The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #160 A Size Too Small w/ Anya Marina

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

Nikki enlisted her best friend singer and songwriter Anya Marina to help her out with an album recording. Since Anya is in town. it makes total sense for her to finally join Nikki and Andrew in studio. Andrew is sporting an "endless summer" look after spending his morning looking for his missing package. Nikki talks about the treatment she got yesterday and then they have another debate about the meaning of several. They talk about regrettable texts with exes, ADD meds and plastic surgery. You Heard It Here First: "Can-daver" hearts and getting to date a celebrity crush. They play Barstool's Answer The Internet and in the Final Thought Nikki shares her last texts with Bob Saget. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet,

hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. here's Nikki hello here I am it's Nikki Glazer it's the Nikki Glazer podcast it's Wednesday and I am here not only with Andrew Collin and Noah But also Anya Marina

Hey girl Hey We hear you every time this, that song Every time, people hear you more than anyone It's a true honor and a pledge It's so good, it's so catchy Can we hear it live? Yeah

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, The Nikki Glaser Podcast. That's good. Good job, Nick. Wait, do the Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. So cute. I mean, it's pretty on point.

The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. He's doing a harmony. I mean, we got to talk about your outfit, Andrew Collin. For those of you who aren't watching the video in a couple days, Andrew has a festive look. Jimmy Buffett meets- More Jimmy Buffett. Golden Corral Buffet.

Trust Fund Golfing Kid. Yeah, Trust Fund Golfing Kid. Meets a chicken fried steak. A frat guy going to a theme party, you know, trying to get laid still. But like also the shirt is an old vestige of the show, the early days of the show. We started the show in the Cayman Islands. You bought that shirt one day when we went to go shopping at a mall. And it is a Tommy Bahama, correct?

Yes, it's an original. It's an original Tommy Bahama. Yeah, we got it. There's no other prints. Yep, bought it right off the wall. It was framed. I took it out. Oh, God.

This thing was on sale. They saw him coming. It was one of the things where they're like, it's on sale. And it was $87 or something like that. You're like, I got it on sale. They saw him coming. It was one of the things where they're like, it's on sale. And it was $87 or something like that. You're like, I got it on sale. I mean, the original price, the artist

said was $284. Mr. Bahams. It's like the original price is on the price tag and there's already a line through it with the same font that the price is written. So you know that it was never that price. Do you know what I'm saying? This was our intended price. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Well, yeah, they got me.

This was our intended price. I think what happened is they bought 15 for the waitstaff at the restaurant next door. Yeah. And then one guy died. So they had one extra just sitting there. Yeah. They did a whole collection for a local hotel.

A two-star. It is very white. For their valet boys. You do look... You work at White Orchid. I look like a valet guy that has to ask his friend to drive stick.

What's the name of that show? White Lotus. White Lotus. Oh yeah, I do. I'm very White Lotus. How quickly they forget. I just love that show. It's a titillus.

Or titillus. I've never known how to pronounce that. Someone says titillus? The... No. No, okay. Someone says titillus? No. No, okay. Well, the hat. It's a titillus hat.

It's made for a golfer who doesn't want to get too much sun, who likes to party, have a little Miami Vice pina colada around 3 p.m. because it's 2 p.m. somewhere. You know what I mean? Well, he walked in this morning, and he's also wearing shorts. Are those swim shorts? These are a Lululemon short which act as

a swim workout or you could go to a restaurant. Or you could go anywhere in those. Says who? Lulu. Lulu. You're dressing this way because it's nice outside. It's nice outside. It's 54 degrees.

Did you know it was nice outside when you went outside or because you looked at the weather i looked at the weather i did go outside today i went to fedex already this morning to pick up a golf club that wasn't sent to me even though i paid for overnight shipping that's a whole thing i've read the reviews this woman was worse than hitler apparently and i thought this was a year ago she got these bad reviews you ever go to the reviews of like a FedEx like it talks about the FedEx location oh gotcha yeah they're like this woman wouldn't even look me in the eye she didn't say a word to me she didn't she wouldn't even get my package even though it's the fifth time I'm like so scared to go in there I'm like I'm gonna kill her with kindness I'm like I'm like she's gotta be fired by now it's been a year and right when i walked in i was like this is definitely the woman like

she still has her job oh really she's but she owns it no no she wasn't um the manager's name was a guy's name maybe she doesn't i mean wait what made you check the yelp reviews before going oh that's a good point because i've ordered another package that has gone through and never got to me. So they're notorious for being notoriously bad. Why can't they just ship it to you directly? Yeah. Without stopping a FedEx? Yeah.

Well, they got to stop at places. You never follow your package? I do. It's kind of fun. I have a bikini from Italy stuck in Jersey. It's been there for eight months. I've made a hundred. Is that a Bruce Springsteen song?

I got a bikini stuck in Jersey. Paramus. Paramus. So wait, how long has it been stuck? Do you get your money back yet? No. It's because USPS. You can't.

I tried to file a claim. I've been to offices. And I hear Nikki's voice in my head going babe how Much is this worth to you is it worth $150 To just let it go like how many hours Do you think you've spent trying to get It's it's more agonizing over It like will I have a bathing suit in Mexico

I really wanted this three or Four or 17 Poshmark they'll have It to you in three days yeah I just can't get This thing I want to ask a question have you called The actual bikini place Because I wrote to them and they're like the Second you Yeah, I just can't get this thing that I want. Can I ask you a question? Have you called the actual bikini place? I wrote to them and they're like, the second it-

You wrote to them? You can't call them because it's long? They're in Italy. I ordered this thing from Italy. It came, it was a size too small.

I returned it because Matt was like, that's a little small. So I reluctantly returned it. I was like, all right, I'll get a size up. Did you think

it was too small or did he just not want you looking like a whore? I was like, this is a little small but I could deal with it. I was like, all right, I'll get a size up. Did you think it was too small, or did he just not want you looking like a whore? I was like, this is a little small, but I could deal with it. I forgot you should always order a bikini one size bigger. Because your boyfriend will say it's too small, and you look like a whore. No, it makes everyone look better. It's a trick. Oh.

Yeah. You don't want it tight. You don't want to be busting out. Yeah. Because you know me. Yeah. Kettle belt hits. like tight you don't want to be busting out yeah and because you know me yeah you're yeah kettlebell tits yeah even uh even in a snow jacket your tits are big so i wrote to the italian company they're like the second it gets back we'll give you a refund

and we'll send you a new one and then it's just stuck in Jersey for eight months. It's some holding facility. I wonder if someone's wearing it at the facility. Gladys. I brought a bunch of swimsuits to Hawaii with me. And I sometimes put them on when my lover and I are about to hook up. Because I don't have like lingerie, but like I have really slutty swimwear that this company, when I was in Cayman Islands, they gifted me like a ton of swimsuits that are just skimpy string, like nipple cover. Yeah.

Swimsuits. And sometimes I'll put one on because I just, I like having something for him to take off. Like sometimes I'll walk in and I'm like getting out of the shower and I'm totally naked. And I'm like, you wait right there. And I'll like put something on because I'm like, I like having something for you to take off. And so I'll just throw on because I have like, I like having something for you to take off. And so I'll just throw on, because I have like 20 of these swimsuits and some are so tiny

and I brought a bunch of them to Hawaii and he was like, you have to wear one of those out. You have to. It looks so slutty. And so like, I want you to, you have to,

like he kind of wants me to like look slutty. Like you have to like, other guys are going to know you're a fucking slut. Like it was kind of like this hot thing of like you you're gonna people are gonna ogle you and like know that you're a filthy slut like it was like kind of a hot thing and i was like i can't wear this it is insane he's like i think it's great i think and i and i didn't end up doing it because they were lit i was like if i run into bill maher yeah i'm not gonna be able to ever look at there won't be any professional

relationship between us ever again. You'll probably get on the show more. You'll get fired more often. Especially if it's a size too small. That's why I don't like having boobs cleavage out ever because guys can't I don't think guys are just

complete animals but I kind of do. They can't focus if their titty is just tempting them. As a guy, if a girl's wearing every bikini for a girl, unfortunately for you guys sometimes, it's revealing. Even a one-piece, you can't hide anything. So it's like if you're showing a little bit less skin. Bill Maher's already going to understand your body if you're wearing a bikini at all.

You know what I mean? But there's certain things that can look so slutty and like you don't understand like if i would have moved an inch you would see like my nipple and like there's something about a nipple yeah that changes things it does why because we're told that you can't show it even if you see the the outline or like the the areola it's like oh my god there'll be a tiktok and a girl will have like a quarter nipple out yeah and people will lose their fucking mind because it's a quarter nip yeah as opposed to a full nip it's interesting i don't know why maybe just a taboo yeah and it's like what you can't have and it's like sneaky and everyone wants what they can't have that's why no one should come you don't even want the full nipple you want the you want the build-up the quarter come you want that's every they've done so many studies about pleasure and the anticipation of the thing that you're excited

about getting is better than getting it i don't agree i never agree with that because i always whenever i come that feeling when the cum is coming out of my cock is way better than when it was inside my cock it's just not even close maybe I'm glad we got here

at this point in the podcast I wasn't sure when yeah it builds up yeah now what did you want to talk about socio-political

it wasn't past that fun anymore because we already got to the cumming part yeah that's true socio-political yeah he wait I could go there thank god or not i could go there want to know what's going on in china they're killing muslims over there for some

reason about kazakhstan edge they're also freaking that acting up for sure acting up everyone's acting a fool but these days over there so what's your plan today? My plan? I got a golf lesson at 2.30, and then who knows? Who the fuck knows? Are you going to wear that to your golf lesson? No, I'll probably throw on another button now. Yeah, I was going to say, there's no way you're walking around with that. I would. Did you go to FedEx in that?

No, because I wanted to be respected by that woman that's Hitler. Right, so you understand the idea of not wanting to wear swimsuits. If Bill Maher saw me in this. Oh, my God. I like it, actually. Thank you. I just don't think the weather should predict how we dress. I feel like when you're in the Midwest, it's time to look like a fucking lumberjack. This is who you are.

Well, because it keeps you warm. I know, but there should be warm summer clothes. How about that? Like that print on a sweater? Like that same print, that Hawaiian print? I don't know if we should talk about this online because I think we just came across something. Yeah, a business idea.

Summer clothes. Summer winter. Summer winter. Tell me I'm wrong. Endless summer. Yes, endless summer. That's actually the... Summer winter wear.

A name of a Nikki Glaser... Or a Matt Pond original song. Oh, really? Or possibly... What's a movie? Well, it's a lot of things. Endless Summer is not... He didn't coin the phrase.

Hold on. So Endless Summer wear. I want to understand what you think this is. So it's like a sweatshirt with that print yes so the the clothing is warm the print is you want more is warm there's there's prints like that dude on on winter clothes yeah i'll buy you one i don't think you'll wear it because that is a ridiculous print that's because you're seeing it through a very small lens okay that's where it is let's let's dissect this i think you're looking at through a very small lens. Okay. That's where it is.

Let's dissect this. I think you're looking at it as like, this belongs in summer. Okay. That belongs in winter. Black, sad, earth tone colors. I wear black in the summer. Man, now that's a lyric.

Yeah, I wear a wool crop top. That's true. I do like, that is a thing that I do like, is like sweatery crop top. That's true. I do like, that is a thing that I do like is like sweatery crop tops. Okay. And that is a weird, but they're not comfortable in the summer

because sweater is a heavy material. I'm just saying I like the look of it, but it's not, you wear flowy things in the summer. And that, that is a, so that plant that's on your, Yes.

That's a summer plant, like that's in your. Yes. That's a summer plant. Like that's in climates that are, you know, warm. That's why it's, you know, something that you would. I get that. But why are we not bringing this print? Why are we letting the weather. Climate change is going to let us do fucking anything. Climate change isn't affecting the shirt.

This shirt will always have a flower on it. It's not going to die. This looks like a tree. This shirt will have a place in Andrew's closet and heart. Like the icebergs. My tits are getting bigger underneath the iceberg, causing them to collapse. Did you see that rock collapse in Brazil? No. These boaters, a whole rock just fell on them.

The rock collapsed on set. Wait, really? A rock collapsed on set. Wait, really? A rock collapsed on a boat? Yeah. Killed a bunch of people? Uh-huh. Well, a couple. No.

Or several. Oh, Jesus. Let's not go there again. Anya heard that episode with Matt. They were driving in the car and they heard the several episodes. You called me. Yeah, you called me. Oh, that's right.

I called you. It was eye-opening for me because I always thought several was over the number five. Okay. But under 10. But I just invented that, I guess. In the dictionary, it says over two, but maybe less than 10, but not that many. I don't know if it actually says 10, but I think it says more than two, but not that many. Andrew said it could be hundreds to thousands.

Depending on the increment of time. So several seconds so several years well guess what years there's been infinity years there's been infinity seconds huh what do you mean the increment you mean that the the environment that it's happening in not that because when you go oh he you know walked in space for several minutes minutes minutes are an infinite. There's infinite minutes. So that's not dependent on the time. There's infinite. I'm saying the time, an hour is 60 minutes.

Okay. But what do you mean? Like no one goes, how many minutes out of an hour is several? No one says that. Because of the several hours, right? Okay. So let's say 10 hours. That's a long time.

Okay. But no one would say that several hours seven hours is a long i'm saying i'm saying 10 hours is a long time right and then if you put it in minutes if you said that would be 10 times that'd be 600 minutes okay that's that seems like a very long time we don't disagree here here. So 600 minutes would, to me, 10 minutes would not be several minutes to me. It wouldn't because it's about, that would be too many minutes to be several.

Yes, that's in your definition, everyone else's. But in my definition, which is the Tommy Bahama dictionary. You've got a, you know, parrot head kind of approach to life, minutes, time. In Margaritaville, we don't

measure things by units. We measure them by feeling. Fluid ounces. By a sundial, which is right behind the bar, underneath the parrot's head that died in 1987, who used to talk and say, Tweety Bird is here

for a Jagerbomb. Jagerbombs weren't in 1987. Jagerbombs did not exist. Oh, God. You get my point. Several to me, a lot of minutes. But your whole thing about 600 and then hours, i'm lost yeah matt was actually like i kind of get where he's coming from he's saying if he's like it is funny but

he goes i get what he's saying he's saying if you're talking about a unit of something that has a bunch of little units in it he's saying that several can't be applied to that right yes it can several can be applied if it's a lot. I lose myself. If it's a lot. But if it's 10 minutes to me before I found out, it's not several. If it's 100 minutes,

that's several minutes. Wait. I don't understand. What? You lost me again. Wait, 100 minutes is several minutes? To me. Why?

Because it's a big number. And it's a small increment wait what so a thousand seconds several okay now you ready 10 hours not several why because it's 20 hours several wait can you just define it hours is not several and 20 hours is several yes why okay 10 hours could be several wait what this makes no sense 10 hours could be several. Wait, this makes no sense that more would be several. Wait, what do you mean? A thousand minutes. Several is

not dependent on anything. It's always two. I get that. That's your definition, though. It's the dictionary's definition, dude. No, that too. We gotta figure out what this word is that you are talking about because it ain't several. I think it's probably there yeah, there's got to be something. Many.

Many. I think we're talking about many. When I hear many, I think. Several. Several. Or 20. Or not 10. Or 1,000.

Let's take a quick break and come back with more Andrew. We'll be back in several minutes. No. A couple. A couple. Oh, be back in several minutes. No. A couple. Many. Oh, a couple. Jesus Christ. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year.

It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially.

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We figured it out, I think. No, we didn't. We're not going to go on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can't go on. We can. People are probably losing it. Noah.

One guy did write me and say there's something in the history about Savile being used back in the day. I'm not kidding. About where my definition. Okay. Like Chaucer's. Back in Canterbury Tales. Yes. Canterbury Tales.

Some guy was like how long is that knight's armor gonna take you are smart about something sometimes like really smart

this one not it's not it but I think my method is pretty intelligent and off the beaten path you have not explained your method whatsoever

no one gets his method you know what I need like a will hunting to put it up on a board with equations to break it down for people. Yeah.

Anya. Great film, yes. I do love that film. What's your favorite movie? It's not your fault. Husbands and Wives, Woody Allen. That's right.

Whoa, Ed. Whoa. How could you say that? Do you know he has glasses glasses what do you love about that movie though judy davis judy davis incredible performance so good she's so watchable there's a scene where she's she and her husband is split up he cheated on her and she's going on a date with someone new very reluctantly and she's like can you excuse me for one minute and she just goes to call her husband repeatedly and to just bitch him out and it's the best scene and you can relate because you're like don't make the call do not

you're not in a state of mind to make this call but it's just so good that reminds me of that scene in friends uh when jennifer aniston is like trying to get over Ross and she goes on a date and she gets all drunk. It's such a good scene and she borrows the guy's cell phone she's on a date with and she's just so,

and she goes, hey Ross, it's Rachel. And she's like, she's wanting to get closure because the guy's like, sounds like you don't have closure and she's like, and um, I just want to let you know. Because she's on this date and And she's like, she's wanting to get closure because the guy's like, sounds like you don't have closure and she's like,

and um, I just want to let you know because she's on this date and the guy's like giving up on this girl who's like, just keeps talking about this Ross guy.

I know, but why didn't she use her phone because she's a different number? Because this is like 1997. Oh, she doesn't even have a phone. I guess he has a phone and she doesn't.

Okay. I don't know. Sorry, sorry, sorry. And she goes, and she's like, and I am over you. And she's like, and the guy is like sitting there and she's talking to the guy like

are too proud of me doing this and she's like i am over you and then she's those and that is what we call closure and she like shuts it she shuts the phone and then throws it in the like wine kind of bucket the ice bucket and then she leans back and she's like all proud of herself and then the next morning she's like all hungover at her apartment and she can't really remember anything you know you can just tell she's like and she's laying on the couch and ross walks in and she gets up she's like hi oh hi and he's just like hey rach uh do you mind um i gotta check my messages uh can i check mon's phone? She's like, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.

She's like, God, last night. And he goes, good date last night? And she's like, I can't really remember. But yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he's checking his messages. He's like, and then she walks into her bedroom. And he goes, oh, Rach, I got a message from you. And then you just see her walk out and go, oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no. And then she jumps up on him. And go, oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. And then she jumps up on him. And she's like, no, Ross, Ross, stop. And she's like running at him. And she grabs the phone. And he's holding onto it. And he's still listening. And she's like, she's wrapped around him like a tree trunk.

And she's climbing up him. And then she takes the phone. And she throws it into the sink. And he goes, you're over me? And she goes, oh no. And she starts sliding down him like she's sliding down like a palm tree. She goes, oh no, oh no, oh no.

And he's like, when were you under me? It's such a good line. That is a good line. And then it breaks apart everything. It's the best scene. Did they hook up right then? No, he's like,

and she goes, I, I, I in no he's like and she goes i i lie uh and he's like and he just he can't handle it because he's loved her forever have you ever left a message drunk on some guy's phone left text messages that i can but what about voice anything like swinger style i've done that like in college with that same girl like yeah like 25 messages what did that sound like yeah just sadness just complete disaster of like hey it starts like hey what's you know it's like swingers it really was like when i watched that i was like that was so good hey nikki uh one more thing nikki yeah like hey hey uh uh hey krista what's up it's andrew just seeing where you're at it's like 11 15

just checking in you got the bar slides into yeah and then like cut to two hours later it's like what the fuck man i fucking love you dude why don't fuck why don't you answer your phone i'm fucking still at the boot can you just come by i'm with jeff and then two hours after that it's just like i don't know if you love me anymore oh my god and then two hours after that, it's just like, I don't know if you love me anymore. Oh, my God. And then two hours after that, it's like, I'm in jail. I fucking sucked a guy's dick in an alley. Have you ever done that on you?

Emails were my thing. What? That's like preemptive. Embarrassing. But you know what? You're with the guy that you sent those embarrassing emails to. You can't unsend an email either. But man, when I drank, those were bad.

A lot of passive-aggressive text messages that would progressively go from someone I hadn't heard from in months. And I'd be like, you never gave me a nickname. I want a nickname. And that would be like, where did you get that one from? Tristan Prettyman and I, she's a songwriter, we used to drink sake together. And then right when we started getting buzzed, we were like, let's play this game.

Let's send our exes the same text. And we would send all of our exes, like maybe six people, the same text. And whoever wrote back quickest or wittiest was like the winner of our drunken text. That's winner of our right game it was no one knows you're playing except us too yeah now did it ever lead to more or the next day like oh shit i'm dating this guy again like no it was always a huge disappointment and waking up smiting your forehead like god you weren't texting exes that you rejected. You were texting exes that probably you wanted to dredge up something again.

That's what I'm thinking. And it never dredged up. No, if we could get them back, we would have them back. These things don't work. Futile task. But that's such a funny line to go. Never gave me a nickname. Yeah, we were trying to think of something.

And we would even text guy friends that we hoped something would start up would be like, let's just see if this guy takes the bait. Yes. What's your best nickname you ever gotten from a guy? And what is the best nickname? Ons.

I always liked Ons. That's just a British thing for Anya. But they call me Ganj in high school because I seemed high. Oh, Ganja, Ganya. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. I hated Ganj, but everyone's like, what's up, Ganja?

I just didn't like it. Who came up with that? I like Ganja. Ganja. That's cool. A guy I really liked called me Ganja because he was a huge pothead, and I seemed high. And what were you missing? Ujus.

Ujus. It means horrible in Russian. Ujus. Oh, that's a nickname you have? She taught me that word yesterday. Ujus. Yeah. It sounds like gorgeous, but wet. Ujus. Doesn't it? That's not a great word She taught me that word yesterday Oogis And dinner is oogis

Gorgeous but wet Oogis Doesn't it? Gorgeous but wet? Yeah, oogis She's oozing wet Yeah, she's oozing wetness Andrew's getting hard

What's your best nickname, Nick? This kid in fifth grade Used to call me nickel pickle pearl i don't know what it was but he was just like his name was john jordan i believe that's a cool name and he was like nickel pickle pearl and i just loved it that's the best name i've ever heard nickel pickle pearl very southern yeah from john jordan he was just this like a little black kid who just like had took a shine to me and I didn't think I was worthy

of a nickname back then. It was very cool. Yeah, I've never felt worthy of a nickname. Did you ever get one? I got one in high school. Drewski? Ace. Well, that's cool.

Yeah, that's very cool. My girls, I wanted Ritalin from me. Oh, okay. Oh, you had access to it for your ADD? I had ADD and I wouldn't take it because I couldn't eat and then I'd be know. Okay. Oh, you had access to it for your ADD? I had ADD, and I wouldn't take it because I couldn't eat, and then I'd be tired for sports. So girls knew I had it in my front pocket. Oh, my God.

And they could, like, smell it out, and they would chase me down the hall. Hey, Ace, let me get it. Oh, my God. Did you feel cool? No. I felt like such a loser because I felt like a drug dealer that didn't make any money.

What a loser that is. I'm Jewish and I'm not even turning this into a return. I probably could have sold them for 40. I mean, these girls drove BMWs to school. Oh, yeah. They would have given you money for it and then they would have respected you for having boundaries. Yeah.

As opposed to like, please take my drugs. So it was like an I can't eat and I want to be strong for sport. Where I'm not even starting. Oh, my drugs. So it was like an, I can't eat. And I want to be strong for sports. Where I'm not even starting. Oh my God. Yeah. Every day. Ritalin and a little tinfoil thing. And I would fake take it in front of my mom.

Wait, oh, so your mom would watch you take it? She was around. Yeah. In the next room. She probably, yeah.

You're the only person I know that avoided taking Ritalin. Really? Yeah. For this, because it made you not eat. Most of those girls were doing it, You're the only person I know that avoided taking Ritalin. Really? Because it made you not eat. Most of those girls were doing it so they wouldn't eat. Oh, I see. I bet you a lot of people didn't take it because it made you feel like a fucking robot. No, I read it all the time.

People don't used to take it, right? Yeah, generic. In high school? I don't understand why people don't take it because it makes you feel amazing. Because I think the drug that you take currently is different than... I've taken Adderall and Ritalin. They are more...

There's a different... But I still... I would take any of it. Now? And not because I'm addicted to it, but because I'm going to get stuff done because I'm going to get stuff done. I'm going to be more present. I'm going to be more excited about life.

I'm going to be happy. Maybe that means it just works for me, but why do people not take it all the time? I was sadder. Yeah, it didn't make me happy. It made me more zombie. Were you abusing it, though? No.

I just should never have been taking it. Why did you like it, then? I liked it the first time I did it. And never again. I liked it. first time i did it and never again man i liked it i would do like an all-nighter or like write a paper like it didn't allow me to feeling no i'd be like chattery teeth till four in the morning being like yeah i get this done granted i took it at times you're not an addict have you ever done it really oh yeah it is oh yeah where which part what when did you when did you take it noah

i took it um i had a lot of work to do and my ex had had them so he gave it to me and it was i felt like i was like on another like plane you know like in a different dimension i didn't feel happy i just felt like you, you know, just like work mode, get things done. And like, I don't know. I felt like my brain was just like in overdrive. Yeah. It is kind of funny to take a drug like that.

You see the movie like limitless where it's like, I could do it, but it's funny to just still be dumb, but then feel like you can do a lot. Like you're doing the goodwill hunting chalkboard, but it's stick figures. It's just you writing out like sublime lyrics. Mucho gusto, me llamo Bradley.

But I changed it to Andrew. Yeah, I'm like, whoa. This is wild, dude. That is so funny. I told you about the time that I took that sleeping pill. What is it called? Ambien. Ambien.

It's French. And I was on the plane, and I was like, oh, my God. I had all these song ideas, and they were brilliant. And I was watching Californication on the plane and writing songs. I was like, I'm getting so much done watching this show and writing all these lyrics. And then I got home the next day and was like i gotta check those out it was just a notebook full of kaleidoscope designs with some dialogue from californication oh my god like diagonally you sound like the you know those spider webs there's actually in the studio we're working uh in they have the thing

that i see all the time on reddit where it's like they show spiders that are on different drugs and the webs that they make oh really it's in the studio that we're recording these songs they have it on the wall that's so weird spiders actually are on drugs yeah they like make spiders like high on marijuana high on and it shows the webs that they make and how different you like art is to a spider you know but it but it's just, um, I realized like on Ritalin and stuff like that, I'll do it. I'll do a B, like I'll get a B minus paper done. Lickety split,

you know, like it will be, or a B let's say, but if I were to actually not do it, I would still wait to the last second, which I always do. And it would be an A, but it would take six times as long.

It would be so not fun. Wait, so the grade would be higher? Yes, but if you aren't on Ritalin, you get it done faster. You have fun doing it, and you feel like you're doing an A, but it is a B. Oh, interesting.

But if you do an A thing, it's like last night I was watching my special, watching the new cut, and I was like, I don't know if it's an A night i was watching my special watching the new cut and i was like i don't know if it's an a and you know my partner we've seen it a million times we were both like it's not it might not be an a and i was like i was about to start crying because i was like this is like the worst feeling in the world and i was like not everything has to be an a for this to be an a i would have killed myself it It would, like,

and everything else in my life would have suffered. I would be, something would be bad right now. This is, and some might interpret this as an,

I don't know what an A is. That's the other thing too. I don't know how they're grading. And you've watched it a lot. Yes, and I have felt like it was an A before

when I was on Ritalin. Editing it, and I've thought, that might be a B. Right. Exactly. I don't know anymore. I'm not objective anymore have you ever listened to people on coke and you've been sober you're like oh my god these people are out of touch i never know when people are on coke really no i remember that's because

you talk like you're on coke i know i know i don't know what's wrong with me. I really do talk very fast. They think all their ideas are great. You've slowed it up a little bit, actually. Huh? They think all their ideas are amazing. Oh, on Coke? Yeah.

It's the most annoying thing ever. They just think they're brilliant. They have all these point of views all of a sudden. And it's like, what? Do you remember being on Coke and feeling that way? For me, Coke was just feeling sick sick i just felt sexy as hell oh yeah yeah oh that's not bad i felt like a fucking like antonio bandera just walked on the dance floor but meanwhile if you were looking at me silver you were like this guy is just talking to the wall sweating with blood coming out of his nose

oh my god but i'm just like i don't know nathaniel's here i felt that way when i'm drunk you look in the mirror and you're like oh my god i'm so fucking sexy yeah what is and it's so interesting because it's a chemical that's doing something to your brain that your brain is capable of feeling all the time yes so like you know the weather today you're gonna be in a better mood because it's like birds are chirping it It's nice outside. But you're capable of feeling that way in cold. The weather's not changing your brain in a way.

It's just weird. You can get to that state. It's just harder. Like you said, Ritalin gets you there. We want to get there quicker. Whatever that feeling of dopamine, we got to get there. Euphoria. Yeah. And so you get there through

four fucking jaeger bombs as opposed to four years of meditation like you know what i mean like so it's just i don't know yeah it's like several or several it totally is i got a the micro needling yesterday and i got a little lip injection and i got a little like under eye stuff. And like when you first get it done you can just see the results. I mean I looked like beaten up like with my skin pigment because of the microneedling. But the filler and stuff. There's no swelling yet. There's no swelling yet so you can just see what it looks like.

Oh interesting. In four days. You're like oh wow. Yeah you're like oh good. And then today I woke up and I looked like like I was beaten severely in my sleep. But leaving yesterday, leaving the place, I was just like, it felt the same as like you get a new haircut or something. Like you just feel literally more deserving of love.

You're just like, I'm pretty. Like there's. Then going through the four day, does that spoil it for you or knowing that there's light at the end of the tunnel? No, it's kind of fun because it's like, oh my God, every day I wake up, I'm going to be able to see. And it's so subtle. Like I got the – they only put stuff on my lips because they did my under eyes. And it's so weird.

They put a cannula – they inject a cannula into your cheek. A cannula? What's a cannula? Is that a filler? It's like something that doesn't – it's not a needle. It's a blunt end, so it doesn't damage the tissue or like the underneath muscles or anything so they shoot it through my cheek and then the needle went through the cannula into my under eye and then they

I could hear it go and you're awake for this? I saw it happen I was there and it's not even sharp can I tell you what happened? so there was a huge pool, like just a huge thing of blood that just went, when they did this,

it just goes all the way down and they caught it on each cheek, like a lot of blood. It was like I was tearing blood down my cheeks. Yeah. It was gnar, gnar. And I got the microneedling. No, when you got microneedling,

did they take your blood out and then like rub your blood into your face? Oh,'t do that one prp yeah but it's so crazy that i loved it yeah but your face like beat up for how long because my face looks insane today like i put on a little bit of cover-up so you can't really tell but it's bad my like i look like i had been in the sun for like a hundred several hours yes but the after was great i was really happy with it and i think you will be too yeah yeah it was it was it was um it was really fun and uh shout out to Nyack Plastic Surgery up in St. Louis. It's interesting that someone figured it out that you have to beat the shit out of your face to make it look perfect. It's like a diamond kind of thing, like going through coal to get through a diamond.

I don't know. It's just interesting. I don't know. It's just wild. Why did it take so long? It's like breaking your arm to make your arm stronger. It's just wild. Why did it take so long? It's like breaking your arm to make your arm stronger. It's just interesting. That's the thing that pisses me off is that it just seems like microneedling just came

around in the last decade, I feel like. And that is the smartest way to regenerate collagen. It's to wound. Yes. Like tiny wounds. But we like laugh at like- But I would wonder why sunburn doesn't do that. You know what I mean? wounds but we like laugh at like i would wonder why sunburn doesn't do that you know i mean because i think that damages it as opposed to just uh hurting it it's all about the underneath

layers of skin i think damaging the underneath is important well i'm obsessed with warts and so if someone wants to give me their war um i do know that there is a technique called needling for warts to to help them and if you have a wart if you just stab it a bunch of times with a needle like literally they make it pulp like they just stab it a million it's like they're like and then it's dr stab it and so the body goes because the warts are really sneaky and they your immune system doesn't know what they are they kind of like hide out and they that's they get to grow and your immune system's just like it's cool because it stays on the top layer of skin and it doesn't really cause your body to like

go fight it and that's why they grow and if you stab it with a needle a bunch of times it starts bleeding and it's like you know something traumatic's happening down there your body's immune system goes what the fuck's going on down there and then it sends help and then the wart can heal and so it's kind of a similar thing for your face i think but i did get my lips done um and i wasn't planning on it i usually just get botox to do a lip flip and i got them done and so they're really like luscious right now they didn't put any filler in your lips though they did they did yeah because they had some left over from my eyes oh and she was like you have a little bit left and i was like so little so little they

didn't do the bottom right no they did a little bit you can barely tell um but last night it was like swelling up as i was hanging out with chris and he was just like again i put like a i was like oh i got my grenade i didn't tell him all the stuff i got right he doesn't need to know and i was um like putting a can on my lips, like a Zevia can on my lips. He was like, wait, did you get your lips done? And I was like, yes. And he was just like, I thought something. And he was like, wait, so is it going to like be like that?

I was like, no, it's going to go down. I was like, I swear to you. She even told me like they're going to swell. You're going to think it's too much. But I promise you it's not going to be that way. And I was like, do you like these dsls and he was just like get away like i just looked insane my face was burnt my eyes were puffing up i looked like i got stung by bees like i was the opposite of hot and he's just like he's seen me in some grisly conditions scenarios after some face stuff and so fun. I think he knows in four days it's going to look amazing.

So he can wait it out. He can be patient. I think he was just like, don't do this. You don't need to do this. And he's like, are you doing it for FBoy? I'm like, kind of. I'm going to be on TV. Yeah.

And, you know. And I don't know. I've done it before. And I get very minimal done. And so. But here's my question. When you get a lot of minimal, does it equal maximum eventually? Will it be...

You know what I'm saying? I think a lot of times we tell ourselves, it's like a little microdose. Can you overdo it? Can you overdo it while doing a minimal? Yeah, everyone that looks like a cat did not mean to do that. Unless they wanted the cat.

Yeah, unless they love key case but no that's what i'm saying so now but nowadays i feel like with technology and stuff you could do minimal like back in the day my mom got a facelift and she looked like she got literally ran over by like 19 fucking trucks like she was like coming out of the room like like like from arrested development yeah we have to honor the women that paved the way for us yeah who gave up their faces for you to have microneedle did it look good when she was done yeah yeah it did and my grandma got it too um it's just yeah it's interesting when old when older people get it because then it's like

their tits are here but their face is here so it's like it's because then it's like their tits are here, but their face is here. So it's like, it's a balance. It's just going to keep getting better and better too. Let's get to the news. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh man, it's Wednesday, folks.

You know what that means? Bob Saget died. Jesus Christ. Just kidding. It's Wednesday. That's our new joke. Yeah, it's our new joke. It's probably no one likes it,

except for us two, and Bob hated it. Come on. It's our new joke. Yeah, it's our new joke. It's probably no one likes it, except for us two. And Bob hated it. Come on. I hope you're having all those swells. All right. A dying 57-year-old Maryland handyman is the first person in the world to receive a heart transplant from a pig. He's doing well after the risky procedure.

The only side effects is he's rolling in mud, and he's eating mafia dead bodies that they kill. I can't believe the journalist wrote, he's eating mafia dead bodies. That he killed. I know, this journalist is very similar to someone else. But yes, that was a joke that I told Noah yesterday. We laughed, and I fucked it up today.

No, it's good. I like it. Yeah, so how do we feel about that? So this guy- Pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, they've been using pig valves already. Is it cool?

Sorry, go ahead. Because it's a genetically modified pig. They genetically modified the pig to have this kind of heart so that the human doesn't reject it in the transplant. Oh, gotcha. There's like three things they have to change in kind of heart so that the human doesn't reject it in the transplant. There's like three things they have to change in a pig heart. It's nice that they're using GMOs for good stuff and not just to make our food taste. Yeah, just so our pig isn't bigger to eat.

I mean, I don't really understand what GMOs are. I just know they're bad. So they made the pig grow kind of a heart that was good enough. Why don't they do this all the time? Well, this is a new thing. Might pave the way for that. Yeah.

And why isn't this on the biggest news ever? It was on USA Today. It's on Andrew's news segment. That's true. We do have all the latest breaking news. Well, they've been using pig valves. But now they're using the whole pig uh the guy the reason why he got it is he was he didn't so he was up for a heart transplant but he didn't do

anything the doctor wanted to do so they were like they were like you know what we're not giving you a human one because that could go to someone that will actually treat it yeah exactly and change their diet we'll give you this pig one um i like it you know if i if they offered it to me i'd say do you have a tofu heart and an impossible pig heart yeah um i think it's it's knowing my mother who needed a lung and she wasn't able to get it like the way to get on the transplant list is like you have to be healthy enough to handle it and sick enough to get it so it's like almost impossible to be on the list ah it's like it's really hard so now you know whatever like i think it's unbelievable your mom could get pig lungs it'd be unbelievable

yeah that'd be so cool what if she were really rich or really famous did those people get bumped up i mean i think absolutely they do but honestly I don't think so because your family has some money. Rah. Money wasn't an issue. Right. So if it would have been. But we're also not going to buy a hospital. Like, I think there is a level of money.

But you still need to want to accept a lung. And like, dude, it's fucking insane what you have to do yeah after getting lung surgery and the chances of it the reason why they don't want to give it to someone is because they don't want you to die and then them to either get sued or to be like oh only 98 of our patients worked for it so it's all it's all percentage statistics yes that they you know it's their yelp review afterwards. Exactly. Like, are you going to take care of this?

Because you're going to rep, it's like when, you know, I think Abercrombie told the Jersey Shore people, like, they paid them to not wear their stuff. Because they're like, you're hurting our brand. So if we give a lung to someone who's going to die right away, you're hurting our brand as this clinic that. It has nothing to do with, like, them personally. Like, yeah. I mean, everyone should get one in that case of like hey we don't care if our rating is three percent as long as you know we give you a fighting chance do they consider like the good you're gonna

do in the world like afterwards like maybe if you were like you know what i'm just i just started this organization that saves you know children yeah and then you're like, well, I guess we'll have to close our doors if I don't get this heart. Yeah, pretty much. I think, yeah, I think you might have some leverage there. But I don't know. I think, like, this guy, pigs live to 20 years old. The pig was one years old when they gave him the heart.

So I wonder if the pig heart will last 20 years. Pigs live to 20? Well, not the pigs. Not most pigs that we have. I bet they live to three at the most. Remember when they made an ear, like a human ear, but it grew on a rat or something? Like a mouse's back. Yeah.

I wonder if there's a photo of this. This is probably a dumb question. Did the pig use the pig's heart or did the pig grow another heart on his back right no i think they used that pig's heart they used that pig's heart now there was a thing like 20 years ago a baby got a baboon's heart but and then died a month later and grew a weird ass did you guys read that article about the trans person that had been waiting forever for their penis to like get a new penis yeah and and then they finally had the penis constructed and they were so scared because very often the penis doesn't take like it dies and um it was i never knew that but it's the same

thing like with an organ you have to hope that it takes yeah like your body doesn't know what the fuck is this yeah i'll tell you what, my fucking dick rejects me all the time. Yeah, you've got a dead dick. Yeah, I have a dead pig dick. You should just tell Brenna that, hey babe, it's a transplant. And I never told you this.

And you just like draw stitch marks around the base of it. Yeah, I got this dick from a fucking gerbil when I was seven. It grew on its back. And it never grew. I grew around it. It's really interesting trans surgery.

Like, I always heard that it's easier to dig a hole than build a pole. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, it is gnarly. They did a skin graft from the right thigh, and like half the quadricep is gone. Now, why not use a cadaver cock? I don't know. I like how you say cadaver though.

You said it like endeavor. It's a real endeavor. I remember there was some guy that had... What you need is a dead guy's cock who died hard. My uncle TV chopped off his finger one time, the end of his finger and they sewed it to get the skin. they sewed it into

his palm so he was always doing like rock and roll you know until the finger grew this got the skin i mean that's fucking wild amazing have you ever had a cut on your finger and you just use super glue and you just push it together yes it truly works yeah my yeah the body is amazing as i think what is the point of your episode today the resilience of the resiliency of the body it's incredible it is the bounce back of it yeah it is fucking your face has already bounced back there's no evidence of any weirdness but we always like i can't believe a lizard can grow it looks like i've eaten a lot of sodium my eyes it's almost totally down did you put makeup on the bottom or is that just black and blue because if it's black and blue you should bottle that because it looks great what do you mean like underneath your eye no there it's it's puffy here

but yeah did you put eyeliner on no maybe there might be some runoff from my makeup oh yeah makeup maybe is there black and blue oh you have a tiny bit of eyeliner. Oh, it might be mascara from yesterday. But yeah, they filled in this, and I've been not wanting to get it, but I can feel it. It was always so hollow there, and now I'm so excited to like,

it looks like you have a good night's sleep when it's done. Do you know what those are called, Andrew, these areas? They're called tear troughs. Oh, yeah, tear troughs. That sounds like what a pig eats out of when it's done. Do you know what those are called, Andrew? These areas? They're called tear troughs. Oh, yeah, tear troughs. That sounds like what a pig eats out of when it's crying.

Let's get to the next news. It'd be funny to just feed a pig asparagus and have it on an all-veggie diet so it could be a healthy heart for a human. Yeah. I think they do eat fruits and veggies. Yeah, but pigs do not eat mafia meat killer kill they don't eat how did you say it killed people mafia dead mafia yeah dead mafia meat all right well

speaking of meat uh uncut gems actress julia fox oh god and rapper kanye west oh she wrote this insane back in the day yeah blog for uh what magazine was it there's some interview interviews yeah I think it was yeah and she wrote this insane blog that reads like a diary entry of a fifth grader I mean this girl is really dumb yeah and no offense to her she's beautiful and not everyone gets a great education or cares about being able to be a good writer but um it's so bad and i don't understand why why it exists what it is can we read it do you have it there uh it just talks about i'm gonna miss keeping up i've been watching keeping up wait she wrote that she wrote about that was on her podcast andrew didn't finish the headline this is what the article is about i

didn't know about this. So this is about how she was obsessed with keeping up with the Kardashians. How she never wants it to end. How it was such a part of her childhood. All this shit that she's a diehard fan. And now she's dating Kanye

who dated Kim. But I mean, I think a lot of people probably had that story. So it's a coincidence, for sure. There was some article recently about people who ended up dating the people that they once said was like a crush of theirs.

Yeah, it's like the secret, I guess. You know, Katie Holmes had once said, you know, in a Seventeen magazine that Tom Cruise was her like number one. And then there was like,

oh God, there was someone else recently that was like, oh, that's a really cute story. I knew a girl who was 15 and obsessed with the singer of a band and then ended up marrying him years later and i was like that's creepy it's always like a young girl being like i'd love to date this old guy and the old guy's like huh like yeah i know i'm 37 now and you're married but holla throw it out i have a boyfriend kind of but listen I'm sure he'd understand Betty White I got you

yeah I like I was like oh they're good but that's the thing like I can dabber becoming that's was why I wanted to be famous was because I wanted to be able to date pursue Casey and Dave Matthews, like not even, and be friends with Jennifer Anson. Like I wanted in, I wanted that. It bothered me that those people exist, but I don't have access to them. And now I do. And turns out I'm in living in St.

Louis and all my friends are not super duper famous. And it feels better that way. It'd be. Yeah. I think it's a pretty fickle life. I'm going to Bob's funeral. You are? Yeah, on Friday.

And I'm just flying for the day. And I was just telling Anya, there's a part of me that's dreading going because I get kind of anxiety around celebrities. And I don't know. It's a lot of like, there's a lot. Who cares?

I'm going because Bob would go to mine and I'll get to hear great stories. And I honestly know it will be very therapeutic. But the only person I would want to see is Bob Saget. That's going to be there, you know. Are you doing time? No, I'm not doing time. But he's going to be busy, you know. He's going to be.

I mean, it's going to wild i think he'll be there it's weird when you go to funerals because it doesn't really feel real until you fucking see the body and then you're like what the fuck like this person's dead like it just i don't know it's different like yeah it gives you closure i guess it really fucks with your brain i know yeah i don't like it i feel like i can do without the closure well i've always said funerals are the only thing you could skip of someone's and they won't be mad at you because they don't exist but i usually go to funerals if i go you know what that person would go to mine and i know bob would go to mine i know he would you know i like a funeral i don't need to see the body i wouldn't mind i saw my grandpa's body i'm. I don't need to see the body. I wouldn't mind seeing his beautiful face. Yeah, I saw my grandpa's body. I'm like, I don't even know.

It looks weird. It doesn't look like them. He was also in all skater gear. What? No, I'm just kidding. I just think the idea of putting my grandpa in like. He has his cap on sideways. Are you guys?

He died like this. Hang loose. Yeah. My grandpa's like. Oh, Luigi. I had a friend die he was freaking he overdosed when he was and like the funeral was all people on drugs and like the person that talked was like dude fucking dan always charged it and he fucking dude he was always at a party he was always the fucking the dude always up to the latest.

Anytime we were wakeboarding. You're just listening to this guy. This is why he's dead. I forgot about wakeboarding. Parks Bonifay. That's the guy's name that I know. When people die in your life, I just actually had an exchange with Bob's

wife on Instagram. I get really nervous reaching out to people who are closest of kin to people who have died because it's just like i just don't feel like i can ever say the right thing i don't they don't want to hear my sympathy i can't understand what they're going through and but i did it because but it goes back to the thing of like everyone's doing it so i shouldn't do it and then maybe some people aren't doing it because they think that same thing you know what i mean yeah i just i just feel like i'm i just don't i just smelled luigi and i was like what does that smell oh i know he's stinky i know i

have to wash him it's not gonna happen today my hand smells like poop oh you smell like poop it's just a doggy smell um do you guys like when who who's been what's been the uh most significant like death in your life from celebrity standpoint no no no just like anyone because i was thinking about it and i think this is the saddest i've ever been about someone's death and how lucky i am to like i think the younger they are even if they aren't closer to you it impacts you because you think of your own mortality i guess i literally had a friend die yesterday you did yeah from college we weren't that close he was a year above me in my fraternity right he was a writer he wrote this movie uh shit um fuck i feel like an asshole it's okay you don't

think of it yeah but like he was such a party animal in college but like just thinking about but i don't know how did he die we don't know yet i just found out like i'm sorry yeah i mean i'm brandon murphy and he i mean also i don't have complete confirmation that he's dead all right maybe he maybe he faked his own death like when you people thought you died yeah that's why we oh my god i forgot about that that was wild but do you it's like i mean i think my friend romey yeah romey i think was for you yeah she was my best friend uh like 15 years ago for like a good eight years and uh she's she started going through rough times and and at a certain point i was like i gotta cut her off because she's she's clearly like she was just

burning all these bridges and we were fighting all the time and i was like you're not in your right mind you need to like get your shit sorted out or and um she did and then we kind of never got back to normal. We were like acquaintances and I really missed her. And then for years we were out of touch and nobody knew where she was. And then, and then she, she met a terrible end alone. And in a way all of us were like, I guess she's better off, but it's never felt, I never got to go to a funeral.

I never got to be there in the hospital at the end when things were getting really bad. And yeah, it's always like I have a lump in my throat about it. That's the one that hit me the hardest. Do you like looking at pictures and going through video? Do you like revisiting it? Because I'm having a really hard time. Today was the first day that I looked at our text exchange. I wish I had more.

I wish I had more. I hate going through that stuff. She had a laugh. Romy had the best laugh. And the thing is, Heather McMahon sounds exactly like Romy sometimes. Oh, that's nice. They talk the same.

They're the same vibe of like, you know what? I'll fucking... They have the same almost southern... I don't know what it is, but they were feisty. So I listen to Heather McMahon a lot because it reminds me of Romy. The same reactions to shit.

It's weird. I was thinking about, though, you were talking about it yesterday, about how when a celebrity dies, you hear about it thousands of times. It's everywhere. Everywhere. This guy died. He was a writer. He wrote a movie.

Again, i can't remember the name of it but like he wasn't like a no a nobody in per se you can't find it on the internet like you would have to like literally search out his death yeah so it's like a different kind of thing because one is like completely in your face and the other one it's like no one knows this that's why i wanted you to say his name because it's like yeah when people die we just like stop saying their name then they just disappear it's like um my friend who killed himself in high school it was before the age of the internet and everyone having facebook or it was before my it was before everything and you look at you google his name and there's like

two things that come up and i'm like this is a person that like god i just want more of them so i try to always say you know david kennaker just to like keep it in the air like keep the ball up in the air like well this guy was like i can't even describe how creative even though he was an absolute nutcase in college i love how you can't describe it because you're not as creative yeah but if i took a ritalin i also couldn't hitman's wife's bodyguard is the name of the movie i made up no no that's the movie that he wrote hitman's wife's bodyguard like he did this thing like this will be an example of what he did he took his whole room in the fraternity house and put it outside the bar exactly set up like it was in his room, like, at night.

Like, this was, like, the kind of, like, crazy, like, he was the one that drove around the pledge, like, people that wanted to pledge fraternity. And any RAV4 they saw, he gave them a baseball bat and said, you have to knock the window out because he hated RAV4s. Like, one time he was driving, he was throwing up. Sounds like a great person i'm just kidding no no no i know they're all like horrible like stories but they're also like what made him so unique and fun and crazy to have the mind yeah to be so creative in a way i don't know he was uh brandon murphy brandon murphy rest in peace we. We'll be back with more show right after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year.

It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

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That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in Your Ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions?

Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including

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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. I'm Tisha Ollin, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing. And the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club.

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The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear? I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to. I would just want you to listen to me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success. Listening is a form of love. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org. That's SoundItOutTogether.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal.

All right, we're back. Let's play Wednesday's wild card game. Literally wild cards. We love it. It's Answer the Internet. It's the Barstool Sports game of kind of would you rather questions that we say when we're kind of talking like this. Because they're cool and by the way this

game plus the i played this game um i bob bob wasn't there but he was i had these cards with me the last time i saw bob i don't know why that matters but it was it just reminded me that i played this game with we were waiting for bob to show up at this place that he met us in milwaukee yeah i was in milwaukee yeah i was in milwaukee i just was able i didn't have any bob stories people keep asking me for bob stories and i don't have any like stories because we just talked on the phone we talked at clubs we did television shows together there were not like places for stories to happen and i just you know what he the story is he made me feel loved and i loved him

like you know and he made me laugh but all of his jokes were like i don't remember jokes specifically because they were also quick like quips yeah but i came up with a good story by talking to anya about it yesterday that is going to be in the la times piece coming up so i'll link that on things and the song i wrote about him is going to be out probably tomorrow yeah we'll be able to debut it on this show i think a rough mix yeah you might have to sue yourself for this sure okay sweet forever anya move here please i know anya please fucking move very tempting it is honestly why not if i could live in that building where i live yeah we'll look into the rates all right um let's play Answer the Internet.

Here we go. Yeah, let's fucking do it, man. Okay. Okay. All right. What do you rather? I don't know. Prematurely cum in your pants before sex or start crying mid-sex?

Whoa, dude. Well, I do both all the time. Yeah, so if you guys. I'd rather premature cry while I cum in my own face. Yeah, that's. Whoa, dude. Well, I do both all the time. Yeah, so if you guys... I'd rather premature cry while I cum in my own face. Yeah, that's... Whoa. What about you, Anya? Do I have to talk like that? Yeah.

This is so patriarchal bullshit. This game is made under the assumption that women can't read or something. Right, right. Or that women can't enjoy fun. Stop being a buzzkill. No, there's... These questions that women can't enjoy fun. Like, this isn't a question for a woman. Stop being a buzzkill. No, there's, these questions.

Am I a dude when I'm answering this? It says nothing. No, you're a badass bitch and likes to play beer pong. I'd rather kill myself than cry, so fuck that. Hell yeah, dude.

Exactly. Crying is like such a pussy move. We need to do fake questions too because for a while we were doing, we were doing these questions in Cabo with me and my girlfriends on one trip.

That's where we broke this game out. And it was so much fun because it's like, would you rather? What's that? Wait. Would you rather take. Wait, hold on. Would you rather your friends make fun of your small dick or go to therapy. Oh, man.

Well, I think if one happened before the other, you know what I would do? I would suck my therapist's dick and say, man, that's big. Yeah. Okay. So, but seriously, I would rather prematurely cum, even though crying during sex is not something I mind doing because it means it was so good and so connected. It also gets your pussy wetter. But also, I can cum a bunch of times and usually the best orgasms follow the first one so i'd love to

prematurely come are you ready for this yes good answer you ready for this one yeah fucking are you really though hell yeah okay you bang a slump buster huh it's another word for a whore apparently no it's another word for a girl that like Brings you out of You just take whatever you can get To break you out of a slump of not fucking So you just take like the girl at the bar That no one wants Just to like

Just to end your streak of no pussy Okay Take a slump buster or And she borrows your favorite shirt For the walk home Do you A Let the shirt go B

Bang her again to get it back? Why not C, ask it for it back? That's not part of the answer. That would take communication and boundaries. Definitely A, because I never want to see that hoe again. Hell yeah. And I never want to see that shirt again, because yeah. And I never want to see that shirt again because she wore it.

So you're going to be working in finance and you're going to get a job at J.P. Morgan and buy as many shirts as you want without that slump buster. What's your favorite shirt, Andrew? The one I'm fucking wearing now. That shirt is a slump buster. That is true.

That's what they call my fat tits underneath it. Okay. Slump busters. Okay, this is honestly like one you my fat tits underneath it. Okay. Slump busters. Okay, this is honestly one you could make up for this game. If you could fuck any girl you want for the rest of your life, but you could only ever watch women's sports, would you do it? Honestly, probably not.

Because fucking have you ever seen a woman do a layup? Boo hoo, bitch. God, this is under the pretense that, first of all, men only can enjoy men's sports. Women's sports are awful to watch. And this is for single men, too, because no man is going to be able to answer this seriously. Because he'd anger his girlfriend yes it cracks me up that men think they could get the hottest girl they anyway oh yeah for life well i had this joke for a while that i i want to put in my next special but it's you know

after i hooked up with a guy he was like on we were on his tiktok and i was just like cuddling up next to him watching him go through tiktok which is kind of a fun thing to do to watch someone else because it's such a solitary thing. You get to like see someone's habits. And one of JLo came up and he was like, God, she's so fucking hot. And I was like,

can you not say JLo is hot while your semen is still in my upper digestive tract? And he was like, where your semen, where my semen is, is in your butt, in your body has no bearing on the fact that J-Lo is hot. No matter where it is in your body, J-Lo will still be hot.

And I was like, and then my joke is, why do I keep dating autistic men? And I was like, just, I don't want to hear that anyone's hot. And my point was, I go, and of course J-Lo's hot. That's like not a unique thing. But these guys actually do think you don't and he's like i'm not gonna like fucking date jayla why are you jealous and i'm like well of course you're not going to you're a loser who is an alcoholic and makes bad decisions oh fuck jayla might like you yeah and play baseball wait now how far does to come have to get down

your system before he can say she's hot? You know, just not post-coitus. You know what I mean? Give it 35 minutes. Yeah, let it run through. Let her get dressed. For several minutes. I'm a cool chick when it comes to hot girls. I like it.

But I don't need to hear it right when we're – literally, I can still taste it in my mouth. You know what I mean? TikTok is kind of funny because, you know, it will give you things they think you like and you have no control of what's going to pop up and you're watching in front of your significant other and a hot girl will show up and you'll swipe faster and brendan's like i can fucking watch the whole video you don't have to like hide her tits like i can handle tits yeah yeah it's funny though like guys will like swipe swipe swipe quick and it quick. Because you think that she thinks that if you watch the whole thing, that means you want to fuck her. Yeah.

But also, she probably would think that a little bit. Probably, yeah. I mean. But also, the fact that you go past it faster. Probably means, yes, yes. It means you definitely want to fuck her. Yeah, you can't win there. You can't win.

You got to watch three quarters of it. Okay, you ready for this? Anya has a really good one. Would you rather. Fuck yeah. A, watch your dad fuck a hundred year old man. Or B, watch your mother kill someone. Fucking.

I'd like to see my mother kill that guy. The hundred year old man. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. I'd rather watch my mom kill someone. Yes. It's not even close.

Yeah. Although my Again Wait is my dad getting fucked or fucking No he's Watch your dad fuck Oh yeah which one Good point Oh is your

Yeah is your dad inside Your dad's a bottom And he's getting fucked First of all There's not that many Hundred year old men So I'd have to see All seven of them

I had a dream my dad Told people He was on He was doing an SNL monologue And I was really heartbroken That he didn't call me doing an SNL monologue and I was really heartbroken that he didn't call me for advice on his monologue. God only knows what that means. But during his, my sister told me,

Nikki, dad lied and said that Cheryl Crow texted him and said, hey, watch my performance tonight. And then we were like, and then my sister goes, Cheryl Crow didn't text you. And he was like, yes, she did. And then she's like, then show me the text. And it was in front of all these people that it came out that he did not, she did not text him.

This is a dream? Yes. And so we found out that my dad was lying about being friends with Cheryl Crow. And it was like this watershed moment that my sister's like, dad has so many dark secrets. That was such a weird thing to lie about. Because we knew he knew Cheryl Crow,

but we didn't, we were like, there's no way she was like texting him. then i go maybe he didn't show the text because they are actually having an affair and it was easier to sit and in my mind i came up with like a pretty good plot that you think someone's lying because they're like fine she didn't text me but they can't show the text because the text is actually more than the thing they said isn't that kind of an interesting twist that is a nice nice twist. That I came up with in my dream. The text exists, but it's... Yes. Like, they were texting.

She did say, I'm going to be on... She, like, sent some, like, a picture of her ass. I'm going to be on TV tonight. I love you so much. Fuck your wife. Or he sets up a new phone number and even sends a fake one from Sheryl Crow that's not as bad as he... The first cut is the deepest.

Are you ready for this one? Yeah yeah is sex with conjoined twins a threesome yes what if the other one just fucking what reads a book while you're getting head um still a threesome they're in the room and they're like being penetrated what if you only fuck on the left side of the pussy? Fine, it's a two and a half. It's a deux et demi sum. I guess it depends how much twin is there. If it's a full conjoin or just another head. Yeah.

Well, what about if a woman's pregnant? Is it a threesome? Because the baby's technically, there's a living thing based on how you view when a child is alive what a nine month like a nine month pregnant like about to pop woman you fuck her yeah and the baby you know could survive like maybe she's due tomorrow that baby no one would argue that baby is not a life i think no one would go you can abort you know there's no question of it is that okay to do none of this is okay does the baby i think it's okay to fuck a woman if she has a no i think the question is over the line but does the baby have dsls yeah oh jesus i don't think the baby can be penetrated by it it did a cannula to the baby to pump up its

lips wait i see what you're saying can conjoined twins have kids? Yeah. That's why. Unless they're conjoined at the Ute. Oh. We are acting like we know anything. We got to get to final thought. Can I just share the last text conversation I had with Bob? For my final thought. Yeah. Sag it.

What's better, boneless wings or boner wings? Oh, my God. I was like, obviously. I know I'm wings or boner wings i know this is obviously i was like obviously i know i'm getting boner wings a little bob heavy on the show this week but i think it's all for no one would um deny me this um also the person that informed me about bob saget's death that i said was very like flippant of like omg bob saget's dead and like did it on a group text he wrote to me and said nikki i am so he's dead and like did it on a group text he wrote to me and said nikki i am so he didn't hear the podcast where i talked about it he wrote to me and said nikki i'm so sorry that i said that i did not realize you were so close to friends i saw

your instagram posts and that was just such a bad move and i said i did the same thing you know i told it on the podcast i did the same thing with someone who knew burt reynolds so it's it's so nice that you said this to me it was so nice but um a couple things I just wanted to say about Bob last night when I was watching my special and I was kind of having that moment of like I might put out I might have to put out something that I'm not like a plus about which I and usually you know if something's a TV show that's not because Chris was like but you did not say if that got canceled you still have a career Nikki and Sarah live that got canceled you still like these things people will let i'll forgive you and i go but i've never put out something that's only me on stage like i don't

know i can always go that was sarah's fault or like i didn't say that but like you know that was mtv's fault they didn't let us do what we wanted that was comedy central's fault you can always blame someone else but this is just me you know everything is me and i was like god i feel like it was weird because i was like he was trying to comfort me about it and he was doing a good job but i was like i really want someone who has been in the business a long time who has put out some stinkers in their life who's put out some things that maybe didn't make a big splash or that they weren't that proud of and i was like bob, Bob, Bob would, what would Bob say? And I don't think that I would have thought to think of Bob

had it not been this week. And I didn't end up sobbing last night and being like, what do I do? I want to not put it out. Because Bob, what Bob would say, and I think he did advise me right before I was filming the special. I was like, Bob, I don't even know what I'm doing for the special it's a two months away it was a month away when we last spoke and I was like I literally don't know what I'm doing for it how do you do like what are you doing to prepare because

he was about to do his and he was like Nikki I've put out I think he even said I have the you know I haven't watched the FaceTime recording of our last conversation which I do have but I think within it he told me like you're gonna put out things in your life that you're are not a like tom hanks has put out things that are not a plus it's like it's gonna be okay yes you're still lovable like bob would not judge me for this and i'm really actually sad that bob's not gonna be able to see this special and i'm gonna dedicate it to him i hope that's not like over the top but it is the last thing. Can I just play? This is what Bob's... Did I play this, what Bob said about me? No. One week ago on a podcast.

This was on a corporate time with Tom and Dan. And so they're talking about Bob being filthy. And he's like, I'm not really that filthy anymore. So this is called A Corporate Time with Tom and Dan.

And it's from last Wednesday's episode. I'm less of that. I don't even... So this is called Corporate Time with Tom and Dan, and it's from last Wednesday's episode. I'm less of that. I don't even – some people go gynecological in their dialogue. I'm like, wow, Nikki Glaser's a friend of mine. I'm like, Nikki, wow. Yeah, she's a good friend. I remember when I was like that. I did that on an HBO special, and I got in trouble for that.

Yeah, yeah. Like we actually – we've had Nikki on the show. And then Sam and I just saw her. And, yeah, it's funny because. She's awesome. She's dirtier than you, Bob. Yeah, she is awesome. She's dirtier.

And she's so likable. And that's, those are the people that I flock to. I mean. And then it trails off. But it's so nice that he said I was awesome on something, you know. Last time I saw him, I went to dinner with his it was after our shows in milwaukee i went to dinner with uh his his in-laws were in milwaukee and they came to his shows we were both in milwaukee performing he was at like the improv i think and he did two shows so we went to the go to the hotel where

we were going to meet and um and i went with all my friends and then you guys didn't come so mad. You didn't come now, but who cares? It's fine. And then, um, he met up and his in-laws were going to be there. And I was like,

what's that going to be like with his in-laws? Like, this is going to be weird. They were so cool. And like, so he didn't, he wasn't different at all. I thought I was going to get like a different version of him.

Like, cause he's going to be all buttoned up, but he was so cool. And then, um, so I posted a picture and he was so cool and then um so i posted a picture and he was like there were a couple pictures taken and you post one of me so sweetly on your instagram but i feel like i look like a cabbage patch man do you have the closer

shot of us or do you hate it it's if so you don't want to see it or something just wanted to post something if there are were any other pics that you're okay with that i don't look like bob evans and nick nolte had a child i I said, it was the only one. The guy took more, but they were all blurry as hell. I'm sorry. I thought you looked good. I think you have body,

Bobby, body slash Bobby dysmorphia. He said, yay. I may airbrush myself a turtleneck on or something. Blurry is good. At concept, but probably not. Ha.

Ha ha. I look much better today. Photoshop. He said, really great to see you and Todd Berry. It was weird. He tweeted, where's the after really great to see you and Todd Berry it was weird he tweeted where's the after party we didn't see Todd Berry isn't it strange that some people still think Twitter and Facebook is like emailing

someone I said I invited Todd Berry he couldn't come anyway I said and I truly don't think you know how handsome you are you look great last night was so fun thank you for having me and my friends love you and Kelly's parents are so cool love them he said thanks for the compliments. Really nice. Helps my mojo for my

shows. Break a leg tonight. It'll be fun. Indy needs you. I was going to Indianapolis that day. And thanks for the sweet comments regarding Kelly's parents. Yes, they're like a scene from Moonstruck. And FYI, I texted blah, blah, blah and emailed the executive producer blah, blah, blah for this show. I think they're all booked for this season,

but I don't know. Anyway, blank loved the idea, and I sang your deserved praises. Have fun. Safe travels in the van. And I said, oh, my God, thank you, Bob. I truly treasure you. He said, same. You're the best. We must be related if you trace our descendants back to being exterminated in Russia.

Have a great time tonight. Did he think you're Jewish? I think so. Listen, I'll have him take that memory to the grave. Yeah. I said, I'm not going. Oh, and then have him take that memory to the grave. I said, I'm not going. Oh. And then I told him about a show that we were going to do. And he said, yeah, I can't do it either. Didn't sleep. So I can't either. But thanks for thinking of me.

How was Indy? I said, so good. Thanks. I'm exhausted though. He said, I hear you or read you. I haven't slept at all on plane with some guy who just farted in my face. They need these masks to have fart repellent in them i said ha ha ha god that's disgusting and he said he should have his butthole stitched shut hate him happy indie was great yes it is a great comedy town and that was the last thing and i didn't write anything back i just wish i would have written something but that was a good exchange i told him i loved him and treasured him yeah it's a nice exchange and i think it i don't know an incumbent to your whole friendship i think yeah yeah i don't know it incumbents your whole friendship i think yeah yeah i don't know you never know what what's going to be the last thing you're going to write

you know and if it's you're not going to write like you always were the one that i loved but everyone keeps saying every time bob wrote me it was like the i love yous were just streaming through like that i we were always like fighting to say who said i love you the most last i actually you know my exchange with his wife was that she was like i don't have any regrets of how much we both said we love each other and what a beautiful thing to be able to say yeah um so i guess it's just a reminder there's like someone kind of occurred to me when we were doing this podcast of like if something happened to them i would really regret how it is right now with them yeah and it doesn't mean i need to be best friends with this person but i would like them to know that i love them and or something happened to me i would want them to

have that or whatever so it's maybe just we do something with that today tomorrow hopefully we will have the debut of the song uh song for bob yeah that i uh wrote some lyrics to but um matt pond and anya marina uh helped me the matt wrote it matt wrote that song right yes and um bit by bees i believe oh my god bit by bees is the new band fake band that we made up but i think we'll debut it on the podcast tomorrow and then will we be able to put it on spotify or like will it just be soundcloud yeah well let's work on that today okay cool um so look forward to that thank you so much for listening and um thank you for all the continuing messages that you guys have sent it's so nice people are writing to me that are like i lost my dad a week ago i know what you're going through and i go oh my god no no you don't because it's not the same i'm

it's people are so fucking nice to write me when they lost that it's just everyone's so nice i love our listeners i love you guys love you so much and i hope you know that i mean i love the girl that wrote a message saying that she googled bit by bees while we were talking about because she thought it was a real ban to look up there it should be um maybe that will be the name of my like your my name yeah your alternative yeah whatever um whatever it is sounds like a sweetener you put in your coffee bit by bees oh my god that's so good a little honey it's a vegan honey alternative from nikki glazer oh my god, let's do it. Guys, thank you so much for listening.

We got to go. Don't be kuh and jack. Jack in the beanstalks. You've done that one. Again. Send us Jack recommendations, you guys. I'm really out of it. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer.

If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily

Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear? I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to. I would just want you to listen to me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success. Listening is a form of love. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org. That's SoundItOutTogether.org.

Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard

these episodes yet hey now's your chance you gotta check them out listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts

or wherever you get your podcasts