The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #158 Too Much Rain

Episode Date: January 11, 2022

Nikki starts off by commemorating her dear friend Bob Saget. She talks about receiving the news and processing his passing. Andrew learned about it from Nikki's misspelled text. In the news, a marketing ploy that totally worked, tips to keep warm from your crotch, Andrew realizes he's been watching Kamikaze overdubbed in English and Nikki and apparently no one else cares about the Golden Globes. In Top 1 Bottom 1 they talk about apps that are not dessert or social media. In the Final Thought, Nikki tries some noises to help calm Andrew to sleep. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast.

Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. It's Monday. I am feeling amazing today. Yes, kid. Actually, I'm not that bad.

If you didn't know, sad day in just in America, I feel. Our friend of the show, one of our only guests that we've had, honestly. And, you know, he's been on every single podcast we've done and every version of the show we've done practically um bob saget passed away uh yesterday i guess in the early morning hours in florida where he was doing a gig on sunday night in jacksonville staying in orlando yeah yeah yeah and yeah they uh they haven't said what happened yet um i don't know i'm just like does it really matter like i know i am certain he didn't take his life i mean i'm not certain of it but like it just it wouldn't make sense i just as someone who's thought about doing that stuff bob is not someone to me that ever you know he loved life

as you can see from his last post yeah um on instagram but um you know uh i don't know what he wasn't he was 65 it could be a heart attack it could be it's interesting like the older you get the less you're like it probably wasn't like i know like an overdose overdose it might have been like a prescription drug induced like maybe a sleep pill with like whatever like it's so funny how i'm like i'm just you know refreshing to see if there's been like toxicology reports and then i just keep keep picturing him like getting like autopsy like it's just like all so fucking grim yeah it's so weird it's um it's such a bummer i um but you know what it's so uh thank you so much to all of the besties that flooded my inbox on instagram with just the kindest messages and um you know

i struggle with being sad about um people's deaths that you know aren't my best friends or aren't family members because i just feel like there's other people that should be sadder. So why do I get to be sad? And, um, but a lot of people wrote to me and were like, allow yourself to be sad. We know you struggle with that.

And, you know, just people saying that they were sorry for my loss made me feel like I was justified in like crying and being sad about it because people wrote me that even before they saw my posts or whatever so it was just really nice um you know what's funny though when a famous person dies and you're friends with a famous person who dies you find out sometimes in a flippant way and this happened to me before when I was the person that broke the news flippantly

to someone about their friend. I remember when Burt Reynolds died, I was at a shoot for Dancing with the Stars. And... Nice try, Andrew. What? He tried to act like he was shocked Burt died. I took improv classes at Burt Reynolds Museum in Palm Beach.

And an old lady felt my dick. Is that true? Yeah. What? Burt Reynolds had a theater? He has his own museum, and it's all Burt Reynolds memorabilia. And there was an improv class there, but not in his method or something, right? No, it wasn't the mustache method.

But the method was just it was my first ever improv class. It's all old. It was literally eight people that I think were dead as well in the class. And, you know, when the lady has to do your arms for you. Yes. Where you sit like this and I'm perturbed. And she started unbuckling my my belt and my like pants.

And everyone's like, oh, you can't call out an old woman for sexual assault like they can steal their old yeah yeah i didn't even see it coming you literally did it because well maybe yeah like you couldn't control it because you were choosing to do it it's like stop hitting yourself she was your arm so why you were and then i was like being indecent comedies for me you know after that's what you knew i still remember how much anxiety i had going into that class being like i hope i can fucking figure it out and like understand it and it was just it was a extracurricular for a retirement community yeah pretty much and you somehow stumbled upon the

pamphlet yeah they would be like oh bob saget's so young that's how they would be in that class anyways i'm sorry so burt reynolds you tell someone burt reynolds died yeah i mean it came up on my phone i'm like you guys burt reynolds died and there's a bunch of people in this hallway and this one guy was like oh my god and he was like friends with him you know and it was just like i just said it like yeah breaking news and so last night i was sitting on my couch um just like watching curb and you know you gotta find out some way people are always like this is how i find out it's like how are you supposed to find out through you you texted me yeah yeah you misspelled died too really yeah oh wait let me see. Dye his hair. What did you write? It made me kind of...

Where is it? Wait. Where did you write it? I could have... Oh, yeah. Bob Saget Diff. Diff. D-I-E-F.

Oh. He dived. Did you know? Like, were you able to tell what that meant? No, I got the breaking news from Nikki. But did you know from that text? Yeah, like, did the text tell you? Yeah. I mean, yeah, I couldn the breaking news from Nikki. But did you know from that text? Yeah, like did the text tell you? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I couldn't under...

You were watching Kamikaze, so diff could mean something else. Yeah, yeah, diff. Which is a very inside joke. He does a cameo. Yeah, Kamikaze is this... I did watch like five episodes last night. I only watched two, so don't ruin it for me.

Jesus Christ, you blow past me on things. I recommend this show. I should recommend it as I'm approaching the last 10 minutes of season eight and then andrew can catch up the next morning that's when i should recommend a show not two episodes in oh god it's so good um anyway sorry back to death it's so good we keep going back to death we're like anyway speaking of death that show but my friend ryan who is a who works in radio and i i don't know how he found out right away but then it was like he was the first one to write it he wrote it on a group text with me and a bunch of friends he was like dude

bob saget died what the fuck and i'm just like yeah and i just was like and then he said the tmz thing and it just is like his face with when you see a team like it's just that for some reason keep seeing it over and over from and then all of a sudden everyone's texting me i see it all over and then i keep then i get cnn pops up alert like you know when you get news alerts on your phone and it's every i'm on the call crying and i keep getting cnn uh you know hollywood reporter uh new york times like bob saget 65 found dead and it's just like, for some reason, that shit doesn't flood in when your mom dies.

You know, like you're not constantly reading. Unless your mom is, you know, Bob Saget. Or Bob Saget, yeah. Yeah, it's just, that makes it a little, I'm not trying to be like, it's harder when your friend is famous, but it kind of, and people just kind of,

my friend that put it on a group text did not know I was friends with him. He was just like, fuck Bob Saget, Danny Tanner died, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think I would have been just as sad. Like if I didn't know, like I would have been definitely moved by this if I never knew Bob, because I think that's why he, there was a part of him that was so special to me because he was, I was a big full house head back in the day. And like,

I don't know, uh, just those, he was just such a caring father on that show and just so compassionate and would sit on the bed with DJ when she was having a hard time or, you know, when Stephanie would like run away or do something like DJ smoked cigarettes for the first time.

He was always so understanding and like a little stern, but like always gave them a hug and that music would start playing and he was just like this really he's who you would want to comfort you if bob saget died and um yeah it was just it's just yeah it just sucks there's something to it too where it's like he wrote like we always talk about the last post you'll be like seen for on instagram and his was like the best possible this was like a picture of him in front of like a audience and being like i'm finally figuring out my groove thank you so much like so appreciative yeah um you know and i don't know there's something there's a level to that of like oh well at least like he was really probably happy like i don't know it's like it's a weird

it's a yeah would you rather die really sad or die happy like he had so much more life left yeah or like oh he was on his he was ready to go you know like it was interesting i was like i did giggle a little bit because he's like i did two hours and i was like that's what did it like if he just did an hour like why did he have to do two hours you know yeah he that is amazing he did two hours i would have loved to see that show i hope i hope there's footage of him yeah i do too that comes out um he was such a good comic and so funny no one made me laugh like him he uh he just made me cackle in a way like he was just so when he came into the radio show that one time when he was like so out he was like he was so zoned out but he was still so funny and so witty and so dark while being so silly yes and uh he's just something that you just you would expect him to

like not be so human and he is like he really is and um i don't know it's uh i'm so glad that i got to know him yeah at all i know it's weird to say that you you know i get what you're saying about the death thing though like to go back to that, about being like, I'm not. It's like when my friend Kevin Barnett died, passed away, and everyone's doing these huge posts. And it's like, was he close to everyone? You know what I mean? And then at the end of the day, it's like, that shit doesn't. That's just like.

Yeah. And both of them were close. Bob was that type of person that everyone that – Felt close to. You read everyone's posts and everyone felt the same way I felt of like he – There's no one that's – No one ever says bad things about people when they die, but you can just tell that Bob really was a really nice person,

as nice as you would have wanted him to be. And he was just – yeah, he was just really – you know, it's so selfish to say this, but my feeling right away was, like, there's one less person on the planet who, like, loves me, you know, like, as dumb as that is. Like, because I really felt like he like he really loved me and like understood me and like like even though we weren't like talking every day and we've only been friends for a few years i just i just felt like he there's so few people in the world and i'm not so few but that come along and just like get it and that and like and you could just trust their opinion of you and you're like oh he he cares about me and so i should care about myself kind of thing and like i really just felt like he loved me and so and and that being said like there's one less person on the earth

who loves me and there's one less person on the earth that i love you know like it feels good to love someone that much and and like i really did love him and he was completely separate from you know danny tanner to me which i grew up like thinking i mean he was such a part of my childhood on that show like i never and you know funniest home videos like i never thought i could separate the two but he was just like a kind man the last time i saw him was in october when we were in milwaukee um he was doing a show there and uh i went to go hang out with him after we we were doing a show and then he was also there that night and we went and met up and had dinner with his in-laws and i brought a meal with me i brought my cousin um bob who was from milwaukee and he was just so kind to my friends and my friends of the friends and had us all sit at this table and

he was eating so much fried food and so i was just like there's a part of me that was just like this guy's diet isn't the best um and uh he was giving me shit for not eating fried food and like um but he was showing us clips he was so proud of being on the mass singer and he was playing all these videos of him on the mass singer and like hitting these notes and it was really cute like how happy he was to show us the stuff and he was talking about like uh rodney Dangerfield's death and how he was still like very affected by it like he you know he befriended older comedians when he was a young comic and became very close to them and so it just kind of felt like it was he was kind of like my Rodney in a way and like obviously I don't think we were as close but as him and Rodney but um yeah I just I think I learned a lot about just being silly and like

and just saying whatever you want and just like being able to laugh at things that don't hit and weird like he was just said weird things sometimes and I think that's why he made me laugh so much but also just being full of love and being like appreciative of of other comics and just the community you get to be in and being able like he really did love making people laugh which i sometimes say that comedians don't love that um and they're just doing it to feel better about themselves but i think bob really did love making people laugh and he was working on a new special and um yeah i just i'm thinking about his three daughters and his wife kelly and you know just everyone who loved him um and all the fans like i feel like it's a big this is a big hollywood death

that everyone's shocked by and and really saddened by. And so it just, death is fucking hell. Dude, it's just, this reminds me of like how much I'm going to have to deal with this in my life. As he's my first friend to die. You know, that, not like, you know, of, I don't know. It's just, it's just going to keep happening. It is funny, like, dating a younger woman like I am. Yeah.

And she, even before Bob Saget died, who's a comedian that died, who I'm still 24 years younger than, but she constantly gets like, you can't die. Don't die. And I was like, I wasn't even thinking about dying today. You're like, I usually am, so thanks for reminding me. Yeah, yeah. Actually, like, you make me feel young usually and but she keeps going like getting really sad thinking about my impending death and

i'm just like oh boy yeah i uh it's so funny it's really funny but it's also it's sad it is sad so then like when we found out the news she she's like, you can't die too. Bob could have had at least 20 more years of life, of being sharp. I mean, I don't- You know, tall men do not last that long, I have to say. I know. That makes me scared, but tall guys do not- There's some kind of study that tall men die sooner.

Yeah, they hit their heads. Yeah. Sure. Mm. Sure. Mm-hmm. But you saw something, right? There's a tall guy. You'll see tall old men. It is funny you say that.

Like really tall. There's a guy whose son who played in the NBA. His son is named David Lee, and he played for the Gators, but he's from Missouri around here. And his father hits golf balls where i hit it hit golf balls and he comes in and he's he at one point he's probably six nine whoa so now he's like six six but he's a six six very old man wow and he comes in and he has two like canes to walk and he hits balls and he can barely hit them. Is he like 49? Yeah, he's 49 and a half.

Yeah. No, but he's probably like, I would guess he's 70 maybe. That's young. I know, but I'm just saying. I know. No, no, I know. I don't think tall people live to like their 80s. It just makes me think though, like a tall, tall man. That's the only tall man I've ever seen that age.

My grandpa was actually tall. My grandpa Marvin was like 6'4". Okay. But when he died he was like you know 5 11 they shrink but yeah that's true my dad's a tall guy but it just makes you think about all the like i know all the people that texted me about this i'm gonna either they're gonna be at my funeral or i'm gonna be at theirs like i have to go through this so many more times i know i was yeah i said the same thing to my per bigly i was just like because we were texting and you know i was taught i was just like please don't talk like i can't

handle like i don't want any more of my comic friends to die my friend a friend of mine i don't want to say who but because i think he's keeping it private was had a near-death experience and was terribly injured in a thing and like that made me think about like he could have it's just i don't know i know that so many of our listeners like have been through death before and have grieved before because it's such a part of life but man it's i know i was like talking i was talking to my mom right before i found out and then i had like dark thoughts like who would have thought that bob saget would have died before my mom and like and then like same thing i know well a lot of people did um everyone that met her no but like

i was like i talked to my mom and i'm like yeah i don't know i was like because we got an art piece from her yeah and um and we were like because she actually had a for a short time a business called rooms by robin which was an interior design. She has amazing eyes. She really does. And we were wondering where to put the picture, and we thought including her would be nice. And then we're like, what should go back here? And she's like, well, just when I die, you could just have one of my big pictures.

Like, don't buy anything. And I'm just like, Mom, you can't just. Oh, my God. She's like, when's your lease up yeah she's like she's like you know in two weeks you could just grab my shit out of my room and i'm just like mom you can't talk like that talk like that dude and it's probably helping her cope with it i know making it more pedestrian and like regular like just i guess yeah or maybe she's just honestly ready and it just that sounds even like worse but then it's like also honest like every day like i don't know sometimes i just think about like how

much she has to struggle yeah and you know it's just fucked up it's just but like yeah and so i don't know i was like is dan getting this you know p i was like thinking about which art piece i say that to my parents whenever my dad is like, Jules, we should get this thing. It's some like fucking little canoe, like a little Indian, Native American canoe thing that he's going to put like on display. And I go, some knickknack piece of shit. And I'll go, Dad, one time we were in a gift shop and I go, hey, Lauren, do you want this or do I want it?

Because the next time we see this thing, we're going to be holding it and say, do you want it or should we trash it? What should we do with it? Dad, don't bring this into our life. We are in mourning when you're going through death. We do not want to decide who's going to get this knickknack piece of shit that we watched you buy

and did nothing to your life between now and then it's like heavy but it's small oh and we like it's like a paperweight and we saw buy it so we're like oh it's sentimental because we were there but also like we don't want it and we're just going to keep it in our basement until our kids have to go through it and decide if they want it there's certain things that you can't like throw in the trash for some like a paperweight for scent like like certain things that you can't throw in the trash for some, like a paperweight for a cent. Certain things just don't make sense in the trash can. They don't make sense in the trash. A trophy. Because the person that's throwing away is going to judge you for getting rid of a parent heirloom that should have never been bought.

No one wants a weird triangular award for a cable award from 1986 at Goodwill no one wants it no just get rid of it for me before i have to deal with it thank god he has a lot of cool jackets that will make up for yeah hopefully let's get to break um because we're gonna come back and uh and do the news 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

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You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Bob Saget died. Okay, that was a bad joke. Oh, my God. Okay, I hope everyone's having all the swells out there. The joke that I think he would have probably hated.

No, he would have loved it. No, I know. I just think people always say that, though. Oh, yeah. Oh, he would have loved it no i know i just think people are people always say that though like oh he would have loved that that's funny actually that you know that's a joke that bob would have hated well it's monday folks you know what that means bob saget died oh my god okay all right he would have hated that i did make I was crying last night on the phone with Chris and I was like I'm reading the thing and I'm reading it and I'm like

he died in an Orlando hotel room they found him at 4pm and I was like he died in an Orlando hotel room this is so fucking sad they found him at 4pm at the Ritz Carlton and I go I'm honestly really happy it was a Ritz it made me really happy I was like, they found him at 4 p.m. at the Ritz Carlton. I go, I'm honestly really happy it was a Ritz.

Like, it made me really happy. I was like, good job, Bob. Because I could see myself even at Bob's status staying at, like, the Hyatt place. Yes, yeah. God damn it. When I go to Florida or any depressing city, I need to stay at a nice hotel. Because God forbid I die in a place on the road. By the way, Florida's fine.

No, I know, I know. But dying on the road in Florida in a hotel room is something that- In Orlando in a theme park hotel? It's a big possibility for most comedians. That's a big state that has a lot of gigs. You got to stay somewhere nice every time just in case you die. Yeah, Florida Ritz is a New York Hilton. Oh, my God.

I don't want people to cover up my body with rough towels. You know, like when they come in and get me? Fuck. I wonder if they keep those sheets and just clean them or they just get rid of them. No, they probably got rid of those sheets. Or maybe they sell the room for more. Who knows? An Uber driver who got a hotel room for a teen passenger after being stuck on i-95 for more than

five hours gets offered a new job for his superb customer service oh is he an uber black driver now yes uber x after picking a teen up at a train station at 2 a.m they got stuck on i-95 she's telling me she's okay but I could hear her on the phone talking to family and friends, and I can hear that she's just exhausted, emotional, and just tired. Devante Williams said he didn't have any blankets in the car and he was concerned about his gas getting low

from running the car to use the heat. He eventually was able to follow a work truck and some other cars and turn around on I-95 and head back to D.C. Williams didn't want to leave the passenger at the train station by herself, so he convinced her parents to let him get her a hotel room with his own money. That's so nice. He offered to drive her home.

Was it a Ritz? The tab kept running. $16,000 he made. He's up $15,940. Uber is reimbursing Williams for the cost of hotel room, the ride, and fired him. He was offered a part-time job as a lead driver at Alto, an upscale ride share company. I love that. Oh, yeah.

Alto is the new one that everyone's telling me to get. Oh, really? Yeah. I was in LA recently. My hair girl was like, you got to get Alto. And then I pulled it up and the ride was like much more expensive than uber and i always tip uber drivers like 100 especially when the ride is 7.99 across town i'm like what the fuck um but it was just yeah but apparently

alto they're like they pay their drivers better and they uh they screen them so you're not gonna get like a murderer it It is funny though. Like when a company is like, oh, we could swoop in and get headlines by hiring him. Yeah, I'm talking about, I just didn't add for Alto. Yeah, yeah. Because they did this.

Yes. They did the right thing. Yeah, they're not stupid. Companies are so smart. Are we? I feel a little bit dumb. A little bit dumber right now. Anything else you want to say about alto i am reading this book called the influence wait the psychology of

influence wait well let me just see what it's called i'm obsessed oh my god it is i am i went and downloaded every book that's like this book because i just loved it um it's called god i just i'm read i i'm starting to read books again i'm i'm super into it guys uh it's called influence the psychology of persuasion oh shit i have so many things it's so good no i think i may have recommended to you years ago it's because i just i i saw it on my phone i was like like, I definitely finished this book, but I guess I hadn't and I finished it. There's so many tricks to get people to like you more or to do the things you want.

Like Dale Carnegie kind of thing? Yes, but more for business and just to persuade you to do things. And it's so many tricks of how just all the things we do to... If there's a plate of cookies and there's two cookies on the plate and I say to you, oh, here's some cookies and you have – let me – there's a plate of 10 cookies. Let's do it. Okay. There's a plate of 10 cookies. Now, there's nothing to do here.

And I give you – and I go, here, have a cookie. You'll eat the cookie and whatever, okay? Then I bring in a plate of two cookies and I'm like, oh, here's two cookies. You want one? And then you take one. But if I bring in a plate of two cookies and I say, now, first of all,

you're gonna like the two cookie, even though the cookie's the same, you're gonna like the one from the two cookie better than the 10 because there's less. Supply and demand, yeah. That's why businesses say we have a limited stock because people will just think they like it more and want it more if there's less supply demand that's why you know businesses say we have a limited stock because people will just think they like it more and want it more if there's less but if i come in and say here's two cookies and you eat one of the cookies and then i bring another plate and i go um

there's these are only two cookies left and there used to be 10 people just got the last eight you will like those cookies more than the two cookies that don't have the eight that are missing you want you and you want things that other people have so it's if you start paying attention to it it happens everywhere honestly everything marketers use this all the limited time um you know uh backed by popular demand for a limited time. Kylie Cosmetics, they have enough money to make as many lip kits as she would ever want. And there's always going to limited stock and it sells out right away.

And it's just like, make more. But it's because you convince yourself that they taste better. The lip kits taste better. Yeah, lipkins are delicious, especially when there's only two left out of three million. Yeah. And Dale Carney, he said learn names.

That's a big thing. I saw something where, I forget who the person was, but when you see that person, you think nice and generous and smart. And it was some kind of interview. And he's like, oh, Dave. And he made a point.

George Clooney. Probably something like that. Where like, oh, Noah, how are you? They make sure to say your name. It has nothing to do with you. It just has everything to do with doing that they have more control and you would like them more because they read this in a book i don't know and you can all work it works but you can you can see it happening but even if you notice it happening it's we're so stupid the reason we have these things is like these things used to help us survive so we have shortcuts of like

okay if there's not that many berries on that tree. I better get them because they're, you know, I'm starved to death. So all of these things are in our brain so that we don't have to spend energy going like, but there's two. Does that mean like, we just have all these shortcuts subconsciously and advertisers take advantage of those shortcuts and they're frying them out. And,

and we're, and it's, and they're backfiring on us so often that the shortcuts are not working as well. And so we can't trust it anymore. This sale will only last three weeks. Even though that sale will always be there. My favorite little thing that I've said a lot of times is that if I ask you to pass me something that I could grab too, you will like me more

because you will go, well, she could get it herself but I'm going to do it for her. Because I like her? Because I like her. Because I wouldn't just do that because I'm a little bitch. I do it because I like her and then you end up liking me more if I ask you to do something. If I go, no, I don't want to do it because I see through what you're

doing, then what happens? Honestly, most people don't want to do it because I see through what you're doing, then what happens? Honestly, most people don't do that because it's more effort. But would you like me more because I stood up to you? She'd like you less. Yeah, I don't know what that would be. It's never happened to me. Well, I feel like only a sociopath would use these tactics. So I would like you the same because sociopaths don't like anything and they have no

feelings one way or the other. Next story. Man goes to test drive car, ends up naked, now faces charges, police say. The 42-year-old man went to a business to get his vehicle appraised and test drive a new

one. Authorities say during the interaction he went to his vehicle and came back inside the business completely naked. Yes. Why would he do that? Did he have reason? He wanted to get his dick appraised? I don't know. I feel like whenever people are just getting randomly naked,

it's PCP. They've been smoking some kind of drug. A lot of times people on Reddit always say that when they did coke, they would want to strip off their clothes too. Oh, interesting. Also, hypothermia. If you die of hypothermia, a lot of times people are found in the snow with no clothes on,

and a lot of times people think, oh, this person was sexually assaulted or something happened. But generally, when you get hypo, I forget the word. There's some word. When you become, when you start freezing to death, your brain gets, for some reason, thinks it's overheated and you strip off all your clothes. It's the most ironic thing. But most of the time, people are found naked when they die in the snow and they're died of cold. They get overheated right before they die.

Can I tell you something that I just learned about that actually? Like a trick if you have hyperthermia and you're like freezing to death. What? The warmest place to put your hands to start warming up is your crotch. Yep. I have my hands on my crotch right now. Yeah, I do too actually. I do this all the time.

I remember in fourth grade travis i forgot his last travis young was like what are you doing and i was because i was cold at this play we went to go see and he was like are you are you feeling yourself and i was so horrified but i always used to do this and put them inside my crotch i was fisting myself but he he didn't know it was for my warmth survival technique yeah i i um when i was anorexic i used to get a hot tea i was going to school in denver i was freezing my ass off all the time and i would get a hot tea did i say this on the show no and i told this story recently and i would my legs were so skinny my thigh gap i did i just had bones there was no muscle there was no muscle so my thigh gap i had a thigh got even if i crossed my legs were so skinny my thigh gap I did I just had bones there was no muscle there

was no muscle so my thigh gap I had a thigh gap even if I crossed my legs like this there would still be a huge gap there and so I would put the cup here and it was like a paper cup too and I would go this is a plastic one so it can hold and I would put it like this and I would wrap my legs around it and it would heat my entire body. And that's the only reason I got T and I would just hold it during class like this because it was like a heater. It's a really good way if you're anorexic out there

because otherwise you can't fit a fucking cup. Or sit through psychology class. Oh my God. Oh my God. How did you figure it? Is that through trial and error? How does that even... Well, you just naturally, I think as, like, go to the warmest spot.

And that's, I think it's like. No, no, I'm talking about the tea. Like, you just did it one day and you're like, oh, this will work. Like, it's always interesting when, like, stuff like that happens. Well, I always used to, I always get hot tea or something to warm up and I just hold it. Yeah. I think that was always a thing that I did. Like, oh, it just makes sense, like a hot thing.

And then I would go to class and, like, just holding a hot coffee can make you feel better drinking a sip of hot water can like heat your body cold water can cool your body and so i just think i i mean guys play with their own balls all the time i mean it's a warm-up there'll be four guys if you're wearing if we're wearing shorts if you look over like three of us have our hands in our pants on our nuts yeah and i guess it is because it's warmer. Sometimes I'm in bed and I'll like itch my nose and I'm like, it smells like pussy. And I'm like, oh, I was like just playing with my vagina. Not in a sexual

way. I was just like just like down there like rooting around. It's like Al Bundy. Remember? Yeah. You come home. You put your hand in. I never got to watch that show. My parents forbid. Really? Yeah. For some reason they were like, those people are disgusting.

They remind me a lot of your parents. Maybe that's why. Yeah. I would maybe turn into a Kelly. Was her name Kelly? Yeah, Kelly Kapowski. No, not Kapowski. Was her name Kelly, though?

Yeah, maybe. It was, what's her name? The blonde. Christina Applegate. Yes, Applegate. I love Christina Applegate. Where is she now? I think she got breast cancer.

I think she's fine now. I think she had like a mastectomy maybe. Yeah. I like that that's where we go to. Like, what's her career up to? Oh, she got her tits cut off. Yeah, that's right. Like, it's like, what?

She had that show. She had a big show again. Yeah, she had that, the one where they were, actually, it was very reminiscent of the show i was writing with diablo cody and lizzie cooperman we like pitched this show with bill lawrence and then we ended up not doing it because of that show she did with what's her name from freaks and geeks because it was so similar because they're like hit women right i feel like uh yeah i don't know i never saw it, but talking about shows, you recommended that Kamikaze show. Kamikaze.

And that show... It's on HBO Max, and it's a Swedish or Finnish, Danish show or something like that. Danish, I believe. Is it... Bah. Is it...

Do they put English words in their mouth, or is that they're actually speaking English? I know that sounds crazy. It sounds crazy because were you on TikTok when you were watching it? No, I was on freaking. Did you see their mouths move in the shape of the words that they were speaking? They were speaking English. CTI, baby.

You're kidding. No, but I really did think they dubbed it. Andrew, a dub will be the mouths will look different. Yeah, no, for sure. For sure. So, yes, they were speaking English at times during the show. But it is a Dutch show. Right, but she speaks English to the pool guy because he's from Finland.

And so they speak a different language. And so it's easier for them all to just speak English. Sometimes they go in between. Wait, no, they speak a different language and so it's easier for them all to just speak English. Sometimes they go in between. Wait, no, they speak, the show that I watch, they speak English the whole time. The whole time? Yes.

No. I swear. You had it overdubbed. That's funny, maybe, because that's funny, that's where you get confused because sometimes they are speaking English and most of the time they're speaking Dutch.

No, the one that I... Get the fuck out. Andrew, pull it up on your phone. No, we got to go downstairs on my TV. Nine floors down. That's weird. No, it's definitely... Wait, time out.

So you've been just doing the subtitles? Yeah, but then there's times where they speak English. No, this whole time they speak English. No, no, they don't. In mine. I know, but they're not. It's overdubbed. So I'm not crazy then.

No, you're not. But the English didn't match up with the Dutch. So sometimes it does match. But Dutch is like a... Oh, it's a... I already said fa. Because it's fa. Well, how do you know that then?

What do you mean? How do you know she says Fah? Because they say Fah. Instead of Fah. Oh, in English they say Fah. No, in English. Or in the show, in the overdub, they don't say Fah. Yeah, anyways.

The show is like one of those shows where like, oh, like this is a way for like someone. Like I feel like shows nowadays, it's not like about like rich other than succession and stuff like it's like a rich girl's plight but she had so much bad shit happen to her that she could get away with playing a victim you know what i mean like i it's hard to explain but like, her being rich definitely plays into it. But it's just because people can still be rich and you can feel sorry for them. I know. I just don't feel like those kind of shows really come out anymore.

Oh, interesting. That I've seen. I don't know. It's really good. I don't want to. Yeah, I don't want to give away. I know. Yeah.

Any of it. I hated. Don't read about it, you guys. Just watch it because everything I pulled up to read about it, they ruin it in the headline. So just go watch it. I got turned on to it because Anya said she reminds me of you. The way she talks about killing herself.

I was like, my God, like, and the truth is when I, I'm watching the show. So it's a girl that looks like you too like it because she kind of looks like you. She's blonde, blue eyes. She does look like me in a little bit.

And if you watch enough episodes, I start acting like her. The thing is, when you're not depressed, you cannot relate to people who talk that way. I'm not depressed, even though I was watching it. No, I was watching it pre-Saget news. And even in that show, she talks about, I'm going back in my life before i got the news so she becomes suicidal after something terrible in her life happens and that's the thing we don't want to ruin for you but she um i'm watching it and she's getting she's so depressed and she keeps saying these like you know or fred asked her to go horseback riding and she's like if i go is there a chance that the horse might fall and i'd fall off and i'd snap

my neck and die and the girl goes goes, no, it's really safe. And she goes, then I don't want to go. And she like, and I've said shit like that before, too, when I'm really depressed. Like, you just, but when I was watching that, I was just like, girl, don't kill me. Like, what are you sorts to live for? Like, I couldn't relate at all. It just kind of shows you even that though you've had that thing that you can't when you're not in it you can't relate so much if i can't relate to that as someone who's experienced that people that haven't experienced those thoughts cannot fucking grasp it at all yeah and um it

was just very interesting and it made me feel good that i don't when anya said that she reminded me of me and i was like how what the fuck this girl's so dark and i was like no actually wait she's right i have felt that way maybe because she had a small part in her high school play oh my god this girl has one scene in her high school play that is so funny that is only good for me and you but i'll take it no that was so good fuck check out kamikaze hbo max and let us know if you like it you'll really like it guys um all right let's take a break and come back with why do i care 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money

so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Good people. What's up? It's Questo. Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers.

But we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and pave the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations. Like I'm Pete Peel chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland. Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe. And I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else.

So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends,

EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness,

and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model, lingerie, topless. I said yes please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere.

It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why do I care? I don't know anymore.

Why do I care? The Golden Globes 2022 winners were announced live from Twitter. It's so funny that the Golden Globes used to be a thing, and now they're announced on Twitter? On Twitter. They're over it, you guys. No one cares anymore. Was it because of COVID?

Is that what's going on? Remember it was on Zoom? It's not even because of COVID? They'll claim it is. Keep reading. Oh, my God. Yeah, keep reading claim it is. Keep reading. Oh, my God. Yeah, keep reading. Keep reading the title.

It's right in there. Oh. Live from Twitter and press release blast, despite a scandal regarding its lack of diversity. Oh, yeah. Remember when Jason Sudeikis wore a hoodie, a tie-dye hoodie on his couch during it? I guess that was, they knew it was going to be the end.

Four years ago that I did something for E for the Golden Globes and it was like this big star-studded event, millions of dollars poured into this thing and now it's just a Twitter announcement. It's so funny. I love it. As someone who wants to win a Golden Globes, I've said this before, that's something

that would maybe happen to me. I love that it could happen over Twitter instead of this stupid event that everyone dresses up for and kisses each other's asses and actually gets a big deal. The best thing about the Golden Globes was that celebrities got drunk. It was a little bit looser. And Ricky Gervais hosting it.

Once you got rid of him doing the monologue and just destroying everyone and everyone being offended by it then or you know tina fey and amy poehler that was the best part of the golden globes there is something like about him being so like roasty and stuff if i had like a speech where it was like climate change is happening and black lives matter like i would feel like like such a like I couldn't do it and like talk with like a straight face knowing that like how fake all of this is at the time of like oh here I am

talking about real issues and how we have to come together and stuff you know well I'm so confused you went from Ricky Gervais to that my point being is like like you know how like a lot of these Oscar speeches are like over the top of like... Yeah, I mean, it's Woody Harrelson's character in Curb. Yes, yes. Where he's talking about dairy and he's like, I don't want to use creamer in my coffee. So something along those lines of like... Yeah, Joaquin Phoenix does vegan rants for all his wins.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We love him. He's a vegan king. Yeah, yeah. He's a vegan king. And then you have someone like Ricky Gervais where a roast will just – it cuts through all the lies. Yes. So then like the idea of like going up after that would give me so much panic to follow something like that.

Or just being sincere and thanking your patients and mom. Yeah, sincere at all. Oh. Yeah, just being sincere. Well, you wouldn't have to be. You're a comedian. So you would be able to be kind of funny. Yeah. Yeah, just being sincere. Well, you wouldn't have to be. You're a comedian, so you would be able to be kind of funny. But my favorite thing was Julia Louis-Dreyfus at the, I think it was the Emmys, when Tony Hale, who played her little bag man, comes up and stands behind her during her speech.

And I watched it the other night. I watch it all the time because it's so funny if you love veep and so she wins the award for best actress in a comedy and she waits for tony hale who's in the audience to come up and he plays his character on the show behind her he's holding her purse and he's whispering in her ear to remind her of people to thank and she starts thanking everyone from the show and she doesn't thank tony hale which is just so classic of how it was just such a good it was such a good moment um so the winners were announced who the fuck cares i mean honestly what what is there anyone that pick one what do you want to know uh best comedy best comedy uh

uh andrew garfield in tick tick boom no No. Best actor in a musical or comedy? Right. Okay. See, I can't even. Let's see. Ted Lasso won. Jason Sudeikis won. Okay.

Succession won a lot. Okay. What show won for best comedy? Hacks won. Hacks? Oh, God. What's her name win for Hacks? Either Jean Smart or the young girl,

Hannah Einbiner? I'm looking. She did? Noah? Yeah, I think Jean Smart won a bunch of awards. Hold on. What about best movie? I haven't seen any fucking movies. I saw Ghostbusters. That's it. And then I saw Up in the Air. You saw Up in the Air.

The Power of the Dog won best drama. Okay. Yeah, I've heard that. that's it. And then I saw Up in the Air. You saw Up in the Air. The Power of the Dog won Best Drama. Okay. Yeah, I've heard that. That's great. West Side Story apparently is back. Oh, I want to see that so bad. I want to be in America. I want to be.

When you reject, you reject all the way from your first cigarette to your last. I mean, I could do this all day. I know that musical from back because I auditioned for it and didn't get in I learned the whole damn thing because I loved it King Richard actually was really good with Will Smith did we talk have we talked about Don't Look Up no oh that's

the one with the Serena Serena sisters Serena sisters fucking poor Venus that movie should be called poor Venus. That movie should be called Poor Venus. Poor penis. No, I didn't see King Richard, so it's good. I really enjoyed it.

And I didn't think it was going to be that great, but it was great. Don't Look Up is great. It is. I loved it. Noah, did you see Don't Look Up? No, I feel like, I don't know any of the movies that were on the nomination list. Don't Look Up? No, I feel like I don't know any of the movies that were on the nomination list. You will love Don't Look Up. It's so great.

What is it about? You know, Jennifer Lawrence and Leonardo DiCaprio and a bunch of other people. I saw like one TikTok of a guy like talking shit about it. And it made me like question like my own like thoughts and be like, yeah, maybe he's right. Maybe he wasn't that good at writing. No, it totally depends on who you see it with or what kind of exposure you get to criticism. What do they say? It's not even that good a

satire and the writing is subpar. I loved it. I really enjoyed it. I thought it was fun. It's just fun. Yeah, it's fun. It's silly. It knows it's not the smartest. No, but the thing is, it's talking about everything that's right. It's idiocracy meets um armageddon yes you know it's like what if armageddon happened during idiocracy

but actually we're living in idiocracy and it's like it's kind of shows what we're living in right now with like it's it's a comment on trumpism yes it's a comment on and on everything it's a comment on culture it's a comment on covid it's count the It's a comment on everything. It's a comment on COVID. It's a comment on pop culture. It's a comment on COVID. It's a comment on climate change. Like, it's so, and it's funny, and it's fun. Yeah. It's great acting, and Jonah Hill is hilarious.

So funny. He does this poignant speech. So there's, like, a comet headed towards Earth, and it's going to destroy Earth. Spoiler. And Jonah is, you they're they're launching some attack on the comet and they're just like you know saying prayers beforehand he is jonah's just like this you know kind of like uh what's his name trump uh one of the trump kids trump jr he's like one of the trump juniors that's just an idiot and his his mom is president and he's he does this

sincere prayer to just like, I just want to like say a prayer for stuff. Yeah, for stuff. Like for all the things we own and like the products and like the clothes and the furniture. Like we're going to lose all of that too

and I just want to say like, I just am thinking about all our stuff. And it was just, that was my favorite part because I think about stuff all the time. You know, like every time I buy something, I'm like,

this is going to outlive me and just be here after me. Yeah, I'm going to have to fucking give it to Goodwill if I live longer than you. Oh my God. All right, well, I guess we're done with the news. Do you want to play Top 1, Bottom 1? Let's do it. It's time for Top 1, Bottom 1, our Monday segment. Today's Top 1, Bottom 1 is going to be apps not appetizers

but not social media apps right not social media apps apps on your phone that are not social media so that discounts tiktok it discounts instagram it discounts youtube even because listen we would all pick one of those as our fave so So we'll start with bottom because we always do. Andrew, do you want to lead us in a prayer? I do. Dear Jew God. Let's say apps that you use. Because apps on your phone that you have used in the past month.

I don't know. There's some apps that are like sneaky apps does that make sense like you don't even think of them as apps like like the apple podcast app like how good it is oh and you don't even think crap by the way crapple it on the apple podcast app is notoriously terrible and they force force you to rate it sometimes, so it has decent rating. But there's... I mean, I'm on the podcast subreddit, and people talking trash about the Apple Podcast app constantly.

And I use it because I just haven't downloaded another one. Well, Spotify, you could pretty much do everything that you do on Apple, but... I don't want to combine my music and my podcast. I want to keep them separated. Hey! Don't, you know... All right right but even spotify you don't really think of an app but it is an app no of course i think of it as an app it's a little square on my

phone that i gotta click on dude like yeah it's an app okay all right all right okay so what's my what's my what bottom one least favorite app okay my least favorite app is oh let me see i'm looking through these you have to use it my least favorite app that i use a lot and maybe it's just like the way it runs the way it like it's just organized yes certain things about it that bug you. Hmm. Oh, Spirit. Fuck you. Is that because it's just Spirit Airlines? Pretty much.

But yeah, just Spirit. Just the whole, my whole, I haven't even gotten into it. The whole upcharge bullshit. Yeah, if you buy a Spirit ticket, add $200 to it. At least. Yeah, dude. Just to have fucking running water on the plane. Yeah. And then if you buy a spirit ticket, add $200 to it. At least. Yeah, dude. Just to have fucking running water on the plane.

It was insanity. And their fucking app doesn't work as well. And like, you can't get your seat. It's just a fucking shit show. And then you get there. That's a whole nother thing of getting there. And they let you tag your bag,

but then you have to wait in line. There was a line in Fort Lauderdale airport that was, I'm not kidding, like 700 people. We had to wait. Oh, my God. We got there two hours beforehand. Thank God you did. Yeah, anyways. And you barely made it with two hours before?

Yeah. No way. Swear. Oh, my God. So just Spirit Airlines. Go fuck yourself in general. Yeah. And your app is not terrible but just you suck

all right noah do you have a least favorite app um least favorite app is hard because it's like you don't use it if it's least favorite yeah right but we had to use it in like the last or so, right? Yeah, in the last month. So I think under that condition, I'll choose the Ikea app. Oh, interesting. I don't even know. I mean, I assume there's one, but why? So at first, I thought it was going to be a great thing

because I can see what's in the Ikea that's two hours away from me, so I wouldn't have to drive there. But it's just very hard to navigate um i can't find like how like on the website they have all the products and you could just look for the thing that you need or like the room that you need you just kind of have to like search and it's all just weird names um and then it is weird names so you like how are you supposed to search for things? They're dubbed. You have to just like... You have to know what you want. You can't just like browse really.

You have to have like a purpose. I hate a non-browser. Yeah, I agree. I need to browse. I need to swipe up and look at things and see pictures. There's not enough pictures. Yes. So I just, I feel kind of like, why did I download this?

Because last time I was there, one of the salespeople said, oh, you should download the app and you could see what we have in stock. And I feel like I fell for it. Yeah, some of these apps just run so terribly. And I don't, you know, and i don't you know i obviously don't understand any of this stuff and i'm grateful that we even have them at all and i

could not under even begin to understand how difficult these things are to manage and run and make so smooth but there are some apps that get it right and there's some that are just just a bitch to use the starbucks app is my least favorite because least favorite because of its efficiency every time i open it first of all it takes about 45 seconds to load so i just have the loading screen on and i have to wait then um i would say once a week it signs me out and then i have to sign back in and then there's an error for the there's always an error when i first sign back in and then i have to sign it again and then there's not an error but I first sign back in, and then I have to sign in again, and then there's not an error. But you've got to start over.

It's just so slow. It's like you're using dial-up. I wonder if it's because it's probably one of the most used apps out there. Well, Instagram's not slow. You know what I mean? Every single thing you do takes forever. There's other apps where I can buy things and I purchase things, and it isn't running as slow. Sometimes the store isn't. do takes forever you know there's other apps where i can buy things and i purchase things and the it

isn't running and sometimes the store is my life is so hard because my starbucks makes me wake 30 more seconds than i want to for my coffee that i'm already you know bypassing the line for but also the store won't let you order ahead of time sometimes but i don't know if that has anything to do with the app well sometimes they just shut down their app which they should because they're dealing with mobile orders they're dealing with in-store orders and um and i do appreciate that they let you know if you order something and it's out at the store and it's i mean overall it's a good app it's just slow uh let's get to our favorite apps all right this one's uh not really going to interest either one of you but there's an app called 18 Birdies. And what it,

I already saw you yawning before I called. I know. It's like my brain knew what was happening. Yeah, you knew golf was coming. So what's amazing about it is if you're on any course in the world. Yeah. Well, I don't know about the world,

but this country at least, maybe not freaking, you know, Rwanda or something, but like on this country. Great, great random pick of a country that was on the show that you watched last night. No, they didn't have to know that. Spoiler. Keep going.

Or Denmark. Denmark. So 18 birdies you pull it up any course you could just go oh you plug in the course and then when you play for free for free now you could get an upcharge where it'll give you even more detail but it will follow you in your cart and tell you exactly how many yards you are away from the pin oh wow so there's these things called pin finders where you know you exactly how many yards you are away from the pin oh wow so there's these things called pin finders where you know you arrange finders where you have to look through the thing but this will give you your yardage so 18 birdies for free just don't accept and like they try to upcharge you you just keep xing and then you'll get the free and then you

could literally no one's gonna get this they already have it if they do i mean how long did it take you to get that golf app what do you mean like once you liked golf didn't you like obviously download 18 no no no i never heard of it until i was playing with a guy and he randomly i go how many yards is this he's like have you heard 18 birdies okay so maybe people don't know but the way that you were so like how'd you figure out putting the yeah the hot tea between your legs it's like yeah because it's just the thing that you were so like how'd you figure out putting the yeah the hot tea between your legs it's like yeah because it's just the thing that you would do to stay warm you would die so soon in what an apocalypse like just like when you amila and i could not stop laughing the night you told us about almost dying in the car oh my god like a dog that got left i left myself

i don't know how i didn't die that day that was so hot what is this story i took a bunch of painkillers i was actually doing painkillers with a friend of ivanka trump and he yeah it's pretty cool and i snorted i think oxycontin i don't know if it was oxycontin or not but and then i woke up in my car outside a police station where it's like probably honestly 140 degrees in there and uh your boy was sweaty and dehydrated. And my windows were tinted. And I hear someone rummaging around my car. And I roll my window down. It's a cop. And I was like, hey, officer.

But he literally, no, he would have died in his car of overheating. Probably if that cop didn't come near my car. Yeah, I probably would have died from heat. Like a baby or a dog. And yeah, that's how people. he had the ability to like get out you know what i'm saying like he's a functioning human i mean you were at that point i wasn't yeah i turned myself into a fucking schnauzer no what's your favorite app okay um my favorite app i found out about several years ago.

That's about like four or five years ago. Whoa. It's called... Oh, I get it. It's called What is Several? Someone else said I was... You just type in a number and then it says, nope. Two people have written in that they get it.

A couple of people have gotten it. Not several. Not several. I'll admit, it wasn't several. It wasn't an insane amount. So I think I really love an app called BJJ HQ. Yeah, you do. And basically what it is.

Big blowjobs just haven't quit. No doubt. Wait, what is BJJ HQ? What is that? Oh, jujitsu. Yes, so they have these rolling deals on jujitsu gear, which is generally

very expensive. And these deals are like sometimes half the price. Sometimes, I guess, a little bit more um and you can get like rash guards this is the 18 birdies for yeah she doesn't get shit um i'm i'm about to get okay okay i could yeah nikki is like scratching her head so i can tell she's getting well how did you find out about bjjhq like didn't you like when you're into something don't you search an app for

like if you have this thing, if they have this thing, this, I found through word of mouth when I was trying to like get more geese and stuff like that. Cause I only had one. And how many geese do you have though? Uh,

I only have like three that I use, but I want to get more. So I keep checking this app to, to find like the right one. So that's the app that i'm usually on and i i think it's great do you get alerts from it um do you get push notifications no one's on no bjj hq like people are on zillow like looking for a home yeah like stocks he's like oh there's a gifo $44 is it all what what other jujitsu equipment is there?

Like jujitsu is life shirts and bumper stickers. Jujitsu, iJitsu. Rash guards, spats, which are the leggings, shorts, grappling shorts. And some of the comments on this are so stupid.

Because people can comment on the deal or whatever that's so dumb that's a good deal yeah like like sick what like here's a stupid comment with her legs wrapped around me i could create some splatter on these shorts okay you know, it's like the model. Right. Exactly. I'm getting these. I thought jujitsu like wasn't like sexual and like the people in it really respected

that it wasn't sexual. Right. But I guess there's a couple people in comments are usually immature. So yeah, you're right. You're right.

Okay. So BJJ HQ. Get to it, guys. Get to it. I will say there's only three, guys. Get to it. I will say... There's only three keys left. Let's see.

Mine is the white noise app. Damn trip. It's, you know, airplane travel, white noise. It's what I'm listening to constantly. I have logged how many hours of this sound? It is so insane. It shows you sometimes how many hours you this sound. It is so insane. It shows you sometimes how many hours you've spent

on... Oh, yeah. How many... I don't know how long I've had this app. You've probably been on it 6,000 hours. How many days do you think I've spent on this app? With white noise blaring

and I've used it you know 50 days 317 days whoa 14 hours and 19 minutes okay that actually makes sense because you use it every night you sleep yeah every single night yeah but that just it just shows you how i don't know why you like that babies like that noise too i because it just drowns out any sound and it once you start falling asleep to it, it tells you time for bed. Like you hear that noise and you're just like, this is the sound that plays when I'm sleeping. And so when I get a call, so it'll be going like this. And I have my phone on silent so my phone doesn't ring.

But if I get a call, suddenly it just goes silent. And it wakes me up. I wake up to silence. See, I can only sleep in silence. Because it's, but it doesn't. See, I can only sleep in silence. It becomes silence because it's white noise. Like, there's also, you can do cars driving. I wouldn't like that.

Rain, I like. You can do. Or like a rainforest. City streets. No. A crowded room. Why would you ever want that? Although, I will say, I used to get very...

Like, what are we doing here? Baby stabbing? Sounds exactly like a baby just hanging out. Final thought. I used to really love the sound of my parents having a party when I would go to bed and socializing because it would mean people were awake and that I could go to sleep and someone was going it would mean people were awake and that I could go to sleep

and someone was going to be there to fight off intruders and that it wasn't, there was defenses up. Even the sound of Jay Leno and then the next room doing the monologue. That sound of like,

yeah, there's a standing white noise. That would be, I would love a distant Jay Leno. 1990s. Wait, play the white noise again.

I think it does sound like Jay Leno. Wait, what about a Tibetan singing bowl? Do you like that? No. Okay, let's do, what about, oh, train ride. You want to go on a train ride? Let's go on a ride. No, I think a New York subway.

Okay, yeah, me too. What about, okay, here's white noise. The one I use is airplane noise, by the way. So this is white noise. I hate that. The other night I was listening to YouTube was, there's a YouTube of what people hear when they have tinnitus.

You know, some people say tinnitus, but tinnitus. Okay. And it sounds like, one of them was white noise, and I was like, I could really dig that. But this one was, that's white noise. Terrible. Do you have rain? I like light drizzle.

This is orange, brown noise. I'm getting tortured. Brown noise is pretty dope. I don't mind it. This is purple noise. Oh, pink noise. Just give me a reason. He needs rain. This is blue noise. Sorry, I noise. Just give me a reason. He needs rain.

This is blue noise. Sorry. I'm going to... Okay, here's rain on a lake. Too much rain. Okay. Here's rain on a metal roof. No.

Too big of drops. Okay. Here's rain on a tent. Why? Oh Oh that's nice I like that Too much rain But it reminds me that I have to go hiking I like a drizzle

What's a Oh what about a babbling brook This is a girl named brook Who is comatose Wait I can't hear it Nah it sounds like a fucking giant pissin' Wait, I can't hear it. That sounds like a fucking giant pissing. Here's a gentle waterfall.

That's not gentle enough. That's kind of like airplane noise. Nothing's gentle here. Oh, singing birds. No? All of these apps are too... What about an evening lake? I can do that, but I'm definitely pissing the bed. What about a bathroom fan?

You're used to that sound. I fucking hate that sound. It's one of my least favorite sounds in the world. I am used to it because I take big shit. What about a box fan? That is soothing as fuck. It sounds like an army airplane. Okay.

What about Gray noise That doesn't kill me Really Okay you're a gray man First thing Amazon jungle Can I get a jungle That isn't having a party

I'd like a A coffee shop jungle. Beach waves crashing. I need something consistent. I don't like the inconsistency of the waves. What about a campfire? Oh, my God. It feels like my house is on fire.

Yeah, that's too much. That would be disturbing. It feels like the tea you used to drink. Ocean waves crashing. That's not terrible. Oh, Florida boy. He's coming home. But again, all of these apps,

do you need something if you could blow? Blowing wind. I don't know. I see a ghost floating in my room. What about thunderstorm? I would like it without the thunder. Me too. I like that.

Oh, wait. Here we go. Oh, rain on the car roof. No, that just makes me think I'm homeless. That's the tent one. Okay, rainstorm. Again. The thunder, it bothers me too.

Light rain pouring. Here we go. Why are there birds? Why are there birds? Oh, heavy rain pouring. It's a golf course. It's fine. Extreme rain pouring.

This rain is skateboards. Yeah, an English bulldog would go nuts with that. Wait, this one sucks. Wait, what? Oh, yeah, because English bulldogs like skateboards. They hate skateboards. Well, some really like them and they skate. I always see them on them.

They skate, but then some of them because they hate them so much, they ride them. I feel like that's my theory. Oh, to like conquer their fear? Yeah. It's exposure therapy? Yeah, it's exposure therapy. Okay, boat swing in water is one of the creepiest ones. I might like this one. No.

It sounds like a news. Sounds like a guy that hung himself. Yeah, it's not good. Okay. Water dripping. Who the fuck would like this? This is a Guantanamo app. Yeah, it's like torture.

Running shower. Dude, whoever did this is deaf. It has bad hearing Water sprinkler No it just sounds like I'm getting shot in Vietnam Like a Oh is that a cat? A cat purring?

Yeah Luigi do you like that? He doesn't care for it. Crickets chirping. Sounds like your comedy show. Okay. What about frogs at night? That's kind of peaceful.

Sounds like they're fucking. Air conditioner. This is dope. That makes me feel colder. It makes me feel like I'm on a plane and the window's open. Okay, tell me what this one is. It's a guy slapping his nuts against a tin can. Noah, any guesses?

Like a grandfather's clock? Yes! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Isn't that the same thing? Okay, guess what this one is. I thought they would tell time back then. I don't think it's that. It's a tin can.

It's a grandfather clock. Okay, what about this one? Andrew, you will recognize this sound. Is that my mom's breathing machine I know what air that's a that's a dryer yeah why would they put something in it with a button I don't know it's terrible I'm telling you whoever designed this was like doesn't make it doesn't make

sense oh this one's no what is this one or hair dryer oh yep boom a dyson okay what about this one andrew you might know this one too once a week toothbrush dishwasher rinsing oh um andrew you don't know you've never known this one that's a vacuum and now we're back to my old favorite oh the soothing dulcet tones airplane tram i can you know what though after you go through all those fucking hideous ones, that one sounds decent. Dude, white noise.

It's called the app called White Noise. No, that's Airplane Noise. Airplane Noise on the White Noise app. No, but I got to tell you, only two of those were good out of fucking 50. Listen, they're trying. Well, even one is good enough. I spent 317 days on that fucking app. Well...

What are you looking at your nails for? What's going on? I grew them out. Oh, nice. Can you see? That's hardly grown out. No, they're good. Oh, wow.

Here, look. Come here. You remind me of a... Oh, yeah. I can see the whites. It's way better. Yeah. What do you got?

Calm under there? Huh? What makes it white? We got to go. Thank you guys so much for listening. Filing my nails? Yeah. I can't do it

Brenna did it It makes me It scares me Why? I don't know It's my new phobia No it scares you I don't

I can't handle It's like a chalk It's like Oh it's like the sound bug Yeah It doesn't scare you I don't know it hurts too If they get their corner there

But anyways You bite them And you Bite them till they bled That doesn't hurt That I mean that That should hurt I don't know. It hurts, too, if they get the corner there. But anyways. You bite them and you bite them until they bled. That doesn't hurt. I mean, that should hurt. That should be an app.

Filing does not hurt. Have you ever heard this? Oh, yes, I have. We should do an app of just sounds from the show. We should do a fucking. The sound of the toilet flushing before. My dad eating. Don't do this to the people. We should do a fucking The sound of the toilet flushing before My dad eating. Don't do this to the people. We gotta go.

We'll be back tomorrow. Thank you guys so much for all your Bob Saget messages. I love you so much. Yes. Thank you for listening to the show. We'll be here tomorrow and all week long

here in St. Louis on the podcast. Don't be cut and Jack Skellington. Jack Skellington. Someone told me to do that one. Oh, really? Yeah.

Well, I was going to do a different one. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And

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