The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #109 It's A Party w/ Kerstin!

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

Between you and Nikki, her BFF from 4th grade and beyond Kerstin, fills the Venn diagram of comedy. After a fun weekend of hometown shows, Kerstin stayed over and the group is broadcasting in their robes. They talk about besties, Kerstin's version of becoming friends with Nikki and the new season of Love on The Spectrum. You Heard it Here First, don't complain about the most hated fast food chain, the reason one cheats can affect the quality cheating and relationships that work. They fess their most basic bitch top and bottoms before closing out the show. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

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Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Here I am. Hello, welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast. It's Monday morning here in St. Louis, Missouri. If you're watching the YouTube feed, I'm wearing a robe.

It's a robe day. Just felt like it. We have a special guest on the show who has a matching robe, so we decided to match my best friend from fourth grade and on, Kirsten, who many of you already know. You've heard her on my previous podcast, podcast you up and she was on my series show you up i talk about her all the time on here she's like my funniest uh first friend um still kind of the funniest person ever she's been here she's been staying with me all weekend and i gotta i gotta be honest there are times where i'm, will you just fill in for me? Like you, she's given me so many good ideas for bits. She just thinks in a way,

she thinks with a comedian's mind of like observing little things that you go, oh my God, she really just like, you know, articulated that annoying thing that I didn't even know that I do know. You know, as I say this on stage, but a comedian's job, if we're doing the Venn diagram of what a comedian does, a good comedian,

the idea that something is funny is when something is extremely true. So that's one circle is it's true, like the most true thing ever, right? And then the other circle is you hadn't thought of it before like the general public hadn't thought of it before so if you're able to get those perfectly one circle you have the best joke ever if you you could either do one of one of each you know like you could be in just the true thing and sometimes that's funny enough or you could just be in the never thought of it before. But the reaction you want from a crowd, at least I do, and what I think causes laughter.

Laughter is a response that we have. I mean, the evolutionary theory, I think, behind it is that when you laugh, like it makes a loud noise and it's scares. It will scare away something. So it's something that you do in response to surprise um that's why a lot of people laugh when they when something traumatic is happening um like you know when louis apparently you know like allegedly took out his penis and the girls laughed everyone kind of goes uh well why were they laughing they then they enjoyed it it's like no they were like scared and that's what you do in response to like something scary when I hit a garbage man with my

car when I was 16 I put my car in park after I hit him and I started laughing because I was just like that was did that happen I was just like like there there then came the tears and the guilt and the grief and everything but like my first reaction was like laughter. It was really bizarre. But it also shows your teeth, which, you know, when we were dealing with predators and things, if you bare your teeth, that's a sign of aggression to be like, back off. You're surprising me. I'm trying to scare you away.

Like nothing scares someone away more than someone cackling needlessly but you laugh when you're surprised right and so the best response from an audience member is to go is to have them whisper just to go oh my god that's so true you do that i do that i didn't even realize i did that that's why like there's one joke i'm doing right now in my act that is so disgusting noah like i can't even say what it is because i don't want to ruin it because i think it's going to go on my special but it is so such a bad image but it's true and no one can deny it's true and that's the that's the joy i have in it where i go, you know, I don't want to do that joke. I'm not trying to like make you guys go like, oh, my God. I like it because it's something that is true for almost every single human in the world.

I found something that no one has thought of that is true for every single human that is seriously crazy and um and i but but the thing a lot of comedians i think before comedians become comedians i have memories a lot of real like this particular joke it's a disgusting joke like truly incestually disgusting right um but i thought of it probably in like third grade like made the realization of like oh my god this if that's true then that's oh my god and i remember thinking that maybe like every human has probably arrived at this realization but you just don't say it because it's so gross but i just thought we all like kind of knew it but didn't talk about it and then i mean this is in my act too because i kind of deconstruct the bit because I don't ever want people to think I'm just doing jokes to shock people and this thing is

so shocking that it's almost seems like that especially as a female comic like you just get so much ridicule and criticism for like she's just all they talk about sex which people think is easy to get laughs which sometimes it is because it's taboo equals surprising equals easy laughter it's you know it's like sprinkling your act with fuck or sprinkling your act with listen you guys aren't gonna like this no no no tell us we're gonna like it you guys know the tricks of the edge um but i uh yeah i have to go into this whole like deconstruction of this joke because i feel so guilty that it's so gross and everyone in the crowd's just like and i go but that's our job is to i go that venn diagram i kind of describe it i

go that is that's a full circle right there like that that joke and there's certain things like that in my life that I've stumbled upon like the um skeletons are always laughing that's something that like is always been there and I'm sure other people have thought of it positive that someone else has been like it's funny that skeletons always look like they're smiling or burn victims always look like they're smiling which is ironic ironic because skeletons are dead people. And burn victims are, you know, badly injured people generally. Why would they be like it's it's it's funny because it's ironic because like when you have no lifts, it looks like you're smiling constantly.

I don't know what my point is, but skeletons are always like laughing and yeah there's they're all just if you ever just think like oh my god I don't want to die and like be in a grave like you'll be just like very happy you've never seen a weepy skeleton um or a depressed skeleton uh that's what actually sounds like a a children's book. The Depressed Skeleton. Well, I was in college. I think you were talking about Kirsten being the Venn diagram of comedy. Than me? Yeah.

And spending the weekend with her. This weekend, Noah? Did you see my stories where we were making fun of Instagram influencers? I was obsessed. And how naturally you both were at it a little too good the thing is we're not the first ones to mock this like faux sincerity

kind of like presentation that your life is cozy and perfect and you're just like you're a cute girl but you're like trying to be like you're not like that's been mocked endlessly like there's so many you know instagram accounts just making fun of these things what kirsten does so brilliantly and she did it when we were at dinner on friday night was that she did this she did a selfie where i think she was looking at her

eyebrows or something she was trying to like see something on her face. And she just took a picture where she was kind of just like, like kind of like making like a weird face. And she goes, doesn't this look like a post where someone would be like, guys, I've really thought a lot about my life this week. And I challenge all of you to really contemplate and take a break for yourself. And it was just like the the way it was just such a you know that caption might fit something like a girl looking listlessly out of window that would be like the easy joke but a goofy face like that like that is such a thing

girls do that is so subtly like fake but i've always said that when celebrities do face masks you know well they'll do like a wacky like green algae mask and their hair will be up like in a messy bun or whatever. They're like, oh, my God, I'm so vulnerable and I'm showing this like wacky side. And I'm like, guess what? Your whole face is there's nothing vulnerable about that. That is not no makeup. That's extra. That's clown makeup.

And like you're you're not being ugly. And like that's extra that's clown makeup and like you're you're not being ugly and like that's not ugly that's like putting on a halloween mask and being like aren't i vulnerable i just hate the if someone's not aware of what they're doing fine but if someone knows what they're doing like i recently heard about someone that started and oh god this, this is so humiliating. I mean, I don't even know how you'd live with yourself if you did this. It's like, it's so good. My friend told me about this couple. She knows that like started an Instagram account for like their business or whatever. And they both create fake accounts to like log on and write like fire emojis underneath their businesses. Like, not their business, but their, like, their brand. It's not even a business. It's a brand,

you know? It's, like, their couple brand. And they'll do, like, they'll get people, they'll make fake accounts to put fire emojis under their, like, how sad would you be to put a fire emoji under your own picture? Would you? I mean, there's got to be something inside you that is like so ashamed by that. I mean, listen, I've done very shameful things and like, you know, selfish things and that are gross and just deplorable. Like, you know, I used to wake up every morning with, you know, 11 to 17 protein bar wrappers in my bed because I ate all night long in bed because I starved all day. Collecting those wrappers in the morning was truly humiliating in a way that I can't even tell you. And I didn't, you know,

I used to talk about it on my last podcast, but I'd say, oh, it's four rappers. It was honestly so many more than that. And I could joke about like the kind of truth, but the real truth was so much sadder and uglier. And I felt so much deep shame doing that. I guess it's the same thing as putting a fire emoji on your own account, because it's something that I was doing to handle the deep sadness I felt in my soul that or to cover up feelings that I didn't want to have. And people looking for validation outwardly and creating brands. Some may argue they're creating a brand to get money for their family. So for their loved ones, that's different. But this seems to be about like, getting people to like you, which is the same as, you know, food addiction. It's just filling a hole because you're not enough. I was just talking to Kirsten about this, about exactly what we started talking about, Noah, about like, you know, over the weekend, I was filming with all these cameras that are now in my life. And I'll talk about that as well on the show this week I'm sure I'll get to that I'm I can't wait till we freaking announce it and I can just be out with it but you guys get it um but this

weekend they were filming Kirsten and I getting ready for my show on Saturday night which I'll also talk about I did a local show here fucking insane by the way met so many besties I just I can't even I go like honestly it it's uh my heart is too full this weekend I feel like I'm gonna barf my heart's gonna barf because I'm filled with uh just love for people and people who listen who are listening right now I love you um but Kirsten and I were getting ready and I was talking about how funny she is and how thank god you know I always say about how funny she is and how, thank God, you know, I always say about my sister, thank God she didn't pursue modeling because I couldn't have handled that. Like the attention she would have gotten if she would have pursued what she kind of, everyone thought she would do. Like she didn't need the spotlight.

Thank God for that. I wouldn't have survived it. I wouldn't have been a good Solange. And Kirsten was, is so funny that she, if she wanted to, she could, she would be, she would be famous right now, you guys, without question. If she had the drive to be loved by strangers that I'd had, she would be famous. But Noah, we were talking about this morning and I go, but you didn't want that. And she goes, well, I think we handled trauma differently because we both were traumatized by, you know, our friend killing himself. She much, I would say more so because she was more connected to him. And, you know, for a myriad reasons, dealt with a lot more bullshit from that death than I did. But we both took that tragedy.

I got anorexic she got you know she just kind of got party girl threw herself into like socializing but the thing is I was like no I don't think that's it Kirsten like even before David's death you didn't seek being popular you became popular and kind of left me behind at one point because you were just so great to be around. People wanted to be around you. I had this desperation to be popular, not because I wanted to be friends with those people because they looked fun to hang out with, but because it would mean that more people would like me and envy me. It was like, I didn't have self-esteem, you did. And then we got talking about it and I was like like I I was angry that I wasn't born a model and like I was you know I've talked about it before and this is so stupid because you're

probably going Nikki you're beautiful and all that I'm so grateful for what I was given and I'm and I don't think this way anymore but I used to be so angry like you know why wasn't I born a gym with a gymnast body or whatever every point in life, there was something I wanted and it was like, it's not fair. And of course, I'm like a white, like tall, lanky kid. Like I have nothing, I had nothing to really complain about, but it was just, I was never enough and it was never going to be enough. You know, like no matter what I looked like, I was always going to feel that way because I just had low self-esteem and she didn't. And I think that's what it comes down to. I'm so glad she had self-esteem and didn't need to fulfill it by being a performer because she has it in her, dude.

She is so freaking funny. Even yesterday when we were filming, I went to a recording studio yesterday, Noah, and recorded my first song. And it's so good. It's so awesome. I'm so happy for you. I can't wait for you to hear it. I can't wait. Yeah.

Matt Pond wrote it. Anya and Matt produced it for me and helped me with my voice. And I just heard it today. And it sounds so good. It sounds like I'm a professional. Oh, my gosh. Like, it's beautiful. You know, I'm not a good singer. Like, I'm not the best singer. I good it sounds like I'm a professional like it's beautiful you know I'm not a good singer like I'm not the best singer I'll say that I'm good but what I was able

to do was like Matt wrote a song for me that really I connected to and I was able to like channel the emotions behind it which is I think more than half of what makes a voice listenable is like the you hear the emotions behind it. So I was able to do that. But yesterday we had the idea for me to just do impressions of different, sing the song, but with different people's like, do Gaga. Now do Ariana Grande.

Now do Gwen Stefani. And I was like, you know who's going to be better at this than me? Kirsten. And she came in and did the funniest run of like i was just going through my spotify going rihanna bare naked ladies uh ryan adams uh snoop dog and she was doing all of them she's a great impressionist she can just do it right away you'll see it on the show she may be a little nervous today so i don't want to talk her up too much but she's just so funny and um it's nice to just be able to go it's nice to be able to give her a

spotlight now because I don't although there is still a part of a tiny part of me that goes god why didn't I think of that first I realize that she's I think of things that she doesn't think of like I'm funny in my own way that she's not even though I do think she's funnier. And that's obviously subjective. What an amazing weekend we had. Thank you to all the besties that came out to the show in St. Louis at the factory. There were tons of them there. I met some of you after the show. You know how I feel about you.

Everyone was coming. There was a lot of my friends and like, you know, people working on this camera project that's following me around and they were all like, you just like light up around your fans. Like you just, you seem to like really genuine,

you give them so much and I'm like, it's not, and they go, are you exhausted? Because there were hundreds of people for me to meet. And they were like, are you exhausted? And I was like, not at all. Like that was my my i wish i could just go do meet and greets instead of a show because it was so fun to talk to you guys and um i'll talk to andrew about who we ran

into i i ran into one fan this weekend that was truly uh an incredible experience uh one bestie i'm sure she's listening right now. Let's get him in here. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money

so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The daily show ears edition podcast dive into john's unique take on the biggest topics in politics

entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail.

It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery.

A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crumbs as part of of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking

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Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay.

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Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast Every Wednesday On the Black Effect Podcast Network The iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast Or wherever you go to find your podcast Hey Andrew Good morning

Hey Roby Good morning Robes I love that you are wearing a shirt underneath the robe You didn't want to go What is the chest not in the tip top shape Toby. Good morning, Robes. I love that you are wearing a shirt underneath the robe. You didn't want to go, what, is the chest not in the tip-top shape? Honestly, I didn't even think about it. I thought you went t-shirt under there. And then I... No, boy.

Yo, girl. No, boy. Hey, girl. Yeah, no, I went t-shirt underneath. Is that not appropriate? No, it's robe day. It's anything you want. It's kind of like wearing a t-shirt in the pool.

I'm also wearing a hat with a robe. Not many people do that. The hat and the shirt are secondary and thirdary to the belt. Yeah, I wanted to class up the joint. Can you show the belt on camera? If you don't know, we are on YouTube right now, so you can see. This episode will take a little bit more time to get up I think they're all delayed

a couple days but thank you so much to everyone who's been watching the shows on YouTube have you been watching the shows on YouTube Andrew? I have checked them out are you reading the comments? I've seen some comments yeah they're all positive except for one JTL1047 go fuck yourself

oh really? is that a real one? No, I don't know. How fun was Saturday night? Saturday night was... Are you thinking about what day that was? Why? It was the show. Oh.

I honestly thought you were talking about the dinner that we had. I'm just confused. Oh, that was really fun, too. You went to the dinner with me, Kirsten, and Taylor. Have we talked about the camera following you? Yeah, I've just been saying that cameras are following me, but I can't say for what. Oh, okay. But I think people can kind of... Well, if they see us around town...

I'm like, what, are they going to take it away? Maybe. Please. Please. Then let me just talk about it more, because goddamn, my life is... No, I'm actually loving it. Okay. Well, they're going to have to take down the lights in our house, too.

Yeah. They leave those. It's just an old abandoned... I mean, the lights are falling down. An old abandoned show, like fast forward 20 years. I love doing whatever we're doing. And who said it was a show? Andrew, what about the show on Saturday night?

What show? No. I mean, we can't talk about that, which is definitely a show. The other thing... Who's on first? All I'm saying is that cameras are following us everywhere. So the- Could be for anything.

It could just be I'm getting, you know, I've just hired people to follow us. Honestly? For nothing. It's not a bad idea. So St. Louis show was incredible. It was what, 3,000 people? Just 3,000. It's the biggest show I've done for myself.

Can I be honest? It didn't feel any bigger than a regular theater that we usually... What about a regular theater? Either or, or unleaded. A regular... But... I'm sorry.

It's probably so annoying to people who are like, just let him say regular. What is it? Regular. Yes. You just don't like use we've yeah i skip them skip i'm listen you got i e i o that's it and sometimes why but definitely never you ow um yeah so yeah saturday night was amazing i mean it's that place do you feel like when you come home, it's your hometown.

You know, everyone loves that. Every celebrity is like, I'm coming back to my home. You know, you see it on American Idol. I'm coming back to Lawrenceville, Kansas. And everyone's like, woo, she did it. And then a week later, they're doing meth, and everyone forgot about them. But anyhow, not you. But I'm saying like on American Idol because no one really becomes famous anymore.

Yeah, from that show. But do you feel like when you do your St. Louis crowd, you're talking about schnooks? Yeah, like making local references. You know what? I felt like, guys, thank you for being here because you could just see me at Trader Joe's. But obviously I'm not going to do my act in the fucking oatmeal aisle, which is where you'll find me. But it's less of an aisle and more of just a rack. But you know what I felt like was there was just obviously added pressure because it was like this girl better reference some things because she knows.

When I go to San Antonio, people don't expect me to know about every kind of trope and stereotype. And I touched on a little bit. I wish I would have done more. I came up with a really good line earlier that I forgot to use about the Cardinals because the Cardinals are on a winning streak right now, Noah. Fifteen games now. Fifteen games in a row they have won, and they were not doing well at the start of the season,

like embarrassingly bad. We went to the Reds kind of games. Yes, the Reds Cardinals, yes of games yes and they lost cardinals yeah yeah and they lost what is it called though like it's called like like the reds run or whatever well that's what i was going through this weekend the red run oh did you oh yeah i get mine every fucking two weeks the reds come in town um that's funny has anyone ever used that instead of ant flow the cincinnati reds are in town i don't know but i like it i like it too um but uh no they're they're on a winning streak and i was gonna make the joke that i think i'm responsible for it because i realized the second game they won i hadn't changed my

underwear in a day and so i just decided to keep wearing those underwear so my underwear is on uh well there's got a there's a streak going on that too. 15 of them. Yes, that was your line. So I forgot to do that. So there you go. Well, it was interesting. It was 13, but then they won two more games in a row. I mean, it's exciting.

Yeah. This town is going to get buck wild. I mean... If we get far. I love when a team wins and then our house will somehow get destroyed. You know what I mean? Oh, you know what we're going to do to celebrate? I'm going to light my own car on fire.

It's like, this is a way for people to just get insurance or insurance money if their team wins. Is this hometown pride or is a hurricane coming? Why are we boarding up windows? How does excitement lead to destruction? It's interesting how they intertwine. Well, it's the love and hate thing, right? Because in hate, there's destruction too.

But it's like, I don't know. It's like, let's burn this shopping center because Tommy pitched well. Did you meet besties at the show? There were some besties afterwards. There was the one I really loved. First of all, the girl that was outside our apartment who was like the nicest girl ever who randomly was literally outside our door. I mean, that was insane. That's who I wanted to talk about.

I forgot you were there for that. And I'm so glad that you were. We were driving back from getting spray tans for the show. I'm in Kirsten's car, kirsten's car pulling into my apartment and we park and these this guy who's kind of trailed by a girl probably 20 feet behind him comes up and i don't really hear they're just like are you did what did they say he said are you andrew did he say that i think are you nikki something like that oh no no oh yeah yeah are you andrew i also have the whole all the people that are usually following us with cameras are now not with cameras but just like you know we're not filming right now

so we're just going back into the apartment from shooting at this tanning place which we're just doing for fun yeah just for fun and uh i mean it's for fun and it could be for something else but no i'm not saying that but mostly funsies and this guy was like are you Nikki and I'm like yeah and I was like he was like my girlfriend's like a huge fan and this girl this adorable girl named Annie is behind him blonde hair looks a little bit like Taylor Swift and me I'm flattering myself yeah but she's adorable and she is like oh my god and I was like are you guys like did you like know I lived because they're like we're just visiting from Memphis we're coming to your show tonight and I was like wait where you're did you like know I lived here and we're like hanging out and they were like I think

they knew the neighborhood and so they were in the neighborhood already but she was just like oh I know Nikki goes to that Whole Foods but she was like there's no chance I'm gonna see her and then all of a sudden I drive by and she was like oh my god i think her boyfriend's name is mark or her husband mark that's that's nikki glazer and he's like no way and she's like i don't want to say anything and he is a salesman and so she was like he thought nothing of it so he ran up into the parking garage like it's an open thing so he wasn't like sneaking under a gate or something and he he came up to us and she's she was so sweet and i'm so glad she said hi because i really i hate when big fans don't say hi and then later on they're like i was too scared it's like get that i know what it's

like to be nervous to like say hi to someone i'm telling you i won't make you feel weird about it it will be a good experience and she was like shaking and crying it was so sweet so sweet that she stalked us um but uh no she was unbelievable and then she was at the scientist i'm like a cute scientist likes me and listens to us all the time and how did we trick her she got into the podcast during the pandemic when i was like going through depression having to like do my show every day she had just moved to memphis didn't have any How did we trick her? She got into the podcast during the pandemic when I was like going through depression, having to like do my show every day. She had just moved to Memphis, didn't have any friends.

And she was like, you were my friend. And I kind of didn't have any friends in St. Louis either. I was just living with my parents. She's living with her guy and like lonely. And she was like, you kept me company. I'm like, you kept me company. And it was just lovely. And, you know, some people say this to me sometimes, but she was like, you're like my Taylor Swift, like to make me understand how it feels. And I just get that because you know what I know is that I know if when I meet, I know how Taylor Swift is with her fans and she treats them exactly the way I do because she knows that they love her and like are her friend in a way that I am.

Like Taylor Swift would have listening parties with her fans. She's the only person that would invite her fans. She'd find them online, her biggest fans, invite them to her house, her home, for an all-night listening party where they'd dance and have fun. Her mom goes through the crowds at her shows to find the biggest fans

that just would love it the most, to bring them backstage. She's very much like, I love my fans. I wonder how long they hang out at the house after the party. I need to set up. I wonder what it's like. Taylor's just like, I'm tired. They're still chatting.

So what's the other part of the house look like? Yeah. Right. Speaking of having someone stay at your house, and I just never want her to leave. Yeah, she's a great addition. My best friend, Kirsten, is going to come on the show right now. Let's bring her in. Kirsten!

Kirsten! I never get to do it. Kirsten! Monday's got me like, whoa. What the heck? Welcome to the show. Luigi. I love this. This is like a not me is right next to you. What the heck? Welcome to the show. Luigi. I love this.

This is like a not me is right next to you. Yeah. This is actually kind of wild to look at right now. I'm not kidding, dude. This is weird. Kirsten and I have been best friends since fourth grade. We met because she was acting out in class and got moved and sat next to me. And then I realized that someone was as weird as me and funny.

And it was just like very validating. What is your take on that day? Do you remember that day that you met Nikki? I do. I just remember getting in trouble and then getting rewarded because of it. Honestly, I had kind of clocked you, Nikki, for a while. I knew you were...

I had a feeling we were very similar. I saw you with your little like blonde ponytail little shorts pulled up high little t-shirt my shorts pulled up high remember how like in 94 it was like you could like wear your shorts yeah we all dressed like dads yeah i don't know i just middle-aged dads i remember feeling kind of excited to get to move by next to you but i don't really remember our first conversation i really wish i did it was about the markers yeah yeah so i had a pair like a set of bold markers in my desk oh you remember like markers that you just like crayola markers you could have like 12 of them you could have like the regular colors i think it was like eight like oh yeah yeah yeah boy gbiv

and then you could have the there was like in the 90s, this was 94, new on the scene were bold colors. And it was like a darker purple and like a maroon. It was like the waiting room, like the reception area at a doctor's office that was constructed in the 90s. Like maroon and teal. Yes, teal was a part of the bold marker set. It makes you feel like you're going to die. And I remember. Yeah, just kind of.

It's like if you design your office like that, we're probably going to die. Because you'd pray. Is that the sound of death? What show is that? Oh, let's do that game. Oh, no, no. We'll do it later. But what I wanted to say was. Sorry.

Yeah, I asked her for bold markers. And she was like, sure, you can borrow some. But I had clocked her because I saw in her desk she had on her pencil case, she had little dots of Elmer's glue. And I was like, I remember we were lining up and I go, whoever's desk that is, is putting glue dots to pick them off and likes picking glue. And I love picking glue.

And I just remember being like, oh, my God, someone else likes to do this weird thing. Oh, it was the best. And Kirsten loved all these weird things that I loved, like torturing mosquito bites. I've talked about this on the show before and some of our listeners have written in about it. When you get a mosquito bite,

we like to do X's in it with our nail and like torture it. Like hot cross bun to make it like less itchy. You took a curling iron. Do you remember when you tried to burn yours? Like hover it right over the bite and just go, it's about to touch it. Yes. Yeah.

I remember where our desks were. It was like the back right corner. Everyone would line up at the door. Yep. That's so weird. I remember that part. I know. I know.

And that's where you saw inside the desk that little. Did you ever get glue on your hands and be like, oh, I'm ripping it off like it's skin? Oh yeah and i would eat it sometimes oh ever no no but you know i think like kids who eat glue there's like a that's like a thing yeah it's a party you know like there's a thing of like oh he was one of those glue eaters yeah but now you know that that's like just like a probably like a a tick or a spectrum thing. I could see how you could fall into that and then... I mean, I love... It's not as stigmatized now.

I watch Love on the Spectrum. We watched the first episode, by the way. Oh, my God, how good. People are dying for us to talk about it, by the way, because I'm a huge Love on the Spectrum fan. Oh, my God. It's a show on Netflix that follows around autistic people in Australia who are trying to date.

And it's all different types of people on different types of the autism spectrum. And my God, is it the best fucking show. And season two is not disappointing. How cute is the first season, first episode? I almost get emotional just thinking. I cry. Yeah, Michael might be the funniest person on Netflix.

Like he is, his expressions when she goes, I don't have a TV and he goes, that sucks. Oh my God. And it's just like, oh. He goes on these speed dates and this guy you can just see, they don't lie. Autistic people, you know, Amy Schumer covered this in her special about having her husband has Asperger's

and like, he doesn't lie. And so, there's something good about that and like can be bad because it can be hurtful and yeah I think a lot of times I deal with that as well of trying to be honest and um you have to like phrase things in a way that won't be hurtful because the truth hurts right yes I think Lizzo wrote a song about it but um Michael's on these speed dates and these girls sit down and he's just asking them questions and you can just see when he goes from being like you like tv too and then they'll say like oh i like i like watching

like the bachelorette and he just goes oh yeah and his face just falls there's no there's no ability for him to be like oh you do like there's no fakeness and it's lovely and the conversation goes to like he was pausing for a second and he goes, my mind is at a crossroads right now. I can't think of another question. And he's just kind of like, his face is like, yeah, they just say my mind,

I can't think of a question. I can't think of another thing to say. Instead of being like, how's the weather? And he's like honest, he's like, I like your shirt. So if he's complimenting you, it feels so authentic and nice and real

because he's not going gonna lie because he'll tell you you're sure shit if he thinks it's shit oh it's you know i think they've learned or enough of them have learned how to socially interact that if they do think something is bad to keep it maybe inside so they don't say but like his the thing he couldn't help with his facial expressions when he was sad that some girl was like showing so much promise and then you go he rolls his eyes a little bit so many times i was like this girl is like everything you want her to be michael she likes this and this and then um oh at one point he's like don't you know i like i like collecting toys and she's like what kind of toys and he's like you know thomas the train engine and she was like oh my my my um nephew

loves thomas and he was like how old is your nephew and she goes three and he's like oh like he's a germophile which is the best word oh my god he loves i mean it doesn't sound he loves culture so he loves the english culture he loves and he loves brit British celebrities. So Michael goes on all of these speed dates, right? Yes. How do you feel about, there were some people that were neurotypical, and there was one girl that was actually also on the spectrum, and the rest were not. At first, I did feel, I was like, well, are they handicapped?

Is that like a normal person dating someone that's less intelligent? But people are less intelligent. That's what I was saying to Chris. That's what I said to Chris, too, when I was watching it with them. I go, if I date someone that went to Harvard or Yale, that's a bigger difference than if I dated someone that had a 90 IQ or whatever. But the thing is, people on the spectrum are also hyper-intelligent. There's a lot of people that go to Harvard and Yale that are on the spectrum.

That's true, too, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just don't see anything wrong with it. I think that if you're doing it to take advantage of them and then lock them into a room and have sex with them all day or whatever it is, but I think that

I mean, there are things about these men on this show that make me feel like, man, I feel like I would want to date someone who is, what I do know is I want to have friends that are on the autistic spectrum. Like, I'm going to actively pursue working with people with autism because they, they are just as interested in things as I am interested. I get obsessed with things and want to know everything about them. And I know there are Swifties out there that are autistic.

And I'm a little autistic when it comes to Taylor Swift. Or I have the same kind of obsession. I'll Taylor Swift-ic. Sorry. Yeah. And like I... Exactly. Dude, that's perfect. that was good yeah good um but i was i was watching love on the spectrum with chris my ex and we were talking about it and he there was one part where this girl who's fairly

uh highly functioning on the spectrum what was her name i forget oh yeah the girl with the who was eating with her friends at the table and yeah wing women yeah and she's very into cosplay because it lets her be different characters and and kind of escape into a character as opposed to being herself which feels like awkward she was talking about how you know i have had to learn how to say things so that it doesn't upset people even though the thing i'm saying should not be upsetting because it's just the thing it's just the truth and and chris goes i want an example of that and i go i've got one for when i i have to do the same thing because you know there's this i remember i was eating lunch with lizzie cooperman in la and

we were at a place called craft cafe gratitude where you um you know it's it's very like it's all vegan i love it but you order things that are called like i am strong and that's like the caesar salad so you have to tell the waiter i am strong and that means you want a caesar salad i am brave with dressing on the side so awkward i am easygoing with dressing on the side and like a like can you make it um with like light chicken and like a drizzle of the the balsamic um but i yeah i am low maintenance uh but then they also go after then and they don't really hold you to that but that's what they're called usually i just go can i have this and i point at it because i i don't feel you know like wow, but that's what they're called. Usually I just go, can I have this? And I point at it because I don't feel confident.

And they're like, wow, she's not brave. Yeah. Yeah. And then they always, after your order, they go, okay, thank you for that. Would you guys like to hear our question of the day? And they always have some kind of question that's like, what's the biggest risk you've ever taken? And it's just supposed to conjure an interesting conversation to like be introspective and like share.

And they always go, would you like to hear a question of the day? And the guy was very nice. Our waiter and we ordered getting along. He's like, would you guys, okay, I'll be back with your drinks.

Would you guys like to hear the question of the day? And I go, no. And, and then he goes, okay. And he walks away and Lizzie was just like, I mean,

there is. Yeah. He wasn't asking, And Lizzie was just like. I mean, there is. Yeah. He wasn't asking, hey, do you want fries with that? I go. He's probably never been told no. Well, first of all, I don't want the question of the day. We didn't need a question to get us talking. No is an answer.

No, thank you. Maybe would have been a better way. But I didn't say it like, no. I just go, no. And she was laughing she was like just the way you said that like i would never say that and i was like but why there's i wasn't being rude and he didn't seem bothered by it but she was like it was like you getting embarrassed when i pick up dog shit with leaves like he was she was so embarrassed that i had been

so what's like it's very dry your enthusiasm enthusiasm where like Larry always talks about like, what would he do in a situation if he was just being really honest? You know what I mean? Is, are you doing, is that Larry's impression? No, you, I had a dream last night. Am I Larry David? That I was dating, that I was like hooking up with Larry David and like actively pursuing him.

And like, it was between him and another guy. I remember being like, who am I going to pick? And I was like, up with Larry David and actively pursuing him. What? It was between him and another guy. I remember being like, who am I going to pick? And I was like, I don't know. I'm just really attracted to Larry David. We're having a good time. He's sexy to me. I want to make out with him. And I was horny for Larry David.

And I think I could be, honestly. I think he's married now. Yeah, he's a sexy man. Yeah, he definitely is. He knows exactly who he is. That's why he's married now. Yeah, he's a sexy man. Yeah, he definitely is. He knows exactly who he is. That's why he's so hot. That's it. Yeah.

He wears his khakis. He's got like three different sweaters. He's got comfortable shoes on. He's happy with being bald. There's something about a bald man who doesn't shave his head, who keeps it long on the sides that's very confident. I mean, him walking on stage before he was famous. You know what I mean?

Like, grow it out. Yeah. The confidence of walking on stage before he was famous doing stand-up. Grow it out, yeah. The confidence of walking on stage at Stand-Up New York, there's a famous story of him being a comic, and this was before he was known for Seinfeld, or maybe he was still developing it

or whatever. But he walked on stage, he looked at the crowd, they're like, Larry David, and he walks up and he just looks at the crowd and he just goes,

no. And he just walks off. That's you with the question of the day. It's the same thing. I mean, that's why. When you said Larry David, I was like all of a sudden aroused. I was like, oh, my God, my dream. Do you ever have that where you remember a dream that you would have forgotten?

Yeah, I also blew Larry David last night. Let's get to the news. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first Yeah you heard it here first What's Larry David's real last name? I think David Who is?

Yeah it's probably more Jew-y Oh really? It's interesting I love that we're like He's just who he is Yeah Did he change his Jewish last name? He has that one joke about jerking off

With a hundred of He goes the closest I ever came to dying Oh no I think it's Larry Star of David. Can you imagine? Wait, what did you say? What is this joke? I like that there's an of in there, too, to make it important. Star of.

Star of. It's almost like, you know, Handmaid's Tale, where they're all named. Tale artistic. Of Corey. That would be your name, right? Of Corey. Because your husband's name, right? Of Corey. Because your husband's name is Corey. It'd be of Corey.

Yeah. He has a joke though. He goes, the closest I ever came to dying is jerking off with 104 fever. Have you ever masturbated when you shouldn't, like where you're on the verge of death? No. I masturbate. I had mono, which is a funny thing to jerk off to because... On the verge of the kissing disease.

Well, it's a kissing disease, and the more you activate your body, the more you're sick. Oh, I didn't know that. You're literally going against yourself. Oh, my God. You're like a salmon who's trying to spawn upstream. I'm picturing you activating your body. Oh, my God. Jerking off.

I put on workout clothes. What's our first story? I hope you're having all the swells out there had a great weekend we sure did we had great shows in st louis thank you for everyone coming out of the closet um okay first uh story a product review company scanned tweets and found that kfc not the kfc we know, Kentucky Fried Chicken, is the most hated fast food chain in the world, with customers mostly complaining about quality. In the U.S., Domino's Pizza is the most hated, getting flack for its subpar customer service issues with delivery. What's your feeling on fast food hate? Starbucks got a lot of hate. You know, Starbucks gets hate because people are paying $6 for milk and coffee,

and they feel entitled, and they like their specific order. And I watch people. That's entitlement. No one should be upset about any of this cheap-ass food because it's so fucking cheap the people making it for you are making not enough money to even have a one-bedroom apartment in america why should dominoes give you good customer service they don't you don't tip well americans are not good tippers even though tipping is a failed you know form of like we're not supposed to have a, tipping culture is, like, bad for the economy and bad for people,

I guess, from what I've understood. But I don't, the, when I get bad service at a place that has, like, endless salad bar for $9.99 or something, like, it should be bad service. Like, stop expecting good service when you're paying for chickens that have been. But then Starbucks being bad service, you're paying $7 for a coffee. Don't you think you should get great service?

My argument there is – OK, let me take that back. Don't expect good service for when you are supporting a company that doesn't compensate their employees accordingly. Like whenever there is bad service, it's because these people aren't being paid enough or aren't being appreciated enough for the work they're doing so if it's it's it's unhappy employees but i guess you could also say that plenty of people that make a great salary are shitty fucking workers too but that's right but like if you went into a pizza place and it was 40 for a pizza maybe you'd get a waiter that would be like, hipster service. Yeah, the opposite of that. I'm not seating you in the good table.

No, because then there would be more complaints online about high-end places. When you go to a high-end restaurant and you have a dining service, the guy the other night was calling us baby and sir. But they wait on you hand and foot because they're charging a bigger a bigger price and and like what is your favorite fast food or when you're really ticks me off when

people get like like the customer's always right at a pizza hut like these people are making eight dollars an hour shut the fuck up like this i just um and and tip so much tip if you can if you can afford it you must tip 100 on on really cheap stuff go even deeper there and go well the person that is paying eight dollars for this pizza they also get paid a barely living wage so that's a lot of money think about how i get it but but also just know that you shouldn, at your job where you work and make that shitty price, you don't want to, maybe you do have pride and you are really good at your job and stuff, but you're not this person who might have had a really hard day or whatever. Just more empathy across the board.

Fast food for me, Subway is the only place I would go. Oh, Subway was hated a lot here. Yeah, I get that. Subway, when you walk past it, that smell is like, it's an interesting smell. Do you eat fast food, Kirsten? I like fast casual.

Like there's some places that I just can go pick up like a, it's like, it's more like bowls and like not fast food, like Chick-fil-A. Yeah. I just don't, I don't have a need for.

Chick-fil-A, the people are nice, right? You know how slow I am, am Nikki I don't need fast anything Yeah yeah yeah that's true But maybe like crazy bowls and wraps Do you ever eat nut butter like just a scoop of nut butter Just on the go And I go I'd just rather have like a protein bar that has the same

Stuff in it you know like the protein bars I eat are pretty raw and like And I go I'd just rather have it and she goes You know just like when you're like in a rush and I'm like the protein bars I eat are pretty raw. And like, and I go, I'd just rather have it. And she goes, you know, just like when you're like in a rush. And I'm like, what? A protein bar is the most easily rushed food ever. Well, just like to add to a meal, like I like to have like a lunch. And then when I want that little delicious, like these nut butters they're making now are so.

You're like, try the one I bought last night, like nutso, fix and fog. They're like artisan with. Yeah. See, no, you're not wrong. one i bought last night like nutso fix and fog they're like artisan with yeah see no you're not wrong maple syrup and cashews it's like they're it's not peanut butter and almond butter they're like you're right it's like a dessert like those rx the rx uh almond butter with vanilla and egg white yeah oh yeah kirsten created a thing where she puts them in the freezer yeah someone at the gym told me this. Shout out to Stephanie. You put those little packets in the freezer, squish them up first, get the oil mixed around, and then pop it out.

And it's like a frozen fudge treat. On the go. And you just suck it out of the package. Well, you figured out a lot of ways to eat unhealthy healthy. Like a lot of the chocolates you get that I try, it's like, does this come right from the cocoa tree? Like it really does. Like I eat a lot of Snickers and then I'm like, oh wait,

this is what chocolate should taste like. The Honey Mamas. But you love Chick-fil-A. I'm obsessed. And talk about service. I mean, it's unbelievable. You drive through they got a guy standing up pay well or do they just like benefits where you think yeah i think so i think

they take care of the people that work there i know they go they got a lot of slack for the homophobic stuff but i mean i think let it slide well i'm just kidding chicken is good but no but i do i they probably employ a ton of I would say there's a ton of gay people that actually probably work for Chick-fil-A. And it was, the head guy was very homophobic, who's now dead. Let's be honest,

the head guys of most corporations are probably pretty homophobic. Yeah, I'm sure the owner of Taco Bell doesn't love gay guys. I did a salary search for Chick-fil-a employees and uh starbucks and it's their salaries are pretty comparable just so you know what about kfc um i do want to say though that starbucks uh just going on their subreddit i know so much like the they used to have a business model that was very pro like Starbucks employee. They had benefits.

They had great hours. That's how they all start. They call themselves partners, not employees. And now something has happened where they've just become like the mobile orders are just – those are nightmares for Starbucks people. They've now doubled how many drinks they need to make. And people that mobile order will mobile order and then arrive one minute later and be like, where's my drink? And it's like, that's not how this works.

And then there's the drive-through and then there's people walking in. So you have three people back there. It's like walking into a triage every time you go into a Starbucks. I feel so much for those employees. And we'd love to hear voice memos or any kind of tale of working in fast food.

And if it is because of what you're making. Let's get to the next story. Next story. A study suggests that a way a person cheats depicts the kind of affair they will have, which is kind of interesting. So those who admitted to cheating out of lack of love or resentment toward their partners

had affairs that lasted longer and were more likely to end their primary relationship that makes sense those who cheated because of situational considerations like stress or alcohol had shorter and less sexually gratifying engagements yeah makes sense because you know whenever you you get cheated i always said that like if you get cheated on and you're like you cheated on me john and he's he's like, yeah. And he's like, where? Just at this bar with my friends. So you were just like wasted. No, I actually was designated driver that night.

She was just like, so you sober? Cheated on me? Wait, can you just tell me you were wasted? It just like, it lessens the blow. Like, you must hate me. Also, all your drunk friends were in the car with the girl you cheated on me with. Yeah, she got shotgun.

Yeah, they're in the back. Do they like her? Is she like a better hang than me she's pretty cool that's the problem i really got to know her if cheating is happening because you're not getting your needs met in a relationship emotionally physically whatever it is of course those relationships are going to those you know affairs are going to have longer lasting, you know, they're going to last longer because they are based on things that are, you know, fulfilling a need, a basic human need,

as opposed to just a flank, like getting your dick sucked or whatever. This is interesting. People who cheat because of anger are more likely to tell their partners, which makes sense because they're doing it not because they want new pussy. They want to hurt the pussy they have or the penis they have. I always say that in my act about like girls who go, when I tell girls, you shouldn't sleep with a guy who's not your boyfriend if you want him to be your boyfriend. And they go, but I like sex, Nikki.

I'm just making up a character that's like, but I want to. And I'm like, okay. She's like, you know what? If he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, I'll just say, fine, I'm going to sleep with other guys. And it's like, but you want this guy to be your boyfriend. So I'm guessing if you're sleeping with him, you're probably in love with him, right? So yeah, you're going to go sleep with other guys. Let me guess.

You're probably not going to be able to do that because when a girl's in love, she kind of is just tunnel vision for one guy. The best you'll be able to do is bludgeon yourself with alcohol to the point that you can make out with some guy that kind of reminds you of your boyfriend. And then you're going to, in the middle of it, you're going to kind of like forget that it's not, or you're going to remember it's not him. And then you're going to start crying and be like, I cheated on him.

Then you're going to call the guy that you want to be your boyfriend and be like, and think that this is going to get him to be like, I do love you. Don't be with other guys. But instead it makes him fucking hate you and never talk to you again. And that's what happens. But I think that's what girls do sometimes. But at least you get that kiss.

Yeah, you go and you make out with someone to be like, fine, he's going to see that I can cheat. I can be with other people too if he doesn't want to commit to me. And it's like, that's not going to work on him. He's not going to like you after that. And then you're like, fine, I'm just going to go back to the guy

that kissed me in the bar. And then you go back to him and he goes, I was fucking drunk. I didn't even like you. Like, ew. We're cousins. I just did it 23 and me and i we can't go back to that this is our house bar at our parents house and we're in the basement all right let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with why do i care 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year it's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship

with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio appays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top

headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community,

and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the My Gulura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica.

And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women,

then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Stephens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was OK. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade,

and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh, Dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And Slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time.

You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen.

I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hellbent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of I Heart Women's Sports. All right, Andrew, why do I care?

I don't know to this day. Why do I care? All right, Kristen or Kirsten Bell? Kristen Bell? Don't look at me. Wait, do you know? Wait, Kristen Bell. Kristen Bell.

Yeah. Reveals why she dislikes the term relationship goals. Oh, yeah. Being applied to her marriage with Dax. Because it's inauthentic. I don't know why. I just. Because it's inauthentic.

And says the messy pair go to therapy to keep their relationship healthy. Yeah, when people go relationship goals underneath people's pictures on Instagram. Like, yeah, that must be irritating for people who are like, no, this isn't what you see on camera and on Instagram. We're not showing you all the work that goes into it. And it's just not like. I know, but I love when people go, why don't you show the real relationship? It's like, oh, you want to show us crying and me getting hit by her? Is that the photo you want to see?

No, people don't want to see that. But I do that for people. There are some people that I go, relationship goals, like there are, like Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly

for me right now is relationship goals. Like that love that won't last. Yeah, we just see them like on a motorcycle making out with hard tongues. Not like filling out

their will with their lawyer or something. Yeah, yeah. Or just eating at freaking KFCc i would say you they're in the can away you and your husband cory i would say our relationship goals like the way do you feel when you hear that i feel really great hearing that because i would like i would like that kind of partnership i feel like you both give each other space you both like love each other you both fulfill each other's needs in ways that aren't, like, I can't live without you. But, like, you make each other happy.

Like, he is okay with you having, like, friendships outside of him. He's not threatened by – he doesn't seem to be a jealous person. You – he's – you know, not that everything in your life is perfect but i would say that you guys seem to have a healthy relationship what um what do you think of that and what do you attribute it to and and would you say that that's a correct assumption i think that's a very correct assumption i think it's because we met in our late 20s early 30s like i was 28 he was 30 i'd already been an adult and like made my life how I wanted it to be we both had worked on ourselves before then and um I just did you wait to have sex and we waited how long probably like four months whoa because we we were dating I was okay I was coming out of

a relationship that was three years with an older guy and I just, I'm... You said one time you were leaving a gas station and someone asked you if he was your dad. Yeah, we were going to the lake down in Missouri somewhere and this woman walked up. She was like, is that your dad? It was like a quick trip. And I just felt like I had like baby bangs at the time. So I kind of was playing it up a little bit.

But I don't know, after a long relationship like that... You actually had a lollipop in your mouth. Yeah, i had a baby bonnet on and a big diaper carriage that he was daddy give me a lollipop she was in a baby bjorn a chest to his chest with the bottle so yeah it was more contextual you were in a car yeah so like coming out of that i knew i i just was like oh relationship i don't want i will never again kind of fake being calm and like put together and like stylish and like blogger for anybody. They're going to see me as like my spazzy. Like they have to see the grossest face I make. Like I can make when I'm trying to make someone laugh.

Like be spaz and like, oh, and they'd still find me attractive and fun. Did you? So I didn't make it that way with Corey instantly though? Yes. I remember. How do you know? Because I, in my head I go,

I am not, I like really like this guy, but I am not, I don't love him enough to be like, I'm going to like shape who he wants me to be. I just knew, I was cued in to know that he just wanted me to be myself. How did you meet him?

I don't know how, just through friends. Oh. Yeah. And I'm not trying to say that like it wanted me to be myself. How did you meet him? I don't know how. Just through friends. Oh. Yeah. And I'm not trying to say that like it was. So why did you wait to have sex? Well, I was dating a couple other guys at the time. So a couple of other Virgos were lined up.

Listen, Virgos. And I was really just dating because I was having like summer of fun. I kind of stopped drinking. I mean, I still drink. You know that. But I was sober. I mean, saying that you drink is, you drink like one glass of wine every three weeks. I probably have like four drinks in a month, maybe.

Okay, so there we go. All the same night though, and then you cheat on your husband. Well, and the night we met, the night we met, it was like a first Friday art event, and I was down in the crossroads. We were at this like big party thing.

She's from Kansas City. I think I had biked down there, and I was wearing a little dress. I was living that life where I had a bag full of spinach from the farmer's market, and I was just walking around with this huge bag of spinach. You sound like the girl that I would try to be to get a guy. But I was in a hippie vibe. I was like, just, here I am. And he was like, who's this girl with a big bag of spinach?

No, I just went to the farmer's market. We were cooking. And I was literally in a... The thing we've never done. I was in like an F-boy, F-buy mode. Where I just was like, I'm not having any of this bullshit of trying to be this person. So we literally dated. I would send him home at the end of the night.

Because I didn't want him to see me in the morning just yet. I was like, okay, I just want to do my thing. I was living alone. And he was totally cool with that. And seeing him leave at the end of the night when we'd been hanging out and saying I got to get up in the morning. And he would walk away and just be like,

okay, have a great night. And just seeing him walk away and get on his bike to go home, I was like, God, he's the one. So when did you finally he would just like bike yeah like we would we were you know when you're younger you like bike everywhere and like just like are up for that um what when did you finally sleep together like when did when you were ready to lock it in yeah it was like we were both ready for that did you have a talk about like what you were

yeah but it wasn't like we were consciously like before we defined anything but i think just the waves of energy were telling us to wait until yeah we weren't like waiting for jesus or anything we were literally waiting till it felt right yeah so we i think we were both vulnerable and like he hadn't been in a serious relationship and he knew this was were you in love by the time you had sex yeah that's so special and then it was really good was it like so do you remember the first time you had sex and like it was a special moment yeah that's so nice it was very late in it was like late night like 3 a.m i feel like i've reached the same exact place where you're at where it's like i can't go into anything anymore of like trying to be in it.

And it's obviously sounds like so duh. Why not just be yourself? But like, I, I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore. And I think that's so, the reason I used to try to be other women was not because I was trying to be the version of this girl that this guy would love.

It was because I really just, I didn't want to be myself even without trying to impress a guy. i was always trying to be someone else and now when my room is a mess like in and i have a guy over like i don't i don't i'm not like can i go in first and like i mean i don't want like dirty underwear on the floor just because like that's something sometimes i leave behind in a rush but like cardinal streak i am the cardinal streak I just like I'm like you know what this they're gonna I'm not a bad person because my room is is I have a cluttered desk I'm that doesn't and if you can't love me for that or if that's gonna be a red flag for you it just isn't gonna work it won't work and and I know that's easier said than done because I used to hear this all the time like who hasn't heard that advice of, if they can't love you at your worst or like,

but it's really about like accepting yourself for those things and being like, you know what? When I look in the mirror in the morning and I look like disgust, the most, let's say disgusting version of myself with no kind of like just, and I go like, I still love that version of myself. I'm not like,

I can't go out. People can't see this. Like I'm still version of myself. I'm not like, I can't go out. People can't see this. I'm still worthy of love. I feel like as a guy, I love Brenna very much. If she doesn't have makeup on, obviously she looks different with makeup on. Everyone looks more put together. It's not like I'm registering,

oh, now you don't have makeup. Oh, I don't like this face. You know what I mean? It's like, I just love your face. I don't have make like oh i don't like this face you know what i mean it's like i just love your face whether it's like i don't see a difference really like you start you start not to see a different you're not like clocking in like oh wait this is who you are guys always notice but i get it though like if it's early it could be scary i just want to say to girls listening out there like the pressure to have sex with guys if a guy is going to make you feel bad because you don't have sex you don't have to have any reason for why you don't

have sex you don't have to ever say it's because of this you can just say okay let's call it a night i still have pangs of like oh i'm he's he probably has a boner and like wants to like get off and i'm not going to get him off it's fine send them away i swear to you they're only going to like you more and i know it goes against everything you're thinking of like but he's gonna be mad at me or disappointed that's always in the back of my head as well just try out doing what you want to do always when it comes to sexuality like don't ever do anything because they want it you know do it if they want it because you want to do something for them because you love them you know like girls aren't sucking dick because they love the feel of it but because they're doing it

because the guy wants it some do no one not you never put a penis in your mouth if girls don't suck their dildos for fun but guys don't eat out pocket pussies exactly you guys are doing it because you enjoy giving us pleasure yes right you don't like a penis in your mouth? I do when I'm with the person whose penis it is, and I can see that they're getting pleasure from it, and it tastes like them and stuff. If I just had a penis that tasted like my boyfriend that wasn't attached to him, I would not just suck it for fun. No. I wouldn't. And that's how you determine if you're doing something for fun.

When people go, I love tequila. I go, okay, if tequila didn't have alcohol in it, would you really drink it? And they go, yeah. And I'm like, do you drink non-alcoholic beer? Actually, I told you I drink non-alcoholic beer. I know, and I think you're crazy. You also like... She also puts the bottle

in her mouth. You also like matcha, and that's a gross taste. It's like a kombucha, though. We'll talk about that later. Yeah. We're gonna do top one, bottom one for a final thought. It's like a kombucha, though. We'll talk about it later. Yeah. We're going to do top one, bottom one for a final thought, because I got to get on a call here in 10 minutes. The top one, bottom one topic for today is? Basic things that people like. Yeah. Basic bitch stuff.

Like things that would be described as basic, that either that we both, you know, a thing that you love the most that you indulge in and a thing that you hate the most that either you indulge in or like other people do. I'll start us off. The number one thing that I love that is so basic. Oh, we're going with love first? Oh, wait. Sorry. We're starting with hate. Nikki, come on.

I'll start with mine. The thing that I hate the most is what I just said. People who glamorize drinking and are like, it's wine o'clock or like, who needs a therapist when I have wine and act like they like the taste of alcohol? You don't. You like the way it makes you drunk and that's okay. But don't lie to me and say you like the taste of whiskey. You don't. You just don't lie to me and say you like the taste of whiskey you don't um you don't you just don't and if you think you do you i know that people out there raging right now but i always prove

this when i went to um there was a fro-yo shop that was doing a guinness flavored fro-yo okay putting a dick in your mouth and people say they love guinness the taste of guinness and maybe you're like well i don't like the taste of Guinness. There are people that would claim they love the taste of Guinness or love the taste of beer. There was a beer-flavored fro-yo, which obviously did not have alcohol in it. And I went up to the

it was at 16 Handles in New York, and I go, how many people are getting that? And they go, oh, people just try it, but no one actually gets it. It's like, yeah, because no one likes the taste of alcohol. You like the taste. It's's like blowjobs you don't like blowjobs if blowjobs weren't connected to the feeling you get from giving someone a good feeling and getting the feedback back you wouldn't like blowjobs inherently blowjobs don't taste good the taste might remind you of all that coffee doesn't taste good but i like black coffee because it gives me energy and I'm addicted to it.

So that to me, I know that you're like, Nikki, get off your high horse about this. But why don't you read The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Alan Carr and you get back to me. So that's my least favorite basic thing is like drinking culture. My least favorite, I think, is the people that, the hustle hard culture of like waking up at 4 a.m. Like Mark Wahlberg. Millionaire mindset. Yeah. Oh, well, Gary Vee.

Any of that. What the fuck is wrong with you? Just pull yourself up. You didn't have to go to college. Fuck college. Just fucking buy a fucking lemonade stand. Open 19 of them sell the lemonade then buy uh limes turn those limes into more lemons and the next thing you know you own

the fucking world shut up gary uh but yeah the 4 a.m or like i wake up i don't even see the sunrise the sun has never rise i fucking i eat dumbbells at one in the morning it's like fuck you man but also i'm like projecting a little because i'm like man that's pretty cool that you want that hard but you've gotten into some of those i know of course of course the one time i filmed you in the cave when you were passed out and your shirt was like up against like like you're just passed out like just looks like a drunk passed out on the couch and david goggins audiobook is playing to be like you get up every morning and you look in the mirror and you hustle you don't take no for an answer and you push yourself to you can't even sleep it was just echoing through that it was so ironic it was hilarious that's the funniest thing i've

ever okay kirsten what is your least favorite basic thing i think my least favorite basic thing would be and i'm so sorry i really don't want to offend anybody but like influencer culture influencers there's a scale there's some people are doing good but i just think the overall culture is a little hard to witness um i talked about you at the top of the show us making fun of it oh perfect so just people i just feel like people living their life through what will the masses like wait what was can you do a picture right now for us of like the wacky face wednesday like where a girl would do the picture like hold up higher that's better oh it's okay. Sorry. Up. Up.

Okay. So it would be this face. Okay. And then that caption would be. Work hard, play hard. Wednesday vibes. It's just like the face she's making is kind of like a scrunch up like with her eyebrows raised. To make my lips bigger. It's like.

Yeah. Like kind of like duck face. But like. What would your podcast be called as an influencer that believes in Wednesday vibes? Like. Oh my God. I need to think about this one. Like something with millionaire mindset in it.

Yeah. Like fitness. I don't know. Like. Just fitness. I can't think like just fitness i was trying to think of one too and i couldn't i was the wednesday women like the wednesday women patrol it's like get the fuck out of our way we're groundbreakers we wake up at 3 a.m for a four-hour ritual and go to bed at seven even though that is kind of like my life, but I don't put out there like, 4.30 a.m., get started. Got my 60-minute meditation,

matcha routine. It's just bragging. And like, also, you didn't, and we all know this. I mean, this is almost basic to make fun of influencers, but like, they all have to have someone take their picture.

Like, whenever you see a girl with a cozy cup of tea and like, journaling, she had to go, honey, will you take this picture? Or a timer. And had to go set it up and press the timer and then go sit and then go grab her phone. Think of the bookends of all of these pictures.

There's 45 of those photos in there. I have to think about the aggression behind it. Like, no, seriously. I need to look more relaxed. Just like you're like, that's a bad angle. Hold it up. Get over's a bad angle Get over Why aren't you wearing shorts Brian

The influencer husband We should get into that He's cashing those paychecks He loves it He becomes part of it He gets tagged I would say my number one And he has the passwords to her instagram so

he can see if she's like cheating on him he probably feels a sense of control um my number one uh you helped me build this i help you build it and now you're cheating on this empire tuna tom who who who like wakes up grinds hard, and cuts tuna. My number one favorite basic thing is Starbucks. I'm embarrassed that I'm not someone who wants the mom and pop coffee shop. I'm not someone who's like, oh, this roast is my favorite. I just like Starbucks. And it's not because of the coffee.

It's because of the milk that they use. It's because the cup feels good in my hand. It's all the of the coffee. It's because of the milk that they use. It's because the cup feels good in my hand. It's all the marketing behind it. I am a brainwashed lemming for Starbucks. I love it. I'm a basic bitch. I'm not a pumpkin spice basic bitch, but I have no judgment of them. Andrew, what is your favorite? I mean, it's probably a tie between golf and Chick-fil-A and my Corolla.

Like, those three things combined just makes me such a basic simp bitch like all i do is drive a 2021 corolla to the golfing range with a golf shirt on and i've never been happier that's all i need in life is those three things and brenna so happy that like we miss you so much brenna it makes me happy that you get so much joy out of golf. Like it was a thing that you weren't doing in your life that's like brought you so much freaking joy. Like sometimes someone gets a dog or a cat and you're like, how did you exist before this thing in your life?

I mean, it's just like every day is different with golf and it sounds so cheesy. Oh, I know. The older I get, I go to these different golf courses, and I look around. I'm like, there's this one called Ann Breyer, and it's in the middle of a cornfield. You drive down a road where you think they kill Jewish people, and I'm like, maybe I shouldn't drive down this road. I'm not going to tell anyone I'm Jewish. And I drive, and I make a left.

Andrew Starr of Collin. Yeah, Andrew Starr star of collin which would be a great country club um and then i i drive down and it just opens up and there's hills and you know like a guy wakes up at four in the morning to hustle hard to make that green perfect and i don't know and like you just think of like all the thought that went into like making these hills and making the sand trap and you're like fuck there's so much history here. I don't know. I never thought about that as a kid, of how long it took to cut the grass,

or whoever designed this, how they had to be creative. You just love consuming golf. And it makes me, I know that feeling of, because I love anything Taylor Swift, and it sends a surge through my body that i never had before and i'm like oh my god like what would i do without this thing that i'm a gothophile i'm a gothophile yes you are and you're a taylor file and uh to take us out kirsten we gotta go but what is the number one thing that you love that's so basic hands down we kind of

covered it but active wear i'm sorry i'm sorry i love lulu i will wear i live in leggings i mean i am a trainer so i can do it right the reason um but it's comfortable it's pretty yeah i heard you and brenna talking about like some dress with a built-in bra and i was like i can't with this activewear talk it works great on a like an active um what is it called? I'm not saying a fit body, but an athletic frame. I think it's a great option just for attire. Do you want to give us a promo code and a little caption for your active wear picture? Coupon code 30% off if you mention K-Flow Fit right in here. That's my maiden name.

Are you going to start an active wear company? I feel like you should. I do. I have a full line. Thank you for asking, actually. It's a good promo. No, active wear company I feel like you should I do have a full line thank you for asking actually it's a good promo no I don't no you should at some point

no there's enough active wear out there I just like to consume it and Lululemon is the most basic one and I love it I'm sorry we gotta go

thank you so much for being here Kirsten it's been a great weekend with you I've loved having this all robe episode look for this one on YouTube in a couple days you guys

if you're listening to it. Thank you so much. We'll be here all week. We love you, besties. So good to meet you after the shows this weekend, or the show this weekend. More tickets available on NikkiGlaser.com slash tour. And we'll see you tomorrow. Don't be kuh out there.

And J-Activewear. Kuh. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast.

Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking

interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to

tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.