The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #103 Edge
Episode Date: September 16, 2021Between you and Nikki, you might not know that you're falling for psychological tricks that comedians pull. Today, Andrew's outfit reminds Nikki of a "bird's eye view of the Bahamas", Andrew is relaxe...d after last night's Robert Earl Keen concert. Nikki learned a valuable lesson after getting scammed. You Heard It Here First, multiple orgasms, a sex toy haul and comedians turned back up singers. In Collection of Co'uhls they invite special guest "Edge" to hear Bestie stories and give his edgy feedback. In the Final Thought, Nikki regrets sharing her platform with him. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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The Nikki Glaser Podcast.
Here's Nikki. Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Nikki Glaser Podcast.
Here's Nikki.
Hello, everyone.
Good morning, good afternoon, good night, wherever you are.
This is Nikki Glaser Podcast.
I'm Nikki Glaser.
I am here in St. Louis, Missouri.
Getting ready to go out on the road this weekend.
I'm going to be in Las Vegas
on Friday. I'm going to be in Seattle for two shows on Saturday. And then Oregon, Southern Oregon
on Sunday for an outdoor type show. Apparently deer walk through the venue. I'm very excited
about these shows. Things are coming together. I'm going to be with my
friends. Yeah, people hear my schedule sometimes and they're like, oh, how do you do it? And I'm
like, the traveling and the performing isn't the hard part. The hard part is, I don't know what
the hard part is anymore. The looming burden of having to have things like really sought like you know taping my special I guess
is a looming threat having to clean my room so that cameras can be following me in my life pretty
soon hanging like pictures in my room that have just been like I just I don't I keep I'm about
to have a bunch of cameras in my life following my every step and intruding into my life in a way that I asked for, not complaining, but I keep having
this like thought of like, oh my God, I got to get new clothes.
I got to get my nails done.
I have to get my hair done.
I have to clean.
I have to like organize those things.
I have to clean my closet.
And I'm just like, no, that's why why you have you're having cameras come into your life
is to show your real life and I'm not gonna freak myself out about like having to make my life look
perfect like it's just gonna be what it is and that'll be you know I just that's that's what my
life is I'm not like a bad person because my bed isn't,
I don't change my duvet every,
how often do you change your duvet, Noah?
Probably at the end of the season.
Really?
Yeah, my duvet, I don't really change it because I have a sheet that I use
in between myself and the blanket.
What about if,
do you ever have sex on top of the duvet?
Uh, yeah, I guess if we do, but it's still just our duvet. Nobody else uses it.
Yeah. Okay, good. I feel like this need to do my duvet every like week and-
No, it's so hard to put it on it is so hard I sweat and I like it's a workout to change a duvet
and I do the ones that like I tie it on the inside on the corners there's like little ties
so that it stays on the corners it's exhausting I always feel like really beat up by the end of
the time I change my duvet. And I just have so many
clothes to go through in my closet that I want to get rid of. And I don't even know. I mean,
I guess you just take them to Goodwill or wherever, but they don't even want your clothes anymore.
Like, I feel like Goodwill is just like, we get it. You've all Marie Kondo'd. We don't want your
shit. But maybe they do. I don't know. I just it was so funny. Like
I'm having this camera crew come into my life and they're like, write down a list of all the
restaurants and stores and activities you do. And Andrew and I are looking at each other like we
don't do anything. I don't go anywhere. I just like don't go to restaurants. I mean, it's COVID.
And I don't have many friends here. I mean, I feel like restaurants are places you go, or at least I used to go to them to perform comedy, and then we would eat at the restaurant to, like, meet up with friends in New York.
But, like, I don't know.
I just don't have that many.
I got to get more friends here.
But I don't really want any.
I don't have time for more friends.
And, yeah, so I'm just, Andrew's enough.
We were having a lot of fun, I have to say,
Andrew and I, with his new character, The Edge.
It's like, it was,
I really needed it in our relationship.
I needed a new thing that he does
that makes me giggle nonstop.
And it was, we're gonna get to it today,
later on in our segment collection of cuz Cuz because The Edge, this comedian character that Andrew has taken on, is making fun of comedians who think they're edgy and who present this persona of like, I'm just going to tell it like it is and I'm not scared and I'm doing things differently.
And it's based off of, you know, probably one comic in particular.
But Andrew's not the best at really specific impressions.
But he's good at capturing an essence. So it's actually protecting us from being too obvious who we're mocking but then now it's kind of
and and is it wrong to mock um in this way probably like I don't like to put out negativity
like this of like making fun of someone kind of behind their back in a you know sneaky way
you know I have a lot of comedians sliding into my DMs being like, who is this about?
And I'm like, you know who it's – we all know who it's about orup is not all of it but a lot of stand-up is deception and trickery
and like audiences thinking that they are making a choice to laugh when really you're not there's
comedians are doing magic tricks that make you think they're funny and convince you to like them
when you otherwise based solely on the material if you
read it off a page you wouldn't think it was funny at all or maybe what but you know what what is
performance that's performance is like putting on a spectacle and like look over here instead of here
and like it's all it's all theatrics it's all wwe whatever it is like it's some comedians are completely, you know, fabricating this experience on stage that makes you think they're being so honest and, like, they're just telling it like it is.
The thing I'm trying to bring awareness to is I want the comic consumer to be more savvy.
I want to use this character, the Edge, or Edge, sorry.
The Edge is, you know, in YouTube.
I want to use edge to let my audience know not to be fooled by the tricks that they're doing. So I,
as the consumer of edge behind the camera, I often will say the things I'm a fan of edge. I play a fan, and I ask him questions, and I go like, dude, can you tackle this subject?
Like, just tell.
And then Andrew and I have concocted a way that it's like a back and forth between the two of us that I hope lets audiences be more savvy consumers of stand-up comedy and actually like good stuff.
And when I say like good stuff, I mean my idea of what
is good. Norm Macdonald is good. Norm Macdonald doesn't care what you think. He honestly doesn't.
And that is good stand-up comedy. He is not trying, you know, I'm sure there was some part of him
that wanted to kill, but you watch these clips that everyone's posting over and over
after it was announced that he died to cancer,
a long battle.
He even had a joke about battling cancer.
He lost his life to cancer at 61, so young.
And all these people are posting clips of him.
And he truly was, you you know he's a comics comic
every comedian loves norm mcdonald like i almost wanted to write a tweet yesterday that was like
reach out to the middle-aged white man in your life because they all are truly in love with
norm mcdonald i've never met a guy my age who is good has a good sense of humor who didn't love norm mcdonald
more than his own fucking father more than you know it's it's like norm mcdonald was is a god
to mostly male you know and i'm speaking of you know i'm friends with a lot of male comedians
and norm mcdonald is the top tier and in, you know, his stand-up and looking at all the clips,
he was because he didn't give a fuck.
He didn't care what anyone thought.
He wasn't worrying about offending anyone.
He wasn't trying to offend anyone, but he was just doing,
you could just tell he was like actually doing what the edge comedian says he's doing,
which is like, I'm just going to be real, man.
I'm just going to say it. Norm didn't have to say that he was just going to say it.
Norm didn't have to go. I can't. I can't. I don't even want to say it. I can't. I can't.
Like these are the tricks that these guys employ to make you think that they are edgy. So this is
what happens. And I'm I've been susceptible susceptible to it too, especially at a young age.
I didn't know the ins and outs of stand-up comedy and I didn't know all the magic tricks that happen that make audiences like you.
All the devices you can use to make audiences laugh harder than they would if you didn't use those devices.
Using the F word.
The F word is the number one tool to make people
laugh because comedy is shocking comedy is surprise that's one of the best norm mcdonald
lines is like comedy is uh laughter is like the the best reaction you can get as a comedian is
to surprise the audience and what better surprise than telling a joke that doesn't get a laugh?
So it was something like that.
Like he says, when I don't get laughter,
that's the biggest surprise that they think a joke is coming and they don't get one.
So he did like anti-comedy, you know,
classic examples of that are his Bob Saget roast set in which he did just all like puns
and just really bad jokes.
And, you know, and he did just all like puns and just really bad jokes and um you know and he did it
that was the joke was that the jokes were so bad and um you know he's just uh he was just someone
actually doing the things that all these edgy comics think they're doing and i've done it too
before and you know what i still i've done things on stage where I go, I don't think I should say this. And then the audience is like, say it. And then I'm like, okay, let me just say, if you see me do
that, it is actually a real moment. It is not a one I planted in that I do every time I do that joke.
Because this is, this is what these comics do. These edgy comics, they plant in these moments of, listen, I don't even think I should say this. I don't know.
And then the crowd goes, say it. Now, psychologically, when you are an audience
member going, say it, please. Not only do you think if they do say it, it's special for you,
which means you're going to like it more despite what it is. It's already lowered the bar because you're already invested. Number two, you are now a part of them
saying it. So you have, not only are they going to say something that they weren't going to say,
so it's special, which it's not because they always say that they're not going to say it
because they know you're going to go say it. Okay. So you think it's special subconsciously. You also think you've had a part in making it
special. So you are 40% more likely to laugh at this joke than if he didn't say those things
beforehand. Other things that they do. Oh my God. I just just like and I'm doing it right now but this is
sincere like I can't I don't even want to I discovered something over the weekend we talked
about coying you know um uh last week on the show I talked about I worked with a comedian named Joe
Coy who would get standing ovations for every show. And by the end of the week, I realized that if you wait long enough,
the audience will stand up.
Let's say like if you had a good enough set,
they're not gonna give you a standing O
if they didn't enjoy themselves.
But if you had a 80% good set,
people are gonna stand up.
And if you wait long enough and go,
oh my God, no, really?
Oh my God.
We've all been susceptible to one person standing
and then we go I guess
I guess I have to stand up too and we all stand you'll get a standing ovation if you wait long
enough and you don't leave the stage so that is what I call coying because I saw Joe Coy do it
seven shows in a row and then he would come up to me and go I can't believe it I got my seventh
standing ovation like oh my god like he was counting um Joe Coy is hilarious there's no
question about it but that is a thing he did there's there's also no question about that
do a lot of comedians do that probably have I seen a lot of comedians do it no because I
I didn't work with you know since a certain point my life, I didn't see a lot of comedians close out shows.
And did I coy this past weekend?
I did.
Was it on purpose?
No.
I had to wait because I wanted to thank people.
I didn't get a chance to thank everyone for coming and, like, spending money.
And I usually want to say that statement. So at the end of my show, I was like, thank you guys for coming.
And I was just like, and if you got a babysitter tonight, whatever you did.
And I kept, like, and if you got a babysitter tonight, whatever you did. And I kept going.
So I wait.
I wasn't waiting for them to stand.
But then they all stood because one guy did and then another guy did.
And then I got a standing O because I stood there long enough.
So I coied.
There's a new type of coying that I witnessed this weekend from a comedian who I loathe their practices on stage.
I think they have the same following Trump has.
I think they have the same brain that Trump has.
I think they probably stand for the same things Trump does.
Whether or not you agree with Trump, that's a whole nother story. This person,
I don't, I just, I think whatever brain stuff Trump has, narcissism, grandiose sense of self,
which I think fits into narcissism, this person has. So this person, I saw a clip of them being like walking on stage on Instagram. And I noticed that they do a slight,
it's another way to get a, not a standing ovation. What's an ovation before you even perform where
people stand up as you walk in? Oh, that's a new level. They're so excited to see what you haven't
even done yet that they're
going to. And listen, I've done that before when a band comes out and I'm so excited. I stand up,
you know, we've all done that. They weren't standing when this person first came out,
but what did they do to get them to stand? I'll tell you. They subtly motioned for them to stand.
I have the footage. I've slowed it down. I saw it once and I screen
recorded it immediately because they go, oh my God, we got a new type of coy. And it's when
they subtly do this. Like they're waving and then they do this. They do a sweeping arm of like,
say you were to say someone like, get up, like, come on,
get up, get up. You know, you move your hand about two feet from your waist to your above your head,
right? You do a sweeping up. Your palm is up. This isn't like Hitler, like, you know, palm down,
although this person would probably be down to make those motions as well if you ask me. But this is a up gesture. It's so subtle, but it is so, and it's so fast that no one could
ever accuse this person of doing that. They'd go, I wasn't doing, I wasn't telling them to get up.
I was just going, look at you. But if you go look at you, you kind of go with both hands. You go,
oh my God, look at you. And it's an outward motion of, you kind of go with both hands. You go, oh my God, look at you. And
it's an outward motion of, oh my God, with both hands out. It is not in front of you going up,
up with one hand. So this person waves, does a slight up, waves on this side, slight up. Guess
what they all do without knowing that they're being told to get up. They all get up. And it's like, you know, it's Pavlov's dogs of like,
and I just want comedian fans to be more aware
of these tricks that make you think you like this person.
You know, it's like the classic one I always go to
that blows my mind that if you ask someone
to do a favor for you that is within reaching,
that you could do yourself very easily.
A cup is right across the table and you're sitting with a friend and you go, could you grab that glass for me?
They'll like you more after they grab the glass because they don't want to think they're your
bitch. So they will convince themselves, I actually, I know she could grab that, but I
wanted to get it because I like her. And they'll tune up their likeness of you in their head so
that it will convince them that they're not a bitch. And so by making them your bitch, you will get them to actually like you more.
And it's, oh my God, I slowed down this footage.
Because Anya goes, I didn't see it.
And I go, no, no, no, let's go back.
I watched it like the Zapruder film.
I was analyzing it like 9-11 footage.
I go, they walk out, look at that.
Now watch the arm go.
And I go, that is not a poem. And everyone's probably listening to this being like, out, look at that. Now watch the arm go. And I go, that isn't, that is not a poem.
That's, and everyone's probably listening to this being like, Nikki, you're insane. I'm just
fascinated by the tricks comedians employ because the masses have become so stupid and so susceptible
to advertising and subliminal messages that I'm now seeing like, you know, even Chappelle does a
thing. Chappelle can do whatever the fuck he wants because he's proven himself without,
he doesn't need any gimmick.
But does he have one?
Yes.
Do I have some?
Probably.
I don't, probably don't even know that I have some because that's the thing.
A lot of these comics, they probably don't even know that they're doing the things
because they get a positive reaction the one time they do it and then they keep doing it.
It's like evolution.
You know, they don't, you know, an octopus doesn't learn how to
look like the sand and go, I should look like the sand more. It's like one day it looked like the
sand and it goes, well, whatever I did yesterday worked for me to survive. I'll do that. You know,
it's subconscious. So I'm sure I do things, but Chappelle does a thing where he knocks
the mic on his leg
uh that's what he does when he laughs he goes and whenever a comedian laughs after the joke
you know laughter is contagious someone's enjoyment is contagious so that's also a way to
tell the audience laugh now and it's a trick and um and I love Chappelle but he not he'll do that
he'll knock as soon as he he could go on stage and say pretty much at this point, he could say whatever he wants.
And if he knocks his mic on his leg and every comedian knows this.
I'm not like the Hannibal Buress, Bill Cosby-ing of this trick.
Everyone knows Chappelle knocks and every comic does this too.
They now knock the mic on their leg.
Oh, that was a lot about, and I'm sure I made some
enemies in that, but it's just true. And let me just say, blanket statement, I do these things
too. I pepper in fucks all over my set when my jokes aren't strong enough because I know the
word fuck will get more of a reaction than if it doesn't. I told Andrew he can't do a eating ass
joke in front of me because eating ass is such a
funny, like I don't, my joke isn't just about like eating ass and that's all I say and everyone
laughs and it's like, oh my God, she said eating ass. But the word eating ass is so funny and so
surprised. It's not even funny. It's surprising that people laugh out of uncomfortableness
that I said, Andrew, can you not do an eating ass bit before me? Because you've broken the
eating ass seal. So when they hear eating ass again, not that my jokes won't still work because
it's a different approach to eating ass or different ideas about it. But, you know, it's
like someone lighting your cigarette for you. Like if I hand, if you're a smoker and sometimes
Andrew will crack my Zevias open. I love a Zevia soda. Sometimes he's like, here you go, buddy. He
cracks it open. I go, no part of it for me is cracking it open. I love a Zevia soda. Sometimes he's like, here you go, buddy. He cracks it open.
I go, no, part of it for me is cracking it open.
That's my experience.
So him mentioning eating ass before me on stage,
it's popping my Zevia soda.
It's lighting my cigarette before.
I can still do the joke.
I can still smoke the cigarette.
I can still drink the drink.
Will the audience enjoy it as much as if it wasn't cracked already?
No, they won't.
And these are all psychological tricks that comedians employ. Let's get edge in here. Andrew!
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Oh, oh, I love it.
Andrew, welcome to the show.
I know I was making those noises just now
because Noah was talking about
getting one of those little hooks that for dental hooks.
The metal hooks?
The metal ones?
Yeah, the ones that they use to scrape plaque.
I started using those too.
I use like any old tool I can get.
But behind my lower teeth, there's buildup of plaque sometimes that I can't get. And the plaque is bad not for your teeth but for your gums
because it builds up and it pushes your gums down
and it will lead to gum disease because it will expose more of your –
the root of your tooth.
And so I always crack those off, big chunks of it.
Oh, it's satisfying.
No, you're into that too.
Because floss – that is what floss is supposed to be getting.
Yeah.
But it doesn't get it sometimes.
I do like those floss sticks.
And then I end up chewing on them.
Sometimes I'll chew on them before I even use them.
I just love to chew on plastic.
I was going to say, I don't even think you use them for the flossing part.
Yeah, I get into it for the chew.
No, I floss.
I floss probably once every five days maybe.
That's not, you can't say I floss. I floss probably once every five days, maybe. That's not, you can't say I floss.
I'm flossing.
Look at me, though.
Baby blue on baby blue, boy's flossing.
I mean, your outfit, those are good colors together.
You've got like a green, aquamarine green, teal-ish type short with a light blue sweatshirt.
I would never put those two together.
That's a good color.
I look like a Jimmy Buffett concert.
You look like, yeah, like when you look at a bird's eye view of, you know.
No, like the Bahamas.
And the water is like that aqua blue, but then also that, like the types of blue. That's like coming off the sand is like that aqua blue but then also that like the types of blue
that's like coming off the sand is like what you got going oh it'd be great to maybe get some
tackle go fishing inside my outfit robert earl keen last night who went to go see that guy
reminded me of jimmy buffett i love him he's jimmy buffett if buffett grew up in texas instead of
florida yeah but he had a lot of buffety vibes of like i mean his song is like feeling good again
and that's like it reminded me so much of jim-y vibes of like, I mean, his song is like Feeling Good Again. And that's like, it reminded me so much of Jimmy Buffett of like, feeling good again.
You guys got to listen to that song.
That song's a good song.
It makes me so happy.
And then I like the Gringo Honeymoon.
Gringo Honeymoon.
And then I like the Coming Home Again.
I'm Coming Home.
Coming Home and the Feeling Good Again sound very similar.
I have to say at some point all the songs started sounding the same.
But that's just, you know, Taylor Swift fans, people who don't know Taylor Swift often say that about her.
I mean, it's, you know, it's a person's voice.
I felt like he tried to switch it up as much as he can while staying within the same genre.
There were like a couple songs, especially when his guitarist did that lead like braveheart kind of
feel song uh-huh i mean he's just we were saying last night how american he is without feeling like
that patriotic american but like american where you you just i don't know you just feel proud to
be from the heartland i guess quintessential like uh andrew collin kind of singer oh yeah yeah he's he's right up
there i mean he's like a tom petty feel my dad my dad never even heard of him really yeah which
shocked me because it seemed he seemed like such a guy my dad would like i think because he's very
he's very texas like he's known for that concert was like this person should be friends with my
dad they all were like my dad's age.
And then us.
Did you tell your dad to listen to him?
I would think he would like him. Yeah, he'll be into him.
I got really screwed yesterday on Harry Styles tickets.
He's coming tonight.
And we were going to go.
And I found some on Craigslist that were like too good to be true.
And I go, why are these so cheap to the guy?
I was texting with him off Craigslist.
And he goes i just my date
canceled i want to get rid of him i've dealt with so many people who are just like not getting back
to me i'm sick of it i just and i go you know what fifty dollars a ticket for tickets that
should be four hundred dollars a piece this guy is either gonna scam me or i'm gonna get a really
good deal and i got scammed yeah i sent him a hundred dollars which i couldn't even figure out how to do i had to like apple pay was being so annoying and i was
like can you do paypal or venmo he's like no and i'm like oh okay so i figured out paypal or apple
pay can we find this guy i feel like why why well i mean he gave me an email but it was just a fake
gmail he made okay if you're a listener and you know how to track,
I want to track this guy.
Oh, I want to murder him.
Because he straight up stole from you.
Yeah, I know.
Wait, he stole money from you?
Yeah, I sent him $100 for these tickets,
and he sent me a picture of the tickets.
It was $100 to learn a lesson.
I would have learned that lesson.
I know I say that a lot,
but I either was going to get a really good deal from a guy that just wanted to get rid of some tickets which
does happen yeah you went for it i like that you went for it but it was a hundred dollar lesson to
learn which is fine and i now i got the story out of it which isn't a great story i wish something
else so he just showed you like photo of tickets in his hand yeah he sent me screenshots of the
digital ticket okay and so then he would have to send you a
digital ticket yeah which i was communicating with other people that were actually legitimate
because they were probably they were asking like you know 250 a ticket for like worse seats
and they showed me the same kind of you know yeah ticket so it was like it seemed to be what they
show i don't know how this stuff i want to kill this guy he's smart to do 100 too
because he's gonna get multiple probably get 10 15 suckers yeah you know what guess what for part
of me goes he's willing to put in all that work and i wonder if it's harry styles maybe it's harry
himself i really want to go see harry styles though i saw some like footage of his he wears
like sequined yeah he like robert o'keem wore black on black on black
he was wearing an outfit that you were like where's that shirt from like you want you're
gonna dress like that guy at some point you just look like he's wearing lululemon i love when older
rock stars just end up dressing like old guys it just yeah i mean he still looked kind of cool but
i just like when they lean into his whole band was filled with dorks they were all dorks you
thought so a hundred percent the violinist I thought was cool as shit. Dork! What?
They're all accomplished musicians, but they're dorks.
You should have got closer to the violinist.
He was hot. He had a cowboy hat on.
I know, but he was a real cowboy.
He's from Texas.
No one needs to wear a cowboy hat.
It's a little bit
but if you like it, wear it.
I don't think it's actually
but they were dorks.
The one guy was trying to look like Lindsey Buckingham. I don't think it's actually could, but they were, they're all like kind of like the one
guy was trying to look like Lindsey Buckingham.
He was amazing.
The lead guitarist.
But he had like a bandana on and yeah, they're all dorks.
And I say that with love.
I'm a dork too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just feel like I got, when I got closer to the stage, cause I got pretty close for
a couple of songs.
The violinist was a good looking man.
Like he had this like weird little like Johnny De goatee, and he looked very manly.
Yeah, he was in the shadows all night.
I couldn't really see him.
All I saw was that big hat, and he was hiding underneath it.
Yeah, I couldn't see him either until I got closer.
And I was like, man, that violinist is a man.
Yeah.
You never hear that, like, that violinist, boy, he's got a nice.
Yeah, we were talking about how, like, a violinist, like, his parents just, no one, no boy chooses the violin.
Yeah.
As, like, a young age.
Yeah.
I want to play, I want a violin, mom and dad.
Like, it's just something his parents.
It's so funny.
Or the schools, you know, the school district.
Yeah, actors and musicians.
At one time, they were the dorks in your high school that were in theater or in the band.
And everyone's like, look at this fucking loser in the band and that fucking loser became pharrell you know what
i mean like yes because you have to be obsessed with it so much you got to put those hours in
people don't people just think talent happens or just get auto-tune and then you're fine we
watch that special on auto-tune on yeah what's his name the saposexual sapiosexual mark ronson yeah he does a um a series
yeah like a a series of documentaries on i guess net is it netflix or i think so i think it's on
netflix and yeah i did one on autotune and it was like talking about how you know everyone has like
a song in their heart but because so many people can't sing they don't get to like release it and
now autotune allows people to be able to like have a song in their heart do you
think it's cheating no because i you know i think that everyone who cares it's it's it's modulation
of a sound i mean like yeah so is is it cheating to pluck a string and have that make a sound that
you didn't make from your body i know it's just interesting because like let's say you were playing a sport yeah you just had a better like a
a nine iron that hit it for you you know what i mean when you hit it it was like
like it sounded like let me buy you a drink yeah by the way t-ain, they found out years later he could sing unbelievably when he finally did that Tiny Desk on NPR.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he's like unbelievable singer.
I don't hate autotune.
I mean, it always sounds like autotune.
And by the way, most artists, their voices are layered like 10 times on a track where you think it's just their solo voice.
Yes.
There's few singers that
really can nail it oh my god there's master mode oh wait what is it this is care this is karaoke
this is professional i saw some comments where they go, when Nikki sings, Andrew sings.
And it's so annoying when he just has to sing with her.
I'm like, Jesus, these people are so sad.
But anyways.
Nailed it.
Back to, yeah, back to, wait.
What do you think about steroids in baseball?
Do you think that's fine?
Because I feel like it's kind of a similar vein.
Like you're improving.
What do you feel about it? Ooh, throwing it mean i just don't care i don't care i don't care i think it's bad for people's health isn't aren't you know autotune isn't making someone
have like roid rage and you know have no balls or whatever happens when you like it affects your
health yeah and so if if someone's
doing steroids and then other people are like well now i have to do them but a lot of things
impact your health that will make you a better performer yeah i guess yeah i mean i i think at
some point you have to have accountability but if you're like a 15 year old and you're doing
steroids just because but i guess like what what if someone has more time what if someone um you
know a baseball player or a basketball player so someone who needs to practice has kids and they're like i
gotta spend time with my kids and another person's like i don't have kids and it's like you have
performance enhancing life where you don't have kids oh yeah so you have more time i don't get
to have that like where do we draw the line of like and what's the drug like why like you're
allowed to take protein you're allowed to take crete like there's a line of like and what's the drug like why like you're allowed to take protein you're allowed to
take crete like there's a line of like oh but you could take i think there is a line they they've
studied that they snort and they i actually put steroids in my uh roommate's butt in college
oh i probably yeah that's fine yeah was it what was he doing uh a sport a sport yeah yeah i mean
it's pretty nuts i actually took steroids on accident
i told you that remember he had he had androstene which is what mark mcguire took back in the day
by the way steroids save baseball mark mcguire sammy sosa home run race oh my god they both
happening here dude yeah that was that was wild when that was happening here so he had andro which
mark mcguire was, and he put it.
I was feeling, I was so depressed my freshman year.
Did you just think it was labeled your name?
It was in the vitamin. You're like, it's Andro.
I should take it.
Man, this bottle can't even say my name right.
I'm not alone.
You're like, this bottle spells my name the way I say it in my head.
Andro Stein?
It's another Jew.
Does that sound like a Jewish guy that I should?
That's a good name.
So I end up, it was in the vitamin drawer or a vitamin jar.
Oh, right.
So I'm taking vitamins and feeling even worse because I'm taking steroids, but I'm not lifting.
What vitamins?
You just thought they were vitamins?
Like multivitamins I thought he had, but he put them, i don't know why he was hiding them you're like that kenny versus
benny episode if you guys don't know kenny versus benny they're these two canadian like best friends
who would have competitions google kenny versus benny and they have one where every episode they
would like to see who could do something better yeah and whoever was the loser would have some
humiliation at the end of it and they did this one where it was like who could uh release the biggest fart yes and they had these little
machines next to their that they would gauge how much like fart gas came out and whoever blew the
biggest fart by the end of the 24 hour period 48 hour whatever it was it's so funny because one of
them's evil and does tricks and like tries to cheat to win and the others like this like spenny is like
spencer is like really sincere sweet boy and his best friend kenny is this like diabolical
little you know scamp who will do anything and he's gross and they're both trying to have this
fart competition so kenny makes this like this chili and he starts blowing air he sticks a tube
up his ass and starts blowing air up there
and then just releasing these gigantic farts but they're not actually farts that are registering
on the scale because they're just air so they don't cheating though that's steroids no no it
doesn't count it doesn't count towards his score but but spenny doesn't know spenny just hears
these farts going off and is like what the fuck but they're not real farts they're just air that he's putting up his butt so spencer goes it must be this chili kenny made well kenny knows that
spencer's gonna be like why is these farts going off but it's just him blowing air up his butt
through a tube which doesn't count right so spenny then goes i'm gonna eat some of his chili which is
also cheating because he steals kenny's chili but what he doesn't know is kenny put so much bino in the chili which is makes you not fart so spencer goes from like farting a lot
you know not as much as kenny with the tube up his ass making fake ones to not farting at all
and he's like i don't understand why they won't come out and he's eating all this broccoli and
like coniferous uh like you know vegetables so we can make gas and he can't fart
because kenny put bino in the it's such a great show kenny versus penny what i wanted to say about
steroids is what i was just talking at the top of the show about what inspired edge the comedian
oh yeah because we came up with this character edge you have brought this character to life that
is mocking comedians that use tricks,
which I would argue are,
I'm trying to bring to light
that every comedian,
like comedians that people love
don't deserve the amount of attention
they're getting
because they're using tricks
that aren't sincere effort
and real work
to manipulate crowds
into thinking they're funnier than they are.
Do you think that's also,
that's why I'm calling it out is because I feel like it's not fair and i want the crowd to know that they're
being tricked i just think like there's a level of uh respect and like a level of like whoa this guy
he doesn't give a zero fucks given but when you talk about things that are edgy or whatever in front of a crowd before
you even say the punchline they're already ready to laugh because you're bringing up something
that's taboo yeah they're invested because you're gonna go somewhere and they're like oh my god we're
special he's gonna share something with us that he doesn't that he's he might lose everything
because of this when really what he's saying is not edgy at all not an edgy at all it's way yeah i mean but then there are there are comics that will talk about edgy things yes did you see
the joke i just posted no oh my god can i just play this norm this is edge you want to talk
about what edgy is norm mcdonald doing this joke is someone had a story about norm mcdonald he goes
he crushed the first night i worked a weekend with him oh yeah the next night he did he taught he opened up he goes i asked for a sprite they offered me a slice and he did an hour
on slice the the drink and he walked the 95 of the audience the day after crushing maybe after a day
after crushing you can was it a crush soda yeah no but maybe the day after crushing it, he's like, all right, I'm great.
I can now do slice.
He just would do what he wanted.
I know.
That is edge.
That's edge.
These guys present like they're doing what they want, but what they're doing is giving
you, they're not actually doing what they want.
They're using tricks.
They're doing steroids, and we need to bring it out.
Like I talked about the person that I slowed down the footage of them subtly telling the crowd to get on their feet.
That is some fucked.
That is like subliminal.
I mean, you're an orchestrator.
Oh, it was so good.
What's that called?
A conductor.
They're an audience conductor.
It was so gratifying to watch it with everyone and go, do you see what they did?
And everyone goes, no.
And I go, hold on, let me slow down the footage
and have it be able to confirm.
It was wild.
Egregious.
It felt like a conspiracy theory video.
Never.
It's building seven.
And it did happen.
Okay, so listen to,
this is a clip that Robin Tran 04 posted,
one of my favorite comedians that posts a lot of stuff,
posted of Norm Maccdonald on um a podcast and so this is uh nick swartzen and um and uh norm
mcdonald uh he's doing like a um he's doing like you know reading about the news so this is like a
news headline and this is what he says and this this is Edge. For the ninth consecutive year, Nick, JetBlue Airlines ranked first for satisfaction among all North American airlines.
But you know what ranked least in satisfaction?
9-11 Airlines.
What a terrible name for an airline.
It reminds me of that tragedy.
9-11.
Don't laugh at 9-11. I tried to tell him not to laugh
I know I walked through blood and bones
in the streets of Manhattan
blood and bones
find my brother
Jesus
he was in northern Canada
my favorite part is it reminds me of that tragedy like it was a totally separate
i mean that that joke listen that's edge because he he wasn't doing the joke to offend anyone it's
just a dumb joke yes you know it reminds me yeah a lot of this stuff was just so simple
yes yet so brilliant in his simplicity it wasn't that wasn't trying to offend people could go oh
he's doing a 9-11 joke it was trying to test the boundaries it wasn't he was just saying what he
thought was funny it wasn't about yeah i i'm sometimes i think do do we do edge because
where we curse or we talk about no i said i even i do edge sometimes yeah i guess we're all
susceptible to it because we we subliminally these things work and we don't go, oh, that
worked.
We just, we.
I just never pick a topic because I know it's going to get a reaction.
And I do the same thing.
I never think that way.
People think I do that because I talk about sex and stuff, but I'm like, no, it's just
what I'm interested in.
I don't go there.
I don't talk about ass eating because I know people are going to go, Ooh, she's the only one who'll go there.
I'm talking about it because it's interesting.
And I don't do like,
we don't do Trump.
Like we could have done a Trump joke this last two,
four years.
Neither one of us wrote a trumpet.
Like,
yeah,
I mean,
I mean,
I just wasn't avoiding being edgy.
Yeah,
that's true.
We both edge in bed though.
You know what I mean?
I mean,
that's all I do
You heard it here first
Yeah you heard it here first
I hope you had a great time
We had a great time last night
At a concert
At Robert Earl Keane
Who actually sounds like
A southern general
Of a
What did you say
Of a statue
We should have took down
Yeah Robert Earl Keane
Sounds like
Oh we're gonna go
We're getting together
At dawn
To take down
That Robert Earl Keaneene statue in the square.
It's got to be so fun to take down a statue.
Yeah.
Just because it's supposed to be there forever.
And you're like, no, bitch.
Later.
Yeah.
You're tired up to your-
It's kind of a little bit anticlimactic because it kind of just goes-
Yeah, that Saddam one.
It kind of bends over.
The Saddam one was just like-
Gently.
Everyone's like, the big reveal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's just like- You want it to like- Andently. Everyone's like, the big reveal. Yeah. And it's just like-
You want it to like-
And like his head to shatter on the ground.
Let's take down Mount Rushmore.
That'd be fun.
Okay.
I mean, that thing is, it's tiny.
It's not that tiny.
Tinier than you think.
You think it's going to be like-
The Mona Lisa's tiny.
Yeah, that shit's tiny as fuck.
Did you see that on-
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
That's why i love that
lonely island song what do they say mona lisa you're an overrated piece of shit with your
terror with your dead shark eyes and you're um it goes you look like you're within a smile that
in a smirk like you're hiding a dick looks like like she's hiding a dick. Looks like a garbage pail kid.
They're like, and Da Vinci must have sucked about 100.
Wait.
And Da Vinci must.
I got to look up the lyrics because that is one of the funniest songs they do.
A song on.
It does follow you around the room, which is kind of cool.
Like the eyes will follow you wherever you go in the room.
That's for a lot of things.
The Sistine Chapel, which I don't know if that's in the same no that's different that's in rome that is huge and unbelievable yeah and he did that i don't think he did it upside down i think
he actually did it maybe he did i think there's like i heard they turned the whole building over
it was the floor and then they just flipped it so he he goes, Mona Lisa, you're an overrated piece of shit with your terrible style and your dead shark eyes and a smirk like you're hiding a dick.
What the fuck is this garbage?
Mona Lisa, the original basic bitch traveled thousands of miles to see your beautiful smile.
Talk about a bait and switch.
You ugly.
The whole thing is like i landed then they just talk about all these different um he goes and da vinci must have
sucked in that an art historian's dick to get this girl who looked like uncooked bread at the top of
the all-time list of paintings. Mona Lisa.
It's just like, it's one of my favorite songs.
Is that from one of their movies or just one of their album?
That's from the movie Popstar.
Popstar's so good.
The album Popstar, the extended version of Mona Lisa's on that,
and it's really worth a listen.
Every single lyric's funny.
They're so funny.
Okay, what's the first story?
A new study on multiple orgasms reveals, edgy, that women experience their first multiple orgasms during self-sexing.
Women who report multiple orgasms almost always enjoy a creative combo
of extended kissing, hugging, mutual whole body massage,
hand jobs, intercourse, oral sex, and other erotic touch.
And women said it was easier to work up to multiple solo than with lovers.
Wait, I thought they just were,
you just named a bunch of things that you have to do with a partner.
With a partner.
But solo, you just.
Oh, to achieve multiple orgasm,
you have to switch it up a lot with a partner.
Yeah, but alone.
So when you're alone, they say six to 14 minutes a woman can get to multiple
or to their first orgasm and then with a partner 30 to 60.
Why is it such a big difference when you're as a woman, like between like when you're alone versus when you're with someone?
Why does a guy have to do 40 different kind of moves?
Because it is on a guy's side.
I know it sounds like cheesy, but like you just it it can become like a marathon
if it's like 60 minutes is a long time yeah of having to try five different and you just get
frustrated i'm not gonna lie and i think it's um for me at least i get insecure about telling a guy
what he's doing wrong because i don't want to make him feel bad. And so I will put up with a lot of mediocre because it's not like it's bad,
but it's,
and,
and I'm also scared that if I tell him to do something,
it still won't be good.
And then I'll have to tell him again.
And then it will lead to a frustration of like,
it will just build up into like,
I don't even know what I want.
And then I question my own feelings and then they get mad and they're hurt.
Their egos hurt because they can't figure it out. And they're to follow what I'm saying but I don't even know what I want
and then it becomes about like well I don't know what I want and then I hate myself and I hate them
and it just like so I think a lot of times I just put up with whatever is going on because I'm so
scared of a guy doing what I want him to do and still not being able to get there after I because
guys are always like just tell me what you want.
And sometimes I do and it still doesn't work.
And it's not because they failed.
It's because I'm just maybe in the wrong headspace.
That's what I was going to ask.
So when there is open communication and you do feel like there's a dialogue, how much
percentage wise does it go from like, you know, if you're saying 60 minutes, can you
cut it down to 20?
If you are open. You let me just have toys. That's the thing, I know, if you're saying 60 minutes, can you cut it down to 20? If you are open-
Can you let me just have toys?
That's the thing, I think, right?
Just let the girl sit on the floor.
Noah, do you have multiples?
Okay, yes.
I think there's a couple of things, though,
because if you look more in the article,
it says how like most women just keep a stimulation after the first orgasm and that
helps them reach multiple and um like it's very seldom that women will wait like five minutes and
then have another one so i think like for for me um i know what i'm feeling and i also have to have
like a very clear mind so with all the things that you were
saying Nikki that go through your head I could never even have an orgasm if all of that was in
there so I think it's just yeah it's just easier for us girls just from penetration it doesn't
happen you have to have uh kind of so right about like too many when you're alone you don't have as
many you're not worrying about someone else's I could just focus yeah you don't have to you're only worried about yourself you're not worried about
another person's enjoyment um taking care of their feelings and especially as someone who's insecure
and has dealt with like you know partners that haven't been that understanding of like i've just
dealt with guys being frustrated when i tell them what
to do and then i they they do it and then it still doesn't work and or me telling them what to do and
they're like just be patient because i can be pretty hasty and be like if it's like do this
like like i just know like let's just cut to it and they're like hold on i'm going and it's just
like okay um sorry i told you to turn right up here when there's it's like
telling a guy to go like you should get in the right turn lane they're like i know i'm gonna
like i've been a driver before and someone goes you want to get in the right lane and i go i know
i'm going to i don't need to right now and you get upset with them and so it's just there's a lot of
you just have to be very um you have i have to be in a position where I know the guy isn't going to get mad at me about being the passenger seat driver of my own fucking body car.
God forbid.
I give you directions on how to work my car.
But it's – yeah, I think that's – and when I have multiples, you're right.
I just go straight.
I just keep it going.
Well, then the guy has to stay hard probably or he just does something else afterwards yeah the guy like us and
a lot of times guys don't understand what multiple orgasms are so they don't even know how to handle
what that would look like so when they're when they give you an orgasm they stop right whatever
they're doing probably to like because it's over you've just gone like oh my god and then they like
everything slows down and in order to have
multiples women know that you got to just keep going off of that like you can't slow down you
got to keep going most guys don't keep going like after like a guy comes he just comes and then he's
like a lump of coal yes and they think that we're the same that we don't need to keep going but in
order to achieve multiples like you just said in the article,
and I often am after I come.
I'm like, that was so exhausting and took so much out of me to come once.
I don't want to do it again, even though I know I could.
So I put the thing down or whatever I'm using.
But if I want to have multiples where I'm like, I got more in me,
I have to persevere, even if I don't.
Sometimes I'm like, I can't.
I don't want to again.
But on the other side of that are better ones, I I have to like so they are better they get like see aftershock is better than the initial earthquake well that's how I squirted was like I orgasmed once did it another time and
then I think it was the third one unexpectedly a bucket of water fell out of me and I had no idea
what the fuck was happening.
And it was not, it was not, I don't even imagine that it could get better than the first two.
I'd never even had three in a row, I don't think.
And I think it was on that third one that it was just like, you're finally loosened up enough that you can just really let her rip.
Yeah, I do think like, sometimes if I'm doing hand stuff, like I'm literally afraid I'm
like getting carpal tunnel.
Like, that's how long it's taking.
Then you need to switch hands.
Yeah, I know.
Or you need to use a toy.
Toy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Literally, this is so much easier with a dildo than this with your finger.
This is so easy.
Oh, you could do it with that one too.
You could do it with your fucking foot.
Nikki's doing baseball signs right now.
Like, yeah.
Just use toys.
Can I go get my box of toys about i just got i just can i go get
my box of toys i just got sent yeah no i was i was thinking about uh what you were saying about
like and then going to nikki about like worrying about if the other person's having an orgasm
so if a girl takes a long time and i'm like well i don't want to come right away
there's a point where like a guy can like hold out orgasming right away
even though he wants to like he has the feeling and then if he tucks it away like put not tucks
his penis but like puts if he puts it away it's hard to then sometimes get it back i think that's
called edging well i am the edge you know that but no no but like yeah but like when guys stop
from like,
you could pull out and grab like the head of your penis
to like not have an orgasm.
Then it's hard to have an orgasm again.
So then the guy ends up not being able to have an orgasm.
And then he's probably less into it
because he doesn't feel like he'll ever get there.
I don't know.
It's fucked up.
Boo hoo.
So sorry I missed all that.
Oh. First, It's a fucking boohoo. I'm so sorry I missed all that. Oh.
First, there's a knife.
There's a knife in this box because I opened the box for the knife.
Yeah.
I was like, Jesus, that's old school.
This looks like a sounding tool.
Okay.
So the first one arrived the other day.
I just threw this in.
I haven't used it yet.
I just charged it.
This is one of the suction things.
And I got a new one because all my other ones...
Is that a womanizer kind of thing?
Yes, but this has a vibrator on the handle part.
Oh, okay.
And then also has the suction on this part.
And I'm very excited about it.
This is honestly the most essential tool in my kit.
I don't have the box with me, but...
It's like the caveman making a wheel.
And then this is...
This is the thing that I got called a helping head, ultimate BJ helper.
It's by Good Head, Doc Johnson.
And it's a sleeve and it has massaging soft beads inside.
And it's like a silicone sleeve.
And it looks small.
Like the opening looks like about a Sharpie could fit inside of it. But it's obviously expandable.
Let me just open it.
And you put it around. I mean, i could wear it like an arm cuff put it around the penis i guess and you use a ton of lube and then you use this to just go like this because it's going to give
the right amount of squeeze and then use your mouth for the rest of it so that is exciting and then i got this is all from um alessa i got this quip this
is like quip toothbrush and i swear to god this is almost like a toothbrush this is for like just
clit stimulation i see it a lot on kink videos but it's just um it looks like the nub of a toothbrush
but without the um without the bristles.
Yeah.
And it's just for your clit.
It's very direct, very small, pointed.
I've never even used one of these things, but honestly, I think an electric toothbrush
would have done the same.
I think an electric toothbrush, if you cut off the bristles, would be the same.
Or just turn it around.
Yeah, yeah.
Or even the bristles.
I've seen those used too.
Okay. Or just turn it around. Yeah, yeah. Or even the bristles. I've seen those used too. Okay, and then I got this glass seven-inch purple dildo.
Glass dildo.
I'd be worried that would break in my vagina.
No, it's not like, it's full.
You know, it's not like hollow glass.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I want to see.
It has like, comes with general awards, it looks like.
Yeah, it has bumps all over it
we have three minutes left it's more realistic yeah and it's i thought it was going to be bigger
but that's kind of cool it has like you know things on like little nubs on it good paperweight
yeah then i got um god they sent me so much oh this is a big one this is a platinum silicon dildo whoa no vibrations but it's just
big and has like a lot of ridges to it doesn't have a suction to it but this is just to get in
there it has a good ridge to it i mean that's a nice size it's nice to know if we ever lose our
keys we could get into the house suction what do you mean like bulldoze the door open
andrew like a ramming on what'd you say Andrew, what do you think about the size of that?
What'd you say?
Andrew, what do you think about the size of that?
It's intimidating.
I could barely get my mouth, my ass wrong.
But, you know, the partners that I will use with this is not this big at all.
And yet he doesn't give a shit.
Yeah, no, I'm just kidding.
And it's not that far off from his penis, actually.
That's not that big.
I thought it was going to be way bigger, and I wanted bigger,
but that was the biggest that they had.
I mean, how long do you think that is?
Long.
I don't want long.
I wanted more girth.
Long, I don't like it to hit my cervix.
Yeah.
I want more like, I like getting, I like round.
And listen, it doesn't make... I don't want any...
I don't need a man's penis.
I don't...
A woman...
I could be with a woman and still be sexually satisfied.
Because all we need is this.
It's not like she's going to feel bad about that she has a vagina and doesn't have this.
So men shouldn't be intimidated when women want this.
Yeah, man.
Because it's not...
Do you.
About that.
And then I got this thing, which is...
I don't know what the fuck this is.
But it's called a body pump.
And you put it over your vagina and it pumps up your vagina so it brings all the blood.
It's like a penis pump for a vagina. I think that's for COVID.
It looks like a ventilator.
It does.
And you put it over, so it has different settings to put it over your vagina.
You're going to have to pump up to take down old blue ski here.
What do you mean?
No, I'm not.
That's not the same thing.
You have so much to learn, young Andrew.
So if Brenna bought this, you would not be happy.
I wouldn't care.
You really wouldn't?
Yeah, whatever.
All right.
Yeah, what do I care?
I think you do care.
I really wouldn't. I mean, I do think that's a strong piece of machinery right there. yeah whatever all right yeah what do i care i think you do care i really want it i mean i do
think that's a strong piece of machinery right there i don't think that's big at all i think
that is an average size penis i really do for a erect penis this is eight inch this is seven
and it's price almost eight inches but i'm talking from the not from the very bottom no like yeah that's eight that's probably
are you doing it based on your own yeah yeah yeah i'm like wait when i put my dick in my mouth long
is not what i'm about i really not that i want like a little soup can but i think i've never
been into girth as much i like a penis with a lot of um ridges like ridges yeah like a lot of things
yeah i wouldn't mind a warty dick to be
honest with you you know how i feel about those gives it some bumps all right let's take a short
break and get back to why do i care john stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his
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I started to live a double life when I was a teenager.
Responsible and driven and wild and out of control.
My head is pounding.
I'm confused.
I don't know why I'm in jail.
It's hard to understand what hope is when
you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47
pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery.
The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls,
and relapses.
But when I was feeling
the most lost,
I found hope with community.
And I made my way back.
This season,
join me on my journey
through addiction and recovery.
A story told in 12 steps.
Listen to CRIMS
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Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much.
And women have quietly listened.
And all that stops here.
If you like witty women, then this is your tribe.
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I've never seen so many women protect predatory men.
And then me too happened.
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My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing.
She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class.
I ruined my baby's first day of high school.
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What turns me on is when a man sends me money.
Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money.
I'm like, oh, my God, it's go time.
You actually sent it?
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Hey, you guys. I'm Katherine Legg.
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why do i care i mean this is a story that i think might give you hope
ed sheeran reveals he hired comedian
Jimmy Carr as a backing singer
for his new album, Equals.
What?
What?
What?
Yeah, it's true.
But can Jimmy Carr sing?
I don't know.
But Jimmy Carr is such a famous
British comedian.
That would be like taylor swift getting you know
ellen to sing on something or like you know at this point tiffany haddish like i'm not the level
of jimmy carr yet and i just don't think taylor's ever and i know this is why we like this is because maybe taylor will ask me to be on something yeah i will
if i can just be across the street at 7-eleven from the studio that she's performing in and
whisper uh the background vocals you know next to a trash can at 7-eleven a mile away i will be
happy enough like there's no way that she's ever gonna
include me in her life. I've made
peace with the fact that she knows
I exist. She knows I'm
a huge fan. If she wanted to be
friends, she could be friends. But
I don't begrudge her. Like, I wouldn't want to be friends
with someone who was that obsessed with me either.
And who had made comments about
me that weren't that nice and now, like,
has apologized and like,
she's a private person.
She knows how I feel.
She, I don't think, wants my help.
But I look forward to being friends with her eventually
someday down the road.
It's not going to be now.
I want to keep my distance.
I don't have anything to contribute.
Jimmy Carr is not going to make Ed Sheeran's album any better.
No, he's not. I'm not going to make ed sheeran's album any better no he's not
but i'm not going to help it taylor swift in any way if maybe you know if i can sometimes she has
a little bit of like uh like at the beginning of gorgeous she had um blake lively's kid be like
gorgeous yeah and it's like and and then um you know at the beginning of london boy she had
james corden interviewing interviewing interviewing Idris Elba.
And they were talking about, you know, I just go riding around my scooter in London town.
And then it's like, I love a showdown.
So maybe something like that.
She does say St. Louis in that one song.
Yeah.
So something like that.
Like a Midwest kind of thing where you're like, I like prairies.
Her salt box house on the coast took her mind off St. Louis.
I love it.
And then she also did a song in Tis the Damn Season where she says,
I'm staying at my parents' house in the road.
And so, I mean, there were a lot of things on that album that really hit home for old Glazedog.
I always feel like she's talking to me. lot of things on that album that really hit home for old Glazedog.
I always feel like she's talking to me. I love her so much
and would like to be
in a romantic relationship with her someday.
What if she did ask you?
Would you say yes?
I would do anything
she asked.
If you had to be in a studio
with her and sing with her, how would you feel?
Would you kill for someone, you think you think i mean i am feeling things in my body that don't make it was like the day that i found out i was meeting dave matthews like i just couldn't handle it and um
yeah like i i just want to be i want to witness her genius i would love to just see how she works
and i know that i've seen certain
things before of how she writes songs and how she comes up with things even anya um you know my
singing songwriting friend my prolific singing songwriting friend said that when she watched
miss americana she anya's become obsessed with um the man that song and she says when she's on my
live shows she does a cover of the man and she she says, you know, Nikki got me into Taylor Swift begrudgingly.
I wasn't into Taylor Swift, but Nikki got me into her, and I was blown away by the lyrics of the song.
So she did a cover of the song, and then she watched Miss Americana, and you got to kind of see how that song got written.
And Anya had assumed that Taylor and this other guy that she's credited with writing that song with in the liner notes that they, you know, it was like a joint effort.
But if you watch Miss Americana, it's all Tay-Tay.
And she was like, and it was cool to hear Anya,
who's a cynic when it comes to popular music, say,
this bitch is good.
And she writes fast.
Those lyrics would have taken me months to write,
and she came up with them in a second. And it just like it just she's just a genius and um yeah i just wanna i wanna
i wanna learn from her how i can do use her methods of working and and uh thinking about
her life and fame and um and emoting in that way like I'm trying to write songs and I'm
trying to figure out how to like access that part of myself and that's a lot of getting high off my
own supply is what that what is I was talking to someone about it recently and they told me I should
just like they were saying some artists who are they saying maybe a Steinbeck. My friend was saying that Steinbeck first wrote really indulgently, like wrote his first book of like get out everything that makes you feel like sick to yourself about like you're being so like saccharine and like woe is me and poetic.
Just lean into it as much as possible.
Purge that like.
Yeah.
Lean into the fear of what you will be and then get it out
of your system and then somewhere afterwards you'll find a balance of like it won't be so
scary to go to those places because right now i'm you know i've written lyrics and um i don't even
want to look at them again like i sometimes i will write songs like i'll be on my guitar and i'll
find a strumming pattern i like and i'll start like singing along to it and I'll like write a song I wrote a song the other
day like the first couple verses and it was really good and I just am so scared to go back and look
at it because it's gonna be so embarrassing that's why I like stand up I never look at anything I
just have to like remember how I said it say it again and hope that it's not as embarrassing as
the last time I said it and I don't like look at it i don't like looking at things i've done why do you think the lyrics
are embarrassing because they're too cheesy yeah they're too like oh you think you're so artsy
yeah but you know that's why we're just singing slow dancing in a burning room and it's like
simple but when i sing someone else's lyrics and i feel them and i put emotion behind it like
that didn't feel embarrassing to me because it wasn't like coming from
my heart.
Like it,
even though I feel it so much.
Maybe,
maybe right.
Like the most simple song,
even that could be artsy though,
in a way,
I guess,
but you were doing one of like,
she's an American girl with American hair and American curls and America.
And I was just like,
but that I don't want to do.
I don't want to do that simple thing either.
I really hate doing.
Yeah, but sometimes like that feeling good again
or I'm coming home.
We were talking about how we love that song, those songs.
If you look at those lyrics, you're not fucking like,
I'm coming home, make up my mind.
That's what I'm going to do.
Can't love nobody on the telephone.
I'm coming home to you.
Most simple shit ever.
But you feel something because we've all been there.
I don't know why it's so hard for me.
And you know what?
This is, Nikki, you're not unique.
Everyone probably feels this way.
Just get over it and do it.
Stop talking about how it's so hard for you.
I'm different.
I need to take my own advice and just do it.
I mean, look, you know you can write, especially when you, like, when you made that one video,
like, you were able to substitute lyrics.
Like, take a Taylor song and just change, like, one, do one verse.
Yeah.
And just start there.
Yeah.
Because obviously you like how she writes songs.
I do.
I love it.
Obviously you could take her lyrics so easily and switch up the words. start there yeah because obviously you like how she writes songs i do i love it obviously you
could take her lyrics so easily and switch and switch up the words and it would sound
maybe wouldn't be like taylor but i don't think she'd like that let's get to collection of kids
well i'll never sing for her so it's fine getting ready for some I love hearing my friends
that was Kirsten and Taylor and Hala
let's get to some cuz
I mean I loved getting to cuz today
because I wanted to bring in a special guest
for a collection of cuz
please welcome
just to go over this collection of cuz with me
a new comedian on the scene
he is just
coming, came out of nowhere
and he's really challenging the norms really just talking from a place of truth doesn't care
like who anyone else like says he should be please welcome to the show edge
oh that's good to be here or is it i don't don't care. What time is it? Dude, Edge, so you are just blowing up on the socials.
You seem to approach comedy from a different perspective.
What do you think needs to change about stand-up comedy?
What are you doing differently?
A lot of these comics, they just don't hustle.
Right.
They don't believe in hard hard work outside of like it's
not about jokes oh it's not about premises it's about numbers people care about numbers they care
about reach going viral what are you gonna do to do that what are you doing today you're not
dependent on the industry what are you waiting for brilstein to call you like they don't give
a fuck about you.
You got to do shit on your own.
Okay.
Well, actually, I think this is kind of good advice.
Well, I'm really interested to tackle some cause with you.
If you don't know what cause is, it's what we scream at people when they are doing something
that isn't really true to them, but they're doing it to present like so that other people think
they're cool and it's only a thing that you would do it would never be something you do alone and i
wonder if this edge yeah are you like this even in your darkest moments alone like do you have this
um are you always like even if these walls could talk the walls of your bedroom would they go
holy shit this guy says they'd follow me on me on TikTok, for sure. They would, okay.
Yeah.
So you're saying things even alone that you can't even believe you would say?
I don't even say them out loud, just afraid of what the pillow will think.
Dude, okay.
But you're not scared of being canceled?
Every day I am, but that's why I'm so edgy, because I still go for it.
Okay, well, let's get into this.
Yeah, let's do it.
I'd love to have your commentary on these collections, because we get them sent in by- I bet you would. You would like mine. I would, for it. Okay, well, let's get into this. Yeah, let's do it. I'd love to have your commentary on these collections of cuz.
We get them sent in by-
I bet you would.
You would like mine.
I would.
I would.
Thank you so much for being here, Edge.
You're welcome.
I know you have a big-
You have a schedule.
You're always hustling.
Yeah, come on.
Let's get to it.
Okay, cool.
Let's get to our collection of cuz.
I think it's cuz, what you were saying.
Yeah?
All right, let's read one, an email that we got to the NikkiGlazerPodcast at gmail.com from Randy.
Wait, Edge, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm just getting a little indigestion.
Okay.
Edge, it's okay if you laugh.
I think that's part of the character that I like so much about you.
Yeah, but I'm being serious because we're doing radio for him.
Oh, right, right.
Got it.
Okay.
Okay.
I saved the laughs for my skits.
These got sent in to the NikkiGaser podcast at gmail.com.
Let's hear it, Noah.
Thank you.
I ate too much pussy last night, I think.
Okay.
So this is from Randy.
Working from home, took a 10-minute walk around the neighborhood to ward off post-lunch sleepiness.
Decided to wear a Steve Miller band t-shirt to look cool for any neighbors that might be outside.
Warmly greeted three neighbors
in a socially distanced fashion,
came home and realized that I had the shirt on backwards.
God help me.
What a fucking idiot.
Well, that person was trying to,
thought they were cool wearing a,
first of all,
who in their right mind
thinks Steve Miller Band is cool?
Like that's,
I mean,
I get it being ironically cool.
Yeah.
Did Steve Miller Band do like,
God,
I used to love them.
Yeah.
I'm a joker.
I'm a toker.
I'm a midnight stroker.
Yeah.
Yeah,
I used to listen to that
with my dad
in the back of his Chevy.
She met you on somebody's island.
I used to love that.
I saw a girl wearing a Def Leppard.
Yeah.
And it was like,
first of all,
I don't know one.
Are you talking about my jumper the other day?
No,
this girl at the airport.
I mean,
there's no way in hell she knew one song.
But that being said,
you know, I've done that too.
I just love the idea that some,
I don't think, it's funny to see a failed kuh.
Like someone's trying to be kuh and they can't even get it right
and they have it on backwards.
Or they're trying to,
they spell something wrong in their attempt to be kuh.
Also, how old are you wearing a band shirt like grow up yeah i mean
i feel like you wear a lot of things that like like yeah edge i i'm not i'm not believe me i
feel like you're coming at me right now in front of these people no i'm just saying that you as
someone who just doesn't care what people think you seem to put a lot of effort into your outfit
i mean they look great there's nothing wrong with that but like why make it look like you're not trying when you actually
might be well there's a difference between wearing some badass street wear you know that's curated
by my team and then there's another thing about buying a steve miller band shirt that's not even
real vintage and you're claiming it's vintage but you bought it for 9.99 it's been the history of
gucci like why does gucci appeal to you other than that it's you know it's vintage but you bought it for $9.99 Do you know the history of Gucci?
Why does Gucci appeal to you other than that
you know it's expensive? I don't understand
people love Gucci
Dolce & Gabbana and all of these
brands
at least maybe if you know one
Def Leppard song that's enough to justify
a shirt whereas Gucci I don't even
know what about the label
is the label
art like first of all labels are everything okay it's the only thing okay let's get to another cut
also gucci is the best and that's all i care about steve miller band shirt is maybe 38th in 70s bands. All right.
Well, there you have it.
You heard it here last.
Okay.
The edge is grumpy today, but we'll keep going on.
Let's hear about this next cut submitted by another bestie.
All right.
This is a voicemail from Brianna.
Okay, Brianna.
Hi, Nikki.
Hi, Andrew.
Hi, Noah.
My name is Brianna, and i live in san francisco um and i have a story to tell you so i was on my run today and this matt black super
freaking sick tesla comes pulling out of um a street and it's at a stop sign and the guy sees
me coming i'm like i want to say six feet away from him right and he was at a stop sign and the guy sees me coming. I'm like, I want to say six feet away
from him. Right. And he was at the stop sign. So I had the right of way. I'm coming down super quick.
It's like 7am and he decides to rev his engine and basically almost run over my foot and make a spinny U-turn out of that development.
And I honestly tried running so fast so I could catch up to him and tell him off.
But I was like, whatever.
Funny thing.
So he turns around and pulls a Yui because he was dropping his kid off at the daycare that's on that street.
And so I ended up running by his car, like right up to his window.
And I looked him dead in the face and I go,
this guy looks so confused.
You could tell he was in biotech and all he cared about was computers,
whatever.
So love the pod.
I love that he got,
I love this guy.
I love that he got could by this guy I love that he got
by a girl that he was
trying to impress
and I love that you
had the balls
to him to his face
I love that he had to do
it's so funny when
someone revs their engine
and has to do a huge
like in a cul-de-sac
and then they have to
slow down
you know what I'm saying
yeah
they're pulling up
to a daycare
like that's wearing
the Steve Miller band
shirt backwards
like you fucked up
your you peel out and then you plow through the daycare that's wearing the steve miller band shirt backwards like you fucked up your car you peel
out and then you plow through the daycare that's commitment to being cool if you are a fake if
you're if you're revving up to a daycare so you rev up a tesla what does that sound like a freaking
go-kart going you know her golf cart going yeah yeah it sounds like that Apple sound. I drive, you know, I like that real engine.
Yeah.
That Camaro, 600 horsepower, lightning stripes.
That's what I like.
Yeah?
What does that tell people about you?
That I got a little dick, but it's strong.
Okay.
And like we covered before, so it's a wide one?
You got girth?
I got neither.
Whoa. Whoa.
Yeah.
But you're confident about it?
So confident.
It doesn't matter?
No, because my car goes 700 horsepower through a daycare.
I kill 19 kids.
Do you think that men worry about buying cool cars because of the connotation that it means
their dick is small?
It's almost like there's a part of them that...
Because that joke is so commonly known. Yeah. I know. It's weird that it's almost like there's a part of them that, because that joke is so commonly known.
Yes, yeah, I know.
It's weird that it's exactly my life.
I'm trying to think of any cuz I've witnessed recently.
But like there's, you know, the other day, like the girl in the elevator who made an announcement to us that she was.
Who was the 24, the woman saying she has a 24 year old
kid yeah like not that that's her truth but saying it like she didn't know the reaction was going to
be you have a 24 year old kid like when you're when you're baiting to get um attention for the
thing that like and listen i've been kid before too I'm trying to think of, I've been K recently.
Whenever I choose to have a song playing
when I pick someone up
and I want that song to be like
in the middle of the song
so it doesn't look like I just put it on
and I'll like fast forward it to the part.
Like that's K.
And I've done it before.
What song?
I don't know.
Like just like,
I'll pick a song that like
is a favorite song of mine
that isn't,
it's not like a song I don't like that I think they'll like. So it always is something I like. know. Like, just, like, I'll pick a song that, like, is a favorite song of mine that isn't – it's not, like, a song I don't like that I think they'll like.
So it always is something I like.
But, you know, sometimes I will – sometimes when I'm running, I'll sing out loud.
And I – if it's a cooler song, I will sing it out loud prouder than if it's, like, not a – like, I will never sing Cardi B out loud prouder than if it's like nautical like I will never sing Cardi B out loud
because I don't want to seem even though
that's always what I'm listening to
I don't want to seem I don't want people to go
kuh so almost like the avoidance
of kuh
where you abandon what you actually
like because it might seem kuh
might be kuh because you're adjusting
so that other people think you're not lame
whoa
that's a kuh behind the kuh because you're adjusting so that other people think you're not lame. Whoa.
That's a kuh behind a kuh, I guess.
Whoa.
Let's get to final thoughts. I like when girls run.
Wait, final thought.
You like when girls run?
Yeah.
Why?
Because you got to keep it tight.
Oh, okay.
For my small, strong cock.
Edge has become a different character altogether.
I like how you didn't even know that I was going to bring Edge in,
and you were looking at the computer like suddenly we're going to have a special guest.
Andrew truly didn't know that I was going to bring him in.
That was my favorite part.
That's why I gave Edge such a long intro, because I could see Andrew going,
we didn't talk about having a guest today, but I guess it's Wednesday.
He was looking at the computer, and I go, I a guest today, but I guess it's Wednesday. He was looking at the computer and I
go, I can't wait till he finds out it's him.
I like though Edge having
layers.
For me, this is Andrew,
the thespian speaking.
Edge, when he's on stage,
he is very gregarious
and fun.
We know who you're doing an impression
of, you and I, right?
Like where it started.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's who,
when you first did edge on Friday night,
when we were in Orlando,
that's where it started.
It was backstage.
It,
it's kind of a hard segment to do that character.
No,
man,
should we go?
Let's do one more and I'll,
I'll try to do that.
And I'm not saying that what you just did was people love edge and all of his many i feel like people are gonna enjoy that edge as well exactly they love
edge what i'm saying i love is when you nail the person that i want yes like because he did it the
other night it was born when we were in orlando and we were backstage and i um someone said that
they had seen this guy that we were making fun of perform
and they said
you know he
my friends got me a ticket to a show
I went and
I just want to hear your thoughts about him
a bestie DM'd me and said what are your
thoughts on this comedian
because I just went to a show
my friends had tickets and
and oh no she wrote me before I think and I go go to a show. My friends had tickets. And, oh, no, she wrote me before, I think.
And I go, go to it and please let me know.
Yeah.
And then she wrote, he did abortion material,
which I think would have been okay from a woman.
But when he did it, it made me physically ill.
And I almost didn't like the part of, like, if a woman did it, she could.
Because I think anyone should be able to do any kind of material.
I don't really like the, oh, you get to do it because you are this like we should all be able to comment
whatever we want but listen the way she felt is the way she felt and i think she probably would
have been made ill from that coming from a woman's voice too but um i i'm not sure so then that's
when i read it to andrew and emil this interpretation of this person's performance
and um and then she said i
said i bet the crowd fucking loved it no matter what she was like i really felt like i was at a
trump rally it was like really made me sad and it was it was alarming and so i go then andrew goes
i bet i could i bet i could do exactly what the bit was what he said about abortion i bet you
anything and i go why don't i film this and send it to her so shout out to that um oh the chair right back yeah she wrote
back and was like oh my god it was like spot on oh my god yeah so we filmed you you doing an
impression of this comic tackling the subject of abortion and we i posted that on my story on
friday night it killed and that was where Edge was born. Yes.
And you just like, there was a moment where you knocked over the chair.
You just kept laughing, being like, I mean, I'm not, do you want me to say it?
Like, I don't want to say it.
Yeah. Yeah, that like, ha ha.
Yeah.
No, I could, next time we do it.
Can I give you a subject to tackle right before we leave?
Yeah, yeah.
I'll do it more like if if he was trying harder no uh do you have any um like uh you know subject matter that you think maybe
comedians wouldn't normally tackle that you could give uh andrew to go off on periods i don't know
periods dude yeah i mean they should only come at the end of a sentence that's what i think oh shit you know what i can't fucking say this out loud i can't i i gotta ask i'm dying for you
to say it no dude we can take it no how many people listen a lot of people listen i can't
the thing is my listeners are fucking cool and when i say that it'll reinforce to them even if
they would get offended they'll now like you because i've told them that they're cool so
they'll subconsciously be like if i don't like this i'm not cool and
nikki won't think i'm cool so then they're gonna like this no matter what all right this is the
trick i'll go in i'll go in yeah yeah so my listeners are cool don't worry man they're all
fucking cool as shit they're gonna love whatever all right all right i'll say i'll say what i
all right this is okay Periods, man.
All right, so periods, right?
And listen, I do not condone anything he says.
This is not the statement of the Nikki Glaser podcast.
This is all edge.
Yo, when I see a girl bleeding, I think...
It's like her thoughts.
Dude.
This is why women are dumb as fuck.
You're right.
Because they bleed out all their, like, their brain out of their pussy.
You know what I mean?
So, like, if their brain's coming out of their pussy, how are they going to get equal pay?
They fucking, they're always like, oh, I want equal pay.
I'm like, bitch, you bleed for a week.
You're insane.
We have all our blood.
We have all our blood.
We have all our blood.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Guys have 100% blood every month, every year.
Women, you bleed out.
How the fuck are you going to do fucking?
You know what I'm going to do right now as the host? You're going to run a company?
I'm going to look in my lap and shake my head to say I don't agree with this,
but laugh in a way that I do.
So just in case someone comes after me, I can say that I don't agree with this, but like laugh in a way that I do. So just in case someone comes after me, I can say that I don't agree with it.
But I'm definitely leading my
listeners on just in case
people like this because I don't know how it's going to be interpreted
later on. They'll know that I
agree with you, but in case they don't like it,
I can always say that I didn't agree with
you. So I'm going to shake my head and kind of laugh under
my breath, okay? Dude,
I'm not trying. You're crazy, man.
You're crazy. We got we gotta go this has been the
nicky glazer podcast oh wait yo can i plug yeah plug plug away man yeah plug out all right hey
check me out on instagram tiktok twitch twitter uh myspace friendster uh and uh dogster
dogster yeah what's that it's where I go in there And fuck a dog
I mean dude
You're crazy
Yeah I fuck all dogs
Well you
Dude
This is what happens
On my show yo
I can't control these guests
I can't
This is
This is the Nikki Glaser podcast man
I'm not at fault here
This is just a guy
This is an open forum
I one time fucked a beagle
In the face
Oh my god
We gotta go
You guys
Listen to the show tomorrow.
We'll be back with a normal show.
It's the Nicky Glazer Podcast.
Don't be coo out there.
And jack off your face, bitch.
Oh, my gosh. wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast dive into john's
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People, my people, what's up?
This is Questlove.
Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme.
Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season.
But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far.
I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more.
Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance.
You've got gotta check them
out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your
podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions
are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers.
I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast,
and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season.
We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,
including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.
Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to...
The hottest party in professional sports.
I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome
to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf.
Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing,
and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club.
Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership
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Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships
and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.
Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives
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Tune in and join in the conversation.
Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network,
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.