The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #113 Figment of Speech

Episode Date: October 5, 2021

Between you and Nikki, a friendly straddle, suffering for gains, late show crowds and forgotten sex toys are all top of mind. After a suggestion from his girlfriend, Andrew tries to get a doctor appoi...ntment. This leads to a conversation about how long you have to wait for an appointment these days and getting your weight when you go. You Heard It Here First, more sex. comes with age, how to get a kidney and Nikki does not care about old men in space. In the Top1 Bottom1, Andrew feels compelled to try a woman's pointed shoe as they have an elderly discussion about shoes. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch
Starting point is 00:00:22 your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts people my people what's up this is quest Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far.
Starting point is 00:01:37 I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, Eve, Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:02:03 What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.
Starting point is 00:02:28 Listen to many questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Woman sports production in partnership
Starting point is 00:03:07 with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast.
Starting point is 00:03:35 It's Monday, episode 100 and something. I don't even know. You guys know we are on video now, right? If you're watching on YouTube, hello. Please comment on my looks below. No, don't do that, please. I have not watched the video because I don't like to look at myself. But I've heard good things.
Starting point is 00:03:57 And we're very excited about it. So you can go subscribe from following the link in our Instagram account. Which I do know that our Instagram account is on a private account and you have to request access, but we'll let you in. All you gotta do is request it and then you'll get in. But listen, I post things on there
Starting point is 00:04:14 that I don't want everyone to see. I just want my podcast listeners to see. I want you to have to want it. You don't just get it. Because, you know, like private accounts, I know they're a little bit care, but, you know, I want an account where I can post things that I know that people that listen to my podcast, true listeners are going to not judge me for. And I feel like on my own personal account, you post things and people can screenshot it and judge. And it's just a
Starting point is 00:04:46 little, it honestly makes me feel like it's a, um, a Finsta a little bit, you know, the fake Instagrams that girls, I don't know if they're still doing that, but girls would make for like their close friends and they would post like, you know, thirst traps and stuff. Like, I feel like I can be a little bit more thirsty, a little bit more, um, I don't know, just me. I can be a little bit more thirsty, a little bit more, I don't know, just me. I can be a little more me on those accounts. And post pictures that maybe aren't so perfect. And I don't know. There was one this weekend where I was showing a defense move to Andrew that I learned at a self-defense class that I took on Thursday.
Starting point is 00:05:25 And he was supposed to straddle me and strangle me. that I learned at a self-defense class that I took on Thursday that, and he was supposed to like straddle me and strangle me, but instead he like did the reverse, he like reversed because he was talking about how earlier that day he was talking about a new sex move he learned with his girlfriend from a porn he watched. And I think we talked about it where he, she's on top and his legs are, wait,
Starting point is 00:05:44 no, you know, usually the girl's straddling the guy reverse, but in this way, he's, his legs are splayed and she puts her legs straight. Like she's sitting on his lap and then can, like, he says she can get like lower, you know, he's always worried about making that dick go deeper i guess i don't know he was telling emil about it and then later on that night we were doing the defense move and i go andrew straddle me and like try to strangle me and um and he did that move and then someone took a picture of it and it was really funny but i just didn't want to post it on my normal one because it just looks crazy and i knew you guys would get it so that's an example um yeah uh are you a reverse cowgirl
Starting point is 00:06:28 kind of girl uh I like regular cowgirl style like just riding facing the horse correct pretending I'm on a horse what yeah why don't we ever call it cowgirl why is it always just reverse cowgirl does anyone say always just reverse cowgirl does anyone say let's do cowgirl no they just say girl on top right of the horse that'd be weird if they called it that do you guys do girl on top of the horse or reverse cowgirl well why don't you just call it cowgirl well we don't know um i i disagree with both of those positions i don't want to be on top like ever um as i've you know covered before um it's just so much work wait do you like it like sorry to pry into your sex that's okay but do you like do you like spending most of your time up there is when you are having
Starting point is 00:07:17 that is honestly that's uh the easiest way for me to have an orgasm because you have more control and you can like grind yeah do you have can you have an orgasm from just that from no like really yeah oh dear i wish that i could i like i forgot my sex toys this weekend on the road and it was just like no no nikki doesn't get to come this weekend because I did. I almost was thinking about going out the way that Andrew Googles a golf course. I was looking for sex toy shops locally, but I just did not have any time. We were, you know, we did Buffalo. We got into Buffalo at like, there's just no time. We did a Buffalo shows and then we had to get on a plane on Saturday and fly directly to Atlanta. And then we had two shows in Atlanta and I just didn't have time to get on a plane on Saturday and fly directly to Atlanta.
Starting point is 00:08:06 And then we had two shows in Atlanta and I just didn't have time to go to a sex shop. I was almost going to tweet like, will someone bring me one that you haven't used or something? I'm sure someone would have done that. But I really fucked up by forgetting that. I also, what else did I forget? I forgot a couple of things on the road this weekend, but that was the most,
Starting point is 00:08:21 that was the one that caused me to suffer the most. Do you have toys that you specifically travel with or is it just whatever you're in the mood for taking um that's a good question and it's usually well the thing is i have to charge them too so they're like properly charged um and all my cords are all over the place i'm not very organized my cord management is just you know terrible i bring I generally bring a suction one and then a penetrative one and sometimes that is in one toy together but that also gets tricky because when you want to penetrate yourself with one of them and go in and out then the suction
Starting point is 00:08:56 part comes off too you know like it doesn't stay it's also complicated um No, I usually, I think I could just bring a suction toy and be A-OK. I could be AOC. But I just don't, I don't even know. The suction toy I just bought was, like, not, it's not good enough. It's, like, nothing's good enough anymore. No, like, I seriously have problems with addiction, like, to anything, where it's, like, something will satisfy my needs and then I just need more and I need more and I need more. It's never it doesn't just stay like, oh, this is a good amount, like anything that I ever enjoy.
Starting point is 00:09:36 It's never enough. It always needs to be more. And then it just goes to a place where it's like I I'm gonna hurt myself because I'm using so much and I just I don't uh yeah the the toys aren't cutting it for me anymore I don't even know what to recommend to people anymore because I'm like this would probably be great for you but it's worthless for me and the idea that I could I I mean it's tragic for me to think about in a world where toys didn't exist I just would never have an orgasm. And I can kind of get there with someone else if I don't have one. But adding a toy to sex makes an orgasm a thousand times more achievable for me.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Like it really amps it up that much. It's just like, it's like having, it's a guarantee. Yeah. It's like pushing a car up a hill. You could get it up a hill if you have enough brawn, but like, wouldn't you rather just turn the car on and like get up? That's why I'm, I'm just so, yes, it's a guarantee. It's not even a guarantee, honestly. It's not even a guarantee. But it's just way more likely to happen. What I will say is that I think my orgasm, especially, like, actually even with porn. First of all, I need porn. I couldn't just do it by myself.
Starting point is 00:10:56 And I know that I'm saying these things like the way that I just yelled at you guys for maybe saying things to yourself where you're like, I can't do it. I just can't. Like, I haven't tried to come without porn or just with my hands, um, and forever, but I just don't have the time to even try. Like it's going to take a while if I can, maybe I can, but it's, it's going to take too much time. And I don't have two hours in my day to devote to that. And I do feel like a lot
Starting point is 00:11:28 of my orgasm is dependent on things that are said. And that's why, you know, the porn I watch, I'm even reluctant to like say the thing that I like so much now because it's just so specifically weird. But it's just like, I know what I need to hear now. And it's like so weird now because it's just so specifically weird but it's just like I know what I need to hear now and it's like so weird I honestly I'm not comfortable enough disclosing it right now but like I am into overall I will say when men are uh you know I've I've been I've I've said this before when men are challenging a woman to have an orgasm but telling her she can't and then finally when she can they're like really celebratory of her and they're not like mad at her but they're really like there's a certain thing and sound that I really like for a guy to do and I can't even do it because it's so like it's so vulnerable
Starting point is 00:12:25 for me to do it but like I really like um yeah it's too much I can't I need to like work on it with a therapist or like maybe I could tell you individually Noah but like telling everyone I can't yet um and that's good what isn't that good that I have something that I'm not ready to disclose because that doesn't happen that often but it's just um I don't know I mean it definitely relates to my own life and like wanting to like I was having um I was being pushed to the limit like really like it was there were parts of me that were like I can't do this it's exhausting and it's a lot of work and it was just like and that's the way I like stuff to to run but this was like to the point where I was like gonna tap out a little bit but then I just it started to feel like at the end of a really long run, like the end
Starting point is 00:13:29 of a marathon where you're like so exhausted, but you know the way you're going to feel when you reach the finish line is worth the, I love suffering. I think that's it I love I can't reap the reward and really enjoy rest and relaxation and celebration and um and I I can't I can't reward myself until I've put myself through the ringer and it makes it that much more sweet and it's not because I mean I do let myself relax now and again and enjoy self-care as, you know, it's self-care is a nice way of rephrasing things that you think are like lazy. And it's true. Like me watching a lot of TV, binging something. It's like, sometimes that is self-care me napping when I don't think I deserve it. I just have to deserve everything. And I think for me to like let myself have an O,
Starting point is 00:14:28 I have to like suffer first. And it's not because I'm like, you don't deserve it. It's like, cause I know it's gonna be that much better if I just hold off and like really push myself. And at the end of it, I'll be able to like cross the finish line and get that gold medal and that little like silver blanket and everyone's gonna be like you did it as opposed to like if you just did it I don't know it's like
Starting point is 00:14:52 why does my life have to run this way like man I did two shows in Atlanta on Saturday night and I was exhausted by the end of them. And I just don't feel deserving of feeling exhausted by just standing on stage and talking. I just don't feel like, you know, I complaining about that or admitting to myself that it's tiring or feeling like feeling a little bit sorry for myself. Like, wow wow you really did a lot tonight I just don't think I deserve it and I just feel I feel so bad about being tired um but it was so exhausting in the second show there were so many drunk people just like screaming out like that's the problem on the second show I wanted it to be so much fun and like loose and for me to take my time and explore other areas
Starting point is 00:15:46 didn't happen because the second I would be quiet, drunk people would feel the need to talk. That's why I talk so fucking fast. It's born of the fact that I don't want hecklers to come in and say anything mean. Like early on in my career, I just didn't want people to be like, you suck. And I just didn't want the silence. I wanted to always control them with like either they're laughing or I'm talking there's no silence nowhere for them to like whisper to each other she sucks because they'll miss something I say you know and now I use that same skill I honed from being insecure and not wanting people to hate me to just plow through because I don't want to deal with hecklers. Because my whole set is about. You know.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Well that one in particular. It's not always about this. But that one in particular was about. Getting older. And you know. The beauty industry. And the fact that. You know.
Starting point is 00:16:39 The self love industry. And the body positivity movement. And how we're gaslit into thinking like, love yourself. It's on the inside that counts, yet everything tells us to the contrary. And if you're a woman who acknowledges that being attractive gets you things in the world, you're suddenly a bad feminist, even though I'm sorry, but it does. It's not bad to call out the things that are still happening. We're not, we didn't just wake up one day after a dove campaign and go, big is beautiful.
Starting point is 00:17:12 Like that's, it didn't happen that way. It doesn't happen that quickly. The same kind of rhetoric and pressure that women are feeling to just love themselves, love your body no matter what, like this, all this bullshit, it's bullshit because women who are skinny and beautiful and young are still being given most of the things. There's a couple examples where we're like, oh, we like her even though there's that one girl on, this is us.
Starting point is 00:17:42 Remember, there's a fat woman on TV. See, we did it it's done it's the same thing as like Obama we had him racism's over no it's not that's a slight improvement but it's not you don't we like Adele we're fine
Starting point is 00:17:59 with having fat celebrities okay well you did it once or twice but it's still a problem. And I know saying this as a skinny fucking white twat doesn't really buy me much currency, but I can still call out the fact that it's... For me to say that being thin gets you things in Hollywood, and that sometimes I want to be thin and beautiful and young because it'll get me more
Starting point is 00:18:25 things. I can get in trouble for saying that even though it's true still. It's still true. So why would I get in trouble? You're setting a bad example for women. When little girls hear you say that, they're going to feel like they have to be thin and beautiful. I hate to say it based on the evidence. They kind of do. And I don't think it's right. Just because I'm saying that I feel the pressure to do that doesn't mean I'm saying that it's right. I wish that you could be any size you want and look any way. God, I wish that.
Starting point is 00:18:57 But it's just not true. Acknowledge that these things are still happening and not deny them because, you know, there's a couple Instagram accounts that show like the truth, you know, that point out your flaws and celebrate your flaws. That's not enough. That's good. I'm glad those accounts exist. I post those accounts. I love those girls that show. Mainly those are for men. I think women know that when you arch your back and stick your butt out, cellulite goes away. You can make your butt look really nice. I want men to know that is what
Starting point is 00:19:32 you're looking at. Because men don't know our tricks. Women do. This isn't for women as much as it is for men. Because when we change what men want and what men expect, then things can change so anyway i was just i wanted to go off on this thing on on saturday night and by doing that i have to kind of complain about all this stuff and then and then drunk people just go you're beautiful nikki you're so hot and i'm like that is not what i'm trying that is the i go that's not what i'm want to. I know. I'm a good-looking lady. I'm trying my fucking best. I'm not complaining that I'm not. What I'm complaining about is that I feel pressure to uphold this.
Starting point is 00:20:12 And by you saying that I'm hot validates the fact that it's important to be hot. You saying that to me is not wrong. We all do it. I say it to my friends. I say it to people to, to make them feel better. If you tell someone they're beautiful and they look younger than their age and you look so hot and these are things you're saying because you want to make that person feel good. And maybe they're true, but you're, you're, you're acknowledging that
Starting point is 00:20:39 you said this because it might make this person feel good. You're acknowledging that if they're not those things, they should probably feel bad. That's the logic there. I feel autistic sometimes, honestly. I was watching Love on the Spectrum last night. There's a new character named Jaden and he truly speaks my truth, which is that everything in life,
Starting point is 00:21:00 you have to dissect and be like, what's the purpose of that? And why do we do that? We tell women they look young and hot, like, oh my God, you're 40? You do not look 40. That's acknowledging that looking 40 would be bad, right? Because if someone looks 60 and they're 50, we wouldn't go, oh my God, you're 60? Or you're 50?
Starting point is 00:21:22 You look 60. You wouldn't say that to someone. Why? Because it acknowledges that being 60 is worse somehow inherently and why why because men don't want to fuck 60 year olds as much as 50 year olds and and you're closer to death and you're more irrelevant i'm not saying that's true i'm saying that based on things that based on the observable facts around us, that's true. So bottom line is I shouldn't go on this crusade when I'm performing for drunk people because I just get a lot of drunk women going, you're hot.
Starting point is 00:21:59 I'd fuck you. And it's just like, you're missing the point. So late shows I might have to suspend because it's just like, that is, you're missing the point. So late shows, I might have to suspend because it's a lot of, and you can't, I threw out one drunk person at Buffalo show on Friday night. I didn't throw her out, but they tossed her out because she just wouldn't stop heckling. And I felt bad for her.
Starting point is 00:22:17 I mean, this woman clearly just drank too much and was trying to participate. All these people are. But on Saturday night late show in Atlanta, too many to even crowd control. So I just had to plow through and it made it not, it made it exhausting for me and not as fun for the people that were there and not drunk. So, but I did get some feedback from people who weren't drunk and they had a good time. So I'm glad that that's the truth. Let's talk about this all with Andrew.
Starting point is 00:22:41 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card
Starting point is 00:23:05 balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment,
Starting point is 00:23:45 sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever.
Starting point is 00:24:29 We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and we pave the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna,
Starting point is 00:25:01 and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out. All right. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions.
Starting point is 00:25:37 Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.
Starting point is 00:26:39 I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere.
Starting point is 00:26:59 It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What up, Drew? What's up? What's up?
Starting point is 00:27:26 What's up? I was just talking about the shows this weekend. Oh. Second show Saturday, Little Drunky Drunk. Was it like that for you? Yeah, they laughed kind of weird. When a crowd's drunk, they feel... Delayed?
Starting point is 00:27:43 But they're not laughing together. They're all in their own little party. It's interesting. There is more of freedom in a drunky drunk show because they're never going to remember it. You just have to fake... Just convince them the overall feeling
Starting point is 00:28:00 was a fun time. Yeah, good vibe. I was so drunk. It was too many drunk people and i know there are people there that were not drunk and i just felt bad for them well i think it's a 10 30 show yeah the later show your saturday they're probably day drinking they're like we're gonna see nikki tonight and they're like let's i mean you usually think the friday late show is terrible because everyone's tired but everyone's tired all the time now like
Starting point is 00:28:24 let's let's stop pretending that everyone's just tired on the weekdays. Well, I feel like COVID every, well, at least for a while every day kind of started to become the same day. Like every day was a Yeah, that was. It was less of yeah, but yeah, no, I think Saturday I'm sure a lot
Starting point is 00:28:40 of them will get together for a dinner like it's a whole event to see you and so they probably start drinking at dinner. Then they find a bar near their show. 10.30 is so late for a show. I mean, I even was like, what are we doing here? Because then, you know, we get started 15 minutes late generally. And then by the time I get on stage, it's 11.15.
Starting point is 00:28:59 And then by the time I'm off stage, it's 12.30. I mean, we're into the next day. Sometimes I think you should be able to be like it should all be understood that I'm going to do for a great 45 but the thing is I can't give them that right now because I want to I'm still working on so much
Starting point is 00:29:16 material and I don't know I just feel like I want I would have to talk too fast and I don't want to do that yeah but I am going to have to whittle it down to an hour I really I've been saying it for a while now but i gotta start whittling i gotta get my special ready today i'm gonna actually write out my set verbatim just try to see like what it would look like if i'm like type it out i don't even know what that's gonna be i'm very scared i just cannot i can't do everything right now and i'm okay with that like my special is
Starting point is 00:29:45 going to be the um so i just yeah i almost just share this just in case everyone out there is like i need to do this thing and i haven't done it i've been putting it off whether it's like you're writing a book or you have a report due for school or uh you have to write a thank you card or thank you like anything that you've been like putting off a business thing no matter what it is like you didn't get to it because you couldn't get to it it's not because you're lazy it's not it's like the world like is a vampire wait what is that the world is a vampire i only know that song from you singing it like no you knew the song you just didn't know that i didn't know the beginning.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Which everyone knows that. I know. I don't know how I didn't know that line. Well, it's a disconnected song. It starts like that. Some songs start off, it's like, how is this even? Yes. Yes, I know what you mean.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Like Rolling Stones. I saw her today. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, what? Yeah. I was so confused by that as a child. I remember all my friends in high school playing that song, and everyone knew it right away from the kids' choir singing.
Starting point is 00:30:55 And I was like, why don't I know this song? These people who have bad taste in music know this song. I want to hear the rest of the choir song. I mean, that sounds like a pretty good song. It's always so good. i was so annoyed this morning i i went to uh schedule a doctor's appointment right and uh if you're a new patient so i called this one place they go uh yeah uh well we might this is why i tried to postpone tomorrow because they go for the podcast tomorrow. They were like, we can have a cancellation tomorrow. You come in at 1130. I go, I can't do that.
Starting point is 00:31:30 They're like, well, how's November 30th? And I go, okay, let me call back every morning and see if you have a cancellation. That's the only reason why I'd push the podcast because I was like, all right, well, now I'll take the cancellation. Sure. So then I go, okay, I hang up. I don't hang up. I go, okay, I'll call the cancellation. Sure. So then I go, okay, I hang up. I don't hang up. I go, okay, I'll call another day and see. I call another place.
Starting point is 00:31:49 They take all my insurance information, right? They don't even ask you what's wrong with you. They just want to make sure they're going to get paid. Before they even go, why are you even coming in? They go, well, what's your insurance? Let me make sure I'll get paid. Do you even live in the state? They don't even know if you can go there.
Starting point is 00:32:03 You might have called the wrong number. They're like, look, you don't even have to come in just give us your insurance we won't even see you but we're gonna charge you what february 2022 did you hear me no is that true that's their first appointment they took all my info how dare they go they called my insurance company to make sure it's covered they they get my address they get my phone number they get all this shit for the fucking thing and then they go all right let's see um i go well how long it's taking i'm starting to think this isn't gonna probably work out they go oh just wait a minute um february like said it like like it was like next wednesday yeah like it was like, thank you. You know what?
Starting point is 00:32:45 Here you go. Here's February. Oh, I found something. I'm doing you a favor. If I had cancer. Oh, I know. You're dead. Dude, I know.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Before the fucking. That's the scary thing about cancer is like you go in, you find out you have a suspicious thing. Yeah. And when I go in for a biopsy and then the biopsy is six months later and you go, um, what? I didn't know that was a thing. I didn't know that they could make you wait to get cancer results. This may be why. Isn't time bad in cancer world?
Starting point is 00:33:13 Yes. It's horrible. When my dad got breast cancer. Is it early detection the key? Yes. Well, that's when like someone goes, I feel kind of sick. Oh, you're going to die in five days. It's like, oh, well, you didn't see me for fucking seven months well yeah why do they never get the blame of like well I couldn't get an
Starting point is 00:33:27 appointment so um you know that diagnosis you're giving me um do you think you could have caught it they probably like I wonder your dad's a cancer doctor he's got to know the answer to this like do some people get diagnosed and go well I've been trying to get in here for three fucking months I'm sure I'm sure and also it's like okay if you can't see me until February, and you're making money off patients, and the demand is that high, why are you not open until eight at night? You know what I mean? Like, if you have all the, you're just wasting money, or you're, you know. I mean, maybe they don't have enough people working.
Starting point is 00:34:00 I mean, that's what I always think about when, you know, there are businesses that are, like, Starbucks down the street from us closes sometimes, just like, you know, because they don't have enough workers. Yeah. And so like, I think, oh, when when hospitals don't have enough doctors, so they can't work overtime for the extra three hours to see new patients. Yeah. I mean, like doctors need to sleep, too. My other even though they have all the access to things that'll keep them up forever working and working and working.
Starting point is 00:34:25 Yeah. Well, my dad got breast cancer and he got his tick cut off within two weeks. Like he was like. Well, yeah, he's going to be front of the line. Yeah. Because he's a. He cut it off himself. I mean, he probably could have.
Starting point is 00:34:35 Yeah, he probably could have. He just had to drink some whiskey and bite down on a spoon like they do in Braveheart or whatever. Yeah, Civil War time. So my thought though is. Braveheart's not Civil War. It's a little after. Yeah, Civil War time. So, my thought though is like, Wait, Breitbart's not Civil War. It's a little after. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:48 Freedom. They're talking, yeah, War of 1812. What happened? What year was that? Anyway, so,
Starting point is 00:34:54 What year was the War of 1812 about? No, no, French and Indian War. You actually know the French and Indian fought at the same time. Has anyone ever said that line to you? Oh,
Starting point is 00:35:01 I always felt that was really annoying. Wait, what did they say? People go, you know the French and Indian War? I'm like, yeah yeah you know it's called that because the french and the indian fought together against the british and i was like oh so it wasn't like a french versus indians no oh i definitely thought i don't know anything about history i'm like i'm really scared about history but so a new patient can't be seen for months, right?
Starting point is 00:35:26 You know what I think, though? What I think is that a new patient, they most likely don't have cancer or most likely don't have anything that's going to make them more money. But a reoccurring patient is sick, so they're going to keep making money off that patient. So it's probably easier as a reoccurring patient to get a thing than a new patient. I think it's probably easier as a reoccurring patient because you have those miles you know like you have status at the place you've been there before you've spent money like and when i call a place and i've been a pay a customer for a while i would like to be seen right away over a new patient but it is true like new patients like you getting a doctor's appointment and getting in soon is just so hard to do what are you going to the doctor for so regular stuff well no Brenna saw like a thing on my ear where she's like I think that's cancerous
Starting point is 00:36:11 and I was like don't say that what are you saying why are you Brenna what are you putting in my head here Brie dog what's she putting on I miss you baby cakes I mean maybe I don't think you want me to die let me see it I mean you can't even see you're gonna say it's nothing and then i'm overreacting but i don't it's like on my ear but it's been there for a long time it's a growth kind of thing a little white thing it's like right here it's here you see how it's raised like it looks like cauliflower ear yeah i might have just some broccoli up there but uh you know if ate vegetables, I might think it was. I don't need to see anyone. And she's like, no, you got to see them for me.
Starting point is 00:36:49 So it's a dermatologist? Yeah, it's a dermatologist. Okay. So while I'm there, maybe I'll have them check out a few other things. What about like a regular doctor? Have you been like got like a full exam? You're just going through here? Well, the one through after.
Starting point is 00:37:01 Right, that's right. I mean, I need to call the doctor. I mean, there's so much stuff I have to do. Have you ever tried to make an appointment and it's just like... Yeah. Yeah. What is that?
Starting point is 00:37:12 I got to talk to my dad about this. I got to talk to my father. I had a toothache like a month ago and I couldn't open my mouth. And the first place I called, I was like, oh, you know, is there any way that I can come in? I'm just having this really bad toothache. and the first place I called, I was like, oh, you know, is there any way that I can come in?
Starting point is 00:37:27 I'm just having this really bad toothache, and the receptionist, like, straight, like, very straight face goes, okay, well, the next appointment I have is 12 p.m. on October 2nd. This is like a month ago. And when was that? And that was a month ago, yeah. Oh, it was over a month ago that you were doing that.
Starting point is 00:37:41 By then, your tooth, your nine teeth are hurting now. You're gonna cast away and shove an ice skate in there and knock it out in an old cave on an island. I mean, that is... And I think it just depends because then I was able to call a different place and the receptionist was a little bit kinder and treated me like a human being.
Starting point is 00:38:04 And she's like, why don't you just come out one o'clock today and we'll put you in between the patients. And I said, okay, great. Even if I have to wait around, I just appreciate you
Starting point is 00:38:13 letting me come in. Yeah. And you know what? This talk is going to get me to make some doctor's appointments. Same. Yeah. Right, like today.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Well, it's interesting when Noah said- Because I hope- Yeah, I got a week free in April of 2024. That's the hard part, yeah. I just want to get them scheduled now. Yeah, yeah. I know that I have a spring break coming up
Starting point is 00:38:36 during the next Summer Olympics. And then you finally go, you're like, what's wrong? You're like, you're perfectly healthy. It's like, well, why the fuck did I even come? It's important to go. When you get weighed at the doctor do you want to know the number i don't really care i don't weigh myself much but yeah but when you go to the doctor you get that you get the number they usually tell you i'd be completely fine with getting really oh man i don't like that number. The number's never gonna, like that has been something for me that has been very helpful with my body image stuff
Starting point is 00:39:08 is just not ever weighing myself and not knowing the number ever, even if I go to the doctor. I was listening to some radio show the other day and they were talking about going to the doctor and they're like, oh, I weigh a lot more than I thought. And it's just, it doesn't ever make you, it doesn't motivate you in the right way.
Starting point is 00:39:23 It just makes you feel fucking sad, which leads to eating more. Like you think it's gonna motivate you it rarely does that and it just makes you fucking so sad and so I always do um I always like you know get on the scale backwards and just have them and then I can hear them the the pen kind of even writing and I go that was a one that was a four that was and sometimes they like they just purposely like leave it on the screen like they want you to fucking know it's like there's this weird power that they know that they have over you yeah no one gets their weight and is excited about it ever i mean that's the thing you if you go into the doctor and let's say i have a number
Starting point is 00:40:02 in mind where i'm like i know when I'm that number I'm like so skinny and like my like everyone is like commenting on how skinny I am but not in like a concerned way it's like my best weight that makes me feel like so healthy and shiny yeah whatever like there's a number I have in my head if it if it is that number then I have to mean then I get in my head and I go I gotta maintain it I'm just at that number. So that means I'm quickly, I could go over that number very easily if I just drink too much water. And then I start obsessing over like, we got to stay at that. So it doesn't even, even if I hit the number I want, it doesn't give me the satisfaction.
Starting point is 00:40:36 If it's below, then I start going, well, maybe I'm wrong about that number. Maybe the number has to be even lower because I don't feel like that skinny right now. And I don't even feel that good about myself. So now the number should maybe be five pounds lower than I think it is. Now I'm over the number that I even went in for. Or it's a number, most likely it's a number that's five pounds over what I think it is. And then that's a whole fucking thing. So just don't get the number.
Starting point is 00:41:03 For your height. Just know how your clothes fit. You know how it fits. Yeah.. So just don't get the number. For your height. Just know how your clothes fit. You know how it fits. Yeah. You don't need to know the number. Unless there is a tumorous mass that weighs 30 pounds somewhere in your system that wouldn't affect the way your jeans fit. You don't need to know the number. You know when you put on clothes if you're a little overweight or not.
Starting point is 00:41:21 You just know. I think what happens too is like whatever your height is, there's like a number that they determine is what's healthy. And for me, I'm like 5'9 and a quarter to a half.
Starting point is 00:41:33 Yeah. Just under three quarters. Yeah. I think it's more like 5'8 and a three quarters. That's what I am. We're exactly the same height. You're under 5'9?
Starting point is 00:41:40 I think I'm like right under, like a little. Wow, you must have shrunk because I'm 5'9 and a quarter. It's weird. I really don't think I did. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:41:52 So anyway. But we do shrink as we age. All right, so I'm 5'6". No, but there's a way that they tell you. They're like, if you're 5'9, you should be 165 pounds. If I got to 165, you would say something to me like, Andy, you need to eat something. I feel like putting that number, it makes the person think,
Starting point is 00:42:13 oh, I'm not healthy unless I'm that number, and then they're going to fucking go crazy over the number. Right. You know what I mean? See, that's so funny that you go, I'm not healthy if I'm not that number. I do not think of health when it comes to weight. Ever. That's because I'm so damaged from the way that, I mean, I went on a rant about it before you
Starting point is 00:42:30 got in here, but like, women do not really, I'm not speaking for all of us, but when we think of a number, we don't go, I'm not healthy at that number. We go, I'm not lovable at that number. I mean, that's what it translates to. It's interesting that you go, oh, I might be dying. I think women, when they have extra weight, that's what it translates to. It's interesting that you go, oh, I might be dying. I think women,
Starting point is 00:42:46 when they have extra weight, it's like, I'm fat at that. It's not like, and fat doesn't equal unhealthy, even though we know that if you're overweight, you're more susceptible to disease and stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:42:56 But it doesn't, that's like a, that's an afterthought. Like you, yeah, I was listening to some kind of like podcast yesterday about a girl that used to, you know, induce vomiting by drinking Ipecac. You know, the stuff that you give people if they have, you know, parents used to have it just in case your kids eat poison.
Starting point is 00:43:18 And so it'll just make you puke everything. And you can die from taking Ipecac. Like, it can often cause death in people and the woman did it as a child because she was trying to lose weight and she saw some you know after-school special about bulimia and was like oh i'll take this thing that my parents said make me throw up so she did it and literally felt like she was dying and then she found out it could kill you and she kept doing it and she was like she said something about like it didn't matter that it could kill me like i wanted to be thin more than healthy like yeah it's not we we can
Starting point is 00:43:50 pretend that these things are about like health but it's like nothing tastes as good as skinny feels like that's a line that you hate moss apparently said but um and you know there have been times in my life that i did feel that way but it wasn't like the way skinny feels made me feel good it made me feel trapped in uh my own it was just the most isolating thing it makes you that's why i can't stand being around people who are dieting i just won't do it because if you're dieting you're hungry you're either focused on like i get to eat soon and that's all you can think of so you you're not present. You're not like with me. It makes me it reminds me of being with drunk people. It's like, I would hate to perform for a bunch of hungry people. It's the no, we all know that
Starting point is 00:44:33 people get angry when they're hungry, angry, they call it agitated. Yeah. And it's just like, I don't want to be around anyone dieting. That's why I can't be around. If my friends are doing some kind of cleanse, I go, I'm not gonna hang out out with you because you're not even if you're like I love it it makes me feel so good I know you're looking at every like thing around you being like that looks good I've been starving before I know what it's like it's not fun and so if you I yeah I just I cut people out of my life that are that's why I get so mad at you when you like don't prepare to eat because I don't want to be around you when you're hungry. But I don't – I'm not ever angry towards you. No, you're not angry, but you're just – it's not even angry.
Starting point is 00:45:08 It's distracted. It's like – But I do think – And it's not because you're doing it to lose weight. You just didn't bring a snack for a long travel day. I hear you. But I just like – with that, I just feel like if I'm hungry, I'll eat. Like, I don't know. It's just like you're putting on like – I feel like – I know. I'm trying, I'll eat. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:45:25 You're putting on, I feel like. I know, I'm trying to control your situation. I get that, and it's none of my business, but if I have to be around you for a long car ride after we landed in the airport, and I know we're going to get there, and nothing's going to be open to eat, and nothing, then I have to be around you.
Starting point is 00:45:38 But I think that's your own brain of what would be going through. People have noticed you're different when you haven't eaten. Not just me, buddy. People have noticed you're different when you haven't eaten. Not just me, buddy. People have noticed I'm different. Yeah. Not just me. But everyone is different. I mean, but you're saying that
Starting point is 00:45:55 people are like, hey, the Andrews. They are. Yeah, they are. I mean, this is crazy. No, you are different when you're hungry. And so I don't want to be around it and I know that's trying to control you but I can't like you know do a roll out of a van just like onto the highway to get away
Starting point is 00:46:13 from you I just have to be around it I know but why don't you just say hey Andrew you're being at the time now I feel like people are talking about me behind my back no no one's talking about you behind your back it's just a thing because i've said before to like we need to have food for andrew before we get to the show because i don't like his energy when he's hungry and so when when you eat you just calm down a lot it's true it's true dude i i do you don't think
Starting point is 00:46:44 that you're different after you've eaten no i just can't believe it's just a topic of conversation that i'm not even privy to it just we're not making fun of you no no judgment about that it's just like oh that it is good to have food around because it seems that andrew might be a little more anxious when he's hungry. I'm sorry. Are you super bummed? No, I'm not bummed. I just find it just like, it's just funny what people talk about. I just don't even like, it's just something that I would never
Starting point is 00:47:14 even notice with someone else. But no, but like, yeah, no. I get it. It's just funny that it's this conversation. Let's get to the news. Wonder who else it is. You heard it here first. Yeah. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.
Starting point is 00:47:29 No, I heard it here second today, folks. Okay, I hope you're having all this swells out there. I was, but now I need to eat something. Would you rather me not tell you a thing that I thought it wasn't a big deal, that's why I told you. I don't mean to make you feel paranoid now. That's the thing is like if someone's talking, said something about you and noticed something, would you prefer not to know it?
Starting point is 00:47:49 I mean. Is it almost like YouTube comments? Should I just not say that? No, I just feel like there's a way to tell someone without it feeling judgmental or critical. That's all. Sorry. I was just. I do apologize for making it sound critical.
Starting point is 00:48:02 I'm just saying like I try to – it's not just you. I try to do that with everyone's hunger because when I notice when people get hungry, they don't even notice that they're different. I'm super tuned into it because I lived that lifestyle for so long that I can pick up on the slightest. I can just be like – I do it to the guy I'm dating all the time. I'm like, we have to stop and get something to eat. And he's like, I'm not hungry. And I go, you commented on the way here that you were hungry. We got to the restaurant.
Starting point is 00:48:29 You didn't eat anything because you didn't like your meal. There's no way you're not hungry because you just ate two bites and you were hungry before that. So we're going to stop and get something. Then he gets annoyed. He's like, I don't need anything. Then we finally eat and it's like a different person after it. And I'm just like, I can't't stand i guess what it is i guess what it is though is like before like you started like working on your stuff with the eating stuff yeah like when we first started being friends for the first year
Starting point is 00:48:54 and a half you wouldn't eat all day yeah i know and then you'd be irritable and then like if i would i felt like i couldn't even bring it up to you without you getting upset with me. So that's why like I think sometimes I just like – and we've talked about this before. Like it's like if I feel like I can't say something to you but then you're just so easily able to say something to me. I'm comfortable saying that because you had previously said seconds before I said that that you don't have an eating disorder. For sure. For sure. And no, I get that. I said that that you don't have an eating disorder for sure for sure and no I get that I get that but I think I'm just telling you like why I think certain things like probably
Starting point is 00:49:30 affect us with our friendship sometimes yes and it's not like a big deal I'm just saying like I think that's probably where it stems from whenever I might get like upset no I get it like it's it's hard to hear that I didn't say that in a nice way that like someone had noticed that. Like it sounds like we're like talking shit, but it wasn't. I presented it in a way that sounded like we were like gossiping behind your back. And it probably didn't feel good to hear that. And it wasn't gossip. It was just like, oh, you're right.
Starting point is 00:49:59 Andrew does like to have snacks backstage and it makes him calm down a little bit. Just like you calm down after you take a you take a pre-show poop one your boy's been pooping a little less but not much okay to the news i hope you're having all this well this wasn't a fight this was a healthy conversation really easily and i i instigated that i i own up to that. That wasn't nice of me. Okay, a new survey of 2,000 Americans age 50 and older found that 45% are having better sex or the best sex of their lives as they've aged. 35% of those surveyed have sex more than five times a week, and one in four admit they have sex outside the bedroom like the laundry room or staircase
Starting point is 00:50:46 so foreplay so yeah so essentially people are are when their kids leave they start you know they just fucking probably feel more free to just start screaming this is after the age of 50 you said uh yes 50 and older I just don't believe this. Did they just go to like a sandals resort for a swingers week and a sandals resort? Remember Hedonism? Yeah, that's the place I was looking for. I mean, I hope this is true, but I feel like most people that get older kind of lose their sex drive. No, I think they fuck a lot.
Starting point is 00:51:24 Five times a week seems like a lot. What else are they doing? If they're getting their 401, they're just fucking all day. The Villages is a place in Florida. Okay. Have you heard of that? There are a lot of places that are a lot of places. No, but the Villages is known.
Starting point is 00:51:38 It's like this huge community of people that are 60 and older. Retired. And all they do is drink bud light and the number one bud light sales and the number one stds or number one herpes sales wow it's in the villages because all they do is drink beer and all fuck each other no what else did this say and what why what i can't okay i just don't believe this what i wanted to add the scientist who conducted the survey said the changes that come with aging make women and men communicate more get more creative have more time to explore
Starting point is 00:52:11 which leads them to getting the right type of satisfaction that's a good point i do find that as you get older and you can just know what you want and uh you can just have better sex and you can have that's just the best part about being in a relationship is being able as a young person being in a relationship. Cause I don't know what it's like to be much older, but I feel like if I would probably be more prone to have casual sex as I get older, because I just am,
Starting point is 00:52:37 I care less about what people think. I'm not worried about my body as much. I just accept myself more. So I would probably have more of it than I had as a young person because as a young person, I'm so scared I'm going to be bad at it. I don't even know what I like. I'm not going to be able to tell them that I don't like that thing that they're doing.
Starting point is 00:52:54 And so then I'm just going to end up doing it. And then I'm going to feel bad because I just let this guy do this thing to me. And I did, you know, like all these things. So that makes sense to me, actually. And then if you're having like, you know, you start off, you have sex in the dark. It reminds me of like when i'm in the locker room at a gym and there's an old man yeah and his wrinkly penis is like perfect analogy two inches away from my face and he's so comfortable so i'm sure he's probably pretty cool with his whoever he's so much any time time you do
Starting point is 00:53:20 things over and over you get more comfortable with it. At that point, he probably started out as a young kid, like, hiding his penis. And then he eventually ends up just blow-drying his balls. With my hair, somehow. With a round brush. They're so saggy, he can get, like, a nice, like, he can curl them, like a Jennifer Aniston like hairstyle. Wait a second. So that, this totally now makes sense.
Starting point is 00:53:49 Yeah, it checks out. It's like you get more comfortable because I feel like there's something sad about that though because, and I'm finding this in my own life, like the more comfortable I get with sex and the more open I am to like having weirder sexual experiences or like doing kind of stranger things that might, that I, in the past I would have been so scared to do. Oh, judgmental of,
Starting point is 00:54:12 but now that I'm getting older, I'm getting closer to being married, which then locks me down to one person. So there's kind of an irony there of like, I'm finally ready to spread my labia wings red bull and now i have to shut it down because i'm getting closer to wanting to settle down well what's interesting then but then like the idea of fucking at first is like there's still party that's like fucking for reproduction for having babies for, like there's a reason why.
Starting point is 00:54:45 Oh, yeah. And when you get older. Then when you get rid of that, then it's just for fucking. Then it's just for fun. It's all sport. But also I plan on being married by the, like I plan on being in a committed relationship by the time I'm in my 50s. And so that is going to limit me to one partner.
Starting point is 00:54:58 Yeah, but then you're going to. But maybe we might be swingers. Or fuck on a swing. That's true. I think you already own it. Yeah, I do. I used to own a fuck swing. I don't know what happened to it yeah i really think you give it to that playground you donated it yeah i did no it was um i used to say that that sex swing looked like the way they fed the cows to the velociraptors or to the t-rex you know it was like
Starting point is 00:55:20 and it's like being lowered in that thing is the same device wait a second i do find this kind of i'm learning this like kind of blows my mind because i do find that for the first time ever i am like really not scared about sex stuff and like oh i could just go make like i used to be just so terrified of like holding hands with a boy kissing a new guy and now i'm like oh it's not that hard to do and now i'm like getting closer to like locking it down i'm like oh now i'm finally free and i gotta lock it down finally free sexually and you know like but then you're free sexually because but i'm with someone you trust but i want to have sexual experiences that with a lot of people and different things. I want to experience all – my number is in the teens, right?
Starting point is 00:56:12 But a lot of those times I don't remember because I was drunk. Yes. And so they don't even count. So really if we're talking about sexual experiences, people I've had sex with that I remember having sex with were below 10 for sure. And that's not like a sexually fulfilling life. I don't know. I just want to see you draw this up on a board. Swingers.
Starting point is 00:56:35 I want to see you write this out like a teacher. I have. I have written out like everyone I've slept with. Minus four due to being hammered. Minus three doing. I mean, think about your own self. Think about the number of the times you remember versus the times you do remember. Minus four due to being hammered. Minus three doing. I mean, think about your own self. Oh, yeah. Think about the number of the times you remember versus the times you do remember.
Starting point is 00:56:49 But that is why I think I am ready for or ready for in a relationship that I love because when I did get sober the last three years, I did have more sex than I usually have had. And I've been and I was sober. So I'm like, OK, I remember those. Those were fun. I got that out of my system i haven't done that doesn't feel like a need like i don't feel that like that primal need i just i think that i could find someone that is into like swinging or whatever but then i always feel
Starting point is 00:57:16 like there's always such a yeah there's such a uh i just think it's cool judgment cool to talk about but i think and for me like for me it'd be like okay yeah we could both fuck different people that'd be cool like i like even in my mind i'm like that could be cool you know together though but even that i just feel like it's like the what's that movie with richard not richard gear the million dollar proposal or whatever decent proposal yeah so something like that where he gave his gave him a million dollars to have sex with his wife yeah it's cool no it was the other way around the guy gave him a million dollars to have sex with his wife. Yeah, it's cool. No, it was the other way around.
Starting point is 00:57:46 The guy gave him a million dollars to have sex with his wife. Here's a million dollars. Please fuck her. That's so funny. We should do a remake. That's so funny. Not what would you do for a million dollars. Please.
Starting point is 00:58:03 What would you do if I gave her or could you fuck my wife and get a million dollars? Yeah, I could do that. The guy's like, no, I don't want to fuck your wife for a million dollars. Wait, I said that wrong. Well, you already said it. Sorry. God damn it. My hand is oak or whatever they say.
Starting point is 00:58:21 Yeah. So what's the problem with it? No, no. So the idea of it like oh we got a million dollars now i could we could buy a house we could take our kids to college but you've you fucked robert redford and i'll never i'll never be able to not only that robert redford fucked her good oh i don't remember that's the problem but the thing is like no they the thing is they had an intimate they went went out. They spent time together.
Starting point is 00:58:46 They did go in a helicopter. Yeah, like he wooed her. It wasn't just about the sex. A woman can have good sex and not go, I need to be with that person. If it's just sex, if it's just like, you know, with – But then it goes back to your whole thing though. Like once you get sex in the vagina, you're connected no matter what. I don't think that if it's just sex in your vagina and it's just happening without you like talking to that person getting to know them then it can exist in that bubble of like that fuck bubble but how often is a woman letting a guy in her vagina
Starting point is 00:59:15 and she doesn't even know him i mean that's not happening almost every night in college well yeah that's happening but i'm talking about you know if i'm letting a guy in my vagina i've probably known him very well at this point. And so that's going to make me fall in love. So to get in your vagina, you either have to marry you or never talk to your – Or make a deal with my boyfriend. And wear a mask. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:35 I mean, I only told you about the mask thing. But I'm glad to – listen, I screwed you before with bringing up the – The mask thing was a figment of speech or whatever. Yeah, a figment of speech. I did tell Andrew that I was down for a gangbang, but I would have to wear a mask. You have to wear a mask? Yes, and so no one would know that it was me.
Starting point is 00:59:57 I wasn't even talking about that. I really wasn't. Oh, yeah. I don't want anyone to know if I ever do a gangbang that it's Nikki Glaser. I don't want them to be able to say that, even though I've come out and said that I will be participating in these. I don't want them to know if I ever do a gangbang that it's Nikki Glaser. I don't want them to be able to say that, even though I've come out and said that I will be participating in these. I don't want them to be able to say that.
Starting point is 01:00:09 Well, now the cat's out of the bag that you're wearing on your head. No, they won't know. They won't know. All right, let's get to another news story. They'll know your feet, though. That's the problem. I really did think that last night when I was talking. I'm not even joking you.
Starting point is 01:00:22 I was like, I will have to. Because sometimes I want to film it, you know, and maybe put it out there. And I'm like, nope, I don't have any tattoos, but my feet are real giveaways.
Starting point is 01:00:31 You just have a mask and socks on. Yeah. Holy shit. Okay. A 24 year old man. Or like those, like just like those dinosaur, like slippers that are like fake feet,
Starting point is 01:00:42 like the Hulk feet. Maybe I'll just put those Hulk hands on my feet. No, that's rich. That is rich. Because I feel like even through socks, you can tell my- You got to cover the Wharton scar, too. Oh, yeah, my knee.
Starting point is 01:00:53 I'll patch that up, too. God damn it. I have too many things. You're just going to be a hole. That's all I want to be. A glory hole. I'll be like, okay, I know that Nikki Wall. Yeah, I know the-
Starting point is 01:01:04 There's a taylor swift poster on there that she overpaid for yeah my asshole is ringed with the taylor swift lyrics there's a line around it that says uh yeah tis the damn season around the ring of my ass. Full core. Ever whore. Okay. Fearless. What? Love her. I barely know her.
Starting point is 01:01:38 Whose scarf is that in the dresser? Speak now, you bitch. All right. 24-year-old man found love and a new kidney through Tinder. It's pretty crazy. So a gay guy found a guy on Tinder, ended up having a great connection with him, and then told him that he would need a kidney.
Starting point is 01:01:54 And the guy gave him his kidney. Aww. Yeah. That's so sweet. I know. They were so in love and so committed to each other. How long did this take? Like, quick? Oh, that's limerence baby yeah oh you think he gave him the kidney during like the fun point
Starting point is 01:02:13 and then he's like yeah this is the this is the honeymoon stage this is how you get a kidney is you get in that beginning don't wait until they've fallen out of love with you don't ask for a kidney down the line you You get in that beginning, that time where you're Machine Gun Kelly. They got married, though. Fox. Oh, they did. They are married. You're like, you want to get in this vagina?
Starting point is 01:02:32 You got to give me that kidney. That's so sweet. I would love to give someone my kidney. I think that is a beautiful thing. It really is. When someone does that for a loved one. I don't know what that says about me that I'm dying to give someone my kidney, but I would like to do that for someone in my life.
Starting point is 01:02:47 Yeah, I would love to give someone. It'd be weird if you asked for a kidney. I was like, I kind of, when can we get in? You just want to kill me from the inside too. I start just like, what do you do to get kidney damage? Whatever that is, I do that. Well, I think there should be, like, an app for owners. People wanting to give up their organs.
Starting point is 01:03:12 I think that's so weirdly, like, illegal or something. I don't know. Wouldn't that be cool, though? Like, you put up your blood or you put up, like, what you are. Yeah, you're like, I would like to give you my right ear yeah you're gonna van gogh i think you should send your ear to brenna in the mail like van gogh oh it'd be hot or have her bite it off like babe i got rid of it holyfield i'm no longer cancerous but i do have a little hole on the side of my head she's like yeah um i'll give you my kidney to fill that
Starting point is 01:03:42 up grosser than just like a hole on the side of your head where an ear used to be like that grosses me out yeah it's not gonna be good for me or when people lose their nose and it's just like a hole
Starting point is 01:03:51 like I don't know why that bothers me so much well it's just disgusting it's like tryptophobia have you ever heard of that no what's that
Starting point is 01:03:59 is that when you're afraid of turkey no it's when you're maybe tryptophobia No, it's when you're... Maybe. Tryptophanophobia? No, it's when... Tryptophanophobia is when you trip over a fan board and you're scared of... I don't want that.
Starting point is 01:04:16 I know. That actually is a trivia. And then your nose falls off in the fan? I actually get... I have that fear at meet and greets that people trip over the cord that are the lights. Oh, man. And every time they walk up, I go... Like, the whole time, I'm just, like, nervous about people tripping. I have that fear at meet and greets that people trip over the cord that are the lights. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:04:25 Every time they walk up, I go, the whole time I'm just nervous about people tripping. Wait, so what is trypophobia or whatever? Trypophobia. It's like T-R-Y-P-F-O-B. I think it's trypophobia, but my mom has it big time and my sister kind of has it. It's when you're scared of a lot of little holes all clustered together and it makes your skin crawl. Like Swiss cheese? Swiss cheese can cause trypophobia, but oftentimes it's like the holes have to be close
Starting point is 01:04:49 together. It's on Reddit. So is it like a little thin line between each hole? I can see that. It almost looks like rotting carcasses. I have it too, but my mom really has it. She can't even look at... My bird, Kiwiwi used to have molten feathers and the feathers you could see them like
Starting point is 01:05:09 coming out of its hair almost they're like these tubes that like before the feather would like turn into a feather it would be like this tubes that would be all close together and my sister and i would be like it's it's kiwi's doing the thing again and it was trip it was trypophobia when your mom comes over you should put curlers in and see what happens. You know what I'm talking about? Like when the legaments rip and there's like one, like it's just barely holding on. And it's just the one skinny. I hate one little fiber.
Starting point is 01:05:37 Yeah, one fiber. No, that's what I hate. Like when there's something like ripping on it, your jeans have like a hole in it. And it's just like one little string. And I'm just like, ah! Or when a man has a ponytail and it's just a little, like a braid and it's just braided down
Starting point is 01:05:52 and then they turn, do they do the rubber band around the tiniest? Like it's like three hairs that have a rubber band around it. I want to die. I seriously feel like my skin is melting off my face when I see like a Willie Nelson little braid that has like a, like, oh, oh, I actually had a dream
Starting point is 01:06:11 of this other night where my hair was in a bunch of little like tight rubber bands. Like Coolio? Oh, no, Coolio doesn't bother me. Those are like thicker pieces of hair. But okay, we got to go to break and we'll come back with Wide Away Hair. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges
Starting point is 01:06:28 and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth.
Starting point is 01:07:02 That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into john's unique take
Starting point is 01:07:26 on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radioRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard
Starting point is 01:08:01 to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who were the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage
Starting point is 01:08:18 or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations. Like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland. Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe.
Starting point is 01:08:38 And I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and the RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests.
Starting point is 01:09:20 People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Thank you. including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions,itless answers. deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my dog. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world
Starting point is 01:10:32 is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in.
Starting point is 01:10:51 It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why do I care? I don't even know anymore why do i care 90 year old actor william shatner whoa is going to 90 that's news yeah and his last name's shatner which is hilarious wait he's going to space that is funny yeah with jeff bezos blue origin next week he's going up to space? That is funny. Yeah, with Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin next week. He's going up to space. 90 years. William Shetner's 90.
Starting point is 01:11:28 Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean, Star Trek just was, you know, I never watched it. Did you ever watch it? No, not a single second. Not even a second. I mean, literally not a second. Noah, were you ever into any of that stuff? No, I never watched it.
Starting point is 01:11:44 I hear it's great though. Yeah, I mean I heard that shows like Babylon 5. I just hear them and I get angry. I don't know why. I don't know why I've never been into that. I hate science. I hate the future. Get out of here. Well, because you
Starting point is 01:11:59 it's the only time you can get a doctor's appointment on a space station. Okay, he's going to space with Elon Musk. Or Jeff Bezos. Oh, yeah. The other one. The rich guy.
Starting point is 01:12:12 Yeah. Elon Musk has fake hair. Bezos went bald. That is interesting that Bezos didn't do... Get a wig because it was too late. You can't wait that long. Oh. You can.
Starting point is 01:12:23 I mean, Brian Urlacher did, but... And he, like... Brian Urlacher did but but and he like brian erlacher did got a wig or transplant and like went from bald to that and was like yeah i just got it but everyone thought he shaved his head there's a difference can't do like men can't do that like i don't mind a bald guy being like i'm just gonna get a wig and just do it our friend robbie collier did yeah i love and he put it on instagram he's like listen I have a hair piece this is my new life and it's like good for you when I wear fake eyelashes I'm not like oh my god someone knows that I have fake or like hair extensions I guess you got to address it like what he did he made a post he said hey I got it but I but I still don't think that men
Starting point is 01:12:58 people don't like to be tricked that's what it is no it's not that people make fun of men who go from Baltimore I know but when women can do women can go get spray tans they can do all these things but men are not allowed to make a egregious change in their looks without it being like uh like sad or something i i we knew he was bald and now you're allowed to have hair you had hair before why can't you go back to hair if it's fake because then it admits that you're insecure about your baldness and that's such a pussy move we really or or you just are bald and miserable there's also a difference between a guy that and you don't need to be miserable we all perceived urlacher was bald by choice oh which is a different kind of thing he's like i just want to grow it out yeah overnight it's like the uh seinfeld thing when she's like, grow your hair out.
Starting point is 01:13:45 You have this hair? And he grew it out and he's bald. Oh, I love that. And she goes, you're bald. And he goes, I was bald. Oh, that's a different one. I'm talking about the one where she saw his driver's license and saw that he had a fool who had a great hair and he had a shaved head.
Starting point is 01:14:01 And she's like, you can grow your hair out. Oh, yeah. Like, this could be your hair. The hot guy. And then he grew it out and he was bald. He was thinning. Oh. And it wasn a shaved head. And she's like, you can grow your hair out. Oh, yeah. Like, this could be your hair. The hot guy. And then he grew it out, and he was bald. He was thinning. Oh. And it wasn't the same anymore.
Starting point is 01:14:10 Got it. Got it. I don't remember that one. Anyway, so he's going to space. He's going on that thing. It's going 66 miles in the air and then coming right back down in a parachute. And I got to tell you, if you're on Star Trek and you're going warp speed. I keep saying Star Trek.
Starting point is 01:14:23 Yeah. It's Trek. Uh-huh. It's Trek. Yeah. It's Trek. Uh-huh, it's Trek. So... Did you just find out it was Star Trek and not Trek? So more to the story. People always say that you say Star Trek wrong. Who's all that?
Starting point is 01:14:38 I'm just kidding. No, I know, I know. I was playing. I was playing, dude. I was playing. How the fuck? I think this is like your get up today
Starting point is 01:14:46 makes me think that you can take anything I can take a lot I know you can but this look makes you seem like you're
Starting point is 01:14:53 it's a cool look right yeah I know you walked in here dying for me to say something about it and I tried to not what is he wearing for audio listeners
Starting point is 01:15:00 he's wearing a jean jacket with a shirt with a shirt underneath he's wearing sunglasses and a backwards white cap. And my beard is thick these days. Oh, I forgot that because I'm beard blind.
Starting point is 01:15:10 Well, it's a cute jacket. It's fall. That's what I was thinking. Is that a new jacket or something? No, it's an old new jacket, I guess. Oh, all right. Cool. Your dad wears a jean jacket a lot.
Starting point is 01:15:19 He actually rocks it in a manly way, which makes me happy. Oh, cool. I'm glad that my dad inspired some of your fashion. Let's move on. I really don't care about old men in space at all. Let's get on to top one, bottom one. It's our Monday topic, top one, bottom one. What's our topic, Noah?
Starting point is 01:15:35 Today we're talking about top one, bottom one shoes. Shoes. Oh, boy. Now, this might be shoes that you wear, shoes that you notice other people wearing, but this is just least favorite kind of shoe, most favorite kind of shoe. Do you want to start us off, Andrew? I guess least favorite shoe for me is – oh, that's tough.
Starting point is 01:16:03 I go through a lot of phases, as you know. So any phase that has ended up being the shortest phase is probably the least so you're going with shoes that you've worn not like women's shoes that you've noticed that you don't like oh you want me to do that i mean you could do whatever you want i'm just wondering which lane you're oh i thought we were going harsh like you came up with shoes and i just go shoes sounds good oh just shoes in general. But here's the thing. It could be anything. I bought, recently I bought. I'd be shocked if one of us doesn't say the shoes that have like the little toes highlighted. You know, the rubber shoes.
Starting point is 01:16:33 I kind of like those. I tried them on before. I like liking them because I think it's so hack to hate them. Yes. Okay. I bought boots. I bought Timberland boots recently because I was watching a lot of country music.
Starting point is 01:16:45 I was watching a lot of Morgan Wall and a lot of. Poor me. And I was like, well, I'll just be the relatable guy with his boots on stage with my jeans. He came out rocking these boots waiting for me to say something. And you're like, are you going hiking? I go, why do you wear these indoors? And you're like, I was autistic i was like i can't wear these indoors and you're like i was autistic about it i'm jaded have you watched the new love on the spectrum there's this new guy named jayden and let me just you're jaded about jayden well jayden is an interesting guy because he is the type of autistic that's like he's kind of like the way
Starting point is 01:17:19 that i was saying that that one girl was where she was like i don't she doesn't understand why people do things just out of like being polite she's like like almost before when I go oh I said the thing about oh someone noticed also I'm like well that's a fact that proves my point why wouldn't I share that fact and people go because it's rude to tell someone that they've been talked about behind their back that makes people uncomfortable and I'd go well it should well would you rather not know it's a thing that happened and it supported my thesis so that was kind of autistic of me being like why are you offended it shouldn't offend you it's a fact and Jaden is like that he um he had this really interesting thing where he says that he doesn't understand like societal norms or like no you know
Starting point is 01:18:00 he's talking to this girl about going out on a date and she goes well you know you um when you sit down you could offer her water and he goes is there water on the table with a glass and she's like yeah probably and he's like well why wouldn't she pour it herself like if she does she is her arm working she's like probably but like it's just a nice thing to do and he's like okay it's a nice thing to do like i'll remember that but like he has to like he has to he doesn't know that it's a nice thing to do he doesn't understand why that's a nice thing to do like I'll remember that but like he has to like he has to he doesn't know that it's a nice thing to do he doesn't understand why that's a nice thing to do because he goes doesn't that take away her autonomy as a person that could do it herself so and he had the really interesting example he goes I don't use I don't do anything that doesn't serve a purpose and like has a reason for it he said I shake hands I shake hands not because you're supposed to shake hands,
Starting point is 01:18:46 but because there is a reason you shake hands. When you would shake with your right hand, your right hand would always have your hand on your sword back in the day. So if you shook with your right hand, you were disarmed. So it was a friendly greeting that said, I'm not going to hurt you. Hello. It's a way to tell someone, I'm your friend. I'm not going to hurt you. Hello. It's a way to tell someone, I'm your friend. I'm not going to hurt you.
Starting point is 01:19:06 A shaking hand without a reason behind it doesn't make any sense. Just shaking hands, why would that mean I'm not going to hurt you if it doesn't attach the meaning to the sword? And so that's why he shakes hands is because, oh, there's this meaning attached to it. And I think that for your boots, I felt the same way of like, why would you have hiking boots if you shan't hike agreed and shan't i use that wrong but i wanted to speak and jayden speak look i shan't in the bottom for sure um i shan't help it you know shantner i'm gonna william shantner but yeah so i bought these boots and i haven't worn them once and i i honestly might never wait why was it because i said that no no i just realized with anything it just doesn't really make sense to wear hiking boots just to hike myself on stage for
Starting point is 01:19:52 dude i said this to you and you got really defensive but you said they looked cool and i go okay well then there's well i thought they were enough of a regular boot to counteract the hike but i've since realized they're too hike. They're too hikey. Why didn't you just buy the same boot that Wallen has? I couldn't. He has cowboy boots, which I couldn't go full cowboy boot either. Gotcha. Okay, so those are your least favorite
Starting point is 01:20:16 boots? Yeah, anything that you buy and you've never worn once because you automatically regret it. Okay. Noah, least favorite shoe? I think the clog has to do it for me as a least favorite shoe. The wooden one? The wooden shoe? Yeah, like with a wooden bottom.
Starting point is 01:20:33 It just, I feel like a robot when I walk in them. And one time the bottom of a clog like cut my ankle because the shoe is so like rigid that I bumped it into my ankle and I had a deep cut and I just can't get over it. Wait, you wore clogs in real life? Yeah. Okay, even then.
Starting point is 01:20:54 But clogs are so comfy. Like Birkenstock clogs? No. I used to wear those. Those were so cool to wear. No, like the Swedish clogs. Oh, like straight up wooden clogs. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:04 Why were you wearing wooden clogs though i'm just even as a kid i think maybe it was fashionable they were in style like in the 90s and i got a pair of clogs okay that makes sense um i'm gonna go with my least favorite shoe is any one that has a pointy toe but you still wear them um because every fucking shoe has a pointy goddamn toe but the ones that are really really, and the ones especially a strappy sandal, that the last strap on the toe box, right? The last strap is like two inches long. Who the fuck's foot?
Starting point is 01:21:37 Your foot is supposed to be straight across. Can we look at the history of like- It truly is trying to make you have smaller feet so you're like a smaller – I don't know the – It turns you into a bird, a bird claw. It's like bound feet in ancient China. It's getting back to that of like women need to be disabled almost. So who is this for? I don't know, but women love having like a pointy toe.
Starting point is 01:22:02 My feet are pointed and they are in the shape of a shoe and it bothers me. And so I blame like, you know, my severe foot pain on these damn pointy shoes, stilettos. But really, it's any shoe that especially a very high heel. I'll show you my least favorite shoe. Let me just go grab it. I mean, it's a... Guys, I was buying sneakers recently. You get a wide sneaker. Like, that's what they offer. A wide shoe. No one gives a shit.
Starting point is 01:22:32 I'm going to get wide bunions. My feet are going to get too wide. Yeah. It's wild. It's wild. These shoes can suck my dick, really. Okay. These.
Starting point is 01:22:40 Yeah, that's insane. It's a basic black stiletto. When you're having... Yeah, it's like probably a one, two... It's probably inch heel let me see this black stiletto can i try it on please these will fit you too i just want to see what it feels like to be oh my god this is so satisfying this is well my Andrew gave me a foot rub this weekend Noah Noah. I offered him $100 to do it. It was so good. I'm not kidding you. Your boy's got skills.
Starting point is 01:23:09 This is ridiculous. Thank you. Do that one too, dude. Do them both. Okay. That one's in. Dude, stand. Stand.
Starting point is 01:23:24 Because all your weight goes to your foot so it shoves it even further down. I mean, dude, stand. Stand. Because all your weight goes to your foot, so it shoves it even further down. Now walk a couple steps. Oh, you look so pretty. I mean, they do look amazing. If you had shorts on, you would see how fucking good they make your legs look.
Starting point is 01:23:38 Yeah. Like, look at me. Let's look at you. Oh, my God. This is hilarious. Hold on. Come over here. I want to see what they... Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:23:46 I mean, I'm sure my calves look great. I mean, they look so good, Andrew. I mean... Wait, hold on. Come here. Oh, my pinky toe is already hurting. Wait, look at me. Turn around.
Starting point is 01:23:55 I mean, that looks so good. I got to be honest. My pinky toe is throbbing. Throbbing. You've been wearing them for less than 30 seconds, dude. Yeah, they're awful. So a high heel. So why not make this shoe?
Starting point is 01:24:11 Because it doesn't look cute with a toe box that's just square. That's what I'm saying. They don't look as cute. Noah, don't you agree? No, but you could have a point, right? So let's make this wider, and you could still have a point, but it has nothing to do. Because then the point is going to come out so –
Starting point is 01:24:24 if you make it wide so that your whole foot fits in and then you point it so that there's nothing have a point, but it has nothing to do. Because then the point is going to come out so, if you make it wide so that your whole foot fits in and then you point it so that there's nothing in the point, then you just have like a really, then you're going to look like you're wearing size 15 shoes and you're going to look like Shaq. Or it's going to be too wide with a short point, which will look ridiculous too. And your foot will slide into that point
Starting point is 01:24:42 unless there's like something stopping it, in which case your foot will just slam into it because when you're in a heel, it's like your foot's slide into that point unless there's like something stopping it, in which case your foot will just slam into it. Because when you're in a heel, it's like your foot's going down a slide and gravity is sending your whole body towards the foot. It's awful. So this is why you like when I... One night of those shoes would make your foot have bunions. One night.
Starting point is 01:24:57 It doesn't take like, you know, years. It was one time I wore shoes like that and I got bunions. I love it too. They like put this thing in there like, oh yeah, your feet will just fit perfectly in there. Oh, the little Dr. Scholl's pads. Some girl sent me a foot spray to numb my feet before I wear them on stage. Just numb your foot. And I go, thank you for this.
Starting point is 01:25:15 And I know a lot of women do that. But I don't want to numb. When you numb it, the pain is still taking place. The disfigurement, it's not even a band-aid. I felt sexy though. I'm not gonna lie like your feet look awesome final thought favorite shoes um favorite shoes i i would have to say are either these guys or the air cortez which i copy those guys are what nike? Nike. Air Cortez. They're just very comfortable.
Starting point is 01:25:46 I don't know. I like them. They're clean. And then when they get dirty, I like a shoe that even if it gets dirty, it still looks cool. Okay. Oh, yeah. Those one shoes with the stars on them that everyone was buying for like $600 a couple years ago that come dirty. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Starting point is 01:26:01 Oh, yeah. Those were wild. I mean, there's literally... I would say there's literally they would sell them at Saks and they were like $600 and they looked like they were found in a dumpster there's maybe 400 companies that sell a white sneaker
Starting point is 01:26:14 I have a great idea mom I want you to invest $600,000 into my company because I want to make like a white sneaker that's like really white I don't understand what motivates people to make products that already exist. Like when people go, I have a new CBD line.
Starting point is 01:26:30 I'm like, what do you think you're bringing to the CBD market besides a label and a different name that isn't already out? I just don't get it. It's wild. People's entrepreneurial spirit is truly, for things that already exist,
Starting point is 01:26:44 blows my mind. And maybe it works i don't know my favorite oh no what's your favorite shoe uh actually i just bought the most expensive pair of sneakers i've ever bought in my life uh from brooks and it was good i actually and i went to an actual shoe store where the the saleswoman understood uh you know arches and all that stuff and i and i i bought this brooks sneaker the brooks ariel which i didn't i thought brooks was like an old people's line yes but it's i i love it i feel like i'm walking on a cloud um yeah i mean i think that's this is totally an old person's podcast because we're listing shoes that are like. I literally bought new balances earlier this morning.
Starting point is 01:27:28 Oh, new balances. Did you steal mine? No, I got it from Jack Harlow. Oh, who's Jack Harlow? He's the white rapper. I think I showed you him. Oh, yeah, you did. Okay.
Starting point is 01:27:37 Yeah, I just bought some new balances that are so comfy. But I'm still my, I've actually actually i had severe foot pain this uh this weekend and um on the plane my foot would swell from all the damage from wearing not all my boots now are very uh you know uh one and a half inches nothing you know or one inch not all these boots i'm wearing on stage now much more comfortable than what i was doing but still extreme pain from just being on my feet all night. And then I would wear these New Balances, and they would start throbbing the next day in these comfortable shoes. I had to kick them off on the plane last night because they would swell. I am carving out a part of my day today to go get a foot rub, or I truly need one from you again.
Starting point is 01:28:21 I'm not joking you. It was the best thing. It feels wrong. Can you give me a foot rub once in a while like that? Yeah, I can. Just stop talking about my eating. Behind your back. Or in front.
Starting point is 01:28:36 It's hard to tell where your back starts and begins because of all the eating. JK, you're perfect. You did puff out your stomach this weekend. It was so funny. You stood on top of it. It was like you're on you did puff out your stomach this weekend it was so funny you stood on top of it it was like you're on Mount Rushmore you never said what your favorite shoe is my favorite shoe is definitely the Ultra A-L-T-R-A Ultra
Starting point is 01:28:53 it's for women with like bunion feet and it has wide toe box and it's not even for women just with bunion feet but it's like it's a running shoe that's for runners and it has a wide toe box you will not because Nike shoes also have the point going on can i ask you a question i can't buy regular running shoes because if you wore your outfit your hot outfit right this weekend and one night wear your new balances on stage just try it and just see how you feel the shoes are
Starting point is 01:29:21 part of the outfit dude like it just is like no is. No, but I know. But I'm saying, why not? You like going against the grain. You said you like those toe shoes because everyone hates them. No, I'm saying I like saying I like them. I don't actually like them. I like an outfit to look good. That's the problem is these shoes look good. You know, pointed toe shoes, there's a reason.
Starting point is 01:29:41 We have been conditioned to think that women with tiny pointy feet are hot i don't know what it is but it just you know women used we never used to care about women being hairless and then all of a sudden it became the norm and now women with hair it's like it hair on your legs it's like a masculine thing when in norm it didn't used to be that way it's like i'm just conditioned by society to think that shoes like that look cute that's what i'm saying so weird i don't understand it i'm just starting to like kind of get a good grasp on it but sometimes i'm like why does that look good tucked in and that doesn't like why that belt and not like sometimes i feel so confused of why something works and something doesn't and i've learned from my stylist enough of like well you
Starting point is 01:30:22 don't that's a little matchy matchy they say a they say a lot. Oh, matchy-matchy? Like, you would think that it's matching. It's too much match? Yeah, like you can't match too much. Like, sometimes I'll wear like a black skirt with like a,
Starting point is 01:30:35 like I'll have white boots on, but you don't want to put on another thing that's like, you either want to do all white or you want to do white boots and then like not another white piece because it'll be matchy matchy um like a black skirt and a white top with white boots too matchy matchy but if you do white boots
Starting point is 01:30:50 with black and then another color shirt that is not matchy matchy but you it's like it's but but if you do a white boot but if you do a white long boot that goes up to your like a knee high that is so much white you don't want to match it with any other white unless it's like white earrings but not a white shirt and white earrings that's too matchy-matchy i don't know what i'm talking about but i do feel like instagram has given me a better sense of style just from observing other women and i think that i'm just starting to embrace style i counted my number of taylor swift shirts yesterday or a couple days ago before i left town i think that for the rest of the podcast i'm going to see how many days i can wear a taylor different taylor swift shirt in a row i wouldn't see how many how long i can go
Starting point is 01:31:35 let's just see this is day one everyone i got a question day one is there a woman's shoe that could still look sexy i know we were kind of talking about it but has there been like a woman's shoe that could still look sexy i know we were kind of talking about it but has there been like a woman designer that has just leaned into comfortableness cala shoes are for women what's it called cala c-a-l-l but it's out of the uk and they're on tiktok and they show women with like severely bunion feet putting their feet into shoes that are truly comfortable women's shoes that look really good. So I would love to get – Have you tried it? No, because they're in the UK, and it's always like –
Starting point is 01:32:08 I just don't care about shoes that much to do it. No, but I care about your feet because, one, I have to rub them. Two – Man, I love having feet that are – like the way that you made my feet feel. Like, honestly, you brought me a lot more pleasure than most, like, sexual experiences in my life. Not all, but like foot rubs to me over – I got strong. I have nubby hands, I think. you brought me a lot of more pleasure than most like sexual experiences in my life not all but like foot rubs to me over nubby hands i think it's not sexual but it's like it's such good pain that
Starting point is 01:32:32 it's so freaking good yeah i don't think you've ever been a better friend than the two minutes after the rub to me like i just felt a vibe where we were just connected as friendship thank you so much it's all I've ever wanted. My feet are like seriously tingling right now. Like they're almost getting wet. Even thinking about being rubbed. I'm not joking you. My dick is inside my body. I'm getting like blue balls on my feet
Starting point is 01:32:54 where it's like, I don't think he can rub them. And you thought he was going to. Like my feet got excited. Fuck. Okay, we gotta go. Thank you for listening to the podcast. See you tomorrow on the show. Thank you so much to all the besties
Starting point is 01:33:04 that came out to the shows this weekend. We love you so much. We're going to read your notes on Fan Threx on Thursday. And don't be kidding. And Jack from that one song. What about the guy that you rip off his shoes? Oh, yeah, Jake. No, Jack Harlow.
Starting point is 01:33:19 Jack Harlow. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast.
Starting point is 01:33:40 Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports,
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Starting point is 01:34:55 But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app,
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