The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #123 R & R & A Brown Towel

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

Between you and Nikki pink under eye liner is gonna be the new thing and there's a lot to be gained from speaking to Luigi's vet. Andrew got to witness Nikki "get ready" last night and she was anal about it. She asks 7 pertinent questions that she answers yes to about a western bedroom habit. You Heard It Here First, online dating ice breakers, porn on the news and Island Boys. In Slice of Life, Nikki shares a video she made for Bob Saget's charity the Scleroderma Research Foundation. In the Final Thought, Andrew gives Nikki a nudge to write a song with a double meaning. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch,

Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.

Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration.

It came back to my own personal pinpoint. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them. Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hey, everyone. It's Nikki Glaser. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast Here's Nikki Hey everyone, it's Nikki Glaser, welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast Oh, I was just going to do an impression of my mom And then I looked down and my mom was calling me

I should have picked up, but it hung up on her I think it was a butt dial, she rarely calls me Nick, wait, I wonder what she would say Nick, what are they uh where did you get that what's the name of that site again that you use um push on it push push matt push matt uh poshmark mom she so disappointed me in those in those boots that she opened up i just saw the disappointment on her face if it goes what'd you pay 20 bucks oh 42 all right sorry you're coming not a big deal just kidding uh thank you for all the um replies yesterday about my mom i got a lot of dms being like wow she we've never really heard her um and you sound exactly like her when you do an impression i thought she killed it

and you know afterwards i was running around fr an impression I thought she killed it and you know afterwards I was running around frantically trying to get to my next thing and I didn't have time to go like I did say like great job that was awesome you know all the things you say after a performance is done um but I'm while I'm like uploading video and like, you know, just mom, that was seriously so good. Thank you so much. And, you know, I could just tell she was just like, what's that good? And I'm just, it's so interesting people that don't work regularly in, you know, podcasting or broadcast, whatever it is. I forget they need validation. And why do I forget that? I mean, I need it so much too. I think the problem with my mom is, and I later was telling my dad,

is that when you give it, she negates it. Goes, no, I was terrible. No. Mom, I got a DM about how beautiful you were this weekend. I sent her the screenshot of someone who met her and was like, God, your mom's beautiful. They'll say anything. Okay, well, they also said that they enjoyed my show.

Well, it was good. It's just like, okay, so eventually you just stop giving people compliments if they can't take them. And it always brings me back to that Inside Amy Schumer sketch that I did. I think it was first season for her show where a bunch of girls are meeting up to give each other compliments or like meeting up just running to each other in the park giving each other compliments and none of us can take compliments or none of the girls are like they're all just like no my god I'm like disgusting oh my god like I uh what do they say

they're like um oh my god you have like your tits are amazing they're like Katy Perry's and you're like yeah if Katy Perry's tits like, your tits are amazing. They're like Katy Perry's. And you're like, yeah, if Katy Perry's tits were the Holocaust, it was just like stuff like that. Like, yeah, right. I'm disgusting. One girl's pregnant and she's like, oh my God, you're pregnant. She's like, are you kidding me? I'm like a hundred years old.

When I birth this thing, it's just going to be like a bunch of cobwebs, like just every girl negating the compliments. And then I stroll up and they're like, oh my God, I love your jacket. And I'm like, thanks. And all the girls are just like what like they can't understand a girl that would take a compliment and then her everyone's head explodes one girl walks into traffic another girl just takes a gun out of her purse and blows her head off just because they can't handle it's really funny I just ruined it for you but um yeah yesterday I was doing something and um every girl that worked at this place was like gorgeous and I said to my friend who is a manager there and you know like runs it

I go what is this what you're hiring models I go this isn't you know hooters but I mean I couldn't think of an example of a place that hires beautiful women like this isn't what's the name of like a nice club literally my references are so terrible I need to like expose myself to more things I need to read more what's like a place that hires like super hot women I you know what I said I ended up going this this is like the um because it was like a place where you rent canoes I go this is the uh pretty woman like big mistake huge of huge of outdoor activities. Because it just seemed like all the girls there were like better than me and so hot.

What's like a club? Like if you were, if I was to say, Noah, what is an exclusive club where all the women that work there are hot? Like, you know, one of the hide. That's all I can think of. I know that was a cool place to go to. Oh, I guess the first, I didn't realize it was a club, but the first thing that came to mind is European Wax Center.

Oh my God, that's really, that's a great reference. All the women there are so beautiful. Yeah, like all the receptionists are just stunning. Oh my God, you are so right about that. It's so funny because my friend used to go there to get his back laser hair removed. Yeah. And he used to have stress about it because he was like the receptionists are so hot it's so funny you would say that see this is the joy of having people in your life that aren't comedians because

you can go what's the first thing you think of when you think of this and then they say something and you're like that's more genius and on point than anything i could have come up with in my brain um so i'm gonna use that next as my example when you said it's not me no european wax center is so funny because everyone either knows about that place and it seems like a place that hot girls would work or you've been there and it's actually verified but yesterday noah um there was a girl there at this place, younger girl, and she had pink, hot pink eyeliner under her eye, not over, like the bottom, hot pink. Which putting pink next to your eye, let's be honest, kind of a risk because there is an affliction called a pink eye so if you're not if you're dealing with like a kind of bacterial infection pink color you're it's you're treading into territory so today I did a hot pick under eye liner which I used um a uh a lip pencil liner

and I don't know what it's going to look like from a far off shot. You can see it on the YouTube in a couple days when this uploads. You know we have a YouTube channel now. You can see all of my Taylor Swift shirts that I've been wearing now. I think this is probably day 11.

I'm kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel. I'm saving some faves for later, but this one is just, you know, this one is very understated. People might say, that's not a Taylor Swift shirt. You're damn right it is. It's from the Reputation Tour. It's a tank top.

It's a muscle tee. I love a good muscle tee. What do you think about pink under the eye eyeliner? Okay. I used to have a pink eyeshadow that I really loved. And I like, I think that red is a primary color of green and my eyes are green. So like the pink tone popped out my green color more. Yes.

So I loved it. And blonde classically looks great with pink. That is kind of why I love pink so much. It's whenever I wear that color, people go, oh my God, you look amazing. Like it's just a good color on me. I think it's because of the blonde hair maybe my skin tone when I spray Sally Hansen but you're right about that you know what taught me about the the eye color and like what colors you should use was that Almay campaign back in probably 2007-8 does anyone remember that I know I'm gonna get DMs from girls. They would give you

a palette. I think they still do it. And it's like what color your eye is. And then it's like a brown, for me, it was brown, blue, like taupe or like gold. And it was for like blue eyes. And they weren't wrong. Like those colors, browns do suit me more than, you know, other colors. But yeah, I love learning little makeup tricks that I never thought of. I just go to this girl, do you have pink eyeliner under the, under, not over, under.

And she goes, yeah. And I'm like, I'm stealing that look. Even though she was definitely a different complexion than me, different hair, couldn't be more different than me. But I was very into it. Noah, how was your day yesterday?

My day was great, I think. I don't know. What did you do? I can't even remember what yesterday was, to be honest with you. I know. But you're in, can we do a BSB check? Okay. Body? Body? Not that great. I took a class on Saturday. It was like a tribute class for someone at my gym who passed away and they did like a seminar with some black belts and stuff it's a it's a jiu-jitsu gym and i did a move where i had to do a roll and i rolled on my neck the

wrong way so i've just kind of like been off uh yeah i'm just kind of like dealing with a with a neck like a muscle spasm which stinks but it's it's almost gone, so I'm very happy about that. I want to massage it for you so bad. Would that feel good to, like, dig into it? Yes. I mean, Avi, he's been massaging it and putting Tiger Balm and stuff. And when he massages it, it just feels like he's, like, putting a knife in my back and, like, just, like, moving it around. But it does feel good.

Is it the way he's massaging? Or does he do everything like he does the soundtrack or the intro for fanthrax he just yells in my ear well he's a commander right um so he uh so any massage feels like a knife it's just a like a byproduct of having this muscle spasm because it you know it like locks in the back of my neck, but it affects my shoulder and my upper back. Oh yeah. It's like a, what's it called when they say that it goes, it's, I watched so many massage videos on ASMR. I know, I usually know the word for, um, when it like radiates down, there's like a special word for

that and affects so many things yeah forget the name for it but um very common sciatica well sciatica yeah but the the word for it radiating down your leg it's um god i forget it's it's like oh that's a blank spot like it means that it has impact everywhere which really everywhere on your body has effect everywhere else but um i'm sorry okay so b body is not great spirit spirit's good school spirit school spirit's good buzzy is getting uh i keep forgetting what it is for boys but he's getting snipped tomorrow and i'm a little bit yeah spade i think spade or neutered spade i think spades because all of my dogs were spayed and I've only had male dogs besides Marion.

Okay. So he's getting spayed tomorrow and I'm just having a little bit of a, I don't know. Mom? I'm just nervous. Yeah. Why?

I'm nervous. Just, I don't like the thought of him being uh scared not scared like um uh anesthetized i don't know i just have a fear not feeling not having natural like cat impulses to fuck no no anesthetized no the the uh anesthesia yeah yeah being put to to sleep or whatever temporarily yeah because it yeah i honestly i just took luigi in for a checkup to get anxiety meds i got him on prozac and he is going to get a dental that's what they call it it's pretty much just like tooth cleaning and they have to anesthetize him for it i'm like yes isn't that kind of like adding danger to the whole thing like sometimes they don't wake up from that i don't mean it

depends on the age okay he's in a pretty good age category i feel like most spangs like i've never i really don't hear many times of dogs being you know not waking up or cats not waking up but I understand the anxiety of that that was the moment that I knew Luigi was mine to keep when I was fostering him was when he went and got spayed and the technician had him on the um they had to muzzle him because he was so freaked out and biting you know and at that point he wasn't even like warmed up to me that much he was just barely I had him probably for like four days. And he was just kind of like, I don't trust you, bitch. And then when he was on the table and the technician had muzzled him and was like, you know, checking him, like feeling his glands and stuff.

And Luigi just looked at me. And I think I've told this before, but he looked at me when I was waiting in the chair right next to him. Like, mom, like chair right next to him, like mom, like do something. Like the eyes were like looking to me, like you're, you're, you look after me.

That look, I just like got in my car and was like sobbing because it was just like, something finally depends on me and loves me. And that was the moment I knew that he loved me and I loved him. Like I was all he had in that world and he just like he I think he had to in that moment just accept me because I was the only one that was and then I just go bye bitch and I left and went to probably went to Starbucks um no but then after that I I just cried in my car I was like I know it's him because of that

that look of like mama um I do wonder though what do they do with the balls what do they do with buzzy's balls after they take them off um you can get an anklet made or a keychain um i don't know i mean i'm guessing just in the trash right or they recycle them i don't know i don't know i'm gonna ask though because i'm so curious um yeah i mean i that that's a great question i think you should ask that i was talking to my vet the other day and was talking about you know i've i've heard anecdotally i think or maybe on reddit somewhere which you can only trust that so much that veterinarians are the number one they kill themselves more than any profession and we always used to hear dentists were that

which i don't know where that came from but it's vets and even the vet said it she was like yeah you know we are we are prone to depression because we have we get into this because we have like massive amounts of empathy and it was more about i was like oh yeah because I hear like you get into this business to save animals and you end up putting them down all day she was like it is that but it's more that you know when if someone cries like because I have am involved with animals I'm generally people who love animals are very empathetic to not only animals but people as well and not only is it sad to put down a dog which happens all the time and is the way we is the gentle way we end most pets lives

which is so weird to me that that's like the best decision but in a human's life it's just like no just suffer till the very end until your body just like, you know, you choke on your own fucking, um, you know, lung tissue. Um, but, and, and if you let a human, if you let an animal die the way we let our grandparents die, you would be cruel and selfish, but that's neither here nor there. Um, but it is, it's both here and there. Um, um but what they she said is it's just so sad like people when they're putting down their pets they're in the probably one of the worst states they've ever been in and so she has to comfort you know when the vet is there if your vet's just cold and not there to comfort you or hug you or kind of like treat you like this is more special than

the other ones like they do it all day you know she says sometimes there's like 13 in a day was her worst day and I'm like how do you make each of those people feel special like and and and how do you let that in without you know if all day you're watching people just like oh like sobbing how do you walk away from that and like I'm gonna go home watch Grey's Anatomy like you just and so she was talking about I you know I get people to open up about things they don't want to open up about almost immediately and I felt a little bit like why are we on the subject and I hope this woman's okay sharing this because you know there were cameras following me around I still don't know why guys who knows i don't get it but there were cameras there and i was talking to her about you know i want to get luigi meds

because i'm on meds why do i again it's like the euthanization thing why do i get to experience some relief from this but giving your dog prozac is like a you know late night monologue joke I just remember Jay Little being like eh you hear that people are giving their dogs a Prozac like it was just like oh that's so stupid dogs aren't people they'll swab it it's like if your dog can find relief from it why wouldn't you give it to him so I was telling her that and I was like you know I love therapy and she's like oh girl me. She said to me that she goes to do EDMR, EMDR, EDMR, whatever the one is that isn't a music genre. That rapid eye movement thing. You've heard of it, Noah, right?

And I was like, dude, that's the one I want to do. Because right before I went for FBoy Island, and I wasn't doing a podcast then, so you guys don't know this, but I went to Whitney Cummings gave me actually her therapist and you know, she gave me a lot of things. She gave me clothes. She, when I come to visit her, she gives me books, just work books to like heal. She's amazing. Such a good friend. And she gave me her therapist. She gave me a nutritionist. She gave me all like all this stuff. And she's like, I like, I'll pay for it. Like, she's just like, you know, she's just so generous. I love her to death. And she gave me this woman.

And we were going to start EDMR. Well, the woman is in LA. I'm in St. Louis. So I bought the system. So it's, you hold these little paddles. It's like Scientology. Like, at first it feels like, is this like a, you know, what do they it's like Scientology like at first it feels like is this like a you know what do they call it in Scientology when you're doing when you're telling them all their

secrets so they can use it against you if you ever try to leave you know it's a dumb word but um it felt like that but instead it's like these paddles buzz and they create pulses back and forth just to like switch your focus I think and then then if you want to look into it, if you have like a lot of trauma, and even if you don't, like I don't have specified trauma. I have like, you know, I don't have like car accidents or specific abuse that happened to me,

but it's kind of like this. Or maybe I do. This will go in there if you have PTSD. This goes in there. It's like talk therapy where you're just talking for years and years. This can get in there and just target it right away. The place in your brain that is keeping you stuck in that moment and, and, and literally resolve it. And it's all based on your

eye movement and it's just a very pointed technique. So anyway, I found someone locally who's going to do it. And that was honestly, um, I did jamila jamil's podcast um a while back and we both have kind of come to the same place with our body image and like accepting our bodies and like not starving ourselves anymore and all these things and i kind of shared with her offline like how i did it and she shared with me online how she did it and her technique was EDMR. And so if you're someone out there who is struggling with that kind of stuff or literally any trauma, I just recommend looking into that. I have a lot of friends who have done it and who have seen like amazing, really quick results with trauma work and just you know and it doesn't have to be

major and massive and like I don't deserve to do it because I didn't go to war I don't deserve to do it because my parents were cool like there's stuff in there it can you can benefit from it so I have a machine so I'm gonna start going because this vet gave me the card anyway that's my story I'm sticking to it let's get Andrew in here and I want to know how he was able to turn off our fire alarms when yesterday my mom and I were trying to get the beeping to stop. And I understand that means the batteries need to be changed. I know. But I needed the beeping to stop. And I don't have batteries yet.

And they're hooked to the wall and there's no batteries. So I don't know what's going on. I'm going to call the building. Anyway, my mom and I had to stack a chair with a suitcase on top and she had to hold it steady. Andrew, who is as tall as me, just seems to make them stop right away. I need to know his secret. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week,

Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere.

A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who were the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers,

but we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and the RZA. These are conversations you

won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests.

People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Seven questions, limitless answers. What up, Andrew?rew welcome back i was pooping yeah you've been pooping a lot yeah you pooped last night this morning and then again this morning yeah three why how much do you poop i mean i would say twice a day like once maybe once a day actually once every once a day on av yeah i'm no i'm definitely more than that i don't know but i also engage in sex that makes me have to like get it all out once a day no but you would think you'd poop more no i just have it stacked up so it's like once a day, ready to go. And then like sometimes twice a day, sometimes three. Do you know exactly what time? No, but like if I know I'm going to be engaging in activities back there,

I need about 15 minutes now and good to go. Can I ask you a personal question? Like only. Last night when I went to my room for a a second did you go prepare yourself and come out like i'm ready for you master yeah yeah yeah it's like it's like i always make him wait in the waiting room i could feel i could feel you come out go your order is ready like that's how you're i've done that before i was like because i go another room and i because i don't like him in my bedroom while I'm in my bathroom

because you can just... There's stuff you hear and I blast the like... Toilet. Wait. No, I blast... Hold on. It's sounding...

Okay. As a person outside the room... Yeah. As a listener, it sounds like you are preparing yourself for Andrew. Oh. Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Someone was here. My partner. Oh, okay. My sexual partner was here last night. I didn't know that part. And I always, whenever he always goes, last night I got a little horny for him unexpectedly.

I didn't think I was going to engage in this act because I just, we were just hanging out. But we always do. Like, we never don't if he comes over. Like, but I wanted to do more than just give a blowjob. You know, like, I wanted to receive some stuff, which I can, but I wanted it to involve his penis. His ding-a-ling.

Yeah. So, like, down there, I wanted it to involve his penis. Like, he could do toys on me, but, like, I just, and I enjoy that act. It's not like I'm like, it's the only thing I can do. It's like, I like it. So, I wasn't in the mood to, like, prepare because it takes so long. And I'm sorry to anyone who doesn't want to hear any of this, but I do believe that education about how to to i just never i was someone who was having

this kind of sex i want to call it something else i hate the word yeah um maybe um asshole sex is that better or butthole fill my butthole or oh my god my duty hole something like that um my brown stain rectalectal ramming. Oh, rectal ramming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was railroad crossing. Let's call it railroading. No, that sounds worse.

RR, R&R. Let's call it Obama. Rest and relaxation. Obamacare. R&R. Okay. A little R&R for rectal ramming, but we all know what I'm talking about

when I say R&R. Yeah, we're talking about abomacare. But it sounds like rest and relaxation. Okay, so I enjoy a little R&R and a lot of it, actually. And I think that even though I've been doing it a really long time and it used to be more of like a delicacy and more of a special occasion thing when I was in a relationship now it's become a staple of my um life and I I really want to put out there that um it should be that way for other people as well and like I wish I would have done the research and done and really try I was too scared to try because I was so scared of the stigma

of being someone who like buys the tools to make it efficient because then it's like, you're this, that's your thing. And then you have to like, where you put all those things and then it's like,

if you're investing in that, then what's wrong with you? But it has led to like such a great experience that A, I don't worry about getting pregnant. I don't have to be on any birth control because of it. I never worry about any residual stuff happening. I'm for I'm as free as if it were in my vagina. I feel very clean. I feel like I it's connective and um enjoyable and very uh intimate and it feels

so good but i wouldn't you know i do a bit about it now which is not even a bit but i go you know i wish everyone would be more open to anal i really just do and no pun intended whatever like i just i i understand because i hear so many girls going, I've tried it. No, no, no, no, no. I've tried it. I hear you. And I'm sure it did hurt. But when you tried it, did you use all the lube in the land?

Like literally all of it. Like a whole bottle of it. Did you use so much? What if the argument is, is if you need to use that much lube, maybe naturally it's not supposed to happen. I get that. But are you naturally supposed to be swinging a golf club with a glove and like weird spikes on your shoes? None of that's natural,

but it's still enjoyable. Okay, gotcha. Good argument. And also it feels so good. I'm not- Leave the golf glove out of it. Yeah, that's true. Unless it is black or brown.

Don't quit. I just picture your white glove and I'm like, that's going to be a whole thing. What about the communication part of it? There's a lot of communication. I say, do you use all the lube in the land? If you can't say yes to all of these, then you have not tried anal in my opinion. You should give it another shot. Have you

come once or twice vaginally or clitorally um so that you are relaxed enough to for your body to receive further penetration or have you been on the brink of climax like are you extremely relaxed with at least 20 to 30 minutes of foreplay that is just dedicated to your vagina and your pleasure and not his? Okay, if you can't answer yes to that, you haven't tried it. Number three,

have you taken tiny, have you, first of all, cleaned yourself out in a way that has made you feel less, knowing that nothing's gonna happen? Or if something does happen, it's truly not your fault because you did everything you could.

Do you have a partner that, do you have a number four, four, you have, do you have a Brown towel down? How now Brown towel? Do you have, or a black towel?

Do you, do you have a partner who, if something does happen, you could probably look them in the face again and they are understanding and compassionate numbers. That was number five, five, six, four. Okay. again. And they are understanding and compassionate. That was number five. Four down to four. We're on five.

No, brown towel was four. How now brown towel? How brown towel? Five is partner. Six. Number six is do you, I want a list. I want the people on the YouTube channel to make a list next to me. Do you, oh, did you get warmed up

with fingers? Maybe a tongue? A smaller thing? You keep numbering. Sorry, I'm just, a smaller thing than what is about to enter you. And number seven,

do you, do you like it? Do you want to? Do you want to experience more pleasure in your life? And are you interested in actually doing this? Or are you doing it for you? Are you doing it for them? Now, if the answer is you're doing it for them, sorry, we're getting the numbers confused.

But let me just say, sub note on are you doing it for them. If you're doing it for them and it's turning you on to do it for them, you're good to go. But if you're doing it for them because you just want them to like you more, obviously not good to go. I think. Then you can say you've tried it. If you don't like it after that, you can say you've tried it and then we can talk. Seven in R&R heaven. That's what they call it.

That's the list. Okay, question. You are a very hard worker. When you get your mind onto something, you're extremely motivated. Now, if you're a lazy couple, I feel like out there, the idea of 30 minutes of foreplay

as well as different steps to get your butt ready. Then you shouldn't do it. Yeah. I just think that that's where your butt ready then you shouldn't do it. I just think that's where I think I think that's because I think all those steps will scare people. No. 30 minutes of foreplay. Do you think that's too much? I think for

a regular couple that just wants to fuck maybe just penis and vagina. You can have sex. Like make her come like once or twice. And maybe you don't come so you can actually be interested in what you're doing. No, I think you can do that. But I'm just saying.

Or with a toy. I'm just saying if every time you have to prepare like your geisha, then it's kind of a lot. Well, let me just say that it makes – I agree with you because every time that I have sex now because I'm not having vaginal sex, I have to do the – The seven steps of heaven. Well, no. That's just if you now I can skip many of those steps because I know how to clean out myself in a way that I don't need

even sometimes need to put down a brown how now brown towel and I don't and all the lube in the land isn't any time consuming. You're like a race car like that gets like the tires change. As opposed to like a pit stop. Yeah, you're like a race car like that gets like the tires changed and my yeah now i'm a pit stop yeah you're a pit stop and but i will say that it is there are days like last night i i had to get horny enough to motivate me to go prepare because it's about 15 minutes of

squeezing water up your ass and then pushing it out doing it again pushing it out doing it again pushing it like it's it's and it's a lot at the end of it you're like i think i just fucked myself with this thing like i've been penetrated a lot by this little tube um but the because the investment yes you go oh my god i'm i put something i didn't just lay back and get it i didn't just like you know push my underwear to the side when you put in work to something the reward is so much better. Okay let's say you do all

that work right? Yeah. You already know I think you know my question. I don't. He comes in 45 seconds how upset are you? Not upset at all because you have a dildo next to you that you can finish off the process because that does happen a lot. I, a lot of times, with my partner, he will finish.

And he doesn't even know that I want to keep. I don't even know that I want to keep going. Because I'm so turned on by them finishing, usually. That he will just keep going afterwards without even me asking with his penis not hard and like he's obviously probably not as turned on but sometimes it it it oftentimes leads to him getting hard again because he just keeps going so you just you have a toy on hand and i would would recommend like anal training kits there's like you know different sized ones that move up and up and you can do up you can work with a plug but i promise you like i just think it's where do you guys toys are us um

i was trying to think of a toys are us but it's closed gus lust toys are lust toys are lost um sex toys are lost yeah boys fuck me in my butt something like that my butthole i just want more people to experience no i think that i think has brought me a lot of joy that i just didn't know about and i was enjoying anal so much before or rnr so much before i knew all of this and now i know all this and it's like a whole new world. Does it take away when it's a delicacy? You know, you eat like, you know, a rainbow roll, which is, you know, $20. So you're like, oh my God, I get a rainbow. But then now you're offering essentially spicy tuna every day.

Does that? Well, then your vagina becomes a delicacy. So whatever you're not doing becomes the thing that you kind of go, oh, oh well this will be exciting again once we go back to this thing and and i don't think other couples are gonna do anal every time it is so much work i i have as much as like a probably a porn star who films anal like i have to get ready for a scene but i enjoy investing that time and like my partner is really grateful for the time like that i put into it. Like it's something that I can give to our relationship that that's like it's a love language of like anally douching for 15 to 40 minutes.

You also got to get the camera operator, the boom guy. Check the white noise in the room. It was interesting last night. My partner said to me. Partner sounds so funny. Well, he's my sex partner. I feel like that's the best. No, interesting last night my partner said to me. Partner sounds so funny. Well, he's my sex partner. I feel like that's the best. No, it just feels very country. My partner My partner that

liked me in my booty hole. Had his spurs on his boots. He said to me, top your horse and listen to me for a second. He tilted his hat and he said Well, you know, we talk a lot. We fantasize a lot in bed and talk a big game of different things.

And it was interesting last night. Before you have sex? No, during. Oh. During. And daring. Sorry, did you understand what I was saying? Daring.

Oh, like double dare. Dur. Daring. Double dur. Dur-day. Dur, like double dare. Dur. Daring. Double dur. Durding. Fred Durst. Durst. Do you say Fred Durst?

No, I say Durst. Okay, well, that's weird. Yeah. Doesn't translate. Especially during a song. Daring. Daring a Fred Durst song. So he said, just kidding.

Just kidding. He said to me, if I, you know, it's interesting. Communication, we have the most open communication in bed. Like I've said things that could probably get me charged with a felony. I'm exaggerating. But like the things I say in bed are wild. And so are the things he says. Like I'm going to kill your family and steal their car.

Something like that. I knew you were fucking all right it was one time and partner hey partner howdy ma'am so he did say to me though last night i'm trying to be very uh thoughtful when i say this and i thought it was just so adorable. He was like, you know, because we're talking about what happens if we take this too long term, like if we get married someday and we're not even boyfriend and girlfriend, but I was like, you know,

he knows that I want that someday. And he's like, what if, you know, the things we're talking about doing eventually, which we're now just like fantasizing about, but if we eventually do those things, which are wild things, he's like, what if there's and he goes i don't even know that this is true but what if i don't envision my wife doing those things and if

if if if for me he goes i don't think that's gonna be the thing but i'm just worried that if i picture you as a wife that my idea of those things i might not want to happen to my wife, but to my partner, to my partner, it's fine. And I go, that's kind of what I'm enjoying about this time where I'm not a wife is I can be the whore and be the woman that you would never marry. That's kind of the fantasy. We talk about that a lot. Our fantasies involve, myies involve like GBs.

Right. And a lot of times. Come on. GB. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I should call it stay in a life. It's GBs. Yeah. Gang. Yeah. And you can feel warfare. Yeah. Yeah.

In your butt so a lot of those gbs involved like in our fantasies men that are married oh and in the fantasy but that's not what i want to actually happen but in the fantasy they are like there's something about i like being it's it for me a woman that involves in the gangbang is like the ultimate like whore like oh my god she's servicing all these guys and you can't even believe what a whore this girl is like it's almost like the um the everest of whoredom for me like and for me as how many guys are we talking as many as you like you know in my fantasy it's like 100 like it can be oh so many it's disgusting no no i'm just

wondering i'm not i'm not judging i'm just wondering like how many numbers we're thinking i say like i have i've kind of liked the idea of them being like my wife would never fucking do this like you're such a whore like i'd never marry you but like i'm gonna think about this forever when i'm fucking my boring wife and like not that they they don't want to marry me but they they they said I'm a different category and by the way this is I do want to be a wife someday that a guy would think of another woman this way like I'm not trying to be like I want to steal your man and have him think about me that's part of a fantasy of like being the ultimate whore it's my thing okay so he was saying to me like what if

and i was like that actually fits exactly with what i want like i want to separate those two as well and he goes but you might end up you know i might end up wanting my wife to do those things even though we haven't done those things he was like i don't know yet but i'm just wondering if if in the future I decide I don't want to do any of the stuff we've been talking about fantasizing about. I'm like, he's like, would you want to be with me? And I'm like, yes. In fact, I'm terrified of any of the things that we're talking about doing.

The idea that you would bring strange men into the bedroom to bang me is horrifying. And he goes, actually, I like that. It was interesting. He goes, because that means if you're scared of it and i'm making you do it then it isn't you wanting it it's me it's it's still me in control and it made me think of this thing and i don't want me to compare it to the r word and i'm talking about the real r word um but i was reading on reddit and i'm going to get to the news in a second i'm sorry the r word well no i was reading on red i was reading on Reddit and I'm going to get to the news in a second. Is that the R word? Well, no, I was reading on Reddit.

I was reading on Reddit that there's so many R words. There really are. One's coming back. R, R, R, yeah. But this is not R and R. This is like R, A, P, and then blank. I was reading on Reddit that a lot of Japanese, there was someone that said, why is all Japanese porn porn I really love Japanese porn

but so much of it is like rape it seems like rape where the girl at first is fighting it off and then she ends up enjoying it okay that's that's I don't know this to be true but a lot of people that were commenting about Japanese porn said that is a like 90%

of the porn that's Japanese porn and starting Japanese you know porn makers is that version where the girl at first is like no no no and then she loves it and the reason is that i read through all of like the kind of people psychoanalyzing this kind of porn and why the japanese culture tends to drift towards this is because in the japanese, being a woman who enjoys sex is like you're not to be trusted. You might stray. It's like you are a whore. And like, you know,

the same kind of way we look at it. If you start off saying no, you're a good person. If you're forced into it and you enjoy it after, so it's not about rape for them. It's not about like they like to rape women. Like it's about the woman

isn't actively loving it until the guy is it's the guy's idea now i don't mean to compare the two but it was just an interesting because people i don't want to shame the japanese culture for having these because at first i was like what the fuck japanese love rape and i was like it is misogynistic that a woman can't have pleasure and that if she does have pleasure it means that she's going to abandon her family and abandon her man because she just loves dick so much i mean that is just like this false idea of what a woman who enjoys sex is but it was interesting that the same way that um i just love the psychology behind the stuff of like oh my partner might be into a gb situation if it's his idea and i'm a little bit nervous like

he was like i like the idea that this is a thing you want but you're also like kind of don't want it because then that means yeah if you're doing it it's because i i'm your master and i told you you have to even though he secretly knows i want it does that make sense yes it does it's like when you have you ever heard someone tell a story and they're like i fucking i i love i fucking did fucking uh cocaine and then i'll fuck this hooker in the ass and it just feels dirty because they're just so accepting of it and as a listener you don't really want to hear how like comfortable they are with because then you're just like oh this is kind of like a bad person but then if it's like a fish out of water where it's like i did cocaine and i and i you mean the andrew collin act yeah yeah yeah your entire comedy act yeah my entire but you

are that way like you are you're a guy that's done some of those things been in those situations but you're always the guy that's like how did i get here yes which is a which as a listener it's a little bit more palatable than because i've been at like storytelling events and just some guy will get and i'll be like i've done something similar to that but i don't feel that great great about like that that's my i love that analogy you're spot on and i think that that's why you're so lovable in the scenarios that you put yourself in where you're you're around guys that are that like oh let's fuck her dude and like yeah let's just you know but you're a fit you're a guy that's just like wants to hang out with the guys and then you are like suddenly a part of this thing but you're like you but you're not like oh I'm gonna fuck like you don't have that but you are around guys that like kind of bring you into it so your stories about those things never come off as douchey yeah so essentially so then so then if

if your part your partner a partner howdy howdy ma'am if he rides up on his Clydesdale to the town saloon and you're sitting there and you're going look I like these five gentlemen here by the bar I would love oh I wouldn't say that. I'm just saying. He would have to choose them. Oh, he goes. So it's his idea. Okay, hey, lady, I know. Noah, what do you think of all this?

No, I'm saying, no, the initial thing would be bad if you go, I like them five guys. I want to suck all their dicks. Yes. He's like, oh, that's a little much. But if during it, this thing that he's forcing me to do, I come around to enjoying it, well, then he's the one that gave it to me. He's the chef that made the food that I'm enjoying.

And then he doesn't feel like you're as much of a whore. Exactly. Obviously, all this sounds horrible to an ear of someone that says misogynistic. No, it's based in ownership of women and thinking women are loose and not to be trusted if they enjoy sex. And it's all based on that. But I am finally in my life not trying – I'm acknowledging that and presenting a way to both acknowledge that men are wired to think a certain way and that they can't help it.

And at the same time going well how can we fix how can we got to acknowledge the problem so the fact that he was able to say i am i'm uncomfortable with you wanting it because it makes me feel threatened and insecure that you would want other guys but if i if i concocted in a way that it's my idea it makes it more palatable for me that to me is acknowledging the problem and coming up with a solution whereas it's not being in denial of just like no i just uh i just like i uh i just like it that way he's going this is why i like it because of the fucked up thinking that is based on the patriarchy no i your face is kind of scrunching oh no no i'm just i'm taking this all in i view the bedroom i'm using a lot of lube nice now divide i see i see the bedroom as like an alternate universe yes and like you know all

these fantasies and stuff is between consenting people adults and it's just like you can't really compare it to reality so do you say the r word or all that like i don't see it as um the same as the crime right i just see it more of like fantasy and that's what people were having a problem with the guy on reddit goes i love japanese born i love japanese women i love he's probably japanese himself He could have been at least. I don't think it was a fetish thing. He said, I'm just disturbed that it all seems to be rapey. And this guy was like, I don't want to see women fighting. I go to the end when they're enjoying it. Why does it have to start this way? And it was an interesting thing. Noah, hold on. Before we get to the news, this is news. Last night with my partner partner i was doing i was just like you know talking to him you know doing things making water making we were just talking balloons yep making some animal

balloons and i suddenly go oh my god i want to separate it with my nose oh and i go listen i go my math nerd over here noah told me he knows of you obviously and knows you i said noah so innocently the other day said i don't know i like to just and i did an impression of you while i'm like holding a dick sorry noah and he's like naked i go i don't know i just sometimes I like to um divide it with my nose and he laughed so hard and I go so can I divide it with my nose I was like I know exactly what you're talking about it's so comforting I want to do it so I just put it my nose and I divided it with my nose and I go I'm dividing it with my nose and I like said it into his asshole literally because like yeah I literally did an impression of you into his asshole. Did it echo?

I'm dividing it with my nose. With my nose, my nose, my nose. Wait, let me try. Did it echo? Here's what. Bats flew out. Wait, I want to do my best now. My asshole is bats? Yeah, I just pictured bats like, you know, screeching out.

I'm glad you liked that. Oh, fuck me. Wait. I see them hanging upside down on my hemorrhoid yeah i mean sometimes i oh yeah like your hemorrhoid is a stalagmite yeah like one of those dripping cave stalagmites okay we gotta get to the news wait wait wait so then you divided it how did it feel it feels so cool noah's right it feels awesome every girls out there try say i'm dividing it with my nose when you're down there

it's so cute and honestly i think by the way that was my favorite moment in the podcast ever ever ever yeah no it was the cutest funniest thing i've ever heard because you said it so instantly and or you know like innocently and matter of matter of factly that if you don't know what i'm talking about uh it was from like a few days ago I think. Two days ago. Two days ago. When Andrew was in Charleston still and she said I don't know sometimes I just like to

put my nose on because you're talking about balls and she goes and I just like to divide them with my nose and it's I mean there's I'm going to teach my children to do that. I'm going to teach my daughter to go you know what you don't need to blow a guy. Just divide it with your nose. And then I'm going to...

Carry the one. Carry the one. Two divided by one is... And then add a zero to the end and then cut it. I love long division. It's fun. Okay, let's get to the news.

So funny. So if you have 30 ball sacks... Get to the news. 15. And you have 15... And you get 15 of them today. Yeah, you heard it here first. How many?

15. Hey, what's up there folks I'm back I know you guys missed me at least two of you it's Wednesday so we all know what that means

did you listen to my mom doing your job it's Wednesday I have not I'm a little nervous that she probably did better than me so I need maybe

two days she was really good but she wasn't you Andrew and you know that but she was I was really proud of her I want her to do like kirsten and stuff like sit on your chair i think it would be so fun i i love having a third it's fun yeah it's a gb gb let's let's gang it up in person yeah that you picked just kidding just kidding just kidding i don't want julie on here all right anyways have all the swells julie out there i hope

you're at a thrift store um you know she doesn't listen to the podcast obviously she was like what is all the swells what is that that is the dumbest thing i've ever heard let's get to the news sorry okay um researchers find okay this is obviously you're gonna say this is the most self this is the most apparent paragraph you've ever heard researchers find that online daters decide whether to swipe right within a second and that the attractiveness of a person is what compels people to swipe right and if they accept the date i like that you called it the most apparent i don't know that it's the right word but yeah the most obvious yes like duh results reveal that people who like a profile first are more likely to be accepted by that person

regardless of an unappealing profile or if the person is not as attractive dating apps like match.com tinder okay 10% of long lasting adult relationships in America oh so wait 10% of adult relationships right now from dating apps

I would have thought it was more to be honest I would think it was more too I think a lot of of those people are um how do you feel about this if if you go to the guy that swipes right and writes you and you go what did you think of my third photo and and maybe you make your third photo we're saying this they don't even look at the other photos yeah they just swipe right right away do you go and you make your third photo, I don't know, like a picture of a dead squirrel? Or maybe that's not a good term. But, you know, like something horrible or something like whatever. Just me when I wake up in the morning.

Like just puffy eyes, like kind of looking like I was just in a fight with Texan. Yeah. And they go, what do you think of that third photo? And they go, oh, I loved it. Oh, what was it? Well, they would go back and look. Yeah. But do you think that, would you want a guy to like read your whole profile?

Yeah. Would you care if it was just one photo and they were like, wow, you're hot. No, not at all. I feel like, you know, once we go on a date, I would hope that they would look a little bit more. But no, I think that the first photo is absolutely cruche. Yeah. you know once we go on a date i would hope that they would look a little bit more but no i think that the first photo is absolutely cruche and yeah and that i would if anything i would be like a little bit more i would be i would prefer them to just be like obviously you know as opposed to like

let me see you know yeah when someone goes i love your like, like, on Hinge. Yeah. I'll be like, oh, your top three are this. It's like, do you think I'm hot? Like, what do you, like, I don't, I didn't even think of these answers. Like, I don't know who sits in, like, all day. So then in a first, like, a first line, would it be better to comment about, like, how hot you think someone is or something on their profile? Because usually the profile stuff is an icebreaker. Agreed. I think that I like Hinge for that

and Bumble has that now going too. Bumble's slowly turned into Hinge in terms of the prompt questions and things like that. You like a witty line, actually. I've noticed that. Yeah, I like a witty line and I like good punctuation. I just like a person that doesn't...

I recently had a guy that did like two sentences and he didn't put a period in between them and it was just like I can't deal with someone who it's just it just tells me who you are in a way that like I don't you know it just was like it was too weird and then oh my god I matched

with this black guy okay on Bumble and I went to go say hi to him and there's this new feature on bumble that is just you when when you pull up the chat it's just like send a hi send a wave and i thought it was just gonna send a wave like it's a way for girls i thought for i thought for sure it's it's like oh they've adapted to the idea that women shouldn't be the aggressors and they're making the most easy way for a girl to flirt without being too aggressive. So it was a hand wave.

And they just go, say hello. It was an easy button. I thought I was just going to send a wave to the guy. It sent a gif of Cardi B going, hey, babe. And I'm like, first of all, this feels like I picked a gif that would like, do you understand this? Is this the version of what, like, it just felt so like, it was, it just picked a random gif and it just happened to be Cardi B. And it's like, it's fine. And I just wrote, oh my God, I don't even know what the fuck that was.

I tried to just wave at you. And he goes, I'll just ignore it and then he went on to use run on sentence you know just sentences that ran into each other and i just couldn't but um and he said he was like oh i see you're a musician because i have a picture i guess where i'm holding a guitar but um he's like do tour i'm just like okay well this you're like can you just send a gif instead like yeah and stop trying to write me i had a cardi b just slamming the door um no what um it was just so it just was so awkward seemed like i chose like what's a great what's a great um you're stunning let's forget stunning well no no i wasn't gonna ask that if a guy's like a seven in the looks right he looks like me but a little bit more attractive maybe uh what's a great

first about me line that you've seen before that a guy could use or a girl could use in her profile that might um counteract the fact that they're not as attractive as they should be um or not could be um i think just someone saying what they value without being too um so not too silly no i think being too silly is oftentimes i'm like wow they're they're trying so hard and a lot of times they don't nail it like the one guy that i read to you we both liked he was like i'm a bad boy because i'm bad at everything or something like that yeah yeah that was funny i like that that's hard to do don't steal that one though i want you to come up with your own you know just steal it no don't if i find out you stole it i'm gonna be like it's like a quote from some movie i'm not privy to but

like everyone knows i'm gonna be like so and i'm sure that's something in that vein i think like i think i like a guy writing i value blank blank and blank, and blank. Like I, you know, these are the things that I enjoy doing. I don't mind a guy that's like, I like the outdoors, politics. You hate outdoors. You hate when guys write. No, but if that's telling me who he is, now I know. Okay. You know, I like.

So start off with three. Just write. Three things you love, but not saying what you think we want to hear. Like, I think that the best thing to do is like we like a guy who knows who he is and isn't doing anything to try to peak to peacock and like get us i think what a good advice would be is maybe do two broad things like i like outdoors i love cooking like a joke and then the third thing don't make a joke you know just something very specific to you that you really like that maybe not everyone likes. Yeah, that's funny.

So then we get an idea of them. That's good. So like I love outdoors. I love traveling. Phobias would be a funny thing. Oh, yeah. And I'm afraid of spiders. Something like that.

And I'm afraid of, yeah, like a fun fact at the last one. And one time I met, you know, Tony Braxton. Yeah. Or just like somewhere else. And I said, hey like i said hey yeah the cardi b gif but sometimes though sometimes though when guys do a interesting fact about themselves like and one time i booked a one-way ticket to africa with with no plan and no too much and i'm just like that's the one thing you've done cool in your life okay and I just go there's someone who's done one cool thing and they can't stop talking about the thing

and I judge that so it's very tricky yeah it is tricky I just showed up to the airport I said I just picked the spot on the globe that I was carrying but pictures of you with friends is key oh that was another article that I didn't pick but something about like you look more attractive

smile with friends smile not with friends friends no yeah alone when you but you can't be the ugliest out of the friend but i don't mind a guy having someone take a picture of him in like a monument or like on a bridge or somewhere cool where he's obviously told someone to take a picture and he's alone that is so much better than a selfie selfie yeah selfies i gotta say i know it might be your only option but just ask a stranger to take a picture of you here's the problem it's not so much self it's also selfie face and you know what i mean selfie faces yeah it's always just like just smile if you do a selfie smile maybe yeah then it doesn't feel as self almost like you're just sending a picture to your mom of like hi mom like send a selfie you'd send your mom yes instead of

one that you'd send like that you're trying to look cool. Yes, exactly. And also, God, I had one more thing to say. No, no, no. It was a monument, standing alone, friends. Yeah. Oh, I'm begging you. Girls that have guy friends that are single, when you think your guy friend looks attractive or is wearing a good outfit, take loads of pictures of him and just send them to him

and go, listen, I know you, because he's going to go, no, no, no, I don't want that. Just go, it doesn't matter. Just start, say, tell me a story and have them tell you a story where they're smiling a lot. Go fake laugh.

Just laugh, laugh, laugh. Then shoot from all the angles and then just airdrop him to the guy so he has Tinder profile pictures. Girls, we got to help out our guy friends. Guys ain't taking pics. We're always the one taking pictures, so just do it for your guy friends. Guys ain't taking pics. We're always the one taking pictures. So just do it for your guy friends.

They're never going to ask you even though they need it desperately. All right. Next story. Yeah. A local news station in Spokane, which we perform. Spokane, yeah. Spokane, Washington, aired porn over the shoulder of a meteorologist during a weather report. I heard 13 seconds.

Daring. Yeah, 13 seconds of it. I heard it on the radio this morning. Really? Yeah. Oh. Well, yeah, they aired porn. This was wild for 13 seconds.

I mean, that's long enough to get your anal ready. I mean, your R&R. Excuse me. I mean, that's what, you know, that's what we were watching, probably. Wait, are we going to see this? Oh, well i i wish i could have found the footage which apparently was of a woman's backside that's what i heard it was

her butt you see the tv monitor on yeah like over her shoulder that's where it aired for 13 seconds that's a long time on huge and she didn't know it was there i'm guessing or do we ever did they she reacted to it so it's a meteorologist kind of with a TV set behind her shoulder, like on the side of her. And the funny part is the weather pattern that's behind her right now with the white in the middle looks like a close-up of an asshole. Yeah. I mean, people called in.

They were like, I can't believe this was on the news. Just turn off the TV. People call the cops. And it's like, how many of those people looked at porn earlier that day, last night? They just want something to complain about. And it's not like anyone meant to do that. Whoever did it is either a little scamp that just got fired or it was an accident. Yeah, I mean, it's an interesting accident.

I mean, how does that even happen? But it is interesting how much people, when I say I pay for porn on stage, and people just kind of go, when I say I pay for porn on stage and people just kind of go, you know, like it's shocking to pay for porn. It's like, it is the only thing in our society, I think, that people just are like. Take for granted. You pay for that. Oh, yeah.

It's like, yeah, it's a service. But YouTube's free. Ads. Okay. So if porn had ads, you would feel less inclined. Well, that's why. Ads. Okay. So if porn had ads, you would feel less inclined to – Well, that's why I pay for it. I don't want to put up with ads and I want the extended content. But porn does have ads.

Yeah, not the kind I watch because I pay. Yeah, because you pay. But the idea that it's crazy to pay for porn because there are places that you can go and not put up with ads and it's just banners you know it's like yes i just i think it's so funny that it's the amount of people that pay for porn versus don't pay for it are very different than people who pay for youtube premium and don't i think it has again it goes back to like the same stigma of like buying uh things for your butt to clean it is the idea of like i'm paying for porn that's like bad like if i'm not paying for it i'm not really like part of it i'm you know i'm better than. Like if I'm not paying for it, I'm not really like part of it. I'm a,

you know, I'm better than that. But if you're not paying for it, I know advertisers are paying for it, but I just feel like we need to, that's why only fans. I just, I don't know.

I just like to, I'm, I'm still subscribed to so many only fans and I, there are Patreons that I just don't even, I don't even use their content. I just want to make sure I'm supporting artists who struggle, but I could do better. I need to do better.

All right, let's go to a quick break and then we'll come back with By Do I Care. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be

with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there.

If you feel different, you drive different's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends,

EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts seven questions limitless answers good people what's up it's questo quest love and uh team supreme and i've been working hard to

bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who were the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers,

but we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes. And we pave the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations. Like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland. Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe. And I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya,

Kathleen Hanna, and the RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, alright? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Why do I care? Why do I care? Can I do a left turn here? Okay, so, well, no, this is why do I care, but, okay, so there's this these two guys on TikTok. I don't know if you've seen them. No, I haven't. Everyone's talking about them. Oh, the Island Boys? Yes. I'm not on TikTok.. Oh, the Island Boys? Yes.

I'm not on TikTok. So there's the Island Boys. They're two twins, right? This is what they look like. They look like human cartoon characters. Oh, my God. They look like, yeah, Machine Gun Kelly's... Sperms. I was going to say that.

They do. So there's these two brothers, and they blow up. They're tattooed over, you know, it looks like 50% of their bodies. They didn't even write it. I think they're just blow they blow up they're tattooed over you know it looks like you know so they wrote this song they didn't write i think they're just freestyling in a pool and everyone like i don't know it's weird when these things catch fire because everyone's talking about so i want to know your real thoughts on the song great i can't wait to hear this i'm like you wanna be famous i'm trying to be out with all graders i'm gonna Can you show it to me? His hair looks like a king crown. crown so on twitter this video from yesterday has 8.1 million views okay it's definitely their look

okay i like it. I get it. I mean, it sounds like Alligator Boy, dude. That's what I was thinking. Sing Alligator Boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I mean, Andrew, you did this. I copied this fucking song. I'm an alligator boy.

I'm an alligator boy. You know Alligator Boy? I'm an alligator boy. I ain't no cracked up kid. Do you have this documented online or anywhere? I've never heard of it. Well, it doesn't sound that much. boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I ain't no crocodile kid. I ain't no crocodile kid. I ain't no crocodile kid.

I ain't no crocodile kid. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. But if we did it in a pool. We got to do this. Put our hair up like this We gotta go do that

Milwaukee There's no pools open This pool down here we got our pool open today We gotta do it That's how much we use the pool So these guys blew up I mean they're blowing up It's a very 6 6'9 kind of feel

But they're nice kids Like if you watch their video Like people talk shit A lot about them And you can respond Yeah they look like They're probably not And they're like look

I know you have a problem with me I don't know why you do I don't have a problem with you Kind of They're not like dickheads Can you give me one more video of them And see Just I want to hear them like talk

And Yeah I'm an island boy Who got wigs first? Really yeah Dreads first See, just I want to hear them like talk and... Yeah. I'm an island boy. Who got wigs first? Really, yeah, dreads first. I had curly hair. Okay, so they're white guys.

They look like Pete Davidson's. Literally the same thing. I was not going to get wicked up. He got wicked up. I was like, wait a minute, I like that style. Where are they from? Miami. Oh, so they're not island boys.

Okay, okay. I've seen enough. Yeah, they're going to be famous. I mean, they are famous. And honestly... Okay, we get it. It's kind of original. It's like it's an individual thing, kind of. I mean, their hair is insane.

It has these spikes. They look like a Statue of Liberty. Yeah, yeah. It was, you know, a delinquent. Tattoo on the face. A lot of people talk shit about tattoo on the face, but if you want to make it. They're very young to do that.

And if they're going out, they're getting recognized all the time. That is such a look yeah you can't uh you know judah friedlander is someone that you know everywhere he goes he has that same hat he looks very distinguishable um you know you and i we look like like no you know we could be anyone oh we're the most we're the most universal looking people on earth. I think we got to start wearing something very noticeable. My pink eyeliner might be. I think they'll take someone like Luke Combs, right?

Well, he's a heavier gentleman, but he looks like an everyday trucker. You either got to look like the everyday trucker. They'll love it at first, get recognized all the time, but I bet you it's going to end up being not fun fun and they're gonna be wearing very thick uh concealer to cover up like they're just so they can or just flattening any of these people that have tattoos on their face it's cool but at 40 my under eye even though i got these tattoos yeah i was wondering what was happening there do you think i have it looks like i have an infection yeah oh shit it doesn't look cool okay well i'm sorry i didn't mean to but didn't know but at

first the thing is it's it's hot pink which is like not the color of an event let me just look at it at first i thought infection i go what what what oh i actually i still like it i thought cankers were moving to your eyes so you had canker eyes it's a new but this is the honest thing then like it kind of grew on me throughout the podcast, and I started to like it. Okay. You liked the pink eye. Yeah. At first, I was like, oh, she needs to get to the hospital. It is a bold choice to put pink on her.

I know. I know. But it's both eyes, and it's like, I saw a girl wearing it yesterday. It's both eyes. It's both eyes. The girl was 20. It's the both eyes. Speaking of songs, it's time for Slice of Life.

This is our Wednesday segment. It's Wild Card Wednesday, so we always do a different segment. Today, for Wild Card Wednesday, I'm going to – well, on the podcast video on YouTube, you'll be able to see the video of this. But I got asked by Bob Saget to participate in a charity event that he does every year. it's called the, it's for the scleroderma research foundation where scleroderma is a, um, autoimmune disease that is fatal and doesn't have a cure. And it is just, uh,

it took the life of his sister. It took the life of his sister and still takes the lives of many people. And it's just so many people suffer with it. Not a lot of people know about it. The scleroderma research foundation, um, look them up. They do like so much good work and bob

always gets this like cavalcade of comedians and celebrities who send in videos for these events and usually it's a live event but the past two years have been covid obviously and so last year i did a thing and then this year i decided to um do a song and i decided to i worked with i asked you and brenna about it i was like is this a good idea i decided to take the full house theme song which you thought was a different song i know at first i thought it was family matters i thought it was like it's a grand tradition no that's that's full house i thought it was when you you take the good you take no no no Family Matters is oh no no it is

that is I was gonna say it's a rare condition it's called scleroderma yeah read any news like I was gonna do that but then I realized

that's not the that's the Family Matters theme song and then I looked up Full House and it's everywhere you look everywhere

so I decided to do that song. I looked up the chords for it. They were not clear, so I just made up my own. They are not right. I am not good. This was a thing I did in two takes because I just didn't have time.

But I think it ended up being pretty funny, and I wanted to share it with you guys. And this is something I did while Andrew and Brenna were having sex in the next room, I think. We were. Miss you, Brenna. Miss you, baby. Hi there.

It's Nikki Glaser. And I am so honored to be one of Bob's friends that he hits up every year for one of these videos. I hope that you take the time tonight to donate what you can to the Scleroderma Research Foundation. They do such incredible work and they only really beg us for money once a year and um yeah i just it warms my heart how much bob cares and um how many texts he sent me over and over reminding me to send this in so um with that i don't have a stand-up comedy to perform for you, but over the past year I've learned a couple chords, enough to sing this.

Whatever happened to Bob Saget's charity? I await my yearly call from him asking me to work for free. Then I get that text from Bob and I say here we go again every October since the day I met Bob I met Bob he asked me for content and I have to look and I have to look up to look up how to pronounce Spiriderma. But then I read the facts like how we have no cure. So many still suffer like crowds when Bob is on tour. Don't need to SRF. Fuck you UNICEF. And every other charity Just for tonight at least, please Donate. That was it. Have you ever thought about doing

I'm a Scladera boy I'm a Scladera boy I didn't think about it. Those guys hadn't come out yet. That was great, dude. It was actually really well received. Oh, I'm sure. And it was very easy to do.

It was fun to do. I love doing stuff like that. Dude, you can do that shit all day. I hate when you say you're not a good songwriter or writer. I mean, I can take an old song and make a new one. Yeah, what do you think writing songs is? That's what they all do. Well, melodies are hard for me to come up with.

Have you tried? I'm a melody boy. I'm a melody girl. I'm a melody girl. I'm a melody girl. I tried the other day to write a song. It was so embarrassing. What was it called?

It was... Oh, you know what? I want to do a song about called um because i'm so into this artist right now um i know everyone is and you've tried to get me into it before but i only like this one song right now i'm obsessed with it maggie rogers it's called uh back in my body i'm obsessed with this song i can't stop singing it it's about when she got really famous and was on tour for the first time and she thought like, that's all she's wanted to do is like be on tour

and it's her out on the road having panic attacks and like hating it and wanting to leave and like it's just so, but anyone can relate to it. I didn't even know it was about her on tour until I read it.

I showed you the video of her with Pharrell. Yeah, yeah. If you're out there and you haven't seen this yet, type in Maggie Rogers Ph Pharrell, NYU. Yeah. And it's a tearjerker, I think. Totally.

It was, yeah, she got discovered by Pharrell. She's just cool. But anyway, the song, what was I getting to? Oh, so I've tried to write a song. I like songs that have double meaning, obviously. And I think the coolest double meaning I've kind of stumbled upon in my comedy that isn't too sexual or whatever is settling. And we say, settle down.

And we also say, you shouldn't settle. When are you going to settle? Stop. Settle down. We say that to someone who's freaking out. We also tell women, you need to settle down and find someone soon like you need to find a man settle you need to settle and when are you gonna settle and also like you should never settle so there's so many different uh meanings of settle that i think a song about settling would be a cool song i think

so and about like the struggle of um when to settle and why and and having it be about like yeah and just having it kind of have you tried like let me think about um i'm a settling boy i'm a settling boy so um like other things i've heard really i don't know i just feel it's probably original but it just sounds like a lot of others. Okay. What about this? It makes me think of. I'm settling down. I'm settling down. I'm settling down.

I'm settling down. Not bad. I'm settling down. Well, that isn't bad, actually. If you come to me. I just can't. I'll settle down. Make a decision.

I watched that YouTube video. I'm so horny. About writing a song, the YouTube video. and it was just like it's all I talked about this in the podcast yesterday in my opening it's just about making decisions and the problem with songwriting for me is if I'm you know doing A minor A A minor

A I'm like but what if there could be a better chord progression and then I can't land on that and then I just give up because I'm like this isn't good enough and I just I always want it

but the thing is it just has to be anything you can make it simple and then a better guitarist no offense can then make it more there's a better guitarist out there than me

I said no offense okay I'm gonna do it I'm gonna write a song called Settle Down don't settle write it I should settle just on a couple chords and then some words and then it's over. Thank you guys so much for listening today.

As always, don't be care and check frost. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general.

You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast,

and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune into my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pinpoint. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them. Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition.

Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.