The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #100 Mayonnaise on a Plum

Episode Date: September 10, 2021

Between you and Nikki, ok maybe keepings tabs is not a good idea but cohabitation is hard! Nikki thinks Luigi the dog is mad at her. Andrew brings up a moment he brought his girlfriend something she did not want to bed. You Heard It Here First, PSA: Stop doing things you don't want to do, but word is bond, both Mulaney and Munn deserve a pat on the back and Andrew's Weekly Sports moment gets them to realize something about condiments. Fanthrax sparks conversation about why we get out of bed, anal sex and a hypothetical question about Google searches that might kill us. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the

rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org.

That's SoundItOutTogether.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. dot org. Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal. right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior it's like a death by a thousand cuts listen to on purpose with jay shetty on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts people my people what's up this is course love man i cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of course love supreme man we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far.

I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Here I am, everyone. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, things. So if you hear a little sound, I apologize. It's Luigi. I should mute him. Luigi, how you doing? But yeah. Weird vibes with you today. Just got to say. Every day is a little weird, but today especially. You know, some days you just don't vibe with your dog. You guys aren't getting along. We need to go to therapy, probably. Call in Cesar Millan. how's everyone doing today i am doing uh pretty darn good um noah got a cat last

night so you're walking on sunshine that cat is so cute it doesn't seem to have suffered a lot of trauma it just seems to accept its place right now like it's happy yeah so his world is very small right now it's just like this. But he's just taking so jealous. I'm so nicely. He's just laying there in his crate just listening to us. I really got jealous of your cat last night when you sent me a video of it drinking water in its crate. Because I was like, that's exactly what I thought. Its world is so small.

And I was like, I want to be in a crate and just have like my water bowl. And like sometimes someone comes and gets me who cuddles me and then puts me back. And like I don't have to deal with emails and promotional videos and, you know, just complaining about being busy, which is like it's the it's it's a gift honestly but uh yeah there was like i remember now that you as soon as you said his world is so small i was like oh that was the feeling i had last night watching your your cat as you filmed it through the crate i was just like god that looks so nice do you ever want to be an animal like a a caged animal like i do you ever get jealous of animals and how simple their lives are just from i guess i'm i'm projecting a lot onto them they might be miserable you don't know right like it depends like i would definitely want to be my own pet because i definitely

give them a better life than i give myself sometimes i know know. That's the thing. It's like it depends on who your owner is. Yeah. I mean most animals, you know, if you're – we're going odds here. If you're born into like any kind of animal, let's exclude humans, chances are your life is going to be pretty rough unless you are the pet of a good person. This morning, I came back from, well, I woke up and went to get Starbucks like I always do. And then Andrew was also waking up at the same time. So he was getting Starbucks. He recently got the mobile app.

And so he's very excited about it. And ordering like right away. And he just, he can't wait for me like he's walking a little bit faster there's something that really grates on my nerves when someone is eager and like and just they instead of just going like hey I'm really hungry I'm just gonna go ahead like I just want people to like honor their feelings instead of trying to accommodate to you and making you feel like you need to then like because I couldn't work. I couldn't rush because Luigi has to like smell everything. And I don't like to pull them away from smells because it's like them finishing a book or a movie. And sometimes they want to shit on the movie, just like, you know, the the drumming documentary on Netflix.

I watched at Jen. My assistant was like, you've got to see this drumming documentary. Iflix i watched at jen my assistant was like you gotta see this drumming documentary i've watched it three times i love it it's like it's not so much about drumming it's about a love of music and i was really bored um and abandoned that smell but um to each their own and to to my own is not a documentary about people and they do this whole thing about women drummers and how like people think they can't drum but look at them go and it just feels so I just hate I you know obviously I pointed everyone towards hysterical the documentary about female comics

but like it really annoys me that like just talk about women drummers without talking about the fact that they're women you know like we always, like, I never thought of myself as a female comic until people started saying that all the time. I just was like, and yes, I compare myself to women before men in comedy and in everything else, but I think that's because everyone makes such a big deal about, like, you're a woman in comedy. I don't usually like women in comedy. Can women drum? And it was this whole thing where they follow these two women drummers that no one's heard of. And they were like, wait, what drew you to drumming? Because it's such a thing boys do. And then they let

these women drummers drum with Flea or like the, what's his name? Not Flea, the Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer. And it was just like, so like a make a wish for these women or something as opposed to like, can't they just be good on their own and not have this like story where we follow these women? The rest of it was about like male drummers and how fucking awesome they are. And here's the history and here's footage from the 60s. And then it's like these two modern day women like, and I guess it's important to show women that you can be drummers too. But there's something about like the plight of the woman drummer. I was just like, I'm just treat them normally. Just put them in the documentary without it being the side piece. That's like, can she drum with the drummer from

Red Hot Chili Peppers? Anyway, Andrew was like rushing to get his coffee and his, and I was just like, just go ahead, just go. And, um, and then And then he got my coffee for me that I ordered for myself and, you know, handed it to me in a way. Like he went inside while Luigi was peeing to go get his stuff and then he came out with my drink too because it was already on the thing, ready to go, and handed it to me in a way that he like bought it for me, which was, I got to be honest, a little annoying. It's like you just grabbed it.

And he's like, here you go. There was a little bit of like, I got this for you. It was like, you walked 15 feet with it, but you didn't get it. But maybe I'm reading into that. I'm in a little bit of a mood today. The apartment is messy. There's nothing to do about it i have to accept or reject

and at this point rejecting is what living in filth i don't know what that or accepting is living in filth rejecting is something else leaving the apartment getting a hotel room for the day that would be a reject for me or getting hit because i don't want to spend money on a i already spend money for a maid you know when one you have to accept that this is just what it is or i have to and then i end up cleaning it's just it's hard to and i know that people relate to this whatever situation you've lived in before but like it it's just – and I'm – like I got groceries last night and I asked him on the way there because I knew he didn't have food because I opened the refrigerator and I can see what is going on. And I just knew he didn't have food and like I go, do you want anything? I had finished my run and I always just go to Whole Foods.

And he was like, oh, you know, stevia, but that might be too much to carry. And I'm like, yeah and I always just go to Wolf Foods and um he was like oh you know stevia but that might be too much to carry and I'm like yeah I always get stevia for us that's a given but anything else and that I could you know carry back because I walked two blocks back and um he's like some frozen pizzas and you know I've been I buy him groceries all the time. And there's no talk of like, am I going to get paid back? Or am I doing this as a, like a lot of times I do buy him stuff like, and I'm just like,

don't worry about it. Like it's on me. Like it doesn't bother me, especially when we're on the road. Like he's working for me. There was no talk of it. And I don't know what to do now, because if I Venmo him for the $45 for the pizzas and the mango slices, I know he's going to take that as like a passive aggressive.

Like Venmo invoices are sometimes passive aggressive. It's like all of a sudden you're just like, there's this money you owe me. And I don't know if he thought it was a gift what do I do do I ask do I tell him like hey by the way last night I'm gonna invoice you for I give him a heads up about the invoice and I bet you anything this will be your response okay okay like it's gonna be like annoyed and I can't and then I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I didn't do anything wrong and then I'm thinking about like the deliver like when I've had groceries delivered you you I pay like 25 to have groceries delivered and I'm lugging these two blocks and listen he didn't ask

me to get this stuff I volunteered it so that's the bottom. But I don't want my friend to go hungry. What do I do? I think this kind of goes with Andrew not going in to get Starbucks and instead waiting for you as opposed to taking care of his needs. Right. I think there's like a link there because if everyone was just responsible for their own uh like happiness you know or just taking care of their own needs you might not feel the urge to make sure that he's fed you know right if he was just responsible for making sure that his stomach is full it wasn't it's not on you right you might avoid but you know when boys get hungry they get like it's like i have to deal with the emotional baggage that comes with a anxious hungry person

who then has waited too long i mean why don't men understand that they're going to be hungry later like i don't know a single man who prepares in advance for being hungry. They just are not hungry now, so they don't think, you want to get some snacks for the road trip? No, I'm not hungry. Okay, well, the road trip is going to be, it's just that kind of thinking. I just don't think I'm meant to be a partner with a man. I just can't.

That's why Snickers were invented. And that's why Snickers guys love like, but that's true, though. Like, anyone becomes cranky when they don't have food. And then I have to deal with that around, you know, like the opening cabinets being like, um, what are these like, a gift that our building gave us in January for moving in, and I'll be like, are these good? And I'm like, this poor guy has to eat these weird jelly fruits that no one wants because he just, because I went to Whole Foods and didn't ask him if he wanted anything. Like I feel, then I feel bad about that because I went to Whole Foods without asking him if

he wants something. Can I give you like a suggestion? Sure. Because I think this is some this has happened uh with a friend that i lived with and we were roommates and then we ended up not being friends after that after we lived together yeah how'd you get there because i really want to get i'm just kidding it'll happen no i'm just kidding um what if you guys had a like a jar in the kitchen that was the mutual jar for mutual grocery? And let's say you went to the grocery store and you noticed that Andrew didn't have any food.

What if you took funds out of that after you checked in with him if he wanted you to pick something up for him? Because that jar would be empty because no one works with cash anymore. And even if we went to the bank to get – you have to go to the bank to get cash or go to ATM, he wouldn't go and say, I'll Venmo you later. It just like wouldn't happen. And the bottom line is I have to like have some boundaries about like why I feel like I have to buy everyone everything all the time because I make more money I guess. But the thing is as soon as his dad croaks all the time because I make more money, I guess. But the thing is, as soon as his dad croaks, he's going to make more money than me.

And then I'm going to give him a huge invoice. I'm just kidding. Sorry. Sorry, Papa Colin. It's just true. I'm just like struggling today with, you know, and I think this is a very normal thing in a relationship of being we use will stay on an empty toilet paper roll will stay on the thing and by the way it's not one of those ones that you got to pop out and like kind of it takes a little bit of finagling this one is just one you like easily slide it off slide a new one on andrew left on the one that is done and went underneath the cabinet, got a new one, and then left that one on the floor. The waste bin is right underneath the dispenser, which he had used. He knows where it is. And I just go, I'm just going to see how long it takes before.

And the truth is, it will never happen. And there's also a Thai food container in the fridge that has been there and it has an – it is an eight-inch long like a huge tub of Pad Thai or green curry. And it has a half an inch of fluid in it. And it's – I'm just wondering how long it will stay there. And the answer is forever until we move. This isn't a fun little experiment. I know the outcome. I want to tell you at the top of the show, when I break or at the top of the next moment with Andrew, and I know people go, Nikki, this is your problem. And you're right. It is my problem. Like I have to be more communicative and like my, I'm, I am doing the thing that I said I Andrew and I know people go Nikki this is your problem and you're right it is my problem like I have to be more communicative and like my I'm I am doing the thing that I said I don't want to do

you accept you reject or you tolerate and I am tolerating and it's a it's neither and it causes me to not be friends with this person in the end whereas you can choose to accept or reject with love in the in the immediate but if you don't do either of those and you tolerate, it ends up you reject with hate eventually. And I don't want to do that. But I do want to share a very hilarious moment that happened in our kitchen this morning right before the show started.

I hope Andrew's done with his poop because he did go balcony at one minute. We'll cover all of this and I know you cannot wait. Andrew! Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics,

entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab,

is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie in the sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not

enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself, there's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's How-To Season starts January 1st.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss

entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter.

You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history, ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice, and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously, both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it,

which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report stereo podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. The theory is very simple. It is a mindset tool that instantly helps you identify what's in your control and what's not in your control. Renowned motivational speaker, best-selling author, Mel Robbins. Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress.

How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or

TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else,

so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, look at Luigi on your lap. You're so comfy, boo-boo. Hey, Andrew. I've slept with this dog many times. You have? Yeah, when I used to dog sit for him.

Oh, yeah. He would sleep. I wish he would. Would you take him some nights here? He wants to get in your room sometime. I would love for him to be in there. Oh, my God. That would be amazing because he's so depressed all the time. I was just talking about it.

I can't stand it anymore. I might get him on Doggy Zoloft. I think, I mean. He doesn't know how to have fun, Andrew. He seems more fun, and I hate to say it, when he's around Marion. Yeah, because. So what do we do? And when Chris comes over or anyone he knows, he instantly starts playing with a bone.

He just wants people around him to be like, when you and I are together, he should be the same way. But whenever someone comes over, and we don't even need to play with him, he'll start playing with toys on the side and chewing bones that I've tried to get him to play with for weeks. But he won't do it unless there's someone new there that he knows. I mean, that kind of reminds

me of like us as humans like we have a third party we all perk up like he perks up he's just maybe he's relaxed with us and he doesn't need to perform that we're talking about you boo-boo yes he does he's looking at me like hey i did not say that you could disclose this information on the podcast about me. He has his limits. I know you're a very private dog, Luigi. He is private. Yeah, he doesn't want his shit out there. Oh, my God.

He would not be someone who would be okay with being in my life if I had a podcast. This is against his will for sure. He doesn't want to be on camera. I'm dealing with that a lot in my family right now. Andrew, I wanted to share right off the top the moment we had in the kitchen just now that, I mean, I wish someone could have caught it on camera. The shitting stuff? Yeah, dude. Oh, the anal.

I mean, yeah, but you're already ruining the punchline. I'm sorry. I got ahead of it. Oh, ham drip. Okay. So Noah, we're in the kitchen and we're like, Andrew's watching golf videos and I'm making breakfast and I was like getting ready to sit down and like talk with him and stuff and he just goes, uh-oh. Oh, and by the way, when my oatmeal was cooking, which takes three minutes, I went to the bathroom,

our guest bathroom, and I balconied. Which you've told me i can never shit in there oh well you can shit well because your shits take 45 minutes no they don't i'm a very quick shitter i shit faster than i pee i didn't know that well that's a that's a that's an exaggeration that's a that's a problem i i try to shit as quick as i pee because anytime in a restaurant i don't want people to know I shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I count it off.

That's what girls have done too. I think that's why girls all shit fast is because we just fear men knowing that we're – Maybe you bring your girlfriend in there because then you go, oh, no, we got into a serious conversation. No, it's to do coke. And it covers up this shit. Oh. Yeah. Off each other's tits.

Yeah. Or someone to hold your hair back while you puke up your dinner because we all do that. Delta, delta. Yeah. Off each other's tits. Yeah. Or someone to hold your hair back while you puke up your dinner. Because we all do that. Delta, delta. Virus. And no, you go. You can have that. You can shit in. And I know you shit in there because I've seen the toilet paper be half changed out

and you're not peeing with toilet paper. So. And I wipe my dick. Okay. Well, honestly, after what happened this weekend with you you should that was bad uh i mean we get into that real quick but uh brenna we tried to get a little sexy time in the middle of the night i went and took a piss at 2 a.m i woke her up she was turned on and i guess i didn't shake my cock and i had a lot of pee in my panties

and uh she felt it and it was turned off immediately and i went back to bed no way she didn't want to do it after that she didn't love having a handful of piss like how much piss was on your dick more than a drop really more than a drop less than a full piss but did you just like not shake it well like it's the middle of the night so you probably kept peeing like on the way back a little bit i bit sure or maybe going there maybe i just stayed in bed and pissed i don't remember exactly was your pant did she feel your pants or she felt your like penis was like she had wet on her hand like literally she felt my underwear and i was wearing tighty blackies and uh she felt the pants and yeah it was just it was it was a lot wet it wasn't it wasn't like damp i wouldn't use damp it was wet. It wasn't damp.

I wouldn't use damp. It was wet. And so I took them off, and I was like, no. She's like, I have piss on my hands. Let's go bed. Yeah. I mean, she probably would have if I forced her. But she was into it, and then it was just like, yeah. Oh, that's so funny.

What if it turned her on more? She's like, finally figured it out. I mean, people are into that. That's becoming a very common thing, I think. So we're in a very common thing i think so we're in the kitchen though yes we're in the kitchen this morning and you went off to go balcony um you go oh got a balcony and i go i'll see you in 45 minutes and um uh i go oh i just balconied actually and you were like what i was like it literally i it was one of those ones that made my eyes cross because it felt so good like it was so rewarding and i even went when i first got up

this morning and it was like not rewarding and it was fine can you show me this face real quick the cross oh like it's orgasmic that's why anal feels good can you cross your eyes oh wow you're really good at it thanks um i feel like i'm doing it yeah that's what you look like to me like when you talk i think you look like that in my if i close my eyes and like imagine if i was a blind person and imagine what you look like that is what i think you would look like wait do it again i'm glad i could do it because i can't move my ears people look when they have cross eyes oh my god or one lazy eye is just bad yeah unless you want to be popular like me in sixth grade and you emulate someone's lazy and nancy roberts um wait so

wait what um okay so yeah so we're talking about shitting you so you shit one you said you had a i had one this morning and then i went again and it was like everything at like my body is like a temple right now because there's nothing in it like one of those that's just like oh ayahuasca shit where it's like you get out all the demons it's just like it was amazing are you more of a log person or more of a multiple poopies? This second one was the first thing you said. And the first one this morning was the second one you said. So you had to empty out to get the log, the big daddy.

Yeah, sometimes I like, let's not talk too much about poop, but all of mine have been very consistent. I'm really good at that they're just like i rarely have like well you don't enter cheese in your diet you don't enter bread like you're you are a smooth machine you have a lot of fiber in your diet you know what i mean like pretty clean yeah yeah and um although i did get a latte the other day at starbucks in the – You got a latte poop? Well, it was so bizarre because I got a latte and it just tasted a little different. But sometimes they use – instead of sugar-free, they'll use regular sugar.

Or sometimes they use decaf instead of – like there's things that can go wrong. And I smelled it and I looked at it and I was like, this looks like almond milk. It has this – like it's not the almond milk but it was it was they use regular milk and i drank half of it before i my stomach started hurting so bad dude it was so weird and i was getting like gas in a weird area i was like oh my god milk is dairy is so disgusting when you really purge your body of it i'm not trying to be like i'm better than you but like being vegan got me to get dairy out of my system which i've always heard was better for your skin anyway and uh you know my skin definitely got better after i cut out cheese and dairy but um but man it was like it was nice to see that that was the cause of it because i was like what's going on

with me this is weird um so anyway you i go I go, you're going to be gone a while. I go, I seriously, I literally went to the, it took me 30 seconds because I came back and my oatmeal still had two minutes on it. And I set it for three. And so I came back. Is this the new Amazing Race show? Are you just trying to beat the microwave before you make more things to make you put more poop in your body it's weird you eat a lot of liquids and then comes out solid that's i know

i always think about if you eat all marshmallows it'll still be poop it'll still be brown like if you eat all foods that are one color yeah it's always gonna because it's the acid but if you eat beets your poop's red yeah that's one that just like that it's the acid. But if you eat beets, your poop's red. Yeah, that's one that just like, that's just blood, babe. Yeah. If you eat beets and shards of glass, it's weird. It comes out red. I asked you though. I didn't ask you.

I just go, I go, that literally, I go, it took me like 30 seconds. Like every time I poop, it's like, it just comes out so easily. I'm so grateful for it. I was kind of bragging because you go in and you need like a, you need a Tolstoy to read. You know, you like. Toy Story. Oh yeah. You're reading Toy Story.

You can like do a, you, you spend a lot of time on there and like you're like sometimes guys like set up shop you know they have like a sitting desk it's just it's a place where you get silence it's like going out into the middle of the river you live alone and you have your own bedroom you can get silence anytime you want you act like you have five kids or something and a and a well i grew up with three brothers and a mom. Okay, so it's just a place that... It's like going out on a lake, on a little canoe, and you're fishing, and there's no rush.

You don't want to rush. You know what I mean? Oh, see, I don't like... And then your legs go numb. I don't like the smell is lingering, and it's like you're sitting on... I've eaten a burger while shitting before. Oof.

That's wild. Yeah, well, I think you've gotten like a lap dance before right i got laid on on a shitter were you pooping no i've never done okay so you were sitting on the closed toilet so hot um so anyway andrew i'm bragging about taking noah this is hilarious i go i'm bragging about like seriously mine are so fast and he just goes do you think and I go no I literally he goes do you think and I go no I was like yes I was like

wait let's do it again you go do you think no and then you go I go no I go no I knew you knew what I was gonna say and I go I know exactly what you were gonna say you're easier to read than a toy story book you I know what you're gonna say to say. You're easier to read than a Toy Story book.

I know what you're going to say. And he goes, what do you think I was going to say? I think you were going to say, do you think because you have a lot of anal, it just comes on out? And the answer is no. Maybe. No. It's not that. I've always taken to the shit. It's crazy, though, to think that a poop can come out easier if you're loosening up your butt a good amount more than a regular person.

Or not a regular person. Yeah, that actually is a good point. Like, I... I mean, it's not wild to think that those two could be connected. That you're training your butthole for a poop. Yeah. I just don't think... It's not just, like, falling out of my ass, though.

And I think that's what so many people think about people that do anal is like they just constantly have to have wear diapers because poop is sliding out of their ass because they have so much so many dicks up yeah that's like stretched you out it's just like it's like you're at your asshole's like a rubber band like and we've all taken dumps that are way bigger than dicks it's like a girl that came out of your butt your butt would then be you know so so stop this kind of narrative of like oh she's so loose and even guys say it about pussies i'm so sick of it um your your pussy can be insanely loose and never have sex yeah oh yeah i have friends who have just like really like cavernous vaginas that are super tiny people all natural but they like can't they just and my one friend whenever she does an inversion in yoga class her pussy

just like sucks up all the air like yoga mats start getting like sucked into it it's like and then when she comes down from it she queeps every single time she can't help it because she's like i don't know why it just sucks it up because i can't it's just open already and she's not like some like flagrant whore you know what i mean it's so funny yeah like a black hole oh i love just picturing everyone like no oh my god um yeah so we have a couple things to show you that we got submitted from people and i wanted to bring you into the conversation about it because it it does involve what we're already talking about we got um can we talk about it right now no we're doing fanther well we're doing fantherics later on but these are like special ones um that we got submitted uh this comes from

one of our uh listeners she said nik, I'm so sorry to bother you, but I'm seeing a new guy who loves to go down on me, but I cannot suck his dick because for one, I'm bad at it. And for two, his dick is a monster. It's like trying to suck a 10-inch fist. I got it one third in my mouth and my eyes watered, LMAO.

I'm trying to remember the over the bed position you talked about that allows you to suck dick better but i cannot picture what that looks like help or any help or tips please what is that position so that is one where you lay on your back and you put your head off the bed so that your mouth and throat are lined up in a like a straight line like it's just all yeah like like you were swallowing a sword yes that's not gonna help though with a fist like even if i did that a fist couldn't still fit in my mouth then down my throat because you have some sort of capacity i would ask him what other women have done or what what he wants from you i would also invest in a cock sleeve, which would cover a big part of like a girthy one that you can find online.

A lot of lube and a cock sleeve so that you can have something that will give you the tightness that isn't just your hands. Because if you're bad at it, like you're saying. Oh, I see what you're saying. You're probably insecure about how tight to squeeze, what to do. And a cock sleeve with lube will cover the first four inches of it. And you can just do that and then use your mouth with the other part. I would also watch a lot of snake videos. If you ever see a snake eat a deer, they could really unhinge your jaw like a bow constrictor. And then die when it pops through your neck.

You ever see that when a snake just like it breaks inside of it because it's too big? Oh, man. And like punctures through the snake. I wonder if this girl is bad at sucking huge cock or like all cock because I mean. I think she's probably bad at all. Yeah. Or she thinks she's bad. I mean.

What are some tips? I think what else you could do is why don't you blow him when he's soft? Because he'll get hard no i know i'm just making f you end but um i i don't know i mean yeah i think you have a good point though i think get your hands involved try to make your hands kind of a mouth as well and then stay around the tip come off of it some i i always like that let the dick breathe a little bit. Switch it up. And this one has lungs of its own, so let it breathe. Yeah, he has his own blue whale cock. Unmask it.

Yeah, but no, but I think there's something to be said about, you know, ask him what he likes. Have an open dialogue. Joke about it. That's the thing. It's like there's, it's so, it's easier said though. I know, I know. It's either said than blown.

But I think like, just, just, just talk to him. Be like, look, you got a monster penis. Let's have fun here. I know, that's the good thing. Whatever your concerns are, it's because he has a huge dick. Which no guy is going to have a problem discussing that. Or maybe he is insecure about it. Because some guys are like, you know, there's some dicks.

If that is as big as, like, it looks like a fist, like that big, that would intimidate a lot of women and make women scared. So maybe he does have some hang ups about it. And you could hang your laundry on it to dry. I mean, she could take out some teeth. I mean, I don't know. There's always that. There's just there's actual apparatus, apparatus that you can buy. I think that I just want to empower women because I'm almost talking to myself at a younger age of like how do I –

I would always hear like just incorporate lube, incorporate a cock sleeve, do different – it's like these things are hard to just go, hold on, I'm going to go in my purse and then like open a package that you bought that's like a weird thing but i don't think guys are gonna be that turned off if you are like i heard this girl talk about this i'm trying it out i don't know what i'm doing but let's just give it a whirl and just use a fucking ton of lube and just give his penis a massage with your uh with your hands like just go buck wild Do what you want to do and see how that goes. And just even tell him, because then that takes the onus off of you trying to do good for him.

Just say, can I just do what I want to do? So then if it's bad, it's because you're just having fun and you don't have to take so much blame if it's not good. Because you're not trying to please him. You're doing it for yourself.

So I think that's a way to, and the guy will be really turned on by a girl being like, I just want to do this. And even if it's not good, guys love when you're so fascinated and like happy doing what you're doing that your enthusiasm can be as hot as if you were really skillful. So if you phrase it like, hey, can I just do what I want to do to this thing and just do whatever you want to do also don't worry about like i think there's a fear of like if i bring out lube or if i bring out a cock sleeve he's gonna be like how many guys have you fucked where you feel comfortable doing this you could be very open sexually and and and not be a whore or whatever, how you think you'll be perceived.

But you're saying that as someone who, I don't know, five years ago, would have had those thoughts about a woman that brings this about. Yeah, probably. So what could she have said that would make, because you would have just thought that. They could have lied to me and said I had a huge cock to start. No, no, no.

But I think I wasn't ready then. I mean, yeah, there is something to like... So what if this guy isn't ready to hear that and is going to judge her and think she's a slut because she has lube and stuff? Maybe he's not the right guy then. I don't know. Then you didn't deserve to hook up with anyone that would have had lube? Maybe.

Maybe if I was being a fucking ignorant idiot. Yeah, yeah. Good point. Maybe I don't deserve good pussy because I'm a fucking dickhead. Yeah, and insecure that it means this girl... Yeah. they're an idiot yeah yeah maybe i don't deserve good pussy because i'm a fucking dickhead yeah and insecure that it means this girl yeah and even if she has fucked a ton of dudes you fucked a ton of girls stop fucking like and you can always say that i have this lube i don't i've never bought this stuff this is new for me and i mean if that's that's probably would be sincere

honestly you can just say this girl that i listened to a lot suggested that this has changed her sex life to just dump lube like i go through so much lube it's insane and i never use lube before ever ever the other day i was like hooking up in a situation where there was no lube in sight and i just didn't even want to do it because i'm like i don't want to go back to using spit or like my own wetness like it doesn't that's good but it's lube it doesn't it's it doesn't make me feel insecure anymore it doesn't make me feel like i'm an old dry woman it's like everyone should be using it it makes it's like um god i don't know to do positions that it's like a swimming pool when you are used to swimming in lakes and you're like i won't want to go in a swimming pool it's artificial and like it's just it makes everything

feel safe and and uh i'm not worried about what lurks beneath it's like well swimming pools are still they're yeah they're not a lake and natural but i would say i would argue they're better look i think you nailed it on that one. I mean, I don't know if I nailed it, but it's a pretty good one. Pretty good announce. Yeah, it was a great announce. I think like, yeah, open dialogue. Always just, I really think, I swear to you,

even if you're, maybe you talk about it when you're not fucking. Like don't make it, it's kind of like when you have Thanksgiving dinner with the family and there's so much buildup because you're actually having these insanely intense conversations. Wow. At the most insane time. Maybe talk about it when you're watching fucking Kenny Powers or whatever on TV and be like, I don't know. I was listening to Nikki Glaser podcast and I'm really horny right now. But before we get, you know,

go in, say, just be like, do you know what I bought earlier today? I know this is really weird, but I like, I was thinking about you. Just say you were thinking about him.

Like his monster, just say monster cock a lot. Yeah. And just say like, this is like, you can, you can do whorish things and kind of just put them on me. Say that I suggested that you do them.

And it's true. You know, like, we all have to explore these things. No one just goes into using these toys. Like, there always has to be a first step. No one is just, like, right out of the gate. Oh, I've been using this all along. Like, you have to take that first step. And I just, trust me, I wish I would have incorporated lube so much earlier.

Dude, like, oh, yeah, sorry. first step and i just trust me i wish i would have incorporated lube so much earlier dude like oh yeah sorry when going to like a sex toy store like uh or like you know whatever like new york they're on every corner so it doesn't it really does like normalize it and i know if there's only like one in your town it's kind of weird you don't you want to put on like a mustache and like fake a fake nose to go in there but there is something about going together as a couple and it's fun it's exciting it's like i don't know it's like a rush to go in and pick out things that might feel good it's an adult toy store like i so go together and make it maybe and this is for all the men out there like if your dick is like if a girl is having trouble getting it in her or like is like ow and like isn't first of all lube

second of all you guys don't understand that when you give us clitoral like orgasms or like do stuff on the outside it it loosens us up to accept things so when people are trying anal out of nowhere start with a finger make sure she comes a lot from the front first like sometimes if i'm having trouble like accepting that thing in my body or in some way i'm like i haven't come enough like i need to be relaxed and like let my body relax like starting off with penetration with no others like foreplay is so important and it's not just like a little light fingering outside the jeans and like just because she's wet doesn't mean she's ready for like her like your body like opens up in a way and relaxes and the muscles all the tense muscles relax that are causing you pain when you've come a couple times from other stuff and just wait for

she says for you until she says to put it in how about that let's just wait until she's like please put your dick in me then you have consent and you know she's ready boom let's get to the news you heard it here first You heard it here first. He's staring at me. It's so upsetting. I can't even tell you the face he's making at me is such a bummer.

It's judgmental. Maybe he just hates me. No, he definitely is not feeling me today. It's such a weird look okay what's the news today andrew oh man first of all i hope you're having all the swells out there it's the weekend uh almost but you know what i mean and uh you know i hope you have a good time out there go out on the lake take a long shit have a pool have anal sex if he has a monster cock maybe he just bangs the back of your shoulder blades and you put them together oh yeah yeah something hot uh okay that's a new one we're gonna be in charlotte by the way we

have a second charlotte well orlando is selling well charlotte's selling well we got a second show in charlotte we need charlotte to step up because that second second show is going to be very intimate otherwise but that could be fun too yeah man so if you're in the charlotte area or want to take a road trip 9 30 uh in charlotte on my website you can get tickets that's going to be a special show because it's the first one sold really well and the second one's like more of like a black box theater amount of people which i'm happy up to do my agents called me and said do you want to cancel it because we don't want you to feel sad and i was like no i don care. I've performed for just half, fourth sold rooms

so much in my goddamn life. And they go, my manager goes, this is really a breath of fresh air because we have so many, I don't want to say men, but it is men who are so insecure that they can't handle performing for a crowd that's half sold.

I don't care. I don't take it personally. Even if it is personal. I don't. Also, it's for you to get ready for your thing in a while. And they go, do you want to cancel? And I go, no, I need to do sets. And I think it'll be fun.

Also, you do live sets on the weekend. We're going to have a fucking blast. It's going to be fun. And the second show will probably be even more fun. Oh, I guarantee you. No offense to the first show. We'll give it our all. I will show my penis in the second show.

I'm just letting everyone know. We want people to go, Andrew. Don't discourage anyone. Sorry, I thought I was going to get beat. Okay, what's the first one? Okay, a New York City gal felt bad canceling a first date during Hurricane Ida because the guy wanted to go, only to have an awkward date because the guy was not talkative. So this girl in New York City,

Hurricane Ida's hitting, there's flooding. Stop doing things because you feel bad. Stop doing things because you feel bad. Stop doing things just because you feel bad. I got, you gotta stop, guys. You gotta stop. And I know it's hard,

that thing of like, but I'll feel bad, but they might feel this way. It's like, if you're not maliciously, if you're canceling something because you don't feel like it, you're nervous, you got social anxiety. There's a hurricane. There's a fucking weather event that might take, the subway station's flooding. You might die on the way to it there's stop this and especially don't start off that's not the foot you want to start off on a date is doing something because you feel about it now let me say keep your word your word should be bond

gold bond your word should remember yes don't let it keep your word like when you say you're gonna do something but you know when there's something like ida or you're really sick or you just even if you just don't want to you're not going against your word at that point you're allowed to cancel things and and i promise you when you are doing something just to be nice or because i feel bad my mom says that all the time nikki i have to do this because i gotta go to this party I feel bad. My mom says that all the time. Nikki, I have to do this because I can't. I gotta go to this party. I feel bad. Yeah.

Oh, that's, well, let me tell you, you're gonna feel bad if you do things against your will. You're raping yourself, everyone. And I know that's a harsh term, but like when you do, when I used to have sex with guys

in the morning after I woke up from a drunken night where I had slept with them because I was drunk and in the morning we were both sober and they wanted to have sex again because they were into it and had morning and they had been into it even when they were drunk or not drunk and now they want it again in the morning and I don't like this person at all but I do it because I feel bad because if I

don't want to then he'll know I don't really like him and he's horny and I'll feel bad so I'd have sex with him I was raping myself with his body it was me betraying me and I tell you that kind of stuff and that's an egregious example but when you do things that you don't want to do for other people you're putting people other people first they don't win in the end because you're lying to them so you're being dishonest and you betray yourself in a way that it feels the same as like someone you love betraying you you're supposed to love yourself so stop going against your natural instincts this was pretty amazing this morning oh sorry you wanted to go

get your coffee i'm like just go get it yeah but you felt bad because you you thought i wanted it to be like a joint thing you said to me before you go oh you're walking fast you're walking oh you're hurrying up onto the airplane. So then you tell a man that, so then he slows down for you, and then you say you can speed up. I'm all over the place. Don't you see what I'm saying?

Yeah, it annoys me when you speed onto the plane when it's not going anywhere, and we're all having a conversation. I was having anxiety. I wasn't feeling good. Okay, well, that's what you can say. You can say, I'm having anxiety. I don't feel good.

I just want to go on. And then it's like, okay, it's done. I know. I probably should have said that. And this. You can say, I'm having anxiety. I don't feel good. I just want to go on. And then it's like, okay, it's done. I know. I probably should have said that. And this morning you can go, I'm really hungry. I just want to get it. Is it okay if I go ahead? Yeah.

Like, I know you're scared of my response on that, but it doesn't feel good of me when you sacrifice what you want to do for me because you're scared of me. Okay. And I don't know how to like give you license. I just always want to say like, I always go, you can go. It's like. Because when I got on say, I always go, you can go. Because when I got on the plane, you were not chill about it. I was just like, why do you know I was- No, you said it more than once, though.

I know, because I wanted an answer for it. And you're like, you had this like, you don't see it, but you were like, someone had to hurry to be on the plane. Oh, you had to hurry. Someone to hurry. But I just wanted an answer for it. I go, no, I kept saying why. What's the rush?

And if you would have said, I just want to sit down and be on my phone, that would answer it for me. But instead it was like, do you think they're going to leave without you? They're not going to. No, I didn't think that. I didn't think that. First of all, I said I got plane. Okay. So anyways, back to this story.

Yeah. She was going rock climbing right that so she told herself well i like rock climbing she's a trainer so at least it's like partly for her she got there the guy didn't pay for her she was waiting for him to pay and then she yeah anyways these people i cannot believe these people exist i just like these men that and who keeps pushing for the girl to come during a hurricane like a guy that is horny and thinks he's gonna get a guy that has not come in a while it's like oh and uh and and and a guy that's really capable of making someone feel bad and that girl probably

has parents that used to make her feel bad about her feelings so she thinks her feelings don't matter and that's what i mean i i relate to it like my parents didn't make her feel bad about her feelings. So she thinks her feelings don't matter. And that's what, I mean, I relate to it. Like my parents didn't make me feel bad about my feelings, but they didn't honor them. So I always question, like, if I feel something, it's probably wrong. And the other person's feelings are more valid than mine. And I should just change my feelings to theirs.

Ooh, I feel that, sister. Yeah, you should, because I just told you to feel that way. And that's an okay feeling. Next story. Yeah, we both are like that. And I get into, that's like the, I get into, we both, I can take advantage of that with you. So a bad thing about me.

I just think like if I, if at that point, maybe I shouldn't sometimes just be like, just shut the fuck up. Or just be honest and say, I just want to be on the plane. I did say that though. No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. You were just like, I don't know. I just, I don't know.

That's me going. I just want to be on the fucking plane in my head. Next time I'll cross my eyes and go, I just wanted to sit down. All right. Olivia and this baby helped save me from myself. I couldn't watch him on Seth. I didn't watch it. Did you watch Seth Meyers?

I watched it. I heard a lot of people talking about it. What do we... Why couldn't you watch it? That's a great question. You don't want to be on the plane? I just want to be on my phone and I just want to sit down. Let me really dig into that.

Let me really dig into that. I am jealous. Okay, so you're jealous of his fame? No, no, no, no, no. There's a jealousy factor of this person. John Mulaney no no yeah John like men get to get away with so much more than women and not that I'm saying he should be canceled for what he's done or what for leaving his wife or whatever happened like clearly he was struggling with something and he's someone I know so I don't like, I don't want anyone to ever be canceled.

But when I see men getting treated in a way that women in the same position, I think, would not be treated for these actions. And the way that Olivia Munn is kind of being more demonized in this situation than he might be. Not that I think either of them should be. Because you can't help who you fall in love with. You can't help what you're addicted to. You can't help when a baby is conceived and when it's not or when you fall out of love with your...

I don't blame anyone for any of that stuff. I just hate how much celebrity culture, people that are obsessed with celebrities, this goes back to the Machine Gun Kelly, Meg Foxox social relationships i learned what is when like you feel a connection with a celebrity like they're your friend oh yeah i mean olivia munn and i'm just going off of i have a lot of anxiety or a lot of aggression about this stuff pent up from reading the subreddit demois, which is just like these nasty, mean, celeb obsessors that have a lot of opinions and just, you know, have dragged her through the mud countless times where I have to just get through the mud. I just have to get off the, I have to

exit the thing because I just go, there's nothing I could say that would get through to these people to ever sympathize with this woman or to actually like they'll they'll just cite things she's done in the past that I think are super cool and like feminist and like outspoken and herself. And because she's they're a little bit like slutty or something, you know, there was these leaked things that she had written Chris Pine like this like photo book where she like had arrows pointing to her ass being like your dick goes here like i thought it was so hot and like so funny and these girls are just like you could tell she was like a bad person even then that disgusted me i was turned off immediately it's just like it wasn't for you it was a leak by the way so she didn't put this out and even she did fuck you and then john mulaney is seen as like the boy wonder that couldn't do any wrong went to georgetown he's clean cut even though he's told you in his comedy he's not that nice of a part like he has anger issues like you see it in his stand-up but because he wears a tie and parts his hair and talks like this extremely talented so talented and his comedy

is mostly clean and and except accessible to the masses people just don't want to put it on and it's but people were very upset with him because he went out of character it goes back to the trump thing of like as long as you're an asshole across the board that's who you are you're an asshole so tell me what you saw me don't seth meyer's thing but you I mean, though? Like, millennials, like, don't trick me. Like, people get mad at that. They're like, you had me as a good person, and now you do this one bad thing. Are people really feeling that way about him? Yeah, apparently, yeah.

Really? That's why he went on Seth Meyers, essentially, because he's been getting it. It was a PR move, yeah. It felt a little PR-y. That being said. That's what I heard. It was almost like his statement. It felt like a statement.

Was it funny? Did he pepper it with jokes? Yes, a lot of jokes. Yeah, I would assume so. And I thought it was... I was conflicted because it was PR-y and it was very honest. There's nothing wrong with PR, by the way. No.

You're trying to make money. You're trying to sell tickets. You're trying to explain to the public in a way that will make them like you again. Like, I can't blame anyone for making a peer move. There's also no crowd, so no laughter. So, like, the jokes, like, the truth. I got to watch it. The truth.

I think you'll like it because it was very, it was. I love John. Yeah. And I love the side of him that's coming out that's like, oh, okay, well, this is what I've always – I don't know John in a way that I knew any of this, by the way. Like, I thought as well as the public, like, we're not even like – he wouldn't call me a friend. Like, we're acquaintances. We're both comedians and run into each other and have worked together a lot. But I didn't know this side of him.

But I knew it from his stand-up because, like you said, like, I saw when he told the story of going to his doctor to get Adderall. Yeah. That, everyone, my cockles got raised of like, this isn't a person who's dabbling in, like I knew he used to drink as a kid and he quit. And he was like a severe drunk when he was a kid. And he was one of the reasons I had stopped drinking was because i want to be as successful as john mulaney and if he quit drinking as soon as he knew what he wanted to be i need to do that now and so when he said he would in that joke where he said he went to the doctor to try to get adderall and then he ended up getting like a colonoscopy like he had a finger up his butt because he lied or whatever it was um that i go like i can predict divorces a lot of times with men when they start

talking their wives i go this guy is teetering on something and the conversation was like it it was about the intervention and how even even while the intervention's going on he still had to be the smartest guy in the room so like they're like yeah i already know what you're gonna say oh look i know i have a problem i need help like he got ahead of what everyone's letter was gonna be yeah i do that too yeah i know a lot of these things he was saying i think of you actually with like but then um oh i just i would be the same way yeah we got to go to the break i just want to play one thing as we go to break this is caleb sign in one of my favorite new comics who did an impression of john mulaney talking about covid this this this brought me joy because sometimes i attribute so much like caleb's a brilliant comedian by the way i asked him to punch up my special bang and like he's someone i go to he's

just such a good joke writer i think he's like the next mulaney like his jokes are that kind of dense and thoughtful. And he did an impression of John Mulaney talking about COVID. And it made me happy because it just kind of shows that it's comedy is a formula and you can, it's there's mad lips sometimes. And John Mulaney, I'm not taking anything from him,

but you can, you get into a style and then you can just like, it's like mad lips. Kyle Donegan does a really good Mulaney too. But this is a great – this is actually – if Mulaney did this bit, you would go, this is a classic Mulaney bit. Like it's a well-written bit. So this is Caleb Sinan, S-Y-N-A-N. Follow him on Instagram.

Have you noticed people keep asking you how your COVID was? Not the disease, the time. like it was a long weekend what is this the first day of school oh i had a great covet i learned to cook lasagna and i saw the grand canyon how was your covet john you must not be on Twitter because my life exploded. Like, I want that. Yeah, it's a great bit. I want to see John do that. And then I want John to go into how his life.

I mean, I can't wait for the next John Mulaney special. Congratulations to the new couple and their baby that is coming. And people speculate the baby might come sooner than they are pretending that it's going to a lot of people are giving you credit our show credit for for releasing it and you know what all i did was release claire parker's speculation so shout out to claire parker and she has an amazing podcast called uh celebrity memoir book club that you should check out and you should follow her on tiktok because she has all the celebrity gossip uh claire parker and she's been a longtime friend of the show who i met through you i love claire parker but we'll be right back with uh our weekly sports moment

john stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good. We'll see you next time. And of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough?

We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's how-To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything

and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice, and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously, both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting.

Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. The theory is very simple. It is a mindset tool that instantly helps you identify what's in your control and what's not in your control. Renowned motivational speaker, best-selling author, Mel Robbins. Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea

right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people. What's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical effort. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements. Some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers.

But we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else,

so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, let's get into it. What's our weekly sports moment, Andrew? Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. It sounds like we redid it to make you even more upset. Let's see here. A Clemson football fan inhales tub of mayo

during Clemson, Georgia Duke's Mayo Classic. I mean, this guy ate a whole jar of mayonnaise. Now, coming from someone that loved him. Meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow meow. Meow meow. Okay, so tell me. Okay, I'm looking at images of this.

I cannot. What? I knew it hit you. Wait, is this a yearly thing they do? So people have been known to eat mayonnaise in the stands before. This was a Duke mayonnaise classic. So it was sponsored by Duke mayonnaise. So there was more.

Okay. But it's not like the Fritos Bowl where it's like every year it's like the same sponsor. Is it Duke mayonnaise classic? Have you heard of that before? I have not. That used to be a sandwich you used to make. And it was just mayonnaise on white bread, right? Yeah.

Served at Duke when I got in there for early acceptance. Stuck it. Ham drip. Drip, drip, drip. Okay, a lot of people are giving me shit. I love mayonnaise, right? I couldn't do this. I couldn't eat mayonnaise out of a jar.

I hate when girls act like, ew, I'm so grossed out. I'm going to barf, vomit in my mouth. Yes. My stomach is turning in a way. But you do feel that. I feel this one, and I would not have expected that I feel that one. But I thought about it one step farther, and I go,

is there any condiment that can be eaten out of a big jar where you would be okay with it? No, but mayonnaise is the grossest. But that's my point. But everyone goes, oh you would be okay with it no but mayonnaise but that's my point the grossest but everyone goes oh you couldn't eat a jar of mayonnaise you can't eat a jar of sweet onion sauce that you love at subway could you eat no ew so we could eat we love condiments me and you are big condiment heads yeah but i don't condiments alone the only thing i will lick off my finger alone and i'm'm serious with this, is A1, mustard, not even ketchup. Ketchup needs something with it.

I know, isn't that wild, though? We love condiments. We want to roll around in it, but if it's just a condiment. But mayonnaise, I mean, that one, I would absolutely take down mustard, ketchup, anything in a bucket is going to be disgusting, but mayonnaise, I think, tops that.

It is interesting because I couldn't lick mayonnaise off a knife. If I made a chicken salad sandwich, I got a lot of mayo on the knife. You wouldn't. I wouldn't love it. You'd probably cut your mouth. Maybe. It depends if I open it up. It looks like Luigi's going down on you as he's licking his paw. That is where

your penis is. I mean, it's just quite a sight for sore eyes um your eyes okay would you would you what condiment is your like least favorite and would you i mean you once i'm not a big sour cream a bowl of sour cream thinking it was yeah but i didn't know the sour cream right so if you put a sour cream in a jar that said sour cream not a huge fan you put it in a bowl, don't tell me. Okay. I would love it.

That's different. Yeah, okay. You tricked me. I once put mayonnaise on a plum and had my sister eat it. Wait, wait, wait, what? Well, we used to do this thing where we would blindfold each other and make concoctions and then make each other eat it. Okay.

And by we, I mean I would make her because i was an older sister and so i always went first and i put mayonnaise on a plum and had her bite into it this was the first uh notebook or chalamet movie honestly i would rather eat a plum with with timothy chalamet's jizz that was such a hot scene i just think anyone the one with your sister i would rather i would rather chug cum that of a man i loved than than mayonnaise i really would um yeah but i remember i was so angry because she cried and and we had like a rule of like no mayonnaise like mayonnaise is too gross like we didn't have a rule but she knew how much i feared mayonnaise she wasn't as mayonnaise adverse as i was as a kid but she hated it and she told my mom and i remember she was crying and my mom goes you have to eat mayonnaise

on a plum too now you have to and i ran away from home i remember i go i'm i i remember running out the front door and going i don't know where i I'm going to sleep tonight, but I will not do that. I will never do that. I hate mayonnaise so much. And I ran out, and I remember thinking, like, this is it. Like, I have to run away now. Because I knew my mom was serious. Like, eye for an eye, you know?

Mayonnaise plum for a mayonnaise plum. And I was. How long were you gone for before you came back? And did you ever have to eat the mayonnaise plum for a mayonnaise plum and i was how long how long were you gone for before you came back and did you ever have to eat them no i didn't have to because my mom my parents were terrible about punishing us i don't know about in your family but i mean their threats were taken seriously at first by us like we'd be like oh my god their parents forgot they just they couldn't stick it because we we just would cry to the point where it was just not going to happen. But maybe the cry was the punishment.

Yeah, just like the thought that they could make me eat. I just felt like, how could you, Mom? Lauren, I go, she didn't even bite it. She just licked the mayonnaise and then tore off the blindfold and saw what it was and was like so mad. How long were you gone you think probably like 15 minutes and then i just circled the neighborhood and go i don't know yeah every time you run away as a kid you get to about i don't know 400 feet from the house and you it hits you like i used to pack up my stuff and get and go so many times but it does hit you where you go getting kind of hungry

and i've been gone 20 seconds now i know i think that's a really bad sign if your kids keep trying to leave your home and like run away i love the idea of your mom using a mayo plum for the rest of your whole child like that you want the mayonnaise plum yeah i'm like no mom you can tell me i can't go to prom and you can take away you know my screen time please don't make me eat the mayo plum i mean there's parents have done i've heard so many terrible things melissa vh senor was on adam ray's podcast recently and they put up a clip of it and he was talking about like did you get like punished as a kid and she was like oh yeah you know my dad would you know he'd go to the kitchen and and and pick out a you know uh or he'd go in his

closet and we'd hear his belts clinking and i'm just like oh my god baby melissa this isn't as adorable of a story as you think like i don't i really feel so sad for kids that were beat like you know punished in these cruel ways like you know almost um you know intent there's intent behind it like when a parent just is like slapped you because you're being a little brat i'm like i've been able to forgive my mom for slapping me once because i was a bitch and i deserved it and it was just in the moment but a ketchup peach but going to your closet and grabbing the belt and being like get over here son find a stick in the yard oh god i mean it's just i'm so sorry to anyone original too at least use something cool

like a like a like a step ladder something fun you know yeah i remember someone telling me that the day his dad hit him he was just like it was over like that just changed everything like i just he lost respect for his dad like that's the thing you lose respect for your parents because you're like this thing that's supposed to protect me is now hurt me and now i'll never you can never get that back so just try not to hurt your kids okay let's get to fanthrax it's time for fanthrax that is our our weekly mail dump where we listen to voice memos and just DMs and different things from podcast listeners. You can always find the link to leave us a voice memo at NikkiGlazerPod in our bio. So let's get to it.

Noah. Okay. So the first one up is Andre. A message from Andre. Andrew without a W. Hey, guys. first one up is Andre. A message from Andre. Andrew without a W. Hey, guys. This is Andre in Connecticut. I've been meaning to leave a message of gratitude for you guys for a while now and finally getting to it.

I was really bummed when UUP ended, but I was so excited when NGP podcast started. Especially happy that Kuh and Squirt Squirt, Yackbot, Workout to Live, those are my favorite. I take Kuh with me everywhere I go. I'm a fitness instructor and a coach, and I drive to work sometimes at 3.30 in the morning, and I get legitimately giddy when I get up and there's an episode downloading. It's the best way to drive in, and it's always the best way to wake me up um on those early days um noah i think your voice is amazing uh i wish you could replace alexa in siri uh in my life and andrew i feel like you're the brian red band of the nicki glazer

experience for me uh you drove me nuts when uh you first joined and started listening but now i i cannot get enough of the mutley dog laugh and um when you finish the intro to the news with hey first uh it always makes me laugh and smile nikki uh i have to admit i've had a crush on you for years i think you're the best please keep doing what you're doing and what makes you happy real besties will always what you're doing and what makes you happy real besties will always support you myself especially there's a lot of us out there thank you guys for all the swells guys are the best thanks oh my gosh thank you andre oh that's so nice um i yeah he sounded cute he did sound cute right he's a trainer I'm sure he's like

hi I'm Andre I'm 6'3 215 where did he say he was can we make this work yeah he's into you for sure I know that feeling though of like waking up in the morning being so excited to like listen to a thing like that's how I feel about the morning radio show

I listen to here and that we're gonna be on tomorrow actually I'm excited. If you guys want to download the Arch app, it's the Arch 1065 in St. Louis. There's an app and you can listen from wherever and it's called The Courtney Show and we're going to be on tomorrow at 8 a.m. Central Time, which is an hour behind East Coast,

two hours ahead of Pacific. But yeah, I feel that same way. That makes me so happy that someone also is like giddy at three 30 in the morning when they're headed to work. It like, just, that's why I wanted to create this show. Like, I know that feeling like getting up sucks and like having something to listen to that you're excited about. What do you get excited about in the morning?

Like I get excited to do this show, but I get excited about coffee. I get excited about my oatmeal. I get excited about coffee. I get excited about my oatmeal. I get excited about Andre. I'm adding him to the list. I get excited about the good weather if I'm going to walk Luigi. Right now, the crisp fall air, it's like summer is kind of melting away in this perfect way. What gets you excited to get out of bed some days? Lately, Brenna's been sending me texts

right in the morning like I hope you have a great day babe you're great something something positive um which really makes me happy or we'll leave like a voice note which I've copied from you where I just say oh I want to snuggle good morning baby kisses kisses yeah stuff like that that's sweet. Yeah. Maddie Wiener was telling me, our opener this past weekend was telling me that you were sharing some of the voice memos that you and Brenna shared. She was like, he's so, he's like, they're so happy. That's good, Maddie. They're so happy and I'm so excited for them.

And I was like, yeah, thank God he hasn't played the memos for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You probably stabbed me in this i would just go these are just you should probably keep these for yourself and uh which is so nice of you and then uh just because it's like it's just goo goo gaga like like you know john gatti uh callback ham drip uh so so so uh that's great in the morning. And then I love getting an email from Noah with the headlines to choose. Although it gives me a little anxiety because I want to pick the right ones. Anxiety. But I guess it just makes me feel like, oh, I'm still alive.

I would never know if you picked the right ones or not. By me, you want to pick the right ones? Yeah, just in general for the show. I don't get that anxious about it, especially anymore but like i kind of have an idea i send back very quickly i don't even read the articles before i go okay this headline works this headline works no i read the articles no i know you do on the shitter while i'm shitting and uh yeah fishing but yeah those two things really do you look forward to like golf like golf tiktok like getting back on tiktok of course like i look forward to going to bed because i save reddit

for bed like there are certain things i like to keep till and i'm so glad that like when i used to not eat breakfast and used to like starve all day getting up was hell because i was just like i don't get to look forward to eat like eating and refueling my body and tasting something delicious used to have to wait. I used to have to like suffer to get it. And now like I get it as soon as I get up and that will motivate me. Getting Starbucks,

aren't you excited about that every morning? Yeah, it's the best. Or like putting coffee in your body. I mean, it is a drug. I was a spinach wrap head, but now I'm in a turkey bacon McMuffin mood. And God, they make a good little sandwich over there. We were talking about the egg bites and how they do it.

How's their cheese in there? How did they do it? Incredible. What they do there. And I'm, I'll probably have a third coffee right after this that I'm looking forward to again. But you sent me that you don't want to do caffeine.

Maybe. Okay. Well, let's maybe, no, that was all you go. I'll quit. If you quit.

And I, I want to let you know, I'll never quit. Okay. I'll never quit caffeine. I just got a, I can't even begin to, I'm not only saying never, I do have the Alan Carr book for quitting caffeine. It's on my shelf when I'm ready.

But it's seriously, if you want to read about caffeine addiction, I only send that to you just so you understand when I say how bad caffeine addiction is, what it really entails. Because people go, Nikki, it's not as bad as a heroin withdrawal. And it actually, it's kind of worse worse and it lasts two and a half years and it's so easy to get and it's terrible when they put fentanyl in it yeah oh my god what are they thinking at starbucks all right uh next yeah we've lost a couple thousand people in the last minute due to that but uh starbucks get it together okay next up is ben and funny enough we we talked about this earlier hello nikki noah and andrew uh my name is ben i just wanted to give a thank you to

nikki and also a just a psa to anybody listening um i have like a friends with benefits situation going on with this girl that I met on Tinder like a month ago. And we tried anal recently. And I just wanted to give a thank you to Nikki because from listening to the podcast, like I was so excited. Like I was able to just be excited because I felt so prepared. Like I had no, I feel like I didn't have any false expectations of what was going to happen. You know, I had the lube ready. We used a butt plug. Um, and I felt like everything went super smoothly. So I was really grateful for that. It was awesome experience. But, um, the PSA is something like I never realized like in porn is that they have such a strict like regimen for keeping themselves clean.

Like if you're going back and forth from ass to vagina. And I didn't realize that that's like not something you're supposed to do normally because of UTIs and stuff. And so we've done it more times since then. And recently this girl that I've been sleeping with got a UTI. And so that's just my PSA. I thought it was funny though, because Nikki doesn't have vaginal sex. So I guess that's not a problem for her.

That's right. That's interesting. So funny that my fans know that about me. To have someone I don't know say well nikki you don't have vaginal sex it's just so funny that that's uh information people have and i'm glad you have it yeah that's that is you forget once you go in that hole you can't really go in any other places not back in the mouth not back in the veg unless you have like a wipe of sorts that re you know that takes off any bacteria or you know um you know now i am in a position where i could do that others it could go other places

because honestly when i'm ready to have that kind of sex that area is cleaner than my mouth you know what i'm saying like it's my my asshole should get offended that something that has been in my mouth is going in it yes you know i'm saying like i get it very there's more likely to be shit in my mouth than you know before i have anal sex my asshole's scared of getting gingivitis if i treated my mouth like you do your asshole oh i'd have the best mouth ever man yeah i'm flossing daily back there uh with a thong um no it's the i will say the anal douche has changed my life and um brad yeah no uh what was this ben ben i'm you're an anal douche no no you no, no, you're not. But I'm so glad

to hear that, Ben. Thank you so much for, that's all I want is like people to feel comfortable going into these circumstances because I know how uncomfortable I felt and how long it's taken me to get to a place where I finally am like having sex I want to have and I'm not being embarrassed about my body or what it does. But I'll tell you like, sometimes though, like I, you know, I'm not being embarrassed about my body or what it does. But I'll tell you, sometimes, though, I'm wanting to hook up, and the person is coming over, and I'm douching and douching and douching, and it ain't going to happen. You're supposed to do it until the water runs clean like three times. And it's just – Never runs through a sequel. Well, I am thinking about Brad Pitt with long hair when it's all happening uh you know fly fishing just flicking that rod back and forth one finger oh god

so uh that's the smell going through the room um yeah i mean yeah the back and forth you keep you got to watch out for but i'm so glad you're having a good experience. I'm so glad that you just, people that, I wish in the past when I've been really adamant about everyone should try anal, I wish I would have come with a lot of caveats of a ton of lube. Don't ever do it without lube. Do not just rely on your spit.

And do not just go right in with your penis. Start out with plugs. Start out with a finger. Don't, especially if you're doing it for the first time do not and don't feel like a failure if your dick isn't going in and where she's being like it hurts like that she shouldn't just be able to accept a dick right away in her ass that would be insane and then also to it like i was saying for your vagina hole to loosen it up use a vibrator in the front part to get everything else like relaxed okay one more to read or mayonnaise dukes mayonnaise sponsored just throw that in the puss

there down there in south carolina they just use dukes i bet they will do honestly dukes it probably would be a good douche they call it dukes du they call it. Dix douche. Double D's. Do them down there. Let's go to final thought. Okay, so the last one is an email from Grace. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. I was scrolling through Reddit and came across a post on AskReddit that said, the last thing you Googled kills you. How are you going to die?

The last two things I Googled were the milk crate challenge and bart the bear you heard it here first well that does not look good for you grace um how do you do google searches a guy named bart is going to challenge you to milk crate and you're going to or a bear like what does that mean for her then like the two things you Googled are going to kill you together? Well, here it is. If Bart the Bear tries to do the milk crate challenge and lands on top of me and crushes me to my death, please play a tribute song on guitar at my funeral, Nikki. I will remember you. You should have not done the crate challenge next to a bear. That's hilarious. And, yeah yeah there's a lot of different

ways you could interpret that um okay the last things i googled i can't even let me just pull this up and see okay august lyrics and and uh oh let's see i want to find a good one august lyrics and the thing is i do i do like um um like uh what's it called private private viewing private search for so much of my stuff um that uh okay spreader bar spread Spreader bar and August lyrics. Let me tell you, incorporating a spreader bar into my life has really changed things. While learning lyrics? So August lyrics. I feel like you'd be reading the lyrics.

You'd get a little emotional. You'd go, hey, let's bring out the spreader bar. And then you'll spread too far and you rip your body in half. That's not possible with the spreader bar. But I guess, yeah, you're interpreting. Yeah, that's an interpretation of it. It's an interpretation. I think the spreader bar I have on, I start singing August. The guy that's put me in the spreader bar leaves because he's so annoyed.

I then can't get out of it. One of the lyrics is August sipped away like a bottle of wine. I decide to start drinking again. I have the spreader bar on. I can't walk with it because it keeps my legs spread open and then I fall down some stairs and I pass away like August did.

That's my interpretation. What about you? My last two Google searches was golf stretches which could kill. Yeah, case closed yeah yeah how did that kill you uh i literally just did a hip stretch my hips are so tight i went to that stretch place yesterday and uh they stretch for you they it's great it's unbelievable it's better than a massage i honestly would highly recommend it to anyone i did it before i did dancing with the stars i went

to um like massage envy one of their packages was just stretching and what did you think because i I honestly would highly recommend it to anyone. I did it before I did Dancing with the Stars. I went to Massage Envy. One of their packages was just stretching. What did you think? Because I wanted to learn how to do the splits. The guy was not good at it. I need to go to, what is it, Stretch U? It's called Stretch U and Cryotherapy, which I think you just. I'm going to go.

I want to go get stretched out. I want to learn how to do the splits really bad. And I think that that's just about stretching those muscles. So was it painful in a great way? It's painful for me. It won't be as painful for you. Me, they literally go, okay, tell me when to stop. I go, stop.

You know what I mean? Right. And then they go a little bit further. Yeah. And then you go against it. Oh, my favorite part of training used to be. And then they go farther. And then they go against it.

And then farther. And then against it. And farther. And so they do that with. And they go breathe out and breathe in because when you breathe out, for some reason when you exhale, you can like take it more. It was interesting. It's so sexual.

She wouldn't talk to me like really that much. Like she didn't want to have conversation. I could feel it. And at first I was like – Really? You can feel that? Why don't you want to be friends with me? Why don't you want to be –

And it's like, no, just fucking – Like she just wants to stretch me. She's supposed to – Oh, my God. I love when people just don't want to talk. I know. Usually I do like that too, daring a massage. But for some reason, because the lights are on, it feels very conversational environment.

Yeah, it's not. It's not like, doo, doo, doo. Otherwise, it's just you going, yeah. Yeah, exactly. You almost wanted to defray the tension that you felt not only in your legs but like feeling so tight and like let's joke about how tight i am we should do crowd therapy too though i think we might like it yeah i would try it um i'm a little scared of it i mean it it's funny they go what three minutes you spend in there and it's like very very cold yeah and uh

they go we can just wait for december that well, we'll give you the money back. Like some people go in there and literally after five seconds they go, nope. Oh, it's like those challenges at a restaurant. If you eat it all, you don't have to pay for it. But in this one, if you don't eat it all, it's like a movie. If you leave early, you get your money back. Yeah, so it's kind of cool that they'll give you the money back. That's really nice.

Yeah, so anyways. Yeah, I'd be down for that. I recommend it because I hate stretching. I hate yoga. I hate any of that shit. But if someone's doing it for me okay can i can i can i offer something stop saying i hate things no no no no if i if i follow a youtube video where you're like i want to do these stretches but i need someone to do them i will stretch you out if you will do certain foot of a certain foot thing for me that i've found on youtube that i i need someone to do them i will stretch you out if you will do certain foot of a certain foot thing for me that i've found on youtube that i just need someone with strong

fingers to do and it won't be sexual obviously brenna can be on facetime and watch us do these things i just we will have to touch each other and like we'll make grunting noises but i really just need someone to do this and i can't ask like a sexual partner to like rub my bunion touch your bunion like i'll put on a sock there's no rub my bunions. Is there something I can touch your bunion? I'll put on a sock. There's no bunion. My bunion doesn't have an open sore on it. No, no, no.

I'm not. Or you could use a tool. A tool. Yeah, you could use a tool, but we might need to use- We have the thing. Yeah, but it needs to be like that. I think I find a way to reverse bunions from this therapy, but I can't go to Australia to have these guys work on me, even though I'm literally planning a way to reverse bunions from this therapy, but I can't go to Australia to have these guys work on me,

even though I'm literally planning a trip around it. Well, let's call freaking, what's his name? Andre. He'll fucking take care of it. Andre, contact me, and I will book you a Southwest flight to get over here and rub my feet. I mean, I just feel like bringing this video to someone at a massage place. I would do that for you.

But actual massage places get so weird about, actually, this isn't the type of therapy I do. They feel like they know better, whereas you don't have any kind of, you know, training. Yeah. So you're not going to take offense to me being like, don't do it that way. Do it this way. Depends if you start slapping me and saying, do it this way. Okay, well, then we shouldn't do it. All right, guys.

Thank you for listening to the show today we will be here next week as always thank you so much come to Charlotte we'll see you at the late show in Orlando we're going to be there Friday and Saturday Friday Orlando Charlotte on Saturday 9.30 show has a lot of tickets available come to that intimate evening

it's going to be a wild show and thank you so much for listening don't be cuh out there and jack off It's going to be a wild show. And thank you so much for listening. Don't be cut out there. And Jack off. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors. It's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content

just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, and we want this to stop.

Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my doll. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him.

From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org. That's SoundItOutTogether.org. That's SoundItOutTogether.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins.

Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Quartz Love. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another

season of quest love supreme man we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season but you know i don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far i mean we talked to a marie johnny marr e jonathan sheckner billy porter and so many more look if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.