The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #126 Squid's Out of The Shell

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

Between you and Nikki she is in Los Angeles today and learned that Noa and Andrew spent quality time watching Squid Game last night. Jimmy Fallon told her she isn't missing much and Nikki isn't stressing either after going to the 'facial gym'. They talk about their attention span shortage, Nikki's new life changing mantra, one that might cure Andrew's anal fissures and some words on Alec Baldwin. You Heard It Here First, what is baby corn anyway, no thanks to "udder butter" and our primitive brains suck. Nikki shares her latest Reddit saves and Andrew talks about how he blurs the age difference between him and Brenna by not dressing old. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am. I'm in Los Angeles, California. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast. It's Tuesday.

Hope you enjoyed our all fanfrax episode yesterday. That was super fun to record. Before we left town last week, we had a big old busy weekend. Touring. I forget where we were now already. Oh, yes. I remember. we were now already. Oh, yes. I remember Milwaukee and then Indianapolis. So good to see all the besties there. Such fun shows. I flew to LA on Sunday.

Andrew went back to St. Louis. And then Noah came all the way from Arizona to St. Louis to take my spot. And guys, we're switching it around. No, we're not. I'm producing now. No, I am not and I can't. Noah is in

the host chair. Wait, it was so funny this morning, Noah, that you were so cute. Andrew had to tell me that you were scared to sit in the chair. You wanted to do it from the kitchen. I wasn't scared. I just thought it would look so weird

it would be right like a twilight zone episode of the podcast um it's it's fitting though for this week it's a spooky week things are things are scary like suddenly a barista will be wearing a witch's hat and you'll be reminded that it's halloween yeah like that's what why i get reminded it's halloween i'll just see you know people at starbucks wearing like cat ears and i'm like oh yeah it's that week otherwise i forget um how's st louis going good andrew is uh hooked on squid, and we watched three episodes last night, even though I said I wouldn't watch it. He's actually in there right now.

He took a pause last night so he can talk with Brenna and because I just had to leave and go to sleep. Wait a second. So, first of all, I think you're saying Squid Games. Oh, Squid Game. Squid Game. Yeah. That's fine.

That sounds like the way Andrew probably is saying it, too. Also, what took him so long? We need to know because everyone's been watching this. Number two, I do think how long is this show? How long is it going to take him to get through it? And doesn't he have something better to do with his time? Is this the new golf for him? Here's the thing, Nikki.

So it's in Korean, and you have to read the subtitles. Or you can have it lip-dub, I heard. Yeah, but it's not the same if it's, you know, it's just too weird. But sometimes I catch Andrew looking at his phone. Of course! He's on his phone the whole time! He doesn't... No, he doesn't... When he says he watches something,

he does not watch... I don't even understand how Andrew enjoys entertainment because... Or shows that involve... That's why I like The Bachelor and Bachelorette because I can look at my phone and not miss anything.

And if I do, I can go back and figure out what happened. But Andrew doesn't do that. He doesn't go back. That's why I'm boggled by how he watches things. We got into the whole thing about the Ted Lasso episode where there were all these references to romantic comedies

that if you didn't know the joke they were making, you would have been like, what the hell is this show? You would have been like, I don't trust the show anymore, but he just blindly proceeds. So I'm sure there's so many times that Andrew just goes, I don't know what's going on. And I wonder if he goes, oh, it's something I missed when I was looking on my phone. Because for me, I cannot stand that. If there's some plot point I miss, I got to go back because I was on my phone. I go back. And that's why I don't watch shows. I have to go back. The morning show the other day, I tried to watch it. I rewound it like 20 times because every time I would just look on my phone and kept missing it. So, you know,

he's missing things because he and first of all, even if you're looking at your phone and it's not Korean, you're still can't hear what they're saying. Like it's not really getting in, but especially if it's Korean. I mean, what is he doing? What is his understanding of the show? The good thing is because I'm reading the captions and I'm looking at it closely is that it seems like there is no plot. So he's not really missing anything.

I saw one scene as I was watching someone watch it on a plane. That's all I've seen of Squid Game. I understand that it has a lot of gore, and it's really kind of disturbing at times. What have you gleaned from it? I like the gore aspect of it. Korean horror movies are usually pretty gory in a very good way, if you're into that kind of stuff.

What's the gore? What am I going to see on this that's gory in a Korean way that you've seen? Give me an example. Someone, one of the characters stuck their fingers

into this machinery and their fingers popped. Popped? Yeah. Like their knuckles cracked like some annoying guy in a meeting? the fingers got crushed and there was this like pop sound pop sound oh it's really good did they do the english

dub of the pop sound yeah just said pop across there are certain sounds that um seem like oh those be, you know, worldwide or like they wouldn't change based on what language, like the sound of a dog barking. We should look it up. The sound people make to say a dog is barking, like ruff, ruff, like we say ruff, ruff, but like in different languages, it's like aca, aca. It'll be like a totally different sound,

but we're all hearing the same thing. We're just saying something different there's this really great thing on reddit that i'm going to share later today during reddit dump of what people what english speakers sound like to non-english speakers you know how when we do imitations of a different language it's like like for like french but to french people that would sound like gibberish like it's not anything like French, but to French people, that would sound like gibberish. Like it's not anything, but we, we can make it sound like we're saying something like Conan does a really good Armenian impression where he just makes up words. And it sounds like he's speaking a language. I'm

not really good. I'm not fast on my feet enough to come up with a new language, but it's, it's, I'll share it with you later. And it's a song this Italian guy made to prove that back, I think it was in the 60s, maybe 70s. This guy was an Italian singer, songwriter, pop star in Italy. And he was frustrated that every single song that seemed to be a hit was any song that was English speaking. And he was just frustrated because he's like, these Italians will fall for anything. So I'm just going to make a song that sounds like English. And so it's complete gibberish English, but it sounds like what we would hear if we didn't speak English. And we heard someone like talking it, you know, and it's so good.

You're going to love it. How is L.A.? L.A. is great. Speaking of Squid Game, actually actually i was on set yesterday with jimmy fallon um he might have been there just visiting a friend he might have been hosting he might have working been working the craft service table no one knows but we there was some mention of squid game and i said i actually haven't even seen it i had to come clean because i was trying to i was like laughing along like i got the reference and i didn't and i I actually haven't even seen it. I had to come clean because I was trying to, I was like laughing along. Like I got the reference and I didn't.

And I go, I haven't actually seen it. And he goes, don't, you don't need to. It's just, it's disturbing. And I wish I hadn't seen it. He said, like, he was like, it's one of those things that you are like, my life isn't better because I saw that disturbing thing. And that's why I feel like, I think I'm smart to not watch these things because they do. But also I,

I read a lot of grim things and I'm on Reddit looking at, you know, last images, which is pictures that people post of the last image, a picture was taken of a person. And so I'm looking at kind of like morbid things constantly that sometimes make me a little sad and make me have an existential crisis but in terms of i just don't i guess we are always seeking adrenaline and i guess squid game and these

kind of gory moments hearing fingers pop give you adrenaline and like make you feel alive and remind you you're alive i guess i don't understand you went to a haunted house yeah i did you just talked about that and i go you're you lied i thought you said you didn't like i didn't lie i didn't lie i i tried i so i told avi he's like okay you choose the dinner place dinner place. And I tried really hard to choose a place where we would overeat and just get too tired to do it. It didn't work. Oh, my God, that's so funny. We went to this delicious Mexican.

You tried to choose a bed and breakfast. Well, I was just like, oh, how about we order, like, two things. I tried ordering, like, the most fattening thing on the menu so that we would feel tired to try to get him to not want to go want to go haunt it but hey right what was it it was um like three haunted houses i only did two in and they had cornfields do you know how creepy that is yeah i'm glad i did it okay i was it was terrifying well why are you glad then and also why didn't he eat enough and why didn't your plan work oh we we ate a lot but he's he insisted on going because he loves that stuff so then you're just going and you're you want to

throw up the whole time and you're scared okay yes But luckily the lines for each were so long that I could, you know, like shake off the nerves, but you had to wait in line to go into a corn maze and fucking be scared. But I was gone. Honestly, a hot, take a haunted house out of it.

For me, a standing in line for something with the public for something that is not worth standing in line for. I guess maybe it was, that is a haunted house to me okay wait a second so what why are you better off for having gone through it sell me on this okay so the the good thing was that i would like i just got to be scared and i got to scream a lot and i think that that was a big stress reliever for me um i did like how before you go in um the the person who like worked the front door or whatever the haunted house was like they won't touch you no touching the actors no

running and i was like oh they don't touch you okay that makes me feel a little bit better yes did my ex-boyfriends work there was it all people that i've been intimate with and and i said they don't always feel like i know that's what i'm saying i always feel like i wanted to write a joke at one point i think about haunted houses and how they always say they can't touch you and how like that's probably my ex my boyfriend probably works at one of those and he's just like he's just funny he can't take he can't leave work at work. He takes it home with him. And he just doesn't feel comfortable touching

because it's just not what he does at work. And so that put you at ease that they didn't touch you. Yes. I also like that I just got to be like a damsel in distress. Oh, and Avi got to protect you. I got to like clamp onto his arm. I got to like make him go ahead of me. Oh,

it's kind of a cute first date idea because it creates a space for intimacy that you otherwise wouldn't, you know, touching someone or grabbing onto them or getting really close to them is something that happens usually after you've, you know, had a couple of drinks or something something it's a way to force that kind of closeness yeah that's always what is so uh difficult about dating i think and like

the first move of like who's gonna touch you that's why i've come up with the whole thing of like if you're next to someone and your arms are barely touching if you leave it that's a sign a girl likes you like if it's barely imperceptible that you're touching and she leaves it because she could move it away and it wouldn't be like offensive like get away but she could just move like a millimeter and it would make it so you guys weren't touching but if she leaves it she likes you but those that's so hard to do to get to a place where you either have to smush in the back of a car or like there's to be something that gets you really close to touch otherwise or as you know there's no need to really like bundle with each other but a haunted house that's a good idea okay maybe i'm sold on it

yeah um also i thought of you because um when we were in the cornfield they there was like reenactments of like horror movies and one of them was um a leather face and there's a leather face character like standing in the way and every time reminded you of me no no not that not that so i just start laughing and he keeps blocking my way and i start laughing and he goes why are you laughing at me so I thought about about how you say that when we're nervous we start laughing to show our canines and I was like he can't see my canines you're like you're like scaring him because it's because you I'm laughing because I'm more scared like but why are you laughing at me is so funny he went home that day and was like I didn't do it I I couldn't bring it today this girl wouldn't stop laughing at me is so funny. He went home that day and was like, I couldn't bring it today.

This girl wouldn't stop laughing at me. And what is Leatherface? Is that the, like? It's from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's the character that chopped everybody up. I'm picturing Michael Myers for some reason. What's the difference between their masks? You know, Michael Myers has the white mask.

I guess his has a little bit more, like, patches to patches to it and like looks a little more disheveled. Leatherface, it kind of looks like a burlap sack, but the leather is made of human skin. Oh, the way that you said that is just as darling as sometimes I like to just divide it with my nose. Okay, so speaking of face and leather faces, um, I have become obsessed with a thing called face gym here in Los Angeles. So I got into town on Sunday. I flew in from Indy, took a really early morning flight, got in here super early. Cause you lose three hours and my hotel, I wasn't able to check it. Um, and so I'm like so tired all i want

to do is just like crawl into a bed and die and they're like um i i get there at 10 and they're like the room's not gonna be ready till three i'm like i can i buy a room i was like can i buy a room from yesterday to have it so i can sleep until checkout today at noon, like two hours. That's how desperate I was for sleep. And they were like, sorry, it's full. So I go, I don't know what I'm going to do. And I just walk out into the world and I'm just sad and tired. And I stumble upon this place called Face Gym, which I've been to in New York ages ago. I think they offered me like a free session because, you know, someone DM'd me and I go, OK, I'll do it. And I wasn't crazy about it when I went to New York, but I went into this place because I'm like, I got time to kill.

A face massage seems good. A kind of a facial. I don't like facials anymore. Honestly, I don't like extractions. They tend to disrupt my skin and make me like hurt, like my skin purge and it gets all. I just have a really my skin has been never better because I haven't had a fucking facial in two years. And it's never my skin's never looked better. So what do you get?

There you go. But I just I remember this place isn't an invasive. They're not squeezing your skin. And it's costly's costly though dude you walk in it's called face gym and they're like hey what's up and and the music is like oh yeah you know it's like it's like equinox music and it's really bright and all the chairs are it's almost like you're at a salon so it's all you know chairs next to each other and you lay back in this chair and there's a mirror in front of you and like bars on the mirror like you're at a bar class but the bars don't serve any purpose i was like can i put

my feet in these and they're like no so they talk to me they're like what would you like to do for your workout today and i'm like let's drop the workout like this just can i talk normally i don't want to have to do your whole thing like this isn't a workout for your face you're laying in a chair i want this to be relaxing and i'm like i don't know what do you recommend and the prices are crazy dude like you know it starts out i think 95 for their like basic and then it goes to a deep clean it It's like one 95. And then it's like the cryotherapy, which is like a deep hydrating. It's like two 35.

So it's like, it ain't cheap. I want to say that if you can't afford it, I really recommend it. There's a girl in West Hollywood location. If you're in LA, the West Hollywood location, Haley,

don't take a risk with anyone else. I'm not even kidding you. I don't even know who else works there. Maybe Haley's not even the best, but to me, she I'm like, I had a white lotus moment with her where I was like Jennifer Coolidge's character where I was like, you're amazing. And like, I just, I think you should start a salon with me in St. Louis. Like I was ready to recruit this woman. I am obsessed with her.

And so I went in on Sunday and I got the cryo. What they do is they massage your face, which I need this in my life. Face massage is so underrated. Let like the deep cleaning thing where they do all the other stuff to your face. It feels like your face is going in a car wash. And then they do, it's just, my face has never looked better, but they do this thing where they put a ball on your face and they roll the muscles and i hate stretching my face y'all know that i don't even that's why i won't go skydiving or play with my knees and make funny faces because i don't want to stretch out my skin on my face i do not go like i'll never do that i'll never go like oh and pull down my skin ever when i sleep on my face i like sleep so it So it's like up, like I pull it like up.

And, um, so I was, I was reluctant to have someone like tug on my face and like massage it. But, oh my God, Noah, she got in these like knots on my jaw and was just, and did hard pressure. Dude, it was transcendent. And, and not to mention the music is still like we're gonna rock you and i'm just like this is not relaxing at all in terms of the music but i went to another dimension and this face massage it was so complete there was every little nook and cranny she got in i was so happy and then at the end of it, I mean, I went to dinner with Carlisle hours later,

and she was like, you look like a child. Like my face was just so just bright and shiny and hydrated. It was awesome. I'm literally thinking about getting a franchise in St. Louis so I can go regularly. I'm not kidding you. I need this. Or creating some version of facial massage because the thing is if anyone out there listening knows where i can get a face massage in st louis

missouri let me know because i don't know that it's a thing and i need it um anyway it was so good i went to her yesterday so uh got in sunday went to her that day. Then yesterday I was done with my shoot. Oh man, I shot so early in the morning. 7.30, 7 o'clock call time to get in my car. That means I had to be in hair and makeup at 5. Got there, did the show, done by 12.30. So much fun doing it again today. But I went again to her.

And Noah, she like didn't remember me. I walked in because I was like, hi because i called and i was like i want whoever i had yesterday and i even told her i was like i'm going back tomorrow and she was like great so then i showed up again she did not know who i was didn't care you know like i don't think recognize me or anything like that doesn't matter um i don't even think about those things i really don don't. But I go, Haley, what did I do yesterday? Because I think I want to do it. And she goes, let me check. I was hurt that she didn't remember the specific thing that we had worked. You're just another face.

I'm just another fucking face. And it reminded me of the fact that when I meet people or do shows or have, a lot of times I'll do shows, you know, and I'll get flown in for like a private event and i'll stay at a hotel and i'll go to like a dinner and i'll do the show and i'll be at this i'll be at a club all weekend long i don't remember anything about the club i don't remember how to get to the green room i don't remember and it and i always want to tell these people like i do this every single day i there's if i remembered it at all i I'd be Einstein. I don't have the bandwidth for that.

And I have to have the Barenaked Ladies rap to Chickadee China, the Chinese chicken, you have a drum. That is in my head and taking up space, so I can't remember your face or what I did at the Dallas Hyenas. But this girl didn't remember me, and it was a good reminder that when we feel special when there's like again White Lotus you know the guy that makes everyone at the hotel feel so special the one and and he's it's all bullshit you guys like it's rare to find someone

that actually you actually make an impression on in customer service even if you think you have like a really genuine moment because I swear to god i thought this woman was like i was like jennifer coolidge and this woman was because at the very beginning they kind of do this over your chest and like touch your like very top of your boobs oh my god i was so good i think i was a little bit gay for this girl because her touch was just so amazing and she gently like stroked the top of my boobs and i'm about i'm like ovulating right now so my boobs are so sensitive and i was just so amazing. And she gently like stroked the top of my boobs and I'm about, I'm like ovulating right now. So my boobs are so sensitive and I was just like,

kind of, I wasn't horny for it, but just made me feel so good. And again, I'm questioning everything, but I'm obsessed with face massage. Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Andrew.

What's going on? I mean, I know what's going on in your world. How'd you sleep last night? Or did you sleep because you're watching Squid Game? Oh. Constantly. I guess the cat's out of the bag can't even out of the shell shelling up i can't even do anything without no one talking about our business i mean all she says all you've been doing is watching squid game she can't pry you from it first of all she watched four episodes with me last night right we had foe or i had foe or fa fa fuck you i love how you got hit wrong you fa you're just singing the the you know scale

i i um yeah i got it was first time we got fa fo and uh it was the first time we got Fafo, and it was delicious. Noah got some kind of egg roll thing, and we watched Squid Games. I didn't even think that Squid Games had nothing to do with one another. Squid Games is Korean, I believe, and Fafo is Vietnamese. Yeah, so it has nothing to do with each other. I don't want to be canceled for going Asian on Asian. Well, you did start it out like it was some kind of like, oh, we did a theme night. I was wearing a gi.

Okay. And I did have a triangle hat on, but it had nothing to do. I'm telling you, though. Okay. I'm getting it. Like, I'm sure you. Yeah Okay, I'm getting it. Like I'm sure you yeah, were you in your little robe? I was. I did have a dragon You're a brown

belt, right? Because it your robe belt just fell in the toilet one time. Brown I did have a dragon kite following me around the apartment. Okay, enough. Let's move on.

It wasn't related. I get it. We get your joke. It's so funny. Okay, so you could keep going forever. I mean, just naming other things. It's a cool premise. I drive a Toyota.

Okay, okay. That is completely separate, though, from all of it. All right. But what are your thoughts on Squid Game? And why did it take you so long to get into Squid Game? And why now? And yeah. I think, one, the subtitles, having to read.

You know me. I'm not a big reader. So I know I got to. Well, I hear you're looking at your phone a lot and missing entire. Like, you can't even. What is going on here? Well, we know how you you watch tv i like to paint the full picture well yeah so if you but andrew i do have a question for you when you miss a big

part of a tv show and then because you know i this happens to me all the time when i'm watching stuff i go back and re-watch the thing i miss do you do i don't think you do that i think you just keep on plowing through i keep plowing and eventually i'll catch up i'll plow on i'll catch up i mean i could put my brain together i know what happened i could miss a whole episode and know exactly what's going on i don't think you can i think you miss things and then because i'll reference things sometimes and you're like i don't know that i'm like that is a huge plot point where you were watching a TikTok about how to get your fade. You know what? You're on your phone when we watch things.

I can't even talk to you. You're listening to White Noise, which is a radio show, every morning. I can't talk to you. Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything? This is almost like the beginning of this where you were just naming different Eastern culture things. What is me having to listen to a radio show

where I don't want to talk? I'm not trying to have a conversation and do that. Oh, you're not? I'm in the room with you. But I have it on my headphones a lot of times. Or you weren't in the room when I was listening to it on speaker. And then you walk in and start talking to me. And then I turn it down so I can hear you.

And then I turn it back up when you're done talking. You go like, did you go what? I will say that I've been trying to watch Chappelle's special for so long now. And I cannot. It's too slow for me, and when I put it on the TV, I can't do double the speed. So I just get so distracted, and I have to rewatch. I had to rewatch one story of his 20 times.

I'm still not through it, and it's just the story of him being followed in the mall by that woman. It's not that long of a story and i cannot get through because i look down at my phone and i get distracted but i keep but i go back i don't i because i don't want to miss something here's the thing last night i was falling asleep to i believe episode six um i felt i was kind of going in and out and so this morning i turned on episode six i watched what i watched last night and I did catch up. I did fill in some gaps that might have been there from sleeping. But if I miss something from watching my phone, I mean, that's like a, you know,

I'll watch my phone while I drive for an hour and a half. I'll get there. I get there. Are you supposed to say that? Probably not. I mean, I feel like everyone just is half watching things now i do it when you say you watch something you just you can't trust even my parents my parents don't really my mom's always on her phone but my dad will fall asleep and i'll

i talked about white lotus to them and they were nearly done with the show and they were like yeah we didn't we started it and i go oh well there's this kid like kid. I referenced something that happens at the end that wasn't a spoiler. And they go, oh, yeah, I think we saw that. I'm like, you saw the whole show, but you don't remember because you fall asleep. I'm someone who I just can't deal with that. I tried watching. I need to go back. I remember from my childhood that movie Dune, which is like.

They just brought it back, right? They brought it back with Chalamet and Zendaya. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to sit there. I know this is going to be slow. I know it's going to be kind of weird and like scientific and whatever. I lasted, honestly, four minutes tops. Yeah.

Yeah. They started talking in like a weird voice of we have to get this back. I'm done. I don't need this. Squid Game is unbelievable. Well tell me why. It's just

I almost started crying in the last episode. It was the last episode or the last one you watched? The last one I watched. There's an old man in the show i'm not gonna give away anything but he is the most i'm never gonna watch it i'm never gonna watch it because i don't watch things unless i have a partner to watch them with and my last one just watched it oh hmm well. Well, I'm not done. You're the only one I knew that didn't watch it.

No, there's no catch. I can't catch up. I can't watch anything alone. I just never thought that you would want to watch this. Well, is it as gory and scary and finger poppy as you? It's gory. You see a lot of death, but it's not like scary death. Is it like jump scares?

Not really. Not really. Have you seen Running Man, the movie? No. Back in the day? No. Well, anyways, it has a lot of heart. It really does.

And the main character, there's a lot of main characters. But the first episode, this guy, he's downtrodden. He's a gambler. He's not there for his daughter he's in debt and he plays like a guy you relate to he's the best actor i think i might have ever seen he's like a dumb dog in it he's just like like and it's unbelievable he's unbelievable it's crazy how good of an actor this guy is like he emotes so much on the screen i don't know i feel like i don't some people that think there are actors that are good i disagree with them so much like i think acting and what you think is good and what it's not it's totally subjective because some people are like they're the best actor and i'm like i just don't i just see them acting or i

don't know i just it's hard your favorite actor favorite actor i mean probably tom hanks tom hanks okay yeah like i feel like tom hanks really does get me there and i feel like he is those characters like there's he's like even though i know he's acting i just i forget i forget he's acting which is you know something that it's hard for me to do in in a lot of stuff and then i do think um you know i'm watching the morning show and the girl uh uh hannah showenberg from the first season yeah um i think she's one of the best actresses i've ever seen i thought she really was incredible and i was sad to see wait did you watch the second season no oh it's on she back baby i don't think she come back i don't think she can come back from what happened

i thought she might though because i started, I thought what I thought was second season. I was starting. I, I, this is like, again, I forget what I watch. I watched the last episode of the first season,

you know, months ago. Yes. And I started up second season, but it started the last episode of the first season. I didn't know. And I'm watching it like it's new and I'm, there's nothing about it.

That's rep reminds me of anything I've seen before. And then she's there. And I I go did she come back from the dead is this a flashback what's happening spoiler alert and um and then I realized I was watching the last episode someone watched I saw a tweet someone watched Succession the first just put it on automatically but it was the

first episode of the show and they were like I thought it was all flashbacks like I thought third season first episode was all flashbacks we Like, I thought third season, first episode. This is why we're not paying attention when we watch things anymore. Okay, but this is my point. Squid Games, you don't need a Tom Hanks. You don't need, you know, a Leonardo DiCaprio.

You don't know who anyone is. And that's why it's so great. Like, you're just starting with a nice, clean palette. And I love shows like that. Yeah, I don't think I watch things because, I mean, I guess Morning Show I did watch because Jennifer Aniston is in it. And I just like her and Steve Carell. So, you know, it's going to be good. But I feel like most of the time I'm motivated to watch something.

It's not because the actor in it is someone I want to see do something. Does that make sense? I think that's getting less and less. I mean, I think the idea of like, I guess I put on Dune because of Shallow May fucking that peach, but it still didn't do anything for me. Right. You know, yeah, it doesn't, I don't think, I think what matters is critical acclaim is like people,

is the cultural phenomenon. For me, wanting to be moved by something to the point where I'm like thinking about it all the time. I love art that does that for me. And like when something like Squid Game for sure is this thing that just took over the conversation immediately, like Tiger King, you know? Yeah, it's the Island Boys of Netflix. It was huge.

Yeah. But I know that it had so much gore in it and that it is also something that caused a lot of anxiety and it's like an anxious-y type show. And I'm just going to pass, but I'm also going to talk to my friends who have seen it to get enough cultural references that i can slide it into jokes in the future or you know understand you know jokes being made about it enough to like fit in with people and be able to talk about it at the at the cool table but yeah i mean look i think i don't need to watch it the old man in it is the most human character you'll ever see on a tv show i think okay um

it just there's something about this that's striking a chord for you and i now i'm interested to know what what what is so emotional about this for you? I think you relate to the character or something. A lot of it is sacrificing yourself for others, which may be something I try to do, but I probably am not good at. And I see it of giving up your life for another. I can't even imagine that. Yeah, sacrificing yourself for others or like doing something for others.

I mean, it's just, I think, yeah, the more, and I've talked about this so much, but the more I get outside of myself and stop doing things selfishly and actually try to do something for someone else that's self-sacrificing in terms of my time or my money or whatever, it's just, it never ceases to make me feel better

and to feel, and in, in not a selfish way and not a way that I'm like, I get to tell everyone I did this good thing, but just genuinely makes you feel good. And I wish, I wish that was, I want more people to understand that. So when you realize when you give and you are donate to places or you give an extra tip to someone or you just do nice things for people that it makes you feel better too. Then the thing that's preventing you from doing those things is because we're

also selfish, but essentially you could do this thing that's going to make you feel a lot better. And I just wish people knew that I didn't know that, you know, I always look at your phone when you watch the show. Do it for them. What do you mean?

No, I'm saying we're also self-centered. We look at our phone when we're watching. Maybe don't look at your phone for the whole show. That's not what I'm talking about at all. I'm just talking about literally doing something that doesn't get you any kind of brownie points with your fret, like not anonymous donations, doing something that you're not going to brag about to people that you're just doing to help someone else. And you don't even need a thank you from them. And being in a place where you could actually be there and not.

I feel like I don't I know so few people who do that, including myself. Like even when I put a tip in at Starbucks, I want them to thank me. And when, when I do nice things, I want, sometimes I've, I've gotten to a better place with it where I don't need thank yous and things like that. But there is something that you want some sort of validation, but being able to do things without the validation is so key to my self-esteem and self-worth. And I just didn't know that. I didn't know that that was a way to get out of depression. And that depression, because it seems so like you hate yourself. Like, why would that be selfish to be depressed?

And I don't mean to make people who are depressed feel bad about it or like you're so selfish but that's that's not what i'm saying i'm because the worst thing to do is feel worse when you're depressed about like oh now i'm gonna feel selfish that i'm depressed great nikki but it's like no it is a selfish act to be depressed you're obsessed with like i'm bad i'm worthless no one likes me i don't deserve to be alive and i'm not trying to make that like uh i'm not trying to make it a moral issue if you're a bad person to feel that way. But I never thought of depression as selfish. If anything, I thought it was like, you hate yourself. So you how could that be selfish? So the antidote to being selfish is to get out of yourself and do something for other people that has nothing to do with you. And I wish more rich people would do that because rich people are depressed as fuck and they have something to actually give, even if they don't have the time to volunteer or whatever. I used to always think that I don't have time to volunteer and I don't want to. I don't I don't want to like I was thought that people that volunteering and helping at Goodwill or soup kitchens, they wanted to do it like they they have some chip in them that makes them want to do it. And it's like, no, they know that it makes them feel better.

Not because of the likes they get by posting it on social media, but like, you know, the ones that just do it to do it. They know that it makes themselves better, thus making the world a better place for their family and friends. I don't know. I just, there's so much like greed that I just, I don't know. I just want people to be kinder. And I came up with a new mantra

because Carlyle has this book called Healing Yourself, Healing from Within. What's it called? I forget. It's lying around here somewhere. I'll get the name of it. But it's mantras for every physical ailment that you can use to like heal what you're going through. And she found in the back of the glossary, it says canker sores and it's canker sores are related to having shame

and feeling like you can't say what you want to say. And like, I so relate to that. Like all of my ailments are always in my throat and in my mouth and it's always related to I feel like I'm not speaking my truth and obviously I'm someone that speaks the truth but like there's just something backed up there recently and so she gave me the mantra and it was I create joyful experiences for my loving world and so yesterday i meditated and all i said was i create joyful experiences for my loving world i create joyful experiences for my loving world and the truth is that is that's my goal in life that's all i want to do and so i'm like what if every decision i made was filtered through that i already failed today because i

admonished andrew for being racist this morning and it probably made it feel bad so that wasn't creating a joyful experience for my loving world yeah so i i fail here and there but if i do filter everything through that life could be pretty sweet wow because that but that is like my goal because she read one because uh she read one that was like near the canker sores because her boyfriend does she have any for anal fissures honestly i'm not even joking you there would be look it up please i really would love that mantra because my ass let me see if i can find the book i'm at our place right now yeah for some reason flying hurts my asshole i think maybe i get dehydrated up there. Yeah. Maybe my asshole tightens up to higher the altitude.

Right. Like the pressure changes for sure. I wonder if a lot of pilots deal with assholes that are, I could never be an F-15 pilot. All right. I don't think, literally she has every other self-help book alive. There's a book called How to Be Alone.

There's a book called The Power of Habit. There's a book called 10 Days be alone there's a book called the power of habit there's a book called 10 days to self-esteem um these are all books that are propping up the laptop right now but there's not that one matthew mcconaughey movies let me see where that book is yeah there is the healing book yeah she's i mean i was talking to noah about how flying hurts my butthole and i wonder if it's connected maybe i sit down longer than usual um i think the pressure ailments are are mental yeah they really i mean it's uh it's a physical thing that is like compounded by the mental stress yeah yeah your brain goes down there and like fucking my asshole always hurts more on the

weekend when i'm like just stressed like even though i don't feel stressed but obviously it's somewhere you know i want to do a good job whatever you know tension or uh you know things are when you're traveling everything's heightened and i think my asshole pain gets heightened i think it's connected. It's correlated. It's interesting. Too bad your height can't get heightened. I try. I'll wear your heels, but my calves hurt.

It all adds up. Hold on. She told me it's behind me on a bookshelf. One second. I bet you the mantra is just like, don't fly. It's called, you can heal your life. All right. Let's look up anal fissures. Oh, my God.

There's literally everything in here. Okay. Anal fissures. I think it's fissures. Not in here, but I'll look up fissures. Okay. I guess we could do hemorrhoids. It's close enough.

Hemorrhoids. Fissula? No. Okay. Hemorrhoids, which you know are hemorrhoids right not ham can you spell hemorrhoids for us real quick ham nope i know it's h-e-m-m-o no h-e-m-o-r-r-h-o-i-d-s okay 175 and 211 let's get to this 175 yeah yeah it's like hemorrhoids. Yeah, hemorrhoids. Okay, 175. Here we go.

Is that a hemi? No, it's a hemorrhoid. Okay, hemorrhoids. This is actually interesting. It's close enough, but I don't know if it's going to do the trick. Fear of deadlines. Anger of the past. Afraid to let go. Feeling burdened.

Okay, so your mantra is, I release all that is unlike love. There is time and space for everything I want to do. Again. That's long. I release all that is unlike love. I release all that is unlike love. There is time and space for everything I want to do. There's time and space for everything I want to do.

Okay, Noah, hit me with something you've been struggling with. Neck pains. Neck pains. Neck pains. do okay noah hit me with uh hit me with something you've been struggling with neck pains neck pains neck pains all right let's go to oh my god they have everything in here this is cool neck problems okay re refusing to see other sides of a question, stubbornness, and flexibility. Okay, and this is your mantra. It is with flexibility and ease that I see all sides of an issue. There are endless ways of doing things and seeing things. I am safe.

I know it's a long one, but that's one that you can like write a bunch. You could almost do a Bart Simpson, beginning of Simpsons, where you write it over and over. So I'm sending these to both of you right now. I just got it. This book again is called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Oh, Louise Hay is a guru of this. Oh, nice.

Heartburn's right here too. Yeah, dude. What's heartburn? Heartburn is, I breathe freely and fully. I am safe. I trust the process of life. Whoa, that's you, dude.

I love how all of this is like go with the flow. Yeah. With the flow. Dude, I am, yeah, I'm into this shit. I'm into like letting go forgiving yourself forgiving yourself is i think the biggest lesson i've learned over the past year and a half is like being able to be okay with whatever you do and being like so many people are talking about the alec baldwin thing real quick and then we'll get to the news okay and this is all say on it except you know

obviously the how horrible it was. And just unbelievable it is. Like, it truly feels like something that would happen in a fever dream. Like, a news alert that would show up on your phone in a dream. Are you talking about his last movie? So, well, probably is going to be. That's good. Someone was saying to me, like,

if you were him, you would never be like, you would never be able to forgive yourself. You would never be able to, your life would be ruined forever. Or like, let's say if you accidentally, if you accidentally killed someone in any way,

and even if it was your fault, say you're texting or driving whatever like you could never forgive yourself i truly believe i could and maybe that makes me crazy but it's not like i want to do that i i feel like i could forgive someone who took the life accidentally of a family member of mine or a loved one like i could for or even my own if there's an afterlife and i like i saw this guy get sentenced to 25 years in prison for speeding he was going 102 his child speeding in florida in a drag race and he killed this woman and i was thinking if i were that woman i would not want this guy to go away for 25 years like it's i don't

know that's a separate issue and i i don't want to get dms about it and being like you're such a monster but i hope alec baldwin can forgive himself i hope he can have a good life after this and that he doesn't suffer the rest of his life with just immense guilt crouching on the street crying like i hope he can smile again someday and that we don't make him out to be a villain for being able to have a happy life again. He didn't mean to. He wouldn't choose to do that.

And maybe he is, maybe there's some world in which he did something wrong by even pointing the gun at someone. You know, like maybe there's something he did wrong in that scenario. Even then, I hope he can forgive himself someday. I hope that AD can forgive himself someday. I hope, you know, I'm not saying what they did was okay and like we should just let it go. What I'm saying is I just think that I could forgive anything

if the person truly didn't mean to do it. And even in cases where they did mean to do it because I don't think people actually choose to what their brain wants them to do. I saw this powerful video of this murder. even in cases where they did mean to do it, because I don't think people actually choose to what their brain wants them to do. I saw this powerful video of this, of this murder. This guy murdered the guy's son.

And Oh, I love that video. Holy shit. The father of the son who was murdered forgives the guy in front of the whole courtroom. That's the closure. Oh, the chills in it was like wild. But like,

I do think who you know the unfortunately the woman that was killed um if her family was able to forgive him in my i don't know i haven't done any research on like i think that even if they didn't forgive me i could learn to forgive myself and i hope that it doesn't it his forgiveness of himself is not dependent on their forgiveness because it isn't it honestly isn't but i know i'm just saying it helps i mean i know but yeah i i it i it shouldn't i i just i think it can go all the way down to like forgiving yourself for i mean this comes down to body image stuff like i was only able to arrive at this kind of like blanket forgiveness because i struggled so much with like i hating myself i'm such a messy person

i am sometimes mean to my friends i my i why is my my spray tan is so disgusting i look dirty all the time i have bags under my eyes because i didn't sleep right when i should have slept i should have gotten my roots done. Every day I just have to remind myself, you didn't mean to look this way today. You didn't want to be mean to your friend. You didn't check a box and go, in an hour, I'm going to be mean to Andrew. I can't wait.

It just happens. You can forgive yourself. You can make amends. You can do what you can. If you murder me you murder me how long you mourning i mean are we talking a day three weeks if i murder you i'm probably not gonna mourn because i'm like insane i'm probably like yeah finally okay let's get to the news no answer you bleed in the fifth we're right back where you going? He's going to grab something, he said. Oh, interesting.

Fissure. Oh, I know what he's grabbing. What is he grabbing? What do you predict? Did he get my mom to record it? Did he call my mom? I don't know. Because if it's him doing just kidding, I don't think that's going to cut it. I have a feeling he, over speakerphone, he got my mom to do just kidding.

That's my guess. Wow. That's my guess. But. That's my guess. But he doesn't know that I just projected that because he doesn't have his headphones on. He doesn't know. All right. I'm excited for what you just got. Okay.

Let's get into it. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. It is Tuesday. You know what that means, folks? It's Tuesday. And boy, are we having a great time here, aren't we?

That's the best she could do. I called. I mean, while you were gone, I said, let me guess. He called her on speakerphone and recorded it. She made me repeat it, too. She's such a glazer. No. What do you mean she made you repeat it too she's such a glazer no what do you mean she made your first take yeah well the second take was bad too she goes just kidding it's just kidding are you telling your mom how she does her own voice yeah because she's trying too hard in that one we could we'll

get a better one later in person but why are you hope you're having all the swells out there. I'll tell you that. Just kidding. Okay, I kind of like it now. Okay, I apologize, and I've forgiven you. Hey, I had to order that on Amazon. Listen, I know, as soon as I realized

later in the day, I go, I didn't thank Andrew for ordering that thing, but were you waiting for me to thank you for that honestly honestly no okay crazy i feel like okay all right the national confectioners association okay yeah whatever that means uh says 80 of of Americans say they enjoy eating candy corn on Halloween. Of that number, 52% say they eat it one piece at a time. What? Candy corn for some reason.

What does that mean, one piece at a time? Who's eating handfuls of candy corn? Oh, yeah. Why is that even a part of the question? And how do you eat your candy corn? Well, here's the thing. I'll go, at least as a kid i would i would bite the little white part off at the bottom first chew that up uh-huh and then get

to i actually i would then eat the gold and then get to the very little tip i'm guessing none of it tastes any different than the other parts i was a fan of candy corn now here's the thing you eat 15 fantastic you 40 you're you feel the worst you've ever felt yeah it's just a sugar bomb and it's waxy and it's just filling yeah candy corn is a very polarizing confection um i like it um i don't eat candy anymore but man i i wouldn't have i liked candy corn it's you know it's not up there with the um conversation hearts around valentine's day in terms of holiday themed candy but candy corn is not terrible but it is not the first candy i would ever go to and i don't i think it doesn't even break my top 100 candies. You want to know how I know candy corn isn't great? Huh?

You don't fucking eat it any other week of the year. Like, it's the same reason why we don't eat Thanksgiving. Even Thanksgiving meal is better than candy corn. But if it was so great, we would do it more than once. That's my thing. What did we do? We get, we. When have you bought candy corn outside of October?

No, no, no. I'm talking about Thanksgiving. Oh, Thanksgiving might have been a bad analogy, but. Well, you're probably right, but I think Thanksgiving is delicious. Why do we wait? But why don't we do Christmas a bunch? Because that also feels good to like give a ton of toys and stuff. I guess it feels good because we do it once a year.

And yeah, but. Yeah, candy corn. No one's jonesing for that taste people are doing snickers all year my point is we do all this other halloween candy year year round but candy corn we keep it there valentine hearts we keep it there there's got to be a reason talking about candy corn speaking we've felt nauseous yeah same it's gross would you rather have baby corn or candy corn? I hate baby corn.

It scares me. That little, like the little corn that isn't corn, like the thing in Tom Hanks and Big goes. Yeah, what is it? It's not actual corn. Wait, what? It's a vegetable in and of itself. But it looks like corn.

Did you notice? What? Sorry, I was looking at something for the show. Is little corn, baby corn, not corn? Wait, it's not? I don't think so. Just kidding. No, I really do think.

Wait, is baby corn corn? Is baby corn corn? I never eat baby corn. It freaks me out. Baby corn comes from regular corn. Okay, it can come from any number of kinds of varieties, but it's just picked at a much earlier stage. Oh, never mind.

Okay. For some reason, I heard that it wasn't corn. Sorry. Wait, wait a second. It says the adorable mystery of where baby corn comes from is officially solved um oh unlike baby carrots these miniatures really deserve their name okay so they are baby corn but baby carrots are actually just carrots cut down to baby size okay yeah so wait all right So why don't we, I know this isn't a joke. It's an immature ear of corn. A what?

It's an immature ear of corn. So it laughs at fart jokes. Why not a corn in between that big ass corn and the baby corn? Like I've never seen a teenager corn. I'm not. Between corn. Between corn. I'm saying though though that would be nice wouldn't it i guess they're saying i'm saying yeah i like a scrumptious corn boy i like getting in there but it's but you know with a big corn you can't eat the inside but a baby corn you can plow through that inside so maybe

a teenager corn would just be so weirdly in between the two that it would be like some people eat apples with like the whole core oh you know they eat it from the top like they twist off the thing and just go and then spit out the seeds i know eat the outside of a banana yeah we'll wait till the finale squid game you'll see. All right. Next story. All right. A woman makes utter butter out of her own breast milk. Gross. And says her husband loves it.

To me, it tastes like, you know, when you burp and it kind of tastes like throw up. She said of her mammary margarine. Ew. What the fuck? Ew. Guys. I almost started throwing up. This is baby corn. This is candy corn.

The nausea from candy corn has now turned into morning sickness. Not many people notice utter milk makes all candy corn. Oh, God. I'm not into breast milk things. It turns me Oh, God. I'm not into breast milk things. It turns me on, though.

Like on TikTok, you'll see a woman milking her kid. Something's milky. And it turns me on a lot. Like you see a little bit of a nipple. And their boobs are usually filled to the brim. And there's a baby like sucking her nipple, their boobs are usually filled to the brim and there's a baby like sucking her nipple which is what guys do to us so it's like it is the same thing it doesn't it's outside you're you're usually like in a park you're where your tits shouldn't be the milk itself a turn on

like the thing coming out of it no okay so just so you're just saying something sucking on a tit i guess it could be anything yeah i guess, I guess it could have been a squirrel. Just anything involving a tit coming out. It's not about the milk. A tit out in the wild where apparently it shouldn't be. But she's like, you know what? I'm milking. I'm going to do my tits in Walmart.

It's not milking. It's called breastfeeding or pumping. Yeah, I guess I don't think there's anything wrong with that being a turn on are you ever turned on by pregnant women a little bit yeah a little bit um i guess because you can't get them pregnant again no but i don't think that's it no i'm just saying that the other day no there's something about like just it's just like it's just like a i don't know why they're like you know they're fertile yeah and it's a healthy look for someone they're like radiating a lot of times yeah that there's like a chemical response to pregnancy where women's cheeks get a little redder and their hair gets thicker they get a little bit more like voluptuous yes yes but it's

so interesting that yeah that that would be a turn on when that means that they can't get pregnant with you like everything that we're attracted to is because we want to like procreate and that means that that woman is taken by another man so you're like cuckolded in a way. And you can't get it pregnant. So like or that girl you know. So it's interesting that that would be a turn on. But I guess the other things. And I wonder why you get super glowy. And more attractive when you're pregnant.

It's probably because. If that didn't happen. This is just my guess. As someone who knows nothing. It's so that women. So that women that are pregnant won't be cast aside and like shunned by men who could potentially harm them if they weren't fuckable so it's like protect them while they're pregnant because the men still want them around to fuck

because that if we do everything to procreate like if that's our drive right why do we have condoms and and birth control and all that which because our cognitive yeah because cognitively we you know our our monkey brain wants us to procreate yes but we you know the brain that is also on tiktok all the day all the time and like laughs at like has our our brain that's updated that's part of our brain that's like working in the now that one doesn't want to get pregnant but you can't the subconscious you can't turn off but the conscious thinking doesn't want to get pregnant but you're still motivated by the need to, to get things pregnant. Because if you weren't, you would just come on their stomach with ease. You wouldn't need,

or you would just get a hand job or something. There's something about putting a penis in a vagina that is very, you want it for some reason, even if you are like, right. But so does a hand or so does a, between ass cheeks or like tits or mouth but there's something about a pussy that you just gotta get in there and i think it's not just about it feels

good i don't think it's just that i know but so many guys i know are so afraid of of like they don't even think of as they go oh you bang without a condom aren't you scared you're gonna get her pregnant like so many guys their biggest fear is pregnancy over std right yeah i don't can't help but their subconscious still wants to put it in raw dog yeah to get it you're drawn to it because your whole all your dna which has nothing to do with what you're thinking, is begging you to put cum into women. That's why you get distracted by billboards that have sexy women on them. You're like, oh,

that's something I want to fuck. It's not because you're like, she's pretty. The she's pretty is your brain now, but you just think it's, oh, she's hot. But really, deep down, it's's i want to fuck that and have a baby and i want to get that i want to put semen in that to get it pregnant i want more of me i want my dna to keep going surprise there's not more cum on billboards but then you'd have to

climb oh my god did you see the billboard i took a picture of the other day on my story or instagram story it's the new i know what you did last Summer. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I saw. There was cum all over everyone on it. There's just this goo. There's slime that's like, it's like period blood cum because it's like tinted pink. Yeah.

But it's cum. It's crazy looking. That was really disturbing. It's so funny. No one knows I'm in LA until I post one thing on my story and then all my LA friends

are like, you're here? And I'm like, God, it's just because I had to make a cum comment. A comment. And now I feel like I'm, you know, being antisocial if I don't hang with anyone. But it's so hard to fit in hangs. There's something about

just being in a hotel room and being alone that I just want to just be, I just don't want to do anything. Alright, let's take a quick break and come back with Reddit Talk. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics,

entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Karaoke mode. This is your Reddit dump. All right, it's Tuesday. That means we're going to clear out all of my saved posts on Reddit where I go every single night before I go to bed

and I save things that I think you guys would like. This one I saved last night and I alluded to it today at the top of the show. This is the song that an Italian man made to, because he was so annoyed with Italians loving any song that was just American English speaking person, even though they don't speak English. So he decided to make up a fake English speaking song that is gibberish English and it went to number one immediately, despite not meaning anything. To make up a fake. English speaking song. That is gibberish English.

And it went to number one immediately. Despite not meaning anything. So here's the song. And it actually. Was this guy famous before he put out this song? I don't really know the history of it. But this song put him on the map. you can't make any of the words out it's amazing like uh like David Hasselhoff would have sang that. It's such a good song, and it's called, what is it called? It's called Prisincolonensiniculusol. The artist is Adriano Celentano, C-E-L-E-N-T-A-N-O.

Hold on. I think this might be a louder one. This is interesting how far Europe is ahead of us in regards to history. But God, did we jump in the music so quick. Zoot suit riot. You've got to watch this. Just Adriana Celentano. And it's actually a good song it's really fun to

listen to okay let's get to the next is it a hot guy no he's like an old man kind of interesting uh it's it's really good okay stop playing stop playing okay this was from ask reddit it said people who fuck good what's your secret and it reminded me of you andrew um when you say on stage i don't fuck good um so someone said learn what you genuinely enjoy and find partners who enjoy having that done to them when the puzzle pieces are just right you always bet a thousand in the box in the box enthusiasm can't be faked and it's such a good feeling knowing you are desired to the maximum i think that's pretty much it find out what you like doing or giving and what you like receiving and find someone who likes giving that it's like love languages i think that's that's when you fuck good uh be teachable

listen don't be self-interested and communicate um someone said i used to fuck good. I used to fuck for good. Now I fuck for evil. That's just a funny Redditor. Um, someone said, take pride in your work and love what you do. Uh, what do you think makes someone fuck good? Uh, I think communication's the best part. And I think doing it outside the bedroom, talking about it before you're in the middle of everything can really help.

I think. Yeah. talking about it before you're in the middle of everything can really help i think yeah finding someone that's why i kind of like being able to talk so frankly about sex because people that i'm you know i generally know someone before i start a sexual relationship with them i know them in a way that isn't a sexual way and so at least like usually they're people that I'm like working with or friends with. And I'm so, usually a lot of my work entails talking about sex. So it's easy to find the people that go, oh yeah, I'm into that too. And I'm like, oh great.

Okay, noted that they like that too. And so you can kind of find that. But I think most people when they're dating do not talk about like- Oh, you'll throw it out there to someone before they even know you like them so just to kind of feel out their sexual drive i don't even know sometimes it gets me thinking about someone in that way because i'll be just talking about sex in general

with you know a group of people or whatever a situation and there might be someone that i'm interested in but if i say something if i get the conversation going about talking about sex frankly hearing what they're into and seeing at how it aligns with what i'm into even before sex is on the table for us or even that can be that can why don't we start there so many times we start with like are am i attracted to them which by the way is starting with sex anyway like that's a sexual thing to be like into looks like we were on these apps but like saying what you like sexually in an app without the without the expectation that you have to do that thing might lead to better compatibility you know like what if you found out my only thought is though

is like if you find out just through like a quick conversation that they aren't into what you're into or at least you assume that then it could kind of get in the way of you maybe pursuing them based off i think it should you know i've said certain things and people are like not into it yeah don't want it and it's just like okay i don't want to be with someone who won't do that to me or i'm gonna or they have to be okay with me getting that somewhere else or like they need or they need to be open to it i understand being like i've never done it and it's just like but yeah you can kind of get a reaction from someone if they're gonna be like chill with stuff for sure like like yeah like if someone's like whoa man whoa it's like like i've heard a lot though did you see the latest curb no oh i don't know

though i love that reed guy there's a new episode out yeah larry is dating um fuck what's her name uh she's the asian actress i don't mean for it to come full circle. Sandra Oh? No. Lucy Liu. Lucy Liu. Okay. And Larry, they're on their second date. They're about to get it on. And Larry walks into a glass door. Oh, this is embarrassing.

She won't fuck him after that. She just doesn't find him attractive anymore. Yes. It just makes me think of these little things that can just doesn't find them attractive anymore yes i it just makes me think of like these little things that like can just end it yeah i love that she was like i can't because a lot of times i think girls would just go through with it even though they're like oh boy and listen girls do the same stuff like we've we've done things i'm sure that guys are just like oh that took me out of it that thing she said that thing she did oh, ooh, that took me out of it, that thing she said, that thing she did. Oh, but it sucks that one thing can do it. It just sucks.

Then you have to be on your toes all the time. I don't know. It was really funny. That is funny. But I think the same thing for guys, though. Guys can get unattracted quickly for the dumbest thing. You see a piece of ankle hair, and you're suddenly repulsed. You know? Just, you know just you know

i i yeah i mean i think that was the old me but i think now it's four hairs but you know i've changed a lot but no but yeah no i get it i get it yeah things definitely have taken me out for sure it just sucks that like one like a hundred things can go right and it's like you run into a glass door and it's just like, ah, you fucking, you're old. And like,

she like looked at him as like, he's decrepit. Like he just aged. And I sometimes fear that with. It's more like the bumbling thing. Like they're just that you like a guy who's confident and like knows what he's doing. And you see a guy fall and like slam it. It's just like,

it just. Sometimes I'm afraid with Brenna is like one day she's going to go, oh, you're like old. Like, like, like I'm going with Brenna One day she's going to go Oh you're like old Like I'm going to eat Like bran muffins Instead of like A sausage sandwich or something And she's going to be like Oh you have to eat bran

Suddenly it's just going to dawn on her How old you are Suddenly she's going to learn She's going to take that math class That really makes it She's gonna there's she's gonna figure out the number that the number is 16 is the years you guys are different yeah that i mean that would be such a fear of mine of seeming old someday of just like when is it gonna click like right now it's okay like you're not old yet you're 41 but like when she's 41 you're 57 yeah yes that seems actually okay yeah it does actually the older she gets i think the less it will seem weird but i do feel like i i tend to not wear like old man clothes

you know right if i wore khakis and a button down and comb my hair with a part where you can see a receding hairline yeah yeah i think that i would but the thing about uh fucking good and i feel like there have been times where the sex like i'm not into someone physically or you know the kiss was off or something. And I've heard my friends say like that you can fix Nikki, you know, emotional intelligence and like someone's anger or jealousy issues. Like that stuff, you seem to like want to take on that, that shape. Like, Oh, I can change that.

But like when someone's like, you know, it's not sexually compatible right away, you just go, no, not going to work. But and what is that? And I do I do believe that like I am so scared, I think, of making men feel insecure in bed and being a little bit too masculine energy of like, do this, do that. And I I put up with I have put up with so much in bed that I didn't enjoy because I just don't want to hurt a guy's feelings and like want them to feel like, okay, it's not terrible what he's doing, but it's certainly not what would work right now for me the best. And I do know what that would be, but I don't want to, I don't want to be a backseat driver

for my own puss. What do you feel about that? Would you prefer if you're doing something to a girl and she knows an easy way to make it better which is you leave and she uses her vibrator um what um no what would you prefer her to to say because you know i've just had guys i prefer a million percent i think a lot of guys would be way more open to it than you probably even think. They're just doing what they think works. You know what I mean? It's not like, I'm sticking to this.

This is my plan for me to come. It's like, oh, no. Oh, you want me to fuck you harder and put my thumb in your butt? Okay, cool. I didn't know you were into that. You know, like, if you say it too much, it becomes annoying because i can just give directions all day long and that's the thing it's like i can't then i'm just gonna do it alone and sometimes i'm just like maybe i will you know like i don't know what's your example like okay let's say a guy's

having sex with you ever so gently or whatever you don't like going down on me too like just like being like gentle when they're going. Just not using any pressure. Okay, so what would your directions be? If you were a GPS, how can you do it in a way that might not seem annoying to the guy or maybe seem encouraging and not like you're doing it wrong?

Like suck my clit. Okay, that works. That's not that directional. That's not that, hey, can you suck my clit okay that works that's not that directional like that's not that hey can you suck my clit more that'd be dope yeah but then they do that and it's not hard and then i go harder and then they like can't and then it's just like oh god all right well then i now i have to give some kind of positive reinforcement because they're at least trying and then it feels like now yeah when they when they try and they still fail that's why that's why i don't like to give direction is because when they try and they still fail i have to i can't be honest and go no just you know what just forget about it you know wait you're supposed to say just forget it final thought just kidding

um i think though i think you gotta you go suck that clit as hard as you can and if they don't get there you don't have to tell them that they didn't get there but i think at least then you know rather than wouldn't you rather know i feel like i just know i i don't mean to be like oh you know before you even tell them i just know like i know uh just by the way we kiss like if this person and i are going to be sexually compatible but i didn't think like when we raced in the 40 yard dash that i would be so fast right until you saw how fast i was so maybe that's the same thing with clit sucking it's i don't know i just don't know that i've ever been able to get it up for someone that I don't have it up for. Can I ask a question?

Do you think if a guy kisses too softly or without enough tongue or whatever, then that will put in your brain that you won't eat vagina? Like softly and too much tongue? Yeah, it makes me think that they're probably going to kiss me down there like that. That's what I'm asking. Does a woman think how a man kisses is the way it's the same thing how a man dances is the way he'll make love but i think there's probably a lot of great dancers that make up for probably being shitty in bed yes or maybe but no i don't really think

about pussy eating when i'm like kissing someone it just is the overall vibe of like sex like i just like a little bit more of a passionate, like, and not like so much tongue right away leads me to believe like they're going to be the kind of person that just like tries to fuck you right away and isn't into like, I don't know. It takes a lot.

I don't, anyone who's listening to this and thinking about kissing me someday is probably just like, Oh my God, the pressure. Like I got gotta learn how to exert pressure yeah just grab my neck a little bit just grab my neck a little bit that's all i'm saying uh okay one more thing um there is this meme that was circulating that i found out on uh

on reddit hole up h-o-l-u-p And it's just like, it's just things that you are watching and then at the very end, you're just like, wait, what? And this was a picture of a guy talking to his girlfriend on a flight. And the girl's crying. He's like consoling her. This guy, the guy taking pictures,

you know, across the aisle from them and he's just taking a picture. And he goes, this guy on my flight just told his girlfriend he wouldn't date her if she was a worm and she is crying a worm yeah what is it it's just like one of those things that girls do of like would you take me if i was a worm and the guy was like no and she's like what it just made me laugh as as one of those test girls give guys. I do love a test when sometimes Brenna will say something and I'll reaffirm what she says. Yeah.

And she goes, well, why are you agreeing to that? And I'm like, well, I'm just backing you up here. She's testing you to see if you will just agree with her blindly? No, it's more like, oh, I'm not good at this. I was like, yeah, it's not really your thing, probably. And she's like, wait, no, I'm not. Oh, yeah. Like something like that, but not like.

Well, we all do things like that. Like, do I look fat in this? Like, you know, you're looking for someone to say that. I don't do that anymore. What is the answer to that when a girl does that? When you go, I'm just not good at things. And when you shit on yourself, the fat thing,

the fat thing, especially because I think that's a thing. You're crazy. You're you're seriously, you have body dysmorphia. What you were seeing is not what I'm seeing, but also be honest. If she does look fat at it,

say, I just think it's, you look better in a different, like you don't have to lie to say that outfit is, is telling you lies. Try something else because that, that you are not fat and that outfit is just not doing you well. Fast forward to 40 outfits on the bed.

I'd be like, no, this one. Not that one either. This one. That garbage bag. Who knows what's underneath that? And that one, that's the one to go with. That's it. Okay.

And then this is one last thing. This is from Reddit, the subreddit, coolguides. Just like cool, like little tips. And this says, this is about two different snakes that look very similar. They're both snakes that are like red, yellow, and black striped. I think we've all seen those kinds of snakes. And this is a little mnemonic device to let you know which one you can fuck with and which one you shouldn't.

So the eastern coral snake is venomous and it says uh and its lines are uh it says red touch yellow kills a fellow uh red touch black friend of jack so if the red and the black touch you can touch that snake but if the red and the yellow touch it kills a fellow i just hated this because just don't touch any snakes no just well yes but also yellow is the common denominator they all have yellow black and red so look at these snakes

they both look very similar oh my god the top one is red touch yellow kill a fellow and the second the bottom one the red and the yellow do not touch they're separated by black and that is wait a friend of jack so that means you can touch it i have seen this 14 times said it in my head a number of times and still today wouldn't know if the snake came in what

to fucking do and i would not remember a little cutesy mnemonic device. I would just say like, lefty loosey, righty tighty. And then scream and get bit. Yeah, and then your neck will stop hurting. All right. Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. Just kidding. Just kidding. I'll be back tomorrow in St. Louis with Noah and Andrew.

Live show. And we have a live show tomorrow. Live, live. In St. Louis, Missouri. Thank you so a live show tomorrow. Live live in St. Louis, Missouri. Thank you so much to everyone who's coming out to that. Can't wait to see you, but we will also see you on the podcast tomorrow in person. I'm taking the red eye out tonight after my taping.

So see you then. Don't be cut. And Jackie. Jackie chain. John Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show, ears edition podcast. Join late night legend John Stewart and the best news team

for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.