The Nick DiPaolo Show - Will & Jada are Garbage | Nick Di Paolo Show #682

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

Biden the gaffe machine. Will Smith assaults Chris Rock. More into Hunter Biden. Trump tramples Ketanji. Musk challenges Putin. Adams cracks down in NYC.

🎵 How you doing? What's up? Anything happening at the Oscars? Last night I didn't see the show. Oh. What's going on? We'll get to that nonsense in a few minutes Jesus Christ I can't wait to get off the planet earth anyways I want to thank

you for coming out this weekend you people who did to Dallas on Friday night and then Fort Worth much better turnout in Fort Worth. But we didn't do the marketing, I was told by some of my people under me

that we should have done. Even though I get up and did, fuck, I flew in early to do Crowder and also did morning radio, but we didn't promote, like, for the past couple months, we usually have shit on Facebook. It didn't happen happen so don't fucking

blame me okay uh anyways uh but goddamn they love me three i got three partial standing o's out of four shows and i was having a ball let me tell you i'm too late in my career i don't like i told you i don't have a club that i can go to every night and work shit out, alright? But I'm funny enough to go off the top of my fucking head. I can do that for two hours if you want me to. People kind of poo-poo on it, even though that's the purest form of stand-up there is.

Because that's what people do. They do an act to make it look like it's coming off the top of their head every night. But like Lenny Bruce said, he used to hate to do a joke more than once and it became a bit. But it's hard to do. I mean, you've got to do a blend. You've got to have some proven shit. Because if

you go out there and try to wing it for an hour, you're going to not, you know, you could die. I'm miserable. That wasn't an edit. Me coughing. Anyhow, yes, it was meeting the people after. And here's what I love. They thank me as much as they love.

They say how funny it is. Then they thank me because I'm just saying what they can't say at work all week and what they yell at the TV all week. And I get to do it for a while. I don't know when they're going to come after me or if they're going to try to stop pulling the shit. The thing about the Oscars and Will Smith, I hate people

fucking Twitter and shit. Probably take a Will Smith side anyways. Don't even fucking try it with me because you don't know what I have in my pocket on stage. Okay? Okay. So yeah, I hope that doesn't become a trend because you know how the internet is every fucking mall and I'm going to insult my girlfriend and let me tell you Bill Hicks was a left-wing

comic but a brilliant comic I actually learned from him as far as conviction and your beliefs and whatnot but he used to say about Bill Hicks used to say and he was talking about far-right fundamentalists you know the real religious people thaticks used to say, and he was talking about far-right fundamentalists, you know, the real religious people that had no sense of humor, and he says that's what fundamentalism breeds, a lack of irony. That might have been true in the 50s of the right, but that's been the truth for the left for the last 50 years. They have no sense of humor. You know it. Can you think of anybody with a less sense of humor than like a feminist? Just think about that.

Or a minority feminist. Or a transgender. Or just a white college kid. So yes, it's the left. It's a religion. Liberalism used to be good. Then it turned into progressivism, which is a cancer. And they have no sense of humor.

They're the ones who have fucking taken the fun out of life, honestly. It's all they have in their miserable lives. And so I wish Hicks was alive today. I'd like to see how he'd, you know what I mean? He was a comic, and I think he'd be smart enough not to side with, you know, censoring speech. I know he wouldn't. But it's just, Hollywood doesn't know how to react.

It's just, anyhow. What else? Anyways, Dallas was great. And Dallas, the producer, was great. I'm not talking about the city, Dale. This guy was great. Over the weekend, he was kayaking with a couple of strippers. Stuff that we can't do. Anyways, oh, what I did, instead of wearing the mask, I did my plan, executed

my plan. I bought, like an idiot, I bought three things of Starburst, you know, so I could be eating the whole time, and a bag of Cheez-Its. So I'm eating the Starburst and it worked. I didn't put my mask on the whole time, but I, on the negative side, I have type 6 diabetes. My left foot will be removed, they said, next Sunday. But that's what I did and gave people dirty looks and got into a lady at the front desk who was being a real twat to me. I robbed the hotel of all their fucking food. Can I tell you why? They had one person working behind. Can I just say something? If you're a public business, you're serving the public. I don't care if you're a public business you're serving the public I don't care if you're a bodega fucking the Red Cross lemonade

stand with kids you got to have at least two people behind the counter I had to wait 20 minutes in line just to check in excuse me so I uh their food you know how they have those pantries where you can help yourself and then you go up to the desk and say, charge this to my room? Well their food was behind, the front desk is out here, the food was over here. I'd come out of the elevator, they couldn't see me. I waited the first couple days with my shit. I stood there for like literally five minutes for something that should take, a transaction

that should take one second, me going room 609. I did it twice to be nice. And then I said, fuck this. Because what am I going to stand there? Literally, they'll wait on five people before they'll get to you. So I just came down and took shit, went back on the elevator, fucking ate like a pig. Hope nobody's watching the show from the hotel. And then one time I went like this, this blonde lady. I think she's menopausal, kind of late 40s. I know she sees me. I'm not pressuring her. I'm standing 10 feet away, letting her wait on the people checking in.

Then she turned to look at me for a second. I went like this. She goes, I am busy, sir. I'll get to you. In that fucking tone. Now, years ago, I would have crawled on top of the desk and fucking drilled her in the head with a Gatorade Zero. I would have. I would have fucking my

manager would have said, what are you doing? You know. Then she goes to the people she's waiting on. Oh, now I just pissed him off. About me. And I am not pissed off. Calm down. I said, calm down. I said, what do you want me to do? I just held these up. I've been standing here for eight minutes. I said, calm down. I said, what do you want me to do? I just held these up.

I've been standing here for eight minutes. I was being polite. So the rest of the week, I stole the shit. That's how I live. It's called greasy guineanness. Revenge, a dish, a best served cold. And boy, were those sandwiches cold. Did not eat good.

Ordered a Chi-Chi's pizza Friday night. You know, after you do two shows, you're kind of high. You got eight drinks in you. Ordered a Chi-Chi's pizza. That thing went out my ass fast. It went in my mouth. I don't know what. I would have done it again.

It was delicious. Anyways, let's get on with the stupid show. Sorry, kids. But what am I going to do? The gaff machine is the first story. It says the gaffe machining. That's probably what I wrote. I'm fucking losing my shit.

Joe, what's his name, our president? Joe Jerkoff Biden. Once again, he gave a speech over the weekend about the war, you know, the whole world watching, this motherfucker, I still, I can't believe how he is doing everything, and I say this every show, I don't give a shit if you get sick of it, everything the left said Trump was going to do before he got into office after he won the election, he's going to get us in a world war, he's not fit for office, he's dumb, this motherfucker, have you heard the Republicans once bring up the 25th Amendment

to get them the fuck out of here? Or impeachment? The guy's shitting all over the Constitution. Don't believe, even Daryl Issa, I'm going to play it, don't believe fucking Ted Cruz. They do nothing. He should be, do a fake impeachment, even if it doesn't

work. I don't believe the Republicans don't vote Republican or Democrat sit the fuck out I got fans going yeah but that's what they want you to fucking do I don't give a shit the last would you agree with me the last election was stolen

if you don't you're fucking retarded so why would I get in line again you guys vote. Calm down. I can't. I had 11 cups of fucking coffee. Stunk up the bathroom and my fucking... My wife's grandmother's staying at the hotel

at my... the hotel. At my house this weekend and her aunt. I get up before them today, fucking destroy the bathroom. Same type of chemical weapons that Putin's going to drop on these poor fucks. Yeah, spray some fucking mint fresh glade.

Now it smells like a deer had diarrhea in the woods. Oh, by goodness, help. But anyways, let's get back to fuckstain here. Given his big speech. The first thing... What was the first thing? I put it in there, but I don't see it in there.

What was he talking about? Oh, no, that was the... He was talking about the... You can't remain in power. You can't remain in power, yeah. Did I go by that, or you didn't put it in? I think I just put video one, two, and three. Oh, that's all I put? That's all I put?

No, but I made those notes for me so you could put them in the teleprompter. So I knew what was coming. That's all right. Yeah, the first one, I can look at this anyways. This is about Putin. Well, you guys heard heard play the first clip I can't believe he said this for God's sake this man cannot

remain in power yeah not too provocative a thing to say for God's sake this man cannot remain in power. We all heard it. You heard exactly what he said. Who do you think he's talking about?

He's talking about regime change. Wouldn't you fucking 10 out of 10 people believe that, especially in Russia? So, of course, his administration had to come out with a pooper scooper, however the fuck, you know, and clean up on aisle 19. I mean, Putin's sitting there. I'm praying Putin still has enough marbles to go, oh, he's just a fucking, he's lost it, but I doubt it. In other words, yeah, he can't remain in power.

And the administration comes out and says, well, that's not what he meant. remain in power. And the administration comes out and says, well, that's not what he meant. He was talking about he shouldn't be, I'm paraphrasing, bullying or controlling other countries in the region. They try to clean it up like that. Meanwhile, even the left, even the media on the left's going, that's not what he fucking said. I mean, he could get us into a nuclear war with his fucking dementia. Congratulations. Again, you people that think this fucking jerk-off won. For God's sake, this man can't stay in power. I thought he was praying he was talking about

himself. Dink weed. So yeah, they had to clean up that mess. And then somebody asked him about chemical weapons. A reporter was going to ask him what happens if Putin uses chemical weapons. And there's Joe.

Look, he's taking a little nap in between questions. He doesn't even sound... He's just reading what they hand him. I'm glad there's no jokesters. I'm glad libs don't have a sense of humor because if somebody was working for Putin, I mean, for a Biden, wouldn't it be funny? You just, you know, hand him something and say, I'm pressing libs don't have a sense of humor, because if somebody was working for Biden,

want to be funny, you just hand him something and say, I'm pressing the button on Thursday at 10 o'clock. Here you go. It's a chemical question. It would trigger a response in kind. We would respond if he uses it. There would be a severe price if Russia uses chemical weapons. The United States has no intention of using chemical weapons, period, under any circumstances.

Well, that's not what your boss just said. What are we doing? He has no idea. What's going on right now? What are we doing? What's going on right now? That's him as the missiles head towards New York. What are we doing?

What's going on right now? We're going to put you in a bunker where you stayed the whole time you were campaigning, you cheese dick. where you stayed the whole time you were campaigning, you cheese dick. We would respond in kind, meaning we'd use chemical weapons back, which you've already vowed not to. I think we have it in writing with the UN and everybody else. How fucking idiotic is this guy? So he's already hinting around regime change. And now he's, even if it was true, why would you be telling, why would you be telling the public what you're going to do if you're in a war?

And the administration came out and said, we're not going to do, so we're still telling. Let them guess. Let Putin guess what we're going to do. Don't rule out. That's how you know it's hard. They're ruling shit out. You don't give your plan away. Let Putin guess what we're going to do. Don't rule out. That's how you know it's hard. They're ruling shit out. You don't give your plan away. Let Putin sweat a little.

Ay-yi-yi. Look at them standing. They want no stage. How many of those frigging soldiers want to punch him in the head? I hope they're not woke. I hope they're not like Lloyd Austin. I hope these guys hate their bosses. They're probably sitting there going,

this motherfucker's going to get us killed. Somebody should get up, one of the soldiers, walk up to him, bitch slap him like Will Smith did. Keep chemical weapons out your fucking mouth. Keep chemical weapons out your fucking mouth. Excuse me. Drink of water. God damn it.

Wow, you can tell I ate like a pig. Face looks like a pumpkin. Don't worry, folks. I'm never more than three workouts away from disgusting my wife. Final video of dink weed, gaffe number three. He was talking about, this was the big one, I think, the first one of the weekend. He's describing what's going on in Ukraine, and he goes to the soldiers, you'll see. I was half asleep when I heard that.

I sat up in the hotel bed. I'm like, what did he just say? Check out the blunder number three, this mamalook. And you're going to see when you're there, some of you have been there, you're going to see women, young people, standing in the middle of the front of a damn tank, just saying, I'm not leaving. I'm holding my ground.

They're incredible. Boy, is he inspiring, huh? You feel the energy and the piss and vinegar? Can you see the people in the background just kind of nervously? Yes. Yes. Shuffling their feet. Surprise.

What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul. And the rest of us. That was perfect, wasn't it? Oh my God. So he provoked Putin, hinted around he's going to boot him out of office, hinted that we're going to use chemical weapons,

and the troops are going to go into Ukraine. Folks, can you make that up? I can't make it up. God bless him. Do you guys really think he's going to be around even after the midterms? He's going to hold out another three years without getting us destroyed? I've been digging a big trench in my backyard, putting a shelter in it.

I have already bought 40 cans of chunky soup and a whole bunch of dirty magazines, like back in high school, because I don't think I'll have internet connections. I'm pretty sure Putin's gonna start with a cyber attack. Down in a hole. Honey, get out of here! Stay in the yard. I'm busy. Let me in! This missile's coming. I don't give a hole. Honey, get out of here. Stay in the yard. I'm busy. Let me in.

This missile's coming. I don't give a shit. Let me finish this. It's a great movie. Almost done. Almost done. You know how I'm made. Three, four seconds.

Come on. Hello. Hello. Anyways, let's move on to a big story, ladies and gentlemen. Well, you know what it is. Oh, boy. Libs eating libs, part one. In our libs eating libs segment, Rock Rocked.

Will Smith, one of the most hateful bitches. I've hated this guy since day one. One of the most ungrateful, entitled assholes, racist, not as racist as his wife. But Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, I know it was the shot heard across the world, across the face last night at the Academy Awards, and it didn't look planned, although I'd give them 10 minutes before they say it was planned, and we can all go, oh, maybe not, though. I hope Rock makes a few phone calls. He's got bodyguards that are bad news. Rock was on stage presenting the nominees for best documentary.

Why? Who gives a fuck? I think the one that won was about, it was about athlete's foot and how you can cure it with fucking lemon juice and baking powder, which Summer of Soul ended up winning. Thanks for throwing that in. People are so stupid. When he took a jab at Smith's wife, actress Jada Pinkett Smith, who is one hateful bitch. If you read any of her quotes in the last 10 years about racism and white people and...

A, she was a hooah. No, she was not. B, she was a hooah. The joke is likely a reference to Pinkett Smith's baldness, which is a personal topic for the actress, who revealed her alopecia, big deal, diagnosis, she's got a pretty face, who cares, diagnosis in 2018, there she is playing Shemp Howard. I mean, Curly, I'm sorry. Take it easy, Hillary.

Take it easy. Don't they even say what the joke was? Oh, we're going to show it. That's my fault. Smith stormed up onto the stage following the quip, slapped Rock right across the face in a swing that was hard enough for the microphone to pay. stooges. Here's what happened. I didn't even, Gutfeld texted me last night and said, is Chris Rock now enemy number? I said, whatever. And I'm like, I didn't know what he's talking about because I don't watch the faggotry. Although I did turn it on because I made this flick with Louis upstate New York this summer. It's already out in public. They've mentioned it. So I think I can mention it here.

And two of the people in it, Tony V is a comedian from Boston. Now he does a lot of acting. And this girl, Courtland Jones, she was in CODA. So I know Courtland went out to the Oscars, good for her, and I don't think Tony did. Tony's a nice jaded comic. Fuck that. But anyways, that's beside the point. But I put it on at the end. I didn't see all the shit go down. I went back there. I was backed up on Bruins games. I'm still a heterosexual. I give a fuck about this gay business I'm embarrassed. I went into it. I didn't know it was built on faggotry

Let me just say this about those cocksuckers anyway Check this out You know who's got the hardest job tonight? Javier Bardem and his wife are both nominated. Now, if she loses, he can't win. He is praying that Will Smith wins. Like, please, Lord. Jada, I love you. G.I. Jane, too. Can't wait to see it. All right? All right? Look, he's laughing.

She paused. Oh, Will Smith is laughing. His wife, who's a hateful lady in my... See her with a cringe on her face? Because she has no sense of humor. And he's laughing. You know damn well when the camera wasn't on him, she went, go smack that motherfucker. Give him the look.

Just the look. You're right. That's all it takes. It's like the mafia. They go. So watch what happens here. That was a nice one. Okay.

I'm out here. Uh-oh. Richard. Everybody thinks this is a joke. Oh, wow. Wow. Pause. Only problem with this clip, you don't hear the slap.

There's a million clips up. This is the best one to see the whole thing that went down. You could hear the slap on TV echo through the building. I mean, my dad crapped me like that. I know what it fucking, you can't hear. You can't hear out of, I had it coming though. I've told this story nine times. This is true.

We had my sister's in-laws over. I want to say it was Thanksgiving. It was a holiday. I can't remember. But I was in one of my moods. I was fighting with my mother. And then she asked me if I wanted salad. I go, what kind of lettuce?

Because I like romaine. My father cracked me in the face. I was like two seats over. Back-hander cracked me in the face. I was like two seats over, backhander. Never saw it coming. I was like, my sister's father, I was laughing so hard, who I'd love, he's like my second dad. He just looked at me goes, you fucking deserve that you punk. Absolute true story. Go ahead. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me. He handled that perfectly, by the way.

Keep my name out your fucking mouth. Wow, dude. What a jerk. Yes. It was a G.I. Jane joke. Keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth. I'm going to, okay? Oh, okay. That was the greatest night in the history of television.

Okay. And then Chris mumbled at the end, he goes, wait till I get home. I think that's what he said. I hope he's on the phone with every bodyguard he's got. I fucking hate Will Smith. I fucking hate his hateful fucking wife. I remember reading an article of Will Smith like 10 years ago. He was complaining, I'll never get the roles that Tom Cruise does, because he's white and I'm black, you know.

Just a fucking entitled jerk-off. Thinks he's a real badass because he played Ali. Nice fucking bitch slap. I guess if you really loved your wife, you would have closed your fist. Fucking jerk-off. Ugh, hate them both. And then, of course,

the only person more hateful, probably, than Jada Pinkett Smith, far left rep, Ayanna Pressley, Democrat, Massachusetts. You know the bald, hateful one. Apparently praised, look at this fucking, she has alopecia too, I'm guessing. I was hoping chemo. Round 17 and it wouldn't take.

Yeah, I said it, suck it. And this fucking freak. Apparently she praised Will Smith in a tweet for slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars in defense of his wife before quickly deleting the eyebrow-raising tribute. She's a malignant cunt. You got that right. Hashtag alopecia nation. Like Dallas said, it's just another name for baldness.

Thank you, hashtag Will Smith. Shout out to all the husbands who defend their wives living with alopecia in the face of daily... Do you defend the white cops' wives when they shoot somebody that's trying to kill them? Or is this just a one-way street? How the fuck does this twat... Hey, Massachusetts, you make me sick.

Imagine electing this piece of shit. Alopecia in the face of daily ignorance and insults. The lawmaker who also suffers from the autoimmune condition that causes hair loss. Good. Does that mean I can start punching people? Yes. Oh, no, no, no. Sorry, I'm white. Yeah, no, you can't. Yeah, exactly. That would have made the only... Anyways, she's the most hateful. Her and Jada Pinkett, I'm sure they're like this. The Massachusetts Democrat, a member of the squad, need I say more? Yeast infection on wheels.

Also added, women with baldness are for the real men only. Boys need not apply. Are you talking about baldness down below? I kind of like that. You got a wig down there? Get out of here. Oh, I hate him. Fucking punch him in the face.

Put him up. Put him up. Anyhow. So, yeah, let's see how long it takes to go, oh, they were joking around. But everybody on social media is sort of leaning towards defending Wilson, because that's the world we live in. His acceptance speech, he geared towards justifying it because it took after the character

that he won the award for. Yeah, he brought up, he was playing the Williams sisters' dad, Richard, King Richard was the, whatever, and that's what he said. He defended his family with blah, blah, blah, blah. So they can even tie that in. That's actually pretty quick thinking on his feet. Now they're going to go, that's why he did, you know, whatever. No, no, no, no, that was real. Apparently they had a history that goes back a little bit.

I didn't bother reading it because I'm not into fucking Hollywood soap opera horse shit unless it happens on national TV. Anybody get the numbers? All I know is the numbers are going to be great next year. They're going to have, I hope Chris Rock makes a movie, and I hope Will Smith makes a movie. They'll have, I don't know, JC hosting next year, and they'll have 50 Cent and stack the room with people from the source awards. Anyhow, let's move on to some other dopes.

Hunter hunted Sunday on Fox News Channel, Fox and Friends weekend. Rep. Daryl Issa of California, Republican, weighed in on House Republicans vowing to investigate Hunter Biden, son of President Joe Biden. Thanks for saying that in the article, by the way. What do you get paid by the word, you fucking maggot? I thought he was the cousin of Lucille Ball over his laptop scandal after the midterm elections. By the way, this guy was a military guy, too, by the way. Now, let's listen to Mr. Issa. One of the reasons I sent the preservation letters is that those notices, if you then destroy evidence, are in fact evading Congress and suppressing evidence. We've had that in the past. Obviously, we had that with Hillary Clinton at her attempt to destroy all the evidence

of her illegal activities. But the other part of it is that because this involves so many companies such as Facebook, Twitter, and so on, they took down the New York Post. There was clearly a conspiracy to, if you will, cover up the wrongdoing of the president and his family just before an election that he had to win and did win. Oh, he didn't win nothing. You are correct, sir. There was a conspiracy.

Oh, by the way, I wanted to add one more thing to the Chris Rock thing. That hit home with me because I wrote for Chris Rock when he hosted the Oscar Awards back in the early 2000s, and I was backstage. I think I mentioned it on the show before. Me and Richard Jenney, he chose out of all the writers to stand backstage with him and shit. I wish that happened. I would have just stayed there, but not big enough in the business yet to get in there. But yeah, Chris Rock's a good guy, folks.

All right? I worked with him for a couple of years. He's like all black people, not crazy about whitey. So what? I'm not crazy about them. Yeah, I said it. Suck it. But a good guy, funny guy.

And Will Smith's not a good guy. Again, just my opinion. I only dated his wife for about a week. She was very corrosive. Anyways, get back to Dell. ICE asserted that there was clearly a conspiracy to cover up the Biden family financial dealings and suggested there was this kind of a coordinated effort just before an election. Yeah, where were you guys just before the election? I didn't hear a peep. Did you do your research? Because we all knew it was true back then. Miranda Devine for the New York Post broke the story. This is why I don't believe these guys, okay? He's feigning resistance. You're going to examine Hunter Biden? A little late for that, ain't it? Even if you guys go to jail.

The damage has been done. But see, they're going to do that. They'll have one of those hearings. So you people at home who are Republicans are going, oh, they're sticking up for us. It's theater. I really got to, honest to God. So the investigation is clearly warranted, he said. So do all the investigations you want.

Everybody knows what happened around here. I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. Yeah, and that's going to help everybody out. What are you going to find out that we don't know? We know Biden's compromised. He was considered, he was referenced as the big guy, Tony Bobulinski, whatever his name was, told us that, Bobulinski. We know all this, and now we're going to do an examination on it. Honest to God. I really think the Dems are like a fucking, always

ahead of you guys. You're always on defense and chasing. And I mean, if that happened once in a while, I'd go, go oh but the fact that you guys have been chasing for 50 years tells me you're in on the script hate to be so jaded but maybe I'll start talking about other shit on the show like I don't know titties and you know tiktok videos and stuff be fun uh anyways but uh Hunter Biden seems to be a petty criminal taking advantage of his father's money and perhaps sharing. Is he just finding out about this, Issa? Money with his father.

It's because if we have this kind of coordinated effort just before an election, what we have is an American collusion to affect the output of an election, and that can't happen. Yeah. and that can't happen. Here is Hunter Biden seen after doing 11 crunches his whole life. Nestle crunches. He continued, we've got to make sure that our press is free and fair. Again, 40 years too late. And right now, when it comes to new media, free and fair doesn't exist. Captain obvious. And right now, when it comes to new media, free and fair doesn't exist. Captain Obvious.

And when it comes to one of the oldest newspapers in America, the New York Post, which was founded in 1801, they were suppressed, and that's something that every American should be concerned about. And the Judiciary Committee and other committees of Congress are going to have to investigate it thoroughly. Oh, are you? Are you going to get right in there? So how long will the investigation take? Another year? So you'll be telling us what we already know that happened three years ago? Yeah, you guys stay on it.

And while you're doing that, they'll be doing other things, trampling on our rights. How long have we been talking about big tech being broken up? What has happened? Let's move on to a lot of black people in the news today. Good for them. Coming up in the world. Trump tramples Katonji Jackson. I don't want a Supreme Court justice of the United States named Katonji.

Sounds like a character in a Disney fucking Pixar jungle book movie. Former President Donald Trump, we all love him. He was the best guy around. You got that right, Kenny. Told thousands of supporters in Commerce, Georgia, wait a minute, he was right in Georgia again? I got to call him? I know your son very well, now.

On Saturday night, he said in front of a crowd, if Supreme Court nominee Katonji Brown Jackson cannot define a woman, she cannot interpret the plain language of the Constitution. Didn't he say that? You are correct, sir. Yeah, he do. Here's Marsha Blackburn, who I think was really smoking in her day, by the way. She's still hanging there for her 91-year-old.

And she's going to ask this jerk-off who has no business being a Supreme Court justice, just none, none whatsoever. Go ahead. Can you provide a definition for the word woman? Can I provide a definition? Yeah. No, she says. I can't. You can't?

Not in this context. I'm not a biologist. So you believe the meaning of the word woman is so unclear and controversial that you can't give me a definition? and controversial that you can't give me a definition? Senator, in my work as a judge, what I do is I address disputes. If there's a dispute about a definition, people make arguments, and I look at the law, and I decide. So I'm not... You know what?

In the fact that she said I'm not a biologist, that's not even woke enough for the woke. Because that implies science. Biology says that there is a difference. You know what I mean? They were poo-pooing her because she brought up biology. Because the far left doesn't even believe in that shit. Trump was reacting to Judge Jackson's bizarre refusal to define the word woman in her confirmation hearings. You know what that means?

So if she does get elected, we can't call her. How about this? We can't call her the first black woman nominee. How's that? Just call her the first black fang. Put that in the history book. In her confirmation hearings last week at the Senate Judiciary Committee to define the word woman, when asked to do so, ba-ba.

What the fuck? It's saying video again. This is Trump's video. I thought we already played it. Wow. Here's Donald Trump. a Trump. The left has become so extreme that we now have a justice being nominated to the Supreme Court who testified under oath that she could not say what a woman is. If she can't even say what a woman is, how on earth can she be trusted to say

what the Constitution is? And a party that's unwilling to admit that men and women are biologically different in defiance of all scientific and human history is a party that should not be anywhere near the levers of power in the united states of america all righty absolutely all political though the judge jackson claimed to be something of an originalist who looks to the plain meaning of words in the Constitution and the law before making her own interpretation, her refusal to define a common word suggested otherwise. It sure did.

It suggested this. Uh-oh, retard alert. Retard alert. I don't know what I did. Oh, fuck it. Yes, I am. Byron York of the Washington Examiner noted that the context for Blackburn's question was an earlier line of questioning about the famous Virginia Military Institute case, United States versus Virginia, 1996, which integrated that institution. VMI? No. What was it? Yeah, Virginia Military Institute. VMI. I remember

covering this. Listen to this. The majority opinion in that case written by late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, use the word woman throughout the judgment, okay? I am a woman, hear me roar. Suck my dick into the door. And I got my gum. Oh, I'm going to cut it short. I don't want to get fined by...

That was Karen Carpenter, folks, who died of anorexia. I had a joke on stage when I was a young comic about her I said they bought some new speakers I said they're the best speakers ever had I was listening to Karen Carpenter I could hear her stomach growling that's a response the response it got. Anyways, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, hardly a right-winger. Okay? What, 20 years ago? 25 years ago?

Mentioned the word. Again, a hero of hers, I'm guessing. Maybe not, because she'd be white-slash-Jewish. Judge Jackson appeared to be unfamiliar with the case. I'll repeat that. This nominee didn't know about that case.

I don't believe that. I think she's willing, uh, willingly ignorant. Willfully ignorant is what I'm trying to say without the coffee. It's Monday. Um, can you imagine she wasn't aware of that case? She's, she's, she's ensconced into this, uh, gender argument so deep that she's ensconced into this gender argument so deep that she's afraid to define woman because it'll upset the transgender community. All that, by the way, which makes up what? Again,.0002% of the voting, not even?

What are you worried about? Oh, yeah, that's right. She's a Supreme Court justice. But anyways, the point is there's eight of them on the plan. Anyhow, she'll upset the whole woke team if she says that. I guess that's her thinking. So she's that ensconced in this argument, yet doesn't know about this precedent at VMI. It shocked some people, legal experts, watching her confirmation that she did not know anything about that case.

Uh-oh, retard alert. Retard alert. Oh, that's not fair. I'm sure she's a good girl. Don't be like that, Nick. It's time. What is that? Podcast giant.

That was supposed to be buffer. Podcast giant and UFC commenter, my buddy Joe Rogan, who don't like me no more, said he offered to train tech billionaire Elon Musk after he challenged Russian President Vladimir Putin to single combat. Elon Musk wants to take on the Russian midget. Comrade, look at my tits. I called them. What are they? Dragonfly Wolfgang 10.

Dragonfly Wolfgang 10. Cut off those nipples. Elon Musk wants to fight Putin. Have you seen that? Rogan asked on his March 22nd podcast. I offered my services. I texted him. I said, dude, I will arrange all your training if you really do fight Putin.

I said, I will arrange all your training. It would be fucking epic, he said. You're going to eat lightning and you're going to drop thunder. Are they fighting full martial arts or doing boxing? Some Australian comedian named Monty Franklin, who, again, probably filthy famous, but doesn't... Yeah, they're going to box. You're talking to Joe Rogan, shit teeth.

Who was the guest on the podcast, asked Rogan, are they going to box? What a dope. That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. By the way, did you watch the fight? I got home just in time, and I thought I was watching a replay of an old fight. It was my boy fucking Matt Brown, who's just, he's been in it forever. He's one of the

oldest guys in it from Ohio or wherever he's from. Yeah, Columbus, Ohio. They fought in Columbus. He fought this guy, Bob Arena or whatever, who's another beast. Bam Bam, they call him. And they built it up. It was everything they said it was going to be. I love Matt. I wouldn't fight Matt Brown if I had a gun and a knife and he had nothing. He doesn't stop. I've seen about five of his fights where he staggered and ends up winning the fight. His cheek was out the hair and shit.

And it came down to Barina sort of stole it at the end. Barina sort of just, but oh my God. In front of Columbus. He went into his backyard and beat him in front of his own people. But God bless Matt Brown. Fucking love him. You'd have to do martial arts. You'd have to like an MMA fight, Rogan responded to the comedian who apparently dances for a living. It's 2022, he goes. He goes, you know, fuck the boxing. Exactly. I remember Joe saying,

Christ, 10, 12 years ago, I think he was on Open Anthony, that's why he was talking about boxing and how UFC's going to swallow it up, and I think it is. Still love boxing, don't get me wrong, but Rogan noted that Musk is a big guy, guessing he stands at about 6'2", a tower over Putin's reported height of 5'7". He would, he'd probably beat the stuff. Oh, Putin's a KGB fucking 19 black belt. And he'll use chemical weapons if you... Hey, I think I broke his fucking neck.

That's Elon Musk standing over him after he knocks him out. Hey, I think I broke his fucking neck. And Musk, apparently, according to him, he had some match with the world champ sumo wrestler back in the day for fun. And he fucked the guy's neck up, like throwing the guy outside the ring. But he actually defeated some world champion sumo wrestler. Rogan said, recounting a story Musk had told him. Musk challenged Putin to a one-on-one fight earlier this month as Russia continues its invasion of

Ukraine. Do you want to go to war? Come on. Do you want to go to war? We'll take you to war, okay? Antonio, take it easy. And finally tonight, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Eric the Great.

Mayor Eric Adams, you know, the former top cop turned mayor after de Blasio. He's going to be very tough on crime, even though New York looks as bad as any. Mayor Eric Adams on Sunday, apparently he's had enough, Sunday night shared a disturbing video that captured the moment two assailants robbed a mother and her baby at gunpoint in a New York City apartment building. And don't think this is an isolated incident. Now, he shared this, like, at a press conference.

And people are upset. There's a small group of New Yorkers upset that he's going to bring back this unit undercover. Can you imagine? With the shit going on, New York is ground zero for cuckoo when it comes to liberal horse shit. I don't think L. think LA has anything on it or Chicago this is real footage they can't handle the truth

but check this out come on little Leon they don't look too sketchy, do they? I think they said she was pregnant, too. Okay, so the mayor showed that. Adam used a clip which he posted to Twitter to defend the NYPD's new anti-gun units. What were they, pro-gun before the... That he said is being criticized by a small group of people in the Big Apple. Un-fucking-

Don't you move, you motherfucker! I'll blow your brains out! That's it for video, right? Yeah. It was unclear when and where the terrifying crime took place. The NYPD was unable to provide information early Monday morning, and City Hall didn't immediately respond to a request for comment, which they never do when there's something, you know, that needs to be answered in common sense.

Adams launched the first wave of his anti-gun unit squads two weeks ago in 28 areas across New York City where shootings have increased during the COVID-19 pandemic. Are we blaming that? It did have a little to do with it. Oh, God. Public advocate. Oh, my God. He's still around.

Jumaane Williams, who is a Malcolm X fan. He's as left and dumb as they come from Brooklyn. Had previously slammed the formation of the new unit. Of course he did. He's a black fella, by the way. Expressing fear it would turn into a replica of the NYPD's notorious anti-crime unit. That was dissolved in 2020.

You really are. Can you imagine? Because he believes any unit, you know, would be biased against black and brown people. Well, yeah, because they're committing most of the crime. Sorry. Keep saying it. You don't want to believe it.

Some locals also had mixed feelings about the new patrols. Who? Bette Midler? After they hit the streets early this month. The mayor's tweet came after he claimed, early as Sunday, that the Big Apple has become a global laughingstock. How can you argue that? As the city buckles on to surging crime and homelessness. Well, whose fault argue that? As the city buckles under surging crime and homelessness. Well, whose fault is that?

Mama Luke. So at least he's bringing back. And he brought up broken windows. I think we mentioned that last week. He actually brought up taking a look at broken windows. Let's just take a look at something that cleaned up the city. We can verify it with empirical evidence. Let's just take a look at it, though. We wouldn't want to put it with empirical evidence. Let's just take a look at it though. We wouldn't want to

put it back in place, right? Because New York's not fun when you're not gonna get raped or murdered in Times Square at noon. We all know that. Oh my god, help us. Our Father who art in heaven. That is it ladies and gentlemen. Again, thank you guys that came out in Dallas and Fort Worth, and thank you to the people at the club. They were very nice, and I had a great time. Boy, people ask me all the time for years, what's your favorite city comedy-wise?

I haven't had a bad set. Even in front of kind of a small audience Friday night at the Late Show, that's when I'm at my funniest. They don't realize it. There's no pressure. I'm throwing out all kinds of new shit. I did a joke about me having no,

when I was young and single, I had no sexual attention span. If I knew a girl for more than three or four hours, I couldn't get sexually aroused. I said it was like the same as leaving a potato salad on the counter. Better eat it quicker. It's just going to make you sick later.

Boy, was that sexist. I had a couple new ones in there that I actually wrote down. I can't remember. Anyways, don't forget to sign up. Please sign up. I hope the people that are at the show who had a great time,

why wouldn't they come sign up? Thecomicsgym.com and patreon.com and go to nickdip.com if you want to buy merchandise, see where I'm touring. Not this weekend, but I think the following weekend I'm gone again, right? Foxwoods Comics Casino, Foxwoods. Don't forget cameo.com if you'd like me to roast a friend or relative. I'll make a little recording on my phone. You tell me about the person. It's a lot of fun. Okay? Okay. I tell you, no kiss. That's it. You guys think and I'll say you're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow at the same time. Have a good day. ស្រូវានប់ពីប្រូវានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ព� guitar solo Outro Music