The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #148 Sexiest Voice

Episode Date: December 10, 2021

Nikki is cozied up in her XL new sweatshirt .Between you and her, she just had a great singing session with Andrew and she is still looking for the guy who was supposed to be her first kiss. Andrew we...nt to a questionable COVID testing tent, or it might have been the scene of an adult film. You Heard It Here First, twin talk can only be understood by twins, Nikki has an epiphany that only people on mushrooms will get and in Andrew's Weekly Sports moment they talk about Charles Barkley naming his daughter after a mall. They pay tribute to Andrew's grandma Shirley before getting into Fanthrax. Voicemails from Besties cover kettlebell tits, oatmeal serotonin, ASMR and a "boner chair". Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch
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Starting point is 00:03:25 on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. What's up, everyone?
Starting point is 00:03:46 Good Friday. About to be Friday. It's Thursday. It's our Friday. Fun show's coming up this weekend. If you want to come check a lady out. Gonna be in Philly. It's sold out. So, I don't know, Craigslist or something for that. And then Richmond, Virginia, I'm going to
Starting point is 00:04:08 be there on Saturday. And then next week, I'm going to be in good old Calgary. If you know anyone in the Calgary area, I'm going to be at some kind of casino there. Andrew will not be there, but I will be there doing meet and greets and everything. And as always, if you can't afford a meet and greet, and this is truly for people who just can't afford it um you can dm me and if i see your dm and i get to it um i will grant you a meet and greet if i'm doing them however if i just don't see them don't be mad at me um you just didn't bother me enough or i just like i'm getting to the point where i have too many followers and dms get built backed up, but I try to sift through them looking for people. So, um, to get my attention, um, just write, you know, and make it simple for me. Like I, you don't need to be like, thank you so much. Is it
Starting point is 00:04:55 okay if I do this? Like, like you don't have to tell me your whole story. Like I will trust that you qualify as someone who can't afford meet and greet and you can write, um, you know, uh, meet and greet and all caps. And that'll get my attention. That's the first thing you write. And then just write your name and how many and which show you're going to. So sometimes there's two shows and that will suffice.
Starting point is 00:05:14 And make sure you just do it like two days before the show or something like that. So I have some spring dates that were just announced. Don't ask me for meet and greets for those yet. I just can't deal with that yet but i'll find a way to get them for my besties um because i want to meet you all and sometimes you can't afford it and i understand that so um feeling so good today i got my new um taylor sweatshirt yesterday that i've been waiting for i saw like cody simpson or someone was wearing it
Starting point is 00:05:42 it says all too well it looks like a collegiate It looks like a collegiate. It's like a collegiate print, you know, like it almost looks like Harvard or Yale for those of you not watching on YouTube. This will be up on YouTube. You can see it. It's on an Etsy shop. It's $41. I got an extra large, which is like,
Starting point is 00:05:57 finally, like I feel so comfy in it. The sleeves are comfy. It's like a boyfriend sweatshirt. It just feels like a fucking snuggie. i love it so much that i went and i bought um a couple others from this this shop uh the shop is if you're interested if you're a swifty out there or you know any swifties this is a great christmas gift a snuggly sweatshirt i would get a extra large or a large and it is this guy does not need my support Shop Eddie Lane he sells a ton of stuff
Starting point is 00:06:29 I wish he had better designs to be honest with you but I just bought a new Swifty one I'm actually buying it right now wait no no that's not extra large I'll get to it later one says Swifty one says Delicate which is my favorite song
Starting point is 00:06:40 but I don't want to walk around with a sweatshirt that says Delicate people are going to think that I'm like handle me with care like I'm scared but it is my favorite song but I don't want to walk around with a sweatshirt that's as delicate people are going to think that I'm like handle me with care like I'm scared but it is my favorite Taylor Swift song um just had so much fun with Andrew this morning this afternoon we started late late late late thank you Noah um and uh we were uploading some video from yesterday and so I got a little extra time and you guys singing your your little panties off yes yeah we um well I learned my favorite Dave Matthews song of all time I think I talked about it before but
Starting point is 00:07:14 it's called say goodbye I played it on the live the other day um very haphazardly because I was following the tabs and um but I memorized it which is so much of guitar is just memorization much like I guess comedy it just you have to remember you can't some people are just like they go by like oh I want to make an f minor here because that sounds like and that's where an f minor would go but me it's like it could be anything at any time I have to memorize what my hand does next and I make little like how do you memorize guitar? Noah, is it just by ear or like,
Starting point is 00:07:49 do you do it the right way in terms of like, Oh, I know where things are and I know what the ways they should sound. I mean, you're doing more like, um, I think picking and yeah, like I,
Starting point is 00:07:58 I like to play chords and stuff, but, um, I think it's just through, uh, repetition and muscle memorization. So memorization, you're not going off of like, oh, I know my finger goes here because I know
Starting point is 00:08:10 that's an E. It's almost like with jokes. I don't memorize by looking at the lines or whatever that I've written out because I never write them out. I just memorize by the feel of it or I like
Starting point is 00:08:25 like of image will pop into my head of like it's interesting how people remember things I just want to know I don't remember that way so I have to I can't remember like a song for the life of me if my life depended on it if you held a gun to my head and said play the
Starting point is 00:08:42 song I wouldn't be able to do it without reading it but I the tab or the like you can follow or do you read like actual sheet music yeah i didn't know that yeah that's how i learned yeah oh my god wait how did you learn guitar from i've just i took i took guitar lessons for since i was uh well with my last guitar teacher from when i was 19 until 35 whoa so you were you learned how to read music through that you didn't know how to read before 19 i just learned it like in school and stuff and i i took piano as a kid very briefly. All right. Yeah, I just feel like, you know, I think so much of my reticence to play guitar ever was that I can't read music.
Starting point is 00:09:32 I don't have an interest in music theory. It just is almost like football to me. Like, I don't understand it. It doesn't stick. You know, I still don't, when people go, the B string, I go,
Starting point is 00:09:42 I don't know. Well, you just tell me what number it is. And then I have to remember to count from the bottom instead of the top. So when you're playing guitar, if you don't know, like they say like the second string that's from the bottom. So it's the, it, to me, that's the fifth string because you should start one, two, three, four, five, six. But so I have to do not only when they say the B or, you know, whatever string. See, I only know the E's are on the sides. On the ends. On the ends.
Starting point is 00:10:07 And there's a high E and a low E. And then, but I usually am like, just tell me the number string and tell me the number fret. And I got you. And I feel like in time, I will start to make connections of what, where things happen. But it's just not fun for me to do it the other way. And I know that learning doesn't always have to be fun but for me guitar is so fun that i don't want to cloud it with things that feel like math to me you know because it's such a hobby that i enjoy as lauren said to poppy you do you okay oh my god i love that yeah i'm gonna do me and you know the whole pic thing i had a lot of
Starting point is 00:10:48 people write me someone the one person that really did help me well willie nelson's granddaughter wrote andrew and told me to get a certain type of pic that has a um what's her name raylin of course raylin is the name of willie nelson. I mean, that is such a cute name. And so like that would be what you would write in a biopic if you're making up his life. Raelynn suggested this like pic that has, you know, like it's a little worn down in the middle. It has like a grip to it. It has little like dots on it, like Braille almost that make you. And those are the best for me.
Starting point is 00:11:23 But still, those are not fun and um and then someone said pretty much do you and said don't use a pick just use your fucking fingers and i was like okay that i can do i can oh i but it just doesn't sound as clean but maybe i can make my my nail is like a pick I mean like your thumbnail resemble maybe I'll just get my nails shaped like picks you know how you can choose the shape of your nail yeah they're like do you want it square do you want it round I believe it's almond coffin shape yeah almond shape I'm gonna call it guitar pick shape now um but I just learned say goodbye which is my favorite Dave Matthews song, but it's from Live at Luther College.
Starting point is 00:12:05 That's the version I like. It's been my favorite song of all time since, you know, I started loving Dave Matthews as a sophomore in college or in high school. And it is it's just so the irony is I never when I was a young girl that was obsessed with Dave Matthews, I didn't really listen to the lyrics. I wasn't like into the lyrics as much as I am with Taylor Swift or even now like I remember the first time I decided that I was going to be obsessed with Dave Matthews where it just overcame my soul I was laying on my carpet in my bedroom I was a sophomore and I was listening to Satellite and there was just something so beautiful about the. And I was just like,
Starting point is 00:12:48 I'm sold. This is taking me into a new dimension. This is going to be my new thing. It wasn't even an option. It wasn't like I'm going to choose this. It was just like, this makes me feel something. And I don't know what it is, but it makes me feel good. I didn't listen to lyrics because honestly, Dave Matthews, mans man his lyrics he is singing about love and a lot of songs but then he got married and he started singing about the environment and he's like don't drink the water oh the genocide of the people and it's just like it's not like cry freedom like he's singing about important issues as a south american uh man who has a lot of empathy he's singing about real shit,
Starting point is 00:13:25 but it's like, it didn't strike my soul the way Taylor Swift did obviously. And, but there's a song called say goodbye. And I was obsessed with it as soon as live at Luther college came out. And it's just him and Tim Reynolds, very bare bones, acoustic Tim Reynolds is playing lead.
Starting point is 00:13:42 And Dave's just, you know, doing, it's just, I really implore anyone who's listening to go listen to that song and see if you are not as like fucking horny as i am at the end of it so the thing is though i never listened to his lyrics really because um let's talk about you know the song that everyone knows crash hack up your skirt a little more show your world to me in a boy's dream i watch you there through the window as i stare at you wear nothing but you wear it he's a creep this guy is
Starting point is 00:14:13 hiding in the bushes watching a girl he's a boy watching a girl undress and it is sexy hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me okay yeah well is your is is my world a tampon string with some gross underwear that i got from 2000 like i wear these gross underwear in my period that i used to get called um me undies do you remember that they were like advertised on every podcast um i think we i the pairs that i have are from the show that we worked on yes okay so they gave us some I loved them I would get a new pair every month and it would just be like in their fun like designs and patterns they're actually really great but I got them probably for three years so I have so many
Starting point is 00:14:57 so many of these me undies and I now they're just kind of, and so I wear them for my period days. But the song Say Goodbye, Andrew and I both love it so much. And the irony is it's about two friends having sex one night, and then they part go their separate ways. So it's just like – and I never knew that – I didn't even think about the lyrics to that song. I was a total Noah back in the day. I didn't listen – I't like you know get into
Starting point is 00:15:25 lyrics and dissect them i just knew it was like about two like it was just even if he was singing if you just inserted uh lyrics about whales you would be like this song is horny because it's just the tempo the the rhythm the and then but it's so funny because andrew and i are both obsessed with this song and it sounds like we're like oh singing to each other but it's like that it's so funny because Andrew and I are both obsessed with this song. And it sounds like we're like, oh, singing to each other. But it's like, for me, this song was never, even though I did, oh my God. I used to have the biggest crush on this guy that was, you know, I was only friends with him because I was in love with him. I mean, the whole time I liked him. His name was Doug Reese.
Starting point is 00:16:02 He was my first love. And I was obsessed with him as much as I was obsessed with Dave Matthews because he could play guitar so freaking well. If anyone knows Doug Reese or where he is or how to locate him, please someone get me in touch with Doug Reese. I would love to see that guy again. I know he's married
Starting point is 00:16:17 and probably has kids and stuff. I'm not trying to fucking hit on him. Don't worry about that. I just want to be friends with him again because he was such a good guitarist and we called him 98 degrees because 98 degrees was a hot band back then so 98 degrees if you're out there um and the great thing about men is they don't get married and change their names so they're easier to locate but uh doug was so good at guitar and i was so in love with him it It was like my thing in high school. I know if you've
Starting point is 00:16:48 heard me, I probably told it on this podcast but we have new listeners. I thought he was going to be my first kiss because we were best friends in sophomore year. We would hang out all the time. I was harboring this intense crush on him and he loved Dave Matthews as much as I did. He would give
Starting point is 00:17:04 me all these mixed tapesxtapes of these, you know, him, Dave playing at a frat house in like 93. It's like was all this. We just exchanged Dave love. He took me to the John Mayer concert or actually it was Guster. We went to go see Guster. I don't know if anyone remembers them, but they're awesome. And John Mayer was opening for Guster. This was 2000, maybe 1999. And and John Mayer was opening for Guster this was 2000 maybe 1999
Starting point is 00:17:25 and during John Mayer so Doug had seen Guster the first night they played they played two nights we went to the second night and Doug was like you're gonna love this guy John Mayer he's so fucking good I'm so into him and we're watching John Mayer and then he starts singing your body is a wonderland and like that song which I'd never heard before, you know. And Doug leans into my ear and goes, this song is about sex. It's just so awkward. But I didn't love him yet then. Then I became obsessed with him slowly but surely.
Starting point is 00:17:59 And everyone in the school knew. It was like my thing. He didn't know, though, until after I confessed my love. And then everyone knew. But one day I was going to confess my love because it was just bubbling up which is what I've done with every single guy that I've you know harbored feelings for I eventually just go I like you like why do you think I'm hanging out with you all the time will you just like kiss me what the fuck like I usually well it's not like that but I usually confront it because I just like am like in a fucking volcano I just am like like in a fucking volcano.
Starting point is 00:18:27 I just am like, why isn't this person making move? And so I always have to. But I was going over. I've told this before, but Kirsten was over at my house and I was going over to Doug's in an hour after school. Kirsten came over to prepare me to go to Doug's house because I was going to tell him I liked him. I was going to take the bold move and tell him I liked him. We were studying chemistry and Kirsten came over and I was like Kirsten had kissed boys by then and I was like Kirsten I'm so nervous like what if I'm a bad kisser and she was just like you'll be fine I'm like but I don't even know
Starting point is 00:18:55 what to do I'd studied can't hardly wait the ending scene so much where Jennifer Leff Hewitt kisses and then lifts her eyebrows and I knew I had to do that you have to lift your eyebrows after you kiss the first time you have to kiss and then you go and then you kiss again and then lifts her eyebrows and I knew I had to do that you have to lift your eyebrows after you kiss the first time you have to kiss and then you go and then you kiss again and then you kiss lift your eyebrows more um but Kirsten just goes just kiss me right now I'll tell you if you're good and so we made out and she was like yeah great and I didn't realize until I was uh doing a podcast in my 20s that that was my first kiss i was telling that story and my friend was like um nikki that's that was a kiss that was your first kiss and i was like oh fuck you're right so i went over to doug's and we were sitting we were also obsessed with counting crows and we were sitting in his dark basement with our chemistry books on our laps across the
Starting point is 00:19:40 room and i was just like doug this is like kind of my personality I like to just jump I always felt like jumping in the pool if you've ever been a swimmer and you have swim practice in the morning and the pool's fucking freezing and you know you have to get in there and swim for a fucking hour and you're just gonna like I don't just like tiptoe in and like go to the side of the stairs I just jump in and you have to like do it when you know you don't want to do it. You just have to start moving and then you're, it's too late to turn back. So I just go,
Starting point is 00:20:09 Doug. And it was, Anna begins was playing, if you know, counting crows. And there's like this, this line is like, Anna begins to change her mind.
Starting point is 00:20:20 And then it's like the seconds when I'm shaking, leave me shivering for days and it's just like this like very like emotional song and um i go doug i have something to tell you and i just remember him looking up and being like he had this really low voice he's like yeah and i was like i like you and he was just like um i was like i like you and i'm sorry i just i don't know i just need you to know and he was like oh nikki and i was like oh god i thought he was gonna make out with me right then because like i knew he liked me and instead he was like i have a girlfriend and i go what we were best friends i go you have a girlfriend what are you talking about he's like
Starting point is 00:21:03 i just started dating this girl from a private school. I'm like, we don't even talk. We're in public school. We don't even talk to them. What are you talking about? Her name was Catherine. I hated the name Catherine until I met my best friend in college named Catherine. And I was like, I take back.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Catherines are cool now. And then this girl, I hated her from afar. I remember I had her on my AIM so I would see when he logged on he was Marley fan P-H-A-N and then it would go like like the door would open and then I'd see her get on and then I would see them like and I would write him while he's writing her and I was so jealous and like try to play cool and then finally he broke up with her finally for me because he liked me and then the second he broke up with her I stopped liking him like this like literally on a dime I was so excited when my friend Matt Vandervoort told me
Starting point is 00:21:50 he took me outside at Barnes and Noble where all we would all meet and hang out before like at night and like study but we were just hanging out and flirting and he took me out in the parking lot he was like Nikki Doug broke up with Catherine and I was like oh my god I was jumping up and down I like jumped on top of them I was like so excited like my dream like i was upset everyone knew i was obsessed with doug reese everyone it was like my identity it was dave matthews and doug reese and he broke up with her and as we're walking back to the cafe at barnes and noble i remember following matt and he's like he's coming up here now and i was like and he said that and i just go i don't like him anymore. It's, I don't, it's like, I don't, I don't, I don't like him.
Starting point is 00:22:25 And it freaked me out. I felt so bad because I didn't expect that. That's why I relate. That is why I relate to men who, after they have sex, they just stop liking you and they don't know why. They can't control it. I did not want to Doug to break up with his girlfriend so I could go, I don't like you anymore.
Starting point is 00:22:41 I just was repulsed by him overnight and repulsed only because I had to now be intimate with someone it wasn't anything to do with him being repulsive I was like and oh man was he bummed out because I couldn't tell him I didn't like him I just changed and never would be alone with him and never so and we never talked about it it was all like our friends talking to us about it so he quickly got the hint that i was not into it and boy was that probably disappointing to him um and it's a it's a curse that has stayed with me for a while of like thinking that you know is being scared that if i like a guy and he likes me i'm gonna change and it has happened in the future but um now that i actually like myself if someone someone likes me, I'm like, oh, good. You're you finally got it. Good job.
Starting point is 00:23:25 As before, I'm like, I don't want to. I not joking you that quote about I don't want to belong in the same club that would have me that it was, you know, Groucho Marx. But Woody Allen said it in Annie Hall. I'm not joking you. I thought of that exact joke in eighth grade before. I'd never seen any hall. I'd never heard that quote before.
Starting point is 00:23:45 And I was decorating a bulletin board with my friends. And I said to my friend, do you ever feel like a guy, if they like you, you don't like them because they have bad taste and you like wouldn't like a guy that would like someone like you? And they were like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I remember thinking that was ironic and funny.
Starting point is 00:24:00 And then Woody Allen stole it from me. I mean, Groucho Marx, retroactively. All right, let's get Andrew in here. It's a Fanthrox episode. I'm excited to get to it. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way
Starting point is 00:24:24 in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How To Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio
Starting point is 00:24:59 app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead
Starting point is 00:25:45 us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories,
Starting point is 00:26:24 and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody,
Starting point is 00:26:57 every type of musical lover. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers. But we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Peel chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland,
Starting point is 00:27:21 Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy, my dog. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator.
Starting point is 00:28:17 You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What up, Drewski?
Starting point is 00:28:53 Yeah, what's up, Nixki? Oh, new pants. Oh, yeah, Coteroys. Oh, those are nice. Thank you. They're so comfortable. Dude, I just saw a thing about a guy I posted on Reddit that he got in trouble because his manager called him into the office.
Starting point is 00:29:04 He was wearing pants quite like that. And he took a picture of them to post to say, do you see a problem with this? He got in trouble for his bulge. And they said, you need to wear looser pants because your bulge. And he goes, and by the way, I have an average size penis. I just googled the size. And like, it's because he's not from this country.
Starting point is 00:29:20 And the pants were not tight at all. It was insane. But he's, everyone in the subreddit, you know, commenting was like, you have a lawsuit on your hands. Like no woman, if a woman got told to put her boobs away.
Starting point is 00:29:31 Because there was too much bulge. Or like, you know, like they're not showing, but they're like too. Or their camel toe was too pronounced. Or like your shirts are too tight. Yeah, or your camel toe, it would be an issue.
Starting point is 00:29:39 Well, luckily my dick's inside my body. So I'll keep that job. Yeah. Noah, have you ever been distracted by bulge oh i think i said it on the show i used to ride the subway and look at men's bulges like in the morning to see who had morning wood oh yes that's right you did it's like a little game i never did that but have you ever worked with someone that um you saw their or like a friend where you're like, come on, man. Oh, I mean, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:08 Yeah. Yeah. Was it hard to get work done? I mean, it was like kind of gross, I guess, but also distracting. So I guess, yeah, it was. Did you get, was it a hard time doing your job, the blow job? Well, okay. I think it depends if I was was if that's what i was
Starting point is 00:30:26 there for or uh yeah yeah i was just there to do work there's something so funny about a guy buying pants and he's like i just i got a huge cock and do you have extra room i actually those lululemons abcs i think it's stands for like i mean i've always thought any balls oh yes it's the abc yeah it's like all balls are are allowed in here yeah are customary for i don't know dicks yeah we nailed it uh yeah we both have or do we have covid i don't know i got a covid test this morning i told you about it it was an abandoned parking lot a girl came out in street closed abandoned parking lot abandoned ish like it's in the far corner will you not exaggerate okay i'm not gonna exaggerate at all there's no and i'm only asking that so i can just know okay i just i just want the real story okay so i i google i think i have covid potentially
Starting point is 00:31:20 because i'm only getting sicker now you google that i think i have covid potentially because i'm only getting sicker i did but i. I think I have COVID potentially because I'm only getting sicker. I did, but I misspelled potentially and then it led me to this abandoned parking lot, which wasn't abandoned. So the parking lot was, there was three cars in it. It's like a tent, like a makeshift tent. It's a little bit bigger than a tent.
Starting point is 00:31:39 Like almost where you would sign up for like a race. Yes. If they were handing out like, you know, if volunteers were being like, come over here to sign up for the 5K. they were handing out like you know if volunteers were being like come over here to sign up for the and it's in the far corner of the like a blue tent with like does it have sides there are a little bit of sides but i'm telling you this thing's on the verge of falling it's a standing tent like sitting there's a table i didn't go into the table okay you just park next to it do you see inside the tent? Barely. It's a very small rectangle.
Starting point is 00:32:07 Okay, got it. And there's no real door. Does it have a sign that says COVID test? Yes, there is a sign that says free PCR COVID test. Is it written on a cardboard box with Sharpie? And it says for $10 and a blowjob, you can find out your negative so you could go into that Pearl Jam concert.
Starting point is 00:32:25 I think that's what the sign said. i paid ten dollars and i didn't come because it's ten dollars no no no so it's free which is another thing that's like a rapid pcr a rapid free test that is i just paid 275 for one dude this seems so illegitimate i can't even it's fine because you want to go to it i think i mean i don't i'll go but i know what i'm gonna get it's gonna be negative This seems so illegitimate. I can't even. It's fine because. You want to go to it? I think. I mean, I don't. I'll go, but I know what I'm going to get. It's going to be negative because this sounds like they're not even running it. But they're not asking for money.
Starting point is 00:32:54 I've had hundreds of. Yeah. Yeah, they're not asking for money. That's the thing. I've had hundreds of COVID tests. Not once has anyone handed me a swab and said, do it yourself. Unless I was sent a kit. So I'll get there.
Starting point is 00:33:06 So then I drive up. She's in her car. She's not even in the tent. She gets out of the car. She's got a mask on. No showing. Street clothes, you say. What does street clothes mean to you?
Starting point is 00:33:15 Just jeans and a midriff showing. Midriff showing. Yeah. Wow. And she walks up. She goes, park over there. She's wearing a mask. She's wearing a mask.
Starting point is 00:33:23 Okay. Not well. Street mask. Street mask. Not well. Street mask. Street mask. Not well. So she walks up and she goes, you here for a test? And I was like, yeah. She goes, all right.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Sounds like prostitute solicitation. It felt very prostitute. Yeah, yeah. Like she's leaning into the car. Yeah, she goes, park around the corner. Go into the alley. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:42 Stick this in. You're fucking. I think if we fucked, I'd be positive. No. So I end up... She gives me the thing or the swab.
Starting point is 00:33:51 That'd be so funny to have AIDS tests where it's just people with AIDS that fuck you and then they go, you're positive. Yeah, that's the whole thing. That's the test.
Starting point is 00:33:59 We just know now. It's like that doctor with the HPV from the other day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who used his magic flute. Yes. So she was... Yeah, if he doctor with the HPV from the other day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who used his magic flute. Yes. So she was. Yeah, if he was curing HPV, then he had it.
Starting point is 00:34:08 Because he was fucking girls with it. Do you know what I mean? No, his claim is that he had the. Antibodies. The vaccine. Oh, okay. So he was fucking the vaccine. Okay, never mind.
Starting point is 00:34:19 Go on. So she walks up. I'm a little weirded out. She gives me a thing to scan. So I scan it. That seemed real. Yeah. Where I put my information in it.
Starting point is 00:34:31 Okay. I put my email in. That's what they're getting for free. Data harvesting. They did ask for my mom's social security number. Do you have to do any like. Nothing weird. Nothing social security number? Nothing like that? No, nothing weird nothing social security number nothing no nothing
Starting point is 00:34:46 like that okay all right so i fill it out she goes she comes back she gives me the swab i i put my nose out for her to swab me up she goes no you just do it i swab she goes five four three two one i give it back then she goes all right and then i go to do the other nostril and she goes no no no and then she gives me another swab i I've never had no, oh, two swabs. Two swabs. I guess one for each test. So then she puts the one in the thing. And then I see her walking with the other swab for the rapid test, I'm sure,
Starting point is 00:35:16 just holding it without putting it in the plastic so she doesn't have to do the two steps. Yeah, that's getting contaminated on the way there. Like, you got to put it in a tube. She's like, you have bird flu that flew onto this fucking. Oh, my God. This is so. I wonder. So she came back.
Starting point is 00:35:32 How many minutes? Let's really. I'm not kidding. It was short. It was shorter. How many all two wells? Taylor's version. 45% of all two wells.
Starting point is 00:35:40 Okay. So four and a half minutes. Here's the thing. We get these a lot. These rapid tests yeah because we're those cameras camera thing she came back faster than that yes and she said your rapid is negative you're gonna get the other test in 24 to 48 hours take off your pop-ups in your settings and oh i don't know why she like had me do that so then she i don't know so she had me do that. So then she, I don't know. So I wouldn't get spam or something.
Starting point is 00:36:06 So I ended up, look, I drove away. It's all suspicious. Huh? I think your phone has the virus now. Take pop-ups off your phone. I mean, we got to figure out what this operation is. But I looked at the reviews, solid reviews. But I guess everyone's happy.
Starting point is 00:36:25 I guess everyone's happy because of how efficient it is. It's so efficient because they don't do it. It sounds suspicious. Here, I'll show you the, here, I'll do the COVID test. So your head just, I'm trying to, whenever you get sick or you get some sort of ailment, I'm always interested in like how it manifests like i i obviously have been sick before but like when you're like i don't feel well i'm like do you feel is it a headache you're like no i'm like is it a stomach ache no your head is stuffy
Starting point is 00:37:00 if i know 112 reviews your head is stuffy is very annoying to have but it doesn't it does it hurt yes so where does it hurt just forehead like it's a headache hurt or is it just a no like a pressure just because this is the way you describe your panic attacks too like your head's gonna explode no this is sick i was sick no but i know but is it the same kind of pressure oh no it's different panic attack pressure i can't even describe it. It feels like it's all over your head. Like when you ask me how I can wiggle my ears, and I go, I don't know how. Panic, yeah, while you're doing it.
Starting point is 00:37:33 But I don't know how. I feel like I'm moving them, too, and I don't. Noah, can you wiggle your ears? There's no wiggle going on. You either know it or you don't. No, there's no wiggle. You just feel like a strain in your ear and that means i just don't you know some people can just do it but yeah okay so i'm just trying to understand feelings because i feel like no i think like sometimes though like when i tell you i'm sick you like almost want to like disbelief it no i i the way reason i not at
Starting point is 00:38:02 all the reason i ask questions, I really promise you, I know that if you're sick, you're sick. Like you do not get sick that often. Yeah, I don't get sick that often. I just want to understand what it is because sometimes I'm like, do I feel sick? And maybe I do get sick and I just don't know it because I'm just so not in touch with my feelings or something.
Starting point is 00:38:21 I don't know. I'm not trying to be like, I work when I'm not sick. That's not the vibe I'm trying to put out there. I'm just trying to say like i i don't know what it feels like i don't know what a cold feel like i know what it's like to be like sniffly but it doesn't it's just annoying that i can't breathe out of my nose it's not like i feel does it feel like you can't think i felt busy i felt like i couldn't think my My vision gets a little bit fucked up a little bit. Yeah, you were out of it last night. I mean, we were watching Seinfeld.
Starting point is 00:38:49 Yeah, I was fucked up. Brenna came over after work, and we were just hanging out, and you put on Seinfeld, and it was a great episode of when Elaine records a sexy voice. Like Jerry's recording is set. Let's hear your sexiest voice.
Starting point is 00:39:10 If I was trying to do like a, like if I was trying to do a, like I would probably do more baby because men like babies now as opposed to like, her voice was like a huskiest. Yeah, I think you gotta go more seductive, lower like like like hey babe like will you invest in my blood transfusion if it's an abandoned parking lot yeah if i come out in a midriff some scrubs that aren't nurse
Starting point is 00:39:40 scrubs but they were at one point but i bought them from goodwill yes um yeah i don't i don't i guess my sexiest voice is like i i get like this like when i'm like trying to be like when i'm like being like do you want like do you want like i don't know i guess i just kind of do it like this like but i feel like whenever i'm being like sexiest it's like i'm like a it's kind of like i'm a baby because I like to be dominated, so I'm a little bit more like, I don't know. So what would be a hot guy's voice if I was like, take your shirt off?
Starting point is 00:40:14 It'd be kind of disciplinary. Yeah. You think that you deserve to cum right now? That's so cute. Oh, I love that you think you do. It's caring but like a little dismissive but like um oh you're so oh like it's not it's not um the o isn't sarcastic but it's like it's nurturing like you poor thing like oh you want to come oh that's so cute well
Starting point is 00:40:43 do you think you deserve to like it's like that oh interesting it's so weird i'm very weird i feel very awkward when i start like giving demands in the bedroom you know like yeah you like that you like that you little you little slut you like that like it just feels very funny yes it's silly and it just feels like you ever feel like has there ever been a moment where you did get into it and you were like oh i've got this like because i remember sometimes you were like oh i like you know choked her a little bit and you were like oh it felt really good to i like getting choked dominant see you like to be dominant i like choking a little
Starting point is 00:41:17 too oh just because she you know she responds to it yeah yeah yeah but it's not like my go-to move you know i'm not like my first instinct isn't to be like i'm kicking over yes you know noah what's your vibe in bed do you like to be very britney spears by the way i know you have like oops i did it again yeah so much or no what's the one toxic where she's in no toxic is in an air that's oops i did it again oh yeah where she's wearing the it's Noah's wearing like a lime green like neon green
Starting point is 00:41:48 kind of turtle tight turtleneck but it looks exactly like the Britney Spears red one that she wore yes that's what it is yes
Starting point is 00:41:55 Noah what is your style in bed do you like I like snakes in bed holding them up and dancing around with them like Britney does oh I was like
Starting point is 00:42:04 what is she going with on this uh get the motherfucking out of my motherfucking bed she's in arizona i mean there's there probably are snakes just in your bed you gotta be into them if you live in the in arizona in the arid zone um but yeah i think like um i definitely like to be dominated i like to be the bottom and whenever i tried being the top or the dominant one, I just felt like I was faking it. Yes. I think it just depends on the partner too
Starting point is 00:42:33 because I did have one good experience with it. With being the dominant one? Yes. The more I'm thinking about bringing another girl into the mix with the other guy I'm seeing and me or ever being with a girl, I think then I would want to be the dominant one. When I think about my crush on Taylor Swift, I want to comfort her and I want to be the man in that relationship.
Starting point is 00:43:01 And I want to be like, oh, are you okay after your show? In a relationship with a woman, I think I would want to be like oh are you okay after your show like I in a relationship with a woman I think I would want to be the masculine you deserve to come Taylor I would want to dress like this but in a relationship with a man I like to be the girl and so I think that I like I like both
Starting point is 00:43:17 and I'm not you know I think that maybe that's where I've kind of been reluctant to ever maybe that's where I've kind of been reluctant to ever be in a relationship with a woman or even pursue something because I am always thinking, oh, I need a woman that's kind of like a man.
Starting point is 00:43:35 Women hit on me that are like more... Is butch like a derogatory term? I don't know. A more masculine energy woman. I generally, like, I'm, like, always flattered, but I get uncomfortable because... But you said you want to be the man.
Starting point is 00:43:52 And I think that's why. I've always associated, like, oh, I probably couldn't be in a lesbian relationship because if I wanted to, it would happen because I get come, like, you know, lesbians come on to me a lot. But I think that I, that's the wrong role for me in that scenario.
Starting point is 00:44:07 And I'm literally just realizing that. But I, whenever I fantasize about or like I see like myself hooking up with a girl, it's like me being like the one that's like, oh, you think you're going to, like me being that. Yes. Well, do you, I mean. Is that only if there's a guy involved? Or if you were a woman alone do you think alone too energy but with a guy i would want to like be like a team i love that's my favorite porn is when a woman and a man are working together to like make a girl come and they're like oh like that's my favorite porn is two people doing stuff to a
Starting point is 00:44:43 woman so that they can talk amongst each other about her. Being like, oh, look at her. She's struggling. Oh, you want to come? Do you think you deserve to? And then they both get in on it. Very improv. It's very sadistic almost.
Starting point is 00:44:59 Sorry. There's one porn that I. Shut up, Noah. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Get her. Come on, Noah. Yeah, get that. I'm just kidding. It's omni to you. Get her. Come on, Noah. Yeah, get that.
Starting point is 00:45:06 We just got scared. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Look at her. She can't even talk that good. Noah, what were you going to say? There's this one. I was going to say there's a porn that I've been thinking about a lot.
Starting point is 00:45:16 I wouldn't even know who's in it, but it was a married couple, and they were fucking the babysitter, and it was exactly the, the, the scenario that you just painted. And I loved it. Well, you send it to me. I can't find it.
Starting point is 00:45:30 I need someone to help. Damn it. It's, um, like the, the, the guy has like a goatee. He's very ugly looking as usual.
Starting point is 00:45:37 Yes. The, the wife has like curly Brown hair and the babysitter is like this tiny little blonde girl. Yes. And they're just like fucking her like crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how's the kid doing? He's crying.
Starting point is 00:45:50 I'm not watching that kind of porn. Oh my God, that's so funny. The kids, where are they? Yeah, where is the kid? Drowning in the pool. Yeah. In a pool of cum. God, yeah, that's the,
Starting point is 00:46:02 the problem is I, I just require so much of, like, I don't like watching high school football versions of porn. I need to watch people at the elite level doing the craziest stuff. Like, just, if there's not, if she's not doing anal,
Starting point is 00:46:20 I don't want, it's literally worthless to me. If there's no, and it's not because I'm like, I love anal so much. I just need to see someone who is, who's more impressive than I am. Like I have to,
Starting point is 00:46:32 I don't want to watch people who are as good at things as I am. I want to see like the next level. There's something about amateur that it's pretty hot. I don't know. The shitty like camera angle. Yeah. If they're doing a filter, good stuff.
Starting point is 00:46:44 Wait, do you like our friend rami has that bit about that he's he doesn't think he's gay but there's dicks that he likes in porn are there vaginas that you like and don't like in porn that turn you on more no they're all the same to me really yeah that's um yeah i i definitely there's certain like i like what i like what i look like, honestly. This tends to be, like, my favorite, but that's just my pref. Let's get to the news.
Starting point is 00:47:11 You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, it's Thursday, folks. You know what that means? It is Thursday. Hope you're having all the swells. Even you, Mike.
Starting point is 00:47:27 Mike. Yeah. You know there's a Mike listening i know that'd be so cool i know if i heard that when i was listening to dave yesterday yeah i know all right this is gonna start you'd like only do it to men yeah no i know because i'm sexist I'm a misogynist A massage Australia's most famous Identical twins Who eat, sleep, and shower I know these bitches With their shared fiance Have now revealed their plan
Starting point is 00:47:54 To be pregnant at the same time Wait they share a fiance They share a guy Oh I know two that share Another set of twins And they want to get pregnant On the same day Okay this is a lucky guy
Starting point is 00:48:04 I mean it's wild I bet they will get pregnant on the same day. Okay, this is a lucky guy. I mean, it's wild. I bet they will get pregnant on the same day. I mean, I bet their cycles are insanely synced up. Can you zoom in on them? Noah. I want to see these girls. Can you show me a picture of them, Andrew? They're not bad looking. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:20 I don't understand how this guy... They look like the cast of the Jersey Shore. Yes, okay, these are the girls I wouldn't watch in porn. You know what I'm saying? Like, these giant fake tits. I mean, I've got to guess those are fake. That guy isn't that cute. Does he have money?
Starting point is 00:48:35 What's he do? I bet they'll get right down to the neck. You know, twins have a weird thing that I'm not going to lie. I'm a little bit jealous of. This person that you share everything with like you are it's just really cool I think I you know it's it's creepy to a lot of people but I I don't think that this is that weird that they would both they both want to be with the same person and that they look the same i wouldn't take it as like he's more
Starting point is 00:49:05 into her like you know the physical thing is like i don't know i i i i want to say this is so weird but i actually kind of don't think it is do you know the bella twins yes so they had uh like like both of them were pregnant around the same time. Yes. Those girls have a podcast. My friend Rosebud was on it recently. And then I got into like looking at all of their like clips and stuff. And they're so beautiful and so cute. And I actually have Nikki Bella's Dancing with the Stars robe because she left it behind the season before mine.
Starting point is 00:49:39 And it said Nikki on it. So I stole it. She, and then she, she married her dance partner. Artem. Yeah. she married her dance part artem yeah she married her dance partner who you know they were like both in relationships when they were dancing together but they fell in love just like uh robert hershevik and his dance partner there's people that are like still together from that show i mean it's a lot of sexual energy but the twins i've
Starting point is 00:50:01 always was jealous of twins well i wonder like when they who met the guy first i wonder how that worked out i bet you anything they put they don't do anything apart i mean these girls you see some twins they don't do anything apart i think if i was a twin i'd want to live across the country from you don't know that like you i know you were a twin right now yeah that would make sense but like when they're you you're it's a different thing that we don't understand we can't possibly understand i remember the book stumbling upon happiness that everyone was reading back in like 2009 when it came out they were talking about how these conjoined twins everyone just assumes like they're miserable you know they they're two girls that have like their heads shooting out of the same neck and they're just always next to each other and like they you know obviously don't do anything apart and they can't have separate lives because they're
Starting point is 00:50:50 one they share the same fucking heart they don't want if they got separated one of them might die they don't want to do it and everyone just like goes god that would be awful i can't believe that but they're general they're like happier than most people because they don't know any different yes that's all they know and so it's something about so much of your happiness is based upon what you have once experienced and then lose or what you think you might want but these girls don't have no concept of what it would be like to be an individual person. And if we just, as a human race, all had two heads sticking out of our necks, we would also feel weird if we saw one person
Starting point is 00:51:31 to be like, oh, that would suck to be alone. Like, it's all, that really blew my mind, though. And blew my minds, I mean. Well, yeah, both of them. It is interesting, though, that they didn't find another set of identical twins. Like, they just chose the same guy. Oh, they've had a lot, but they just, oh, that they didn't find another set of identical twins. Like, they just chose the same guy.
Starting point is 00:51:46 They've had a lot, but they just, oh, those two girls. No, that, there's, if you go to my Instagram and go to the thing called Watch TV With Me, there was one night I was watching something on, you know, TLC, and it was two twins that met two twins. Yes. And. That would make more sense than just sharing one guy, but I guess if you do everything together and like, I don't know, I don't I would not fucking care at all. If there was someone else that looked exactly like me and I loved hanging out with, I would
Starting point is 00:52:12 not want to get married because I'd miss hanging out with my best friend. And if we both it wouldn't take from me because you you know what I think it is. There's this really trippy thing that I realized one time where I was like so jealous of girls in my high school this is another eighth grade Nikki moment that kind of made me realize like I had a um epiphany of self back in eighth grade that I just barely grasped onto but sometimes I don't even know how to describe it but like I used to get so jealous of popular girls and like what they had and what their lives and how happy they were and how boys liked them and stuff and I was like really they're me if you can think of what I'm saying it's like I am there's I don't even know how to describe it but there was something that
Starting point is 00:52:58 gave me solace if you even understand what I'm trying to say out there anyone that's talking about this we're all one like they're no different the only reason that they are them is because i'm attributing a self to them that is separate but we're all like i could be them too i don't even i can't even describe it now i kind of see there was something about like i that's why i don't get jealous so much of of people it really sometimes something cuts through it of where it's like I could they're they're gonna die maybe there's something of like they're gonna die too someday we're all one like but we're all there's no there's no me I am just a computer of cells that are like operating I don't have control over it it's not up to me what my heart does what my breathing like I can't control my breathing I what my heart does, what my breathing,
Starting point is 00:53:45 like I can't control my breathing. I can't, well, I can control my breathing, but you don't control what your brain is. There was something almost about like the no free will of it all of, I didn't choose to be in this body. The girl that I'm thinking has a perfect, like Brittany Burke,
Starting point is 00:54:01 that was the girl that I always wanted to be. She didn't choose to be in Brittany Burke's body's body and have her life like i could be her for all anyone knows i am her does that make sense in a way when people look at me that's it if i look at you and noah yeah and you're two separate people to me how do i know like your soul is you and like like it doesn't you're i don't even know what i'm like sounding like i'm on psychedelics right now but there was just some epiphany i had where i was like we're all i get that i get that we're all we're all one one thing we're all one organism just gigantic i don't even know that doesn't capture it for me but i don't know we're all capable of what the other person is doing or
Starting point is 00:54:46 has we're all just not selves we're not i'm not me i'm just a thing that's living so you know what it is it's not that so if i'm jealous of you noah it's not that i'm not i'm not you you're not you either you're just a thing but like you're not you like we there's not you're not inside your brain like a little alien like controlling the controls and being like i love being in here i'm like a little guy that's like in this awesome spaceship you're just a thing that exists that's like moving it's like yes you have feelings and all these things but it's not like you got that you're just it just exists it's like like you got that. You're just, it just exists.
Starting point is 00:55:26 It's like being jealous of a fucking chair or something. Like, it's like that. I don't, I don't know how to describe it. If anyone has any idea what the fuck I'm talking about, please send me some literature on it. Cause I'm sure there's some philosopher or some fucking meditation that is
Starting point is 00:55:39 talking about this, but like we are not, Sam Harris always says, you're not inside your head watching a movie as this person. You're not like – you're not you. You're just a body and consciousness is this idea that you think you're a you. But you're not – we're not – if you – that's when people have like an ego death because an ego is a sense of I am me. I have a I have a something to, like, I want
Starting point is 00:56:08 people to think I'm good because I'm responsible for this thing, but you're really not. You're just a fucking chair. I don't know what I'm talking about, and I'm bored by myself, to be honest with you. I'm really sorry about that rant. Just kidding. I think if you there's a quote on the wall of Jimmy John's
Starting point is 00:56:23 that will explain it free smells what are free smells are they free are they yours I don't know here's the thing though about a twin though be tough if one was way more successful than the other one I have friends that are twins they're kind of identical one's a huge country star. One sells insurance back home. By the way, did you ask that twin country star what I needed you to ask him? I got to ask him. Yeah, I've been doing some digging on my girl. Yeah. I don't think they hooked up, though.
Starting point is 00:56:57 I just want to know. I have an insider track that I can get insider info about my girl that i'm not i shouldn't be getting because it's none of my fucking business but i do know someone that did cross paths with someone early on who may have inspired one of my favorite songs and i need to know if it's him if it's true if they did have a moment and if they did what what happened but maybe it was my fucking business and i'm sorry girl maybe it was his insurance selling brother. Maybe it was his brother. But I bet his insurance selling brother didn't want to be a country star. Or did he? Did he try?
Starting point is 00:57:30 He was very good at sports as well as his brother but he gets up on stage sometimes he can't sing. Okay so did he want that? I think he wouldn't mind being a celebrity. I don't know what for. My sister is a I always thought my sister would like to be. But I'm thinking if it's your identical twin. I i always thought my sister would be identical twin i
Starting point is 00:57:45 understand that yeah imagine if your identical twin was either more famous than you or way richard would bother me as much because i'd go i could do the same thing as them i just didn't want it because i'm the same body like it would convince me more of like i could have that if i wanted it well this is what i'm guessing that i'm getting back to this point with these twins they seem to be like everything's the same so then there will be no jealousy there will be no envy we share the same guy we share the same essentially which is an interesting way to approach it i when my sister would get things that i didn't get boys liking her people complimenting her looking like just having clear skin it was like i can can't – it made me so mad because it's like I can't – I don't have her same skin.
Starting point is 00:58:30 But if we were identical twins, everything she got would seem within my possibility, and I would just get it too. Yeah, but what if she – you had acne. She didn't. Identical twins don't have different – then I would start cleaning my pillowcases or whatever she did. We should have the same thing. All right.
Starting point is 00:58:48 Well, sorry for that tangent. Let's take a short break and come back with. I thought it was why do I care, but it's our weekly sports moment. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your
Starting point is 00:59:09 financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily
Starting point is 00:59:50 Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard
Starting point is 01:00:29 to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are
Starting point is 01:00:49 making it happen behind the scenes and they pave the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow Thank you. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions.
Starting point is 01:01:46 Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique.
Starting point is 01:02:22 Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please.
Starting point is 01:02:57 Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in.
Starting point is 01:03:19 It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. We're back. Give it to me. Weekly Sports Moment. Here's Andrew's Weekly Sports Moment.
Starting point is 01:03:49 Charles Barkley. You know who he is, right? Of course. moment here's andrew's weekly sports moment charles barkley of course appeared on a podcast and told the host he named his daughter christ christina christine wait christiana christiana okay after a delaware mall he likes okay there's a christiana mall in delaware that i always used to go by that's how she got her name christiana actually said you know what that's better than looking it up in a baby book and being like i just saw this name and i liked it on a baby website i like this quote though this is why he's so related he's one of the most relatable sports casters i think out yeah when the host asked why barkley chose the name, he replied I don't know. I just like the mall. Dude, I love it. Isn't that perfect? Love it.
Starting point is 01:04:29 Funny. Yeah, I'm looking forward to having a baby, my baby Galleria. Sounds like a STD. Yeah, West County Mall. Yeah, Fairfield County Outlet Mall. I don't mind mind that i think that's cute and
Starting point is 01:04:47 christiana is a cute is a beautiful name anyway out with a great i mean it's a it's a regular name it's not like what would you would you right now what would you name part of me would want to name it marvin oh i love that name what's your grandma's name by By the way, Andrew's grandma passed away two days ago? Yesterday. Yesterday at the age of 100. Yeah. Amazing. When was her 100th birthday?
Starting point is 01:05:11 I don't know the exact date, but we had a Zoom party for her 100th. So she died at 100. She made it to triple digits. Yeah. Not 101, 100. 100. Wow. That's so cool.
Starting point is 01:05:22 Yeah, not 101, the buzz. Just 100. Just 100.7, the's so cool. Yeah, not 101 The Buzz. Just 100. Just 100.7 The Bull. Wait a second. That's what her nickname was. She lived an amazing life. She was amazing. Grandma Shirley. She's from Chicago originally. Shirley's
Starting point is 01:05:36 a cool name too. She was married to my Grandpa Henry. Henry's a very, that name's coming back pretty strong. Edna was a name I met this weekend at a meet and greet and I go what the fuck? A young girl named Ed edna i go were you named after a grandma and she was like no just edna i loved it i love that shirley's good though too my grandma some fun facts about her let's she would uh she my grandpa henry who passed away i don't know maybe 15 20 years ago and you know he had a distinct look he had a white mustache that my grandma like would make him grow and he'd always wear like aviators
Starting point is 01:06:11 and he passed away and uh she got a new boyfriend pretty quickly I mean they say to wait I don't know how half your relations you should have waited another 40 years but she waited about four minutes I think she met the guy at the funeral she got a covid test in a parking lot he's one of the pallbearers uh yeah you're digging a grave you seem like a nice guy uh yeah so he ends up uh she ends up dating this guy he was a doctor this guy nat and we never met him first time we met him he gets out of this like gets out of the car. And my grandma... Every old man kind of tends to look alike in a way. Especially if they get white hair.
Starting point is 01:06:51 Comes out with a white mustache in Aviators. It's my grandpa. My grandpa... She just... Good for her. She slim-shaded it. She just... I love that.
Starting point is 01:07:01 What's it called when... What's that movie with Matt Damon where he turns into the guy after he dies? Oh, the... She talented Mr. Ripley, her ex-dead husband. Wow. Who was amazing. My grandpa Henry was incredible.
Starting point is 01:07:15 So this new guy comes... Why was he incredible? I'm trying to... He was just like a strong fucking... I don't know. He farted when we'd play golf during your backswing. That's a hilarious reason why someone's incredible. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:32 He would fart, and then he'd go, what? Like, in your backswing. Were you close with your grandma and grandpa? I got close with my grandma later in life. Because you lived with her. Because I lived across the street with her. My other, my grandma Thelma, who wasn't- They lived across the street from each other?
Starting point is 01:07:48 Yeah. Grandma? But they were divorced. My parents were divorced, but they stayed- Your grandma stayed friends. The housing market kept my grandparents together, but not my parents. So, no, my grandpa Henry was amazing, man. He just was like-
Starting point is 01:08:01 But I didn't- I honestly, like, I didn't like know him that well. Marvin's your other grandpa? Yeah. And Thelma. Okay. Thelma's a great name. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 01:08:10 So then Nat dies. Then my grandma gets another guy, this guy, Sal, white mustache. Henry, Nat, and Sal. Henry, Nat, and Sal. And then she banged him to death. Did you guys say anything to your grandma about this? That she's a- Would you joke about it?
Starting point is 01:08:24 Like a black widow? Well, that that like these guys look like our grandpa we would joke with my mom and stuff i never really joked with my grandma about it but my grandma so i moved across the street i started doing stand-up a lot for the first time living across from her and she got she was a real estate agent she got really into theater and wanting to perform like in her 70s like very like very late and um and she like starred in these plays and she was so like dramatic and like would you go see her jazz hands i never saw the play but like it was like it was just amazing that like we'd see you know photos and video of it of her just starring and being the star and like later in life like she became like grace it, of her just starring and being the star. Later in life, she became Grace Kelly of her club.
Starting point is 01:09:08 That's so cute. And so she would tell me, because I started stand-up at 30, yeah, it might seem late, but it's not late. I really see you being a star. Things your grandma would say, but she's like, I didn't do it. She was inspirational in that way. And I don't know. do like she was inspirational in that way and uh i don't know yeah she was amazing she really was just so kind and always just i don't know it's weird with your grandparents because you don't see them as people until you get older you just see them as these like mythical kind of i mean it's crazy that you had a grandparent
Starting point is 01:09:42 this late this late i mean people in their 40s do not have grandparents unless you had teen parents you know yeah um so that's pretty cool yeah when did she start to go cognitively though were you yeah she got dementia later in life she was in a nursing home and uh but she still would like get dressed to the nines her and her friend her girlfriend they'd go i forget what her girlfriend name was but they'd go down to the nursing like the nursing hall like fucking dining room and it was literally like high school and they're all like the world was gonna be around for that long they were all checking out like the guys and i think there might have been a relationship going on with one of the guys but he had dementia but he was married but it's a perfect
Starting point is 01:10:23 crime because neither one could remember them cheating. And I think at 98 who gives a shit? You know, everyone should be fucking. But yeah, so anyways, R.I.P. Grandma Shirley.
Starting point is 01:10:32 R.I.P. Grandma Shirley. I love you so much. And yeah. Yeah. My last grandparent. God, I lost my last one in 2005.
Starting point is 01:10:43 Six, 15. 15. Yeah, Mimi. And she was the coolest one too just i mean no offense to grandma glazer but my mom's grandma was awesome and just so um like the so loving and like would i just loved what were their names uh marge is my mom but i called her m Mimi and she had 10 kids and so she had like a thousand grandkids and we all called her Mimi because I started it and she was just so gentle
Starting point is 01:11:11 and like I didn't my mom wasn't a very huggy like touchy person and my dad was but I didn't really like like getting you know my dad didn't like wasn't we didn't
Starting point is 01:11:22 I didn't get like a lot of like back scratches or like just like just nice gentle but my grandma would just let me lay in her back and she would draw animals and i would guess what the animals were and it was just like the most soothing fucking thing ever i mean i'm so grateful i had that would do marvin and marge very similar names yeah like marvin's kind of yes and my grandpa would rub my back to go to sleep and he had these huge he had these huge hands. He was a really big guy.
Starting point is 01:11:45 And he would just rub my back at night and like so gentle. If you're a parent out there, rub your kid's backs. Rub your partner's backs. It's such a fun thing to do. And like do games where you like, you know, spell out things or like draw animals and have guessing games. And when Poppy the other night came over and wanted me or I came over to Poppy's house and she wanted to just like lay on me and
Starting point is 01:12:06 like hug me and like kiss me and like all these things I was just like oh my god I just was like I'm so excited I have someone that I get to like do these like snuggie things with and like because it's uncomfortable for me especially with children to like Arlo was going to bed the other night my sister was like hug Nikki and he was like no and they were like do it i go no don't he does not need to hug you go to bed arlo like don't need to touch me but when a kid is like really i just love it so much but i never want to force it but god it feels good what was marge's husband's i want to hear all the grandparents names bob was my mom's just bob bob so robert and then edward was my dad's dad and then gene was my mom grandma's uh there's a lot of grandma Genes.
Starting point is 01:12:45 Gene's a good name too. Let's get to Fanthrax. I fucking love old people names. They're so good. We've got a lot to get through today. Can I read a quick thing I just got from one of our of our listeners brooke she said nikki i needed to tell you how much the podcast helped me today this is from yesterday first of all i was feeling fat because i've gained weight recently then i also was feeling down because a guy dumped me at the
Starting point is 01:13:16 what are we stage which seems to be per usual and i was just feeling broken because i know i want a relationship but can never seem to get one to be in one your point of view made me feel so much better though and that I am not alone and that most people in them are unhappy so thank you so so much thank you Brooke for that I already left her a voice memo saying like it meant so much to me because it reminded me like yes that is true like we don't especially someone that is gonna pull away from you at that stage like as much as you wanted it and as close as you got, like it wasn't yours to have. I often tell this to people who write me about,
Starting point is 01:13:49 Oh, I didn't get this job. I really wanted like, that's not the right job for you. The fact that you didn't get that one, it's going to pay out someday. It's going to be good that you didn't get it. I just promise you.
Starting point is 01:14:02 and also feeling fat, like you, if you're feeling fat out there, God, I know what it feels like. I've been there and maybe you are fat. Maybe you're fucking fat, right? You're meant to be fat today.
Starting point is 01:14:15 You need to be fat to get done what you are gonna get done in your lifetime. You're meant to be this way. Be kind to yourself. You didn't choose to be this way. Life is hard. You medicated with the food.
Starting point is 01:14:28 It's better than doing heroin. You're not a bad person. You're not weak. You just needed some comfort, and you're allowed to. And, like, acknowledging that and letting yourself off the hook for that and not being, like, a bad person. I was thinking today, like, God, if I could like, what if every day,
Starting point is 01:14:47 no matter how you looked, you could just walk around like you loved yourself, like it wasn't a problem or it wasn't a burden. Like what if you could just walk around with the confidence of J-Lo at her, like when she's getting out of a fucking limo on a red carpet.
Starting point is 01:14:59 If you could just actually feel that way about yourself all the time, it is actually possible to look like shit, to feel grubby, to feel fat, to have have mousy hair but also like carry yourself like i'm still fucking great and it really is possible so try to harness a little bit of that today i'm i'm gonna do so as well because it's it's hard put on a sweatshirt you like put on some pants you like i didn't feel like i deserved a cute outfit today but i fucking chose one even though i'm pale and i feel stinky and i didn't take a shower i put on a cute outfit
Starting point is 01:15:28 because i was like fuck it i want to feel comfy um let's get to the first voice memo all right uh no name on this one hi nikki andrew and noah um i'm a bestie and I am somebody who has always had, as Nikki called them, kettlebell tits. And I always have them and I've always called them that and I've never heard anybody else
Starting point is 01:15:56 called them that. And so I was very pleased to hear Nikki call them that. And so yeah, thank you for making me feel seen. Jackie Chan. Jack-pa. Jackie Chan.
Starting point is 01:16:12 That's a good one. I love, I feel like, yeah, when I said that, I was like, God, someone else has had to think of this before because it is so accurate of what they feel like. What is kettlebell? I haven't heard. I think I said it in the opening.
Starting point is 01:16:24 Yeah, it's like when your tits just feel like heavy and like just burdensome and they feel like. What is kettlebell? I haven't heard. I think I said it in the opening. Yeah, it's like when your tits just feel like heavy and like just burdensome and they feel like kettlebells. They're just so like these just fucking chunky udders. Chunky thick udders. Yeah, tell my kettlebell titty ladies out there. I'm not one today because I'm not on my P-Rod, but it's a coming.
Starting point is 01:16:44 It does have to be tough to have gigantic tits because people love guys love big tits yes and then they couldn't be any worse for your back and just being annoying you don't feel sexual a lot of time fast because even a sports bra that's compressing them as much as possible they're still gonna be like this like then you get so much admiration for him too it's got to be a weird and mindful yeah and it's a lot of admiration you don't even fucking want and it probably started at an age where you were like i don't even want to i don't even like boys or whatever it's it's got to be rough next next uh thank you for that from anonymous uh but way worse to have small tits no no small tits are great all right uh no fuck small dance they all should die no yeah i went there again oh shit
Starting point is 01:17:26 andrew takes a hard stance uh noah next up my pants okay this one is from m dog good morning og besties first off thank you for using my voicemail for famthrax love the pod it was number one in my Spotify rap. Fuck yeah. Anyhow, I'd like to offer up a nerdy fun fact. As I just heard Nikki talk about tapering off antidepressants and also how she likes to always have oatmeal in the mornings. Well, I've been tapering off antidepressants um that i was on for 12 years actually and so i've been looking into a lot of the science behind serotonin production
Starting point is 01:18:15 and besides socializing and sunlight most of it is produced by your gut bacteria when you eat certain foods and for vegans especially, oats are number one for giving you a sustained boost of serotonin. Jack serotonin. Oh my God. That felt very Jack Stanley. That's hilarious. And I want everyone who leaves a voice message now
Starting point is 01:18:42 to sign off with a jackpot. Oh, please do. Wait a second. That is very interesting. You know, thank you so much, Mdog, for sharing that. Because so often I take all these pills and I don't even know what the fuck any of them are doing. I don't know how they work. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:18:59 I could learn the basic science behind what these pills are actually doing to my brain. So I could see see you know like i don't know what i don't i don't know what because some are ssri some of us are ma maois some are you know there's all different kinds that are doing different things to your brain and i never look into the science so um m dog if you could send me any of the stuff that you're reading about serotonin that might talk to me like like explain like i'm five on reddit eli5 where it's like explain this to me i'm a dumb person i would like to maybe understand what i'm on a pristik if anyone wants to tell me what the fuck that's doing in my brain and and how maybe i can uh because i i started i was weaning off and then
Starting point is 01:19:40 i was getting sad again so i go let me just like not do this yet and just i won't come as much as i'd like but i'm back on my regular dose yeah but i've never been on pristik before and it whatever i'm doing right now feels really good so so why stop it uh next fanthrax did you want to read one because yeah no i got a card for for you um Maybe we've read this before. It was opened on my counter. I don't know if you opened this, Andrew, or maybe I opened it and read it to you, but it says,
Starting point is 01:20:10 Noah, a quick note to tell you how much I have enjoyed getting to know you on the show. I love how you can jump in and in that singular voice, soften or sharpen whatever the topic may be. Thank you for sharing yourself. Even when I can tell,
Starting point is 01:20:20 it sometimes makes you feel vulnerable. It's a gift to us, truly. It makes us all feel less alone. You're a cool chick. And I just want to meet and I want to meet you someday. Love. It looks like it says Swanson Swanson. Swanson Samson.
Starting point is 01:20:33 Oh, yeah. Samson. I like the briefcase from Dumb and Dumber. Yeah. That's so sweet. Thank you. It was opened on my counter. So I don't know where this is from a bestie.
Starting point is 01:20:43 I got over the this is says, oh, it's a little token. It says, two dickie from Candice, and it says, I can turn this in for a shoulder to cry on. That is so sweet. Oh, also a bunch of stickers. Oh, my God, so cute. Okay, enjoy these stickers. Portland turned me into a sticker head. All right.
Starting point is 01:21:06 It says, I don't even know how to read this. oh my god bestie bestie oh my god nikki i'm about to attend your show in portland i'm so excited i took your advice and i'm attending solo i'm a loyal nikki glazer podcast listener and i've caught up on all the youtube are you up on youtube i absolutely adore your comedy and podcasts and no one keeps me laughing as good as you i admire your raw honesty insights about sex and orgasms i've never had one by the way and how confidently you lean into your masculine energy i relate to you so much and continue to be inspired by your story and life encounters when life gets you down know that the besties and me in particular are rooting for you and cheering you on from the sidelines thanks to you i've learned so much about coffee addiction sex vibrators
Starting point is 01:21:40 vibrators the amygdala how there's no such thing as free will um healing childhood trauma the list goes on and on i'm so grateful to you for being nothing less than who you are thanks for being you i love you so much love bestie candace aka candeezy candeezy i love you that's so sweet god damn it you guys are so nice one more that i got a letter this weekend um these are like break my heart oh my god it's like a taylor swift oh okay it says when float cooler came out i mailed all my best friends this charm oh it's little um it's like saturn with like a moon on it thank you for all you do but mostly for the taylor swift dance parties next time i see you let's hope it's your concert oh and a taylor swift uh guitar pick oh an ever
Starting point is 01:22:23 more guitar pick that's so cool thank you so much kaylee that's from kaylee and a little uh charm that i i don't know what the charm is in reference to it's probably um a taylor swift song that i can't think of right now but thank you so much kaylee um so nice and there's a um on the cover of this card there's a little bird looking in the a mirror and it says bridget had to ask herself if the all over body wax had in fact been a very bad idea and oh it's a chicken with like like less feathers cuties thank you guys let's get to the next voicemail okay i have two more voicemails uh here's one from jillian hey besties this This is Jillian from Los Angeles. Just kidding.
Starting point is 01:23:14 I'm calling because, like Nikki, I have ASMR with people's voices, and I am obsessed with Andrew's voice. Oh. The tone, the way he pronounces words, the accent, everything about it. When he says, ya boy, it sends shivers down my spine. Ya boy. Yeah. so this is a message for andrew really don't let tom sagura get you down thanks don't let tom get you down hey andrew can i give you something to read your boy will so that um you can uh give her a little asmr yeah i'm gonna let's see um your boy would be more than happy to. I'm going to pick a random page
Starting point is 01:23:46 from one of the books I'm reading. This is called The Fall and Rise. Fall and Rise, the story of 9-11. Okay. I'm going to pick a random page. I love this story. Okay.
Starting point is 01:24:00 Here you go. All right. So this is going to be ASMR. This is Andrew's ASMR for, who was that, by the way? Jillian. For Jillian. Hey, Jillian. Here you go alright so this is gonna be ASMR this is Andrew's ASMR for um who was that by the way Jillian for Jillian
Starting point is 01:24:08 hey Jillian here you go Jillian your boy's about to read um I would say I know I know Jillian said she just likes your voice
Starting point is 01:24:13 as is but I'd maybe try to do a more like slower just so she can fall asleep to this okay inside the stairwell
Starting point is 01:24:20 on 78th floor sky lobby level something like that are you mad with that direction no I mean I just I didn't follow the direction I wasn't trying on 78th floor sky lobby level. Something like that. Are you mad? With that direction? No, I mean, I just... I didn't follow the direction. I wasn't trying...
Starting point is 01:24:29 I know that you're annoyed that I gave you some direction before. No, no, no. I'm just trying to make this... I really want... Because I know that if I got to choreograph the voice I liked, I would be so excited.
Starting point is 01:24:41 So I'm just trying to make this good for Jillian. But she already likes it without the direction. Okay. Inside the stairwell at the 78th floor sky lobby level, Brian and Stan skirted past flames that spurted through cracks in the wall. They didn't cross paths with the man in the red bandana or the people he led to safety. By the 74th floor floor the air in the stair
Starting point is 01:25:08 the air in the stairwell began to clear lights were on and the stair treads were dry brian thought they'd be safe stan grew steadier on his feet the first person they encountered in the stairwell was a colleague of Brian's from Eurobrokers, Jose Marrero, who'd risen from the kitchen staff to become the firm's facilities manager. Jose, a married father of three, who served with Brian as a fire safety warden, had led other Eurobrokers workers down... Final thought.
Starting point is 01:25:46 ...through the building from the 84th floor. Final thought. Okay. Now... You can't keep going forever. We got to... Please stop. We'll keep going later to make more for Jillian. Honestly, that was very soothing for me as well. I just bookmarked it. We'll get more. That was hilarious.
Starting point is 01:26:02 To read 9-11 and recounting stories is so funny. I'm sorry that I'm not laughing read 9-11 and like recounting stories is so funny i'm sorry that i'm not laughing about 9-11 it's just i it's it's a perfect thing to read asmr style because it's so ridiculous i'll do my comps next jesus christ okay i also yeah i also have like holocaust you know books about the holocaust in my pam Pamphlets? Yeah, I have propaganda. That were passed down through your family? That Edward would read to you as a baby while he drew a penis on your back?
Starting point is 01:26:32 Oh, God. That's hilarious. But my grandfather died when my dad was 11, so I never got to meet him, okay? So I really would appreciate it. Maybe your dad should have fucked earlier. Okay, one more fanthrax, Noah. All right.
Starting point is 01:26:47 This is the one I've been waiting for. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, Noah. This is Pamela from Portland, Oregon. I love your show. It's something I look forward to every day. I have a story to share about getting a pedicure. So you know when you get a pedicure, you sit in those massage chairs that you have a remote to? Well, normally these chairs are nothing to cry home about well i sit down and turn it on and play around with settings as the woman starts taking a cheese grater to my foot i don't know what setting i chose but it starts kneading and
Starting point is 01:27:15 vibrating all the way down past my butt where my pussy is on the seat of the chair oh it kind of feels like this is when you're grinding with a guy on a dance floor and you can feel a poke coming through. Now, at this time, the woman gave, she's giving me a hardcore massage and I'm basically blacking out. When she stops to ask me what color I wanted,
Starting point is 01:27:38 I end up going with a more expensive option just so I could sit in the boner chair longer. Anyways, I tipped that woman really well and I'll be a returning customer. All right. Love you all. Oh, man. What was her last one?
Starting point is 01:27:51 Jackknife? I really wish that I would have heard about the salon before we went to Portland. I would have gone in Portland just to check out these chairs. Girl, will you DM us so we can give our Portland besties a heads up of what salon has this boner chair that is and which chair is it because i got aroused from hearing that jesus christ and i like that she said instead of call home about she said cry home about that should be the new thing like no one's calling home anyway text home about um yeah you're so right those chairs sometimes you get them sometimes they
Starting point is 01:28:25 shake you in a way that it looks like you're making your boobs jiggle and so you're just sitting there and your boobs are just like like kettlebells just jiggling back and forth and with the with the foot massage with a woman like touching like just someone with the cheese grater on your foot while you're getting turned on that she picked up uh she's like can you draw little butterflies on my toe like you're just doing whatever will take longer. Yeah. They're like, lady, you've been here for six months. And I love that you didn't even, you tipped the woman, even though it was the chair that
Starting point is 01:28:52 was doing most of the work. Like, hell yeah. Good job tipping well. Good job getting yours. Good job, like, having an orgasm that almost made you, like, black out. And that is the great thing about girls' orgasms. Like, we can have them and be quiet sophie buttle who opened for us she was a so you can follow her on instagram and stuff at soph buds
Starting point is 01:29:12 uh b-u-d-s but her last name is buttle she was just on james corden but she was doing a joke about female orgasm and how we just look ridiculous we look like very still when we're doing it and and she said that her boyfriend was like did you just have did you just wake up from a dream where you were falling or did you have an orgasm because you know how sometimes you just go like like that like that is seriously what an orgasm can look like sometimes it was so funny she's great she's awesome um yeah i think uh how how how quickly can you, that would be reasonable, get new nails if that was you,
Starting point is 01:29:49 where you didn't look like you were going in just to fuck the chair. Oh, you could just be like, I just want to change over my nails right now. You could go every day and be like, oh, I just want new color on my nails. Some girls do that. I mean, they just really like having new nails or wasting their days away just doing something.
Starting point is 01:30:04 Yeah, makes sense. And it's nice. Obviously, you sit in those chairs. It's very wasting their days away just doing something. Yeah, makes sense. And it's nice. It's like, you know, obviously you sit in those chairs. It's very soothing. That was our show today. Great fanthrax. Thank you guys so much. Keep leaving us voice memos and signing off with Jack things.
Starting point is 01:30:16 So, yeah, don't be cut out there. Have a great weekend. We'll be back on Monday. We're going to be in Los Angeles. And Jack Reacher. Went to high school with him. Utah. Shout out.
Starting point is 01:30:28 Good guy. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all,
Starting point is 01:30:53 make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:31:49 You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing,
Starting point is 01:32:13 and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation.
Starting point is 01:32:56 Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star.
Starting point is 01:33:19 To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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