The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #133 Soaring D's

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

Between you and Nikki, it's alarming when someone on set says "and then Di".. as in Princess Diana. Nikki returns from NYC Standup For Heroes having spent time with "The Boss" Bruce Springsteen, Jon Stewart and Jim Gaffigan while Andrew nursed his Jimmy John's sub over the last couple of days. You Heard It Here First, switching babies is NBD, a headline overstuffed with S's makes Andrew short circuit and a message from Champaign Papi. Nikki starts her Reddit Dump with a somber post on Last Images and ends it with a question everyone is too afraid to ask about getting close to your sibling. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills. You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap, and the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. Hey, you guys, I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing

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founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. It's Tuesday's episode. Sorry we weren't here yesterday.

Was there a supplemental episode or was it just... No. Nothing. A blank space Oh my god And we'll write nothing Because yeah there was nothing There was nothing there Well I wonder if people were enraged

I haven't checked Instagram No Oh good people understand No one said anything Well that's not a good sign either I want people to be angry Up in arms No one said anything. Well, that's not a good sign either. I want people to be angry, up in arms. They didn't get a podcast yesterday, especially after a long weekend of waiting. And they had, not had to, they heard the live episode from St. Louis on Thursday.

Because on Thursday, we were actually recording another live episode from Cancun. I mean, where am I? I'm in St. Louis right now. But in the last, since Wednesday, I've been in Cancun, Tampa, D.C., St. Louis, New York, back to St. Louis. It's been insane. I just got back this morning, like 15 minutes ago. And oh my God, I'm wearing black socks with my sneakers. It's not a good look. I'm kind of getting up on my outfits. I've consistently worn a Taylor Swift shirt ever since

the day I said I was going to. I have maybe five or six left. It is so nice to not have to wear anything except this. It's a uniform of sorts where it's like, usually every day I'm like, oh my God, do I have to look cute? And when I have a rule for myself, which is like, you got to wear a Taylor Swift shirt, it takes so much of the stress out of getting dressed out of it. I love it. I didn't even realize I was giving myself such a gift. I put all of my Taylor Swift shirts on top of my wardrobe in my closet. And then as I wear them, I wash them and I put them in the drawer. So the ones on top, I know I haven't worn yet. I want to keep adding because I don't want to, I don't want to ever wear anything else because I

don't want to try to look super cute. And let me just be honest, her merch isn't all that cute. And it's not my fault if it's not cute it's like i had to wear it because i made a rule for myself that i created um so it's really yeah it's it's up to me anyway um yeah yesterday was i mean cancun was wild thank you to all the besties that were there um and showed your support while we recorded an episode from the pool. It was truly insane. That episode will be out on Thanksgiving. You will hear a lot of screaming.

You will hear me trying to mitigate the screaming, begging them to stop screaming because everything in Cancun is, you say anything and it's, like my psoriasis is flaring up. Like there's a child drowning all over there like everything everything you said and it's just like this is not gonna be fun for anyone to listen to um but thanksgiving is such a painful day anyway for a lot of people that what's what's it they'll

be happy to have it i think and you will hear will hear, I just want you to know, you'll hear me struggling, pleading with them on your behalf, listener, that no one wants to hear that. It's a fun thing to do in the moment, but I was just like, please stop screaming. Please, sir. It wasn't, it was just women. But we did a really fun thing that you'll see. Like the podcast goes off the rails almost immediately and then

you know and then i had a just a little simmer of an idea before we began i go it might be funny to do this and thank god we had that idea because no one people were tuning us out there was a woman i remember she turned her back to me in order like a Mai Tai at, you know, at the bar and the people just started to seem annoyed because they didn't understand what this was. You know, they were all there for comedy festival. So they knew, and most people were very engaged,

but yeah, only two people drowned. You know, it was, I was trying to incite, you know, rushing the stage. No, I wasn't the Travis Scott thing. I've looked into it a little bit have you you know yeah i had no idea what it was i just heard

astroworld it sounded like a roller coaster and i was like travis scott has a roller coaster and then i thought yeah like a roller coaster there's a. There's a park in Coney Island called Astroland. So I associated with a roller coaster also. Okay, yeah. Well, there we go. And then I thought people died on the roller coaster. Then I realized, and then you look into it, this guy, there's a lot of funny memes going on of like you know of him like creating crowd safety and it's him just like

doing the the the subtle thing that like caught that comedian doing where she's he or she i didn't say she is raising their arms like everyone laugh everyone get up like he's doing that behind like a burning stage like just being like guys calm down there's um he uh but there's a guy that dot that almost died at a 2017 concert in new york city at terminal five where he fell off a balcony and it is now paralyzed and he was just trying he's he goes out and does like advocacy for like crowd control at travis scott concerts especially and then this happens it just and then I guess Drake didn't even take down the stories from that night it happened of like celebrating like their their show or whatever I don't know it's just all so insensitive what do you know about it um

I know a few things that Andrew will bring up in the news possibly okay yeah my mom was at the Who concert in Cincinnati where I think a lot of people died like uh was a lot of in the 70s the Who played in Cincinnati and there was a trampling episode have you almost ever been trampled at a concert because you've been moshing before you know what I've never almost been stampeded upon at a concert, but I do remember it was in junior high school. Something happened in the hallway and there was this like mad rush. And I remember just like my body just floating to another part of the hallway. It was so scary. And kids bawling and stuff and screaming there was something on reddit actually recently where it showed what crowds look like water like from an aerial shot the way they move it's just like rippling water like there's no you that terrifies me anytime i get into a building that is a lot of people in it i make myself aware of the fire exits and I

position myself. I have a plan where like if shit goes down, how I'm going to, where I'm going to go, where I'm going to run. The second I hear a pop sound, like I'm, I'm always thinking of like shooting or like the second I smell smoke, like I'm not even going to question it. I'm going to see like a smoke machine and I'll just like start running for the doors but that's how scared I am of because you know have you ever been in a in a situation where it gets like got a little chaotic um no I don't I just think I have a fear of of not getting out like knowing I'm not naive enough to think that like oh my god there's fire

exits like I think early on I was like you know you go to a movie theater and the person comes out sometimes and like talks to you before the movie this was maybe I haven't gone to the movie since so long but they used to like have a representative come and talk to you and be like the exits are here you're like yeah I know where that why would I need to know where the exits are it's because in a situation where there's a fire or chaos people have no idea where to go and so I think I just realized that the over precaution was probably for a good reason and then the more I looked into it and read into it it was like oh people are I think there was some fire at a nightclub at some point and I read horrifying

stories from smart people that were like able-bodied much like myself not like wasted just just got trampled because everyone starts freaking out and everyone goes for the same door. I think I just saw enough stuff like that that it made me aware. You know, I did the celebrity roast thing. What was that called? No, it was the, I played Kurt Cobain. Yeah. And that was an insane thing. I show up and it's in a garage in this bad part of Hollywood.

I thought it was going to be a really nice situation. It's kind of hobbled together. It wasn't the greatest experience. It ended up being a really funny show and funny jokes and the writers on it were amazing. The performances were great. But the production itself was terrifying because I was getting miked by this woman who I guess saw that she had someone in me that she could like say her truth to. But she looked like very concerned. I'll never forget her face. And she was like

miking me and you kind of just say like hi there's it's an intimate moment they're like in your bra and she was like can I just say that this place is not fire safe and this is just like begging for an accident and something really tragic to happen and I was like what I mean we're like about to go on. And I want to get this over with. I'm already uncomfortable. There's a whole other story that I don't want to get into because I don't want to have like people come after me about it. But it was just not a fun day.

Nothing to do with the people who booked me for it or created the show, but not a good day, even though, you know, it starts at the top. Let me be honest. And this woman goes, there is, she was like, it's not fire safe in there. There's no exits. They're not clearly marked. There's too many people in there. There's courts all over the ground.

There is it's there was no exit. It was a place with one. It was totally not safe. So I was like, well, fuck, dude. I go, why we're i'm walking to stage i want to get out of there so bad it was halloween night 2000 i think 18 17 i'm like i don't even want to like be here i just want to get this production over with we are already running late there's a live audience they're doing the the guy's doing crowd warm-up we're're about to walk to our seats. And I go to the director, the guy behind the whole show, and I go, listen, I've got some intel that this isn't up to fire code and I'm not feeling good about it. And I have an irrational fear of dying in a fire.

And I just don't want to tonight. This isn't worth it to me. And he was like, okay, I can assure you that is not the case. You know, it became like a big thing of like, you know, we had the fire marshal out here earlier today. He looked it over. It's fine. Yes. What you're seeing and what, what, you know, I, I didn't even rat out the woman. And then he's like, where are you getting this from? And I go, you know what I got from her and I'm not going to because she because she was being like kind of like what is this girl freaking out about and I'm like you were the one who told me I'm like I'm not

gonna be in this alone and I go and it's not okay that she doesn't feel safe telling you guys that what's going on with that why does she have to tell me and I'm glad she did because I'm someone who will say something I said don't get mad at her I go don't don't because obviously she had she didn't feel safe telling you and they go and I'm scared you know and I'm like I don't want to delay this production I want to get I want to get out of here too please just tell me it's safe and they're like we have the fire marshal out here I'll never forget this guy this fucking liar we had the fire marshal here and I go okay I can't did he leave paperwork that he signed off on it he was like it's totally safe he I'll send it I'll

email it to you right after we're done and I go I'm choosing to trust you right now because I don't really have another option because he was like I don't I can't get it now he it's in my email it's like he goes I promise you I'll get it to you. He never sent it to me. Because we all died in that fire that night. I'm a ghost. And I go, you know what? Okay, fine.

But I did the same thing that I did when Carlisle got hit by a Lime Scooter. A kid on a Lime Scooter. The kid, Carlisle could have been concussed. We didn't really know. It was kind of the aftermath. Everything was hazy. She was like, could have been concussed. We didn't really know. It was kind of the aftermath. Everything was hazy. She was walking around, but like, who knows how bad her injuries were. She got clocked on a sidewalk by a lime scooter a second later or before. I don't know which one she would have been dead. No question. And she was, you know, I said,

I told her the kid, he was like 20, mid twenties kid on the scooter scooter with his friends he didn't mean to I can forgive someone for doing a dumb mistake people are on lime scooters on the sidewalk all the time he's going way too fast he's probably a little drunk and I go give me your number just in case something's wrong with her and so he gives me his number and I go I'm not even gonna test this right now because I'm gonna trust you but if you lied to me and this isn't a real number, you're a real dirtbag. So I'm just going to trust that you're a good person. And he fucking gave me a fake number because I wrote to him to say she's fine. And it was like, this number does not exist. So anyway, this guy, the story is wild. I'm sorry to take up so much time. I'll try to finish it

quickly. So then the guy placates me by being like, okay,'re okay to do it I go I'm okay to do it but I'm just telling you and not I don't feel like that comfortable and he goes let's get someone to walk Nikki to set and they're holding my hand as I walk over cords like kind of being like oh baby needs to be held I go I think I can walk over cords that are total fire hazards around a tent like material and I just go i can walk myself and he's like are you sure and i go i think i got it and so i'm walking back and i'm getting miked back there again refixed on my mic and the guy goes i go hey can you just tell me what you think about like the fire safety of this building he goes oh it's fucking awful this is this is just

a this is a tragedy waiting to happen and i go are you fucking kidding me and he goes oh it's fucking awful this is this is just a this is a tragedy waiting to happen and i go are you fucking kidding me and he goes oh it's it's bad we all know it and i go i'm saying something so then i get seth green and um fortune feimster who are also on the they're playing lady princess diana lady die and seth is playing david bowie and i get them and i go guys we are literally backstage with About To Go On. They're bringing us up moments away, and we're all kind of psyched, and there's music pumping, and the crowd's going wild,

and I'm like, guys, this is not fire safe. This woman warned me, and now this guy warned me. I don't feel like the guy that told me it was safe, I even trust him. This is not good, and Seth is like, I'll carry you out Nikki get on my back if something happens and I'm like okay no one's taking this seriously I'm feeling like I'm just a little over cautious so then the woman so then I just go you know what I'm just gonna pay

close attention to the fire uh you know like to any smoke I smell. The whole show I was going, like, I looked like I was doing Kurt Cobain on Coke because I am so aware and very skittish, like totally looking for fire the whole time, had a plan. I was like, you know what? Fuck all these people. I, I, I only can get myself out. I was going to do a George Costanza. So then this is the wild part. So the woman, the original woman who clued me in on the fire safety hazards she comes up to with a clipboard to tell me where i'm sitting on stage we're backstage she's like okay you're gonna go out and and so she's pointing on the clipboard she goes okay so nikki and i go i tried i really tried and she goes thank you for doing that and i go i i mean he told me it was safe i don't know what to do she was like it's okay yeah yeah but you could tell she's still

concerned she looks at her clipboard she goes okay so you're gonna go out and then die and I go what she goes you're gonna go out and then die and I go what are you saying and she goes you're gonna go out and then die and then princess Diana Diana. And I go, are you? I go, do you know what it sounded like you just said? You're going to go out and then die. Like I'm going to die, like death. And she was like, we both looked at each other like, oh, my God. And she was like, that is weird.

I was like, yeah, it's weird. I thought it was like, I mean, that's the kind of thing that would happen in a Final Destination movie. Like of all things that she could say after that so I didn't die but the whole production I was very uncomfortable and it's the kind of things that happened on these shows these you know on productions all the time where people are just like if I'm the whistleblower I'm the one that holds up everything then nothing happens and I look like uh like I was worried about nothing and I look like a little uh puss in boots or like the guy that thought the sky was falling chicken little and sometimes you gotta be chicken little and um and i was that day and i looked like

a big annoyance but i will never i mean i guess i don't know the guy's name that lied to me so i could probably work with him again but if i see him on set i will be very angry and i'll still collect the check and work with him. Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew! Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show

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You got one early in the day, and then you just kept going to the fridge for it? Yeah, I bought a giant, which is like 18 bucks, and I just went to town on it like nine different times. How long is a giant? 18 bucks. That's got to be like a party sub? I mean, it's too large. It's like this times two. It's probably this much. Oh, okay. So that's not that bad. No, it's not that. It's like this times two. It's probably this much.

Oh, okay. So that's not that bad. No, it's not that bad. And they're thin-ish. Yeah. But yeah, that's a sad picture to paint while I'm hobnobbing with Brucie. I mean, you know, he has his hands on your hips and I have my hands on some mayo. You know, it's the same thing.

Everyone kept commenting about the hand on my hip. Like it was some kind of like invasion of my privacy. But I loved it. Yeah, it's the boss. The boss does what the boss does. I mean, he wasn't being creepy at all. Like he didn't even know who, literally, if you look at the video, he didn't know who was standing next to him. He didn't look at me at any point.

Yeah. I could have been Jim Gaffigan. I mean, he might have thought you were. Who knows? Jim Gaffigan, I want to say, did kindly who knows jim gaffigan i want to say did kindly he was in position to be next to bruce and he goes come on nikki you go you go like he sacrificed his spot so that i could be next to bruce it was so nice and i was like thank you jim because you know what did the boss smell like people don't get close to the boss like

what did he feel like you don't get that close to the boss. No one does, right? Yeah, no one does. I don't see a lot of pictures with the boss with people. No, the boss does not. I got fired. What do you mean? By the boss. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Well, I got hired. You're fired. You're fired. My mom used to fire people. So you're near him. Is there a glow? I mean, this is top 10 rock.

He's a very taut man. What do you mean taut? His face is taut. Okay. He's shiny and fresh looking and really handsome. He plays guitar. Well, you could see this for yourself if you ever watch his live performance, but I realized his stance is that of,

I realized it because earlier in the night, Jon Stewart was talking to the woman. Lee and Bob Woodruff are the ones that put on this event for injured soldiers and their families to raise money. And the crowd is all rich people. It's like a couple veterans, but it's like mostly just rich New York socialites that can afford a ticket to this insane show. I thought it was all going to be all veterans. Yeah. I thought it was going to be for the troops.

Kind of blue collar, fun thing. It, it was, it was, but it was to have those people donate tons and tons of money. There was an auction while, like right before I went up,

there was an auction. You would have still thought they'd have, you know, maybe 500 seats for the troops. There was, it was a thousand seat. Oh, it was a thousand. Yeah, it was. And to fly in troops because There was, it was a thousand seaters. Oh, it was a thousand seaters.

Yeah, it was, and to fly in troops because of COVID, it was just, for some reason, they usually have a lot of troops there, but there weren't. Just have them parachute in.

You could get probably 300 through the roof. There have to be local troops too, but they wanted wounded ones, you know? Yeah, that gets more money. Oh my God,

there was so many. I broke my heel on the red carpet. Like I was just like talking to someone and I was just kind of like you know Dilly dallying back and forth And like kind of bending on the heels I was wearing To give my bunions some relief Snap you heard it crack like an old tree

Like a redwood Did you fall or anything? No I just was like oh god damn it And it cracked off And I go well looks like They're not gonna be the only ones limping tonight I was like That's what you said Yeah I go I think they're like they're not going to be the only ones limping tonight. I was like... That's what you said.

Yeah. I go, I think they're going to like it. I'm going to walk out. I'm going to look just like them. And you could tell the guy, the CBS reporter that was interviewing me was a little bit like, should we cancel her? Should we keep this footage and we're not going to use it, but should we wait until we can cancel her?

But I go, what are you getting mad at me for they they limp and i will be too there's nothing wrong with what i'm saying it's a good joke i love taking apart people when they go oh oh my god i got it my set was just so like this crowd they're just stuffy yeah rich yes like when did you go up people who love their money and let me just say probably love Trump. Because based on the jokes I did, which I thought would be well received by people attending an event emceed by Jon Stewart, they would be in for a little bit of digs at Trump. I never used to like to make Trump jokes because I felt it alienated the crowd and I didn't want to make anyone feel bad. Fuck you.

I don't care anymore. Because I make one joke about him being a buffoon and then you tune out my whole set because you're angry. You're ridiculous. That's ridiculous. So wait, go through it. So you go. So anyway, I'm backstage with, I'm like kind of like reeling after my set.

What's the backstage feel though? Like before you go on stage, so you're back there. Does everyone have their own green room? I get there. I have, oh my god dude i had i had two hours of hair and makeup i have a very very tiny room at the intercontinental hotel they got for me but it's a tiny room three people show up to do my hair and makeup they have an assistant there to just like open creams and like open her eyeshadows and i was just like why are

there three three people it's too much they They did my makeup, and God bless them. I just didn't have time to have them fix what went wrong. And it was low lighting, and these people are talented in their own right. It's hard to do makeup specifically for someone who knows what they like. But I took a selfie of what I looked like after they got done just to confirm that I never want my hair and makeup done again. I'm just always going to do it myself. It saves me time, it saves me money, and it saves me from wanting to cry. It's not good. It's not good, Noah. I'm going to give it to you to put up on the... I mean mean you look like a vampire geisha meme mime

a vampire geisha mime I look like I I'm about to be I this is what I would look like if there was an open casket yes yes and I died of some sort of blood all the blood in your face is through somewhere else. Yeah. Rat poison I ate or something. I mean, I was miserable. You look like a powdered donut. And I requested so much bronzer. That's what it really did look like. I mean, it's...

Looks like it could bend spoons. If you know what I'm talking about. You look like you just wrote the Declaration of Independence. Or no, before that. It's been smoothed with my mind. Do you remember Powder, that movie? Oh, yes. Where he would be like, and a spoon would bend.

Love that movie. I never saw it, but I always referenced it because I always felt like I had the same complexion. I was so upset. I was texting Jen, my assistant, and I was just like, and I was already depressed yesterday. I slept all day. I got into New York at 11. Yeah, I don't know how you did it. I got to my hotel by 1, and I slept until 4.

And then I woke up, and I told them they shouldn't be there until 5 because I don't need more than an hour and a half to get ready. They're there at 4, and Jen's like, they're in the lobby. They have a lot of stuff. Can they come up? And I'm like, okay, fine. So I let them up. I go down to get Starbucks.

I come back. There's three of them in the room, and I go, why are there three? I'm texting they come up? And I'm like, okay, fine. So I let them up. I go down to get Starbucks. I come back. There's three of them in the room. And I go, why are there three? I'm texting her from the bathroom. I'm like, I have to shower. They're mad at me that I have to shower. I'm like, but your guys are here so early. Whatever.

It doesn't matter. They did their best. They're not bad artists. They just were bad for me. And I can do it better myself. And that's why I'm going to do it better. It's like masturbating. It's like, do you have sex with someone?

You're like, no. I can do this better myself. I was going to do it better myself. It's like masturbating. Sometimes you have sex with someone and you're like, no, I can do this better myself. I was going to ask you how the French Revolution was. That's hilarious. And exactly. I wanted to stab them all with a bayonet. Yeah, a fake bayonet. Will you post that on the Instagram?

Yeah, I gave it to Noah to post it. It's so rich. So bad. And that was when they were done. She had given me this fake eyelashes that were just like these clumps that they put on. They were so bad. The person that I invited to go with me got to the hotel and I was crying. But I couldn't cry because I didn't want to mess up my makeup.

So I'm like, I can't cry. So I just started going and just like shaking and just like like sometimes i just get so mad i can't cry that i clench my fists as hard as i can and almost like dig my nails and like i just feel like i have to just tense up like i do that sometimes yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like that i was great and he was like are you okay and i said some very bad things about those people yeah and he goes i don't you okay? And I said some very bad things about those people. Yeah. And he goes,

I don't recognize this person. And then later on we were talking about someone I forgave and he was like, you're such a person that's able to forgive people so quickly for things that are bad. But man, earlier today you were not that person. I go, yeah.

And I knew in that moment I was like, I'm saying horrid things about, you got to get it out, but it wasn't something that would stay with me. I've already forgiven them. And it was my fault. I didn't communicate properly, and I shouldn't have hired them. And they were – it just wasn't the right – it wasn't right.

I want to know more about the event, though. We can get into it, but we got to get to the news. Yeah. Damn it. Because I want to know what the whole setup was. But Jon Stewart, I want to say – My hero. it because I want to know like what Jon Stewart I want to say Jon Stewart my hero he came up behind like I was sitting next to Lee Woodruff who is this amazing woman who is so sexy and like

she's probably in her like 50s maybe late 50s I'm guessing she's so hot I'm just like I want to do anything you do like she was just the sexiest woman I've ever seen she was so cool to me like just be yourself she's like you and I have the same person. She was just like, awesome. I was like, thank you. So I'm chilling with her on the stool after my set that was like mediocre. When did you go up in the lineup?

How did it? It was like Harlem Choir singing National Anthem. A little bit of a video about Wounded Shoulders. Then Donnell Rawlings. Then another Wounded Soldier video. Then an auction.

Then Nate Bargatze then a video then some other people speaking then the Craig from Craigslist then what? then Brandi Carlile then another musical performance I was like

towards the end of the show did anyone destroy? mm on mm-mm no so then whatever I was so jealous of musicians

wait what were you gonna say about Jon Stewart? so oh yeah he was sitting next he came up to talk to Lee as I was watching the of musicians. Wait, what were you going to say about Jon Stewart? So he was sitting next, he came up to talk to Lee as I was watching the show. It was like, she was behind me and I heard this person like come over and talk to her. But I thought it was like one of the backstage guys

that were like working the pulleys for the curtain. Because he looked, he was wearing a baseball cap. He had like, you know, that scruffy, like beard, like kind of grayish beard. And she's being very friendly. And so I looked and I did a total double take. And I go, oh, my God, I didn't recognize you. And I was like, and he had a great set to open the show.

So I was like, oh, my God, it was so funny. And he made some joke about like, oh, yeah, they really want to hear about anal right away. And I was like, oh, he did an anal. I didn't even hear the anal joke. But I guess he talked about anal right out of the gate but he told me that he was like he goes uh he kept making jokes about how bad they were which felt so good and he hadn't seen my set so he was already validating that they were bad and he was really nice and i took a picture with him and then right after the picture he goes you did you you had to crouch didn't you you had to crouch i sensed the crouch you didn't have to crouch but you crouched and i go no no no i didn't you? You had to crouch. I sensed the crouch.

You didn't have to crouch, but you crouched. And I go, no, no, no, I didn't. Like, I'm wearing heels. Like, it's like not. I go, you're not. How big was your crouch, honestly? It wasn't a bad crouch at all. I always kind of like lean in to be closer to people.

But then I realized Bruce Springsteen does the same crouch to play music. He's like crouched down like he's taking pictures. Why didn't you just lean on the one heel that was gone? Why didn't you show him your heel? No, because we fixed it. The guys backstage put a nail in it and fixed it. They got me Gorilla Glue.

They got me tons of stuff. It would have been a great out, though, if you showed him your heel. That would have been perfect. Wait. Oh, and yeah, he's short. Springsteen's not that tall, either. No, he's short, too.

Yeah. Short man, killing it. Kings. Oh, my God. Can I just killing it. Kings. Oh my God. Can I just say, Jon Stewart, fucking hot. Yes, I'm sure. And I know it's because he's funny and famous and all those things. He's hot.

He's so hot. No one ever said he was ugly. No, no one did. But he's a cute guy. And I was just so nervous around him. But he was so nice. At one point, we were all taking a picture. And I put this in my Instagram story.

But he said, this looks like the cast for an animated movie where it's like, they're buttons. But they came to life. And I was laughing so hard. And I go, and yeah, this is the first time any of these people have actually talked to each other or met in real life. And no one laughed at my line. But later on, Chris, the guy I brought, he was like, that was fucking hilarious. I was like, thank you. I thought it was funny, too.

And then he's like, everyone's too nervous around John. They're not even listening. Yeah. I mean, look, you're at the same table with fucking. And holding your own. All I was doing was. Just kidding. I was just kidding.

News. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, man. Sorry we took off yesterday. I had to eat Jimmy John's, and Nikki had to do something with Jon Stewart and the boss. You know, same thing.

I hope you're having all the swells, and it's Tuesday, so everyone knows what that means. It's Tuesday. And, yeah, okay. All right. Two California couples gave birth to each other's babies after a mix-up at a fertility clinic and spent three months raising the wrong children that weren't theirs before swapping the infants. I mean, what's the difference at that point?

Hey. Oh, you mean just keep them? I mean, after three months, you would feel very connected to this baby that you were with for three months. And then all of a sudden, you just are like connected to this baby that you were with for three months. And then all of a sudden you're just are like, no, but it doesn't have my same DNA. Yeah, they mistakenly. Give me back my baby that looks like me. The other couple wanted their baby back too.

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back. I want my baby back, baby back. Chili. Baby back ribs. I just feel, you know, I'm not a big fan of like, I want my DNA. I get it. I know. I knew.

I felt like you would have that reaction. I mean, I think it's sad. I bet. I bet it wasn't easy. And I bet they will always feel deeply connected to those children that they raised for three months. One of the babies was a darker shade than both the parents. And they were like, I guess it's,

like they were like trying to convince themselves like over time. They're like, no. He just got a tan in the incubator. Yeah, yeah. He was. Yeah, I mean, they were, you know, I mean that,

it's gotta be crazy. They said they're gonna stay friends and like, I don't know if you have to after three months so I feel like you're kind of like. that's a such a crazy thing to happen that i think it could bind like yeah yeah if you spent three months raising what you thought was your brand new baby and you were either you know first-time parents or you know it's your baby it's something that you just gave birth to for the and and obviously they're at a fertility clinic so

they've been working on having a kid it means a lot to them you have a baby for three months that you think is yours that that three months is so important in a new parent's life to bond with their baby that that bonding is more important than if the baby spent three years as an adolescent i would say not to mention how crazy is it that you could put someone else's sperm and egg in another and it just develops it's just fucking that's wild to me yeah i know that's why i said why doesn't every woman do a surrogacy why would you ever if you could afford it why would you ever do do it yourself because you want to be pregnant maybe you would feel bad for the woman that has to do it no you pay her and she wants to do it she's good at at having babies. She's a good oven.

Do those people have C-sections all the time? How many babies do they have? I did a huge bit on it in Perfect of like, I just found out a surrogacy. You can put your own egg and it comes out looking like you. It's you. She's just a carrier of it. And I'm like, why doesn't everyone do this? Yeah, makes sense. Why wouldn't you

do that if you want to have your own baby and not like have your like, but the thing is, I just want to do it because I want to like keep my figure. Oh, I remember the bit. My bit was like, I would want to do it because I want to keep my figure and you can't. That's too vain of a reason. So you have to like come up with like a thing you have that's like an affliction that you're like, I can't have my own baby because I just, I have like, my pussy's like too tight.

It's like, so I came up with a thing called TPS, tight pussy syndrome. And it's like, I just have, I am so low. But Nikki, your baby would be so skinny for your tight pussy. No, even a skinny baby can't fit through. It's so tight. I forgot the bed. It was a pretty good bed. It's so weird that you can forget beds.

I mean, it's just. But why don't people do that all the time? I don't know. I mean, who, does the bit. It was a pretty good bit. It's so weird that you can forget bits. I mean, it's just... But why don't people do that all the time? I don't know. I mean, who... Does the baby... You have to have your eggs frozen first. Can the baby... I wonder if the baby can suck the woman's breasts that had the baby.

A baby can suck any woman's breasts. Yeah, I guess so. But will the milk... Is the milk better from your own tit? You know what I mean? Well, you know, I'm boggled at people that go, you know, I don't want to adopt because I just don't know that it will be the same as if it's my own.

It's like, so you think adopted children aren't as loved as biological children? You think that? And they go, no. It's like, but you do. You just said it. So I've never thought that parents that have adopted kids don't love their kids as much as parents that have their own kids. There's never been that for me. But I think a lot of people think that.

And I would be enraged if I were an adopted child. And most people thought that. And I think most people do. Yeah. I mean, the surrogate thing though even if you're getting paid you gotta bond with that i don't know i that's a crazy job i don't know how people do it i don't know how people do it like you don't think you bond with the baby it's in you nine months yeah but i mean there's girls that give their own babies up and

not let alone it not being your egg or the sperm of the person that you're with. Women love the picture, too. Like two months, four months, six of their belly. Six months. It's here. It's a baby. It's a boy or girl. I'm not going to show the photo, though, because it's ours.

But I did lead you the whole way I've used this baby to get likes. But I'm not showing the face. Oh likes. But I'm not showing the face. Oh, yeah. I'm not showing the face. I'm going to put an emoji over it. Anyhow, but yeah, that was wild. There's a great This American Life called Switched at Birth. I'm not kidding you.

If you need to crank out, if you need to waste two hours of your life, one of the most compelling things I've ever listened to was this American Life episode, Switched at Birth, which is the same thing that happened, but the babies were born on the same day or around the same time, and they got switched at the hospital. And they were raised in the same community.

They went to the same school all their lives. And one of the moms knew but never said anything because it was the 50s or it was like the 60s or whatever. And she was just like, 60s or whatever. Yeah. And she was just like, you don't question a doctor. And it would make the doctor seem like he did a bad job and you don't question a male doctor, even though she knew. So she was like obsessed with the other girl because she knew it was hers. Whoa. It's wild.

And it shows you like what nature and nurture can both do because both. Yeah. Did you see the documentary about the triplets the three guys oh no they were raised by different families yeah and they're all and then they came together and then they were like sex symbols for like a year everyone's like who's these three like long island italian kids switched it and they were all smoking and like being treated like gods you know i don't know it's just really funny and but yeah you see nurture versus nature but then you can see how many things they have in common even though they are raised by other

people it's wild that's what they found it was with adoption iq is not affected by nature or nurture it's all nature no matter what you're not going to affect a child's iq by like doing things differently the kid is like is what it is that's all my cousin's adopted two russian kids from like russia yeah like straight up but i've never questioned a parent's love for their child is less or more than that of someone who has their own child ever but i think a lot of people do they came to the dc show oh yeah i liked them um they were so nice oh they're the best next story they're funny they told a story they're like one's in law school and the other one lives in our basement like but they led with law school

i don't know it's pretty funny anyways uh researchers behind the study titled sand sun sea and sex with strangers the five s's found that tours hooking up in the Canary Islands, are destroying fragile and sand dune habitats. What did you just say? What was any of that? Honestly, I was reading it. Sand, sun, sea, and sex with serpents. I feel like Noah set up my list. Yeah, Noah just picked the essayist news story. Okay, so can I tell you what I gleaned from it?

In the Canary Islands, there are people having sex in the sand, and it's fucking up habitats. Yes. Like calm-getting places. I mean, I think they're just fucking too hard. They're ruining, yeah. And there's like eight native plants that are dying because of it, because they're like getting smushed.

I could see this happening i mean i the other day we walked across the lawn at that resort and i was like andrew you can't walk across grass i mean i think that was a crazy thing to say it just doesn't it was in front of so many people and we're at this resort as like we're working for the resort it just felt like we shouldn't walk across the you're raised with grass you play in grass grass comes back what are you talking about i'm just saying for me it just looks bad when there are paths that we are just because like grass is like it's manicured someone's someone's job is to keep that grass looking as great as possible and if you create tread over it it's not a jerk off

while we were walking yeah which was a little heavy i get what you're saying it was in front of a lot of people so it was like oh these these the performers don't need to use the path like oh fuck this place like it just felt like but i did it i mean i followed you i was like why are we crossing because we didn't want to walk extra four paces. We haven't gone over Cancun or anything. We've been in a million places. I mean, life was insane this past weekend. I don't know how you're still awake.

I saw Donnell last night. Donnell was in Cancun with us. I saw him all over the resort. He's everywhere. Donnell Rawlings. Did he like it so i saw him last night and we went to the the event and then afterwards back at the hotel uh my friend and i were like walking around time square trying to find food because it was late and that's where

our hotel was by and on the way back we run into donnell and he's like with a wounded soldier and he's like going he's like he's like we're gonna go do karaoke come on Nicky come on and early in Cancun he was like Nicky let's smoke some weed let's smoke some weed and I go Donnell I don't smoke weed anymore and he's like well let's go get a drink and I was like I don't drink and he goes oh so you fuck a lot so you fuck

a lot and I was like I mean I guess I guess I could be addicted to sex I don't know but I don't think I am. But it was funny. He's like, so you read a lot. It is interesting. So you do a lot with charity.

He knows what he's talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that is addiction. Like people stop drinking and then they just start fucking a ton. You just find something else. So he wasn't off, but I ran into him and I go, Donella, I'm going to go to bed. I go, I'm so tired. He's like, you're always tired.

You're always tired. I'm going to tell people, Nikki is not as fun as she seems. And I was like, Donnell, I am fun. I swear to God, I'm fun. I've had the longest damn day. And he goes, you don't think I work hard? You're going to play the work hard card? And I go, yeah, Donnell.

I go, I know I was in Cancun, but when I'm not in Canc cancun i'm doing other work all the time it doesn't stop for me right now it's and he was like you're you're trying to play this game he was like i he was like getting mad at me and i was like donnell i'm not having this conversation i was like i go okay fine one song because i thought the karaoke place he was like just right there and he goes and i go he goes all right let's do it get in the car and i go i'm not getting in a goddamn car i I go, Donnell, no. And he was just like, I'm going to tell everyone. You're a fake. You're a fraud.

You're not fun. And I was like, I'm not. I wanted to yell to him, I'm about to go get fucked. That's what I want to do. I should have said that. I should have been like, I'm about to go have sex, Donnell. Yeah, well, you sing three songs. I'm going to be fucking for at least two of them. But he was, it was, it enraged me because I was just trying to prove to him,

and my feet hurt so fucking bad last night. So bad. And that is something that men do not understand. When you're at the end of the night in heels, you, it's just, there's no, and I didn't bring little, like, slip-ons. There was just, it was torture. I was in so much pain. I don't know how people can do.

It's weird how certain comedians, the attention train just never stops. For me, if I do a show, even if it's 10 minutes or 20 minutes, I'm good. I'm good on the attention. I don't need- What about when you drank?

Maybe. I don't know. I guess, yeah. That was my point. I go, no, I don't drink. Yeah. You're drunk right now. It's like finding the next bar.

It's like, this bar is going to be good. Oh, my God. When I was drinking, the night never ended. Yeah. That's true. I would always want to, and I would tell everyone, you're lame. You suck. You're going to bed.

It's because the night doesn't seem long. You're drinking. You kind of like- It's awesome. You kind of like just- I miss it. Five hours can seem like 10 minutes when you're drinking. I was so hungry.

I was tired. My feet hurt. And I did say I would sing one song if it was close by. And then he was like, let's get in the car. And I go, no, no, no. But he is mad at me, I think, now. Because I sent him a picture of us this morning to make peace. And I edited this beautiful photo of him, me, and Nate in the street.

It's so cool looking. It looks like we should go on tour together just because of this photo. It's so cool. But he never wrote back to us. I think he's mad. Maybe he's still sleeping because he went out. That could be right. That could be right. Okay, let's go to break real quick

and then come back with Why Do I Care? Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and In Your Ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special

content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radioRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast,

Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.

We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist journalist when a group of models from the UK wanted my help I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry I really wanted to be a playboy model lingerie, topless I said yes please because at the centre of this murky world

is an alleged predator you know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

i started to live a double life when i was a teenager responsible and driven and wild and out of control my head is pounding i'm confused i don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls, and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network,

available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf.

Featuring interviews with top players on tour, like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place,

vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride, full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hellbent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party. That's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, why do I care? Why do I care? I don't know if you saw. I mean, this has been everywhere.

Astroworld? Yes. How does she know? I don't know if you saw I mean this has been everywhere Astroworld yes how did she know I don't know she probably clairvoyant saw the email maybe no Noah and I were talking about it

at the start of the show and Noah was like I think if you just wait you might learn some things so Drake issued a statement on Travis Scott's Astroworld festival

where he made a surprise appearance before a stampede of concert goers led to the deaths of eight people and injuries to many others he uh champagne poppy Drake's Instagram he wrote I've spent the past few days trying to wrap my mind around this devastating tragedy I hate resorting to this platform to express an emotion as delicate as grief but this is where I find myself. My heart is broken for the families and friends of those who lost their lives,

for anyone who is suffering. I will continue to pray for all of them and will be of service in any way I can. May God be with you all. He even wrote it kind of cool. It looks like a rap. Oh, yeah. It's all centered, and it's not on notes, like how you would do it.

Even his thing had to be cool. It had to. Yeah, he gave it to someone to be like, put some flair on this. Make it look. He gave it to his design guy. It's so true. I don't know.

Do you think he's really praying for these people? I think he probably is. Well, I mean, it was Travis Scott's concert. I mean, Travis Scott was kind of the mastermind behind this. I mean, he's had this before, and he's had past things where he's incited- A guy's paralyzed. He's incited violence. Yeah.

Multiple times he's been charged. His whole thing is like, fuck the system. If you don't have a ticket, just come and jump the barrier. And so everyone's like, but you can't blame him. He's just saying. That's like you can't blame Hitler for inciting violence. If you don't pull the trigger, that doesn't mean. Look, I think on the same token, you could say,

these fucking fans are out of their mind. Yeah. You could blame both people. You know what I mean i hate when people are like no it's their fault no it's his it's both their it's both and listen i could i could forgive young travis scott if he would realize that he had a part to play in it and he feels bad and isn't gonna do it anymore but this like no i didn't do anything wrong i'm not gonna apologize i'm so sorry for the victims but I didn't do anything wrong come on

I think he says that because probably the law he could probably lose 50 million dollars or something I don't know right there's already lawsuits filed against him yeah I mean there's a there's a moment where he stops the crowd and and is like what's going on

and he sees the ambulance and he's like nah fuck it let's keep going and does another 30 minutes after it's already been what's going on? And he sees the ambulance and he's like, nah, fuck it. Let's keep going. And there's another 30 minutes after it's already been labeled a whatever event. And you can see him robot dancing. Wait, the ambulance is there? Yeah. Like pulling out dead people? Yeah, I mean, he doesn't know if they're dead.

Yeah, and the concert went on for another 30 minutes. Someone got stabbed with a syringe in the neck. Did you hear that part? What? Yeah, there's another thing about for another 30 minutes. Someone got stabbed with a syringe in the neck. Did you hear that part? What? Yeah, there's another thing about a guy going, which is like, that's an old tale, but I wonder if that's a real thing. I mean, that.

Oh, where you sit down in the movie theater seat, and then it says, you have AIDS now. You have AIDS, yeah. Because there's like a pin there. There was some guy at our middle school who was like giving people high fives, and he had like a needle in his hand. Really?

But it didn't have AIDS on it, but I mean, it could have or whatever. Oh my God, Andrew just got so scared. But yeah, we made fun of Hala, my friend Hala, who peed when she laughed, because she was so excited. She was like, yeah, fuck yeah! She was just excited if anyone

was trying to be friends with her. She was like, fuck yeah, high five! It was like, oh! It was so sad. Oh, she got him? Yeah, she got him. Or he got him? Yeah, people would do that with thumbtacks or whatever. That's so insane. Anyways, but yeah, oh, it was so sad. Oh, she got him? Yeah, she got him. Or he got him? Yeah, people would do that with thumbtacks or whatever.

That's so insane. Anyways, but yeah. So who do you think is to blame? At what point is the artist at fault? I mean, I'd have to say he probably is. I don't know. I don't really believe in blame, but that's me. I don't know. I don't really believe in blame, but that's me. I don't know.

I know that, like, I just read, like, I just don't believe in locking him up or, I mean, yeah. Is it gonna bring back your son you lost? No. I mean, should he pay some money? Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

They should do better about, like, he should not be able to work venues that don't want people dying at their venues yeah outside venues then you should take the initiative to not book him or allow him to be at their places because they don't like his like it's up to people like that he clearly is not going to ever see the error of his ways and take a credit or accountability so when you deal with someone that's never gonna, that is not operating by just, you know,

is not going to acknowledge the truth, don't try to like get it out of, just let them go and just don't give them the opportunity, don't buy tickets and if people still buy tickets to his shows and want to support him, then you are liable to get trampled.

And it's now it's, I don't think it's anyone's fault. It's just like, I don't know. I just hate this. Like I just read something on Reddit. Actually, let's get to Reddit dump karaoke.

This is your Reddit. This is actually a sad Reddit thing that I read, but it was a... You know I follow last images on Reddit? Oh, yeah. That's the last picture that exists of someone before they died. And there was this one of this little boy that was on a fishing trip with his dad,

and he was just like a cute little boy, and his dad posted it and was like, you know, this is the last photo of my son. On the way back from this fishing trip. A woman had not hooked up her dog crate on her roof. Secured it. And it came out. It came off the car.

And, you know, smashed into ours. And killed him on impact. And tragic little four-year-old boy. So sad. And I was reading the comments. And people were writing like, so sorry for what happened. smashed into ours and killed him on impact and tragic little four-year-old boy so sad i was reading the comments and people were writing like so sorry for what happened to him and all this stuff and someone was like what happened to the woman did she face any charges and he was like no not yet um i want her to lose everything and i'm just like i don't know what it's like to lose your son or to lose a family member i might be on that side of like i would i don't know what it's like to lose your son or to lose a family member. I might be on that side of like,

I would, I don't think that woman intended to kill anyone like accidents happen. Yes. She should have secured it better. But like it, to me, it's like to lose, you want her to lose.

You want her to go away and rot in, in prison. I mean, for doing the thing that seems like the worst thing in the world is like contributing to the loss of your son. But like it's, it was an accident. And I just, I don the thing that seems like the worst thing in the world is like contributing to the loss of your son. But like it's it was an accident. And I just I don't know. I would have to.

People could say, Nikki, you wouldn't do the same. You just put yourself in their shoes. And I'm trying to. And I could never do that without knowing what it's like to have your love for your child and all those things. And to lose someone that you love so much that that's so young. How I would feel if someone, if that happened to my nephew or my niece. But I don't think the answer is locking someone up because they didn't secure a dog cage well enough on their car

and it led to the death. It doesn't bring your son back. I think... Obviously, don't you think it's punishment enough that this woman has to live her life knowing that because she didn't secure a bungee cord, she killed a child? Isn't that punishment enough? It's fucking brutal.

I think, I guess, if you're going to, it's negligence, obviously. But like, I've done. But how many negligent things have we all done? No, I agree. Like that. I think what happens for me, it be how how stupid was the negligence you know what i mean like and even then i get what you're saying but i'm just saying like if i was like if they did something so it's like someone putting a fridge just in the in the back of a

truck without tying it down yeah but if she tried to tie it down and she put bungee cords and she thought it was secure yeah then yeah i could i could probably you know what i mean like there's certain accidents that could have been avoided yes where i go okay well you know what like i don't know i even think that if no i get it i get i'm not i don't know what's life and hopefully i'll never have to experience it but i even think if it was a drunk driver like if it was a young kid that just truly didn't know better or someone that was an addict and had a tough life and they just drank too much that led them to drive i would be so angry and like heartbroken and fucking furious but i think putting that person away for life and ruining their life it now ruins two lives and that person's life is and ruining their life. It now ruins two lives.

And that person's life is already ruined. Their addiction, their selfish addiction just had them kill someone else. And it's, I don't know. I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I just, I don't see how that brings anything back. I don't know if there's like a Holocaust survivor Reddit, but they have very interesting perspectives on forgiveness.

Yeah. I would imagine so. Well, it kind of goes with what you're saying. In order for them to have closure, you have to forgive it. So if you just go through their stories, it's, I don't know, it's very eye-opening. My problem with the DUI stuff is that

everyone talks so much shit about it, but how many, again, it goes back to like how many people have driven drunk? Literally everyone. Don't even like, if you're someone that goes, nah, dude, well, I had like three drinks one time and drove. Well, guess what? If someone you love died because if someone took three drinks and killed them you would want that person to rot in hell that could have been you well it goes back to this football player it just happened to who was on the oakland raiders oh yeah oh man that guy was going 156 but see what you're saying no i'm not saying that he deserves to go no no no

but i'm saying though how much worse it looks if you're going 150. Like, just that line alone. If he was going, you know, 60. You're right. It's so weird how certain things. It shows more negligence. Yes. Yeah.

Agreed. And there's a part of me that if I lost someone to that guy, I'd go. Get the hell. Go away. I know. Because you're an adult person who has the ability to make sound choices.

But I guess I could extend it like he's an addict. He is under the influence of fame and looking cool. Yeah. And had to speed. I could probably, if I did enough work,

get to the place where I would try to forgive that person and understand that if I was born in his body and his experience I would have made all the same choices that would have led me to going 156 miles an hour and like he couldn't help it like I couldn't get I could get there but boy it would be hard um you're right

it does come down to like little things like that like he was and at what speed is it okay like there's got to be a point 10 10th of a speed the speed limit was 60 and you were going 80, I would go, okay. But if you're going – Isn't it weird that you would suck a dick for a price? Yeah. But there is a 10-cent difference where you'd go, no. Not 10 cents. Yeah, there has to be because if there's a time that you would

and there's a time that you wouldn't for a certain price, there has to be a cutoff. And it comes down to it. Like, you could probably get it to a $0.10 bargain. No, but my argument would be then it would be like either $1 million or $999,999. I know, but okay, so let's take off another $0.10. Okay, we'll do it. Another $0.10.

Okay, I'll do it. At what point does it get down to a place where you go, I'm not going to do it? Probably $7. Okay, here's one. This do it? Probably $7. Okay. Here's one. This is from Not The Onion. This is the subreddit called Not The Onion. It's news articles that read like they're from The Onion.

Oh, wow. But they're real. But they're actually real. So I love these. This one says, faced with soaring Ds and Fs, schools are ditching the old way of grading. So teachers now just don't know what they're passing kids that they that would be failing say the line one more time faced with soaring d's and f's yes schools i know soaring d's faced with sore d's faced with soaring d's

and f's schools are ditching the old way of grading. Because D's and F's are on the rise. Yes, because after COVID they've seen a lot of kids just stop trying because during COVID no one needed to try. My sister was a teacher and they didn't have homework. The kids were under so much duress and stress that they just were like

Also kids were fine. They were playing a lot. Dude, I was reading this article. This is the wild part that I wanted to read. It said. It's just funny to me because like growing up, you're like, you would do anything to get a day off school. And now you have so many days off school and they're like, they miss school. Someone said.

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Oh, they're just dying to get back to school. I mean, the idea of getting a D in school was not an option for me but the idea that you could pass with a d now it says hey teacher here this is a comment over three-fourths of my students uh read at a below a fifth grade reading level i teach 11th grade next year is my last year of teaching i will never look back fuck the system that's enabled all of this someone said former teacher here last year when covet happened i had to hand a diploma to a child who did a single assignment for the whole year and

had a six average for quarter one i don't know what that means and boy am i ecstatic about the former part um someone said my parents and all of my grandparents were all teachers i grew up in school when this was i grew up in school even when i was out of school and yeah fuck that shit um someone said yeah everyone's saying teacher as well. It seems to get worse every year. Half of my nine to 10 students are fourth and fifth grade reading level. How the fuck am I supposed to teach scientific literacy at the high school level if they aren't able to read and write?

People are just saying teaching like people, teachers are dropping like flies and not looking back. Well, I mean, what do you do then? What do you do if you're in 10th grade and they've just passed this kid because it's easier to pass them than in price because they want to keep kids the same age it's really yeah yeah yeah so what do you but what do you do do you do you hold them back until they're caught up you know like what i don't know what the better teachers better better um i mean what the the answer is catching it before obviously it gets to 10th grade. But I don't even think it's better teachers. It's like smaller numbers of students, more funding for schools.

It's like we're kind of screwed. There's a lot of dummies coming our way. I don't know. I feel like I probably read on fifth grade level. No. You talk on one. Sam's son. I feel like kids are going to be a lot smarter in ways because of all the things they learn online from constantly being like connected and exposed

to so much new information but also you know extremely stupid you see it on tiktok when kids write things or in youtube comments you see how illiterate people are well you could also but yeah but then they could maybe make a hell of a video tiktok you know what i mean like like they you're not going to read as much probably anymore like i don't read as much because we have everything in our phone and like that doesn't mean you don't learn as much but you're but how we judge it might have to change okay final thought you know what i I mean, though? Like how you judge reading comprehension. How you judge.

No, I think it's pretty straightforward. I think if you go for the boys. Final thought. This one is from Too Afraid to Ask. These are where people write things that they're too afraid to ask like their friends. I'm not afraid. Edge ain't afraid. It says, is it that weird that my brother and I snuggle?

Basically the title. My brother, 23, and I, 23, are twins. We live together too, so we spend a lot of time together. We both go to grad schools in the same city. Anyway, sometimes we cuddle while hanging out or talking. Or like if one of us is sad about something. Or watching TV. It's not a secret and my new boyfriend thinks it's extremely weird to be that close with a sibling.

He's uncomfortable with it. I think it's gross that my boyfriend is acting jealous of my relationship with my brother. However, we've spoken to some friends and gotten mixed reactions ranging from what the fuck to must be a twin thing to doesn't seem that weird. So I want the opinion of unbiased strangers.

Is it that weird that we cuddle? Is it two boys? Boy and a girl. Boy and a girl. Which, you know, what would that matter? 156 miles per hour versus 80. Yeah, I know. I know.

I guess it shouldn't matter. She says we just cuddle whenever we are at the same, whenever we are at the, wherever we are at the time, usually living room or his room since that's where the TVs are, and we don't really spoon. No. Because someone asked, do you guys spoon? I mean, i part of me i think it's a beautiful thing i i don't i don't think i'd have a problem with it it's not like it's sexual or anything but you know and twins you're in the womb together in twins um yeah i don't have an issue with it i

mean if the boyfriend was there and she decided to cuddle with the brother instead. Okay, so she made that distinction. Noah, where are you split on this? Because she goes, I've been told we don't generally spoon unless we fall asleep cuddling and happen to wake up that way. Our other brothers never mentioned it being weird growing up.

Our parents were taken out of the picture when we were very young, so we never had their input on the subject. Someone said, I do not cuddle with my twin in front of my boyfriend i think i have held twin's hand in front of my boyfriend and sat between them on the couch for a scary movie night but that's about it for the most part if boyfriend is over twin is out with a girl other friends or in his room or boyfriend and i are in my room mostly we don't spend time at the condo. So it's not that I'm cuddling with my twin instead of boyfriend. I would feel as long as my partner that they were with cuddling with someone and they were cuddling in a way that I craved that kind of cuddling, like that kind of intimacy, and they wouldn't give it to me too.

Or it was like it seemed like something I i would want like romantic then it would bother me but if it was just like twins it is a twin thing gotta be honest like they were in the womb together it's like the island boys you have to trust if if the person says it's not sexual you have to trust them or you can or you think they're lying and you don't have a trusting relationship but you know i think i think i don't know i've i've had situations where i've been jealous of you know a boyfriend being like you know kind or gentle in a way with either their siblings or their girlfriends in a way that i'm just like well well, you don't do that with me. So that's what it hurts.

It's like, you can do that with a friend, but you can't do that with me. And that's when I start to go, okay, that's fucked. But I don't know. Twins, it's a whole other bag of bullshit. Twins are special needs. They really are. I mean, I'm jealous of twins and that bond.

I wouldn't want a twin want i think it's sweet and i don't think i would stop my i would maybe say it's a little weird guys maybe just don't do that in front of people if i was like their mom but i don't know the way that girl talked she sounded like she was completely trustworthy and that she's just like her and her brother if the brother was gay everyone would be like it's fine or if it was two was two girls, I'd be like, it's fine. But it's just interesting just because they could be attracted to each other based on what they say they're attracted to. It's a problem.

Yeah, I've definitely laid in my brother's arms before. Yes, yes. You know, for a price. Yeah. 10 cents. All right. Well, that's the show for today. We have a lot more show for you this whole week.

We'll be back. Don't worry. We're not going to abandon you again. Don't be cut out there. And Jack Sparrow. Jack Sparrow. I got one. I got one.

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