The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #139- Fanthrax Only- College Memories
Episode Date: November 23, 2021This episode is sponsored by HBO Max The Sex Lives of College Girls so we thought to ask Besties to share their college experiences. Nikki and Andrew reminisce about college as they listen to voicemai...ls about a gross prank, lying through a project, drunken experiences, a mispronunciation and nerdy hookup. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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                                         Here's Nikki.
                                         
                                         Hello.
                                         
                                         Here I am.
                                         
                                         It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast.
                                         
                                         Welcome.
                                         
                                         It is Monday and I'm still fixing my makeup I am in Los Angeles, California
                                         
                                         And Andrew is in St. Louis
                                         
                                         Noah is in Arizona
                                         
    
                                         What's up you guys?
                                         
                                         We got the country covered
                                         
                                         Country covered boy
                                         
                                         This is a special episode
                                         
                                         We're starting out with Andrew and I together on this one because it's a special sponsored episode by HBO Max's new series, The Secret Sex Lives of College Girls, The Sex Lives of College Girls.
                                         
                                         The Sex Lives of College Girls.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Well, they should keep it a secret.
                                         
    
                                         These girls are up to no good.
                                         
                                         No.
                                         
                                         The Sex Lives of College Girls. Okay. girls are up to no good uh no the sex lives of college girls okay i i gotta say i just i i wasn't
                                         
                                         even gonna talk about at the top of the show because we don't like you just heard me do an
                                         
                                         ad for it and now we're doing an episode all about college stories and uh it's a special
                                         
                                         fanthrax episode where we're just gonna listen to your college stories but um i do really like this show and it's really like quirky and fun and
                                         
                                         has like it's just it's quick moving good acting and i'm kind of inspired by it sexually
                                         
                                         andrew did you watch it i got the synopsis from noah oh my god I just had to be honest well yeah I mean that we keep it honest on here
                                         
    
                                         what what were you why couldn't you watch it what did you watch instead succession for the past curb
                                         
                                         okay and I've passed out watching curb I was you know pretty tired long day of travel and then I
                                         
                                         didn't yeah but but it's two o'clock there what What did you do today? I went to Whole Foods for us,
                                         
                                         and then I picked up your packages for you.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         I packed for Chicago because I have to help Brenna move,
                                         
                                         so I got to drive to Chicago and drive back.
                                         
                                         So I was doing things other than watching four girls have sex
                                         
    
                                         in freshman year in a dorm.
                                         
                                         Did you forget to watch it, or did you just say,
                                         
                                         I don't want to uh i i
                                         
                                         didn't i didn't uh i don't know exactly how i i i i know i wanted to watch it i went to watch it in
                                         
                                         the living room real quick and our troubleshoot you can't watch things real quick because it's
                                         
                                         that's the problem i tried to watch it on uh two times fast forward because i i waited
                                         
                                         till this morning to watch it and uh and i we were supposed to watch it before this episode no big
                                         
                                         deal but um yeah i i waited until i had i left myself an hour because i was gonna watch two
                                         
    
                                         episodes i thought they were half hour they're an hour long which actually ends up being great
                                         
                                         because uh you know more is better but then um hbo max took off the little fast forward thing they used to
                                         
                                         when i was watching f boy island trying to cruise through i was doing double time or at least 1.5
                                         
                                         but they make you watch it in uh the same speed um which is better because this show does move
                                         
                                         fast and it's like almost like 30 rock level jokes of like like it's they're fast
                                         
                                         moving and that's what i like about it um noah you watched it did you like it yeah i especially
                                         
                                         liked the uh plot twist at the end of episode one that's what i was into too i uh because i was
                                         
                                         writing about it as i watched and i was like you know I might not get
                                         
    
                                         through the first episode I'm like on a time crunch and she was like I'm wait till you get
                                         
                                         to the end you'll be very invested and I did not see that coming and I feel like uh that's why I
                                         
                                         feel like sexually empowered by the show that I thought was going to be like I don't know you
                                         
                                         sometimes I don't want to watch things about college girls
                                         
                                         because I get jealous because that seems like such a fun time that I kind of missed out on because I
                                         
                                         was not doing I was like doing comedy and just kind of tapped out and um this is uh everyone
                                         
                                         will find some character to relate to in this as a girl or even a guy like um it's fun i'm excited about the show and i'm in that i need
                                         
                                         to be forced to watch shows this is like a good thing for me we should get more sponsored shows
                                         
    
                                         because i will get into more tv and i won't watch them at all now i'm in so it will be a nice and
                                         
                                         andrew will it'll be a great thank you for getting my packages though andrew i appreciate it did
                                         
                                         anything fun uh actually uh six things um i had to use a blue cart so that took time i
                                         
                                         i told you you only had to get the two i only said the the ones at the beginning it is funny
                                         
                                         the ones at the beginning are the ones i'm getting fees oh i'm sorry i wasn't able to uh
                                         
                                         decipher that because it's in like it all is under one phone number so it's like
                                         
                                         i know but the ones at the beginning of the thing are...
                                         
                                         It's okay, but I appreciate...
                                         
    
                                         I mean, it's more than okay.
                                         
                                         You got them all, so thank you.
                                         
                                         But I was trying to make it as easy as possible for you.
                                         
                                         Thank you so much for doing that.
                                         
                                         But I think the show...
                                         
                                         You never got laid in your dorm, did you?
                                         
                                         Or did you ever even have any sexual experience?
                                         
                                         I barely touched myself in my dorm really oh
                                         
    
                                         one time my friend and a girl were watching me masturbate um through like at one point uh someone
                                         
                                         was drunk and we kicked like the metal part of the door so you could see through our door and i was
                                         
                                         like jerking off to the one porn i owned and uh they were watching
                                         
                                         i think the whole time what was the porn you own yeah yeah it was i'm trying to think what it was
                                         
                                         that's every guy had one porn okay construction workers uh girls gone wild no but i met the girls
                                         
                                         gone wild guy in college the guy that went to prison? Yeah.
                                         
                                         Yeah, I could see why he did. What's his name?
                                         
                                         Just by the interaction.
                                         
    
                                         He had a bus, and he was going up to drunk college girls.
                                         
                                         That's what they would do.
                                         
                                         I mean, it was so fucked up.
                                         
                                         And he was like, hey, I don't even know if they offered money.
                                         
                                         Joe Francis, yes, Joe Francis.
                                         
                                         Yeah, he ended up dating my buddy's ex-girlfriend.
                                         
                                         Yeah, I don't know.
                                         
                                         Anyways, but yeah.
                                         
    
                                         That guy.
                                         
                                         Yeah. did you hang
                                         
                                         out with him i bet you were like kind of trying to be friends with him i mean that guy was cool
                                         
                                         for a while because girls just like wanted to hook up with him flash him he got hot chicks
                                         
                                         because hot chicks wanted to be on camera oh yeah no no we're still besties we definitely uh
                                         
                                         how did you run into him he just came into there's a bar called
                                         
                                         the boot in new orleans at two lane where it's just like the biggest it's it's the number two
                                         
                                         earning or at least it was the number two think about all the bars in new orleans and it was
                                         
    
                                         number two behind pat o'brien's of like money making so it was just packed and you know they
                                         
                                         just drive the bus up around like
                                         
                                         1 a.m to get these drunk college girls to do fucking shit on camera that they'll regret the
                                         
                                         rest of their life you know because i think they just paid them in like pizza and they're like and
                                         
                                         they got drunk and then they signed a release i'm sure yeah i mean yeah it was uh i feel like i
                                         
                                         relate to these girls in this show because they're especially the
                                         
                                         um girl bella who is trying to get on the uh the cool like harvard lampoon style paper like the
                                         
                                         like snl writers all right on this one it's like a fake college that they're all going to that's
                                         
    
                                         made up for the show but it's like kind of like this prestigious college that has this
                                         
                                         really cool comedy newspaper that she's trying to get on and it's like a boys club and it's all boy
                                         
                                         comedy writers and they're like we already have two girls on staff sorry so it's really interesting
                                         
                                         to see the politics of how she's gonna try to get in to the comedy world um like her at first
                                         
                                         they're like you need to call the aclu and like complain that they said that
                                         
                                         there was only two girls on the paper and like this is sexist and then another girl's like just
                                         
                                         be cool and try to be like one of the guys like try to get them to like you because if they do
                                         
                                         that then they'll want you around it was just interesting um techniques for how to get in and
                                         
    
                                         then she ends up giving a bunch of hand jobs which i also love
                                         
                                         because she does the same thing i did which is like she is also uh hasn't is very inexperienced
                                         
                                         and it's just like i'm just want to like do weird things and like she's like thrilled by giving six
                                         
                                         hand jobs she doesn't feel like sad about it okay i'm gonna watch the show i had no idea what i was
                                         
                                         missing yeah it's not like girls where you're going to see a lot of awkward sex and nudity.
                                         
                                         It's more like you see guys kind of their faces when they orgasm and her kind of like furiously, vigorously jerking.
                                         
                                         But it's a quick montage.
                                         
                                         It's not like these uncomfortable sex moments.
                                         
    
                                         But it's just really funny. It has that 30 rock. It's Mindy a quick montage it's not like these uncomfortable sex moments but it's just really
                                         
                                         funny and it has that 30 rock it's you know it's mindy kaling wrote it so i'm guessing this girl
                                         
                                         bella is based off of her trying to like navigate the comedy world and she has a bella has a poster
                                         
                                         of seth meyers on her wall of like who she's in love with and uh yeah it just kind of um yeah then
                                         
                                         there's this other girl that's like really she's poor and so
                                         
                                         that she's and she's also like she slept with this guy who like abandons her right after she
                                         
                                         sleeps with it like it's all so stuff i'm already talking about and i wish girls would figure out
                                         
                                         sooner so i'm kind of glad that this is out there for girls to see and um yeah and there's a good
                                         
    
                                         plot twist at the end i'm i'm gonna keep going i haven't
                                         
                                         seen you just give you about a show in a while like it's cute it's so cute i want to be on it
                                         
                                         but i don't want to be a parent because like all the people i know in it are playing parents yeah
                                         
                                         it's like rob hubel and um nicole mill nicole from mad tv and um what's her name? It plays the Senator.
                                         
                                         Who is she?
                                         
                                         She's a Sherry Shepherd.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Sherry Shepherd is playing one of the girls mom.
                                         
    
                                         So like all of my I mean, those people are a little bit older than me, but I don't know.
                                         
                                         I'd be like, I don't know, a soccer coach or something, which is a whole other thing.
                                         
                                         Then there's another plot to it too.
                                         
                                         Jesus Christ.
                                         
                                         Noah. Like I thought. That was so to it, too. Jesus Christ, Noah.
                                         
                                         That was so good, that storyline.
                                         
                                         Okay, so if you aren't sold on it now,
                                         
                                         I don't need to even do this.
                                         
    
                                         They didn't ask me to talk about the show that much,
                                         
                                         but I just got done watching it,
                                         
                                         so I'm kind of into it.
                                         
                                         How's St. Louis, Andrew?
                                         
                                         St. Louis is good.
                                         
                                         I mean, it's cold.
                                         
                                         Yeah. We were just in San Diego, and then Los Angeles. So you're like, oh, yeah, Andrew? St. Louis is good. I mean, it's cold. Yeah.
                                         
                                         We were just in San Diego and then Los Angeles. So you're like, oh, yeah, okay, okay, all right.
                                         
    
                                         All right, weather.
                                         
                                         Here you are.
                                         
                                         But I like it here.
                                         
                                         There's nothing really going on.
                                         
                                         I'm trying to think if anything has gone on here.
                                         
                                         I mean, I'm just here alone.
                                         
                                         So I go to Starbucks.
                                         
                                         Nothing weird happened there.
                                         
    
                                         And then I walked back. You know what I mean? that's that's why st louis is great though or like it's
                                         
                                         it's like oh i didn't see anything that's gonna scar my life for a week uh what did you see in
                                         
                                         la that's gonna scar your life uh besides my legs without spray tan that and emile's chest hair i
                                         
                                         mean it was pretty pretty intense i was looking at a meal we had a good little time i was looking
                                         
                                         at a meal because we share a room by choice, actually.
                                         
                                         Everyone's like, how could you?
                                         
                                         I was like, yeah, no, we want to be in there together.
                                         
                                         We're mad there's two beds.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah, in San Diego.
                                         
                                         Because in LA, we had a house and we each had our own bedroom.
                                         
                                         But then in San Diego, you and Emil were in the same hotel room.
                                         
                                         And I was looking over and it was like 7 a.m.
                                         
                                         And the sun is just coming through the window. And I was looking over and it was like 7 a.m. and the sun is just coming through the window
                                         
                                         and it's like half on it.
                                         
                                         He looks so,
                                         
                                         I took a photo.
                                         
    
                                         I got to send it to you.
                                         
                                         He looks angelic just sleeping
                                         
                                         and he snores like I look, you know?
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Like he snores.
                                         
                                         I look over and I'm like,
                                         
                                         is Emil like a fat guy in a skinny outfit
                                         
                                         or like a skinny body?
                                         
    
                                         I don't know.
                                         
                                         He snores like. He's in a skinny suit? He a skinny body? I don't know. He snores like.
                                         
                                         He's in a skinny suit.
                                         
                                         He's just.
                                         
                                         You know, it's pretty cool.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         But like I do the same shit.
                                         
                                         Like we both think we're dying in the middle of the night.
                                         
    
                                         And but I just looked over and he.
                                         
                                         Yeah, he probably has apnea.
                                         
                                         I think he does.
                                         
                                         Or he's starting to.
                                         
                                         I'll get there.
                                         
                                         But yeah, just I was just looking at the lighting of his face.
                                         
                                         He looked like what Jesus, I think, would look like.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
    
                                         You know what I mean?
                                         
                                         Because he's Arabic or half Arabic or whatever.
                                         
                                         And he's just got his...
                                         
                                         Where is his dad from?
                                         
                                         His dad is from Lebanon.
                                         
                                         No, I was asking you just to see if you knew.
                                         
                                         I knew, but I'm glad you knew that.
                                         
                                         And his mom is from the suburbs.
                                         
    
                                         So if anyone's going to...
                                         
                                         It was a fun time, us three living together in that house.
                                         
                                         So then, yeah, you guys shared a hotel room in San Diego.
                                         
                                         We had two shows in San Diego.
                                         
                                         Jason Mraz performed with us on the early show,
                                         
                                         which was such a treat because Anya is old friends with him. She used to open for him on the road.
                                         
                                         And he lives an hour away from San Diego. And so he, I think, asked Anya if he could get tickets.
                                         
                                         And then I was like, can he come backstage and hang out? And then can he actually perform with us?
                                         
    
                                         So got to like do a little comedy bit with Jason Mraz and sing with him.
                                         
                                         And he was so nice and so cool.
                                         
                                         Andrew?
                                         
                                         I mean, it was, I walked in and, you know, you're like, yeah, he's a big fan.
                                         
                                         And I was like trying to play it cool, but not play it cool.
                                         
                                         You know, like the, and right away I go, hey, you know, and I'm yours.
                                         
                                         When he's looking at the tongue in the mirror what does that mean and he's like oh whatever whatever you want
                                         
                                         it to mean and i was like i'm a fucking idiot i'm such a loser asking that question what am i doing
                                         
    
                                         i have stared at my tongue in the mirror and like have you ever done the thing where you're like
                                         
                                         your tongue looks like a little animal like it's like like yeah look like it's like peering around like it's like
                                         
                                         like scared like you can go like
                                         
                                         like your tongue becomes if you do it enough if you look at your tongue in the mirror and move
                                         
                                         it around you and start to see it as like a little rodent in a hole that's like like scared to come
                                         
                                         out and like and like search like it has the twitchy movements of a little mole rat thing i do feel like the
                                         
                                         tongue when you there's a thing on tiktok where people are touching the bottom of the tongue i
                                         
                                         don't know if it makes you horny or whatever but i i feel like the tongue really makes if you start
                                         
    
                                         touching your tongue you're like oh we're like we're animals like huh well it's just such a huge
                                         
                                         muscle that you can manipulate and i didn't know but you can teach your tongue how to do the two.
                                         
                                         Like, I can do the one.
                                         
                                         How's that?
                                         
                                         And make it a taco.
                                         
                                         Oh, yeah, that one.
                                         
                                         But there's a technique that you can do the double one.
                                         
                                         I can roll my tongue, too.
                                         
    
                                         Really?
                                         
                                         Wait, hold on.
                                         
                                         Let me see.
                                         
                                         Wait.
                                         
                                         What are you laughing at?
                                         
                                         Because I look like that goat from tiktok does
                                         
                                         because i can't i used to be able to do it i don't know why i can't do it anymore
                                         
                                         um uh well i'm still in los angeles yeah how's that i mean
                                         
    
                                         you it's good yeah i mean you're at the hotel any yeah I'm at a nothing to report
                                         
                                         here I
                                         
                                         just filmed a lot
                                         
                                         yesterday for a thing and
                                         
                                         drove back from San Diego
                                         
                                         had someone drive me
                                         
                                         which is super nice I drove down there
                                         
                                         with Andrew drove us
                                         
    
                                         I slept on the way down there on Saturday
                                         
                                         and then yesterday
                                         
                                         this show that I'm working on
                                         
                                         they had a production assistant come and meet me at the hotel and then drive my car and I just got
                                         
                                         to be in the back seat like and they were like Nikki we want you to get some sleep and I was like
                                         
                                         honestly I just want to be on my phone like I haven't had any time to just scroll and be
                                         
                                         worthless but you know what I did is I watched I just got into like trusting YouTube to suggest
                                         
                                         things for me and just like letting it roll because I think I left the room at one point
                                         
    
                                         when I was watching a video and it went to the next one and I was like whoa they kind of nailed
                                         
                                         it and now I'm I'm really into watching stories of like disfigurement or people that like lose a
                                         
                                         bunch of limbs or like become completely disfigured and like their partner staying with them and like the triumphs and i just watched one that i really recommend
                                         
                                         and it's the it's like the um incredible story of alex lewis alex l-e-w-i-s he's a guy that got this
                                         
                                         in skin infection that caused him to lose all of his limbs except like up to his elbow on on one arm and like a stump on the other and
                                         
                                         stumps for legs and half of his face and he has a it's it's just an incredible story and i really
                                         
                                         loved it and then i watched um something about like the michael jackson docu oh you know what
                                         
                                         is so good that everyone needs to watch before we get into your Fan Thrikes College stories. I can't recommend it enough.
                                         
    
                                         Tony Bennett is 95 and he has Alzheimer's.
                                         
                                         And he just performed his last concert ever
                                         
                                         at Radio City Music Hall with Lady Gaga.
                                         
                                         And he is like, you know, he doesn't remember.
                                         
                                         He's had Alzheimer's for like a couple of years now. So it's pretty much, it's taken hold, you know, he doesn't remember. He's had Alzheimer's for like a couple years now.
                                         
                                         So it's pretty much, it's taken hold, you know.
                                         
                                         And it's a 60 minutes piece of Anderson Cooper following Tony Bennett on his final concert.
                                         
                                         And I promise you, maybe that doesn't sell you on it.
                                         
    
                                         It is a tearjerker.
                                         
                                         It is inspirational.
                                         
                                         It's beautiful.
                                         
                                         It's sad.
                                         
                                         It's so good.
                                         
                                         And it's like my new thing that I'm recommending to everyone.
                                         
                                         So check out the Tony Bennett Lady Gaga thing. It's so good. And it's like my new thing that I'm recommending to everyone. So check out the Tony Bennett Lady Gaga thing.
                                         
                                         It's so good.
                                         
    
                                         He only remembers things when music comes on.
                                         
                                         And then he like everything comes back and he can remember everything.
                                         
                                         And he's just like such a showman at the age of 95.
                                         
                                         It's pretty incredible.
                                         
                                         I wonder why that happened.
                                         
                                         Because like with people with Tourette's can also like when they're focused on something,
                                         
                                         singing or playing basketball.
                                         
                                         Or a stutter yeah
                                         
    
                                         it's wild it's wild how the brain works like that well my foot pain goes away when i'm performing
                                         
                                         and the second i walk off stage my feet are killing me it's just the instant my foot steps
                                         
                                         off of the light it's like i rip off my shoes but until then i don't i don't feel it at all
                                         
                                         and i'm on stage for two hours. It's very bizarre,
                                         
                                         but they actually talk about why this,
                                         
                                         like his doctor actually talks about
                                         
                                         why this is and the phenomenon of it,
                                         
                                         so it's a really fascinating piece
                                         
    
                                         and it's 15 minutes long.
                                         
                                         All right, let's take a quick break
                                         
                                         and we'll get back with Fanthrax,
                                         
                                         your college coach.
                                         
                                         College. Anthrax, your college.
                                         
                                         All right.
                                         
                                         I just love that that's Noah's fiance every time.
                                         
                                         We're doing all college stories.
                                         
    
                                         I know.
                                         
                                         I love it too.
                                         
                                         Him just in the living room with a sheet over a blanket over his head.
                                         
                                         But there wasn't any like music behind it at the time. Yeah.
                                         
                                         It's just echoing through there.
                                         
                                         And then right from there, he's just like,
                                         
                                         hey Noah, you mind grabbing the clicker for me?
                                         
                                         Thanks.
                                         
    
                                         The clicker.
                                         
                                         You mind just, thanks.
                                         
                                         Thanks for choosing.
                                         
                                         This is a special episode of All Fan Threx
                                         
                                         and it's going to be all of your college stories.
                                         
                                         We solicited, Andrew put out a video on our, you know, Nikki Glaser pod Instagram page and asked for your college stories.
                                         
                                         You know, good for you if you remember stuff from college.
                                         
                                         So let's get to it.
                                         
    
                                         Let's hear from you guys and hear some stories.
                                         
                                         Noah, you said they're really good, right?
                                         
                                         Oh my gosh, they're so funny.
                                         
                                         Oh yes, I can't wait.
                                         
                                         Okay, let's get started.
                                         
                                         All right, let's start with Brian.
                                         
                                         So here's my memory from college.
                                         
                                         I went to school for woodworking,
                                         
    
                                         so it ended up being an all guys school,
                                         
                                         even though it wasn't an all guys school.
                                         
                                         We had guys above us that were recording rap music
                                         
                                         all day, every day until two, three in the morning, listening to the same hip hop beat over and over and over again.
                                         
                                         A bunch of guys in the dorm got really pissed about it.
                                         
                                         So went to the janitor's closet and got some buckets and for like two days pissed and shit in these buckets and then one night compiled all the buckets into a trash can
                                         
                                         leaned it against the guy's door knocked on the door and ran away so when he opened the door
                                         
                                         this entire trash can full of piss and flooded his dorm um i was right below him so it came through
                                         
    
                                         his floor and my ceiling and uh you know not only did I have to suffer through this hip hop
                                         
                                         beat that was on loop but
                                         
                                         all of my bedding and
                                         
                                         clothes and everything like that were covered
                                         
                                         in piss and shit
                                         
                                         there was no washer and dryer
                                         
                                         on campus so I had to bring it all home
                                         
                                         to mom's house that weekend
                                         
    
                                         or you could have thrown it away
                                         
                                         oh my god I love a guy who doesn't waste sheets even
                                         
                                         though they have waste on them wait a second hold on did this guy take did was was he a part of
                                         
                                         shitting and pissing in the bucket i kind of missed that it didn't sound like he was he just
                                         
                                         yeah yeah he was just like the guys how just? I mean, that is a they could be charged for that.
                                         
                                         That's a biological.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         I mean, that beat dropped through the floor into his bedding.
                                         
    
                                         I mean, that is so disgusting.
                                         
                                         I am horrified.
                                         
                                         I am.
                                         
                                         I am speechless.
                                         
                                         How horrible was that guy's music?
                                         
                                         I'm going to get I'm going to get some piss and shit on my door because of the sounds that just made me make at this hotel room I'm in.
                                         
                                         I cannot believe how disgusting that is.
                                         
                                         I mean, kind of an interesting technique, a Home Alone type of contraption.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         You know, homemade. type of contraption yeah you know homemade like but that is so disgusting and also like
                                         
                                         just man that makes the second i heard that i go the things that have happened in this world
                                         
                                         are like it just opens up a world to me that i hadn't even considered of pranking people with
                                         
                                         buckets of piss and shit and i'm like that's probably a common thing okay but how many times
                                         
                                         do you think they went to the door and were like hey can you like not play this at two in the
                                         
                                         morning we're trying to sleep we're trying to study we're trying to do keg stands like you're
                                         
                                         really fucking with us like it seems pretty selfish to blast music that no one wants to hear
                                         
    
                                         in a dorm i don't know i feel like maybe i understand but i and i know you probably might
                                         
                                         have done something like this in your college years but i do not think the crime fits the and
                                         
                                         the fits the punishment at all here that is so disgusting and honestly i bet it was like
                                         
                                         i you know i bet they were no one is quiet in college i bet he was in doing something in
                                         
                                         response to them being loud
                                         
                                         too like it's like but i have you ever experienced that where someone just plays the song over and
                                         
                                         over besides me with taylor swift i mean but like yeah i mean those guys shitted on his dream uh for
                                         
                                         sure uh have i ever done well we did stuff in fraternity life where it's like that kind of shit.
                                         
    
                                         But I'm just trying to think of like I remember one weekend when I was staying in Venice with my ex-boyfriend. And we were in a major, major fight.
                                         
                                         Like it was breakup times.
                                         
                                         But we had no car, nowhere to go.
                                         
                                         And I had to stay at this place.
                                         
                                         And we were just stuck.
                                         
                                         It was July 4th.
                                         
                                         And we were stuck in this apartment together, the studio apartment.
                                         
                                         And we just weren't talking.
                                         
    
                                         It was the end.
                                         
                                         But there was nowhere for either of us to go.
                                         
                                         And I remember there was this party next door that kept blasting Kanye's song, Click.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         There's a lot of different artists on it.
                                         
                                         I think Jay-Z's on it.
                                         
                                         Maybe.
                                         
                                         Not him. Anyway, Jay Z's on it. Uh, maybe I may not.
                                         
    
                                         I mean,
                                         
                                         I'm anyway,
                                         
                                         it's a great song.
                                         
                                         And I ended up being so grateful that I got to know that song over that
                                         
                                         weekend,
                                         
                                         because I just remember that was kind of the soundtrack to our,
                                         
                                         that weekend of just being stuck somewhere with someone that just hates
                                         
                                         you.
                                         
    
                                         And you both are like breaking up,
                                         
                                         but no one said it yet.
                                         
                                         And like,
                                         
                                         it was,
                                         
                                         it was the worst.
                                         
                                         It was the worst situation I've ever been in with a boyfriend
                                         
                                         and but click was playing and then i got really into that song as odd as that click click yeah
                                         
                                         yeah yeah it's such a good song if you haven't checked it out um yeah but my relationship was
                                         
    
                                         a bunch of shit in a bucket that weekend um all right let's get to the next fanthrox okay here's one from joanna hey nikki andrew and noah this is joanna
                                         
                                         i just saw andrew's insta story um about college memories and i was thinking does anyone actually
                                         
                                         have any clear college memories just kidding no i actually didn't party that much in school
                                         
                                         um but what i was was totally checked out by my fourth year. Like I just wanted
                                         
                                         my diploma to get the hell out of there. And I had this project. It was really similar. And this is
                                         
                                         probably why this is top of mind for me. I was watching scenes from a marriage. In the very
                                         
                                         first episode, there's a college student interviewing an interfaith couple. And that's
                                         
                                         what I was meant to do for this project.
                                         
    
                                         I was like reaching out to people by email. I had my professor connect me with an interfaith couple
                                         
                                         and no one would respond. I couldn't get anyone to sit down with me. It was around the holidays.
                                         
                                         I was trying to get this out the door and I was like, fuck it. I'm going to be using pseudonyms anyway, right? So I decided to make
                                         
                                         up a couple. And every quote in that paper was completely made up. I guess I'm way more creative
                                         
                                         than I ever thought possible because I got a pretty good grade on it. And it's something that
                                         
                                         simultaneously haunts me, but also makes me laugh every time I think about it.
                                         
                                         But anyway,
                                         
                                         thanks for putting on the pot every day.
                                         
    
                                         I love you guys.
                                         
                                         Hope to see you live sometime soon.
                                         
                                         I'm in new England,
                                         
                                         so maybe Connecticut.
                                         
                                         We'll see.
                                         
                                         All right.
                                         
                                         Bye.
                                         
                                         Hope to see you too.
                                         
    
                                         Thank you for that.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Um,
                                         
                                         that is,
                                         
                                         I like how she says it haunts her,
                                         
                                         but she's also like kind of proud because yes,
                                         
                                         so much of college is this like just under the gun.
                                         
                                         I have to get this thing done.
                                         
    
                                         I fucking am too depressed or too drunk or too hungover or to whatever to
                                         
                                         actually do it.
                                         
                                         And then you just,
                                         
                                         sometimes you cheat,
                                         
                                         sometimes you fib that I like that.
                                         
                                         She's probably of an honest person.
                                         
                                         So that's why it bugs her that she like had to lie.
                                         
                                         But also what a, what an exercise in writing fiction.
                                         
    
                                         Fan fiction, yeah.
                                         
                                         What is she saying?
                                         
                                         Inner faith?
                                         
                                         Inner faith.
                                         
                                         What does that mean?
                                         
                                         Does that mean two different?
                                         
                                         It means two different things.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
    
                                         Gotcha.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Oh, man.
                                         
                                         I want to hear her quotes.
                                         
                                         As a Jew, it's so generic, like, so, like, generic.
                                         
                                         She just writes amen at the end of everything the wife says.
                                         
                                         She's like, I don't know what Catholics actually do.
                                         
                                         That is, yeah.
                                         
    
                                         I relate to that so much.
                                         
                                         Interfaith couples.
                                         
                                         Of, like, just cheating, essentially.
                                         
                                         Oh, yeah.
                                         
                                         I mean, I know that was your MO.
                                         
                                         I mean, that's all I did.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         I got a paper a 20 page term paper
                                         
    
                                         I just
                                         
                                         My buddy sent it to me from his college
                                         
                                         And I just changed the name on top
                                         
                                         Pretty much
                                         
                                         And like I had to change like 7 words
                                         
                                         And I definitely should have changed more
                                         
                                         And I got like a B minus
                                         
                                         And I was like mad at my buddy for like
                                         
    
                                         Not being smarter
                                         
                                         That is wild.
                                         
                                         Like why didn't we do that more of just like,
                                         
                                         I guess sometimes the assignments were so specific
                                         
                                         or just, you know, like trade papers across state lines,
                                         
                                         you know, like, oh, I wrote this paper about Chaucer for,
                                         
                                         there's gotta be, you know, but I guess.
                                         
                                         I mean, I'm almost happy we didn't.
                                         
    
                                         I couldn't do
                                         
                                         it internet like we still had to like go through books like now with the internet i don't see how
                                         
                                         you could not plagiarize or just go no because well now they can catch you because i think that
                                         
                                         so much is uploaded electronically that it's scan it would probably scan every paper that's on this database for any kind of,
                                         
                                         you know,
                                         
                                         repeat sentences or word structures.
                                         
                                         And then they would be able to bust you.
                                         
                                         If I bet there's some kind of,
                                         
    
                                         with technology you could cheat easier,
                                         
                                         but you can also get caught.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         I mean,
                                         
                                         I did a paper once.
                                         
                                         I did a paper once for physics.
                                         
                                         It was quantum physics.
                                         
                                         I,
                                         
    
                                         you know,
                                         
                                         I don't know why i picked that
                                         
                                         my god i pretty much plagiarized i mean like i definitely did not understand it by the end and
                                         
                                         when i got my paper back i got a big red f on it and on the last page my professor was like
                                         
                                         do you even understand what you wrote wow
                                         
                                         at least you didn't caught play getting caught plagiarizing like at least you
                                         
                                         just thought you were stupid as opposed to a cheater because i think that is like the most
                                         
                                         humiliating thing is being caught lying and it's just like such a lie i i would feel i never cheated
                                         
    
                                         in that way of stealing someone else's paper thank god but like i uh yeah that i would feel oh god did you ever feel like a
                                         
                                         lot of guilt andrew um i think underneath it all i might have wanted to get caught to just
                                         
                                         be able to start over and maybe get help i think that might have been the underlying reason of like
                                         
                                         because i wasn't going to class i was very depressed i had horrible anxiety
                                         
                                         i couldn't sit in the classroom without having a panic attack but i didn't really know what it was
                                         
                                         so i just cheated and i thought right okay like so like i really didn't feel like i had a choice
                                         
                                         but to cheat to get by like so it didn't i didn't really feel guilty about it for some reason is it
                                         
                                         weird that i trust you less
                                         
    
                                         because I know that you cheated so easily?
                                         
                                         And I feel like, would you still do that?
                                         
                                         Have you like-
                                         
                                         Have I changed?
                                         
                                         Would you go back and apologize?
                                         
                                         Yeah, have you changed?
                                         
                                         It makes me go, God, I don't know if he,
                                         
                                         what if he would cheat?
                                         
    
                                         Or just, I feel like you could lie easier
                                         
                                         than I thought before.
                                         
                                         Yeah, this is all a lie.
                                         
                                         I feel like you're more honest with lies now because I don't think I've caught you in a lie.
                                         
                                         And I feel like either you're really good at it or you just don't do it now.
                                         
                                         I mean, no, I think I have changed tremendously from that moment. I think so much of the cheating was just caused by not being able to be productive without it.
                                         
                                         So it's like now I don't see how...
                                         
                                         I picked a profession that works for me.
                                         
    
                                         Yes.
                                         
                                         So I don't have to cheat.
                                         
                                         That was the whole reason why I love comedy and doing standup.
                                         
                                         Cause I performed it and I couldn't,
                                         
                                         you couldn't cheat or I couldn't copy someone else.
                                         
                                         Or one,
                                         
                                         you get called out for copying jokes.
                                         
                                         But like,
                                         
    
                                         that's why I loved it so much.
                                         
                                         I didn't rely on anyone else except for myself on stage.
                                         
                                         And that's why.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         But I don't mean like cheating and comedy.
                                         
                                         I mean like cheating just, what cheating is, is a micro, it's a lie.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Yeah, I mean.
                                         
    
                                         No, I hear you.
                                         
                                         I mean, yeah.
                                         
                                         I mean, I.
                                         
                                         Do you try not to lie?
                                         
                                         I mean, like, because I feel like I try not to, but it's just sometimes you just want
                                         
                                         to give people what they fucking want.
                                         
                                         And it's easier to just be like, give people what they fucking want and it's easier to
                                         
                                         just be like i loved it or whatever the fuck it is i think what happens is is i wouldn't lie or or
                                         
    
                                         feel that way if i felt like the reaction uh from the other well that's why everyone lies andrew no
                                         
                                         i know i'm just telling you though that to avoid the reaction and i know you're saying that to be
                                         
                                         like i lie to you because i'm scared of you but the thing is we've gotten into this before what's so bad about a no or like
                                         
                                         what you don't want to hear I think you're scared of what you don't want to hear which is is scary
                                         
                                         but it's um but the person that that person's entitled to tell you what they feel you know
                                         
                                         what I mean and I have to remember that too sometimes of like if I tell someone what they
                                         
                                         want to hear because that or what they don't want to hear and I know what they want to hear
                                         
                                         but I just don't think they look good in that outfit and I know they don't have anything else
                                         
    
                                         but I can't be like you look great so I go um it's okay and then they go and then they're mad
                                         
                                         and yeah then they're entitled to be mad just as i am entitled to not like them in the
                                         
                                         outfit and i'm entitled to react to them being mad by by like lying not lying by not even like
                                         
                                         like if if that person i don't know i don't know exactly how to explain it all i'm saying is that
                                         
                                         like the reaction yeah that person's entitled to whatever fucking reaction
                                         
                                         they want but if i think it's um uh not a nice reaction or or um like not consider it then
                                         
                                         then i'm not even i don't know so it's like yeah i'm just saying it's not a good excuse to lie to
                                         
                                         be like because i well it's because i just didn't want the reaction i mean that's why everyone lies i guess but i don't know but i think there's like white lies and then i
                                         
    
                                         don't know i feel like there's times where people can lie where the reaction is so harsh that like
                                         
                                         the lie is almost okay for me if it's a white lie if it's like it justifies it yes because it's just
                                         
                                         not worth the other end i've done that before too where it's like this person's gonna be mad at me for three days and i can either just like be dishonest and a little
                                         
                                         that's not gonna yeah because then all the fact anything how you're saying it is like then like
                                         
                                         the lie is so fucking bad but the reaction is like well that's people's reaction you know what i mean
                                         
                                         so then it's like well i'm just saying you i don't like to life not because of the other person but for myself because when I lie it's like betraying who I am if someone goes did
                                         
                                         you like my movie and I'm like yeah it's like that is a self-betrayal that that compounds over time
                                         
                                         and makes me less happy I feel it's not about like yeah but I think sometimes we're off on a
                                         
    
                                         tangent yeah but I do feel like though then the lie,
                                         
                                         you telling that person the truth in that moment and it's going to hurt them.
                                         
                                         Can make your life worse.
                                         
                                         That could be selfish on your part
                                         
                                         because you can't deal with your lying.
                                         
                                         So you're going to tell them the truth,
                                         
                                         which is actually going to maybe hurt them
                                         
                                         even though it's subjective.
                                         
    
                                         I'm serious.
                                         
                                         Pick up that book Lying by Sam Harris that's on the shelf
                                         
                                         and they have an argument for why you should never lie. And's just it's just ironclad there's just no excuse
                                         
                                         to ever lie unless you know there's like one example where he says it's okay to lie what
                                         
                                         example is that it's if you're uh you know a small child runs to your house because someone's chasing
                                         
                                         them to murder them and the guy comes to you the murderer comes to your house and says is the child
                                         
                                         in your house right now and you you actually don't have to lie. You can say, I don't want to answer that.
                                         
                                         You don't even have to lie then.
                                         
    
                                         But that's the only time
                                         
                                         if you're like protecting someone's life
                                         
                                         and like there's violence,
                                         
                                         there's something immediately in front of you
                                         
                                         that's like a violent act
                                         
                                         that if you lie, it's going to preserve your life.
                                         
                                         That's the only time.
                                         
                                         But really you can just say,
                                         
    
                                         I don't want to answer that.
                                         
                                         I don't have to answer that.
                                         
                                         Or you can just shut the door. That's not a lie. But really, you can just say, I don't want to answer that. I don't have to answer that. Or you can just shut the door.
                                         
                                         That's not a lie.
                                         
                                         All right, moving on.
                                         
                                         All right, let's talk about our favorite topic, drinking.
                                         
                                         Yay.
                                         
                                         Here's Allie.
                                         
    
                                         Hey, besties.
                                         
                                         I saw on the story that you want stories from college.
                                         
                                         So here is my submission.
                                         
                                         I like her voice.
                                         
                                         So I used to be captain of the cheerleading team.
                                         
                                         No big deal.
                                         
                                         Just because it's so fucking cool.
                                         
                                         And so we were a competitive cheerleading team in college.
                                         
    
                                         And we had a competition coming up.
                                         
                                         That was kind of like our big end of year thing that we've been working towards all year.
                                         
                                         And we had kind of told our
                                         
                                         coaches or agreed to just like not drink for the month and like we're gonna hunker down and take
                                         
                                         care of our bodies and like just really be ready for this competition and do well so like the week
                                         
                                         before we leave for this competition um it's this one girl's birthday and we're all kind of like
                                         
                                         okay well like we're gonna have a party for her so we just
                                         
                                         like all decide that we're just not gonna tell anybody like we're not gonna tell the coaches
                                         
    
                                         we're not gonna like post anything on like facebook because i think it was like facebook
                                         
                                         at the time with like 60 photos per album type shit um i'm like okay we're just gonna be secretive
                                         
                                         and go have fun and then go to this competition. So when cheerleaders drink, they start to stunt.
                                         
                                         And stunting when you're drinking is like super fucking dangerous.
                                         
                                         And long story short, a guy ended up putting his head
                                         
                                         through a glass kitchen table and was concussed and couldn't compete.
                                         
                                         So we got caught.
                                         
                                         Thanks, bestie.
                                         
    
                                         I love you.
                                         
                                         Oh, damn.
                                         
                                         Oh, I mean, yeah yeah cheerleaders getting drunk they're gonna try some
                                         
                                         things that they should be doing it's like that's that's stunting is as drinking while
                                         
                                         yeah don't don't stunt well while drunk it is so wild to have that in your back pocket
                                         
                                         when you're drinking like it's so scary to know that like at any moment a guy can
                                         
                                         flip you three times and then like catch you by grabbing your vagina like who wouldn't want to do
                                         
                                         that when you're drunk you know what i mean oh it's the first thing you'd want to do it especially
                                         
    
                                         if you've been practicing it a ton and you nailed it at practice earlier that day and you finally
                                         
                                         got this move that you've been working so hard on you you just have this false confidence. And by the way, that is false.
                                         
                                         People always go, I get liquid courage.
                                         
                                         It's dumb.
                                         
                                         You're dumber.
                                         
                                         You're not actually courageous.
                                         
                                         You're stupider.
                                         
                                         Yes, you must have.
                                         
    
                                         Courage is actually going past the fear.
                                         
                                         That's real courage.
                                         
                                         When you're drunk and you think it's courage,
                                         
                                         it's because the things telling you not to do that
                                         
                                         that you should usually overcome in order to do something are just not there because you're dumb so that's a big
                                         
                                         dismantling of of that that people always go but it's liquid courage like i gotta have like
                                         
                                         if he needs to get drunk to do something you shouldn't be doing it also i think like uh
                                         
                                         if there weren't you know when i played football in high school they made a sign you're
                                         
    
                                         not gonna drink during season for you know two months or whatever they made you like yeah so
                                         
                                         then the first thing you want to do as a high school kid is go drink because you're like fuck
                                         
                                         the patriarchy or whatever so like that coach being like i want you on your best behavior they're like
                                         
                                         you're a college kid you're gonna go okay'm going to go stunt through a glass table.
                                         
                                         You know, it's like.
                                         
                                         What's his name?
                                         
                                         The coach for the Chicago Bulls back in the day.
                                         
                                         What was his name?
                                         
    
                                         Oh, Phil Jackson.
                                         
                                         When he let Rodman go to Vegas.
                                         
                                         Yeah, with Dennis Rodman.
                                         
                                         He just goes, yeah, go.
                                         
                                         Because I'm going to trust you to do what's right.
                                         
                                         And I'm not your keeper.
                                         
                                         And, you know, that's, yeah, coaches.
                                         
                                         Yeah, putting those limits sometimes it makes you want
                                         
    
                                         to do the opposite um for sure okay uh yes um and and uh alcohol can stunt your growth and stunt
                                         
                                         your stunts uh let's get to the next one all right one more about being drunk okay from tay
                                         
                                         tay okay my name is taylor love the podcast um taylor's voice currently in the
                                         
                                         bathroom at work so i can send this but oh my god yes this is really embarrassing
                                         
                                         but when i was a freshman one time i was so drunk. I don't drink anymore. FYI. But one time I was so drunk, I had to pee
                                         
                                         so bad and the bathroom lines are insanely long at this bar because it was like the main I had found a cup on the dance floor, and I was on this surface standing up.
                                         
                                         But anyways, I grabbed the cup, stuck it up my skirt, and I peed in the cup.
                                         
                                         And then my friend was like, okay, go away,
                                         
    
                                         and so I grabbed a cup and threw it,
                                         
                                         threw a cup full of my pee
                                         
                                         onto the dance floor,
                                         
                                         like into the middle of people.
                                         
                                         Oh my God, being drunk is so funny.
                                         
                                         Okay, bye.
                                         
                                         I mean, like-
                                         
                                         What was that last part?
                                         
    
                                         Now I don't drink?
                                         
                                         Okay, bye.
                                         
                                         Now I don't drink, yeah.
                                         
                                         I mean, the idea that you pee in a cup,
                                         
                                         you get this, you get it done,
                                         
                                         you get it all in the cup,
                                         
                                         and then you go and you throw it on the dance floor,
                                         
                                         that's a drunk move there
                                         
    
                                         of just not doing the logical thing,
                                         
                                         which is like, you just did this amazing feat,
                                         
                                         which is peeing in a cup in a public place.
                                         
                                         You have a skirt on.
                                         
                                         The line is long.
                                         
                                         You just avoided this thing.
                                         
                                         Good job. Maybe that's the kind of liquid courage you needed to get that liquid into that cup. in a public place you have a skirt on like the line is long you just avoided this thing like
                                         
                                         good job like maybe that's the kind of liquid courage you needed to get that liquid into that
                                         
    
                                         cup and then to toss it in that's where the drunk person comes in of like just throw it away but like
                                         
                                         i mean though the people that had piss on their shoes that night that didn't realize it until
                                         
                                         i mean college is so disgusting oh my god
                                         
                                         and you know what someone definitely did the running man and slipped and not to mention
                                         
                                         underneath that floor got it all over their bedding um well i did shit like that all the
                                         
                                         time of just like doing this like just a knee jerk thing that was just the gross the worst thing you
                                         
                                         could do there's probably a trash can right next to her and she just decides to go
                                         
                                         toss it in the bar. My buddy would pee at the bar.
                                         
    
                                         We'd be ordering drinks
                                         
                                         and he'd go, hey, hey, hit me on the
                                         
                                         shoulder. I look down and he's just pissing
                                         
                                         on the bar. No.
                                         
                                         I can't believe alcohol is a thing
                                         
                                         that people will take. No, this was at Starbucks.
                                         
                                         I mean, it just...
                                         
                                         The barista bar.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah, the barista bar.
                                         
                                         No, yeah, it's just why. And then and then i look down his dick's out he's peeing i'm drunk and i'm like like like there's no thought like someone's gonna have to
                                         
                                         clean this there's none of that like there's no thoughts of others the girls bet like people who
                                         
                                         clean up after college dorms or like parties after college kids were at a bar.
                                         
                                         It's just those people really deserve our respect because yeah,
                                         
                                         they're just disgusting.
                                         
                                         Like the,
                                         
                                         the whole thing of if you miss the paper,
                                         
    
                                         the trash can with a paper towel,
                                         
                                         always pick it up.
                                         
                                         If there's little streamers of toilet paper,
                                         
                                         when you're trying to get it out of the thing and you're on the floor,
                                         
                                         someone has to pick that up,
                                         
                                         pick it up.
                                         
                                         That's what curve. The latest curve was all about that, that really, there was a, when you're trying to get it out of the thing and you're on the floor. Someone has to pick that up. Pick it up. It's just good karma.
                                         
                                         The latest Curb was all about that.
                                         
    
                                         Really?
                                         
                                         There was a girl, a dentist who was dating his friend
                                         
                                         dropped something on the ground,
                                         
                                         like a pirate booty, just dropped a chip.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         And Larry David saw her not pick it up.
                                         
                                         And so he went back to his friend he goes she left
                                         
                                         the chip she left it for someone else to pick up not a good person to date and like that was like
                                         
    
                                         the whole yeah that was like the whole like idea of the it's a hundred percent true if you are
                                         
                                         someone who is if you're an adult and you haven't reached a place where you know occasionally you
                                         
                                         slip and you just get selfish and you drop
                                         
                                         something but like I really have made it a superstition of mine that if you leave any
                                         
                                         trash on the floor for someone else to pick up at any point your bad things will happen to you
                                         
                                         that trash is gonna amount to bad things coming back to you and so now it's almost like an OCD
                                         
                                         obsession of mine like even the tiniest little piece of toilet paper I have to pick it up because
                                         
                                         I'm like someone will either have to sweep it into a thing
                                         
    
                                         And pick it up there's going to be a human effort
                                         
                                         Going into picking that up that is not
                                         
                                         Fair because I did it
                                         
                                         Even though that's their job
                                         
                                         Or whatever
                                         
                                         Let's get to the next one
                                         
                                         Okay let's do one about
                                         
                                         A mispronunciation from Kat
                                         
    
                                         Oh a college mispronunciation
                                         
                                         Hey Nikki, Andrew, and Noah.
                                         
                                         So I just saw a story about leaving a memory from college,
                                         
                                         and I wanted to share a good one.
                                         
                                         I'm still in college, but this is from my freshman year,
                                         
                                         and this is when I know I should have dropped out of college.
                                         
                                         I had a bio lab report due,
                                         
                                         and I said Spanish leaves instead of spinach leaves 20 times throughout bio lab report due and I said
                                         
    
                                         Spanish leaves instead of spinach leaves
                                         
                                         20 times throughout the lab report
                                         
                                         and I
                                         
                                         saw the red lines
                                         
                                         like the squiggles coming up under
                                         
                                         Spanish leaves and I was like that's weird
                                         
                                         like why do they want Spanish or spinach leaves
                                         
                                         to be capitalized
                                         
    
                                         but even then my stupid self made the connection
                                         
                                         that Spanish leaves was not what i was supposed
                                         
                                         to be writing anyways love the podcast thanks sir all you guys do shredded let and spanish leaves
                                         
                                         that's what i'm gonna order at subway today she thought i went extra spanish leaves we thought
                                         
                                         spinach was spanish like like like you just i think you look at that word and it is kind of
                                         
                                         the same yeah the c could be an S in some words, right?
                                         
                                         Like conscious.
                                         
                                         I love that.
                                         
    
                                         I love our little listeners.
                                         
                                         They're so cute.
                                         
                                         Conscious really bugs.
                                         
                                         That one I always get worried about before I say it.
                                         
                                         Like, it's conscious and.
                                         
                                         Conscience.
                                         
                                         Conscience.
                                         
                                         And also granite and granite.
                                         
    
                                         I also get those confused. Grite and granite i also get those confused granted and granite
                                         
                                         and then i also get um oh there's another one that really gets me all the time what i you know
                                         
                                         i was looking at my notes the other day and my friend was taking notes on my set
                                         
                                         and he typed in molestation but it auto-corrected to mole station which i think is a hilarious new way to
                                         
                                         say that you were a victim of mole station and then maybe you can find a like and i was just
                                         
                                         talking about your tongue being a little mole so mole station is so funny if you like if you had a
                                         
                                         bunch of moles and you made like a little um a little train station for them and called it mole station.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
    
                                         So that's just a fun way to look at that word.
                                         
                                         What was another?
                                         
                                         Oh, yeah.
                                         
                                         I remember when I had those bad thoughts and I was thinking, I want to kill myself.
                                         
                                         That was the thought I kept having.
                                         
                                         And then I was like, change it so it means something else.
                                         
                                         I want to kill on stage myself.
                                         
                                         I want to kill.
                                         
    
                                         And then it was, you can change it.
                                         
                                         Or like you can just change it to like suicide.
                                         
                                         Like, you know, like take-
                                         
                                         Suey.
                                         
                                         Suey!
                                         
                                         Side note.
                                         
                                         It's like when we drove by Carlsbad.
                                         
                                         And it was Carlsbad.
                                         
    
                                         Like just like taking-
                                         
                                         Carlsbad.
                                         
                                         That made me laugh so hard on the way to San Diego.
                                         
                                         Andrew was like, what's Carlsbad?
                                         
                                         Carlsbad. That made me giggle a lot. Yeah, I was. Andrew was like, what's Carl's bad? Carl's bad.
                                         
                                         That made me giggle a lot.
                                         
                                         Yeah, I was happy because you were like half asleep.
                                         
                                         Oh my God.
                                         
    
                                         San Diego always makes me think of eating a waffle on a beach.
                                         
                                         It's a Sandy Eggo.
                                         
                                         Oh.
                                         
                                         Eggo my Eggo.
                                         
                                         Wow.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         I always picture someone eating a waffle on the beach whenever I hear San Diego.
                                         
                                         That's a good one.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah. These are a good one.
                                         
                                         These are fun.
                                         
                                         Yeah, mole station, I'm just like picturing like different moles you put on your face.
                                         
                                         Like you get a nice little.
                                         
                                         Oh.
                                         
                                         Like, oh, I'm going to go with the Crawford.
                                         
                                         Or like I just picture moles with little suitcases waiting at a train station.
                                         
                                         Oh, that's way cuter.
                                         
    
                                         And like hugging each other and like saying goodbye.
                                         
                                         And like one running after the train
                                         
                                         being like, I'll miss you.
                                         
                                         And the girl is like, yes, that looks like, yes.
                                         
                                         That guy makes it so much cuter
                                         
                                         than old men touching young boys.
                                         
                                         Oh my God, I met a bestie yesterday.
                                         
                                         Oh.
                                         
    
                                         Like I was in my lobby at my hotel with Carlisle.
                                         
                                         It's Carlisle's birthday yesterday.
                                         
                                         So I was with her and her boyfriend and we were having um a nightcap and um uh this girl came up
                                         
                                         and forget her name Gabrielle I think it was and she was like hi I'm just listening to your podcast
                                         
                                         I'm a big fan and I was like oh my god and I was right in the middle of being like and these
                                         
                                         fucking molesters they are sneaky cunts like I was talking about molestation and I go oh my god
                                         
                                         I was taking about I was talking about molestation and i go oh my god i was taking about
                                         
                                         i was talking about sexual predators and child abuse and she was like pretty on brand for you
                                         
    
                                         she was like i really appreciate those those talks you do so um i was like screaming about
                                         
                                         molestation in a lobby and i got approached by a fan our fans are so great the best by the way
                                         
                                         um not only am i deeply soothed by taylor's voice and whoever who was our last caller it was three in a row um the girl in the bathroom the last one was cat cat and then
                                         
                                         who was before taylor um okay it was uh ally ally taylor and cat y'all got really soothing voices
                                         
                                         and i wouldn't mind if you made me a voice memo and send it to my DMs. That's just like an ASMR of you just talking about your day
                                         
                                         in a very calm, slow voice.
                                         
                                         Because I just almost went to sleep listening to your voices.
                                         
                                         I am deeply soothed by women's voices.
                                         
    
                                         And the other day, the guy that I'm seeing, Chris,
                                         
                                         he was like, I think I figured out why you love Taylor Swift so much.
                                         
                                         Because he heard this TikTok that she did about fall. I'm seeing Chris he was like I think I figured out why you love Taylor Swift so much because he
                                         
                                         heard this TikTok that she did about fall um and like it's it's about you know pumpkin lattes
                                         
                                         and leaves and like it was her voice was so he was like her voice was so soothing and I think
                                         
                                         you just love a voice like that that feels like almost maternal and like just calm and soothing
                                         
                                         and so I think
                                         
                                         he's on to something because Taylor's voice is is just a dream I want to go to the final thought I
                                         
    
                                         will get to one more fan threats but I do for all our Swifties thank you so much for allowing me to
                                         
                                         go off the other day on red I'm not done going off about everything I just got into you know I'm
                                         
                                         taking my time all too well 10 minute version got, got it down obsessed. I've, I've spent a lot hours listening to that over
                                         
                                         and over saying it with Andrew. Andrew almost knows all the new versus it's incredible how
                                         
                                         much he's picked up of that. Appreciate that, Andrew. Um, I bet you think about me is my
                                         
                                         favorite, maybe one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs of all time. That is off the Red new album. It's from The Vault. It's so good. And I've talked about it already, but I'm in the
                                         
                                         music video for it that Blake Lively directed is incredible. I watched it last night for the first
                                         
                                         time. Haven't had really time to dig into it. Here's an interesting thing. So for Swifties out
                                         
    
                                         there or for just anyone interested, Taylor Swift, she did the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
                                         
                                         induction ceremony
                                         
                                         that filmed a little under a month ago
                                         
                                         in Cleveland
                                         
                                         and there was footage from it
                                         
                                         taken from people in the audience
                                         
                                         but it aired on Saturday night
                                         
                                         and so we have the official video of it
                                         
    
                                         and I was watching it
                                         
                                         and there's this moment at the beginning
                                         
                                         where,
                                         
                                         and I put it on my Instagram
                                         
                                         and she,
                                         
                                         the camera comes up behind her
                                         
                                         and she's singing, what Carole King song does she sing fuck I can't it can't come to mind
                                         
                                         right now but it's um it's a classic you you would know it if you reckon if you heard it and
                                         
    
                                         the camera comes up behind her and then she sees it and she turns and she just shoots at this glance
                                         
                                         that is so hot and sexy and like I want you to know if you watch that
                                         
                                         or do you feel things because I do anyway so I know the director of the rock and roll hall of
                                         
                                         fame show it's Joel Gallen he directed um all the roasts and I've gone to his house to watch the
                                         
                                         roasts before and um we've become like texting buddies because I
                                         
                                         I was obsessed with this Prince video of Prince at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and he's playing
                                         
                                         while my guitar gently weeps and he does this incredible guitar solo that's one of the best
                                         
                                         ever and I found out Joel Gallen directed it so I was texting him about it so he knows I'm a big
                                         
    
                                         music fan and love these performances and he invited me to his house on Saturday to watch a
                                         
                                         screening of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. Unfortunately, I was in San Diego, but I was like, I can't wait to watch
                                         
                                         Taylor's performance. So I watched it last night and I saw this moment and I was really interested
                                         
                                         to know, did she ask them to do that? Like when she performs, do you think, does she have the
                                         
                                         camera come and like, how does that happen she just sense it is it do they tell
                                         
                                         her they're gonna come there and then she knows um what do you guys think when when there's a shot
                                         
                                         where the camera comes from behind and then all of a sudden it's right here you know like i feel
                                         
                                         like she's from her face and then she looks at it the last second and nails this like last line i
                                         
    
                                         do think i think she is talented enough to if to get that feeling and do it on
                                         
                                         her own i feel like she is a perfectionist enough where it's actually timed agreed so
                                         
                                         i asked him and i said was that a you thing and you told her that it was going to be there did
                                         
                                         she want it there and he goes she just sensed that a camera was there it was they went they went through a run through, you know, with like where the cameras were going
                                         
                                         to be.
                                         
                                         He didn't even tell her about that camera.
                                         
                                         That wasn't really a planned shot.
                                         
                                         He goes, she's that good.
                                         
    
                                         She just sensed the camera.
                                         
                                         I mean, go watch it and see what this girl was capable.
                                         
                                         It looked like a choreographed thing.
                                         
                                         And honestly, I was bummed out that that was the answer because it was just so good.
                                         
                                         I wanted it to be.
                                         
                                         Actually, I was actually happy for that answer because it means that maybe
                                         
                                         I could do that someday because I'm never gonna be someone
                                         
                                         who's gonna go through shot by shot backstage with someone.
                                         
    
                                         That ain't ever gonna be me.
                                         
                                         But if it's an instinctual thing that you learn
                                         
                                         from doing it enough, maybe that could be me someday.
                                         
                                         So I just thought that was interesting.
                                         
                                         For your special, you have a, you know,
                                         
                                         I know Louis did it on one of his specials
                                         
                                         where he had a camera guy actually on stage.
                                         
                                         And maybe you can, like like maybe not your whole special but like one of your bits you could kind of connect with the audience that way it's a good idea i might send them that that
                                         
    
                                         example of that shot because it was just so beautiful and i just want to do it um okay
                                         
                                         let's get to the last one all right uh this one's from justine. Justine. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. It's Justine in Michigan.
                                         
                                         So you needed voicemails about memories from college.
                                         
                                         Well, I immediately think of this time I was hooking up with this guy.
                                         
                                         It was my sophomore year of college, and we're in his basement, and he started to go down on me.
                                         
                                         And all of a sudden he stops and he puts his hand like up to his mouth back and forth and then like looks at his hand back up to his mouth, looks at his hand and the lights are off.
                                         
                                         I was like, what's wrong?
                                         
                                         And he's like, I'll be right back.
                                         
    
                                         And he goes, leaves the room.
                                         
                                         I look down and there's blood all over me obviously I'm mortified I think oh my god
                                         
                                         I started my period I'm literally I need to die right here and now in this moment fuck yeah and
                                         
                                         uh he comes back from the bathroom and said how embarrassed he was that he got a nosebleed and I
                                         
                                         was so relieved thank god um it was still really embarrassing and awkward
                                         
                                         And obviously we stopped picking up and it was just weird
                                         
                                         But that is the memory I think of
                                         
                                         In college is just really shitty
                                         
    
                                         Sexual encounters
                                         
                                         Love you guys
                                         
                                         Oh my god
                                         
                                         Dude
                                         
                                         If you start your period
                                         
                                         You can't be at fault for that
                                         
                                         If you're on your period and you don't tell someone before or you're
                                         
                                         drunk and you forgot, I would even excuse that.
                                         
    
                                         But like, no shame in starting your period if it had been blood.
                                         
                                         But as a freshman in college or a sophomore in college, devastating if that was the case.
                                         
                                         And thank God he had a bloody nose.
                                         
                                         And I love that it went from you being embarrassed to him feeling.
                                         
                                         I mean, getting a nosebleed when you're a boy i feel like it's just a thing that is it's almost like the period of for boys because you guys you guys get boners
                                         
                                         of course but like getting nosebleeds just means you're a dork it means you're like yeah it's
                                         
                                         always dorky what does it mean dorks i think it's cool kind of well i just like the idea i don't
                                         
                                         know what's happening it's bleeding like it's always a dork thing, but why?
                                         
    
                                         Every movie, it's always like,
                                         
                                         I'm Sam, I know you mean.
                                         
                                         My mom told me I shouldn't wear these pants.
                                         
                                         It's always just like,
                                         
                                         the altitude in this gymnasium.
                                         
                                         Why?
                                         
                                         Why can't it be a cool thing?
                                         
                                         No, I'll still eat your pussy.
                                         
    
                                         And he's just like, oh,
                                         
                                         bye. Oh my god.
                                         
                                         Nosebleeds are
                                         
                                         hilarious and they are so vulnerable.
                                         
                                         You have nosebleeds more than
                                         
                                         I haven't had one in so long.
                                         
                                         I pick my nose and I have long fingernails
                                         
                                         and it will just
                                         
    
                                         be rubbing my nose and it'll just
                                         
                                         hit, it'll nick
                                         
                                         it just one jason moran's this weekend just told us a story backstage that right before he came to
                                         
                                         the show he was washing his face and he had long nails on his uh picking finger for guitar and it
                                         
                                         just when he was washing his face one finger just went up his nose and scratched it and he was
                                         
                                         gushing blood down his face and i was like oh that happens to me but i'm actually
                                         
                                         picking my nose and also when i used to have a nose ring in college constant yeah constantly
                                         
                                         hitting it and it bleeding uh all the time um so it's just very sensitive tissue in there and
                                         
    
                                         then you put then you put sensitive tissue inside it to clog it up i wonder if that guy somewhere
                                         
                                         tells that story and he's like oh god i can't believe i bleed it on her puss like i wonder if that guy somewhere tells that story and he's like oh god i can't believe i
                                         
                                         bleed it on her puss like i wonder if he's like i bet he's like i thought it was a nosebleed but
                                         
                                         it ended up being her period i bet he switches in to be like it wasn't my nosebleed dog and it's
                                         
                                         like a different podcast he's calling it dalia's podcast with that story now and they're like fuck
                                         
                                         that bitch bloody pussy. Oh my God.
                                         
                                         Okay, well,
                                         
                                         thank you so much
                                         
    
                                         for this special episode.
                                         
                                         We have another episode
                                         
                                         out for you.
                                         
                                         It will be out
                                         
                                         on Thanksgiving.
                                         
                                         Wednesday.
                                         
                                         Oh, Wednesday.
                                         
                                         And just in time
                                         
    
                                         for you to listen
                                         
                                         on Thanksgiving,
                                         
                                         maybe you save it for that.
                                         
                                         It's going to be
                                         
                                         our live episode
                                         
                                         from Cancun,
                                         
                                         which, you know.
                                         
                                         Oh my God.
                                         
    
                                         So funny.
                                         
                                         Okay, good. It's so funny you guys
                                         
                                         I was there and I had so much fun so I hope
                                         
                                         that you enjoy it thank you so much to
                                         
                                         every bestie that came to a show this weekend
                                         
                                         in Los Angeles and San Diego
                                         
                                         I love meeting you
                                         
                                         I can't say it enough I just
                                         
    
                                         we're instantly friends
                                         
                                         we both feel it whenever we meet
                                         
                                         and I'm in Denver this weekend
                                         
                                         I hope to see you guys there for shows.
                                         
                                         I'm taping my HBO special, which was announced last week.
                                         
                                         And there'll be two shows on Saturday night in Denver.
                                         
                                         And then the following week, we'll be in Portland and San Francisco.
                                         
                                         I'll also be coming to Calgary.
                                         
    
                                         Andrew won't be on that one, but I'll be in Calgary, Alberta, Canada,
                                         
                                         coming up on December 13th.
                                         
                                         And also, we are going
                                         
                                         to be in
                                         
                                         San Fran. Yeah, we're also
                                         
                                         going to be in Pittsburgh too.
                                         
                                         Pittsburgh and
                                         
                                         I believe Connecticut
                                         
    
                                         in December as well. So go to
                                         
                                         NikkiGlaser.com slash tour for tickets
                                         
                                         and can't wait to see you out there.
                                         
                                         Appreciate you all so much. More and more of you
                                         
                                         coming to shows. It's been so cool to see since out there. Appreciate you all so much. More and more of you coming to shows.
                                         
                                         It's been so cool to see since we started this tour July 30th,
                                         
                                         and when I said the Nikki Glaser podcast,
                                         
                                         how many woos there were then to now.
                                         
    
                                         It's like most of the audience,
                                         
                                         and that's just,
                                         
                                         it's just the best feeling in the world.
                                         
                                         We love you guys,
                                         
                                         and yeah,
                                         
                                         we'll get through this week of just two episodes,
                                         
                                         but don't worry.
                                         
                                         We're not phasing out.
                                         
    
                                         I know it might feel like that,
                                         
                                         but that's not what's happening.
                                         
                                         It's just a busy time in the holidays,
                                         
                                         but we'll stay with you.
                                         
                                         Don't worry.
                                         
                                         And you stay with us.
                                         
                                         So don't be care.
                                         
                                         And Jack and Jill.
                                         
    
                                         Someone gave me Jack and Jill,
                                         
                                         by the way, a busty.
                                         
                                         Did I forget who?
                                         
                                         Thank you for that, by the way.
                                         
                                         Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show,
                                         
                                         and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears
                                         
                                         with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.
                                         
                                         Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics,
                                         
    
                                         entertainment, sports, and more.
                                         
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                                         Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
                                         
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                                         We want to speak out, and we want this to stop.
                                         
    
                                         Wow, very powerful.
                                         
                                         I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist,
                                         
                                         and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.
                                         
                                         I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult.
                                         
                                         He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star.
                                         
                                         To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in.
                                         
                                         It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated.
                                         
                                         We're an army in comparison to him.
                                         
    
                                         From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
                                         
                                         or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of
                                         
                                         questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different
                                         
                                         answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season.
                                         
                                         We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.
                                         
                                         Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
                                         
                                         Seven questions, limitless answers.
                                         
                                         You are cordially invited to
                                         
    
                                         the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional
                                         
                                         and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world
                                         
                                         that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour,
                                         
                                         tips to help improve your swing,
                                         
                                         and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club.
                                         
                                         Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production
                                         
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                                         Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E,
                                         
    
                                         on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
                                         
                                         Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.
                                         
                                         Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B,
                                         
                                         as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships
                                         
                                         and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives
                                         
                                         dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions
                                         
                                         Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
                                         
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