The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #152 Forced Closeness

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

Between you and Nikki, she believes in aliens but not in the ghost that Andrew thinks shook a wire in the apartment. After hitting 550 balls, Andrew's got a lot of pent up energy. They reflect on the butterfly effect and gambling. You Heard It Here First; sex partner count is irrelevant, Sex in The City is irrelevant, and Nikki doesn't care for executives who tell celebrities not to fall in love on movie sets. Nikki's Reddit Dump has all sorts of threads which eventually remind her about something she learned from the book Attached. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapaport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys, I'm Katherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm competing

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Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am. Happy Tuesday. How's it going, guys? It's the winter solstice, right? Isn't it? The 21st? Oh, yeah. That means it's winter today. It's like the shortest. Yeah, happy winter. It's like the shortest day of the year or something like that. Sure does feel like it. This morning, the moon was out. I don't understand the moon.

Like, sometimes the moon's like out during the day, and it's just like it i just the moon is a shifty uh a shifty i can't i don't my brain's not working yet today but it he's just uh he plays by his own rules the moon and do you know why the moon would be out during the day does that make sense to you i think from uh what i've learned the moon is always out it's just that we don't see it because of clouds or the sun is too bright. But I think it's just out through the whole day. Yeah. Don't write into us and tell us what that is. I could easily Google it if I care. So I just, I have a feeling like if I knew that, I would be compelled to be like, let me let her know.

But I'll look it up if I want to know. But yeah, there's, man, there's some things that I don don't know do you know how long it takes the sun's rays to hit the earth no apparently my my friend got a cognitive like test done to check his like if he's um stupid or not or whatever and um there's a picture that's askew and it was bothering me um and one of the questions was like what uh how long does it take the sun's rays to hit earth and it's eight minutes and 30 seconds who like i could have it could have been anywhere from point zero one seconds to 10 000 years you know what i would not have said 10 000 years because the speed of light is pretty fucking fast and i know that if the sun explodes like we'll die and

it's not i've never heard the thing of like it could explode and we wouldn't know it yet that would happen if it exploded it would take eight minutes and 30 seconds for us to see it i guess i was just about to ask what i was just about to ask what are we supposed to do with that information why is it useful um it's just nice to know the speed of light I guess it's just that's a good point why is it useful I don't know um because there's no like speed of light is so fast that I guess what is interesting though is when you look at stars, you're looking at the past. That to me is cool. And I mean, also the sun you're looking at eight minutes ago.

But I think the stars is like really, really long time ago. Man, I was reading about like on Reddit, they have this thing called like, what's this? It was an Ask Reddit. And it was like, what's the scariest? What's the most disturbing thing you know? Or like something most unsettling thing. And there's this theory called the dark forest theory. Have you ever heard of it?

No, do tell. Okay, so there's like so, there's a huge chance that there is intelligent life somewhere in either our galaxy or other galaxies. There's just, they've they've done all the equations and there's like some kind of model math equation that's like let me just do it like i remember it they determined that there must be intelligent life out there the odds that there wouldn't be are in like there's just no chance there's not based on how many different places

there are in the galaxy that would support intelligent life so the dark force theory is that there's just no way if we are it's like one in a billion chance or something like it's some astronomical number that that those are the odds that we are the only one here so the the theory is is that these um these people are all hiding in the forest all these intelligent lives if if you're intelligent enough you know that any other civilization that you find in the galaxy would destroy you immediately because it would be a threat to your you know survival wait are they in our forests or like on other planets other planets okay but like out in space right like our galaxy and beyond so if there are there probably are intelligent civilizations and and whatever that would look like out there. But they would be so

intelligent that they would know that any time that they would find another life form out there, that that life form, based on what life is, is you just want to survive at any cost. So knowing that they would immediately be engaged in a battle where they would die so the idea is if you know that there's something out there you want to stay hidden to go out and look for it is the dumbest thing you could do so they are smarter than us probably or based upon you know that the odds there are intelligent life forms that are far more advanced than we are we've only been around for like 10 000 years humanity or whatever it is or if you've or like you know hundreds of thousands of years but modern civilization like in the industrial age has only been you know a couple hundred years so what that means is that they're out there and they're hiding because they don't want to engage and as soon as find them, they're going to be forced to destroy us immediately.

And they will be able to because they are so much more advanced than us. So the idea that we are out looking for them is like the dumbest thing in the world to do. And we should absolutely stop. That's the dark forest theory. And that any second we're going to find them. And as soon as we do, they're going to be like you're gone like we're not going to put up with this because is so it's it's pretty much that that that we're like the dumbest people to be like where are you guys knowing that the sole mission of any civilization is to destroy anything that

would threaten it equals they're more advanced they would destroy us immediately without question or enslave us or whatever that is so we're dumb to go looking for them oh are you looking for them i believe i i believe too like i think it's very selfish to think that we're the only living civilizations, but I'm not looking for them. I'm not, I'm fine with never discovering an alien. Right. I never want to see one either. The other day, Andrew tells me that he walked into our apartment and we have all these wires that are lining the walls so that they could put lighting up for when

those cameras were tracking my life those cameras and we don't know we have yet to know and that's a lie i just want to be honest with you i do know but i can't tell you but there's all these lights up in my house and there's all these wires that are like hung with tape you know around the perimeters of the room so that it doesn't look crazy. But the wires are starting to fall because of just, you know, the tapes wearing off. And this one wire is falling right in front of our door for the podcast studio. It's a very, it's like this long wire is just dangling like an arc. And Andrew said he came in the other day from being on the road.

He got back several days before I did. And he said he walked in and it was swaying like a lot. And I was like, dude, it's the air. And he's like, dude, it was a lot. And I go, I've already seen it. When I see a wire swaying, I don't go ghost. I go, what is the Physical what's the scientific

Explanation for this because It ain't ghost Ghosts cannot be Because if they are I Will not sleep I Made a deal with myself at an early age That ghosts may Not exist because if they do

I would be in constant horror i would never want to be alone i would never want to be walked to my kitchen in the dark i would never i would i wouldn't be able to exist honestly no my life as a child was sleepless i had bags under my eyes constantly i was i had insomnia as a child because i was scared of aliens abducting me and ghosts were not even ghosts weren't even registering i thought you know aliens are much more of a threat to me than ghosts i had heard too many stories i knew about the men in black before that movie even came out like i knew that meant the men in black show up if you've seen an alien so i didn't want to see an alien because i knew the men in black would come and show up at my door so i was like i was so then i

made a deal with myself at one point where i go ghosts aren't real nikki because if they are if people that's the thing about um sarah silverman used to have a joke about people protesting at abortion clinics and if you really thought that babies were being murdered, like if you in your heart of hearts thought that abortion was murdering babies, you're damn right they should be out there protesting. Like if that's what they really felt. So when these little girls, you know, when parents have their kids hold signs and these little girls are crying and like, you know, life begins at whatever. And they're holding these signs. Those little girls, like I have a lot of compassion for them because they don't know that from what they hear from their parents, babies are being murdered and then tossed into dumpsters.

They should be upset. They should be screaming at the women walking in. Don't do this, please. If they really thought that was the case, you know, whereas adults are intelligent enough to understand what that is. And if but if they aren't, or if they somehow believe it really is murdering babies, they have a right to be that upset. And I was talking to someone about veganism recently. And I was saying that, you know, that's how, like, vegans feel. It's like that there's holocausts of animals happening constantly. Billions of animals being needlessly murdered and suffering their whole lives every single day globally. And it's just so – why you think vegans are so annoying is the same reason that I just said for the kids crying about babies being murdered. Vegans truly feel that animals that are as intelligent and sweet as your dog are being needlessly murdered every day for mass consumption where you just take a bite and you go, I don't like this, and you throw it out.

Like not even like enjoying food, like thank you for this meal, turkey who gave its life. It's just like, I don't like dark meat. I don't want it. And like throwing it away. It's like that's why we're so upset. We truly feel like dogs are being murdered every day by the millions. So for you to – so even if you don't look at veganism that way or you don't feel the same way i feel about that stuff have some compassion for vegans who are really mitigating how upset we

are at the the scale of which we feel animals just like luigi are being murdered which by the way i've always said is the best part of an animal's life that isn't factory farming the murder is not when someone eats meat in front of me they're always like I'm so sorry and I go I'm so grateful that animal is dead because it was before it died that its life sucked death was the greatest gift that animal ever received in its life so I'm glad it's dead um so that like it was just an interesting thing to posit uh, you know, was the fact that, yeah, like, that's how I that's how I feel. And when I first became a vegan, it just caused me such depression, because it was just constantly being confronted by it. And like, you just suddenly see the world in a different way. And then can't unsee it and I had to just do what

I honestly feel like Nazi Germany had to do and I'm sorry to compare it to the Holocaust but I'm going to like I know people are animals are different but I just feel like you know there were a lot of civilians who knew exactly what was going on and they were probably fucking horrified by it but they had nothing there's nothing they could do as an individual at the time i guess and so you go how could you let that happen well i've you know there are people that stand in front of these factory farm trucks and like risk their life to just give these animals a piece of compassion before they go into the slaughterhouse whatever it is and um and are on the front lines trying to make this stop green peace you know the whaling boats they risk their lives i can't do that i'm not willing to die for it i don't know i'm just

there was a time where i just had to give up and now i'm like oh i'll wear a little vegan pin that's like all i can do is like and and have one of these rants once every 20 episodes. But yeah, it's just, do you ever care about something so much and no one else is on board or so few people are on board or most of your friends aren't that you just have to kind of go, I just gotta keep this to myself

and find a way to survive in a world where no one else agrees with me or the bulk of people don't. You know what? Yes, I found myself in those situations. And I think what gets me through is just like I know what the truth is. And if they're suffering and all of that, it's going to be inevitable that it's going to come out. But everyone will reach that truth in their own time.

Yeah. Okay. That's good. Yeah. Okay. That's good. That's good. I feel like that's how I've kind of made peace with it too is that I was once that person too. You know, like I was once. Sure. Exactly.

You know, but I just have to say that, you know, before you get there and I don't, I don't, I really don't judge people who eat meat. Like go at it at your own time, but you will get there eventually if we live long enough and the truth will come out and we'll be horrified by what we did much like smoking inside with children or you know no seat belts with kids back in the day or like all the things that we look back and we go how could we have done or you know just the slaughter of native americans the slaughter of the genocide of any people and that the people that kind of sat back and go well it's not me i can't really say anything and i don't want to get in the way because i don't want to be on it like we look back and we go how could that have happened i think we'll do

that for animals but um i don't know that we'll last long enough because we're looking for aliens and they're gonna destroy us right away which will be the best thing that ever happened to all those animals lives is when the planet just explodes because of a fucking laser beam from a child alien who's just like mom i found one and then the earth explodes like we just become a little game like a gnat. Like I'm just stepping on a gnat. Do you ever step on ants and you just go, oh my, like you accidentally step on a bug or like you purposely kill one,

which I don't believe you should ever do. But like you just go, they were just walking along and then bam. Sometimes I read about like, and this is all on these Reddit threads where it's like, what's the most horrifying thing you can think of? And a lot of them is like these you know uh solar events that are like oh we get sucked into the black a black hole or um they have all these names for it but there's all

these things that are bound to happen if we last long enough like the sun a sun explosion or like sun there's some kind of sun thing that'll suck us in immediately you gotta get on that's so horrifying i go that's gonna be the greatest thing ever i hope i don't want to i don't want it to be like this thing where we lose all our oxygen and we're like and there's like ash and volcanic dust and we all suffocate to death i'd like it to just be bam like i'm just like brushing my teeth and blink of an eye, done. That would be a better death

than literally any other way to die. We wouldn't even see it coming. Like whenever someone like, there's this one that I read about a lot where a bridge fell on a girl. Like this bridge just collapses when these people are in traffic and the girl is,

she's in the passenger seat, gets splattered. Like she just gets flattened like a piece of paper like they can't find literally any of her remains except her cell phone which was like next to her there's no piece of her that her parents can keep not a necklace not a shred of clothing nothing the guy in the in the next to her in the car her friend completely scratchless nothing happened to them it was just like just her and um and i think that wouldn't be the word that's so tragic wouldn't be the worst way to go because there's no oh my god there's that's my biggest fear of dying is the oh my god right before it of like i had this vision last night that i'm going to be crushed to death by something that's falling and i can see it falling and And I go, no, no, no, no, no. Cause that's what happened to me

when I got hit by a cab right before I got hit by a cab. I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I remember as I said, no, no, no, no, no. These are your last words, bitch. The, this is it. No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to say anything i want to be like you know singing a taylor swift song and then it just cuts me off right before the bridge which is the best part of a taylor swift any taylor swift song you know that um right before the bridge falls on me that would be the best bridge to fall on you the bridge of all too well. 10 minute version, baby. Speaking of Taylor Swift, I have been doing daily open mics over on the Nikki Glaser Pod Instagram account. I cannot stop.

I have time off right now and that is what I do with my time off. Thank you so much to everyone who has joined in and watched over there. I just put a video up on my Instagram of me singing to Luigi yesterday. And so I think we're gonna get a lot more Nikki Glaser Pod subscribers that aren't really fans of the podcast. I'm a little bit nervous

about that. But I said, you know, I'm doing these daily, you know, open mics. So I'm guessing it's going to be people that are curious to see that. So that's a good person. If they're curious to see me singing to my dog, we'll let them in even if they're and then maybe they'll become fans of the podcast through that. I don't know. But i am trying to keep it pure over it pure sounds like that sounds like where we we're back to where we started i'm trying to keep the nikki glazer pod family like actual listeners and and besties but i might get some there might be some more in there today after my post but so be it go. Go watch that video, by the way, if you missed it yesterday of me singing to Luigi.

It is so fucking cute. I can't stand it. Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

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And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money.

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been going live on instagram every single day on the nikki glazer pod to do taylor switch open mics and um honestly i've done it four days in a row i think i know when you're gonna do it when you text me you go are you gonna know when you're going to do it. When you leave. You text me, you go. Are you going to be gone? You're going to be gone for a while. I know. Well, yesterday I asked him.

I had to go to therapy. And I was like, as I was running out, I didn't have time to give Luigi his second W-A-L-K of the day. He's right here, so I don't want to say it. And he responds to even the spelling now. And even on MLK Junior Day, he goes, oh, because it sounds like it. So but yesterday, let me can I just guess this is how much I overthink things. And I think I know you. So yesterday, I think it timed out perfectly that you I asked Andrew as I was leaving.

Hey, can you walk Luigi if you have time? But he had to go get his booster shot. On the way back from therapy, I go, I don't care if you weren't able to. I just want to know if he's had a second W-A-L-K. So I go, did you walk him? It's okay if you didn't. Just need to know.

And he said, I wasn't able. Oh, yeah. I wasn't able to getting the booster shot. And I go, cool. Then I get home. And then I go, hey um when are you gonna be home and i think you maybe read that as like are you gonna be able to walk luigi oh no i didn't you honestly didn't you knew i was gonna play guitar well i had a thought i guess maybe i had a thought

that oh maybe you can't get home because you were going somewhere after therapy. Yeah. But I didn't write a couple hours to get out of walking him. It was just, I was going to the range. No, I know. I didn't think that either, but I thought, oh, I think I just bought myself

a little bit more time than, because if Andrew, let's say Andrew had to come home to get his sunglasses, he might not have because then he would have had to walk Luigi as opposed to if he just went. So I was like,

oh, I didn't mean to, but I was just checking if he'd be there because I wanted to play guitar really loudly. And I was like, oh, I think he now thinks I wanted him to walk. So maybe I'm just, maybe I'm sending him away a little bit with this. Well, you know.

I don't know what I'm going to do when you don't live here. I am going to play guitar 100% of the time I'm going to get so good It's just too embarrassing To practice constantly in front of you I told you two hours I got to the rate

And then you got back six hours later I think I hit like 550 golf balls yesterday I have so much energy now From? I don't want to like talk shit about zoloft because it really did help me a shit ton yeah it might deplete my energy a little bit also we're not traveling every fucking weekend for the last 30 weekends yeah you've had some time to be home and like yeah it's like night and day and there's no looming travel coming up other than other than

seeing family holiday yeah which is the hardest show of the year i don't i don't think you're doing a lot more than 10 minutes you'll be dancing the whole time i know i don't get to sleep with a meal either um but you know i i ended up yeah i was just just so, like, I have this energy and I just need, and I'm just like, I don't know. Like, I feel like there's freedom here. And like, that's why I just like hit balls for literally six hours. And then I saw that you were alive. You were doing that a lot back.

Yes. You were putting in 550 golf balls days in a row back in the day. I think that it just, life got in the way. Cold weather got in the way yeah this cold weather is interesting but rena moved back like you're you're you don't have as much free time now and yesterday she's at work all day you yeah i mean it could be the zoloft but i'm thinking there's a lot of other things oh there's a ton of factors you were doing this a lot before true true but got to tell you, I.

Are you coming again? You can just feel your penis again. I can feel my penis again. It's like I'm a born again virgin who could feel his dick. Wait, I'm sorry. I missed it. So you're getting off. He's weaning off Zoloft because he got on Wellbutrin.

Yes. And Wellbutrin apparently is better with orgasms and sexual drive. Why wouldn't everyone give you Wellbutrin first then? Because I think- They got to deal with the Zoloft people. I just think some people can still come. I think I wasn't that great of a comer to begin with. Right.

So maybe there's people that come within two seconds when they have sex. My friends are in a new relationship. He's 40 years old. She's. Wait, what? Four years older? 40. He's 40.

She's 43. Oh, you said four. You said four years old. No, I said 40, but it might have come out like 40. Oh, that's why I was like. He's 40 years old. Or maybe I did say. He's 40.

She's 43. Check the tape. Maybe I did. It could happen. And they just met. Chris and I were in LA about a month ago at this point. And Chris has two friends that they met that he knows separately. One's from a work situation, a girl, and then the other is like friends with his through his brother I know the man in this scenario known him for a while

the girl Chris had become really good friends with since Chris and I had broken up but now Chris and I are hanging out again I was like dying to meet her because they're so close and she just seems awesome so I was in LA with Chris and I like, I'd really like to have a dinner with Nick, this girl. And because I just need a new L.A. friend and she just sounds, if he's so close to her, like it's going to work out for me. And he's like, you know what? I'd love to bang out two friends in one dinner. Like I'll invite Ryan and Nick. So we go to this dinner.

We have a great time just hanging out. They meet each other. But we're just talking about all different things. She's seeing a guy at the time. He's just getting out of a thing. There is literally no spark between them. There is nothing. Where are they sitting? them. There's nothing. There is nothing. Where are they sitting?

I think that's important. Well, it's a square table. Yeah. It's Ryan. It's Nick. But they're next to each other. Yeah, but it's like I'm next to Nick and I'm next to Chris.

There's nothing. It's not they're on one side of the table. It's a square. Okay. Yes. They're not across from each other. They're next. But literally if you would have asked, no spark and i even asked them later on like was

there anything there that night and they were like no like we were just having a good time talking openly about sex and dating but she was in seeing someone and that she was very into and he was just getting out of something with someone who is far too young for him. You know, like you. How dare you. No, Brenna's the best. She's 26 now. I know she is. And I miss you, baby.

I miss her baby, too. She's in the other room. She texted me last night. She was so nice. So then after. Wait, how long ago was this? This was. A week.

Like, you're just in L.A. No, this was right after San Diego. A month ago. Oh, okay. So this was a month ago. Okay, the other LA. Okay. So then, within...

So right after that, we took a picture at the end of the dinner just to be like, that was such a fun dinner. Like, let's take a picture. Ryan tags us all in the photo and he gets her Instagram. They apparently just start DMing after that, just friendly. Like, it was so fun meeting you like he has no intention she she was you know just light dms and then all of a sudden something happens and nick is a really good writer like really good and ryan is just emotionally secure like just confident person apparently he has a huge dick that got revealed at dinner too that couldn't have hurt um and he's

a short guy though huge dick short guy but it gets and he's on he's on the radio in la he's a part of the ellen or the um what the the number one radio morning radio show in la ellen ellen and ryan but it's ellen's show from uh she used to be with another guy on the radio i don't know i should know these things so they leave they start dming and they are they fell in love within four days they're like they see four days after that they see each other i think right away like the next day maybe two days later she cuts it off with the guy she's seeing they start dating they are official within less than a week he's on the radio every morning he brings on the radio to declare that they're official i go to dinner with them just this past week because i was in la and we go to the same place where they met we have they haven't been back it was four weeks to the day where they met and i am

sitting next to two people that are like a couple like they are the most comfortable couple there's no like new couple energy of like this like we're so in love like where you go this is not sustainable it's just they just fell in love instantly and they're done they're getting married they're like they're done they just know wait what does she do in la she is a writer director okay she just she is one of the most incredible people so she's very like independent and she's 43 i think so or whatever she's older than him so they both have like fulfilled somewhat of their passion of what they've wanted to do already good ryan goes to bed at like 8 p.m because he has to be up for radio at like 3 in the morning just the timing sounds perfect for them it's it's all about

timing it's all about timing. It's all about luck and timing. And we were thinking about it and we were like, oh my God, if Chris wouldn't have gotten exposed to COVID in St. Louis, he would have come out earlier to LA. But because he got exposed,

he came out later and we stayed an extra day, which led to this dinner. If he would have gotten exposed to COVID, they wouldn't have met. Like it's all of these like things that happen like with truly anything. I mean, Noah, with you and um and avi like do you ever think about those that one thing that could have

been different that would have led for you to not be living in arizona right now with your fiance and you know oh my gosh especially since we met for the first time in 2011, but didn't start dating until 2018. I'm glad we didn't date in 2011. Wait, how did you meet in 2011? Through his band? Yeah, through the metal scene and stuff. So he was in my peripheral, but we didn't start dating because of Instagram until 2018. Was there a note in 2011 where you were like, man, that's a hot guy?

Did you clock it? Well, I thought he was really hot, but I was like, oh, he's like the front man of a band. I'm not going for this again. And I was in a relationship anyway with another guy in a band. Right. I'm not going for this again

right at the same time that I'm doing for it. Do it again. I already know that it's a bad decision that I'm actively in, so I'm not going to go for it while I'm going through this position. So punk rock. And I mean the same thing with you and Brennan like if you

would never move yeah if I didn't move here well yeah if you didn't move here if you wouldn't have been on the podcast where she heard something on that podcast that made her go this guy is worth following or if you hadn't met Ashley and Raina you wouldn't have been on that podcast she might have not have heard of you and like there's all these things that

like I remember one time I was in New Orleans and i was going to go put like 300 on black like i was just gonna go fucking let's just do it and i remember i stopped to tie my shoe or to fix my boot and i was with my ex-boyfriend and he was like because you're doing this the outcome's gonna be different than if you didn't stop for your shoe it's the butterfly effect yeah it's so interesting did you win um yes yes i did i i remember yeah we i doubled it then i quit i'm really good at like i'm good that's huge you quit after just winning once oh yeah i winning once i'm done i'm good i don't like have you ever lost gambling oh yeah and it feels terrible that's why i don't do it when did did you lose? And how much? Because I've experienced it.

I think the most is a couple hundred bucks. I've always set a limit where this is the amount I'm willing to lose. And once this is over, I paid for the fun of gambling that away. That's huge. All the fun. Yeah. I mean, in college, I was addicted. Like, bad.

If something feels bad enough. Like, pawning things. Right. Yeah. Whoa. addicted i just bad if something feels bad enough haunting things right yeah whoa if the if the pain is worse than the gain i like it's insane it's insane in the membrane no doubt brain it's that's what drinking eventually became it's like the fun of getting drunk was always fun let's clock that at about an it was it was a 10 at times yes and then it became about a six around the time that my hangovers became tens in terms of pain as soon as the hangover outweighed

the good bye it's the problem was is the first time i ever gambled and played blackjack i won two thousand dollars off like right forty dollars i went out I bought a PlayStation, bought a TV, bought a couch. Literally, a week later, I pawned it all back. Oh, my God. And I still didn't learn my lesson. It was like a year later that I learned my lesson. Yeah. It's dangerous.

Winning the first time is the worst possible thing that could happen in gambling, I think. Unless you've got this mental fortitude where you're just like, well, that was good. It's the same as stand-up. You do it one time. Most people that do stand-up, as you know, their first time on stage, they killed. And people that have done stand-up and give up usually did it one time, and they bombed, and it was such a bad...

Bombing is the worst feeling in the world, and killing is the best feeling. And if you start with killing the first time you're on stage because you invite a bunch of friends and everything... I had 45 people in the world and killing is the best feeling. Yeah. And if you start with killing the first time you're on stage, cause you invite a bunch of friends and everything. I had 45 people in the audience. Do that your first time because you're gonna suck. You are going to bomb eventually, but if you have that win,

you'll always remember that feeling and you'll be chasing the dragon. It's like heroin. You're always chasing that first high. But I guess I got so far because we did that one show and they gave me $600 in chips and I just cashed it. I didn't even play one hand. I was like, that's growth or I'm lazy and I'm tired. But I think it's growth.

It's growth. Right? Yeah. Oh, for sure. But I do miss blackjack. I miss you could play with the chips. Just get some chips and play with them then. Don't act like that's the fun of it.

That's what people do with drinking. I just like the taste i miss having a beer after work it's like then have a non-alcoholic beer after work if you love the taste so much it's you don't you ever feel like we like we're too serious about like do we miss things because of that like was drinking not just drinking but just like i'm not gambling i'm good now but i part of me misses the debauchery and the and the vices and stuff like that where it's like okay stop taking yourself so fucking seriously too yeah i feel like now though i'm getting high off of things that like feelings and vulnerability and um intimacy not like surface shit and like things i was scared to do like

playing guitar for people or like that that to me was always like oh my god that's like doing hair that's so scary i don't want to do that because it's being embarrassed is scarier to me than doing drugs like being doing something that i think is like good and it's not is more of a risk than dancing naked on a bar because i you know what i mean like whatever kind of now i just think there's different things and i always just think you had your fun nikki like it's done like you if you didn't get it done then then it wasn't worth doing part of me thinks i guess if i didn't get the high of stand-up and like that feeling of putting myself out there that i probably would still be.

No, I think you'd get it somewhere else. I don't know. Maybe not. I think you would find it elsewhere. Hopefully I would be fulfilled in whatever I did. Oh, if I wasn't doing guitar or I wasn't masturbating or I wasn't, you know, you got to have something. Yeah. I'm not. But that was my thing i'd go to a bar by

myself sit at the bar and meet people and just sit on the corner and who knows where my night's gonna go like there was that feeling of like you know like get it somewhere else you either get it with sex or like you know you just that's why people go from being junkies to sex addicts it's like well that's the lesser thing that's not going to kill you as fast yeah you know or it's not going to be as painful in the short term as that other thing was but we're always just like replacing things food sex weed gambling weed just became for me like it became it wasn't giving me, the returns were not as great as the negatives. Like it just was, the number one thing for me is my brain and like being able to get

work done and be smart and funny. And it was just making me unfunny. I just, the second I found that it was struggling to think of a line and I was like, oh, it's cause I'm high. Like I know it is that done, done. It's out do you think is there any resentment like towards like me living with you where like maybe i could have said something before or like no no yeah no it's it's no one because i know you've you've had that in the past like with your anxia stuff. Yeah. Where people didn't say anything.

Yeah. I just feel like... Weed is tough because weed isn't... People write to me all the time and say, my sister is anorexic and I don't know what to do. Yeah. Can you give me any advice? And I say, honestly, there's nothing you can do right now.

You know what you can say? You can say, hey, when you're ready to talk, if you want to talk about this i will talk about it with you and give and have no judgment no shame i don't say what it is you say if you want to talk about yeah like i noticed that you're doing something with food and your body and i don't care i don't judge it at all there yeah you know alance more set shared in her documentary and i thought this was such a beautiful example of someone being supportive about an eating disorder because people don't understand eating disorders if you don't have one you don't get it and it

seems fucking weird and her friend walked in on her sticking your finger down her throat which is a very insane thing to see if you don't understand what that is even when i was anorexic i did not understand believe me i thought it was like gross and weird turns out i ended up doing it a lot myself but her friend just hugged her and said and just rubbed her back as she was over the toilet and said if you want to I'm always here for you and I'm I'm like what's going on and but she said the the key was there was no judgment because I think when I was anorexic people were just like what are you doing will you just eat something like this is weird like it was always met with like you're choosing this and you're weird you want to talk to someone about this,

I'm here and I will never judge you no matter how bad it is. You can totally be honest with me. That's important because when you're able to get honest about what you're doing, that's when you're able to change. You know, in 12 step, the first step is just admitting you have a problem. And when you are confronted by people who are like, I'm worried about you, all you do is deny, deny, deny you. And then you start lying to yourself. But if you're met with someone that goes, I see what's happening, no judgment. But when you're ready to talk to someone, I love you and I will not judge you. And I know I don't understand it, but I'll try to.

And I love you. And I know you're not trying to do this. And this isn't like I'm here for you. And then you then DM me when they come to you with that. And then I'll tell you what to do. But until they want to get healthy, they're not going to. What if they're like just going down on a ton of people in a theater? Like, is that?

Do they speak eloquently? Am I eloquent? Would they have her baby? His baby? What? that line changed her life that one line the other day he was like you i remember you and lauren when you were 11 12 we're talking about atlanta and will you go down on you in a theater how she says theater is unbelievable my dad you're in the back seat singing it he he's just like, what did my daughter just say? But we don't know what that means.

Yeah. Down on you in a theater is so, is a perfect way to write that lyric because kids will not know what that means. Sing that all day, kids. They don't know. Oh, you think that's what you get from it? That kids don't know what she was saying?

We had no idea what that meant. Down on you in a theater means nothing to kids. I could see your dad pulling out of the movie's parking lot like, nope, we're not seeing fucking whatever. I don't know. Something about Mary. We don't give kids enough credit to know that they know that it's something they don't understand

and they are okay with that. There's a million things a day that kids can encounter and they go, I don't know what that is because I'm a kid yeah it's like when i was singing nirvana as even though i was singing it probably incorrectly i still don't know what the fucking nirvana is talking about me neither it's a vibe it's seriously yeah most of their lyrics make no fucking sense even as an adult but we were singing rate me at 12 rate me do not know, unless it's a visual, pornographic, graphic video, kids do not know, and they don't care. They just go, that's an adult thing.

I don't even want to know about that. They're not like, I want to do that. So stop policing your children's, just the things they see and the things they read. Let them experience the world and give them the autonomy to go that's an adult thing and i'm gonna wait till i get to the age where i can do that so you're kind of in a way giving them the benefit that they they're they're smart enough to understand while also knowing that it's smart enough to know they're dumb and that they're dumb

because they're young i did i remember being a kid and being like, parent people seem to like this thing called coffee. It looks disgusting to me. It smells gross. I guess I'll figure it out when I'm an adult. They used to write checks. I'd see my mom writing cursive and I'd go, I didn't go, why can't I write cursive? I'd go, that's a thing I'm going to learn someday.

I don't know it yet. It's like when I would listen to a two live crew and there was a line i still remember i was like it was my first tape i ever got i was like nine yeah two live crew is the dirtiest oh yeah rap music ever and they nibble on my dick like a rat does cheese well that's once you know what a dick is you're gonna figure that one out but i'm saying like i didn't really like know what blow jobs were at that time. I found it hilarious. Just a visual. Of someone just going, I'm a bitch. It wasn't like a sexual

thing. It wasn't sexual, but it was fucking hilarious. Yeah, let's get to the news. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Just let it wait for a while. Yeah, I mean, what... I was seeing how long I could do it without you saying anything. I mean, you were the first one to talk, by the way.

True. True. It's Tuesday, folks. You know what that means? It is Tuesday. Just kidding. All the swells for everybody out there, except for Lance, actually.

Oh, we can't say Jack. In a study that asked about the willingness to date... It sounded like you were saying a girl named Anna Study. Anna Study. In a study. Okay. In a study that asked about the willingness

to date someone based on their number of previous sexual partners. Let me guess. Men were less likely to date women if the number was other way around women other way around really which i don't agree with but that's what the study says but it was a small it was studying of just one guy i think what did he pull people at his thanksgiving dinner what the what okay so in a small study and a small study and a small study okay that an ideal is two to three partners was ideal and a preference for some experience over no

experience i mean this i read the article it went from like 10 to like 60 which i thought was no well what about you i mean we know andrew answer. It's preferably zero, but with the experience of someone who's been with 50. So that's most men. Noah, what is your ideal number of partners for a man that you're with in a perfect world? Oh, ideal. Mine isn't zero. I used to care about it.

I used to like not want to know anything, but now I understand that everyone has history, including me. So I don't care. Like even if it's like hundreds i i wouldn't care agreed i wouldn't anything i would be more turned on if it was hundreds right because i'd be like wow this guy got it out of a system like he's ready to he's and i get to he out of hundreds he's decided to stay with me i've heard girls say that before and that blows my mind that sentence

what no the idea that I won over 100. Oh, I don't think they win. I just think they're just at a point where they're ready to settle down. It's like if I could have been number 33 and they wouldn't have stopped. You just convince yourself of that a little bit. And they have a lot of experience, so they must know what's good. I mean, you might be at a point in your life where you're ready to settle down, but you're not going to particularly settle down with someone that isn't good

at the thing that you have a lot of experience with so i'm probably can guess that i'm in the top 20 if he's going to settle down with me regardless of if he's tired or not yes so andrew's answer though he said it's not zero it really isn't zero it's not zero shut up it's not it's one no it's honestly i say, depending on the age of the woman, I would say five to 10 is a solid number. That I would think is good. You want them. I don't want a zero, but it doesn't make sense.

Why did you say I don't want them? Finish that sentence. I don't want them. I don't want them to be a zero where they haven't experienced sex at all, and then I'm the first person. It's a lot of pressure. Oh. It's a lot of pressure. Oh, it's a lot of pressure. Oh, also, yeah.

It's not about their pleasure. It's just because of you. Well, that too. Yeah, I want them to at least come once before we settle down. I agree. I also, you know. But five to ten, I know, isn't realistic either. I want them to keep having partners after me.

Yes, or daring. Daring. Daring and after. yes or daring daring daring daring and dare i say daring um for me it's like honestly uh i don't care i don't care i would like it to be up 20 or more look i used to have a lot of reservation that likes sex and that um has had a lot of it to have a lot of experience and like know how to fuck good i think i think though i think the fear for me at least earlier on is like if a girl had sex with like two guys like in high school it's like whoa two fucking like it was like the numbers seem bigger yeah also stds like i had a uh a fear of those probably a um irrational irrational fear of it i don't think i'm alone there i think a lot of people so if you hear like he's fucked 200 women like but i think if he's still alive that he's probably okay and it's like

all been treated or he has herpes and I can avoid it. Or get more. Bring him on. I don't have herpes yet. Bring on a new strain. They need friends. Give them a roommate. Can your herpes meet my herpes? That is a dating app called I think herpes.

Herpes hispes? H-date I think it's called. I think that's smart. Why not? No, but yeah, no, I think you look at it way more, maybe irrationally the other way. I want to say if you haven't had sex with 20 people and you're a man listening being like,

I couldn't get Nikki Glaser because I haven't. That's not like a deal breaker. I'm just saying, and I don't think that you don't fuck good if you've only had two partners or zero partners. You could be a virgin and get married and then fuck that person perfectly i think that honestly a lot of times sex creates bad habits that lead you further away from being able to please a partner that you're trying because you think all women are like the person you were with before and then you do the same things and it's hard to break those habits than build them so i think that either way can be fine yeah and i i swear like i really am like i wouldn't like

if you told me or not i don't want to hear about it in detail like you know number 15 had a spot more veins on his dick than 17 i don't want the details but the number i don't think would really bother me unless it was like 6,000. I can't believe my number because I've only had sex with one person in the past eight years. Oh, I thought you were making a joke. No. Like ever. Oh, no.

I've only had sex with one person in the last eight years, yet my number is 16. You did it. I mean, you probably did 15 in a matter of three months. By the time I was 28 was when I stopped having sex with anyone new. I got all my numbers. I got 15 in by 29. That's crazy. That's the other thing, too. The older you get and you're a guy and you're single.

Let's say you have sex twice in a month. Yeah. That's 24 women times 10 is 240 women like i'm friends with guys and i go since we've been friends in the years i can count i mean i lose count there are so many so don't pretend like your number isn't in the double digits upper double digits there's just no way we've been friends for a year. You're in your late thirties. There's no way. You've been a comic for this long on the road

and I've witnessed this much. You've done a lot before then. It's just, there's statistically, there's no, and they always play dumb. Like, I don't know, probably like around 40. I'm like, I can, it was 40 in the last month, dude. Don't fucking lie. Just, I know you're in

denial of it because it makes you feel like you might have diseases or whatever it is or like but you people just really underestimate their number i think men do because men don't add it up men don't you can't even remember the names of you couldn't if if you had a gun to your head remember i'm not claiming i do i think they're all named jennifer but if you had a gun to your head remember i'm not claiming i do i think they're all named jennifer if you had a gun to your head what would you guess is the number right now within five seconds five four sixty three okay maybe yeah it's weird like to say that number though because i like in the last you know a couple years i do covid obviously changed some things but like it was all within a window like all these like little window like i binge and then it's like i'm gone you didn't have sex for a while i know you weren't having i mean you lost your virginity at what

19 19 and then you didn't have sex for i probably had sex with like maybe five women in college. My 20s, I just – drinking. It's a blur. It's a blur. Yeah, that's what Alex made. So it's like I don't – I look at it as a chunk of time as opposed to – You look at women as chunks. Yeah, I look at chunkies. I call them.

But if you go through like – you have that talk and you start going to specifics of each story of each like – not mistake but like it's a mistake. I can count. I've made lists when I'm bored on planes of every guy I've kissed. Or every guy I've hooked up with. I have lists. It's so funny because I know my number is 16 or 17. I kind of forget which one it is.

Sometimes I get to it and I'm making a list and I'm like, how am I missing three guys? Where the fuck are those? Because I've done the math at one point and it was definitely 16 or 17 where are these three guys who were they i don't remember it's so wild to not remember you see them they just have a blurry face in real life you're like i'll never know like yes uh yeah i mean yeah you could really wrap your brain. I was like, I can't. Oh, my God. I did that. Like, I have those moments sometimes.

Sex is insane. You were inside someone, your penis, and you were going on them. And you can't remember that? Like, what the fuck is like? I really do think we disassociate during sex because it's too weird to remember how gross we look. Let's get to the next story. Sex in the City writer Candace Bushnell Bushnell, 60

years old, admits she regrets choosing a career over having children as she is now truly alone. When I was in my 30s and 40s. Doesn't she have her shoes, lover? I hate Sex in the City so much. It's so good. We tried to watch it this weekend.

It's disgusting. It was bad. Hi, lover. And Sarah Jessica Parker is suddenly this like, oh, I'm too embarrassed to talk about my sex life. I can do it on paper. And they have to say their age every second. It is so obnoxious.

It's the kiss thing. One of my best friends who listens to the show, Laura Kotler, she told me that like the end of episode. Get through that. I've only watched the first episode. Get through the end of episode three because the kiss thing ever happens. And it's it should be. We should do a whole collection of cause about the series.

Sex in the City. How many cause there are. It's the whole show is cause the podcast thing like the host like not thinking she is sexual enough and she's like oh it's just oh my god painful and then the peloton scene i'm with brad just charlotte is such a little like charlotte's always so uptight they she would never whenever i watched the old sex in the city i hated charlotte and samantha as friends. There's no way they would ever be friends. And then Charlotte at the piano recital

scolds Miranda for bringing wine. Like, kuh! And then Miranda needing wine was kuh! Everything was kuh. Even Miranda going back to that class and talking and trying to be woke. It's just, it's kuh, kuhpaloo woke. It's just... It's ker-pelooza.

It was funny watching the Peloton scene with Brenna because I am 15, 16. She's like, you're not going on Peloton. I can't believe Peloton gave the rights to that scene because I... The stock went down like 400 points. I would never want to get on a Peloton bike if I was a man.

Alone? Never. Yeah. Why would they ever sign off on that?oton bike if i was a man alone never yeah he why would they ever sign off on that they thought that was going to be good for them and then add insult to injury like a commercial he is a sex predator did you hear the stories that came out about chris noth oh in real life whatever his name is who gives a fuck dude they are very he's a rapist oh allegedly but like dead now. Read the stories, you guys. If you don't know, read the girls' testimonials of what happened to them, both in 2005 and 2015.

If he did two very similar things decade apart, he did a lot more in between, a lot more. He's a bad guy. Well, this woman says, oh oh and by the way yeah i it was interesting though like it was like emotional like brenna started crying because she was thinking about me dying oh my god and then i like literally the next day got salmon i was like well i'm eating salmon now is salmon gonna i don't know dude nothing makes sense okay when i was in my this woman though oh i guess because it's healthy like healthy i just like and then you choke on a bone

and just like just the smallest bone ever you just do why was he sitting there just kind of like i guess you get dazed after you have a heart attack and you just live but you just like kind of slump in the corner like you're waiting at the airport and there's no seats and you're at your gate like why was he just sitting there just and everyone's like why did she call because his phone fell in the shower so it wasn't working i guess oh right yeah no those things are he definitely has at least a 12 and those things are waterproof as fuck so don't give me that all right uh siri oh okay but this woman, let's hear, I just want to read this quote to you.

Oh, yeah, I want to hear. Because when I was in my 30s and 40s, I didn't think about it. Then when I got divorced and I was in my 50s, I started to see the impact of not having children and of truly being alone. I do see that people with children have an anchor in a way that people who have no kids don't.

Okay, write a book about that. But that anchor could drown you. Please, I want to hear about that feeling because i just don't i i'm pretty sure that i'm not gonna be a mother and that's um i'm gonna and if i get to the point where i'm candace's age i'm 60 i would foster a teenager that me like i would just find some way to get kids in my life i would go volunteer with i was thinking that she could adopt but i mean do they give she's a billionaire so or million 15 million days or it's 18 million something like that so she's

yeah she does plenty of money yeah she could So then, but then you adopt. You're 60. What age do you adopt? 17. That's what I'm saying. Foster. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. A teen. Or like just go be around young people if you need that in your life. And I understand that's not the same as having your own kids, but who's to say your kids

wouldn't have been drug addicts that fucking hate your guts? Especially if you're that rich. Yeah. It's a strong chance. And I mean mean you know and you don't want to talk dirty on a podcast but i would love if she wrote a book about that feeling and about like the regret i would love to read that and hear more about that because it just doesn't sound like okay they seem more grounded what do you mean by that i just oh god that scene

where carrie looks at those heels and goes hi lover i wanted to barf i and kirsten wrote to me and said i hate the normalization or the um of wearing stilettos stilettos are so bad for women's feet destroy them and this this is making it seem like acceptable and that's the weight no girls do not do you remember the first pair of high heels you ever put on? And do you remember the first commercial or movie or thing going, I need to stand up like a deer on my toes? No. No, you don't remember it? But I mean, it was always there.

It's always there. I know. It's interesting, though. It never leaves you. I mean, I will say that Sex and the City, she's like a very cool writer, like body chick who like stands up for herself and is doesn't wear a shit ton of makeup and just dresses funky and fun and she's

wearing stilettos everywhere like she didn't make stilettos look like this dainty i'm gonna be a wife and just be a good woman type thing she made it look like a um like a rebellious kind of statement of like i like these things and i'm going to wear them. But it's like, even if they're uncomfortable, it's foot binding. It is literal foot binding, modern day foot binding for women. I feel like for women, you know,

it's like the idea of like womanhood is like, now you get to put on like your heels and make, and makeup too. You know, it's just like, now you're old enough. Like there's this like window. It's like a bat mitzvah for Christian women is makeup and heels.

Wasn't it creepy when Alanis Morissette in the documentary said that? When she was 11 or 12, 15. When she was a pop star, we got to go to break. When she was a pop star before the age of 15, men would. She looked hot. She looked older. She looked mature. But men would not hit on her until she turned 15.

And then something happened. When she was 14, they'd kind of go, oh, you're 14. Okay, can't do that. When she turned 15, the fucking floodgates opened. The levees broke. I wonder if that's the age in Canada. I think it's just the age where men go, that's a sexual woman. Or, like, they just, there's something about 14 that still seems like a girl.

And 15 just seems like, I know it's not about 14 that still seems like a girl and 15 just seems like i know it's not technically legal but like she wants it it's disgusting let's get let's go take a break and then we'll be back with uh why do i care 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year it's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities i'm'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the

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you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places.

I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps.

Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. There's so much to learn, like how Patagonia innovates with its supply chain. We had to go out to farmers and convince them. It was really damn hard. Or the way Adobe thinks about the first interaction somebody has with Photoshop. I was always so fascinated by how people navigate and find their way.

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I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe.

With guests like Corinne Stephens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school.

And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcast why do i care why do i care spider-man producer warned tom holland and zediah that they

should not date yeah and uh yes but they still did he she also warned toby mcguire and kirsten dunst not to date she also warned um andrew and Kirsten Dunst not to date. She also warned Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone not to date, and they all did. Listen, this is going to happen. If you're dating someone and they are involved in a movie that is a huge blockbuster where you have to do all this press together and honestly fall in love on camera. If my husband were an actor, bye-bye. You're going to fall in love on camera. If my husband were an actor,

bye-bye. You're gonna fall in love with every... If you go in Dancing with the Stars, I'll see you when you get kicked off and you realize this is all a fantasy. You're gonna fall in love with that person. It's gonna happen. The Brad and Angelina effect. Sit on someone next to someone on a plane

and talk to them the whole time. And you tell me that you're not more attracted to that man that you were not attracted to at first after that plane ride. It is the proximity. It is being forced to talk with where you're looking. That's why I asked about the Nick and Ryan thing of where they were sitting. Because I was wondering how close they were.

I could get two people to fall in love. I really could. I'd say, talk to each other with your faces this close together on a plane. Forced closeness, it breeds intimacy. And it doesn't matter if you have a partner at home. It doesn't matter. Also, don't you think the movie makes more money, the fact that they are dating? Of course.

I want to go see it because it's hot. And I know that they're hot for each other the whole time. I saw the story. I went on YouTube. I just typed in Tom Holland and just watched them in interviews. Oh my God.

I'm getting, literally my vagina just tingled because of what I watched on the morning show yesterday. Have you finished the morning show season two? No, no, no.

But you can. Go ahead. Oh, nothing? I can't, like I'm getting shivers. You guys know that I love romantic scenes. By the way,

people have been sending me so many romantic scenes where the guy like confesses his love or like there's that like watershed moment of like I love romantic scenes. By the way, people have been sending me so many romantic scenes where the guy confesses his love. Or there's that watershed moment of like, I love you. And I've loved you for a while. Dude, someone sent me one between two girls on this Emily Dickinson movie. That was hot as fuck. I've never gotten into lesbian romantic moment stuff.

So any of these scenes, I can't believe no one mentioned or suggested maybe i didn't see it the morning show who's in the scene who do you think spoiler alert turn it off if you're if you're if you haven't finished morning show right now like skip ahead uh 30 seconds i feel like it's probably aniston and no dude it's fucking crud up and witherspoon oh shit he shows up at her door to help her find her brother because her brother's missing they've already hooked up right there it's shady yes but then at the end he's just like i need to tell you something they're like on the streets and like looking for her brother and he's just like i love you and it's just like oh god he is so hot i can't

take it so he made it about him while they were looking for the brother? Yeah, because he was like, it was funny because all of a sudden she gets a call and they're like, we found your brother. She's like, I can't deal with this. It was that great season finale. Was it them banging? It showed them banging? No. It's just, I don't need to see banging.

I need to see the moment where the guy just is like, his defenses go down and he's like, I'm in love with you. like that moment that breaks the tension now can you oh it is interesting when a scene just out of context can like get you there where you can kind of put it all together but the fact that you've watched the whole show probably adds obviously oh yeah like you need that because you need all the sexual tension building up to it. Yes. It's the breaking of the thing that you go, is it there?

I'm sensing that it's there, but am I wrong about this? And then it all, whoo! Okay, let's get to the Reddit dump. This is your Reddit dump. All right, this is the Reddit dump. Okay, I thought you might like this. This is on a Reddit TikTok cringe, which often has TikToks that are interesting. Sometimes they're cringy.

I don't know which. This one was kind of both. It was a girl talking about posing with your boyfriend. It's now the season where you're posing with your boyfriend. And she writes, how to pose with a short king. So she's dating a guy who's shorter than her. Tom Holland and Zendaya. Well, yeah. No, no. I'm saying like a guy who's shorter than her. Tom Holland and Zadai. No, it's...

Well, yeah, but... No, no, I'm saying like that's... He kind of looks like Tom Holland. He's so cute. She's so hot. She looks like Gal Gadot. And this is her talking about that. Right, Josh?

Right. So... And it's kind of funny because she's throwing him under the... She's like kind of dismissing him the whole time as the joke, even though people are probably like, what a fucking dumb twat. She doesn't even let him talk. But that's the joke is that he's short. And so she's kind of like, just be here, honey. And he's totally in on the joke.

It's easy for him to get under the bus. I'm a tall queen and I'm married to a short king. Right, Josh? Right. So it is holiday season and we know that means pictures. We all want pictures with our significant other, even if they are a little bit shorter than you. I want to look cute and I want to wear heels.

Me too. No, you don't. No, you don't. So I want to show you how to pose with your short king. Or your short queen. This is our height. This is our height. This is our height. I have a very short hem on.

I am not wearing glasses. Okay, so what she does is, so she's about, I would say, almost a foot taller than him. What she does, I've never done this because I had a, oh, did Luigi just yawn? Are you a baby? He looked like one of your short, he looked like the short king next to you. Yeah, he's like, I'm the short king. Yeah, Luigi is the short king next to you. Yeah, he's like, I'm the short king. Yeah, Luigi is the short king. Marion's a shorter queen.

He is such a sweetie lately. I love you, boo-boo. He just wants love lately. So I'll talk like this when I do it, because he just likes when I talk like this. So what she does is she puts one leg in front of her back leg, and on her back leg, she bends it so that you don't see her leg bending in the back. Let me stand up and do this for you, guys. Let me just show you.

Okay. She won't look like a pirate, though? So she goes like, okay, so it's like this. Yeah. And she does this and like this, and she bends this leg. Wouldn't she straighten the like this. Yeah. And she does this. Ah. And like this. And she bends this leg. Wouldn't she straighten the front leg? Yeah.

Like this. Gotcha. And so you bend. This back leg is bent. See, if you look, I'm bent like that. You do it a lot. You do it. No, I'm saying like.

Jon Stewart accused me of it. Oh. Oh, I wasn't going to sit on him. I'm very aware of my butt and Luigi. Jon Stewart, when I met him, I took a picture with him and he goes, I saw what you did there. Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. And I was like,

what? And he was like, I'm a short guy. You had to bend down. I was like, I swear I didn't. I really didn't even... But you do it when you do pictures of meet and greets. It's not like a meme thing, but you just have, I think it's a tendency for you to, like, you're really good at it.

I want to just get on the same level. I don't want it. I like to be close to their head. You don't have to pat them on the head, though. And go, you are so cute. Little Johnny Stewart, little millionaire. Oh, you want to take a picture with me? Oh, you want to sit on my lap?

Tell me what you want for Christmas? All right. The next thing on Reddit, Tom. Oh, shut up, bitch. Now I'm like yelling at her about the thing that I just said. Okay. So stop. Okay.

What is hot when you're – this is on Ask Reddit. What is hot when you're horny but isn't when you're not? Here are some answers. It's always fun to to read cream pieing a one-night stand it sounds really sexy and exciting at the moment but it's a horrible idea otherwise cream pieing if you don't know is yeah yeah pulling my hair i have a very sensitive scalp nothing pisses me off quicker than getting my hair yanked on unless it's during sexy time then i love it wow do i relate to that one and you need to grab it a lot of it not a little bit don't let's not even talk about the time you grabbed a couple strands of brenda's hair it makes me i can't even listen to it it makes me so sad um someone said i used to date a girl who was into huge toys and fisting i was happy to indulge we would take videos and pictures one time after a session she was kind of like

fuck i think i'm starting to cross a line she asked me to delete it and we had some drinks and after after four she was like hey you didn't delete those pics yet have you then she took a second look and she began talking about trying more stuff we broke up because her job took her elsewhere and my field was pretty sparse there still think of her most days i don't understand oh a video of it they took she didn't want to see a video of her getting fisted until after she got drunk. Because after, when she sobered up, she's like, ugh, I shouldn't have done that. I mean, I relate to doing things during sex

that you're like, I don't need to see that shit. Do you have anything? I mean, everything you said. Yeah, all that stuff. I mean, there's times where you end up eating the girl out or blowing, and you're under the bed. You don't even know how you got under.

Ask Reddit. What is your worst experience on drugs? These are always my favorite to read. If you want to have a good old time, go to Ask Reddit and just read people's responses because all the best responses get upvoted. Someone said, I once on shrooms convinced myself I didn't exist. My eyes were just movie screens and I was watching someone else live their life. Someone said, I've had something similar before on weed. It was truly terrifying.

It's basically depersonalization. I went into edibles thinking it would be real chill and I experienced depersonalization bad for like three hours. It was the strangest thing. Someone said, did a dab, threw up up slept on my friend's carpet for 14 hours someone said called 9-1-1 one time on mushrooms because i was smoking a blunt and tripped myself out tripped myself out thinking about my lungs asked them to come to my house with some oxygen and to leave the lights on lights and sirens off good times have you ever done salvia no can i just say never do salvia you guys i've done once, and I didn't have this experience,

but I've read so many forums where people have done salvia, which is kind of like this legal thing that's like you smoke it, and you trip for like seconds, but it feels like an eternity, and people have the worst trips ever. Someone said, I smoked pot for the first time in almost 20 years to de-stress and ended up experiencing massive anxiety. I think I smoked too much because I had to remind myself to breathe. It felt like my brain was forgetting to tell my body to do it.

That seems like something that would happen to you. Yeah. I mean, I went to the ER multiple times. But the one on weed where I ended up in the heart ward for three days. There you go. That's got to be it. Someone said, bought salvia at our FSU weekend Wednesday market thing. Scariest drug I've ever taken.

One friend said he went back in time and saw his dead dad. The drug kicks in so fast, gives you no time to assimilate. Someone said, tried salvia once, never again. Thought I was trapped in a new state of life where I had no body. Worst ever. Someone said, I was trapped in a universe that was just one third inch of standing water. I was actually standing on a pool table. Someone said, why do people do salvia?

Seriously, I've never heard anything fun that comes of it. Is it just people wanting to test their limits? Someone said, salvia gave me anxiety for months after. So not worth it. It made me question reality and 3D space. It all felt so much less real after having my reality steamrolled by Salvia. I get freaked out when thinking about materials and surfaces trying to understand

what they are actually made of. I get that they're made of atoms, but what exactly does that mean? What is it? What is it? I guess it's hard to explain, but thankfully that doesn't affect my daily life anymore. Someone said, I've never heard of a single person

that ever enjoyed Salvia. I've heard many first-person accounts of trips and they all sound like unmitigated nightmares um someone said got stuck in the woods at a music festival on acid because i was afraid that the cars in the parking lot were out to eat me final thought um oh someone said what is this what is something you call by a company name instead of the actual thing it is this is an ask reddit um some examples include what was that jeep i don't even know what that is besides a jeep but apparently that's the brand well i thought jeep was a car but it's a Oh, you thought it was a type of car, like a sedan or something.

Yeah, or like an SUV. Like there could be a Tesla Jeep. Yeah, exactly. That's like when Andrew did a prank call and he said, I'm calling from Macy's about the Zara sweater you didn't return. And I go, dude, you're talking about two separate things. You can't return a Zara sweater to Macy's. Wait, a Jeep isn't a kind of car?

No, a Jeep is a brand. No, I know that, but it's awesome. Okay, I had a coworker that called all donuts Dunkin' Donuts, and it drove me crazy. Someone said, there were some interesting ones in here. Taser. Taser is a acronym. Roomba, yes.

Do you know that Taser is an acronym for Thomas A. Swift's electric rifle? Allen wrenches, Frisbee, Velcro, Kevlar, Dumpster. That one's an interesting one. Oh, wow. Yeah, Dumpster is the actual brand. Duct tape, rollerblades. They're actually called inline skates. Rollerblade is actual brand. Duct tape. Rollerblades. They're actually called inline skates. Rollerblade is the brand.

Oh, not. Okay, so this isn't what the OP asked for. OP on Reddit is original poster. The person that posts the question. But all edited images are referred to as Photoshopped, regardless of what software was used. Jacuzzi. Yes.

Zamboni. Tupperware. Trampoline. Post-itsits xerox chapstick google band-aid who's doing anything but googling though like you're not going to alta vista or web crawler if i can ask jeeves yeah all right band-aid what is that then? What's that called? It's called like a plaster. Yeah. At least that's what they call them in Britain, a plaster. What is something common that has never happened to you? This is on Ask Men.

Never been in a fight. Being a guest on someone else's wedding. Literally every person I know has been on one but me nope i'm afraid the first wedding i'll ever attend would be my own a nosebleed you're lucky if that's never had a nosebleed you haven't not like a like maybe pick my nose and some blood but never like a oh like a nose wow yeah that's interesting broken bones someone. Never had a broken bone. You haven't? Stitches, but no broken bone. Have you broke a bone?

Yeah, my heel bone. The hardest bone to break in your body. Oh, yeah. Jumping over a fence. Being stood up for a date, someone said. Never been mutually in love. Oh, that's sad. Yeah. Chicken pox, someone said they've never had.

Well, they'll get it you're gonna die top three green flags this is for dating advice dating underscore advice green green flags i like literally yeah it's like thinking the masters i literally like bosnia um number one is kindness to everyone not just me and his friends family to open communication about how he feels outside of and inside of the relationship Number one is kindness to everyone, not just me and his friends slash family. Two, open communication about how he feels outside of and inside of the relationship. A good sense of humor and optimism. Oh my God, hold on.

We have a couple minutes. I wanted to get to this. I'm reading the book Attached and I promised I'd finish it because I told Noah I would. So although I would have already put it down, I keep reading it. Last night I couldn't sleep. Holy fuck am I anxious attached. And you guys got to read this book because it makes you feel so less crazy for being a girl that overthinks things.

Anxious attached people, I did not know this, pay attention to details that other people just do not. And it's not because they're crazy. It's because they, and oh my God, the statistics are so crazy.

In the dating pool, there is not going to be as many sick you're always looking for a secure partner if you're anxious attached always like if you find someone who is there's anxious attached there's secure attached and then there's avoid avoidant most of the dating pool is avoidant attached because avoidant people avoid relationships so they're always getting thrown out of them and they're back in the dating pool so most of the people that you're going to date are going to be avoidant and the second you're if you're an anxious attached person which a lot of women are and men the second you sense that they're avoidant get the fuck out because it's not going to change and you need to look for the red flags of avoidance so this this book though the chapter

on avoid uh anxious attached i didn't even want to read it because I'm like, I know I probably am. I don't want to be labeled this thing that has the word anxious in it. That makes me feel like I'm a clingy, like needy, you know, nothing is ever going to be enough. I want love, please, please, me, kind of girl, but I am and there's nothing wrong with it anxious attached people are not bad because they feel unlovable or they feel like they're not good enough yes those are kind of things about it but the reason you are is because the way you were raised and because you didn't get your needs met at some certain point it's not your fault and it doesn't mean you're unlovable it doesn't mean you can't have a stable relationship you don't even need to fix yourself you just need to find someone who's secure attached because when you're anxious attached things that um you, that trigger your anxiety are like, like I'm someone who will know exactly. They give an example of like, here's a guy that's anxious attached and he knows how many times the phone rang before it went to voicemail. Then he knows he called again.

Now it rang this many times. Then he realizes it was seven minutes before she got back to me. What was she doing? That like knows all the times knows like, okay, they post, they watched my first story, but then they dropped off. Then he realizes it was seven minutes before she got back to me. What was she doing? That like knows all the times knows like, okay, they post, they watched my first story,

but then they dropped off. Like I know all of those things when I'm into someone anxious, people are constantly looking for validation that the person they are into does not like them. And then as soon as they get validation based on one of these things that they see that other people, by the way, are anxious. People actually do. They're right. A lot of comedians. That's our other people, by the way, are anxious. People actually do.

They're right. A lot of comedians. That's our observation. Well, they're right. Yeah. Anxious people notice things they've done tests that, that,

you know, um, either avoid it or secure people just don't notice. We pick up on little micro aggressions, micro things, because we're always looking for someone to not like us. And so when you find, when someone does one of those things,

it validates that they are leaving you and you do this thing called, I forget what the word is, but you go into this mode of anxiety. It triggers it. You can be a normal person and then it triggers this anxiety and all that it takes for you

to get out of this level of anxiety is a secure person. So a secure person might inadvertently trigger your anxiety let's say like for this example this guy was calling his girlfriend it rang three times it went to voicemail the next time it rang not even once and it went to voicemail and he starts spiraling an hour in that hour he spirals he's because he's insecure she doesn't like me anymore she's avoiding me then like all these things turns out her boss was right there and she was in the

middle of the thing so she couldn't talk and the second she communicated that his anxiety is quelled and he's back to normal and everything's fine so the thing about anxious attached people is they're not they will always get back to a stasis they're not going to stay anxious if you are just with a secure person who tells you the truth and is not fucking with you. Now, avoidant people are constantly not telling the truth. They're constantly trying to mislead you, do things that will make you feel less than judge you, leave things ambiguous. So they're going to torture unintentionally an anxious attached person. The interesting thing is the dating pill is filled with avoidant people.

Avoidance never end up with other avoidance. There's been study after study. Anxious attached always ends up with avoidant attached or secure attached. You should always try to end up with secure attached. Anxious, I don't, they didn't really talk about the stats of anxious and anxious. I think that that's probably a thing that happens, but doesn't last as long. Avoidant and avoidant never get together. And what they said about anxious attached people is if you go on a date with someone who is secure, generally, they do not validate the feeling that you have is that you're unlovable and that you're going to be left. So they seem boring. And after a while, which is what I was talking about,

when you're in a relationship that goes up and down and every time you're anxious you get soothed you start to equate anxiety with soothing the soothing that follows and you start to like it you start to like the anxiety because you know that you're going to be soothed afterwards in this way that feels so good and so put you at such peace so when you meet someone that's just stable and there's no wave they seem boring and what they found was that if anxious attached people wait that feeling out the boringness and stick it through, even though the person is boring and they're getting like boring alerts to be like, this guy sucks. He's boring. Wait it out. Because what they found in studies is that anxious attached people,

when they make judgments about things like, okay, it took him that long to write. He's not gonna, he doesn't like me anymore. They were usually right, but they were right so much more of the time. They're usually right when they make these judgments, but their rightness goes up exponentially when they wait five seconds, a minute, and make a decision. So they were doing these tests where they show a person's expression and they have to guess, is that person mad at me or not? Or is that a bad expression? And when the anxious attached person had no time limits of like now answer, they just answered right away and they were right.

Let's say 80% of the time, I'm just making up these numbers. But when they were forced to not submit their answer about what they thought that person's expression was until a minute where they were like, think about it for a minute. You have you're forced to that person was right a hundred percent of the time so if you're an anxious attached person you gotta read this book whether you're attached like which whatever way it is fucking it's so fascinating and i'm someone that knows a lot about this stuff so i feel like a lot of books talk down to me and like hold my hand through things that I'm very well versed in because I've been going to therapy for since I was 18. This book is opening my eyes to many new things every time I read it. So I can't recommend it enough. And I got to go to therapy right now. So I'll see you tomorrow. Don't be cut and yeah, therapy.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your

perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout.

I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, you guys. I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events. Tune into my new podcast, Throttle Therapy, with Catherine Legg, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.