The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #156 Expressions In The Biz

Episode Date: January 6, 2022

Nikki and Andrew are back together in studio catching up on Nikki's star studded Hawaiian adventure with Bill Maher, the one guy her dad would... The rest of this sentence is in the podcast. Nikki tells a story about how the ice was broken on a private jet, about a Larry David moment with Larry David, the precious gift she received from Woody Harrelson and lots more. They skipped segments this time but brought back a Bestie favorite in the Final Thought! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pain point. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them.

Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist,

and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast. It's Wednesday. Andrew's here. I'm starting off. Listen, I'm still going to do the top of the show by myself. But lately, we've been having to do a little bit shorter episodes because of timing constraints and internet issues. So just bringing them in right away, you know? Hey, I'm fluid. You're so fluid. You're full of fluids. Honestly, I'm probably 140% water. You're like the earth, right? Wait, no, wait. No, aren't we like mostly water? Earth is 70% water, 30% jello. I watched the episode of Curb last night that I had. I'm going back and filling in the gaps of this season of Curb,

and I saw the watermelon episode where the guy he lives with uh jb smooth is reluctant to eat watermelon and very nervous and like has this whole thing about even though it's his favorite fruit Larry it's my favorite fruit because of he doesn't want to be a stereotypical black guy. And it's such a good episode. And Woody Harrelson's in it. And I met Woody for a second time over my Halloween. Hawaii? Halawani?

My Halawani trip. Wait, time out. You met Woody Harrelson too? Wait, how did you not know that? Did you not see my story, bro? I missed that too, Nikki. Here's the thing. i missed that too part of my thought process was yeah eliminating taking out my invisalign hold on we have to crack my back oh that's nice i felt that in my spine

it's like the opposite of it no i think people could get into that it's very crunchy i don't know where i'm trying to put it if you watch the video, I'm hiding it in my Swifty Swifter. It could be anywhere. Okay, so yeah, I met Woody Harrelson for a second time. Okay, so let's talk about it. And let's talk about my favorite person on earth. Right, Danny McBride. Huh?

Danny McBride? No. Larry? Okay, so I met Larry before too, but it was funny. Lenny Dykstra. I met Len? No. Larry? No. Okay, so I've met Larry before, too. But it was funny. Lenny Dykstra. I met Lenny, too. What?

So I go to Hawaii. It was a trip that Bill... Wait, why did you say it like that? Hawaii? Wait, what's wrong with the way she says it? I don't know. I think it's like how she says Vegas. It does something to my ears. Maybe I'm wrong.

So tell me how you say it. Hawaii. Hawaii. You go Hawaii. Hawaii. You just give it a lot, maybe. I don't know. I do enunciate Hawaii.

Well, I think it's like H. I think that's how they say it. I'm probably wrong. I mean, I could be wrong, too. I say things weird. My morning jacket. Whole Foods. Whole Foods. Breaking Bad. I couldn't say could be wrong too. I say things weird. My morning jacket. Whole Foods. Whole Foods.

Breaking Bad. I couldn't say Breaking Bad one day. It was just really tough for me. David Dubrovnik. What? I don't know why. I meant David Duchovny. I really did mean Duchovny and I said Dubrovnik.

And you put in David Dobrik. Wait, what's his name? I don't know. Yeah, it's David Dobrik. Wait, what's his name? I don't know. Yeah, it's David Dobrik. Oh, man. The kids love him. So, Jesus Christ. We're off to some kind of start.

Hawaii. What was the thing you said yesterday where you go nose one bound? That was the best. That was so fun. That's what she named the, okay, anyhow.

So you're in Hawaii. Yeah, I'm in Hawaii. I went with Bill Maher. Bill Maher asked me, February 2020, to go on the trip in, he does a New Year's Eve trip

every year to Hawaii because, to the islands, because he, he did the same thing that, he realized the same thing that he realized the same thing that i kind of realized which is um life is hard and once you get to a certain level where you have enough money like it's good to like lose money on a thing because it will be such a fun trip and he

did this trip one year and he's just done it ever since he stays at the same places he goes to eat at the same places and they do these new year's eve places. And they do these New Year's Eve, two shows, one in Maui, one on Honolulu. And he brings a bunch of his friends, fly over, and he brings – Okay, let's go over this. So you fly private with Bill Maher, who's on the plane. I want to hear the initial – Let me just say, I did not know that Bill Maher liked me. In February 2020, I get asked via my agent like he

wants you to come on this trip and i was like yes and then bill bill right me personally after i had heard it from my manager he followed up and was like this trip means a lot to me i would love for you to go i asked him if i could bring a guest he was like you know i don't usually have like we don't have a ton of room but yes you can bring a guest and i was like great i didn't even know who i was gonna bring at the time because it was a you know nine ten months away um that trip got canceled because of covid then he asked he re-upped me for the next one so this has been like two years in the making nearly and i didn't know he liked me the only time i had run into bill maher bill maher is my dad's favorite person in the world i've they've gone to see he's the only comedian i know

that they've gone to pay to see that i've multiple times when he comes to st louis they watch his show every week he um when my dad when i did the lie detector test with my parents on not safe which is one of my most watched youtube videos um to calibrate the test like if i were giving you a lie detector test right now to make sure it's working i'd say are you wearing new balance shoes yes yes so like something very obvious and to calibrate the test for my mom it was like you know is your sweater purple and for my dad it was do you love bill maher and so that's like how much my dad loves bill maher i was i did ask him that during the thing i was like would you go down on bill maher it didn't air it but like that was one of my lie detector questions and

uh what we found was shocking on the next not safe with nikki like that was one of my lie detector questions and uh what we found was shocking on the next not safe with nikki laser that was canceled in 2016 um so he um asked me to go and my only run-in with him before is you know just having known him was one time he walked in he was at the cellar when i was going about to go on stage he walked in while the mc was on stage and about to bring me up and he walked in while the MC was on stage and about to bring me up, and he walked in with two beautiful young girls, sits on the bench where the people that are just visiting go in to watch, and I was like, oh, my God, Bill Maher's going to watch me, and I'm on stage, and I see him leave in the middle of my set,

which I took personally, but he probably was just like, I'm just not feeling this. It's just not my style of comedy for tonight. I was probably saying, like, don't fuck old men or something. You know, like it was probably not helping his. Don't fuck Bill Maher, dad.

Babe. And, and this was so many, this was 2012 or something. So I could have just sucked. Although I was performing at the cellar and you don't suck if you perform there, but you know, I could have had an off night.

It doesn't matter. So when he asked me, I was like, Oh my God, where does he know me from? Turns out he knows me from the roasts and then he's heard me on Howard. And we have some email correspondence.

And then I do his show during Zoom, on Zoom during COVID in June of 2020, I think from my parents' house, which is a great interview. Then I do it again this past June in person. It was awesome. And those were the only times I met him. I show up at the airport,

not knowing what this is going to be at all. I bring Chris with me. We show up and Bill's not there yet. I'm kind of running late and I'm freaking out that we're running late because I just like know that- You ran late to a- Well, I wasn't late.

I was right on time. I was there three minutes before we were supposed to a... Well, I wasn't late. I was right on time to a private jet. I was there three minutes before we were supposed to board but then the plane had issues. Now, what's the deal with private jet? You went to the airport. No security, right? You just go... Yeah, we were at Van Nuys Airport. So it's a small

private jet airport. You pull up and you walk through a lobby. We're supposed to board at 2 157. I love it. I had my tsa free and i'm freaking out because we i wanted to get lunch before because the five and a half hour journey and i don't know what's going to be on the plane i love the idea of bill hiding and showing up after you just to prove power over you. You know what I mean? Well, he did show up after, but I'm so glad he didn't see me show up kind of late,

even though I was running like three minutes behind on every single time we went anywhere. And he would call me like two minutes in and be like, we're gonna leave. But he- So, okay, so you're at the plane. I get into the lobby and I walk in and there's like this big group of people.

I don't know how many people are going to be going on this, but it turns out it was Jim Vallely, who, you know, co-wrote all of us, Rest and Development, with his wife, Maggie, who is Margaret Rowe is the name she goes by, her pen name. And she's written all these books and she's an amazing woman. I thought you were going to say pet name. It's her pet name. Oh my God. That's what I thought too. God, she's say pet name. It's her pet name. Oh my God. She,

God, she's so fucking funny. They're all so funny. And so who else? And then, um, a guy named Eddie, who is one of the founders of vice media.

Um, and he no longer works there, but Eddie, uh, Corey, his, his plus one, who's one of his best friends.

They're kind of like a you and I situation. Um, Corey Kennedy is her name. There is Annabelle Gurwitch, who was on Dinner and a Movie. Remember that TBS Dinner and a Movie? Beans and cornbread. Kind of. If I saw her.

There's a guy and a girl, and it's her. She's been in a ton of things. She's also a New York Times bestseller, author, and ranks for the New Yorker and everything. She's kind of transitioned from actress to uh author feels like a movie like clue you know when it's just like a murder mystery yeah murder totally we even said that at one point that's really funny so um yeah you weren't the first to think that no i'm just kidding no that's you're you should ask your dad if he blew bill maher i did that but it wasn't aired no we really did i wasn't trying i in either

circumstance was i trying to make but i didn't i didn't load it in my brain at all um okay i yeah it wasn't waiting there for you but it was it's just i would said that because it was funny because i did ask him that there's no fighting so um then one bell moved moved up um so One bell. Moved out. So, Missy Prada. So silly. Recycling. Try your seats. So, oh God, if you're a new listener, there's a lot to catch up on. Sorry. You know what?

We'll get you there. So, we love you so much. Pamper. And thank you for tuning in at all. We don't need you to listen to every episode. Just kidding. I know, it was very loud. And then it was Chris from Kid and Play,

Chris Reed from Kid from Kid and Play. What's he been up to? He's a comedian now, and he's also back on the road with Kid and Play. They're going out with Salt-N-Pepa. It's like 90s revival. They're going out again. All the ends. I mean, I didn't- Oh,a. It's like 90s revival. They're going out again. All the ends.

I didn't mean it. Oh, God. That is so funny. And he would laugh at that. But I didn't mean it. Of course you didn't. Salt-N-Pepa, Kid in Play. That is so funny

and needs to be in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where it's like, I didn't mean it. Of course you didn't mean it. I know, I know, I know. No, if you cancel andrew because of that cancel me too because i co-sign on how unintentionally funny that wasn't stupid and you're stupid if you get offended that was so stupid okay so um so chris and then his girlfriend

ida who sells uh luxury cars and who's really cool and then um, God, I feel bad that I'm, oh, and then Rick Bartolini, who was the guy that promoted it, his boyfriend, a guy named, fuck, he's probably gonna listen to this. Now I forget his name. He was so fucking nice.

Mr. Bartolini. Now they're married. And then, let me just think of, there might've been, oh my God, if there's anyone I'm missing, it would be so... Oh, and then Mark, Bill's like...

One of the producers on the show, Mark, Bill's like... He seemed like his kind of assistant. So there weren't any random women? No. Oh, okay. Bill did not have any dates with him, but Bill is a fascinating person.

Why I love Bill Maher more than is like a fascinating person and such an like why i love bill maher more than just being a brilliant comedian and being super generous and like really really nice to my guest and like everyone waiters like just a guy you think that a guy like that might not but be that cool to waiters and stuff it was funny chris on his show today um not kid and play chris but my chris on his radio show today, he was doing a really fun segment called like, you know, truth, truth or fiction or whatever.

And they just say things that happened to them over the break. And you have to guess whether or not it was true. And he was like, I loved Bill Maher until he was rude to a waiter. One of the most disappointing moments was he was rude to a waiter and both his guests were like, co-hosts were like, that's true.

And he's like, you'd think so, but it wasn't because he's just so, he's like, you'd think so, but it wasn't. Because he's just so, he's just one of those guys that like is very. What do you talk about on the plane? Like what's the conversation on the plane? Who's sitting by Bill? Like what is.

Instantly when I walk in, everyone is just like, hi, Nikki. They all Googled me. They all know who I am. I'm there. So everyone is so nice. We are just like adopted into this group of friends. Everyone's kind of nervous because they're all because they all kind of know each other, but not really, just through Bill.

We get on the plane. Bill gets there. He's wearing these big Elvis sunglasses. He's just ready with a briefcase, and he's ready to go. He walks on the plane, and we all take seats, and we're kind of nervous. Where do we sit? I sit across from Eddie, and Corey, and Chrisris and i are on one side of the table and we just start talking about um

just everything i mean like how they met how chris and i met and we just i hate to say it but bill i'm gonna toot my own horn a little bit so at the end of the trip bill's done this trip 10 10 years in a row this is you know the skipped one year this 10th anniversary and he was like there's something about this trip where everyone was so open and honest and it started on the plane probably an hour in bill starts making the rounds of like going to each group of the plane there's like three sections to sit in and he made it over to ours and we start talking about um anal and i start you know issuing the benefits and the the joy that has brought me in my life and and asking him if because he's a very sexually open person and uh asking him about his sex life

and he is totally closed off to anal never done it and he's like there is poop back there and then he goes oh so you're act it's not an act and he was like i didn't think it was but like that's interesting and then we start getting into all of that. And it just, everyone on the, there was a moment Annabelle Gurwitch is in the back reading a book and she's meditating. And I see her kind of meditating and also overhearing this conversation about anal. And I'm like, oh my God, she's 60, but she looks like 42.

She's beautiful and just elegant. And she's kind of quiet up to this point. She's quiet. And I'm like, this woman just fucking hates me and probably thinks i'm so good for like being like took that ana with bill maher like trying to show off and be good yeah and i'm like oh she probably is just like this girl is just too much you know and i was trying not to be too much but you know i'm a lot joe rogan 2000 joe rogan comma 2012. Or 6, 17, 18. I think it was like 19.

18 or 19. Well, you were a lot before that. Yeah, I've always been a lot. And when I was born, I was very little. Oh, you were so small. I was a very skinny baby, and I had jaundice. I had to be in a little incubator. You were 3%.

Like a little chicken. And so he said it. But Annabelle, at one point um everyone is like not into anal no one in my like the pilot well the pilot of course he is but he can't chime in yeah um what if he over the loudspeaker like i'll fuck you i love chris though because because Chris is sitting there and is just like, he just, I'm really happy to be with someone who has like, is hates toilet humor. By the way, Bill Maher also hates toilet humor.

So him and Chris like really connected over that. They don't like poop and fart jokes. They just makes them recoil. They just hate it. Even though Bill, I go, you have two fart jokes in your act where you literally fart in the act. Like you're like, like you make fart sounds fart sounds yeah but it's highbrow uh it actually is but uh

highbrow fart and uh she but at one point i look over at annabelle and um i go god i'm sorry i guess i'm the only one even though all of you would be into it and she goes I love it and she just like quietly raised her hand and I was like fuck yes girl thank you and then it just like opened up we just were like all best friends I mean I really made some solid friends of people I will work

with like I told Jim Vallely who you know kept referencing how he's like an old like kind of washed up guy even though he's one of the quickest funniest people ever he was kind of just making jokes about like I'm an old man like I'm invisible to women I he's like what you have you have a great career ahead of you you have such important things to say I could be in bed and watch tv the rest of my life I have nothing more to say and I'm like Jim no like I if I was doing a scripted show i would you'd be my first hire he's like one of the funniest people i've ever like just quick and like i will say that he takes he um he throws out

jokes constantly and will like he does he he does not pull back and so there are bombs a lot of times but then he is funny when he bombs but you know that is the mark of someone who's just like he's just trying he just always is lifting up the move there was one time when we were at dinner and there was an asian woman at the dinner with us and he said someone we were making erection jokes and he was like erection he was like or the way the japanese uh talk about the when they you you know, when they vote in a new candidate, the erection, like making an L. And it just fucking.

Yeah. Thudded on the, like a, like bread on a duck's back. Just. Yeah. And it, and he was just like,

and, and even later he was like, God, that was a rough bomb. And we were all, he's like, I don't know what I was even thinking. Like, he's like god that was a rough bomb and we were all he's like i don't know what i was even thinking like he's like kind of old school and makes kind of you know racy jokes sometimes but we were around like people that just were cool and like let those

joke kind of jokes fly it was so much fun we did we're five and a half hours on this flight together we all got off the flight we were best friends friends. We all went to our separate hotels. Like during the day we would go one day we went all into the beach together. We would have lunch together. We would go to dinner every single night and bill would pay for the whole thing. These great, like luxurious lunches.

We would all take, be in vans together going to the venues. And we had two shows. So we were there four nights, but we had two nights of shows and we did a show in Maui on the 30th. And then we flew to Honolulu on the 31st. And how much time did you have on the show? How did you do?

Bill would go out cold 30 minutes. Bill would go out cold. Literally cold. He would walk out. I've never seen anything like it. We got to go to break, but I'm going to come back and tell you how Bill went out cold. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to

be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show, ears edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now.

Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people. What's up? It's Questo. Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I

love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody. Every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical upper. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed, you know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe,

and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same,

our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique.

Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy model.

Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated.

Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So Bill would, the show, there was no like. What does going out cold mean um going out cold means you go out and you're shivering a little bit um you go out in a tank top a little tanky so going out cold means you have no opener there's no there's nothing to you just walk it's the worst

position usually the mc is the worst spot in the show which is ironic because in the in the u.s mcs are usually the worst comic on the show, which is ironic because in the US, emcees are usually the worst comic on the show. They're the comic with the least experience, right? And that's done because it's the least amount of time you stay on stage, even though you bring up each comedian. In the UK and maybe elsewhere, the emcee is usually the most like maybe not the big act on the show, but is someone who is more proficient than the middle act because it's such a tough spot to go out cold and you want someone there that can really fill those shoes so it's so it's it's not a good weight system we do it where the first person that goes out doesn't know how to like address the crowd because all the things that come with being a great showman and emceeing a show

are the things that come after you perfect your act it's like the you know audience interaction it's the stage presence it's all those things that are built with thousands and thousands so bill walks out to literally when did he tell you that he was going to go out cold never i mean he said i'm gonna go out then you'll go out wait i'm gonna go out i'll bring up kid or chris read then i'm gonna come back out i'll bring up you then i'm gonna close out the show so he bookended it with 30 and 30 and uh kid chris did 25 i did 30 and it uh he but he doesn't go out like when i bring up a meal to go up cold on our shows he's really not going up totally cold because i do a and he is because he's the first person on stage but i do uh um another expression in the biz is voice of god which is the sound you hear when someone's talking backstage like welcome to the show please put your mask over your nose iron mouth but um i usually bring up a meal with a

couple jokes and i'm like hey guys it's nikki and usually i have to say the headliner does not get you don't hear from the headliner at all before they walk out on stage. So I would do that as like to give a meal something. Which he doesn't need, but you know, I want him, every comedian, no matter how good you are, you don't want to go up cold. It's just, it's taking the bullet as we also call it. So Bill goes up, but he doesn't, there's no, please welcome Bill Maher.

Or like the lights don't even change it's just all of a sudden the music goes bump bump bump bump bump bump like his his real-time music and he just walks out and it's not like bump bump bump bump it's like he walks as the music starts there's no he's just goes and he hits the mic and he has a little um music stand that he puts his notebook on and he flips through his jokes because um he goes on stage high every single time he has a little music stand that he puts his notebook on and he flips through his jokes because he goes on stage high every single time. He has never not been high on stage when he does stand up. Now, let me say that Bill Maher

does not smoke weed ever or get high. And he doesn't do edibles because he's had bad experiences, which are hilarious stories that he shares on. You got to go see him. And if you are, you know, even if you're a conservative, Bill is going to hit both sides of whatever you feel and educate you and he's just really good he's really really good

at stand-up and i would not be saying this if he weren't someone that i think our besties would like to go see i would just say he's great i wouldn't say this you know what i mean like i really recommend going to see him. You'll learn a lot. And he's one of the best standups out there. So he, yeah, but he doesn't ever go on real time or on TV stoned. It's interesting.

He's very regimented. Now for me, if I'm getting stoned before a show, I'm getting stoned before. Like I was stoned on F boy for some of it. You know, by the end of F boy, I was like, let me take a little hit like we're talking to and then i was talking to woody harrelson we'll get into that later and we were talking this is when we were getting into like when do you imbibe substances or smoke before things and woody even said like you know woody's a big pothead too and he's like i don't smoke before a scene because i go do you ever

smoke before an act a scene because i told my story to Woody of fainting on stage. We're going too fast. How did you meet? Was Woody at the show? Woody couldn't go because Woody's unvaxxed. Oh, interesting. And Bill was like, goddammit, Woody. And also Eddie Vedder usually goes to the Honolulu show

because he's good friends with Obama and he lives in Honolulu during the holidays to be friends with Obama and hang out with them. Like best friends with obama and he like lives in honolulu during the holidays to like be friends with obama and hang out with them like best friends with obama eddie vetter and he didn't go to our honolulu show even though he goes every year for 10 years because he was scared of covid and so it sucked that we didn't get these like but what he did come to dinner afterwards so after the shows we would at 10 30 11, we would go back to the Four Seasons, and they would open up the restaurant that's now closed,

and they would serve us dinner at this big table with 13 of us, plus Larry was there that night at the show. So he met, he was staying at the Four Seasons. Was Larry backstage when you show up at the show? So I went whale watching that day. By Larry, Larry David,

folks. So I went whale watching that day by larry larry david folks so when i went whale watching that day with chris it was um we invited everyone but no one wanted to go bill was like i can see them on google image i'm just fine and i was like i feel that way about literally everything except whales so i get it so chris and i went alone we said we'll meet you guys there usually we all go everywhere as a group together so So this was a little bit like, is that okay? And Bill was like, yeah, it's fine. So we go to the venue straight from where watching we pull up and I get

backstage and they take my temperature and everything. And, and everyone's already there. We got there like five minutes before behind everyone else. And, um, everyone's like, um,

uh, uh, Mark comes up to me, you know, Bill's guy. And he's like, Bill wants to practice the song with you because we always close the shows

with a rendition of Smile. Smile, even though it's breaking, smile. And we needed to practice it because we practiced it before and we didn't know what key and we were,

so he's like, Bill wants, and I didn't memorize the lyrics yet and I'm like, fuck, but then I quickly looked at them and like got them, even though they're very hard because they're all like similar, but not. And so we get, we go to this green room and he's like, Bill, Bill, what should we practice?

So we go to get Bill and there's Larry David. And I am still in my whale watching outfit. I went to the venue to change and I have no makeup on, disgusting wet hair, jean short cutoffs that have stained with spray tan. You look so cute. You look like Larry David. You look so cute. I did not look,

but I did not look like, it would have needed to be said, like even Bill looked me up and down and I go, I'm gonna change, don't worry, I'm not wearing this on stage because this is like a big show.

Yeah. But you know how like, if I met Larry David, he doesn't care for me to go, I'm not gonna wear this on stage, but I would have had to say that because even though it doesn't care for me to go. I'm not going to wear this on stage. But I would have had to say that because even though it doesn't need to be said, it kind of does. And then it would have just been – so I was like, I don't want to meet Larry right now. And so I didn't say that, but thank God.

I saw him in the corner talking to people. It was like this green room situation. Like it looked like a break room of an office, right? There's a table. There's like coffee. Why is Larry there? He's just on vacation? So Larry is there with his new wife. got married recently they've been dating four years they

met at sasha barrett cohen's uh anniversary party with his wife isla fisher he she she's a producer that worked with sasha barrett cohen i've actually worked with her on something that i didn't um we didn't meet when we worked on it but um so he's there with his new wife they're all talking to my friends cory and ed, all those people. And I go off to practice the song with Bill and Chris. We nail it. And I run off to my green room to go get ready, curl my hair, put on makeup, put on my outfit. I come back out and like, okay, now I'm ready to meet fucking Larry.

I walk into the green room. They're all sitting around the table now in this like break room area and larry is and they're all in a deep discussion with annabelle uh gerwich about her son who is non-binary and larry's being classic curvy enthusiasm larry of like now tell me what does it mean what happens when they you know he's asking all the questions about you know trans people and they're i walk in and i go hi i'm nikki and he goes we've met and i go i know but i don't want to go we've met like i didn't want to be the person when did you meet larry david well i i don't know when he thinks he met me there's no way he remembers meeting me at this but i didn't want to get into like when do you think yeah yeah. But he had seen me at the roast.

I remember that. And Radu Fondar heard him in the bathroom go, you don't want to laugh because it's so brutal, but it's really fucking funny. Like he said that about me. Yeah. Right? Like, you don't want to laugh at what she says, but it's like, you can't help it. And that was like such a great little thing that we heard that we're like, yes, Larry liked me. Awesome.

So then I walk in and Chris is behind me and we're both like and I go um hi I'm Nikki and he's like I know you he goes with that and I go I know I don't I was like I don't expect you to remember me I I love you I was like this season of Curb is so fucking good everyone I talk to we talk about it right away it's like a conversation I have with everyone I was like you this season of Curb is so fucking good. Everyone I talk to, we talk about it right away. It's like a conversation I have with everyone. I was like, you just killed it. Thank you so much. And I questioned saying that because I'm like, oh, he's probably getting it all the time.

And then I remembered my little rule, which is everyone thinks celebrities hear things all the time. And so you never hear it. And whenever you see me on TV or whenever you see my face on something or see me in a magazine, please send me at besties because I bet you think that everyone saw me and sent me something. But they don't because everyone thinks that everyone else did. It's the bystander effect. So he was like, oh, thank you. Thank you. And then they got back into the conversation.

I'm just sitting there kind of ping pong, like tennis matching, watching this conversation. And then and then it's time to go on stage so we walk out and larry and his wife who his wife was in the bathroom so i didn't meet her at that moment are sitting um i post a picture on my instagram story they're sitting front row on the side stage which i realized like when you're a celebrity you never get actual good seats you always get a profile seat it's like when jason miraz was at the show yeah you always you get to you get to watch you get to be backstage with the artist and like i got to see bruce springsteen from this profile yes but the sound is bad backstage like you can't hear anything now does this make you more nervous or no hell fucking yes it does

it's the first show right this is the second show okay second show and by the way i want to do well on the material yeah the first show i killed okay and is the second show. Okay, second show. And by the way, I want to do new material. Did you do well on the first show? Yeah, the first show I killed. Okay. And I want to do different material on the second show, though, because Bill and I had a separate discussion during Chris's set on the second night. Bill had come off stage, and Bill did the same thing because he's working on his special,

so he did the same sets. But he walked off stage, and we're watching Chris's set that we saw the night before. And he goes, even though we're comics and we know that you got to repeat material, there's something kind of inherently embarrassing about watching a comedian repeat material. And I was like, there is. You know there is. I know, but he was doing it too.

Yeah, but he was acknowledging even for himself no no i know but it wasn't about chris it was just like we and i chris and i uh my chris and i were actually loving watching bill maher's jokes a second time and we both realized that there's something about hearing a joke you like the second time that there's value to it so there's truth to both but when he said that i had already planned on doing a whole different half hour, but that cemented it for me. And I saved a lot of great jokes for the second. So I was like, you know what?

I have a loose idea of what I'm going to do, but who knows? So I go out there. I have some Hawaii jokes, by the way, that I throw out. I didn't do it on the second show, but can I run them for my first show? Yeah. I go, so beautiful here. We're in but can I run them for my first show? Yeah. I go, so beautiful here.

We're in Maui. Can I guess the punchline? Yeah. So we're in Maui. It's so freaking beautiful here. You guys live here? You guys live here? Where do you?

Hmm. Where do you? You guys live in a paradise where do you guys um you can pass pass vacation where do you go to get away from it all houston um and then that was the joke and then i go when you get off the when you get off the plane in Houston, what do they put around your neck? A lasso? A noose. Thank you. A noose. Damn it.

That's funny, though, because noose was the line that Jim Vallely gave me because I go, what can they put around your neck in Houston? He goes, a noose. And I was like, perfect. And then Chris came up and goes, you can say I thought it was a lasso that's a great one too so anyway um those were my uh hawaii jokes hawaii jokes i relate to that because living in florida you didn't feel like because i grew up in a vacation spot until you went to the bahamas but the bahama you already lived pretty much in the bahamas now we is where people Yeah. It's all in your head.

It's crazy. Yeah. St. Louis is the last you'd leave St. You don't vacation. You don't vacation in St. Louis, although you should,

because we have literally forest park and the city museum and our museums. Like you should vacation in St. Louis. Yes. A hundred percent. Um, and I'm doing a tourist thing for St. Louis.

Pretty soon coming up pretty soon. Um, any other questions? Larry David. Do you see him take a seat before you go on stage? Yes, he's sitting right in front of me, dude. They have all the chairs set up for all 13 of us

on the side of the stage to watch during the show. Larry and his wife are sitting right front. Stage right. They are front. There's a seat next to them for bill so i'm watching them watch bill then bill comes back he's sitting next to me we're watching that or no this was yeah we're watching uh larry and his wife watch chris and then is he laughing at all when he's watching so you know he's he's he's he's really

enjoying bill he's enjoying bill sits next to him during chris's set so they're kind of talking so he's not as much listening but um uh and i haven't met his wife yet you know and it'd be so funny if bill walked out in your set again like halfway through like you did at the cell oh my god he was so freaking nice. So wait. Okay, sorry, sorry. So you go, he announces you. You go up after Chris. No, no, no. So Bill goes out, and I go, I'm standing next to Larry and his wife, and I go, I don't like this. I don't want to do this.

You got to sit right here. I was like, this is, please, will you just go to the bathroom or something? I can't handle this and he goes what he goes we're we're freaking it we're excited we're big we're big i'm a big fan i'm a big he kept pointing to himself with the claw like we're big fans we're big fans and i go stop i go i don't need to hear this shit right now larry i go what is this i know i go i don't need to hear this i go I can't handle that and I go that is

so nice I was like thank you so much that's so nice and I go hi it's so nice to meet you and I say to his wife and again I know that they got married from reading tabloids right and it's weird to know things about celebrities and be like I heard you got married because I read the daily mail but I was like I go you guys

he's like this is my wife and I met her but I was like I go you guys he's like this is my wife and I met her and I was like hi and she was like oh actually we met on this thing and I go congratulations on you guys just got married right and she's like yeah and I go how long have you been together and she's like you know four years and I go how'd you meet so we're saying all of this as Bill is out there like about to bring me up and I'm there Chris got all these pictures would be like talking to them and I'm just like sitting there like galling out with her about like how they met. And I'm like, wait, did you like, like, how did you. You sent me a photo and it was just from behind of Larry.

Yeah. And that's just like how like just noticeable he is. His head is like so much of their logo. Yeah. Yeah. And you just hear. So then I go out and I did. I wasn't nervous at all. Like I.

Because you spoke with them or just because. Because I just know that I'm funny. Yeah. And I know that like the jokes I'm about to do are great. So what did you open with? If not the Houston, not the Hawaii. I opened with. God, what did I open with?

Oh, I opened with, you're all wearing masks. I sometimes get worried about the masks being like, I'm not scared of it. Yeah, yeah. You know, that whole thing. The gross bit. But I didn't end up doing that. I just stopped at the going, like, you know, I think of masks as like, I think of COVID as like, I don't care if i get it i don't want to give it it's like it's like oral sex yeah yeah and are you looking at larry at all

no because he's like it's a huge it's like a theater like we've performed in the same sizes and he's way off to the stage stage right but i can hear my friend eddie laughing because this is my friend Eddie that I did a I did a whole so compilation of Eddie was a little drunk and he's one of those guys that like comments after he laughs he's a great laugher boisterous but he comments after every thing what does that mean like you'll see

so I put together a supercut of Eddie watching Bill Maher and responding to it. And I put captions with it so you might not be able to hear exactly what he's saying. So this is just all of the times that I – and this is probably 10% of the times that he did it. And we were laughing. The show became listening to Eddie. Get a little drunk.

Perfect. You son and bitches. Find your own fucking business. Snitches and bitches. He's like Eddie two times. That's a cackle. You're the iPhone of life. He goes expensive that's what he drops his phone i just have all of this

other than whoa he's one of those yeah yeah yeah oh that's what he goes he goes bill barr goes they have a word for it it's because he's talking about millennials being like kind of he has great points about he does this whole thing where you know he doesn't like millennials he thinks you know he was on me about being on my phone the whole time like you millennial on your phone what are you gonna do when you go on stage and i go oh i bring it because i record myself and he goes oh yeah i do that too it was like bill was always did you get into fights not fights but like, he'd go like, why are you going to therapy?

And I go, he goes, why do you need to go to therapy? I go, people go because it, even if the person is terrible, you let out something. And he goes, and what does that do? I go, you don't punch your kid. You don't kick your dog. You don't punch a wall. And he's like, oh, okay. Yeah, that's a good point.

Like he would always acquiesce if I proved wrong. It was really, like me, Bill connects with people when he debates and it shuts a lot of people down because it's so intimidating. But I loved it. So I'd go, Bill, what are you talking about? Like we have a really fun dynamic. So, but hold on. Listen to him say this adulting part.

And Eddie goes, adulting. Like he repeats the adulting. So I made this whole clip of Eddie doing that. So anyway, so I could hear Eddie most of the time. And then I go off stage and, you know, Chris was just on the radio today recounting. And so I'll say what he said, which was Larry's like bending over laughing, slapping his knee.

And he's like, you know, the guy that's probably arguably brought more laughs to the world than anyone, you know, via Seinfeld and Curb is making, you know, Nikki's making him laugh harder than, you know, I've seen him ever laugh. It felt great. It felt like, you know what? I might not trust literally anyone, but I can trust Larry David that I'm funny. And, um, and so that was really nice.

And then he didn't go to dinner with us, but he did ride on the van back with us. And at one point he was like, does anyone have any gum? And, um, you know, Chris,

Chris was like, I've got, I've got some. And then my friend Corey was like, I've got some too. And I was like, Oh, it's a race for the gums. So Chris has these, has gum and he got him gum. And I took a picture of Chris giving him gum.

And so Chris has this great picture of him like giving Larry, and we, Chris said he had two, it was like gum that comes in cubes. That's in like the kind of cup. And like, I forget what it's called. And I, and last night I was, I wrote a whole bit on Chris's Instagram of what Larry David would say about the gum. I said, what happened to sticks of gum?

I can maybe understand a chiclet with a hard shell, but a chiclet shape with the consistency of a stick? What are they trying to pull here with a soft cube? A cube of gum? I like my gum in sticks, not cubes. I guess next time I want to chill a beverage, I'll ask for some ice sticks in a cup. So I wrote that, and then Chris was like, I did have two pieces of gum in my pocket because the whole cup is cumbersome,

and I was going to pull them out of my pocket, but I was so scared he was going to go, I want a loose cube. You think I want a loose cube? Yeah, and so I was like, that's so funny. And then Larry said goodbye goodbye we got to the hotel to go to dinner larry and his wife retired and we go walk through the lobby and we're like oh damn it would have been fun to have larry at dinner and chris and i had missed the the ran right there

and the kind of hang in the green room and we get back and um and there was no like talking really in the van it was like kind of bill and them were talking no like talking really in the van. It was like kind of Bill and them were talking up front. We were in the back just like, oh my God, Woody and David. And we get to the table and Woody Harrelson's sitting there with his wife. And I sit down next to Woody because I don't know why not. And I said to Woody, you know, oh, hey, I think I told this yesterday. Did I say it yesterday?

I said, hi. And he's like, Woody, you? Nice to meet you. And I go, we met at Jennifer Lawrence's ages ago. Oh, no, no, you didn't say this. You were so nice. It's so good to see you again. I don't expect you to remember. And he goes, oh, oh my God, how is she? Or he goes, oh, cool.

All right. And I was like, and then at one, we're sitting there and he goes, hey, send Jen a picture of us. And I was like, oh, I'm not really friends with her anymore. And he goes, why not? And I was like, there wasn't any reason. It's just, you know, separate lives. A loose cube.

And I go, but you know what? This is a perfect reason to get back in touch with her. Yeah, yeah. And so I took a selfie of us and it's such a cute picture. I should put it on my main post. I'll save it for when he dies. What was he wearing? I don't even remember he was so nice

and at one point he's so funny and like just he was really curious about me living in St. Louis you arguably like met the two most influential

bald men in cinema history he's so cool he was so nice and let me just say so nice to Chris my plus one who no one needed to be nice

to wait so you send the photo sorry sorry sorry i didn't so i sent the photo to jen she didn't write back but who know like that was her number from like five years ago so who knows and um but during the dinner i gotta go to break and i'll tell you what happened next 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth.

That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to how to money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this quest love supreme podcast is we got something for everybody every type of musical effort we enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements some people you've seen on stage or tv or magazine covers but we also love

speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations like I'm Pete Peel chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right?

Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair.

And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, We want to speak out. We want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere.

It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So I'm sitting next to Woody Harrelson at dinner and he's asking me about St. Louis and about what it's he like he lives in Hawaii so I didn't realize that he I was like you know it's just nice to get away to the pressures of LA and New York and I'm a workaholic so I kind of it's like keeping the alcohol in a cabinet like you got to go unlock the thing to get it. I got to fly here to get my drug. And he liked that. And he was talking to me about like, oh, I think I could live in the Midwest. I could do something like that. I was like, you would – I go, you think – I go, I'm like a nobody compared to you. But you think people in the Midwest give a shit?

Like you might be like – you're a big fish in a small pond where there's not a lot of celebrities but st louis doesn't give a fuck about celebrity like it's almost insulting sometimes where i'm like i've been you don't care like i was like they really leave you alone like because they don't care they if they cared they would have left to go pursue that kind of thing you know like yeah la is a celebrity obsessed new york celebrity obsessed because everyone there's trying to be famous and rich here in the midwest people are still have want to be rich but it's just like they don't care about fame as much and um then we're sitting there and we order and he's already eaten and we're we're oh sorry it was before we ordered and he just taps me and he goes hey um

hey I want you to have this and he just hands me his menu like it was some gift he was giving me and he goes i really want you to have this and i go what do you know like i just i can't i can't this is yours and he's like i just really think you should and i was like this means so much to me like like we had like a funny like bit and um then like during at someone mentioned during dinner like can we smoke weed because this place it was outdoor air we're the only people in the restaurant and you know woody lights one up and starts passing it around and boy was i tempted to partake but you know what i did not i would have been completely like i will say that having chris there was one of the reasons i didn't because chris does not love my pot smoking and i i like i like that he likes me sober and it like matters to me

that I'm not, you know, doing something that he, it's not like he wouldn't, he wouldn't make me feel bad if I did it. But, you know, I, and he knows how I feel about, I don't care about my streak. Like, oh, I've had this many days.

Like I can do things. If I slip up, it's not going to ruin my sobriety or whatever. But I do know, and I wanted to say this to people who might have that little voice in the back of their head when they get offered a drink and they're like god this is the time to do it like i'm gonna regret not doing it especially with pot and i

would say it's the same with alcohol because i've never given into my alcohol tendencies when and i've been around great people drinking and and you go oh i'm disappointing this famous person and this is the only time i'm gonna meet them and I'm the lame duck but I will say that when I didn't smoke weed no one fucking cares no one cares no one thought I was the loser no one no one talked to me less because of it you just don't pick it up it's literally the same as if i would have taken it like i passed it and no one knows the difference and i thought it was going to be this thing yeah and honestly i woke up the next morning my lungs didn't hurt i didn't feel like did i say something weird i had my inhibitions about me and i was able to have like great conversations with him and bill and everyone

else the rest of the night without feeling paranoia or any of that stuff that would have come. So I was really, I wouldn't have been mad at myself if I did it, but I was really happy with myself that I did it. And I don't think, if Chris would have not been there, I think I would have done it, which would have been fine too.

But I was then able to have a really great conversation and not question that I was being too much or weird. It's interesting because like the people that used to give me shit about not drinking were like friends from high school or whatever. question that i was being too much or weird or it's interesting because like the people that used to give me shit about not drinking were like friends from high school or whatever and it's like yeah i don't know it's just like a certain kind of friend or a certain kind of person that gives you shit about not getting fucked up because they're getting fucked up and i love them but then there's like a level of like oh these people accomplish their passion and their goal in life.

So they're not going to fucking look at the person next to them and be like, no, you got to get fucked up. It's kind of a dumb thing to do to someone because you're being very selfish. It's an insecure thing because you need other people to do something in order for you to make it feel okay. The peer pressure is completely insecurity on one person. And I understand wanting other people to have fun with you and loosen up. And you're like, I want to be like, I hated when I drank and I knew I was going to get stupid and there would be people there that would remember how stupid I am. Like there is something to that.

But again, insecurity. Let's get to final thought. I blew past the news yet again. And I know we have great stories, i wanted to play um a game for our wednesday wild card literally with cards that uh backed by popular demand from the besties noah you got a lot of notes about how people like this right yes i did so this is the game from barstool sports and i'm gonna have them send us more it's called answer the internet and it's these questions that are very good. Let's do it.

Yeah. It's Answer the Internet, A-T-I. Questions as fucked up as you are. Oh, insane. So here we go. Okay. I'll give you a stack. All right.

We'll just would you rather each other. Okay. I'm not ready for this. Okay. Ask Pull the Internet. Okay. Oh, boy. I'm not ready for this. Okay. Ask, pull the internet. Okay. Waffles or pancakes? Oh, fucking waffles because pancakes are for pussies.

But you have to eat it with your dick. What? Yeah, you have to use your dick as a utensil. Is there syrup? Yeah. Butter? Wait, seriously, waffles or pancakes uh pancakes wait is the dick part really a part of the question no no no this is just this is actually a normal one waffles or

pancakes noah um waffles okay you like a little it is like the same matter right but here's the thing waffles i feel like pancakes i could eat more than pancakes to me doesn't like waffles feels like a special thing like chicken and waffles you know ice put ice cream on waffle i don't know waffles just feels like once every once a year pancakes could probably be about 10 times a year i think what do you think um i don't do either because i'm scared of carbs and sugar but um if i when i let those things back in my life um when they're ready to come back into my life naturally because god wants me to have them fucking pancakes all day yo because waffles have a hardness to them and i just love a fluff that's what i love the way pancakes soak up the syrup yesterday i treated myself and i know this is such a dumb sentence.

It's so LA. But I treated myself to avocado toast, and I don't eat a lot of bread. But I find, much like not smoking pot, when I do eat bread, I never regret it if it's in a normal amount. It's just when you overdo it, you're not gonna get fat from bread

if you eat it like a normal person. So I ate a great, hearty, whole, like, you know, from, you know, the hotel a normal person so i ate a great hearty whole like you know from you know the hotel i stand is very like earthy and avocado toast is the best consistency because it soaks up the juicy avocado and is mushy plus bread is soft like i like a I like an almost soft, not too toasted. I love a moist, soaked up thing. Same. Okay. Same. God, I'm still-

Calbee's makes an amazing avocado toast. I'm going to start eating it more often because, man, I unleashed something new today. Their breakfast is incredible. Okay. Anyhow. Who has the easier job, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny? Ah, dude, Easter Bunny, easy. Because Santa Claus is going to fucking go to house.

But also he's a rabbit. Think about like he doesn't have hands. He gets to eat candy all day. Doesn't he? Wait, no, he's eating carrots, I think. My parents used to eat like. He eats carrots and shits out cranberry eggs. My parents used to take a bite out of carrots.

Easter Bunny used to trash our house. Because my parents would like make it look like he had been there. And I was disturbed by a giant rabbit trashing our kitchen and leaving its remnants everywhere. By the way, a real rabbit as a pet, my buddy, his girlfriend had it a little much. It shit all over my bed. No, I love those things. Well, it shouldn't have been on your bed. Okay.

Sorry. I got to get to a cool one before I get to yours. Here's the coolest one. Who's hotter? Yeah. Ariel or Jasmine? Oh. Ariel 94 or Ariel now?

Not Bratz doll Ariel. I would say Ariel. What about you, Noah? I love Jasmine. It's a little fire fox. Who would you, Noah? I love Jasmine's little fire fox. Who would you rather be? Smoke Show. Well, I think I would rather be Jasmine

because she became like a powerful empress or something. And Aladdin's so much cooler than the fucking prince. And you get to fly on a carpet and stuff. There's like magic involved. But who's hotter? I gotta say, I think Jasmine because I mean I definitely was very aware of

Disney Princess's hotness. Here's the thing though. Can I tell you one thing? Ariel's pussy probably smells like fish. Yeah but Jasmine might have a fucking UTI from those culottes. Yeah the carpet. Her carpet might

smell like magic. no jasmine was hot because she i was gonna say ariel because she had that flowing hair in the water that was super hot and then like you know flinging it on the rock and the shell boobs and she had like this beautiful face and and uh jasmine's face looked a little less it looked more cartoony and ariel had that like it just and obviously as like a white girl i related to i love that i related to a mermaid more than uh just uh than jasmine because she was a different race yeah so stupid it's true but you know as a little girl and ariel it was in second grade Jasmine, I was in like fourth grade, but I was, I think Jasmine for sure because she had that sexy,

like the blue little, like the bustier and she had this tiny little waist and the big flowing hair and big beautiful eyes. Jasmine. Okay. Here's the thing though.

Ariel is like Jessica Rabbit without the fake tits. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Like a young one. That's what she grew into after she hit the streets Alright, would you rather You ready?

Shit yourself every time you come Or get a boner Every time you talk to a dude I mean It's so funny They don't even consider that women might play this game Because none of these men would have this game. Wait a second.

Hold on. So I would either get soaking wet. Let's say squirt. Yeah, every time you talk to a woman. I would just wear a diaper because shit smells and squirt doesn't. So I would rather squirt when I talk to a woman. What about you? Wait, shit your pants every time you what?

Orgasm? Shit yourself every time you cum? No, no, no. Get wet every time you talk to a woman. I enjoy anal sex too much to have the first one. Yeah, I mean, it's not even close. Yeah, that's insane. Okay, would you go to a football game at a 70,000 seat stadium

if you knew that 500 seats would get ejected into a black hole, but everyone who didn't get ejected would get $5 million? 70,000 seats. So you have a one in 35,000. Wait, wait. One in 35. No, no, no. One in 35,000.

No. Yeah, 500 people out of. 5,000, didn't it say? No, it said 500 people in a 70,000 seat stadium. Do 500 divided by 70,000. I know how to do this. Yeah, right. Yeah, right.

You have a.007% chance. You have 710, 7100ths of a percentage. Who's to say that there's not more money in the black hole? I would not do it. Huh? I would not do it. Even if the price was like 500 million. Me neither. What if you were a starting comedian and you were your age and you're dead poor i would never do it because this is this is um squid game i don't i can't do you know what happens in a black

hole um no what you like will get stretched and it's i i guess nobody knows because nobody will ever survive that will get longer you're saying oh shit then he's doing it no yeah dude don't put my dick in that black hole i think i would risk it i think it'd be fun that's the thing though you i i say that but once i got to the game i'd probably be like oh my god you would be shitting your pants wait because i'm coming all right would the other guy. All right. Would you rather, you ready? Yeah. Have to piss sitting down. This, again, isn't for a woman.

Never mind. Okay, would you rather win a World Cup in a soccer-crazy country or win any U.S. sports title? Essentially, this is saying soccer is for gay people. Yeah, and others. No, when you're growing up in high school like a lot of times it was either football or soccer were the same season and if you played soccer you were like a little bit because i don't understand the culture around soccer even though i

know it's huge oh really yeah in europe and south america that's what either you're the most famous person in america or you're the most famous person in the world outside of America. Because America, although we care about World Cup, most of us don't. And I don't know who wins World Cups. And I know two soccer players' names. Okay. Ronaldo and Messi. Yes.

But that's the thing. So I would rather be famous where I am and be a big deal where I am even if it's small potatoes. You know what I mean? Big fish, small pond, and big fish over their pond. I would rather... On the other side of the pond. Yeah. Interesting.

But I think if you lived there, though, you would feel that same feeling times a million. I would rather win American Idol than Miss Universe. Okay. But I think if you lived there, it depends if you grew up there.

I'm not putting myself in those shoes because I don't... Because I'm saying it as an American. Okay. Would you rather... Wait, what the fuck does that mean? Would you rather... You surely know what this means.

Would you rather fight a kangaroo or look like Sam Castle? Oh, Sam Cassell. Cassell. Who's Sam Cassell? He's just like an ugly basketball player. So mean. Yeah, that was fucked up. Fuck that. And Who's Sam Cassell? He's just like an ugly basketball player. So mean. Yeah, that was fucked up. Fuck that.

And I'd rather fight a kangaroo. Of course. Would you rather have flamingo legs or T-Rex arms? Flamingo legs. I already have them. Or Sam Cassell's face. I would much rather have flamingo legs. I already have skinny flamingo legs.

Oh, yeah. And I don't know how to pick up her body. But literally flaming rather have flamingo. I already have skinny flamingo legs. I know how to pick up her body. But literally flamingo legs like claws. I already have feet. Oh yeah, you got the claws. No, they're actually like, I'm a duck. I got long arms for how short I am. So I don't know. This would suck. You couldn't jerk off if you

had T-Rex arms. This is a good one. I have to go. But would you rather be twice your weight or half your height? Fuck. twice your weight or half your height? Fuck. Twice your weight or half your height. Twice my weight. Twice my weight. Half my height.

Well, you could lose weight. Could you lose the weight? No, you have to be it forever. And that's not in the- Half your height. You're 5'7". You'd be 2'9". I'd like to be Fanny Whittle.

You'd be 2'9". I'm 5'9". So I would be 2'5". Plus 4. You'd be 2'9". I'm 5'9", so I would be 2'5". So tiny. So I'd be like three, almost three feet. I'd be a little girl. I'd be so little.

I'd be the littlest comedian ever. You'd rather be that than 200 and something pounds. But I just have a lot of body stuff. So I'm just saying that. And then I'm not. But you don't think you have short body stuff?

If you were that small? I don't know. I don't have. I don't. When I see short women, the thing is, when I see short women, there's no judgment. And I know that's super duper short. Yes. Wait, hold on.

That's three feet. Yes. Oh, man. That's fucking. That's tiny as fuck. Dude know that's super duper short let me just wait hold on that's three feet yes oh man that's fucking that's tiny as fuck dude that's i'd rather be twice my weight i'd rather be three times my weight i'd rather be four times my weight no fat shaming on this show and um that's my issue i do not look down upon i look down upon short people because i have to but uh never do i get ready for this one? Yeah, I gotta go into therapy. Would you watch a 25-minute dirty sex tape of your daughter for a million dollars? No. No.

Yeah, what? Yes. No. No. You're thinking of a daughter that doesn't... You don't have a daughter, and I know I don't either. But you're not gonna wanna do that. Your mom? Yeah, can don't either, but you're not going to want to do that. Your mom?

Yeah, can you imagine your parents seeing you? I'd pay someone to watch that. Huh? Can you imagine your parents seeing you do that? You know what I would do? I would do it and then I would... My dad would fucking laugh his dick off. I would do it and then I would give it to her,

split it with her, and she'd go shopping it. So she doesn't have to do the tapes anymore? Yeah. Oh, by the way, can I just give a quick shout out? Thank you for the messages about my mom. So many people wrote me

and it was very nice. Thank you. And yeah, thanks to everyone who, yeah, yesterday that was so sweet. Yeah, anyhow. Andrew's a pussy.

And so guys, I'm just kidding, dude. It was so sweet. I told Chris about it. That's so fucked up, dude. That's so fucked up. I loved it. It was beautiful.

I love you both, Noah, Andrew. I love you besties. Don't be cute out there. I got to go to therapy with the. I love you besties. Don't be kuh out there. I got to go to therapy with the guy that I'm dating, even though we're not dating yet. And we don't be kuh. And jacked. Dude, that was really mean.

That was jacked up. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other

crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pinpoint. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them.

Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts.