The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #137 Yo-Yo Yeah Yeah

Episode Date: November 18, 2021

Between you and Nikki, she is working out her disclaimer to keep criticism off her for talking about sex, if only it was as easy as jumping on a pogo stick. Andrew arrives in LA and he's impressing a lot of people with his yo-yo skills. You Heard It Here First- it takes three to cheat, pissing on stage is nothing new so don't be shocked and Nikki doesn't care what Bradley Cooper has to say, she knows the deal between him and Gaga at that Oscar's performance. They play the Blankest thing and talk about dangerous circumstances. In the Final Thought, Nikki finds a birthday book that reads true. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more.

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on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki.

Hey, here I am. It's Nikki Glaser. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. We are in Los Angeles today. Andrew is also here. He just arrived this morning. As I was pulling out of my driveway to go get Starbucks, I saw an SUV pulling behind me and I go, what the fuck? Of all people to turn, like cars to turn into a driveway and turn around, mine's got to be the one when I'm leaving. And then I was like, they're not moving. And then I was like, oh, Andrew's here early. He's supposed to land at 930 and he was here at 917. So like he landed real early.

We'll hear about his flight, I'm sure, when he gets here. He is yo-yoing all over town. He has a yo-yo now. Noah, that he got in Long Island. What? They gave me a bunch of gifts. They gave me a huge brick because I sold out two shows and you get a brick if you sell out.

They just give you this heavy, heavy trash. Who called something heavy trash? Oh, that was Kyle Dunnigan called Nichols heavy trash. But yeah, they gave me a brick that I tried to bring home because it was like engraved.

Someone spent a lot of time. Well, at first I thought someone actually engraved the brick like with their hands because it just seems like such a, like something like in the 1800s. Yeah, it's like a bricksman, something like a uh what's a cobbler would do or something like that but it was not that and it was probably just machine cut by a you know a printer of some sort but nonetheless it meant something to me and i was going to bring it home and i gave it to andrew to take because he was going back to st louis i was going to la and i was like will you please bring this brick home? We had an argument over how heavy a brick is.

How heavy do you think a single brick is, Noah? Maybe three or four pounds. Good guess. Very close. It was five pounds. He's going through security and they would not let him bring it through because it was like a weapon. I guess it could be used as a weapon. But so couldn't anything? Couldn't a'd be used as a weapon but so couldn't anything then like a lot of luggage be used as a weapon in that yeah

sounds like you could yeah luggage is heavy I guess it would be harder to wield and hit over like hit a flight attendant in the face I shouldn't even put that out there but that's kind of what I pictured unfortunately um yeah so my brick ended up just not making it through security. And I also got a yo-yo with this whole gift pack. And Andrew's really good at the yo-yo. Who knew? Stop.

He's, like, good. He can do, like, around the world very easily. I'm not terrible at a yo-yo. You know what I'm really good at is a pogo stick. I'm impressive on a pogo stick. I like pogo sticks. I guess I practiced at a yo-yo. You know what I'm really good at is a pogo stick. I'm impressive on a pogo stick. I like pogo sticks. I guess I practiced as a child. I came across one recently and really I surprised myself that I was pretty good at it.

My dad was good at it too. It was very scary to watch him on it. Have you ever done a pogo stick? No, I don't think I'm coordinated enough. You could do it. It seems like it's very hard but it's not um yeah like i always just think back on like child games like yo-yos used to be like the playstations you know like oh my god you got a yo-yo like what a toy that could just waste hours

of your life um and now we have tick tock but yo-yos are pretty cool um i'm trying to think of any other like cat's cradle do you ever do that like the string game oh what did you do as a kid to pass the time um yeah the the cat's cradle i'm like acting like we were amish or something we had nintendo and stuff i mean it was the 90s it was like we were kids before the internet skip it skip it skip it cool pogs pogs yes i never really i think i don't what did you say troll dolls i used to collect troll dolls i love trolls i mean but what would we do with them would you ever play trolls like i'm a troll like or would you just like set them up and like fix their hair? All the way they smelled. Yeah.

My, my best friend and I used to collect them and we would just set up scenarios and stuff in different locations. Playing dolls was kind of fun and Barbies. And, um, I liked playing, um,

school and I liked being a teacher. I never really liked to play house. Cause I was always like, we're going to have to, like, if I have to like, someone plays husband, you have to like kiss them and stuff. I always knew like house was, there was something that would have to be like sexual or like office.

I don't know why, even as a kid I was like, this is a risky game we're playing. It takes one kid to be like, I dropped a pencil. I don't know what I was exposed to as a child that made me realize that that's where kids can get sexual too soon, I think. I remember Rachel used to tell a story, Rachel Feinstein used to tell a story of she would, like, her and her best friend would, like, hump each other

and, like, play, you know, husband and wife when they would just like hump each other. And it was her friend's idea, I guess. But she was just like, all right, I'm into it. And they got caught in the teachers. Like it got through the school and like all the parents that got involved and they would have to lie about it so they could sneak it and like do it. It's just like, did you ever do anything like that when you were young where it was like a little bit casual um yeah

i used to have a friend when i was really really young i was not even in america yet and so i must have been like six yeah and we used to like pretend we were dogs and that's cute and fun we would hump each other as dogs because we knew that dogs did that. Did you know what it was? I don't think we could really wrap our mind around it. We just knew that that's something that dogs do and that we just had to do it if we were playing dogs. I knew it was wrong because people would go like, stop that! Stop doing that to the dogs. So obviously it was something that was like bad.

It's so interesting that we like how we pick up on what is not okay to talk about and what is. And like you make mistakes as a child by saying certain things. And people are like, you don't say that. And you're like, but it's true. So what's the problem? Like, I don't know. I was, I was thinking about,

I'm about to, you know, do a comedy thing that I am about to talk about more. But, um, and I was thinking about how, you know, all,

I still talk about sex on stage a lot and in my personal life and just like in everything I do, I'm kind of still known as like a sex comic and how shameful that can be and how like you know people say like that's all you can talk about it's just easy whatever it is and trying to come up with some kind of opening bit that addresses it so that no one can say that anymore like what's my perfect argument against people who say all female comics talk about is sex without doing the argument that's like for so long we were silenced about sex and now it's our turn because that arguments been made and people don't seem to actually look you think

that's enough of an argument. Because people are like, it's been done. All they talk about. I'm like, female comics have not been around that long, you weirdos. We've only been doing it since the 80s, really. And I know there were a few before that. But stand-up comedy is an art that's fairly modern. And also, sex is changing constantly. So we've got to keep still talking still talking about it's not like it's all been done and and also like I was

thinking about this argument to people like it's so easy I hate anyone assuming that I'm doing taking an easy route because that's how I feel accomplished as if I'm like working hard so when someone's like you know being a clean comic is hard being you know dirty it's just like easier I'm like working hard. So when someone's like, you know, being a clean comic is hard. Being, you know, dirty is just like easier. I'm just like, but why should I do something that's harder for me? It is harder for me to write clean jokes. It is. But why does anyone, why does people, why would anyone want that from me? Why does anyone want me to do something that I'm not naturally good at? You know, like I don't want Paul McCartney to Irish dance, you know, I'm sure he'd be fine at it because he has rhythm, but like he's guitar for

Paul McCartney is easy. You know, it came easy to him just like talking about sex comes easy to me. And by the way, I don't know that it's that easy. If it were that easy, I think a lot more people would do it, but people are so embarrassed to talk about sex and just talk about their details of their sex lives on stage. You can say that female comics that talk freely and openly about sex are taking an easy route, then you do it if it's so easy. But you wouldn't do it because you're embarrassed, because your parents might hear it, or because your colleagues might hear hear it and because you're shamed about what you do so this whole concept that it's easy it's not easy yes the female comics that do do it make it look easy and but it is easy for us and that's our special talent like swimming for michael phelps was an was easy he's he was yes he worked so hard to be the best, but before that he was probably pretty

naturally good at it. And you wouldn't go, oh my God, it came naturally to him. He's taking the easy way out. He should do pole vaulting. Like show us what you really got. Do something that's hard for you. So I'm trying to like wrap my head around, like, cause the idea that it's just, oh, being dirty is so easy and being clean is hard you know what's hard to do um for clean comics it's hard to be dirty because they're hiding they're so ashamed of who they are and a lot of clean comics are horrible people look at bill cosby the quintessential clean comic and oh what it's he's family friendly meanwhile he's raping people backstage so at least i'm i'm not doing anything nefarious in my personal life i'm putting it all out there and i would say

clean comics deserve a little bit more scrutiny and less praise of like they're clean they're such good family men it's like what are you hiding? There are some people that just work in clean that are just clean, but there are some that are like so ashamed of who they are. They're going to be like, I'm a clean comic. And they're so proud of it. Those are the ones to look after. Even if you think about like people in their personal life talking about sex, like having the birds and the bees conversation with their kids, that's hard. So I think talking about sex, like having the birds and the bees conversation with their kids. That's hard. So I think talking about sex on stage is not easy at all, especially as a woman.

It's not, but for some reason, because it does come easy to me, I have the type of autism that makes it. So I don't care that my parents have heard that I have done, you know, have had balls in my mouth. Like,

I just don't care. It doesn't, it's not like I'm like, I love to let them know. And had balls in my mouth. Like, I just don't care. It doesn't, it's not like I'm like, I love to let them know. And I loved it. It's not, it's not my favorite thing to put out there, but I just, that the fact that my parents could know that I have sex does not bother me. And that bothers a lot. I would say that bothers most people. I was looking at a study to like, kind of get an argument for this going and i was thinking about like you know i googled like

how often people think about sex and you you've heard that like men think about it every seven seconds and that the data for that is a little hazy and like not really that that's not really true and it's really hard to tell how many times people think about anything because it's all self-reporting. And self-reporting leads to just, you know, erroneous data. Because we just trust that people click the thing every time they think about sex. But I don't, I'm not aware of my thoughts all the time. You have to be very, you have to be like a, you know, you have to be very versed in meditation to constantly be aware of what you're thinking. Because no one's aware of what they're thinking.

People always think they are their thoughts. If you're aware of what you're thinking, like I'm thinking about this, then you're meditating. And meditation's hard. So people going, oh, I'm thinking about sex right now. You don't even know how much you think about sex. But the thing is, people think about sex all the time. It's a motivator for so many things. And yet, I was also reading people like, it was like 60% of people talk to their best friends about their sex lives. I'm like, 40% of people don't talk

about sex with their friends. What the fuck do you talk about? What is interesting to talk about to your best friend, someone that you trust, if you're not talking about sex and like your thoughts about it or the fact that you're not having it or whatever, like, and maybe people are like, it just doesn't interest me. Okay. That's a different story altogether, but I feel like sex does interest most people and is something that's on our minds a lot and you just keep that inside that's so weird to me um so i just feel like i'm trying to come up with a airtight argument for all these people who say that female comments just talk about sex and like that's all we do but it's like then you do it if it's so easy then you do it but you wouldn't because the things you jerk off to make you feel like if you had to

actually look at what you jerk off to or what turns you on or what you sound like in bed or what you look like the things that female comics do talk about when you ridicule us you would never admit that to a crowd of people ever so don't act like what we're doing is easy it's easy for us but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it because like i said it's easy for paul mccartney to sing and play guitar but would you ever go he shouldn't do that. Because like I said, it's easy for Paul McCartney to sing and play guitar. But would you ever go, he shouldn't do that. It's so easy for him. He's taking the easy way out.

And honestly, that's why I admire porn stars. It is easy for them. It seems easy for them to expose themselves on camera and to be naked and have sex. None of them seem that scared about it or like that nervous. I'm sure they are but like when they get used to it it seems so comfortable and i marvel at that like do you ever watch porn noah and just go how did they ever get the balls to do this i like horse i don't i think so many people don't even take that into consideration they just go that's so sad that

they do that it's like oh it's so sad but really do that. It's like, oh, it's so sad. But really, I think it's extremely brave. And although it comes easy to them, I'm not like, oh my God, they're just, God, she could be a businesswoman instead, but she just, she did this instead. No, she, first of all, not every girl could do porn. You act like just because we all have bodies

and we have sex, we could all do, if you're a hot girl, you could just do porn. No, you couldn't. It takes a certain level of comfort with who you are sexually to do porn. You act like just because we all have bodies and we have sex, we could all do, if you're a hot girl, you could just do porn. No, you couldn't. It takes a certain level of comfort with who you are sexually to do porn, which not a lot of people have. And it should be, it should be admirable to do porn instead of this like thing that we all shame. Um, I don't have a funny argument for it yet, but I'm going to keep working on it. Um, but it just bugs me that, me that I'm tired of being treated like that, you know, because I'm not a clean comic, I'm a worse comic, or because I had to do a, I had to give an offer a,

there's going to be like a press release about something I'm doing. And they asked me for a sentence to talk about like what my feelings about the thing. And I sent a really interesting one yesterday that was kind of coming after people that, you know, go after women like this. I mean, it's,

it's actually Amy's special, mostly sex stuff. I remember when it's, it's actually Amy's special, mostly sex stuff. I remember when she named her special or, um, I think it was her first hour special with comedy central. They were like, they looked at the material comedy central looked at the material and was like, Hey, if you could, um, do a little bit more race material. Cause it's like mostly sex stuff. And she was like, but if I just call it that, then no one can be mad about it. And so she was like, I'll just call it mostly sex stuff. So no one can be mad about it and so she was like i'll just call it mostly sex stuff so no one can be like oh she talks about sex it's like yes that's what you're getting so i'm trying to come up with some kind of disclaimer at the top of whatever i'm about to

shoot that says like don't have any expectations otherwise like this is what i do and this is what i like to do and if you don't if you're watching this with your grandmother and you're like that was i was watching this with my mom god that, that was awkward. Like, that's your fault. Like, do a little research. I don't know why I'm so angry. I'm really not. It's a beautiful day in Los Angeles. Andrew is here.

Let's get him in here. Andrew! ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Mini Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair.

And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique.

Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions. Limitless answers. Good people. What's up? It's Questo. Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody. We'll see you next time. and behind the scenes, and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations,

like I'm Pete Peel chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out. All right. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out. We want to raise awareness and we want this to stop. Wow. very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model.

Lingerie, topless. I said yes please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in.

It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager.

Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back.

This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crumbs as part of the Michael Dura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the show, Andrew. Thanks for having me, yo. Welcome to Los Angeles. Are we cats out of the bags? Yeah, we're in LA. Is that not supposed to be?

We did a show yesterday. Oh, yeah. And I was here. So people knew I was here. I'm allowed to be here. Are you? I think so. Right? I don't know if I'm allowed to leave state lines. How cool would that be if I just didn't know if I could... happened to me one time you do look like an inmate right now you are dressed like an inmate i got a lot of gray on including my beard you have all a gray sweatshirt

and great uh sweatpants um how early was your flight today it was 6 30 a.m whoosh um but i went to bed at like 8.30 last night. Oh, dude, that's early. That's smart. Did you look for my swimsuit this morning? Because I sent you a text. I definitely sent you a text later than 8.30. Yeah, I didn't see it until this morning.

Thank you so much for going digging. That's why I didn't text you this morning to find it. I mean, I brought about 40 different kinds of suits. I'm sure you can mix and match. Yeah, I'll be fine. We just have a hot tub and a pool at this place. I want to... This house is awesome. I know.

It's pretty rad. I'm doing an Airbnb in the Hollywood Hills. Actually, it's not the Hollywood Hills. It's the Sherman Oaks Hills. It's pretty sweet out here. It's pretty quiet up in these hills. You go down about a mile and a half and then boom you're in like you're in the valley you're on ventura boulevard there's

everything you need i don't know it's pretty nice andrew goes this is all you need this house is great this is all you need and i go andrew goes i go do you think this is a cheap house to buy like he goes this is all you would really need like it's some kind of like cheap endeavor let's look it up on zillow i'm guessing this house right here it's probably uh 1.8 really oh is there a courtyard like what does this house look like okay so it's uh four bedrooms big kitchen pool over uh three bedroom three bed oh including the there's one back there one there one here one there no that study isn't is additional there's one beyond my bedroom oh there's a bedroom and then you go through a doorway and there's another bedroom and another bathroom it's three bathrooms four bedrooms um gosh what are they doing here um no i want to skip all this zillow stop trying to get me to buy

um and there is a there's like not much of a yard but there's a nice garage over an acre and over an acre down how do you know that i don't know i think i saw it on airbnb or something oh wow i searched it to see where we were saying yeah what i was getting myself into yeah yeah yeah um 1.8 you think i was more right yeah what two five it's like um well it's not showing up on oh wait hold on you might be right wait no that's glenn right but didn't say where i Okay. It looks as if it is. Wait. Is that it? No, that's not it.

Hold on. I know this is boring. Oh, we're almost there. No. Hold on. I really want to figure this out. Because I was in real estate for a while. I know my land and my structure.

Yeah. I mean, it's an older house. The windows are older. There's a bug in my mouth. There's a bug in your mouth. The floors are nice. Yeah. The foyer is solid.

Washer and dryer. Water. Okay. We're looking around. In this area, we're looking at around 1.7. Dude, I was right on. That is so good. Wow, Andrew. That. Dude, I was right on. That is so good. Wow, Andrew.

That is amazing, Andrew. But still, this house, anywhere else in the world, this size would be a $450,000 house. You've got to put 20% down on a house? Yeah. So you're looking at $300,000. God, what are these gnats flying around? $360,000 you'd have to throw down.

Yeah, see, that's the thing. I was talking to someone about buying property and they're like, we were talking about, like, everyone goes, it's a great financial decision. And then, it's like the kid thing. Everyone wants you to buy a house because they bought a house and now they're in hell with their house that they have to upkeep.

And they want you to buy one too. People who, the only people that tell you to buy a house are people that are also homeowners. It's never from someone who's renting. It's always other people that have done it. It's such a great investment. I get it, but what is the most money I'm going to make on a house like this if I sell it?

Let's say in five years, what is the most this house is going to make me? $200,000? If you already are rich enough to afford $1.8 million house, $200,000 is not that big of a deal. And all the work that would go into keeping a house going is going to cost at least $200,000 when if I lived in a condo or like a place, I don't know. And I know the alternative is like less space and all these

things, but I just don't. Well, not to mention. And 20% down, you had to put down $360,000 to say goodbye to. That's a fuck ton of money. Who has that laying around? Like, why is that better than just paying rent every month i don't i don't get it because you're investing in the thing that you already own i know but i not to mention like the con like it doesn't always go up you know what i mean like i bought that condo for 220 and it was worth 60 000 six months later i mean now i was in real estate talk about a good investment you Just smart. Just really understanding the trends. Have you ever made a good investment? No, I'm here. Your golf clubs?

Your golf clubs? No, I keep trading it. The only investment I made that was good is my buddy hooked me up with a watch for a little bit cheaper, this Panerai watch. I bought it for like $3,200. Then I lost all my money. My car got repoed. I lost my house. And I brought the watch back in just to have enough cash to buy some double stacks from Wendy's. Yeah.

And I got $3,800. Oh, a little $600 buck? Yeah, a little turnaround. Noah, have you ever flipped something and made more off of the thing that you bought? I'm just not a person that does that. I think everything I leave is worse than when I bought it because I have spray tan and I get it on everything. You have to follow the campsite rule. Yes, leave it.

Leave your food in the trees. I mean, why not look at other kind of investments for you? You know, like Silicon Valley. I'm sure people, they don't approach your manager. I think it's Silicon Valley. Huh? I think it's Silicon Valley. No, he's thinking of silicone. I used to get those

confused, like I do, with take it for granted and take it for granted. But it's Silicon. But why are those words so close together also and it's also it's in california where people do get a lot of silicone in them so exactly it makes sense to get that confused but yeah um i would i'm i took a time i got a stock tip from a camera op the other day or a sound guy. This is how every good stock. But here's the thing. It's a stock tip of something that I actually buy and believe in. Okay, what was the tip?

I'm not telling. Well, why don't you invest in it? Then you promote it. Then it goes up. And then you only do 10 years in jail. But boy, will that be a fun ride. Oh, is that what you can't do? It's called insider trading.

But I don't think that's... No, insider trading is when you get a tip from someone that works at the company about it going up. Yeah, yeah, you'd be fine. You advertising the thing that you have investments in would seem like that's what everyone does. Yeah, they do. So that's not insider trading. No. That's Silicon Valley.

Yeah, Silicon Valley, you're fine. Silicon, whew. trading no that's silicon valley yeah silicon valley you're fine silicon who i remember when oprah apparently because you're not supposed to tell people that have nielsen ratings boxes that they should watch your tv show because that's like those are where your tv ratings are made with these people with these nielsen ratings boxes so when you watch a tv show on your screen it doesn't affect ratings it's only people that have Nielsen and she I guess made a statement of like if you have a Nielsen box watch this thing and she got in trouble for it because you're not supposed to do that because it's like the

insider trading of or it's like the I don't know but you should be able to do that I think God I wanted I I like I've never been asked to get a Nielsen. And I don't know anyone who's been asked to get a Nielsen box. Did you ever, when you used to go to movies, do you remember after a movie there would be this back room with curtains and stuff and they would ask you to take a survey to rate it? Did you ever have to do that? I think you were sexually assaulted. Yeah, this doesn't sound good.

That was like a 90s thing. No? So rated behind a curtain? I've never heard of that. There was like a room and they would give you a survey about what you thought about the movie. Was there an old couch you sat on, Noah? The single camera? And they gave you a lollipop?

I think there was candy involved. I mean, the things people will do for a free t-shirt or free anything. Oh, my God. A free yo-yo. I was talking about your yo-yoing. Yeah, yo-yo ma. You yo-yoed as a child, right?

I yo-yoed a little bit. I went through... I think any kid that was born in the early 80s, or 80 for that matter, yo-yoed. And had a yo-yo stage probably around eight or nine where you tried to walk the dog you tried to do around the world you tried to hang your mom you know all the different the old trick the yo-yo trick you know all the old ones yeah and uh i did around the world earlier i i broke it out in Starbucks today, and people lost their mind. If you want to see a strong reaction from people,

break out a yo-yo where a yo-yo should not be yo-yoing. Weren't you a little nervous? You get nervous when I pick up dog shit with mulch or with my hands or whatever, and then you want to run away. I would be so embarrassed to be with a guy who's yo-yoing. I would be embarrassed to be alone in a Starbucks and start yo yo-yoing were you nervous at all that people were gonna think you were well part of me was gonna do it when i was walking out just as a yeah just so you would laugh and then i just did one little yo-yo to practice to warm up yeah and this guy

was like yo he goes what oh is that a yo-yo? Like, he was like, what the fuck? It was like the brick the other day at the airport. Yeah, I talked about that. Did you tell that story? Yeah, so anyways. Wait, what did they say to you when you're taking the brick through TSA? I mean, the look on the guy's face. He thought I was bringing in a dead a dead raccoon or something like something

like it is much huh it was as worthless as that they could have engraved a dead raccoon and i would be like thanks it's so weird when you get a gift that you're just like okay god i don't know now i have to like pretend like i'm gonna take this with me i mean it actually would have been cool because it was a really fun night and um eventually that's just going to be a thing that someone has to clean out of my house when I'm dead. And goes, should we keep this? And like, no. It's just like. Yeah, but why is a brick?

Like, if they gave you a heavy trophy, could I have brought that? Like, what are we doing here? I don't want anything anymore. Huh? I don't want anything anymore. No, you don't want anything. I'm saying the TSA not allowing me to bring a brick when I can kill a man with a pen. I know.

Like, what are we doing? Or a yo-yo, for that matter. Well, yeah, that's another trick. The old hang them on. Yeah. The old shoe bomb trick. The old string of terrorists by the plane wheel trick. Yeah.

Are you good at any other old timey toys um i mean i was pretty good at tetris back in the day tetris is so fun the other day that was so funny when we were loading it doing an uber and we had a bunch of luggage and the uber driver was helping put the luggage in the back seat and he was like he was like oh you know we were comp Andrew was commenting on this guy like on this guy like putting it in and he goes he goes you're good at that that's like Jenga and he goes Tetris he corrected him and then we got in the car and then we were just like driving driving to the hotel the guy was laughing at stuff Andrew what were we talking about that was making that he was laughing so hard at what you were saying. I said something, I think, against women, which I think the more misogynistic it was, the more he was laughing.

Yeah, like you were making jokes ironically, and he was like truly thinking it was like, you know, that's always a weird laugh when you're like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, and then you hit her, and he's like, how do you hit her? What do you mean? Like, how are you hitting your no no no no no yeah and then you hit her and he's like how do you hit her what do you mean like how are you hitting your women uh no no i was talking yesterday about my my mess my mascara was like running down my face i was with whitney cummings and she and they were like we were doing a shoot thing and she was like babe your your mascara is like running out i go thank you so much i was like and, cause we were talking about you actually, when we were filming this, I go, Andrew,

never like, sometimes I'll get done with thing. And I'm like, I look like mascara is running down my face. You couldn't have been like, Hey, there's just like a little something there. It will be like down to my chin. And I'm like,

how did you just let me look like that? And she goes, because men like us to look, men like us to look like we have black eyes or something like that. It made me laugh. Or like you were just crying. Yes. Yeah or something like that. It made me laugh. Or like you were just crying. Yes. Yeah, or like choking on a penis.

All right, we'll keep going. Yeah, that's about it. But then when we got out of the Uber. No, I'm just talking about a yo-yo move. Trick. You got to add trick on the end. Wait, you got to show us around the world. Can you stand up and do it?

Do you have the yo-yo on you? It's in the room room. It's in your room someone goes is that a yo-yo I go yeah yeah we got out of the car and killed me he was just like because the guy was laughing everyone's laughing he goes thanks was just like, because the guy was laughing. Everyone was laughing. He goes, ah, thanks for the ride. Jenga. Oh my God. The guy probably whispered to himself, Tetris.

Oh my God. There is a grasshopper humping a bird of paradise. Wait, what? Flower. Oh. Just like Noah used to play dogs. Doesn't this plant look like birds?

Wait, what? This plant right here looks like. It looks like birds. That's why they're called birds of paradise. Oh, that is... That's a bird of paradise. It's a lecon? Because it looks like a bird. There is a legit grasshopper humping a bird of paradise.

It's just going... Oh, I see it now. Do you see it? Yeah. You have the best eyes ever. I haven't seen a grasshopper in a while. I know. It's really going at it, too. Oh, it's so beautiful. I feel like they're going to be extinct soon. I'm going to film it. What a grasshopper in a while. I know. It's really going at it, too. Oh, it's so beautiful. I feel like they're going to be extinct soon. I'm going to film it.

What, grasshoppers? Oh, my God. It is going to town. No, I think grasshoppers have probably made it through things humans haven't made it through. They're insects. Yeah, you're right. Okay, never mind. But insects are dying off.

We have no more bees. Dude, I read a Reddit thing last night that i do not even want to get into about what's going to happen to the world oh it's not good you guys it's not good but we're in la but everything's fine right now enjoy it while it's the way it is now because we're about to get hit by storms that only you're supposed to come once every thousand years and they're gonna hit us once every two and uh we're not prepared for it it's gonna go from one every thousand to one every two there's not even like one every like 20 i'm not kidding you storms that were only supposed to be these cataclysmic like once in every you know eon uh storm events will now be happening once every two years um by this

and by the time it's 2050 it's's, there's going, you know, the refugee crisis in Syria was about a million refugees, and there's about to be like 50 million. And we don't have, we don't have any room for them. So just truly enjoy today while you have it, because it is about,

don't fear the future, because there's nothing you can do to change it, unless they invent some CO2-sucking machine that converts it into something, which there's no even chance that the technology is going to reach that in time. You could call my ex-wife. You're killing it today. Thanks, man.

You're on fire, dude. Just like the world's about to be. I mean, there are going to be constant fires all the time like never ending fires so literally move to the center of the country as quick as you can stay there buckle down just enjoy starbucks like get just enjoy the world today because it's about to be weird and like honestly we have today and that is that's great and we don't even nikki's way of getting her friends to move to st louis she's like the world will explode in la and new york i mean it's moved to four six we're running out of water you were about to give her a dress uh let's

get to the news the news you heard it here first yeah you heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. All right. Look at that. Can you go around the world? In a day. Let's see. Quinn's like, I can't hold the mic. It's made for a child's figure. Watch.

Okay, you got to check out the YouTube video to watch Andrew Collin go around the world. He's warming up. Whoa, dude. Yes. Yes. First time. That was beautiful. Oh, warming up. Whoa, dude. Yes, yes. First time. That was beautiful. Oh, my God. That was awesome.

First time for what? A charm? I think it's third. First time's a charm for you. Hey, charm life. Oh, my God. Move over a little bit. Okay, cool.

Andrew, let's start the news. Dude, that was huge. I never nail things. What's going on? Oh, my God. You're killing it today. You're nail things. What's going on? Oh, my God. You're killing it today. You're killing it. I guess I'm going to move in here.

I just need another $358,000. And then what are you going to do for your first month's mortgage payment? I'm moving out. I'm just going to do a month here, then ask for my money back, and you're going to go, sir, come on in to my house. And then I'm going to live with the guy at the bank. Let's see here. A woman who was, all right, this is kind of a confusing.

So maybe paraphrase it. Okay. So a woman, I'm just going to, a woman who was the birthing partner for her best friend discovered to her horror that her own husband was the father after she noticed a rare birthmark on the baby's neck that was identical to his so what happened was this girl got pregnant right her friend heard that she was maybe homeless so she like brought her in to help her and all this had no idea and then it ended up being the friend who brought her in's husband who ended up fucking 30 other women and having two other kids as well

so he was fucking homeless women and then the the woman that was having the baby yeah like the woman that asked this woman to have her baby no no no no there was none of that it was just straight up like a friend was having a baby it was there was she was just helping her in the delivery process and then through the birthing process she saw a birthmark on the baby that came out of the the woman that she was helping yes and it matched her husband's yes yes and her husband was getting this one was maybe a prostitute at one point i don't know about that um i just. But they both admitted to it eventually. And she's friends with the woman still,

but she got rid of the husband. I'm guessing that this woman knew this woman because of the same world in which her... I mean, this is a huge coincidence, but I'm guessing it's not that big. There's an explanation of like, they... This husband just... Where did he meet this woman?

They were friends. No, where did he meet the woman that he had sex with? Oh, I don't know. They didn't get into that in the story. Oh, my God. Wait, birthmarks are like... Hereditary, apparently. It's weird.

I never even knew that. Do you have a birthmark? Yeah. Where? You don't see it? I actually knew a guy had a birthmark on his face. They get them on their face. The whole half of it.

Yeah, pork wine. Port wine. Yeah, pork wine. Yeah, where you dip wine in porks. Okay. No, I have a birthmark. It looks like Texas on my back. It's just like very faint.

It's weird that we call those birthmarks, but we don't call any other blemish. You're supposed to have no blemishes when you're born. Is anything on you a birthmark? Or is it just the ones that look kind of faded and the same flatness as your skin? No. Not that I know of. I think I always wanted one.

Do you have one, Noah? I don't have one. My sister has one in the shape of a star. Whoa, what? Bee hotch. Yeah. That's cool as fuck. of a star. Whoa, what? Bee hotch. Yeah. That's cool as fuck. What constitutes a birthmark, though?

Like, honestly. I just have melasma. Oh. Skin discoloration. Skin asthma? What is that? That's something that women get as their hormones change, and it's like discoloration on their face.

Oh, okay. Yeah, and also pregnancy. birthmarks are caused by overgrowth of blood vessels melanite no sites smooth muscle fat fibroblasts or keratin no sites it's a congenial benign irregularity on the skin which is present at birth or appears shortly after birth. Okay. They aren't due to underlying disease. Okay. Well, I don't really... I always wanted one, though. I always wanted something cool that was, like, a little bit, like, made me different. But I didn't really get anything.

It'd be hard for me to forgive the friend. But I guess if the friend... I don't know if the friend knew, again, we don't know enough about the story, because if the friend knew that she was married to the guy, it would be maybe a little bit harder to wrap your head around forgiving her. But you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, I think that women are always quick to blame the other woman as opposed to blaming the man that they're with, even if the friend is not the friend. Like, it's so, yeah. When women are, like, catch a guy cheating, they always are like, that fucking slut that slept with my husband. It's like, but your husband slept with, like. Right.

Like, the issue isn't other women, I don't think. I mean, I'm not saying the other women aren't like have a part to play if they know the person's in a relationship but um i don't know i always just reason the times i've like been with guys in relationships in my life which i have done before not like proud of it i'm just being honest um i just go when i find out the guy if he's just cheating on this girl for the first time, I don't do it. Because I don't want to be the one that breaks the seal. But if this is something he does on the regular, I just don't think they're going to last. And so I'm just like, add me to the list.

I know that's not a good thing to say or admit that I do. But I just am like, I don't respect your relationship. And I know that she can be mad at me when this all comes out because I expect it to. I never, I don't really ever think I'm going to get away with it. I always, in the past when I've been with guys with girlfriends, I always am like, well, I mean, she's going to find out eventually. And she's going to be like probably mad at me, but I don't know. She should be mad at him too. This isn't something I'm proud of him doing, but I don't know.

There's been times where I'm like, oh, my God, this guy totally wants to hook up with me. He has a girlfriend. I shouldn't do it. And then I hear, then I check with him, and he's like, oh, I cheat on her a lot. I'm like, oh, okay. Well, then bad that's bad

is there anything with competitive wise like do you know no it's nothing with that no if anything it's like oh good they can't i if they if i don't like them i can always have an excuse of being like well you have a girlfriend so but this is you know these are things i do or have done when i was feeling like low self-esteem and didn't really want uh to date people that were available and so that's a great way to choose someone who's unavailable that you can convince yourself you want and if they don't want you you can also go well they have a girlfriend they they did want me but they couldn't it's like it's a protective thing that's so interesting oh go ahead no i'm sorry that's so interesting nikki because usually in a conversation you're always thinking about the people in the relationship, but you don't think about that third person and their intentions and what they're going through and why they're participating in it. illicit affairs and august if you listen to the song she actually has empathy for the other woman

or the other man whichever you the way you look at it um but when i've been the other woman it sucks because everyone thinks you're a demon and all your friends think all your friends who are in relationships project their fear of being cheated on onto you and they think you're a bad person um not all of them but there, but there's judgment across the board. You don't understand that fucking everyone cheats, y'all. Like it's, and I'm not saying everyone, but it's very, very common. And every woman's been cheated on, right? Every woman can be like, I've been cheated on.

I've like, who's doing all the, who are the women that are doing the cheating then? Is it one skank that's just taking the, just going after all women who have been cheated on have also been the other woman. So have a little empathy. And I'm not saying that there, when I've done it, it's not been a great quality. I am not admitting this being like, isn't this cool that I've done this? I'm just being honest. I'm not proud of it. I don't want to do it again. But I do think that

I'm not completely just a demon. It's almost like the enemy in this situation. I think a lot of times the guy or woman that's cheating gets to play like, I was seduced. I didn't know what I was doing. She's a slut.

And she got me alone and she went after me and I couldn't resist because she's sneaky and she raped me. It's almost like that and then the other woman gets to be like, or the woman. I like how it's the woman and the other woman. Gets to be like, the you know the woman i like how it's the woman and the other woman yeah gets to be like the one with the asterisk thing yeah um yeah that happened to me like i hooked up with that one woman and remember in the bathroom where i had sex pathetically because

i couldn't reach her vagina on the counter yeah because it was sounds like a kid with the cookies like like you were like reaching up yeah they should really have sex step stools in every bathroom uh but yeah i ended up uh what happened with her she was married but she she didn't tell you no she told me her friend said that she was her husband cheats they were all drunk she was oh her husband cheats he's a piece of shit okay so that justifies it as well it justified my behavior because i was like whoa he's such a piece of yeah me having sex with her so pathetically will probably make their relationship better in the long run because my dick compared to his infidelity it's not even she'll miss him yeah yeah in the bathroom with you yeah yeah yeah

i'll make her realize what she has at home which Which is a lower counter. This guy that has a bigger dick but also beats her. Hey, it's balance. But yeah, no, I mean, look. It felt a little weird when she followed me on Instagram the next day. That's when it started to feel more real. Let me post you a scenario. What if there's a couple and you are the other woman and you hook up with the guy and you know everyone makes it out to be like you're this seductive siren slut who just like

love to ruin this relationship because you don't care about other women and you just are selfish what if you find out down the road that this couple got together because she was once the other woman and and was does she have a right to be mad do you think i do believe she does just because one person has done wrong doesn't mean like they can't see that they can't change their ways and go i don't want that done to me but you know does that change it? Like, I think a lot of people, there's been a time where I was the other woman and I felt so bad about it. And I was like, I'm the enemy here. I'm the one that, you know, I ruined this thing

that they had. And like, I'm the bad guy, even though I'd really didn't feel that way because, you know, um, you know, I, I knew what the situation was and I was not. But I knew that I was being looked at it that way. And then I found out they got together because she was the other woman when he was in a relationship. And so it's like, and then all of a sudden it was like, I feel like you can't be mad at me, bitch. Yeah.

And the other woman became the woman and then you're the other woman. Yeah. And then I would eventually be the woman. I was hoping to someday be the woman that got cheated on. And then I would break the cycle by being like, girl, bring it in. We all do it. This is how we all got here. Enjoy it until he cheats on you too.

Yeah, there's a whole tree of us, of other women. Yeah. No, I get that. Yeah, it's pretty ironic for that person. Or for them to think, oh, well, my relationship was different than the relationship he cheated on prior. Yeah, because I cheated on him before he had a dog with a woman. Yeah, everyone knows. We have a dog together, though, and you should honor the fact that we have a dog.

That means something. It's like you can always justify why. Like, well, I cheated because of – and I'm doing the same thing of being like, I justified it because he cheated on you with other people or whatever, but there's no justification, I guess. It's just, you just have to, I just have to admit when I'm wrong and that was wrong and I hope to never do it again because it was just such a fucking clusterfuck and I owe apologies, but I'm not really sorry yet. That's the thing. I'm not going to give apologies when I'm not sorry. Just so I can smooth things over.

That's not going to help anything. So I'm going to apologize when I feel sorry. Clusterfuck, you know? That's true. Next story. Oh, yeah. Forgot we were even doing that. All right. Oh, this was wild.

I don't know if you saw this. Sophia Urista. I think it's yurista i mean this is actually funny that her last name is that because the singer of a rock band called oh yeah she took a piss she peed on the guy this was so punk rock yeah what's not punk rock is the rest of the band going a willing man's face yeah they were all playing the saxophones too it was so funny to see like sax players in the background just kind of like that's what she does they did not seem shocked by it the other band members yeah you can't take a shit on someone while playing smooth jazz you know what i mean like you gotta play she didn't take a shit she was peeing no i know i just amplified it for a joke.

But what an idiot. I'm an idiot. No, no, no. I was just like, did I not watch the whole video? Was there an encore? Yeah. No, but like, I do think it's punk rock. I think it's awesome.

I think it's like Ozzy Osbourne like eating the bat. I was going to say the same thing. Yes. Or like, you know, just people spitting on people. People do crazy things at these shows, and people like it. And the guy liked it. He was willing. It's not like an R. Kelly incident where the woman was peed on and didn't want it.

And she was underage, too. Right. I mean, this guy was of age and obviously hasn't gotten laid in a while. But do you think, or maybe he gets laid all the time. Yeah, it's a pistery. I didn't say that. That's funny, It's a history. It's a history. I didn't say that. That's funny though. I thought you said that. Wait, so did you see...

Twitter, the ban completely was like, this isn't like her. Completely ratted her out. We didn't know she was going to do it. Covering their tracks. Just say this is cool and we like this. Yes. Stop apologizing.

You're not really sorry. And the band was not horrified. If you look at them in the background, they look like they're just watching Adele sing a ballad. There's nothing about it that makes them seem shocked. Like, she doesn't do this. I can't believe it. She would never do that

meanwhile. I thought it was cool. I didn't want to watch it because it made me sick. Whenever I witness pee stuff in porn, there's a lot of it. Especially mixed in with the things that they think I'm into. I'm not into that. Like jazz? Yes. Yeah.

I would say if you're going to pee on someone Guns and Roses something like that You know would be dope But do we have a double standard They were covering Rage Against the Machine That's right Do we have a double standard though for women

Like because there's a power dynamic There with the fan That's what people are going to be saying Like if a man did that to a woman We would cancel her? Cancel him because it's a power thing, right? Like you're taking advantage of having the power at the show. It depends on how happy the girl is underneath his pee stream.

And that guy was so happy, splish splashing around like it was a fish out of water. Yeah, he was loving it. Well, fish out of water. That was happy it well fish out of water that was happy to die i guess doesn't work there but yeah yeah no i guess so yeah i think it does depend on but then that's what people do they'll go well she consented but she didn't really you know what i mean like they think that they know for her or for him yes it's like he no he was in a trance you know right at what point is you know i don't know i think it's great i i kind of want to get pissed on would be pretty dope what really yeah by a guy playing cello or

something no no no no no no do you want to be peed on oh like for real for real yeah would would you ever be into brenna peeing on your face i think it would be cool in the shower because your boy doesn't like to do longer like what about touching like your mouth like licking pee i don't know if i want to pee on my mouth but if she? Like licking pee? I don't know if I want her to pee on my mouth, but if she peed on my chest... No, the fact that you don't know equals you'd be down for it. You're either a hard no or a... I'm not a hard no. I'm not a hard no.

That is crazy! Is it? Yes! I love her. Because his pee tastes so gross. No, she doesn't have to pee on my mouth, but I'm saying if she peed on my chest... But the fact that you go... Well, that's different. Mouth is the thing that I'm... I'll take some pee anywhere. pee anywhere if you're into whatever i don't want to be pissed on but if some guy really wanted that i'm down but i don't want it in my mouth wait i'm not there yet or like a special man um you know there are certain things that like i would do um that i don't that

you know there are certain things that I would do if I get horny enough. That's the thing. I don't know that I want to I would never do it when I'm just sitting here caffeinated, clothed doing a podcast the idea of

tasting a guy's pee makes me sick to think about and I would sign off on never doing it but if I got horny enough equals drunk enough because it's the same kind of state, I would do anything. I mean, I've done heinous things that I would never have. Yes, heinous without the H. That I would never do. And, yeah, I don't believe it's a two-way street either. I don't believe like, well, I licked your pee, then you have to lick mine.

Like some people are into things and some people are not. I don't believe it's a two-way street either. I don't believe like, well I licked your pee, then you have to lick mine. Like some people are into things and some people are not. I just think it's very weird when, you know, like I'm into a guy I'm with hooking up with other women if he wants and telling me about it in full detail. I'm into that. People go, well then,

so the guy is to be okay with you doing it? It's like, no, why can't people like different things? And it doesn't have to be okay with you doing it it's like no why can't people like different things and it doesn't have to be eye for an eye i think that's such a weird um like uh insecure american thing of like well if you get to do that i have to do it and it's like it has to be even and fair and it's like i don't i don't know it to me it doesn't have to be that way. So if you want to, you know. Pee on Nikki. Yeah. Just come on over around four.

No, no, no, no, no. Only someone I love and if I get horny enough, I will allow it. Well, or come to our show and get a pee in Greek. And you'll be in the background playing, yo-yoing. Yo-yo mom. Okay, let's take a quick break. Let's take a quick break and, brak. Let's take a quick brak and come back with

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And I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist.

When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour? He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it.

He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction.

Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Duda Podcast Network.

Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why do I care? Why do I care? All right. It's finally been addressed. I know you've been waiting on uh pins and needles nick bradley cooper addresses the lady gaga romance rumors from their performances oh give me a break at the oscars i know i knew you wouldn't but he said that it's just it's for dramatic effect that they were definitely acting that it allowed him to be more in tune into

the song where he would be more uh inclined to not worry about his voice because he was worried about how he sounds singing so he thought if it was more of like a play kind of style that he would be less the Academy Awards yeah Oscars why didn't he just say that then because then he would have to admit that he was insecure about his voice or also yeah they were selling a movie so what's better than rumors about them dating? And now the movie's already... Yeah, now it's to Blu-ray. Yeah, everyone said that it was a press thing, but I'm sorry.

I would still bet everything I have on the fact that those two hooked up. Everything. They can say whatever they want. I'm not going to believe it. I think it's just convenient to say it was a press move. It's embarrassing to say that. But I don't think they're even saying that. He's saying that he was insecure about his voice.

He's being a sweet, humble guy. Yeah, my voice. Oh, he was just being insecure. That's why he nearly made out with Lady Gaga in front of his pregnant girlfriend at the Oscars. Because of his voice. Because he was just feeling insecure, and isn't that brave of him?

I don't like it, and I think it's bullshit. I think they were definitely banging. I think it was Lady Gaga's fault, the other woman. Oh, right, yeah. For singing too sirenly. Yeah, that's what I think. A lot of people did come after her for that, being like, how could she do that in front?

And it's just like, well, he did it too. Also, they're acting. They're actors i mean why is it different on a stage than in front of a camera with 30 other people because they were introduced as lady gaga and bradley cooper they weren't introduced as these these two characters that exactly were playing pretty much that yeah and that's why i say about taylor swift singing SNL, she seemed so angry, but she was just, that was a performance. And these lyrics that everyone's getting so mad about. Yeah, but under your thoughts, then she was actually really angry. If you thought Bradley and Lady Gaga actually really hooked up.

No, no, no. Like I said, it's not across the board always the same. I think that she was maybe could pull from an anger in her life or in a past experience. But they can say whatever they want to about the performance. I definitely think they got down. It's just without question to me. I don't believe two people can

have that kind of performance and chemistry on screen and be that obsessed with each other and say there are a hundred people in the room and one believes in you that person is bradley that and him sit and stare at her a hundred times she said that god that compilation is hilarious here let's play i'll be bradley cooper from the movie and you'd be lady gaga what do you mean hey sorry i'm drunk again i'm sorry i'm so ugly and that's why I'll never be famous is I'm so ugly.

Listen here, kid. You're not that ugly. But look at my nose. It is bad. It is bad. You're right. Oh, no. Yeah.

But hey, if I could put a dress on you and change around some auto-tune, you could be a star. Do you mind if I sing you this song and then you come out and sing it with me two days later, even though we haven't worked on it at all, and we've also written 14 new verses that neither of us have taken the time to memorize, but somehow we both know them. Will that be a cool thing to do?

Well, let me hear the song. But I'm nervous to walk out on stage and sing No, no, no, don't bring me, don't bring me out, Bradley, don't. I'm soadley don't come on scared don't worry i will i'm off the deep end i can i know all these words and i've been prepared for this moment for a while it's not bad it's not bad at all actually you know what listen i'm not gonna go with you on the road we had a great night it was amazing but i can't go i got stuff to do here oh i went into work and my boss said one thing and now i'm like already ready to go yeah

that was the dumbest scene i got combos though in the bus pepperoni flavor and you know what i want to marry you even though dave chappelle pulled you out of a ditch yeah earlier in the day i was a guttural alcoholic. Yeah, I was resting. I definitely think this is a good decision to get married to you, even though you took a little fucking twisty tie off a bread bag and used it to propose to me in front of Dave Chappelle's kids. Wasn't that silly? I think this is a great decision,

and you're definitely not going to kill yourself and piss your pants at the awards ceremony that we go to together. Spoiler alert. I'll see you at the Grammys. No, you won't. I'll be dead. They still have them in hell.

Alright, let's get to Wednesday's Wild Card segment, The Blankest Thing. Alright, it's the blankest thing you've ever done. What's the blank segment, The Blankest Thing. All right. It's the blankest thing you've ever done. What's the blank today, Noah? The blankest is the most dangerous cyst thing.

The most dangerous thing you've ever done. Andrew's suggestion. It sounded like a dangerous cyst. Like, what was the most dangerous tumor you had? Didn't it sound like that? I had a cyst. Oh, yeah, dangerous cyst. Yeah.

We're only talking about cysts today. That's a good one. I had a cyst that almost killed me. Really? Yeah. Where? Sepsis. No, I'm just kidding.

No, no, no, sepsis. Okay, no. Okay, we're having fun. No, I had a cyst in my nose that I took a needle to it because I thought it was like a pimple and I didn't. You didn't burn the needle. You didn't sanitize the needle until it got infected. Dude, I woke up two hours later and my eye.

It's in your brain. I had green pus coming out of my eye and I couldn't open my eye and I was like. Dude, that's the most dangerous thing you've ever done. Well, because my brain is right. It goes right to your brain. You're dead. You're dead. Your brain is somewhere in there.

It's somewhere in there. Luckily, mine's in the way back. Oh, my God. Yeah. Your brain is not Rosa Parks. It is in the back. Yeah, it is in the back, and that's where it wants to be. But then the doctor had to, he tried to squeeze it out, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he gave me antibiotics, but I just got drunk on them. So they didn't work. I didn't even take them. Then the infection came back. It is a miracle you're alive. The most dangerous thing you've ever done is just be. You should be

dead so many times. The guy had to cut. He didn't even put me under. He cut into my eye. I could hear the smoke or smell the smoke of my skin while he was burnt he was smoking while he did it yeah he made a nice you went to an urgent care in tampa anyhow he had to cut it out and i saw it it was fucking wild i was like dude why but isn't it weird like when you find things in your body it's like i must have other ones around

i mean i'm dying to hear what the most dangerous thing you've ever done is, where you've been like, oh my god, I definitely could have died. I think it's... Why? What's the most dangerous thing? You don't really step out of your comfort zone. My first word was dangerous, and I would point at things that were dangerous because I was so scared of dying, and I was

so scared of everything. So yeah, I'm not someone who has lived on the edge at all. But you drive like a badass. Yes. I would say the most dangerous thing I've ever done is... Just driving to Starbucks this morning with you. Yeah. Down a hill.

Down a windy hill. No, what's the most dangerous thing you ever did? I think probably being in a car with someone who's drunk. You know, like thinking it was okay to get in. Probably as a kid being put into the back seat when my parents were driving home from a party. That we were like, you know, already asleep on this person's couch. And I just let my parents drive. Yeah, it was probably, you know, the many times in my youth that I got into a car with a drunk driver.

I think that was probably it. But you've never jumped out of a plane? Nothing like in those lines. That's not actually dangerous, though. Yeah, that's... Oh, I jumped into the water when there were a bunch of sharks in it. Oh, yeah. And the only thing that made me go, you know, should I do this, was I asked the people that were working on the yacht we were on,

Yacht Brag, that I was like, is it okay to swim with them? And they were like, yeah. And I just like jumped in and everyone was like, and I was like, they're not, they don't, they're not going to get, I just don't, I don't subscribe to fears that everyone irrational fears like that, that I know that are like on paper, very scary, but I just know that sharks are more scared of you than you are. Like, I don't know. It wasn't, it wasn't actually that risky, but I guess to, you know, someone just watching, it was probably pretty dangerous. Um, what about you, Andrew? Um, I don't know, man, probably when I snorted Oxycontin with a guy that used to hang out with the Trumps oh my god yeah that's probably not smart what was this well he said it was a regular painkiller and then I found that later was oxy when I woke up

in my car and the car was probably about a hundred and twenty degrees in there is in Florida and I woke up to a cop because i bought that mercedes i tinted windows and he didn't know anyone was in there he was just looking at the car because i decided to sleep across the street from a police station oh my god and i rolled down the window for some reason i was like hey what's up oh my god i was sweating so like i could have died i should have died that night in that car. You know what I mean? Those are the days I miss. I miss that car.

That AMG Mercedes. I would die to be in it. So wait. Did you almost die of an overdose, do you think? You don't remember how you got there? You don't remember anything about it? Yeah, I think I would have overdosed not only on the Oxycont but on like dying of the heat yeah like a dog dying in a car oh my god and i bet you were wearing sweatshirts and like you just are you you don't ever disrobe when you're hot you just are like it's hot and i'm like you have 18 layers on take

one off bud dude i had some hangovers i don't know if you remember your worst hangovers but i was like this is death this is i'm dying today well that's why i quit was i was. I don't know if you remember your worst hangovers, but I was like, this is death. This is, I'm dying today. Well, that's why I quit. I was like, I don't, this is how you feel when you're dying. I have no doubt about it. Like this is the way it must feel when you're about to die because I wanted to die. Like it was just so bad. And I remember being like, I did this to myself.

The only reason, I don't want to feel this way until I'm dying. And so I'm never going to do this to myself again. And it was, that was a realization want to feel this way until I'm dying. And so I'm never going to do this to myself again. And it was, that was a realization I had was this feels like I'm dying and no one should feel this way unless they're dying. And I did this to my 27 year old self. And it was just like, you know, lying in a puddle on, in my shower, trying to get it together enough. My screaming headache, just nauseous. I felt like what you see in movies when someone's going through chemo. And I was just like, no, no more.

So I think just drinking, having unprotected sex, getting into cars with people who are drunk, getting into Ubers that are my own, getting rides from people that I don't even know if they have a license. I think one of the most dangerous things was I went on a sailboat once in the San Francisco Bay. My parents made us do it with their friend,

and it was the worst conditions that this guy's ever sailed in, and we almost capsized like a million times, and it was fucking terrifying, and we got off and everyone was shaking. We've got, you know, when someone is an expert and even they're scared and you go, oh fuck. It's like when you look at the flight attendant and when they look scared, you're like, this is when I should worry. It was that. So a lot of it is just trusting my parents and not having autonomy as a child and thus

being thrust into dangerous experiences because I don't like the outdoors for a good reason. I've been very traumatized by it. My mother and sister almost died in a canoe accident that I witnessed and had no way of helping because they capsized and my sister was being sucked under and we were just screaming. You couldn't ruin your spray dam? Yeah, you know how it is. You've got to wait eight hours before it sets in

and I'm not going to look bad at their funeral. A spray dam looks so good with a whole black outfit. So yeah, I was thinking ahead. If there was a stranger dying in a pool, and you just sprayed like a knife. Give me a break. I would not help a stranger drowning. It's like, even if I didn't have it.

No, of course. I don't think about that kind of stuff. I don't like to see car wrecks or things like that. I mean, who does? I know, but I would just rather someone else deal with it. I don't want to deal with dead bodies and like gore and stuff. And so I. It is interesting.

Like once you pay for something like let's say that sailboat ride or like i did this like cave like tour in budapest which i had no idea what i was getting myself into but if i knew but once you pay you're like well i guess i gotta do i guess i gotta put my life on the guess i gotta go uh i remember i did um what's a parasailing i gotta tell you the guy in the bahamas this thing this the latch didn't even close the guy looked so high and the boat was like a canoe, the latch didn't even close. The guy looked so high and the boat was like a canoe where the guy just paddled hard. And he's just like, nah, hey, you fun, man. And I was like,

yeah, man, I'm gonna... I think the most dangerous thing is trusting the regulations in countries where you know that those things aren't regulated. When I land in Cancun and they're like, we're gonna... We hired a driver to drive you an hour and a half to Tulum. I don't know that that driver is not drunk or like trusting other people with your life, especially drivers, which isn't as regulated as pilots are.

You just have to have a license. You don't have to prove that you're not drunk or anything like that. I think that's been the riskiest thing. What's been the most dangerous thing you've ever done, Noah? Well, it's very similar to yours i used to go drinking with my friends in in like lower east side and if you lived in new york city and a friend of yours had a car it was like the best thing ever because you can get a ride home so we would go drinking and i had this one friend who would always, like, he would never sleep unless it was at a red light or a stop sign. Oh, my God.

Wait, time out. He never slept ever? He was just a workaholic and he said that he'll sleep when he's dead. He was like one of those, like, keh attitudes. And he would drive all of us home and I would willingly get in the car with him knowing oh he's gonna fall asleep at the red light so i just have to hit him on the shoulder when the

light turns green and one time that was okay keep going one time we were driving home um from seeing a band play and we were about to enter a tunnel and all of a sudden i see his head go down and at the entrance of the tunnel it curved so thank goodness i was paying attention because i go friend's name wake up yes and he just like gets back on the wheel and just drives like nothing happened he's like i'm good for another six months now when you wake up people he's like all right i'm let's get back to work. You're not wrong, Andrew. But when you wake someone up from sleeping like that, they can jerk you and then it can cause, that's a lot of what happens.

He was so used to it. He knew. Oh, my God. Yeah, I think that reminds me of a lot of times. I was in South Korea performing for the troops there, and we had this driver who would drive so freaking fast and he would also be very like I could tell that he was also sleeping whenever we were showed over to a place he would fall asleep right away so I'm like I know this guy's underslept and the whole time

I'm just I just I couldn't I couldn't sleep on the bus because I'm so worried about this guy falling asleep and trying to talk to him and keep him awake he would watch porn when we would come back yeah it was crazy I kind of loved him but he was insane but I really fear drivers going to sleep and trying to talk to him and keep him awake. He would watch porn when we would come back. The bus driver? Yeah, it was crazy. I kind of loved him, but he was insane. But I really fear drivers when I get into towns and they're like, this guy will come pick you up. It's like, how do you know he's not going to? When we had that 80-year-old man come pick us up, Andrew.

He was sleeping. He was sleeping a lot. I was so worried about him falling asleep. Or he was dying. He could have been dying. Right. Andrew was chewing his eyes so loud. I was like, okay, good asleep. Or he was dying. He could have been dying. Right. Andrew was chewing his eyes so loud. I was like, okay, good.

This will keep him up. And then I put up my white noise and I went to sleep. Yeah, I had to talk to him. He actually was a nice gentleman. He had a bow tie. I was like, I figure he could tie a bow tie. He'll live at least another week. Final thought.

I actually have a birthday book. Have you ever seen this? The Secret Language of Birthdays. This was a book. It's propping up my computer. I'm going to pull it off right now. Okay. Dropping down.

It's this book that like everyone had in the 90s. The Secret Language of Birthdays. Oh. And then you look up your birthday and it tells you like a lot about you or whatever. Andrew? Does it do it by year or just date? Just, you know, just the first. Okay.

April 18th. Okay. Let's go to April 18th. Same with Conan O'Brien. Yep.th. Okay, let's go to April 18th. Same with Conan O'Brien. Yep, okay. This was published in like the 90s, so they're probably not going to have Conan. Born on this day. Polish Prime Minister.

Lawyer for the Scopes trial. Oh, yes. God, there's a bunch of nobody. James Woods. Eric Roberts. That's Julia Roberts' brother That's pretty cool And some other people Those born on April 18th are vigorous defenders of the faith

They are protectors not only of their own interests But of those of the less fortunate as well Man this book must have sold Not well I mean this ain't you, dude. That doesn't sound like Andrew, really. Is there anything about a lisp or weird thumbs? Those born on this day are often known as progressive thinkers who fight for their beliefs.

Yet they are not radicals. At heart, they are traditionalists who wish to apply their experience and thorough knowledge of what has gone before to the present situation. Mental balance should be the utmost concern to April 18th people. Since their strengths lie in the areas of forcefulness, will, and imagination rather than reason, their willingness to submit to a rigorous mental training of some kind is essential. These are your strengths. You're honorable. Vigorous. Vigorous was the word that me and Kirsten used instead of hand jobs.

We'd call it vigorous because we were like – so we could talk about it in front of our parents and be like, did they vigorous? I mean, I think they could tell with the hand motion. And fair. They'll never know. They thought we were shaking a cocktail. Honorable, vigorous, and fair. It's cocktail. Weaknesses are unrealistic.

Pugnacious. Do you know what pugnacious means? Yeah, it's when a pug is getting crazy. I know what it means if you want me to tell you. What? It means like you're always up for a fight. Oh, that's not Andrew. I wasn't way off.

Emotionally unstable. Okay, finally. And your meditation is never take anything too seriously, which I think is kind of a thing you live by. Yeah, silicone. Silicone. Silicone. You really don't think anything too seriously.

Okay, let's get to June 1st. I think I saw someone else was born on that day. I don't know where I looked. The day of the popular eye. Marilyn Monroe, Joe DiMaggio. Whoa. Brigham Young, Morgan Freeman. Wait, wait, wait. Did you just say Joe DiMaggio? No, it says Monroe. Joe DiMaggio. Whoa. Brigham Young. Wait, wait, wait.

Did you just say Joe DiMaggio? No. It says married to Joe DiMaggio is one of her things about her. What? Andy Griffith. Yeah. That sounds pretty cool. Okay.

Amy Schumer. Strengths. Visually perceptive. Shrewd. Fun. Two of those. These perceptive. Shrewd. Fun. Two of those. These are like... Shrewd.

What does shrewd mean? I don't even know. It means like I'm like, hmm. Yeah, shrewd sounds like rude. When you say it. Weaknesses. Temperamental. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Distracted. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Impatient. Shrewd sounds like rude when I say it. It's so funny, dude. Ding, ding,amental, distracted, impatient. It sounds like rude when I say it. It's so funny. Impatient is one of my weaknesses. Okay. Meditation is living is a creative act. Let me hear your first line, though.

June 1st people can be usually found either in the public eye or observing the latest modes and trends of society. Either way, they are taken up with seeing or being seen in a social context. Those born on this day may display an interest in history, but usually for how it sheds light on the present. Indeed, they bring all their powers to bear on what is most up-to-date, dressing, talking, reading, studying the state of art in various fields. That's close. It does not mean we're overly social beings.

They may appear extroverted and rare cases exhibitionistic, but such an external attitude often masks a personality that is isolated and lonely. Oh my God. Oh shit. Did you write that? I mean...

That was way... That was really... Whoa. Oh, whoa. Both men and women born on this date are rarely without a mate. Oh, I thought it said rarely with a mate. Rarely without a mate because they hate to be alone.

I mean, this is me. To avoid loneliness, some June 1st people will live with 41-year-old single men. Hey. June 1st people throw themselves into social activities and amass a whole bevy of friends and acquaintances. Rarely will June 1st people admit to ignorance. They pride themselves on knowing a good deal about a wide variety of subjects. One for June 1st. Yeah, that is really nailing you, dude.

In an area they are most obsessed with, they go to great lengths to amass an impressive body of information. Two chapters. Yeah, no, two chapters or Taylor Swift. Like, I know everything. The subject of study need not be academic. It could range from sports figures to comic books. Okay. My advice, try to forget society's values for a while

and what is expected of you. Have the courage to be yourself at a deep level and like yourself for what you are. Oh, my God. Discover your strengths and exercise them in expected of you. Have the courage to be yourself at a deep level and like yourself for what you are. Oh, my God. Discover your strengths and exercise them in spite of opposition. Self-worth supersedes all else. Well, from this book to my fucking lonely soul.

I wish. I'm working on it. But this was a fun show today. Yeah, it was so fun. I love it. We're so L.A. We're so L.A. We're so L.A. Just like getting into astrology and books and...

And caterpillars. And yo-yos. Yo-yos. Thank you so much for listening today. We got to go. Don't be cur. And we'll be back tomorrow. And Jack.

Jack and Diane. Preacher. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics

entertainment, sports, and more Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance.

You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to many questions on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that 70% of people get hired at companies where they already have a connection?

I'm Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor at large for jobs and career development. And on my podcast, Get Hired, I bring you all the information you need to, well, get hired. Landing a job may be tough, but Get Hired is here for you every step of the way with advice on resumes, networking, negotiation, and so much more. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen.