The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #143 On The Jumbotron!

Episode Date: December 2, 2021

Between you and Nikki, turn your fears into a beach ball and kick them away. Nikki and Andrew remind listeners to work out for personal achievement not body goals... don't be a Count Dracula with your... calories! Last night they had the most fun at a hockey game and Nikki explains how they got on the Jumbotron. You Heard It Here First, bad bad customer service vs good bad customer service, rebound sex is ok and Andrew's exciting story about a life change. Nikki shares a story about a bully she encountered early in her career, which inspires Andrew to seek out questions he's been meaning to ask. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:00:38 We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 00:01:03 Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rappaport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills. You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. It's often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills.
Starting point is 00:01:48 You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap. And the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. Hey, you guys. I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with
Starting point is 00:02:08 four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events. Tune into my new podcast, Throttle Therapy, with Catherine Legg, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. The Nikki Glaser Podcast.
Starting point is 00:02:41 The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser Podcast. It's Wednesday, December 1st. Rabbit, rabbit. Do you ever do that? You say rabbit, rabbit at the top of the month?
Starting point is 00:02:59 Never have remembered in my life to do it. What are you wearing on your shirt? Zero Fox Given, is that what it says? Yes. Oh, I like it um that was like i guess the the thing to say of like 2017 that's a little uh but like i like i uh listen we gotta give fucks otherwise we're not gonna get much done but it does if i saw you walking around with that i'd be like whoa she's intimidating like she doesn't give a fuck and but little do i you know further you have the voice of an angel and you uh desperately care what
Starting point is 00:03:30 people think no you actually i don't think you do you're not someone that strikes me as that insecure um although we all are in our own way um you're just uh that wasn't an enigma. You are, you're not someone who is insecure. You're someone who is, you're unlike a lot of, you're unlike anyone I know, maybe not anyone I know, but you're, you have a type of anxiety I would never know about
Starting point is 00:03:59 in terms of like, I don't even know how to describe your anxiety. An anxiety can be such a spectrum like you get nervous not of what people think about you and like your likes and interests like i'm i'm always worried about what it means about me fundamentally you get anxiety and by the way let me just cut in you can tell me what you get anxiety about but my guess is that your anxiety or insecurities are about just like nerves of being the center of attention or like yes i don't like just being doing something embarrassing not not even embarrassing i just don't like the attention being focused on me i don't
Starting point is 00:04:39 what's gonna happen though like what's the fear uh you know i i'm i'm really trying to figure that out uh i think i may be like the burden of having to entertain because i do have social anxiety and that's more about like how do i end a conversation without being rude how do i get out of a situation well these are all things about you know without being rude that's like so people don't think i'm a bad person so it is yes it is insecurities about like a judgment of like who you are but then there are times where i see you like oh just tell them no i'm not doing like you'll like sometimes you don't like someone which has happened in the past and you've been kind of perfectly spot on with the people that you are just like's happened in the past and you've been kind of perfectly spot on
Starting point is 00:05:25 with the people that you are just like no they're not good and you've had this like you know back when we used to do you up and i would see you in studio with people there would just be a vibe sometimes when you're like i'm angry and i don't like them around and i you were so i get when i get that anger i can't i actually go the other, which is such an annoying trait of like, I'm so scared that people will see it and that it will change the way they behave around me in order. So I think that when I fear people or I hate people, I'm scared that if they know how much I hate them, they will either, they'll, I don't know what the fear is that they know. Because if I hate them, why do I care if they know I hate them they will either they'll I don't know what the fear is that they know because if I hate them why do I care if they know I hate them I guess it's this fear that they'll I guess I'm usually scared of people I hate because they're usually people that are very scary like I don't like people that are manipulative are in positions of power are you know uh exploit their power so i guess when i
Starting point is 00:06:27 i fear that they know i hate them because i know that they're sociopathic enough to use it against me if they know that i am not on their good side so i think that's why i maybe that's it i don't know i'm trying to psychoanalyze maybe because it's like you can't believe that someone would do that because to you, like in your values, you're a good person. You would never harm someone, but the fact that someone can go out of their way and harm someone. I just know they can hurt.
Starting point is 00:06:50 It's about me though. It's about protecting me. I don't want, if I hate someone, they're usually someone who is in a position of power and they're a bad, bad person. You know what I mean? And if they know I hate them, they will direct that sociopathy
Starting point is 00:07:03 and that craziness at me. And I don't want to set that off because the people I loathe the most. And by the way, it's all based like I shouldn't loathe. I try not to loathe anyone. And I truly try to like even someone like Trump, like I try to empathize or even someone like I just understand like his brain is just a bad brain. And he grew up with bad parents and a bad system. And like, and he's just,
Starting point is 00:07:31 and I know some people are like, a lot of people grow up with in that same wealth and that same kind of family system and they don't turn into Trump. Well, they don't have his brain too. So, which is a fucked up brain and the same kind of trauma that happened to him that led him to be the person he is and the people that like him god i couldn't understand people less and as i as the fear of
Starting point is 00:07:51 him winning again and not conceding which you know he won't even so the fear of him taking office no matter what because it's it's not even who cares if he wins or not? We know that he will just take it even if he loses. Really has been scaring me recently. And it's been drudging up this anger towards his supporters that I haven't felt since November of last year. That kind of went away. I mean, it bubbled up again in January. But it's just I haven't felt it. And I just don't like it.
Starting point is 00:08:25 I don't want to, I don't want to hate people that, uh, that I don't understand or that, you know, I've thought about recently is like, I aspire to be a fully conscious person. And in order to be a fully conscious person, you have to take your point of view,
Starting point is 00:08:45 but you also have a lot of coffee. you have to take your point of view, but you also have to- Drink a lot of coffee. You have to have a lot of coffee. I just picture like just being unconscious is like sleeping or getting knocked out. Not that kind of conscious. Don't box or, oh, okay. Like I want my soul to be conscious.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Like I want to be so like fully understanding of everyone. And you have to take in all sorts of perspectives and realize that there are perspectives that you don't know, that you don't even know that you don't know. they would go they would baffle them that I could have any kind of sympathy for that person or Jeffrey Epstein or Ghislaine Maxwell or like any of these fucking abusers that I've heard about but even um you know you've everyone's heard me talk about it ad nauseum of like I've I feel bad for people who have like there was this I was listening to my friend's radio show the other day and there was this girl on and she was talking about a show she had thought of that
Starting point is 00:09:47 was so hilarious she's um i'll plug her show she's a st louis talent her name is lauren wait something she was on the courtney show uh yeah risely laurenley. And she's on this new, um, uh, HGTV show called like ask the closer or something like that. But apparently it's a great show. I want to support other. And she was really funny on, on my favorite, you know,
Starting point is 00:10:14 morning radio show, the Courtney show in St. Louis. I was listening to it and she was on and she was talking about a show she pitched or like, you know, jokingly was pitching where it was like combined people's love of dogs and murder.
Starting point is 00:10:24 And you find people that abuse dogs, you save the dog and then you murder the person that did it and which is funny but i also i'm like if someone's beating a dog they have been very abused and i'm like okay well let's shrink that person down to a child and think about what happened to them that made them do that i don't know i've just even even like even like oh they would need to be punished made me go no let's have empathy sometimes it's fun to be angry can i just say though that your fear that you were trying to you were like oh i've been thinking about it more like my fear of having all the focus on me maybe you weren't thinking about it till I
Starting point is 00:11:05 actually brought it up but I can't even plan a wedding because I don't want to be the center of attention to be honest okay well here's maybe this will help you and maybe whoever is listening and you're like weird not weird fear but your valid fear of being the center of attention being um mine is being uh seen as a joke or a fraud you know like i have imposter syndrome except for the podcast i just want to say that for my stand-up i have imposter syndrome where i think that i'm tricking everyone i'm good but i'm not as good as people think and that I've figured out little shortcuts and that I'm like a magician. And, you know, my therapist, my bad therapist, abusive therapist, always used to say, and this helps me with imposter syndrome. I know I love how much I reference her as much as she was a bad therapist. Like she's the only one I reference.
Starting point is 00:12:01 It's like when I transferred from the University of Colorado, Boulder, and I went to Kansas. Everything I learned in college that was like, wow, that class really changed me was all my freshman year. And I left. I keep thinking
Starting point is 00:12:12 that her name is Maya Busev, therapist. Oh my God. Let's call her Dr. Busev. Dr. Busev. So Dr. Busev, because honestly,
Starting point is 00:12:21 this woman is, if she's still out there, is capable of suing my ass. Dr. Abusive, I'm not even joking you. I'm going to call her that in my book. Maya Abusive. Dr. Abusive, and you guys can use this in your lives too. If you've ever had an abusive boyfriend, you can call him, you know, Mr. Abusive.
Starting point is 00:12:43 So Dr. Abusive used to say to me, who do you think you are that you've tricked all these people? You've tricked executives at MTV, Comedy Central, the comedy seller. You tricked Esty into getting you passed. You think you're so good at tricking people. And then it flipped it on its head because I think I'm so shitty. Right? My whole thing is like, I'm shitty. And no one knows I'm shitty. But really, the idea that I think that all these people were duped by me is really me thinking I'm pretty fucking great, which then turns your argument on its head of like, you're actually what you're actually saying. When you think you're shittier than everyone thinks, and you're, you know, an imposter, is that you're actually saying when you think you're shittier than everyone thinks and you're uh you
Starting point is 00:13:26 know an imposter is that you're so cunning you're like you know leonardo di caprio and catch me if you can no i'm not these people are smart these people a lot you know some executives are dumb as shit and they're just assistants that just stuck around long enough to be promoted through the system and they don't deserve to be where they are but a lot of people that approve what goes on tv are very smart and are smarter than me at picking stuff and so i i got it and my fans i never feel this way about besties by the way and i and people that come see me do stand-up i i it's not like i i hate even saying this because it sounds like i i think that they're wrong or something like i don't get this feeling unless it's like me posting a clip but truly my besties this is the thing I'm like confident I'm pretty damn good at and even when I'm bad at it it's good because
Starting point is 00:14:14 it's that's why I'm good that's the beauty of this podcast four days a week and being completely open is that when it's bad when I'm not a good host when i'm in a bad mood when i'm sullen and grumpy and being a bitch to andrew and being like negative that's good because it's multifaceted and it's yes it's what i'm trying to bring to this platform you know this fucking it's not even what i'm trying to bring it's the only thing i can bring and i feel good about that and even on my bad days. And so I can accept that and learn from it. I'm grateful that I've become such a better friend to Andrew through being such a cunt to him on the show and having people show me that and like tell me like, hey, you should pay attention.
Starting point is 00:14:59 But anyway, so Noah, I talked about it the other day about my fear of posting clips. I talked about it a little bit, right, on Monday? Yes, you did. And I saw that. And then I posted a clip. I was very proud of you. So were many people in my life. Thank you so much to those who reached out to me about posting a clip because you know I struggled with it.
Starting point is 00:15:16 What I realized, Noah, and what you can realize about this wedding, okay, is that, and this might help people because I just imagined, I addressed the fear. Okay. Nikki has a fear of posting something online, people seeing that she's not good. And by people, I mean like other comedians who are experts at this, being able to, then they get to look at it closely and dissect how bad it is. Because if there's a clip you can dissect, you know, if, if it's a picture of me, that's a YouTube link in my bio that takes them a couple seconds, like, you know, clicks to dissect. You know, if it's a picture of me, that's a YouTube link in my bio, that takes them a couple seconds, like, you know, clicks to dissect. If I give it to them, like, here you go, judge me. It's that's, that's my fear. Okay. My fear is one or two comedians who literally are faceless to me. I don't even know who I'm picturing. Usually I can picture someone
Starting point is 00:16:01 judging me on Instagram. This whole sphere of the standup clip, I don't even know who the fuck is judging me, but they're watching the clip and they're analyzing it and they're going, she sucks. Wow. I thought she was good because she's presented, you know, she sells out on the road. She has pictures of herself looking like she's killing on stage. This is really, I've never even paid attention. This isn't good. And you know what? First of all, that fear is based in my judgment of other people that I have of comics because I don't watch a lot of stand-up I just assume what people tell me oh you're good so I guess you're good this one person I respect Mike Birbiglia thinks you're good you must be good like something like I just kind of see who you know tout you and I go okay well they're
Starting point is 00:16:42 probably good I you know I don't really watch stand up. And then I'll watch it and I'll go, well, this is empty and unworked out and garbage. The reason I do that is because I feel like I am it's me projecting I don't even that person's probably pretty damn good. So then I realized that once I named the fear really was like, okay, that's the fear is people are going to, a couple people are going to judge me. And within the comedy community, the biggest fear would be that they spread it around that I'm not good. Because let me be honest, a lot of comedians talk shit. And there are a lot of comedians who we would all as a group of comedians not publicly but have privately in the backs of rooms and green rooms decided are shit comics who are extremely successful but we all know they're bad we all know
Starting point is 00:17:33 the public is being deceived we don't understand why these people like like have their fans and i bet you anything 90 of comedians would agree that this person or these people suck. There's a list. Not going to give it. You can only assume. And those comedians may or may not know that every comedian, 90% of comedians think they suck. But we all do. And I'm so scared of being on that list.
Starting point is 00:18:01 Then I was like, okay, let's say I make the list because I post this clip. Those comedians that are on that list, they only grow in popularity. No opinion of a comedian has ever stopped them from getting something. In fact,
Starting point is 00:18:15 I've seen many of these comedians that we've all agreed suck and, you know, have deceit, are bad for comedy. I've seen them reach heights of fame that get to the point where all the comedians that
Starting point is 00:18:26 talk shit about them start liking them and becoming friends with them and associating with them. So even if my worst fear is that I'm blacklisted somehow, which it's just not, it's just not going to happen. I've never seen it happen. And even if it does happen, like even if my fear is real, I was just like, fear is like, it's invisible. I don't know why I pictured it. I pictured fear like this like beach ball of like air that was like this negative air. And I was just holding this beach ball before I posted that. And I was just like, once you acknowledge what the fear is, it's like, okay, well, what really is it?
Starting point is 00:19:05 It's nothing. It's invisible. It doesn't exist. It's not like I'm going to be in pain if I post this. Just disable the comments. Because my fear was, Andrew's like, don't look at the comments. Well, I know you'll look at the comments. And I know other comics will look at the comments.
Starting point is 00:19:21 And people like comments because people like being told how to feel about something. And that's the danger of comments. I do it. Every time I'm on a Reddit thread and there's a video posted, I don't even watch the video. I just go to the Reddit thing because I don't have the patience for it. And I go, how am I supposed to feel about this? What are people's opinions so I can pick one that aligns with my beliefs and go with it? I'm a fucking lemming too.
Starting point is 00:19:43 So that's why I disabled comments on it. I don't want people to, I want people to form their own opinions on it without any assistance, which I didn't even, when I did that, I go, oh my God, I didn't realize comments
Starting point is 00:19:52 were just a suggestion of how to feel about something. So you don't have to form your own opinion and be an individual. And so for you, I would try to picture the fear of the wedding day and all that attention on you and what it actually means. Because what it means is, is that you think that people don't really want to focus on you. That you're somehow like bothering us by doing that.
Starting point is 00:20:18 Or like it's like that you're putting us out by being the center of attention. And you're making us think, God, Noah wants attention. I guess we got to give this to her. She's so needy. Or like, ugh, this day's all about her. us out by being the center of attention and you're making us think god no one wants attention i guess we got to give this to her she's so needy or like oh this day's all about her well the truth is people don't have to go to your wedding if people just and yes a lot of people go oh we have to go to a wedding it's noah's wedding she's my fucking friend from for eight years or whatever it is that sounds like i'm saying what i say when i get no no and i would never be mad at someone but the thing is yeah it's up to them it really even a
Starting point is 00:20:52 wedding invitation that seems like a non-negotiable yes i have to go it's their choice to go and by the way how great do you feel when you see someone you love get married and walk down the aisle? And have you ever in your life been filled with, and even, you know, maybe you do feel that way. Maybe you're like, ugh, because I do feel that way about other comics. My fear is actually something I feel about other people. So maybe, but I think for you, you could even go as far as to run it through your head and be like, I've really never felt that way about someone. And the people I have felt that about, and I'm speaking as you, and I'm also speaking like, I've really never felt that way about someone. And the people I have felt that about, and I'm speaking as you, and I'm also speaking as me, the people I felt that way about comedically,
Starting point is 00:21:30 that I go, oh God, they suck. And the people that you've maybe felt like, oh my God, she's such a bridezilla. She's making this all about her. She loves attention. Ugh, no one would ever put you in the same category as that person. Never, no other things about you or me
Starting point is 00:21:45 line up with those comedians and those brides. So this fear, it's just a thing you have to take this beach ball and just like throw it and go, okay, good, I know what it is. It's not an actual physical like barrier. There's not like a door you have to break down to have a wedding.
Starting point is 00:22:02 You know, like fears, people have like real fears of like, I could drown. I don't know how to swim. I don't, you know, I might get hit by a car. I've been hit by a car before, like things that could actually kill them. Having a wedding is not going to kill you. Posting on Instagram is not going to kill me. And I did it. I'm going to do it again. And as soon as I did it, I was like like this was easy as fuck it was the same way I felt about going on first dates which I used to fear so much and as soon as I would go on one I'd be like where's the next one let's do this because I would be on this like role it's the same way I feel about writing you know like I'm trying to write a book right now with this woman who's
Starting point is 00:22:39 helping me and um I have this immense fear over writing a book because it's not going to be good. I'm not going to be as good as I want to be. But a second I wrote a chapter, I was like, where's more? But then I took a two month break. Now I just had a call with her. And she's like, we're gonna get started again. And I'm like, Oh, I'm having that fear again. And I'm going to beach ball it. And I'm gonna kick it. And it just hit the light and came back to me. So I'm going to deal with it later it just hit the light and came back to me. So I'm going to deal with it later, but let's get Andrew in here and talk about some big news.
Starting point is 00:23:08 He has. John Stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your
Starting point is 00:23:45 podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories,
Starting point is 00:24:38 and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model.
Starting point is 00:25:14 Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in.
Starting point is 00:25:40 It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses.
Starting point is 00:26:28 But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party,
Starting point is 00:26:58 your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out
Starting point is 00:27:18 of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride, full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hellbent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Starting point is 00:27:48 or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Andrew. What's up? So we're talking about fear and like me posting. I know.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Well, you always wear those shirts that say you have none I just want to double check that it's true um we're talking about fear and like how like that me posting the other day I just for some reason after talking about it enough which by the way that helps like journaling about the thing you're fearful of talking about it with friends like if you're just having it in your head if you're listening to this podcast and all you do is talk about like think about your problems in your head you gotta get them out of your head they don't do they start you you think it's enough because i used to think it was enough to just think on something put it on a paper or talk to a friend fucking leave me a voice memo
Starting point is 00:28:39 i'm not even kidding you i won't i won't even fucking listen to it but leave me a voice memo on my dms and maybe a girl once did that and i fucking listen to it, but leave me a voice memo on my DMs. And maybe a girl once did that and I did listen to it. She caught me at a good time and I actually got to meet her at one of our shows. But honestly, say it out loud. Write a voice memo to yourself
Starting point is 00:28:54 and then erase it afterwards. You've got to say it out loud. Talk to a tree. Talk to your dog. Noah just got over a fear of going back to jujitsu, she just told me. So how long did you take off from jujitsu?
Starting point is 00:29:06 A while, Noah? Well, yeah, I've been struggling with that. I did restart and then I took off for like Thanksgiving and the week before I didn't really go to class. It was like two weeks after like I ate a bunch and was very like sedentary. And I had this like big monster in my head, like, oh, you know, you're not going to remember,
Starting point is 00:29:25 you're going to be winded, you're not going to be able to do an hour and a half. And then I was telling a girl in the locker room, I was like, I had this whole big conversation in my head before class trying to get me not to come here. But I feel so good right now. I was able to help someone. I got some good tips
Starting point is 00:29:42 and I just felt so fulfilled at the end of class and i was like why do we have to have these monsters in our head dude we gotta okay everyone who's listening right now we all have something right now we are so fucking dreading tackling whether it's cleaning your room cleaning a garage taking your dog to the vet i'm just listing things that i have to do making an appointment for the gynecologist get going to talk to a therapist like right don't do anything about it today you don't have to clean your room you don't have to fucking call your aunt that you've been avoiding calling
Starting point is 00:30:11 just write about it or talk to someone about it and talk about the fear behind it because it's not like oh I just don't have time to do it you have if you have time to shit you have time to do any step towards these things and I've noticed too like, like with jiu-jitsu, for instance, like that's a tough workout. Like that's why it might be a little bit more.
Starting point is 00:30:31 If it's a harder thing to tackle, the fear will probably build up. And what kind of sucks is if you're going to take a class, maybe you just want to start with rolling around for 10 minutes and kind of build yourself up. Or you go to the class and you fucking, I did a four-mile mile run the other day and it was so embarrassing how after two months i went from running eight my eight minute miles even like some 750s in four miles to an average of 945 it was like and i tried my best and it was so demoralizing but guess what i just it that run wasn't about being fast i was just trying to my point though is though like if it's if it's something that's lofty too lofty like for instance i went like i haven't worked out in a while i hit a ton of golf balls i really did work my ass off
Starting point is 00:31:18 with that stuff but i stopped lifting completely and then i started looking for workouts that were like golf specific yeah where essentially it's like how can I sit down and eat a sandwich and go like this and that will help my golf swing like I was looking for workouts that were the least yeah tough as possible because I was afraid of like having to work out so hard again and sweat but then I just started doing the half hour at uh three miles per hour on an eight incline on and i swear to god once i did that four times i'm like okay i'm ready to start doing a little bit of circuit training dude but it's literally just that little incremental step will open you up to being okay i can i could
Starting point is 00:31:59 go work out i'm telling you this it's weird like and that's a big enough workout in its own the treadmill is a great i hate treadmills you know if you can. And that's a big enough workout in its own. The treadmill is a great – I hate treadmills. If you can walk outside, it's always better. But it's that incline. I love doing – if you're trying to get back into working out. You really crush it. Well, no. I'm not giving you the crazy workout.
Starting point is 00:32:16 But doing that – if you're starting out today with a workout regimen where you're like, oh, God god it just seems so insurmountable up 20 minutes on a treadmill and literally do three miles per hour start on a three incline so give yourself not just flat three incline and then move up one degree and like move to a four after two minutes and then get to the point where it's just you're like heave hoeing and then start going back down every minute yeah and you won't three minutes is never gonna feel like a lot or three miles per hour but when you're on a steep incline it's gonna work you up to a sweat and you're gonna feel like something and you'll just think about the thing that you want to tackle because it's such a good workout workouts don't have to be i swear to god you guys it doesn't have to be like orange theory. I just passed on a fucking ad, possible ad,
Starting point is 00:33:06 because it was some fucking intensive workout bullshit. And I just don't want to promote that stuff on the show. And God, when we are in a position where we need to, I probably will. But it's nice to be able to say no, because I don't believe in these high-intensity workouts. I don't believe in the keep your belt on bike. Stop with this burning 800 calories. It's a fucking hamster wheel. because I don't believe in these high intensity workouts. I don't believe in the, keep your belt on bike,
Starting point is 00:33:27 stop with this burning 800 calories. It's a fucking hamster wheel. Can I just say, for me, jujitsu, like Andrew said it was an intense workout. I don't go to jujitsu for a workout, which is what I love about it. I go for personal achievement and for all the good little- That's what I run for.
Starting point is 00:33:42 And golf for me. I run, if I'm running to burn calories or because i want to work off a meal i don't get to run i don't get to do it if i'm run like that's my new rule for myself it has been for two years i've maybe slipped once where i was like go extra hard because you ate too much last night and i you know had to do some prayer about it or journaling about it because i swear to god and easy for me to say nick you're a skinny bitch you know whatever weight you are if you're trying to lose weight if you abuse yourself with exercise and punish yourself you're never gonna view it and it's always gonna be something that only comes into your life when you're you know at your lowest and that you punish yourself with. But it's really,
Starting point is 00:34:25 I never believed people when they were like, exercise can be something healthy and that you want to do. But if you don't kill yourself over it and you're not doing it to punish yourself or to make a weight, I just believe it's the best approach
Starting point is 00:34:40 and you can be, I right now am the best I've ever looked naked and I have not dieted, starved myself, even for a second, have not worked out to achieve anything in two, a year and a half. And that's crazy because I was trying so hard since I was 18 to look a certain way. I tried for 18, 17 and a half years to have the best body possible and guess what it was there all along all i had to do was stop starving
Starting point is 00:35:14 stop exercising fake tits and and yes you just have to spend thousands of dollars on some big luscious kettlebell tits i did not get get fake tits, but sometimes it does look like it. I would if I wanted them. I would absolutely. I'm such an advocate for getting whatever kind of work done you want. But I really hope that people don't punish themselves with exercise this holiday season trying to get in shape. There's a culture, especially with men, where it's like,
Starting point is 00:35:44 Oh, my God. I saw this TikTok the other day. there's a culture especially with men where it's like oh my god I saw this TikTok the other day and the guy's like stop being a fucking pussy get the fuck in the gym I did and then the guy
Starting point is 00:36:00 then it cuts to this guy who couldn't be any more nerdy looking and it cuts right to him and he goes you get out of the gym that's great Then it cuts to this guy who couldn't be any more nerdy looking. And it cuts right to him. And he goes, you get out of the gym. That's great. You get out of the gym. Oh, my God. You have to say these.
Starting point is 00:36:12 It made me laugh so hard. I love sharing tip-tops. I love the aggressiveness of not doing something. Oh, my God. It's like, you be lazy. You be lazy. And it's like, that's what you're hearing. I love it so much. And it's like, oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:36:23 It was just so fucking funny. And yeah, I just think this idea of like look i respect someone like david goggins i listened to his book while falling asleep on the couch while you know eating a pizza no there's something to all of this stuff but it's just no no but my point is like like the idea of like you have to kill yourself don't think of it like that because you're going to avoid it. Like just fucking walk on a three miles per hour on an eight. And I promise you, you're going to feel fucking great. And I'm telling you. Yeah, that's all. Like, listen, I've always said, if you want to know how I got this point of view and truly
Starting point is 00:36:59 accepted in my heart, you can always DM me and I'll let you know my secret. But I hope that some of this trickles down because I just never thought it was ever possible to not work out every day and not be counting calories, which I still count calories because I have a brain and I know what calories are, but I don't. You stop counting calories. If I'm counting calories, you stop telling me to count calories. Is that how it works? You stop, stop, stop not counting them you count um dracula get a calculator bitch you've boobless upside down um yes i just i like yesterday i was counting i was like adding
Starting point is 00:37:42 up my because i was like i didn't i feel like I'm so I went to bed and I was so hungry. I woke up at 4 a.m. and I was like starving. And I go, did I not eat enough yesterday? And I added them up. And so there's sometimes I do that where I just go, did it? Did I not get to? I do like 2400 calories a day without question. How many carbs do you do?
Starting point is 00:38:00 I don't think about carbs. I let my body decide. Like I listen to what you eat is there car is there carbs in that stuff oh fuck yeah yeah oatmeal is carbs oh oatmeal is just a car it's like a fucking carb it's that's carb but you do eliminate bread which i think is like bread i just it doesn't no but i'm saying though like it is something that a lot of people eat. Well, that's a thing that I do that if you look at me eat a sandwich or like things, eat a plate of food,
Starting point is 00:38:32 I will avoid the things that are like loaded with just empty stuff because I love eating and I want to eat. And I just like prefer the taste of vegetables over bread. I would rather have four times the amount of vegetables than a piece of bread, which is going to give me the same kind of caloric nutrition and that stuff can be you know i'm not perfect with my like i eat weird fucking foods but there's never a point where i'm trying to eat less of i used to eat you know salad but i would still count it and try to
Starting point is 00:39:04 get under. My aim was always like 1,400 calories or something like that. A day? Yeah, but that was the aim. But guess what? I would get up to 4,000 because I would try to hit 14, and then I would start to eat at night where I would think, oh, no one's watching. God's not watching.
Starting point is 00:39:21 You get a calculator. And then I would triple my daily intake because I was starving. So what is a – is there – I mean should there be a number in mind for people? No. You know what should be? If you feel hungry. Yeah. But you got to recalibrate because I didn't know what hunger was.
Starting point is 00:39:36 I still don't know sometimes. Even like when I woke up at 4 in the morning, I was like, is this because I'm anxious? Do I want to just have a taste in my mouth to like feel? Because food is a drug. I mean, the sugar and all the things, they set off all these endorphins in our brain, the oxytocin, and it's like a drug. So it's hard to recalibrate. But hunger feels like you can track it by just being like, okay, what did I eat?
Starting point is 00:40:04 Did I eat enough today like i i have like this is a i don't i don't mean to like brag and talk about foods and like what i eat but if this gives anyone any kind of hope for how their body could be and this is something i do no matter what and i will do the rest of my life i have like 500 to 600 calorie breakfast every single morning no matter what i ate the night before how late i ate it always i mean it will be 400 if i ate a ton the night before because i'm just not as hungry up to six to eight like i will go buck what yeah if i'm still hungry in the morning i'm eating because it's just it it you always think it's going to fuck you over later on because you're like, I'm still going to eat as much as I did yesterday later on.
Starting point is 00:40:46 But it's like, you just don't. And I think that is the key, is eating a really hearty, filling breakfast. And I always used to roll my eyes at that. The idea, if you would have told me two years ago that I would eat 600 calorie breakfast, I'm not joking you, I would have said, I'd rather die.
Starting point is 00:41:05 I'd rather fucking throw myself off a balcony my you would wait until sundown yes yeah i mean i was thinking about what i ate i was thinking about like the apartments i've lived in and like what i was like thinking about my and like and i was like oh my god that apartment i lived on that we met on with the where balcony started i literally never made a single meal I didn't use my microwave even once. All I ate were protein bars. All I ate, and then I would eat salads at the cellar so I'd get a little bit of veggies and actual food.
Starting point is 00:41:33 Literally subsisted on protein bars for three and a half, four years of my life. Organe should build a wing of their factory and name it after me because I bought you that. I used to go, I used to eat. That's all I ate.
Starting point is 00:41:49 I won't touch another organe bar the rest of my life. It disgusts me because it just, but I liked it. That's what I needed at that time and that was fine. I liked it.
Starting point is 00:41:59 There was never a time I ate those being like, I wish I could have something else. I wanted that. But thank, and right now I'm in a fucking I'm still on my oatmeal protein oatmeal kick it's all I want all the time I have to force myself to eat other things with other nutrition it's just what I want am I fucking around with that oatmeal so that I can do less calories no no no I'm eating just as much as I would if I ate another food, but it's just all I want. And I forgive myself for that because the other, I'm not starving myself anymore.
Starting point is 00:42:32 And that's, that's the fucking key. That's why I get so frustrated. Last night we were with my lover and he like, I could tell he was hungry because he mentioned like, oh, I'm kind of hungry. Like after we went to the hockey game, we were on our way home and he was like, yeah, that chicken sandwich wasn't good. I'm hungry.
Starting point is 00:42:48 And I was like, I have to be with this guy through the night and then he's going to wake up. I know he's going to wake up not in time to get breakfast before he has to go to work. He's going to be, and he,
Starting point is 00:42:57 I need to just stay out of people's fucking business. Yeah. But I have to be around it. And then, so I need to go home, sweetie. But you're assuming what's going to happen before it happens. But I have to be around it. And then, so I need to go home, sweetie. But you're assuming what's going to happen
Starting point is 00:43:06 before it happens. But I, do you think, but does that, he changed, his mood changes when he's hungry. No, but I get frustrated
Starting point is 00:43:12 sometimes, not with you, but like, no, of course with me. Yeah, but, but, but, yeah, of course with me. No, I try to control
Starting point is 00:43:18 your food too because I'm like, we're about to be on a seven hour flight and you don't have any snacks. I just don't like when people make assumptions of how I'm going to be in the future before it even happens. Even though they might be right.
Starting point is 00:43:30 Even though they've been around you a million times, and they know that when you get – You are different when you're hungry. You don't get hangry. Yeah, I've never really like – And my lover doesn't get hangry either. He just gets – My lover. He gets less fun.
Starting point is 00:43:43 He gets less fun. He's not as present because he's, and he doesn't even, I don't mean to, I believe that he doesn't even know he's hungry and he's so picky with food. I know, but these are things that like, but I don't,
Starting point is 00:43:56 I, do you know what I can do? I can go, go home. I don't want to be around you if you don't eat, but then it leads to a huge fight. Well, I think you need to wait to see if his attitude is changing before you mention.
Starting point is 00:44:06 He got a meal in last night. Ooh. Probably had too many calories. Dude, I posted a video last night before we get to the news. We went to the game. We went to the Blues hockey game. By the way, that was the most,
Starting point is 00:44:19 that might have been. The most fun. At a sporting event. I've ever had, like, I've had some, I don't know what it was i was feeling so fucking giddy it was so silly we were on the jumbotron dude we got on the jumbotron i was on right away as i took my seat because i was wearing an obnoxious pink sweater i think people just like saw oh they just put oh okay yeah when when uh my love and i sat down they and you guys
Starting point is 00:44:43 were brenna and you were still miss you so much brenna um, and you guys were, Brenna and you were still, I miss you so much, Brenna. Kisses, baby. You guys were like, at the concession stand, we got seated, we sat down first, and we showed up right away. And we were like,
Starting point is 00:44:53 oh my God, hi. And it was just two seconds. And then the whole rest of the game, I'm like, oh my God, are they gonna put us on again? We posted an Instagram story. I tagged the Blues. You didn't tag the Blues,
Starting point is 00:45:02 which is your big mistake because the Blues are watching what they get tagged in. They reached out to me and they were like oh my god you're at the game let us know what section so we can put you on the jumbotron and like and call you out and so I was in the bathroom when I got it and I'm like okay I want I want my lover to be on with me and be a fun moment so I didn't tell them which section I was in until he got back because he was trying to go find merch to buy you and Brenrenna oh and i was like god damn it his generosity made him miss the jumbotron so i'm sitting in my seat holding holding like have the dm written of my section
Starting point is 00:45:35 row seat numbers for all of us so we all four could get on and i'm waiting to send it till he gets back because i know they're gonna do it right away and i'm like he's taking forever and i'm like fuck they're gonna find me before i write back and of course they found me to do it right away. And I'm like, he's taking forever. And I'm like, fuck, they're going to find me before I write back. And of course they found me. And right as he's like at the top and I'm like, I know I'm right. I'm going, hurry. I'm calling him over because I have a feeling it's coming. And then all of a sudden, boom, we're up on the Jumbotron and Andrew and I are just like
Starting point is 00:45:58 going. Did you see on my Instagram story? There's this. I posted it on this. I posted it on the pod. Yes. I said next year hopefully my name will go up there too dude you could have gotten your name up maybe and Andrew got recognized
Starting point is 00:46:09 yesterday before I did by the way that was pretty cool a guy came up and was like Andrew Collin and he came up from behind us it was like he is the nicest kid I love puddles man can I give him a shout out yeah well he's not listening to this because he didn't even he he knew I me from Rogan and then he learned about you from me from being on rogan but he skipped our podcast and just went straight to puddles i was like dude you know nicky's right here and he goes what what oh yeah you're that girl aiden a worder he plays like football here for a local college yeah lynd Lindenwood. Anyway, it was a fun fucking day. The nicest kid I think I might have ever met.
Starting point is 00:46:47 Like he wrote me before. He's like, dude, I just want to hang out with you. Like he wrote this before. I don't know. And I realized he was sitting up in the nosebleed. He figured out a way. Well, he saw you post that you were there. And then he came down and found you.
Starting point is 00:47:00 But I was freaking out. Back to the Jumbotron. So Nikki's on there like this. And so I get in there i go oh yeah i someone said i should have proposed oh my god yes or attack well we're gonna go back because that was hockey games are so fast they're so fun we were down three nothing everything's brightly lit the atmosphere is good like baseball games i fucking love for the people watching but this one is a smaller uh
Starting point is 00:47:25 arena it's my goal to play an arena that size i realized that's my next goal is to do 20 000 seats because i i was asking my love about it and he was like um i go how many seats is this he's like probably 20 000 i go would taylor swift play this and he goes she has but you know probably not anymore she's probably doing you know i go is this where we saw the rolling stones he's like no that was like 60 000 and i'm like oh it's it felt small for some reason it's uh the enterprise center yeah the blues game was so fucking fun dude i mean we were down we got there like maybe five minutes into the game we're down three nothing i'm like did they start did they just give them three goals because we were playing fucking great. Once we got there... This is all news
Starting point is 00:48:08 to me because I never once looked at the score. Yeah, but we came back tied 3-3, tied in overtime and won. Because it was a good sports game. I had fun because I got on the Jumbotron and I was with my friends. That's true. It's so funny that it was a good game too. No, it was
Starting point is 00:48:23 one of the best games of the season. If a hockey team is down by three goals, the game's over. It is, yeah. We don't come back from that. You don't go to overtime and then win in a shootout. Yeah, it was really fun. It moved so fast. O'Reilly.
Starting point is 00:48:39 He scored a goal. Okay, Andrew, let's get to the news. Here we go, baby. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, goal. Okay. Andrew, let's get to the news. Here we go, baby. Oh, boy. It's Wednesday, folks. You know what that means? It is Wednesday.
Starting point is 00:48:53 I hope you're having all the swells out there. We did because we were on the Jumbotron. We're better than all of you. Just kidding. Maybe. All right. Let's get into it. Oh, man. This story kind of made me nauseous.
Starting point is 00:49:03 A woman was scarred during laser treatment after her beautician became distraction distracted while arguing with her boyfriend on the phone oh my god i've i mean i've heard of this before sabrina jaleez my uh one of my best friends got scarred by laser hair removal on her neck this is the worst like it looked like she had a tracheotomy because she had a hole in her neck from getting hair removed. And she was at the... I met her for the first time at Just for Laughs in Montreal, 2007. And she had to wear a scarf around her neck because she had a fucking hole. And she got a fucking little settlement out of that, as she should have.
Starting point is 00:49:37 Oh, she did get a settlement. You know how much this woman got? Guess. Wait. So she was getting... What laser treatment was she getting? Laser rejuvenation oh i need to know which kind so i can sue them eventually wait because i love that so she's in
Starting point is 00:49:53 turkey how much money you think she got in the settlement i'm guessing 3 000 because it's going to be low she got her money back 260 dollars oh60. Oh my God. What the fuck? Can you imagine getting your face burnt and they go, hey, we could give you store credit. She looks like a Thanksgiving turkey that was done in the deep fryer. Deep fryer. Wait, what the fuck? She looks so young in that picture on the left. And then she looks. I mean, granted.
Starting point is 00:50:20 Can I see it? The attorney is smart by putting up the hottest photo she's ever taken. Well, not that smart because he only got her $260. That's in Turkey. Well, Turkey cash? Yeah. Oh, poor sweetie. Oh, Asli Ehan suffered permanent facial scarring from a laser treatment gone awry.
Starting point is 00:50:41 So this was in Turkey, though? Yeah. Oh, my God. And the one photo she has makeup on. Well I see what's going on here. She went to treat her scars but it only made it worse. She had not only
Starting point is 00:50:53 physical pain but psychological damage. Not only was my face badly burned but I had a lot of psychological distress. Oh my god. We think that the penalty for... Oh my god. I should have sued the lady that waxed my eyebrows. You know the burns I think she's, oh my God. I should have sued the lady that waxed my eyebrows. Well, it looks like, you know, the burns, I think she's going to be okay.
Starting point is 00:51:09 I don't know how quickly after this picture was taken. But here's the thing. This is kind of how you look after a laser treatment. Honestly. Do you have to go to another laser treatment? Probably, she'd probably have to,
Starting point is 00:51:18 yeah. That's the hard part because then if you have PTAs. Oh God. But how fucked, I'm sorry, how like fucked up is it that the beautician was on the phone with
Starting point is 00:51:26 her boyfriend arguing like she couldn't even wait i mean until she was done with the job it's so wild what people i mean we talked about anya going up to the woman at the gate i told that story at the opening of the show you know when she told that woman to oh you had left the you had left the other night anya had told the story of going up to a woman at, when she was on her way to Denver for my special, who was talking on her speakerphone loudly. She went up and was like, Hey,
Starting point is 00:51:51 could you be quiet? And the woman was like, no. And she was like, she goes, we can all hear you. She goes, I don't care.
Starting point is 00:51:56 She goes, you don't care. And she goes, no. And she goes, and I was like, okay, well,
Starting point is 00:52:00 great. And she goes, that's pretty rude. And she goes, you're rude. And Anya was like shaking, like vibrating with fear. And then she went, she waited a little bit longer. And she goes, that's pretty rude. And she goes, you're rude. And Anya was like shaking, like vibrating with fear. And then she went, she waited a little bit longer and the woman was a gate agent.
Starting point is 00:52:10 She had like a coat on when Anya approached her. She was like sitting in the corner and she ended up being a gate agent. It's just like people, have you ever had someone like do something inappropriate while you're getting a service? Yeah, I mean, well, I talked about the other day the clipping the nails.
Starting point is 00:52:23 Oh yes, That's right. I had, well, the eyebrow incident of 2006 before the wedding where they put on, I don't even know if they put on wax. I think she just put on like Elmer's glue or something way worse than wax and just ripped my eyes off. Just not really paying attention. You would have noticed. And I hate when people fuck up you gotta watch it with those estheticians sometimes they really are just like you don't it could be the first day on the job and they are using really hot stuff that and
Starting point is 00:52:56 people's skin burns a different oh but here's the thing i think like when people this is the thing though because like with business you can't apologize because once you apologize you're liable yeah so then you go oh no this is what it is your eyes are supposed to how annoying is it when you are at a restaurant and you have ordered something like oh i need ranch on the side too you order it with your meal right yeah and they write it down and they go okay and then they deliver your thing and then the waiter runs away and they haven't gotten the ranch and you go,
Starting point is 00:53:27 oh, they're going to get my ranch. They don't bring it, whatever. And then, you know, three minutes later, you catch them just walking by refilling someone's water and you go, oh, hey,
Starting point is 00:53:35 can I get that side of ranch? And they go, oh, yeah, I'll get you a side of ranch. Like, it's the first time you asked. Oh, yeah. It's gaslighting. That is a fucking move.
Starting point is 00:53:44 It's ranchlighting. And I don a fucking move. It's ranch lighting. Ranch lighting sucks. If you guys have been ranch lighted, let's call it. Let's call it whenever a customer service agent or someone working in customer service. Because listen, you know I have so much empathy for customer service people. It's not easy. I'm tipping $5 on every Starbucks drink I get in this holiday season. And I really, like, I don't fuck around because it sucks out there.
Starting point is 00:54:13 And I hope Starbucks can unionize, by the way. I'm in support of that. But it's, and yeah. Guys, will you just please everyone out there, be nice to everyone working for. Unless you get ranch-lighted. Working for any kind of corporation where they don't, they shouldn't take pride in it. And you know what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:54:38 Pretty much any job that isn't their family business or something that is like their passion in life. Just let them suck at their job because they're making $14 an hour. They can't afford to live in an apartment. The system's broken. Just be kind and tip generously, if you can, this holiday season to everyone working at a car rental place, if they're moving slowly, at Starbucks, if they're moving like molasses. Even if they burn your face, it doesn't matter what job.
Starting point is 00:55:07 No, listen. If they burn your face, it's fine. If you're paying $400 for a laser treatment, you should get a level of respect. If you're paying $7 for a latte, I'm sorry. I know that's a latte for a latte, but it's still $7 and this person doesn't really give a fuck about you. I hear you, Nikki, but I think $700 or $400.
Starting point is 00:55:25 If you're at Starbucks and they pour that hot coffee on your face, you got to have some empathy for them. Honestly, I think that is one of the best treatments out there that no one knows about, and I was going to do a TikTok about it. The blonde latte? Hey, you guys, here's a secret Starbucks order. You get a vanilla latte with nonfat milk, and you get it extra hot. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:55:44 Then you gently pour it all over your face. Okay. Wait two to three business days. All right. And then afterwards when it all peels off, you will have a shiny face
Starting point is 00:55:53 because you will look like a burn victim. Oh my God. But you'll look really dewy. Oh. That's my TikTok. I'm going to look like a star for a few bucks.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Starbucks. Oh, I get it. Okay, next news story. That's pretty good. It looked like a star for a few bucks. It was Oh, I get it. Okay, next news story. That's pretty good. It looked like a star for a few bucks. It was good. And honestly, guys,
Starting point is 00:56:10 let's all, and I want to hear from our listeners, not only about being ranch lit, but also... About horrible customers. No, no, no, no. About...
Starting point is 00:56:19 First of all, yes, sure. Horrible customers. That's great to hear stories so we can all learn to be better. But stories of where you went out of your way to actually be a good customer to someone who is giving you shitty service and doing the opposite and saying to them hey happy holidays i hope you have a good day hey listen i know you guys are slammed don't worry about the weight thank you
Starting point is 00:56:38 for even saying sorry about the weight or like just a thing where you went out of your way when you didn't have to and i'm going to try to do the same. Also, if you work at Amazon, I kind of want to know like what's really going on. Yeah, let us know what's really going on over there. If you work there,
Starting point is 00:56:51 let us know what's going on. Are you really still being in bottles and stuff like that? Yeah, are the bottles being poured on your head? We're whispering it so we don't get caught by Bezos and so that, you know,
Starting point is 00:56:59 Siri doesn't hear us. Wait, it's not Siri, it's Alexa. But I think this is when the app starts listening once you start whispering. Oh yeah, the robots start listening. Because then they're like, they must be talking. They go, wait, shh, hold on, someone's not Siri, it's Alexa Alexa's whispering Oh yeah, the robots start listening They go, wait, shh, hold on, someone's talking
Starting point is 00:57:09 They're all like And then they go They didn't hear that Okay, one more news story Okay, study indicates that the benefits of freebanks No, out loud, out loud, Andrew I actually like doing this ASMR thing It's very hard to edit this
Starting point is 00:57:24 Though Oh, it is? Wow, we're talking so loud I actually like doing this ASMR thing. Let's just do one more story. It's very hard to edit this, though. Oh, it is? Why? When we whisper. We're talking so loud. Okay. Why don't we just do soft spoken then? Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Is that better? Yeah. Try to do it as softly as you can. Studies indicate that the benefits of rebound sex are usually greater than the damage it causes. The benefits? rebound sex are usually greater than the damage it causes the benefits you're saying the benefits of rebound sex are greater than the damage it causes i would um i would agree because i do think that rebound sex is not based on someone being open to falling insanely in love with someone so you're not going to have those negative effects afterwards
Starting point is 00:58:05 of being addicted to someone because you're trying to get over someone you're already addicted to. Thus, it's only going to anesthetize that pain that you're experiencing who you're trying to get over rather than create a new pain. So that is good news for everyone
Starting point is 00:58:23 who is using rebound sex as a way to cope with your broken heart. I never thought of it this way, honestly, until I... Softly spoke it. Softly spoke it. Because I guess that's the only way I could learn at all. Yeah, get out there and rebound. Just be safe. No, but I always felt like when rebounding that you're trying to fill a void.
Starting point is 00:58:44 And I guess if you're not looking at it as trying to fill a void and I guess if you're not looking at it as trying to fill that void no you're trying to just because they said it can make you feel more secure with yourself of like how you look
Starting point is 00:58:52 who you are because someone else is fucking you hell yeah I think that's that's all true too and it just it really
Starting point is 00:58:59 I remember that scene in the John Cusack movie High Fidelity where she's his ex-girlfriend is grieving the loss of her father and she's just crying all the time and she's she sleeps with her ex she goes i just want to feel wait that's a really good impression if you know what i'm talking about the scene she goes i just want to feel something else and then she like gets on top
Starting point is 00:59:21 of him and like starts crying it's such a scene, but you know that feeling of being so sad you want to feel anything else. That's why we reach for food. That's why we reach for drugs. Like sex can be a soothing balm to put on your broken heart. So go out there and get it. That's good news.
Starting point is 00:59:37 Let's take a break and we'll come back with. Hold on. Before we go to break, before on our other break, you said Andrew had some news. Let's take a break and come back with Andrew's news. Okay. Is that okay?
Starting point is 00:59:51 I want to tease it. You got to listen to this commercial first. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.
Starting point is 01:00:21 Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to
Starting point is 01:00:45 explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests, people like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or I'm an investigative journalist.
Starting point is 01:01:46 When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it.
Starting point is 01:02:11 He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control.
Starting point is 01:02:43 My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened
Starting point is 01:03:02 and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery, a story told in 12 steps. Listen to Krems as part of the Michael Duda Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, the insights behind what it takes to create a world-renowned product,
Starting point is 01:03:46 then tune in to my podcast, Building One. There's so much to learn, like how Patagonia innovates with its supply chain. We had to go out to farmers and convince them it was really damn hard. Or the way Adobe thinks about the first interaction somebody has with Photoshop. I was always so fascinated by how people navigate and find their way. Ever wanted to know how Nike builds emotion into the Jordan brand? You have to be obsessed with the current state of the human condition. And it doesn't stop there.
Starting point is 01:04:17 What about how Gleam reinvented knowledge search with AI? You can learn about how a Michelin star chef is redesigning seeds for flavor and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. Andrew, what's the news? Oh, so Brennan and I are moving in together. Yes, you announced that the other day on Instagram.
Starting point is 01:04:48 We've looked all over St. Louis. We scoured the area. We went to Lincoln, Lafayette Park. We went to Tower Grove. We went to Central West Ends. We went all over the place. Both ends of the Central West. We went all over. We saw more ends of the Central West. We went all over.
Starting point is 01:05:06 We saw more than Lewis and Clark's. Wow. And we have decided after seeing 15 places. Drum roll, please. And I know this is going to, this is going to, people are going to be talking about this. No, people already see it coming. We're moving. Drum roll, please.
Starting point is 01:05:28 Nine floors down in the same building. And he's not. Just kidding. It's really happening, you guys. We found a one bedroom in the building. Love it. I'm thrilled. Ecstatic.
Starting point is 01:05:43 This building's a great building. It's a great building. you know how we feel about it and honestly this morning we had a little bit of a technical thing that had to take place and i go oh my god i'm gonna have to do that stuff if andrew doesn't stay close enough to come over and fix it before the podcast not anymore buddy you just take the elevator up and boom wait what okay we're moving to lafayette square no i'm so excited to have you both in the building because i will like it'll just be fun like sometimes like last night was so fun brenna can just come up here and we can have some girl time we can sing some taylor swift
Starting point is 01:06:16 you guys can come up here and we can watch movies like we'll we'll probably hang out more because of this i think it's gonna be a great thing and And I do, yeah, I'm going to have to fucking, you know, my commute to work. And moving down nine floors. I want to die in this fucking building. I love it. We just die on the first floor. Let's do our Wild Card Wednesday game. We are playing Esther Perel's new ish board game called uh where should we
Starting point is 01:06:47 begin yep and that's i said it like a question because it is a question but i said the wrong kind of question where should we begin where should we um which is also the name of her podcast where she uh it's a great podcast she's um an amazing woman who uh opens up her therapy office and you get to listen to couples go to couples therapy and it's so helpful but um this is a fun game where you pick two cards one is like to set up the premise of like we're gonna tell a story about this thing i just asked the mirror ball that yeah yeah the taylor swift magic eight ball that a fan giving to the third floor it's a good idea you like in your head you asked it? Yeah. And it says don't say yes, run away.
Starting point is 01:07:26 Don't say yes, run away. Oh shit. All right. Well, and that thing always gets it right. Every time.
Starting point is 01:07:34 All right. So Esther Perel, how do we play this game? So what's the subject? There's one card that's the subject and then there's one card that is,
Starting point is 01:07:40 or one card is a question and one card is like within that question what's the thing we're talking about? Yeah, it's kind of like the guidance. Yes. Okay. Give us the two things.
Starting point is 01:07:50 Okay, so the card for the story is I'll never forget being bullied by so that's what we start our story with and then share something awkward. Okay. Well, I've shared this before. Wait. But let me share a different one. I i'm confused so you have to start the story with i i'll never forget being bullied by and then you have to share within that answering that question something awkward like the it has to have the theme of awkwardness okay
Starting point is 01:08:18 does that make sense sure no am i correct about that you got got it. Okay. Got it. I'll never forget being bullied by a female comic in St. Louis when I first started between the years of 2003 and 2000. Now, I'm sure she still hates me and is trying to ruin me. But good luck, bitch. She I forgive her totally. No, I don't. She's never apologized, and I need to work on forgiving her.
Starting point is 01:08:47 Anyway, I remember around 2010, I moved back home to St. Louis after failing in... No, 2009, I moved back home in St. Louis. After failing, I moved to LA in 2006 after getting on Last Comic Standing and having done comedy for a couple years, and she hated me. There was many stories i could tell of this girl lying about
Starting point is 01:09:11 me sleeping with comics saying i'm not funny just trying to get all of my friends at the stainless funny button to hate me and um in a way was successful at that i had to actually that's why i i left in um 2006 sooner than i probably would have because i just everyone didn't like me anymore this not everyone but a lot of people it was just awkward to go up there my home club because this woman had told made everyone think i wasn't funny she also thought tommy johnigan wasn't funny who was another of my we were both the new comics on the scene in st louis if you think tommy johnigan's not funny when she when i found out that i was like oh well then she's then she could be wrong about me because
Starting point is 01:09:49 she was really funny she's funny and she was the top comic on the scene when i started it was her greg warren and this guy jeremy essig and she got jeremy against me jeremy and i are now really good friends and have patched things up but she just fucking hated me she said that the high school cheerleader shouldn't be doing stand-up i'm like bitch i don't have rhythm i you know i don't you showed her by getting eliminated first oh she probably loved that but anyway she um no i moved back in 2000 as not a cheerleader yeah yeah so i moved back in 2000. She finally saw you as not a cheerleader. Yeah, yeah. So I moved back in 2009 after I was on The Tonight Show. I had a little bit of a success, but instantly was on The Tonight Show in January 27th of 2009.
Starting point is 01:10:33 And then I moved back home because I was still having to eat Subway for all my meals and borrow money from my parents. I was broke. Moved back home. It felt like such a failure, tail between my legs. And I come back to the Funny Bone. She's there. This time I'm like a drunk at this point and so i'm matching her vibe um and
Starting point is 01:10:50 i have a little bit more confidence but not that much and i'm trying to be friends with her now because i'm like listen let's put this behind us she want i get the balls to confront her because greg warren actually did me a favor and heard her talking shit during one of my sets in the back of the room and goes why don't you why don't you can ask nikki if she had sex with all these people that you say that she had sex with that wrote her jokes for her go why don't you ask her once you have you ever asked her about it and she goes fine i will and so i she we were at at the jazz club after this the set the same one we were at the other night the fact that i've been to these places now gives the story so much like the fact that you gave this lady so much you would have i know i know no i know so fucking intimidating dude she is the she's regina george of like mean girls yeah yeah
Starting point is 01:11:34 and so i go over to the the every time we do the funny bone it was like this big night everyone would be there it was this big fucking cool hangout and then we would go next door and we would just drink and do karaoke it was so much fun it was the best time and I was always scared of her though she would stay at the bar and stay with her friends and I would like be with mine and I she just goes Nikki and she like summoned me and I walked over and she was like all right did you have sex with Pauly shore doug benson kept naming all these people and i go no no i blew one of those people and it wasn't the two people i listed just by the way i go one of those people on your list i did blow but i didn't accept the guest spot that he offered me i actually turned it down because i thought there's no way i'm going to perform on his show
Starting point is 01:12:21 i'm so bad at comedy i've never accepted anything from him in terms of I liked him. I wanted to marry. I thought I was going to marry him. That's why I, which I didn't deserve to give her any of this, but I wanted to be honest and show, okay, well, I'll give you one of those. But no, I didn't have sex with Pauly Shore, Doug Benson. I worked with them. And so she went from saying I wasn't funny to when I got funny, she used to say, people wrote my jokes for me. so I was never going to win ever and so I always tell young female comics that when they'll say you're not funny then you get funny and they'll say men wrote jokes for you
Starting point is 01:12:51 so you'll never win you'll never fucking win or they'll say you stole jokes from male comics that's what they do so anyway sorry to make this long story yeah you changed that dick joke to a pussy so I remember she just goes, yeah. This is so funny of you, Jess.
Starting point is 01:13:08 Yeah, well, yeah. My wife is all, I mean, my husband is all over me. Yeah, all my micro penis jokes turn into clit jokes. So she goes, this person. And I go, no, no, no. And I was just like trying to plead with her. And she just goes, well, I don't believe you, but okay. And I go, no, no, no. And I was just like trying to plead with her. And she just goes, well, I don't believe you, but okay. And I remember being like, oh, thank you.
Starting point is 01:13:29 Like just for saying like, whatever. And I remember being like, thank God we're like patched up now. But after that, I kind of got this like, I started getting a little bit more confident because I just saw her for what she was, which was like a sad person and filled with hate. And then Gregren was the only one out of all my friends by the way who stood up for me and without doing without being
Starting point is 01:13:49 mean to her without just he really did stand up for me and thank god for that guy because everyone else one day i have to say this one last i know this is so long you feel like no no i think this is great but do you feel like because you got at least a little bit – you got not a little bit, a lot of success for an early – did that – when you came back to St. Louis, did you feel like a failure or did you feel like, oh, I have at least – Yeah, because it didn't matter. She thought I was tricking people. She thinks she's the –
Starting point is 01:14:16 But even with like getting the Tonight Show and all that still didn't – No, she always said this is what she said. So when I was in St. Louis, so in 2008, right before the Tonight Show, December, I went home for Christmas, living in LA at the time, but went home for Christmas and I started dating. I got my first boyfriend. He was a comic on the scene who was like,
Starting point is 01:14:36 in my opinion, the best writer. I was obsessed with him and his jokes and got him. We finally started dating. And then we were doing long distance from la i went to la and they used to do this thing on this website rooftop comedy where they would broadcast uh the open mics the next day like they would they would take the open mics and chop up all the sets and i could watch everyone's set and i got to feel like i was
Starting point is 01:14:59 still part of it and so i remember watching on my roommate's computer in la lisa's computer i like went into her room because i wanted to watch my ex-boyfriend jeff set and see all my friends and i was like let me just watch this girl set because i just have a feeling there's like a vibe that she's talking about me even though i hadn't really had to run in with her for a while maybe actually over christmas we had to run in so this was during sarah palin times by the way okay um this is 2008 you know like obama had just won but sarah palin was still very much in the global consciousness and she did a joke where she goes you know the thing about sarah palin is it's just because she's hot that's the only reason people even give her even a chance to even talk it's because she's hot because they want to fuck her and she goes and she's blathering on about her and she goes no
Starting point is 01:15:51 matter what insane things that woman says there's always a group of guys in the back of the room that's like i don't know she's kind of cool because they want to fuck her and i just remember watching that set being like i think this joke is about me. Like, I just have a feeling. And it was so narcissist of me to even think that because it's like, you know, obviously she thinks this about every woman, right? But I just was like, there's just a feeling. So I kept that feeling in my system, but I didn't say anything about it until I went back home, you know, in April of that year. And I remember I was talking with my friend Gabe Kia, who is a best friend comic of mine that was in April of that year. And I remember I was talking with my friend Gabe Kia, who is a best friend comic of mine
Starting point is 01:16:27 that was in the room that night. And I remember just, we were talking about me watching sets or we're talking about this girl and I go, there's one joke she did. And I was like, and I just, I go, Gabe, I know this is insane. We were just like smoking pot all the time,
Starting point is 01:16:39 just talking about stuff. And I go, I just feel like she did this one joke about me. It's so stupid. And he goes, wait, they posted that and i go what and he's like i don't think they i don't think they wait what and i go what are you talking about he's like um wait what what do you mean i go it was like about sarah palin he goes they posted that and i was like what are you yeah she said there's always like group of guys in the back of the room that are like, she's cool. And he goes, and then it stopped.
Starting point is 01:17:08 And I was like, yeah. And he goes, oh, well, it didn't stop there. She went on to say, in other words, Nikki Glaser is the Sarah Palin of stand-up comedy. To a room of people, by the way, that only my boyfriend at the time all of my best friends in comedy which are like all my best friends and a room of people in st louis that don't know who i am i wasn't a household name or even a name so she was just saying that just to create an air of hating and to say that i was the sarah like to say i'm sarah palin was like the worst insult you could ever get back then donald trump of comedy and I was Donald Trump of comedy. And I go, why didn't you fucking tell me?
Starting point is 01:17:46 And it's because this woman caused so much fear out of everyone. I probably wouldn't have defended myself. And after she did that, I was like, it's war. So then I used to go... I know this is so long. No, no, no. I think this is great.
Starting point is 01:18:00 And I want to know more about it. I want to know more about after St. Louis. Because I never asked you about certain things. Oh, my God. I could talk all day about what this girl did. I feel like I'm talking to my mom and finding out her like... You could hear... I mean, I'm going to save it for my book.
Starting point is 01:18:12 There are countless stories of what this woman did to me, but I'll just get to the awkward part. So I came back to St. Louis and I'm there for a while. I suddenly get a little bit of confidence, but it's still shaky around her. And I'm going to an open mic one night and I'm feeling like I get a little bit of a like okay a little bit of confidence but it's still shaky around her and i'm going to an open mic one night and i'm feeling like i get a letter in the mail right before open mic i go to my parents mailbox and it is telling me i have um hpv it's like a letter that says you have abnormal cells and you have hpv which i like didn't know i had and at that time i really was
Starting point is 01:18:44 kind of like oh everyone, everyone has it. I think I already had a joke about having it. It's so funny because I thought the letter was going to be like, Kami Central saying you got the special. This is the awkward thing. No, no, no. This is not a good, like, this is awkward. So I am a little bit rattled about having HPV,
Starting point is 01:19:01 but at the same time, I'm like, whatever. But I'm more rattled about performing in front of this girl that night. And I did my set. I always wanted to have new jokes for her so she couldn't say I was like a fucking hack. So I was going up that night and I was just overwhelmed. And I started kind of not doing well on my fucking four minute set, whatever it was. And I just go, I thought, I just wanted just wanted, she thought, thinks I'm a slut. She thinks I'm not funny. She think like, I just wanted to like, for some reason, my brain was like, she's watching
Starting point is 01:19:32 you. She hates you. She's going to talk shit about you. Bully yourself right now more than she could ever bully you. And I go, guys, I have HPV. I found out today I have fucking HPV. I got an ST there was no joke I just wanted to
Starting point is 01:19:48 punch myself harder than she in a way that she would be like I don't even want to make fun of her that was the saddest thing I've ever seen I got off stage I was like shaking I remember Tommy and Greg coming up to me being like are you okay and I was like I have to I just I want to go I'm just like so upset
Starting point is 01:20:04 and they took me to Hooters and we had the best night but it was so awkward that like in that moment i didn't even plan on saying that but it that i think it took you to the hpv of restaurants yeah being honest i guess is just a defense messianism of feeling like other people are gonna be that's my whole life yeah so that was my awkward thing let's go into final thought and you share yours i want to know like let's talk about it tomorrow but i i don't think i ever asked you about after coming to st louis how did you rebound from that because i think like that's a great story maybe that'll obviously be in your book but like i never asked you also how you got your first half hour on comedy central and stuff like that.
Starting point is 01:20:46 I got a show on MTV and they had to finally acknowledge that I was a talent because they did not give me anything. Comedy Central wouldn't look at me. Sometimes you gotta go elsewhere before they look at you. And then Comedy Central wanted to fucking do everything with me.
Starting point is 01:21:02 But they knew about me for years and years and years and years, but I was always like the girl that dated Joe DeRosa that was new on the scene and was just Amy's friend. People that decide these things are just, at the time it was like two women that probably, if I were in their shoes too, I would have looked at me and been like, oh, it's just she's doing the same thing Amy's doing.
Starting point is 01:21:23 We don't really need it. And they didn't need it. And they were probably right to not put me on tv until and then mtv put me on and then they were like oh they were giving away half hours and then i submitted and i was and you know i had submitted a ton before that for live at gotham and you know any kind of little thing i could get and never even got like a call back but um and and they'd seen me a lot but did you move the second time to oh to new york so i stayed in st louis for a year and a half a year and a half when i moved back in 2009 yeah and lived with my parents for a year and a half and then i moved in 2010 this is the kind of shit that i don't think people realize about you because they see and maybe even
Starting point is 01:22:02 myself i never thought like oh she just but they see you get last comic standing when you're 21 they see you get the tonight show and then for a fucking year and a half you're back in st louis i got the tonight show january 27 2009 lived at moved back april 1st 2009 lived there until july of 2010 so a year and two months so you move yeah and then you go back then you go to new york for the first time ever living there yeah from 2010 until yeah and how did you feel about the mics there i mean luckily you knew amy a little bit helped me out a ton but like dude that you know what that's when i first started that i got a podcast with sarah schaefer that we met at a party and we're just like we literally the story of our Sarah's in 2010 when
Starting point is 01:22:46 we started that uh you had to be here podcast I remember we were at um Brian Bulginger do you remember Brian Bulginger he used to book Montreal and uh he still books comedy he's a great guy but we were at his party and we I met I just moved to town and Sarah and I were over this like the chips and hummus eating at this table. I was probably like starting my nightly binge. And, um, and I was still drinking at the time too. And Justin Timberlake came on and we were just like talking about how much we liked
Starting point is 01:23:15 him. And I, she had booked me on some like bar show she did. And we had, she wasn't even there that night and we didn't meet, but we're eating. And, um, and this was at a time when podcasts everyone was like everyone has a podcast people were saying that back then because I remember
Starting point is 01:23:27 when we go should we do a podcast no everyone has a fucking podcast 2010 you guys 2010 so if you're saying it now just get over it start your fucking podcast
Starting point is 01:23:36 okay because everyone's they've been saying it all along so Mark Maron made sure he's like everyone has a podcast he's like
Starting point is 01:23:42 well this was WTF days where everyone was starting one because of Mark and so Sarah I was like I've's like everyone has a podcast well this was WTF yeah yeah yeah days where everyone was starting one because of Mark and so Sarah I was like I've always wanted to start a podcast
Starting point is 01:23:49 I tried to start one when I was back home in St. Louis I got all the equipment I spent thousands like a thousand dollars on equipment did a couple test episodes
Starting point is 01:23:56 and didn't go well but um so Sarah and I were just like eating chips and at this party and I was like I want to start a podcast and she was like I do too and I was like we and at this party and I was like I want to start a podcast
Starting point is 01:24:05 and she was like I do too and I was like we should start one together and she was like would you and I was like uh yeah and she was like okay meet me at Rockefeller she worked at Jimmy Fallon and as a blogger at the time and had won an Emmy from it and she was like a really go-getter yeah I would have never gotten into podcasting had someone not been like, okay, I'll fucking run it for us. You just show up. And so that's how that, and then once I started a podcast, we got in the New York Times,
Starting point is 01:24:33 and then it just caught on big because we had a really interesting concept, and it got a lot of press, and then that was like, okay, I'm doing my own thing separate from anything Amy's getting me, and then my stand-up obviously developed on its own from stuff like that. But, yeah, it was that podcast, really.
Starting point is 01:24:48 And then you got the MTV. And we got a viral video for Justin Timberlake. We said, come back to music, Justin, because he hadn't done music for, like, eight years. And we did this really sad – can I play it? We went viral. The video on YouTube? Yeah. Here's the video that we made for uh justin make music again and
Starting point is 01:25:06 this was our first conversation we had and after we were doing the podcast for a while sarah was like i want to do a video it's black and white it's like a psa almost with a bunch of comics that you'll recognize in it talking about justin making music again it's three minutes long i'm not gonna play the whole thing but it's called justinberlake Make Music Again. 2006. It wasn't so long ago. But things were so different. George W. Bush was president. Pluto was still a planet. The national mortgage rate was at 6%.
Starting point is 01:25:33 And I pretended to know what that meant. But most importantly, in case you forgot, Justin Timberlake released Future Sex Love Sounds. And that was the last time Justin Timberlake released an album. Five years. Five years. Five years. Every day without a new Justin Timberlake album. Feels like an eternity.
Starting point is 01:25:52 Feels pointless. Hopeless. Unsexy. I have no way of telling the girl who cheated on me how I feel. I can't dance up in the club. Kurt Bratwurst. Because I can't even say duh club. I have to say the club.
Starting point is 01:26:05 Because I'm white. How am I supposed to feel tingly? Am I down there? Am I down there? I haven't had an orgasm in three years. I don't know how to pleasure myself. Rachel. I've never had an orgasm.
Starting point is 01:26:17 Children are dying. Probably. And who do we blame? Justin. Diaz. Mila Kuntis. Was it Be was it bill my mother that whore justin bieber is too young for me to jerk off to speak for yourself justin it feels like you're cheating on us with acting lisa hasn't spoken in five months oh i know him remember that time you
Starting point is 01:26:38 showed the world janet jackson's titty that was awesome do that again she thought she was hearing a new justin timberlake single but in fact it was a tainted sample sure you performed a few new songs in your barbecue joint i don't give a fuck someone had made a hungarian techno remix of sexy back and she wasn't able to turn it off in time she heard the whole song michael jordan thought it was a good idea to play baseball remember how that turned out? Real shitty. The effects on the brain have been, uh... It's too long.
Starting point is 01:27:10 Catastrophic. Look, Justin. I like that it's three minutes, actually. You're funny. You're charming. But, but, but, but. The sexy is no longer back. The sexy is gone.
Starting point is 01:27:21 You brought sexy front. And what goes around comes all the way back around because that's how science works too long my friend you can never bring sexy back back i was about to have a threesome like i had gotten the both of them in the room and i thought just get a little music on and i put my love on and they both started crying where's the sexy where the is the sexy and that's your fault justin hell i'll cheat on you we'll date one minute and i'll cheat the hell out of you i did all the groundwork and you me why it's like permanent pms she's always to be this way.
Starting point is 01:28:07 I was going to have a threesome. So Justin, please, please, please, please do what you were born to do. Do what you were forced to do at a young age. You can do this. Just do it before you get old. Sing, Justin. Sing. Please, Justin Timberlake.
Starting point is 01:28:26 Make music again. So he retweeted it. And then we got it blew up. And then MTV gave us a show because of that video. That was all Sarah's idea of like, have this idea. And she sent me a script. I put in some more jokes to it.
Starting point is 01:28:43 We shot it. And then that's why you're going to sell out the Enterprise Arena. Someday. Next year. Thanks for listening to the show today. Don't be cuh. And. Jacqueline Kennedy.
Starting point is 01:28:54 I was going to say Jack. Jackson Timberlake. But I just got caught up in what you were saying. I said Jacqueline Kennedy. Oh, I don't know. Isn't that someone? I sounded like I had a stroke. You probably did.
Starting point is 01:29:10 Yeah, Jacqueline Kennedy. You're shaking. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors. It's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews
Starting point is 01:29:35 and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my dog. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star.
Starting point is 01:30:01 To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs
Starting point is 01:30:24 and used to make fake versions of prescription pills. You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap. And the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council.
Starting point is 01:30:54 Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rapid Port Stereo podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys. I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything
Starting point is 01:31:21 with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events. Tune into my new podcast, Throttle Therapy, with Catherine Legg, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.