The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #134 Lazy Sheep Costume

Episode Date: November 11, 2021

Between you and Nikki, using the 'Do Not Disturb' feature on her phone came in handy, the Goddamn Comedy Jam at JFL Escapes was just what she needed and RIP Aunt Lynn. Nikki and Andrew talk about more antics from JFL, like Andrew 's non-climactic chance to spend time with his hero Jim Jeffries. They talk about 'outsiders' who make their way to the top before addressing a problem at home. You Heard It Here First, you don't need a good reason for charity, PETA's missed opportunity, sex on the job and Paul Rudd is someone Nikki cares about. They Finish each other's sentence before having a look at how much time they spend on each of their apps and it's almost a full time job! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The Nikki Glaser Podcast. ArtRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Here I am. Hi, guys. Nikki Glaser. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. Hey, Noah. Hey.

How's it going? Why do I feel like it's been so long since I've seen you? It feels like forever because it's been three weeks since yesterday morning in my world. Is that when I saw you last was yesterday morning? Yeah, we did our pod. Yeah. After a day of not doing it. And then a couple of days.

Right. Not having a pod together. Right. I keep saying Cabo. Cancun trip was, it was weird to not have you. It was, yeah, somehow someone wrote me and said, oh, you know, they were talking about the live podcast. No, no, you wrote me and said you listened to the,

I was like, who wrote me? I get besties confused with my legitimate people I know associated with the show. You had written me and said that you listened to the Cancun show and that you enjoyed it. So good. Oh, good. I'm so glad to hear that. Because honestly, no clue what it was like from our end. Yeah, it's always different.

Like I had fun. Experiencing it live from our perspective. And then I actually, because I didn't attend, I had no idea what happened. I got to listen to it as a bestie would, and I can't wait to put this out. Okay, good. We'll look forward to that on Thanksgiving.

That will be the live episode we did from Cancun at the Just for Last Escapes weekend, which was just a bunch of, tons of comedy fans got tickets, like all-inclusive resort and you just get to go see comedy shows all weekend it was it was really fun i wish i would have been able to like have more fun fun but it was a lot of work fun i loved seeing all the besties tag you in their instagram posts and the videos from the goddamn comedy jam was I mean that was that was insane dude what was that like for you I didn't know it was going to be the best feeling

I've ever felt in my life it was like um because the goddamn comedy jam is a thing that's been going on for ages it was started by uh comedian josh adam myers whose middle whose uh initials are jam i don't know if he knows that but he started the goddamn comedy jam which is comedians do like a quick set and then they perform with an amazing band of these really just you know la musicians who are probably like studio musician guys that are just incredible live performers each just i was up there and and got to like do the the last song with everyone and that gave me the opportunity to kind of look around me and admire like how great these guys are at playing music and um and how just what

great performers they are while they're shredding which I didn't know if you could say shredding for a bass player, but you can. Yeah, I was given permission to say that. He shredded, totally. But yeah, I was like, I went to rehearsal right after the podcast and we were rehearsing in this space and I sang, I played guitar and they had a guitar for me there

and I profusely apologized for my lack of skill. And they're all, these guys I've done blank space with them. I think this is like my fourth or fifth time singing it they always do different comedy um festivals and they're always a fun show to jump on in addition to your stand-up shows at night and everyone parties and like the whole festival comes together for these shows and it's so fun because whether or not you can sing the band is so incredible that it makes you feel like a rock star and you sound like one too and we I always sing blank space and I never really like um I'd never played guitar and I asked them if I could and they were very gracious to let me and drown

me out well enough that you couldn't hear anything but I realized that if you have a big band with you like you don't need to like actually play you can just like I almost air guitared it because people were like you seemed like you like you sounded so good and I'm like no no no I every time I would fuck up a chord like where my because I had I had um what are they called not gels but dips dip nails you know when you dip them in and they're powder dip yeah and they're just like little bubbly bubble like little um caps on your like m&ms on your fingernails like they have like it's hard to play guitar with them but they just dry faster than gels they don't rip my fingernails apart as much as gels and so well gels dry the fastest because there's no dry but they just I just tend

to get those instead even though these time they truly rip my fingers apart and I lost a layer of fingernail but um I just my fingering on the neck of the guitar was kind of sloppy and every time I knew it wasn't going to be a good sounding chord I would just like mute it with my palm so like I just would so I wouldn't make a bad note I would just not play and I realized I adapted in that moment there like there was it was the only time that I would ever have learned to do that because generally when I played guitar live there isn't a band to carry me if I want to just mute it and make it sound like non-existent. And it's almost like with the singer going like, if they don't want to hit a high note,

they like put the microphone out to the crowd and have them hit it for them. But I loved it so much. It was so funny because that was the night that I found out my aunt died, which is thank you so much to everyone who wrote something to me or wrote a comment or just even thought of

me that is so sweet because I mean it's my aunt it's not my mom it's not my dad it's not my sister it's not my immediate family but um it was my aunt Lynn and we found I found out like right after I had masturbated I like put my phone back on like not midnight mode you know the little moon that you put it on. So you don't find out people die while you're mid jerk from your dad. You don't get a text from your dad. That's generally why I don't do it, but I just like finished and I'm still like kind of in my own,

like computer open, slowly loading gifs of just, just horrible things happening to women. And little did I know there was a horrible thing happening to a woman in cincinnati because my aunt died and um my dad i'm like naked with my vibrators in bed and i read a text that you know lynn passed away and i was like oh god and we we knew it was coming and she was uh she lost her son her only son um JD who was like my brother growing up um he died at the age of 30 in like 2000 I want to say 14 and so it's been seven years of her just hating life because her son died

and so every time we would talk to her I, she would have moments where her spirit was kind of lifted, but she was just wanting to die really badly, which is so sad. That's the reason I don't want to have kids is because if something happens to one of them, then you're dead or you just don't want to exist anymore. That doesn't have to happen that way, but generally you sometimes don't have a choice. And that's the way she was for like seven years. She was a huge supporter of mine and would always write me really nice things but it was very sad to see how much she missed my cousin JD and would like write to him on Facebook late at night and like you would just see her messages

like appear on his wall of her like communicating with him and honestly thank god for that I think that sometimes people could roll their eyes about people posting about or either like two dead people like writing comments on their posts after they've died or even writing a post about a person they lost and kind of writing to them in it. You can just go, oh, this person's trying to get attention. Like more like don't put it make it public. I don't know. The second I found out Lynn died, I was just like, I need I don't know the second I found out Lynn died I was just like I need I don't she was so alone when she died like I just want other people to know she existed and was a person who lived that was like vibrant and amazing and just just helped me I'm like very grateful that Instagram is out there even though there's so much of it that sucks and you can roll

your eyes at people posting things like this because I'm like okay if I post about my aunt that means I have to post about my uncle I have to put like and that's not the rule or that people I was like people are gonna unfollow me because if they see me posting about my aunt they're gonna go like okay we have to every person in Nikki's life who dies we're gonna get like one of these sad posts and it's like maybe but in that moment it was just what I needed um to is just to write something about uh her and feel like she her name like like some other people knew of her and like it was so nice to send that to my dad and who that's his sister his his only sister. And for him to read all the things that you guys wrote underneath that, like I know really touched him.

And so it was just a nice way to like grieve. Noah, I know you've taken to Instagram in the past for like when you lost Bruno, your dog. And just did it help you to, how did, did you find yourself doing things that maybe are out of character? Before you did them? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that was very much out of character, but it was so helpful to me because some of the messages that I got were so simple, but very heartfelt. And it was just something that really helped me. And I was really surprised by how much a stranger's comfort helped me like in that moment.

And I think that you were going through the same thing. Yes, that was it. Was like, even like heart emojis from someone I've never heard of. Like the fact that someone took the time to go heart, or like with their thumb, boom, boom, boom, boom, send. Like that was effort put towards me to make me feel special and loved and supported.

And even that little second like matters and all those comments like really touched me. And then it was kind of embarrassing because like I posted about it. I did the podcast in the morning met everyone at the festival like was having so much fun and then went to go take a nap masturbate get ready for the show that night and then went back out and everyone had read my post and I was and everyone's just like Nikki I'm so sorry and I hate like too much like Nikki I'm so sorry like I didn't want I didn't even I didn't think I wanted that and in person it's just it's almost too much for me and I don't think I would

have told anyone if I didn't have Instagram um or maybe just fewer people but a lot of people came out to me and it was just like so sweet that people say kind things when you lose someone it's just humans can be so kind like just make you feel so good and I performed that night and I did a show and I didn't think it was affecting me I truly was just like you know what I've known Lynn was gonna die for a while I was ready for this she can't live forever she's wanted to die for seven years she wasn't doing well but there was like almost speculation that she might have taken her doing well but there was like almost speculation that she might have taken her life and my dad was like it's not confirmed yet whether or not and

although the coroner's report says it was natural causes like you know we we don't know um i think that in a lot of times suicide is just listed as like they just you know he's like the talks you know they ruled out drugs and i'm like why does britney murphy's toxicology results take two months yet my aunts took two hours it's like i don't think they did all the tests that they could do like whenever a celebrity dies i remember anthony bourdain's his toxicology results took months to get back what was in his system so how can you rule out what was in my aunt's system um and natural causes what does that even mean anymore like she smoked cigarettes forever she

drank a ton she was such a fun wild woman like she was so opinionated so sassy and brassy used to be like Nikki you are never gonna find a man to love you with the way you eat no she'd go you're never gonna get dates and I used to be like I don't want dates like i didn't like boys when i was a kid so i would be like fine i'm gonna keep eating with my mouth open and she used to say but she was the first person i've told this before who was like nikki just said the funniest thing oh my god get in here because she was her she was aunt lynn to me and she hates the bug ants. She's always hated ants and terrified of them. And I was like, but you're an ant. And she was like, that is the funniest goddamn thing I have ever – get out of here.

Listen to what Nikki just said. One time I used to go to Catholic school when I was kindergarten, first grade. Or I didn't go to kindergarten, but – no, I did go. I didn't go to preschool. Kindergarten, first grade, I didn't go to kindergarten but no I did go I didn't go to preschool kindergarten first grade I went to Catholic school and then I transferred to public once I moved to St. Louis um and I remember my aunt Lynn asked me like what my parents religion was or maybe she overheard me telling one of the kids that we were playing with they were like I just knew that when I went to Catholic school I i was catholic so i was like oh my parents were public now i thought that was a religion and she goes that is the funniest goddamn

and i once saw her she was the first person i ever saw put a tampon in it was on a speedboat in michigan she just pulled her suit to the side and shoved one up in front of everyone she was gorgeous she always took credit for everything everything good about me she would take credit for my mom always says that lynn would be like nikki has my legs nikki's got my sense of humor you know she got that from me nikki got her hair from me nikki got like anytime anything was good about me it was which is impossible to get any trait from your aunt it's like a an offshoot that you literally can't get anything from because i mean maybe I got it from the same

place she got it which was my grandma or grandpa but I don't get anything from my aunt but my mom used to just sit there like what so I contributed nothing to this child and then um the most famous story of my aunt Lynn and this is funny but also kind of tragic was she's a big drinker and my parents used to like leave us. JD was like my best friend growing up. He died when he was 30 from alcohol related stuff. And again, inconclusive if he took his own life or not. But you know, whether or not he was just, you know, just came to anxiety and depression and alcohol and super tragic. But he was just you know uh just so came to anxiety and and depression and alcohol and super tragic but he was just like the nicest guy and i always tell andrew that he really reminds me of jd like the

way that we get along was the way that jd and i got along except that jd was like an older brother to me i looked up to him a lot and we just hung out my whole childhood he was like my he was my brother um and we used to go over to my aunt lynn's house and we used hung out my whole childhood. He was like my, he was my brother. And we used to go over to my Aunt Lynn's house and we used to quote unquote stay up all night. That was our thing. We would wake up in the middle of, we'd get up in the middle of the night, which was probably like 1145

and we'd like go out and watch TV and watch Beavis and Butthead and Singled Out and like just, you know, MTV, whatever it was on or Comedy Central. What's the one where they make fun of they sit in the chairs and you see all their silhouettes and they make fun of the old movies uh no it's the um oh man I know this I know Mystery Science Theater 3000 Mystery Science Theater yes yes so we used to watch that and but we used to always go over to my aunt and my aunt would just like

drink a lot and be on the phone with her friends and then like pass out drunk like in a room and then we were just like eating candy and hanging out and having so much fun and one night there was a tornado in Cincinnati and the sky got really it got really bright outside all of a sudden nighttime it was like 11 45 and it became like daytime and the sky was green and it was spooky and then sirens started going off and we were like what the fuck and so we ran into my aunt lynn's room and she's and we're like aunt lynn like like shaking her like what do we do there's a tornado and she just kept going it'll pass it'll pass and we were just like what the fuck like laying on her stomach in this waterbed just like it'll pass and i remember the next day telling my parents about that and they thought it was so funny because I mean it's

just like the most like you're on your own it'll pass and like yes it will like over us like it will pass she's not wrong but in the end I just realized like I I guess I could have given her the same advice of like the pain she felt about my cousin like it will pass and now she's like she's out of pain we're all we all feel like a sense of relief that she's out of the misery she was in after he passed away but I will say that doing the cut goddamn comedy jam being on stage that night was not the best thing for me because being able to talk I just like went to some dark places and I was realized I was a lot sadder and like angry and just like bummed out I was talking about how like in my family I feel like sometimes we we if it's suicide in my like or mental illness in the past especially like with my dad's dad and like just deaths that were kind

of like that happened pretty young was that really just like a heart attack or like what was that pills was that an overdose like was that suicide I would like to know about mental illness in my family so that when I have weird thoughts or have my own struggles that I'm just like oh this isn't my fault this is a thing this is an illness and it it makes it so I can I don't feel it would just be like a load off to know that this is just not my fault you know and so I think uh I was kind of thinking I was just sad that my aunt probably had something to do with her own death she definitely did because she was such an addict and her health was just terrible and she wanted to go but like I was I was trying kind of haphazardly to make a joke about like it's as if someone having the same brain as my aunt and being like no she just died of natural

causes don't look into it it's the same as like having a car that has an engine that explodes eventually you recall the car and you contact people that have the same car and you go hey by the way your engine might explode do you want to like take extra precaution you don't go it was that was just like because that car drove in that area that you don't even go to so don't worry about it like I want to make sure my brain doesn't fucking explode someday it's nice to have these things and to talk about the root causes so that you can prevent it but I will say that going on stage that night after I had a set that was like a little erratic but for good reason I performed the goddamn comedy jam and Andrew was filming me during it and he said he's never seen me look so happy and that's what so many people wrote me were like you were just like the happiest we've ever seen you and I truly like I will I love singing and uh perform

and playing guitar at the same time with a band and having a crowd sing the lyrics to to blank space it was the best feeling I've ever felt it was like it truly was as someone who's performed in every single way possible being on stage with other people and having the audience also like participating it was just it was just transcendent it was awesome it like it did it taught me something about myself. I need more of it. So let's get Andrew in here to hear his perspective. Andrew!

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Oh, man. And you got me to stick around later, too, because I was going to go back after, because Andrew Santino went to bed after I went up first. And then he was like, I'm going to go back. And I'm like, I'll go back, too. And then you were like, I'm going to stay. And I'm like, I'm going to stay. And thank like I'm gonna stay and I'm like I'm gonna stay and thank god we did

because we got to go up at the end and sing together I did not expect to go up in this bass or bassist or no no

the keyboardist started yelling he goes get up there and I go no I'm good dude this is her thing he goes

get the fuck up there because it was everyone it was Jim Jeffries me, Jay Pharoah every comedian that had done a set at the end goes up on stage

with Josh Adam Myers and the band and we sing Guns N' Roses what was the song we sang she's got a smile that it seems

to me reminds me of childhood memory what I think it's called My Michelle oh wow

no no no Sweet Child O' Mine oh yeah Sweet Child O' Mine okay yeah Myelle is like a french michelle my bell i could see that i almost let it slide because i go i don't know the name sometimes you ever know when songs like i know but that's so far from guns and rose it'll be like the song we will rock you or like i'm blue and abadi and it's like it's like uh addison's

lie and you're like why would it be called addison's lie. And you're like, why would it be called Addison's Lie? Just call it Blue Abadie Dabada. There's plenty of songs that have nothing to do with it. Oh, I guess that's Michelle's song or whatever she said it was. They have a song called My Michelle. Guns N' Roses. I'm not crazy. You're not crazy. I didn't

think you were. Sorry. Andrew did. I overreacted. But it was fun. I just thought it was very funny. We were up on stage. You wanted to stage dive and i was like no no no well josh ottermeyer's stage dove yeah and then jim jeffries who i gotta say was one of i before i started stand-up i was probably biggest fan of his wow and it was funny i told him i was like i saw you at the fort lauderdale improv like 12 years ago he's like that's probably when I just moved here. And I was like, all right. And that was like the whole conversation.

Like I wasn't, I was like trying to like navigate it where I wasn't fanboying. Yeah. But like while being like, I actually like. Did he know you were a comic? I guess. Yes. Yes. Because I was introduced earlier okay in the day

but uh yeah anyhow but yeah so it was pretty surreal just dancing and singing the guns next to jim jeffries and i look at jim and i was like we jumping and he's like he puts the mic he was like putting the mic down dude jim's jumping i'm jumping and then he's like no i'll break my fucking neck he told me afterwards he was like i think i might's jumping, I'm jumping. And then he's like, no, I'll break my fucking neck. He told me afterwards, he was like, I think I might have thought I was going to because I moved my phone to my back pocket. He was like, I definitely considered it because he then asked me, are you going to do it?

And I was like, no, because I didn't want to kick anyone in the head with my shoe. Plus, you would have got groped, let's be honest. I would have enjoyed a little bit of touching in that moment. But I did just go to the front row and just hug a bunch of girls that were there. And that was my version of that. Yeah.

It was so sweet. It was fun, man. But I didn't want to. I was so worried that Josh Attenmeyer's stupid shoe was going to kick people in the face. I was like, what are you doing? Don't crowd surf. Because some people aren't paying attention. They're drunk.

And you get a shoe in the head. And he wears a boot that is made for kicking people in the face. Yeah. It's like a. American History X. Yeah. It's like found underneath the floor at cbgb like it just reminds me of a boot so rugged even his stories are down here he's like i was doing cocaine in mexico and a donkey ate my ass and then i went up there and i sang frank sinatra is my way his voice is insane yeah like how low it is and and raspy he's a he's a really nice guy it was so funny that someone in

the band was wearing a shirt with his face on it and it looked like a memorial shirt like it looked like the shirt he would make after he died and i'm like just keep it because it's a matter of time wait a shirt of josh adam meyers yeah did you see it? It looked like this. It was like this. You know, there's pictures where there's shirts where it has someone's face on it. I even have one. And there's ones that look like, oh, that's a cool shirt of like an artist. And there's ones that are like, we're celebrating that this person's no longer with us.

And it looked like he should have the dates of when he lived above it. And I told the guy, just keep that. I feel like just do the born date in a dash and we'll we'll fill it in later fill it in later get some white out and write it in no josh is doing quite well he's you know he's been through a lot and yeah sober and gotten you know uh he's clean now but he looks like he's a guy that's lit led a um illustrious life yes um but that was a that was a fun show and then you killed it i mean you had the band behind you you have like the mannerisms it's kind of like sometimes it's scary like because you know i watch you watch her and then i see the practice

then on stage you have this thing where you where you go it's like this like almost robotra like like like if taylor swift was a robot oh no that's not good no no no but i'm telling i'm making fun f-u-n you know but but there's just something to it like where you're just like you just you take her in like yeah i i embodied her up there like there are times when i can do i do impressions of people obviously without knowing it and i can just like sometimes i can really nail how someone is and just being when you dress up like someone it's much easier to do an impression of them um and especially when you're standing playing guitar with a band singing her song um wearing like an outfit that she would wear it was very easy for me to embody her and just be like

and just be like, and just like doing the same things. But it actually came from a genuine place of like, oh, that's how I want to feel. And it got me, it wasn't me trying to be her. It was just like, oh, this feels natural right now to do these things. And you do have to put on a show in terms of with your face and like when you're singing, because a lot of times you can just look like oh like so much of like

performing is your face and with comedy or with singing is your body and your face and you totally forget writing jokes all day in your notebook you don't write down what your face is gonna do or how you're the inflection you're gonna to use. But even her singing like, got a long list of ex-lovers. They'll tell you I'm insane. She goes, I'm insane. And instead of saying, and my dad always tells me, he goes, why do you say I'm? And I'm like, because Taylor does. And I like that inflection.

Because I'm an orphan. Yeah, I'm. I'm an orphan. I'm an orphan Annie. Yeah, no, you did nail it and uh it was cool to see uh we filmed it or i filmed it i don't know if you oh yeah you posted it somewhere i posted all my stories and people were writing the nicest stuff so that meant a lot to me but um yeah it was just because it's not a song Like, I always love how, like, when you do. In this. Because, like, that kind of, for me, I would be like, what rock song? What's the fastest song?

Because I'd be so scared that the audience wouldn't be. But you just do you. And that song is pretty. Well, I practice that song so much, and that song is so well known. And I just know it's good. And it's not that slow of a song. Like, even if so many people afterwards are like, I don't like Taylor Swift except when you sing it. And I'm like, no, you do like Taylor Swift.

You just don't know. It is a good. There's it's not subjective. It's objective. She is a good singer songwriter. It's just there's no doubt about it anymore. It's not up for debate. It's like karaoke.

You know, people will do like the slowest song. Oh, that is so indulgent. I hate that. If you but if you have a band and you know that you can do it, I've practiced a lot. Like I wouldn't do a song just because I'm like, oh, it's a good song and I can sing it. I think that song. That trip was awesome, by the way. It was such, it was so fast.

Nick at JFL was so nice. Oh my God, how much do we love Nick? And Nick and his girlfriend listen to the show. Oh yeah. Hey Nick's girlfriend. Oh yeah, Hamdrip. What did she like? She liked something like that. Oh right. I thought you called her Hamdrip. You know what it means show oh yeah hey nick's girlfriend oh yeah ham drip what did she like she liked something like that oh right i could call her wednesday you know what it means oh yeah wednesday she likes that wait what he also told me some other thing that she

told him to tell us that was like a very show thing it was so cute but i i've known nick for so long we met in 2000 president of jfl who's br Awesome guy, man. So nice, too. Just good people. But Nick is a guy that works. Nick Brazow. He was a comedian. And then he started working with JFL, which is in Montreal. It's just for Laughs Comedy Festival.

And he started working for them at probably lower level. And then he quickly became the comedy booker. But he was a comedian first. And I was talking to him about it because i remember when i first met him he had probably been like a year or so out of doing comedy and just now booking it and i was like how could you quit comedy like you were you were getting gigs you were working a lot how could you ever not do comedy and like also and work at it from this side of things and i just never understood that and i just told him the other night I was like I totally get it like I totally get being maybe I don't know if that's his part point of view but like secure enough that's like I can let other people do it I don't need to do it but the thing I that is most important to me about stand-up is that is the

camaraderie and getting to hang out with the people that do it certain people some are terrible but like just being able to be backstage with jim and andrew and you and and the band and have and have those opportunities nick still gets those and he he also is like the night the night we got in we were hanging out with nick uh andrew me and you all in my room and shooting the shit and talking. Nick and I are really good friends. The next day, we were talking about our social anxiety that night. I was worried that he wanted to go to bed because I had texted him on the way. We got there at 10 o'clock to the resort or maybe later. We landed at 10.

We got there at 11.30. Nick was like, I'm going to bed. I'll just come down the lobby and say hi. Then he ends up in my room and we're there for like two hours talking. You made a panini. And I told Nick the next day, I'm like, are you so tired? Like, I know you're trying to go to bed. He was like, are you kidding me?

That was honestly, that was like one of the best times I've had in so long because it was just a good hang. And I go, that's why I, you just said it to me. Like you just made me realize it. I love comedy for the hangs. That's why i love comedy i like shooting the shit talking shit being real talking about literally any subject is is is on limits no there's no gross level of like disgusting anyone or just everything everyone's emotionally kind of more um open now and i said to him i was like i kept

checking on you to be like oh he's being quiet right now like he's probably really bored and wants to leave and he was like I was checking on you because we were in your room and I didn't want you to feel like we had to stay he was like and then I was worried that I wasn't chiming in enough and that you guys were gonna think I wasn't funny and I was like I love how we're like both obsessing

in our heads in trying to take care of each other so funny but I just loved hearing how much he enjoyed that hang, because so did I. I think as you come up as a comic, if you're trying to do comedy and you move to New York or any city you're in, the main booker, whoever that is, whatever town you're in,

they get a little bit of an ego, because they're choosing who lives and who dies. They're kind of King Joffrey-ing it and you could feel it and they'll write comments like, this is who I liked or this is who killed and you know that they know that they have power. Yeah, and he's the guy that does that. And you don't feel it. Maybe if you're, I don't know.

I don't feel it maybe because I'm like connected through you, but I honestly feel like you would never feel it with him. No, he has no ego. It's almost like he should get one. Yeah, what a loser. No, he's like Noah. Like he can hang, you know? He's not a comedian, or he was, and is very, very funny,

but there's no part about him where you're like, this is an outsider, like in getting into the business so that they can just get in on our hangs and they didn't earn it. Like he belongs there. Oh, for sure. But there's definitely like, there's definitely bookers. Yeah. But there's definitely bookers that were comedians that didn't.

That don't belong there. Oh, and that end up like, oh, they're just so power hungry. It just fucking makes me angry. And if you're listening out there, don't belong there oh and that end up like oh they're just so power hungry it just fucking makes me angry and if you're listening out there don't be that person a lot of them are they eventually kind of get found out for being just like in it for the wrong reasons but you know that's there are so many people that find weasel ways in to hang out and to have i was talking to my manager about how some people are so slow like on calls and like we were talking about the other day like meetings just tedious and i was talking to him about how much i value when we talk on the phone because it's just like in and out and

it's like it's as quick as a text exchange for conversations and i was asking him i'm like you talked on the phone all day long do people in this business show business last if they're those long-winded people that like have to say hello and then tell a story like have all of like and just are so like they talk ultimately you don't get business words like that talk too long they go ultimately i'm thinking it's like what the fuck are you? Jump to it, pal. Yes.

Ultimately. And then they go over the details that everyone is very clear on. They have to then go over them again. It's just like, oh, God. But I said, do those people last? Do you see those people fall away? Because this industry is so like. And he said, no, they end up at the top because no one can tell them to shut up.

So they just work their way to the top where they can get away with that. And no one can take it from them. I mean, there's something to speaking slowly where I don't see you going to them, but there's a lot of people, including myself, if I'm talking to someone and they, and I feel like they have a little bit of power and they start so i'm thinking and i'd be like what are you thinking i try to start meditating

because i'm like i need to calm down and get my heart rate down and like get on their level because they have my i've never spoke to someone as fast as you as you think and you speak it took me a while to like catch up i think i'm still catching up yeah last night my uh the guy i'm dating was just like you are just on a different level in terms of how quickly your brain works not like it's like he was not i'm not patting myself on the back like i'm brilliant but like i just move really really fast and i don't realize that other people i just want other people like just just walk faster you know like i know you can so just do it but some people's brains they can't it's not that they're dumb they just need a second and i don't i um i just learned some

things about myself last night through talking to uh the guy I'm dating and him bringing some things about my personality to light that are not that great that I, you know, normally would never want to hear and would want to like never read those YouTube comments. But he, you know, he behaved in a way that I was like, I didn't like how you did this. And he goes, well, it was I'm not making excuses, but I can't. It's hard for me to be loving towards you when you do this and he goes well it was i'm not making excuses but i can't i it's hard to for me to be loving towards you when you do this and this this and i was like wait i did do all those things and i was like whoa i wouldn't want to be loving towards me either like that's not how i want to talk to you not only you but he was like you can't talk to me like you talk to people that you that work for you and i was like i don't want to talk to anyone that way. I shouldn't be talking to the people I work for. And he goes,

maybe you have to. He was like, I think you're right. You should probably assess the way you talk to people and ask for things. Because it just sounded like my mom being like, EJ, get me that. Nick, get me that.

And it's just like, just say please and thank you. And I know you've brought that to my attention before, but I'm like, oh, you're just being sensitive. But when he said it and was like, I do not like for you to talk to me that way I was like I don't want to talk to you that way or anyone like it just and I go and I'm not the type of person that's rude I don't I'm

grateful when people grab me things or get me things and so why am I shouting at people to get things like I don't that's just not who I I really don't think that's who I am so I'm misrepresenting myself when because I'll just be like oh I want that't think that's who i am so i'm misrepresenting myself when because i'll just be like oh i want that thing my foot's in the foot massager hey can you give me that thing and it's like just say hey would you mind give me like just the way you can say it is tone is everything man but i just go fuck tone i want to speed this up like just i'm i'm a i'm a little bit spectrumy about it where it's like Why do I have to change my tone But now I realize I really have to realize

I'm not I have to be more empathetic I think that I Have a grasp on it And then I get Kind of hit over the head With seeing myself I think what happens with you

If I could just like I think Whenever you like Do something where like You're the star of the show, like where it's like outsiders that are like, literally they'll, they'll do whatever you want.

I mean, essentially like, I'm not saying that that's a, like, like you take advantage of it, but like, like, like F boy Island or something where like you're the star,

like it's hard. I'm sure it's hard with you to go from that to just regular life. And I'm not saying that it's a bad, like, I get it. Like, I empathize with it. Like, I can't imagine, like, being like, what do you need? What do you want? What do you need? And then going to life and being like, oh, no, I'm not going to get you that shit.

You know what I mean? And then you're going to be like, wait, like, it probably takes a few days to be like okay and i'm not saying it's a bad thing but it just that would make sense to me yes i and i think that i do that i have trouble um vacillating between those two worlds where people are their job is to just grab things for me and get them so that i don't have to walk across the room literally because i have to be in a chair getting my makeup done or whatever it is. Yeah, you have to be ready. You got to be on. Yes. And.

I get it. You know, ask and, and, and, and like when, when it comes between you and me and like you doing things for me, like it's a blurred line of like, okay, are you being paid for this? Are you just doing this out of kindness? And I think that sometimes I think that you were just going to do something out of kindness and you're thinking that you're being bossed around by someone who you're like, I'm not on the clock. But it's like, but when you're off the clock, I just want you to do something out of kindness.

And you're like, well, when I'm off the clock, I don't want to do anything for you. Because when I'm on the clock, so I'm not going to do things for my boss out of kindness. And that's where I get like, okay, I can't have my friends work for me then because I want my friends to be doing friendly things for me without me having to go like please like I I have to I have to give all these reasons why I can't now will you do it as opposed to like this would really make my life easy can you do this or like you know it that that's where it gets blurred is like I'm sure when you're off the clock you don't want to take an order from me. But sometimes as your roommate, I need you to fulfill an order because my day has no room for me to like get something that I need to get or something.

And I know your day does. And I want to be able to do those things for you, too, because that's what friends do. I know. I think we always just keep circling back to the same kind of thing and i think we have a better grasp on it with like where each other's coming from yeah with that stuff um i think you know obviously yesterday was but like my thing is is like if if i'm not working for you and my let's say my day is open in your eyes, right? Yeah.

That's still my day. Right. So my time is just as important as your time. You're choosing to work. You're choosing to go to these things. That's your time. Right. My time just as important,

even if I'm just jerking off. But sometimes it's not my choice. Sometimes all the things that amount in my day, I literally don't have even a minute to feed myself. I have to do that while I'm driving to the next thing. But that's still your choice. It's not, though, because there are people, there's money in productions, it all lines up, so it's a day.

It would be the same as if you having a mom who might be sick and you have to go visit her is, well, it's your choice. You have a mom. I have a job. Sometimes I agree to a job not knowing that all of the jobs are going to, I can't see the future that much where a day where i've literally no time to go to the grocery store and i and i desperately want an order to be picked up and i i need food in my house that is the kind

of that's not me being like i just feel like i need a frame from target andrew you're not doing anything today get me a frame it's like this is a necessity and i truly have not a single window to do it could you do it yes yes my thing is is that like i i if i look back at our friendship and when you've asked me to do something even off the clock i think i've rarely, I can't even remember a time I've ever flat out said no to you. So my thing is, is that because if I do say no, I feel like you're going to go, well, you have, in your mind, you're going to start thinking, well, you have this open today. I have work. You don't have. me even thinking of saying no, I'm thinking, okay, well now if I say no, she's going to judge me and be upset

because she assumes that I have a free day or whatever. So then I'm in a position where I can't, I don't feel comfortable saying no because I don't want to feel the anger from you. But if you said no, I would just say, like if you said I can't today, I'd say, I literally have no,

and then that would open up a discussion of why can't you. I know, but I don't even want to, I don't even want to have to answer that. That's the difference. Like, like I don't think you understand like,

I don't think you understand helping friends when there's nothing in it for you. But that's, but that's, I, that's what I don't think you understand. But's kind of a that's i before we even before you even asked me to do anything i walked luigi i got starbucks and i got zevia for us yesterday i so the zevia thing you got on your own i didn't ask that and i was appreciative of it but that was yours too but

listen i've done and i asked asked you to walk Luigi for me and I said, please, I'm so sorry I don't have time and I said it was great before that and I bought my own Starbucks. You picked it up

and I appreciate that but I get you Starbucks. I've spent, if I added up all the money I've spent on Starbucks, I'm not comparing it but it's truly, Andrew,

like I think of you when you don't ask me to think of you and think of what could make his life better and easier, what could nurture him and make him feel good when you don't ask for it. And I don't feel that from you as much. And so when I have something that I'm just like, God, I don't want to ask him to do this.

I really don't. And I do it. And it's about with, I guess. And it's just it's not even going to the grocery store and going through the aisles. It's picking up bags that would be free, already loaded. And you just have to go in and get the bags and bring them to your car and i would be so grateful you saying i guess is like just not i just don't feel good i i okay i hear you but i just feel like when you say that i don't think of you or if i don't do things for you and that's like a blanket statement that just like it just

when I can literally like go through like I don't it's like not a pissing contest but it's like I feel like I know you do things for me you do stuff for me all the time this one is the other day you offered to go over my set for that Bruce Springsteen show you were like you can send me it and I'll help you with it

that was something I didn't ask for that you offered that was just going to take your time and was only for me. I can think of examples like that, but yesterday with the groceries, I just I was just like I was in a rage. But have I ever said no to you?

But the thing is, you should be able to say no to me. It's just in those moments, I But do you understand why I can't? Because you say to me that i don't think of you and i don't do things for you that's what you just said but you're allowed to say no to me it's just and i'm allowed to say listen i know that you don't want to do this today i really need you please and and have that discourse instead of i guess when how many times have i done i guess like that? Yesterday. I know, but that's one time out of a million fucking times you've asked me to do something. That's my thing.

I don't think it's the first time, but it was just that response. I'm just talking about that isolated incident. Okay, the isolated incident. That response was not fun. But then you go, what do you mean I guess? That's what you said when I go I guess. Because I was like, what do you mean I guess?

It sounds like both of you are asking for the same thing when it comes to tone. You know what I mean? I mean, yeah, it is. I just. Tone is everything. I'm just like struggling with being seen as a boss or a friend and having like those that I'm just thinking now. Oh, people are only nice to me because I pay them. And they don't do anything for me

unless they're on the clock. And they don't even, and they roll their eyes and resent it if they're off the clock to do something nice for me. And so all the nice things you do for me, I'm like, oh, wait. I have a memento moment where I go back and I see all the times, all of our good times,

and I'm like, oh, he's just doing that because I pay him. And I've given him afforded him opportunities and the day he has a free day where he could sacrifice some of his free time to make my day a little better and i'm not going to pay him for it it's just as it's it's i guess and it's like i don't know but my point is is that yeah you it's just hard because i feel like i think i'm just gonna stop asking for things from you and get an assistant first well you did that you did that i did that and then she she didn't do anything yeah she wasn't able to do it um but i just need to do that and like not ask things

from you that you can't give me but i don't mind you give me support in ways that other people don't. I think it's just an issue of wanting someone to be like, to, you know, well, I do that, so you should do that. And it's like, we don't all operate, we don't all show our love and our friendship in the same way. And that I have friends who would do that for me, but it doesn't mean you have to. Yeah, but I feel like I do do a lot of things like that. But I think it's because I pay you.

No, dude, you don't, dude. Andrew's not have you like i don't think i'm like that dude that's like a i don't i mean if that's how you view it that's like i don't know what to say i mean you don't even realize it's why what ultimately you're looking for and maybe something for you to focus on when all these jobs and stuff are done is partnership is just a good someone whole well that's what i thought roommates are that are sharing a refrigerator and food and that was a the groceries to me was a thing that roommates tackle together um and but it's not and that's why i think we just set i've decided yesterday, like separate groceries, never going to get something for you again. And I'm not saying that like I'm not doing anything like I don't need to think about your food needs. You've already asked me not to.

I you stay out of my food. I stay to yours. I don't need to get you things at the grocery store unless you ask for them. You don't need to get me things at the grocery store unless I ask for them. And that is the way it goes. So there's not this like imbalance. Yeah, I'm with that. that I mean that's fine with me and I got a label maker so I'm gonna

put it to good use you're gonna label eat Zevia inside yeah I will let's get to the news sorry everybody you heard it here first I think it's helpful sorry for me sorry for both of us

I guess whatever I'm sorry what do you mean you guess You're first. Sorry for me. Sorry for both of us. I guess. Whatever. I'm sorry. What do you mean you guess? I'm sorry. Just kidding. Oh, I'm sorry too.

Just kidding. I don't have my own. Okay, I hope you're having all the swells out there. And today's Wednesday. You know what that means, it's thursday no it's wednesday okay yeah damn it i always i almost got it all right student athletes from cambridge university compiled a racy calendar where they pose naked to raise money for health awareness so these people that are athletes at cambridge which I think is a pretty. Yeah, that's one of those Ivies.

Oxford kind of thing. Yeah, that's Oxford, Harvard, Cambridge, Yale. I mean, here's the thing. A little bit selfish, right? You're an athlete. You got a great body. You want to show it off. And then you go, hey, this is for charity, which is a bigger cause.

I feel like I don't hate it. I don't hate it. Anything charitable, if you're naked for it, good. If you're not, fine. We can look at this stuff all day long and go, oh, it's just people. You know, me performing with Bruce Springsteen and Jon Stewart, I'm on this red carpet and I keep getting asked, why is tonight so important for you?

Because it's an event for the troops, for veterans, injured veterans and their families. I had to actually dig deep and go, why is this important to me other than this lineup is insane and I wanted to be here and get wasted by Bruce Springsteen, which is what my brother-in-law calls when a guy grabs your waist. He's like, I saw you get wasted by Bruce. And I'm like, that's so funny. W-A-I-S-T-E-D.

So steal that and use that. I like that. Get wasted. Ia-i-s-t-e-d so steal that and use that i like that get waste i got wasted by bruce brings and you know i could say all day i do this because i really i took i took a flight to new york city on my day off and uh flew here and had hair and makeup done all this stuff so i could perform for the veterans yeah i'm glad it's a good cause but like whatever but but great troops but great that's that's the type of event that they throw to get big comedians that will get big donors to show up and donate money so whether or not i'm doing it for the right reasons which i did end up really thinking about

it and being like oh this foundation's fucking awesome this is going to make me think more charitably and and be in that mind but whatever my reason for being there was so what i didn't get paid i was there giving something that earned money for veterans and their families yes if you were doing something for charity like these college kids are it's basically all the athletes stripped down naked and they pose for this calendar together if you had to do something where you and andrew let's say had to strip down naked thing is no one makes. If you had to do something where you and Andrew, let's say, had to strip down naked. The thing is, no one makes you. If you have to, that's a different story.

But this is their idea. If Andrew and I put out a calendar where we're naked. It could be a funny calendar. And it's all for charity. Or I was thinking of doing an OnlyFans with feet or whatever. Or just like hot pictures

or like tit pics whatever and donating all the money people could still say i'm just doing it for the attention i don't need the money but is that does that mean it's not good if you make it artsy it's different what about fartsy even better smelly stinky no but you know what i mean like like there's something about like if you pose like this yeah if you're naked and there's just a little tit mark seliger takes it a picture then it's suddenly art and if you do it yeah so if you did it a mirror selfie so if you didn't do it on only fans right you set up your own charity page you go here i'm not doing only fans i'm doing this very artistic you get a very good photographer.

But you show your tits. But maybe they're covered in a little bit of paint or something like Van Gogh-ish. Or like dog tags on my nipples for the veterans. Yeah. Or you're giving money to dogs that need to be tagged or whatever. Whatever it is. But you just make it a little classy. People will still call you out.

People will still say it's like, I wouldn't do it just because it would make, people would say Nikki just thinks she's hot and wants to show off. I'd rather just do it. Yeah, just lean in completely. I used to do a joke about it. I should bring it back about PETA

when they asked me to do, they wrote me and were like, I've always wanted PETA to like acknowledge that I'm a vegan and like animal rights champion. And that sounds like I have won something, but I just champion animal rights. It's more of a verb than a noun. But,

um, but the fact that, or I guess adjective, uh, if I'm a champion, but I don't know anymore, but anyway, um,

no, I guess it's a noun. So when they asked me, I thought I was going to get to do one of those. I would, I'd rather go naked than wear fur where you get to pose with your tits out and it's for the animals. I don't really want to, but this is like a campaign, like you have to do this. And instead they asked me if I wanted to do dress as a sheep, wear a sheep costume, like a big baggy sheep, a disheveled, grumpy sheep, and say, your wool coat hurts me, and I'm just like a bloody, disgruntled old sheep. And I literally, when I got the email, was like, here it comes.

Ready? I started sucking in and kind of sitting up straight. Started doing crunches. You're ready to go. I should find the email, was like, here it comes. Ready? Like, I started like sucking in and kind of sitting up straight. Started doing crunches. You're ready to go. I should find the email. It's so upsetting. It reminds me of like when a hot reality guy

asked you to do a podcast instead of fucking. Like, it's the same kind of. So many times this happens to me where I get asked, where I think

it's going to be something. Like when, Gleb Shevchenko, I went to that iHeart Awards with him. And he was like, Nikki, you know, Dancing with the Stars is coming back September.

And I was like, yeah. And he's like, you know, I talked to, what's her name? I talked to the booker of Dancing with the Stars. You know what, Nikki? You know what she said? Because I told her,

I told Dina, I'm going to I Heart Awards with Nikki Glaser. And you know what she said to me? She said, you know,

thinking about this next season, you and Nikki. And I was like, what? No way. Because Gleb knows I want to go back. I go, no way.

He goes, you and, yes, Nikki, yes. And I was like, shut up. And he was like, she said, you and Nikki,

look for your next partner at the awards. Maybe you find her. Oh, I aged like seven years by the end of that sentence. Can I ask a question? If you went back on Dancing with the Stars, would you feel more pressure or less? Because if you got voted off first again. It would be so funny.

No, I'd feel less. I would feel so free. I would kill it. Yeah. Whether I was on one episode or not, I would fucking kill it. It would be so funny no i'd feel less i would feel so free i would kill it yeah whether i was on one episode or not i would fucking kill it it would be amazing i love that this is what i got we're big fans of yours and love everything you do to promote a vegan lifestyle um here's what we know will get people's attention and really help this campaign we want to dress you in a lazy slash funny sheep costume and have you. Why is it lazy? Have you talked to the camera in a very straightforward and dry way to tell people, hey,

I'm a sheep and that wool you're wearing is actually mine. We'll develop the script and work on it with you to tweak it so it's just right and on brand for you. Thanks and warms regards. Let me know what you think. Thanks and warms regards Rachel Pita.

Oh my God. Let me know what you think. Thanks. And warms regards, Rachel. Peta. Oh my God. I legit thought it was going to be. Let me hear it right back. Let me hear what you wrote back. I wrote back to my, my agents gave it to me. I go, I don't love this creative,

but I would love to work with them in another way. Winky. Naked. And then, and then never got anything back. You're like, let me just hold a Maltese

in front of my vagina. They'd rather me not spread the word about how fur is bad than having to pose naked. Joke. All right. he's in front of my vagina they'd rather me not spread the word about how fur is bad than joke all right next story um president oh no no i'm sorry an amazon worker i don't know if you've seen this video uh he went viral in october after a woman was filmed leaving the back of his truck said the attention the video received got him fired whoa wait so he was hooking up on the job yeah and like someone in a neighborhood when he was delivering packages and someone filmed it and he got fired that's what happened like two years later my box was all dented and well he

said no boxes were missing from the truck and then he got fired because the video went viral oh or the photo whatever listen you shouldn't shouldn't have stranger people in your truck when they could take things. But Amazon will gladly just give you another one. If you don't get your box. Have you ever not gotten something from Amazon or had it been the wrong thing? You literally make a complaint and they're just, it is cheap. They did a study. This is fucked up.

They put sensors on things that were returned to Amazon. Yeah. And the sensors all ended up in a landfill because it is more expensive for them to restock things than to just throw it in the trash. Got you. And so when you return something to Amazon, it ends up in the trash. So how many of those Amazon workers are getting laid in their office? And when you call them and you go,

my package didn't arrive, they'll send you another. That's that guy's office, though. You know what I mean? Well, haven't you ever had sex at work, Andrew? How many people have sex? Yeah, yeah. Have I? Yeah.

I mean, I've masturbated at a dog owner's house. That's not really, that's sexual. But you've had sex in an office, right? Yes, yes. Yeah. And you risk everything of of theirs because you host the show and they can't really get rid of you just kidding but not um just get just get um yeah i've i've had sex in an office and and in places it's so fun and i wouldn't do

it now because i'm like an adult and realize that that's, that's, I would do it again. That was a lie. I just lied to you guys. I would do it again. If I drove an Amazon truck, my girlfriend,

I would 1000% do that. Yes. It wouldn't even be a question. I'm so tired of people saying, like calling people out for things that they absolutely would do. And like,

that's what the guy was saying. He's like, I did what any American man would do. Like his girlfriend shows up, lets her into the truck. Nothing went missing. All packages got delivered. This is when UPS,

UPS should come out and go, not only are we going to hire you, we're going to give you a bed in our truck. And it would be such good promotion for them because amazon's kicking their ass right now i'm sure well i think um or maybe ups delivered for amazon i think it was bring your girlfriend to work your dick day at at amazon so i think he was actually following the byogf um yeah i mean so many people are bringing their girlfriends to work like i've gotten in ubers and there's been like friends in the front seat of the person Yeah. Yeah, I mean, so many people are bringing their girlfriends to work.

Like, I've gotten in Ubers, and there's been, like, friends in the front seat of the person driving. Oh, that's the best. And you can't say anything. And you just go, what is the – I do, and I go, is this cool? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, okay, I guess it is because you seem comfortable. Good for that guy, man. If you need a job, I don't know anyone, but good luck.

Let's take a break and come back with Why Do I Care. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

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I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem.

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Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One.

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founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hi, this is Alex Kantrowitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on-air contributor to CNBC. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it. Asking where this is all going. They come from places like NVIDIA, Microsoft, Amazon, and plenty more. On Wednesdays, I feature interviews with top leaders like Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky. Well, I'm in the details.

Let me just say this. I actually stay in the details of the product. And on Fridays, analyst Ranjan Roy and I recap the week's news, looking at everything that's happened in the world of AI. That is an emoji red flag for me. I'm putting it up. Three emoji red flags. They told me they're going to fix Siri.

I dreamed. I dreamed. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, in meetings with your colleagues, and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same,

our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends. EGOT winner, Viola Davis. And former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season.

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Why do I care? Why do I care? I don't know anymore. Paul Rudd. Two Ds. Oh, Sexiest Man Alive. No, no. Not that.

But he did get that. He hit a woman with his car yesterday. No. No. No. Anyone sexiest man. No. 52 years old actor jokes. I'm going to lean into it hard.

I'm going to own this. I'm not going to try to be like, oh, I'm so modest. He's so funny. He is. I mean, it pays to be a family man and a nice looking guy that doesn't seem like you abuse women in Hollywood. Yes. Okay. I learned something from Paul Rudd the other day. What's this?

It's a camera trick that he did on the Graham Norton show that was on Reddit. And I want to see if I can do it. Are you photoing me? Yeah. Hold on. Oh, wait. How did he do that? Now I'm looking at it.

I'm like, how the fuck did he do that? Oh, I think it's like that. Okay. Oh, here we go. Okay. What is the trick? Should I smile? Oh, I think it's like that. Okay. Oh, here we go. Okay. What is the trick? Should I smile? Wait, you'll see.

I'm taking... So I'll tell you how to do it in a second. I just want to do it. Do I have a hat on? Wait, hold on. Can I guess? Hold on. I'm putting my finger in front of my camera.

Am I in a wave? Hold on. How did he fucking do that? Okay, now I see. Okay, so look. which way okay all right so i'm gonna zoom i'm gonna oh this sucks um he does he puts his finger in front of the camera and it looks like whoever's like it looks like you're about to blow someone. Okay, look. Doesn't that look like an ass that you're about to go down on? Oh, I see.

So the ass is above my head? Yeah, the ass is my finger. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, I see that. Yeah, I had to crop it a little bit. If I went like this, it would have been funnier. Yes, but he did it, you've got to check Paul Rudd on the Graham Norton Show. He did this amazing iPhone trick where he puts his finger in front of the camera and it will make whoever he's taking a picture of

look like they're about to blow a guy with a huge ass and a big thigh gap. But he's so cool. And obviously, classically, the young, he never ages and all those things. And he is sexy. Could a woman win it at 52? Hottest woman alive?

Or sexiest woman alive? I think they do it just to be like you know we're like we're honoring older women because we have to kind of thing paul rudd feels more like legit sexy yeah like i i feel like not that i've seen him a few times have you met him before no i haven't you've seen him in person yeah Yeah, in Tribeca. And I mean, he's just a handsome guy. He just looks like the everyday. God, he was so cute in Clueless. He kind of looks like your partner.

We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree. When he says that on Clueless, that is the line where I was just like, God, he's so adorable. He tilts his head when he's driving. He goes, yeah, I have a tree people meeting later and Cher's like oh my god

what's your tree people meeting about or whatever and he's like we might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree and she's like

oh Marky Mark taking time out of his pants dropping saddle not knowing that later on Mark Wahlberg is a huge star but at the time

Marky Mark was ridiculous he's so adorable he was so even in I was reminded of him was that adorable. He was so, even in, I was reminded of him. Was that his first movie that he blew up in? Yeah.

And then he was in Romeo and Juliet. He played the guy that was, Juliet's parents try and set her up with Paris, I think his name is. But he, he was in the Brittany Murphy documentary when they showed her bouncing around in Clueless and all the roles she's had.

Like, yeah, I just, that documentary, holy fucking shit. I loved it so much. And I'm still thinking about it and haunted by it and her. I hate her. But yeah, Paul Rudd's so cute and seems like a nice guy. Sexiest Man Alive, don't really care about who gets that.

I didn't even know it was still going on. Sexiest Woman Alive, I don't even think they do it. They say 50 Most Beautiful People, they gets that. I didn't even know it was still going on. Doesn't really. Sexiest woman alive. I don't even think they do it. They say most, 50 most beautiful people, they do that. They'll do woman of the year. That's Time Magazine. But I don't think they do

sexiest woman alive. But maybe they do. Is it because like, why? Man, I was just on some account today that was like, a deep dive of like,

Kylie Jenner and like, what she looked like before and the Hadids, like how they've changed. There's this thing you can get where you get threads like in your forehead and it pulls back your eyes so you look like Hadid's and I think that's what they do is like the thread lifting and I really I'm not opposed to doing some stuff I was you know I had a good a good showing on the

red carpet the other night and I looked at the pictures and I go oh you know I had a good good showing on the red carpet the other night and I looked at the pictures and I go oh you know I'm getting a little bit older I can see it I was watching Jennifer Aniston on the morning show the other day and I was like

I'm getting a kind of an Aniston 50 year old Aniston vibe in my 30s and that's fine but like I can see things

things are falling I'm okay with it but it's definitely I definitely look different like it's inevitable I definitely look different. It's inevitable. I don't know why I keep thinking it's not. Noah, we're going to age.

I think, I don't know. It's going to happen. I like how I look now more than my 20s. I got to say that. I feel like you look, I mean, it sounds cheesy, but just as good or younger than when I met you three years ago. Yes. I look back at pictures and stuff.

I feel fine about myself. And I think it really is, as cheesy as it is, being like, it's from within. And it's like I'm more comfortable with myself. So it just. I saw Kylie Jenner, too, before she got all the work done. Had no boo. No boobs? Yes.

And no other lip? She had like a skeleton lip. She looked like emo. Like she was pale. Yeah, she has black hair. She was insanely pale. She was tall. But she was.

But for her to go from no lip to that lip, I'm like anything could be done with your lip. Like I was just studying it today being like, God, I kind of want to try some stuff. I don't know. Would you be funny if you had these big duck lips? I'm funny looking. just studying it today being like god i kind of want to try some stuff i don't know she would she be would you be funny if you had these big duck lips i funny looking and also i don't care about being like i know but would you think it looks hot i've seen no it's not even like i want oh my god

more people will like me and i'll be more successful it's just like a new haircut no one gets mad when a girl does a new haircut to look better why do they get mad when she does lips to get better noah did i just make a good point? Well, hair can be grown back. Yeah, but lips can be shrunk back. Okay, well, if that's the case, then... That's the thing. She must have to get so much maintenance for it.

Yeah, I just feel like... Here's the thing. I do think there's certain surgeries that you can't come back from. Yes. Certain women have done... Certain lifts and stuff. Certain certain lips certain facelifts yes where there's like you buy a home you can't come back from that no one goes oh you bought this fucking home like that's a that's a life-changing decision of course yes you can sell it and you can move on but like that could bankrupt you in a way like that yes of course bankrupt your face

and people don't get mad at people for doing that i'm not mad at people for doing it why are you so mad i mean i'm just fucking angry no i i honestly like i want i just uh i don't want to be i guess it's not it's not about mad it's like i would feel hurt if you were hurt for making a decision like that yes i would feel hurt too and i would i would only do it if i knew how bad it could be and like I'd be okay with the consequences you know like I could still love myself even if this went completely wrong like what if I did this I mean if it if it's something that if there's a like it's the same as buying shoes like if you like a new pair of shoes yeah if that's what you want that's not what anyone wants to look like but if that's what you want to look like go ahead and be it

okay let's play wild card Wednesday let's do it you just look like you're having an allergic reaction or crying and wiping your face you mean hot? Noah what is the game we're playing today? today we're playing finish my sentence

yes that's where we try to finish each other's sentences thinking of what we would say for this and what is the sentence that we're playing today. Today we're playing finish my sentence. Yes, that's where we try to finish each other's sentences thinking of what we would say for this. And what is the sentence that we're completing? Okay. I could talk for hours about and the disclaimer is you can't answer golf and you can't answer Taylor Swift. Okay.

I'm going to do Noah first. I'm going to be Noah. Oh, I'm in this too? Yeah. Sorry. You and Andrew. You just got in. You just got I'm gonna do Noah first I'm gonna be Noah oh I'm in this too yeah sorry how about you and Andrew you just got in you just got you got you got

inducted okay into the finish my line hall of fame okay wait I could talk I could talk

for hours about um well jujitsu I think but I could talk for hours about what moving to Arizona has done for my life and what positive effects

just doing the hard thing and standing up for myself has done for my life. That's good. And by the way, that sounded like me making fun of you, but I like talking about that stuff too like me making fun of you but like no i like talking about that stuff too and i love that you can expound on those topics i'll do noah now um so uh that seems mean what so anyways i was um i don't really have many things to say. I'm a little nervous about this.

But my house, I love talking about my house. I don't know. I never talk about my house. No, you don't. Yes, you do. Say one thing about her house. She always says, I don't know what to do with the house. I own a house now.

Name one detail of her house. She bought a house i think you talk about your house no i could talk okay andrew okay oh shit wait there's no oh yeah so i lost obviously nikki won that round that's like totally yeah the only things I have to say. Okay. Andrew, do you want to do me? You go first. I could talk for hours. I'm Andrew. I could talk for hours about people who do fucking shit that just like, it's just like some people's like fucking, they're fucking like the way they fucking say some stuff.

Like sometimes like the way people fucking talk, just makes me want to fucking fucking kill them and i fucking just like hate the way people like why do you have to be that fucking way that sometimes just like the way people fucking just talk it's just like that's that's what you could talk about i don't even know what you're saying but it's the way you fucking do this thing when they fucking do this. And I think that's a side maybe that people don't know of you, but you can get pretty upset about these fucking posts that these guys do that think they're so fucking cool. You can talk about guys doing things. I like saying fuck sometimes a lot. Yeah.

Yeah, that was good. You can talk a lot about people who think they're cool. Essentially, care. Care. Yeah, it's a lot of care. Care things you see on TikTok. All right, Noah, do you want to do me? Well, I was going to say stuff that you see people doing on your Instagram feed.

That annoys you, right? That annoys you that you like. Or just like what other people are doing. That one. Nikki won. Once you added the like thing uh it went to me winner winner chicken dinner um shit um i mean it can't be what can't i talk i know that's the thing it's like i'm trying to find something that's like you have enough to that you have been able to answer this. For some reason, I read the- Hi, I'm Nikki.

Hi, I'm Nikki, and I like to talk about stocks. Stocks? I love NASDAQ. I love Dow. Almost as much as I love NASCAR. I love how it goes up and go down. It goes up, and then it goes down, and then I think about how that affects my life

and what I can do to stop it. You gave me a great line the other day about- Dow Jones. Dow syndrome. Wait, wait. When it comes to stocks, you have Dow syndrome. Dow syndrome. Yes.

Guys, look for that line in my act. That's really good. Thanks. Have you used it? No. I was going to do it the other night and I forgot to do it. But that was such a good bit. It was about certain apps on your phone that you will never get rid of.

Because I'm just talking about when you remove an app, they all are like, are you going to delete me? And you go, no, you're okay, calculator. I can't delete you. Stocks, I can't delete you. I'm trying to think of what's a good example of an app that you absolutely... I feel like Starbucks will always be there for you what can i look at your apps on your phone real quick when we move into final thought yeah for sure final thought um here look at my apps if

you want to as well nothing really that great though wait let me see yours oh you know what i might do this weekend and shit well so all too well um or sorry taylor swift is coming out with her red re-release and um i might do i might start a um youtube page of me reacting to taylor swift things i've never done like a reaction but all you have to do is watch it and just say shit you know what you do on tiktok you could do duets where it's like on the side. I might do that. It'd be easy. What's beyond menu? I'm looking at your apps. I don't know. It says BM.

Is that just a way to log your shits? A log log? Okay. You have TaskRabbit, which I'm guessing you have not used ever. How much do you use ESPN? I need a TaskRabbit to get my TaskRabbit. ESPN, it gives out a decent amount okay uh you have nothing really that crazy here wait what's flickster

flickster could go flickster can go erase that bitch right now wait i want to look at your activity can i see it because i told you to turn it on yeah i think screen time okay okay daily average you're doing eight hours 27 minutes that's terrible um instagram you're spending oh god i don't even want oh i'm gonna go today i was on week uh tiktok you're on oh wait i'm eight hours for a week uh no no no no day dude uh my god today let's go to days that's not good yesterday. Yesterday, it was your day off, you know, ish, right? Yeah. Yesterday, you did eight hours and 15 minutes on your phone.

Will you go to mine? Yeah, wait one sec. So you have Sephora, you have The Arch. The Arch, yeah, that's the radio station I listen to. Every morning. I mean, you have a lot of smart things. You have like New York Times. You have the New York, you have, what else?

The New Yorker. Yep. All the New York, the New York Post. Then we have like 90 airplanes, Airbnb, CarGurus. CarGurus. It's just a great car app when you're looking for a used car. What's Asos? What's Asos?

Let me see. Asos. Asos. guru it's just a great car app when you're looking for a used car what's asos what's asos it's a you know a clothing brand that i don't actually use clue clue is um a period tracker app is it really yeah i'm a high fertility day i had to take the morning what is it pet find. Looking for a bird. Okay. That's like a dating app for birds. Letting Go. How's it done? Letting Go is an app where you – it's Al-Anon literature, which is – I'm not in Al-Anon,

but it's a great little daily reader. And so if you open it, it will tell you today's lesson. It just teaches you about how to accept yourself and accept others and some days I just like need it and yeah. Okay, so your Instagram, yesterday you were on, that was your most used one, two hours and 10 minutes. YouTube, an hour and 47 minutes.

TikTok, hour and nine minutes. Google Maps, 58 minutes. So I'm guessing you were just had that up while you were going somewhere. Okay, yeah, so that could count. Yeah, and then messages, 33 minutes. Safari, 31 minutes. Gmail, 22 minutes. And then we go on and it gets

ESPN, 3 minutes. Stripchat.com. Really? 5 minutes. I wonder what that's from. Pornhub, 6 minutes. That's exactly how long it takes me to come. That's hilarious. Wait, can I see mine?

Is it 6 minutes a day for the day? That's so vulnerable. That was yesterday. That was exactly how long it took me to find the video. Five minutes on strip chat. Strip chat came before. First of all, strip chat, I'm just saying, like, I don't chat on strip chat. Dude, it was at 6 a.m.

That came up probably. Pornhub was at 6 a.m. Yeah, I was an early riser. Wait, let me see mine. Wait, where is yours? I'll find it. Oh, my God. Your phone is so tiny.

I like it. It's a 12. Yeah, that's a cutie. Okay, screen time. You know what it is, though? And I'm not just like saying strip chat comes up when you put a Pornhub. Oh, that makes sense. Okay, so it was six minutes.

Yeah. I want to go to a day off. So I have to go back to 2008 oh yeah because when um no i'll go to um yesterday i was 10 hours and 58 minutes on my phone now let me break that down for you because that is not what you think it is most used uh messages was can i go through yeah yeah please here Here we go. Hold on, wait a second. This doesn't make sense for 10 hours. I mean, what the fuck was... That doesn't make sense. Oh, this is doing show categories.

Okay. Wait, what was my Instagram? Was that way more than... Two hours. Okay. Hold on. No, Instagram was three hours and three minutes. This doesn't add up to 10 hours.

I don't even know what I was doing on Instagram. I feel like I'm on TikTok way more. Maybe it does. No, this does not add up to 10 hours. There's no way that this is 10 hours. So I think all the extra time was my white app noise. Show today. Why is that not showing up?

That could be it if you have your phone running overnight. Yes, that's why I have these kinds of numbers for sure. But, oh, I see because I was doing social. All right, here we go. So today, then we're going to go yesterday. 10 hours and 58 minutes. Three, one, two, three, four, five. That's only five hours.

What was the rest doing this doesn't make sense but you can just read my times it was not 10 hours you can read my times there all right your top is reddit an hour and 10 minutes now do you okay can i go to bed instagram 59 minutes that's not bad at all waves is your thing camera 36 minutes that's not bad at all Waze is your thing Camera 36 minutes that's surprising I think I was Editing Oh I was getting photos from the Bruce Springsteen Thing and I was like editing photos

And doing stuff with them This is my favorite part so far You got camera You got camera 36 Sephora 25 Safari 20 Books 15 You got camera 36, Sephora 25, Safari 20, books 15. At least I read for 15 minutes yesterday.

That's not bad. I know. It's just funny. It's just funny. Where are books on yours, bitch? Oh, I don't even have books. You don't even know what's weird about it. But I didn't even attempt it.

Well, I was on the plane, and that's when I fell asleep was 15 minutes of reading. What book were you reading? I'm reading God what was it? It was David Spade's book I'm rereading Oh What's RTR?

Rent the Runway Okay Yeah Snapseed That's a photo editing I mean other than that You're not You didn't do any porn yesterday

No No no no I haven't had time to jerk off Recently But you're getting laid i am it's pretty nice it's pretty pretty pretty nice i mean nothing else really jumps out at me here note 17 seconds so you're writing a lot i wrote down something i would love to see what is i fucking wrote down in my notes maybe 17 seconds see. What's my 17 seconds that I wrote in my notes?

You got to see. That's Nikki's writing process. That was from today. Oh. What was it? What was it? It was a new word that I put in that I just learned. What word?

Insouciant. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Sounds like a souciant. Do you know what it means? Insouciant? Yeah. Neither do I.

Something fake? I had to look it up. It says showing a casual lackciant? Yeah. Neither do I. Something fake? I had to look it up. It says showing a casual lack of concern. Oh. Indifference. I said something fake. Oh. Casudio.

The other day my mom said, we have to go to Aunt Lynn's house and we're going to go there and surmise the situation. She said it, I let it go the first time. She goes, we just got to go there and surmise the situation. And I go, I got to say that's not the right word. And she goes, yeah. And my dad goes, yes it is. She's going to surmise the situation and I go I gotta say that's not the right word and she goes yeah my dad goes yes it is she's gonna surmise the situation I go no it's not and he goes uh Siri

give me the definition of surmise and it was like to guess about something that you don't know it's like I'm gonna guess I'm gonna surmise I'm going to guess I will surmise that you are thinking that something I don't know so for my mom to go walk into Lynn's place and surmise, I said, you mean assess? And she goes, yes.

And so even today she goes, we're over here surmising. It sounds like she's like trying to figure, like detective work on figure out how your aunt passed away. I just love when someone gets a new word that they're just their little trigger happy on. Oh, I've never done it. I swear to God, I've never gets a new word that they're just a little trigger happy on. Oh, I've never done it. I swear to God, I've never learned a new word and used it like... Daring conversation? Yeah, like where I'm like,

hey, look at this word I know. Maybe not ignorant. You seem like someone who would like new words. Erroneous. I like that word. You don't seem like someone at all. No, seriously, Andrew, you seem like someone who has a thirst for new vocabulary and complex concepts. Just kidding. All right, guys.

Thank you so much for listening to the show. We got to go. Dude, that was insidious, dude. Insidious. Surmise. Oh, my God. Luigi knows when we are wrapping things up. He's so cute.

Guys, check out our video to watch Luigi. Watch the podcast. It's on YouTube now. Please go watch and support us. Get our numbers up on there. We would love it. Rate and review us. Just subscribe over there.

That would be awesome. And thank you so much for listening to the podcast. Thank you for being with us during our little argument today. It means so much to us that you still put up with us despite us being imperfect. And I feel the same way about you guys. I love you. Thank you. much to us that you still put up with us despite us being imperfect. And I feel the same way about you guys. I love you. Thank you. And we'll see you tomorrow. Don't be care. And Jackson

the snowman. Wait, Jack Frost. Jack Snowman. What was his name? Jack Frosty. Fuck. Surmise. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions,

the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity,

we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of

relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcast. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction.

You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapaport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes

these days. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, and wherever you get your podcasts.