The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #153 A St. Bernard That Saw Its Food

Episode Date: December 23, 2021

Between you and Nikki and Andrew love and attachment styles are on the brain. Nikki is learning about how she wants to be loved and that her love language is Tayor Swift Curiosity. Andrew and Brenna I love you so much baby, took a love quiz last night and the results were not surprising. They talk about a better way their parents could have loved them before Andrew delivers the news about awkward things that happen during sex. Nikki spills the beans on a too hot lap dance on the set of Magic Mike. At the end of the show they have an epiphany about how to get to a secure relationship. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Yes. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. A little late on that, aren't we, Noah?

I got distracted I also got distracted by your sparkles Which I just said, you look sparkly today And you said, I'm going somewhere And I said, where? You look all dressed up and you said I'm going to the gynecologist I'm trying to distract her It's the Met Gala theme I'm going to the gynecologist.

I'm trying to distract her. It's the Met Gala theme this year. It's gynecologist. Yeah, that's like a, are my eyes deceiving me? That's a sparkly top, no? Yeah, it is. Where'd you get that? Anthropology.

You get everything. You love anthropology. That's where Brenna used to work. Miss you so much, baby. Baby, kisses. Andrew's here at the top of the show. How old is the gynecologist? You get everything. You love anthropology. That's where Brenna used to work. Miss you so much, Brenna. Baby. Baby. Kisses. Andrew's here at the top of the show. How old is the gynecologist?

She's someone new. I'm meeting her for the first time today. Oh, great. Kind of on the young side. Great. And I can't wait to show her my junk. My therapist is on the young side. I'm going to a couples counselor right now. Yeah.

That's great. I'm going to a person that I'm not even in a couple with. Yeah. It's, you know. Makes sense. This is woke as shit, you know? Yeah, it's pretty progressive. We're not even a couple,

which I don't think is a bad idea. But she's young. How old do you think? She's probably my age. Yeah. So you're like. Is she married? I haven't noticed.

Yeah. But she got her start in eating disorders, which I didn't know but i was yesterday i got there i know oh my god andrew what the fuck you're so funny stop it that was a classic that's that's that that is that encapsulates why you're funny thank you that's it like that line right there that is so fun that was so fucking funny um so right we i got into the the office yesterday or i went in so i go individually because she wanted to get our backstories and then we go in together and i went in individually and i'm looking on her shelf she has attached which i was like

dude i'm reading that. It's blowing my goddamn mind. And then I go, oh, you have a lot of Al-Anon literature, which is stuff that I've been familiar with in the past. And I was like, that's cool. And I was like, oh, my God, you have Eating by the Light of the Moon, which is if you have any kind of eating disorder or just struggle as a woman with body image. That book I told all my friends about. It's a very spiritual book, but it's almost like fiction. And it's a great book.

And it's rare that I have ever seen someone reading that. I think I found out about it in some, you know, I don't even know where I found it. You never read about it. And I was like, you have Eating by the Light of the Moon. She was like, yeah, I actually got my start in eating disorder. I was like, oh, awesome. And now she does marriage counseling.

I don't know if she's married, though. But she is hot i love that you do this with the therapist where you break it's uh do you remember um the matt damon what's the matt damon ben affleck movie the first oh good will hunting i mean i just watched louis k special oh yeah where he talks shit about it but but he's in the therapist's office and he's looking at the different books and he's questioning the books and he's looking remember he's looking at the painting and he goes oh this is a sad paint he's like you painted this he's like this guy lost something and then yeah and then you never got it and he's talking about his wife and psychoanalyze yeah yeah before them but that's interesting that's something i would never do i would never i could be a therapist i think in

another world like that is it's just the way i speak i like to i get people to talk about things that they feel easy i'm good at it yes and um but i also realize i'm not fucking educated and this woman knows a lot more than me but she's probably my age maybe younger and um she's really cute and she's good she's just really good it's like young doctors sometimes make you give you a sense of dis-ease but for me i'm like no they just got out of school they have just read all the most they're still hungry for knowledge they're still excited about what they do generally and they've learned a new they're not they don't have the old mentality in their brain they're not reading the dsm-1 they're reading the dsm-6 try it's hard to train an old dog new trick so like these older

doctors they're like oh just cut yourself and bleed out just keep your emotions in what are you doing what are you doing stop being a pussy and i've never once laid down on a couch by the way if anyone is opposed to therapy because you think you'll have to lay down on a couch that's the only reason why i got in you have to there's no couch i have to sit where's the bed but um yeah she just had all these books and it was but what makes a good therapist to you to me it's someone who's um i like someone who's able to bring perspective to my thoughts and my patterns that i'd never considered before and you it's almost like a good comedian as i was saying yesterday about or two days ago about the louis ck joke about fly air travel changed the way i thought about it forever never gonna complain

about a delay again in the way that i used to and i think a therapist has a way of going okay well i've noticed something here big picture i've noticed that when he does this you do this and you doing that triggers him to do that then that thing that he does triggers you to feel do that and then that goes back she took out a whiteboard at one point point and drew like an infinity sign yeah and and drew the the loop of what the the pattern that we're in this dance that so why always lead back why why does it keep repeating itself um i i don't want to talk in specifics because i no no no i'm saying in generalities like why do you think because all humans do that because it feels comfort right

attachment theory oh we took a test last night so i'm interested to hear what you said but to answer your question first of all we are trying to finish the story that our childhoods started so our childhood we didn't close that chapter and we're trying to finish that book of the story that our childhoods started. So our childhood, we didn't close that chapter. And we're trying to finish that book of the story of I didn't get I'm not lovable. Mom and dad abandoned whatever it is, I'm we want to keep that going. You don't even if it's painful, saying goodbye to painful things is still hard or change. And we like what we know. And what we know is what we grew up with. Now, when you talk about attachment style, from what I understand, the reason that people who are,

let's say an anxious attachment style, which is mine, which is like, oh my God, you're gonna abandon me. Like, I get clingy and like, wait, what does this mean? He's gonna, he doesn't like me anymore. Why do I go after, why are we so attracted to avoidance? Who are the people that are giving us that?

Well, researchers go go why is that this seems to be the opposite of what these people would want these people should want something secure but when we it validates our feeling about ourselves so when i go out on a date with a secure guy who calls me back doesn't seem to be shifty or change his mood or like me one second and then not like me the next is just consistent, it doesn't validate my belief about myself, which is I'm unlovable. And as much as I don't want to be unlovable, I also don't want to be incorrect. And I know I'm right that I'm unlovable. So I would prefer to be right.

And this is all subconscious i mean yeah yeah yeah i would prefer that the things that this person how this person treats me is in line with how i feel about myself then for that person to not like me because it's it validates what it so when someone's avoidant they always go after an anxious person because it validates their feet their feeling that everyone wants something from them. They're better off on their own. People need too much. So they go after people that validate that need and say, see, she's so needy.

Well, of course she is. She's anxious attached. Because you've been avoidant. So where does it start, though? No, no, no. It's not because you've been avoidant. It's because she's anxious attached. No, I understand that. But I'm saying, though, if he's avoidant, who starts first?

No, anxious attached people and avoidant they aren't they're triggered they will be triggered by each other to act out but they're always going to be that way

so they'll even get triggered by secure people wait hold on I want to stop you right there because it's possible to change it yes but I mean like

it's not like a stamp forever your baseline though like I will always be anxious attached like I'm anxious attached it's literally my identity I will always be anxious attached. Like I am anxious attached. It's literally my identity. I can get to a place where I feel secure in a relationship.

Yes. And I do believe that I could become secure attached, but I can be happy as an anxious attached the rest of my life if I'm with someone who whenever,

you know, the call goes to voicemail and I start spiraling like they don't like me anymore. They make you feel okay. They can make me feel okay and not avoid me the rest of the time and and and avoidant people they seek out anxious attached people because those avoidant people believe that they're better on their own that people are too needy that I'm gonna lose some part of myself by giving by being in a partnership and if you

believe all those are your core beliefs being with someone who's secure that doesn't need you and isn't being needy is gonna make you feel like you're you've been wrong all along which is a much more uncomfortable feeling than being overly by being with someone who needs you noah does this check out so it's so i just want to use myself as an example because I was very anxious attached and Avi was super avoidant attached. And we both read that book. We both understood things about ourselves.

And I think he transitioned to secure and then that helped me get there too. We're things that I used to be like- You kind of met in the middle. Anya also shared with me today that Matt used to be avoidant and now he's super secure. help me get there too where things I kind of met in the middle Anya also shared with me today that Matt used to be avoidant and now he's super secure yeah and so I do believe that it's possible to have a well-balanced relationship as long as both people are communicating and understanding

I guess what's going on my point is like you know when you're an alcoholic you're always an alcoholic even if you're not drinking. So I will always be anxious. It will always be in my nature if given the opportunity. Even if I'm insecure, I can be secure in a relationship. Anxious, attached, and avoided people can feel secure. But when they are triggered, either way by someone who needs too much from them or someone who is on an airplane and doesn't have wi-fi we will veer towards that way sooner than someone who is born secure with secure you know who had parents that were there for them that's on us though that is on us yes and that's

i agree and and you know in the book they say i'm reading the book about avoidant, and I actually have some avoidant behaviors as well. And they offer all of these advice points for people with anxious attachment of how to combat those triggers that send you into those places of just misery and unknowing. Yeah, because you'd really – I mean the ideal spot to really get to is to get to secure without the other person's reaction or without the other person. This book actually says that, no, we need other people. Oh, you do? It's okay to not. To shepherd them. You don't need.

We took. Oh, sorry. Everyone. This was the thing that blew me away about this book was that it said there's this new culture of if you need someone it's codependent like being a couple and that you're not you shouldn't be in a relationship until you love yourself and you're enough for yourself and it's just not true yeah people do people become better people with the help of people for sure and it's okay to admit that um and one more thing i want to say is that they offer all these suggestions for anxious people to cope with it.

But avoidant, it's a little bit trickier to cure because avoidant people aren't looking to assuage fear. Their fears aren't, I need to fix it. Their fears are, I need to go away from anything that could help me. So they push, they're less likely to seek out help and to be a little bit more stubborn when it comes to changing than an anxious person who might be more, but they both have things that they can do that can make them secure.

Yeah. We took it, I think it's a different test. I mean, it was the quickest one essentially possible, but we both came up, me and Brenna, I miss you, baby. Kisses all over. we both came up me and brenna i miss you baby kisses all over um we both came up fearful avoidant which wow they said that fearful avoidant people never find each other it is so rare that two fearful avoidance end up together yeah and we read about like we read about it a little bit it was funny at one point we're like okay enough of this which

is so fearful avoidant to be like i don't want to hear about why we wouldn't be compatible but what we got to after like reading the stuff and listening is like here we are two avoiding people that wouldn't mind being alone but we're so happy with each other so we're going against our natural instinct so that's kind of like a beautiful thing to me because you're both headed towards secure yeah because we're both like like we're both like we're we're both okay being alone choosing each other but we're choosing it feels like a more of a choice it's not like you need each other but let me ask you but i'm sure we kind of need each other when you when do you get triggered um like can i ask you some questions in the avoidant chapter real quick? Let me just pull this up.

I love this. I am interested in hearing how you, why you resonate with the avoidant type of attachment. If you think about it, I was single for 20 years, you know, and a lot of it had to do, I think I was avoidant in a way where i didn't love myself so i so instead of like you saying like oh this i i find an avoidant person because it shows that they can't love me i tried to find nobody so it shows that they can't love me right to prove that i'm not worthy of a relationship you you you don't want to seek out anyone because it will probably fall through and it will say that you're unlovable. But it validates your belief about yourself, which is I'm better on my own.

So you don't even go out looking for it as opposed to looking for people that are – it looks like you found someone who's also avoided. Kind of checks out. Okay okay so this is interesting most of us are fascinated with people who go out into their world on their own without any hindrances or obligations without feeling the need to address or consider others needs um this is people like forrest gump diane fossey um and then they were he was talking about the the guy in that uh john cracker book into the wild you know that guy that went out i need a berry and died yeah and like he just the last guy that you know saw him before he went out on his final thing was like can i get can i give you a phone can i get the numbers of people who love you like so to let anyone know and he's like i'll be okay on my own and the truth is he wasn't and if he would have had any help, he wouldn't have died. So what I wanted to see what you, okay, maybe what resonates with you.

Like, why do you think, though, that you're avoided? Like, when you, do you, what makes you start to go panic? I want to get to the part where it's like where they say deactivating strategies your everyday toolkit for keeping your partner at arm's length okay some common deactivating strategies these are

things that avoidant people do saying I'm not ready to commit but staying together nonetheless sometimes for years sounds familiar to me. Focusing on small imperfections in your partner, the way she or he talks, dresses, eats, fill in the blank, and allowing it to get in the way of your romantic feelings. Pining after an ex-girlfriend slash boyfriend, the phantom ex. Flirting with others, a hurtful way to introduce insecurity into the relationship.

Not saying I love you. I feel like I do a lot of it. While implying that you do have feelings toward the other person. Pulling away when things go well. Not calling for several days after an intimate date. Forming relationships with an impossible future, such as someone who is married. I literally am

avoidant textbook after this, but I also relate. How can I be both? Well, that's called fearful avoidance anxious avoidance you could be different things it depends on the relationship that you're in masculine feminine it's also like when you're reading

like you're a Scorpio checking out mentally when your partner is talking to you keeping secrets and leaving things foggy to maintain your feeling of independence I feel like you could maybe do some of that not like lying but just like I don't need to say every detail yes because i want to feel like brenna said something so funny last night she goes you know our relationship like isn't super deep because like i don't think super deep it was like the funniest i think she does yeah i think she thinks right deeper than i

am i was like really sad the other night and then she wrote me I followed up with her because she was just She helped me the other night and then the next night I followed up With her and she was like I just really want to she always follows up And says like I regret not doing this thing In the moment with you like one time She followed up with me to say

I feel like I was like talking about myself The whole time when we were sharing that thing and I was like Oh my god no like I loved that i would never in a million years be like brett only talks about herself that's just not who you are so like just put that is not the way i would ever perceive you you just aren't that person there's no and the fact that you're even thinking about this equals you're not that person but then last night she or two nights ago she wrote me and she was like I wrote to her and she goes

how are you by the way and she said I just want to read what she wrote. It was so sweet. You have the sweetest lady. She goes I wish I had given you

a big hug last night. I felt horrible that you were feeling that way and I'm always here to talk. Just saying I wish is better honestly than if she had given me the hug

because I'm uncomfortable with like hugs in the moment. Sometimes when I am on the brink of crying, I don't want people to hug me because then I'll just lose it. It feels patronizing too. I'll lose it. I feel like they have to hug me, but the fact that she said,

I wish I had is more to me than a hug. Brenna, if you're listening, totally hug me anytime you want, but that was so nice. Let me ask you about let's go through the anxious ones. I heard a lot of the avoidance stuff and I didn't feel like... I know, that's why I want to go through it. anytime you want. But like that, just that was so nice. Let me ask you about, let's go through the anxious ones. It's interesting though because I heard a lot

of the avoidant stuff and I didn't feel like. I know that's why I want to go through anxious with you. Let's go to break and then we'll come back with some,

we'll do the checklist of anxious attached and see if Andrew, it resonates with you in that way and we'll do the news. News. 2025 is bound

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Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out. We want to raise awareness and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models

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You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it he's everywhere and has been everywhere it's so much worse and so much more widespread than i had anticipated together we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in it's not just me we're an army in comparison to him listen to the bunny trap on the iheart radio app apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager.

Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head.

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And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school.

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We're talking attachment styles. Andrew, you didn't really check out. You didn't feel that the avoidant ones in the book Attached really resonated with you. I feel like past me oh like especially with friendships i was extremely like i was like oh this is going bad you're done oh you're i'm gone no no it says avoidant is when things go good you pull away when it gets too close you pull away avoidant people don't want to get too close the second it feels too intimate they freak out and they run the other way. I've had that before.

But I guess there's two different kind of intimates to me. Where guys, I'll have this amazing night where we connect. And then the next day it's like, did that not happen? Like, why are you talking to me like it didn't happen? I think sometimes if it gets intimate. It's because they were on Ambien. Yeah. And they, well.

Probably more than that. And then, no. Who knows? well the uh probably more than that and then no but who knows so uh i feel like with when when uh was like what we're just talking about the avoidance sorry uh friends getting too close when things go good oh when things go good or things get too intimate i think there's two different sides of intimate that can scare me like like or i'm sorry one side scares me the one that's loving and intimate that's like we're connecting and it's physical and even like emotional looking in each other's eyes saying i love you so much i could do that stuff now like that was hard for me

good for you but but i do think when it gets intimate in a way where it's like why are you acting this way like we're really like breaking down each other and like why, and getting closer through like, it sounds like you just don't like conflict. Yeah. You hate it. You, we know that about you and my parents might not know it, but girl,

I just figured it out recently. Andrew does not like to be confronted about, no one likes confrontation. No one likes criticism. Yeah. Even though on the other side of criticism, and a lot of times criticism is misinterpreted as judgment

when really it's just like, hey this thing you did hurt me and I'm not mad at you about it but we have to acknowledge it hurt me and we have to find a way so it doesn't happen again. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. I don't think you purposely did it but you did hurt my feelings and you don't need to get defensive right now but that... You know what it is? Is my

mother when she would try to be a mother and tell me, it's very sad, but like try to tell me like what to do or like how to live my life. And then I see her as an alcoholic in her room, like just letting her life go away. It was hard to take criticism or take any kind of. It's the why am I not going to, I'm not going to put in the dryer sheet if you're leaving your bags out.

Exactly. That's what I'm saying. So if you're, if my mom is like drinking and letting her life go and then she's trying to tell me what to do with my life, I'm like, well, your actions don't. But she could be right. She could. Not only could she, she could be right. She is right.

Yes. But it's very hard to take when... You know what's hard, though, about that? Is that that's her way of trying to show you love. Yeah. And show that she... And be your mother. But the mother you needed was a mother that wasn't drinking all day in her room.

That was the only way she was able to have that connection with you and feel like she was still like a mother i know and it was it wasn't enough for you because like i was talking about this last night with a friend of saying like sometimes i feel like and i think a lot of people relate to this you feel like your parents just don't know you and or they'll they'll suggest something like you know sometimes my mom's like wait you like yeah let's an example of like you know make sure you eat before that flight i mean i do this to you a lot too like make sure you do this thing but like they treat you like a child right or they say um nikki are you are you really gonna go on stage and not say like sometimes my parents go because i'll say i had the best time on stage it turned into like a TED Talk

and people were moved by it and my dad goes, well, people go to see you because they want to laugh. And I go, do you think that I am like throwing, do you think that I'm doing something reckless with my career?

I'm just, I'm sharing this because it was actually a good thing. I know what my job is, dad. I'm successful. And it makes me feel like you don't know me. Like you think that I would think that. But he could be right in that circumstance my job as dad i'm successful like and it makes me feel like you don't know me like you know i would

think that but he could be right in that circumstance where like some people are like that's a bad example but like no no but i'm not trying to know you maybe they give you this christmas you're gonna get we talked about this early on in the podcast if you're new to the podcast one time we were talking about um we did a top one bottom one gifts we've received and we were talking about sometimes you get a gift and you just go, this person doesn't know me at all. Not only do they not know my size, but I would never wear this. I hate this type of fabric.

This, I don't like even supporting this company because they have human rights. Like you just feel like this person, a stranger could have like took a shot in the dark and done a better job than my mother who loves me, who says she loves me how can you love me if you don't know me i'm really struggling with that because i was saying today and i i you know i hope my parents never hear this because i don't want them to think that i don't think they love

me because they do but for me love is being interested in my feelings that is how i interpret love and when i'm in a relationship realizing now through therapy like for me to be in a relationship this is this is not even a bad example i don't want to be friends with or have anyone in my life claiming they love me who doesn't go why do you like taylor swift so much what is it why like try to get me there i'm interested in you i love you and you love this thing so much i want to i want to kind of know like let me give it like if you have no if you have no interest in understanding the people if you love someone you want to like share the thing you want to get to know their friends like you love these people i want to get to know them you feel like you do

that with because i feel like i don't do that with my own parents and and then like i get my own parents no that's what i'm saying that's why it's different and you're right and i and i you know but you know what it doesn't have to be a two-way street i'm their daughter they're my parents i didn't ask for them they did ask but it was like it's so funny you bring that like i was like you know my friend aaron from college who i've known for 25 years to my dad and he's like but i'm talking about love no no i know that like andrew you i feel loved by you because you are a special friend to me like let's any girls out there that have male friends you know they're lacking in certain ways that your girlfriends they just they're not as emotional unless they're male comics then they're very feminine energy but they're always

going to be less so than your most masculine energy female friend it's just the way it is they're not gonna be they're not gonna care about the same shit you care about but like in terms of my taylor swift thing or a movie i like or a song i like you always you always ask like you always give me space for that even if you don't want to hear it you always give space for like i you like this thing so much okay i'll give it a shot because i love you so that love to me is like being interested in things that bring that person joy and that you would pick things that we tend to but you also are curious you're like yeah why is it like you sometimes you go oh wait what's this song about and and maybe i don't do that all the time for you but i do feel like even when it comes to

brenna like i i i like i'm i think i was more um open to getting to know her because i trust you so much and i love you so much that i'm like I'm gonna love anything you love so this is only gonna make my life richer but it also should but when people aren't interested I just go you don't love me but I think it starts with seeing that that person like it'd be one thing if I just was hooking up with Brenna and then you started seeing that oh I really started to have feelings for this woman which I probably have you probably haven't seen from like a mature side of like oh I care about no I knew when you loved her. But like Noah, for example, with you with jujitsu,

I think we don't get to have these deep talks as much as we used to be able to even in person. Even back then we didn't after our series show. But I feel like in terms of as much as I can give you, I go, it checks out. I love Noah because I actually care about the things she cares about and I want to know why does jujitsu make you happy what is it about Buzzy that is so endearing to you like I don't get the cat thing I want to I want to see the world through

your eyes much like you were describing how you want to have a child and see the world through their eyes I think I like to do that through the friends, the people I love. That's so sweet. When I have a boyfriend or something, or a, thank you, but is that not the way other people feel? Am I really, is this unique in the sense that I think I've nailed it down to,

love for me is wondering why I love Taylor Swift so much. And that's a dumb thing, but I'm a 37-year-old woman who's obsessed with this woman who brings me so much joy. And if you're someone in my life who loves me and you don't have any curiosity about maybe I, maybe this is something I could learn something from. Like Nikki is a smart person who has good taste.

Clearly people who love me think I have good taste because I'm friends with them. So if they like themselves, I have good taste. Wouldn't you be curious as I have good taste because I'm friends with them. So if they like themselves, I have good taste. Wouldn't you be curious as to why I am? I'm not, I don't still like Taylor Swift. I'm obsessed.

Even if you don't care to be a fan of hers, wouldn't you like to understand why I am like Chris loves formula one racing. I don't give a fuck about racing or at least I didn't think I did, but he's so passionate about it. It's curious to me why anyone could love something that much. And I go, explain it to me. I understand football, I understand baseball,

like loving those things, even though I don't love them. You've explained it to me a lot of why you love athletes and watching sports. Racing, this to me does not seem, I'm turning a steering wheel, does not seem like an athletic endeavor. But then he talks me through the pit crew and the teamwork and the drama the drama the the the knee jerk like how these guys are going so fast they have to have better um hand-eye coordination than anyone

and then all of a sudden i'm like oh my god i get to now enjoy this thing that i would never have enjoyed unless i loved this person and they showed me the way. And can I just go back to one thing, though? Because the dad thing about the friend and you said it wasn't emotional. It is emotional because I love that friend. Not like this. No, I think you're telling me not. But I'm telling you that, like, for me, is my my brain but yeah for you're telling me my

interpretation of love yes but i'm saying though you love taylor swift i love my friend aaron who i've brought up to my father before or like i'm just using aaron as an example yes point being is that it's not being taken in by my dad, which he takes in other things, but there's certain friendships. My brother might have dated someone for a year, and my dad didn't even realize it. But I don't know stories about, and I know you said it's not a two-way street, but then I started to realize,

I don't know stories about my dad, because I never asked. So it's like, here I am judging someone so much, and I know I'm the son. You're the son. I know. You know what I mean, though? We am judging someone so much, and I know I'm the son. You're the son. I know. You know what I mean, though? We give our parents so much leeway because we're not doing the same thing for them.

You're a child. You're not supposed to be there for your parents. You're not your parents' friend. You're not your parents' support system. You're not your parents. Like, you aren't the reason. You're like your parents who go i live for my children well that's on you mom you need to but don't you get to an age where

it reverses a little bit yes you're you know when your parents need you when they get to be elderly and they can't wipe themselves and they're falling and they they are being taken advantage of by telemarketers they need you to come in when they cognitively decline but if you have parents that are you're an adult child and your parents are depending on you for you don't call enough you don't stop by i'm not your friend you had me you raised me that is on you had to do those things you don't get to lord those over me and be like well i raised you that's your fucking job you literally signed up for that i didn't sign up to be born. I'm an adult. I am not the reason.

You cannot make your identity a mother. And if you did, it ended with me moving out of the house. It's done. I'm 18. I'm not. If your only reason for living was being a mother, then I guess you have to die because I'm not going to keep being your child. And you have to have boundaries like that.

So when my parents go, well, you don't ask about our lives. It's not, I, yes, I will try to show my love that way if you need to. And I will try to get to a place where, and by the way, I do, I love the Beatles because my dad loves the Beatles. I've seen it through his eyes. I love going to Goodwill and like turning and flipping a thing on eBay or learning about that because my mom has shown me that because I do love her. But when my parents, I really feel hurt that my parents have never said, what is it about Taylor Swift you love so much? Because to me, if I had a daughter that was obsessed, and I'm even going back to Dave

Matthews. I mean, all of a sudden, 10th grade hits and I become a different person. I am only Dave Matthews obsessed. It's all I talk about. It's all I think about. And for my parents to never go, play us your favorite song and like, tell us why you like this to me is an egregious misstep on their part as showing their love. And I'll go back to your friend, Andrew, as an, or Aaron, as an example, my parents, when my friend committed suicide in high school, he was someone that I only knew through school. He never came over because he was a new friend.

I'd only known him two weeks, but I got to know him very well in those two weeks. And he was Kirsten's friend and Kirsten was over at my house every fucking day. So, but when he committed suicide and I was sad about it, my parents said, we don't know this person. We've never even heard you talk about him what are you sad about and that is the same as the aaron thing of like i don't if i haven't if i don't if i don't know if you don't know about it if you don't even know about your friend that well why do i point something out nikki i don't know if if you realize that you did this but in the beginning in the first part of the show you said adults, we look to complete our childhood and relationships.

Then you said that you believe that love is when your partner wants to see the world through your eyes. And now you just said that your parents have not done enough to see the world through your eyes about the things that you really care about. Yes. Noah, you're right like I keep choosing people romantic partners that have the same kind of love for me my parents did which is I love you I say I love you but it's and I'm there for you I provide for you I got all the folders for you to go to school I will buy you any whiteboards you need for your presentation I will drive you to skating practice I will I'll drive you to your friends I will clothe you I'll feed you every single meal, but I don't want to, I don't care about why you like Dave Matthews. And to me,

I'd rather make my own food and have you sit me down and let me play you a song and tell you why it means something to me then. And maybe have to go use an old piece of cardboard from an old project and be like, and you know, maybe I'm saying this because I had those things. Maybe you grew up with parents that were very emotionally available, but you didn't have school supplies or they made you fend for yourself for dinner and that felt very unloving. To me, that's not how I'm shown love is not acts of service. It's, I don't even know what that is. What is that love language?

I guess people would go. Taylor Swift curiosity? People would say, people would go, you had those things so you could be sad about Dave Matthews. So if you didn't have those things, Dave Matthews wouldn't. It's like growing up. Dare I say though, shelter, food are necessities. They are not things that your parents do for you as a favor or going the extra mile. That is, those are, you as born a human,

you have a right to food and shelter, but you don't have a right to someone caring about your feelings. And that is something that parents need. I don't think I was ever asked as a kid. Parents need to stop this. I fed you. This is my house. I gave you this. I paid for your school. I didn't, of course, because you need to stop this i fed you this is my house i gave you

this i pay for your school i didn't of course because you have to do that that's what you have to do you're a parent that you don't get an award for that shut up and and to parents out there that work really hard to provide those things for their kids and they and they're probably listening to this being like no i do deserve a fucking thank you you'll get it when you're old and your kids provide those things for you shelter in a nursing home they find for you or letting them you know taking care of you food literally feeding you you'll be a baby someday but in the middle of that when your kid is an adult and you're an adult no no no more let's let's try to okay so how about we do this how about we do this? Because this is hitting...

Share this podcast with our parents? Well, this is hitting very close to home. Because one, my dad was a workaholic. He was avoiding it in that way. He was very cut off emotionally because of that. And he just put everything into work. And even at night, he was doing stocks. He wasn't...

I don't think my dad... He did all those things. Shelter, food, all that stuff. Oh, yeah. Money. I can't remember. And I know this those things, shelter, food, all that stuff. Oh, yeah, money. I can't remember, and I know this sounds like, oh, you're being overdramatic. I can't remember one time my dad going, how are you feeling? Yeah.

Or like, where is your head at today? Like, I just don't remember ever doing that. Me neither. And then my mom didn't do it because she was an alcoholic, and she wasn't emotionally uh there for herself enough to to be there for me your dad was a workaholic so he was your mom was in the bottle and your dad went full throttle at work in a hospital a hospital hospital yes so here's the thing okay we have listeners that are parents right yeah they probably have teenage kids maybe they have younger kids yeah if you're at dinner tonight

tonight or sometime this month what's like a great way to like maybe just stop maybe just like stop what the routine that you currently are at you can change today today and it might be awkward like parents feel awkward around their kids and and your kids might be a teenager that's like fuck you mom ew why are you asking about my feelings like it's going to be weird to suddenly do this but it's not too late and it will in and it shows you care because you're willing to change the thing the way you've been doing it you're not perfect because no one fucking is so just i think the best thing to do if i'm putting myself let me put myself in 13 year old nikki glazer who is the

biggest bitch possible and was not to be messed with or asked about or touched or like yeah so like i would have in my parents with my david matthews i think i think find what your child is interested in whether it's minecraft whether it's porn whether it's like reading whether it's whatever coco melon like we're talking all ages here something your kid is passionate about and say why do you love this so much tell me what what does this do for you because i know that i have things like this in my life that make me just as happy as this thing makes you and i just want to understand i want to i want to enjoy it as much as you do and see if i can get there see if you can get me there or if you love what I do like let's say your dad loves golf and you take a real

strong it's like I love the fact that you've taken such a liking in something that I like like it could also be that too like acknowledging that like or like hey tell me something you've learned about this what's something what's an interesting fact about BTS? Like, who's your favorite member of BTS? Why do you like Harry Styles so much? Like, honestly, even if your dad and your daughter is, like, horny, your young daughter is horny for Harry Styles and you're kind of uncomfortable with it. What's it about his music?

Hey, yeah, Han, what's your favorite Harry Styles lyric? Like, just a dumb question like that. And honestly, you can blame it on me and say okay tonight we're doing something different at the dinner table first of all we're having dinner together so sit down and we're trying something new we don't have to do this again but we're doing something new tonight i'm the i'm the parent i get to call the shots and i listened to this podcast and today they said, you know, they were talking about these,

these two people have parents that they love so much that I, that I listened to, but they have things about their parents that like, I don't want you guys to have those feelings about me when you grow up and have a podcast. So tonight I am trying to be a better parent and I know this might be uncomfortable and I know you might go, God, mom,

shut up. Yeah. But you're not getting up until you tell me one interesting thing about the thing that you love go round robin like and and not asking them how school went not asking them um did you have fun at your friends this is no one cares about that feelings check on your children i think such a simple question of how are you feeling recently like that's too fraught it's a simple question of how are you feeling recently. That's too fraught.

That makes you feel like you're in a counselor's office and they're like, do you think I'm on drugs or something? Why are you asking about my feelings? Let's just start from something your kid is passionate about, asking them why they love it. Because that's tapping into what does this make you feel like? But don't you feel like because we avoid that uncomfortable fraught, but your kid's going to stomp off and go, mom, shut up. Maybe don't start there. But maybe, like you said, maybe like, I think that's why, you know, people end up in therapy

because we avoid these like weird kind of intimate conversations. And then the only person you could talk to about is a fucking stranger because you've never talked. Literally plop down on a couch and you start talking about your feelings. And it's maybe sometimes the first time you've ever talked literally plop down on a couch and you you start talking about your feelings and it's my maybe sometimes the first time you've ever talked about your feelings that's we have to hire someone to ask us about our feelings save your children money in the back end save yourself money because your kids will learn how to ask about feelings and then you'll get your needs met when they became become adults and and know how to how to cherish other

people's feelings and be interested and and show their love in that way i don't think there's a human being aside sociopaths that don't want to communicate and be understood in regards to their feelings so don't don't don't say no my kid's the exception you know unless you have a kid that's like non-verbal autistic i think that this is something that you can actually employ i think what it is too, though, I think at least in my situation, my dad, because of how the divorce went and the argument, he was probably afraid of asking. He was afraid of how we really felt, and he didn't want to hear it, so he avoided it.

That's it. And I think a lot of parents, if your relationship didn't go well or if you're fighting a lot in front of the kid, whatever it is is you might not be asking how they're feeling because you're afraid of the truth but that avoiding that is a whole nother thing on your end and you know what this is and you might find out we weren't asking about we weren't that angry about that the tv show they like will give you the path towards that yeah because it's too much to bring up like when a dad just sits down danny tanner style on your bed and is like i want to talk about you walking in on me and mommy like that's too much or like i want to hear your feelings about your mom's death if you've never brought that up before it is going to yeah that's too much that's

just that's like just shoving it in dry like you gotta lube up your kids with some cursory bts that's that you know uh korean band pop k-pop band ask about what they love because what they love is based upon it's valid it's making them able to feel their feelings i loved saved by the bell because it validated like popularity matters and i care about this thing i feel less than i want to be a beautiful girl like there were things in Saved by the Bell that my mom could have asked about. Like, why Zack Morris? What is it about him that you like so much?

He's funny. Oh, so you like funny people. Let's talk about that. And that will be a movie someday that you ask Judd Apatow for an audition for. And he will say yes three weeks later and you'll go audition for it and you won't do very well

and Aubrey Plaza will get the role. But at least you tried and you never get to babysit for him again it's a good story to sell on your podcast really fast right before you go to break not break news news that news apparently here it comes you heard it here first oh you heard it here first folks it's wednesday you know what that means it is almost christmas and it's also wednesday can i just say we do have to go through the anxious attached things before the end of the show. Final thought.

You know what? I wouldn't even think of it. Well, you are fucking secure as shit, dude. So fucking secure, dude. What's the news today? And I hope everyone's having all the swells except for Danny. Danny? I like that name. I do too. That's a fun guy. My brother was Danny growing up. Changed it to Dan

when he started making money. Making money. I like Danny for up. Changed it to Dan. When he started making money. Making money. I like Danny for a girl. You don't want a Danny to invest your money. You don't want a Danny to check out your kind of- Oh, I love Danny as a girl's name. Yes. There's a porn star that's really great.

Danny, she did a segment for Not Safe, my show on Comedy Central. What was her name? Danny Fuck. She's so- Danny Fuck is her name. Danny Fister. Boy, I'll tell you. She does a- Hey. if i became a porn star by

the way i don't need to change my name no not at all you just changed glazer to glaze her i changed the glazer i barely know her would be my hyphenated i mean nikki is is already you don't want a doctor named nikki you don't want anything. Nikki. Nikki. Glazer. Hi, I'm Dr. Nikki Glazer. I know. I trust that bitch. No, it puts sparkles on for you. You just trusted that bitch.

I just psychoanalyzed you a little bit. We got there. Hey, man. You got there, though. That was really good. I think we just did a lot of good. If I was a porn star, I'd name myself Little Tiny Skinny Cock. Andrew C andrew cole call colon and i would just take it in the ass yeah through the drawbridge door oh my god so much lower the door they laughed so hard when i called that little flap a doggy door it's like the dog like

it's like the back of like a truck you know, the mudflaps. I said that too. Yeah, you did say mudflaps. Okay. People are sharing the worst parts of sex that no one talks about. When the dong slips out. I don't mind that. Being on top means I'm dripping sweat from my face, and usually it's landing around my girlfriend's eyes and mouth.

I like it. Taking a little too long to finish and then feeling embarrassed, and the more you think about it, the harder it is. These are not even. These are pedestrian awkward sex things. You want to talk about the worst parts of sex? Let's really go there. But I was performing oral sex on my boyfriend.

My jaw dislocated. What about when you fart during sex? Let's go there. Like farting during sex. Your armpit making a fart. Your chest making a fart your chest making a fart any kind of flatulent noise getting fingered by someone who did not cut their fingernail no what about getting fingered when your pussy is dry like that is that's hell two shows or something

or yeah or when you have to show pussy and you kind of you know you weren't planning on someone going down on you or and they do and you're like like, ugh, that's not my, or toilet paper in your vagina. Let's talk about when a guy isn't, loses his erection. I mean, and that does happen to the hottest women with the guys that are so into them, because I've gotten dry before because of nerves. Yeah.

And like been just or because i'm not hydrated properly or just like in my head it has nothing to do with like i'm old or i'm not into you it's like i it means i'm not connected to my vagina because i'm so in my fucking head well the same and the same argument goes to when my dick goes exactly and that's i know that like i never take take, um, also having, think about putting blood anywhere else in your body for like 45 minutes

without it going soft. That's just not like humanly possible. The fact that any man can do it at all and get hard is a fucking feat of science.

Like I don't, they, they get so hard. It's like a bicep muscle. It doesn't make sense. And it's just, it's not a muscle. It's blood.'t make sense and it's just it's not a muscle it's blood it's crazy bravo to you if you can even get half an erection and i did get one

listener to write to me with small penis and said what should i tell women because i go into dates and i will get close to a woman and right before it gets intimate i will just pull away and that girl's got to think oh my god i probably he doesn't like me and it's because he has a small penis um which i don't want women to now go oh it wasn't me he just is a small dick well this is the thing someone wrote me they're like yesterday you mentioned nick and and ryan yeah nick's dick got brought up being big at the table ryan oh ryan sorry yeah ryan's yeah we don't know what nick's packing but yeah got brought up being big at the table ryan oh ryan sorry yeah ryan's yeah we don't know what nick's packing but yeah got brought up at the table like it and then it was like oh so it's like does that oh yeah yeah well here's the thing that i'm i'm not i'm not saying that big dicks still

won't get girls attention yes i'm saying much like a woman with long luscious flowing locks that make men go oh she's fertile i'm attracted to that i can't help it or big boobs does not make women with small boobs not deserving of love yes that is what i'm saying like we can still comment on big dicks and like oh it's good but guess what like i said i like big dicks because they've served as the molds for things that you're gonna put in a duffel bag and bring over to my house so like I want big dicks inside me but I don't need them attached to you I don't care and so I told this guy don't tell a girl beforehand let her let her open your pants that way and when she does see it go listen I know this isn't what any of us wanted make a joke about it right say this isn't what I wanted it probably isn't what any of us wanted. Make a joke about it, right? Say, this isn't what I wanted. It probably isn't what you wanted.

This is what I've got. But let me just say, if this isn't enough for you, say something like, I think I would want the guy to say, I'm trying to think. But isn't that too much? No, no, no. Because- In the moment? No.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying to make a joke, but you don't have to do a soliloquy. No, but I just mean, just say, listen, this isn't what I wanted. This isn't what you wanted. But listen, I'll take care of you in any way that you need, and you'll be quite all right. And then go down on her or finger her. Learn how to finger till she squirts. There's a way to do it.

And say, and if it does turn into a soliloquy, say, and by the way, if you need a big dick, pick one out online, ship it to my house, and I'll bring it over next time. And I'll fuck you with it. It could be funny to take your pants down and be like- That's a confident guy. You think you could handle all of this? That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

That's a great line. Yeah. That's a great line. And she'll be like- Saying, are you sure you can handle all this? Will this fit? That is so funny. I'm sorry about you.

I'm sorry to back of your throat. It might be the Larry David thing of when he gives Pat and Oswalt the line of I'm in the hot dog eating contest to be funny. And then the girl doesn't have a sense of humor because she doesn't expect it from him. And so he's like, you got to be a funny guy to pull off that line. What if she's listening to this? What if she's like so serious?

She's just like, no, your dick's small though. Oh my God. No, it's really small. Of course that'll fit. It if she's like, so serious, she's just like, no, your dick's small though. Oh my God. No, it's really small. Of course it'll fit. It's tiny. No, I know.

That was the joke though. Oh, well, yeah, your dick is small. Where do we go from here? Hey, Noah, what is like something that comes to mind for you of like the most awkward things

we don't talk about during sex that makes you go, oh, there's like a moment. Do you have any flashbacks of awkward things? the list uh they mentioned um people who don't cut their fingernails before fingering yeah for me it's like if there's if there's dirt under the nails and i noticed that as we're making out what if they get it from fingering me that would also be awkward um i never check a guy's fingernails you know what's something i

just realized i do sometimes like this is graphic i'm sorry i'm not trying to turn anyone on but we're talking about sex openly i feel like a lot of times i will i like a really like spitty blowjob like i like to like oh wow keep going he's really off that zoloft well butan's really coming in clutch for him keep going so sometimes i like to gag myself so that i can make more just stop it i'll make like a lot of mucus right yes and like spit to get it the carlisle effect yeah carlisle like makes a little watering hole in the back of her where you would jump and that one kid drowned that summer like she makes a watering hole in the back of her throat with all the stuff and then she's like slurps all over i like really wet spitty blowjobs sometimes though whatever that

thing is in me that says start making spit because like you're about to touch a dick or lick a dick like it'll almost be like involuntary and I'll start doing it during making out. And all of a sudden I'll have this amount of spit in my mouth where the guy just thinks I just, like literally so much spit that as you're making out, it just floods into their mouth or, and that, if anyone relates to that, there is a hilarious clip from Magic Mike

that I want to tell people about. The Magic Mike show on HBObo max it's a new show that i'm on and it's a it honestly you guys i haven't seen it yet but i was on the finale episode and i filmed it this summer it's so the show the premise for the show it's on hbo max it's finding the next magic mike i think that's the name of it these regular joe schmo guys that have like dad bods that went through the pandemic lost their mojo either got dumped got injured in the sport that they were really succeeding at and then they now they are unemployed they're driving for uber they decided to find all these guys and coach them to turn them into male

strippers to get just to get their confidence back because to be able to strip on stage and own your masculinity up there and dance around you gotta be confident as fuck and so i went in and at the end of the show i realized i only saw these guys at the end and they're all like chippendales like yeah but they all started off as joe schmoes and what i learned was the same thing i learned in dancing with the stars is once you are gyrating on stage and you have your shirt off and all these things there's nothing you can't do that's the most embarrassing thing ever and you're doing it and people like it and you've overcome this fear of being ridiculous these guys now can go out in the world and like they're they're going to be on the

The self-esteem these guys this is a magical show. I was crying there were emotions But there's one scene that I get a lap dance during the show Yeah with I'm meeting the two like final contestants and one of them. This is like a backstage area I'm like, can you show me like what you got? I've like never had a lap dance So he starts giving me a lap dance of them this is like a backstage area i'm like can you show me like what you got i've like never had a lap dance so he starts giving me a lap dance and his dick is like right here this isn't on tv no it's on tv oh okay i just saw the clip the other day and i came across it and i played it my dad was sitting there i go sorry dad but his dick is in my face how did you feel about that dick nick Did you love it? Was it like Dave Matthews for you?

Honestly, yes. No, this guy was so hot too. How did it feel to have a flaccid penis? What I said was, I have never been this close to a dick with my mouth without sucking it. And it feels weird to not suck it. And it really did. You don't get that close you don't get a dick right here in your face without going and my mouth started watering involuntarily and i wasn't even it's not like i wanted to suck this guy's dick it's just there's a dick in my face yeah i'm gonna suck it yeah and so it was i just commented

like i go it's so weird you're like a saint St. Bernard that's always food. Yeah, I was like, but I wasn't horny for it. I want to be very clear. I wasn't like, I want to fuck. It was just, I almost have a Pavlov's response to like, there's a dick, thus get some water in your mouth. Fill the gulch. And it's so funny because I said, and they couldn't believe I said,

I mean, if these were and then the show goes on you should i wonder if they kept the clip in of me getting a really aggressive lap dance during the magic my final performance in front of the crowd where a guy tried to simulate sex on me like oral sex from behind like it was insane and i would told them like i don't i'm not i'm a girl that goes just if i ever go to strip club i don't want girls talking i don't want lap dances i don't want, I'm not, I'm a girl that goes just, if I ever go to strip club, I don't want girls talking. I don't want lap dances. I don't want the attention on me.

I feel very sexually awkward. I don't like that. And they're very mindful of that on the show of like, to be a good magic mic performer, you have to feel which woman is, is going to be embarrassed and don't do this. And which woman really wants it. And which woman kind of wants it,

but it's too shy. Like you've got to read energies. So they're really mindful of that. You've got to get like consent. They didn't fucking read my mind at all because i'm sitting at this table with the judges one of the guys comes over and like takes my hand and like scoots my they pull your chair out and everyone's like and and i'm looking at the guys that are the other judges that are the main people that do the show and they go like are you okay because they already know that i don't like this and i do it's fine you know like it's fine like let me just play along and he from what i remember he picks me up no he

oh oh oh my god he picked he lifts me up bends me over over across the chair and then starts dry slamming dry humping my butt like simulating fuck like active fucking like hard fucking while i'm wearing a skirt bent over he's clothed obviously but that has no shirt on and i'm like and i'm just been overlooking at the table like and everyone's cheering and stuff so i'm just like whatever i'll have them cut it like i can be a team player and then they're like they're seriously like are you okay are you okay like the guy that created magic mike is like oh like don't do this to our celebrity guest judge and then and then the guy and this guy did not get the memo that don't do this to nicky the two guys i met with that are the finale like the guys in the finale they knew just to slow dance with me and just like be sweet

but these the other guys in the show did not get the memo and they're they're told like we got to go to break i'll come back and finish the story right after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop.

Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator.

You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control.

My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and

relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the My Gulura Podcast Network, available on the iHeart on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts the ogs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever i'm erica and i'm mila and we're the hosts of the good mom's bad choices podcast brought to you by the black effect podcast network every wednesday historically men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here.

If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem.

My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh, my God, it's go time.

You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. And we're back.

So to conclude this, this guy goes from simulating fucking me from behind. I like to say the ass because I prefer that, but you know, doggy style. And I'm bent over with my legs up over he bends me over chair like aggressively is your mouth wet at this point my asshole was it just it just gets wet you know what makes me think

when you're this close to a penis and you're not like it's your whole like airplane theory it just reminds like yeah the closeness is close you're gonna either fall in love or suck a dick it's like it was immediate okay so he's banging in the butt and then and i hate this like i do not no i hate it i'm very sexual but i do not like people hearing me have sex i like talking about sex and talking graphically about my own sex life i don't want to be a sex object ever in front of people but but I'm, but I'm grinning and bearing it because this is the kind of show this is. Then the guy lifts me up like, and I have a short skirt on and I feel like he left me like over his shoulder or something.

Like it was crazy aggressive. This guy was really strong and hot and everything, but he lifts me up and he's not my type though. And, uh, and I'm going like this train to like put my hand where my fucking thong ass is to hide it. And then he plops me down on the piano, spreads my legs, and gets down on his knees to simulate oral sex. And that is when I look over at the Magic Mike guy, and I go, mm-mm.

And he rushes over and goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing this. Not on the piano no yeah yeah not on the baby grand um and but it was like those shows that's why i don't go to those shows is because i'm always scared i'm gonna be that girl yeah you're gonna be called in simulated sex on her and these guys i think he just thought based on my comedy and things that this guy thought and she's the celebrity guest judge this is probably what he did with Whitney Cummings the week before Whitney would be down for this kind of thing I think and she was a guest judge on the show but I did not want it and um I got back to the table and I was kind of shaken up because it was embarrassing that it all came to

a stop right away and it was embarrassing that like this guy was doing these things to me that I didn't want done to me and that i don't have i literally when he was doing that from behind i go i haven't had sex in two and a half years this is the closest i've come to have and it has to be with someone i don't know in front of hundreds of people in cameras yeah and i was like i don't like this it's like a public proposal it was terrible with someone you don't know yeah it was not yeah and i'm not attracted to these like i'm not attracted to magic mic types at all and so then we got back to the table and they're all like are you okay and i'm like it's fine like they go we are so sorry we don't know how that happened like we told everyone like

do not do like and i go don't get him in trouble he didn't know he thought i was down like it's it wasn't him taking advantage of me he really thought it was and you could see the rest of the show i think he had like kind of like deer in the headlights look of like i just fucked up because i just the celebrity guest judge i fucking grinded on and simulated but it was really aggressive and emile was there emile saw it afterwards i was just like i was like i don't want to even talk like it was so embarrassing it was so uncomfortable i was really pissed off i just want to even talk. Like it was so embarrassing. It was so uncomfortable. I was really pissed off. I just want to say though that, that the whole production team handled it really well.

It was no one's fault. It was miscommunication. But if you are a girl that goes to one of those shows, by the way, the magic Mike Vegas show is so fucking fun and so cool. I really do recommend it. And you can just, I, I would have said no initially if i wasn't the celebrity guest judge

and on camera i would have gone no not me they should have and they would have stepped away so you can do that i don't want to make you feel like you know what they mean shows have you ever been to a brazilian steak restaurant oh when you they need a green light red light with just a little card of like the thing is some girls want it but they don't want to okay so then there's a yellow card you know what you know what the red card is you know what i'm talking about no i'm good thank you though that's what you know what i'm talking about though the meat thing yeah well it just wouldn't seem like it'd be like such an easy oh god it was like a lesser version of myself would have had a panic attack and like cry and like really cried because i felt i because i i do value like i know people think i'm a whore i haven't had sex

and at this point i had not had sex in over two years and this guy was there was only a piece of two pieces of fabric separating his dick from my asshole and it was just like and i don't know him and he's slamming it and and literally like we're fucking in a way that i i only fuck people i'm deeply in love with yeah and so it was just it was a violation i think uh i think like that like the whole consent thing in regards to that like it just it's a it's a broader thing than what you're talking about like where the idea is like i've never had a dick this close without sucking it so that guy hears that and he's like oh this chick oh i am not blaming no no no i don't think i don't think there's blame i'm just saying this goes back to the thing of like when you get accused

of something or like someone confronts you about something i'm confronting the magic mike show of like that made me uncomfortable and i did not like it am do i think you need to pay me for that or be punished no do i think that guy was a bad person do i think that he doesn't know how to read women's cues no because i agreed to it the whole time i had joked about i i wasn't asking for it per se but in a way i was because i consented along the way and i had every chance to opt out of it it just went too far and as soon as it went too far thank god the guy so he was monitoring my face the whole time and as soon as I just go and did the like cut across my neck, he rushed over so fast and was my hero and completely made me feel safe. And so in no way when I say I was violated on that show, it was something that I signed up for and consented to and didn't know until it was already something I had.

I'm allowed to feel violated and have it be quote-unquote my fault yeah and I think that I mean there was a story about a a pitcher pitcher pitcher picture uh oh a pitcher an actual pitcher I don't want to mess his name up and like talk about another but uh Bauer I think his last name was where a woman consult uh consented to rough sex but then he took that what does that mean the extra mile and now your version is like you consented to getting grinded to a point but the second i said no it stopped and that's the difference and with rough sex sarah shaffer my old podcast co-host, hooked up with a guy one time. And he's a famous person, actually, who has been Me Too'd since then.

But this was a story long before he had been Me Too'd. He was like a child star. He was a star when he was a kid. But at this point, he was an adult. But he was still a Disney kind of figure. And she said, you can be a little rough if you want. And he slapped her across the face so fucking hard like as soon as she said she thought in her joke she's like i thought he would like take a piece of my hair and like just like gently pull it and he just fucking slapped the shit out

of her and it was like that is so not what you can be a little rough or you can be really rough that's not it take these things slow and be willing to not be humiliated when a girl goes no not like that and don't go you asked for it it's okay that she asked for it and was wrong about her boundaries and it's okay that you surpassed her boundaries if you were always taking those into consideration we make mistakes that's okay and this is not my statement about being on that show i want to be on that show again. I would do anything to be on the show again. I would not recommend any other show in Vegas besides that show.

And I literally went into it thinking it would suck. And I would have to act like, I like to do this. What about when the blue men ran a train on you without you asking? No, blue men is the same anxiety. Being around, doing this,

there's, it's an interesting point of like, it's hard to say no when there's a thousand people watching that are cheering it on. The fact that you would say no and ruin a good time for everyone else. And make it weird. But if you're alone, there's... It's also a risk. But people a lot of times will go, well, it's just one person.

You can make them... No, no, no. That is so much scarier. Because guess what? A guy... Especially if why people always say. Especially if you're alone in a guy's, yeah. To bring up, to call back to Louie, I haven't talked about him in this context on the show this week, but when people say, the girls laughed when Louie took out his dick.

They were giggling. Why? And they didn't tell him to stop. Well, when a guy takes out his dick when you don't want him to you or on the train if you see a guy take out his dick and girl people go why why did you just freeze the thing is it's not because they're consenting or okay with it or because they kind of are interested and they want to see where it goes it's because if a guy is willing to take out his dick when you don't expect it what the fuck else is this guy capable of that shows an error of judgment and an error in

uh respecting your space so when a guy you know when you see a guy walking down the street and he's muttering to himself he hasn't done anything wrong he's allowed to mutter to himself but you cross the street because the guy who's muttering to himself is capable of pulling out a machete and slicing your head off that's in the same line. But I agree with that to a point, though, because there's things that people have a moral, like that can do things without it going to that. Yes. But I understand being afraid of that.

But you're also allowed to say, your dick is out and I do not care for this. Of course. And I am not going to suck it. That is my number one thing. Once you're talking to your kids tonight about their feelings towards BTS, please remind your daughters, if a man takes out his penis, they do not have to do anything to it.

Men often gaslight women thinking, my penis is out. It's penis time. Did you not get the memo? And the girl just does it because she doesn't want to embarrass him because it's so brave to take out your dick. I covered all this in Bangin'. Make sure your daughters know that men take their penises out way too soon and that they always will and that your daughter is right to be like i don't want to do anything with this and that she's right to tell them to put it away because girls do not know that it took me 35 years to learn that you guys and not the whole 35 years

i mean i wasn't dealing with dicks until far into my life that always reminds me of people were like on their vows i've been looking 35 years to find this woman it's like were you a horny toddler like let's start it like maybe started maybe start it looking at 20. I had a dark thought the other day where someone's like, I'm nine years cancer-free, and I'm like, I'm 41 years cancer-free. That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

Like, we're bragging. By the way, you have cancer all the time. Your body's just fighting it. Oh, and my asshole's not. Okay, final thought. Here, can we go through these? Yeah. not okay final thought here can we go through these yeah these are uh maybe anxious attached uh you know yeah touch points thoughts and feelings that compel you to seek closeness with your partner thinking about your mate difficulty concentrating on other things

remembering only their good qualities putting them on a pedestal underestimating your talents and abilities and overestimating theirs an anxious feeling that goes away only when you are in contact with them believing this is your only chance for love as in i'm only compatible with very few people what are the chances i'll find another person like him or her it takes years to meet someone new i'll end up Believing that even though you're unhappy, you'd better not let go. As in, if she leaves me, she'll turn into a great partner for someone else.

Or he can change. Or all couples have problems. We're not special in that regard. Those, if you resonate with any of those, you might be anxious attached. Now I resonate with all, those all resonate with me. I'm sorry, I hate when people say that you resonate with something. Those i resonate with all those all resonate with me i'm sorry i hate

when people say that you resonate with something those things resonate with me too and i don't know what i'm gonna keep reading and find out i know it's hard because those you know what's interesting about all that is like i feel like our friendship i was anxious attached to this friendship yeah and you were avoided yes oh and the more secure you became with me of like feeling like oh i could tell you yeah we could talk and you like not respect but like there was just a level of where we've met in the middle that's been yeah yeah and being like honest with you like yeah that did make me mad and yeah i was out of line and i'll try to do better it's really is about communication yeah it's so much.

And you can, like, this proves the point, like, to Noah was saying, like, you can change, and it can be healthy, and like. And you can say that you need things. Yeah. You can say, if you're an anxious person, I just learned this, and I just, like, kind of did this the other day,

where I said, I need to hear from you. And I'm anxious, attached. It's not my fault. It's like being a fucking Gemini. She's not talking about me. Because this can be confusing. No, no, no, no. But talking to someone, I said, I'm anxious, attached. And I freak out when I don't hear from you.

Because it's just the way I was raised. It's irrational. But I start going to all these weird fucking places. And it's not that abnormal. I'm a lot like another people, other people. I'm just being honest with you. Like, this is how girls think. I need to hear from you when I, when I say like, how are you? Like, I need something back. I need that. And if you can't give that to me, I totally understand, but that's not something I'm going to compromise on because I'm going to live in constant hell because of the way my brain is wired it's not good i'm not saying that i like this way i'm trying my best to get better about this but you need to help me out just like

i need help if you're in a wheelchair i'm going to need you to push my wheelchair sometimes like i'm disabled in this way and you got to be okay with that person going i hear you i empathize with you but i can't be that person for you and you got to be okay with that no you know what i mean or if they say that go okay well i don't i can't yeah yeah yeah or they can say i'm gonna try my best and let's see how it goes and if it's not enough for you i'm out or you can go but being okay with what you need is a new thing to me and i don't know if you're listening and you relate to that at all but being okay having asking for things that you need that make you feel like too needy or a nag or like codependent i mean two months ago you could have

asked me about this and i would have said yeah if you need things like that means that you don't like yourself and you need me no no no it's okay to need things from your parents, from your loved one. It's okay to say, I need that. And the fear is that they're going to say, I can't give that to you. And then you have to decide if you're willing to live a life of chronic anxiety and feeling not good enoughness, because this person that you've chosen cannot meet your needs. And there is someone out there that would, there are people out there that can call you back or see a missed call from you and write to you and go, Hey, what's up, hon? I'm sorry. I'm busy. And then there are people that go, I, she is so needy. It's making me feel really like I don't like her anymore. And you shouldn't be with those people because they're not a good fit. And it sucks because we're attracted to these opposites. If any of this

is interesting to you, please read Attached along with me. And if you read it and you come across something that you would like me to expound on, or there's something I missed that you think I would really like, I'd love to like have a book club about this book because it's really, I'm taking it slow. I'm rereading things. It's's a really fast read you can download it on your phone that's how i read it um yeah because i'm going to be talking about it for a bit and maybe if the way that i'm talking about this makes you think of something else a lot of people recommended me great books about this weird theory i was saying about like i'm everyone and i was like i don't even know what i mean people sent me all these great books about that theory. So thank you, besties.

And thank you, besties. It is funny. They're like, you're describing it. I see what you're trying to do, but here's some book. No, but I asked for that. I was like,

do you know any literature about this? Here's how to buy a home. Besties are so smart and some of them are. Yeah. Sometimes they break down like what i'm trying to say and i'm like you should be talking and i should be fucking picking up dog shitting i'm

gonna go on that instagram live again today and pretty much every day this christmas break because i'm not performing it's just i am having the best time at my open mics on there thank you to everyone who's a regular uh viewer of that. My guitar skills are... We're going to be off next week. We still have an episode tomorrow. Oh, yes, we're going to be off. What days? All of next week, we're off.

You're going to be in Hawaii. Oh, that's right. Yeah. That's actually really good for us. I will be going live on... We'll both go live. Yeah, I'll do that. I don't mean to promise him.

I will be going live on Instagram from Hawaii. both go live. Yeah, I'll do that. I don't mean to promise him. I will be going live on Instagram from Hawaii. I'll probably play guitar in my hotel room. And I'll do it from inside a gator down in Florida. Yeah, make sure to follow us on Instagram. Sorry to take off for Christmas. I know that means a lot to you guys to have people there during the holidays, but we are always there on old episodes.

You can write to me, and I'll suggest some podcasts that might keep you company in other ways. But yeah, we're there for you. Follow us on Instagram. We have one more show tomorrow, so don't worry. Andrew is going to be in Michigan. Yeah, I'm going to Michigan right now.

I'm going to be here. Yeah, he's driving to Michigan with Brenna. Eight hours. That's a good drive. That'll be fun. We'll probably kill each other. And we'll see you tomorrow here on the show. And then, yeah drive. That'll be fun. Probably kill each other. And we'll see you tomorrow here on the show. And then, yeah, just prepare for next week.

We're going to be off, but we'll be on live. So don't worry. And go follow us on Nikki Glaser Pod. And thank you so much for joining us for coffee and tea bags. That's our name of the show. How are those glasses suiting you? Good. I don't know if Brenna loves them.

She said I look older, which isn't a good thing for a younger woman to do. Yeah, you're already. He gets already. That's not. I feel like you look younger. Huh. Well, don't be cut out there. And Jackson Holmes.

Jackson Holmes. Mahomes. Oh, is that Patrick Mahomes? It's his brother who's very annoying on TikTok. Oh, well, good. Okay, good. As long as it's valid. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of

your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts catch john stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners,

like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships and engage in thought provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever but not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect podcast network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast. We want to speak out and we want this to stop.

Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him.

From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.