The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #138 Matriarch In Land Fill, ILF

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

Between you and Nikki, she can't wait to spend her elderly life covered in bird poop, an Astrologer said she will have 9 houses and going to a sex shop with friends is supposed to be fun. Andrew is excited to be on an L.A. golf course after the pod because it means he "made it". They talk about favorite lingerie which reminds Andrew of his infamous story of "Faye". You Heard It Here First, what people say before they die, Andrew gets lost in a man's hand and Nikki just received the news that her old agent died 3 years ago. In Fanthrax, they get blown away from messages from Besties about sex dreams, Taylor Swift and pod references. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison

to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport,

and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast and wherever you get your podcast the Nikki Glaser Podcast

here's Nikki. Here I am. Noah, I have a new thing that I just did with the mic. Oh, no. I just tried to drink it. Thought it was a Starbucks. What the fuck? I will say I'm not used to holding the microphone. It's usually like on a stand thing.

Yeah. And now I'm in LA and holding the microphone. It's usually on a stand thing. Now I'm in LA and so I was holding it. You get your hands confused. I went in and I went... I tried to go... to a Starbucks. I cannot stop watching the clip of me gently kissing Luigi's head.

It's so cute. Kissing the mic. It's so funny. I guess it's just, it's really feels lame of me to be like this is so cute, but like I'm freaking cute. I'm a cutie.

I thought the mic was Luigi's head and Luigi is so cute. And I was scared to read the comments because I thought people would be like, you're rough with your dog. Cause I am like, I just like grab him. And like I am kind of rough with Luigi. But he's just like, I move fast. Like I move rough.

And I think sometimes it can look like, whoa, that was a little aggressive. But I do just kind of go like, oh, get over here. And it makes me aware that my body is like moving very fast. And sometimes it looks aggressive. But everyone freaking loves that video it made me so happy to see all the joy that it brought people people are like this has made me laugh so hard it's the funniest thing i've ever seen like that's so nice um it's so funny but i just almost like my brain is not functioning properly or something. I don't know. Have you ever done things like that?

Do you ever glitch? Oh my God, I glitch all the time. Like how? It's the same thing where if you put your sunglasses on top of your head and you forget, and then you go around the house looking for your sunglasses and they're on top of your head. It's like one of those moments. I do something with my phone that's a glitch and I'm trying to think of what I do. Sometimes I'll like

what is it? Oh no, you know what's the glitch? Sometimes when you see a picture that someone shows you on a magazine or something and you zoom it. I mean that's what babies do. Like modern babies, which is a new show coming to ABC Yeah I glitch out I think glitches happen more and more as you get older So scared of like my brain Giving like changing

Listening to this podcast about like How your brain just Our bodies could live forever But our brains like science has Found a way to like make our brains not age. So like we can maybe live to like 150 or whatever someday soon, but our brains won't make it that long. You know what I was thinking about on the Starbucks line this morning?

Hmm. Have you ever thought about what you're going to dress like when you're super old? Whoa. Wait, in line at Starbucks, you were in line at starbucks yeah i was in line at starbucks and this lady came in and she was like you're a liner you know something i can't find the ice cappuccino on the mobile app oh okay that's a good answer all right well that makes sense um so you're in line and you saw this woman and she's online some people say online when they're in line and you saw this woman. Or you're online.

Some people say online when they're in line. For me, it's always been in line. I think it's an East Coast thing. West Coast people say, I was online at the grocery store. But now that would be very confusing. You'd be like, you were doing Instacart. Technically, I was in line and online because I was on my phone. Looking for your iced cappuccino.

Okay. So you're in line and you see a woman dressed. Yeah, she's definitely like more on like the elderly side because she had short white hair. And she was wearing these carpenter pants that had paint on them and this cropped hoodie. And I was like, wow, she's dressed really funky, but her hair is white and short and she's definitely like probably a grandma and then I started thinking about like well what

am I how am I gonna dress like in my 70s if I make it that far yeah um I want a lot of like padding in my clothes like I want I'm just cozy and comfy and probably trying to be a little bit hip but not break a hip. Like, you know, I like dressing, like, you know, stylish but not giving up. But also, like, you've come so far. Like, just fucking relax and like stop trying to like no more uncomfortable fashion, no more heels. I mean, you know what I was thinking about was my bunions and how I don't know how they're going to make it because I, my feet do look like a older woman's feet. And like, I have to start like really being cautious about my bunions because they are

going to get crazy by the time I'm elderly because they already are on the fast track they're Benjamin buttoning my bunions wait no that means they're going backwards so they're you get it they're just going they're speeding up and I was like oh my god I haven't even thought about like the future of my bunions because now I'm okay about them i'm like yeah that's kind of funny that they look like older women's feet because they still have the smoothness of like a woman's like they're not like the condition of my skin is not crepey and like sad um no offense to women with crepey skin i'm gonna get it too but um yeah i'm just a little worried about my foot condition so i'm like oh i have to start actually like doing good things to my feet

just to preserve what i have because i just want them to you know they are going if they're they're aging faster than the rest of me um so i think like eventually i'm going to wear like really comfortable walking shoes and just like sneakers i hope i'm just one of those hip grannies that just wears just, you know, comfy, like, um, like, like roomy, like beige shoes, like maybe just an orthopedic shoe or kind of like a, but it could, but the thing is sneakers are orthopedic. If you ever look at like men's sneakers, every Kanye sneaker that comes out i'm like that looks like a fucking bunion dream it's like a little um it almost looks like a cast like a cloud cast for a bunion um i don't know like that kind of sounds cool what this woman was wearing like a cropped sweatshirt with cool pants that make it

look like she's been doing art like she kind of and they picture in arizona and so she's like kind of got a um georgia o'keeffe vibe where she just all she does is paint now like her grandkids like are in college and they're like my grandma fucking is a and she probably teaches at a local college and she's just like yeah i just want to be i want to have paint on me i do know that I would like to have splatters of paint on everything. I need bird poop that people think is paint because yes, they kind of look the same. Yeah. I definitely do want many birds as I get older. And, um, that's kind of a litmus for me for, um, potential mates is to be like, how do you feel about birds? But the thing is, I feel like when I get older, at that point, my husband and I will be like, I like what I like.

You like what you like. I'm going to have a lot of houses. I recently saw an astrologist and she was like, Saturn is in your ninth house. And I was like, I love that you see a ninth house in my feet. I love that I'm going to have nine houses. Is that one in Carmel? And why do I have a Saturn? Aren't those cars, like, not even being made anymore?

Yeah, I just want, I think I'll just be able to, I can't wait. And why not now? Like, why can't I just create that life that you reserve for retiredness? For, like, I don't know. There's something about getting older that I really for retiredness. I don't know. There's something about getting older that I really look forward to. I just can't wait to chillax. I woke up this morning and my alarm went off

and man, I just didn't want to. I wanted to stay in bed. And that's how you know you're not getting enough sleep is if your alarm goes off and you still want to sleep. And that's how it's been for me lately. Just been craving naps. Um, last night I was, it was really fun. I went to, um, like by the time it gets to night, I'm no longer craving naps. It's like during the day I crave napping. But, um, last night went to supernova, which is the LA show, and did a set. And then we all went to, so Emile was there, Andrew's there.

Emile flew in yesterday, last night. Andrew's here. And then my friend Dan, who worked on FBoy Island, he came to my show. And we all, after the show're in Hollywood on Hollywood Boulevard after the show we leave and there's a hustler store like right on Hollywood Boulevard across the street from where we were parking and we all were like it'd be fun to go in there like we kind of just really move there's also it's 11 o'clock

at night I have an early morning you know like there's no, it's 11 o'clock at night. I have an early morning, you know, like there's no reason I should be staying up. I stayed at the show way later than I wanted to as well. And, um, I guess one of us was like, we'd go in and I was like, I'll go in. And so we all, so I'm not with Dan at this point, my friend that was at the show, we had already said goodbye to him. And then we looked for parking. We couldn't find any. So we were like, we'll just go to back to the parking lot. We were just in that. We paid $25 to park in. We get there and they're like, usually they, if we let you left, we just left. I was like, dude, we just left. I tried to parallel park in between a McLaren and a Range Rover. And Andrew was like about to have a heart attack because of how scared he was that I was about to to ruin our fortunes.

So then we were like, let's just go back to the parking lot. So we went back and the guy was like, we'll let you back in, but you shouldn't do this. So then we're walking out and as we're driving up, we see my friend Dan from F.Y. Island who came to my show just to say hey and hang. He's waiting for an Uber and I go, you want to go to Hustler with us? And Dan's a sex positive kind of dude and um he has a girlfriend and he even i did a bit i did a bunch of um jokes about incorporating toys and in the bedroom so i think i got everyone kind of thinking about that way and even after the set dan was like i couldn't believe your set he like talks like this he's

like he's like i was like did she like have a camera in my house? Like, how did she know? Like exactly. And I was like, I knew you were cool with that stuff. I remember mentioning once something on F boy Island. And I was like, that guy knows how to fuck. He incorporates toys. And he was even saying that like one time his girlfriend somewhere, like, you know, they were going like on a weekend away and she brought a whole duffel bag of toys.

And he's like all right I'm like I literally have to check bags sometimes because I don't want TSA to open this bag in front of me and so I just will check my toys because there's just too many and they're like it would be embarrassing not that I have any shame about them I just don't want that you know so go through it yeah yeah so we went to hustler and 11 o, 11 o'clock at night, Hollywood Boulevard, you literally have to, we walk in, there's splatters of piss everywhere. Like Hollywood Boulevard is a nightmare. It's like, it's, it's a sad thing. And, uh, there was a blank star. We were on the Hollywood walk of fame. It was funny. There was a blank star

on. And as we were walking and Andrew goes, Oh oh there's stevie wonders star which is just like i mean his brain works in such a weird way that he's like it's blank so you can't see that his name is on there so it must be stevie wonders and then i was like actually that's kind of funny because if stevie wonder did get a star they'd just be like yeah we we gave you one it's right here and they don't they're, let's save some money on engraving. Just tell them it's there. Then we go in and the section of like vibrators is like no cameras. And there's a woman working in front of the vibrator section who like, you have to like walk past. And she's like, and there's signs like no cameras, no filming anything. I'm like,

they would benefit from people filming and making TikToks in here because it would get people like when people are stingy about like documenting things or taking footage, like you're missing out on free promo, dude. So we couldn't take any photos, but Emil was asking her about, she was like this kind of like sex positive, like a little bit too aggressive with her helping of us. She was like getting too close and like, what do you guys need? It's like, can we just let us browse without pointing things with your whip? She's like, we have this one up on the shelf and she's just like with her fucking tasseled whip. And, um, at one point she spanked a meal. he was like how like does this like hurt and she's

like do you want me to do it to you and then like she did it and she's like that's like 40 of how hard i can go and he was just like so then she was getting all like and then she got like i guess she was i was just so annoyed by her i was like peace and i went to another section and they were still communicating with her and a meal came over and it was like she is very much into getting us into like cock and ball torture she's like dying to do it to us and like trying to sell us on it and like every little she was every little thing that I'd be like the Andrew and Emil would be like so is this one better like this one this like is this um pretty good suction she goes

she'd be like yeah I, it rocked my world. Yeah, I guess you could say that. I'd use that. Like everything she would say would be some kind of like innuendo. I'm kind of trying to even give an example. She'd be like, they'd be like, no, where does this go? And she goes, it goes any depends on how freaky you want to get. Like, just, it's's just like stop trying to fuck

these guys that i'm with like with not that i was like they're mine but it was just like leave us alone lady um but then i almost bought this vibrator that was amazing it's thrusting which is literally my favorite if you can afford these kind of thrusting ones girls these are the ones to get if you're a single woman they go like and even if you're not a single woman for a guy to use on you, they go like, they don't like move back and forth or just vibrate. They go up and down like, and, um, that is the best tool I've ever had. I lost the charger for the one I did have. It was called the, the flirt or something. What was it called? Anyway, they didn't have that model there, but they had this one that it was amazing, but it was $180. And I kind of get sex toys for free from,

um, Balessa. They're very nice to me. So I was like, I don't want, but I did want to get something because my, the guy I'm hooking up with is coming to visit. And so I was like, I want it. And I brought a bunch of toys, but I forgot like all the chargers are mismatched and I don't know if they're going to work. I wanted to buy that, but I was like, no, it. And I brought a bunch of toys, but I forgot like all the chargers are mismatched and I don't know if they're going to work. I wanted to buy that, but I was like, no, I don't want to spend that much money. So I got this sucker tool that I put it on my hand and it's a heavy piece of equipment and I sucked it to my palm and then I could lift up my palm and lift it because it was sucking so hard.

And I was like, yes, I found the best sucker ever. And it was $74. And I was like, perfect. Like that's worth it. And this is a tool that's like for me, I don't usually incorporate the suckers into my sex life because they require you staying very still to get it over your puss. And, um, but this one has like a big mouth to it. So you can just put it over everything and it sucks. And then it has like a little like tab inside that kind of like wiggles. And so it's like almost like a tongue, like, and I was so excited. I got it home and we got home at like, you know, 12 o'clock and we all like ate our Subway that we got on the way home as well. And I like, absolutely. As soon as I got in my room was like, let's open this thing. And I

put on a Taylor Swift song that kind of makes me think about exes and like, just like hot stuff. And I don't know. And just like revenge. And like, I don't know. I was just feeling like in that kind of mood. And then I was like, well, no, this isn't really doing it for me. Let me put on some porn. And then it, it, the tool sucks literally and figuratively it's bad and it hurts and I don't want it anymore. And I want to like wash it and give it away to someone. And I don't know how I'm going to do that. Oh my God, that grasshopper is back. The humping grasshopper. Um, it's, it's, it hurts. And I never have witnessed a toy that hurts before, but it was so maddening it did nothing for me maybe i wasn't in the right kind of horny mood i don't know what was going on but i am so disappointed i didn't go

with my gut and just get that thrust in thing because that thing would have been awesome um yeah and i it's that's a lot of money to spend but andrew got new toys for him and brenna oh um he got us he spent a ton of money money. He bought a magic wand and a sucker thing. And we'll talk about all these things when we return with Andrew. Let's get him in here. Andrew! Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

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Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on

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on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Andrew. Hey. What's going on? LA living, bro. Yeah, look at that little golf shirt peeking out. I'm going to play golf.

I'm so excited. I've never played golf, I think, on a nice golf course in Los Angeles. I'm going to play golf. I'm so excited. I've never played golf, I think, on a nice golf course in Los Angeles. Your boy made it. You're going to Lakeside. Yeah, Lakeside. I was supposed to go with Andrew Santino, and he couldn't

go with me, and then my random friend hit me up because he saw that I was here, and he's a member at the same place. Oh my God, yes. Are you going to play 18 holes? I'll probably just be able to fit in 12, to be honest. Wait, can you do that? Don't tell anyone.

Do you think you're going to beat your friend? Yes. For sure? Yeah. Is that like a thing in the back of your head, like you want to really badly? Yeah. He was the president of our fraternity. Oh, my God. Yeah, you have something to prove here. Oh the president of our fraternity. Oh, my God.

Yeah, you have something to prove here. Oh, he's going fucking down. Oh, my God. I'm not even going to talk to him until the end of the round. There's a strong chance I'd bury him in a sand trap. Wait, what's the end of the round mean? Like the whole, the 12? Well, 18 would be a normal round.

Why don't you just call it a game or a match? You can call it that. No one's stopping you. But is anyone stopping you? If I said at the end of the round sounds like rounds seem to make up a hole. You know what I'm saying? Like rounds, there are many rounds within a whole thing. So 18 holes seem like it would be the entire thing.

You know why they call it a round? Probably because when you start on the first hole, it's right in front of the clubhouse usually. And then the 18th hole, it's coming back to the clubhouse. So you're making essentially a circle. Got it. That's confusing because first round, in boxing, there are many rounds of a whole match.

Yes, that's true too. I mean, these are all fine points. Okay. God, golf is so the best i gotta so last night i was at dinner with david spade and andrew uh joined us and as soon as andrew joined us i he got into the booth and i got out to go to the bathroom and i was like i'll be back when I came back, it was golf talk. How quickly did you bring up golf with David Spade? I want to know even how you got into it. So, man, I'm playing Lakeside tomorrow.

What did you say? What did you say to get into it? Because I missed your in. I said, how bored are you of talking about what Nicky's talking about? And then I said, no. I said to him, he played with Tiger Woods recently. He played on the day before Tiger got in the accident, which is a pretty cool conversation.

It ended up being a great conversation. It was. It totally was. I just wondered how you got into it. I just said, you know, you hit the ball great with Tiger Woods. That's like shooting a three in front of Michael Jordan. I kissed his ass a little bit, I'm sure. But, you know, when I get nervous, I talk about things that I know. Like, I'm not going to bring up, like, a conflict in, like, Yemen or whatever.

Yemen. Oh, boy. Don't even bring up the place that you don't know about. Yeah. Because you said it, Yemen. Yeah, there's a round of guns going on over there or something. I don't know what's going on. Were you being honest?

Did he have a good swing? It was okay. What's wrong with that? No, no, no. Honestly, Tiger was impressed with Spade. He really was. He doesn't crush the ball, but he seemed extremely relaxed in that situation.

When he hit the ball, but he seemed extremely relaxed in that situation. Yeah. Which, you know, when he hit the ball, Tiger was like, oh, like, you're, like, good at this. Like, I. You know what you're doing. Yeah, you know what you're doing. Yeah. Which, you know, in front of Tiger, 98% of guys would try to fucking kill. Who's your dream person to play golf with? Larry David.

Really? Yeah. Is he good? Even though he probably wouldn't even talk to me. He loves golf. Is he good at it? I don't know. I? Yeah. Is he good? He probably wouldn't even talk to me. He loves golf. Is he good at it? I don't know. I don't know what he scores. There's got to be somewhere that you have heard what he scores. You've got to find

that information somewhere. Haven't you seen his swing on curb and stuff? Yeah. I mean, look, for my birthday, Nick, if you can make that happen, it would be a make-a-wish, and I would die the next day for you. That's my make a wish yeah I know

two birds in one round is that your number one not Danny Danny McBride Danny McBride Larry David and then some hot random cart girl in a bra no no maybe who else would be fun and then some hot random cart girl in a bra. In a bra?

No, no. Maybe, who else would be fun? In a bra. No. I love how guys are just like in a bra. You guys like, don't you like, do you like bras or no bras? I love lingerie. I just don't think it gets broken out.

I guess because it doesn't get broken out that much. That's why I love it so much. What's your favorite kind of lingerie? Something stringy. Like black, white, lace, pink. Do you like to see, do you want it to be like, because some lingerie, I was

looking at Hustler's store last night, and some of it's like, I like the kind that are just so slutty kind that are like just so slutty that are like what's the point of this like it'll just be like a string string string and then there's nothing there and you're just like what happened to the rest of my bra all i have is the the skeleton of my bra like i like where it's like crotchless or just like super slutty do you like more like you know up to the waist like kind of garter belts i mean i honestly haven't experienced that like the women that

you know what's your dream like if you're picturing brenna and like your dream outfit man um a tailor-made golf shirt holding my golf clubs and going, hey, can we fuck in between hole eight and nine? What about like... No, I don't know. Like, yeah, no, like the stirrup things are kind of fun. The things that like around the thighs, you know what I mean? I've been with guys that really like oil, like oiled up with like really like slippery women

that are like wet and like oiled up. Or what about like latex, like patent leather, you know, where it's like slippery women that are like wet and like oiled up or um what about like latex like patent leather you know where it's like slippery like more slutty or do you like i'm a little milkmaid like dainty like which is the vibe because there's totally different vibes of laundry like this is my first time and it's my wedding night and i'm never been penetrated by a man and then there's other ones that are like, I'm a sex slave whore. Yeah, I got penetrated on the way over here by the Uber driver. I don't know if I want that.

But isn't that a fun fantasy? Because you are very much a guy that's like, I don't want to know about past guys. I want to pretend like you've never had sex with anyone else like in my mind so is that even a fantasy for you to even you even if you know it's not true for a girl to pretend like she's like a filthy slut that's been like kind of passed around is that even a fun fantasy i mean i don't know about the last sentence but like passed around i don't know if that really turns me on but the idea of her being in control and like telling me what to do okay so it has would be more dominatrix. Yeah, maybe break out a whip and fucking tell me.

Because there are a lot of guys that like you are just a dumb cum dumpster. Kind of like you have to fuck all these guys and you just have to take. A girl that's just kind of being used, that's a fantasy too for guys. I love an idea of a video game like mike tyson punch out and you just fuck like 10 guys to get to the to me and you gotta fuck all different kind of guys and like beat them and it's called nikki glazer fucking um punch out. Got it. You got it.

But you know what I mean? There's something so funny about... I don't know. I get turned on by both. I want to be dominated. But one is not dominated. One is not... The girl that's a slut that's been passed around

and is just there for men's pleasure and is not really... Because sometimes that's a slut that's been like passed around and like is just there for men's pleasure and like is not really doesn't have because sometimes that's what i like to uh role play as is like this this crazy slut that is just a like no one respects they just use her and the guy that i'm with is the only one that like actually loves me and like but i still have to be like used and like passed around and he's like i love you but no one else here does and like you just have to serve these men that doesn't ever would that ever i just love that that's your fantasy it's just so funny it's not my fantasy my fantasy is actually like just being used but also like respected for being used like wow like

this girl is so much more of a slut than any woman i've used like wow like this girl is so much more of a slut than any woman I've ever been with like this girl is like I I don't even deserve someone this lady I could only like get this kind of thing if I was in a gangbang situation and in a way the girl is using you because you aren't special you're one of fucking 18 dudes so yeah you can act like i'm not the special one but you're one of 18. i'm one of one you know like i'm the prize that everyone's like whoa this fucking girl can is like pleasing all these people like i i find that that's imp i mean i don't want that to happen necessarily but for the fantasy i like that i like that idea um i don't know and i

don't think it means that i'm like yeah a gang bang like i've witnessed it there's nothing to me uh that's sexual about it it feels very now granted it was an old woman in college who was like 75 years old it's a little different of a vibe fey yeah fey story of fey have i ever told that on here i remember this no you never told her on this podcast oh my god this is wild um i mean i don't know if we have enough time right now but it's essentially i saw a gangbang with an old woman and uh her young boyfriend came into town to have sex with a bunch of college kids. And your buddy met this guy. What was his name?

My buddy met Wayne and Faye on a beach in Biloxi, Mississippi. And he comes back. He goes, hey, I met this couple, Wayne and Faye. He's in New Orleans. He comes back from Biloxi to New Orleans. How far away is it? That's probably four hours, three and a half hours. And he's like, hey, I met this couple, Wayne and Faye.

I go, what are these names? These names haven't been around since the 1800s. They belong in a saloon. You know what I mean? Like, hey, there's Faye over there drinking whiskey and dying of whatever, you know, smallpox. These are like the people that started like the Ryman Theater in Nashville.

It's like they have like a brick out front that's like Wayne andming theater in nashville like yeah it's like they're they have like a brick out front that's like wayne and faye you know yes yes they're gonna come in on horse and carriage on their way to oregon yeah so she comes so i go is faye attractive because she was wearing a thong this is a mind-boggling to me that her age which is 75 spoiler alert never comes into play when you at there's no you do not ask what this woman looks like beyond she was wearing a thong and so to you thong equals hot you don't ask any more details about this woman who you might potentially fuck later on here's the thing i knew i wasn't gonna fuck her because i had a girlfriend but i had an idea that i might i didn't think this was real you gotta understand but none of your friends asked like what does she look like i'm

sorry if you were a single man and there was a woman a stripper coming over and even if you weren't gonna fuck her you're gonna watch her fuck people wouldn't you ask details about what she looks like before she gets there are you just are men just so dumb i think when they just hear thong and they don't they just associate that with a hot girl a lot of unattractive women wear thongs he might have not got into detail i think you said that she had big tits she was a little bit older and she was wearing a thong i think it might have been those three things okay yeah and she was building the rhyman theater um with bare hands but so i i didn't think it was real you gotta understand like she like. She's a MILF, but the M stands for like moldy corpse.

Mature. Yeah. She's got a little MILF-y vibe. Yeah, she's got a MILF-y vibe. Mortuary. Corpse. In landfill. Yeah.

In landfill. So. A matriarch in landfill. I like the i like that i like that you had a millfield a millfield so my god so i don't think it's real though nikki like you understand like we're in college i was a sophomore a junior in college like like i was 20 years old so two weeks later we get a letter in the mail this guy wrote wayne and faye wrote an actual letter like dear my dearest johnny you know me and faye are looking forward to the gangbang hope you could round some fellas together. Round again. Make sure they're clean. Like, have their teeth and showered

as such. P.S. Wait, did he really say make sure they have their teeth? Yes, swear to God. So you were like, I'm out. Yeah. Is that when you go, well, I was going to cheat on my girlfriend, but now I'm going to act like I have integrity. But it's really because I don't have enough teeth. Did he really say make sure they have their teeth?

I swear on my life. It wasn't about STDs. Faye didn don't have enough teeth. Did he really say make sure they have their teeth? I swear on my life. It wasn't about STDs. Faye didn't even have a mouth. Oh, my God. At this point, Faye just was a walking two tits floating. Not well. They were saggy. It was fine.

So I don't think it's real. I really don't. And then he goes, P.S., here's what Faye likes to do. And there's literally Polaroids of Faye getting fucked by like 15 dudes to the point where one picture that I like the best is she's standing on the bed holding the fan like she's spinning around to get a bunch of dicks in her as fast as possible. Wait, holding the fan?

Like a fan on the ceiling. A ceiling fan. Like a ceiling fan. It looked like she was spinning to get her pussy around to like nine dudes at the same time. Like it was very impressive. And so then there's a guy, I swear to God, naked looking at his Casio watch like, I got to pick up my kids from school.

This better. This better hurry up. You know what I mean? Like I got to come and get going. There was a line out the door. How many guys? Honestly, there's probably come and get going. There was a line out the door. How many guys? Honestly, there was probably 12 dudes in there. And like four in line and then like eight on the bed.

It was wild. So I'm like, okay, this seems a little bit more real. Also, Faye looked old in these photos. And it looked like a Nashville or Kelvin filter. And like, you know, like the photos look 30 years old. And Faye looked old in them. You know what I mean? Like, it was old on old, which is, you know like the photos look 30 years old and faye looked old in them you know what i mean like it was old on old which is you know very oldie and moldy anyway so she so then i go okay i still don't believe it's real because like you guys like it just didn't and next thing

you know a week later johnny comes back to me he's like hey listen to this voicemail and it's wayne and wayne's like hey man it's me and fay we're about an hour outside new orleans hope you got them fellas together make sure they're clean as such uh you know we're gonna be there about an hour boy are we excited see you soon like something like that like how long after this was like a week after the letter came got it so it's like two o'clock on like a tuesday this isn't even like friday night like this is like a like we're getting out of probability and statistics to see the probability of an old woman getting fucked to death you know what i mean and statistically it's pretty high

you know um so so they knock on the door and faye is there and she's like oh hi boys and she's all southern like hi boys like very nice like were you guys like hi ma'am and were you all giggling so much it was so hard not to laugh you guys were just such animals and like little assholes no we were pretty respectful because you know you respect your elders especially when they're really held um so so uh i held her in my arms anyway so so she's like hi boss thank you so much for your hospitality got some sweet tea in my in my pockets you know shit like that she comes in and then wayne comes up to the door he's 40 but like a strong 40 like a strong mustache looks like burt reynolds but like even a hotter body like van damme like hot and then i go come on in he's like thanks for having us i really appreciate it thank you so much they're very nice yeah and then there's an old man

walking who i literally think he looks like he's walking away from the door he's walking so slow and i'm like all right wait and so that so she comes up is it a long walkway up to the door it was about probably 30 feet okay and i go i just let you all like this is this before cell phones you got a call that they were like close by or like you just knew a ballpark time when they would come up and then they just came up i think cell phones were out cell Cell phones were out at this point, but it wasn't like a group text situation. He had to call each individual. Yeah. Because it took a while to text with those ABC letters. You know what I mean?

Yes. And so. T9. So this guy, I go, I'm going to leave the door open. If he dies out there, he dies. Like, he could come in. So you just left the door open because you saw another man coming. Did they say who it was?

Were you like, hey, guys? That was Frank. OK. They go, hey hey don't forget about frank and i was like okay well i'm gonna forget about him because i think he's gonna die in our lawn so then we go inside right away it starts happening like they're in the living room and we play back that ass up by juvenile which is now my walkout music and faye starts jazz handing naked takes her her bra off. Her nips hit her hips. She takes off her underwear, her panties, and her vagina is the least wrinkly thing on her body.

Like, she, like, honestly, it looked like, like, like, I couldn't even describe. It's like if you unwrap a mummy and. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, but with big tits. Oh, no. And so. Were you guys, like, giggling and stuff? Like, I feel sad for this woman, even though she loved this.

Yeah. And this was her dream. This is her. Yeah, this is what they do every weekend. It's that and NASCAR. Oh, my God. So I'm watching with my buddy Aaron from the kitchen while three of my buddies are watching this happen. So then they go upstairs. Frank is now inside. How many kids, guys are over?

Three, so five total. Okay. But only three are apparently willing to take the plunge. Mm-hmm. We go upstairs. I'll make it quick. So Johnny goes in. No, you're good.

We walk past Frank. Don't speed through. We'll leave it as a cliffhanger if we need to. Okay. But keep going until we're out of time. Okay. So we walk past Frank and we go, hey, Frank, we're going upstairs. And he's like, fuck.

Like, he was not happy. Like, he just got inside. And then he's like, stairs. Shit. He's like, do you have one of those people movers that i could sit on the side so we go upstairs johnny goes in he's having sex with fay we're hearing it and we're like what the fuck is going on in there so we want to see so i kicked the door open and johnny is just hammer and you just see Faye's old legs like around his body and you just see the back end of Johnny like just his butt and his balls it was a lot so so we're all like kind of

laughing a little and Frank has now made it upstairs Wayne is like all right it's not just John like everyone get in there and we're like we don't want to go in sir and is Wayne gonna partake so we don't we didn't know if Wayne was partaking. So Wayne is yelling at all of us saying, hey, we drove all the way from Biloxi. Don't pussyfoot around and get your pussy feet in there. You know what I mean? And what are you doing? Are you trying to hide because Wayne's going to force you to do it?

I'm getting very nervous at this point. I would have been so scared that someone would make me do it. This was when I would have left if i were you i mean but it was so intriguing and so so we're all sitting on the couch frank is sitting in this chair just looking at all of us and not talking just like kind of making noises you know um and uh we go wayne goes come on get the fuck in there and we're like no and then finally my other one of my buddies goes fine i'll go in but i'm just gonna get a blow job he goes in after johnny comes out and then 10 years later i go hey did you just get a blow job and he's like no i fucked her i fucked her and i was like

i thought so anyway so then wayne wayne is like all right come on there's three more boys get in there come on sad part and then wayne no not yet sad yet. So then Wayne goes, I'm going in. So Wayne goes in, comes out in a purple thong, and maybe this is the thong my buddy was talking about on the beach because it was purple and his dick, it looked like a line, like I can't even explain how big it was. It was. Well, last night did we see it in one of the models? It was chubby, chubby dick wall it was

it would have to have another section special section in the back like it was and he's just hammering he's going come on boys get the fun and slapping up and down in his purple thong and he's gonna get in there come on fuck and i'm like oh my god i don't want to do it like no one wants to do it and he goes in there and he bangs her and it's like the house is gonna break it's an older new orleans house like i was like oh this is how you fuck a woman so then we go to frank frank is she making noise uh yeah it sounds like it sounds like she's in hospice like and then she got laid um we got to get to the news. I mean, we're really going to leave?

Final thought, maybe? Yeah. Okay. People just stick through. Woo, that is a cliffhanger, boy. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. You want to say the things that you're saying right now?

Yeah, I just can't hear it. Was it playing? Yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. Welcome to the news. Wait, I've never said that uh get the mic welcome to the news

it's thursday you know what that means it's thursday okay beautiful let's get to the news welcome okay uh-huh oh a hospice nurse whoa explains what happens to most people before they die they get fucked by seven college kids oh my god that's not what happened to this story by the way i mean faye is probably no longer with us oh yeah she died of a race car accident um what happens to most people before they die there's something most people say before they die and it's usually i love you or they die, and it's usually, I love you, or they call out to their mom or dad to ask for money. Also, who have usually already died.

Yes, of course. Oh, that's so sad. Yeah, I know. That really makes me so sad that you call for your mom or dad, even when you're old. I know. What's a sweet thing, but what a, oh my God. when you're old. I know. What's a sweet thing? But what a, oh my God.

I mean, yeah, I know. It makes you probably feel safe at the last second. Or you say I love you to whoever is near you. Yeah. I just want to kiss a mic. The symptoms of actively dying phase include change of consciousness. I heard that you start smelling like juicy fruit. Oh, really?

Terminal secretions. Mottling. I don't know what that word means. Changes in breathing. How do you spell mottling? Mottling crew. Thanks. Kisses.

Mottling. M-O-T-T-L-L-I-N-G Mottling Mottling is blotchy red purplish Marbling of the skin Oh no Andrew you're about to die Oh shit mom Oh shit

I hate you I love you Okay What else I hate you. I love you. Okay. What else? Tell me what other things. Oh, this is so sad. These last words were, I hate you.

Oh, my God. There was such a thing. There was a thing on Reddit about like what's the member when I was talking about the worst smell people have smelled. And someone said it was like, you know, um, they want to say death, but a lot of times in hospice care, when people are about to die, um, there's this like, it's a terrible smell because it just reminds you of death, but it smells like really this like sweet, like sour, sweet smell that smells exactly like juicy fruit. And someone in the comments was like, dude, I'm chewing juicy fruit right now as I read this. And it's like, oh, that's the smell of an old person's body just saying goodbye, saying mama.

Oh, God. Sweet and sour chicken. It's done. Oh, my God. A registered nurse is actually on TikTok, and she has like 400,000 followers, and she just talks about... She's worked in hospice for five years. I guess it probably comforts people to hear that they're not

the body she talks about how it takes care of itself at the end like it's almost better to not even give the body anything like just let it like it knows how to die i don't know it's weird it's weird but anyway what does that mean though like give the body anything like what like morphine yeah like morphine and stuff also it knows how to shut down and not feel yeah people feel like once they go to hospice hospice people actually kill What? Like morphine? Yeah, like morphine and stuff. Oh, it knows how to shut down and not feel. Yeah, people feel like once they go to hospice, hospice people actually kill the patient. Like morphine makes them die quicker.

But she said that's not true. Like a lot of people actually go to hospice and live quite longer than they're even. Wow. Yeah. I have so much like love for hospice people that just witness death and like help people holding people's hands through that. Holy shit. And like with COVID, i was reading about you know how um nurses just

have like their their compassion for people dying of covet is like no like they can't because everyone that comes in is unvaccinated and they're just like someone wrote it was like we used to you know it was hard enough when we were like so sad that they were dying wrote, it was like, we used to, you know, it was hard enough when we were like so sad that they were dying and like, it was just so out of control. But now the numbers are rising again and the people are like cussing at them, asking for ivermectin and hydrochloric, whatever that thing is. And they're, they're just spitting and being like, and like still denying it. And like these people, the nurses are burnt out. Yeah, a lot of them are quitting.

Yeah. Nurses right now, they say that usually it's like 20% of healthcare workers are considering another job. And right now it's 60% want to leave. 20% usually consider another job within healthcare, but want to maybe transfer or ease out. And now it's 60 percent want out of the industry so it's went from 20 being like another thing within this maybe this isn't

for me and now it's 60 went out of the industry we're about to have a crisis on our hands of not enough healthcare workers and ones that are just like angry and burnout it's really it's kind of scary i was reading this thing in the atlantic but yeah what are some other sides of dying uh that's pretty much it losing teeth getting gray hair just on your chin your thumbs being small and weird um uh greasy terminal secretions that's the only one he didn't oh yeah that one too. Where? Out of where? I guess probably your butt.

Wait, let's see your thumbs. People need to see your thumbs. What's going on? They're not that bad. They're kind of alien similar. What happened? They kind of look like little dicks. They look like little gravestones. Yeah.

They do. He lived a great life. I think your gravestone should be a thumb. He lived a great life. I think your gravestone should be a thumb. What if you got it engraved with a thumbnail and the little lines? The nail better be bit. On the top, it better be crumbling rock. Do you ever get nervous about giving thumbs up

or hitchhiking? If someone were to see your thumbs, are you ever insecure about your thumbs? I'd much rather die on the side of the road than try to get a car to stop. Do you ever get insecure about your thumbs? Like, do you ever, are you ever insecure about your thumbs? I'd rather die on the side of the road than try to get a car to stop. Do you ever get insecure about your thumbs?

No, I don't even think about my hands. I do get a little insecure because my hands aren't that big. So when I hold hands with a woman who... You think it might mean

that she knows that you have a small penis? Yeah, yeah. And sometimes I could get lost in like another man's hands when I shake his hand. Like, I'm like, I'm still in... You get in it i'm still in his

palm trying to hitchhike out of there but you can't but i can't because my thumbs aren't good enough like i'll shake a man's hand sometimes and not even get to his fingers and i'll be like can we just like fist pound or i'll just blow you like because this is not working okay next story all right the script supervisor from the set of Rust is being represented in a lawsuit by Gloria Allred, which... I love her. I have her business card. Really?

No one wants her. I presented her when I met her, and I was like, I love you. Thank you for all your work. She was like, take my business card. You know, she did the thing like holding a cigarette. Like, here you go, honey. If you need anything.

Yeah. If you ever get shot on set. then i i had her business card which is like so cool to have a gloria all reds fucking business card and i had in this wallet i had forever and then i threw the wallet out accidentally in the trash and then i ran into so i met her at the magic castle i was there with alex edelman lizzie cooperman and i was like oh my and alex edelman was like gloria all reds over there eating dinner and i was like, oh my, and Alex Edelman was like, Gloria Allred's over there eating dinner. And I was like, I love her. She's so fucking badass.

Cause she's the one that stands next to every like, you know, me too victim and is like, just represents victims and like fights for them. She's a sassy broad. And, um, he went up to her and was like, well, you got to say something. She would love it. And I'm like, how do you know that? And then I went up and she just like did the, I'm here with my son, but he are like, she was there with her nephew and she was like well you got to say something she would love it and i'm like how do you know that and then i went up and she just like did the i'm here with my son but here like she was there with her nephew and she was like take my card so then i lost her card but then i

saw her i was in lax and i saw her walking and i was like i gotta get another card like it was like so so i went on websites for her what do you mean you just wanted the card just to have like a cool to have like who has business cards anymore and it's a really like nicely made business card it was like american psycho like fine like the great paper that she used with a embossed print and everything so i went up to her at lx and i go i have your card i lost it i need it again it's one of my most treasured and she goes here you go and she did it again like just she always has like in her hand it It's so cool. And I got another one. That is true. So anyway, so Gloria Allred is now representing the script supervisor for Russ. Yeah, so the script supervisor is saying that it's not just negligence. It's like it was beyond that.

Like that, I mean, so during the press conference Wednesday, Los Angeles, Gloria Allred said there were warning signs of dangerous conditions on set related to guns just days before October 24th shooting. She said a camera operator reported there were two gun discharges during a rehearsal in one of the cabin shots. The camera operator allegedly told a production manager in a text,

this is super unsafe. The attorney added, so essentially, it was very unsafe before you're never supposed to be handed a gun by anyone other than the prop master it was the assistant direct like just so many things went wrong yeah the new thing is the script supervisor saying that um it wasn't even in the scene like firing the gun was not a part of the scene yeah there was no reason for him to cock and fire it like even in the scene he wasn't supposed to cock it oh my god why why are there more like eyewitness accounts from being in there i want to hear exactly what went down i just it's all i've

i remember the days afterwards i was scouring for any information i could find and i couldn't really find much i'm sure there's more out there now, but it's kind of buried in the news. She was suing them for... Because she saw one person die in front of her and the other person... Oh my God, it was probably fucking traumatic as fuck, dude. Yeah, it had to have been insane. It probably wouldn't even feel like real life.

You see the footage of that barn where it all happened, that little church or whatever, and it's so fucking creepy just to know like how traumatic like the events that happened inside that building like what i mean poor i mean poor alec baldwin poor obviously the cinematographer who fucking died but like everyone the guy who held her and had blood all over they there was some like paparazzi shot of the guy that like held her when she she died going to a hardware store. I'm like, leave this man alone. He was just like another camera op that now is being stalked because of people like me who are like, let me see what he looks like.

Does he still have blood on him? Because I'm just fucking morbid as fuck. I'm not getting any firsthand accounts, but don't you dare take a photo of a man i always think about though like the last photo you post on instagram like that will be the thing that everyone remembers you by and she you know obviously had posted that video of her like riding a horse the day before like on her day off on set so sad i know i have a we had a comedian buddy kevin barnett who passed away And that one photo of him was so... His last photo was him in a dashiki or something,

like a Mexican pullover thing. Yeah, because he was down in Mexico. And he died in Mexico, and that was his last photo. I don't know. It was like, oh, God. Yeah, it was kind of... He was unbelievable. Yeah, I thought about him another day.

It's so weird. Holy shit, the other day I was on set. I thought about it another day. It's so weird. Holy shit. The other day I was on set. I'm not even joking you. I'm on set and doing this commercial shoot thing. And there was someone from my agency there. And I was like, oh, how long have you been at UTA? And she's like, oh, whatever. And then I go, she goes, before that I was at APA.

And I go, oh, you were at APA? I was with APA for a while. I go, do you know Tim Scali? And she was like, he's dead. He's dead. And I was like, what? She was like, I go, my, he died when? And she's like, I think he's dead.

Like it's been a while. And I'm like, what? My agent who I was like friends with died a while ago. Never got to me for some reason. Never found out after we like parted ways as he was my agent, he fired me first and then I went back to him and then I think I left him and then we never like talked again. But he was like a funny, nice guy. And like, I really, you know, I remember the last lunch we had together was in 2000, I think 10, nine. I was, uh, I was hung over.

It was the time that I was so hung over at our lunch that I had to leave cause I was so sick. And then I threw up in the car on the way back and I was driving in Los Angeles in April Macy's car that was borrowing cause I was staying at her place in Burbank and I threw up in her car while I was driving on the same road that we were driving up right before we got to Subway yesterday. I threw up at

a stoplight there to go up over the hill again and I threw up in a waste because I was so scared to get throw up in her fucking car and I threw up in my lap in the center of my lap and made a little pool of throw up in my thigh and drove all the way to Burbank to her house without a single splash of throw up getting anywhere in her car perfectly in my lap. But that was after I was at lunch with Tim Scali. But it was weird to hear.

And I go, no way he's dead. I have a lot of common friends with him. If you're a betting man, you would think you would have been the one to die before him. Well, no. Just based off that day. He was definitely overweight no no but he was like you know when we were he was my age and he was like 33 and i was like in my 25 he's a young guy and um and he died and i and we googled she googled and she goes yeah he died in 2018 i'm like what the fuck how did i miss that and it's so weird to hear someone you know

like to be to get the news that someone you know died and to be like very shocked by it but it was happened two years or three years ago like that is a weird feeling to be like should i be as sad as i would be if it had like if i found out in the moment or because he's been gone for a while like he's been cold in the ground for three years and I'm now getting this news. Like I, and then I was just kind of like, okay,

well, so what are we, what's the next look we're doing for the shoot? Like I was like, that's, that shows to you like how little agents like actually, like how little like humanity you have towards agents. Yeah.

You were like, I definitely fired. He wasn't getting 10% the last three years. Was he as a dead man? It was really sad. Rest in peace, Tim Sc fired... He wasn't getting 10% the last three years, was he? As a dead man? Oh, it was really sad. Rest in peace, Tim Scali. I don't know how you died or what happened, but you were a nice guy to me some of the

time. And yeah, but a lot of the time, honestly. But it was just, it was really sad to hear of his passing. Three years later, have you ever, has that ever happened to you where you find out someone died three years later? Yeah, my brother. We got to go to break. We'll be right back with Fan Tracks.

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It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide.

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Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes.

You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice, and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously, both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. The theory is very simple. It is a mindset tool that instantly helps you identify

what's in your control and what's not in your control. Renowned motivational speaker, best-selling author, Mel Robbins. Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay,

you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, let's do Fanthrax. Fanthrax.

Fuck yeah. Let's get into it. Fanthrax. Fuck yeah. Let's get into it. Fanthrax. It's our daily or it's our weekly segment where we get fan letters, voice memos. And I'm excited because last week I feel like we didn't get to too many. But what do we got, Noah? Okay. Our first one comes from, I think, Megan is how you pronounce it.

Hi, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. from i think megan is how you pronounce it hi nikki andrew and noah um this is megan calling in from well at this very moment dallas but i am moving to uh raleigh north carolina tomorrow morning anyways i'm calling in because i had a very interesting sex dream um with nikki and glubb and sevchenko tell me more and my husband it was a foursome it was all anal what and at the end of our sex um nikki asked me if i orgasmed and kid you not in and's voice, I said, no, I can't really come because I take SSR. What?

Anyway, that was a fun one. I told my husband and he thought it was hilarious and started singing the podcast tune. And it was a great way to start. Oh my God. What the fuck? Thanks so much.

I love it, Megan. I hope you guys are going to have a great weekend and squirt squirt. Squirt squirt. Yeah, bye. Yeah, bye. Wait, where was Gleb and where was I? Was I having, we were all having anal together?

That's a good question. I don't know. I was picturing Gleb just having sex with her while you practiced dancing in the corner. And he called you. What did he call you all? You dance like robot. Or like you dance like...

Something horse. What was it? Oh, God. What was it? A crippling horse? Like you dance like um something horse what was it oh god what was it a crippling horse uh like um you dance like um horse with broken leg yeah it was really a really insulting thing that i guess i blocked out because it was so upsetting what he said he said you dance like yeah like like oh my god what was it this really upsetting me because i remember like sick horse or something

horse it was something horse oh my god anyway that is i love that um it was in your voice that she answered like her voice was then your voice we are getting in people's minds i know i thought it was gonna i thought she was gonna say apparently and then the left turn was i didn't come because of ssris i mean we were talking last night about in your act how you say i don't come because of SSRIs. I mean, we were talking last night about it in your act, how you say, I don't come good, and how funny it is. And that's from the fact that you take SSRIs. Yeah. SSRIs. Sorry, that's what you say to girls because...

Sorry. Why do you, like... So you just get hard and you can never come. At times. I come once every three days. Like Pony Express. But a slower pony. A small, short pony with no legs.

Kind of how you dance. And do you still have to... There you go. There it is. There it is. That's what Gleb said. Wait, do you have to like... Do you just jerk off? Like it has to be your hand and you have to really tug it hard?

I do like a lot of fresh. A lot of fresh. A fresh, fresh. So can you at this point get your lady to just like do exact like just just do you hold her hand and kind of like just tug her hand um it's been better like it's been good like she's like incredible like of course yeah like i definitely nothing about her no i know I orgasm plenty just without me. But I can get the job done usually on my own. You know what I mean?

Yeah. If it's not happening, I almost... I'm the same way. I'm on antidepressants too. It's like I got to... It looks sad. It's like just me going... It just looks like I'm trying to squat weight that's like 600 pounds heavier than I should be doing.

Let's give the next fan a rest. There's nothing sexual about it. Okay, our next one comes from Leo. Oh, a guy. Hey, Nikki. I'm a bestie. Love you,rew andrew and noah um anyway i was listening recently and i saw that you sing like taylor swift when you sing blank space specifically when she sings time yes uh or Or not time. I'm insane. So now that Red Taylor's version is out and the 10 minute version of All Too Well is out, there's a new part where she goes,

All's well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell every time. You double cross my mind. Anyway, she's amazing. I loved her before I loved you, but your adoration for her made me a bestie. And keep doing what you're doing. And please sing your rendition of Time!

I'm insane! Time! Please, insane please thank you bye oh my god uh i gotta look up what this because that honestly i have had her lyrics in my head where they don't complete like it's just been going over in my head over and over i've had different chunks of lyrics and that exact lyric has been in my head for so many days now of like all's well that ends well but i'm in a new hell every time you double cross my mind you said if we would have been there's something like oh god the part that i love the most and hold on let me just look at a new lyrics that she added you know what i mean yeah that's the that's the new lyric but all too well um want to die because there's this part where she goes oh hold on i just i know that is too many lyrics like that 10 minutes is too much of a song

for most people but i fucking love it so much, all these new lyrics. And that one in particular, because obviously, I know I'm not supposed to go into too much Taylor Swift stuff because you guys don't like it. All of you don't like it, but some of you do. So let me just, indulge me a little bit. She goes, every time you double cross my mind. You said if we would have, you said if we had been closer in age, maybe it would have been fine. That made me want to die i love her saying that made me want to die how many times have you heard a guy or someone say something in a relationship and like you know taylor can be so poetic and just like really um

work in like metaphor and and just it's like there's there's ways she speaks that like are more like flowery language but just something that that um direct is like that made me want to die that's the way like girls talk or like kind of immature girls talk and being one i just love that it's like she does all this she can just be so direct and just that line it was just like it made me want to die like it's just like it was just so it's so raw i fucking love it and i love that she goes that idea you had of me who was she an ever needy ever lovely jewel who shined reflected you now i'm weeping in a party bathroom some actress asking me what happened, which apparently was Anne Hathaway. She was at a party. Anne Hathaway was working with Jake Gyllenhaal

on Love and Other Drugs. And she had known that he was fucking with Taylor's heart. And so Anne Hathaway asked Taylor in a bathroom what happened. And I love Taylor's line here too. She goes, Now I'm weeping in some party bathroom,

some actress asking me what happened. You. That's what happened. You. here too she goes now i'm weeping in some party bathroom some act i'm weeping in a party bathroom some actress asking me what happened you that's what happened you just to be like you happened you were nothing happened you it was all you you who charmed my dad was you who charmed my dad was self-effacing jokes sipping coffee like you're on a late night show but it when he watched me but when he watched me watch the front door all night willing you to come, and he said, it's supposed to be fun turning 21, which is a callback to a song, The Moment I Knew,

which is about the moment she knew that he wasn't the one because he didn't show up at her 21st birthday and the whole birthday party, she was waiting for him to show up. And he never came. Brenna loves that lyric. I just remember her talking about it. She knows, maybe partly because of you,

ever more in folklore, she knows every single word now. Yes. She's in hard on Taylor. Insane. You guys would get along. Yes, I would love to talk to her about it. But the 21st thing hit her real. Because it makes you think of where you were at 21.

She wasn't happy with her relationship. I don't know. know that line right there though she like mentioned it the other day anyhow and then she goes and i was never good at telling jokes but the punchline goes i'll get older but your lovers stay my age and i know i've already talked about that but she goes i'm a soldier who's returning half her weight like you know like after this relationship it was just three months but she's like it just decimated her and then I just oh and then there's this lyric I'm sorry to go off on a Taylor Swift tangent

I'm so sorry but there's this new song of hers that I'm obsessed with sometimes I bet you think about me and I just want to go over the lyric that I'm obsessed with. Do you think there's something to while you're looking? Yeah. Do you think there's something to, uh, while you're looking, do you think there's something to like, yeah, Jake Gyllenhaal gets a lot of hate,

but because he made her so sad in just three months, there's something that maybe women would be turned on by that because he like, we all want to get him now because he's obviously so amazing. Not amazing, but like, there's something to like, if you hurt someone so bad, you must've been pretty great at some point. Not amazing, but there's something to, if you hurt someone so bad, you must have been pretty great at some point.

So maybe you could turn him into exactly what... Does that make sense? Yes. Yeah, I get that. Obviously, this sounds like a drug that sounds pretty fucking funny to me, even though it's going to devastate my life. I think I could probably do heroin and not have it devastate my life.

Yes, exactly. That's what I'm saying. it's interesting oh there's this thing where she's like i bet you think about me yes i bet you think about she's like i bet you think about me when you're out at your cool indie music concerts every single week i bet you think about me in your house with your organic shoes and your million dollar couch and then this is my this is how she ends the song i bet you think about me when you say oh my god she's insane she wrote a song about me i bet you think about me which i love because she then she wrote a song about the song she wrote about so she's referencing all too well she's not right referencing the song she's singing she's referencing like i know you probably are like she's so crazy she wrote about so she's referencing all too well she's not right referencing the song she's singing she's referencing like I know you probably are like she's

so crazy she wrote all too well about me but deep down I know that even though you think I'm crazy and you're gonna complain to your friends about me because in the beginning it's the song starts 3 3 a.m. and I'm still awake I'll bet you're just fine fast asleep in your city that's better than mine and the girl in your bed has a fine pedigree. And I'll bet your friends tell her she's better than me. Is that John Mayer or is that Jake Gyllenhaal? That's Jake Gyllenhaal.

Because the music reference. Well, I tried to fit in with your upper crust circles. Yeah, they let me sit back. Yeah, they let me sit in back when we were in love. Oh, they sit around talking about the meaning of life and the book that just saved them that i hadn't heard of and then she just that song is so fucking good she just put out a music video for it i haven't watched it yet we got to get to final thought okay let's get to the last why do i feel like that's john mayer are you sure no that's jake

jill and hall she's still talking about maybe it's a mixture of both but it's not because the music thing and then like no jake gyllenhaal it's like she also wrote um i remember when we broke up the first time saying this she wrote that and she goes with your indie you would and then you would go hide away and find your peace of mind with your indie records that are so much cooler than mine that was jake gyllenhaal he listened to indie music got you it's not and she's not saying her his indie records that are such cooler than the music she listens to she's saying the music that i make like fuck this guy for like thinking the music he doesn't even make the music he listens to is cooler than the music that you make fuck you um i'm angry okay let's get to the next fanthrax okay here's one from candace all right what do

you this this middle schooler is getting angry over here. Oh, my God. I just want to do all. I could go off all day. I just see you carving stuff into your desk while your teacher doesn't watch. Fuck, Jake. No, just fuck everybody. Yeah.

Sorry, Candice. Keep going. Okay, here's. I apologize, Candice. Candice. Sorry, Candice. Hey, Noah, Andrew, and Nikki I thought I would mix it up

Keep y'all on your toes I just wanted to ask The other besties If they've ever just randomly been Like, citing the pod I guess, or things that we talk about Because I'm high off my own supply Right now, I just did some cardio

So maybe my endorphins are gone But I was just sitting here cooking dinner and i'm just like this is your reddit dump and then i was like what am i even singing like it made me think about like when nikki was uh singing to herself and accidentally recorded it yeah towards the beginning of the podcast but yeah i just wanted to share that and see if any other besties um are weird like me oh my god i love you guys and please keep doing what you're doing because it puts a smile on my face bye sweetie sweetie what a cool person oh did you hear her little microwave go off yeah yeah i love her and cutie.

Yeah, Candice. I mean, I feel like I think there are other besties that have that happen. It's the best gift to me that you guys feel. And she even said the things that we talk about. You know that she said that? Yes. So that's the best. That's you kissing the mic. Kisses.

Because guess what? The mic might not be Luigi's head. mic not might not be luigi's head you actually might not be here with us but it's the same it's one in the same we just kissed you on the head candace kisses candace love you candace dude when someone like at the meet and greet they just whisper in my ear ham drip like it just like i don't know what it does it like brings it's like it's like a silent thing like a fraternity or sorority only knows. You know what I mean? Like a handshake.

I know. It's just like, hey, we know we got this little language. We are our own little language going on. It means so much to us. We love you guys so much. And I want to just say we have two podcasts that will be out next week. We're only doing two episodes next week. I want to warn you guys just so you gear up for that.

Because I know when I like a show, I want it when I want it. And so just preparing you for that. It's just a busy week for me, and we're just getting ahead of that. So a part of me wants to just do all Fanthrax for one of those episodes. Because we got a lot to get through. Because we obviously didn't get through it today. Because I went off on a Taylor tangent. Taylor tangent.

But thank you so much for all your calls and keep them coming, and we hope to get to them all. And so, yeah, next week there will only be two episodes. Don't know which days those will be out. You stay tuned. Andrew, can you finish your story? Oh, yeah. So Wayne goes in there.

He pounds it out. He comes out. He goes, who's next? Who's next it out he comes out he goes who's next who's next final thought uh he goes who's next who's who's next come on come on we're like dude we're not going in especially after you just had sex with their raw dog and are you hiding at this point i want to hide but i just it's like looking at you going, you, go in. Yeah, yeah. Are you just like... Well, he's not that mean. He's not like... I'm kind of giving him an extra meanness, but it was kind of tongue-in-cheek, but just

kind of like... Come on, guys. Come on. Come on, tongue-in-cheeker. Yeah. You know? And we go to Frank. We're like, who are you?

And Frank goes, oh, I'm Faye's husband. And this is what... So Frank, the old man, was Faye's husband? Yes. And Wayne was just the guy facilitating? Yes. Where did they all meet? Do you know the story?

Someone out there has got to know Wayne Faye. If you've ever heard a story like this, please come. If you know Faye in Biloxi, if she's still alive or in hospice, tell her I love her, Mom. So we have this other friend. I don't want to say his name but we have he we all think he's a virgin and we're like hey man why don't you lose your virginity yeah at the time yeah we all were almost certain of it yeah and we're like hey why don't you go in there and you know maybe this could be your first time it could be a special thing you could tell your grandkids like it could be or you could tell faye's grandkids right now uh they're in the other room um daring and so and so so you know that i say daring every time

you say daring okay it's my favorite it's one of my favorite things okay thanks so so um so so he goes he goes i'm gonna go in there but i'm only gonna get a blow job like our other friend he goes in there and he comes out like 20 seconds later and he's sweating profusely and he's all red and we're like you know what the hell happened and he's like faye she sat on my dick without a condom i'm gonna get aids oh i'm gonna get aids and it got real quiet i go i forget about aids i'd worry more about polio. And it crushed. It crushed so hard. Even Frank laughed.

Was Frank really hurt? Yeah. This was in front of all of them. This was my first stand-up set. Oh my God, dude. You said that? And Frank, did Frank really laugh? Frank was having a good time.

He's like, this is what Faye loves to do. I love her. You were asking him about it. Yeah, it was a weird kind of love that in college you never obviously think of. You talk about how you don't mind someone else, your lover or your partner, hooking up with other people. I mean, here's this guy living it. He's literally doing.

Yeah, but he doesn't want it. He's just doing yeah but he's he is not he doesn't want it he's just doing it because she likes it i like that if frank's not frank's almost like a cuck whereas i and he's but not even a cuck because cucks get off on the fact that they're like well frank can't perform anymore that's what he said oh he says i can't perform anymore and that's what she likes to do and and i'm here for her and you know i just get a couple budweiser and wayne is the one that he is just more able-bodied than frank so he can facilitate it i wonder what how wayne got into the picture i want more information if anyone yes knows about wayne faye or frank please contact us make it urgent dm us get it to us because i want more info for the story because there's got to be if this is what she loves to do there's many men who

have encountered faye yes and there's many men who have encountered Fay. Yes. And there's many men who have this story to tell that are probably never going to admit it or talk about it ever again. But like, we want to hear beautiful, please. You've probably never told anyone,

but if you've even heard inklings of this story, please let us know. We need to, we should do a whole podcast series about this. Getting to the bottom of it. Yeah. This could be like cereal. Yeah.

Is that my meal? It could be oatmeal. Perfect. Old meal. Yeah. Here we go. Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. We hope you have a great weekend, and we'll be back on Monday. We'll be back on Monday, right, Noah? On Monday, yeah. Monday, we will have a Fresh Pod on Monday. And yeah, two episodes next week,

but you'll have one Monday. Have all the swells. Don't be cuh. And Jackson 5. I might have said that one already, but who knows. Jackson 4. Kisses. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment

to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.

With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of

authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist,

and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp

and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts.