The Nick DiPaolo Show - US To Ground & Pound | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1873

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

In today's episode, Nick talks about Potential Ground War, Jump Seat Miracle, A Pageant Malfunction, Nails Ice Cream Topping A Child Sex Doll! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Hello everybody, how you is what it was. Welcome to this week in Blackness. I'm your host, Otis Otis. Welcome to the live lineup, boys and girls. Where you get this show, you get louder with Crowder, a tremendous show. They have a guy that comes into once a month, a comedian, and boy, does he kick it up a notch.

Yeah, next week I'm doing it, you're right. And all those other shows free. If you want it, ad free, you sign it for Rumble Premium. So follow my channel, download the app, and enjoy yourself. Today I'm going to be talking about, well, I guess I wrote the story yesterday, but it's actually advanced a little bit, ground troops, which it's almost like they're trying to lose the midterms, the Republicans.

But hey, again, that's not my opinion. That's the rest of the masses and idiots going, you know. by the way I'm not even going to give any air time to it was no Kings weekend or whatever the fuck I don't know how people don't go out there like especially veterans who fall off of this country and spray these people

with bullets also big time engine failure on a plane that took again do I want to do the road what's this the eighth story we've had with near misses planes air Canada crashing into a fire I mean what the fuck

again the quality of service is about the same if you went to a friggin, you know what, a Lowe's. I don't have never been to a Lowe's, actually. Also, we had a pageant malfunction. It had nothing to do with the ladies' clothes. It's even better than that. And a lady fucking chokes on something while she was eating ice cream. And no, it's not a penis.

It wasn't a Ben and Jerry's cock chocolate block. I'm already doing the show. Anyways, and some scary footage from a fight between two broads UFC, who both, by the way, when they don't have their hair in Cornrows and aren't fighting and shit, they actually look like women. Actually, I know Barbara does. Anyways, that's enough of that. That's what I'll be talking about.

A little weekend chatter for you. Boston Bruins, don't mean to bore you people who aren't hockey fans, but you deserve it if you don't like hockey. My Boston Bruins, let me tell you, this season could end tomorrow, and I am so proud of this team that was supposed to be in a rebuilding mode. they're about 16, 17 games over 500, by the way, and fighting for their playoff lives because they're in the toughest division. Anyways, they beat Detroit.

Was that last weekend? They went Detroit, beat Detroit. This week, they played three good teams, very good teams. Oh, except one bad one. Did I talk about them? Chokin to the Maple Leafs. Was that last week? I quit.

I'm lying. I don't even watch hockey. Anyways, they had Minnesota Wilde, who's very good. They had for a player. Bruins smoked them, 6-3 at Boston. Boy, am I fucking this up. And then on the weekend, they had back-to-back games. I can't even remember.

You're like, are you making this shit up? Maybe. No, they had the Minnesota. And then they had to go to Columbus last night. And Columbus has been like the hottest team in the last couple months. They had fighting for their playoff lives. And the Bruins are down 3-0 in the first period. end up winning four three in a shootout.

They scored three in the third period. They don't quit. Even when they lose, they play hard. A couple of wicked fights. Why I didn't show you one of them. Two heavyweights. My boy Castellek, who's our heavyweight, and he's so strong.

It's scary. But he fought the toughest guy in the league. My brother had been telling me about him. Olivier, and he don't look like no, Olivier. He's fucking... It actually looks like he's old. His hair's balden, but he's a, aye, aye, aye. But they went at it.

And I would give Olivier the decision. It was a decision. It was no, but it was, Olivier must be scary strong because Casillac is 6, 3, about 2.30. He throws everybody around when he gets in a fight like there. And this guy, well, they didn't throw each other on. But anyways, the fight before that, Geno, that's our other tough guy. Went at it with another tough guy.

Went on for almost two minutes. I thought it was in 1972. It went on. They were fucking pounded each other. Then they glide over here and pound and then glide to the board. It went on forever. And these were two guys trying to hit each other to kill. It was fucking phenomenal.

This is why, and you guys are watching that. Ooh, Dayton just beat fucking Dayton. What? Whatever, March Madness. I'll get to that and give them their due because there was some exciting shit there. But anyways, my bro and say, anyways, they won three in a row. Who the fuck did they beat the Doesn't matter

Anyhow And those are back-to-back games In hockey you don't do that usually It's such a physical sport You can play it every day like baseball But because the Olympics this year They had to compress the schedule So all teams after Olympics

They have like four or five times They're playing back-to-back nights And that was the case for both Columbus And the Bruin yesterday And the bees somehow hung on They just look like they won it they look interested. They look, you know what I mean?

They're playing like college kids. And the future is bright. We got a kid named Minton, who we got in a tray with Toronto, not to get into the weeds. But holy shit, this kid looks like he's been playing for 12 years. What else? Fucking Red Sox.

Lose the opener. Take the next one. And then lose yesterday. Oh, the thing, ABS. That's the new thing for you baseball, fans note it is automated balls and strikes. In other words, and I've been calling for this for a long time because they, you know, they do it quickly. Each team gets two reviews on balls and strikes. Only the pitcher, catcher, a hitter can challenge. Let's say you're up to plate, the pitch comes in

and you don't swing at it because you think it's a ball. The end cause it a strike. You tap your head. That's the signal. But you got to do it right away. They really, whoever's making the changes in baseball have done a great job. You tap your head, and then they show that thing. And it's kind of cool. You get this mini, everybody bites, you know, kind of holding their breath, and it comes up on the jumbo try. And let me tell you something. There's a, there's a, you know, Dallas, you probably know.

Do you know who the worst balls and strikes up is and he's black? No? This guy's had a reputation in his whole career. He just can't call balls and strikes. C.B. Buckner. He looks like a nice old black dude, older gentleman. He's been around forever. But he stuck when he was young.

this. He just not could call him balls and strikes. Why is he in an open? Why is he behind the plate? Or I agree. And I agree with that too because I said, if you can't well, it is different because you're trying to this ABS thing, first of all, it exposed

him for how bad he is. Even the announcers before the game are going we got a fail and there's going to be a lot of AB. You only get two challenges each. I mean, if you're wrong, you'll lose them. But if you're right, you still have your two left. You know, it's It's great.

But this poor, I actually felt bad for him. Like, they had eight challenges, and he was fucking, the op was only right on like one of them. I actually felt bad for him. He's just not good at it. And then he calls near the end of the game, crucial part of the game, the Red Sox have a guy on base down by a run.

One of our guys, check swings. And it was clearly a check swing. It wasn't even close. And he calls, rings him up. and then he doesn't ask the first base umpire. You know how you can defer? Because they have a better angle. Well, he didn't do that,

which drives players and managers nuts. So I go, oh, here we go. And there's a reason why our hitter didn't challenge it. Excuse me? Because he couldn't. Because our hero, Roman Anthony, in the second inning, did it twice or the second and third. He did it two innings.

in a row, like early in the game, which he shouldn't have done. Now, we're, and he was right on, he was right on, uh, one of them. And then someone else did with it. So anyway, we didn't have any left. He used up two of them. So we couldn't challenge anything after like the third inning. And I think we learned that if you're, I know I'm getting in the weeds here, but if you're a manager, you want to save those for the important part of the game,

I guess. I think that's what we love. That and B. B. B. B. B. has no business being, uh, behind the point. plate. And we also learned that umps are pretty goddamn good at this. Not in that game. But I'm saying for the most part, because they already know, they already have stats,

how many times the umps are right and shit. And the ball's coming over the plate now. This isn't the 70s when the guys threw 88 mile and how fast. It's coming over to 102. And you've got to see it. That's why I say bring in the technology. And even, but you realize they're right a lot of times. It's like, wow. But Roman Anthony,

he's got an eye, he's known for a great eye. And the first one he challenged, he said it was a ball. It was a ball by this. They put that up too. I found an ampum, I'm going, what he trying to embarrass this shit out of us? But they put it up. It was like one-tenth of an inch or two-tenths. And Roman Anthony spit on it like it was a foot outside.

It's unbelievable. And already, I think, it works both ways. You get an appreciation for how many times the amps are right on this shit. So anyways, I love it. It gives you this mini drama throughout the, but somebody brought up a good point. One of the Red Sox announcers said, you know, this is all great and stuff,

but what happens game seven of the World Series and it ends on a challenge? The whole world's sitting there and they hit a challenge, you're waiting to see if it's a strike or a ball. You know, if it's a ball, the basis is loaded, walks in the winning run. Or if it's a streak, it ends on a,

and now, can imagine? They throw it up, the whole world is looking at the job. jumbo trying? Isn't that fucking funny? It's going to happen. But anyways, I like it. I like it, and it holds the amps accountable and poor C.B. Buckner. He might even, he should even maybe he'll retire. He almost looked embarrassed, but you can't tell him black guys are embarrassed. They're black. You can't see right. Right? Exactly. Anyway, so that was baseball. And Roman Anthony had, listen to, he had three hits in the first

game of the season. Last year he had the highest percentage of hard hit balls. Now, I don't know if they meant if balls in play or actual hits. Either way, he had 60-something percent were hard hit. He led the league. So he had his first ground ball was 112 miles an hour. And then he hit one down at first base 110 that hit the first baseman forearm. The first baseman just fell on the ground, dropped his club rolling around like he got shot.

He didn't even try to play it. The kid's going to be something. The kid is going to be something else. I don't want to bore you guys anymore. Worked on my book. Finished up that chapter about that family across those families, I should say, across the street.

So I think you guys are going to enjoy the story about the ladies singing the national anthem, standing in the woods. One time she did it with a top off. I forgot to tell you that. And she was so scary, look. even a 14-year-old boy with all those hormones, we were like, oh, that's fucking gross. And her father, I mean, her husband played the trumpet.

I told you, a caller reminded me of that. And I cover that and went, and they picked up and moved. And I cover Johnny, the mechanic, the guy who invented the, every time it snowed, he'd come out with this thing he wrote. I mean, he, you got created. You'd die. You'd fucking die. It's pretty, I got to, you know, this is a rough draft. I can't believe I've got to go back and rewrite shit.

because somebody said writing is rewriting. Yeah, go fuck yourself. All right, that's about all I got. Did I cook? Yes, I did. Had a bunch of those Capri tomatoes, which are my favorite. They're about the size of a golf ball. They're always ripe year-round in the store. I don't know why they get it.

I had about 12 of those laying around. Just roasted them in the oven and just made a sauce that way with roasted tomatoes. I forgot to put feta cheese in. Here's where I'm at, man. I had the feta cheese out. I get done and it's sitting there as I'm washing the dish. Made something else. I can't remember.

I was going to tell you about it was so good. Who knows? That's it. ABS, books, gigs. Tommy, after ignoring me, he called Friday and goes, I'll call you tonight. Never heard from him. Look, he's got a daughter who has to go to the hospital all the time, and I understand he's busy and shit. But he's also, was in a lawsuit.

He's been in court all week. Apparently, he won. anyhow, I still don't know. I might just say no to bust his balls. He's got me booked. And he ignores what I said. I said, don't fucking think I'm going to do a Pennsylvania and I'm not going to do Soul Joles in that casino.

After I haven't done comedy for eight months, you want me to walk on in a casino and a pull, you know? I said that like three times and in emails and in text, so I have it in writing. And he just, in this email, he acts like I never said it. got the this a mate, but, but, but, but, gonna break his little heart when I go, no, I'll think about it. I'll get back to you. How about that?

And I won't. Or I will. I don't like sitting on the sidelines. Even when I'm not, folks, it's not just about me sick of traveling. It's about, I know what it takes to be at the top of my game or any comic. It takes being in a club almost every night. I'm not talking road work. I'm talking like little club, local clubs,

like New York City, that's why so many great comics come out of there. There's 15 little clubs. You've got to be out there every night writing just repetition. Me and Geraldi should talk about it. It's repetition, repetition. And not to remember it, it's just some people work differently. I write on stage. And a lot of comics do.

In other words, you know, you do the joke a different way the next night. You throw in a different word. It works better than the other night. That shit. And, you know, I'm 64. I'm sort of past that, but there are still guys out there. Colin Quinn, who just, you know, and he hates it now, but he does it, he has to do it. But I don't want to be seen, like, I don't want people going, ah, you know, he's at 50% or whatever the fuck.

Because I'm not, even at 50% I'm going to kill. Because they have the ability to talk off the top of my head and not shut my big mouth for a fucking hour and make you laugh that way. That's the only reason I'm not ruling out this year. so and so he says yeah we got that thing in May those two things and he goes I got a date for you to punchline in Atlanta right before those the night before those two gigs where you'd go to and punchline Atlanta fuck them I don't like that club apparently they didn't like me I murdered there for a weekend and it was 15 years ago didn't have me back because, you know, it's a mixed crowd,

and I was doing what a white guy with some balls does, talks to people in the audience of a different race and tells them why this fucking wrong. You know, that makes people nervous, even the club owners. But the black people laughing their balls off.

Laughing their balls off. They came out to see me, didn't they? Like I said, 90% of the complaints are always, and it's not that much. I'm not that controversial anymore. anyways I'm rambling at the back of a nine-year-old woman neck is fucked up

left nuts longer than the other one I talk so much this fucking thing shut off what is this fucking radio shack piece of shit yeah he does all that fucking shit oh I'm sorry

let's uh yes after bragging about hockey and shit uh And I, you know, I give basketball a hard time, especially I won't watch regular season college or pro basketball. But yes, and I've told you this, I will follow, well, it's changed. From years ago, 20 years ago, I've watched the whole tournament. I was living in L.A. for a lot of it, had nothing to do. Then I'd get tired of that.

A few years later started watching the Sweet 16, then at the Elite 8. Now I'm down to the championship game after. The post-game worked. No. I didn't even see this. I was watching hockey and ring baseball, real sports. But watch this. This is yesterday.

I'll set it up for you. As you can see, Duke's up by two points. There's only 10 seconds left in the game. Duke is inbounding the ball. They just have to kill the clock, right? Against Yukon. These are two powerhouses. And this is why people love March Madness.

And there's more than, this has happened to fruit. This happens a lot of March Madness. There's upsets. There's Cinderella stories. But this is, why people love it. Watch this. The ball and who better than this guy? Get it into Boozer. Back for Sarr.

A head, Boozer. That ball... Apparently not. Look, a black guy's choking. I'm waking. Show it again. I get shivers. That's a bomb. Yeah. Nothing but nylon.

Nothing but crylon. Nothing but a poly blend. What a shock. And the kid that got it to him knew he had to get it to him. You're going to give those guys credit. The poor bastard for Duke, his name's Boozer, I think, who tried to make that pass. And whoever blocked that's the fucking hero.

How do you picture the different, the kid who hit the shot, picture you waking up the next morning, knowing you're the hero, you did it on national TV. It's been seen a zillion times. I think they said he was a freshman. White kid named Braille. So can you imagine waking up with a fucking heart? You're like, did I really?

And being the other guy that made the bad pass that turned it over. Can you imagine him? Because we've all done shit when we were drunk and young. You ever wake up the next day and realize that you fucking broke a windshield with your hand or cut off a hooker's foot? Oops. I didn't know. The scissors were that sharp, Sharon.

Anyway, not amazing. What? You got to show that. That's just crazy. All right, let's get to the unimportant shit. Boots on the ground. The Pentagon is preparing for weeks of boots on the ground. They're doing more than that.

The soldiers are on the way on a, you know, a battleship carrier, whatever the fuck that call it, the Tripoli. That's the name of it. Weeks of boots on the ground operations in Iran. A major escalation in President Trump's goal to dismantle the remaining faction of the murder's Iranian. regime. Let's take a look at the video. New images capturing the first set of U.S. ground troops in the

Middle East, U.S. Central Command announcing that the 3,500 sailors and Marines of the 31st Marine Expeditionary Unit arrived in the region on Friday aboard the USS Tripoli. The force also equipped with transport and strike fighter aircraft and amphibious assault capabilities. It comes just one day after we learned of yet another American aircraft carrier en route as the U.S. amasses a larger presence. Goddance. Probably didn't have the brains to do that for living, but man, it looks fucking gray. You know, nobody's shooting at you shit.

Look at this. This is Daytona Beach. That's how bad it's got for the black kids down there. They brought in the military. That's a clip, Dallas. That's a clip. That's very Nick DeBala. Yeah, I just have to, because I can't tell.

Anyhow, Dells is like, it's another fucking edit, is what it is. Just leave it in. Don't worry about it. Uh, anyways, uh, thousands of U.S. Marines would be sent to the Middle East to conduct raids that include special operation forces and conventional infantry troops. Officials have been discussing plans for sending troops into Iran for weeks. See, you don't know, because Trump's out there going, they got nothing left. It's over. We want. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then the media's like, what, you said it was like, shut the fuck.

You think I'm going to tell you everything? God, are they fucking ignorant or willfully ignorant? American military operations ended their second month on Saturday following the U.S. Israel joint attacks on Iranian military facilities and officials on February 28th, which saw the elimination of Iran's supreme leader. Ali Khamini Chopsui de Jha. Approximately 40 senior leaders they killed, remember? Trump has not publicly acknowledged the Pentagon's proposal or

whether he would approve any portion of the plans. Why would he do that to the media? Shut up. That's right. It's the job of the Pentagon to make preparations in order to give the commander-in-chief maximum optionality. You get it, folks?

It's like the pimp when, you know, he gives you the girl, he's giving you options. Menu, 100 bucks, 200 bucks. 50 bucks. She looks like Kamala Harris. It does not mean the president has made a decision. Who said that? My former wife, White House Press Secretary, Caroline Levitt.

The troop movement would fall short of a full-scale invasion, but could still put U.S. military service members in danger of Iranian military weapons. Yeah, it's called the fucking war. You see where we are? Really? Soldiers could be in danger. They could be in harm's way? Yeah, it's their job.

It's what they say. signed up for. Oh my God. I feel like I'm reading high school newspapers as far as the who's that? Roughly 10,000 American troops were being considered for deployment to the Middle East last week to boost

the already significant military presence in the Gulf region. The potential reinforcement would add to the nearly 5,000 Marines and sailors in roughly 2,000 members of the Army's 82nd Airborne division already deployed. So, it's

It's, you know, it was not clear where the troops would land as giant airstrikes have targeted both the capital of Tehran and other military infrastructures closer to the Gulf, including what? Kargai. Trump warned Islamic Republic officials on Thursday to get serious soon about negotiating an end to the war. But then you see, anyway, before it's too late. But that's Trump saying it, so you better listen. Don't you ever try to fuck me? You heard them. Folks, you want to support this show.

Go to nickdip.com. We have a merchandise page that would rival Sears catalog in the 70s. Gertles, bras, hat, corsets, gloves, silly boots, t-shirts, t-shirts, hoodies. Also, you want to send a person on his video to somebody? I'll say what you're thinking so you don't have to. Go to shoutout.us. Let's move on. Packed plain panic.

Oh, you went to the alliteration. That's what we do when there's not an easy one laying up there. Pack plane panic, very well done. And peepie, I would have put. They peep-poot. Delta plane was forced to make an emergency landing in Brazil late Sunday where I'm playing the funny ball in two weeks, Tommy said. I've got to go through Pittsburgh to get to Brazil.

In Portuguese. What? In Portuguese. In Portuguese? Oh. Late Sunday after the United States. apparent engine glitch. Engine glitch. Engine glitch. Engine glitch, like a spark came out, not a 78-foot flame. Oh my God. And spark shooting from the packed jet, Delta Flight 104, which was bound for

Atlanta. See, I ain't going to Atlanta. With 272 passengers and 14 crew on board suffered a mechanical issue with its left engine as it was taking off at Sao Palos, Guerroulos International airport. Here is video number one from being on board the plane. Are you fucking kidding me? Seeing that? Houston, we have a... They can see a fire out the window.

Picture that. I love how the women handle the emergencies. Poor kids are crying. You hear kids crying. Leave that shit. Houston, we have a problem. Imagine looking out the window and saying,

I don't understand how that doesn't blow up. You realize those wings are filled with fuel, right? The other funny thing about airplane the movie, which I never really caught, and everybody in the comments said, this is how clever they were. They even, you know, you can hear the engine, the plane engine.

It's a jet. You can hear props. And they did it on purpose. It's a jet engine, and you can hear the, you know, like a prop. And there's that little, thing they cut to what's his name do we show them is that am i showing that this the inflated doll thing we we did it before um anyways but right before they cut to the inflated doll scene

fucking leslie nails and you see you see a lady's two feet up in a stirrups like a gynecologist he goes what the hell's going on him yeah real quick note about uh women's sense of humor so i'm watching they have a reaction you know you react to songs on on the on the internet they have people reacting like who have never saw airplane young people reacting and it was all like female flight attendants reacting it was like 25 reactions out of 25 about 23 of them this is a reaction why was he doing that i swear to god they're like what was he doing there it's so funny it's just i'm not saying i'm not being negative about it but they i always thought they they take it so literally my wife with jokes even she's been married

We've been together 30-something years. She still doesn't know, and I'm fucking being ironic sometimes. But almost every woman to the woman was like, why was, was, what was he doing? Surgery? But it's just, that's all. It's what they call in comedy a non-sequitur. The absurdity should make you laugh, but because you're analyzing it, and this is what makes me angry and I'm on stage, you do this long enough

I've known it from the beginning I know why when you don't get a laugh I know why which is death for a comedian it's why I have no patience I know exactly why you're missing the joke which is even worse instead of just going they didn't think it was funny

no they fucking I know why they missed it but I was laughing I kept I meant to watch like two reactions I'm there an hour later just to see and there were a couple that just started laughing my favorite reaction videos to that

is the girl ordering coffee, taking her coffee black. The little girl. Yeah. Yeah. Because you watch their expressions just. I didn't see that. They have a reaction one for that? Oh, good.

Anyways, video two from the tower. Check this out. I don't blame these people for fucking shit in their pants. Jesus. That says he's taken off, huh? Are you fucking kidding? I don't understand. I don't understand. I was saying those wings are filled with fuel. That's where the fuel is, right?

How is they not an explosion? I don't understand why that doesn't blow up. Look at that. And Dallas had the same take as me. What the hell's going on and out there? We've had two stories for the last six months shit like this. Planes either hitting or just missing, hitting each other on the runway or the fire truck on the other. Haven't touched a cigarette. Not a couple weeks. Andy did that. the fucking, she took out this thing. Must have had a fucking Boeing engine on it. Massage thing. And I'm like, yeah, you don't keep that under your pillow when I'm not.

She's doing my back and shit. And I'm trying to watch TV. And the TV's going like that. And then she's doing, she found the shit. I paid $200 with a fucking chink. He couldn't find the lump in me if I put his hand to my bag. And she was digging. digging in and I think she loosened all the shit in me. Toxins. Anyways, don't fly that airline Delta. You'll get burned. The airline blamed a mechanical issue for the wild mishap. Oh, duh. They blamed a mechanical. You mean it, it wasn't, it wasn't God striking down somebody misbehaving in 14G? If there's a G seat. Really? It was mechanical. It wasn't the devil

doing his work? The Airbus A330-300, I only get on one of those every time I fly. Landed safely and was met by ARFF aircraft rescue and firefighting. Then customers were taken by bus to the terminal and cold water was thrown out of them to get them out of shock. Customers. Customers now. That's the other thing. It's going in my chapter. I see this now. It's been going on probably at least 10 years now. When you go to a fast food place, you're a guest. You're not a customer. You're a guest.

Oh, I'm a guest. Am I sleeping over tonight? Going to give me a fucking hand job and I finish my McFlurry? Oh my God. Guest. Yeah. Give homeless people another reason

to lay all over the place in your joint. What do you do? I'm a guest. Yeah, but you just shit under the day. I'm a guest. The safety of our customers and crew is our highest priority. apologize to our cut. Yeah, apparently not for this delay and their travels. No, this delay.

We thank you for the fireworks show. Let's stay on airplanes, not literally, but this is another miracle. Remember about a year ago there was a crash? Everybody died on the plane, but one guy. Do you remember this? And he was kind of an Indian guy, younger guy. You guys remember, sitting in 13A or something? I love an alpha. There we got. 11 Alpa. I almost got away with it. I don't even know if there's a 13th.

Yes. 11 Alpa. Do you guys remember? Literally 200 people died and he walked away but not a scratch on him. This is almost as amazing. Jump seat. I guess the fuck.

That's the headline. An Air Canada flight attendant who was thrown from the plane during the crash at LaGuardia has been seen in her hospital bed for the first time as her daughter described horrific injuries. She is recovered. hovering from. So-Lang Trumbly, seen here, a 26-year-old veteran flight attendant, was hurled more than

320 feet. Folks, let me just put that in perspective. A football field is 300 feet. Picture that. She was thrown from end zone to end zone. And she hit the upright and bounced off and landed on her feet, but she broke all her legs, all five of them. Who's the hut brought? Grabbing her by the boobs. Did I tell you I found Samantha Guthrie's mother again this weekend in my toolshed? Should I tell anybody? Why don't she's here? I don't know. She's fucking.

I think she's stalking me. Anyways, 320 feet she was ejected from Jazz Flight 86-46, inbound from Montreal after crashed into a fire truck on the New York airport's runway on the night of March 20. That was horrible. Two young pilots died. Can you imagine? Now, she's sitting, because they said it in a story, I think they said it. the jump seat, which it is. You know where the stewardess is. If you sit up front,

you know where they sit. They're facing you. The back wall that the lane is part of the fucking cockpit. I'm trying to scratch myself. Not my balls. Those are down below. I haven't. I can't get at it. I'll just suffer. Check out something. Oh, shit. She landed in the water. Look at the poor black guy. He took this at the terminal. Doesn't look like La Gua. During the crash, she was ejected over 320 feet from the wreck.

She was found still strapped in her job seat, lying on the tarmac. Oh my God, I would have laughed my balls on. Sarah LePine said in a GoFummi page to support her mother's medical treatment. So far, they've got $11.50. But I thought Canada had socialized health care. I was just going to say that, Daly. Very good. God damn it. Hold on.

I guess you don't recommend this. I'm putting a hole of my shirt right now. I shout out a couple days ago. My mother's injuries include two shattered legs, open fractures, also known, I know as compound fractures. That means the bones came through the skin, requiring multiple surgeries where metal plates are needed to repair the damage done to her legs. Tim Wall said he would donate one of the plates from his head to help this lady. She sustained a fractured spine where she continues to wait and see if surgery is required. Furthermore, she requires skin grafts to repair the missing flesh.

She lost on her legs while sliding down the tarmac. Really, minor, considering what the fuck happened to her. But, oh, talk about road rash. I fell off my big wheel when I was in third grade. It took me a month in the hospital. Had a skin graft. They took it from my grandmother's ass to fix my forehead. She had even received the blood transfusion due to complications from her first surgery,

LePine said, while sharing a picture of her mother in her New York hospital bed. Right now, my mom needs your help. She's in New York for the foreseeable future for her recovery, where she remains in constant fear of sustaining further damages. I don't understand that line. Why? Why is she in fear, constant fear, of sustaining? further damages, do you not trust the doctor's ability?

How do you take that? Or is the crime that bad? She thinks they're going to have to put a cop at her door like Vito Colillon. For your father, for your father. Then she's already suffered. I don't get that line at all. Just a hardworking lady. She almost looks familiar, but I don't fly air Canada, so I guess not.

But just, you know, I admire those. You see, these older women. And man, at least they know how to fake it in first class. My last flight, we were late taking off. So we were late landing and shit. As we're landing our first class, she was an older woman. She looked like she's been doing for 50 years. She hands a handwritten apologies.

What is she running for fucking governor of Delta? I don't, I know. It was handwritten, you know, they're already pre-printed out and shit, but she writes a note on them. So I put my number on the back. Sent the back door. I'm going to meet her at an Arby's. Let's move on to venereal disease.

Venerial. Veneer's aerial. Venerial disease. Sounded funny when I was writing it, my bed at 3 in the morning. A Miss Grand Thailand. I've got to ask the guy that hangs out of Bumies who flies to Thailand every other month. He's fucking little younger than me.

just a hardworking southern guy, you know? You'd never guess that he fucking, like women in Thailand. Apparently he's like the mayor over there. Miss Grand Thailand, pageant contestant had an unforgettable malfunction while on stage. Boy, this was fucking, we'll watch this like the Duke shot. I mean, the Yukon shot. During the preliminary stages of the page at March 25th in Bangkok, 18-year-old contestant Kamalaan Chenegos,

Veneers began to fall out of her mouth as she was introducing herself to the judges and those at home. Beautiful lady. As she was delivering her introduction, Cheneago's speech became noticeably less clear, sort of like Pelosi. As her false teeth fell out, they call them fault. They could be whatever. And affected her pronunciation. Buckle up for a good laugh here. right now she's going that

motherfucker, dentist. Do it again, Dallas. I meant to play this. Chut of bad. Chut of bad and cut yet. Oh, Kutthrakehra,

Gail Khaeghraja and Klan. You know that? I meant to play this when I was describing the studious that had compound fractures to our legs. Timing is at. everything. How great did she handle that? Seriously. That's the beauty of being a comic. When something goes wrong on stage, you don't try to hide. At least I don't. That's the beauty of it.

You guys are there to see something. Whether the mic fucking doesn't work or you, I've knocked over my own glass off the stool. Fucking. One time I went to put a cigarette out and I guess I missed the ashtray. It was sitting like on the, and it was. still burn. It's fucking fun. But I give her a thousand points. It's very pretty. I give her a thousand points for poise. Now what's amazing is for the talent portion of the pageant, she

used those teeth in her hands like a puppet and saying, what is it, Spanish lady? Anyway, she then proceeded to walk down the runway and pose in her sparkly nude sheer dress in fluffy pink shawl because nothing will make a judge forget about teeth and a snatch. Good night and good. A fluffy pink shawl as the crowd cheered. According to the AP, a spectator at the event said she handled this better than most of us handle a bad hair day before questioning if this might be the most iconic pageant moment ever. A contestant's appearance on stage is a key element. in winning over the judges.

Hey, thanks for explaining how a pageant works, you fuck, Stain. And while the latest Miss America winner, Cassie Donagan, managed to win over the judges, viewers at home flooded social media with harsh critiques, arguing her makeup looked heavy and harsh. Well, I guess I like heavy and harsh. There she is showing her armpit here,

which put her over the top, they said. Donigan added that while it's hard-known, not to open my phone and see what people have to say. She has learned that other people's opinions of her might be valid because that is their truth. But it doesn't mean that it's my opinion of me. And you're an idiot. Sorry. You just went from a, you know, an eight to a fucking three.

There's only one truth. Stupid. That's their truth. That's not how it works. Honestly, I love how you can see what the media, the line, and the left has done to people. She's up that age, because that's a far left thing, you know. Well, that's my own reality. Okay. My reality is I hope you die soon in a house fire with your kids. Why do you have to do the kids, too? I don't know. Sounds meaner. Let's move on to the first segment of All right, we have two FLA segments.

This is the first one. A Florida woman was awarded a staggering $14 million judgment after she unknowingly swallowed metal nails and shards hidden inside a serving of ice cream. It was Ben and Jerry's latest flavor, this old house. That's right. It's butter, pecan with almond. and three-penny nails in staples. Injuries, she says, left her unable to have children. Well, where's your mouth located?

Oh, that's a good one. We get that whole chunk. Oh, September 11th. No wonder why. It was a bad, oh. On September 11, 2018, a Brandy Buckley, I like the name. I don't understand why everybody doesn't do alliteration with the name. You know what I mean?

Or go Dimitri Burgess, DB. Now he can be called the douchebag his whole life. Dallas makes a good point. How do you not feel nails in your throat? Maybe she sucks so many cocks. It's paralyzed, you know. On September 11th, Brandy Buckley pulled up to the drive-thru window of Brewster's ice cream shop and Palm Bay in order to be carpenter special and ordered what should have been a routine dessert, a butter-pecan ice cream.

I like your taste. Butter pecan tastes like there's butter in it. Instead, the ice cream was laced with multiple metal nails and, metal shards, according to a bombshell lawsuit that was originally filed in Brevard County, or as I heard it pronounced on TV yesterday, Brevard. Everything going French now? That was filed in state court in 2019. Here's a little bit of the news for you.

When I did swallow, I did feel something in my throat and that kind of got stuck, but I never once thought it was a nail. I thought it was a pecan. But she said she went to a hospital to get an x-ray. It was a nail. So I had swallowed a nail. She said from there, I had to do an endoscopy that night. There was two metal shards in the ice cream.

Happened to me once. I'm telling you. Ice cream place. I was working Virginia Beach from the way home. Sure enough, TSA, security. They wanted me. Thing went off. You're right.

That's a big nail. She must have taken a huge bite. When I read the first paragraph and it goes, now she can't have children. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, how is that? But they kind of get to... Buckley said you went to the hospital

to get an x-ray just to be clear to make sure that what it was, a pecan, and it wasn't. It was a nail. So I had swallowed a nail. The sharp objects were embedded inside the frozen dessert and not visible to the naked eye.

And I... Excuse me. I think they're giving us a Photoshop here. They do this with stories. and it's misleading because people look at that and go, wait a minute, it's sticking right out.

That's a fucking Photoshop deal. That's actually, no, that's a Ben and Jerry's. Hamroids and nails. It's delicious. Anyways, Buckley suffered severe permanent injuries to her head. Head?

Her throat, you mean? Stop with the, do words mean anything? Yeah, it came through the top of her scalp. her head, neck, limbs, and nervous system along significant scarring and disfigurement. She also sustained a permanent loss of bodily cheapest crow.

My nails don't do all that when I bodily functions and ongoing neurological damage. Buckley and her husband, Patrick, say the injuries robbed them of their ability to grow their family. He alleges while she was blowing him, One of them came out and stuck in his nut and he can't have kids.

No, he alleges the incident deprived them from having additional children. She has racked up massive medical bills for hospitalization, doctors, and ongoing. This is, when you think about, okay, so she chokes, she feels it. So she swallows it, right? She goes the x-ray. It caused all this damage. Well, actually, at the end, there's a little bit of an expedition. I just remembered it.

Remember, folks, this is two days ago, and I found, while also losing income and future earning potentials. Boy, that's what lawyers do. The suit targets multiple Brewster's corporate entities accusing them of failing to ensure their products were safe for human consumption. Reasonable. According to the complaint, Brewster's stores use certified ice cream makers to mix and freeze proportion. dietary dairy blends on site daily, a process the plaintiffs argued broke down catastrophically, allowing a dangerously contaminated product to reach a customer. They initially sought damages exceeding 15 large. That's 15,000. The minimum threshold for filing in the circuit.

But a jury ultimately handed down, do I get this right? It went from 15,000. The jury ultimately handed down a $14 million judgment in light of the severity and purpose. permanence of Buckley's injuries. That's fucking beautiful. Oh, man, the lawyers must have been ecstatic. They get a cut. The jury heard the evidence and rendered a verdict that was fair in light of the serious damages that were caused to my client by the incident.

Buckley's attorney Scott hasn't stopped smiling, El Pizarre, told the post. An attorney, unaffiliated with a case said the 14 million judgment, $14 million, was justified. given the severity of the injuries. Let me tell you something. That's a great lawyer, that he convinced them that that nail did all that. I'm still a little.

Hope they have, is it appeal? I'm not saying she shouldn't get something, but holy, come on. I think it could have been more. This other lawyer says, I think it could have been more. Reproductive cases carry big price tags. Danny the Jew Karen said. What? No.

Think about the possibility of never being able to have a family. I have and it feels great. Didn't take any nails either. Shut up. That's what she is faced with because of the company's Nagla Johns. Let me tell you something. Somebody told me, walked in here and goes, this is an ice

cream. It's got nine nails in it. If you can eat it all, you're getting 14 mil. Give me my napkins. Off we go. Can I get jimmies on that? We call them jimmies. You're from Alabama. You're from the south. Did you call them sprinkles?

like the rest of the country. You never heard of Jimmy's. It's a New England thing. Isn't that fucking weird? I goog of it. You know why? And why they call it jimmies? They have no idea.

I have no idea. I told Dallas a good line I had for my... Oh no, I put it in Godfell's monologue. I keep thinking... Was it in the monologue on my book? Yeah, it was Godfell's monologue. Anyways, peekaboo. I see you.

Eh, it's not there. Picaboo, I see you is the story. Detectives have revealed they found a lifelagged child doll designed for sexual use at the home of a suspected pervert accused of recording families in his vacation rental. And again, that's why I jerk off in hotels. What? I don't do that either.

Too old. Go right to sleep, but I don't sleep. I swear a lot and roll over. Where am I? Okay. It's like I've never done this before. Anyways, this pervert was filming people that stayed at his rental property. And they found this like a sex doll.

What's this motherless fuck's name? Oh, video of the actual. Ma'am, we need to turn you over. She's a sex doll, cap. Come on, Chrissy. Stay with us. God, God, please let her be okay. I don't even know what that clip was from.

I don't even know. Madeira County cops said they found the toy with its hands tied at Christian Parmally Edwards' house in Oakhurst. I have a theory about homosexual guys and I'm not saying all homosexual guys

are pedophiles. But I'm saying all pedophiles are homosexual guys. Their foreheads are always huge. Look it up. Google it. I mean, pull up images and see if I'm wrong. More than, more, let's say more have bigger big foreheads than not.

Not everyone, but I'm telling you, there's a connection there. I don't know what it is. They also reported finding newly bought children's clothes in thousands of files of child sexual abuse material during the raid. There's a show on now. It's like, let's catch a predator or whatever the fuck. It's called predator hunters. It's not nearly as good.

But, you know, they do the same thing. the cops on computer pretending to be a 14-year-old girl named Britney. And it's, it's, there are over 300,000 cases this year. It's, it's a fucking epidemic, man. Officers allege Edwards not only, I don't get it. What's the attraction to a fucking child? Offers alleged Edwards not only possessed and distributed the material, but also secretly recorded guests during private moments leading to additional invasion of,

it's not enough. He's got porn. on his phone, children's clothes at his house. That's not too creepy. You're a warming me cut sucker. You know that? Edwards was arrested following a search of his home in Oakhurst. He has also accused to secretly filming women and children who stayed in the lower levels of the home. The investigation began after a tip from the National Center for missing and exploited children flagged suspected online distribution activity in Oakhurst. The case is being handled in coordination with the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force in Central California,

and officials say they are continuing to search for potential victims. The case comes amid a broader surge. Listen to this. In online exploitation, the Internet Watch Foundation, excuse me, reported a record 291,273 cases of child sexual abuse material in 2024. alone. That breaks down to nearly 800 reports per day, the highest level ever recorded. We're rotting from the inside out. But then again, before TV, cameras, news, internet, people always say, all this shit's always been around. Not to this degree. You can't tell me

that the internet hasn't kicked it up. Right? I'm talking to you, people. Are you listening? That's it. But today, that was a good show for a Monday. You guys are lucky I'm even here. I got a part roast in the oven. No, I don't. I can't even remember what I... I was going to tell you what I...

Can't even fucking remember. I'm going to have to take a picture of shit and just send it. Perfectly roasted chicken line. I've been... You like big deal. No, it is a big deal. You always try to get like the perfectly...

I have the goddamn Viking oven, which cost me in our... in a leg. It's got convection on it. Convection is supposed to be great for roasting chickens. The air circulates, you know. That chicken has a very precise window. See, you know that and I know that. And I nailed it, dude. And I usually nail it. That's not the problem with me.

I'm fucking... I have what they call spatial skills, whether it's time, predicting time, lengths. But yes. Because you want to take out and it's a little underdone because it does keep cooking. And if you don't, it's going to be fucking dry every time. But I'm the outside Dallas. I used melted butter and olive oil. And I painted this thing like a 65 Chevy.

And I didn't use the very bottom rack. I put it on a stand. The stand is about this high. Like you put a cake on or whatever when you're cooking to, you know, rest. I put it on that on a, you know, sheet pant. So it was directly in the middle of the oven. It wasn't too low. It wasn't too high.

I just, I don't know why it came out so fucking, but I did. I covered all of it, trust the legs and, and they fucked me over. No. Yeah. And I forgot to look at the clock when I put it in what time. I'm like, Jesus. Now I'm going to play it by. And I use convection, like I said.

and I looked at it. It was getting a little color, and I go, here we go again. But then I looked at it about a half hour later. It was perfectly even. How old am I that this makes me excited? I almost put my prick in it. That's a whole other story about Halloween.

It was, I rotated it. About every 20 minutes, I turned the pan around in the oven. It friggin, nailed it. Fucking nail. And like you said, I let it sit for about 50,

And there was literally juice on my plate. Not blood. Clear. Phenomenal. And made stuffing like it was Thanksgiving. Eat that and laid down. Got up and shit all over the dining room table. How many times that happened to you?

Well, try Trevillex. Anyways, that was my chicken story. Phenomenal. Only thing about me with chicken, I don't like it leftover. You know what I mean? It's best. You know, pizza's great leftover, spaghetti or whatever.

But roasted chicken's got to be eaten there. You know what I mean? You can heat it up later, but you're going to dry it out and shit. But anyways, that's my cooking tip. Boy, what a show. We've gone from kids getting touched to birds getting touched in the right way. That's it. What am I forgetting?

Camio.com. Did a couple over the weekend. you want me to wish somebody a happy birthday, roast yourself, your friends, relatives, somebody you don't like at work, somebody do like at work, go to cameo.com, be glad to do that for you for a small fee of $1,150. That's it, you guys, think that I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow.

Have a great rest of the day. Bye. Hi, good night, everybody.