The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #141 Anything For Anyone

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

Between you and Nikki, confrontation might not be the best way to handle a confrontation especially if you're "vibrating with anger". Nikki is thankful to Andrew and everyone else who supported her this weekend as she taped her HBO Special. They talk about behind the scenes joke building then call Nikki's sister Lauren who had a special of her own over the weekend. You Heard It Here First, breaking up with a therapist is hard to do, no one is talking about Ghislaine Maxwell because they can't pronounce her name and couple goals that Nikki cares about. In Top1 Bottom1 they talk about sex toys and in the Final Thought Nikki explained how she practiced letting go at a time she usually doesn't. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am. What's up, you guys? So good to be back here on the Nikki Glaser podcast. I missed you all. Thank you so much for understanding last week and the week before when we kind of took a little time off just because of everything that was going on in my life, which I really appreciate. Not only iHeart, which is our mother company, but just Andrew and Noah, who obviously enjoy doing this every day and love everyone that is associated with the podcast. I appreciate just fitting into my schedule and considering me during this time

of a lot of work, but we're back. It was weird to be away from you guys for so long. Noah, how did you feel about it? Because we haven't recorded since, it's been a week. Since Monday, yeah, a week. And Andrew just remarked that that is how most podcasts do it. Like he's like, they just do once a week. And that's how, well, that's how this podcast was originally presented as that and

could have been that but I said no pay me the same let's do four times the amount because I like I like a daily show and um man there's a lot that goes into the psychology behind wanting to do more work even though people don't want it from me um because yeah but I'll get to that in a second let me put a little bookmark in that Noah how did you feel not doing the show every day it was very relaxing because uh last week I went to LA to spend time with family I didn't know that a lot yeah there's just a lot going on So I appreciated not having to manage a job also along with family stuff. How was that? Was it your family or Avi's family?

It was Avi's family. Right. Okay. And when you put a bunch of family together, you know what happens. Yes. Everyone loves each other and gets along. And they remember how secure the bond of having the same bloodline is. Right.

Yeah, because that's this is the thing. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Just because we have the same DNA and we came from the same fucking grandfathers or like some connection doesn't mean we have to be friends or like each other or even see each other. There's a lot more people in this world I have a lot more in common with than just a couple like DNA strands. You know, like family, this whole thing of like family first. I understand the people you grow up with, the people that you have this bond with from an early age or whatever but um the idea that i have to see family because they're in the town that i'm in or because they want to or because their family doesn't fly with me i just i just don't get it it wasn't so much that it's just like i know that you spend time with your family and i'm looking

forward to hearing about it but something happens to us where we turn into teenagers, or at least for me. Oh my God, yes. And I observe it in others when we're around parental figures. Oh boy, what do you do? What do you slip back into? What's the thing that you go, whoa, here's teenage Noah? I'm just more inclined to throw a temper tantrum.

But this, you know, like I had a really good therapy session before this week. So I had a lot of good tools to use but I don't know what it is it's just like this like involuntary response yeah to parents I think uh I wish we could have done a podcast about this before the holidays but guess what it's before the holidays now maybe you're going back for for Christmas there is um there's an amazing meditation on the waking up app that I listen to all the time when I'm about to go into a situation where I know that I'm going to be triggered into acting like my teenage self I'm going to look it up on the break and play it for

you just a little bit later because I don't want to waste our time right now but there's just a snippet of it that says pretty much paraphrasing it is like you it's about those reactions we have that it's you know those knee-jerk reactions where you say something or you do something and you don't need to do it and it's just you know it's going to happen and like go let me try to consolidate my thoughts when I'm going into like a family situation where I know my mom's gonna say the wrong thing I know she's gonna like you know I'm just this is not about my mom mom if you're listening this is just an example you literally don't do this to me anymore but like I know she's gonna make a comment about my weight or a comment about my food choice because I mean I'm on a diet now something that you're going into the holidays with and you're like they're good I'm gonna get a comment on it I'm a a diet now. Something that you're going into the holidays with and you're like, I'm going to get a comment on it.

I'm a size bigger, a couple sizes bigger. I'm a size too small, whatever. Like really doing work around the fact that that has nothing to do with you. And it's so hard to realize that but I find that when I when someone is angry at me about something or has an opinion about me I have to I have to stop and remember how miserable their life must be like truly and especially people that have a lot of hate in their hearts and you know the woman there was a woman um that Anya went up to on her way to Denver I was saving my special this weekend and all my friends came out aside from you Carlisle and uh Sarah Lita were missing and my

friend Hala as well were the ones and my sister and my parents okay so it's a lot of people missing but like I had everyone else in my life that I love besides those those six people um but Anya was at her gate in New York waiting for a flight and she went to like another section uh her gate was kind of full so she went to this other less crowded section few people there and there was this woman on her phone that was just screaming into her phone on speakerphone talking to someone bundled up in her coat talking out loud to someone Anya kind of makes eyes with the people around her kind of seeing like we all are annoyed by this woman like this is a full-blown loud conversation in a quiet area so anya who had gotten who had recently listened to a whitney cummings on her

podcast talking about i'll be the one that goes up and tells people hey um can you put some headphones on everyone can hear you like. Whitney said this on her podcast. She's the one that does it. So Anya's like, I'm going to be fucking Whitney right now. I'm going to take a page out of that book. And she went up to the woman and she was like, excuse me, I'm sorry. So is there any way you could put in headphones?

And the girl goes, what? She goes, oh, is there any way that you could put in headphones? We can all hear you. And she goes, I don't care. And she goes, you don't care? And she goes, no. goes no she goes oh okay well that's that's kind of rude and she goes oh it is and she goes yeah and she goes well you're rude and she goes actually I don't think I am and then she walked away but Anya said she was like shaking because this confrontation that like turned into this whole thing it didn't go you know what way do you want that to go I don't know

someone that's already on their phone screaming into it you're not gonna get the reaction you want out of that person like this is the thing that I remember so often I had uh let me just say how this ends so then and I'll go back so then Anya walks back to her section everyone's kind of looking at her like kind of like sorry for her like she's like shaking because this didn't go the way it is she got screamed at and then she you know a half hour later she goes to the bathroom she's walking back this woman is a gate agent she was just wearing her coat she works there and so Anya is like this woman works at the airport and was doing this and like got so then Anya wrote Whitney a DM being like hey you inspired me to say something and this is what happened and she was she said she was so disheartened because Whitney wrote back like you got to understand that that

woman deals with really annoying people all day and is probably just angry and like and Anya's like no I wanted don't don't don't you know make it about like her having a rough time but the truth is Whitney Anya and I both go god come on Whitney stop being stop being right because we both know that that's right like that woman's life is so bad and that's this is another thing that I just stumbled upon when you Anya I because in every situation altercation I have you, something like that where I want to let it go. I try to figure out what my part to play was and what I can apologize for or what I can forgive myself for so I can move on from it. I had a,

a moment on stage with someone. I might've talked about it on the podcast, but one of my friends brought, I was bringing one of my friends on stage and they were so offended by my act that they, because I was talking about anal and like it was kind of about poop and stuff. And they were so like grossed out that they didn't hug me and they made a big scene of like, I don't want to even touch the mic that she's on and all this stuff. And I was really hurt by that. And then they went on to spend the first five minutes of their set saying how disgusting I was and how like man I thought she was like doing well like that was really I'm so sorry guys they kept apologizing to the audience for how they had to watch that and and the thing is I killed like I

know when I don't do well I would admit it right here it was one of my strongest sets in a while and I think that was really the issue there was the person didn't want to have to follow what I just did. And also, maybe they're right. Maybe it was a little too blue. Maybe for them, it was just kind of gross to follow that. And how are they supposed to talk about like their relationship with their nephew after I talked about that? Maybe that's it. Who knows? But I was watching this offstage. And I was getting my blood was boiling because this is someone I brought up on stage as one of my favorite comics, one my friends they wouldn't first of all they wouldn't hug me they made me feel disgusting which you guys know I feel stained it's been a while and they were like reiterating

that that I was disgusting like just really blown away by how gross I was and um and I was my blood was boiling Carlisle was off stage uh with me and was going to leave because I don't like to hear people talk about me. That's why I don't read comments. I don't want to hear bad things. I know they're being said. I don't want to read them. And Carlisle's trying to airdrop me my set or some pictures.

And she's, and I'm like, Carla, I want to leave. Cause he won't stop talking about me. Like, I want to get out of here. And she's like, just wait a second. She was like, it's sending. It's like, has to go through the air. Like, hold on, hold on. Like it's airdrop.

It's a second. Just give it a second. Like, it's okay. Just don has to go through the air like hold on hold on like it's airdrop it's a second just give it a second like it's okay just don't listen to him don't listen to him i'm like i gotta go i gotta go and i'm like walking out and then i hear him after i'm witnessing this for five minutes he does one joke then he goes back into how disgusting i am i'm sure it feels like an hour it was crazy noah like i'm not exaggerating it was four minutes of him saying how disgusting I was at the top he did 30 second joke and then he went back into saying how disgusting I was and just going like I can't even do anything I can't even talk right now that was so gross like how are we supposed to continue and so that's when I when he goes when he says I'm really sorry you guys you

didn't deserve that like when he apologized on behalf of how gross I was I walked back in the room I stomped back in the room and I go I'm so sorry like you know let's say his name is John John I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so disgusting you couldn't even hug me oh my and he goes I didn't say you're you're not disgusting and I go well why didn't you hug me and he's just like you've had enough time stop trying to make this about you and I'm like I never ever even if my friend is on stage and like I want to help them in some way like one time David Spade was on stage and I really I could see he was looking for the next bit to do and I really wanted to do this bit we worked on like in the car or that I had reminded him of in the car and I even then I didn't want to like heckle to draw I don't ever want people to think I'm trying to get people to look at me when I'm off stage.

That is just not my MO. Maybe it's because I do want that so desperately that I want to mitigate against anyone thinking I want it. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm aware of how annoying that is. So never in a million years do I like to ever like heckle. Either positively with a friend or negatively. But this time I let it go for six minutes in total. And I said, and I ran in there and I got, you know, my anger got the best

of me and we got into an altercation and guess what? It didn't go well. It didn't go well. And you know what? Why would it have gone well? Why would it have gone well? This guy is on stage saying how disgusting I am he knows i'm in the room he can't get back into his material why would that woman who's screaming on her phone have been suddenly like oh i'm so sorry she knows what she's doing my old therapist who was abusive used to say to me if they were sorry for it they wouldn't do it if they were sorry for it, they wouldn't do it. If they were sorry for it, they wouldn't do it. So, you know, if they knew what they were doing was bad, they wouldn't do it. But they don't have it in them.

So when you go into a situation and you confront someone. Now, this was the thing that was wild to me to learn. Because I had to, after that altercation, I was shaking the way Anya was. I just, it didn't go well. It didn't look good for either of us. Mostly him, but not me. And I knew he was going to be pissed. And I knew there was going to be more fallout from this than just in that room.

And I left. I was shaking. And I go, I have to make peace with this. I had a flight to go catch. I was going home to pack. And then I was taking a red eye to fucking Minneapolis like it was gonna be me trying to get sleep on the plane thinking about this and being like vibrating with anger right so I was like I have to let go of it I have to let go the only way to let go is to forgive and to apologize and I was talking to my friend and I and I go I have to apologize for my part

I got to figure out what my part was because it was, there was something, I did something. And he's like, no, you didn't. You didn't do anything. Don't apologize for anything. And I go, I hear you, but I must. I know how good it feels when I do. And I know it's the only way to get over these things. So I assessed.

And what I realized was my fault in this situation was that I heckled him. I should have just left. Yes, it's standing up for myself. It wasn't the way to do it, especially in a heightened situation when that person's on stage. They're only going to get more defensive. This person's on stage making fun of me, knowing I'm in the room, just being totally irrational and mean. Why is that person, when confronted with me and my sarcastic tone of, I'm so sorry, why are they suddenly going to realize the errors of their way and apologize? They weren't going to. Nikki, you knew that.

You knew that it wasn't going to go well. That is your part to play. You should have just left. So I wrote this person. I said, I'm so sorry for what just happened. My anger got the best of me. And I was really feeling sad that someone I thought was my friend was saying mean things about me. And I lashed out and I really wish I would have left. That was a bad mistake. And it was your show. And I shouldn't have shouldn't have interrupted. And I really regret it. And I'm so sorry. And you know what? He did not apologize to me. He said, you know, a lot, there were a lot of moving parts. It is what it

is. Have a good flight. And then I sent a heart. Thank you, John. That's not his name. He sent a heart back and we were done. And you know what? I told my friends this story and my friends were so upset for me and it kept, it almost kept coming back in my life because they kept being like, God, fuck that guy, blah, blah. And I would be like, oh my God, I shouldn't have even told you guys because I really was able to get over it immediately as soon as I apologized for my part. And I didn't need, the fact that he didn't apologize, why would he have? This person is not capable of this right now.

I don't need it from him. All I needed was to think about my part. So when you're headed into the holidays or you're headed into a situation where you know you're not going to get the response you want, don't go looking for it. Don't go trying to get it out of them, especially in the heat of the moment. Try so hard to mourn the loss of the friend, the mother, the sister, the aunt that you wish you had. You wish that person was different and behaved in a different way. They're not that person. They're never going to be. You might not have got the dad you wanted. You deserved a dad that cared about your life, that was loving towards you, that didn't mock you, that didn't put you down. You didn't dad that cared about your life, that was loving towards you,

that didn't mock you, that didn't put you down. You didn't get that. You got other things in life that other people that got dads like that you wanted got, but you didn't get that dad. And you need to like, you need to cry about the dad you didn't get. I've done that before with like, certain people in my life that I'm like, I wanted, I want this kind of boyfriend or best friend. Like I look at my friends, they have this kind of girlfriend. I want my boyfriend to have that kind of thing for me that my friend's girlfriend does for them. You didn't get that. You don't get everything you want in life. You get other things that the person didn't have, but honestly feel sorry for yourself about it. Feel sorry for yourself that you don't have the

mom that you want and cry and cry and cry for the child that you were that didn't get the feelings met for, you know, when I finally stopped expecting my parents to be something they weren't. And I have great parents, by the way, I'm very grateful for my parents and everything they give to me and the love they have for me and the fact that they're healthy and supportive and all these things like I lucked out um they do have deficiencies that I would have needed to be a more fuller you know self-assured person and so and they still do and I still want that from them sometimes but my abusive therapist really helped me go just mourn the loss of the parent you wanted. Kill them in your head. Like make a funeral for them and cry.

Cry that you didn't have the mom that did this thing that you so desperately are fixated on. Like why didn't she do this thing? Because you didn't win that mom lottery in terms of that. And that somehow really helped me was just stopping waiting for a person to become the thing that you and go get that thing elsewhere. That's why we get to have friends. That's why we get to have co workers. That's why we get that's go get it elsewhere. Because you can get that need that your husband's not meeting that your girlfriend's not meeting for you that your brother, your sister, you're an only child, you can go get that elsewhere. And maybe you're an only child you can go get that elsewhere and maybe you're someone

that doesn't have that many friends or access to friends I'll be that friend for you I love you um I can't really offer more than that but like you you can have everything you want maybe just not in the same packages that you want it in and this is just helpful for me to hear too because today I was really stressing about or I guess this weekend I was stressing about the fact that Andrew and um uh his girlfriend Brenna missed you so much Brenna I love you so much baby um we're talking about moving in they're moving in together and he was talking about his weekend with her in Chicago last weekend and it was I was getting jealous because she like likes doing his laundry she likes taking care of him and folding his laundry and doing all these things for him,

which is such a loving thing. I remember one time overhearing her say, I like doing those things for you not because I like doing laundry, but because it makes you feel good and I like making you feel good. And it was just such a beautiful way to say it. And I was like, God, I'm about to hire a housekeeper

because I can't keep up with my laundry. I just can't. And the fact that I have to pay someone and Andrew just hire a housekeeper because I can't keep up with my laundry. I just can't. And the fact that I have to pay someone and Andrew just gets to have a girlfriend that likes doing that. I'm like, I want a girlfriend that likes doing that. Why don't I, I would, I was bitching about it this weekend. I was like, I wouldn't, my, any guy, there's no guy out there that would ever enjoy doing a woman's laundry and folding their underwear.

Like how lucky are men that women just are more nurturing and they get to have us fucking take care of them. And it's like, they get that. And we have to fucking, you know, what do we get? And if a man was to like fold our laundry, he would be effeminate. And that would be, mean your husband's a little bitch. Why is it?

And I was bitching about it so much. And then this weekend I did my special and I had the guy that I'm dating there with me and I swear to you if he would not have been there I it would have been like my special had dirty laundry like I would have been my all of my special would have shit stains on it just because and not let it would I was still would have looked great but there would have been shit stains on it just because and not let it would I was still would have looked great but there would have been shit stains on it you know like it would have been laundry that I had done not well um and I realized wow this thing that I thought I was like lacking like let's yes the guy I'm dating will never do my laundry ever that's just not something he is going to do but there are a lot of people out there that aren't going to support and nurture and literally

help shape my special, give me the confidence to do it. I was thinking about past guys I've dated and what they would be like backstage with me during the special and how different they would look than the guy I'm dating now. And it made me fucking sad and furious that like, I could even let someone like that into my life. Because for me, what what this person did for me this weekend was so much more valuable than my laundry, and anything else that I could look at someone's relationship and go, I want that. And I, I got that because I don't need someone to do my laundry, I can hire someone. So this whole resentment I had all weekend about being a woman and not being able to have a man

ever fold my laundry because that would just be an emasculating thing to do. And women are always taking care of men and how fucked that is. And I should probably fucking get a wife and blah, blah. No, no, no. Wives aren't helping with my set list and going to the prompter and making sure it's right

and making sure I have all the right food. But like I was so taken care of this weekend in such a loving way. And it made me just very appreciative for the relationship I have that might be have deficits compared to others. But I was and you know what? Maybe your relationship has deficits compared to others and there's no strengths. Then you need to leave that person. But I was able to get to a place where I found like, okay, I've got something. I wasn't even looking at the full picture. I hope this helped you all. This really helped me. Let's get Andrew

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What's up? It's Questo. Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who were the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers. But we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed.

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Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out. We want to raise awareness and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy model. Lingerie, topless.

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me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places.

I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews

with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride

full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an I Heart Women's Sports production What's up? What's up? podcast presented by Capital One, founding partner of I Heart Women's Sports. What up? What's up? I was just talking about how I was, you know, you were telling me last week that when you visited Brenna in Chicago, like how it was so nice.

She's like, does your laundry and takes care of you and like really enjoys doing those things. And like, it's such a loving thing. And I was feeling so jealous that I don't, I'm'm never gonna find a man that wants to do my laundry and if he does it's like not the kind of man i'd be attracted to or like it's just not a manly thing it's not a masculine thing and i was feeling so much rage about it like not about you but like just about god men get women taking care of them i have to hire a housekeeper i'm gonna spend thousands of dollars to do what like women just naturally do for men in a relationship.

Then I realized what the guy I'm seeing did for me this weekend for my special. Yeah, old Bob. What he did for me for my special was my version of laundry. A lot of relationships that I look at and I'm envious of, they would never have that. Not a lot of people need what look at and I'm envious of they would never have that like not a lot of people need what I needed this weekend it was a very specific thing that this person brought to my life that was so I mean I was just so grateful this weekend not only for him but for you for Emil for uh Kirsten for uh Jen my assistant slash co-tour manager.

Anya for my parents, for my sister, for Robin, for Kat. Corey. For Corey, Kirsten's husband, who lets her go and do a life and have a life and is with Kirsten all day at my special but isn't trying to make it about him, is just chilling. Your manager. Man, this weekend was, my manager, Alex.

The director was unbelievable. My agent, Nick. My director, Lynn Mendoza. The assistant director, I forget his name, but God damn it, he was so nice. I'm gonna-

God. My producer, John Irwin. I feel like I'm accepting an award, which I probably will be for this special, because it was so, you know, all of the besties that came out to the show or sent me a note Seth Herzog Seth Herzog who opened the show but all the besties that came in Denver man y'all made me feel so freaking good and I felt you know how I know feel about you and how I feel like you're my friends and like it was like I had friends in the building especially for that second show no offense if you came to the first show and

we're like hey i gave it my all i know you did there was a bestie in the second show that at the very top of the show she goes love you bestie and i was just like i was like ah and and she wrote me later going sorry i fucked up your taping i just had to yell it and i was like no i love that i hope we can keep it in yeah because it was a moment where i just was like oh no, I love that. I hope we can keep it in. Yeah. Because it was a moment where I just was like, oh, I've got friends here. Like, not just my friends that are seated, but like, and then a girl gave me a note after the show. Oh my, and Sally Hansen Spray Tan, Brianna, I think her name is. Oh, yeah.

She was. Oh my God, this letter. I started crying on the goddamn plane when I was reading it on the way back. I just, I love you all so much. I missed you last week. And yeah, seriously, Andrew, thank you so much for being there. You didn't even perform, but you were in my opening shot with me. I went in the crowd.

I was watching from the crowd. And some besties definitely recognized. And it was nice. It was like a couple nods. And then I got a couple messages after. That was really nice. But yeah, no, dude. a couple nods and then i got a couple messages after that was really nice but yeah no dude it was like um it's interesting because it's like i you don't want to get in the way you don't want

to over like there's a lot of people in the room so you want but i want to give you some advice on some of the jokes some tags you were so helpful but without like being overbearing i mean the roach roach line was so good, but it didn't make it. So like we were trying to bring- You did duck in the first and then you didn't do it in the second, I heard. I forgot to do it in the second, but we can put it in. But Emil said it hit in the first. Did I do quack, quack, quack? I hope you did.

I think I did. I was like, did duck? Because I didn't see in the first one if you did duck. I'm a duck. Well, Andrew, we were writing jokes up until like anya watched anya saw me a week ago in long island and since then i've put in so much work to the special it was like i probably it probably changed like 50 percent like in terms of getting in there and messing around with the jokes it's insane we really went crazy on it and um but i got it was

so fun because so many jokes that we just came up with backstage and like uh you know emile gave me a few lines you gave me so many like the roach roach thing i won't explain because people aren't going to hear it we have there i have a section of my special about toilet paper you find in your vagina and i was talking about how you know i have a i don't want to say the other words that i use for it, but I call them something. I call them like, you know, they look like little, you know, rolls of marijuana paper. I don't want to say. And so we were trying to think of others like, like they look like joints that tiny people are smoking, right?

Like the tiniest joints. And so we're trying to think of tiny animals plus a joint word that wasn't joint because I had used that before. So we were trying to think of like, what's another animal that would be smoking like a gerbil spliff? Like we were trying to think of things like that. And Andrew goes, what about a roach roach?

And I was like, what the fuck? That's so funny. So in the first show, I did say it. It went okay? Well, because I'm in a public restroom, and I'm like, you can see these all over the ground now. I thought it was just me, but you could see them everywhere. And I was like, I even saw a little cockroach smoking one. I was like, oh, my God, it's a roach.

It's a roach smoking. It's a roach roach. And it just, it might work in the special. I feel like if it was like on a TV, like any a TV, it would work so well in so many ways. Can someone please draw us a roach smoking a little roach? Yes, that will work amazing. Isn't a roach a burnt? A roach is like the last little part of a joint

that you put in the ashtray and then you can smoke it later. Or you can put it in a little bowl. Man, that made me laugh. Roach Roach was so good. What was the other line you gave? Well, duck. Oh, duck.

You're talking about what you do with like jokes you make around cum. And sometimes Andrew was like, because I was like, what could you do with cum? And we were talking about you smear it in your hands and then you put your palms out. And then you make it. Wait, why did Siri just turn down turn on what did i say i don't want you bitch stop asking me what i want go away siri go away go to your home but um i said something that sounded like s-i-r-i um s-s-r-i i said sorry oh maybe but you do you do you put calm in your hands and then it's so funny we're whispering so

the machines don't hear us and then you spread your fingers apart and you let it dry and then you go i'm a duck i don't even know if i did it or not i got a blacked out um i i thought i was really stoked you only did it in the first show but the name for a future variant i just gave you the idea and you ran with that oh that was so fun you let's let's that'll we'll keep that in because i nailed it the first show a lot of some stuff i didn't do in the second show because i just go i don't want it i don't need to do it again i nailed it i have too much i have an hour and a half hour and 40 minutes i think that i have to cut down to an hour and i already cut that down from like two

and a half hours i have so much to do that was brilliant though when like because like i was like there's got to be something there and you're like only if it's great and then like we yeah and it was just like that's the that's the magic of um just having a bunch of comics in a room and not even just comics like even my friends who are just funny like they add stuff too but but it almost feels like you're working in a like a music studio and you're like what about for this beat like and like stuff that's the thing is people always think that um with stand-up you know you have to craft it you've got to do this joke and then you've got to say it 50 times for it to find its flow sometimes

it's the first fucking time guess what fallon jokes he says those one time and you know monologue jokes but you know one of my favorite jokes of all time was conan's a conan monologue joke who if anyone from conan is listening or this gets to someone from conan i would love to know who wrote this joke because i'll never forget it my parents and i just repeat it all the time but conan's like uh the times Square bomber got sentenced today. Yeah, he got sentenced to life in Times Square. Perfect joke. And there was something in Bangin' that I did on stage where I said a bucket of dicks, a bucket of dildos. I get that quoted to me all the time.

I didn't think of that came out on stage. So the idea that this thing has to be perfectly worked out. I'm someone who definitely under the gun produces more than if i have so much everyone goes you know i've been thinking to myself wow i did so much work in the last week and a half because the pressure was on i wish i would have had more time the truth is i wouldn't have started even if i had time procrastinators but we do all the work the night before. Another announcement. My sister. But the special looked incredible, by the way.

Thanks, man. Wait till you guys see this. I'm not going to say what she was wearing or what the background was, but the background came out perfect. I mean, and this was all due to the man I'm dating. I mean, they sent me a background. It was fine. It would have sufficed. And I go, I don't even know what I fucking want.

And he has worked in TV a long time and he goes this could be a chance to do something pretty cool what are some things you like and I sent him

some Taylor Swift kind of things and he was like maybe you could ask them to do this and it was all just it reminds me of the lava lamp

yeah the background yeah I mean I did it I kind of Taylor Swift felt like a dream and whoever the director what's his name?

Linda Mendoza was the director. John Irwin was the producer. Who's the long hair guy? Yeah, John Irwin. Oh, that's the producer? Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah.

So he was the one that put everything. What a calming guy. I had the best team. I'm really grateful for them. I've worked with great teams before. I don't want to, Bangin' was a completely different team and was incredible.

And I got a totally different feeling of a show out of that. And also even the degenerates was directed by there's, I will, I will work. I have never, I've yet to work with someone that I'd be like, I'd never work with them again, except something that wasn't my own project.

But, um, this just felt like, uh, you know, I got to kind of direct, not direct, but I got to kind of really,

um, I produced and came up with like the first yeah the intro the intro that ended up being so funny and on the fly and um yeah i'm very excited for you but they were so down with like they just felt like they were yes ending yes and there was a flow going on back there where it didn't feel stressful it just i don't know there was something in the air i dread calls you know we were talking about those calls that i dread where it's just like all this fucking bullshit before you get to what you're talking about john or when my producer for the special is the best at making up he he

would text me and be like hey can you hop on the phone i'd be like oh my god this is gonna be like 30 minutes to talk about things i don't want to talk about because i don't want to look at the special yet because i'm so nervous about it and he would just be like hey um uh so you want to pick i so i got your email about a pink microphone um the stand's gonna be 3600 is do you want the stand pink too it's gonna be 3600 to do that and i was like um no probably just the mic then he goes okay um all right thanks and that was it would be that instead of this whole thing and i was i told him a million times ago working with you is a joy because you keep everything so succinct there's no rudeness in how succinct it is it just is just efficient i fucking loved it efficient um and i got a pink mic stand and the mic and they

gave it to me so now i'm gonna bring a pink mic with me everywhere i go oh wow yes did you see the photo i sent you the mic with the background it It's just a mic. It's kind of cool. I haven't seen anything. I'll send it again. I don't like to look at things. Let's call my sister. My sister Lauren had her third special little person. I taped my third special this weekend.

I know that sounded bad. A special little person. He is a special guy. My sister had her baby on Thanksgiving. After Thanksgiving, we went to Thanksgiving Thursday night at my parents' house. My sister was there, very pregnant, with my niece and nephew. Yeah, we did a side-by-side. Oh, my God.

There's a picture of Andrew's belly with my sister's belly. It's so funny, Noah. But my sister, I think, is a little insecure about her huge pregnant belly showing. You would think I would be because she has an excuse. Yeah, she had a baby in there. I had nine turkeys. And you went to go to a show afterwards, too, and you barfed. I threw up.

I was octo-turkey in there. And it was bad. It was bad. I fucking threw up hard, like hard. And I went on stage. I showed my stomach. I don't know. I was out of it.

It was so funny. He showed his stomach on stage as soon as he went up because it was after Thanksgiving. He's like, I just ate so much. Everyone's like laughing and cheering. One woman gets up to go to the bathroom. He goes, what are you leaving for? And he's like, you're going to throw up because she saw my stomach. It was so funny.

Thanks. Okay. My sister named her son. I guessed it. You guessed the name? You guessed the name? Yeah, have Noah try to guess. Do you know the name yet, Noah?

Yes, of course. Okay, we're not going to say it right now. Maybe some of you know it. I just want to say that, you know, originally my sister, I thought she was going to have a girl. My sister's done having kids, so I'll just say that I thought the name, my sister's last name is Green,

and I thought she was going to name her daughter sister's last name is green and i thought she was going to name her daughter because she told me olive so it'd be olive green which is kind of like a funny kind of joke all of their other children do not have color names it's arlo green and it's poppy green and now um although it does sound like pants that would be sold at like a cool store yeah it does sound like a you want these Instagram clothing store that would be like Arlo Green sounds like some kind of it sounds like Buck Mason or what's the other one Taylor Stitch Taylor Stitch Arlo Green would definitely be I'd buy clothes there we should do fake like ads for Arlo Poppy Arlo Green and Poppy Green, the sister company. It's like for their intimate section.

Okay, so now let's see what the other offshoot is. I'm going to call my sister because I don't know how they came up with this name. It was a total shock to me. I knew that if it was a boy, they probably weren't going to go with a color name, like a funny color name. But they surprised me. I had no idea what the name was going to be. This was announced i'll be honest it could work as a girl's name it absolutely could like well maybe even better so

if this baby wants to transition at some point keep the name or stay in the middle all right i'm gonna call my sister now she is she gave birth on friday it is now monday were you fucking breastfeeding or some shit bitch yeah stop milking hello this is lauren oh my god this normal to have your voice change after birth yes god you sound like mrs doubtfire like it's so funny when men try to do a woman's voice it always sounds like it sounds like an english spanish was british i know british it sounded british matt um hey matt you're on air on the Nikki Glaser podcast. How are you doing? I didn't ask for this.

I know you didn't. Well, I called Lauren, so I didn't ask for this. Yeah, Lauren's feeding. Oh, God. Can you tell her to stop? I have a podcast. I just love picturing Lauren sucking on bigger tits. Yeah, Lauren's feeding.

Hold on. You're going to go on speaker. Lauren can talk now. Hey there. Hey there. Welcome to the Nicky Glazer podcast, Lauren. Well, thank you. Hey, Forrest. Happy to be here.

Can Forrest hear me? Hello. Oh, Forrest, hello. Wow, he's already talking? Wow, this baby is advanced. And he's not British. He, this baby is advanced. And he's not British. He has a very feminine voice.

Wait, so you guys had a baby on Friday. Lauren, I'm shocked that it's so weird to me that, because Noah, even when I told Noah that we were going to call you, she's like, wait, so she can talk on the phone after giving birth? It's just crazy that women can give birth and then just like they can go to mcdonald's or they can like they can like do

the dishes or like they can go home and it's weird to me that you go to the hospital you have a baby and then they just send you out and then you're just fucking on your own oh i know yeah they like have to check your car seat make sure that it's installed correctly. They walk you down from the hospital to the parking lot. And then they're like, all right, we're good. Peace out.

Like they're like, you're not going to shake him. Are you? Okay, cool. Well, it sounds good. Um,

so we used to have to watch a video for that. That's been, uh, updated. Oh, so they just assume, you know, never, they just tell you not to never ever shake a baby i

remember those psas back in the day it sounded like shake well then shaking a baby now should be taken off the airwaves it makes me think like you're shaking the baby to rob them like you shake like what do you got on you what do you come on what's in your pockets baby um okay can we talk about how you guys came up with the name Forrest? Because I just said that, you know, I had heard if it was going to be a girl, you had been considering Olive, which I thought was so adorable. Such a fun little play on words. When you thought of a boy name, had you had this name in your back pocket, even though you were predicting you were going to have a girl? We had a list, but no.

We did not have a name. There was no consensus on a boy name. Forrest was in the back pocket. He was on the list. Can we ask if Forrest could have been a girl's name for them? There is. Forrest with one R,

I read, is a girl's name. And also a name for a thing that I don Forrest with one R, I read. Is it girls? And also a name for a thing that I don't want to ever go in. Your own pants? No, that's the Badlands. Cactus. Cactus.

Sorry, Forrest. Okay, so Forrest, can I just ask a couple questions before we let you guys go yes but wait i do want to say something about um i have a well i just have a story to tell about uh thanksgiving night oh please well no when you guys uh, when Andrew and I did our little belly shot. Can we post that only on our podcast social? It's a private account. Yeah, that's fine.

I don't care. Thanks, Seth. But Matt was like, because this baby was 10 days early, so we were not expecting it. But I started having contractions Thanksgiving night after dinner. And Matt was like, we never got a picture of you in your final stages of pregnancy. And I was like, that's not true. You have a picture of my belly.

We do. Andrew and I embracing bellies or touching bellies. It was the last picture of Forrest inside a belly is with you, Andrew. I feel like... I said that somehow Andrew was the reason the baby was born.

You guys needed... It was like E.T. You guys had to touch. That is true. Our bellies had to make contact for this labor to be done. I think the baby saw my belly and was like, I can't keep doing this to my own mother. Or it was like, I can't

compete with this. I'm giving up. That is true. You win. Yeah, it was a belly off and he just was like, yeah, I gotta get out of this. I'm giving up. That is true. You win. Yeah, it was a belly off, and he just was like, yeah, I got to get out of here. Look, you had your baby, and I threw up an abortion. Not to reveal too much about Andrew, but Lauren gave birth the next day, but Andrew, I heard you gave birth via a different orifice. Yeah, we said that he puked at the funny bone already. It's so wild. He came out giggling to me at the bar.

I was looking at my set list, and he just goes, man, I just threw up. I threw up twice. And I was just like, what? Because he was burping. He was so sick on the car ride. He ate too much. One for each plate.

Yeah, I only had combos all day. Andrew, you'll love this. When we went over to EJ and Julie's yesterday, I had been jonesing for a leftover turkey sandwich, and your mom's like, I don't know where the turkey is. The turkey's all gone. And we kept saying, Andrew had it. Andrew was sneaking turkey at the plate.

I was wearing cargo pants. Get off my back. They were from Arlo Green. We said that Arlo Green sounds like an Instagram company, like one of these – Man stores. Yeah, one of these stores that has a sullen guy on a rock with cool shoes. And Poppy Green is a sister company for intimates, for women. But Forrest –

It totally is. Well, I was dying for the, like, you know, Forrest to me was a name that obviously might be controversial and might be a little bit different and people weren't expecting. We all know that my mom, when she received the birth announcement of Poppy, famously, my mom, notoriously, dare I say, my mom said, two hours after the birth announcement came at like 3 a.m., my mom wrote, is that really her name? Immediately after, Nikki. Immediately. Oh, I thought it was right. Oh, you know what? It was. Yeah, it was immediately after it said Poppy, you know, Poppy Louise Green said her weight and the date and everything and a picture of her.

And it said it was an official birth announcement on a mass, like on a group text. And my mom said, is that really her name name and then she let it sit for two hours then i woke up and was like oh my god i love her i love the name and my mom didn't say anything else the rest of the it was just oh i thought she really she also said is that really her weight when i did tell her the name um via phone call yeah. She also followed up with is that really the name? No way. No way.

Seriously. You know what? I wish you were having another child so we could just pick the worst name ever and really mess with her. I almost... Like Julie?

I did a joke this weekend where I was saying my sister just named her... My sister just had her third baby and she went with a peculiar name, original name, one you haven't heard a lot. She went with Forrest. So for my special, I'm naming it Christopher,

which is a normal, just to name my special, a baby's name that you've, like Brayden. No, Forrest, it was totally a shock and i was like oh my god because i just think forrest gump now did you guys worry at all that that was going to be the first reaction of people you know that's a character that definitely is a slow mentally challenged character that that was going to be that was going to follow your baby throughout its life actually no i didn't think of like him being slow yeah i didn't

think of forrest gump being slow that but i did just think of the movie and i was like i don't know it's from the yeah but have you not seen the movie in a while because he's definitely like he's definitely i just didn't think of his character traits i just thought yes a movie is just a loving lovable yeah And in that movie, what a sweet... Yeah, it's such a... You know, amazing. I love that. And that movie is great. And I am

going to say, crawl, Forrest, crawl at some point. And you're going to have to laugh like it's the first time you've heard it. And I love that Lauren acknowledged Forrest Gump in her birth announcement on her Instagram. She goes, Forrest, Forrest Green. Oh, I thought that Lauren acknowledged Forrest Gump in her birth announcement on her Instagram so she goes Forrest, Forrest Green oh I thought that was a stutter

yeah actually you can thank Matt for that well I liked it it was a little nod to like yes we know it's Forrest Gump and the interesting thing is I was because we were talking about it at the special and I was with all my friends and they're all kind of the same age as me and I was like when you guys hear Forrest do you think Forrest Gump and they're like

yeah and then we go to Emil who's 23 and he's like that is not what I think of at all because he did not grow up with Forrest Gump so Forrest is not going to deal with any Forrest Gump stuff except from older people it will haunt him with older people and it will

make him resent older people but he also it's the best movie ever. Well, that's why, that's also why I like Arlo when Arlo was born. It was only like older generation, like your parents were like, oh, you guys must love Arlo Guthrie. And it's like, no, it has nothing to do with that. Yes. Like, why does it have to do with that? And did you guys pick it because it's a color and also you like the outdoors?

We like, yeah, we like nature inspired names, I would say. Yeah. And I like the, it's kind of funny. Like at first when we were throwing out names, we're like, oh, Hunter Green. Yeah. Olive Green. Like that's. And then we're like, yeah, it's just like, is this, is this, yeah.

I love that you did a little bit of a joke for his name. The name Forrest is cool. It's so cool. The kid's going to get like beat up at school for it. What about Forrest? His middle name is Lawrence, which is, is that a nod to where you guys met? Yeah. Okay.

Completely. We didn't have a middle name. We really literally didn't have a middle name. Well, we were thinking of it and we were like, it's Forrest Lawrence. Forrest Lawrence. Forrest Lawrence. Forrest Lawrence. I was really hoping the middle name was going to be Booger. Forrest Booger?

Why? Booger Green. Booger. Oh, we also think you should name your next child Gang. Gang Green. Gang Green. Or Booger. Booger's a great name.

All right. Thank you guys so much. We got to get to the news. The news. You were great. We loved you. Thanks for being on the podcast. And we're going to post that video. Congrats, Lauren and Matt. Congrats, you guys. Can't wait to meet Forrest the news. You were great. We loved you. Thanks for being on the podcast. Congrats, Lauren and Matt.

Congrats, you guys. Can't wait to meet Force. I'm coming by later today. All right. Andrew. I'll see you when it's 12. Thank you for making this possible, Andrew. Hey.

Thank your mom's mashed potatoes. Bye, guys. All right. Let's get to the news. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. It's been about a week since we've last talked and you heard the news apparently it's going pretty well out there it's all the swells were had this weekend hopefully you had some swells it's monday news to catch up on so you know it's monday you know what that means nick oh it's it's

the first day of the week for many people. Yeah, it sure is. Okay, first story. How to break up with your therapist according to therapists. I went to a therapist to break up with my abusive therapist. Noah, why are you always picking things that are so in line with what we're talking about? I've referenced my abusive therapist like three times a day. I know.

And I had a dream about her last night where I confronted her about how mean she was to me. How did you do in your dream? Did you go over your time? Fucking great, dude. Great. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah, she gave me the light. Yeah, so I went to a therapist once to break up with this therapist. Don't ghost them. They say don't ghost them. Some encourage

a wrap-up session, so you have a session to break up. Yep, that's what my therapist wanted. She said she required three sessions after you decide to leave fuck that oh so you can get a thousand more dollars from me yeah fuck that and convince me to stay which she did oh she got you which one on the second or third one i mean i would never i never wanted to leave her because i knew those three sessions were required and that i would have to eventually just ghost her because she was so crazy and she would text me and say she was the only person that loved me and that I was running away from my feet like you know it's just the weirdest thing and when I finally left her the story Anya always loves the story but she never would acknowledge

that I was like successful and this was a time when I was getting more and more successful and like you know really working hard and achieving things, reaching new levels in my career. And she would be like, I don't care. I don't care about any of that. We're working on you. And I'd just be like, acknowledge it a little bit. Like, this is a cool thing. Oh, I just got my show picked up.

And she would just be like, OK, so what what are we really talking about today? I'm like, good Christ. She never cared, but she would always talk about celebrities in front of me. But she would always act like she didn't care about me. Not that i and this was a sick thing to want to even you know her she was like my mommy being like good job i wanted that approval but one of our last sessions she asked me to write a blurb for her husband's book of like because they wanted to um they wanted to appeal to a younger audience and she was like would you mind i'm gonna go get it in the other room she was like i have my husband's book'm going to go get it in the other room.

She was like, I have my husband's book. I would love for you to read it and do a blurb. You just read the first hundred pages. Those are the only good ones anyway. And I just, and she is walking and I was just a little bit like, ah,

and she goes, oh wait, is that okay? And I go, I don't know. I don't really feel comfortable about that. And she goes, that was a test.

And she sat back down. Like she, and it was, that's when I knew she was lying. And I go, done dude i remember you telling me that story and then i was starting to go into therapy and she was clipping her she's clipping her nails that when i'm telling her about my dad i'm like oh my dad he worked too much and he didn't buy me the best car and a fucking thumbnail strikes you in the pupil yeah and she's literally like clipping her nails going uh-huh uh-huh and then i go to nikki i go is that because

your story i was like was that a test and she's like you got to bring it up to her and so i like that's really brave that you did i did bring it up to her you know she was us you know she at that point she was clipping her toenails and i was like uh you're tough no but i was just like was that a test and she's like no like what like i was the weird one yeah well you know what they therapists are weird too um so what what other things they say oh um they said don't ghost them they said if you've only had a few sessions you can write an email or text yeah. Yeah. For longer term relationships, it can be helpful or cathartic to let them know in person.

I let one know in person and she started crying. I mean, that's like, you don't think this is hard for me? And I was like, I just can't see you anymore. I want to try a different kind of therapy. And she was just like,

I feel like you're not even acknowledging that I've had, like I've got, she was a feelings therapist, EFT, emotionally focused. So she would mirror feelings to me so I could see what it feels like. So she would hear my stories and just go like this. She would look at me. I'm looking at the camera.

So I would talk and she'd go. She would like look as sad as I should feel about the thing that happened to me because I'm kind of like, yeah. And it was a good thing it was Dr. Drew recommended I find one but that was a weird day where she was like you know and it wasn't like there wasn't animosity but the therapist I see now and I go back and forth on I told her about all this trauma I had with quitting therapists in the past and she said I promise you when you're ready to leave me I will not take it personally you can just tell me i will always be an open door for you to come back to and because of that

i've gone back to her yeah i've taken breaks i've tried other therapists because it wasn't just working for me and she's never taken it personally she's always been there to just she will say hi every now and again to be like something reminded me of you and it's just such a it is funny you had a therapist yes i think that i'm sorry andrew that's just such good advice for people who are on the fence about starting therapy because of the commitment and you know like how to get out of it if if you don't like it or yeah talk about that on the first day just say i need a plan for how to get out of this or like how we're going to deal with it if they do say on the first day i need three sessions for you to say goodbye you can say goodbye then because you've only gone the first session is not one you can ghost after that one

session you in terms of ghosting in terms of emailing or like you don't have to go back and tell them so the first session should be just a trial thing anyway you don't owe them anything and that's a great way that's such a good point great way to start is to just say i'm worried about when i might need to end this because of financial reasons or I want to try a different therapy. What is the protocol there for you? And then if you get an answer that is loving

and not filled with blame or guilt, you'll know whether or not that's a person to stay with. I think it's funny because with your therapist, you had one that wouldn't give you any feelings at all. And then you had one that would do over feelings. Yeah. She'd go check in with your body. Where are you feeling this in your body right now?

And I would just make up something because I didn't feel anything. I'm like, that would be it. She'd be like, I want to take two minutes to just feel your body and in silence. And I'd be like, I can hear money minutes to just feel your body and in silence and i'd be like i can hear money like falling out like it was like like i just heard like a coin dispenser um okay andrew what's the next news um oh this is interesting because like i feel like people

aren't talking about this but gisling gisling or gisling gisling i guess that's why people aren't talking about because they can't pronounce her name oh yeah what's going on gisling gisling or gisling gisling i guess that's why people aren't talking about because they can't pronounce her name oh yeah what's going on gislon uh maxwell's trial begins today the accused long-term madam of the pedophile financier jeffrey epstein is ready to take the stand to defend herself today and she's alive for it for now a lot of people said that when she was going to start naming names which who knows if she's going to, that we wouldn't she wouldn't survive that there would be a suicide. I wonder what I mean. The thing is, the thing she knows, the people she knows about.

I mean, Hollywood would crumble. You are a fan of so many pedophiles and you just don't know you guys. But then they're going to say, well, she's a pedophile. She's just, you know, then it's the excuse of. So Maxwell faces six counts for allegedly recruiting, grooming, and abusing four minor girls with Epstein at multiple locations. Her crimes include engaging in group sexual encounters with an underage victim. But in fall convicted, she gets 70 years in prison. What they're going to try to do, apparently that, apparently, they're going to try to say

that she was a victim herself to Epstein. You know, that might be, but then that's going to kind of discredit her too. Everyone that victimizes people is a victim. Everyone that molests has something in their fucking past that happened to them. That makes them do it. Or their brain was just born in a way

that wasn't their fault. Like, there is there's no just because someone was a victim doesn't mean they get to have an excuse for why they it's not an excuse

it is a reason for it but it ain't no excuse I do find it interesting Epstein was probably a victim honestly Jeffrey Epstein probably had some fucked up shit happen to him as a child yeah I think he did

and if you witnessed a little boy and you witnessed what happened to him you would want to fucking murder whoever did that to him and protect a little hitler even i mean like i i'm sorry to say this but every monster if you put them as a little boy and or a little it's mostly men that are doing these egregious things and you see what happened to them to make them do this thing like there's this there's this 2020 house of horrors did you see that oh my god it was so good you guys got to watch the 2020 house of horrors it's probably on hulu but it's the turpin girls there was this family of 15 children that these two this couple had and they had them chained up they abused them they starved them it was terrible but one of the girls got out in 2018 and freed the rest

of her family by like taking a chance and getting out it was wild but then they uncover the parents in the situation and apparently the mom was like sexually abused and it was like oh well that makes sense why she did that and i'm like yeah but probably her the person that sexually abused her was sexually abused like we can keep going it's it doesn't make it right it doesn't excuse it but it is a reason for why it happened yes i mean so she should still be punished even if she's a victim i guess you could say though like out of those 15 people like you know it depends on like what you do with that i guess but then i don't know it's all like nurture versus nature but then it's like so hit Hitler got a lot of wedgies. So did another kid get a bunch of wedgies.

I know, but their brain isn't the same brain that made that. And they didn't, they might have, you know. But how do you feel about a woman like, I don't know. Read Free Will by Sam Harris if you're really hating what I'm saying right now. Whatchamacallit. But it's like Madoff, right? His wife, she didn't know. A lot of these wives, I feel like they know everything.

They're getting new cars. They're getting the fruits of the labor. They're getting all of it. Right, but we're also benefiting from slave labor. We also support things that we know shady things are happening at Amazon or these companies that are phones. Yeah. Our phone, like, uh, you know, the, yeah,

our phones are being, our clothing's made by people in sweatshops that are getting paid. But my point though is like, aren't we accomplices? I guess. I mean, I guess everyone's human, you know,

rights issues. We all are. Yeah. It's just how close are you to it? Yeah. Well, I don't have a choice. I can't do anything about the, the factory workers providing my Zara clothing.

Well, you can stop shopping at Zara. But it's so cheap and I don't have enough money. Like, well, that's capitalism. Well, is Maxwell getting a benefit out because she's a woman? Do you think if she was a man that this would be all in the news? Sure. I mean, if they turned it into her being a victim, yes, because all the victims in that scenario are women.

So she kind of, it makes sense that she's. Their strategy is she wants to take the stand, which is highly unusual when you're the defendant in a case like this, but she wants to like play on the jury's heartstrings. She's so manipulative. She's a sociopath. Like this woman is crazy things. She's a great, she's good at what she does. She's not manipulative. She's a sociopath. This woman has done crazy things. She's good at what she does.

She's not even that attractive, and she got this guy to worship her. No offense. She has a haircut like a boy. She has good tits. She does. No, she's a hot lady, and I don't mean to say she's not attractive.

She is, but for her to wield as much power as she did within that world and she she is definitely evil well she comes from a shit ton of money her dad got killed

in mysterious ways I mean got murdered he was a mogul I'll probably be put to death for the things I've said on this podcast okay let's take a short break

and then we'll come back with Why Do I Care Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme

with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical effort. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the people who were the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or tv or magazine covers but we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed you know keystones to the culture this season we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations like i'm pay bill chatting up with hit maker sam holland sugar steve chatting legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations

with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the

UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere

and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses.

But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here.

If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Stephens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class.

I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast

every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. Why do I care? Why do I care? Big news here. I think you're going to lose your shit. Oh, no. Lindsay Lohan reveals.

Pucker up, my asshole. Pucker up. I don't want to lose it. I like it there. That's your butt hole. Oh, Lindsay Lohan's marrying. Got engaged to Bader Shamus. That guy's hot.

Good for her. You want to know a cool thing about this guy? Banker. Banker? Guess how many followers he has. 67. 560. Great.

But yeah, same. Man, you went real low. But yes. Well, these guys don't need followers. No, they have $560 million. Yeah, it's not about that. Good for her. I'm happy for her.

She looks great, by the way. I went on her Instagram. She looks healthy. Yeah, I'm happy. I've always liked Lindsay Lohan. Yeah, someone had a whole thing about it on Instagram that Paris Hilton's married, Lindsay Lohan's engaged, Britney's engaged.

All those that kind of the pussy posse of the women back in the 2000s have all like settled down and are like, it's cute, I'm happy for her. And I look forward to seeing her on like act again because she was great. I love the parent trap. I thought she was amazing in that. She posted the announcement on Instagram.

Yeah. My love, my life, my family, my future. You know what I got to say? Can I say? No, listen, they are all so lame. Do you know who I'm so freaking obsessed with? I got to, like, in terms of celebrity couples first of all let me just ask a question is it is it mgk because we didn't even talk about you meeting him in person let's save that for tomorrow's episode okay we

don't have time but we got but so many besties wrote to me about it thank you for your well wishes and meeting my celebrity crush. But it did happen. Again, I met him again. What I wanted to say was. The couple you like. No, but I was going to say something before. Ryan Reynolds, Andrew, a scale of one to 10, how attractive do you rate him?

He's a very, I've seen him in person. Okay. He's a 10 man. Okay. So there's a TikTok thatok that this girl this lesbian woman i think she's lesbian maybe she's uh non-binary but she says um i have a theory that you can determine whether a man is gay or straight by how they rate ryan reynolds on a scale of one to ten straight men will always rate ryan reynolds eight or above gay men will always rate eight or below and so interesting someone ran her like her ran

that through a survey they did of gay men and straight men and it checks out because gay men rate him an average of like seven or like 6.5 to 8.5 and or eight and then all straight men rate him an average of nine and i did it on uh the guy i'm seeing last night or the other night too what did he think i mean he said 10 he's a he's a fucking 10 in my book i've seen this guy in person i've seen him work out like i literally why ryan reynolds i think is the most uh attractive i was a dog walker in your building and i would watch ryan reynolds and blake lively work i worked out in the gym i was because the owner gave me a card and people were like, why is the dog walker in the gym? But I would go there every day and they would always like give me weird

looks. Cause I'm still like, I look okay. Anyhow. But yeah, here is the post that made me like, I think that Ryan Reynolds might be one of the funniest people ever. Funniest men.

He's not only good looking, but he, first of all, I've met him before too. I did a press junket for the Croods. Remember that stupid animated movie, Croods? It's like cavemen. Anyway, I was on Nikki and Sarah Live. It was in MTV. We were doing this segment called Small Talk with Celebrities where Sarah and I would get a chance to meet huge celebrities and then just have banal, like like it's cold out today just like in these press junkets instead of being like so what was it like to work yeah yeah elizabeth berkeley whatever berkeley what am i saying what was it like to work with elizabeth shoe yeah and we would just go oh i like your sweater like that's a cool shirt

like we would just have small talk and it was like this whole it was funny because there was this heightened thing so we did it for crudes and we had to like we had to get into these press junkets and lie to publicists about what we were doing there and then we had to be then we once we got in the chair then we had to set up the bit because they wouldn't let us in if we were doing a bit so we had to lie to publicists get in the chair then we were in the chair we had to go hey um, what's her name? Who's the girl that talks like this? Who said to Marion, are you 100? Emma Stone. Emma Stone was also in Croods.

It was Emma Stone and Ryan Reynolds. We had to sit down and go, guys, we're doing this segment. We have a comedy show. We're doing small talk. And Emma Stone wasn't that into it. It was a long day. But Ryan Reynolds was just like, yeah, it's like, they said it was going to be cloudy, but it's like not.

Like he was so into the bit. Yeah, so down. And then we left. We were at the end of the day. We left. We get our stuff out of the green room and we're in the elevator and he's in the elevator with us and continues the small talk and is so funny and fun. It would have been funny if he like goes, so how does it feel to be asking me questions?

Yeah. I mean, he probably did. We were like blacked out because it was just such an exciting moment to have Ryan Reynolds like be goofing around with us. But so E! News compiled all of his tweets in this Instagram post that I'm obsessed with. And it says, it says, happy birthday to my baby girl.

Sad I lost my virginity, but thankful I have a daughter. Hilarious joke. Then there's another one. I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well, not it's dangerous but a super humid room but not too humid because my hair hilarious funny then another one went to disneyland because my daughter obsessed is my daughter's obsessed with mickey mouse she was so excited when i got home and told her um this is another one uh that one this one isn't great but i'll still read it people in la are

deathly afraid of gluten i swear to god you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel not bad being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth not including those wonderful years i spent without a child of course then uh nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes whispering i can't do this i mean so funny and then blake lively is also funny let me just read one thing that i was like oh god she's funny too god damn it and she's really good friends with taylor so that made me happy she had a post of ryan reynolds voting in the election and she's standing there they both voted uh this is october 2020. It was Ryan's first time. He was under,

because he's Canadian. He was understandably scared. It all happened so fast, like really fast. He wept. I pretended to weep. Then he called all of his friend. I just,

those are a couple of goals, those two. I love them so much. And I'm not. Just kidding. So let's get into top one, one what's the subject today noah today the subject is sex toys all right let's get into it um we went to the hustler store last uh week in la andrew you picked up some new sex toys that were recommended not only by me but by the

woman that helped us and followed us around. It was kind of creepy. And was trying to fuck both you and Emil. She did whip Emil a few times. Yeah. And she was like, it's only 40% of the pressure I could use. I think she has a side gig going on. Yeah, I do too. Drumming up business back there.

Now, you want to start for us with top? Sorry, we start with bottom. We always end on the top. The bottom one, I would have to say, is the vibrating cock ring. It doesn't really do anything for anyone, really. It doesn't vibrate hard enough for either person. Anything for anyone, really? That really made me laugh. It doesn't really do anything for anyone, really.

That makes it sound like there's 15 people in the room all trying it. The whole team didn't like it over at Colin's bedroom. You guys, go back and listen to him say anything and then add for anyone. It's so funny. Okay, go on. It just doesn't. It just doesn't. It's very frustrating, I'm sure, for the vibrate the vibrations just aren't strong enough

or it's on the what are we doing yeah but yeah i mean well what was funny was this girl bought it for me uh to say that it was for my for me to come better and i was like um this kind of feels like it's more about a you thing it's like do you want me to just bring in my friend Dave to fuck you? Because that's for me somehow. She just wanted a ring. Any ring will do. She'll take my mom's. I really do feel like cock rings. I haven't incorporated them into the bedroom.

My dad passed it down. I've never used a cock ring. I actually asked that woman at Hustler, like what's, why do people need like, and it's for men to keep their erections more because it cuts off the, like cock rings are for that.

And then when they vibrate, it's just, oh, okay, why not add something to it for the guy? Clamp it. It's like cock rings for her pleasure, kind of.

I've always wondered about cock rings. Do they go on the shaft or behind the balls? Like do they, they go on the shaft, on the bottom of the shaft. There are parts though, that can secure the balls too. they they go on the shaft on the bottom of the parts though that they can secure the balls too there's ones with like multiple chambers that can do more of a cage

thing and then there's all this cock and ball torture too as if bds something that guys like where they're they're like balls and their shaft and everything are in like a wire cage and it's almost like that's for like domination of like you're not allowed to fucking get out of this cage unless i say you can kind of thing. Which obviously – You're not getting over the border of this pussy. But for you, I was thinking you don't need help staying hard. No, hard I'm fine.

Yeah. Coming. Coming. Yeah, we need a coming ring. Yeah, a come ring. Okay, Noah, what is your favorite sex toy? Or least favorite. Least favorite, bottom.

Is a battery powered dildo that I had. Batteries. So the thing that I hated about it was not just the batteries, but like at the tip it had this clasp that would snap on and off. So I can't tell you how many times i was like almost at the point of coming when i squeezed the bottom too hard and the cap fell off and the batteries fell out oh my god then you just put a battery on your vagina to get that little jolt like you're sitting on your tongue or you fuck the rabbit thing that oh my god a dying sex toy at the height of... Because sometimes I use the wand, which I'll get to in a second,

and it has so many buttons that I squeeze the wrong one and I'll be at the precipice of an orgasm and it'll just go... And shut off. And then I have to toggle it to get it back. Some of these toys have so... The buttons are so confusing. My least favorite one I have with me.

I bought it last week oh yeah the button sometimes you got to press the bottom one to turn it on so this is i don't know what it's called i forget the name of it but i spent 180 on it maybe 140 cobra yeah it's a clit sucker thing but it has like a little tongue in the um the reason i bought it i want to show you it has a little tongue so it has like it has three things this part vibrates the end it looks like a pestle like a you know that you would like grind uh you know spices spices thank you so that i turn that on that just vibrates itself and it's kind of dull it's not that good um i guess you could make it okay do different settings i'm going to turn that part off.

Then there is a little tongue thing inside that will vibrate. It doesn't go like this. It just vibrates like a normal vibrator. Yeah. And then there is the suction. I'm going to turn off the tongue part. And then there's the suction. And this is why I bought this thing.

Hold on. Because it sucks so much. Put it on the mic. Let's hear it. Construction. Anyway, it was supposed to suck so much. This thing, it's too large. I don't like the large area.

I need more concentrated. I thought I wanted more of a large area because my clit can go inside my body so much that I have to move it around when it's a smaller one. But I do need that concentrated thing. So the one that I use now that I just want to share that is not the best one I have, but it's just an alternative to this one is this one. I don't even know what the brand is for this. Oh, it's Satisfyer. And it's just a purple one. The hole is a lot smaller. And that you can just put in it's just suction, and it has settings for suction.

So I would recommend not especially this one. I wish the suction was better on this one, but I like a smaller hole. So if you are going to get one of these, I would not recommend the bigger one. I would recommend the smaller one. Let's get to your best one, Andrew. I mean, if you're not going to use the red one, I will. I mean, I could give it to you. I'd be happy to.

It's a little too wide for both of us I might try to get it to work I honestly think sometimes I thought my lips were getting caught in it it was like I thought I was going to have to pull it out like a Roomba sucking up a ribbon where it's wound up all over the gears

it's like a Flobie my favorite one is very similar to that is the womanizer because it's the one that works the best for my girlfriend yes what's so funny though is i bought uh i forget the name of the womanizer and the satisfier and all these very similar suction suction clit sucker but this suction thing when you're using it and having sex, it will start making this noise. And it sounds like it's like, this is my pussy. It's like yelling at me, like, stay away from my pussy. I'm down here, boy.

And then if it gets wet, it'll go like, it'll make a weird sound. It's so funny. And I start cracking up because I feel like it's going, stay away from my pussy. My pussy is down here. I'll see if I can get it to make that sound. It's so funny, dude. But it kind of... It sounds like it's like a guy yelling underwater to stay off his lawn.

Maybe I need to get that one. It sounds good. Okay, Noah. maybe i need to get that one it sounds good um okay noah um what uh what is your best one okay so obviously my best one is the womanizer so i wanted to pick something different um it is it is the womanizer for you though yeah that i think in like all of history that's my favorite one it's so wild that it's fairly new technology in terms of first sex toys. I'm so glad that when you gifted it to me, so thank you. good.

Um, so I was dating a guy who is, who was, is a prop master or whatever on TV shows. And he had this, um, vinyl tape for TV that, you know,

you could just peel off, but it would stick on. Yes. So this very sexy vinyl, not duct tape. I got some in my room. Yes. And it's good.

It holds you down, but it doesn't get you sticky. And you can put it around the eyes and stuff. And your head, it's not going to trap your hair in it. It's like very, it sticks to itself. It doesn't stick to your hair yes and you can rip it with a lot of strength but it's still really binding yes like you could definitely oh i love that is yours green no it's black oh black it looks like black latex yes hot. It's hot. Yes, it's so hot. Okay, so I have two for my tops.

What an invention, huh? Strong enough to hold you down. This is the wand. It has a bunch of lube on it. This isn't calm. This is just like dried lube. And this is the one that... I think that's what they break roads with in New York.

This is the best... Yes! It's seriously... It's crazy how powerful it is but this is what I put on my clit when I'm having sex and this is also what I put just like over the comforter when I'm like about to masturbate and before I use the womanizer because it's a duller sensation but I don't use a womanizer so much during sex because it falls out of place and doesn't like stay it's hard to hold on this one you can just kind of like be in that

region but it feels it takes penis and vagina to the next level it is not something that you can do I need a penis in my vagina still so guys don't be intimidated but it just makes it better and every guy everyone should have one of these it plugs into the wall it will never die on you

it is the tried and true if I had to take one to a desert island it would be this now well you could also use it as a club this is one this one is the best for insertion okay this one this is the one that sounds like call your mom call read more. Read more. Looks like the Energizer bunny. I don't like this little thing at the bottom of it, the rabbit, because it does. My clit is not that far up. Mine's more down here. Wait, girls don't like dicks that look like that? Wait, what?

No, I'm just like, my dick looks like that. But it goes. And if you listen to it long enough, it will start saying things you need to hear like read more read more read more call your mom call your mom i'm not even joking rihanna rihanna but this thing you hold it in place but i think it's best and i've said this before to put it in you and then plug it with your heel so that you don't you feel like something is fucking you when it's not so this is great for single ladies it has a thrust to it but the best one ever is the um is it's called like the flirt and it is one that uh does not have an attachment like this it is just one single uh shape and it's green and it's thrusting

so if you look up the flirt the thrusting flirt that is the best sex toy to insert in you of all time the best guaranteed orgasm and that takes us out of top one bottom one i do like you i think you need to give some kind of serious speech while using that with a jack guys you may not have gotten the mom you want in life that doesn't mean that you can't find that in a friend um let's talk about uh as we go into final thought let's talk about uh a little bit more of this weekend um yeah it was so much fun i am now i feel a little bit of like postpartum depression came on last night really strong um i did not have the same guilt that i usually have after um like i do things and i go oh my god i forgot that there were a couple things i forgot which um for me i've really worked with regret in um things that i do because i always after

something i go why did i say that or why didn't i say that and i just i can't find the clip i looked for the sam harris thing but i just let it go i was say that? Or why didn't I say that? And I just, I can't find the clip. I looked for the Sam Harris thing, but I just let it go. I was like, you know what? You didn't say that joke for a reason, even though you think it would have made the special better. There was a reason that didn't come out of your mouth.

And it either, you know, there's a joke I have where I'm like, I pretty much say like, okay, I'm telling women not to have sex in their vaginas. And I know you like it, but you don't get to do everything you like.

Like I would really like to kick Marion sometimes. Like sometimes my dog Marion, I would love to fucking just her belly is so tight. It's like a football and it would just feel satisfying. Not because I'm mad at her. I just would, it would just like be the thump the way it would feel against my toe is just, I know that sounds horrifying and mate and I go,

I forgot to do that part. It really has been working lately. I think it makes a good point that just because you like something isn't reason enough to do it that's also what I use for like vegans when they like I love cheese I'm like okay well that does it's not an excuse to to keep doing it just because you like something I would like to murder someone but I don't do it because it's wrong um but I forgot to do that joke and among others and I just was like you know what even though i think that joke would have made my special better maybe it would have gotten me in trouble with pita maybe someone would have heard that and decided to actually kick their dog maybe

someone who doesn't know i'm being uh sarcastic or ironic or whatever could walk into the room when someone's watching that special and go that would be fun to kick a dog and then like maybe a child so maybe i prevented animals from not being injured by not doing that joke like i i thought of i go why didn't i do it and it's like okay because maybe something you know why did i miss that flight oh i'm so mad i missed the flight maybe you would have been in a car accident had you gotten to the airport earlier and you know someone you don't know what you dodged by being late for that flight so I had a lot of those things to get me past the regret but then

I don't know I just went down a shame spiral on Instagram last night I was like I got home my fucking apartment is a goddamn mess I hadn't even unpacked from two weeks ago traveling and cause last week was just all about my special and I was home just working on it and I just got home was so depressed and then I saw like uh something on Instagram that I compared myself to and then I just went into this comparison

and disparison uh wormhole of just like I why can't I be more like this comic? I'm such a failure. He's so much funnier than I am. Like, he is able to be clean. He's selling out all these shows. Like, why can't I be? I'm a fraud. And then I started going. I went insane. And then I was feeling so sad.

I was just like waiting for 10 o'clock to come around. Because I was like, when it's 10 o'clock, I can go to sleep and not feel bad about it. I cleaned my room. I put away things I organized, but I was just, I couldn't shake the sadness. And then I reached out to some friends who like talked to me off the ledge a little bit.

And, um, and I was just like, why can't, you know, I, I sometimes get mad at you, not mad at you,

but it seems like I'm getting mad at you because I am projecting that I'm so, why can't I post i i sometimes get mad at you not mad at you but it seems like i'm getting mad at you because i am projecting that i'm so why can't i post my stand-up like why i have literally done this is my sixth comedy special uh and i've done you know five tonight show appearances four or you know one stand-up on conan one on stuff i have so much tv great footage of me doing stand-up at my elite level yet i don't i can't post a single fucking clip from any of it on my instagram and but i can but i can gladly post me playing guitar which is i'm terrible at why don't you post on tiktok and don't ever look at it? Don't even have a password to it. It goes deeper than that.

I don't know what's wrong with me. It's not about me seeing the comments. It's about if I draw attention to it. It was like the same day that that old age app came out where people put their faces in that old age app and it made you look old. And then you could see the future. You would see the truth of what was going to happen to your face because it was really good i wanted to be silent on instagram

that day because i didn't want to remind anyone that i existed so that they wouldn't see me as old or put me in that app or like i didn't want someone to run my face through it to show me and i feel like when i post my stand-up it reminds people to look closer at it and see that it's not as good as do you feel like that it makes you feel old because it's from the past no no no no that that doesn't bother me at all it makes me if anything i i wish it were older so that it could be like i'm so much better than this now um i just think it has something to do with like an imposter syndrome type of thing? I just feel like if I saw my – and I'm not – I'm wrong by the way because I know I'm talented. I think my fans are smart who like me.

I know that there are jokes I do that I'm very proud of. But I do have this sense that if I came across my stand-up as – if if I was, watched my stand-up, I would be like, she's not as good as people think she is. And she's really tricking a lot of people. And I, because I know I think that way about a lot of comedians that everyone loves.

And I secretly know they suck and they're not that good and they're charlatans and they're performing magic tricks, which in and of itself is an impressive thing to like be able to fake like you're good and convince people you're good when you're not. I do think that I unintentionally do that. And I'm scared that I'm not scared about the general public thinking I suck.

I'm scared about that one person that's like that that thinks the same way I do. I don't know. But yeah, but you know, this is crazy. I don't. You do. do i don't know but yeah but you know this is crazy i don't you do and so i am going to start my the guy i'm seeing was like i think you have like a it's a similar thing to like a lot of athletes go to psychologists like lewis he was talking about lewis hamilton the f1 racer and he was like he has a team of psychologists to help him perform as good as he can in his sport by getting him past those

hurdles of like self-defeat and self-doubt so that he can be perfect out there and clear-minded and he was like maybe you should look into seeing a sports psychologist and I remembered that Neil Brennan had sent me this book called like the 15 seconds the 10 second something I don't even know what it was but it was about it was mainly athletes and what they do to prepare for a game you run through what could happen in real time in your brain and for some i don't know what the method was but i just remember reading it being like i'm not an athlete though this can't fucking help me and then i was like wait it's the same in a lot of ways and so i looked up sports uh psychologists and so if anyone out there knows a good sports psychologist will you dm me and um recommend them to me because

i'm looking for one to get past this if you look at my instagram you will not see but it's one stand-up clip and that is what i do that's my thing i'm main known for and it's not because i don't have them i i literally pay three thousand dollars a month for a company to make me stand-up clips that i'm sitting on i know but the sports psychologist thing you perform fine you're fine but no it's not performance i know that's what i'm saying but i don't feel like so many like athletes are afraid of like putting up like a good game even if they like hit a home run but it's like not a good home run self-doubt stuff i mean it all is a root of self-doubt and guess what me posting clips is performance is a part of it like i i cannot do it for some

reason and it just doesn't make sense like it really dawned on me the other day like this is what i'm mostly known for, yet I can't ever. And when I ever promote stand-up, it's always like, I'm coming to this town. Here's a picture of me doing it. And that's why I like stand-up. Do you know why? Because you do it, and then it lives.

It's just in that moment. No one recorded it. No one can assess it. No one can go back. It's almost like there's not a record of it. And that's why I honestly hate stand-up being taped because it's something that's supposed to be in the moment and I don't want people to be able to go back.

Because when I go back and listen to my sets, they're always worse than the moment I lived them. I might go like, oh my God, I fucking killed in that moment. That was such a great flowing moment on stage. And then I go back and listen to it and I'm like, oh my fucking God, that was terrible'm in denial is treating like stand up even though you work harder at it whatever like it's like a podcast no but my point is i do for a podcast this brings us back no i know i know but listen like in sports people that are great will go dude how do you feel about

doing them like there's four majors in golf right and people are like the go, dude, how do you feel about doing them? Like there's four majors in golf, right? And people are like, the best players are like, how do you deal with the major versus this? They go, they're all the same tournament. Yeah. The major is no different. Well, that's how I treat stand-up too, though. Andrew, I do treat it that way.

Like, yeah, I prepare a little bit more, but like I have – i do treat it all the same like i don't put not after the fact i'm saying you don't put up a clip but you'll put up a clip of f boy of doing like some one line thing yeah because why there's a book there's a great book that i recommend it's called a champion's mind and it and it's a book that um the perspective of all of these Olympic athletes, NBA, all that. So you're doing, you're an athlete, a top-rated athlete, your game is on point. But there's also, besides the physical training, there's also mental training.

And for the level that you are a professional, you have to have that level of mental training and you know for the level that you are a professional you have to have that level of mental training and i think what you're on to is really really good studying with like a sports psychologist um yeah like a sports psychologist is going to be i think it was an interesting yeah yeah i just got to check with them how i get out of seeing them eventually yeah um all right well just say you die in an accident playing that sport whatever that is a ski accident you hit a tree oh yeah oh god trying to catch a football sunny bono wear a helmet skiing wear a helmet football has changed a lot of things in this oh my god we get it this week we are going to talk about so much more we are going to talk about mgk we are going to talk about andrew playing football over thanksgiving

we are going to talk about um well we have so much brenna and andrew looking for an apartment we're going to get into all of it this week very exciting to be back thank you for um being understanding of last week i hope you had a good holiday i can't wait to hear your fan threx this week and we'll see you tomorrow uh don't be cut and Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B,

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