The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #108 The State Of Being

Episode Date: September 24, 2021

Between you and Nikki, when Besties come to her show there is a feeling of "we", she is finally able to watch DWTS and considering adding a leotard to her wardrobe. Andrew feels lighter after a good "balcony" but it makes Nikki feel like she knows too much. They talk about a Norm Macdonald red carpet interview, getting roasted by other comics and about consistency being key. You Heard It Here First, the E in sex stands for E brake, Apple doesn't care about us and a lucky bet. Fanthrax from Besties include stories about a dating app success, an unclaimed paycheck and crotch-e-ting. In the Final Thought Nikki remembers a story about a teacher trying to define embarrassment. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more.

Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same,

our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to... the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour,

tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast Here's Nikki Here I am

Hello everyone, I'm Nikki Glaser It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast It's Thursday here in St. Louis, Mo How are you doing out there? I hope you are all well And looking forward to the weekend I know that I am I'm in town, I'm looking forward to the weekend. I know that I am. I'm in town.

I'm in St. Louis. I'm doing a show at The Factory on Saturday night, which is a big, big old venue here in St. Louis. I sold it out. I'm so excited. Thank you to all the besties who are going to show up. And it's so funny because before the shows, Noah, I always go like, I bring up Andrew. Yeah. And I say, you know, he's the co-host of my podcast go like, I bring up Andrew. Yeah. And I say, you know, he's the co-host of my podcast,

the Nick Gillespie podcast, and then I get some woos, and I go like, we got some besties in the crowd, and people yell out like, kuh, and, you know, whatever. What else do they yell? They yelled out something else that really made me laugh. But I never know what to say. I'm just like, hi, kuh, like, it's, because it's awkward because there are people there that like don't listen to the show and I don't want them to feel alienated by my enthusiasm for the besties but I gotta be honest I'm like I always go hey I've you know if

you don't listen to the podcast what the fuck is wrong with you like I kind of like do a joke where I lash out at them but um the besties are putting in the hours. Yeah. And I just feel I mean, I've said this countless times, but I just feel like they're my friends. And it's just a different, different connection than the people who may have seen my roast compilations or know me from Stern or what, you know, those are fans that I value as well. But the besties, I'm like, Oh, my God, they're just here to like support their friend. They're,'re almost there like my parents are there, you know, like or, you know, my high school friends where they're like, we know this girl like this is an act like we're going to see her in her dance recital. I almost feel like they see through it sometimes or I'm like, oh, God, they know the real me. Like and I know they appreciate the jokes and like the craftsmanship and and I have to say

like my act has become more like the podcast than it ever has before in terms of just the stuff I want to talk about the kind of topics we I cover on stage I say we like it's a but I mean I do feel like it's a we thing but anyway I always feel a little bit awkward because I'm so excited about besties being there and the rest of the crowd is wait, what is this thing that we're not a part of? And I'm like, yeah, I don't want to say it. Well, anyone listening to this is a bestie. And anyone who's not, get on board, and I'll love you just as much as the rest.

But they're my favorite fans, I have to say. And then my favorite fans on top of that are ones that bring me Taylor Swift merchandise. But no, not really really but kind of um no it I don't need any gifts please don't feel obligated but you um but just know that like I'll never forget you if you do um Noah but anyway St. Louis is gonna be so fun because obviously my parents are going um I just have to drive down the road. I'm not flying there. I feel a lot of pressure to have local references and things, which I will have.

But who knows? There's just going to be a lot of people from my life there and a lot more pressure to be spectacular. But I feel really good. So I am going to be spectacular. So it'll be fine. And also your best friend from New York, Anya, in your hometown. That's true.

Isn't that special? I don't think she's ever been here. That's a good point. Wait, was she at my show? Maybe she was here for the pageant shows. Yes, she was right before we shut down last January, January 2020. I did the pageant in St. Louis,

which is a big deal for me because I had seen so many acts at the pageant who I loved growing up and everything. But yeah, she'll be here and that'll be really fun. Kirsten is coming into town from Kansas City to be here. And my friend Taylor is also in town who we went out with the other night. I'm going to dinner with them tomorrow night. I'm so excited to just have like a girl's dinner. And Andrew might show up too. So a girl's dinner. And yeah, it's going to be a fun weekend. I'm just getting ready to, you know, I can't wait to like actually talk about it.

I just always am like when these people go, you can't talk about this thing until we announce it. I'm like, are you going to take it away from me if I talk about it? Like are you going to – is it breach of – are you going to sue away from me if I talk about it like are you going to is it breach of are you gonna sue me like what's gonna happen all I've been saying is that I'm having a lot of cameras following me around for the next eight weeks of my life 10 hours a day they're coming to hang lights today and making my whole apartment a studio and um not cleaning up dude I'm just I just got off the phone with my therapist facetimed with her and I go I'm not cleaning up, dude. I'm just, I just got off the phone with my therapist, FaceTimed with her, and I go, I am not doing anything different. I'm not going to try to present anything different than what I am. And it's a lesson for myself to be like, accept yourself.

Don't try to hide who you are. And she was like, oh, my God, a year ago, if I pitched the show over a year ago, she was like, if this would have been happening to you a year ago, I would have been like, don't do this. You are not in the right state of mind to do this. And she was like, but you seem to have gotten to the right place. Cause I was like, I'm not smoking pot. There's nothing I'm hiding really anything anymore. Um, which before I was just not that I was hiding pot, but it was just, like, not something I would have wanted the public to see. But now I have nothing that I want the public to not see. I was even, like, putting my, like, anal douche fucking thing away the other day, cleaning it. And I was like, oh, what if they found this? And I was like, that would be hilarious.

I'd just be like, here's what this is and how you use it. And hopefully this will help someone do it. I don't know. It was just interesting to hear my therapist say, yeah yeah I think this would have been a bad idea but that's what I do is like I put things into motion that I'm gonna have to get my shit together for so that when they finally happen I go oh my like I I quit drinking because I got a pilot at MTV for Nikki and Sarah live and I realized oh I can't make a TV show if I'm hungover every day. So it just made me finally go, well, if I want this to succeed, I got to quit drinking.

And it like forced me, forced my hand. I watched Dancing with the Stars last night, a little bit of that. I'm finally able to revisit that show after, you know, without a lot of resentments. But that's the, no, a lot of resentments but that's the no i still had resentments i was angry the whole time i watched it being like oh that len guy the old guy len you know the old guy who looks like you know he uh is in a frame at the haunted mansion when you go up disney he's like the one that's like old man withers passed away and he's the one that like haunts the place that guy is one of the judges i hate when old men who like maybe were ballroom dancers in the past like it's like the bella caroli thing when like

these old men yell at these little gymnasts like your foot did not land perfectly on the mat after you did that you know double what like the thing i could never do even in my wildest imagination because i'm an old man i'm going to scream at you it's just like shut up why don't you try to do it bitch that's what i wanted to say to that len guy god when he was mean to me he goes because so i got done with my fucking dance when i was on dancing with the stars and i was just like i can dance I'm a dancer like I just like exclaimed that because it was like triumphant moment for me that like I danced on TV equals you're a dancer I didn't really think I was a dancer and he was like no you are not that was awkward and I'm just like

yeah you dumb old man I'm I'm a comedian like why don't, why don't you give me a lower the bar? Like I would lower it for you. If I, you know, if you, if I put you up to any task that wasn't having a nurse, wipe your ass. I really am at it.

And he was just such an asshole to me. And so mean. And I know that's his like gimmick on the show. Like he's supposed to be the mean one, but like, I wanted to kill him so hard. on that show was kind of kid um but please have me back and I'll like totally be like Len thank you so much for my score I really wish I would have gone harder on him and I was going to I had plans on the second night after he said something mean I was gonna say I had a really good line for him I forget what the second night after he said something mean. I was going to say I had a really

good line for him. I forget what it was. But if he said anything negative, I was just going to I was going to zing him with some. It was a jerk store moment, you know, from Seinfeld where George is eating. If you don't know the Seinfeld reference. I'm going to explain it. But if you do know it, skip ahead 30 seconds. George is at a meeting with a bunch of people and he's just stuffing shrimp in his face from like this shrimp cocktail that's in the middle of the table. And there's a guy across the thing that goes, hey George, the ocean called.

They're running out of shrimp. And everyone laughs and is like, haha. And George feels stupid. And then on the meeting ends and George, you see him have this epiphany of like, oh my god. And he goes and he sees Jared and he's like, I thought of the best line, the best comeback, but it was too late. So I i'm gonna set it up again so i can do the comeback and his comeback is so he goes to this meeting he he gets he flies in these people to have this

meeting again he orders a bunch of shrimp cocktail he's stuffing his face with it again you know over the top stuffing his face then finally this and he's this guy goes hey george and george is like and like stuffing his face and he looks up slowly and he's like waiting for the guy to say the line. He goes, the ocean called and they said they're running out of shrimp. And George just takes out his napkin and like settles himself in and finishes chewing and goes, well, the jerk store called and they're running out of you. And then the guy goes, why would they? You're the top seller. And everyone laughs again. He's like, God damn it. So there's constantly moments in my life where I'm like, oh, jerk store. I thought of the perfect line. So I did that with this Len guy. And I was like, second night, if he's mean

to me, I'm going to throw this line in his face I forget what it was it was really good and then he was nice to me he was nice because I think he sensed he knew because he knew I was getting voted off and they can't be mean to the person who's getting voted off because it seems like a pile on so so he was mean the first night to justify that that was going to get voted off the second night but the second night they all already knew because it's a fixed show that I was going to get voted off and there were I mean there was no like my mom was like I knew you were getting voted off when they had the cameras in our face like the whole time they had us front row very I mean you were there Noah yeah it felt uh I had no idea oddly enough no clue that I was getting voted off first anyway I watched it last night and Gleb's Gleb's partner is sporty spice she looks amazing I don't know yeah look up how old she is

you know what it didn't even matter to me I was just like whoa I don't know why I need to know that that's that's true but I was just speculating like her face looks so good whatever work she's had done me wanty um she dresses very young 47 yeah i nailed it that's what i said i bet she's a decade older than me which is wild that when i was jamming out to spice girls it was just a woman that was 10 years older i mean that's nothing um but she uh she's a dancer get out of here with this shit loser seasoner's season. Let's bring every person that is lost first, first eliminated, back onto Dancing with the Stars, and let's do it again.

And I will have that whole tirade against Len wiped from the internet, even though he'll probably be dead by then, because he's old. Burn. I really got him. You're old, and you might die soon. That's such a weak joke. Sorry, Len. I really got him. You're old and you might die soon. That's such a weak joke.

Sorry, Len. I hope you live forever in our memories because you will die soon. So, Noah, you, speaking of gymnasts, went to go see the touring U.S. gymnastics team that came through. They're like traveling around America, not competing, but just like performing. Yeah, the Gold Over Americaica tour that's what it's called that must be so fun for them to have the pressure off of like a slight stumble that they don't have to do everything the like they they maybe can get their periods that week or eat a couple more bites of food they don't have to have their a tendril of hair might be able to

slip out of their tight top knot, and they won't be deducted points by a bunch of people who have rage because they'll never be as tiny and as talented as these women. Do I have anything against judges? Possibly, yes. So was there a spirit of – tell us what it was like. You said I should go see it. I think you would really enjoy it.

I had no idea going in what i would like what i should be expecting it was just the usa gymnastics tour um uh jordan chiles simone biles uh and then like a bunch of other time i'm gonna be mad sorry well i don't know the rest of their names because i'm just like brett piles uh morgan herd was there i know she's a big deal so it was just like it was exactly what you said simone biles comes out in this and she's like this is just for us to let loose and have a good time and it was all about like girl power there was all these like cute sparkly outfits mostly dancing. And then in the second part, they kind of highlighted each gymnast. And there was a lot of like gymnastics and dancing at the same time. It was just so

entertaining. I felt like when we went to see the Dancing with the Stars tour. Yes. At Radio City. It was like all that pageantry. It was like so cool. It is so fun. And you said that you were really inspired. Even yesterday, you wore a fun, bright tank top. And you were inspired because of all the outfits that you had seen the day before. Tell me about that. It does suck that only pop stars and gymnasts get to dress in these fun...

Or dancers on Dancing with the Stars get to dress like this. Is it going to change the way you look at your wardrobe I think I'm going to have to color my hair pink again I mean it's so fun it's so the pink hair I missed that um trend I just feel like now I'm just it's like the nose ring thing my friend Catherine says when I wanted to get my nose pierced I go is it am I too old to have a nose piercing? She goes, you're not too old to have one, but you're too old to get one. And I was like, that's a good point. So that's why I did the fake one. Maybe I'll do fake pink extensions because pink is so cute with blonde.

I just love the color pink, but I also relate it to, I really love Taylor Swift's era, lover era, which like if Swifty fans know her going through different eras. And my favorite one was lover. It was just all pastels and pinks and like kind of inspired this studio look. Honestly, I just like purples and pinks and like, you know, the colors of the sunset. And I was running yesterday and I saw the sunset and I go, why isn't that like it's like the most beautiful thing ever why isn't and it's the most representative like uh you know just uh example of like nature at its finest is a beautiful sunset like everything should be those colors to make us happy I don't know but I also feel like I have to like move on to my next era like I can't I can't be doing the colors from Taylor's lover era but like I just bought a ton

of merch from that era because it's all fun beautiful tie-dyed bright colored things um and for my I'm planning my special and uh what I'm gonna wear and stuff and I just yeah I want to dress like a I want to dress in like a leotard, like almost like a pop star. And I think that's why I wanted to do a dance at the end of my special to justify wearing something that fun. But why do I need to do that?

Why can't I just do stand up in a leotard? I would love that. You have my full support for that. I mean, maybe it would be distracting, but it would be honestly, you know what? Like, I hate that thing of like, don't dress sexy. It's distracting. Well, sorry that men have ADD or like people.

Life is distracting. You also have TikTok on your phone in your purse. And how are you not looking at that when I'm on stage? There's women wearing nothing in your phone phone yet you are still listening to me so if I'm wearing something who cares if it's distracting I think there's so many rules with stand-up and I think they're being broken right now by us going back and watching Norm Macdonald clips by Bo Burnham's special by you know uh you know even many years a few years ago now at this point, but Nanette, which everyone was so angry about that. What a threat to stand up that was.

She actually was saying exactly what I wanted to do. And I didn't realize I was actually echoing the same sentiments. But there's always a punchline to get you out of the awkwardness of a real moment. And I resent that I just want sometimes to just linger in the moment. And maybe that isn't comedy. But why does everything have to be funny? Yesterday, I did an NPR interview. Like the public radio here in St. Louis with this lovely woman who's so smart and such a good interviewer, Sarah Femski. And, you know, she talks like this. It's like NPR on air in St. Louis, like St. Louis. And it's just, you know, she had just talked to some Afghan refugee and was talking to someone about a book about discrimination in college campuses.

And then she's like, FBoy Island host Nikki Glaser is here in studio to talk. And we had this whole interview. And then we did a piece afterwards for the last five minutes and she was like i don't know i was watching f boy island and i just and she doesn't listen to the podcast she goes i just got the sense that you could be like the next oprah like you have a lot more to say and can like empower women and i was like that's so weird because i was just saying i want to brene brown out and she was like oh I should have used that reference I'm so old I'm like no the Oprah's obviously a great one but you can't compare yourself to Oprah it's like comparing yourself to Beyonce people are like uh excuse me you think you're gonna be Beyonce I'm like no I mean I'm

gonna be um like Michelle Williams. Prosperity! Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt.

And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment

and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, you guys. I'm Katherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack

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You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there.

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Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you one says you're not enough the other says keep going you can do this they're always talking the one you listen to shapes your life life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love. It's not about perfection, it's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Andrew! How'd you sleep? Who was that an impression of? Our toilet. Yeah, I just balconied. Yeah, I know you did. I know you. I know too much about you.

It's weird. But I know when you poop. I know when you go in your room to poop. And then I hear, through the wall, and that's our toilet. That's just me practicing my stand up. How did you sleep last night?

I slept good last night. Yeah. Any midnight balks? Trying to think. No, not recently. I haven't had too many midnight balks. I think I'm a little bit. I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is. But I haven't been pooping in the middle of the night, which is nice. Which is nice. Or I just haven't been getting up to. Yes. Okay. I've just been shitting in the bed. Were those M&Ms in your bed or little tiny candy coated poops back in college?

What Seth didn't bring up yesterday is that they put sardines under my mattress. I mean, he didn't bring up a lot. We got off track with Seth. I wanted to just have stories about you. I like that he came in with a plan, like how he was going to tell things. He had a couple stories he wanted to get out. He's a great guy. He's the best, dude.

I love him so much. How often do you talk to him? A decent amount, especially because he's sober and I'm sober. What do you talk about? Usually sobriety. He's sober, I'm sober. So we talk about usually sobriety and you're like he's sober i'm sober so we talk about um you know shallow things like sports in the weather yeah we just talk about girls pussies you know no no we talk about like it's funny with him because he was as silly as he was a little less silly to me but we were always competitive about being funny

so now he's eight years sober i'm three years and i feel like i'm gonna i'm gonna catch up okay well that's that's the funny thing about sobriety like you can never get more years than or you hope to never get more years than your fellow sober brothers and sisters um but hopefully he falls off and then i i'm three years ahead i guess that's so funny but um no he's just uh he's like a different person now and he wasn't bad before he was just self-sabotaging yeah way he like just hearing him talk about it uh yeah he he he seems to have a good a good head on his shoulders a big head yeah you know what he has a little it looked bigger it looked big on the thing? He has a little, it looked bigger. It looked big on the thing. Yeah. He has a pinhead.

Really? He has a smaller head than me. Oh, that's crazy. I know. It's weird. It really looked big. A lot of gel. A lot of that hair gel.

It's the weight alone. You know the human head weighs eight pounds, but Seth's weighs 14 with all the depth he puts in it? And two pounds without it, which is weird. Yeah, it was great having him on. I appreciate you having him on. Of course. It's fun to have friends on, and I think that our listeners enjoy that as well,

like having people that we really know and who know us. And that just represents the common person that isn't maybe a – I think that's why people like us is because we don't talk like we're famous. I hope. Or like not famous, but like we're in the biz. Maybe I do. I mean, I don't know. I was watching a Norm MacDonald.

Oh, my God. The Norm clips Andrew sent me last night or the clip was wild, you guys. What do you have to Google to get that? YouTube red carpet Norm MacDonald Jenny sleep. Yeah. It was the YouTube comedy awards and it was norm mcdonald hosting with two other people one of them's jenny slate one of them some idiots sorry to you sir but i even went to it i mean this was seven years ago but i went to

this guy's instagram he was so cringe and i hate saying it's so cringe but dude i you sent me the clip being like, I go. I didn't say Norm was cringe or anything. No, you didn't. I just thought he's perfectly mean. No, can I just say what you said about him? Yeah. Because I go, Andrew, what are you doing in your bedroom?

Because he was just in there and I was like, come out. And he was like, oh, I'm watching Norm clips. And I said, what are you learning? What you learning? He said, be a horrible personable person until you die. I said, what are you learning? What you learning? He said, be a horrible personable person until you die. I said, horrible? He said, I mean, he was quite mean in the best way. And I said, example?

And he sent me this clip. And I go, which part? Because it's a long thing. And you go, the whole thing. So then I was like, OK, I'll just watch the whole thing. Norm is so funny. He calls the Lonely Island. He goes, the Lonely Island is coming up next. They're interviewing people as they go on this comedy red carpet. And they He goes, the Lonely Island is coming up next.

They're interviewing people as they go on this comedy red carpet. And they're like, the Lonely Island's coming up next. Whereas I call them Andy Samberg and the other two guys. Yeah, that's mean. No, it's not. It's honest. It's not mean. It's a joke.

This is a comedy show. No, obviously, I know. I'm not a moron. I know that he's being funny. But it's still mean. Those two guys are not happy about this joke they should have been happy it's norm mcdonald i'm just saying that it's the fact that they got a little butt hurt was really like not cool to me when they were just kind of like um all right

yeah yeah because it's mean but it's funny i get it i get comedy i get they should have been like i don't know norm Norm Macdonald. Maybe I'm watching this through the lens of like he's dead and a legend and everyone's just said what a legend he is. And before he died, he wasn't maybe as talked about with such reverence. But I was a little bit like, come on, guys. Of course. Didn't know that he was making a joke, but they were like not happy.

No. And it made me awkward that they were not happy. Just laugh along when someone insults you. Well, Andy Samberg was loving it because he was the guy whose name was Samberg. No, I think Andy was kind of trying to be like, oh, for the guys. And Andy does get it. Yeah. It seemed like it.

Andy seems cool. Is there a comedian that you guys would feel so happy to be roasted by? Dead or alive? You know, like honestly, I avoided Patrice O'Neill before he died because I, I mean, obviously I've avoided him after he died too, but before he died,

I would never want to run into him because he was someone that could just, he wouldn't say Lonely Island and the other two guys. He might say that, but that would be low level Patrice roasting. Patrice could like see your deepest insecurity right away and call it out in such a specific way that it would be like, you know, when I've been roasted before and they've said things that I go, oh my God, people. I thought that they were going to make fun of my flat ass. And the fact that no one knows who I am and I'm a whore, not that like I'm deeply insecure and I look like Owen Wilson.

Like those kinds of things are like, Oh no, I thought I was the only one that thought that that's what I, I never wanted. I missed out on meeting Patrice because I actively avoided him. Cause I thought he'd be like, look at you over there. Look quiet.

Like, you know, you're not as funny as everyone. And that's why you're sitting there quiet because you somehow tricked your way into like he would call me up for my being an imposter that I think I am which everyone goes you're not an imposter you are funny I think he would be like no you're not you are an imposter or like he would confirm my deepest fear yeah there's a different there's a there's a certain tact to being roasted and being made fun of i think for me i like getting made fun of usually by people that can take it back like or it's like it's in good like you could tell when someone's roasting where they're just being mean you like like not being i don't know i feel like patrice when he got made fun of he he loved it too even though uh wait no Wait, no. On the roast of.

Oh, well, yes. That was. Charlie Sheen when Amy went after Patrice and said. What did he say? This is not only a roast of Charlie Sheen, but it's a funeral for Patrice's foot. She was like, he's going to die of diabetes. Yeah. And she was like.

She said something of like, oh oh god i i have to find it because she went after him hard and he he got up he's sitting there mumbling to himself while she's doing the jokes and he goes this bitch is sitting next to me all night being nice what the fuck like he's not laughing he's very confused by it he's kind of like wait she was just like a lot of the jokes that night were about him dying and dying of diabetes. Yeah, but that's what you're supposed to do is call out the obvious. I know. I know.

I just think that he thought it was probably a little for him. But that's how he worked was calling out the most honest stuff. And the thing is, that's what he does. So he's, to me, an example of someone who couldn't take it but oftentimes comedians who are brilliant at calling out other people's things they they see other people's things because they are so self-aware of their own things and because of that they they don't want to be called out for it and you know, that's, I, the guy on the red carpet that was doing, so it was Jenny Slate, some fucking guy. And that guy was so fucking cringe. At one point he has Hannibal Buress on and he goes, Hannibal, when did you know you were funny?

And by that I don't mean, like, your sense of humor, like, the way you look. And it was just like, what? It was so uncomfortable. It just, like, sat there and died like and then norm mcdonald told a joke about his doctor calling him ugly like it was a self-deprecating joke and the guy goes yeah i could see how he would say that yeah i mean you're really ugly he just it was just so awkward he's so bad at humor that guy was like funny for youtube pranks you know like yeah that's why he got the job and he didn't know he's never i pranks. Yeah, that's why he got the job.

And he didn't know. He's never, I think, probably been around someone that's actually funny. In his world, he's probably like, oh, he got him. He said he's ugly. And everyone's like, dude, you're fucking great. And that guy was probably told he was great until that day. You know what I mean? That guy was probably like, dude, you're the funniest.

Oh, no, there's fucking. He's going to prank us gonna prank us dude that's the fun and then he gets there and he's ever put together that ensemble either it's a genius or or like didn't really think about it i mean in retrospect it was like it's glorious because norm is just so on fire with all the stars are here tonight and he started reading all these youtube stars that no one's ever heard of and um yeah he's just like he i but i thought what i liked about norman that is that he laughed when people made fun of him yes he actually was like enjoying it he would give people good laughs he was encouraging he wasn't one of these comics that like thinks i mean he had the ability to sit back and never laugh at anything anyone else

does because he was so funny he's so much funnier than everyone else he could sit on his throne and be like but he was generous with laughter well the video I was also watching last night of him he was talking about to allude back to like hopefully we just talk like regular people because we are just regular people at the end of

the day everyone's the same we're regular we're regular yeah we're all those things unleaded and um i think like i think like he said something about like no one wants the guy that's the smart the smartest comic like the guy that's like the you know i don't know it was just interesting like he was saying like i i go after being like playing the smart dumb guy essentially but you know people love george carlin because he was so brilliant with his takes i mean obviously there's a way to do smart comedy where it's still impressive but it could come off preachy i think and that was what he was saying last night in his video about because he was

brilliant i mean he could do that kind of comedy where it's like, this is... But I don't think he could because he wasn't like that normally. George Carlin was like that. He was very intense and talked like... You see him in interviews. He talks like this. Norm, it's about consistency.

It's about being the person you are offstage, onstage. And for everyone that talks to Norm, that knew him personally, he was pretty much the same on and off stage. Yeah. And I think that those are the best comedians. And those are the ones that aren't Kuh.

Yes. And The Edge. He's coming in later today, I heard. Edges? I don't know. I've heard rumors that he might be stopping by. I can't wait for Edge to show up, if he is. I mean, I know he's really busy with everything he has going on.

Yeah, I heard he's fucking a lot of pussy downtown, but he might stop by in between. Yeah, it's just, you know, I have to always stop myself from proselytizing and like getting on my soapbox and being like, I know better. But at the same time, I admit I read thirds of books. I admit I don't know certain, like while I don't have, I don't know certain,

like while I'm saying things, I'll be like, also I'm dumb. Like I throw in that constantly because I want to, I want to make people aware that even though I'm acting like I know what I'm talking about,

I don't, I don't necessarily know. The other day my sister goes, you talk like, it's just like, that's the way it is and there's no other way. And I go, I know because I think like it's just like that's the way it is and there's no other way and i go i know because i think that it's that way and so i do think that but you're entitled to have

that's your problem yeah if you if you disagree with me disagree with me i'm not gonna see what happens if i disagree with you and sometimes i'll go i'll i'm a good arguer for sure i'm a good debater but if you are right debate me me and like, let's have a discourse. I wanted to debate you this morning about the two weeks Olaf thing. I looked it up and I think we're both kind of in the middle. But there is a thing. But I get what you're saying because how you were saying, sometimes you'll say things so What is the two weeks Olaf thing?

If you shoot it in your cock it makes no i know when you zoloft takes two weeks to like work and so whatever you're feeling from zoloft today is the zoloft you took two weeks ago so if you if you miss a dose two weeks ago it's not you're not gonna feel it today you're gonna feel it in two weeks at least that's what my psychiatrist used to tell me which is interesting interesting because so I, whatever. I went and Googled it, obviously, because I was just like, I don't, because, you know, you take Advil. So there's shelf life of drugs in you.

So it's like 26. Half life. Half life. Yeah. Half life. And shelf, shelf half life. There's a best ifs, ifs, ifs. This is why I can't debate with you.

I can't even say two words without being a roar on. Well, I just don't want to confuse people no i know i'm fucking around uh but no but like so it could be 50 26 hours later it's 50 in you and then another 26 hours a quarter a half of that is in you okay and then it says you can have withdrawal symptoms within two to three days from not taking your dose because it is actually out of your system. But I see how it could be confusing because it does take two weeks to start working. Well, I was told specifically that when you skip a dose,

don't worry, it's going to be two weeks later that you're going to feel it. I was told that by a psychiatrist, like a doctor. So that's why I thought that that... But there are some drugs that stay in you, some SSRIs that actually have longer half-lives i guess yeah we call it then zoloft is actually one of the quickest ones no i think paxil is zoloft is actually one of the longest ones but we could look that up i think zoloft

is actually on the extreme side of like the longer half-life but i could be wrong the thing is like i didn't have it for three days though and I think I was just tired from the road. You have the thing that I looked up. It's called withdrawals. It's called something. Yeah, because I was like, I don't know that I'm right. And then I got distracted and didn't tell you, but I wasn't going to like, oh, I'm not right. I'm not going to tell him. No, I didn't think that.

I looked it up, and I was not fully right. But all the symptoms you described is from someone not taking their medicine. Yeah, I think it's a mixture of that and we did travel a lot oh yeah you you get a hang trying travel hangovers and you had that long ass travel day i mean like it makes sense but yeah you were shutting yourself in your room for a couple days and i was like is he depressed well yesterday i was like really fucked up what does that mean? No, like I couldn't concentrate on anything and my brain felt like very hazy. And I don't know. I just, in the past, I would probably get,

I'd probably have a panic attack yesterday if I didn't have Zoloft maybe. What would have caused it? Was there anxiety? You know those times when you, I just think tiredness and then wanting to get so sometimes what happens is i'll get so tired my body will feel tired i'll feel bad for being tired and then i go well why can't i think straight think straight andrew and like try to

tell myself because i mean i'll be completely i get jealous of how like yesterday you're like out there talking and you're like and like you, like – and, like, you don't get affected by, like, travel. You don't get affected by certain things. And it's, like – I'm, like, well, why am I fucking so tired? And then I think you might judge me for that and then I judge myself for that. And then I'm, like, well, just then be better. Be aware. And so then that's when the panic would set in of being like, get back on track.

So it's like the guilt over the anxiety over the judgment, both from externally and inside yourself of like, yeah, you can't just let yourself be sad or low. Or not be lazy or be low. I was really depressed on Monday night. Yeah. Because I, yeah, I traveled all day and then I got back and I was trying to fulfill the void of like feeling restless and feeling like lonely

and just feeling all these things. I filled it with like masturbation and then filled it with trying to watch TV and then that didn't work and I was just like, I need to take a melatonin and get out of this. And I also, I texted a and I was just like, I need to take a melatonin and get out of this. And I also,

I texted a bunch of friends being like, I'm really depressed right now but it's because of A, B, and C. Like there's, this isn't me being a bad person or like weak. It's like there's reasons for it

and it'll be different tomorrow. That's the, the last sentence is where I can get to now where I couldn't get to before is a day from now or two days from now. You're going to be fine. Just wait and be patient. I also have trouble enjoying the fine times sometimes, though, because I'm like, it's going to get bad again.

Like nothing's ever going to last. Like don't get too excited. That roller coaster i think that that is part of the depression is when you get so excited about i'm never gonna be fat again i'm always gonna be in shape i'm always gonna have a zest for life everything's always gonna be great when you are again the disappointment is so big so even when i'm having a great time or i feel like i'm so attractive my waist is so tiny and I'm tan and my skin is clear don't get fucking

wrapped up in that stuff don't feel like that's your identity and a reason to be happy because it will go away all of it will and if and that's that's I just want a balance of like accepting when I'm good accepting when I'm bad and not having it mean who I am and let's get to the news

so true so true you heard it here first bad and not having it mean who I am. And let's get to the news. So true. So true. So true. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. The weekend is here, boy. I hope you're having all the swells out there.

And I hope you checked out our video on YouTube. This is my New Orleans accent down there in the French Quarter. Oh, down there. Oh, you like that down there? You ever have the crawfish down there On Bourbon Street This is the accent that comes out when we go to the baseball game And a foul ball gets hit and you go Oh come on down down

Every foul ball could end up in my lap He can't It's so funny It's the thing that maybe you do that makes me laugh harder than anything It doesn't even seem like he's meditated. It's not premeditated to scream, no, no, come down now. It's a reflex that a ball shoots up and back. There's nothing funnier.

And he just goes, oh, no, come down now, now, now, now, now. Come on down now, bow down now. I love it so much because. It's like a sneeze. You can't help it. Because when it's like, especially because it's like a sneeze like you can't help it because when it's like especially when it's like 200 feet away just looking to my left and right of people going this guy thinks a foul ball is gonna but yet you get embarrassed of me when i picked up luigi's shit

on the street with some leaves like why are you not embarrassed of that that's the beautiful i get to walk away from the people you have to sit there and sit with them that's the beautiful of sports. I get to walk away from the people. You have to sit there and sit with them. That's the beautiful of sports. You could yell anything. You could yell, cheddar cheese, come on down there. Oh, the mild cheddar of the Havarti. And everyone would go, what? Yeah, yeah, okay. Havarti sounds like a pitcher's name.

It is. He played for the Cardinals. He lives in our building. Yeah, there's one guy on the Cardinals team who lives in our building. And I always see him on a Lime scooter. So when we went to the cardinals game my sister and i were when he went up to bat we were like ride that line you'll ride that line people were just like what but they didn't care because you can shout anything i need a person like that in my life man yeah ride that line to get that 50 latte because he's always riding don't be depressed don't worry

you'll be all right tomorrow down there. You'll be okay, boy. Okay, news. All right. Lovebirds getting in on a car. Wait, is this about actual lovebirds, or is this about two people who are in love? Two people. Two people that are dressed up in birds. Okay.

Two people dressed as lovebirds getting it on in a car had to be rescued by cops after releasing the Toyota Yaris hard hard handbrake rolling down a hill and the car rolling on its side the police report says the couple were strengthening their relationship so this couple be fucking in a yaris i was picturing her like putting the e-brake inside of her and strengthening her pussy i've always there is something sexual about that e-brake that sometimes i do just want to sit on it. Because dude, when it's,

it's hard to push down. There's something about like, I think I will do that in my life. I want a relationship where a guy gets in the car and I'm like, just like, Oh, I'm looking for something. And I have like my skirt over it. So they don't know.

And I'm like, um, I might just have the e-brake inside me and they'll go, what the fuck is wrong? I love doing weird sex things and having guys go, what is wrong with you? And I'm just like, isn't this hilarious? This is in me. And then it's like, then we fly down the hill.

There is something about the handbrake, though. It's like a strong construction man with tough hands. That's how it feels when you pull it up. I don't mean the ones that are like, you know. Like the old school ones, right? Where it's a manual like car where you're having to like i mean the e-brake yeah yeah it's almost like skinnier than a deck yeah yeah yeah but it makes that sound it goes right and it gives you like that really like you got to pull it those

last cup that last inches between yeah it's literally like you're stopping the car from going down the hill with just your hand some girls can I can get really aroused by the way a man drives. I didn't know that about myself, but I can be really unattracted to someone by how they drive and then really horned up. I think it's about feeling safe and feeling like they take chances and they're just like badass.

And like, I want to feel safe, but also be like a little bit like, oh my God, he's like kind of going fast. Like that's my like zone of arousal is like feeling like i'm protected and he's worried about me and like he's buckled up and like yeah he's not gonna put me in harm's way but we're gonna like he's gonna get me there you like a guy driving it like a like an old stick shift like does that turn you on i don't care what you drive i just like that you drive the vibe of like your your your vibe on the road but in that there's

a thin line between that and being cuh, right? Like driving too fast and too erratic. No, I don't want him to do it for show. I want him to do it so we get there fast. And like he's just like, God, these people don't – like it's kind of like me. Like I drive in a way that's like I'm – everyone around me is – probably thinks I'm a crazy driver. But what I'm doing is like I know where I'm going and I'm more spatially aware and people are just kind of like,

and I'm just like, okay, I'm just going to cut in front of you because you're slow and I know you're not going to speed up erratically because I've been seeing you for a half mile now driving 30 miles an hour in a 40. So I'm just going to go in front of you even though I know there's like two car lengths

for me to weave in front of before I hit the car in front of me. It seems crazy, but I know there's like two car lengths for me to weave in front of before i hit the car in front of me it seems crazy but i know there's no way this guy is going to all of a sudden speed up and block me yes but that does happen i mean you have been in wrecks no i have i've been in one wreck when i was 16 i hit a garbage man but since then i've never been in one that could be a line from clueless. That's such a funny line. But when you're 16, you get a pass. When you first get your license, you get one wreck. Oh my God, when I was 16,

well, I got in a wreck my first month in my car. Any parents out there, do not let your children just get a license and just go willy-nilly. They don't know what they're doing. When you're 16 and you pull into another lane and completely run a guy off the road and then he'd get up in me and go, doing when you're 16 and you like pulling i would pull into like another lane and like completely like run a guy off the road and then he'd get up in me and go what the fuck man fuck you and i'd be

like hey sorry about that sorry when people run like get in my lane and they don't see me i don't go what's wrong with you i'm just like they didn't see me yeah like i know it's okay just slow down and go oh like you protect them from themselves like don't i hate people that see someone making an error and then they speed up so that the error is even worse oh yeah as opposed to just seeing someone making an error and giving them room to make the error like it's okay like you've done that too wouldn't you want someone to give you space as opposed to like actually i'm gonna speed up to show them that that was so dangerous like now you're making it a thing when really they're not gonna learn from that just give them space and make the road a

safer place and my brother's like we're in florida like that guy could have a gun and i'm like oh yeah oh yeah that's the thing it's like if i can please beg men out there stop when if i accidentally don't see you in my blind spot and i start to veer over honk gently but then don't speed up so that it's more dangerous and if you can break enough so that this dumb idiot that didn't check all of her rearview mirrors enough can just ease into the road because you know you can do that but if you're trying but this goes back to your first thing if i see something i squeeze in and i know they're not but then that behavior probably leads to you eventually cutting someone off that's that's why i don't do it i don't cut people off i just get in front of them in a way that they might be like wow that's going faster than me and got in

front of me i'm not going cutting them off so that they have to break they don't they can keep going i do everything so that everything can stay the way it was there's no me um making someone have to go what but oftentimes they do that because they're crazy and they're they're too anxious and that's not my fault but i do but i do you know anyway sex in a car is so hot oh yeah those people like uh the yaris i love a guy that drives a Yaris that's getting laid. I love that the cops reported it as them strengthening their relationship and gave him kind of a pass on that. I think – Have you ever fucked in a car?

A Yaris is a small car to fuck in. Have you ever fucked in a car? Yeah, like in the back of a Land Cruiser with the seats are down. Oh, that's like a full-on – Yeah, that's like a studio apartment. Two-bedroom. Yeah, it's pretty – How did it work out?

It was just like me and my ex-boyfriend were both living with our parents at the time uh it was like over like a no actually we were both living with our parents so we didn't have a place to go and we were both broke so we couldn't get a hotel room and so i've just oh that's so hot was the what music was playing was the ac on was the windows when i would hook up in a car you fog it out no i would not i would turn off the car you turn the car oh you don't want to wait my dad has taught me to not nothing hotter than a girl being like we gotta turn the car off and fucking 140 degrees number one waste of um energy is when you have a car that's just turned on and just running as it's parked you should have the ac i

mean you're sitting there it was in the winter so it would be like it would get cold and then we would heat it up with our body heat and it was kind of fun. It's hard though. Those positions it's not in movies. Oh my first time I'm going to be in the backseat. There's always that scene.

I just want to get fingered while a guy drives and I'm in the passenger seat. One time my ex-boyfriend and I were driving across the country and and he hooked up. He brought in one of those boxes that has plugs in it so that we could plug in the wand, which was the third party of our relationship. And I had the wand. We were driving across the country.

We were doing a road trip that that girl just got murdered on kind of thing. It was the same kind of road trip of all all the national parks driving to la from new york and um yeah i would just be like getting it in the front seat and he would just be driving and like it was so that was so hot i love that i just love being uh yeah and then you ever get think you got caught though sometimes i used to jerk off when i drive and i feel like no i never oh no i would put up like a t-shirt in the window i didn't't want anyone to see it. I don't like people seeing me having sex. I'm not like one of those. Unless people want to watch. That's different.

But subjecting the public to that is kind of gross. No, it's not good. You end up having to like... Roadhead? I've gotten Roadhead. I don't love it because... I have to remember a joke that I used to do about this. What about it?

I used to have a joke that... I don't want to do it because I think I might put in my special. It's really good. But I used to do it all the time. I liked it. Giving roadhead? Yeah. Because first of all, that's why I think I'm always turned on by someone when they're driving. And I like when a guy has to do something, focus and like is trying not to come kind of thing.

I like doing it when like when a girl trying to perform surgery and I go down on her. You know, like something like heart transplant. Yeah. Something real serious. Oh, my God. That's such a that's got to be a porn genre where it's like, can you save my dad? This family is just begging like this surgery is very intricate and if she's not totally focused and the guy's going down on her that would be so hot i know that there's a lot of porn where the girl's talking to

her friends and a guy's going down and she's just like oh yeah like that's kind of like i like biden giving a presidential address and i think we had a president that actually was giving state of the unions. Bill Clinton definitely got a blowjob while talking about domestic terrorism or whatever. Okay, next story. Let's see here. Oh, another Yaris. No, that'd be weird. Apple is working on an algorithm that looks at users' health information,

such as physical activity levels sleep patterns and mobility and effort how could they not already be to create software that could diagnose depression so they're gonna make like an app so the app should be called duh yeah yeah like you don't need to look at my heart stats just am i an american who has instagram diagnosis depressed everyone is depressed can i just say that stop acting like you're too good for depression who do you know that's not depressed if you do know someone it's someone who doesn't have a smartphone or they're liars it's just like everyone's kind of depressed it's so funny it's not it's it's okay to admit it but that is so funny like a computer being like oh based off this and this and this and this like it's like shut the fuck up like all you like no

it's like do you follow uh emrata and alexis ren um yeah you have uh severe depression you follow dan blazerian yeah you might you're probably suicidal and we should just admit you to a hospital right now like and then you're like, thanks, Apple. Like, I would have never known. And like, Apple gives a fuck about our mental health. No, they want to know because you'll buy more when you're depressed, and then they'll give you more ads during that time

because now they know what the fuck's going on. Yeah, now it's all, and they probably are in with pharmaceutical companies to like, okay, well then, other day i swear i cannot believe this app that was that was um you know marketed to me on my stories i'm watching instagram stories flips to one and it was like do you not understand your emotions are your emotions blocked do you have trouble crying i was like this motherfucker how did it know my specific thing that i don't cry that i are you in your bathroom right now are you looking in the mirror are you telling yourself

how did someone make an app or program that is this catered to yeah my needs it felt it felt like a bot made it you know like a bot made an app that's going to reroute me to an app. It's just, I don't trust anything anymore. I can't. Uh-oh, conspiracy Nikki's coming out. I can't. I'm just like, how did that, it really felt, it didn't feel good. You didn't feel seen?

Sometimes with Poshmark or some of the shopping sites I'm going to, they'll they'll really nail my needs where i go this person knows me better than anyone but no i felt seen for sure i mean that is interesting that our phones know us better than our partners like our phones will suggest presents for us to get ourselves that uh your yes your husband would never buy you yeah your wife will get you socks and it's like, motherfucker, I wanted a new PlayStation. I didn't want a Pandora

jewelry shitty charm bracelet I wanted an engagement ring. With a martini glass on it. I wanted a divorce. Yeah, my app somehow knew that. Thanks, Apple. Alright, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with our weekly sports. My app somehow knew that. Thanks, Apple. All right.

Let's take a quick break and we'll be back with our weekly sports. Oh, man. She is thrilled. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How to Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How To Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

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It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career.

We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Throttle Therapy with Catherine Legg, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty,

founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there.

Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's How To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you. One says, you're not enough.

The other says, keep going. You can do this. They're always talking. The one you listen to shapes your life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love. It's not about perfection. It's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're back. Okay, let's do it. Weekly Sports. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. Oh, man. She's going to kill me one day. Okay, a better turned a promotional $25 bet into $133. You said better, and I was confused. Eddie Better.

A better? No one calls them betters a bed tour okay i wish i wish you were a better man i wish you yeah waiting watching the clock it's four o'clock it's got to stop tell her okay take that a bet tour no it's a better but it's just not the best way to say it what do you say someone who a guy who places bets yeah i don't write you can you can rewrite them in your brain no to present them so that i don't want to i don't want to make no upset if i was reading that i would say oh a better and i could read it. But if I'm hearing it, you've got to sometimes change things. A man who bets or a person who bets turned a promotional, a one who promotes, a $25,

which is $25, $1 bet into $133,000 via a 16 NFL parlay and hit 15 consecutive picks. Okay. You're going to have to tell me what a parlay is. A parlay is when you – Parlay-vous football? Yeah, parlay-vous football. No, it's a – so you bet – you have to – each game has to win. Like each game you have to hit. So let's say you bet the 49ers.

They got to win. And then connected to that, the Dolphins also have to win. That's win like each game you have to hit so let's say you bet the 49ers they got to win and then connected to that the dolphins also have to win that's a two-game parlay if uh and then you bet i'm not gonna get it it doesn't matter okay so this guy bet $25 and just he won 15 out of 15 picks he picked correctly and then it was up to the 16th he would have made 750,000 off a $25 free promotional bet, by the way. Wait, so he didn't spend $25 or he did? He did, but he got that free from the casino, which is just a whole nother thing. I wonder how much this guy has spent in his lifetime betting.

That's what I always go, is this really a guy that just wandered in and was there with some friends, doesn't usually bet? That's a great story. Look, this guy- This guy is going to now turn this $133,000 into a bunch of losses. His family hasn't eaten for three months because he did a 48-game parlay, which he just felt good about. Betting on sports, I mean, how does not everyone do it that cares about sports?

I mean, I feel like it would make you care so much more. I mean, there's a billion-dollar industry. Because I did this one day. I go, oh, you know what I'll do? I'll figure it out. make you care so much more i mean there's a whole there's a billion dollar industry because i did this one day i did i go oh you know what i'll do i'll figure it out i'll just do a lot of small bets but a lot of games and i bet 50 games at like 50 a game and i lost 48 of them so i had a 48 negative parlay or whatever i don't know i didn't connect them all but i just lost and i lost 2500 and just going and i lost 2500 and just going and take you got to go get cash because that was before venmo and when you feel cash

being turned over i was like okay i'm done gambling sites and things must have benefited so much from digital because you just don't feel like you're spending actual money um and chips you know like chips don't feel like money that's why they use chips i feel like and also did you know that the carpet on a casino floor is so erratic so that if you drop a chip yes you will not see it and the and they can if they can have it as a gain yeah and their weather that's why the the carpet looks insane it's not because they're fun and i think it's also a mental thing of keeping you more awake be like more things happening in your eye and that's why it's so cold in there as well

because it keeps you awake so then you can bet longer because the longer you bet the more chance you have to lose I'm so grateful that and you should be too

as well that you had that loss and it felt so bad that you go I don't want to do that again like that's the way some people feel after they drink

and they have a hangover they're like that was stupid and not worth it I'm not going to do that again. Whereas I was like, that was worth the good feeling that I had on top of that. Oh, my God. You know, Norm MacDonald gambled away his life's fortune three times, I heard.

Yeah, he was talking about how he would gamble. And I get this, too. So when you're, like, addicted to being a spendthrift and you're spending your money and you make, like, $200,000, right? And you spend, let's say you spend 150 of it. Then you have 50,000 left. You don't see it as like, I got to hold on. You're like, I might as well just get rid of this too.

Like there's a weird mental thing. And that's what he was talking about on WTF where he lost like a few hundred grand. And Mark is like, how did you keep playing? He's like, well, I already lost that. I might as well. It's a weird like mental thing i heard this thing from my brother-in-law who now has a retail shop he was like doing some research about just like pricing and what people do and he told us that you know if there was some ski shop story of a guy that had a ski shop and there was a coat that was like twenty thousand dollars you know it was

some kind of special coat the person bought brings it up to the counter it's like i want this coat and they go actually the hood is not the hood i have to unzip this the liner actually is an extra 10 that doesn't come with the coat and the person goes and they just go okay yeah throw it in they do that because they know they put the liner in the coat knowing it's going to be an add-on because if you're willing to part with twenty thousand dollars for a coat you're willing to part with thirty thousand dollars for the whole coat so it's like it's psychologically initial thing was the french fry is like the number one add-on thing and that and that changed everything so like when you buy a cheeseburger

meal like and you're like oh well why don't we a cheeseburger meal, and you're like, oh, why don't we add some fries with that? And you're like, oh yeah, yeah, that makes sense. You know, like they don't even think about it. And they're like, well, here's another dollar. It's like, I already bought it. That's why movie places make a small soda $2, a medium soda $5,

and a large $6. Because why would you spend an extra dollar to get the large when really the markup is from the small to the large? You're not even looking at the small because you want a lot. You're looking at the medium and you go, well, what a deal that is based on the large. It's all- Fast forward to that guy having diabetes and getting his feet cut off and losing $2 million

in medical bills. He's like, yeah, but I saved that- Amy Schumer offending him at the roast. Yeah. All right. Let's get to our weekly segment where we go through listeners' mail.

It's time for Fanthrax. Fanthrax. Oh, Fanthrax. It's time. All right. Let's listen. Do we have voice memos? Do we have emails?

What are we going through this week? Noah. Today we're going to get some voicemails because we've just been having unbelievable Listen, do we have voice memos? Do we have emails? What are we going through this week, Noah? Today we're going to get some voicemails because we've just been having unbelievable fan thracks. I just want to thank everyone. And sorry if we're not getting it on the show. But we feel great from them.

And Noah goes through all those. And you go through some of them too, Andrew? I used to. I checked them out. There's so many where now it's like it's like insane and i think yeah it might even be down because there's so many i don't know no it's not down it's working just fine this one came in 17 hours ago from christine okay ready wow yes Ready? Yes. Hello, Nikki, Noah, and Andrew. I hope you're having all the swells. I'm calling in with a dating app success story because you guys were talking about the apps not too long ago in one of your episodes. And I have a little tip for the besties, and that is

to let someone know you're a bestie. I met someone recently. We had a phone date before our actual date, and we were talking about different comedians we like. I said, I'm a Nikki Glaser stan. I listen to all her episodes of her podcast. He's like, no way, me too. And right off the bat, so not awkward at all. We were talking about all the funny things we like about you guys.

And after a few glasses of wine, I decided to be super vulnerable, as Nikki does recommend. And I told him that the thing I relate to most about you, Nikki, is when you talk about being a stained person. I used to be addicted to spray tans. Many of my clothes are orange. I keep a bottle of hot sauce by my bed. Not sure why. It makes me feel safe. Anyways, just wanted to let the other besties know that it's a great conversation

starter and it's a quick way to see if they can hang. So anyways, don't be cut and thanks so much for your podcast. Everyone loves you. You're the tits. Bye. I can't take it. This is why i can't i can't handle like oh my god i'm just like so i just i'm so touched i can't even i i'm kind of speechless because

that's just um first of all i just you just sound so cool and, and I want to be friends with you. And just someone that sounds that cool that likes me and just is so funny and cute and just kind. It just makes me feel so good. And the fact that people can connect over the stuff we talk about and that you could share that with someone that you felt stained and you knew that he would know what it kind of meant because i had described it and that you know obviously he likes someone that me being me who is staying describes herself as stained so that it makes her feel more comfortable like oh he's not going to reject me nikki thinks she's stained and he listens to her stuff and it's just been a while

since I have felt so good in my heart. I just love her little hot sauce by the bed. Yeah, that makes me feel so good. I always have things

by the bed. I know. I have popcorn ready to go. I was listening to her voice and remember that actress from like Mallrats? She was like really big back in the,

she had like short blonde hair. She was so cute. She was in like all those Oh yeah, Jennifer Tilly. Is that her name? Yeah, she was like really big back in the she had like short blonde hair she was so cute she was in like all those oh yeah uh jennifer tilly is that her name yeah she talks like this and she was in liar liar yeah and she i kept picturing this girl yeah she kind of had a little bit oh yeah oh my god that girl was so sweet i hope it works out with you and that guy i do too and even if you just are just friends like i think that's i feel the same way about the shows i listen to when i meet someone who likes Howard Stern I'm like yes we already have something in common we speak a similar language

um god that made me feel great holy shit I can't this this segment's uncomfortable for me because it's a lot of compliments and um but I I'm really grateful thank Thank you so much. Her name is Christine? Yeah. Christine, thank you so much. Okay. How about one from Allison? I hope you guys fuck in a Yaris soon. That'd be great. Okay, Allison, what do you got to say?

Hey, Nikki, Andrew, Noah. I was listening to today's episode and I just had to come leave a voice message when Nikki said that she didn't pick up a paycheck from a job and they were emailing her I did a similar thing years ago and I've always thought that that was just like the weirdest behavior I was I bartended at this place for only like a month and then quit because I got a job actually in my field and they had like cash there for me and they were emailing me like you need to come get this cash and it was like months later i don't know why i was like

so embarrassed to go pick it up i like can't explain it yeah and like eventually they were like okay if you don't pick it up by next week we're gonna like buy the staff pizza and then i went and got it and just felt so weird like I'm like just so happy to hear someone else say that they did that like dude this pod really like makes me feel like normal about a lot of like random things and I love it so much you guys are the best okay bye thank you so much Allison like dude I used to be so ashamed of that thing of not picking up that check and I remember my parents being like what is wrong with you and I'm like I mean I still do stuff like that where I mean even reading people

when people give me letters yeah on the road that are just all I know the ones that give me a letter to say they hate me I mean maybe but like generally these I meet these people and they're like giving me gifts and then there's a letter with the gift and i can't read it even though it's literally is the it's like money it's just only nice things and i just feel i i can't why can't i do good things for myself why do i well it's also the embarrassment of going back to a job that you only were at for a month i think for her probably you know what i mean waiting so long the first time that yes people are like why then they've had to call you three times. And now you're going to have to see him in person.

You're going to have to address why you didn't pick up the phone for three times. But listen, everyone does this shit. It made me feel so good to hear Allison say that she did it. But I've learned that everyone does this where it's like other people. Some people just, not everyone does it. Some people truly don't understand how you could ever not go pick up a check. But I'll tell you, there's a lot of people that really relate to not doing something that... Well, it could also be like not deserving, not feeling like you deserve that money because you quit. You know what I mean?

Or like, I'll have a check for this show downstairs in the mailbox, and I won't go get it because part of me, I think, probably feels like I don't deserve it. I do that too. I want deposit checks. Like, what are you doing dude I also threaten me with someone's gonna have a pizza party fuck that like I love that was the last draw she's like fuck that I thought she was gonna go yeah let him have it I would have been like oh good it's going to a good cause I'm proud of her for going to get it I love it it. I love that she did that. But I do that all the time of just avoiding things I want. I just thought of an example that was so recent. Oh, I mean, we've all felt this way.

Let's say someone texts us, and then we don't get back to it right away. We go, we'll get to it tomorrow. Then we don't get to it tomorrow. Then it's a week later, and they follow up again. And you go, you know what? I can get back to this. There's an excuse for why I didn't get back. Oh, shit.

But then you wait on that one. Then they follow up a third time. And at that point, you just go, I'm just going to not know this person anymore. I'm just never going to – I'm just going to like him. I've done that so many times. I should just end this friendship. When really, let's just start being okay with not getting back to people. Because you – if someone did

that to you you would understand it wouldn't be because we've done it to people that i love i know but get back to them i don't be okay with getting back okay with getting back late and going listen i am such listen i don't know why i couldn't do it but i have i have some sort of weird thing where i once i you know missed three of your calls i just got scared of even writing you ever i've done this so many times in my life because you play how they're gonna react to when you finally write back oh i guess you do finally write back you know what sometimes they do which is fine too fine you know but my dad did he goes how was the weekend two days ago and then yesterday he wrote fears fares bueller

anyone bueller bueller and i and then i was like fuck i can't write back and then i just wrote back he goes okay cool get some rest like it was like such like i don't know it's like whatever just if people don't forgive you they're in the wrong you would forgive someone if they ghosted you for three weeks when you're following up it's just and don't take it personally if someone does that to you because realize that you've done it to them and it doesn't mean you don't like that person. Not at all. Bad timing. Okay, let's get to the next one. But in this case, I hate my father.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's different. No, I'm just kidding, Dad. I love you. He's awesome. I can't wait to play golf with you in a few weeks. Okay, this one's from Taylor. Taylor. Tay-Tay. Hey, guys.

I'm a huge fan of the podcast. Is this Taylor Swift? I wanted to share a mispronunciation story. No. I was substitute teaching for fourth grade, and I was supposed to read this passage to the students, and it was about crocheting. And so that's correctly how you pronounce it, crocheting. I pronounced it as crotcheting and i said it probably 15 times it wasn't just like once this essay thing was all about crocheting

and literally one of the students had to correct me it was really embarrassing but also hopefully that breaks down your face okay bye oh crotcheting oh my god that i mean, that is, I think you made, that kid that corrected you really got a bump to his self-esteem that day. And he'll never forget that. He'll always tell the story of the teacher that said, I hope he always tells it because that's a great story that my teacher repeatedly said crotcheting. Yeah. And that's an easy one.

That's a fun one, though. That's a fun word to mess up, especially if you're in third grade and you hear that. Even though I don't know that fourth graders know crotch. That's true. Maybe. That's kind of a more adult term. But any mispronunciation is so hilarious. Final thought.

When any time a teacher messes up, it's the funniest thing ever. God, I'll never forget the time at an assembly where we had a speaker come a woman come to give us like a motivational talk to the senior class yeah and fucking ryan blanner yelled out slut at one point because she said she had a male roommate i mean that's he just goes i mean the they we were out of control the we did not no one respected this woman i wasn't i was mortified she came from because she was just like because we it was senioritis they didn't know what to do with seniors anymore we didn't care about school it was like a free period that we all like yeah because the teachers had a

planning thing they threw us into this the theater to go watch this woman give this weird kind of like dumb motivational what happened when she yelled when he yelled slut the woman stopped and was like i'm not doing this anymore and just walked off stage and it was and i remember him doing that and being like you asshole like that is just so out of line but everyone laughed you know and i just remember being really embarrassed for but our our our senior class principal who wasn't the real principal but each class had a principal mr pitman walked up onto the stage and he was fear like you could tell he was mad and he just stood there and it's silent in the auditorium and he's just shaking his head and the woman's

gone at this point he's like is she gone and everyone's like yeah she's gone it's so dead quiet and he's like uh miss nixon will you go get me a dictionary please and so we're all just like kind of like what all right and so she goes to get a dictionary it's still quiet we're all kind of like snickers are starting to happen you know people are starting to be like a little bit it takes too long she goes against the dictionary finally, brings it on stage. And he's like this very, what's the word? Formidable man. He's kind of like he's a bigger guy, stern, angry. And he's sweating with rage for us.

So embarrassed. And he just goes, embarrassment. I'm going to look up the word embarrassment because that's what I'm feeling. And he flips through and it takes him like kind of too long to find it. And he's like, it kind of has to go back a couple pages

and then forward one. And then finally he finds it. He goes, embarrassment. The state of being embarrassed. He picked the wrong word to look look up he should have looked up embarrassed yes you know but he looked at he just goes the state of being embarrassed and it like did everyone die no no one really understood i understood the irony of it and like how funny it was because i

remember at the time my best friend hollaala, her dad was our actual principal principal. He wasn't there for this. But I like was kind of the comic – like one of the comic reliefs of our group of friends. Yes. And Dr. Holly, who was our principal, was a really funny guy and like really loved the funny person. And we were always fighting to be like, does Dr. like is he it's my his favorite friend of laura's and i remember he i told him the story of embarrassment the state of being embarrassed and he thought it was the he has me tell it to this day does the guy it was the first time i

did like performed comedy when the guy said it was he like i think he then went and looked up embarrassed you know and he was like like i think but I don't think anyone caught how funny it was except me because I remember – that was the first time I can look back and go, oh, I was kind of thinking comedically of like I'm going to tell that story because it's so – the stakes were so high. We were all so scared. And the tangible dictionary, like it was different back then and it was just so but just and i saw it coming too because when i go embarrassed i was just like i don't know if that's or like you know but saying the state of being the best and i remember just going oh no like the cringe of like he's about to say embarrassed. I remember a teacher, my senior, Hearn. He was our Spanish teacher. And he hated me, especially me and Rusty, because we were not good students.

We were very, like, loud and just doing dumb things. Like, we would, weird things. Like, I don't know. Rusty would, like, we might have to take this out. But he would get a boner in his pants and then, like, move his boner. What do you mean? He'd move a boner in his pants and then move his boner. What do you mean? He'd move his boner in his khakis. Like with just the might of his loins?

Of his penis. And I'd go, damn. Okay. That's the kind of things you were doing instead of learning Spanish words. Anyways, there was a rat in a sombrero, and he went to grab the sombrero off. What do you mean? There was a stuffed in a sombrero and he went to grab the sombrero off off what do you mean there was a stuffed animal rat no like a real rat somehow got in this sombrero and when he pulled the sombrero what wait why do you have a rat in a sombrero in your class what is happening i don't know why i was in there i don't know okay there was a live rat in your classroom that had a

sombrero it might have been a squirrel it might have been a squirrel. It might have been a squirrel. Okay. And there was no reason for it to be in there. And he went to grab the squirrel. Is this a dream you had? Maybe Rusty never was hard. Go on. I'm telling you. I mean, this doesn't make any sense. We'll have to get Rusty on this.

This is more confusing than better. So there's a squirrel embarrassment. Love birds, better. And he pulls it off he goes which means fuck in spanish uh-huh and we like i mean when he oh the teacher said the teacher said conyo because the squirrel jumped at his head or rat whatever it was something with four legs with a tail i can't believe the the setup to this was rusty gets boners that he can move why was there a rat wearing a sombrero?

I mean, I literally, I thought you were insane to present that and not say a, like I had to talk us through it, be like, it was a stuffed animal rat that was on the top of the shelf. Well, first of all, I should have said he went to grab the sombrero and a fucking rat was in there.

That's how he should have done it. Oh, so yes, he was going to grab a sombrero that was on the top of the shelf and there was some kind of rodent that had like made a nest in it. Yes. And it fell out

and then your teacher goes, oh, coño. Coño, coño. And did you guys know that meant fuck? Yes. And we were dying. Oh, so exciting. Dude, it's a fucking suit.

Fuck, dude, it's a fuck suit. When teachers are real. Yeah. And he got scared. You never see a teacher scared, you know, because they're always in control. Yeah.

Oh, coño. I remember a teacher saying fuck for the first time when he was like um i want to fuck you and i was like whoa that's crazy you said fuck with a sombrero on yeah it wasn't about anything else that he said it was just like whoa really to the point yeah no no teachers wanted to fuck me i was not that cute you could always go back and i will all right thank you Alright, thank you guys listening. Thank you guys listening. Thank you guys and girls listening.

The act of hearing. Yes. Thank you for listening to the podcast all week long and yes, we do have video up on our YouTube channel. Go find it at the link in our bio. Thank you for all the fan thracks. Thank you all for coming to shows. We'll see you this weekend in St. Louis.

And we'll be back on Monday with shows. And yeah, watch us on YouTube. Spread the word. Don't be care. And Jack Sombrero. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer.

If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast dive into john's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove.

Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.

You are cordially invited to... the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.