The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #110 Pizza In The Dark

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

Between you and Nikki, adding reverb to your vocal track is like mascara and a spray tan. Nikki talks about recording her first song with Matt Pond and Anya Marina in a studio. Andrew and Nikki talk about their day being followed by cameras and getting used to sharing their most intimate moments of self expression. Nikki explains who Kiki Tuy is and what it was like sitting next a famous singer at the iHeart Awards. You Heard It Here First, we will know when to drink more water, a game of sassy turkey or Mick Jagger, what not to do for your life partner and Nikki does care about what Will Smith has to say about thoughts and storage closets. In the Reddit Dump, meth laced fascism and a horse race and a post on synchronicities takes them into the Final Thought. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hello. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast. It is Tuesday. This is episode 100 and something. We bypassed 100 episodes. Just blew past it and didn't even say. Someone wrote me a congratulations, and I was like, oh, well, thank you. I didn't even realize it um so yeah i mean we

started in march that feels not that long ago it was a you know we've the only problem with over 100 episodes is people see that and go oh no i can't join in there's been too much and it's just like get in here we got a party going on it doesn't matter that you missed most of it we'll catch you up come over here do a you know what's it called like a i'm just picturing showing up at a party and being like we'll get you wasted you'll catch up with us and then you pour um some kind of alcohol down an ice luge did you you ever do those, those shot luges at frat parties? I've just did a funnel. Is that what it is?

No, but we, well, it's just a, it's like you, I forget what they're called, ice luge? But that's like, no, there's some kind of Jaeger luge. I don't know. There's a big block of ice and they carve out little like runs and then they pour shots down it and then you put your mouth at the end of it and you just um end up getting date raped later on um i think that's how it ends i mean so um yeah it's tuesday i'm wearing a shirt that says plant-based on it and let me tell you, already got a compliment on it this morning.

I never have anyone go, I like your shirt. No one ever says that. A very kind woman at Starbucks just goes, I like your shirt. And I'm like, yeah, another vegan bitch out there. Felt good. That's why I wear this stuff is just to like find like-minded people.

And this shirt's reversible. Don't even think it's not, Noah. I flip it around and I'm gonna wear this shirt tomorrow maybe. And it's gonna say something else on the other side. I got it from Beat by Beat, B-E-E-T-X-B-E-E-T. Yeah, I mean, I researched cool like vegan shirts

and I found some, so thank God. Yesterday was really fun. I recorded a song it's in the it's in the bag um it's so good so excited Anya and Matt um we went to a studio here in St. Louis Saw Horse Studios like actual recording studio um and it's like, I don't know, man. It just made me feel close to my girl T Swift because I was like, this is the exact process she goes through. Like there was nothing that wasn't the same as every music. Like it was just a place where you can make a dope ass album.

I mean, Taylor Swift did folklore, recorded folklore in her bedroom. So, like, you can do one kind of anywhere. Billie Eilish famously did her first album, or her debut, I guess, the one that she won a Grammy for that was in her bedroom. But it was just done with a great sound engineer, Jason, Anya and Matt. Matt wrote the song and the song he wrote was based off of like he had heard about my life and like my um romantic issues via his girlfriend Anya

and I had kind of like talked openly about it in front of him too but not as much because I just try not to like burden that many people with that stuff um but he's been around me because he's my tour manager and he watches all my shows on stage and although I don't talk about like the thing that I kind of this song was written about that much on stage um he was able to craft the song and this it's weird because he wrote the song not to he didn't tell me he was gonna write it he didn't tell Anya he was writing it about me or from my perspective he just wrote the song he played it for Anya this is like a couple months ago and Anya texted me and was like oh my god Nikki I don't know what's going on.

Matt just wrote this song. And I've never heard her say this. And it's not because Matt's not a brilliant musician, but because he is, Matt Ponpie. She was like, Matt just wrote the song and I'm like crying. It's so good. It's just so beautiful.

And I was like, oh my God, that's awesome. I want to hear it sometime. And she goes, holy shit. And as we're like talking, you know, texting, she's like, he just told me it's from, he wrote it for you. And I'm like, was this set up? Were you set up to go like, I just heard this song and I love it. Oh, by the way, I just found out it's about you. Like Anya's not a a liar so like it really happened in that kind of um that's why I think she it like she loved it so much was because it just um reminded her of probably me and and we

have similar kind of attitudes towards love and stuff like that so I think it I think that a lot of people are going to relate to it and um it's it's just he's such a quiet Matt is such a quiet like introspective soul and like doesn't really weigh in when I'm like lamenting about guys or whatever it is he's just like quietly drives the van to the venue or what you know we're just but I'm always like chit-chatting about stuff around him and he just absorbed my feelings and put them into a song. And I heard the song and I start crying when she sent it

because I was like, oh my God, like this is how I feel. And then I played it for Andrew. This was a couple months ago. I played it for Andrew. It was just this raw sounding, just kind of sloppy, like death cabs, like like guitar and then like his voice

over it I played it for Andrew I instantly figured out the chords and was like I have to learn the song I want to play this like I have to sing this then Andrew was like Jesus Christ that song's so good and so we started like listening to it all the time and then Matt was like why don't we record this song why don't you record this song I would love for you to do that we'll do it when i'm you know on the road somewhere we'll get a studio it just worked out that i'm doing this thing with a bunch of cameras following me around and i was like oh that'd be fun to actually have them document for who knows what really we don't know what they're following me around for it's really undetermined at this point they just started and I don't even know what it's about but uh we decided to like run out of studio and like and do it and I think we would have done it even if there weren't cameras following me around like

it was just something I've wanted to do you know I'm a little bit like oh I didn't write it and I really wanted to write a song but I got to sing on it my singing is fine I have a long ways to go it's a perfect first attempt. Like the way it sounds, I was like, you know what? In two months, I'm going to be like, oh, I could do such a better job because I'm going to singing lessons like twice a week now. I'm going to one right after this podcast. And I'm learning so many little tricks and things about my voice that will make it better but I sounded pretty damn good like I I sounded all right and then when you layer things like you don't realize like so many singers

they just you hear their voice like 10 times over itself and reverb we realized when you turn up reverb on your voice it's like mascara it like makes your voice hotter it's like a spray tan for your voice and so I I put a lot of mascara and spray tan on my voice but not really like it wasn't that and usually I hate hearing my voice and at first it was kind of hard to hear the playback and then I was like oh this actually sounds good and then I started like before a lyric or before when we go to a back to a piece and Anya was like coaching me through it all and being like, so maybe like don't take a sharp breath beforehand.

You're kind of adding, like we were actually doing a cover of Cruel Summer that we started on after we finished this song. So this song is called Endless Summer. And then we're also going to do a cover of Cruel Summer, which is Taylor Swift's song that Anya already has a cover of on Spotify. And there's like the first line is like fever dream high in the quiet of the night. You know that I got it or something like that. And I was saying fever dream high in the quiet of the night.

You know that I was doing like she was like, take out that. Just say, you know that I got it like she was like take out that just say you know that I got it and it was so hard to do like there's little tricks like that that I just couldn't and then I was just like I can't do this song yet like this is too much the breathing's all messed up um singing's fucking hard it's playing an instrument it's hard so I was able to put my ego on the side and realize that it wasn't going to sound perfect perfect I'm not as good as Matt or Anya not as good as any of the people that I love their voices even if they have like a weird voice like even you know Bob Dylan like these people have been doing it so long I just started lower the bar and have some fun and I did and it's so good and we're gonna shoot a music video

for it and I can't wait to share it with the besties and put it on Spotify and have everyone download it because then I'm going to um hopefully like play it and like have people sing along and stuff it'll be awesome Noah what book do you did you just get out okay so I was reading while I was waiting for us to set up this morning and what you just said is something that i underlined in the book which is about um learning like being a good mentor and a good student so um all right so i just want to read this line to you it's called mentoring the tao of giving and receiving wisdom. Ooh.

Oh my God. What giving and receiving? What made you pick up this book? Um, I really liked the book of Tao and I just want to, I never learned how to learn or how to teach or receive information. So I thought this would be a good way of applying something that I like. I'm loving the sound of everything you're saying,

but especially the sound of this book opening. Will you give me that again? Yes. Oh, that's ASMR all over it. Is that a library book? No, I found it in a bookstore. Does it have a plastic covering on it? Yeah, and it's a uh i i found in like a bookstore does it have like a plastic covering on it yeah it's also oh god that's the best you know that plastic covering they put on library books

that goes like crinkle like that is that's my jam asmr okay i am on board tell me what uh bestow to me what you learned about learning and about to teach me what you learned about learning and about teach me what you learned about teaching okay i'll read a little bit longer since you're so interested yeah um okay okay it asks us to admit that we don't know which creates a sense of wisdom that never relinquishes itself to fixed limited opinions about what should be by acknowledging this emptiness we which is you know like acknowledging that we don't know we enter into a communion with limited opinions about what should be. By acknowledging this emptiness, which is like acknowledging that we don't know, we enter into a communion with our partners,

creating potential relationships of deep understanding and openness to vast growth and change. And then there's like a little line over here that I highlighted. Those who know they know not become wise. Those who presume they know not become wise. Those who presume they know much stay ignorant. I mean, that's it, man. I mean, that's like, that's everything. That's every time you enter an argument with someone where you know you're right.

That's, you're not, it reminds me of an Anya lyric. It's hard to be wrong, worse to be right, stuck in the middle of... I was listening to that song the other day and I was like, it is, it sucks to be right. When you go, I know I'm right. And I always say that about being vegan. We're right. That's not a good place to be in because you're stuck. And you're not open to any... You have to be open to even wrong opinions. Those

make you richer and make you smarter and maybe even, you know, help you grow your own. Maybe you don't even change your point of view. You learn new ways to prove your point of view because you hear more wrong or whatever. Like you have to be open to everything. And I don't know. People always say like, that's an answer. You don't have to always say yes and no to things. And this almost comes back to when people want you to ask you to go to a thing and you agree to do something that you don't want to do. Or it may be in the moment you want to do it and then you get to it and you go, oh God, I don't want to do or it may be in the moment you want to do it and then you get to it and you go oh god I don't want to do that and then you make up being sick or something and then you lie and it just turns into a whole thing I don't know is an answer and you could say that and I there's so

much freedom and I don't know you know like that that buys you a lot When I go off on these, you know, rants on stage about relationships and monogamy and how it's not natural and, you know, orgasms ruin relationships and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I always, you know, I always say, I've only read a third of these books. I am not that smart. And I also, like, what did I do yesterday that everyone was like, that's so embarrassing that you thought, oh, the yard thing.

Like I thought a yard was the metric system. Listen, you shouldn't be taking any kind of scientific advice from someone who thought a yard was in the metrics. Like that right there shows you I'm right about the fact that I don't know diddly squat but I do I love that I gotta read that book I'm reading zen guitar which I don't know if the dao and zen are like connected but I might be someone who's like my friend Robin Tran has a joke about her girlfriend's parents are like, Robin Tran is a transgendered, she's a woman, really funny comedian. You can go to, I think it's Robin Tran on Instagram.

She posts stuff all the time, but she did this joke about her girlfriend's family. And I think she's Vietnamese. I could be wrong about that. I don't know. And I admit ignorance about what. But she, you know, Robin Tran is Asian. But her and it would be the same as if my parents.

She's definitely not Japanese. And her girlfriend's parents brought her to a sushi restaurant to be like, is this what you like? And she's just like, sure. You know what? Close enough. That is. Wait, I forget what my point was about that. But.

Oh, Zen and Zen and Tao. Like that could be like sushi and Vietnamese. And I'm like, it's the same, right? Is it the same? Is it in the same genre? I don't think it's the same. I think it's a little bit. Okay.

Yeah, it might be completely different. But I'm again, I don't think it's the same. I think it's a little bit different. Okay, yeah. It might be completely different. But I'm, again, I don't know. But anyway, I'm reading this Zen guitar thing, and it's just about like, you know, when you pick up your guitar, like there's no, the teacher in this book is just like,

this isn't gonna be like a technical approach. We're not gonna learn scales. You're just gonna learn about how you have a song in your soul, book is just like, this isn't going to be like a technical approach. We're not going to learn scales. You're just going to learn about how you have a song in your soul. And this is like, you need to bring it out. And it's all about spirituality. And that's how I want to approach playing guitar. They're like, when you pick up your guitar, you pick up that guitar. You don't just, you think about it when you pick it up.

You think about this, no matter what you're playing. If it's like a box with like a little chord on it and you're just strumming that, that is your instrument. Think of it like no matter how shitty your instrument is, think of it like this is my tool to communicate. And I like that. I got a new guitar teacher and she's very technical. But also she was just like, yeah, you can play, but I want to know, like, what's a trick to playing a bar chord so my finger doesn't hurt? Am I holding the pick the right way? She's like, I don't care, like, hold it however you want, I'm just gonna teach you about,

like, music theory, so actually I think she's on to something, and I've never had a female guitar teacher, and that is a breath, I've had, had like five guitar teachers in my life all men which great but there's something about like this uh older woman who just like loves guitar loves teaching and uh she came over to my apartment the other day and we had a good old time me and carol you know when you get assigned a teacher named carol you know you know what uh a young lady ain't showing up we need to bring back carol right carol's a good name i like there should be like it i hope my sister when she has her baby names it carol like a christmas carol like yeah it's a cute little it's a cute name for

a baby i love babies with old people's names. All right, let's bring in Andrew. Let's get him on this conversation. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

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All righty. Hey, Andrew. What's up? What's up? So I was just, how'd you sleep, by the way? I slept pretty good. I did wake up in the middle of the night and crushed some pizza. Yeah?

Pizza in the dark, baby. That should be the name of my, what album? Folk album? Pizza in the middle of the night and crush some pizza. Yeah. Pizza in the dark, baby. That should be the name of my, what album? Folk album? Pizza in the dark. I mean, that would be a hit. And that's like not a joke. Like that's a fucking hit. Pizza in the dark with you on a Friday.

Now I'm living life. I'm doing it my way. I'm eating this pizza in the dark you used to be here there's more for me but i guess our future's not clear bruce springsteen's dancing in the dark yeah but pizza in the dark i just picture a guy like who used to like eat pizza with his girlfriend it was like a fun thing they did where they like made pizza late at night and now it's like this depressing thing like she's not there and he gets more pizza and he always gave i always gave you that extra slice that i wanted for myself now i get to eat it and feel bad about myself yes yes that's good hell yes um yeah pizza in the dark let's put it down yeah it was dope it was uh it was a fun experience and you know you do that and then you wake up in the morning and you

go did i did i eat five slices in my sleep i mean it's fine yeah we we had fun we went to dinner last night and you just brought some home some pizza and then you yeah devoured it and i'm impressed you didn't finish it before you went to bed usually night and you just brought home some pizza and then you, yeah. Devoured it. I'm impressed you didn't finish it before you went to bed. Usually when I bring home leftovers, let's be honest, they're going to get eaten right away. Or I'm going to leave them at the restaurant. So I just don't, I just clean a plate, man. CPC. You know we're having cameras following us around for some fucking reason?

Yeah. Well, last night when they were filming us eating, I was a little bit like, because I i eat i got a pizza and then i just eat the toppings because i get it with no cheese and i just like veggies and sauce like give me a plate of veggies and sauce and i know that's probably like wasting the crust but sometimes crust is delicious this one wasn't that good so i took i i looked at the crust. It wasn't, and they originally put cheese on my pizza because I forgot to say no cheese like an idiot. And so they made it and we kept it and we paid for the one that they accidentally made, but they made another one and they rushed it

and it just wasn't cooked as well because they were rushing it, right? Yes. So I just ate the sauce and the veggies and there's part of me, like my brain, it's a weird thing to do. It's just like eat the sauce and the veggies and there's part of me like my brain it's a weird thing to do it's just like eat the sauce and the veggies on top of the pizza people most people would be like it would just sauce and veggies like that's so gross why do you like that i just do i just do you know i don't need a i i'm kind of a low carb kind of gal i i have carbs when i want them i wasn't this wasn't

a re this crust wasn't good enough for me To have it The carby carbs Do you feel wasteful Or do you think it's just weird It's just weird What if you just said Hey let me get veggies with marinara sauce

I mean why is that not an option Should be It should be But you know I wanted the crust If it was going to be good crust I didn't know And it's just

It's too much to explain And also Are you worried How you're going to see on camera That's what I was saying i was i was i'm generally me a year ago two years ago would have eaten like two slices even though like it wasn't what i wanted to do yeah and then i maybe would have like like when they when i thought someone else was talking and the camera would be on them i would have eaten the like toppings off here and there.

I get what you're saying. The camera, like I, midway through dinner, I realized I was eating like I eat. Yeah, like you forget the cameras are there. I dip, you know, your boy goes after the hummus and I get hummus on my fingers and then I'm licking my, I'm sure it looks like a fucking pigsty. We're going to see sides of ourselves that are really disturbing. But, you know, like, that dinner, though, I was with you, Kirsten, and Chris, my ex. And, like, if everyone...

Those people accepted me for how I eat. Yeah. And if... I don't need anyone else's... And my parents definitely do. I don't need anyone else's acceptance about how I eat. I just, if these people can see how I eat and still like me, I'm good to go. Look, you know the person that eats a sandwich and they make,

like my mom used to make every sandwich an open-faced sandwich because she didn't want double the carbs. And it's a little weird to see the whole, like you're seeing what's inside. Let's be honest. You end up eating the whole thing, but you kind of separate it. It's so funny when you split a sandwich. I used to eat six inches and put it in the fridge for three hours later.

20 minutes later. Three minutes later, yeah. Yeah, I'm eating. Or like when I've seen you eat the toppings, like I did, like eat the toppings and then you eat the crust and it's like,

it would have been better together. You carved the dough before the crust and it's like it would be better together you carve the the dough yeah before the crust so whatever but i'm saying there's millions of people that will make an open-faced sandwich that are kind of weird and picky how they eat and we don't all eat like no like it's a cotillion or something so it's like who gives a fuck i there's no way that i'm not gonna have weird food things with what my life used to be with regarding food. And now that I actually feed myself and I'm never starving myself, I'm never trying to like – I never eat for a – so that I don't – so that I'm not fat or so that I stay skinny. I'm just eating because it's like what I want. Like, yeah, I said I don't like carbs because carbs make me just feel like

I'd rather have something else in that stead that tastes better to me than like carbs. Like I know carbs will fill me up and then I'll be like, oh, I got filled up with that crust that wasn't even that good. Like I just always want what I want to get the amount.

And I'm not trying, but even so that I'm not trying but even so that I'm not ever trying to be to eat to lose weight or to manage my weight and I'm just eating for enjoyment I like weird fucking things and I like eating the toppings

off of pizza and then I at the end of it I stacked all of because it just looked weird with it just looks kind of gross with this like kind of picked apart pizza so I took all the slices and stack them on top all of it because it just looked weird. It just looked kind of gross with this kind of picked apart pizza. So I took all the slices and stacked them on top of each other so it would just be more consolidated. And then the guy came over to get it and was just like, what is this? And I was just like, I don't know. That's like when you eat one bite of peas and then you spread them apart to make it look like you ate more.

Look, watching Love on the Spectrum last night. Oh, Love on the spectrum last night and love on the spectrum the guy loving his dinosaurs the girl or the one loving the swords or whatever the girl and they all have these like who they are and there's and god we could all be so lucky yeah to have that kind of freedom of like they aren't ever trying to look a certain way for the camera like sometimes you go sometimes you watch the show and you get nervous for them because you're like they're they're they're so nervous it's like they they feel nerves because they like want something to go the way they want it to but they're never trying to look a certain way or get a false yes thing out of someone it's

just so beautiful it's very. And it makes me like, okay, here's something that I like to do. Or here's something, I don't know, you just feel more appreciative of what you like and being okay with that. And I think that we can learn from that. We talked about that on the show last night. I did not,

just the things you feel that you like, that you can't help what you like. And sometimes, you know, that goes into some illegal territory. I would even say those people can't help what they like. And that doesn't mean that they should be able to do the things that they like, but that they should be able to actually tell someone that they like those things and find a way to manage it. Like, I like smoking pot all day. Yes. Right? You like smoking pot all day.

But that's, and that's okay. That's what I like to do because that is giving me something that I can't, I can't help that I like that. There's no, I don't get to choose that I like that. No one would choose that yeah so a meth addict loves smoking meth they didn't get to choose that they like meth and you might think it's a choice but it's just not like that's no one wants no one signs up for life and says of all the things i want to do that and you could argue but they chose to do meth at one point

but it's even that they didn't choose to have the to you know no free will dm me if you want to look into it but i we talked about last night i really didn't learn until the age of like 30 that feelings were not something that you have a choice of noah did you did you ever feel guilty for your feelings? And by the way, feelings not just being like, I'm scared of this, or I don't like this, or I'm mad. But like what you were saying of like, autistic people on the show, they like dinosaurs.

There's a 30 year old man who loves dinosaurs and says, I wanna honor them. These great beasts that walked the, these magical beasts that walked the earth, I honor and love them and pay respect to them for what they've yeah for the how they once ruled the world and it was just like a lot of us are made to feel guilty for having childhood uh like obsessions and likes as an adult like you have to grow out of them and you don't have to grow out of them they could just

be part of your life but you don't have to like those things made you so happy and fulfilled don't throw them away don't put them in a box in the garage take your dinosaurs out of the garage and put them in the living room and if you're if your husband divorces you because of it or your wife leaves you you got the dinosaurs to you know you're watching to eat with your pizza in the dark. Yeah, like the childhood things like making you happy. Chris even on the show last night was like, oh my God, he has like race car pictures

in his bedroom, Ronan on the show. And Chris was like, I just bought that same exact race car picture for mine. And I was like, I am so glad you did that because that is kind of a childish thing to do is have a picture of a race car.

But if it makes you fucking happy, just do it. If it brings you back nostalgia, yes. Michael Jackson went a little far with the I'm living like a boy and I'm making my life a child's life. If there was all the things he allegedly did were not true, it's fine that he liked kids stuff. This is why people love sports because you get to hold on to your t-ball days and you just buy another guy's jersey and you wear them for the rest of your life and no one questions you because that's sports. You can

love your team until you're 98. But don't you dare have a poster of NSYNC on your wall when you're 98. Or a poster of Mahomes or whatever. You know, like you can't still wear a jersey with this. You can't have a poster, but you should be able to. to oh no it has to be a fat head now because those are for adults no what do you what do you think about all this one thing that I learned um from a relationship book

called getting the love you want oh that's another one that everyone tells me changes everything. But an important thing that I learned is that as adults, we look to complete our childhood. And I think that can be applied to many things. So for me, all the like sports and stuff that my parents didn't really invest in me, I get to do as an adult and I get to try them all over again. But I'm in control of the situation. And I think it's brought me a lot of enrichment to my life. I love that. And we, we did talk about that with you of like,

why are you going, what are you, what are you doing? Riding horses? Like, where did this come from? What are you even liking wrestling late in life? Like,

these are things that you were, didn't maybe have exposure to early on that would have like i would say with taylor swift it would have served me so much to have her in high school and i'm making up for lost time i'm healing that 15 year old that needed that emotional support and oh my gosh i have so much to say real quick um oh gosh what was I going to say about this sport thing that you're going back and doing well I actually I had a teacher write to me this weekend

a bunch of weird things happened this weekend with teachers we got to get to the news but like first of all my favorite teacher of all time Mrs. Madam Calphus the she's still at Kirkwood High School she teaches alongside my sister she wrote to me I asked her to come to the show the the um she's still at Kirkwood High School she teaches alongside my sister um she uh wrote

to me I asked her to come to the show this weekend um because all the cameras following me were like hey is there anyone from your past that would be cool to come to your show and I was like oh Madame Kalfas like she means so much to me she's come to a bunch of my comedy shows she's you know works with my sister she's still like in my life sees my instagram makes hard eyes on things and um she couldn't go because she was going to brandy carlisle that night which like how what a cool fucking woman yeah i'm like if anyone is going to trump my show it's old bc brandy carlisle who i met at the iheart awards because i sat next to her wife uh in usher's little circle um i was sitting next to this woman who was very nice,

but I thought she was like a publicist. And I'm done with my delivering my, doing my part that I was nervous about. And then I'm like, I'm just here to party now. Sitting next to Machine Gun Kelly, Megan Fox, this broad next to me who's someone important. And she's so nice. And I go, she was like, oh, that was really funny.

Good job. And I was like, thank you. I'm so excited. I'm done. What are you? Who are you here with someone? Who are you? And she was like, oh, my wife is, you know,

doing the Elton John tribute. I'm like, who's your wife? And she's like, Brandi Carlile. I'm like, get the fuck out of town. I was like, I love her. And then Brandi comes and sits down. We have a great time. That's the only interaction I've had with Brandi.

But she was in St. Louis the same night as my show. Madam Kalfas went to her show and said, so I asked Madam Kalfas if she could go. She goes, I'd give an arm and a leg to come see you, my dearest Nikki. You and Lauren became a French four lesson this last week. I don't know what that means, but I've got Brandy Carlisle tickets tomorrow night.

I will definitely be in the front row next time. So cool that you have a bunch of cameras following you. That's what she said. That's what she didn't say, but something else. Love you. She goes, love you, Twee. Which, by the way, in French, we got to make up, like, we got to pick, like, French names. They used to do that in, like, Spanish.

Boys Andres. Yeah. I was Kiki Twee. Like, because I liked both the name kiki because it was like sound like nikki oh you made up like your whole like and tweet t-h-u-y is like i just thought it's like a cool like kiki so i was yeah kiki twee yeah and she called she said she reminded i didn't even remember that was my name so then i go um i said uh thank you so much. I love Brandy. Have so much fun. Then I said, please let me know. I go, she said, bring your cameras to KHS High School.

I go, I'm trying to. I want to do a talk for girls there, like a TED Talk kind of thing. And she said, please let me know if I can help, blah, blah. Then before my show, when she's probably getting ready to go to Brandy Carlisle, she wrote me, Give them heck tonight. I get emotional reading this. Okay. I didn't read this until I was coming home from my show.

She goes, Give them heck tonight, Nikki. You are a courageous, creative soul. Your path is glamorous, but I'm sure it's not always easy. At heart, I know you are the girl who loves animals and the bird you had in high school and your family and bringing joy and laughter to the world. Thank you. And I said, I want to get that fucking tattooed on me that is the nicest long one but yeah that'd be dope i mean it's great that you connected with a teacher like that and dude you kind of forget like we forget that the teacher like we're their stories you know what i mean like she is proud of you like you were like

connected to her like we for you know it's like anything you just see your teachers that's a teacher that's not even a human but they're on the other end being like i taught nikki she was this i saw this about her i knew that old kiki twee would be selling out you know the factory she you know i got anorexia like right when she. Very French. Anorexia? I don't know. Just being very skinny. Like you smoke a cigarette and eat a baguette.

So I can wear shirts with horizontal stripes and not feel like fat. You know, like a French man with black and white stripes. You know, horizontal. So, no, she was on bed rest mind i i only got into ap french because i was sucked at french terrible at it always a struggle i only did ap french because she was the teacher then we start school and she is pregnant and she gets bedridden and so she can't even teach us we get a new teacher who is also pretty good but i only wanted madame kalfas like she was like i was like kind of in love with her like really really needed her she was around when september 11th happened then she got bed rest

okay so like right after our senior year started boom she's gone in bed that child's now like 20 right but um she came back she after she gave birth she came back and at the very end of the year she took all the ap french students out to Macaroni Grill. And I had not seen her since back in September before she left. And by May of 2002, I was like on my way to death. I remember we went to Macaroni Grill. And I mean this comes back around this is so weird sorry noah we'll get to the news i ordered pasta like it was macaroni grill there

was nothing on the menu that i could eat as an anorexic like literally nothing i was freaked out about it and i remember telling the waiter can you put no oil in it like i was so scared of oil so scared i was like can you just do because i was scared of fat because pasta didn't have fat but like oil and I was like no oil and I just remember her like kind of seeing through it and being like okay like and I just remember being like oh no she knows and like she I just don't want her to think less of me and she knows I'm up to something and I like I think I really like shut her out after that but she always was the one that made me feel like like okay about being who I was and like liking the things I liked and being bad at French and that it was okay and that I was still like you know something I could get good at and it's really weird because I just started watching ASMR videos of women talking in French

because there's something so soothing about the woman who's like the best like talking and it's like French music I was like oh maybe I can start French again so I might do that um let's get to the news listen thank you for letting me I saw Brandi Carlile she sang with John John Prine. She was so fucking good. You saw her live? Yeah. Sturgill Simpson, then Brandi Carlile. She came out and sang with John Prine.

What a concert. That was probably my favorite concert. She's incredible. I got to get into her more, but it's just so hard for me to get into new music. That's not going to help. Okay, let's get to the news. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. that's not gonna help okay let's get to the news i have like you ever get muscle spasms uh yeah i have a muscle spasm i love them and really i feel my body twitching and i'm like oh my god it's like a little alien it's almost like a baby's

kicking okay my eye you know what that's that's i'm gonna change my thought process because i don't know if that's better though i don't i have it in my chest like it's not up to me but it's like right next to like kind of where my heart is so the old andrew would go is that my chest or is that my heart not beating correctly i think you're in love miss you brenna miss you so much baby kisses new episode of puddles with uh puddles andrews uh andrews podcast if you want to check it out him and um brenna his girlfriend are she might be the new permanent co-host honestly i'm so lazy with it okay uh thank you so much and have all the swells. Oh, yeah. Good job. Not drinking enough water probably causes these little baby muscle spasms in us. Might leave you with less energy, brain fog, affect your focus.

Your breathing and heart rate may be faster than normal. You can overheat and you might feel confused or cranky. You know you're supposed to drink six to eight glasses of water per day. How much water do we drink, Nikki? Dude, I'm not even joking you. Some days, zero. Zero. I just all CVS. I mean, it's in the spin drift I'm drinking. It's sparkling water. Listen,

if my body needed... I listen to what my body needs and sometimes it does fucking need water and I chug some water. I'm in tune. I'm not gonna be one of these people that... water and I chug some water. I'm in tune. I'm not going to be one of these people that's, I used to chug water so I could just get it in because I knew it was going to be good for my skin. I'm not doing that anymore.

I'm just, if my body needs it, I'll get it. I will be more mindful of that. But I trust now that I like putting things in my body that feel good and I'm not going to beat myself up anymore about not getting enough water. I can't do it because then I start drowning myself with water and i feel sick yes you could overdo it even though nick jagger was really chugging it down the other night and it was like i was like film it like he would show up on the big screen like dancing and then

they would go over to keith ridgers and that's when he would go for his water bottle and i'm like i want to know what water bottle he has because it looks so efficient and cool i feel like he is probably insanely anal about what he puts in his body i'm sorry you said anal and i got yeah yeah i could feel that i'm anal about what i put in my body too because he wants to still be like there's something about a 78 year old man that still wants to look sexy like telling you every person in that goddamn building googled uh mick jagger age mick jagger health regimen i learned that he runs up to eight miles a day he eight miles a day that's wild yeah i mean this is what this is what bruce springsteen does he comes home from concerts where he performs for four hours with like four encores and then runs

five miles on the treadmill uh cooks up a delicious meal. Like he just is one of these hyper productive, like go, go, go clean eating people. And I feel like if we, I was talking to Kirsten about it last night and her whole, I love Kirsten's method or her like, I'm so excited to bring her to the world.

If you heard her, like you get it. She's just just an amazing person to put in front of these cameras that are following me around to show someone who I always projected so much perfection on because she does have a perfect body, in quotes,

perfect hair, perfect skin. She just is a happy person. You're just like, God, she just is kind of perfect and it can be irritating. It used to really bother me and make me so jealous and feel a lot of like

self-hatred because I couldn't be her no matter how hard I tried. Even though she brought me so much joy, there was always this like subconscious like resentment that I couldn't be her. But now it's like, I was talking to her or I heard her talking to someone about how she trains people. And it goes to like she's a she's one of the best trainers in America. I'm I'm I would I would venture to guess she climbed the ranks of this really prestigious health center in Kansas City. The best gym in Kansas City.

Very, you know, expensive to join. She's the most one of the most expensive trainers, definitely in Kansas City. And she, what she does, she's not telling people what to eat. And like, you got to count your macros. And you got to get this much in. And if you don't do this, you're wrong. She was like, I'm the kind of trainer that's going to tell you not what to eat, how many carbs, how many, like milligrams of this protein powders to do but like read a read a book before you go to bed go to bed early wake up early journal like wear clothes that feel good on you and but we're at the same time she totally works like she's a genius when it comes to fitness

and and what to do but she's never going to tell someone they need to lose weight or they need to get abs or, you know, because that's just not sustainable. Yeah, it's interesting, like, how you set a goal, like what your goal is. If someone goes, well, my goal is I want to see four, all five, six of my abs. That's my goal. Yeah. It's like, you know, what's that quote quote where you like, if you build a house, but then if you build like a synagogue or a church, there's more passion behind it. You know what I'm talking about?

Like. No, but yeah. But like it gives whoever's building it a reason to build it. Right. Right. So these people like, instead of like just focusing on. I have a, I have a trip coming up and I need to get in shape for it. No, it's more about being healthy and balanced.

Are you going to be an 80-year-old man counting macros? Give me a fucking break. Do you think Mick Jagger does? No, I honestly think, I bet he does things that feel good for him. I bet running eight miles for him is not like, oh, I got to get up and do it because I want to look a certain way. It's like, this helps me perform with the energy that I like that makes me the happiest.

And maybe you can argue it makes me happy to have abs. Okay. But when your abs go away when you're an older person or let's say you get into a car accident and you're in a wheelchair and you can't have abs

or your limbs atrophy, are you going to be okay? Are you going to kill yourself? When your happiness and your self-worth is wrapped up in those physical things and listen i'm not free of the burden of self-obsession and and body image but i just know that when i hear a trainer tell a woman who's pregnant on the fucking stair climber next to me um that she needs to start eating he was i remember he was describing a smoothie that she she should have for two of her meals and i was like that smoothie is less than 200 calories

like i know and i just said i'm sorry she's pregnant and you're making her do a workout right now where she's already burned 200 calories so all her whole her lunch is 200 and he goes i'm sorry was i talking to you and i go no but i can't help but hear that you're advising a pregnant woman to restrict her nutrition like what the like trainers that come from that perspective that's when i would hide in the bathroom dude i've just been there confrontation i've been there for 20 years of and i just want other people to give up this like diet culture what about this though mcjagger or turkey are you ready oh yeah let's play mcjagger or turkey andrew's gonna do an impression and it's either a mcjagger impression or a turkey

um definitely a turkey no that was mcj Jagger. Okay, let's do it again. That's a turkey. That is a fucking turkey. Mick Jagger again. No way, dude. Yeah, I'm telling you. All right, last one. Here we go.

You can try. Okay, one more. That's, I mean, 100% Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger. Ah, yes, got it. Nice. Wow, it was Mick Jagger the whole time. What Ah, yes. Got it. Nice. Wow. It was Mick Jagger the whole time.

What would a turkey look like if you did it, though? I guess you got to keep playing the game. Stay tuned. You know what it should be? Sassy turkey or Mick Jagger. Sassy turkey. Turkey that got pardoned on Thanksgiving by the president. That just comes back to the roots. Mick Jagger.

You know that was going to be our bird for America, the turkey? It should be. Because he's so much smarter than the eagle. Did you know the velociraptor was really the size of a turkey? We learned that last night. From Mark. That actually blew my mind. Yeah, I knew about it from Reddit.

Hey, Andrew, next news story. Oh, yeah, shit. I thought we were just talking. Water. I have to drink more water, but guess what? I get to drink more water if I want to. Well, a part of the article said that seltzer could be counted as water. Water, I have to drink more water, but guess what? I get to drink more water if I want to. Well, a part of the article said that seltzer could be counted as water.

Hold on. Let me just quickly see before Andrew moves on. Sparkling water. Jack water. Fruit teas without sugar can also be another healthy way to increase water consumption. Okay, well, guess what? Old Canhead is going to keep on sipping the sieves. Okay. I do eight Zevias a day at least.

Yeah. Those are seltzer-ish. Look, you'd be dead if you weren't drinking water. Hey, will someone send me, like, Stevia is bad for you. Will someone send me, like, why? Or if you're a company out there, can you just send us a lot of water? Yeah, but Zevia, what are you doing? Every single photograph I have of myself has a fucking Zevia in my hand.

You should literally be the head of their company. I should invest because it's delicious. And I met a guy on the road who goes, when I saw Zevia was on your rider, I was like, that's my girl. I'm going to enjoy this girl. And I go, are you addicted too? And he was like, oh, I go through like 40 cans in like three days. Like he was like, he's worse than me. I mean, people love Celsius because we talk about it.

I think we talked about it more than Zevia. But if you want a drink that is going to change your life. And get you addicted. And it's kind of expensive though. Yes, that's the problem. Zevia ginger root beer is my jam. Yeah. And so is the cream soda.

Okay. At Aetna, an Aetna woman. I don't know what Aetna means. I don't know what it actually is. I think it's probably like a small town from wherever this local news story is from. Yes. This woman who wanted to- What if her name was Aetna?

Some Aetna woman. Yeah, an Aetna woman named Aetna. Wanted to spend more time with her boyfriend, but she was arrested after she directed two separate bomb threats to where he worked. So he worked at a factory. She wanted to hang out with him longer, so she made bomb threats. Talk about love.

I mean, was he in on this? Was this like a, you know... I don't think so. Jeff Gillooly situation? Okay. His whole office had to be evacuated. Yeah, they lost a lot of money for her to get some dick for another two days. But how much of Bachelor in Paradise did they get through together?

Like, I don't know what she wanted him around. You know what I'm saying? That's the thing. Like, how do you get to that point? I'm not kidding you. Like, Noah, thank you for choosing this. Yeah, it's a great story. I want my partner to be,, thank you for choosing this. Yeah, it's a great story.

I want my partner to be my best friend. Someone that, not the same best friend that Anya's my best friend or Andrew's my best friend, but I want someone around that I love being around and that will be around me as much as possible because I want a life partner. And I want someone who who because I make enough money I just feel like for two people and I don't plan on really having kids

I don't want them to really work unless the work they do brings them immense joy and doesn't cause them stress outside of work like I don't want someone and if they're working a factory if they're working a job that doesn't bring them joy get out of that just come on the road with me or, get out of that. Just come on the road with me.

Or you don't have to be on the road with me. But let's say that they were like you and they liked golfing. I'd be like, just go on the road with me and just go golf during the day. And then come to the shows at night and hang out with me and my friends. And yeah, I love. That sounds pretty sick to me. You know, work really does take. If you're dating someone who is gone a lot working or hates their job, it's hard.

It is. It's tough. Because you want, if they don't like their job, you want to change it for them. But then they also just want you to listen. They don't want you to try to fix it. And you end up working with these people that they work with that drive them crazy because you hear about them just as much. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But have you ever heard this? This was an interesting thing that I remembered from a book called The Dance of Anger that I made my ex-boyfriend listen to on a road trip. Is it Getting to Dance of Anger? Yeah, it has to have getting in it. It was called Dance of Anger and we audio booked it on our cross-country drive when we moved from New York to LA. And I don't remember anything from this book book but the other day he reminded me of something that when

someone is getting angry about something like say i'm bitching about um like i was supposed to get this pat like today when i was like there's all these boxes and i don't know what to do with all of them when you go god damn it yes why are these boxes when you join it to the fire yeah you it's it it takes away my feet like you there's only it when when when your partner gets angry listening is so much better than joining in and adding to it not because it adds to the fire but because that person that person's anger is their own and let them have it and it's best for you and them to not i forget how he phrased it but my ex-boyfriend had so what should you do let's say listen okay bitch to me no no go ahead go ahead talk about the boxes what should i do you said no no you talk

about the you be me oh these fucking boxes i keep getting boxes i don't know what to do it's piling up i gotta bring it to fucking recycling yeah that is i don't understand why I need more things I don't need more things It's really That sounds so frustrating I relate to feeling That frustrated You don't think I need to make a switch though I feel like I gotta stop ordering things

Obviously I'm just a fucking idiot with this shit I don't think you're an idiot And I think you should just I think you know just feel this feeling And maybe don't think you're an idiot and I think you should just, I think, you know, just feel this feeling and maybe it'll lead you naturally to doing the right thing instead of beating yourself about what you should be doing.

I feel like you definitely did this for a reason and you'll figure it. You'll be okay. But I totally understand your frustration right now. Okay. I get what you're saying.

It's a validation. And now let's do the way that we shouldn't do. Ready? Okay. These fucking boxes are piling up. I can't keep ordering things. I mean, you keep ordering stuff. I know.

I mean, when I order, they're everywhere. That's a huge mess. I'm telling you. And then your hands get all dry when you break down the boxes, and then your cuticles start ripping, and then you start picking at those because you're anxious. I didn't even think of that. Now I'm even more angry.

Because I keep watching you rip at your cuticles and you're bleeding all over our apartment. And it's just, there's blood on the cabinets. But that's kind of fun though, the double up on the anger. There's blood on the cabinets and I'm eating pizza in the dark. Yeah, there is. My baby left me because she said there's no spark. Let's take a quick break and come back with Why Do I Care? Why Do I Care?

2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How To Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours,

stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crumbs as part of the My Cudura Podcast Network.

Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened.

And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem.

My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And Slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money.

I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument.

The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council.

All right, Andrew. Why do I care? Why do I care? I think you're going to care about this one. Okay. Will Smith told his life coach he wanted a harem of girlfriends in his late 20s or in his 20s he loved the idea of traveling with 20 different women that he loved and took care of he also admitted to being attracted to hailey berry and the ballerina misty copeland i remember seeing misty copeland as one

of these women that he wanted in his harem um yeah he said the process of speaking about it had him realized that thoughts were not sins and even acting on impure thoughts didn't make him a piece of shit. There you go. He can't help how he feels. He wants a fucking harem. He wants a harem. That doesn't make him a bad person. His actions to acquire that harem could lead to things that would make him feel like if he decided to do an R. Kelly

and have sex slaves because R. Kelly and have sex slaves. Because R. Kelly wanted the same thing, right? Yeah. Maybe in a different way, but he went about that. He didn't have the same introspective. R. Kelly got to hear him like how that lady got her husband

to hang out with her more. Yes. By calling bomb threats. Now, Will Smith can do it your way by just working six jobs and being able to afford them with her more. Yes. By calling bomb threats. Now, Will Smith can do it your way by just working six jobs and being able to afford them all. Yeah, well, that's true. Yeah, that woman needs to get to work.

Yeah, she needs to get in. I'm really looking forward to Will Smith's autobiography, which is called Will. Neil Brennan, my friend, was posting about how Will was the one that uh exposed him to ayahuasca and neil actually shared with me a really interesting video that um he had been interviewing will for something i don't even know what but this was years ago and you know neil's a

name dropper whenever i'm around him he's always telling me about what famous person he knows. He's friends with the most famous people ever. He's just, he just has that energy and I love Neil and I love his special three mics on Netflix because it talks about

how he likes, you know, saying that he's friends with famous people and like, because it gives him, I like that he's admitted, it makes me feel cool.

Yeah, that Ayahuasca post on Instagram was like, now I can finally let you know. He's like, I've gotten into Ayahuasca and here's why. It's because of Will Smith. But it's true. Yeah, that ayahuasca post on Instagram was like, now I can finally let you know. He's like, I've gotten into ayahuasca and here's why. It's because of Will Smith. But it's true.

Yeah, no, it is. But he shared a video with me of Will Smith talking about success. And I'll never forget that he said that Will had a crisis or something of the sort of like, once you've climbed mount everest if that's what you always thought would make you happy what there's not a taller mountain there isn't enough if mountaineering is your thing and you could go well you could go to space that's not a mountain right you could climb it with 20 hot bitches but you know what i mean you can bring a pack of sexy sherpas with you next time um yeah that's so funny um misty copeland might do a little couple plies on uh

but no but they have an open relationship him Yeah, but I just remember him saying that on that clip that Neil shared with me of having a crisis of when you've achieved everything, which he clearly Will Smith had. I mean, he didn't win an Oscar, but who cares? I mean, maybe that wasn't his goal. What did you take away from it? I took away from it that I'm not going to know that feeling until I get there,

but I do know that it's true. I know that success does not bring happiness. Whatever we're going after, it just showed me that someday I'm going to – I hope to understand that because obviously I want to have all the successes. I mean, look at every childhood star that reached the highest high of popularity. I mean, the track record's not good well like i was talking to my mom about all these cameras around us uh the other day and she's you know concerned of how she's gonna come across the same way that i would have been concerned about how

someone's gonna see me eating that pizza right eating the toppings off the gate yeah yeah and she's worried about her gate yeah the fact that she doesn't have one and that the the yard looks like shit nicky and blah blah blah and i go mom i totally understand this feeling right i like boxster like a pile of boxster i go i get this feeling i've been there let's follow it out like and what i did with the pizza thing last night i'm like okay if someone judges me about it i went through all of this in my head. I'm like, what are they going to say? What are they going to think? Blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, wait a second. All I want in life, everything that I've ever wanted is love. I want money so I can secure, I want security, I want to feel safe,

and I want love, right? But really all of this fame searching is about, it's not so much about security because I'm financially secure. I should just then it's about love right and acceptance the people at that table i was like are my truest loves of my life you kirsten and my ex-boyfriend chris like these are the people that like and i my mom and dad they couldn't be there but like they're i know that they love me no matter what i could could do anything. I've eaten really weird things in front of them. And I go, mom, who, what's, when you get insecure about something that you don't want to show the world, and this is to everyone, like, think about, like, what's your biggest fear? What are they going to think about you? And I go, does you having a messy storage room mean that you're, like, what does it mean about you that i'm lazy she goes that i'm lazy and i was

like wow like that is my biggest fear in life is that people think i'm lazy which is ironic because that's the thing that people tell me more than anything is that how hard i work and i hear that over and over and it doesn't matter how many times people tell me it i still have a fear that i'm tricking you into thinking i worked hard it's a magic trick and it's sleight of hand and I'm actually lazy and you don't know that I am. I've now accepted like I'm not lazy. And when I am lazy, it's self-care. When I stay in bed all day and so I told my mom, you're not lazy. She goes, and I go, I guess you could argue, well, then why don't you clean the storage closet? If it needs to be cleaned and you don't clean it, that's probably lazy. And I go, because you wanted to watch a housewives marathon instead of that

and she goes i don't watch housewives i go it's just an example yes whatever you did instead of doing that you could lead you to believe like that like let's say you did something entertainment value that wasn't important i go are you hanging out with your nephews or your grandkids yeah i go i went to the rolling stones concert the other night instead of working on my act for my special. I should have been home probably working on my jokes if you really, if you think. My special is like the storage closet. And it's like, well, guess what?

And she goes, no, you, that is not the same as me laying on the couch watching TV. That's the Rolling Stones. And I go, it's all the same. It's entertainment. It's not necessary but guess what it is you whatever you and i always tell this to people when they feel bad about oh i'm fat you did not choose to be fat you did not press a button and go i want my thighs to look like this or whatever you're thinking about that day you didn't choose for your storage closet to be a mess. It's a mess because you prioritized other things.

Now were the other things you were prioritizing that special? Were they spending time with your grandkids? Maybe not. Maybe it was doing something like binging

your kitchen cabinet and that made you fat. And now your storage closet is full and also you're feeling fat because you ate too much. You ate pizza in the dark. Well, guess what?

You needed to – you had to have that pizza in the dark because you were feeling feelings that if you would have not had the pizza in the dark and you would have gone, I want it so fucking bad because I don't like this feeling. It's going to go somewhere else the next day and it's going to be more – it's going to be a lot of pizza in the daylight. You know what I'm saying? So just forgive yourself for having a dirty storage closet. Think about who are you so scared is going to see this thing about you and what are they going to think? And if they think that, what's going to happen? And are the people at your table, the ones that love you, are they judging you for your storage closet? Because I bet they're not.

Like the people that you are closest to you can be yourself around and if they don't shut out their love for you because of that then then let the world see who you really are and maybe accept yourself it really like dawned on me last night with those cameras around being like all that matters is the people at this table and the people this table represent a lot more people that aren't at this table but because these people this table aren't going Nikki what the fuck are you doing? You don't deserve love because you're eating pizza that way. Then I think I'll be okay. Even if the message boards

who watch the thing that the cameras are filming did say that I am a weird eater and I'm gross and I can't believe a 37-year-old woman stuffs her face like that and eats like a child. Guess what? Andrew, Chris, and kirsten still

love me that's all i need that's all i wanted and that's why i care about that will smith thing i guess and that's why i want to hear noah and noah like noah always like noah you were at that table too you know like that table represented the people that i are closest to me that that it doesn't matter yeah that's how i feel exactly It's like just whatever's in the room is in the room. That's all. Exactly. Those people matter. That's what matters.

And I think we could be so comfortable with those people and go, oh, well, I'm worried about what, you know, the woman down the street thinks with the perfect lawn and the perfect hair and the perfect body. She works out every day. And why can't I be like her? Why do you, is she gonna go be at your funeral is she gonna shed a tear when you die she doesn't give a about you stop

trying to impress her lazy cult being thought of as lazy and then being thought of as like like there's such a positive about like they hustle so hard and it's like on the flip side of that hustle so hard is avoidance of talking to your parents avoidance of um you know being closer with your friends avoidance of doing whatever it is like the the negative around lazy and the positive around hustle needs to kind of we need to stop that talk and that like if you're not hustling you ain't shit you miss out on so much when you hustle so much. Even, what's his name, when I sent you that clip? Logic? Yeah.

He was talking about how you become as good as he is. And he was like, I don't have friends. I don't have a social life. I missed out a lot. And he goes, part of me wants to go back to that kid who worked so fucking hard and say, get outside every now and again. If you're someone who enjoys, doesn't't hustle and doesn't define themselves by their career and how much the what what you put out there and how much like the world is consuming

of you maybe you're spending time with people who your quality time you spend with them is leading them to have a better life that can create that stuff you know like you could be adding to the input that the that's being put out in the world. Okay, let's get to Reddit dump. Karaoke. Oh my God. This is your Reddit dump. I thought you could hear karaoke mode at the beginning.

Karaoke mode. Okay, so. There's also your laughter at the end. Okay, the things I saved are all videos and I regret this, There's also your laughter at the end. Okay. The things I saved are all videos, and I regret this, but you guys got to, like, I don't know if I can zoom in on them when I put them up. Maybe we could put the links on somewhere. Yeah.

I mean, has anyone seen the footage of Hitler at a horse riding contest? No. And they say he's high on meth but a lot of the comments are saying he had like pretty late stage parkinson's at this point this video is slightly sped up slightly okay but even if it's slightly sped up you tell me how fucking insane are you sure it's not charlie chaplin no dude this is hitler and it says hitler high on meth and this is from the um sorry this is from the uh subreddit Interesting GIFs, G-I-F-S. Press replay on that.

This is, I can't believe more people don't see this. Wow. You guys, he is rocking back and forth in his chair like this. I mean, if you're watching the video. Like, it's back and forth like one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two. And it's slightly sped up, but it's so insane that even if it slowed down like three quarters the speed of it, it would still be like, why is this guy rocking back and forth so much? It's really scary. He's kind of doing the sassy turkey.

Yeah. I think it's Mick Jagger, actually. I think, first of all, why is there such a big crowd for a horse riding contest? Like, it's not even a race. I mean, maybe it was their version of the Jake Paul fight. And it was in the 30s. There was barely any television. Yeah, no, I know.

That's what I'm saying. I mean, that's the guy. It's so crazy how one guy like that who's rocking. Just Google Hitler high on meth in a horse riding contest at a horse riding contest. He's in the crowd. He has the swastika on his arm and he's back and forth. And I don't know if it's meth or Parkinson's, but people are arguing and says the drug regimen this guy was taking on a daily basis put Jordan Belfort to shame.

Someone says me when my ass itches, but I cannot scratch. I mean, people ondit are so funny is there um someone said uh that fucking murderous nazi i hope he's burning in hell okay that's that's a good comment uh g how much drugs did the nazis really take and why said someone said lots and historically things like methamphetamine was given to soldiers by the government so they could stay up for days in battle this of course was also done in other others countries militaries i mean yeah there's talk of like my my grandfather was a eye surgeon and he died i think in his 40s he smoked a lot and was you know drank a lot and perhaps had some mental issues that my family you know sweeps under the rug and doesn't really talk about but um there was talk of him probably popping you know yeah meth-y type pills

so that he could do surgery and and work long hours and stay up and drink and then get up in the morning and do surgery again and this was in the you know 60s i mean there was coke and coca-cola like what it's just funny how like certain things like if enough people do them they're the norm so it's like and then we don't realize the repercussion i mean hopefully science is better now where we kind of have an understanding of like you know giving people meth it's probably not the best way for them to work on eyes but but like they're in 30 years we could go oh actually zoloft uh caused cancer of your you know of your calves or whatever and everyone's like oh they're

gonna say that the sugar is the you know smoking yeah ryan hamilton has a great joke where he's like that someday we're gonna be like did you know they had they there were people eating sugar on planes like the same way we're talking about smoking yeah yeah yeah um okay this is from dating uh sorry this is from today i learned the subreddit today i learned til if you ever see til it means today i learned today i learned about a new jersey history professor who was telling a story to his class about how a ranger saved his life in a canyon at night in Texas in 1940. This is wild. The ranger had managed to track him down and coincidentally walked into the classroom right as the professor was telling the story. Wait, are you listening to what I'm saying?

So the guy got saved by a ranger. Here's the article. Why was the guy there? This is from December 29th, 2015. Because he found the... So, okay. Royce Burton was teaching history at a New Jersey university

when he decided to tell his class about a frightening experience he had as a young man. He was a Texas ranger. This is Rio Grande, 1940. He got lost in a canyon after dark. Beats after dark. He tried to climb out,

but he lost his balance. Suddenly, a fellow r dark beats after dark he tried to climb out but he lost his balance suddenly a fellow ranger appeared and hoisted him to safety with his rifle strap he thanked this guy for saving his life but lost contact with him and after both men enlisted in the in world war ii um so then 25 years later burton was in the middle of sharing his story when an elderly man appeared in the doorway. It was Joe, the fellow ranger. He had tracked Burton down 25 years later and walked into his classroom at precisely the moment that he was recounting his rescue. He said, he goes, I'll have Joe finish the rest of the story, Burton said without missing a beat, as the astonished classroom witnessed the two men's reunion um synchronicity is a term coined by carl jung the swiss psychiatrist and mystic it is the occurrence of two events that have no apparent cause and effect relation but are nonetheless

connected by meaning often in profound ways synchronicity is an odd term but it's a familiar experience to many people someone dreams of a childhood friend he hasn't heard from in years and gets a phone call from that friend the next day. You know, these are coincidences that we go, you won't believe this. This is a sign from the universe. The thing is, I listened to a Radiolab episode and I believe it's called Synchronicity.

And it's from years ago. Shang Wang, the comedian, recommended it to me. We were driving to Sabrina Jaliz's wedding in Vermont from New York. He's so funny. He's so funny. And he goes, have you never you never heard radio lap and i was like no and he goes dude dude there's an episode you gotta listen to and it's called i think you told me about this with the balloon yeah it's the balloon and it just talks about these things in life that you go

the there was a there was a balloon that a girl let go of and she tied a note to it and it flew 40 kilometers away and landed in a bush and that bush was and then the father who owned the house that that bush fell into this is the story picked up the balloon and it said you know whoever finds this please reach out to sarah burton and then gave her address he is the father of a girl whose name is sarah burton who's the same age uh like this like had a bunch of like the same like same birthday or something and the thing is people go what the how what are the odds the odds are astronomically low but the thing is it happens they gave a perfect example and this takes us into final thought a perfect example of this when when something in your life happens coincidentally like you dream

of something and someone or you go i was just talking about this person and they just called me i haven't talked about this person in five years and they call me now yeah it's probably not God or the universe even though I do believe in signs and I like to give meaning to them this is this gives you know that it's bound to happen sometimes these things are about your life has so many different you've met thousands of people in your life and every day and every year thousands of people call you at some point both of those things the thousand people you know and the thousand people that call you are going to line up in a weird way and think of this oh my god this person i had a dream about two nights ago

called me today well if it was really a sign why wouldn't you have dreamed about them last night why was it two nights ago you know what i'm saying like it's a little bit people kind of go but the one of you well who knows how many times that guy's told that story to the class exactly and here's another thing when there is a field of grass let's say there's a huge field and there's probably hundreds of thousands shards of grass maybe uh millions maybe millions, right? And you throw a lawn dart, right? And every blade of grass is going, oh my God, I hope it doesn't hit me. Or like, if it hits me, that will be wild. Like what a sign.

It's gotta hit one of them. You know, it's not gonna not hit any of them. It's gonna, one of those blades of grass is gonna feel like I'm special. But guess what? It had to hit one. There's nothing special about the definite occurrence of one of those blades of grass being hit.

There's one, 100%, one of them's going to get hit, right? But that one, when it's you, you feel so special. Like you feel like, oh my God. It's like catching a foul ball on a baseball it came to me and my grandfather caught a foul ball on the same day in 1941 and his funeral is next week he just died two weeks ago it's like you can ascribe all this meaning but your life has millions of variables and if you want to you can ascribe meaning to anything and it it takes some of the magic out of life it really does but but that's not what you

know that's the same thing as tarot cards i don't really believe tarot is yeah mystical and actually you know is connected to actual things that i'm like okay this is an absolute absolute truth but it allows you to interpret your life in a new way and to see your life from a different lens. So if, you know, your Aunt Bea dies and then a bee lands on your shoulder and makes you go, oh, my God, that's my Aunt Bea talking to me. Like, maybe you needed your Aunt Bea there that day because you have a job interview tomorrow and you're nervous about it. Can you remember a moment where, like, things lined up? I remember a few.

Well, one, I was at a bulls game and they threw a ball the bulls brothers it was like the blues brothers oh that's funny and they threw a ball and it like what's that game in uh prices right where where it like bounces like yeah i think that's how you make fried tempura but like and so it it freaking plankoed off like 15 other people and i literally have a a coke and like a hot dog in my hand and it just fell perfectly right in my lap and i go like i was with my mom like it was just like one of those things is that the best moment of your life i mean it was up there with like at that point in my life yeah it was pretty fucking cool but like i had moments like I was in California, I remember,

when I was like 12 or something. And I'm in this obscure restaurant, middle of nowhere. Maybe there's like 10 people in there. And one of my best friends from camp is there with his family. He's one of the 10. And I'm like, what? What is that? Yeah, you know, you go.

But then you're like, well well he has a certain amount of money his family right they travel a certain amount there's websites that direct you to the places to go that are cool in town and they went to the same website because you guys search the same and there's 300 campers that would have probably surprised me yes well have you had a moment like that though like um you were like far away from something or you know like i i remember i you know i've talked about how like i recently believe in god and like i'm much more spiritual but when i was a kid i was not allowed to like believe in i just my parents were like that was like no it was sports yeah like there's no there's no god in my house but i used to pray and i

remember one time praying i was um it was fifth fifth grade, and I was going out with a boy. It was my first boyfriend, and he asked me out. Diego Villacis asked me out on the bus, and I really didn't want anyone to find out about it because I was just like, I don't want to do anything with it. I was just like, I don't even want a boyfriend. I'm doing this because it's like what you're doing. Even then, your brain is spinning so much.

Oh, my God. And I remember staying up that night and like not being able to sleep and just being like i just knew that if tyler schoonover found out about it he would be like why is diego dating nikki glazer like she's a nerd and then everyone would like hear that i was a nerd and it was like for some reason i really didn't want tyler schoonover to be at school like i was just but he was never absent, ever. And I remember praying to God, and I had this weird ritual where God would only answer my prayers

if I laid in bed in a way that I'd never laid before. So I would have to be like, I'll cross my fingers in a weird way, and then my leg, I would have to make a shape with my body that had never been made before. Which isn't hard to do because like, there's enough variables in your body that you can, I would lay like this and be like,

please God, have Tyler's skin over. Please not be there at school tomorrow. And he was sick from school the next day. And that made me believe in the power of making my body into a weird shape and praying for things. And I never really tested it again because I was too scared that-

Is that why my asshole hurt yesterday wait why did you stop you have this power because i didn't want the power to be taken because i knew it was a coincidence i knew it was a fucking coincidence even then i was like this ain't god this is just me being ocd it would have been such a different story depending on how sick tyler got like if it was like no tyler's cool now and he like i know but you know what i mean though wish him a lot of luck but back then i was just so scared but eventually mrs grow did find out about me and d mrs grow was my teacher and someone told her and i remember it was like slow motion it was like that um black hole sun video of like in your face like whoa like and she just goes nicky and diego sitting in the tree

yeah because everyone was like nicky and diego are dating and she but it wasn't mean she was just going like she was kind of happy for me because i was a dork and she was like oh nicky and diego she probably said it like that but to me it was like nicky and diego and I was like, Black Hole Sun, won't you come? Oh, won't you come? Black Hole Sun. And like dripping blood and like melting faces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I referenced that time.

How long did you date Diego? We're still together. Oh. We never broke up. That was my joke. I saw him again in high school at Tree Court, my pool. And he was there. Tree Court.

And I actually wrote him, I think, on Facebook in college and wrote him and was like, technically, we're still dating because we never broke up. He switched schools in sixth grade, so I never saw him again. I wonder why he switched. He better not be fucking married and cheating on me because we never broke up, Diego. And I want you to know, if you're out there, Diego Villas- Diego Villasiz I look for him all the time because he was so cute I think he's probably a doctor now he's so smart and just like so cute and she's saving her vagina for you

yeah Diego I'm saving my vagina for you to examine because I really do need to go get a vag exam and there's nothing wrong it's just I need my annual I got you okay guys with that we are uh i'd rather you sing brandy carlisle to me than ever make that joke again uh thank you for listening

to the show today we'll be back tomorrow with more show make sure to subscribe to our youtube channel uh we are live on youtube oh luigi you look cute as fuck if you want to see how cute luigi is you to go on there. You are so cute. What the fuck? Guys, don't be cute out there. Jack. I can't believe we haven't done that one yet. I don't know if we have. It's the ones that are

so right there. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel.

And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila.

And we're the hosts of the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms, but not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcast. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.