The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #119 Moves Real Jagged w/ Kerstin

Episode Date: October 14, 2021

Between you and Nikki, can someone please talk to her in public about her TSwift shirts?! She's also come to the conclusion that she needs more Love on the Spectrum in her life. After getting a "can we talk text", Andrew wasn't able to sleep much. He's looking forward to spending quality and possibly competitive time with his brothers and dad. Kerstin joins and shows how flexible she is as a friend. They discuss poise and grace. Your Heard It Here First, "Bernal" the blanket is soothing, Andrew's retired coke face and don't cook your lover's pet! They play Finish My Sentence and describe their personal hells. In the Final Thought, Nikki tells you how many parcels she ordered last night from her now favorite app. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

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The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, and welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here I am. I'm Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, and welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here I am. I'm Nikki Glaser. Day three of canker sores taking over my mouth. They are on the mend. I'm feeling better.

Thank you for your support and love. Yesterday you texted me that they were at 40%. How are you doing today? We went down another 10 percent so and and you know what i said 40 yesterday we went back up a little i want to say 60 but now we're down to 30 of what they were the day before um that debacterol damn i'm still having ptsd from like the pain of that stuff when you put it on. Oh boy. It was just, just tears down my face. Like I just can't even believe how stingy it was. Um, but yeah, I feel better. I feel a lot better. Today is a new day. Um, I'm going on tour again this weekend. Uh, where are we at charleston on saturday somewhere else on friday damn it it's

somewhere else oh uh raleigh on friday i love raleigh so much it was one of those towns i was like oh i could live here if i had a different life and now i realize i can live fucking anywhere um really i can um it's so nice to just be able to I could but the problem with that is now that I can go anywhere I'm like where should I go like I've got friends scattered everywhere I think maybe I just have my friends come here but it's just so I don't – I just fear all of my friends getting pregnant because it's just like bye-bye. And I know that's like the oldest story in the book. Like we all know that like life changes. But it really – the person I was talking about this morning, she feels like she sometimes misses out on social events because you know it's like a child's

birthday party and it's all families there and it's like you bring your kids to play with other kids and if you don't have kids you don't really go to those things and she's like I feel like I my life is less social because I don't have kids and I'm like but I feel like a lot of parents would say I've heard a lot of parents complain like oh I've got to hang out with these people because my kids like the kids you know and that it's not always like better social activities. And that and also think of all the things you lose out on by by having kids and not going to be able to go to places because you have kids, but also Kirsten or husband aren't like big boozers. And I think that that's like, it's's one or the other it's like you have kids and you like focus on your kids and you have kid party things

or it's like adult parties where you throw your key in a bowl and you get wasted and you fuck everyone it's like why can't there be in between where people just like I don't know just don't drink and hang out like what do you do socially Noah and avi like you're in a new town you have new friends like what do you do on a what do you do at night like when you guys are done working for the day let's talk about weeknights let's talk about weekends i just i think we just project a lot of socialization onto our friends and think we're all like so boring but we're all just fucking sitting around watching squid game well i'm i'm listening to you and i'm thinking about the friends that i made here in tucson and all of them are older and all of them have kids who are like in their 20s and the kids are in other states so they're so um we two weeks ago

we went camping together um we get together we have friends by the way how do you meet new friends in a new city okay these friends i just met in a parking lot that's right i remember the parking lot friends that you like someone had a jujitsu shirt on um one of the guys had a krav maga shirt and avi and i just started talking to him and he was with his Krav Maga instructor who was visiting him. Long story short, he invited us over for pizza later that day and the other couples that we're friends with were there and we just hit it off. Great. This is shirts bringing people together. It really is about that.

That's the way to like advertise what you're into to find people with uh interests like yours it's an icebreaker that's it really is the key no one ever says anything about my taylor swift shirts when i'm out in public they must think i'm like wearing my daughter's shirt or something i like i never get all i'm trying to do is attract swifties all i'm trying to do i would love to find a St. Louis friend who wants to just talk about Taylor Swift and talk about speculation. Just like speculate about her life. Talk about her life in ways that we have no business doing because she's a famous person. Like last night I kind of got some of my friends here who are following me around with cameras. I kind of got them into some like, you know, online.

There's a whole – I can't even go into it. There's a whole – the Swifties are split into different camps. And I can't get into it because I don't want to ostracize myself from the Swifties because I find that I'm part of both camps and that you can't really be in both camps. And neither are against Taylor. But there's a very controversial theory out there regarding Taylor that I can't even – I'm not even going to get into because it's none of my business. But God, do I want it to be a thing. And it's just us speculating about her personal life and also reading into her lyrics and being like oh and these people are such sleuths I love sleuths and like these people I went on a real dark hole yesterday of of sleuthing about um and again I don't even want to bring attention to it because it's like none of my

business and I don't want other people to like I just when I go on this de moi reddit group discussion and I've talked about it before these are people that are very obsessed with celebrities and have strong opinions and the the reddit thread is always like who do you hate the most who's someone that de moi has made you hate and it's you know de moi if you don't know it's all just hearsay about celebrities like people being like i saw nikki glazer i mean they've only mentioned me once or twice but and it's been you know and it's not the nicest thing but it's regular people contributing right yes but publicists because they know that demois is so huge publicists, because they know that Demoiselle is so huge, publicists will pose as regular people or celebrities will get their friends to write in as regular people to be like, like, you know, I could get someone to write in and go like, I saw Nikki Glaser at Starbucks and she was so nice

to everyone and gave everyone a hundred dollar tip. Like I could do something and have someone go, Hey, will you write in and like say what an angel I was. So I read everything with a little bit of like a publicist is writing this. But then there's some – all the dirt though you think, oh, that must be true. But there's a lot of positive stories, a lot of negative stories. But they're just so – just the people – I can't even – I can't read these subreddits because these people who are obsessed with these celebrities have such strong opinions about them. They don't know them. And, but I went through this one like wormhole yesterday that came from me going through

these, this subreddit about Jamila, what's her name? Jamila. I always fuck up her name. It yeah Jamila Jamila I always feel like that isn't it because it just is such a cool name Jamila Jamila who I did her podcast and I freaking loved her and I think she's the real deal I don't think any of um this this one girl tried to like expose her as like a liar and like she has Munchausen's disease and she just like claims to be sick all the time or whatever and it's like first of all I don't her sleuthing was interesting to see the the how much she consumed of Jamila who's someone she's trying

to take down she had to listen to all these podcasts and like google all these things and read all the stuff and it just it's kind of like the Hilaria Baldwin takedown, where it took one person to go, hey, I've noticed some inconsistencies within this and this. And let me bring light to this. And I went, but I read this whole thing about, they claim that Jamila is like a liar and has claimed all these things. And Jamila responded and wrote this girl,

DM'd this girl being like, here's the facts. And then the girl who was the one that did this whole Instagram story about why Jameel is a liar with all this like, here's this evidence. And then Jameel is trying to DM her to like explain stuff. And the girl goes, oh my god, you guys, she's still DMing me. it's been seven hours and i'm not even responding anymore she's crazy it's like will you show us what she wrote to you how about that can we get her side of it um i don't know i just feel like they can't win and then it's so funny because on this thing they they they go oh you know whose opinion has Demois changed about you? Like for you. And someone will go, Anna Kendrick.

I used to like her. Now I don't. And someone goes, oh, no, I love her. Now I'll hate her. And it's like, why? Just because one person who might have read something wrong hates her? Like what are you basing this off of? Did you watch the new Britney doc?

No, I haven't. Oh, oh my god it's actually really good um there's parts that i'm just like annoyed by the two women that did the documentary they're like journalists who have who have written about her in the past and are kind of obsessed with her and the way they kind of like every documentary has to wait have a way of framing and setting it up and filling time kind of and delivering information instead of just making you read captions or like, you know, putting up black screens and having like font fade in and out. So these two women who already know what they're saying, they kind of act like they're like, now read the last page here. And it's like, no, you guys already know what, don't act like you're reading this being like, wait, you're telling me she was working three, like 30 hours a day. And they said that she couldn't take, now read the next thing. And it's like, you guys highlighted the stuff before the scene took place. Don't act like it's like, just present it to us like, hey, we have some interesting stuff.

Don't act like you're both showing each other. I hate when I listen to a podcast and people are, two hosts have been like, they're delivering some podcast about, I don't know, aliens or some murder podcast. And they're like, and you know what he did next? And they're like, what? And I'm like, you know. You know. Just say, guess what he did next. Oh, it's incredible.'m like you know just say guess what he did next oh

it's incredible listen to this like just talk to us like you both know stop this you know fakeness um but the documentary is really good Noah I felt like I knew most of the Britney Spears saga and like what was going on this obviously is from the lens of like pro-Britney. But I mean for this girl to lose her autonomy over her own life yet still be put to work as much as she was working. Right after she got her whole – all of her rights taken from her to have more than $100 at a time. Like just ridiculous things. I don't know if that's like the right amount. But just everything was given to her dad. And everyone in the documentary who had anything to say about her dad was like nope not worth it

not gonna go there I don't want to say anything and it's just like whoa what the fuck we don't get any info on her dad but what I did find was like right after the conservatorship went into place she was on How I Met Your Mother acting and it's like conservatorships are for people that are like terry shivos like that have no ability dementia you know and why is she on how i met your mother learning lines and delivering them and she's also can't go to an atm for herself that doesn't make sense. So, yeah, I'm glad she's free now. She has a song called I'm a Slave for You.

I wonder. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. I bet her dad had her perform that for him every night. But she, but yeah. I know I may be young, but I got feelings too. And I need to do what i feel like doing so just let me go and just listen all you people look at me like i'm a little girl

um that music video was so sexy i mean her up against the wall just remember her waist to hip ratio was spot on and um definitely contributed to some of my body dysmorphia. Not her fault. Not her fault. It's the media's fault. But also we need the media. Oh, what are we going to do? Kirsten is on the show later today, back by popular demand and my demand and Andrew's.

I finished up Love on the Spectrum last night. Noah, have you gotten into it it's okay if you haven't I'm gonna have to binge it wait what was your overall take from uh Love on the Spectrum after finishing it thank you for asking my overall take is that I need people with autism in my life because they remind me of, they are just so, they don't have any ulterior motives. They're just so pure and that I just, and they're so honest. And I love that just right away, like, it just made me realize, like, I need to open my life up to more different kinds of people or kind of, you know, people come to the show in Des Moines. And he was there with like his neurotypical sister or, you know, friend. And you could tell that there was something different about this guy.

But he was just so, I just felt like for the first time, I don't know what my problem is. I've always felt like it's the same kind of anxiety I have around children that I'm gonna say the wrong thing that I'm gonna either talk down to them or treat them too similar that people are like Nikki you can't just you can't talk to someone like that you need to handle them nicer like I can't strike a balance I wonder if anyone relates to me with this of like getting nervous around mentally disabled people because I don't I just don't want to I don't want to baby them and I don't want to get in there i want to i want to talk to everyone in this and this guy was so sweet and he came up and he was just thanked me for the show and i just felt like i want to stop the line like i just want to talk to this guy forever because he

was just so he had so many fun like non-sequitur things to share with me so many celebrities he's friends with from twitter he was just dropping all these names he wanted me to sign all these things i just felt like i had so much more to talk to him about than anyone else because there was no there was no other like him being he wasn't nervous there was no me taking care of his feelings outside of what he was saying it was just in the moment let's do this you like my show you thought I'm a bad he was just saying things like you're one cool chick and I'm like you're one cool guy like it was just like I don't know it was just mutual love there was no like talking down there was just I was for the first time ever truly like felt in my element in um talking to this guy and making him feel exactly what he was which is special in the best kind of way and not being like i don't know do you ever get nervous around

kids or like people with like no developmental um issues um sure of course i don't want to act dismissive or um you know like same concern as you overly like hi how are you like you don't want to do that either right yeah i don't even talk to kids like that i think it's better to talk to kids like just regular people but people think that's weird noah i mean i have people look at me like why are you asking that kid like, what's up? Or like, do you come here often? I'm like, I don't know. Does he? Well, I'm in your crew.

So I think exactly like you. I think it is better to talk to kids. But I was talking about this this weekend before I bring Andrew in about like, what do you say to kids? What are some good lines? Because I was talking to Andrew's really good with kids. My friend Chris is really good with kids. I'm like, what do you say to them?

And you just they said, act like everything they do is like really fast or really strong. Like if they shake your hand, you'd be like, oh, my hand. Like or you go, how old are you? And they say their age and you go, no, I thought you were 24. Like just pick a crazy like always do something like bigger or like, whoa, I bet you can run really fast. I'm like, oh, those are some good tips. I need like tips to talk to kids. Like I'm a fucking kidnapper.

I mean, the funniest story though was my dad was talking about how he was almost kidnapped as a child. And there was this guy that had a van that was going around the neighborhood in the 60s, you know, early, mid 60s. And this guy had a radio in his car and he was listening to a baseball game. And he said to my dad 60s, you know, early, mid 60s. And this guy had a radio in his car and he was listening to a baseball game. And he said to my dad, yeah, come here, little kid. My dad's like hanging in the door of the car, just like, what's up? And the guy's like, you know, I have a bunch of fun baseball stuff at home. Do you want to come in the car? I got like so many. You want to go play baseball? Like if you like baseball, I've got he was trying to lure him in with like promising him to meet baseball play baseball like if you like baseball i've got he was trying to lure

him in with like promising him to meet baseball people or like some kind of baseball treat because all boys love baseball my dad just goes no i don't really like baseball and he left and it's like my dad not liking baseball what like saved is the reason i exist today so i'm gonna continue that streak and uh not really give a shit about sports. Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard

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Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.

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brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened.

And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh, dad, all I was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money.

Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh, my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. Check. What up, Andrew? Hey, man.

I'm just trying to start the show where there's still action going on what if I just sound like this the whole time I mean whatever's comfortable for you bro so what's going on I mean I don't mind it he's down on we always sit in the same way yeah might as well switch it up I mean you never see a news reporter like so from behind. A man escaped from the zoo. Or whatever. A man escaped from the zoo. Panda's still looking for him. So not only is he facing backwards,

the story has to be backwards too? Yeah, more at six. Or should I say nine, upside down. It kind of feels fun to get up, actually. How are you? How'd you sleep you sleep i slept okay to be honest things it was a tough sleep you know when someone writes uh can we talk tomorrow not a good sleep on a sitting on a text like that i can't my brain is not a good talk tomorrow brain yeah it's like when you get a text hey call, call me right away, and then they don't answer.

Are you sitting down for this? All these kind of like, yeah, talk tomorrow is always like could mean we're breaking up. But sometimes it means I just don't want to talk right now. I can't. I have canker sores in my mouth. Or it could just mean I don't feel good. It's been a long day yeah but it could be but you might need like i maybe you just need more handholding like whenever

i'm now in conflict with the person that i'm kind of dating i always just ask them to say before if they're mad at me and we're not ready to talk about to just say we're not breaking up because of this just give me that just like i need that's what i did i wrote last night i was just like okay now i'm worried and she goes don't worry it's not yeah and then that made me still not be able to sleep but really i mean i just i don't know i was just thinking the worst and i was thinking like what could have happened differently the last couple days with whatever you know and uh it's just i don't know it's just like stressful to try to like balance things and i'm not really good at it i'm very like as you know i procrastinate i if i do anything it tends to be last second

and so when you date someone and that's your mentality with life and it's just like, go with the flow, dude, and like whatever. A lot of people aren't like that. And it's hard to communicate like where I'm coming from or. So I don't know. It's just tough, you know. So you think planning would have prevented this? I don't know. Not yesterday.

No, no, that wasn't enough. But, you know, just communication maybe could have been better. Yeah. And, yeah, I just, like, I try. I just was sad. You just try your best. And that's all you can do and say next time here's what I'll do differently. And here's what I wish I would have done this last time.

And what was out of my control and what was actually in i mean lots was out of your control and you know sometimes someone is just upset and they're um and no amount of you apologizing is gonna make them go yeah it's fine like they're just gonna be they just need to be upset and because i think i'm just projecting but a lot of times i just want to be like hey i'm sorry about this and then i want them to be like yeah it sucks but i don't it's okay and they're just not going to give you that they're just gonna be like all right yeah yeah and you're just like will you forgive me and we can move on and you can be i know even if they have a right to still be upset i'm just like because for me you know you project what you would do so like if someone was hey, can you not be upset?

I was like, should I be? Okay. Yeah, I'm cool now. Like, even maybe. But, you know, that could be bad, too, because then you store it somewhere and maybe you're not fully cool. And then you're pretending to be cool. And then three months later you go, hey, by the way, I was never cool with that. So now I want to blow everything up.

You know, everyone needs different times to cool down. And I just someone who's like okay now like forgive me now like you know that i'm sorry but i still don't understand why people can't accept sorry as if it's like a real heartfelt sorry and can't just be like i forgive you like i'm just a little like because i think our nervous system i think when you go through something where you're mad at someone or feeling like uh belittled or attacked or alienated or whatever it is you get so traumatized by it that just someone going i'm sorry and like even really meaning it and you know they mean it it's not enough to calm down from what your nervous system just went through and so you still need like let's talk tomorrow yes and then yeah and look i am it is tough for me to be like yeah we'll give

it a couple days let it calm down it's like but why can't you calm down now because this is the time we're living in and why can't we look at positives instead of negatives and like all this shit yeah but whatever so i didn't sleep that well but you know um i'm excited for this weekend i'm getting to see my dad for the first time in months Oh my god Yes in Charleston In Charleston We're going to Kiowa It's a golf trip

I've been He's coming to Charleston Is he going to go to our shows? I think he's going to go To Charleston show Or Durham I don't know I got to call him

Is he going to have his Airstream? Yeah Oh yeah Oh not the Airstream But the Sprinter van I don't know if he's going to drive up or not. He doesn't fly, though. Yeah, he doesn't love flying.

So you don't know how he's getting there? I'm going to talk to him today. I need to call him back. It's been two days. But he's coming to Charleston. Dr. Colin. But then you're staying on. Yeah, we're going to Kiowa with my older brother.

What's Kiowa? It's this island golf course resort area resort area i guess and my older brother's coming my younger brother who i don't see and and we're all having this golf trip and we're gonna do teams and you know my dad was a big golfer so it's like you know how much i've been playing are you so excited to show off i am but i'mfer but i've worked so hard that i if i play shitty because my older brother hasn't bought new clubs in like eight years and i feel like he's gonna win and it's gonna be so demoralizing no you're gonna whoop their butts but like the thing is if you don't do you have a plan for like how to feel and like that yeah i'll get in the tennis after yeah

yeah no i yeah it's funny with rivalry. You know, we all have it, sibling rivalry. And we're all pretty cool about like we're competitive, but we're not like fuck you competitive. Right. Okay. But, you know, I'm really just looking forward to just spending time with them. And we've been talking.

You know, this is what happens. I wish I had a sport to share with my family. I guess we do skiing. Yeah, like your dad gets older and you're like okay how many you know my dad was sick a few years ago and it's like and we keep planning this trip and you keep you could put off a trip very easily plan this older brother my little brother oh wow because he lives in durham and we were talking about it forever and then it it just kind of, you know, us being on tour, going through North Carolina, just kind of, or South Carolina at that point, but kind of just worked out to just schedule around that.

And so, yeah, I mean, you could put this off and too late. Are you guys sleeping together, or are you getting separate hotel rooms? I think we're getting an Airbnb house. Oh, nice. And, yeah, I'm going to. Maybe talk about some serious stuff maybe maybe maybe you get some stories from your dad's life that you never got you know like just get one or two yeah the only thing i know is uh and he uh he was in the newspaper for bowling

i think uh like a a 235 or something and he had a rooster a turkey a lot of turkeys uh in high school and he was in colin man's whatever and then he played college baseball and he shot like a or he he was only batting average was like 95 and so it was like freshman baseball and so he didn't play again but uh he did make the freshman team talk about stories yeah that, and so it was like freshman baseball, and so he didn't play again. But he did make the freshman team. You're talking about stories. Yeah, that's pretty much it. I mean, those are stories, but I want to hear the worst trouble he ever got into. Maybe we walk in with some prompts.

Okay, yeah. That's what we'll do. How about the fans write in questions for my dad? You should actually do an IG story thing, and then you should be like, questions for my dad to get to know him better before he dies. Because listen, we're all going to. Wouldn't you like to pass down some of those stories to your kids?

I know. I mean, I just feel like I don't know that much. By that, I mean the girls you date. Come on. Can we stop doing that? Yeah. I mean, I joke about Brenna being young, but you know how I feel about it. Yes.

We can joke all day. She is young, but I would recommend anyone in their mid to late 40s date her and that she should be able to date anyone. I'm not in my mid to late 40s, Nikki. I'm 41 years old. She's 25. She's turning 26 in two months. That's not that long.

It's a driver's license away. Yes. She is younger than you, but you wouldn't know it. She does have an old soul, and I give guys shit about that for saying they love their girlfriend because of an old soul. The problem is I just don't want to hear that's the thing you love about her most. It's she's she also has a body of a 25 year old

which is also awesome too yes it's fantastic i picked up her pant i folded her laundry and i swear to god i thought it was a barbie doll like it's so tiny i know i i'm not bragging i'm just saying like it's hilarious how little she's so. It's so tiny. She's so tiny. I'm just folding them. It takes one little. Oh, they're folded. Oh, yeah. Like, her jeans, especially when there's a stretch in them.

And she's already, like, just a petite girl. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if you're folding her, like, leggings, you mean? Oh, my God. They're probably. It's just, like, her little, like, she has shorts, like, biker shorts. Yes.

Oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, does this come with a Ken car? Like, it just felt like a little tight. My hands felt, like, has shorts like biker shorts yes oh my god and i'm like oh does this come with a ken car like it just felt like a little tight my hands felt like i was like yes i mean it's so funny folding uh and that it's the smallest amount of fabric at lululemon to buy like a size she's probably like a size zero at lululemon and it's like probably 60 for this little piece of fabric that women but i guess it would be mean to charge more if you were bigger. That would be a big problem. Yes, it would be huge. Even though it's more fabric and it should cost more.

Does it not? No. They couldn't do that. It literally does cost them more because fabric equals more. Yes. And more stitching. There's more to do. But they don't charge more. I guess the difference... Yes, it adds up. Glad they don't charge more i guess the difference yes it adds up it adds up everything adds up but it's not like the difference between like a compact car versus

a four-door suv you know what i mean tesla video no where they this girl this girl is i don't know if she identifies as a woman but she's like a woman that works in like a person who works in a auto shop. And she's on TikTok and she's like, listen, Elon Musk, good job on making an affordable, environmentally friendly car. But this car is a piece of shit. Honestly, the construction is worthless. And she just walks you around and all the errors with the Tesla. She talked me out of buying a Tesla. I don't like I hate when things don't match up. Like, it's

really wide here, and then this space over here is really short. This, like, it looks poorly constructed. It looks like a four-year-old put together a Lego car and just was like, no, this piece is fine here. Yeah. Your child voice is the same as your dad's voice. No, my dad's

No, Drew. No, I go Drew. That's my mom's voice. My mom my dad's... No, you don't like... No, I go, Drew, that's my mom's voice. My mom is over here. That's the same voice as the child you just did. Yes. Like, do child. No, but you said it was the same as my dad. My dad is here.

My dad is... Yo, Drew. Hey, Drew. Hey. No, sometimes you go... No, that's my mom. That's my mom! Wait, do you do an impression in your act of your dad?

Yeah. Is there any joke that you have your dad? Which one? When he's like, when he says, he goes, Bubblicious. What does he say? He wrote Bubblicious. Oh, like about your. When he's talking about my stepmom in the bubbles.

No, you just say he wrote Bubblicious. You don't say his voice. Oh, yeah. I used to do. Oh, yeah. When my dad, the single joke about sleeping in the. He goes, hey, Drew, you're single. You mind sleeping in the pantry?

Okay, that's a good point. Next to the canned goods. Next to the canned goods, you son of a bitch. I'll put a fucking 45 in your mouth. I love that famous face. Let's get Kirsten in here. That's what my dad said. Kirsten!

Yeah, his dad one time on FaceTime was like, oh, let me talk to Nikki. Let me see that famous face and Andrew was mortified I love how he said it though he goes let me see that famous face and he grabbed the phone he goes oh there's the famous face cutest thing I could ever hear I mean I I love it I love that our dads get excited over Nikki Like my dad's tone also changes. Aw. Well, he's just happy she's paying me money and he doesn't have to anymore. No, they love me. Yeah, pick that up.

That's good. Did you just paint your nails? Right when you screamed my name, I was like finishing the toe. I was like, hold on. Why did you think it was? Hold on. Hold on. Kirsten was painting her toenails.

She's quietly. Look how she's sitting right now. I could never even sit like this. This is a. She's doing like a frog squat. What is that called in yoga? This is called. The frog. It's called airing out your vagina on the floor.

It's looped there. It's looped on the headphones. It's looped on the headphones. No, no, no. Okay. She's figuring out wires right now. Sorry, folks. It's a wire situation here.

All right. The wire. Welcome to the. It's a wire situation here. All right. The wire. Welcome to the wire, where a girl does a frog squat while trying to figure out crime. Okay, pick up your... Wait, wait. Wouldn't it be funny? A yoga teacher also fights crime. Hi.

Hi, Kirsten. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Hi, guys. Everyone's happy to have you back including me noah and andrew um and i'm assuming our listeners even though you know they haven't heard this yet live but no they love her they love her what's not to love she's a fantastic person i mean there's a few things that i could tell you let's start listing them because i really cannot find a

flaw am i being roasted you're getting right now uh-oh i love the smell of nail polish yeah i was just organizing what's not to love i was in your bathroom organizing your uh is this mine drawer yeah and i i was trying to throw that's a good color it's like it's a tay swift oh it's taylor swift color yeah totally so cute anyways i thought i'd slap it on real quick and then you're like kirsten and my pinky toe i know kirsten did an impression of me yesterday, and it hurt my feelings so much. Can we hear it? Please hear it. Let's do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Hold on. Hold on.

Let me just say, much like when I get roasted on the roast, I hope you choke on whatever little piece of whisker you just inhaled by mocking my tone. I do inhale whiskers a lot. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. My face falls apart into my mouth but Kirsten did an impression of me

that was like a physical one we'll have you do it in a second and the fact that the people following me around with cameras they were in the other room watching it and then we cut and then they came in and one of them remarked and said

oh my god we were all justed and said oh my god we were all just watching that like oh my god that is that's nikki we're watching nikki and i was so i was secretly so hurt because it's like it's a way that people i don't mind an impression and everyone going like it's funny but when people are like i mean that's just you and it's like it's like a caricature it's like when the you know it's supposed to be this over-the-top impression and they're like i mean that's just you and it's like well guess what because i move like that and i'm fast and hasty it's why you all fucking have a job right now because if i moved like a commander a baleen whale that was breaching in the sea no one would have a job work no none of us would be here the fact that I move like this is also why I'm single and everyone can make fun of me.

And I'm also a bad person to be around sometimes. But it's also the reason we're all here. Well, you move real jagged. I know. I'm a jagged little pill. No, you just go so fast. It's unbelievable. And it's in like a really cool and endearing way.

Oh, God. Can we see this thing? Can we see the impression I don't know how to do it right here grab something I gotta come in again go get my makeup bag you can take that off yes

she moves real jacket make sure Kirsten you move in front of keep it here so the camera can get you you know what I'm saying can we rewrite the song move like Jagger she's got the moves like Nikki Make sure, Kirsten, you move in front of, keep it here so the camera can get you. You know what I'm saying? Can we rewrite the song, Move Like Jagger? She's got the moves like Nikki. Or moves real jagged.

Got those moves real jagged. She's got those moves real jagged. She don't need no time to. I mean, I don't even know what I would say for myself. I don't know why I move like that. We were watching old clips of myself that Kirsten's mom took. Yeah, and you were moving Jagged? I move like Jagger. I've got those moves like Jagger.

That's one of my least favorite songs, by the way. Yeah, it feels like a commercial. Yes. A lot of, you know what I mean? Like they were like, oh, yeah. Like a rock. I never knew that song was not a commercial song I didn't know that when I hear that like okay here comes

Nikki we gotta get to the airport yeah just put some stuff together are you ready yeah okay thanks yeah Nick yeah okay are you almost ready to podcast

yeah well yeah so I'm talking to Nikki right now Yeah. Okay. Are you almost ready to podcast? Yeah. Well, yeah. So I'm talking to Nikki right now. Hey. I know, but the podcast was supposed to start a little while ago. Yeah. Are you? I was going to be carrying like 10 of these and it would have been.

Yeah, 10 Zebias. Don't get out of here. So Nikki. I don't know. How's your day going? I mean, it's like, it's fine. Like, I just like need like two minutes. Like, it's like, hold on. Where is like need like two minutes like it's like hold on where

where is my my canker what do you have i don't know where your canker sore cream is kirsten can you get luigi's leash yeah okay got it andrew andrew what i'm trying to fucking work on my golf swing i feel just like i'm being mean right now but okay i can take it i can take it but the thing is the thing is you get so much stuff done yeah i like this new set yeah go ahead she gets so much she does get so much so much stuff done in so little time and you are efficient and you just you command the okay how am i supposed to move like i just don't i mean i don't know how i sometimes i try to just move like this is the way kirsten would put away brushes okay let me do this here for the camera like she would just go I just don't, I mean, I don't know how, sometimes I try to just move, like, this is the way Kirsten would put away brushes.

Okay, let me do this here for the camera. Like, she would just go. No. And then she would put them each in the sleeve, like, individually like this, and like, slide them in. Okay, now you do you. And then this is Kirsten zipping. Can I actually do it and show you?

No. And I would just go. Yeah, there we go. Like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. and kirsten would go no get to me it's just a different it's a different um style no i move in a way that it's like i try to be really fast but i also if i do it like vinyasa yoga like flowing if i go too fast and too like out of control then it makes me think oh my god like if i just go here this is the same speed okay

yeah you're pretty much getting exactly the same done no no no no you aren't okay well that was that was pretty efficient but was that pretty was that even anya when she's on her phone this is my impression of like anya on her phone versus me so this is me on my phone i'm just gonna going to give for the audio listeners, you can watch this on YouTube, but I'll do clicks for this. So I'll go like, I'll just swipe up and then boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like I'm just like, I use both my thumbs active. Anya will go with her finger, like gently like swipe, swipe, swipe.

Gentle. Oh, wow. Pressing each button, like there's a press i just go tap anya will like press and then press how do you type on a keyboard what are you like on a laptop wait you want to watch you want to watch something watch me blindly type on my text okay tell me what's the text i'm gonna stare at you i'm gonna look this way headed to starbucks can i look at the first letter yeah okay the starbucks i'm putting a mobile order in what do you want that's such a real text you would get

andrew knew right away i mean your thumbs are your right thumb is something else headed to starbucks i'm putting a mobile order in what do you want boom no looking that's pretty good that's very good so don't tell me i can't text and drive i'm just kidding i don't text and drive i like your movements nikki i think it makes you unique and you know what i am who i am i can't fight it you know what it's like the it's like love on the spectrum i can't help who i am i'm that girl on uh love on the spectrum who talks like this oh yeah hey guys i just having a good day. She's just like, that's how I am.

that you might either A, forget something because you're moving so fast at the last second or you have to do something twice because you don't do it right the first time because you're going too fast.

The times that I do forget things and the times that I do overlook things is I get more done than the average person there are times where I think slip my mind but I think that those times I either make do without the thing I forgot or I just go back and get it and I don't in the end I'm saving time by moving fast and it's not because I'm in a rush it's because that's just like how I like to move and when i watch people like tapping and putting in orders like yeah i just and listen if someone like me who classically is a very fast person and is always like you know there was a question on that 16 personalities test that we were talking

about that was like do you frequently get impatient with people andrew was asking me the question and i just go yes before he even finished the question. So if someone like that can meditate and sit for 20 minutes still and meditate, you can too. So I can slow down. I don't like yoga. I don't like slow exercises. I like being fast. But I can slow down and do – I feel like it's all the way, one way or all the way the other way.

But I'm with you too. I do the same kind of shit like i'm very uh you know i've left my suitcase i ran away in a taxi i came to new york to visit family i just ran away from my own suitcase and lost my suitcase like it's add probably similar stuff like that but like i i do plenty of things lately i've been able to slow down i think zoloft helps a lot for that. Yeah. Is there anything though that like this is one of the things of my personality that I wish I could just – I'm glad honestly now I'm fine with it and I know that I get – that people benefit from me

and I benefit from me moving the way I am. And I'm not doing it to be a bad person. I'm just – I am the way I am. I can't help it. But is there anything like – it used to be like, the thing I was most ashamed of, of like, why can't I just be graceful?

You know, like no one's ever described me as graceful, except one person. And I like, will never forget. It just was like, I laughed at their face. Cause I was like,

that is so funny. No, that's the last thing ever to be described. You could act great. You, you're a good enough actor, impersonator where you, but it would feel like you're acting good enough actor impersonator where you but it would

feel like you're acting as someone that's being great like you were really graceful on f boy when you're hosting like you would stand up and like i felt naturally like because i was like the commander of that show so i felt like i need to show poise and you know direct so it's in you it's just not your natural state. Right. And so I don't feel as comfortable doing it. In an F way, it was comfortable because it was what I needed to do for that moment.

So like what I need to do for a moment feels natural, but, or for the role. However, is there anything that you guys can think of that like about your own selves that you're like, God, if I could change this thing about myself, I feel like my whole life has been like, I wish I could just not be this way and that way and that and i'm just wondering is that is it just me no everyone has that and even the people that you perceive physical things that you perceive as graceful had to work on being graceful and i was looking at on reddit

and they were just showing like pictures of her like her last photo i followed yeah and is she like i follow like this yeah this is how she died last images and it's like the last picture of people before they die and even that she was just like like her cheekbones were just sucked in and she was so and her hair's pulled back like a ballerina she just looked graceful and i'm just like god even when she was just rickety and old, she still looked graceful. And there's something about not being graceful that's not like you're not a woman. And that's why I feel. Yeah, but I love when women don't. There's something about.

Brenda's graceful. But there's like a bougie-ness to graceful that I don't really find attractive. Like I kind of like a girl that you feel like would roll around in the mud. And, like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Like, doesn't, isn't too, like, oh. Is there anything about your personality? Pompous.

Yeah. What about the fact that you leave on your mask when you're on a show? Oh, my gosh. It's on. It's okay. It's worse that it's the mask I found in your drawer to throw away and I pulled out the trash to delete. Example of what you, I was like, I need a mask. I think that's the one I found in your drawer to throw away and i pulled out the trash to do the example of what you i was like i need a mask because that's what i gave you to use as a poop bag yesterday for lou this was in the drawer and i found it anyways i would say

that like i have to be a certain way for work to look like if people see me like i'm training all day if they see me coming in like like greeting my next client like hey hold on oh my god okay hold on fuck where's me okay um okay next thing we're gonna do okay go get this gonna it's but like you're behind the scenes you can do that and no one is gonna judge you but i i need to appear like but you're not that way naturally i don't feel but no when i'm like when i have like one minute to run and go pee and go get a snack and run back grab my next client and be like hey calm and present i have to be like if i bring that energy into the next hour and be like, I'm doing this behavior around people all the time

that are working for me. I'm kind of like, I'm supposed to be leaving. But you're not supposed to be like a calm, present, like teacher for an hour or something. It's like people are paying for me to show up. I wasn't asking if you have that, but like do you have anything about your personality that you're like, God, I wish it's just the way I am?

Well, I've overcome the fact that I'm like a total spaz what do you mean by your your total spaz like i always wished i wouldn't be one of those like how do i explain it like a girl who's just like kind of just cool and coy and like beautiful versus like like doing like faces yes funny Or maybe a girl that's funny. My face is really animated and like I've been called like, you look like a cartoon character and it's like, don't know how to, I'd rather look like,

oh, you look like a supermodel, but that's not me. I don't know. I don't want to change that, but in the past I have like had to battle with, that's just who I am. That people are always going to laugh at things that you're not even trying to be funny.

You're just trying to describe your day. You're so weird. You're're so quirky you're so random it's like it's kind of a compliment i guess i've gotten spaz so much too yeah it just means it's it comes off as like you're crazy and unladylike and when people say you're like all over like whoa you're like here and there and all over it's like i try to reel it in but i don't know i just don't want to confuse people like especially like at work when i'm don't know. I just don't want to confuse people, especially at work when I'm supposed to be professional. I don't want to be a confusing communicator.

It's funny. You guys are like, I wish I was more ladylike, and then part of me is like, I wish I was more, I guess, manly. I could build stuff and want to do it. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like you could. I don't want to do it. Yes, there's a lot of things.

Even though the whole measure twice, cut once, I'm more of a cut once and then leave it and then move out you know yeah measure with your eye yeah wing it i remember once and cut i remember your finger off i worked for my brother and we were working in his factory and for some reason we had to paint cages so then he like gave you whatever you they wanted like more brightness to know where things are. Got it. To organize because that was the whole thing to organize factories. And they're like, here's some red paint.

Go paint that cage. And I started like, oh, you know. And then by the end of it, I had paint all over me. And the floor had paint on it. And there was paint on the wall. It was just like have you ever used a sharpie marker and i'm like how did this get on my ass crack like how did this bleed everywhere like i can't use a marker without it all down my arm all over my body underneath my

clothing i'm like why can't i just use my hand and like be gentle even the way i write is just chaotic we gotta get to the news. They call me crumbs. You know? They do call you crumbs. All right. They do call you crumbs. They do call me crumbs. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.

I just cleaned it all up, by the way. What's that? I just cleaned up all those crumbs out there. Oh, thanks. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. All the swells to you, both of you. I hope you're having a great time out there.

It's Wednesday. You know what that means, folks. It is a Wednesday time out there. It's Wednesday. You know what that means, folks. It is a Wednesday. A year ago, a young girl lost her favorite toy, Teddy, while hiking with her family in Glacier National Park. Thanks to a park ranger, she was recently reunited with it.

Teddy was no average bear, holding deep significance to her as he was the first gift she received from her adoptive family before meeting them when she was still in Ethiopian orphanage in 2016. Oh my God. Also, the park ranger found it in a snowstorm and put it on his truck's dashboard for about a year.

A friend of the family spotted it a year later and let them know. That's so cute. What a story. It's like a dog she was like so over it by then she was like no i'm into fucking tiktok and yeah yeah i'm doing mdma now yeah that's so adorable i love the story of like uh it's kind of like you know that's a toy that's toy story like yeah that should be a motion picture where a child loses their bear

in Yellowstone Park and encounters real bears. I think that is a story. That's a movie. It has to be. I want to buy the rights to that today. Can we make it about my baby blanket that I still sleep with?

Wait, Bernal? Yeah. Is that what it's called? You sleep with Bernal? Bernal? Bernal? Bernal? No, its name is Bernal. It's a guy. Why is it called Bernal? Yeah. Is that what it's called? You sleep with Bernal? Bernal? No, it's name is Bernal. It's a guy.

Why is it called Bernal again? I don't know. It's such a cute name. I was like in preschool or kindergarten and I came home from my neighbor's house and I was like, this is my Bernal. And mom was like, okay. And I still have it. I always wanted to be one of those kids with like a velveteen rabbit or something that was like, I loved it so much.

You do. It's that pillow you sleep on. I know now I have one. But as a kid, I always dreamed of it. I would get new stuffed animals. I'd be like, this is it. And then I would just fucking ditch it in a day. And have Sharpie all over.

You're like, this is. Honestly, yeah. We had Doodle Bear. We'd write on that thing. Doodle Bear. That was a real toy that came with a marker. And you write on it. And you throw it in the wash

and it comes off. Oh, it's like a kid's cast for toys. Yeah, did you ever have a loved, a Velveteen Rabbit of sorts? I guess you would say like we had these wrestling,

these like plastic wrestling, Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior. Oh yeah, you loved those. Yeah, and those were pretty nice. Like I slept with those guys and I think I blew one. But I wanted a thing like even to suck my thumb.

I wanted a kid thing that to suck my thumb i wanted a kid thing that like you never had that i remember saying wait wait what i wanted you know like my friend sarah shaper my friend she still sucks her thumb as a 30 like a 40 year old woman wow she just still sucks it's like a soothing i wanted to i don't know why i didn't come up with the soothing technique because i was a stressed out kid you well your cuticle now i pick up my knee thing and then i also pick at my cuticles. But I didn't have that as a kid. I wasn't picking at cuticles.

You didn't like do... I would wake up in the middle of the night. I still do it. Hold on. What? And I... Oh, you would just like rub your arm up and down? My arm is up, and then I just stroke it.

And my wrist goes limp, and it just goes like this. Are you on coke with Andrew back in 2004? Hey, man. I was real hot back then. No, I just go, and it's like like so andrew wouldn't even do coke his his wrist would get limp do your coke face and he'd go up to girls and be like my friend's got a table out in the back and you thought it was like the hottest drink did you see a picture of yourself or something to see that oh yeah i have this picture here i'll

show you this picture i literally have it on Instagram. I posted it the other day with Rusty. You're going to see it. You're going to lose your mind because it's exactly what I'm describing. It's funny how when you're drinking or you're doing something. Oh, my God. Bring it in. You really did look like that. We got to put that up on the YouTube.

Yeah. How hot am I? And in my mind, I'm going, that guy is fucking hot. When did you realize you looked like that from that picture or when like did anyone ever tell you

go hey bud I could feel it happening but I couldn't do anything about it have you ever had a moment where someone did an impression of you in your

or said something about you in jest and you go wait what and everyone laughs and you go I didn't even know I was like that

well you know what I also did limperous when I played football and people made fun they would see it on the video. We'd watch the video and they're like, wait, look at Colin. And I would stand like this like on foot. Like this is the last thing to show how tough

you are in a football field. It's like a wrestler's stance. They go like that to begin. It's like always that weird. I wish. I called it the raptor, you know, but they're actually the size of a turkey. Yeah, well, that's what I learned from Love on the Spectrum. Noah asked me what I learned from that series upon completion. And I just learned they're the best people.

Yeah. I love people with autism. I love them. And now when they come up to the meet and greet after show, you can see it, I think, a little bit more. I was just telling about that guy that I met this weekend and i was so he was almost like easy lady i don't need more friends yeah the first time he ever made eye contact was to tell you to get away from him he's like okay all right okay i was kidding about this autism thing lady get out of here i really was like hi oh my god like because i could sense it from a like far off and his sister was like this is so and so and i was just like hot like i like

spiders and toothpaste yeah that's what they do that's the funny thing on love on the spectrum noah is whenever they introduce a new character they say there's this british woman who goes this is katie she hates loud screaming noises. And it'll be like a woman like, yeah. And be like, and doors opening quietly. And also spiders with more than three legs.

And it's just like, it's very, you can just tell that they ask people in the show, like, what are your likes and what are your dislikes? And they,

it's just a way to intro characters. But then there was this one woman or guy that went on a date with a neurotypical person that did not have autism. And they did the same intro. Because I go, is this person have autism? And then they did an intro for him of like, this person hates traffic, people being late,

and cold coffee. Yeah, just boring. And I was like, oh, wait, we all have those things. What's yours? coffee yeah just boring and i was like oh wait we all have those things we you know that's not yours um he hates um two lane highways uh air shows and fat men who do daring tricks on diving boards that's mine what about you what's yours wait what do you like though nikki likes uh soft-spoken women who remind her of a maternal instinct she didn't get as a child. She likes rice cakes with tofu cream cheese. And seaweed snacks with hummus in the middle.

I mean, mine is a lot of weird food things. What do you like? What about you, Kirsten? What do you hate and what do you like? Kirsten hates What do you hate and what do you like? Kirsten hates staying up too late. Kirsten also hates reading her phone too long.

She loves a good cup of hot tea. She also loves doing a nice heavy deadlift. God, I want to be you. That's all like normal shit. I'm trying to think about stuff I hate though. I love that you don't like things that are bad for you and you like things that are good for you. What's yours, Andrew?

Andrew hates this voice because he can do it. It's actually kind of cool. All right. That's good, mate. You're in one direction. Andrew hates brushing his teeth more than once a day. Yeah. He hates having to put on recticare with his own finger

because then he feels that his butthole is a weird shape. But what does he like? He likes vegan pizza with fake pepperoni. And he also likes playing golf and hitting the balls far and so far where they look like they reached the clouds in the sky. In the sky. That guy became Irish at the very end. The clouds in the sky.

It turned into like a James Joyce poem. Okay, Noah, you're up. From? Buffalo. Buffalo. There was a James Joyce fucking mural in Buffalo. And I go, is he from Buffalo to our driver? And the girl goes, I don't know, maybe.

And I was like, I think he must be. Why would they have a big mural to him? And then I looked it up and it's like, he's obviously from Ireland. I don't know if he's ever been to Buffalo. Okay, Noah. Okay. Noah likes petting her cat and scooping its poop. It gives her some sort of weird comfort.

But she hates large crowds and figuring out what a yard is. Like the measurement? The measurement. A friend of mine told me to meet her 25 yards away from the parking lot and I'm like isn't it a yard get out of here

with yards who's using yards I thought it was metric for a while it is 3 feet but like come on say feet well what's easier 25 yards or 75 feet? 75 feet.

75 feet. Wait, Noah, you're bad at distances. I'm so bad at distances. Like, Noah is the type of person, like Carlisle, that, you know, driving down the street, it'll be like, you know, the location's a half a mile on the left. And Noah and Carlisle will start braking, looking for it. And I'm like, is that a half a mile? And they're like, I don't know what that is. I guess it would be better. Wait, would you feel like you would think

it's farther if it said half a mile or 2,800 feet? 2,800, it would be the same to me. Yeah, what about you? Anything? I don't know, half a mile, I feel like I could run that. So it's like, okay, I could run.

Yeah, yeah, that's what Carla always says. She's like, Nikki, you run. I don't run, so I don't know what miles that. So it's like, okay, I could run. Yeah, that's what Carl always says. He's like, Nikki, you run. I don't run, so I don't know what miles are. But you also drive, and that's what miles are. All right, let's get to the next news story. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. I forgot we were even doing the news.

I mean, I forgot we were doing a podcast. This is fun. It is fun. We're just having fun. Three friends hanging out. Kirsten, move on in. Come on in. I don't give a shit.

I'm here I got a drawer now in the kitchen Okay keep going sorry Okay An Indonesian woman Fed up Cooks her husband's Prized fish

After he breaks a promise To clean its tank In protest for his laziness Oh His pet fish Yeah She ate it His dragon fish

She fried it up. And she put it on TikTok. And it's a prize winning fish? What a fucking bitch. Yep. That's awful. Okay, but what if she like, okay, is it about the fish?

Or what if like he didn't put his clothes away so she burned his favorite shirt? Bitch. Hell yeah. I mean, today we cleaned out the refrigerator or Kirsten I will say did and she was just like

what about this and I'm just like I just don't want to clean I don't care once something's so moldy I don't want to touch it you know

and I just like want to let it sit I see that is the case I just I'm so grossed out by the smell I might smell when I dump it out

like I just and I'm stressed out about throwing away plastic so I know that i can't just throw the plastic out together i have to like open it this was very clear when we went through the fridge i have stress about that i do too i think that's why we had curry in there three will you stop putting away three pieces of broccoli that you're not going to eat i can't believe i got caught on that that was only a day ago and then one no there's two different

containers with a lot of little pieces of just like- Well, maybe I go through what you go through because of the step of the recycling. If I could just throw it away, I don't think I would have- No, but it's still good. It's not gonna smell when you rinse it out, you know? Well, you killed my broccoli, apparently.

I did. It was so gross, and I had to just go, when I dumped it out. It was so gross. So I had to just go, when I dumped it out. It was so gross. So this woman kills the fish. The guy forgave her, apparently, and is looking to get another dragonfish,

which is the sign of wealth, apparently. So, I mean, maybe they're, you know, sometimes when you get a fish that's 10 bucks that shows a sign of wealth, you're probably poor. How would you ever forgive someone for eating your pet? And at a spite, too. I think it's just so, anything to do meant a lot to him how could you ever forgive someone for eating your pet and at a spite too I think it's just so anything

to do at a spite to be like I'm gonna make them suffer that's making someone suffer that isn't like I'm gonna leave in this broccoli to see how long Andrew will let this thing sit that's not like making you suffer that's just like I just want to show him how ridiculous this is like eating his golf club or something

be like oh I'll kill you. Yeah. Don't you fry up my nine iron. Yeah, my dad's sister, she got blamed for something he did. Something happened as a kid where my dad accidentally hit a baseball, hit her in the face. Something accidental. And she was so mad at him, she went and she ripped up all of his comic books. Hundreds of comic books that he had saved.

And my dad has never let that go because it was like those could be collector's items now it was the first superman and all like he was fastidious about them too collecting them and she knew they were important so she went and she tore up all of them i forget what it was about it was something so dumb i mean it's like stepbrothers when he puts his balls on the drums on his brother's drums. Like it's just egregious and just something you love. Oh, it makes me like sick to think about someone. Someone I love ruining something that I care about would be like the meanest. What would be the worst for you?

Ripping up your Taylor Swift signed poster or something. Or just maybe like, I guess my pillow. Or just picking something they know i love that pillow that i love a lot or like something that means a lot to me stealing a shirt or like ruining pulling out your hair oh my um oh my god if any out of my life that would be i would i would i would literally cut up my if someone tried to pull out my hair to hurt me i might murder you. I honestly would be so sad. So my friend we were talking about earlier, her ex-boyfriend went into her house to get

revenge, stole her whoopies, threw them in the dumpster. I don't know what whoopies are. Her blankies. Took her blankies, her whoopies, and threw them away. That is unforgivable. Unforgivable. When you have intent to go, I'm going to take something from this person. It's like when men murder their wives

or murder the kids just to get back at their ex. And then instead of murdering the ex, they go, I'm actually going to make your life way worse than taking it. I'm going to take away the thing that I know you love more than anything. It's just so fucking disgusting.

Let's take a quick break and come back with Finish My Sentence. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,

for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist When a group of models from the UK wanted my help

I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry I really wanted to be a playboy model Lingerie, topless I said yes please Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator You know who he is because of his centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it.

He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail.

It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery.

A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here.

If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade grade and i called to ask how it was going she was like oh dad all he was doing was talking about your thing in class i ruined my baby's first day

of high school and slumflower what turns me on is when a man sends me money like i feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money i'm'm like, oh my god, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. It's Wednesday

so we're gonna play Finish My Sentence. Do we have a sound for that? No, we don't. Not yet. Finish my sentence. Oh my gosh. Is that Avi? This is the segment where we have a prompt and then we each finish the sentence for each other.

Since there's four of us now, I think we're all just going to try for each other and see if we can guess what each other's sentence would sound like. What is the sentence we're doing today, Noah? My personal hell is. My personal hell is. All right.

Should we do Kirsten first? Sure. Okay. Speaking as Kirsten, my personal hell is not being able to get to a gym or to be able to work out for over two weeks. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah.

Yes. All right, you go. I'll do cursed. 100. When I had COVID, that was. Yes. Keep going. My personal hell is.

Yes. I mean, it would be the same thing. Not having access. My personal hell wouldn't be not being able to move my body and having to have like a lazy day where I do nothing, no activity with my body. And also having to go to like a baby shower. Oh.

I can take a day off, but if it were like, okay, one month you have to lay in a bed and do virtual baby showers. You can't walk anywhere. Oh, that would be hell. Yeah, and you can't do a stretch or something. You can't be like, oh, you can't do that.

Well, our views just went up. My leg. This is my trick. Yeah, Kirsten not being able to. I think I can do that too. Hold on. Really? Yeah.

I do this in a work meeting, like go up on the table and just- I don't think it's that easy for me, but I think I could probably. So K. Really? Yeah. I do this in a work meeting, like go up on the table and just- I don't think it's that easy for me, but I think I could probably- So Kirsten's leg is behind her shoulder. Hold on. Don't kick me.

I won't kick you. I just want to try it. Try it. You have jeans on though, so it's harder. Oh. Oh my God. Yeah.

Hold on. I can do it, I think. Over your head? Oh my God. Over my shoulder. I mean, that looks like someone else's leg. Ah! Oh.

Sorry. Okay. My. Okay. My personal health. You guys look like you're 11 years old and you're competing right now. I'm not competing. I just thought I could do it. No, I know. Not compete, but you know what I mean.

Okay. Mine's more graceful. Mine's more graceful. It's also higher. My toe's more pointed. And it's closer to my head. Okay. You're funnier, though, and you're famous.

I'm not Patricia Pilates over here i you know any pilates uh okay i am out of breath from that it's hard and i'm wearing a fanny pack so many excuses and like you're wearing jeans i gotta keep my order gels and my fucking canker meds around my waist okay my personal hell i'm andrew my personal hell is a deadline and having to uh oh sorry my personal my personal hell is having a deadline and a countdown clock. Oh, no, I know it. My personal hell is Nikki telling me that I can't do something when I am already set to do it and I have to change my plans last minute.

And my personal hell is working for Nikki Glaser. You got there. Whoa. No, your personal hell is truly like having people like telling you you have to do something or asking you to do something without... Without considering stuff. If I don't feel like there's consideration. Yeah.

Or how they ask. Or having to do something like it's funny because i i almost settled on something asking you to do something last minute but you're also a fly by your seat your pants kind of guy yeah so i think that your personal hell is being asked to do something you don't want to do yes i i would say that's that's definitely up there i think sometimes my personal hell is being asked to do something you don't want to do. Yes. I would say that's definitely up there. I think sometimes my personal hell is being asked to do something. It's like the Larry David thing of someone get this person a napkin. And it's like, you get them the napkin.

Like sometimes my personal hell is like, oh, wait, but you could grab that napkin, but you're asking me to grab the napkin. Why am I grabbing the napkin? Right. And I want to say that, but then it will open up like a whole like thing but it's not even a thing you know yeah well because sometimes the napkin is part of your job to grab and then even though the person could grab the napkin they are they need to eat breakfast or they need to do you know they're facilitating that there are even napkins in this place so sometimes just because you can do like the boss could do a lot of things around the office but they have people doing them because they need to

even if they're not doing work when you're grabbing the napkin they might need to just rest because that's what they need sometimes it's not the weekend so the napkin and that's when the person should just say listen why don't you grab the napkin bitch and and then the bitch will say because i don't because i asked you to do it, pretty please. And then I'll say, I mean, and then the person will say, I should say please more often. Like last night, can I give you an example of the same thing that happened? Last night, I took the sheets off the bed in there because I had slept on them two nights in a row. On your bed?

Yeah, and yesterday during the day, I took them off because I knew that I wanted to change them before Kirsten and I slept on them. It gets around to bedtime. I'm on the couch with a guy that I'm dating. And watching Love on the Spectrum. And Kirsten decides to go to bed. And she walks in there and she walks back out and she goes, Nikki, where are your sheets? And I go, oh, they're in the closet.

And she goes, can you come help me put it on, like the fitted sheet? Because it's kind of a bitch to get on and I said that I would help her before but that was before like I was cozied up on someone's lap kind of like in the dark under a blanket and I just go wrap your arm around me yeah I walked in you were like this yeah so under a bush yeah and I go can you just do it alone can you just do it like I've done it by myself so many times and she goes she goes and I go I didn't know where they were no no no but I told you where they were but I just thought

in my head which one goes on it what the fitted sheet goes on the they don't need to be matching there was no sets to match that's okay I just put on whatever

willy nilly I was tired sorry but Kirsten I just go cause earlier in the day I was thinking like god it is

you can't even look over there. It's really making me laugh. This looks like a little baby. I said, but no, I even thought to go, I go, God, I need to help Kirsten put on the sheets. I know I need to. And then I was like, wait a second. I do it by myself. It is a job you can do without someone's help.

There are some things that you do need two people for. And I was like, I know she's used to making the bed withory and having like you get it's easier to put on a fitted sheet with two people he always doubt about it but i know you can do it by yourself because i've done it by myself so i just go will you i go i'm so cozy person will you please do it by yourself i go i'm sorry i've done it by myself i know you can do it and i felt bad doing it and then i went i was kind of scared to go in later because i'm like she's gonna be mad at me because i made her do that but she wasn't she forgave me for being a little bit selfish in that moment and just wanting to be like a cozy little baby bird and like you were you were annoyed that you had to do it yourself and i totally respect that yes you were because i was

tired and i was like where are the sheets but i'll just tell you you did me a favor by doing that and i really appreciate you doing that and i appreciated like, like, I really, I got into bed, and you were already asleep when I got in, but I was like, Kirsten, thank you so much for, because you changed my pillowcase, and I was like, thank you so much for doing that. You said that? Yeah, and you were like, oh, thank you.

She rubbed her vagina on your old pillow, though. I was like, oh. No, I appreciated that. Sometimes I do need favors, and I could do it, and I just want someone to do it for me, because I'm just like, I don't want to do it. And I really appreciated that last night when you're staying at my house. I should have done it for you. And I just appreciated you doing that.

I know it was hell. I was like, hell. And I was like, where is it? And I think I even said out loud just to like maybe see if you would hear it. I was like, where are the top sheets even? I don't even know where they are. Yeah, you were just like, why are you so disoriented? You were like, the sheets are in the tower.

Then I went in and like, you know, you go to someone else's house and you don't know like which one's fitted. You don't know the colors. You don't know like, is this a fitted? Then I took them all out and I discovered it wasn't fitted and I put it back in. Are these pillowcases? No, they're towels. I just took all the time.

Well, thank you for forgiving me. I was a bitch last night last night but i was just so you look cozy and you were tired i know you work hard and i'm here staying and you're like no i should have done it for you but there are just times where i was like next time i knew she would forgive me for being a bitch right then there's some people though that i'm totally scared to ever like you know there i have certain friends who i would not ever ask to do that themselves i would just get off the couch and do it myself because i'd be scared they would never forgive me and it would become this thing that they like talk about forever like nikki one time made me do this and it's not worth it to me but i knew kirsten what i could be like kirsten i'm sorry

i was selfish last night and just tired and you're the same way. Like, I can be like, Andrew, I just, please. Yeah, you do. You know? Yeah. You just don't want to. There's times when, like, I really, like, it depends when you catch the person. Like, you're like, hey, grab this parcel. I'm like, I'm downstairs. I'll grab the parcel.

I'm not even thinking about it. I'm like, yeah, I'll help you. I got your back. I'm helping you out. And then there's other times where I'm just like, it's like, I don't know. I never send you parcels anymore, by the way. Yeah. Yeah, that is true.

Never. I stopped. We got to go to final thought. You just stopped ordering stuff. Oh my God, are you kidding me? Final thought. I'm getting so many parcels. I cannot stop buying things on fucking Poshmark, dude.

I got a parcel. Posh problem. What is Poshmark? Ugh. This is not an ad. No, it's not. Do not. It's like TikTok, dude. It is addictive as ad. No, it's not. Do not. It's like TikTok, dude.

It is addictive as fuck. It's just like. It's worse than Amazon? Oh, for me, yes. It feels, because it feels better because it's resale. Oh.

But I gotta wonder if anyone knows, will you DM me, how the fuck do all these women get these brand new NWT, new with tags, clothing? Are they shoplifting them and then reselling them?

Because I look at these women's profiles. They don't have a good sense of style. The stuff in their personal wardrobe is garbage and none of the same size is that all this new stiff is. Do they even in at Kate Spade? Do you think they work there? Do you think they work at these places and they get them? I don't know what's happening.

They just have a shopping problem. They buy it and they don't know that they want it. So can you get it for cheaper than what new is? Oh, so it's not like one of these things that bid off. Okay, that's like, yeah, I bought shoes like that. Stock X or something. The thing on Poshmark, you like things. You go through and I'll like a ton of stuff and heart it.

Yeah. And then people will go, hey, Nikki, thanks for liking the pink 80s belt. Oh, God. I'm now offering 20% off on all bundles. Take a look through my closet. And then you go, okay, I'm going to go look at the other stuff they got selling. If I buy three items, I get 20% off.

If I buy four, it becomes like this. And then it just arrives three days later in a fucking little package. And it feels good because it's not new. But a lot of it is new, but you're not going to a mall. And you can find i don't know i'm addicted i bought so much stuff last night every day i buy like four things

dude i can't stop what did you buy let's hear an example of like what are you buying and why did you buy it and maybe we could figure out how to stop it well i don't want to stop to be honest with you so here's the somethings um oh no these are then they invite you to parties they're like hey we've got a a white logo party happening we got oh up okay here's one this a mean a mean bing i don't even know how to say your name a nine bing okay this fleece pullover teddy pullover it's so cute and i have it hearted and I'm watching it. It's $209. I'm not going to spend that much on it.

I just don't know how much I'm going to wear it. Then there's, oh, this one was so cute. But what did you buy last night? You said you bought four things. I'll tell you everything I've bought. It's insane. Oh, God. So Free People Pink Sequin Cheetah Mini Skirt. I need that for the stage. Just a fun sequin cheetah miniskirt.

I need that for the stage. Just a fun sequin miniskirt. Oh, shit. And a Neen Bing sweatshirt. It's like a crew neck sweatshirt. It's a cropped sweatshirt with like a cute white. Look how cute this is. Hold on.

Fuck. Look at this shit. Now, can you put it back? Let's say you wear it five times and you're kind of over. I can put it back on. You can reposh. Oh, you can reposh. Okay.

I got a BB Dakota black crushed vegan leather high waist miniskirt, 42 bucks. I got a below the belt Barcelona studded waist belt that Kendall Jenner was spotted wearing for 45 bucks. I got a nasty gal star faux leather high rise skirt, 25 bucks. I got some pink leather gloves for $15. I got free people holding on to a dream miniskirt. I got the express white. You know who you are?

What? You're your mom. Bam. You're your mom now. You finally turned into your mom. Julie at HomeGoods. This brings us full circle because over the weekend, Britta, Kirsten's sister was in kansas city with us

backstage and i was like get i was doing my makeup and i thought felt like oh my god i am looking great like this makeup my skin looks great like my hair looks great and britta goes oh my god do you know who you look like and i literally was gonna thought she was gonna say jennifer lawrence like i was just feeling hot you know when you just have like so much confidence you're like i look amazing and she and i go and i literally was just like and i was so happy because cameras were filming too i'm like oh my god they're gonna catch her like honestly telling me i look like a fucking celebrity and she's like your mom and i was just like it was what you said though you came in and you're like and it was like just like julie you look like your mom but then i spun it because

my mom first of all very good looking woman will first of all, very good looking woman. We'll never admit it, but very good looking. I don't want to look like my mom now because my mom's 62. That would be insane. But your mom at your age. But Britta remembers my mom when she was in her 30s. So I look like my mom in her 30s. Bang. Back to feeling good about it.

Now it's a compliment again. Well, maybe you have your mom resell some of your stuff on Posh that you won't want. I'll do that for you, Nick. You kidding me? This shit is so good. Wait, where'd you get that? 25 bucks. You paid that for that?

I see that at Goodwill all the time. That's ridiculous. Well, when you got money, I guess you're going to spend it. What? You spent $175 on a denim rush dress? Nikki, what does this even mean? Why would you do that? I saw these at Target.

You wear a rush dress, though. They're going to bring out the Target rack at Goodwill, and I'm going to find that for you. I'll show you. I'll show you. I'll get that for you. You know, when you have money, you can just spend it, I guess. It's fine.

It's fine. I'm going to look for these for you now, Nick. I'm going to look for them. I'm going to find you a denim rush dress. Look, you're doing little tiny purchases. It's not. They add up. They add up.

Little teepees. They add up. But if you came home with four different watches. If any other girls out there are addicted to Poshmark, give me some of your tips. Tell me some of the ways. Because I'm addicted to this app. It brings me a lot of like. I just like liking things. liking things i like people going hey nicky we saw you scoping out this you want to offer you this i like that they see me i feel and my name is nicky glazer

on there if you want to uh this is your mom going in the goodwill and the person working there go hey there hey hey hey jules you're back hi guys hey did you bring the rack out you're waiting to bring the rack out my mom yeah to bring the rack out My mom Yeah There's a certain rack That comes out Of new things And my mom is always Waiting around

Like a little crow Alright we gotta go Thank you for listening To the show today Kirsten thank you For being on it again Thanks guys So fun

We will be back tomorrow On the podcast To round out the week Don't be care And Jackpot What is it Jackmark

Poshmark I like Poshmark Oh got it Joel the holidays And Jackpot. What is it? Jackmark. Potrat. Like Potchmark. Oh, got it. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt.

And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up?

This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more.

Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.

Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.

With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world.

Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.