were controversial. Some on social media questioned why the soldiers needed to wear the mask outdoors, while others questioned why some soldiers were not wearing their masks properly. Thanks for missing the point, whoever asked that question. Idiots.

He doesn't have it on right. He could get hurt. It is not clear why some of the soldiers had to wear masks and others did not. Well, it's very clear. Some are smarter than others. I don't know what the fucking clue is there. I don't know nothing about that.

Yeah, we do. By Monday evening, the Army's tweet had been ratioed or had garnered more negative comments than positive ones. It's just so ridiculous. What is happening? Our military is being stripped of its balls. Well, it kind of makes sense to represent, you know, the defendant ball this country now. Anybody else feel this country worked a lot better

when there was fucking a lot of white guys, old ones running it? I do. Raise your fucking bigoted hand. Nick, we got to include everybody. That is the biggest smoke screen ever. Diversity. They use it for school and who they let in, who they don't. Now, discrimination is legal because, you know,

it's payback time apparently. Well, you're not going to tread on me. I'm going to get that tattoo on the head of my penis. It's just going to read, don't. Anyways, Maybe. Single-spaced. All right, let's move on. There are white niggers. I haven't seen a lot of white niggers in my time. Hey, watch your mouth there. That was a Democrat, late, great,

Senator Byrd of the Ku Klux Klan. Remember, they are the party of slavery. Dozens of demonstrators showed up Monday at the home of a South Jersey man who was caught on video belligerently hurling racial slurs at one of his neighbors. Yeah, I'm guessing he just showed up and did that. Not that I'm trying to justify this mook. But, you know, I love these articles. I'd like to hear his side, you know. I'm sure he just rang the doorbell and just started

cursing them out, right? There's no history between the two. There's no way. Yeah, but Nick, are you justifying? Shut it at this point. I don't give a fuck. It didn't bother me. I watched this and it made me nod off like a white noise machine. I mean, the guy seems like a real motherless fuck but who knows what happened shut up mind your fucking business and shut up Edward Cagney Matthews 45 attempted to

address the crowd of around 100 people who gathered outside his Mount Laurel home before being forced back inside by police. He was eventually escorted to a waiting SUV and protested through water bottles at the vehicle as it drove away. That would be assault, by the way.

Mount Laurel police said they responded to a report shortly before 8 p.m. Friday from a resident who said she and her family were being continually harassed by Matthews. When you get a load of this guy. In a video which circulated widely on social media, of course it did. Meanwhile, you know, meanwhile, anyway, I'll get to my fucking rant in a minute. Matthews repeatedly approached his neighbor's doorstep. At one point, he stands nose to nose with a black man and tells him to learn your laws. This is not Africa or wherever the fuck you were. I mean, what kind of talk is that? Well, it just sounds like free speech to me,

maybe unpopular, but kind of refreshing at this point. And again, we get a little bit of history of the dynamic between these two guys and what caused it. I think he mentions it in the video, something about this guy, black guy keeps coming to work to harass this guy. I don't know. But anyways, here's the video that,

this is where we are in this country. A black guy swearing at his, a white guy swearing at his black neighbor makes national news, goes viral. Meanwhile, white people are getting, Chinese people are getting smacked in the face. White people get victims of black crime almost every day in this country.

Nothing from CNN, nothing from MSNBC. But God forbid a white racist guy loses his fucking mind, it's national news. I'm sure Don Lemon is fucking running this around the clock. But watch this, watch this asshole. I'm harassing you, you young fucking punk. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it?

You know why? Touch him. Touch him. Touch him. Come here. Touch him, pedo. Put your hands on me again. Touch him. Touch him. Touch him. Come here. Touch him, pedo. Put your hands on me again. Touch him.

Twice. Touch him. Twice. Touch him. And his name is granted. Pedo. Fucking monkey. What?

Put him up. Put him up. That was him being nice. That's a nice clip. Monkey. How dare you, sir? Apparently this guy's a problem at the complex. So it gets a little nastier.

A white cop shows up. And here's that clip. Somebody called me. Someone called you. Here's that clip. Somebody called me. Someone called you. It's private property. You have no jurisdiction here whatsoever. I do. Somebody calls me.

Hold on. You know what? Hold on. No, no. I'm going to let you do your thing. Go talk to these fucking niggers. Oh! Go ahead.

Fuck you. Go talk to the niggers. Let them know what I'm all about and what the fucking rights they have. All right. You want to go back to your house? I'll come back to you. No, I'll stay right here. It's time for property.

Okay. Have a nice night. You guys from 1101? Oh, yeah. How's it going? I'm going to let you guys get an education right now. Shut up. Thanks, man.

I appreciate it. I'll do my job. No problem. Who lives at 1101? Who do you do? You guys want to step in and talk? I just want him to leave me alone. I want him to go away. I don't know him. I want him to leave me alone. Denise, I'm not going away until your husband stops fucking finding me and threatening me while I'm at fucking work.

Candy, cut it out. Pause. Oh, wait. Denise, he's on a first name basis with her wife. Denise, I'm not going anywhere until your husband starts finding me at work and harassing me at work or something like that. So, you know, there's a history there. But the fact that this makes such, you know, fucking... You smug cocksucker.

No, I'm just saying. No, fuck you. I'm just saying. Admit it, white people. While you're watching shit burn down on the riots last summer, a little part of you sounded like this guy in your head. Sure. Oh, no, it was just me?

Shut it. Okay, any more? That's about it? You sure? Arrest me! I'm not arresting you right now. Relax. You fucking niggers!

Yeah. Turn it out, dude. That's what you see, Brandon. 3602 Gramercy Way. Come see me, you fucking fucking nigger. Come see you, Cagney. Go home. I'll talk to you in a minute.

What is the cop friends with this guy? Sounds like it, yeah. Doesn't it? He gives out his address. Well, that's when he calls him. Like, he calls him Pat, dude. Like, he knows his name. Yeah.

No, but I'm saying he gave out his address. That's why people showed up the next day. I mean, not for him it wasn't. He's famous now. But yeah, he yelled out his... Denise! He knows the guy's wife. Denise, I'm not going anywhere.

Boy, he was really heavy on the common ground. I was born in America, his neighbor responds, and don't give a shit about you. During the argument, Matthews repeatedly used the N-word and monkey to describe his neighbors. That's just unnecessary. Matthews was later charged with harassment and bias intimidation neighbors told wpvi the confrontation stemmed from months of issues involving the hoa

board you know because it's a comp uh for the development where matthews and his neighbor lived and one neighbor's quota saying talking about white dude, the guy is off his rocker and they need to get him out. Aaliyah Robinson told Fox 29, he cannot be racially harassing and assaulting and spitting on people, busting down doors. She says, leave that to the black people in Ferguson. What? I think she meant Baltimore. Anyways, can't be busting down doors, breaking windows, and writing White Lives Matter on stuff. Well, he can write White Lives Matter on stuff. Can't be breaking other people's property. So who asked you anyways?

Just the facts, man. Yeah, quit making shit up. Robinson's daughter, Jasmine Susinski, told the station that Matthews accosted her at a different complex. Southern Burlington NAACP President Marcus Sibley told NJ.com he wants to see additional charges brought against Matthews due to his alleged history. Yeah, you know what? I want to see that happen with Antifa and BLM. How's it feel to want? You're getting a dose of white assholes.

How's it feel? He says, we've seen people get shot for less. Well, that says a lot about your people, don't it? Nick, why do you have to say your people? Because it bothers people. Well, who's it bother? Your people. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard.

I got to go home and fucking deflate the air in my head. Looks like I'm chewing tobacco. What am I, Dizzy Gillespie? I've never been bigger. What's with the cheeks today? It's supposed to be like that. I see these two fucking... It's over.

It's over. It's over. It's never over. Anyways, the black fella of the NAACP, real gentleman. We've seen people get shot for less, Sibley claimed. And he, Matthews, not only used one of the most demeaning terms

you could give to a... Oh, is that what he did? He gave it to him? Give to a black person. He said it with no hesitation, but he also said it once the police officer came and cursed at the police officer as well. Wow. Let me explain to the idiot of the NAACP. There's something called freedom of speech. You understand? It protects freedom like that,

speech like that, because that's unpopular speech. That's the very reason we have it. And when a white guy gets in a fight with a black guy, it's just like when anybody else gets in a fight, you're going to say the meanest shit you can say. I just love how this is all reported like this happens every day with white people. He used the N-word. Anyways. So did you see all the people in front of his house? Did

we put that up already? Yeah, put it up again. This is what happens when you announce your address online. Jesus Christ. It's like Denzel Washington getting out of a limo on Oscars night. Look at the black lady

with her phone out. There he is! You guys have, you don't have a problem with hundreds of people showing up at your property? Well, Nick, he gave his address. Well, I know that. That aside, you don't have anything else to do? He didn't kill a black baby with an ax.

What do you want to make? Honest to God, they would fucking burn this guy like a witch or hang him if it was up to the people. We are regressing. We're going backwards at about a thousand miles an hour. Anyhow, speaking of white racist bigots, supposedly white supremacist group ran away from the people of Philadelphia. That was the headline. I didn't see anybody running anywhere. This country is fucked. It's so fucked. And you know what? You don't hear a peep out of the White House. Not a peep. What you do hear is applause coming out of the West Wing. Anyways, I guess this White Supremacist group, they're from Texas. They flew in, what you do here is applause coming out of the west way uh anyways i guess there's a white

supremacist group they're from texas they flew in so apparently they have some money that's a good effort why philly i don't understand but they walked through uh philly and uh flying their flag as they have every right to do uh let's check them out it remained non-violent night i supremacist right now you know if you have a march through the city on the eve of the first ladies visit police say none of the protesters were from philadelphia patriot front is based in texas and they traveled into the city action news was the only crew one van as

the group traveled down the ben franklin parkway across market chestnuts very american streets before marching to Penn's Landing hundreds of mass protesters from Patriot Front chanted while carrying American flags and shields at Penn's Landing several onlookers began yelling loaded into the vehicles and drove off we say some of those angry onlookers actually scared off the white supremacists. Oh, really? Is that what they said? Finally, some pushback. God help us.

Our father who art in heaven. Wake up, white people. I'm wide awake, motherfucker. Philly. Texas to Philly. You think they wore those hoods on the plane? They're all sitting in rows 20 to 33. Oh, my God.

Civil War, please. Happen soon. I'd like to be around to see it. Maybe somebody will chop off my fat head. How about my necktie? This was given to me from a fan. I can't remember what show, Baltimore. I don't know, but it was a lady gave me this handkerchief to go with it. Bottle of Japanese whiskey and some shit. Bag of Coke. Anyways, wake up, white people. Let's move on, shall we? Vaccine. Why did I spell it like that? I get V-A-C, a bunch of dots, then when I fall asleep on the keyboard? Vaccine. Another sad story, okay?

And this is why your kids should not be... I blame parents on all this shit. 13-year-old Michigan boy died in his sleep three days after receiving the coronavirus vaccine in June, and the Center for Disease Control has opened an investigation into the death. I'm sure they'll get right to the bottom of it. A report said on Sunday. I'm sure they'll be right to the bottom of it. A report said on Sunday.

I'm sure they'll be all over it, right? Yeah, right. Are you saying he knows nothing about these matters? No, yeah. I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. All right, this committee is now adjourned. Jacob Kleinick, who was preparing to enter high school in the fall, received his second dose of the Pfizer vaccine

when he really didn't need any of them. If you followed this, oh no. Anyways, his second dose of Pfizer vaccine at Walgreens in Zilwaukee? That really supposed to be, Zilwaukee, not Milwaukee, Zilwaukee, Michigan. On June 13th, his aunt told the Detroit Free Press, Jacob was healthy, had no underlying health conditions, maybe a little bit of man tits, but in the two days following the second jab, the only side effects he had experience with the same ones most others had to deal with, fatigue and fever.

This is exactly why I'm afraid of this shit. It's a real place. Zilwaukee? Yeah, about five miles north of Saginaw. It's Zilwaukee. I got to get a, I don't know, a street sign from there. Anyways, on June 15th, this is why I'm afraid of this shit, okay? And you should be too. And I can't understand parents who make their kids get, I mean, after seeing people still

wear masks, I guess it's very understandable. God fucking heck, this kid. Before he went to sleep, and he never woke up. He passed away in the middle of the night at home, his aunt Tammy Burrage said. The CDC investigation was confirmed by the county health department. The medical examiner performed an autopsy, although a cause of death has not been determined. Of course not.

Of course not. But if he died, right, and had no vaccine in him, right, it would have been COVID-related when this pandemic first broke. Everybody, you fell off a skateboard, they called it, you know. The investigation as to whether there was a correlation between his death and vaccination is now at the federal level, where the CDC, the Saginaw County Health Department medical director told the Free Press in a statement. So, yeah, we want to know what's taking so long, by the way.

We're waiting. Jacob's death was reported a month after the CDC acknowledged relatively few reports on myocarditis and inflammation of the heart muscle among adolescents and young adults who received the vaccine, though most cases were minor. Remember, they did a thing in Israel about a month or two ago, and like 23% of it, they tested hundreds and hundreds of young guys, and 23% of the kids had that heart condition after the vaccine. They kept that hush-hush.

The American Academy of Pediatrics agreed, calling the ailment an extremely rare side effect, adding that most cases are not severe and people normally recover without treatment. So take that, mom. I think that's what she's want to hear right now. As Jacob's family continued to mourn the boy's untimely passing, his aunt expressed the importance of determining whether the vaccine was completely safe for children. She said, if there are factors that can make it riskier for some kids to get a vaccine, I hope health officials can figure out what those are, she said. Well, it's risky for any kid.

It's risky for any kid. You don't need it. That's the one thing everybody agreed upon, for Christ's sake. At that age, at 13, you don't need it. What a fucking tragedy. I hope you're happy, Mr. Gates and Mr. Fauci. Fucking shapeshifters, all of them. Let's go from a real sad story to an even sadder story, or as sad.

This is the sad segment of the show. Matthew put this together. I said, look, we're doing a comedy show. No. This is fucking horrible, too. I don't know if you guys are hockey fans. I am. I've been watching the playoffs for a month and a half now. And NHL heartbreak.

Columbus Blue Jackets goaltender Matisse Kivleniks died of chest trauma from an errant fireworks mortar blast and what authorities described Monday as a tragic accident at a Michigan home on the 4th of July. He's gone. Imagine. And we couldn't do nothing about it. My brother lives in Ohio. He had season C, big Columbus Blue Jack. He used to golf with some of the upper management.

Columbus Blue Jackets. He used to golf with some of the upper management. Police in Novi, Michigan said the firework tilted slightly and started to fire towards people nearby Sunday night. The 24-year-old, Kivlin Eeks, was in a hot tub and tried to get clear with several other people, Police Lieutenant Jason Meyer said. Authorities earlier said that the Lapian had died of an apparent head injury during a fall, but an autopsy clarified the cause

of death. It was a trauma to the chest. They don't know if he got hit directly or not. The fire department and EMTs, they think it's the, it was the, what do you call it? What's the word I'm looking for? Percussion? Not per, per, percussion? I mean, percussive force. Percussive force, thank you. The fire department and EMTs got to the home shortly after 10 p.m. and took Kiv Lennox to a hospital where he was pronounced dead, Meyer said. The Oakland County Medical Examiner's Office reported

preliminary autopsy results Monday afternoon. Columbus General Manager Yermo Kalanen tweeted, life is so precious and can be so fragile. Hug your loved ones today. Rest in peace, Matisse. You will be a dearly missed. Blue Jackets president of hockey operations, John Davidson called it a devastating time for the team.

Kivy was an outstanding young man who greeted every day and everyone with a smile, and the impact he had during his four years with our organization will not be forgotten, he said. Kivlenic's death came on the eve of Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals in Montreal, Bell Center. They had a moment of silence for Kevlevix prior to the national anthem. So that's horrible. Anyways. What a fucking horrible story. Yeah, the first thing I read yesterday, they said he slipped trying to get out of the hot tub,

fell and banged his head. That was on CNN, by the way. fell and banged his head. That was on CNN, by the way. How do you go from that to, unless they're trying to, and here's the worst part of that story, folks. He was at his goalie,

goalie coach's house. The goalie coach, daughter was getting married. Obviously, you're tight with your coach. He was tight with the coach. So they went to the goalie coach's house for his daughter's wedding, and this is what happens. Aye, aye, aye, aye.

Fourth of July. Now, here's a story to take the edge off some of the sad shit, unless you're a dog. Headline, bitch tries to kill dog. Get it? It's like sort of a dog bites dog. An upstate New York woman, Pauline Waldron, who I dated a long time ago, was arrested after allegedly trying to decapitate her dog with a sword last week. Oh, God, help us. Hello, I'm Mark. Hello, I'm Mark. Hello, I'm Mark. Oh, stop it. I'm almost done.

Deputies were tipped. There's a girl I dated. Turned into Nick Nolte, great. Who's the old guy? Deputies were tipped off to the animal cruelty last Wednesday by the workers at the Catskill Animal Hospital where the wounded pooch underwent life-saving surgery, the sheriff's office said. The dog was left alone for eight hours before receiving medical care, authorities said. It wasn't immediately clear who discovered the injured dog. The sheriff's office said five other dogs were seized from Waldron's home. Quiet, Ms. Waldron. The judge is talking.

Waldron was released without bail or balls. What? At her arrangement. So, uh, without bail, huh? Really? Get out of my room, you sick cunt. That's what the judge said. True story.

What a horrible story, huh? Speaking of dogs, what else we got on the agenda? Wow. What a happy coincidence. Dovetailed right into that. Headline, fuck you, UK. Rocky and Flash Gordon are among classic movies to have had their ratings tightened by the British Board of Film Classification.

Yeah, those are really controversial movies. Rocky, can you imagine? That film has been rated G since it came out. Maybe I made that up, but I think it was G. But now all of a sudden it's controversial. The move from parental guidance to 12A is a result of changing standards in society, the body said. Flash Gordon's, I saw Flash Gordon, the Marriott, three in the morning, right after searching for Bobby's fissure. That's the best name ever of a pawn.

It's actual form. Anyways, something to do with moderate violence, language, sex references, and discriminatory stereotypes, which is really what they're bothered by. We're cited along with domestic abuse in Rocky. Domestic abuse. Hold on a second. Do you guys remember domestic abuse in oh that's right when Polly comes home get out of my house you want your freaking bird go out in the alley and eat your

freaking bird you're busted get out of my house get out it's cold outside polly i don't raise her to go with no scum but i buy you the best it's like every thanksgiving in my house imagine i think that's what they're talking about that see as a result of changing standards in society this would be the uk what they're trying to say as a result of us going from capitalism to fucking hardcore communism, it's not infrequent that a distributor will submit something to us that we have classified in the past, but which we need to take a fresh look at under our current guidelines. You know why you're doing that? Because your values are changing. You're digressing. You're tightening the noose. We take a look at,

we have to apply it to our current guidelines, this Mama Luke says. God help me. Don't give me that smart-alecky shit. I want to tighten that one up. The PG rating says a film should not unsettle a child aged around 8

or while 12A recommends children under 12. Who's to say what unsettled is? Let the parents decide. That's none of your fucking business. Especially today. You know what's funny about this? 12-year-olds are watching porn and beheadings on the internet, but Pauly yelling at his sister? What are you doing? 12A. That means you're supposed to have an adult accompany you.

So they say children under 12 shouldn't watch without being accompanied by an adult. What in God's name? You gotta grow up. You're not a kid anymore. You gotta grow up! Yeah, I remember sitting on my dad's lap. I was 14 watching Rocky. He covered my eyes when Apollo took his shirt off.

Of the 93 complaints the board received last year, 93 of them were from chicks, I'm guessing. No, 27 were about 1980 space opera film Flash Gordon. I wouldn't see that if they filmed it in my fucking living room. The movie's 40th anniversary re-release was reclassified up to 12A partly due to the inclusion of discriminatory

stereotypes. See, that's what really bothers them. The BBFC did not say in another 10 years they're just gonna fucking they're gonna show you the first 3 minutes of a movie the end

they didn't say what the stereotypes were however Flash Gordon's main villain Ming the Merciless was an East Asian appearance but played by Swedish French actor Max von Sydow of course. I kill you.

Played it beautifully. Kill me. I'm right here. Kill me. It was a great scene. Two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks.

Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Like a somebody. Hey, hey, hey. We got to kick this up to 12A. Look at that guy. Looks like every UFC fighter.

And then boxing classic Rocky from 1976 starring Sylvester Stallone was moved from a PG rating, oh, it was PG, on video to a 12A for the 2020 theatrical release because of this strong language. What was I going to say? You hope I don't keep acting like a whore, I'll turn into one, right? Yeah, something like that.

Night, Rocky. Night, Marie. Take care, you know? Hey, Rocky. Yo. Screw you, creepo. Oh my god, that should be rated X. Who you think you're talking to? No, screw you, you little whore.

No, screw you, you little whore. You know, the turtle gets the seas caught in it, but I have to smack him on the back. You know what that is? Yeah. Shell shock. Night, Rocky. Okay, retard. The BBFC said its reclassification was due to moderate violence, mouth strong language, and domestic abuse.

That's what they're saying about Rocky. It's going to heat lightning, and you're going to crop thunder. I mean, fucking New York. I mean, UK is just. And all that stupidity trickles across. Back and forth. We send them stupid shit. And anyways, finally tonight I meet the press. Peeping Jorge.

What's with all the South and Central Americans being pervert? The peeping Tom who was shot three times by a Texas father, just being a good Texas father. Oh, that's more than three. After allegedly touching himself while peering into a 10-year-old girl's window, knocking on the window while he's jerking off. Hello? Hello?

Hello? He's been charged. Fox 26 Houston reported that Jorge Ramos, 44, has been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, his cock, and indecency with child by exposure. The report said that the suspect is still hospitalized after the June 28 incident in northwest Harris County. in Northwest Harris County. The report, citing court documents, said the girl alerted her parents about a man after he allegedly tapped on her window

while touching himself. Her parents, who were not identified, retrieved their guns and confronted the suspect. Reports said, which of course they did. Don't you move, you motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out. Deputies said the girl's mother held the man at gunpoint outside the gas station as the father headed inside,

big mistake by dad, to tell the clerk to call 911. But that's when the suspect began wrestling the woman for her gun. He managed to disarm the woman and pointed her own gun in her direction. But her husband soon raced out of the gas station and fired at the suspect out of fear he'd shoot his wife. Jesus Christ, quite a story. You all saw him. He had a gun. The Fox 26 report said Ramos allegedly tried to pull the trigger on the wife, but the gun was on safety. He's a genius. He's a stupid, stupid, stupid.

Ramos was hit by three shots in the torso. So finally some good news. Hope you fucking die. Tapping on a 10-year-old girl's window. I don't think you want to do that in Texas. You want to go to New York to do that where they don't have guns. You know, Chicago. The nice neighborhoods I'm talking about, the white neighborhoods.

You don't do that in Texas. Texas is, they have gun racks on their kids' strollers and shit, and they chew tobacco in there too, and these are the girls. Anyways, that is it for today, ladies and gentlemen. I'll tell you, right here, a great friend of mine from the San Francisco area. Don't forget cameo.com

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the permanent home of this show the comics gym.com and you can pay monthly, monthly subscription or you can donate as you go. Also true of patreon.com and nickdip.com. Click on the tour dates if you'll find out where I'm touring.

I'm off for a little while until, I don't know, not quite to the fall, but we might add some before then. Who knows? Anyways, you guys think it, I'll say it. You're to the fall, and we might add some before then. Who knows? Anyways, you guys think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow.

Have a great day, everybody. ស្រូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រ guitar solo Outro Music