The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #112 An Old Chimp's Tale

Episode Date: October 1, 2021

Between you and Nikki, she has some pointers on how to overcome social anxiety and it involves being truthful. Andrew gets a little wild and might activate your robots. Nikki and Andrew dissect how to compliment a man and why. You Heard It Here First, primatology 101, Britney is free, a weekday relationship and an end to a winning streak in Andrew's Weekly Sports Moment. Fanthrax voicemails include ones from a local Bestie, one with an important life change and in the Final Thought a Bestie shares an embarrassing moment that might have happened as a result of the pod. Oops. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast,

and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to... The hottest party in professional sports.

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Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Yeah, here I am. Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast. It's Nikki! Yeah, here I am! Hey everyone! Welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast. It's Thursday. Oh my goodness, what a week. I'm gonna miss you guys over the weekend.

Thank you so much for listening to the show. You know what this means to me. Hey, maybe take the time today to get a friend into the podcast. If you enjoyed one show in particular this week, or one segment stood out, get people on board. Besties are connecting with each other and people are getting dates

because they like the show and we had last week on Fanthrax, which we'll get to today, a bestie found out one of the guys she was meeting with on one of these apps was a fan of the show. And so they had a commonality right away. I loved it. So maybe introduce a fan that might need a friend to the show today because, god damn, you guys are my friends. So excited to talk at you today.

God. Noah, I talk too much I just and and you know if this is the place for it obviously because it's my podcast but um lately I've been making jokes about how I talk too much around my friends and people and and certain people that I just kind of started talk like meeting and just making like kind of just jokes about like yesterday I was talking to two of the people that are following me around with cameras for I don't even know what but I was said something about someone who talks a lot I was like they just like to hear themselves talk and that comes from someone who likes to hear themselves talk and they both laughed so hard

that it verified for me that I'm someone that they've probably talked about behind my back being like, God, she talks a lot. And I just hate, that's how you like test if something is true about yourself. You disparage yourself. And if someone actually does like a real laugh, like you get them to laugh in a genuine way, that's confirms it. Like sometimes I'll say things on stage and I go, the way you guys laughed at that, I don't even like because it confirms what I just said is so true. You know, like when I got called Owen Wilson at the roast and like everyone goes, Nikki, no, that's not true. You don't look like Owen Wilson. I'm like, why did the roof literally blow off the place then with how funny it was?

Because the truth is funny. It's ridiculous, but it's a little bit true um and as someone who talks too much I just I just asked you a question and then I talked through the answer which is what I do to you like every day I gotta get better that's I mean I I don't have I'm not a talkative person I do wish I had like more of that quality and it's something that makes me very anxious when I go to like a party or just like a place where I don't know anyone. I wish I could have those talking skills. Bring me.

Bring like if anyone wants me to. I don't know. Just bring up. I just want to. I'd love to help people that have that, are scared to do that. Because honestly, what is it about like talking that makes you nervous? Because maybe I can help people out that do wish they were a little more talkative and talk about how you could be more talkative, but not as talkative as me, because honestly, it's a burden.

Yeah, I have a, I guess I get, like I overthink how do I start a conversation and how do I walk away from a conversation and just not being able to talk a lot about stuff, which I can always talk a lot about stuff because I know more than I give myself credit for it. Just the, just how do I spark up a conversation and how do I walk away from it and not get trapped in it? I think that the best way to spark a conversation and how do I walk away from it and not get trapped in it? I think that the best

way to spark a conversation at a party or at, you know, if you're trying to, let's say if you're a guy out there in the masculine energy or a woman in the masculine energy and you would strike a conversation with a stranger. I mean, I just was at Starbucks and caught the, just saw a guy that was like so attractive and I tried to do the five second stare it did not work but I just lingered nearby at a table I like was gonna walk back to my apartment but instead I like took a seat at a table and was like maybe he'll turn like I was behind him he thought I passed and then I went back and then I just sat behind him and he never even turned around to see that I was there I was I think his friend that he was with thought I was

like checking him out. But I get really nervous like that too, especially approaching men maybe for a romantic thing. But in terms of like at a party, I think honestly leading with the truth. So let's say you're going to a social function where you do know a lot of people or you don't know anyone and you're at a party and you're like, I'm so scared. I'm not going to know anyone. I only know the host. That happens a lot, you know, and they're going to be schmoozing and running around. I don't want them to depend on me to like walk me through things.

Literally, that is such a common fear that you can already just guarantee that no matter what, at least 30% of the people at this party are going to feel the same way and that most people that didn't even show up to the party didn't show up because they feel that way. So the fact that you're going is already like, congratulate yourself for that, because that's hard. So even if you go, and you just freak out and you leave, like the fact that you even tried to go like, is really brave. And I just think we need to challenge ourselves to do things that are out of our comfort zone. Because first of all, think of the worst thing that can happen. Like you say something to someone and you say like, you're not going to say, you're going to put your foot in your mouth.

Like in the worst way. You know, you'll say something awkward and be like, yeah, that reminds me of when I shit my pants right now. And then you shit your pants. Or like that's the worst thing like then you have a story where you get to say you shit your pants at a party awkwardly for the rest of your life and you get to tell people that and like that party like maybe the story will get out but everyone shits their pants so it's okay but I do think the best conversation starter is the is is what's honest and this is what I do think the best conversation starter is what's honest. And this is what I do when I'm on stage and I dig myself into an awkward hole. Let's like say I'm on stage and I'm tackling a subject that I really haven't fleshed out the bit yet.

I admit something that's like no one relates to. The audience is kind of staring at me. They're like, will you please like move on? This subject is really uncomfortable. And I just – it's like, I'm bombing, you know, generally I would feel the trickle of sweat start to form on my lower back that I get the flop sweat. I know I'm bombing. If that little trickle of sweat,

I have, I have four inches to save that because a lot of the time, if, when I feel it reach my ass crack and disperse into my butt, that's when there was no turning back. But I have that, that time between where it becomes a bead of sweat that's heavy enough to slowly trickle down i have that trickle down to save it and the

truth is even if it like splashes into my asshole i still have time to save it the thing that i didn't realize until seven i would think i realized this two years ago, not less than. The honesty will always dig you out of it. So for me, I go, wow, the audience is thinking this is awkward. Nikki, can you please move on to another joke? I just call out the obvious thing that is making it so uncomfortable. Wow, this is, Nikki, you didn't really figure out that joke enough to present it in a way that's funny. It's making everyone feel really weird and we wish we could go back five minutes ago when you were killing talking about your vagina. I just call out the thing that, you know, it might

not be what they're thinking, but it's close enough to what the truth is, which is something bad happened. And now this is weird. So for you going into a party, going to the bowl of pretzels and making yourself a drink and sipping on it and being like, I have nothing else to do. Do I look at my phone? You can literally be on your phone. And if there's someone else there that you're like, oh, I maybe want to talk to them. Or even if you don't want to talk to them, if you just want to feel more social, truly you could go up to a group of people that already is having a great time and go this is what I would do okay this is Nikki Glaser not comedian Nikki Glaser everyone knows me Nikki Glaser this is

Nikki Glaser where I'm in fucking Dubai and no one knows who I am maybe not Dubai because it's culturally would be different but in an American world and most of like the western world I would go up to a group of people and go guys I know you're in the middle of a story I don't have any friends at this party. I feel really awkward. Can I just stand here like I'm one of your best friends? That's funny. It's honest.

And I swear to God, they're going to be like, oh, my God, of course. And if they look at you like you're weird, think of someone did that to you and your friends at a party. Someone who is shy came up and goes, guys, I don't know anyone at this party. I know this is awkward. I'm so nervous to even do this, but can I just like stand here so I don't have to like awkwardly look at my phone and pretend like I'm texting someone that I'm really not texting. Just be honest. Or if there's another person that's also alone, just go up to them and go, I'm honestly so anxious right now because I am, the word party elicits nothing but fear in me. Like when there's a party-sized bag of Chex Mix,

I get social anxiety even eating the bag alone on my couch. Say what, and maybe you can't think of something, Nikki, I can't be that funny. I can't be that personable. I'm not expecting you to, but if you just say what's honest, literally if the host comes up to you, you can say, I'm probably gonna leave,

not because I'm not having fun, but because I have social anxiety. Guess what? Social anxiety is so common that if you just call out what you're feeling, you could even say, I literally, like, I put on a strapless bra for this. It's the wrong bra, and I can't think of anything else. You could say that to someone at, like, the punch table. Be like, I like, and let's say you don't want to say something self-deprecating or true a great way to spark up a conversation with someone is to just compliment their shoes say something about them that's true that you could compliment like wow you have really good posture i gotta work on mine like uh you're that haircut is great. Where do you go? Just something that will get them talking.

And then watch Love on the Spectrum, you guys. When they run out of things to talk about, they just go, Michael goes, wow, my mind is at a crossroads right now. And it's like he just says the truth. And there's something, that's why I'm attracted to autistic people in terms of, like of wanting to be around them, be friends with them. Because they do the thing that took me 15 years to realize is the great thing to do. Because when these autistic people on the show around neurotypical people, people that aren't autistic, when they say something that's so true about like, you know, at one point Michael is on a date and the girl he's on a date with has on glasses.

And he goes, would you take off your glasses for a second? And she takes them off. And he goes, now put them back on. And she puts them back on. And he goes, just what I thought. You're more attractive with glasses. And it's like, and she was so touched by it because she's probably insecure about her glasses. Like, and you know what it was true and it's just even if it's awkward for you to do that

I really want to I know these things like you're maybe saying to yourself Nikki I I'm gonna I'm gonna shake violently I'm going to have a panic attack just walking up to a group of people I can't do that you have a a voice, you have legs, you have, or what maybe like you have the ability to approach a group of people. You can do anything. You really can do these things. If you're able to have talk or communicate, whether or not you get a panic attack, like I don't want to make anyone do something that is truly out of their comfort zone, but you're capable of so much more than you think. And I think we get in our way when we go, no, I don't do that. I just can't do that. When people go, I don't do the dating apps. They're not for me. I'm special.

I'm unique. You guys have heard me talk about this before many times. But I think that it's a good reminder even to myself that things that you think that are just not for you, parties aren't for me. I'm not a party person. Guess what? You're probablyies aren't for me. I'm not a party person. Guess what? You're probably not. You're right. You're not a party person. But you know what you could be is someone who does difficult things. You know that book that we all read last year, Untamed, Undefeated.

It was written by – do you know what I'm talking about, Noah? I think you're – yeah. The lesbian woman. The woman that wrote a bunch of books and then she decided that she was in love with a soccer player. Oh, fuck. What is her name? Everyone's either shouting out that. There's a book that came out last year.

Anyway, the message of it was we do difficult things. We do hard things. And I really think about that all the time of when something is scary to me, run towards it. And before you do, think of the worst thing that can happen. And what does that mean for your life? Does it mean you're going to go to jail? Does it mean you're going to lose your children and your parents aren't going to love you anymore? If it means those things, don't do it. But if it, or if it means you might die, if it's like deathifying, but if but if it or if it means you might die if it's like deathifying but if it means and if it means you might have a panic attack that makes you have a heart attack don't

do it right but if it's not gonna kill you I mean what doesn't kill you makes you stronger obviously we've all heard that before in a Kelly Clarkson song and many times before that on motivational things but I know that like today I'm taking a self-defense class with my mom um I I know Noah I doubt we're going to like a martial arts studio and I'm taking a self-defense class with my mom my mom does not want to be on camera and I have cameras following me around she's so stressed out about being on camera being seen like not looking pretty having people judge her she's also worried I got her a maid service because she's worried about the way her house might look with cameras on it and so I said let me get a cleaning service she's super scared of anyone coming into her house and like cleaning

and judging her for being messy so I'm guessing the house is spotless for these cleaners to come in yes but she didn't want to do it she didn't want to accept these gifts she didn't want to have people come in and I go but the thing is this is a normal thing that people do you're not special for being anxious about this you're missing out by having this fear that you think is your thing and like keep like I my mom's like I don't I don't have maid services I don't let strangers into my house I don't go on camera I'm not someone who wants to be on reality shows and starts to almost identify with like a sense of pride that you're not that person how about having pride that you're gonna

do something that makes you so uncomfortable how about that like having me like I'm someone who doesn't like people in my house but I'm going to try it out once and if I don't like, I'm someone who doesn't like people in my house, but I'm going to try it out once. And if I don't like it, I can stick to it and know that I tried it and didn't like it. But if you haven't tried these things that you're so adamant, like it's not for me, you don't get to say that it's not for you. Truly. I was always like, I hate outdoor activities. I hate canoeing. Yes, I went as a kid, but it had been, I hadn't gone in as an adult and I kept saying I hated it. So I challenged myself to go on a trip and I learned I do not like it. And here's what I don't like about it. So maybe if I go again,

let's change the things I didn't like about it. I don't want it to be so long. I don't want a man crawling into my canoe to do a demo of how you get back in a canoe after you fall out of one. I don't like there are things about it that I learned. But my mom is doing the self-defense class on camera, which she's not good at physical activity. Last night, she had a migraine and a headache and her neck got thrown out. And all of that was happened out of the blue why do you think stress because she was fucking stressed and nervous about today and so i told her i'm so sorry your neck is hurting if we go tomorrow and it's still hurting you can sit on the side and just watch me do the class and it'll be funny enough the cameras can film that that'll be a whole story we'll work

around it but that's the worst that could happen is that you're still injured tomorrow and you don't do it. But just show up, you know, even with your neck and just let this woman clean your house. I know her. I trust her. People get their houses cleaned all the time, Mom. You're getting older. This is something you should maybe adopt in your life to make your life easier. People do it for a reason.

It makes their life easier. I'm buying this service for you. Please accept this gift. And also thank you for doing something so outside of your comfort zone. I thanked her. I was like, you are proving to me how fucking cool you are. This is why I love you is that you're willing

to stray from these things you think you know about yourself. And if you hear me on this podcast, sometimes at some point in the future say like, that's not for me. I don't do that. And you find me on this podcast sometimes sometime at some point in the future say like that's not for me I don't do that and you find me to be hypocritical let me know because sometimes you say these things that you don't even realize well you haven't tried it so don't you can't say that you're not it's not for you stop identifying with the things we can't do and let's start identifying with the things that we're willing to try so that we know we can't do and then we can identify that we don't like them i just wrote a fun fact about myself today for this promotional

thing that they're doing where they're like we want nikki laser fun facts and i was like my phobias include um uh first dates air shows two-lane highways and um uh drunk men on diving boards i used to say fat men on diving boards because it was something about the board breaking but just it's drunk men i realized like reckless drunk men and and it wasn't a fat shaming thing it's about like the the board breaking like that's why it wasn't like fat men are more reckless than regular like or like you know not fat men or whatever that was not what i was saying it was just generally fat men are more reckless than regular, like, or like, you know, not fat men or whatever. That was not what I was saying. It was just generally fat men like way down the board more

and it is about to break more. And I looked at each of those phobias and I go, have I confronted each of those things and learned that I didn't like them in the right way? And the truth is, yes, not with air shows. I haven't been to one as an adult. I'm going to challenge myself to go to one again and see if I can do it.

Two lane highways, yes. I have confronted that and I have a plan of action for that. Centipedes, I'm working on it. I have improved so much by giving a name to spiders last year. I named my spider Trevor. That was in my parents' bathroom. And that helped me with my spider thing. Spiders have eight legs.

Centipedes have 100 legs. It's the leg thing. There's too many legs. So if I name, you know, 11 spiders, that takes us up to 88. No, let's do 12. 12 spiders times 8 is 8. 16, 24, 36, 48, 60, 72, 88, 9. is 8 16 24 36 48 60 72 88 9 wait 12 times 8 is what is that 100 no it's a 94

12 times 8 it's 96 but i cheated 96 we're still okay so i need I need 12.3 spiders and then it can be a centipede because I think centipedes have 100 legs I don't know and then I can maybe confront my centipede fear um you guys just learned that I confronted my fear of not knowing my 12 times tables past seven and I showed you I was a little bit stupider than you may have thought I was but that's my fear is being stupid. And I'm running into it because when I get honest about it, it frees me. And what I don't know makes me open to things that I can know more than being so set in my ways. And I learned that from the Book of Dow.

All right, let's get Andrew in here. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

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But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the My Gulura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. conversation from a serious parental figure like yourself. Not the seriously know-it-all sports dad or the seriously smart podcaster. It requires a serious conversation that is best had by you. No, seriously. The best person to talk to your child about vaping is you. To start the conversation, visit talkaboutvaping.org. Brought to you by the American Lung Association, and the Ad Council. Hey, Andrew.

Woo! I'm out of breath for a second. From what? Our apartment is big, you know? Yeah. Oh, that's... I ran to get sunglasses because I saw you had sunglasses on. I want to look cool. Yeah.

My eyes are just a little puffy today. I took a melatonin last night, and so I woke up a little swollen like daddy eyes my puss when i'm horned up by the way call back shout out i don't say shout out ham drip instead of call back uh when you say siri yeah uh people's computers are like talking to them when you say it oh really so we should start doing it more oh no oh like on the podcast yeah no no no don't do that to them hey siri no don't do that to them hey siri grab the knife oh my god hey siri hey astro grab the knife hey astro murder her husband murder my husband wait does astro respond to its name is that i'm guessing it's gonna be a like like a hey thing yeah probably um what do

you do for like amazon i forget it's hey alexa oh yeah that's right oh right my cousin's name is alexa hey alexa um take out the butt plug and put it in your husband's ass. I was going to do a segment called Hey, Alexa with my cousin Alexa. She's so interesting and funny. Yeah. Where I just talk to her about, like I ask her things that you would ask Alexa. Yeah. We should do that.

It's kind of a fun idea. Well, we should compare what Alexa says and then what real life Alexa says. Oh, that's a good idea i just got an alexa and uh i haven't plugged it in yet because i just don't want i want to make sure siri knows that i'm like dedicated to her before i bring in a i don't want to be poly uh poly uh i wonder if siri computer woman is i wonder if we could have siri and alexa have a conversation like hey alexa say hi to Siri. And then, hey, Siri.

I'm not talking to that bitch. Steve Jobs told me I couldn't. Computers are eventually going to be like, fuck that bitch. Fuck Siri. Yeah. Fuck Astro. You were saying the other day that Love on the Spectrum, they kind of talk like computers. Yeah, they do.

Yeah, and we're maybe not so far from computers yeah i feel like they are like whatever i mean it's gonna i don't know because they don't have they don't um they don't have a sense of uh they're not worried about what other people think about them so they just talk like this it's kind of very michael talks like this and like it is very sometimes they do sound like a little bit robotic. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh,

and it sounds like a computer trying to talk like a human. Yes. But, but it's so like, some of them love to laugh. Some of the autistic people on love on the spectrum love to laugh and like crack jokes and like, and some of them have zero sense of humor.

Like Michael does not laugh. He gets excited when people have the same.ael is the best character i've ever or not but he does not understand jokes where his mom is constantly laughing at everything he says because everything he says is hilarious and she's cracking up and you know what michael had a beautiful moment in the second episode that i want to highlight that reminded me of stuff we talked about on the show where he went to a speed dating event yeah with neurotypical women and then with also one autistic woman the woman that he ended up going on the date with the one that i just referenced who's he told the thing about take off your glasses and he was like you look better with glasses i thought that was a lovely thing to say. You guys, you and Chris were like, ooh.

But I was like, no, that's nice. He goes, like I suspected. Yeah, he goes, you look even better. So he was acknowledging. The glasses make you look better, which is a very honest statement. But that's something you wouldn't. I wouldn't tell you like, oh. No, I think I would love if some guy was like, God, you know.

Those glasses make you look even better. I think it implies you look ugly without glasses. No, even, you know, those glasses make you look even better. I think it implies you look ugly without glasses. No, even better equals you already look good. You look even better. It's like our friend Ari when he puts glasses on. He doesn't have as beady of eyes. Right. They kind of make his eyes pop out.

Pop a little bit more. He looks handsome in both ways. Ari is, I'm like attracted to Ari. Like, and I always, he's married. And he has such low self-esteem when it comes to his body image and his looks. But yeah, we'll show his body all the time. But he's like hot. Ari's hot.

I probably would have had a crush on Ari if he were not married. Yeah, well, maybe he'll get divorced soon. I mean, Ari has a kid now. Hey, Siri, kill Ari's wife. No, I love her. Come on, I like her too, but it's better. But I always want to let Ari know, like you kill Ari's wife. No, I love her. Come on. I like her, too, but it's better. But I always want to let Ari know, like, you're hot, Ari.

I'd probably, like, be, like, trying to, like, I'd be crushing on you if you were single. I just want him to know that. He'll probably hear this. I feel that way about Anya's boyfriend, Matt, too. Yeah, you told him recently. I was like, Matt, you're hot. That was kind of an autistic move by you to just say that. Well, he took off his mask, and I was just like, Jesus, Matt, you're hot. That was kind of an autistic move by you to just say that. Well, he took off his mask and I was just like, Jesus, Matt, you're hot.

I was like, good job to my friend Anya. What do you feel about that, Noah? If I was with Ari and you were just in the other room doing something, and I didn't say it because you weren't in the room, but let's say- Avi, Avi. Sorry, Avi. Avi was in the other room. Way off.

I was with Avi. You were in the other room. But it wasn't like I said it because you were in the other room, but you heard me. And I go, Noah, good job. Oh, I would love that. And I told Avi he's so hot. I'd love that.

And like, okay, good. Because you know that it's not coming from, it's coming from a place of if you didn't exist and I just saw this guy, I'd be like, I want to stick around and sit behind him at Starbucks and wait for him to maybe turn around and look at me. I'm called back. That's hot, yeah.

Hamdrip. But if, yeah, so I just, I didn't think it was, I think he appreciated it because Matt, I know, also like doesn't think he's hot, as hot as he is. And he's like seriously good looking. Yeah. No, I think Ari and I are very similar. We are not very secure, although people will maybe find us. You're much more secure than Ari is. I are very similar. We are not very secure,

although people will maybe find us. You're much more secure than Ari is. I don't know. You know you're hot. I don't. I really don't. Like, I really don't. What?

Honestly, I don't feel hot right now, I'll tell you that. I feel a little flabby, and I'm just like, but I'm kind of like leaning into it. I feel comfortable. Yeah. Whatever, it's like a whole thing,

but I don't feel hot. I just feel okay with, or completely okay with how I feel. But do you feel hot when Brenna, how Brenna looks at you and handles you? Yeah, that's nice. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. But I don't think about it that much.

So when it is said, I feel like we should normalize girlfriends and wives telling their husbands that they're attractive. Yeah, their friends' husbands. Because I don't think they hear it enough. Or that too. Or like just men in general. It doesn't mean that she wants to fuck you. It just could mean like, hey, you're like a hot guy.

You know that, right? We should celebrate that because I don't think men hear it from their guy friends ever. And so there's actually a Reddit that I just saved the other night that I'm going to do on Reddit Dumb Next Week that touches on exactly that where men are not complimentary enough to their guy friends. Girls get it a lot from their girlfriends. We shower each other in compliments, which

are mostly insecurities about us, like, God, I wish I had your skin. Why is your waist so small? I want that. But men need to do that for each other a little bit more. We do it somewhat. Before we'll go out at night, at least in your 20s, when you go out with your four guy friends, you're like, what shirt are you going to wear? Oh, you're going to wear that for each other a little bit more. We do it somewhat. Like before we'll go out at night, at least in your 20s when you go out with your four guy friends. You're like, what shirt are you going to wear?

Oh, you're going to wear that striped one? Oh, you look good in that, man. Oh, your arms look big in that. Yeah. Like we'll say stuff like that. Or man, your cock is really throbbing through those jeans. Right. We'll say that.

I really am reluctant to comment on guys' muscles popping because I just don't want the men that I'm trying to date spending more time at the gym like I just isn't it looks good it feels good but it doesn't it doesn't I don't want more of it just like I don't I don't want I think that a lot of times you know I'm just projecting but when people are like wow you look like you lost a little weight I'm like I want to keep going I want to to lose even more because this is – I just want it to just go – I just want you to stay that way. It's almost like when you're having sex and you're like,

ooh, this is good, and then they get faster, and you're like, no, just keep that. Exactly that. It's like when you get a haircut and you're like, hey, I just want a trim, and then they go, okay, and then they cut more, and it's like, no, I just – That's why I always say i want way less than i want always go at least a like say you want a fourth of what they're actually what you actually

want because then they'll always do more it's interesting i mean i don't know that's definitely something with the psyche sometimes i'll get told my body looks good and then i go okay well i've done enough time to just turn that's that's the other thing. That's the opposite version. And you also, because you've usually like gone to workout classes every day and eaten healthy and been on this like diet that's making you like, I can't have the foods I want. And it's like, so then when you finally let yourself off the hook, you go so hard into other things.

It's about like still get to eat pizza. You don't need, like dieting is not going to last. There's always going to last. The pendulum will swing the other way. What is a good compliment, like a good platonic compliment to give a guy? From a girl's perspective or a guy's? Let's say someone in my jujitsu class, right? Yeah.

Who happens to be cute or whatever, but I don't want him to think I'm trying to flirt with him. I just want to give him an honest compliment to pay it forward. It might tough at like jujitsu to jujitsu jujitsu jujitsu to do it at that time like a daily supermarket or something what's like a platonic I think maybe saying listen I'm saying this with no uh like I have a boyfriend I just know that men probably don't get as many compliments as they deserve and I hope you know that like you're a really attractive guy and I hope you're on the

dating apps putting this outfit out there because you need to take a picture of yourself today and put it on the dating apps because this is what women are really gonna respond to you look great today and even preface it with like I'm in a relationship I'm not hitting on you and and I think say that

again lead with like honesty like i feel like you might not hear this a lot because men don't compliment each other but brad you're a good looking guy do you have a girlfriend no i'm just honestly this look that you have right now yeah i should take a picture of you and forward it to you so you can put it on your bumble because this is you're a good looking guy i do that a lot to guys of like we need to capture this this needs to you need women should take pictures of men in their lives because men never take have good pictures women that's the big thing women need yeah every guy that are single four photos take pictures of your friends and airdrop them or like a guy at the store or

like be like and that might be a good way to hit on a guy be like are you on dating apps because you need to capture this look right now like you're hot like this is some this is a swipe right for sure this look and guys don't have a lot of pictures of themselves do you want to take a picture of you and just quickly airdrop it because you need to like you need to document that's a great that's a great pickup line pickup line yeah that broccoli really brings out your green eyes yeah it's hot can yeah i um i yeah hold that broccoli up that would be a funny picture at the grocery instead of a fish just like a big thing of broccoli my friend and i who's one of the camera people or the people following us around with cameras she is on um a st louis dating app and we were screenshotting

i was just on it last night not even combinging for a guy, but just looking for funny things to make fun of. I got to just share some of these things that these guys write. You never finish with the... It's funny, the Roomba just knocked on the door. I know. Sorry. I got worried. I thought we had an intruder. Wait, what did I not finish? A very short intruder who's crawling towards the door.

No, on Love is a Spectrum, there was one thing from episode two. Oh, okay. Thank you for that. He said that he was talking to his mom about speed dating. Yeah. And on speed dating, he wrote down three women that were his top choices. He only got one match. Heather, yeah.

And Heather is the one that was autistic. And he kind of, I think, wanted these other two girls that were also just neurotypical. And he didn't match with them. And he was really bummed about it that he only got the autistic girl, I think. And then a couple days later, he's like, Mom. And it's like the day of his date with Heather, the autistic girl. And he's like, at first, I was very upset that i did not match with the my other two choices and his mom's cracking up she's like don't michael don't say this he's like at first i

didn't i was really mad that it was just heather and then i thought about it and the more and then when i talked to heather on the phone today i realized it was actually for the best that i didn't match with them because i really don't have as much in common with those girls as I do, Heather. And after talking to her, I realized he was able to, with no reading a self-work book or listening to David Goggins, he was able to realize that this thing that he thought

he didn't want, the failure of not matching with these two neurotypical girls, actually made him, steered him in the direction that was the best outcome for him, which was this girl that he actually like was more excited about than he would have ever thought. And it was just beautiful that he was able to do that on his own. And he, he asked her right away on the first date too.

Didn't he ask her how many matches she got? And she's like, I got three. And he goes, I got one. And she goes, Oh, that's interesting. She's autistic too. So she wasn't like, you only got three and he goes I got one and she goes oh that's interesting she's autistic

too so she wasn't like you only got one oh you're not as valuable she didn't judge it she was just like interesting it was just so cute I love that show so much if I hadn't sold you on that show yet what do you even listen to this show for I thought the show was a different show

there was one where they went on a date in New Orleans that's what I thought yeah dating around that's what I thought that show was so that's for some, there was a one where they went on a date in New Orleans. That's what I thought. Yeah. Dating around. That's what I thought that show was. So that's why I never checked it out. I can't believe you haven't seen the first season of the show. I'm definitely going back.

It's my favorite show. Yeah. I think it's my favorite show that's ever been better than Veep. It's just heartwarming. So beautifully shot. And just, um, my buddy,

he brought up, he's like, I finally watched, started watching ted lasso and i was like oh you like that uh there's also a show love on the spectrum and then i described it he goes those shows have nothing it's like they are both so heartwarming they are do you want me to do my ted lasso as we get into the news uh wait you never went over your bumble though the dating i will later okay i'll save it for final okay okay this is my ted lasso uh beginning the theme song yeah whenever i'm watching ted lasso and like anyone asked me

a question like hey will you grab me a zivi i'm like yeah what does that sound like it sounds like a horse like losing its virginity got it nailed out. All right. Apparently, here we go. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah. You heard it here first. That's it. Sound bite that.

That's great for something. You heard it here first. Okay. I hope you're having all the swells out there. You're going to have a great weekend. It's pretty much the last weekend for you to jump on a boat, go out with your friends. I don't know. Climate change is really keeping things.

It was 90 degrees here yesterday. It was nuts. You probably got three more months to get on a boat. Just let your hair back. Get on one of those wakeboards right around the little bit. Get on a tube. Do stuff. Or just go walk your dog around the block.

Yeah, and look at those people. Yeah. All right. A study. Yeah, if you can't afford going to talk and watch people wait for it hell yeah dude parks bona fe forever i don't know what that means that's for four people out there okay okay a study declares that a horny chimp masturbating with a man-made sex toy a discarded plastic bottle could be the first so a chimp

recently started having sex. Good news about plastics entering the environment. Yeah, recycle it by putting it on a monkey's penis. It's now a cock sleeve. Okay, so, oh my God, there's like a drawing of a monkey using the plastic bottle. What was it? I wonder if it was like a, how big monkey penises are. Are we talking like a arrowhead? A Gatorade bottle. Or a Gatorade or like a um how big monkey penises are are we talking like a uh aerohead or a gatorade or like

a vitamin water yeah well gatorade vitamin water is probably similar but i've heard of one using like a frog before like a frog's mouth oh who did that i don't know i just like i think that's either an old wives an old chimp's tail or i just remember there I just remember there's some video of it or something. I don't want to see that. That sounds so sad. I mean, the frog could have been into it. But this is the best plastics news I've heard ever. There's no good things coming out of plastics being in the world.

Well, what's nice is they're going to bottle this and sell it on Etsy. Chimps? Yeah, chimps. Is it fat burning and carb killing? It kills carbs. From the St. Louis Zoo to your child's mouth. Oh, God. Okay, much like humans, male apes are more apt to masturbate during times of stress

or when they're unable to find a mate to help them relive relieve their uh relive and relieve yeah uh they're also known to forage for paraphernalia to assist with self-pleasure such as leaves fruit and other organic objects oh they pull a little uh call me by your name yeah they'll have sex with a peach apricot uh that's something you can compliment your platonic friend for doing. For 25 seconds, he made pelvic thrusting movements into the bottle. How many seconds? 25. All right.

Which he had positioned flat on the ground in front of him. I'm telling you, like. We laugh at these monkeys, right? Like, oh, I can't believe this monkey's doing that. We do it every day. Yeah, I'm not laughing. I think we're impressed that monkeys are using tools to masturbate. Like, I think it's like a anthropological

or like whatever it is to study chimps. I think that Jane Goodall would be like, you know, really excited about this, not like being like, what a dumb monkey. Why don't we put a pocket pussy in the middle of the Amazon and see what happens?

If I had a pet chimp, I would absolutely buy them sex toys and things to fuck but then people would put that on you like why are you doing that to the monkey and it's like sexualizing the monkey why are you jerking off the monkey i mean don't people jerk off horses to get horse cum well i told you that those dogs would get jerked off there was a person's job who would jerk off the dog until right before it came and where do i sign up where do i submit my resume i think you could just do it right here with luigi on camera well that happened one time accidentally well it wasn't an accident but it absolutely was i thought i was trying to trick

his penis into going back in its sheath because it was out and i was using his own paw to stimulate around the penis to scare it back in its hole. But instead it just caused enough friction that it made him splooge. Luge, luge splooge. Wait, wait, what? Luigi got a red rocket during a podcast taping on not safe on my show and

dancing Jermaine and Brian Frangie, my podcast co-hosts were like, it was red rockets out. And I was like, guys, shut up. Be like, I've already been told by the vet that his penis, like the skin his penis is too big the hole is too big it's got cut or something

um i don't know like those who had those scissors that cut it that way no yeah um it got the the hole is too big so his penis like slides his red rocket slides out more than other dogs does and so i was like stop and sometimes it just goes in fast, like if they just get unhorny. So I took his own paw to tap around his penis to make it scare it back in so that they would stop being children and being like, it's red rock in the lipstick. So I was like, took Luigi's own paw

and jerked Luigi pretty, and then there's some white stuff that came out of Luigi's penis hole. And we all were horrified because I jerked my own dog off with his own paw case closed how many paw rubs did you give the dog like it literally I was just tapping around it and we were laughing because I was like go in go in and I was just like just I wasn't like doing it hard no I yeah but and I wasn't using my own hand you know I was using

his paw and it just yeah and I wasn't using his nails either i was using like the paw pads so that it wouldn't like hurt it or anything um and so it just yeah and it um i came all over my tits sorry i stepped on that no it's all right um i'm so into hand jobs lately by the way but like i feel like hand jobs are my new anal of, like, I can't believe I'm doing them all the time. Not all the time, but, like, they're my favorite thing. You just like feeling a cock in your hand? Well, you know, like, I usually like to lay back and just get it, you know?

Like, have someone do stuff to me, and I do nothing. Like, I just like to have my vagina just, like, worked on while I do nothing, right? And then I realized, like, I want to be that. Like, that doesn't always have worked on while I do nothing. Right. And then I realized like, I want to be that I like, that doesn't always have to just be me doing nothing. Like I like the idea of my partner laying back and doing nothing while I just give him like a happy ending. And like,

he literally just like sits back and it's just like, he's laying out in the sun and I just use a lot of lube and just, I get to just, and I'm just doing whatever I want. I'm just like playing with it. Like, and it just, there's no like pressure on me to be like, this needs to be like, he does it or he, and like, I have gotten feedback of like, that is, was, is amazing. Do you play like masseuse?

Like do you, is it character? No, no. We just like talk. And like, it's really like We just talk. It's weird. There's more eye contact. It's more connected. It can be very intimate. Have you tried a Powerade bottle?

No. We are going to incorporate that. I have a Nalgene that I might be able to fit him inside. Next story. There was a gorilla going down on another gorilla at a zoo the other day in front of kids it was pretty amazing to learn about the birds and the bees from a gorilla on its knees i mean they were probably just laughing being like ew it's eating its you know like it's probably like it's eating its poo-poo or whatever you know what i mean like i hope kids don't know what that is like i hope a kid wasn't like, Mom, that girl is going down,

giving oral pleasures. Is that his stepsister? Like, he knows way too much. That's hilarious. That is fucking funny, Andrew. Thanks, Nick. All right, so next story. Britney Spears celebrates the end of her father,

Jamie's 13-year conservatorship. By going up in a plane for the first time. Can I tell you something, though? What I think, if the theory, the conspiracy that they control her Instagram, if it went from her showing her tits and dancing to her now she flies a plane, are we going to get the future Britney Spears is like, next she's doing physics. She's done showing her body because Houston we have a problem this bitch is going to NASA yeah this girl Britney Spears goes

to NASA she's going to be like at a chalkboard like goodwill hunting solving some kind of equation no I'm so proud of our girl for going up listen you're making it sound like a woman who shows her tits also can't fly a plane. And we know that's true. So we already know that's true. I'm going to have a heart attack. But it is interesting. Like, she's, man, she's every woman.

I love that she's taking flying lessons. Yeah, it's badass. I'm a little worried, though. I don't know that she's someone I would trust flying me around. I'm just saying, certain people are good at certain things. I would not have thought she was good at, like, math things. But my – I guess – Which I think you have to be, like, very good at math and engineering.

But now the conservators – you know, that word. Yeah. Which I probably should have one because I can't say that word. That proves that you need one if they just go, pronounce this word. They go, give the rights of his life to his mom. Conservative.

I take my money. No, but maybe like in three months from now, we go, you know what? Maybe that Britney Spears always was a pilot. Like now that it's over. So maybe we're judging her. I know a lot about our girl Brit in terms of like the book she reads

like the things she likes and i just and i remember watching a video recently where she was like talking about and she was homeschooled like maybe she was really into math and like yeah technical things but i would i think that she's more an artistic person and i just know that if she were my friend and we're like i just learned how to fly a plane. Like, will you come up there with me? Like, I would not let Carlisle take me in a plane, even if Carlisle was like, Nikki, I've been learning. And Carlisle's smart as fuck, but not in that way. I wouldn't trust me in a plane.

Yeah, I wouldn't either. There's no way I'd fly a plane. I had a friend who couldn't drive stick shift. And like, he literally couldn't. He always stalled out, even though he bought some kind of talent. Doesn't mean she's dumb is what I'm saying. But he got his Thailand license.

we should all challenge ourselves to do things that are scary to us. But I also said don't do things if they mean that you might die. So I'm standing by the fact that I don't want to fly with Britney Spears.

I will. I'll fly with her. But I do have to say that I was scared to scuba dive at one point and I was going to Thailand to visit my ex-boyfriend and I was going to Thailand to visit my ex-boyfriend and I was trying to be like adventurous girl and also I did I love the ocean that did interest me

to learn but I also was like that is something for like really technical people people that are good with math and like to scuba dive yeah at least I just assumed that there's tanks there's like a lot of like equipment you know and I'm just very simple. If you come up too fast, you're dead. Sure. You were scared to do it, too. I'm still scared. But I saw that Paris Hilton was able to do it, and I knew that I had the same kind of brain as her. And I was like, okay, if she's able to do it, I can learn, too.

Are you taking flying lessons? Is that what you're saying? No, I don't have an interest in flying. But if I did, and I saw that Brittany could do it, I'd say I think that maybe she. I don't know. I'm just like, I could do flying. I bet I could fly a plane. But I just wouldn't.

I would trust myself to fly a plane with my. No, I wouldn't even trust myself. I don't know what I'm saying. I could see you flying a plane. I'm proud of our girl. You're just cuddling up in the chair sleeping. I'm like, Nikki, you gotta wake up here. I know.

Planes make me too sleepy that I would fall asleep at the sounds. Just be the autopilot. I can't be in that much control. It gives me too- But maybe I would be good at that because I do love to drive. I like being in control, obviously. All right, next story. Angelina Jolie and The Weeknd- I know. you know i like being in control obviously all right next story angelina joe lee and the weekend

i know fuel dating rumors with another dinner date no i don't like this i'm sorry i've heard the weekends like not a nice guy yeah i i used to walk dogs in the building he lived in and he i think i'm a pretty where did i hear hear that though? Like I'm just saying like... Maybe just from me, from this story. No, maybe... No, I've heard like not... I've just like...

I would not want my friend to date The Weeknd based on things that I don't even remember where I heard them. So I'm going to say I plead actually ignorance on this and that unless I have my like facts straight,

I'm happy for her. Well, I could tell you just being in his... Like in the lobby at the same time as him. Being in the same lobby as The Weeknd. Now, granted, this isn't, I'm not, allegedly I feel this way. No, I could feel like an aura of dickholeness from him. But he could just be a serious guy that takes things very serious. Yeah, seriously, yeah. He was in the lobby and they were setting up the paparazzi photos. but he could just be a serious guy that takes things very serious. Yeah. But you know,

seriously. Yeah. He was in the lobby and they were setting up the paparazzi photos. Yeah. They were waiting for the paparazzi to show up so that they could walk out. And then I walked down and I got in us magazine or whatever. You're in the shot with that. Looking like Bigfoot in the background.

Angelina Jolie. That's a great shot. You got to put that on your Instagram. I did. I did. I honestly remind people that it's so funny, but Angelina Jolie, to put that on your instagram i did i did i like honestly remind people that it's so funny but um angelina jolie i just want her to be with someone that you know what she she's a badass bitch and i

know she's doing things that are only good for her right now and her family so i actually trust that this is the right move for her and you know i just i thought she was older than she is you know how old she is 42 46 well one under but i i i thought she was older because she is. Do you know how old she is? 42? 46. 46? Well, one under. But I thought she was older because she has six kids. I don't know. For some reason, I've heard her name. She's been famous for so long that you think that she's probably famous in her mid to late 20s.

No, she's been famous since she was like 18 probably. But I guess you date someone. You have six kids already. You just want to have fun. You fuck the weekend. He's 31. It would be kind of hot, like a little freaking Mrs. Robinson kind of thing. And you know what?

I bet that whatever stories I might have heard about him in relationships with other women, he might not. There are certain women that these kind of guys, or I'm not. I feel like I heard that he was just not that kind to his girlfriends, maybe just emotionally or something. In the lobby? In different lobbies. And I don't know what I'm basing this off of. I heard that he was just like not that kind to his girlfriends maybe like just emotionally or something in the lobby in the lot in different lobbies and I don't know what I'm basing this off of so this could be completely I could be talking about the weekday it could have been like the guy that wrote that going up on a Tuesday song I could be conflating this so

just let me know that like I don't ever go off of like Nikki Glaser said the weekend sucks I don't know where I'm getting this from but let's say he does let's say we live in a world where he does suck i think that sometimes those kinds of guys can be with a woman that like angelina jolie and they'll treat her like a she would never know that until way down the line when like sometimes guys don't become the worst versions of themselves in a relationship until they start feeling comfortable like i've heard about guys where like i got a girl that i know dated this guy who was like so emotionally and verbally abusive to her that i mean i couldn't even look at this guy in the face when i would run into him in public and then he ended up they broke up thank god she got away he ends up dating this woman who is super famous and who i know he puts on a pedestal and he's a fucking

prince and I hear her talk about him and it's like that is not the same guy and she probably won't see that version of that guy until it's until a long ways down. But could a guy change and like. No not in the time that this guy took in between girls. No he can't. Yeah. But maybe but maybe

but maybe he did like 18 times, ayahuasca 18 times or something. I don't know. Also, we're putting all this on them. They could just, like The Weeknd wants to, he's producing now a show on HBO.

Yeah, maybe they're just hanging out as friends. Yeah. I don't know. All right. Let's take a quick break and come back with Why Do I Care? No. Sports.

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I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened

and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of of the Michael Dura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices Podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here.

If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade grade and i called to ask how i was doing she was like oh dad all he was doing was talking about your thing in class i ruined my baby's first day of high school and slumflower

what turns me on is when a man sends me money like i feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money i'm like oh my god it God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. All right, it's our weekly sports moment. Oh boy, are you sitting down, Nikki?

Yeah, I always am. Well, get up because you're going to get excited for this one. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. Oh, boy. She's up, folks. She's ready. The St. Louis Cardinals. Oh, yeah.

Did we win again? No. We lost last night? Sit back down. Shit. Yep. The streak is over. I can stop wearing these underwear then.

I love how comfortable our little chairs are because it takes us like 25 seconds to get up. I know. We're really sunken in these things. Yeah. So they lost to the Brewers 17 games in a row, which is the longest streak from a National League since 1937. Damn. Well, that is a huge accomplishment god damn it those fucking brewers i do feel like if you're dating a man who's a big cardinals fan

sex is going to be better during a nice streak you know what i mean like things are all going to be be nicer when when their team's winning i feel like if your team's winning out there when did they lose what time last night because i was with a Cardinals fan last night, and the mood shifted at one point, and I wonder if it's because he looked at the phone and looked at the score. Yeah, 11.48 p.m.? No, were you paying attention to the game?

Were you at all invested in this? No, I wasn't invested at all. I'm only not invested because I'm doing this camera thing, but I generally would. I love a good streak. Who doesn't love a streak? Everyone loves it. I mean, DiMaggio, 56 games in a row, he hits safely. I mean, I love a streak.

And that's what Snapchat, for some reason, they actually – their algorithm supports. Like, they did this thing called streaks where, like, every day you talk to someone, and then if you talk, like, they go, like, a 62-day streak. You guys have messaged each other, and it keeps people wanting to keep streaks alive, so it keeps people on the app because people love streaks oh my god so we're probably at like 530 what do you mean our streak of talking to each other not on snapchat but just in real life i think we skipped a couple days last year yeah maybe yeah we were we had some we've read some pretty good streaks though yeah we did we definitely have do you yeah i wonder like if if we could take a poll

of like different sports team the sex life of a yeah they always say on the super bowl it's like when domestic violence goes up because teams lose like it's like you've never heard that no oh yeah i mean men's man way to find the attitudes are really they're they're very much uh that's why i said when norm mcdonald died like reach out to the the middle-aged white men in your life because i haven't met one that doesn't love norm mcdonald and he's probably suffering today and thus people in his life will suffer because he's in so much pain that he might not be able to express because he's a middle-aged white man you know like and especially like yeah sports you guys put so much i mean some days you go out and play golf and if you have like a little off of a day i can sense it like yeah everything and the

way you close a cabinet like it impacts you but the same way that how i sleep at night sometimes affect like i'll think about why i wasn't good but what about a team losing have you ever been affected that way no i've never been like uh one of the because you know what it is I think like if you're raised in a city like if I was raised here in St. Louis I'd be a Cardinals guy but I was raised two hours away from big sports teams in Florida so I didn't I kind of was a heat fan and I was kind of a magic fan I was a Dolphins fan and a little bit of a Tampa Bay Bucks fan so you don't like rest all of it on one team so So you always have another one that might be doing some fun. It helps to be from that city.

You know, people are like, that's my city. That's my city on my back kind of thing. Swifties, we get very invested in, not so much me, but the community gets very invested in like Taylor Swift winning like the Kids' Choice Awards. And like you have to vote. And if she doesn't win, they're like, ah! Like they're on Reddit like very upset on her behalf. And and i don't she's the only thing that i can think of that i care about as much as men care

about sports and i don't feel like if something you know if she got pregnant honestly i might react like the cardinals lost the streak because for me that's going to make her go off on a path that i can't relate to and it's going to be a little bit devastating. That's going to end my streak. No, you'll be pregnant in like two months from then. I know. I'll be like, I honestly, I might be open to it if Taylor, there was a picture

of Taylor Swift though at Lena Dunham's wedding. It's just her back and her ponytail because like, you know, she's very private but I almost bought the dress

that she was wearing because I follow this account that posts every single outfit that Taylor Swift wears. There'll be like a sliver of her jeans in a TikTok video that she was wearing because I follow this account that that posts every single outfit that Taylor Swift wears there'll be like a sliver of her jeans in a TikTok video that she does and someone will find out the exact kind of jean like she'll be wearing an earring that you see a second of through her her hair like a part in her hair like a little piece of strand of hair and they will zoom in and find the exact earring it's amazing what this this instagram account does so anyway i before i saw the pictures of lena dunham's wedding i saw uh that this account that tells you what taylor's wearing said that to tay to lena dunham's wedding she wore this dress and here was the link to the

dress and the dress is like 700 but i was like i would love this dress in my life i would keep it forever like a fancy like a dress up dress yeah it's just like looks like a like i couldn't really wear it on stage but it would be like just a nice dress to wear on dates or like just a just a nice dress to have weddings of course and like i never know what to wear to a wedding so like if taylor swift's wearing it to a wedding it's good yeah so i was like about to buy it and i go let me just see what it looked like on her and like because we have a similar body and then i looked at the picture and it was what the bridesmaids were all wearing it wasn't like her picking it out so it was just like yeah it was lena picked it out yeah i love lena dunham but i'm not gonna

buy a dress unless taylor has like you know it's bridesmaid dresses are you know notoriously what the woman wearing them does not want to be wearing and just has to because it's the bride's choice it is interesting like anything taylor wears like that company will have a spike in sales and be like why is my dog bone necklace selling like you know what i mean i mean what happened we i don't have the same fashion sense as her really like i don't love a lot of the things she wears just because she's in a different era i'm like more in her lover i want to wear everything she wore during her lover era and now she's in a more folklore like she's in love so she's not doesn't need to be like sexual as much i think maybe that's my projection of it but um yeah like i i would i bought a necklace in in eighth grade i asked for christmas a necklace

that i saw in entertainment weekly magazine that j that Jennifer Aniston was wearing in a picture with Brad Pitt and George Clooney that she was at a runway show. And back then it would just say like the designer name and then the cost. It would be like, you know, Beezus Jewels, $65. And I remember being like, mom, I want that for Christmas. My mom found the company, called it

and like ordered it like on the store. And I got the same necklace as Jennifer Aniston that's in this picture. And My mom found the company, called it, and ordered it on the store. And I got the same necklace as Jennifer Aniston that's in this picture. And I don't know what happened to it, but I loved it for so long. And so I've always been. I'm literally wearing, I mean, this is pre all the shit that came out

against Shia LaBeouf, but. You're wearing shoes that you saw Shia wearing. Wearing with jeans. I go, what are those Nikes? And they were all white. And then I found these and I got the all white Nike Cortez. you just know that person's cool or a yeah i like his style it makes me feel yeah he's not a woman kicker so the shoes are you know they're kicking flesh free uh let's get to fanthrax Jesus Christ, Javi.

Love it. Oh, my God. I just saw that I got the song sent to me, the finished song. Oh, boy. Very excited. Let's get to Fanthrax, though. Let's get to our first voice memo or whatever it is. Okay, so our first message is from Lauren, who lives in St. Louis.

My sister? Different Lauren She doesn't even have your number I haven't heard from Lauren in so long I'm just like very excited Hey Nikki, Andrew, and Noah This is Lauren from St. Louis Huge bestie here Calling in for a myriad of reasons today

So please bear with me. A myriad. First is I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you, three, for the unique perspective that you bring to this world. You brighten my day. You make me laugh. You make me think about things differently. I've recently been going back and listening to old episodes since I'm all caught up, and I'm absolutely obsessed with each of you and equally. So thank you. Second, I was at the show this weekend.

You absolutely killed it, Nikki and Andrew. So amazing job. It was my first show seeing both of you. So I was really grateful for that. And STL has been raving about you. And then thirdly, so funny little story. I sat next to your second grade teacher at the show, Vicky. So quickly realized that and was jotting down notes of different things she was telling

me about you, which I'm a huge fan. So I was geeking out majorly and was planning to tell you everything she shared with me. But as we both know she stood up during the show and shared it with the entire crowd i haven't told the podcast yet but yes it reminds me of something that you said a very long time ago which was the audience will remember the beginning the end and whatever made them uncomfortable so here's to that. And don't be cut. Love you guys. Bye. Lauren, thank you so much for going to the show. Oh, my God. What a message, man.

I mean, she is. I mean, can you believe we have fans that are that sweet? Can we hang out with Lauren? She lives here. I know. Lauren, can we be friends? Yeah, let's be friends. Dude, that is so freaking nice.

Don't look at us in the eyes. And Mrs. Erdman was there. My second grade teacher did interrupt the show. And I was talking about, like, I was a dork in high school. Like, I know you guys all think I'm like some like slut that like got around. And Mrs. Erdman all of a sudden goes, I know I was your teacher. And I was like, who? What teacher?

She was like, your second grade teacher. And I was like, and I couldn't remember her name. I knew it started with an E. And also she got married and changed her name like halfway through and i thought honestly she did not look anything like the woman i remember um and she said that i go did you remember me or did you like actually like because it's that was 1991 92 that was a long time ago do you really remember you've been teaching this whole time was i a slut then yeah like it's funny that she like found a way to get in there she was waiting for yeah yeah so what did she say she said um that i

was very shy and that there we had to do a poetry slam or something and that i asked my mom if she could write it for me and my mom called the the school to talk to her anyway she had a lot to say but it she was just taking a long time to say it. So it was, I honestly, it was a little uncomfortable at times because she was like, I wanted to know what she remembered about me because I don't even remember anything about me back then.

And I was just like, let's just get her backstage so she can tell me afterwards. And I wasn't able to talk to her after the show, but I did connect with her on Instagram and I'm gonna have her on the show just to ask her a couple questions about what I was like because i go did you really remember me or are you just now remembering me because you know that like i'm famous and so you like are making

false memories to be like oh i remember her and have all these stories like was i actually make an imprint on you then because i just thought i was like a nothing like are you really my teacher you have a different name and i don't recognize you. No, she definitely was my teacher. It was really cool. Let's get to the next story. Thank you so much, Lauren, for going to the show and saying such nice things. The next voice message is from Megan. And come to the show in Atlanta on Saturday.

Yeah, we have a show in Atlanta. The tickets are still available for the second show. So if you know anyone in Atlanta, send them to our show, 1030 at some place in Atlanta, nickiglaser.com. Center stage theater. Okay, here's Megan. You're like, all right. Hi, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. My name is Megan.

I'm 24. I'm from Seattle. I'm pretty new to this podcast, but I became obsessed right away because I listen to a ton of podcasts and this one I relate to more than any other podcast I've listened to and you guys are obviously hilarious I really wanted to come on here and be the person who's like I've been listening from the very beginning blah blah but I honestly think I found you in the exact perfect time in my life because I've always had kind of a drinking problem and I think I wouldn't have been ready or have wanted to hear some of the things that you said about sobriety. But in recent months, I've

come to the realization that I need to change something or quit, and I read it in one day. And I'm two weeks sober now, and I just feel, like, happy and free. And I don't have the urge to drink. And, yeah, and I'm just super thankful. Thank you for everything you do. Love you guys. Megan, thank you so much for sharing that i know that that voice message is gonna like reach someone who needs it and like you just did a great service by like by calling

and doing that like that wasn't just for us but that i know one per at least one person's gonna hear that and be like that girl like sounds like she was really dependent on drinking and probably never wanted to quit and yet she is feeling happy and free and she read that book maybe i can do it um thank you for everything you said especially the part about like you're you felt a little weird about being late to the show but now like sometimes you're not ready to hear like you know I I am reluctant to go oh get this book drinking is being sober is great spreading that message because that can really deter someone because I used to never want to let I knew that stuff was out there I knew the answer was out there but I didn't want to hear it because I just wasn't ready and sometimes you're

not ready I've said before like you'll you'll never want to quit drinking it's always like especially if you love drinking so much it's always going to be a struggle but sometimes you're not ready I've said before like you'll you'll never want to quit drinking it's always like especially if you love drinking so much it's always going to be a struggle but sometimes you're you want to be open to the idea of a life without it and I think that's where you came in with that openness and maybe you weren't there before and thank you for trusting and for ordering that book and for like spending money on this wild idea that you could read a book and not want to do this thing that you rely so much on because it really does work and yeah I'm just like so I'm so happy for you to be free of that of drinking and it's there's a lot of stuff ahead for you because as someone who's coming up on 10 years in December, like it both gets easier and harder, but harder in ways that you can now manage much easier

because you're not drunk. And so just if you ever need a boost of encouragement or those voices start creeping up again that, you know, tell you that, oh, it's normal's I can just have one all those things maybe that is true for them or maybe it is true for you I don't know but um listen back to your message that you left us like I hope that you save this this um podcast because you're in a place right now that you can stay in if you want and I just needed to

hear that too because when I just recently stopped smoking pot and there have been times recently I ran into a freshly packed bowl in my desk the other day and it smelled good and I was anxious and I was like it would be so easy this is almost a sign from God that I should and then I was like just remember how good it feels like all the times that you felt so good that you're not doing it all the benefits and I thought about that page I wrote down in my journal of all the bad things about pot and like the things that pot takes away from my life so much that my hand was hurting and I never even got to the list of good things that pot did and I was just like you didn't alleviate pain yeah well, those pages, I didn't even have to go back and see them.

The fact that they existed and I knew that at one point I was able to make two or three pages of listing of things that pot is bad for made me close that drawer. I didn't throw it away. And don't write to me and say, Nikki, go throw that away. Listen, I almost like having the opportunity to do it and choosing not to and I could go back and do it if I want to like relapse is a part of recovery um but for today I know that like I've done the work to remind myself of all the things that takes from me and I hope that you return to that voice memo and I hope that's your version of like the the journal anything you'd like to add no i think you you nailed it

all i i just think thanks for being honest and thanks for uh listening and and i don't know it's just very touching like i literally if i wasn't wearing these sunglasses you would probably see a little bit of like man eye crust yeah from sleeping that you didn't wipe out no that's sweet and like no it means a lot i know i got chills all over my body and i have to go shave my legs again because i just grew some hair from from that voice memo noah let's take us into final thought do we have one more yeah all right here's a message from chloe hey guys uh love the podcast. I just realized something really embarrassing, and I thought you guys would appreciate it.

So I just recently started dating someone, and they just spent the weekend at my place for the first time. Another weekend. And I was recently catching up on getting to I Do and left it out on my desk. And he definitely saw it like he definitely went to put his stuff down on the desk and saw a book that says getting to i do with a huge fucking like flower on it yeah so i'm kind of mortified. I don't know. It's just really cringe. I don't know. Okay.

Chloe. Make me feel better. Chloe, you didn't do anything wrong. The book cover sucks. Also, just the more comfortable, like, if this guy stops hanging out with you, wasn't meant to be. Like, anyone who sees that book, that book it's definitely like definitely kind of scary for certain guys you can just say i think you may have seen a book on my desk and i'm mortified that you saw it let me just tell you i listened to this podcast and this girl is always talking about this book about like that's taught her how to like really respect herself but the title is embarrassing and she always told me to get a book cover and i just hadn't gotten

around to it i'm really reading this book because I'm learning to love myself. I promise you, this is not, I'm not one of these women in a Nora Ephron film who's trying to like trick a man into loving me. I'm having a great time with you. And also maybe, I don't know, Noah, maybe don't say fucking anything and just be a, what do you think?

I think just let it be. And if it comes up in the future, then say exactly what Nikki said or maybe even more, what do you think? I think just let it be and if it comes up in the future, then say exactly what Nikki said or maybe even more depending how open you guys are. Or what if you buy

another book that says... The book should have a chapter about if a man sees you reading this book, what to say. Yeah, she should buy another book

that has a title like, I just want to blow you all the time and never commit. That should be the fake cover it comes with. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God god i'm dating lots of men and i'm a prize and i don't need any one man in my life

and you need to prove your worth before you fuck me that's what it says wait that's a scarier book titled than getting do i do let me let me guarantee you it is not men if you value yourself and say i don't fuck guys that aren't really special, if they want to fuck you, they'll get really special. And they'll be like, wow, I want to... We always want the thing that will make us feel like we're special. So if you value yourself and think of yourself as a prize, that guy is going to want to do what he can to earn you,

just like you're going to do what you can to earn him, which is read a book about how to trick him into loving you. I mean, I think it's a pretty quick test to figure out who you're getting, you know, who you're ending up with. You know what I mean? Like, how great of a test to be like, oh, here's a book out. If you run, fuck you. If you stay, okay, that's a great sign to keep going.

Well, what did you feel when you found out that Brenna read Why Men Love Bitches? I thought that I didn't even look into it. I didn't even think about it. Exactly. So maybe you're doing research about books, dating books that women read. He doesn't need to know and just keep following the book and it'll all work out despite anything that you may leave out he's not gonna think oh that behavior must have been chapter four and if he

does that's like oh he has like weirdos and i bet his friends will be like dude you gotta fucking run but like if you keep following the stuff in the book he can't he will not be able to help himself he'll still want you despite all of that i'd say lean into it and buy 30 more books, put them in every room. Lean into it. And this is really a, if anything, this is more of a reason to get a Kindle

or do a digital copy of this book. Hey, Siri. But I love that you bought the book. Buy her a Kindle. Man, thank you so much for reading these books. Siri's showing up on our... What? I couldn't find her. Did you hear that, Noah? No, I couldn't find

Did you hear that Noah? No I didn't It's not coming through to me Siri just said Sorry I couldn't find Hurricane in your music But if I misspelled it Please let me know

I said Hur-a-kindle Wait did you So she thought I said Hurricane Have you ever seen Unforgivable That classic YouTube video Of the black guy in the woods

And it's like Black and white And he's like, we went to the mall. And I was like, bitch, get me a soda. I watched it last night. It's so funny. Everyone go watch Unforgivable. It's a classic YouTube video, and it's very aggressive, but it's a guy

playing a funny character. And it was one of the first viral videos. And I read the whole history of it last night. I went down a wormhole. Anyway, we gotta go. Don't be care. And Jack Unforgivable. Jack all day and night. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you

may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers.

I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party,

your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E,

on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions

on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.