The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #115 Add It To The Bunch w/ Kerstin!

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

Between you and Nikki, she loves having her BFF over but Luigi the dog not so much. Also, extremely painful foot massages are the bomb. Kerstin joins Nikki and Andrew and we learn about Nikki's HS locker and what they would all spend $100k on. You Heard It Here First, bicep bracelets are back, the gayest thing that Nikki has ever done and Oprah drops some truth on friendships. They wrap up the show with Besties who came thru with some incredible Collection of Couhls. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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In the bio, you get it I just posted a video Last night, or I guess a Picture last night on Nikki Glaser Pod Which a lot of people are like, it's private And I'm like, yeah, you're damn right it is Oh, I think I covered this yesterday But I posted a picture yesterday of Andrew rubbing my feet last night um me Kirsten and Andrew were

all hanging out um late night last night Kirsten is in town again staying with me uh to participate in this thing where I have cameras following my life or whatever I don't know what's going on. And apparently it got out that I'm hinting at something. And then they're rushing the announcement because people are talking. And I'm like, good. At first I was like, are they going to take it away? I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do it. I left out before. I was like, what are they going to do? Take it away? And they're like, we might. No, they're not. But it's so Kirsten's back in town.

And we hung out last night and she rubbed me. We got foot massages yesterday. We're so good in St. Louis. But they weren't long enough. They're only a half hour. And I was like, can I pay you some extra for another? Let's get 15 more minutes on here. And they were like, we don't really deviate from what's on the menu. And I was like, fuck, because it was so good.

But luckily, I get a package notification yesterday at the end of the day. After I'm in, like, Kirsten goes to bed after we've, like, rubbed each other's feet. Andrew, by the way, rubbed my feet this weekend. And I think I talked about it. But I know Noah. I offered him $bed each other's feet. Andrew, by the way, rubbed my feet this weekend. And I think I talked about it. But I know Noah, I offered him $100 to rub my feet in Atlanta. And Luigi's barking at Kirsten, I think. She's trying to take him for a walk. He has been like biting her and being such a little bastard to her.

He's no son of mine. I'll tell you that. Kirsten, is it okay? He's like attacking me. She said, one second. Are you serious? Jesus Christ. That was so, that was so funny. I went out there to just check on him. Seriously, like viciously attacking her. She's trying to take him for a walk. And he's like, and I walk out and he instantly stopped. He's like, my mom just saw me being a bitch to the babysitter. And that has happened to me before when I used to babysit for these kids.

One time the mom overheard the daughter being a little rude to me. Like she didn't realize her mom was in the next room. And the mom came in and was like, is that the way you talk to her? And she was like, um, and the mom like goes, get in here and like shoot her daughter out around the corner. And then she came back and was like nice to me until her mom left again. But that was exact like Luigi. It's just so sad to see. I just don't understand why dogs can't understand like when there's someone i love and i'm hugging them and i'm all wrapped up in them and they witness that like why maybe

he's jealous he's jealous of your friendship shit oh whoa no yeah when this lady comes to town my mom's attention gets taken away honestly he gets more attention because we i like she makes me see parts of him that i'm like oh he is so cute and i like dote on him so much more i you may be right though it's just it's it's probably he just is jealous of her and you know we're talking about jealousy a lot on the show today uh we already recorded the pod i'm not gonna lie to you guys kirsten um is on the pod later andrew is also gonna be here we know that but um he had to go pick up his lady at the airport so we had to uh tape the first part early um what i was saying before about getting my foot rubbed by andrew it's so good noah like i thought the photo was so funny that um that you posted on our Instagram where he had a blanket over his lap.

Usually they put the blanket on the person receiving the massage. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Well, I will say that he already had the blanket on his lap. He was a cold little boy last night for some reason. Yeah, and he's wearing a jacket? I don't understand it. I think he just got a new jacket and like wanted to like wear it around and like show it off

but he what we were watching love on the spectrum he got a blanket to like sit with and then afterwards we were kind of like just talking and hanging out and i just kirsten was rubbing my foot she's very gentle and like oh the bones are like she's just like gentle and like she pulled my toe a little bit and she felt it kind of go like like not crack but like the bunion like the cartilage i guess made some kind of like you know a little like noise and she was just like i can't i can't oh my god and i just was i just went over and i plopped up my foot on andrew's lap and i go please just a little bit and um he just he gets his knuckles in there and he just does the scraping motion on my foot and it is so good and he he goes why do i like this because he was doing things

that were making me like literally like squirm and go like like i was like flipping out i because i love i love the pain i don't know what's wrong with me, Noah. When I went to go get a foot massage yesterday, I told these women, they were like, you know, I was like, I have bunions and they're like, when you walk out of here, we want your feet to feel so good and I'm like, I gotta stop you right there. I want them to feel bad.

Like I want to be in, I don't, if you were to heal my bunions, I would be sad. Pleasure and pain are the same parts of the brain. Yes. Yes, they are. Love and hate is the same thing. But that's interesting that pleasure and pain, they must really, I would like to do an MRI of my brain because I really do. There's, there's certain pains that I go, no, no, no. But these dull, kind of like achy and certainly like knots, like pressing on them and being like, you, get out of here, knot. Like, oh, man, I love it. And Andrew's just so good at it, Noah.

That's why he probably likes giving them to you because he's really good at it. Yeah, it's like my blowjob theory. If you tell someone they're good at something, they'll do it forever and they'll do it a lot and then they'll get good at it. That's why I tell girls they're good at blowjobs even if they're bad because we all want to do things we're good at. But Andrew seriously is good at it. I was trying last week when he was rubbing my feet. I was like, you know what? Like the best golfers are also really good massagers.

Like I was trying to just like get him to like believe. I mean like I think it really helps her swing like just catering to his desires but it's true like he really is he knows how to just get in there i think it's because he has aggression towards me so what i really want foot wise no one else can give me because no one hates me as much as he does but he was just getting in there and it was so good and um but he doesn't like to do it. I love to massage people. I swear to God, like if people liked the same foot massages that I liked, it's kind of like love language.

You know when you just like give your love language and some people are like, please, I don't want to be touched. I'm not. But you're like, but I want touch so I want to give it. Like I love – if Andrew wanted his feet rubbed, I would do it forever. And it just bothers me that no one in my life wants to rub my feet. It's always something I have to like beg for. I just want I want and I know I'm going to get DMs of like I would rub your feet. I just want someone I already know.

Like and I guess it's just if I end up with a person, I think it's a deal breaker for me, honestly, Noah, that if a guy or a woman that I end up with, who knows, doesn't like touching my feet or doesn't want to give me foot rubs. I don't think I can be with that person. Like I need it. And, um,

they need, they need it. And K E N E A D. Luckily though, as I was getting a little bit annoyed because andrew stopped rubbing my feet so quickly and i was just like i want more like it just wasn't enough i get a notification on my phone that i have a package in the basement and i go down to get my packages and it's gigantic from amazon i'm like what the fuck is this i didn't even remember ordering it

but i got myself a foot massager. I got myself an electronic one where you put your feet in it and it like massage them. I didn't buy one. I thought because I was so overwhelmed by the selection, there were too many choices and I was paralyzed. You know, the paralysis of choice. There's too many. So you just don't buy anything. That's often what I feel in bookstores. I'm like, I want everything. I need less choices. And on Amazon, there's literally thousands of these foot massagers, and they all have five-star reviews

from thousands of reviews. So it's like, what do I want? And so I just went eeny, meeny, miny, and then pretty much with my toes. And I just got one that, I don't even know why I chose it. They just weren't that expensive. So I go, okay, if I don't even know why I chose it. They just weren't that expensive. So I go, okay, if I don't like this $120 thing,

that's not like, it's not a small amount of money, but it's not a gigantic enough amount of money that I can't just like gift it to someone and then get a new one and just keep doing them until honestly I might, because there's no review sites that go, we've ranked ranked we've tried them all and ranked the best they just all the review sites go off of Amazon reviews and you

can't trust those all the time so maybe I'll just go through all of them and try them all and have an actual but no one wants the kind of foot massage I want I want to put my foot in a thing and then take it out and have it be like mangled. Like I stuck it in a fucking one of those. I don't know. What are the machines that a blender, maybe a blender or like that crumple cars, you know where they put a car in it and all of a sudden it's like, and it makes a compactor.

That's it. I want that kind of pressure on my feet. So we'll see how it goes. I'll let you know, but let's get into the show. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

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Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.

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Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast Is we got something for everybody Every type of musical ever We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements Some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers But we also love speaking to the people who were the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers. But we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations.

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We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please.

Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Andrew.

Good morning. Good morning. How, um... A new Taylor Swift shirt? You know it. I like that one. This one's one of my faves. It's, um, she wore it in something. Like, the person goes, she wore that and i'm like like

a different kind of this one no i think you pay nine grand for that because she might have wore if i could find something she wore i would i just want to i would love to feel what she i bet her panties are they going on your head no i don't want her panties no that's an that's invasive but i would take a shirt shirt that smelled like her or something. If I found my mom, my dad's cousin had cigarette butts of John Lennon's. Whoa. That they snuck into the hotel and stole his cigarette butts. And I always thought that was really cool.

They were in a Ziploc bag and had his DNA on them, essentially. I would take something like that. Would you? Did they ever sell them? No. I don't think they're worth anything. I feel like they might be. Sorry. Are there any Swifties out there who have figured out what kind of perfume Taylor Swift wears?

Has there been like a breakdown? Oh, you know, she's so private about that. I mean, there's definitely like in the subreddits, there's like, what are products or what are things that Taylor loves? And it's like every like kind of food or whatever. But no, if I found out what fragrance she wore, I would buy it within a like it would just it would just buy. Apple Pay would just go, we know you want this and just buy it. It'd come from inside your body somehow. Yeah.

And the thing is, it wouldn't smell the same as it does on her. Like, not everything's going to translate, you know? It is weird that I like with some of these celebrity, like the cigarette butts thing. Like, if you could prove it, I don't know how you would prove it. That's the thing. You can't prove, unless you did a DNA test and contacted Yoko and was like, can we get some hair from a brush? You know, there's every, you leave leave behind i was reading some article last night

about having kids in um now that the world is kind of like ending and this woman the headline really got me it was in new york magazine and it was you know on instagram they'll post like a quote from the article and then they're like click through and you got to go to the link and then click the picture and then nine ads yeah yeah well it was a great piece that this woman wrote about being pregnant during the like found out she was pregnant in like january of 2020 gave birth while while they were like evacuating from the wildfires and there's a pandemic like the world was burning around them when they had this baby and her dad had said something like um let me let me look the quote, but what they were talking about was, I don't even know how this relates to Taylor Swift

or anything that we were just talking about. Wait, what were we just talking about? Because I had a point. It all related as I looked this up. Confirming that it comes from a celebrity, like the cigarette butts and stuff like that. Yeah, I mean, that's not helping me at all. I don't know where my mind is.

Oh, this was the quote. My father keeps talking about how crazy it's gonna be for Jude to learn. Jude is the name of her son. For Jude. Oh, there we go. Yeah, I'm sure that was it. My father keeps talking about how crazy it will be

for Jude to learn about the day he was born in a pandemic while evacuated for wildfires. And all I can think is how much I wish Jude might grow up in a world where the summer of 2020 sounds aberrational. I suspect he won't. So it's like these kids, I always say that too, like,

Oh my God, you had a baby during the pandemic. That's going to be crazy. That baby for the rest of his life is going to know, Oh my God, I was born during the craziest year. And it's like, or is that just going to be the new norm?

We keep talking about my special and how we're not going to shoot a lot of the audience. Cause they're probably going to be masked and we want it to like stand the test of time. And I'm like, well then we should probably show them in masks because that's going to be the way the world is. Yeah.

Potentially. I don't think masks are gonna go away well i think but what do i i literally don't know anything well i don't know from all my research i love that like yeah i read i saw a line somewhere yeah and uh i clicked on it once i didn't even look at it but like i think i know about it yeah um like i feel pretty deep about my science. You do know a lot about, you were kind of educating me on some COVID stuff because I really tapped out. Well, apparently it's going to be kind of treated as like,

we're not stopping it. We're not going to completely get rid of it, but it's going to be like a common cold, a terrible cold. But if you have the vaccine going to be like a common cold a terrible cold but if you have the vaccine it is like a very bad cold right and so that's eventually where we're going to get to got it yeah okay well i mean isn't that where we're at kind of but i mean people are still dying i mean it's just so interesting i can't i can't get away from the fact that like when performers used to perform with the flu they were like applauded for it like can you believe Taylor Swift had the flu like Kirsten even saw Taylor

at the reputation tour and she was like I want to be honest with you guys I'm not feeling great I feel like I have I'm coming down with something and everyone's like yes girl she did it and it's like now that would be like why wouldn't you protect us from that taylor and i mean i would be like taylor spit in my mouth i would love to get your coven i i won't be able to smell the fragrance that i i get yeah why don't you finally reveal it i think in history though i mean world war one world war two like people were born like in world war one like 30 million people got killed like and then just fit you know 20 years later whatever another 20 million got killed so you would

the first i didn't know about the the pandemic of 19 whatever 18 yeah yeah that's what i'm saying no no 1918 you mean the flu oh okay i thought you were like 1800 i'm like no no but my point is is that there were probably people in that time saying, we're never going to get out of this. We're never going to. Yeah, so this will probably get forgotten. And then something bad will happen again. It'll get forgotten because the world is on its way out, y'all.

Humanity is on its way out. The Earth will still be around. I mean, how many years do you think we got left here? I think 50 to 100 for humanity. Truly. I mean the climate change is getting so scary i've accepted it a lot like yeah i have to accept anything else i can't change it um but oh i know what i was talking about this woman was saying that for her to have a baby um the amount of uh carbon emissions that you consume being a human. Like when you bring a person into this planet,

when you have a baby, you're putting the planet, like you're taxing its resources. Like that's just what you're doing. And she said, even being a vegetarian for 25 years, that will be counteracted. All the good I did by not consuming livestock that put whatever my carbon footprint.

From one baby? From my baby in one year. My baby being alive for one year will undo all the good I did in 20 years of being a vegetarian. And it's just interesting. What I was saying was, oh, I know where it connects,

is that every single person consumes so much trash and puts so much waste into the world and puts theirna all over it that like you know for me if i found a fork that taylor swift used at a restaurant i would be like oh my god she touched this fork but like she touches thousands of things every day like she it's ever things are everywhere that celebrities have touched like i guess what i'm saying is like it's not that john lennon probably smoked like a hundred thousand cigarettes in his lifetime and so it sounds pretty cool that my aunt has one but it's actually one of the most common things of john

lennon's ever was would there be anything of any celebrities that you would keep if it was like something either you couldn't wear not something you use, it would just be a keepsake. Do you have any things that you keep that aren't on display or just like it's cool that I have this? Yeah. Like what? My mom, we went to a Blackhawks hockey game when I was a kid, and we were sitting by the bench, and my mother goes,

my sons, we didn't even like hockey at the time really. I like how you just called her your mother. Yes, my dear mother. My dear mother Robin. Do you call her mother, generally? Only in bed. I feel like you, the more you get nostalgic about your mom, it turns into mother. You were never like,

mother, I want to go to the hockey game. That feels very psycho-ish, doesn't it? I used to have a joke that says, if you call your mom mother, I'm so go to the hockey game. That feels very psycho-ish, doesn't it? Yeah, if you call, I used to have a joke that says, Mother! If you call your mom mother, I'm so sorry about your childhood. Oh, so mama. Mama.

My mama, she took us to the hockey game. Yeah. And, uh, Oh, we gotta do that segment. So, no, so she took us to the hockey game. She goes, hey, my sons are in hockey. They gave us two broken sticks by Chris Chelios and Steve Larmer. And if you know anything about hockey, these are like big deal sticks.

Yeah. And they gave us three hockey pucks. Cool. So that was like a cool. Do you still have them? I don't know where they are. We literally were playing with the sticks in the front yard that week. Like we got home and we were using them.

So then they got even more damaged. Yeah. Yeah. The DNA was more damaged. Yeah, yeah. And like the DNA was wiped off. Like most kids would put that, like if you liked how, you would frame that shit. Yeah, but you used it. But I think you should use it in a way. I agree. I don't think that, you know, everything has to go someday.

You're not going to be able to take anything with you to the afterlife. So like this idea of even money. Like when people just save money and you're like, you're 80. You have millions of dollars. You couldn't spend all of this money if you wanted to. Live a little. Stop being so frugal. You're going to-

Or give it to your kids now, dad. Don't wait. Don't wait till the end, daddy, father. A windfall of money. What would be the first thing you bought? And I know you're like, oh, I'd get out of this apartment and go to my own place to get away from you. No, I could do that without that. So why don't you?

I'm trying. The markets. I wouldn't even buy. I don't even want to buy anything. I just like having the freedom. I'd get fancier sushi rolls. I really don't. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it maybe give me a little bit more freedom yourself with sushi rolls um because you

don't have the money for them like do you really look at a thing and you go no i mean that was kind of sarcastic but like i but i'm actually being serious yeah no i'm i know i'm thinking like i i really have everything I kind of want. Yeah. I think it might – What if I forced you to spend $100,000 today? What would you buy? Like you have to spend it today. Noah, you too.

You have $100,000. You've got to spend it today. And you have to spend it on something for yourself. You can't donate it. $100,000 would be tough. I'd probably get some new clubs again, that's only like okay so that's 2500 and then a tesla a tesla i think that'd be fun okay what kind like a two-door just a fucking badass sweet yeah okay easy answer for me because i keep wishing that I'd have a hundred thousand dollars.

Uh, I would just do everything that the house that I live in needs. Like I'd hire a handyman and just say, go to town on this house. Here's a hundred thousand bucks. Yeah. Okay. And you, you don't,

nothing specific though. Like, is there anything you would like tell him? Like start here? Cause you only have a day to get all this done. Uh, yeah. I mean,

I don't know. Just like fill in the cracks fill in the crack what would you do give the charity i can't do that but i probably would but no charity i know like straight up in my rule you can't yeah i would oh god um you can't give it to anyone else um you have to buy something tangible. It's hard. It's so hard. I don't want anything.

I would probably buy a super nice car just to be like, okay, boom, that's done with. I just need – that tells me what kind of car I'm supposed to get. I need to spend it all. So I'll just – I mean what car is $100,000? Yeah, I know. What else is expensive other than a car that's – A house. You just buy a house, put down a down payment on a house, but then you got to pay for that mortgage and then you got to keep up the upkeep and then you got to pay for

the MOA or whatever. Maybe I'd get like a, you know what I get? I get an, I'd get a bird and then I would get someone to take care of that bird for like a year, like by myself, like a bird sitter that could come over when like is on call so that would cover the salary of someone who'd be on call to bird sit and hang out with my bird whenever i wanted what if i got a grill like a badass fucking like to cook out no mouth grill like diamond encrusted i think that actually is so your style yeah it'd be pretty dope let's get kirsten in here and see what she says. I bet she would buy a

kettlebell. But like a golden... Kirsten, yeah, I wonder what she would buy. Kirsten, pick up that mic and then put on those headphones and let's get to business, bitch.

She puts on headphones like you, it couldn't take you longer. I love that you do this. I love when Kirsten goes slow around you. Well, I mean, you do because you gotta get out of here. I don't go slow. No, you're just a delicate person.

I'm not getting mad about it. I'm commenting that I'm a fast, like, hey-paced bitch. Were you always faster than me? I don't know. I mean, I've always been like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Do you remember? Welcome to the show, Kirsten, my best friend since fourth grade. And she was on the show last week. She's back again. You don't remember Nikki being like, hey, grab my book bag for school and her being very quick? I mean, come on.

You can just tell the truth here. I do. I remember more. I remember in high school you'd be like, God, I'm fucking late for third period. I would just zip things fast. The books were just like, didn't we share a locker? Yes. Wait, what? Don't even act like you don't remember.

You petitioned the school to change lockers because you were so disgusted by me. You did. You were like, I remember you talking to our other friends being like, I can't take Nikki's messiness anymore. She's just so out of control. Senior year, we shared a locker. See, she's acting like she didn't remember.

No, I didn't remember. You didn't? Time out. Why are you sharing a lock? Because there's a limited amount. Because in senior hallway, there was a limited amount. And we love sharing things. Yesterday, we went to a spa, and we were like, can we go to the bathroom?

And they were like, there's one over there, and then there's one. And we went in the same one, and they go, you don't need to do that. And we were like, but we like spending time together. We're two grown women just going in the same bathroom. So did you have to get your own lot? What was the messiness? Like loose papers? I imagine there was loose papers.

Maybe old Band-Aids. Right.? I imagine there was like loose papers. Maybe like old band-aids. Right. I mean, it was just loose papers. Hairbrushes. Yeah, hairbrushes. Gym clothes. No, when I would open my locker in high school, everything would fall out. Every time.

Then I'd push it back in and then it would fall out. Yeah. I was just really, I was going through a lot. You had ADD unmedicated and you couldn't pay attention to it thank you i never had school supplies ready and it wasn't because me neither my parents didn't buy me things my car was oh fuck i opened up the trunk and like uh you know how embarrassed do people get sometimes sometimes we have an uber driver that's just like that that is add and has a messy car and they shove all the mess in their trunk but then we have luggage and they

I always commiserate so much with someone whose trunk gets open before they want it to be open and we'll be back there and they scramble out of their car like wait wait wait and it's like because when you open that trunk it's like a looking inside their brain and it's like things aren't I remember in high school closing my trunk

not fully open because I had like an SUV so you could see everything, you know? Oh, right. Well, I showed Kirsten my back closet yesterday. I let her in. I mean, Nikki, you've seen this thing. It looks like an order. I go in there and I don't judge anything because whenever I'm in your room, it's because I have to, like, get in there.

And I know that you didn't give me, like, permission. So I walk in and I go, like, it's a judgment. I don't even remember. I almost, like, met a black blinky thing myself after I leave. Cause I'm like, I can't use this again against him in the court of podcast because he didn't permit me to be in there. I was, no, you invited me in, but I was literally,

I got to fix it up. I got to, I got to do something. I mean, there's a lot of my stuff in there, but it is, it's, what is the back closet? It's like our storage space. In addition to the sports space we have downstairs in the garage. But it's like a room where he just throws everything that he doesn't want to deal with. Like it's like the junk drawer of closets.

But it's a giant room, Noah. It's like a walk-in closet space. Yeah, I could really utilize that room a lot. It could be a yoga studio. I mean, it's like so big. It's filled with stuff. Yeah, Kirsten wanted to do that to our locker too. And I was like, there's not enough space.

Yeah. We almost opened a spa in our locker that year. I was like, we can do facials in the back. Wait, Kirsten, question. I give you $100,000 and you have to spend it today and it can't be on anyone but yourself. What are you going to buy? Oh, I would buy a full- A new locker.

I would buy several reformers. Oh, interesting. Where are you going to put them? I think like a Pilates dungeon, like a lair. I don't know. I would get a- But where? Do you have a place for it?

She's so smart. She's buying like a- A shed. A shed or like a hut or like a little space I could go to, like a hangout space. And would you train out of there and start a business? No, it's interesting because none of us thought about starting a business with this 100 grand. We're like, how can we get rid of it? You could start a business.

Maybe I'm going to drive Uber with my new Tesla. You don't know. That could be a little business I'm starting. Not with that dirty trunk. Don't open my Tesla trunk! Don't open my Tesla trunk! Farts down, farts down. Farts down, farts down. That's a great answer. What would you do?

I said I'd buy uh just a i would want to get rid of it well i would try to i would probably donate it get a reformer but i would i would get a um transformer i would get a um yeah i would get a transformer i would get a tesla or some kind of like really expensive car that could just get rid of it in one no no i said i'd get a bird and this put a bird sitter salary. That would always be at my beck and call. Caw, caw. Caw, caw. Beck and caw.

A birder. Yeah. Last night we had so much fun hanging out. Kirsten and I were talking about like she came to stay last week for like five days and then this week she's here for two days. And like we were talking yesterday of like she as a husband and a house and a life in Kansas City, but like there's a part of her that said it would be nice to just have two lives where it's like one life is like I live with my best friend because we like just we are. I love living with friends.

I like could. I mean, we probably it would be nicer if you had your own room because it would just probably end up being annoying for both of us. But like eventually it would be i love living with you like i love living with andrew and it's just sad to me that when you get married you just can't and we were talking about friendship and like you said that the only friends that you hang out with are ones that either your sister or like girls that aren't married well like on a casual basis it's totally different like hey what are you doing wednesday let's go like just walk i know but like let's do basis, it's totally different. Like, hey, what are you doing Wednesday? Let's go like just walk. I know, but

like let's do girls night. Everyone's going to get a sitter. We're going to all get dressed up. It's like it's nice to have casual friends. You can just like last night we stayed up talking till 11. Oh my God, that was so fun. When I thought it was going to end, Andrew, I thought you kept, you're always

the one that's like, guys, I just have to go to bed. I can't do this anymore. Well, you gave me a matcha tea at 4 o'clock, do you remember? We were watching Love on the Spectrum and then we were just talking. We were playing. We were stretching. We were rubbing each other's feet. There was bunion rubbing.

And it was just like, I went to bed being like, that is my ideal life. Like, I want to live with friends. That's why I want, ideally, I would live in a sort of not commune, but like I would want houses like around each other, not even on a block, but maybe a subdivision where we all get along with each other and have each other's like partners and stuff.

And then we fuck each other. No, we all like, I could stop by and like mass suicide, like David Koresh. Yeah. And then eventually we get bunk beds and we kill ourselves and drink some weed. Yeah, I thought about it when I was going to bed last night.

I was like, if I lived alone, like I really needed people to talk to yesterday. And like we talked a lot and it just felt like, oh, I would have just slept on that and that would have ate me up. And then in the morning, that anger would have went somewhere, probably towards the Starbucks person

or like towards something. Or just traffic on the way to the doctor. Yeah, traffic on the doctor. Oh, by the way, I'm dying. I forgot to tell you. I know. I wanted to talk about what your diagnosis was. But you're right.

Like if you're out there and you're a really lonely person and you live alone and like just open your mind to even if you're like in your late eight,, you're middle-aged or even older, open your mind to having roommates or, like, finding another lonely person and living with them because it's not the same as, like, being with a husband. You can have good boundaries. You don't always have to hang out with each other. But there's someone there when you need it.

That's why I love retirement homes are just... I can't fucking wait to just play canasta or whatever the fuck you do. Activities? With women and just cackle and be gossipy little... Play cards? It's like high school again. It's like college dorm.

Why do we have to wait? No, you don't have to wait too long. The new wave of these um communes across from our house they're building one it's called active adults it's 55 and up so you're getting people in their prime we're close will brunna be able to move in with him there if she's she stays on their 40 pounds like 45 more years to get to yeah you can get her as a special needs pet. Wait a second. Noah, do you feel like I feel that way? I'm not shaming marriage because it's great, but it is interesting that the only kind of socially acceptable way to live with someone

is either a retirement home situation, college dorms, college roommates. But after adulthood, the only kind of acceptable one and i understand that having roommates is acceptable but like the one that's like oh of course you're gonna do that is marriage and why does it have to be well there's also the connotation of like you're a failure if you're living with someone else past 30 yeah if you say i have a roommate there's just like yeah wait Noah, what do you think about all of this? You guys like, you just need to break the chains of like what other people think in regards to your living situation.

But I want more people to feel this way too. And I feel like I can make the change, but other people are very like chained up. Yeah. Look, I liked living with a roommate up until a certain point. I like living with my fiance. Fiance.

We have very good boundaries and we also, you know, like he'll travel and leave me and then I'll be like living alone or I'll have a friend over and stuff like that. Yes. It just depends what you work out with your partner. I'm a neat space. I love that Ariana Grande has a song called NASA. And she's like, in a world, I'm a need space. I'm a need space.

And it's like, N-A-S-A. She needs space like NASA needs space. And it's about, you can miss me on the phone tonight. We don't have to see each other. And she's talking about when you get in a relationship, all of a sudden it's just like you're never apart yeah my parents were apart because my dad got covid and he had to go out to their cabin and they were apart for like a week and a half and they both like missed each other in a healthy way but nothing would ever get them apart like that unless it was covid and it's like why why can't we take breaks from each other without it being like but

we do we go on girl strips and i come i don't think most people do i think most people we do i just know like it or like it has to be like a bachelor party and then every guy's like they're all like pent up and doing something bad yeah they're like i need this bachelor party i gotta get away from my wife and kid like maybe like once every three months it's completely acceptable to take a week away from each other. Let's not even think about it. It's not because our relationship's bad. It's just a nice little breeze.

I mean, Andrew's girlfriend is in Chicago. And Kirsten, do you feel like when you go back home to your husband, there is that extra fire burning? Totally. Whenever we have time away, it makes that even more ignited but it makes me sad that when people but i miss i miss like being like like when i leave here i think you missed me yeah i did when

i left i think you unexpectedly like i don't expect it but i do think that you you made some comment to me like i was i was telling cory like i felt alive there or something and it's like i think not a lot of women get i think a lot of men and maybe i'm just doing this from what i observe of like my if my mom goes on a girl's trip my dad's like well i want to go on a trip like it always has to be even yeah yeah there's never like i think in a lot of relationships it has to be like well if you do this i'm gonna do this and it's and then if we both can't do it then neither of us do it and it's like just allow people in your life to have space from you and know that that's like a loving thing they're doing

for you and not like they want to get away from you like i think people take it so personally and then people feel trapped there'd be a different word than space i feel like space when someone says hey i need space that's like oh that's a precursor to I'm going to want to separate. You know what I mean? Like in the lexicon, we think like, oh, you want space? That's negative. Oh, you don't like me anymore. You don't want to be by me.

You're over me. I need a girl's trip. Well, then it's like, oh, so you're going to go out with your slut friends and suck dick? I know your friend Bridget. She's a fucking whore and she's going to want to go to bars and get drunk. I know what you do with her. She's changed. In which case, if you have a guy that talks to you like that or talks about your friends like that,

get rid of them. But like, I do know that there are a lot of husbands that get jealous about girls trips and there's a lot of wives that get jealous about guys trips. And don't even get me started on a guy wanting to go hang out with girls. I mean, that's another, like's another like girlfriends oh boy the idea of having same or opposite sex friends is completely fraught and i i'm guilty of it too of of being like my boyfriend shouldn't have like shouldn't love his girlfriends as much as like he says i love you to girls straight girls that are single and

pretty i don't like that like there's the only thing that makes me jealous about that is that she has a vagina there's nothing like if she if it was a boy i would go oh it's so sweet he says i love you to ron you know like yesterday but instead it's like why does he love her why does he have to say i love her it's like what because she has love her? Why does he have to say I love her? It's like, because she has a vagina, you'll get mad. Don't you trust him not to? You got to trust your partner, hopefully, that if they want to be with someone else, they would be. So trust that if they're with you. I remember my ex-boyfriend said that to me once when I was like, I don't know.

I haven't heard from you in like 24 hours. And I feel like you should just text me at least once a day. We were easing back into getting together and he goes if i don't want to be with you if i like don't want to be your boyfriend i'll let you know like because he could sense that i was just like you don't want to be with me you're just doing it to be nice or like yeah and he was just like i'll you'll know it's not going to be like a guessing game of like, does he like me or not? Like, trust me. And it just like took the edge off so much because I was just like, oh, yeah. Do I think he's like I'm tricking him into being with me? And the answer was kind of yes. And as soon as I was like, oh, he would leave me in a heartbeat if he wanted to.

Then I could relax. It's hard to hear that someone loves a friend if you're not getting the same the same or or or more for that matter it shouldn't feel as like like enthusiastic well yeah i get that that's a different story if you're not getting the love but if they're if they're just giving love to everybody sure no no no if they no. I'm saying they give you enough love, but you're getting threatened by the fact that they love a friend. And if you're jealous of your husband's girlfriend or your wife's boyfriend, and if you switch their gender and you go, would I have a problem with that? And the answer is no, then you've got a problem because the only reason is because of gender. If it's because they like them – I mean I would get jealous of a guy.

If my boyfriend didn't love me and was talking I love you to his guy friend, I would even get jealous of that. Not in a sexual way but just like – Yeah, an attention way. So I think it's like whenever I – I also say that to girlfriends who have like guys that they bring around one time i remember at the cellar um one of our friends brought around some like really idiot like some just dumb guy and i go next time you bring someone around the table if it's a guy why don't we run that through the same litmus test that we would bring a girl into this table because i'm very much more discerning about girls i bring into my groups my my hangs, than I am with guys.

Like guys were just like, she's dating this new guy and he kind of sucks, but like, let's let him in. Let him ruin the whole night for all of us. If you changed the gender of the guy and made it a girl, would you want to hang out with that girl with your girlfriends? And if the answer is no, then... Later. Later.

On to the news. On to the news. Apparently. You heard it here first. You heard it here news. Apparently. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, man. It's Wednesday.

You know what that means. It is Wednesday. It's Wednesday. Definitely Wednesday. Is it? Yes, it is. I hope you're having all the swells out there. Having a great week.

Yeah, sure. Are we in fall yet? Are we done? No, the 21st. Not really. Huh? Fall begins the 21st of September. So yes, we are definitely in fall.

We're falling. All right. Well, this first story, I think we all remember this, but bicep bracelets are making a strong comeback. I don't remember bicep bracelets. How do we feel about this? Yeah, you do. Oh, like the ones, like cuffs.

There was one with a snake, I remember. Getting a tattoo, like a barbed wire around your bicep. No, no, that's a tattoo, but like a bracelet. Like, girls would wear, like, gold bracelets around. That was, like, maybe early 2000s. Christina Aguilera. Here we go again. Jeannie in the bottle.

You know, low-rise jeans. Yeah. Early 2000s is coming back again what is going why do we keep repeating things there's only so much you can fucking do that's the case and and let's be honest a lot of 2000s um you know bell bottoms and like late 90s that was a repeat of the 70s yeah and so like it's there's not those lot back to what 70 like bellbottom oh yeah that's back so like 90s just had a renaissance yeah i come back stronger than a 90s trend um but then now it's 2000s we're getting into like i think it's on a 30 year cycle would you rock a bicep bracelet it's

it's a strong move i like any kind of accessory now if i liked it if i thought it was cute yeah i would do it that area fluctuates too much with me. It'll be one size one day and then the next day it's like... And you're jacked. You have muscles, so it would bend. Women know your biceps fluctuate based off your cycle and what you eat.

They can be real small one day and then one day they can be real thin. Why don't we go with a bracelet that's a little elastic then? Like a slap bracelet? No, why don't we go with a bracelet that's a little elastic then? Oh, like a slap bracelet? Yeah. No, those are 90s and they're not in anymore, Andrew. Kids were dying from those.

That was weird. From slap bracelets? Yeah, that's why they stopped making them. They were cutting their wrists because they were metal. Oh, my God. Yeah. That'd be so crazy if you were like my son committed suicide out of nowhere and he did it with a slap bracelet

it's like no mom it was an accident please don't put that oh wait Kirsten's putting this is like a tourniquet that's too tight hair tie you have too much skin in your upper arm no not you I'm saying people

how dare you say she has skin no no skin yeah no skin um i like it i like chokers i like um i like like girly like accessories i used to not want to stand out or take many fashion statements back when these kind of things were going on i wanted to kind of disappear and so now i like really like my body and i don't mind fun accessories and people going oh what is that what does that say or like oh I like your I like kind of like having conversations about fashion

I used to think it was like you're trying to get attention and it's like yeah I am I'm trying to make some friends yeah I'm with you yeah anklets let's bring those back remember the ones that had little bells on them that would go like I kind of like those too. Anklets were so... Oh, toe rings?

I remember your sister and Becky Eaton had toe rings. They did. Of course they did. It's kind of weird to put a toe ring on. I don't know why. Extra. Or a guy wearing rings. She doesn't like anything other than

studs in her ears, lobes. Because it stretches them out and makes them like, oh. And they start like sagging. You know old ladies' lobes where it's just hanging on by that little thread? Like heavier earrings. All the good earrings, you're like, oh, these are cute. Put them on, it's like, it's just stretching. Yeah, they're like kettlebells on your ears.

How do you feel about guys with rings? I mean, are we, I get it. That new joke I've been doing has been killing about that. Oh, yeah. What was it again? It was. When you look at a guy, sometimes you look at a guy's hand to see if he's wearing a ring. And sometimes his hand is moving kind of fast because he's playing guitar or jerking off or whatever.

And so you can't tell which finger it's on. And you're like, wait a second, it's on his ring finger. And it's like, actually, I hope it is. I'd rather this guy be married than just a guy that wears a ring. Yeah. True that.

So, look for that in my next special. I think rings are cool, Yeah, what are you married to if you're wearing four rings of a guy?

I feel like I could do my whole special by just quote it, piecing together, oh, I have a joke about that on this. And then it would just be

all my specials. Like, I could just do it that way oh yeah have a mismatch yeah just each podcast clip of me like I have a joke about this blah blah blah you know someone please document them because I'm not keeping track

like when you talk about guys wearing necklaces oh yeah that's a fun one where they hypnotize you where it dangles above your head and it's his grandfather's I don't mind guys wearing jewelry now I don't mind a ring okay how about this you go to have sex with a guy Oh, where it dangles above your head. And it's his grandfather's? True. Thanks. I don't mind guys wearing jewelry now. I don't mind a ring.

Okay, how about this? You go to have sex with a guy. Would you want him to take his rings off before having sex? No, I always, when I was with someone who had rings, I was like, leave them on. Let's make those fingers even chunkier. Wouldn't you be worried you would slap them? And I like lick it off the ring like i would know the rings stay on and i would want to be like i'll get it off like

i'm kind of gross but you don't want the ring inside you no it's not gonna come off and add it to the bunch the new button add it to the button what do you got a whole jared's in that vagina yeah it's a lost and found yeah i i'm you i sound like a jewelry box when I'm on a treadmill. Yeah. It's a rock tumbler in my uterus. A lot of carrots in there. Yeah. No, I don't mind a ring and I don't mind them leaving it on because I just like, I think

it's kind of like, I think it's, you know, I think things are funny. Yeah. And like doing things with like, calm is funny or like your own. Like I like licking guys' fingers after. Do you ever do that? I don't. You don't have to answer that. You're a professional. No.

Yeah, yeah. That's it. It's a N-A. It's just like you deal with like dirty rings like your locker in high school. And she's like, yeah, I don't. She's like, I don't want any part of that. So that's why you had all those rings in our locker? No.

And I make it up for the last time. I was a prude in high school. True that. True that. Next story. Megan Trainor. Oh, I know about this. They have toilets next to each other.

Yeah, it's a lot. I think she and her husband. Yeah, her and her husband have toilets next to each other. Why? Which was an SNL fake commercial. Yeah. I mean, so she wanted, they were having kids.

They had kids, so they don't have a lot of time. They pee next to each other a lot. They only poop next to each other twice. You can't just wait 30 seconds. Like, what? There's something about that being. I mean, you just said that we go to the bathroom together. That's true.

Well, but you're in there. I sometimes do. I'm talking to someone I'm hooking up with and i go pee and like he just doesn't want any part of seeing that or hearing that and i'm sometimes like i just want to keep the story going while pete like i don't mind the scent i don't mind i think maybe guys associate sitting down with taking a poop so then maybe it messes with their head that way no i don't i think that's a weird thing to do but you know what great that she's in a relationship with someone who feels this has the same kind of boundaries as she does when it comes to that.

Like, I kind of like couples that just agree like, yeah, farting in front of each other does not make us less attracted. Whereas some people are like, God, I would love to fart in front of my boyfriend or girlfriend. And then the other person is like, don't do that. And so you have to like hold in your farts all the time. I mean, I know some couples that are like from uh my own perspective or anything i don't have personal experience with holding in my farts till it burns and i have to walk outside and pretend i'm walking the dog that we don't have oh my god wait do you think though that there should

be some things left off? Yes. Yeah. But that's to each their own. I'm just saying everyone has different boundaries, and they seem to have coincide with the same ones. You and Brenna now fart in front of each other. Yeah. Well, I fart many more times in front. She's done it once. One for every 75 of mine.

Yeah. But I thought it was adorable. I really did. I thought it would, in the past, I would think it would turn me off yeah be like what no way girls don't fart girls never shit and now it's like let's keep going let's let's keep this train going oh no what's gonna happen next maybe shit on my i fart in front of you and you really were uncomfortable with it for a while and now i just let it go so much that it's like, I feel like it's now not so much like a, you used to like giggle so much when I would fart.

And I'd be like, I'm sorry, I'm farting. Like, that's a thing I do. It's just funny because like you see a girl and they're like, you're not dainty, but like you,

you have a girl face and then to hear it, it's like an opposite. Like, like it sounds like you have the lead singer Metallica in your asshole. But you look like, you know, Britney Spears. Yeah. Yeah. Fart Thrax.

Soundtrack. Yeah. Her theme song. It's just, I think, opposites. And, like, just see, like, they're very low. Like, all farts, you know. I don't know. I feel like Kirsten's farts are like.

Oh, my gosh. Kirsten used to, like, it says Charlie Puth. Yeah, yeah. Puth. Yeah, yeah. Puth. Kirsten used to be able to suck in air through her butt and then blow it out. She was so talented. Oh, you would put your legs up? No, she would put her butt up in the air like that.

Yeah, yeah. Kind of like, almost like child's pose and then up. Like her, she would be on the ground with her, like doggy style with her butt up in the air. Yeah, then I could like reach. You could still do it, bitch. I know you can. I don you can. Oh my God, this will be amazing.

I'd go like this. Yeah? I would kind of lock my elbows in and I'd go. But honestly, I tried to do it recently. I can't do it. Do you have to have your pants off to get the air in your butt or no? Can you get air? You can get air in your butt through.

Move. Don't bite me. As we all know from wearing masks. Can you move him so I can sit? Oh yeah. He is so mean to Kirsten lately. He's been biting her and snapping at her. I love the video I took last night of you.

I'm like, don't show that. There was a kid in our high school who put his legs, like his talent was sucking in air and farting. And he did it in front of a whole high school. And we were all dying. But he did it as a talent. And I was like, that's so fucking badass. It's crazy that the school were okay with it as a talent i was like that's so fucking badass we're like

we're okay with that yeah we called him he looked like beavis from beavis and butthead i never called him beavis like a butthole accordion like her yeah yeah yeah and he would just do you remember that was wait wait he would do it like on stage yeah he did it on stage he would hold a mic never this was, you wanted to, right? Not really. I was too scared. Was there a part of you that was so like jealous of people that could get up there? I'm projecting. I always just get up there.

Yeah, a little bit. But anytime I was in a play, I'd start shaking and it wasn't for me. I was way too nervous. How'd you get over that? I know you got the Sasquatch to play music with you while you delivered jokes, but how did you conquer being shaky because i i don't ever have an answer for how i did that either i don't really have an answer other than you know taking a class helped

i guess yeah taking a comedy class although it's not the real way to do stand-up no one said that andrew a lot of people say that no they don. I mean, I think you're putting that on it. I think comedy classes are a great way to break it. I agree. I think so. Yeah. A lot of people say, though, you've got to get out there in the real and you can't just hide in a classroom. Well, you do eventually, but you can start a comedy class. Of course.

Yeah. Of course. There's no wrong way. So that's what I did and it got me the training wheels on, I think. Yeah. Eventually they came off. The confidence. Do you remember the talent show in Kirkwood High School? What did you do? Did you do one? It got me the training wheels on, I think. Yeah. Eventually they came off. The confidence. Yeah. Do you remember the talent show in Kirkwood High School? What did you do? Did you do one?

Yeah. You don't remember? Junior year? Did you play guitar? I don't know. No. Annie Saraceno did. And Leslie Lammers and I.

And Annie Saraceno. And I think Emily Herster as well played guitar. What did you do? Indigo Girls? Yeah. We sang Indigo Girls. Least Complicated. And I didn't realize, and Anna Saraceno is now a very open lesbian woman.

And Leslie was kind of like hippier. I mean, she is not, she's straight, but like it's, you know, her and I are probably all the same. Whose idea was it to sing the song? I don't know. We just loved that song. And I didn't know it was like a very. And I bought you my things. We just loved that song. And I didn't know it was like a very... And I bought you my things. I bought you that ring because I

wanted you to stick it in my uterus and get it lost. I loved that. The hardest to learn was the least complicated. I don't know that. I was probably just watching it thinking there's no way. So how did it go? Oh, we fucking crushed it.

And I wish there was a video of it because my parents were in Paris at the time. Oh, you don't have video of this? Yeah, they couldn't see it. Maybe the other girls have video. I don't think they do. But it was so rewarding. And even though it was one of the gayest things I've ever done. And I don't know how people weren't like, Nikki just came out.

Like they all just. But it was so fucking fun. I should, I should play that again and learn it on guitar. Okay. Let's take a quick break and come back with why do I care? 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of how to money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How To Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your

net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast,

Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new

person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions. Limitless answers. Good people. What's up? It's Questo. Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever.

We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes, and we pave the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe,

and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.

I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my dog. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior.

He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why do I care? I have no idea.

Why do I care? God, she sounds so fun. Okay, Oprah Winfrey says she only has three close pals. I don't have a lot of friends, Oprah says. She only has three friends. It's funny because everyone claims lot of friends, Oprah says. She only has three friends. It's funny because everyone claims to be friends with Oprah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Gail King.

Uh-huh. Reese Witherspoon. No. Jennifer Aniston. No. Ellen. No. Stedman. No. Maya Angelou? No. She used to be friends with her. Tom Cruise? No. Is it someone I know? Yeah.

One of them you know. Can you give me some initials? MS? Martha Stewart? No. Mirasorvino. You're close. You'll get it.

I know who it is. Michael. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife. Who is? Maria Shriver. Yes. Yes. Really? They're friends? Maria Shriver. Yes. Yes. Really?

They're friends? And Bob Green. 42 years. 43 years they've been friends? 42 years. Yeah. She met Gail and Maria around the same time. It's been 42 years.

Oh, my God. Wow. I really love Oprah. She has a good quote. She goes, surround yourself with someone who is as happy for your happiness as you are for your happiness. You need friends that are happy in their own lives so that they can actually be authentically happy for you. Good. And doesn't Oprah need that?

Because how hard would it be to be Oprah's friend if you were at all insecure about your own life? Oh, yeah. I mean, you're always going to pale in comparison if you're comparing yourself to Oprah. And yeah, so she's obviously friends with very secure people. Oh, that's cool. I mean, I like that. I've always loved her and Gail's relationship.

And me and Hala call each other Oprah and Gail. I'm Gail and she's Oprah. I feel like Kirsten loves her job. And I think she is genuine. She runs on happy. Yeah. Kirsten's such a happy person and like only wants the best for me

and is it I have trouble with that like I'm not the best at if I'm I get jealous I'm getting way better at it but it's I used to get jealous of friends that would get boyfriends when I wanted one so bad or you know get

you know in the business get opportunities that I some stuff I didn't even want but I would just be like oh now that they have that they're gonna get other things that I might want and it's just like it's such an ugly place to be but you know I try so hard to not I mean mean, Kristen, do you ever get jealous of people? Yeah. Well, there's jealousy and then there's envy. There's a difference. I know.

And we never know the difference. I think envy is like you want that thing. Jealousy is you want the thing. And envy means you resent them for having a thing you want. I think envy has a connotation of. Envy is the bad one, right? Yeah. Well, then I don't do the bad one. I do the good i do the one i mean i let it what do you get jealous of i

try to let it motivate me that's why i don't go on instagram a lot because like i get kind of envious of like oh look at this friend who has like these cute kids and looks like everything's perfect and they're making cookies on a thursday morning I'm slaving away. But then I think about it. I assess it. I feel the feeling. And then I go, but I don't really want that. Yeah, you were showing me something on Instagram yesterday and you were like, look how perfect she is.

Look at her perfect little kids. And she's so in love and she's beautiful. I don't have that. And I was like, this sounds, posing at like a waterfall in the woods with a photographer that you have to like hike out there with and your kids you have to have that get the matching outfits and you have to clean off their feet because their feet get all dirty walking over to the waterfall and then

the kid doesn't breakfast that morning and they're like they you have all these like amazing poses where they're like you're a mommy by this waterfall and it's just like you didn't see all the bullshit around it and so like when i think about those things i think okay if someone were documenting my life like seeing me like laughing like with my client like having a moment of fun at work or just like hanging out with cory and here's my dog and then i would think okay i'd be probably jealous of my life i have gotten jealous of my own life before seriously i'm not'm not kidding you. I've gone back on Instagram. I should do that joke again. I am self-triggered. That's funny.

I used to go through my Instagram. Do you ever go through your feed to go like, what do people, when I used to be dating and like meeting someone new who didn't really know who I was and then I'm like, oh, they're probably going through my Instagram. I want to just see what they see because I don't even, you know, I post things and I don't ever look at what it looks like as a whole. And sometimes I'll go through

and be like oh my god like and i'll start to feel these feelings of jealousy over my own life because it's a lie yeah we trick ourselves into like i'll see myself in like a suit with like smiling and i'm like and i look really put together and i was like i was never sadder and more depressed than when that photo was taken and we lie to ourselves really. We're like, that was a great night. That was a great time. You know what I mean? Because then it's too sad to be like, I was sad there.

I was sad there. I was sad. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I think it is easy to be, yeah, you get jealous of people. But then you think about it. You're like, I don't really want that. I have to say, I don't really want that, how that looks.

I don't want that. I want just the way I'm going to make it. And I just know that so many people that I have been jealous of over the years and have either looked the way I want to look or – and especially look. I mean the women that I look at that I go, oh, my God, I would love to look like that. It takes so much time to – you have to work out all the time you have to eat a certain way they're really

they're dieting a lot of times they're just I don't ever wake up and go oh I have to go do this thing I don't want to do I don't have to go meet with a no offense to training like some people love it

but I used to get out of bed and go I have to go to like i had to go to the gym it was like i was a slave yeah but you make working out fun and and something you can work into your life approach when i have in the past and i think a lot of people approach working out this way or going to the gym it's like to do if you skip a day you feel like the worst person and then you can plummet into like it's either all or nothing. And it feels like a prison. And when I see these people with perfect bodies or perfect ass or like perfect wardrobe, like they're spending a lot of time doing all of that.

And I have extra time to do the things I love. So I just always try to think about – and I know a lot of those people are fucking miserable. It's interesting that kirsten's like i hate when i see a mom with two kids making cookies and then you're like i hate when i see a girl in a bikini on a beach like it's like interesting what we can get jealous about like i don't get jealous of like a supermodel because i know i know where i stand in this world of like my i always get jealous of supermodels and i always wonder why kirsten doesn't i go like after we are with saralina for a weekend i'll be like it was really hard like every it just is very hard for me to be around someone that every time they leave the room or

every time we get to talking about beauty it's like we would kill to be saralina oh my god she's oh my god look at like she's just the best like i know but saying that she makes me feel like a troll i know i get it but like what that to me i can't get over that here comes my person with autism brain i can't get over that because i why because i go it's well then there's there's a value judgment there if every girl that I'm with and every guy I've ever talked to goes, they're the most beautiful person I've ever met. Like, oh, I would kill to be with her. It's like then if you're with me or you look like me, then if you got to choose, you would rather look like her or you would rather be with her. And to me, it's like, well, then I don't want to be with someone that would always want someone better if they could get it.

The reason you're with me is because you couldn't get Sarah Lena. The reason you look like. No, they like you because you're not Sarah Lena because you have different characteristics, different personality. Like, I don't I don't think because they're with you. They can find Sarah. You can find someone gorgeous. There's obviously better looking than I mean, that would never end. Then you're going to set yourself up for failure all the time.

And Sarah Lena, by the way, it has the same insecurities that everyone has. Where you look at her and you hear her going like, girl, look at this girl that he's dating now. She's so, like, look at her hair. And I go, what are you talking, you are seriously the epitome of perfection. But then say that to yourself.

But I'm not. You guys all just said she's. I'm not Sarah Lena. We're also talking about a professional model who we're friends with. No, but I'm saying she has imperfections. She is a model. She has imperfections. I'll say Sarah Lena has like a beautiful personality that just goes. Yeah.

Like if she didn't have her personality, I really. If you want to see who we're talking about, it's Sarah Lena. C-E-R-E-L-I-N-A-N-Y-C. She's wonderful. She's just beautiful in and out. And I think it's her personality that really makes all of her beauty shine. Well, you can't see her personality when she's doing photo shoots.

But when she walks in the room, though. You're right. You actually can. You can tell her personality the way she walks in the room. It's like a playful... She's so fun. It makes her even more beautiful. I mean, let me just final thought on this chunk. And I just, I'm not trying to be like, I'm not pretty guys. Tell me I'm pretty.

I'm just saying that when you acknowledge, when I'm, I just feel weird when I am sitting, like there've been times where I like have a crush on someone and they meet Sarah Lena and then she gets up from the table and the guy is just like oh my god she's like the most beautiful woman i've ever seen in my life and it just and the person may or may not know i even have a crush on them but and they may not think that

would offend me because obviously she is but it it does it hurts my feelings because it's just i just don't think it's fair that like God, like that. And I just feel like, well, then you should be with her. Like you shouldn't, you should shoot for the stars. Like I don't ever want to be with someone that is less attractive than the most attractive I want. If I thought someone was a Sarah Lena, I would settle for nothing else lower than that. Like when I like a guy, they look like Sarah Lena to me. Do you know what I mean?

I get what you're saying. I'm never settling for like someone who like, oh can't have that they're a model i like i go for that if i want them and i'm not saying that and i know what you're saying is like nikki people like you because your personality and all these things that a lot of models don't have but when someone like sarah lena has the personality and is a model why would you ever go for me because she has different kind of issues there's different she's uh i mean if it's just based off of i think they go for me because they can't get her no i don't i think that's like i mean she looks different she looks extremely different than you if it's a guy that likes blonde and you know different guys like different looks but would

you ever date a guy that said uh that she was like was like they can't even speak around someone that you were sitting at a table like if I've had a crush on a guy before I remember the seller that like she came by and then she got up and they just like felt like the same thing that always happened in high school with my sister you and

you and Hala and Huffy whenever my sister would come in and be like Nikki can I borrow some jeans or like whatever she wouldn't borrow jeans because she was thinner than me and be like, Nikki, can I borrow some jeans? Or like whatever. She wouldn't borrow jeans because she was thinner than me. But she'd be like, Nikki, can I get my jeans back that you ruined or whatever? And then she would leave and shut the door. They would all fall on the ground and go, God, your scissors are so beautiful. Because we had like acne and we were awkward and insecure.

And we were high schoolers. That would never be the case today. No, you do it. Everyone. You guys all do it with Sarah Lena when we're on trips. You all, when she leaves the room, you god look at her ass it's perfect when i'm with someone when i'm with like brenna like that jordan guy came to the show and he and he's an attractive guy he's tall i'm like god he's tall and whatever and we like joke about how he has

these qualities these physical qualities that i don't have yeah and sure am i a little insecure about it but i feel like you can like talk about it and like not like get like jealous about it more joke about it right like i understand like my jealous my jokes are in are inside jealousy like sure i'd rather be taller and i'm not talking about but brenna is not saying jordan's the hottest guy she's ever seen. And then you're still like her. Would you still like a guy that said, wow, that person. Would you still like a girl that in front of you said about another guy that's the most attractive person that's ever lived? I think I could handle it.

I think I would laugh about it. I think I would be like, God, he is fucking, he is a beautiful man. But you know what? Talk to him for an hour and you're going to, well. I mean, this is my, like, you know what? Talk to him for an hour and you're going to, well, I mean, this is my like, you know, insecurities bubbling up and I will go back to what I said at the beginning,

which is if they wanted to be with them, they would, but that's where I go back to. Well, they can't because she's out of their league. So they have to settle for old glazed dog. And then I feel like, well,

I don't want to be with you if you're settling for me. I don't want to. What if the pilgrims didn't? I know. Psychologically, isn't it like evolution? They're going to give you credit for that joke. And that's my joke. to be with you if you're settling for me i don't want to what if the pilgrims didn't i know psychologically isn't it like evolution they're gonna give you credit for that joke and that's my joke by the way i didn't want to take it i said it don't give away that joke that's a good one wait i thought that's on your special i know but don't give away that one i gotta save something for the special we like naturally seek people on our level though. Like we do. We like that because it's familiar.

It's like, okay, I assess you have these traits that are attractive. I have these that are attractive, but we're both not tens. Right. But I, for some reason. You just said something on the podcast about this, about guys and girls. That we always go for like what we are and like, or like around what we are. If you're an eight, you'll go for an what we are and like or like around what we are if you're an eight you'll go for an eight or whatever aside from if you're like a man with money or fame you can get whatever you want but but it's true um i would just i think it goes back to my problem with like people put so much

value like moral value on looks and i'm talking about like whether you're good or bad, like looks equal good. The hottest person equals the best person. And I know that's not true. I know that there are models with garbage personalities that are like the most gorgeous women in the world, but they would suck to be around. They're not funny. They're not interesting. But I don't think – the men that I witness dating women, it's very – I think that men don't really need personality. And that's where I get mad.

It's like, okay, well, yeah, a guy might like me because I have a better personality than a model. But men don't actually care about personality as much. I think – When they really shouldn't. I think if we – Because it's the only thing that doesn't age. I do feel like guys care. I really do. I really do.

I mean, yeah, I want to fuck the hottest girl. I don't give a fuck what she, I don't care. Hopefully she doesn't talk. But if you want something real and something authentic, then you take out her vocal cords and make sure she doesn't talk. You know what i mean yeah you get an octopus witch to cast a spell on her all right final thought let's get to collection

of kiz getting ready for some kiz that's your voice getting ready for some kiss okay noah we have um our listeners sending kids and uh let's hear what what what let's hear the cuz and if you don't know you know means when you're trying to be cool for other people and it's doing something you wouldn't do if you were alone so that other people think your favorite part as a bestie this is my favorite part when i listen you guys so yay okay this one comes from Bree. Hi, Nikki Glaser podcast. My name's Bree. I wanted to submit my co moment. I was at a bar with my boyfriend and his friends. Somehow, a guy that I knew from high school knew one of my boyfriend's friends and was there with us. It seemed like he was trying to maybe show off in front of everybody

and we were talking about baseball and he said bro how bad was my rage in the dugout when we were playing baseball so anyways i like to add to cook and make it sound like I'm throwing up while I'm saying cuh. So in my brain, when he said that, I just went, oh my God, you're so cuh. Whoa, that was so good. Dude, that was so good. Dude, that is so good. That was the kiss thing I've ever heard.

Dude, first of all, let's break down this kid. That guy still wears his Letterman jacket, for sure. He had rage, and he's bragging about rage. That's already annoying. Number two, bro. He started with bro. Number three, he thought he was asking for validation. When he had the rage, you can tell he marked it like we're probably going to talk about this later and it's going to be it's going to be a good story it's going to make me look like i care about the game a lot

so i i bet when he threw his fucking baseball glove or whatever or hit a bat there was some part of him that was like i hope this gets brought up later when we go out to dinner and then it didn't. So he got a little bit drunk enough to get the courage to actually bring it up himself, which is so cute. Cut to that guy literally an hour later. He's going to be overly drunk. Oh, my God. He's going to be literally raging.

He's going to try to fight somebody who said that he probably wasn't that good at baseball in high school. I have a feeling this guy does not rage out. Still doesn't rage, you don't think? Because people that actually have rage issues are very ashamed of it, and I don't think this guy he wouldn't be bragging about his rage unless it was like he probably watched something where a

woman once said, like, I like a man who just, like, there's sexy when a guy loses his temper, and so he was probably thinking it, like, is cool. Or I bet he saw, like, there's sexy when a guy loses his temper. And so he was probably thinking it like is cool. I bet you his dad. Or I bet he saw like a clip of a baseball player like throwing their mitt and was like, wow, that looks cool.

Or someone was talking about it in a way that he thought it would look cool. But I'm guessing this guy doesn't rage. Noah, as someone with rage sometimes, do you think this guy has rage? I mean, it's definitely like the alcohol that contributes to it. Yes.

But I don't think, I think if you're bragging about your rage. Rage in high school, you're over your rage. In the dugout. It's just compensating for it. In the dugout. He was so cool to be in the dugout, not just like up in the stands. I mean, bringing up anything high school related is a little...

Oh, it was high school? Yeah. Oh, he was referencing in high school? Yeah. What he was like, oh my God. Like high school sports. I'm sorry. I didn't even know that.

It's like an Al Bundy four touchdowns in one game kind of thing. I bet you anything he got some attention for it back in the day and was trying to impress whatever girl was there. I bet Brie's cute. And even though she has a boyfriend, he was still trying to seem like macho yeah oh it's just so sad and okay can i play this one for mary yes okay hi there um i would like to report i was on a zoom call for school. I'm in a master's program. And we were sent into breakout rooms to do some group discussion.

And when I opened my breakout room with three other students. Getting ASMR vibes. One man was casually reading a book right in front of the camera that he was not reading before the normal class um but i guess he decided to pick it up while he was waiting for the breakout room to start which takes like two seconds and on the cover it just said psilocybin mushrooms and when everyone was finally in the room and we started talking he was like oh sorry I just

wanted to read a little bit nobody thinks you're fucking cool for reading a psilocybin mushroom on your two second break very clearly put it right in front of the camera yeah and no one reads

like with their book up in their face anyway thank you for giving me this word to describe a lot of things I see yeah girl yeah girl I love you guys love you too oh my god Mary like that's such a good one because pretty much anytime you

can see what someone's reading while while they're reading it, they're being cut. Because no one needs to read, like, their bell in Beauty and the Beast, walking through the, like, look, there she goes. Like, that's the only time you should read with your book up in your face. Well, it's better for your neck, actually. Okay. okay cervical pressure it's very like you know when you're on the subway in New York and it's like a guy has two stops and he picks up this book about like Latin

some word and like I used to have a joke that people that read books on the train I would just like watch them and they always just they do the thing where they are reading and then they go and I would just go fuck you we get it not only are you reading

but you're you're laughing at literature oh my god do you even own a TV like those people they just

they love I laugh a lot at when I was reading David Spade's book on my phone on the plane

I was cracking up so hard that I felt because I thought people might think I was trying to get attention because sometimes people do that even when they're watching shows. They just laugh a little too hard because you're like working out in the gym

and I'm listening to this and it's like It is funny when people yell listen to podcasts and they laugh and they try to hold it in. They go Yeah, but sometimes you do so I don't know when that's good. Yeah, but laughing at literature is very funny. It's cool, though, because he had the book

and he was dying for someone to go, wait, do you do mushrooms? Yes, exactly. Have you taken those? Wait, I thought those were illegal. Wait a minute. But can you imagine being on a Zoom call and reading a book so that it is up enough for the screen to see it

I mean that's insane that's like in Mr. Corman he was doing a zoom on a first date I know you stopped watching that show but well America did because it got cancelled

oh well I watched the last one and in the last one hold on but he's on this first date and she's like oh I see a guitar do you play guitar

and it's in the background and he was like oh man I didn't want to leave my guitar out but like it's like having like a guitar in the back oh i have guitars in the background of all my pictures and someone last night goes do you play guitar when we posted on our um on nikki glazer pod we post a picture of andrew rubbing my feet and someone goes nikki do you play guitar and i thought they were being like oh you showing off your guitars like they were saying like yeah you read it that way yeah you read it how you would have read it yeah yeah

i promise you i'm never being like i hope someone in the background sees my guitar because i am not a almost worse than laughing oh sorry go ahead go ahead well i just want to make sure that these books are these here to be cut oh these books are not here to be cut it's gary shanling's book which it's just like that's a good it's seinfeld either uh howard's it's jerry seinfeld's book kathy griffin's book and howard's turn it's Seinfeld. It's Jerry Seinfeld's book, Kathy Griffin's book, and Howard Stern. It's not trying to be good. These are just things I like. Just checking.

And I've never even read most of those books. That's good. They're just people I like. I love when people read books too on trains and instead of laughing, they get this look like they just learn something. Like, that's almost worse to me because it's like very subtle. It's like, I'm smarter. Like, I know more words.

Kirsten saw a dude watching porn at Starbucks. I'd rather that. Yeah. I mean, honestly, you're right. Someone just starts laughing or going like, huh. That's how you learn the reverse cowgirl kind that you tried. All right, let's get to the last kid. Legs like this.

You wrap them around them. Yeah. I told people about it, I think, in my alone time a couple days ago. This one's from Lindsey. Hey, Nikki. This is Lindsey in Arizona. Long-time listener. First-time caller.

I had a moment happen to me today that I thought I would share with you and get your input. So I was with a customer doing a site tour, walking around the building premises, and neither of us had our phones on us and needed to know what time it was. Another guy was walking toward us opposite direction. So the dude I was with said, Hey, Toby, do you happen to have the time? This Toby guy responds in military time. No. Like, who are you? You're so cool, dude. Oh, my God.

These kids are the best. For knowing military time? Oh, my God. I'm sorry, but read the room. This was not a military situation. I'm so confused. I don't know military time. So my question to you is,

was this a co-moment on his behalf or mine for not knowing military time? Maybe that's a normal thing. I just skipped. I don't know. Anyway, that's my story. Love the show. Thank you so much for the laughs.

Thank you, Lindsay. Bye. He probably talks about when he's far. He's like, yeah, we're about four clicks from the Walgreens. We're going to have to send in the alpha data team. Yeah, like what are we doing? Zero, 1400 hours in 37 minutes. Him giving some telemarketer

his last name. It's Delta Alpha Foxtrot. Squadron 3's Delta Alpha. The military time. You know who does that too? Doctors.

They live off military time. And you know who does that too? Doctors. You know what this reminds me of? They live off military time. Guess what? Like if you are, I can maybe understand someone listening and going like, well, that's what I know. You know, like that's just what I'm used to knowing. Tough luck.

You have to realize that other people don't live in that world. Like that's one of the coolest things you can do is like, abbreviate something. and when you're talking in a group like everyone fucking knows who it is like like if you do like last night my dad goes um yeah i mean i was accepted at ccm and i'm like no one knows what ccm is like you have to say cincinnati conservatory of music that's cute you know what it reminds me of? He didn't mean to. You know what I hate? What's very cute? When an American person says cheers at the end. I don't know why that really.

On an email signature, cheers. Well, that and impersonally. Oh, cheers. Cheers. I don't know. Really? That one bothers me for some reason. Because people are just searching for an identity so much.

But that's military time is searching for an identity. Clayton Champagne. His last name is Champagne. And he used to say, cheers. And identity. Clayton Champagne, his last name is Champagne and he used to say, cheers. And that, I didn't mind that because his name is Champagne.

That's a fun little thing. Yeah, that's fun. It's better than, have a good day. What? That seems like a good thing. People say cheers as a way of just being like,

Starbucks, thank you. Cheers. Versus saying, have a good day. I don't know, I like have a. Versus saying, have a good day. I don't know. I like have a good day. I like have a good day.

Have a good day. Okay, I will. Like it's weird how you have to like have a good day. Do you care about them having a good day? I will say that sometimes

if someone's rude to me, I'll go have a good one and they don't know that I mean death. So I'm not lying by being like, have a good one. And it't know that i mean uh death so i'm not lying by being like have a good one and it means like means i hope you die like and that's not real but like i'm not i can still get away with saying something positive without being a dick yeah cheers in my head i'm a dick cheers have a good day um no they say it though like like they say it like they read like

like it's it's all the same kind of person. It's like this identity thing that you're saying. You don't have to search that hard to have an identity. You're cool already. It's generally white people because we don't have any culture. Yeah. Cheers. And we are searching for one all the time.

And something that sets us apart from that we can be like this is my thing and it's just find something other than you're the guy that says cheers or you're a jackpot or something yeah like don't get jackpot fucking tattooed on your arm because what a fucking idiot don't get a jaguar tattooed on your arm because you think it represents florida which it doesn't in any way other than there's a football team. You're not even like a huge fan of that football team. I don't even know where they are. Wait, Jacksonville.

I know. I know. All right. JJ. Jacksonville, Oregon. CCJ. It's everywhere. Did you just like almost hit my boob?

I keep boob swiping you. Sorry. It feels good. They're really big. They're heavy right now because we're both PMSing. Our boobs are both like so big. Not big, but like heavy. I get it're both PMSing. Our boobs are both so big. Not big, but heavy. I get it.

Two cows over here. Okay, guys. When you're PMSing, you keep looking. Keep looking out for cuz. Send them in. We fucking loved those. Those A plus cuz to Bree, Liz, and Mary today. Those were all very different and ones I hadn't thought of before.

And Lindsay. Lindsay, Mary, and oh, sorry, I of before. And Lindsay. Lindsay, Mary, and oh, sorry, I said Liz. And Bree. Thank you so much. I remember those names because they're all different cheeses. Just kidding. Only one is. Don't be cut out there. Look for cuz and jeez.

Yeah, kids. Jill, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt.

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