The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #161 Pretty Beautiful w/ Anya Marina, Song For Bob Saget

Episode Date: January 14, 2022

Nikki and Andrew are joined by singer/songwriter/BFF Anya Marina who explains the origin of the theme song of the podcast. Nikki and Andrew do a story tellers version of a joke they tell before stumbling upon national birds. They chat about how life has been now that they are not roommates, Andrew tries to pitch a title for Nikki's upcoming special and Nikki gives her two cents on the Alanis Morissette documentary. In the news they get inspired by dolphin genitalia to discuss when they first found porn and Andrew's Sports Moment is not as controversial as he thought. Besties give Nikki kudos and condolences in the Fanthrax segment. In the Final Thought Nikki debuts her Song For Bob. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hey, here I am. Dude, I felt like storyteller i know man that was real oh acoustic like we heard what is the story behind that song on you yeah where were you what was going on that day what's what tell us about it the real story is it used to be a song called sorry not sorry i i wrote on i was walking around new york and i was like sorry not sorry and then i yeah repurposed i had it forever and and it was just sitting gifted what was sorry not sorry what was the story behind that? It was a stupid phrase that was bouncing around the zeitgeist at the time. Oh, yeah, totally.

You remember that, right? Yeah, the zeitgeist. And I remember Selena Gomez or somebody came out with that song a year or two later, and I was like, I had my finger on the pulse. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. That's Demi Lovato, I think.

Okay, Demi Lovato. That was a huge song. She probably stole it from me. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. That's Demi Lovato, I think. Okay, Demi Lovato. That was a huge song. I'm sorry. She probably stole it from me. I'm not sorry. I used to have, I think I tweeted this song, I'm sorry that so many women are going to try to sing this song at karaoke, because it was so high, so hard to do. Even Demi would probably struggle with it.

Demi Lovato. Remember I tweeted, imagine all the people and someone else apparently had that same No way. It was wild. Again, I wasn't saying that I did the joke. Wait, sorry, not sorry. I'm not saying that you said that. Oh, I see what you're saying.

I just want to see. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. I'm not saying that you said that. Oh, I see what you're saying. I just want to see. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Baby, I'm sorry. And now it's Nikki. Glazer show.

It all comes together. Feeling so fat, but feeling so good. I love that song. I forgot about that song. It's a fun song. She said feeling so fat. No, she didn't. Feeling so bad. I was like, that's so good. I love that song. I forgot about that song. It's a fun song. She said feeling so fat. No, she didn't. Feeling so bad. I was like, that's so relatable.

Feeling so fat, but I'm feeling so good. Wait, sorry, Luigi. Jesus Christ. He looked at me like offended. Listen, he spoke for us all. He hears registers. We don't. Yeah, that's true.

Isn't it weird that dogs can hear a high sound that we they say that you're supposed to reward them with like baby talk and that you should talk to your dog and like hi you're so cutie oh look at this little tail moving because they get happier instead of you know like talking to them like a real person oh yeah that would be weird to be like a real person. Oh, yeah. That would be weird to be like, just talk to your... You don't need to talk to your dog like a baby. I don't know why I'm doing Bill Maher voice. You don't need to talk to your dog like a baby.

That's good. Thanks. New rule. New rule. Don't talk to your dog. Stop infantilizing your animals. It is funny to talk to Luigi. Just like, hey, what's up, bro?

What are you doing? You watching the game later? What are you doing? Oh, you're going to go get some beers with Charlie? Swick. Swick. Swick. Swick sounds cool.

Taylor Swick, dude. Swick does sound dope. Swick, man. It's like a Swifty quick sit. I like Swick. Thanks. We came up with a new word in the recording studio you know that's where i like fucking hang out now um yeah dude it's pretty much your second home dude well our engineer david uh do you like going to the studio yes i do i do i do who's a good studio girl? Who's a good studio girl? I am, I am. There was one time where he was like,

so I want to do that next pants. And he was like, I don't know why I just said pants. He meant to say like this next take or something. He's like, I think the next, he was just like, I just really feel like the next pants should be. He goes, I don't know why I said pants.

He's like, I was rubbing my pants or something. Yeah, he was like looking at his pants. And so I was like, that the next pants should be. He goes, I don't know why I said pants. He's like, I was rubbing my pants or something. Yeah, he was looking at his pants. And so I was like, that's fucking pants, dude. It's totally pants. And so we just start saying pants for meaning good. And then we looked it up and it's British slang for something that sucks. Oh. And then I was watching the bake-off show or baking show.

And she screwed something up. And she's like, oh, pants. I wonder what the story behind that is. I shit my pants. Let's do, we should do like storytellers for jokes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, tell me what you were thinking. I love to hear what songs are about.

I don't even want to listen to a song that I don't get to hear the story about. What happened to storyttellers? Let's bring it back. Because every song is now a TikTok song and there's no story behind it other than it sounded catchy for eight seconds and made me millions of dollars.

How can you tell the story behind a joke though? Because the joke is the story. That's kind of true. But you can be like, well, I don't know about this. Let's do one. Where were you? It depends what joke it is.

Andrew, what about your joke about your dad chewing loudly do the joke first right oh so uh i say um i love that when we do jokes we go i say it's like you can just say it but we always have to i have to do the same thing i go well i go it's like just do just go so like the process behind me starting it is like yeah no i it just feels weird to say it's just i know i do the same thing it's funny essentially the joke is i you know you have you go home for thanksgiving why do you eat dinner with your family it's terrible wait do you change it if it's not around thanks time? Yeah, I'll go Valentine's Day, Labor Day. What if you're wearing your Tommy Bob shirt?

Yeah, you've been saying like nobody, I don't know why. I had steel drums to the joke. You know, I did that. I hired a guy at a show at Union Hall and I found a steel drum guy. And at the time I had $300 on my account. I paid him like $150. And no one liked it. No one thought it was interesting to have this steel drum. One of the guys from the subway.

I thought it would be so cool and be like- You're an artist. Written about in the Times. But no one cared. No one cared. Everyone was like, that's kind of annoying. Can we just hear the joke? Can he not be on stage?

You really just did not have enough confidence in yourself. Not at all. You needed a partner up there. I needed a whole band. That's what that's about. You needed the Wookiee that you brought in. Yes, but I thought it would be fun to have, I don't know. I was the host, so it wasn't real.

But yes, I didn't think I was enough. Sure. My whole life. So anyway, so my dad, I go, you know, my dad, all we do is we, I don't know how you do family dinner. We just sit in silence and we watch and listen to my dad eat. And he'll just be like, and he's, and he, and he, he's, he's, what do I say? Mushy mouth.

Yeah, wet mouth. Yeah, he's got wet mouth. He sounds like a panda eating bamboo just just what and he has to comment on all the food he's like oh what's that chicken what is that what is that lemon is that lemon mashed potato oh what is that what is people are turning off what is that what is that garlic what is that i'm looking at my dad like i don't think i ever loved you and the process the process the story take us through that joke so i guess the story behind that my whole childhood my whole life we never talked about anything serious at dinner because if we did we'd probably bring up the divorce or so there was something behind him just

we just comment on exactly what's in front of us which i could probably talk about in the joke because i think it is funny like the idea that like oh we don't want to talk about anything serious so we're just going to comment on whatever we see yeah or whatever we take people on the bachelorette they have nothing to talk about so they just go i am having so much fun yeah yeah they just have because they don't know history but you know what people respond well to that because so many people just do that. And it's just the most boring, mundane conversation. But you can't get judged for it.

That's why I don't go to dinners with my aunt or anything. It's like I don't want to have any dinner where you can't talk about something real unless it's like you have to meet with people for a work thing. Okay. I understand not getting into like nitty gritty stuff there. But that's why I'm like people are like you've got family's family but if we're not talking about anything real who cares yes yeah but i mean i guess sometimes it's just or even like let's talk about something fun yes fun that's not just right in front of us see i think that's the most interesting part about that that story you

gotta you gotta put that in yeah i, that joke always kills on stage, but knowing that little piece of it, that's what I would want you to get into more. I realize that's why my dad loves the outdoors so much, because I was canoeing with him, and I was like, oh, this is why you like it, because you never, you're constantly surrounded by things you can

point out, and you never have to talk about anything. The second, because I was having, you know, when cameras were following me around for that thing. You would think that's where you would talk about anything the seconds because i was having you know when cameras were following me around for that thing you would think that's where you would talk about things though in the silence of the woods it's so funny because i can't wait till the camera thing is put out there because my dad and i are canoeing and i go i'm like talking about my relationships and like his relation, like my feelings and things. And I literally say,

I think you like it out here because you can avoid talking about feelings because you can point out things. And I swear to God, there's a moment where I'm like, so dad, like, how did you know mom was the one? And he goes,

oh my God, look, there's a battleship. We're on a, we're on a weird little Creek. I can go a battle. I thought he was being funny because what a dumb thing, but there was a man with a remote control battleship. And it was of note.

Was it? But I was just like, but there's always like a blue heron or a blade of grass or that cloud. There's always something that you can go, whoa, look at that. It is funny. I used to have another tag on that joke where I was like,

so what was it like when you cheated on mom? And he's like, oh, what's going on with the carrots? Yes, that's it. It's just one more line there. Just avoiding. Just avoiding, yeah. Yeah, that pretty much, yes, says all of that in that one line, which is great.

Oh, but that battle, that's so fun. Did you go back? Did you go, no, but now, seriously, what about mom what about mom or were you just like yeah we went back to it the best is when we went and looked at when we went in the woods and you're like god it's fucking nature and then you're like look at that bird i know i started pointing out birds like crazy and i'm like all my parents do is point out birds and then we're driving into nature and i'm like wait you guys there's a hawk there's a hawk my parents love hawks oh a hawk is a fucking cool fucking bird and an eagle i saw a bald eagle the other day where at golfing yeah out at a tree court yeah oh wow i didn't yeah it was crazy they do look like old men dignified members of government look like look like Larry David without glasses. Kind of.

But, you know, just like a bald man for some reason. You just don't expect to see a bald eagle in the wild. You know, you're just like, shouldn't you go

be on a coin somewhere or like a commemorative plate or like in D.C. passing legislation? Like, what are you doing here? I feel like you should be in a mansion smoking a cigar

like enjoying your easy life, you know? They just seem like something just, you know, that you, you should be in a mansion smoking a cigar, like enjoying your easy life, you know? They just seem like something just, you know, that should be captive. Yeah. Like they aren't in the wild. We have to protect them because if they're in the wild just flying around,

they could get hit by a fucking truck or something. Yeah, there's only seven of you guys. Yeah, I think there's many more than that. There's several. Yeah, there's several bald eagles. Yeah, there's 20 for sure. There's a lot in Alaska. There's several. Yeah, there's several bald eagles. Yeah, there's 20 for sure. 100. There's a lot in Alaska.

I saw a couple there. Yes. You know the bird for America was going to be the turkey? Because the turkey's smarter than the eagle. The turkey's like the smartest bird. Why don't we just go on dolphin then? Because aren't dolphins like the most intelligent? Or maybe a rat.

Well, I think because they're picking a bird. Yeah. Nikki's a little slow. Why not like a dolphin with wings? Oh, so, but why not have a state animal?. Why not like a dolphin with wings? Oh, so... But why not have a state animal? Huh? Why not have a state animal?

Or like a... A country animal? Country animal. I mean... That's your... National animal? That's your new album coming out is country animal. Yeah, by bees.

Wait, so wait, what is... A bit by bees. What is... Wait, so what are other countries' bird... Does every country have a bird? I don't know. No, can you look A bit by bit. What is... Wait. So what are other countries' birds? Does every country have a bird? I don't know. No, can you look up what France's bird is? Well, we have state birds for sure.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. France's state bird is probably like... Gamingo. It's probably a peacock. I thought you were talking about that actor, Francis Dormant or whatever her name is. Francis McDormant.

Francis. Francis Dormant. Francis' bird. Francis' doormat. Oh, my God. Francis. If you were saying like Francis McDormant's like thing and you were saying Francis', you would sound like an idiot talking about French people's Francis.

Francis' flag, you know? Yeah, France's France. I love the Francis's culture. So France does have a bird. Okay. It's the French. Let's guess, let's guess. What do you think it is?

Qu'est-ce que le loiseau de France? What is that kind of bird? What's the bird of France? Oh, is loiseau bird mean? Loiseau. Oh, loiseau. Loiseau. I mean, I'm probably pronouncing it terribly.

Let's guess what the bird of France is. I think it's a flamingo. I think it's going to be a... There's no way there's a flamingo in France. No, there's no flamingo. Yeah. It just sounds like it should have a T at the end. Flamingo?

I think it's a peacock. I'm guessing... Oh, that's a good guess. I think it's like a tiny little black bird with a beret on that looks so chic. Yeah, I think it's a mockingbird. Yeah. Because they mock everybody. Oh, yeah, because they...

Oh, you do. Oh, you do. Oh, look at you with no hat or cigar. Or whatever. Okay, what is it? Maybe it's a swallow. Did you say Tom Cigar? I meant cigar.

Cigarette. Oh, Cigar. Like a cigarette holder. Wait, what is it? Here it comes. So it's the... I think it's the Gaelic rooster. Okay. Gaelic rooster?

Gaelic rooster. Colloquially named Chanticleer. C-H-A-N-T-E-C-L-E-R. So it's just a chicken. A rooster. That makes sense. Le Cook. Birds are so fucking cute and curious. They're just so like

beep beep beep beep beep beep. They're just always looking around. I love the littlest bird that's everywhere in America. One that's kind of gray. It's not even gray. It's like brown gray. And it just hops around and they're everywhere. What are they? Sparrows? I don't even know what the fuck little birds are but they're just like everywhere and they're like and they just like kind of like ruffle around in the

dirt sometimes and they're just like and they're always like picking up your crumbs what are those little things they're the cutest things well pigeons are similar to that no no no they're like this small you know like they're oh yeah with little. Oh, yeah, with the little beak. Yeah. No, it has a huge beak. Dude, you know what are fucking wild when I don't realize it? Pelicans. Yeah. Oh, my God. They're so crazy.

Oh, my God. I was in Florida recently. They're just fucking. That's so cool. Their fucking jaw is just. And they just sit on the end of a dock. They know exactly where to sit for a painting. They're beautiful.

They are. Those are the coolest birds of all. Really? I think toucans are pretty great. Because they're like prehistoric. Yeah, they are very. Have you ever seen that ugly ass bird that kind of looks like a pelican? Wait, we got to look up this ugly.

Oh, the angry one? Yeah, the one that looks angry. It's like a meme all the time. Ugly bird. Wait, we'll see. Ugly bird looks like pelican. We'll probably bring it up. Ugly bird.

Yeah, this one. It is so ugly. What is that called? It's angry. Yeah, it looks angry and ugly. It's called... Oh, yeah. It's called...

Oh, wait. Oh, he's so happy. There's one where he's laughing. It's kind of wild that birds's the shoe bill is that a yeah adorable fantastic shoe bill that's amazing yeah it kind of looks like luigi yeah dude look at that kind holy shit yeah it's so big and ugly it looks like a like a shoe like you put it inside a shoe that looks like a man in a suit you know it does it looks like a mascot. That looks like a man in a suit. It does. It looks like a mascot.

It looks like a short man. The shortest man in your college campus. That exactly looks like a mascot. It looks like a Jayhawk. That beak looks like it could go inside a nice shoe to hold it. Have you ever been told you look like an animal? Yeah. Which one? A gorilla. Some kind of monkey.

Really? Mm-hmm. No. Yeah. Those glasses might make me look less gorilla. Remember when you told Emil that he looked like a monkey? You ruined his night. Oh, I thought he does.

I feel like me, Matt, and Emil all look like a different evolution of monkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm the different evolution of monkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm the closest to the monkey. Yeah, we did the evolution of man one, guys. You're the first one. Matt looks like a caveman, but like a hot caveman. Yeah, he does. He does.

He's really working on that one. Have you guys seen the caveman filter on Instagram? No. Does it make a guy hot? There's like a Neanderthal filter. No, it is so freaky. You do not want to do it to your face. It's so scary.

I put up my face against a National Geographic one time. It was a caveman, you know? And half and half. Yeah. And it matched, like, nose to lips. Perfect. If anything, he looked a little more human. You don't have a caveman face, I don't think.

We'll do a poll. I'll find the National Geographic. How's life in the new apartment? I was going to say married life. What is it called? Cohabitation. Yeah, cohabital. It's good.

It's good. It's weird having a king bed. I have t-shirts that are on hangers. It's like, what the hell is that you know what i mean like my life is like i look out i i put on an outfit i'm like oh i'll go with this and this and i've never done that in my life you just can pick it from you could just do that you know what i mean it's just wild yeah it's just wild walk-in closet like what's yeah walk-in closet we split go splitsies on it

um it's good i mean it we were talking about it not on on on mike yesterday about how if your apartment's not big enough and you guys want space you could always see each other so that's kind of yeah if you're in one room and she's another you can still see her feet unless you shut the door and there's only one door then it feels like you're like, get out of my life. It's over. And I don't know. It's just like last night I ate dinner at this place, Rosalito's. Have you ever heard of it?

A Mexican restaurant. And I ate way too much. And I had like three Diet Cokes. And then I got lost coming back. You know I've driven back a thousand times. And you ever get lost and you're just like, I'm never going to get home. I don't know. No, because we have GPS.

I know. But I couldn't even follow the GPS. I was having another derealization thing. Are you back on Zoloft? Yeah. Okay. What's it called? Derealization?

Yeah. Is that where you just get panicked? Isn't it depersonalization? There's two Ds. Oh, okay. There's it called? D-realization? Yeah. Is that where you just get panicked? Isn't it D-personalization? There's two Ds. Oh, okay. There's D-realization. Francis's. And Francis D-dermit.

Rooster. Wasn't that our code word? Yeah, that was our code word if we got in a fight. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So I'm like freaking out. And I get home and I'm just like, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel like sometimes when I eat a lot of cheese, my stomach will go, I can't put it in.

My stomach just expands like a pelican eating Mentos with Pepsi or a Seagull. So that's what I did. I turned into a Seagull. I was like this. I couldn't get it out. And then Brenna was having fun with me, but I was trying to tell her, no. so that's what i did i turned into a seagull i was like this like i couldn't get it out and then brenna was like having fun with me but like i was trying to tell her like no this like i'm really like having it she's like fucking with me like thinking because i'm laughing but i'm also like

stop like stop and like i'd lay on my stomach to relax and she's like taking off my boxers like fucking with me and i'm just like stop and then i just throw up and i don't throw up on the ground but i throw up in the toilet and then i come back and i was like i was really not feeling well she's like oh really like like but it's just like if that was me alone i would have my space to just like you know maybe take a xanthac fart right just breathe a little bit but then it's like you feel like you have to entertain each other sometimes yes and it causes like oh no i just need to throw up and be alone for just 20 minutes here oh yeah but but the positive i mean that's still a positive i have someone you'll get better about just being like hey i just need space it sounds like you weren't being clear about that for sure

and like when i have i'm a pretty chill person so when i have anxiety attacks people don't really i think unless you like have a sign on your forehead like no i'm really am going through stuff mentally you know what works i do the time out sign i learned it from a book if you do the time out sign almost everyone will actually take it seriously it's like shushing people i think it's ingrained from like kindergarten so you literally like hold up a time outside no you know how you do a t with your hands okay like you can be laughing and giggling was he messing with me no he really thought you would have a sign several so you're giggling let's say let's go back to that moment you're giggling you're about No, he really thought you would have a sign. Several.

So you're giggling. Let's say, let's go back to that moment. You're giggling. You're about to barf. And then Brennan's pulling off your boxers. And then even if you can't talk, you just do the timeout sign. And that's like your code word. Nikki's not into it.

I like it. I actually, because it's weird. I love those things that like everyone falls for. Shushing is like universal. And you could be so like, there could be a table. But you can do a shush and people, you won't even know what makes you go quiet.

Like if there's a loud table, I'll just go, shh. Like, and no one will know where it's coming from. And people don't even respond to it. Cause you don't go, shh, like that.

You just go, like, don't even face the table. Like in conversation, like they won't know and they'll just quiet down without even knowing why they did dude i'm so afraid of this shush i am i just think this shush will lead to why the fuck are you shushing me yep who do you think you are yeah i think i've shushed when andrew's been around and he's freaked out about it he's

times out me i held up the sign it is interesting when like you someone goes someone's being loud and then you shush louder than the loud and so i'm like you're making noise like no a shush sounds like parents sometimes do that parents will go be quiet to their kids and they're louder than the kid that's already crying because sometimes the only way to get over the noise is to be louder than it yeah um but we're gonna go to break and we'll discuss this more when we get back. Time out. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt.

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We're discussing shushing on the show. Shushing on the show. Shushing on our show. How do you feel about, now that I'm gone, that you have this place to yourself? Now that you're gone! Sorry, not sorry. How do you feel about having the place? Because you have your lover over more.

I feel like there's more freedom. It's been really great because we just can hang out on the couch. And he's just someone who likes privacy and especially doesn't like to talk about anything if it's could be within the earshot of someone like if we're walking the dog and we're like in a little bit of an argument like he does not want to have any kind of real talk where a stranger could pass by and like over here whereas i'm just like you're welcome that's a very interesting snapshot of these people's life like like we we actually were getting into an interesting conversation in an Uber recently, but it wasn't even about us. It was just about a friend that was going through something. And, and when we I didn't even think I'm just like, I'm always I'm not like, you're welcome to Uber drivers. But honestly, like my conversations in Ubers with friends are generally pretty entertaining for someone who would have to sit there and listen.

And I'm aware of that, too. So I keep it kind of like jokey. I try to make them, you know, we've always done that. And we get to the hotel and Chris is like, hey, man, sorry you had to overhear that. And he was like, actually, I learned a lot. I learned a lot. He was like, I'm actually struggling with a friend who's going through something very similar and i needed to hear that and it was so sweet what was it because we were talking about someone who was dealing with addiction problems and like what you do to what you can do to help and what you

really can't do and how you can be there for them while also taking care of yourself and it was just a really you know it was a 40 minute drive conversation it was the whole way and um and it was just so nice he was you could tell he was almost like emotional because he was like i needed to hear like he you could tell this guy wasn't taking care of himself and was very worried about someone in his life and it maybe helped him it was really nice actually but yeah it's been nice to like not have because your room is right off of the living room and so whenever we've been out there we've we aren't able to like just because just because he doesn't think you're listening, but he's just aware of that. And yeah, I can like do some stuff out there, which is kind of fun.

Do you walk around the apartment naked? Yeah. Yeah, actually. But we have big windows, so I tend to like not do that so much but what i have been doing is just being able to sing talk to myself play guitar and uh carlisle's here now she got in last night at like oh 12 o'clock at night so she's here this morning so this morning i was like woke up early to get some work done and i had like 30 minutes to before anya got here and before andrew got here and i was like god i would really like to play guitar right now but I couldn't because she was sleeping and I

didn't want to I don't I like playing it out there the acoustics are better my room just feels dirty I don't want to look at my dirty room when I'm you know so I was a little bit like oh back to the roommate situation you feel it but it's the benefits of it are going to outweigh those moments because it's like oh god I have someone to I don't know, just to hang out with. What do you guys miss about each other? I miss just shooting the shit, coming and going kind of thing. Yeah. I mean, granted, I'm only nine floors down.

You know what I mean? So, like, I do feel like. And it's been one week. Yeah. It's been one week. One week since you looked at me uh i i yeah i just like there's i think it's only i do miss the hangs in the kitchen the conversations at like nine in the morning ten in the morning even before the podcast where you can kind of like just like analyze some stuff about our lives yes we're like because we're not

like uh like we're just as like a friendship we can talk about our parents we can talk about everything yeah where there's no like judgment and there's great analyzation yeah yeah and and there's analize analize yeah bad name i can't come up with a name. Andrew wanted me to call my special anal eyes. Because it's like anal eyes, but it's anal eyes. And I go, why anal eyes though? And you're like, I would understand if

the special was about anal and about like ocular things. But it isn't. How about this? You have observations now. What do you use for those? My eyes. Anal eyes. I get that. but it isn't how about this you have observations now what do you use for those my eyes anal eyes

it doesn't make sense why that doesn't make perfect sense you know your butthole eyes I mean several no it just doesn't it doesn't track because I've explained this multiple times for a

more than several at this point Andrew I've explained this multiple times. Several times. For a more than several at this point. I've explained it to Andrew several times. Very several. Very several is so funny. So wait. So go ahead. You state your case. State your case.

Anya, you can state your case and then Noah, you be the third. Wait, what's my case? Okay, your case. Okay, so go ahead. You state your case. State your case? Anya, you can state your case, and then Noah, you be the third. Wait, what's my case? Okay, your case. Okay, so. For why not analyze? So I get it that like analyze is a word, and that's what I'm doing in my special. So that alone works. If I was just like, but it doesn't even work because I'm not like, if I was talking about

maybe like therapy or like I use the word analyze in my special a lot. No, but if I use the word analyze in my special a lot no but if i use the word analyze in my special okay we could work with the word analyze but because i'm not at all this is already a moot point but okay so if i did let's say talk i talk about anal in my special and i also say use the word analyze where i'm gonna analyze anal you guys i think that i could call it analyze and then have in the. It would be like anal would look a little bit. The anal part of the font would look different, but it would be the word analyze.

Right. But I wouldn't have Jimmy Fallon go her net, her special analyze. Like it wouldn't be that it would be still be called analyze. Okay. Now that's one option. Could you make the a a bottle? Sure.

Like the little circle. Yeah. Make it a little like starfish. Yes. Yeah. But the, but the calling it anal eyes with a space

I think you mean a dash right like anal dash eyes no I mean two capital anal capital I that doesn't work unless there's something in my special that has to do with eyes correct other and i understand that i see things with my eyes therefore nothing literally you can make

then i could say why aren't your pants called eyes because in england they might call back hamdrit write it down no one needs don't write any of that down. Pants was heard before. Try to purge that from your mind, if anything. Do not write it down. Okay, Anya, let's hear your. My case was just going to be that same point, that surprisingly the problem with your idea is not the anal. It's the eyes.

Yeah. Okay. Now, here's the thing. Some specials are just like, they're almost a word that you don't even see it in this. It's so out there that it's like, what the hell is this? I don't think that's true. I was thinking of naming my special something like that. Like Doughboy's Cheesecakes or something?

Doughboy's Cheesecakes, yeah. Which is a great band. And then people are just waiting to hear about it. Like, where is this joke? Because, you know, everyone watches specials to go, what is that joke that's the title? Equals no one's ever done that. That does not make people watch a special.

You don't think if you're scrolling through HBO and you see anal eyes and big red letters. Listen, I do not disagree with that. However, it's confusing because I do talk about anal. So it's not completely non sequitur of my special, which would be a funny joke. But I do. But it's somewhere in between of being completely random. Yes.

And actually making sense. Therefore, I don't like it because I want to either go completely. Somewhere in the middle. Yeah. I think you could be like. It's like the taint of that joke. But eyes is the random. And an anal is on point. so you have a nice balance.

No, the balance throws it off. You either want to go one way or the other. Yeah, like you caught... Get rid of spelling eyes, E-Y-E-S, and then it should be like Nikki Glaser, and then the title is like overanalyzing. Overanalyzing. Overanalyzing, but you take out the anal and you make anal red. Yes.

I like that or analyze this except we can't say analyze this but it's anal that's where I got originally my thought was from that movie and I was like oh you do a lot of therapy talk and then I was like I don't know

I still see can someone make a poster with Nikki's face and then just anal eyes. And then my eyes are assholes. Yes. Finally, we got there. That's an idea. Do what you will.

So submit it and then I'm going to put them all up and we'll pick it. And whoever. If you really. If our fans really feel strongly that it should be analized you're making up that no one but it i know for a fact that that is not a good idea can we oh i wish people unless i had jokes about my vision then it would be great because i have anal jokes up the wazoo but i don't it was funny that i said pete davidson has anal eyes he does have anal eyes. Yeah, he's got a brown ring around him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, but it's true. That's a great point. Oh, my God. I don't know. I think it comes full circle on his eyes. Made of shit. Wait, what are you going to name?

Oh, you don't want to say the name. Yeah, I can't say it yet. And I'm not really sure of it yet. But I think I know. I don't know anything. How did you come up with the name it yet. But I think I know. I don't know anything. How did you come up with the name? Because it's in it. Okay.

Gaelic Rooster. Nikki Glaser. That's a closer. It does. Why does it? I see you when I hear that. Oh, my God. I got to.

Yeah. I should call it Torn because I am. Natalie Imbruglia. Yeah. Oh, my God. I finished the Alanis Morissette documentary last night. Oh, I guess we never torn because I am. Natalie Imbrugle. Yeah. Oh, my God. I finished the Alanis Morissette documentary last night. Oh, I guess we never finished it. Yeah.

It's good. It's really good. Yeah. Does it get sad? She went, um, no. But she was saying, she does a thing in it where she's talking about, like, being on the road and radio had opened for her on her like insane tour when she was at the peak of fame and she said that you know uh thom or whatever

would go out and do a two-hour soundcheck she was like we would have soundcheck for like 35 minutes and then my opener went to a two-hour soundcheck because they were writing okay computer like during that time and she was like i tried to hang with them but it was just like i don't know she was just like everyone in hollywood is so aloof i can't get over it she was like on hollywood i'm just tired of the on you and i was like oh my god i had to look up aloof and on you because i always feel like i read i use the word aloof wrong because i always think it's like being like, I don't know. I'm aloof. Like I don't, I'm kind of,

I'm not sure. She said on you-ee. Yeah, like. What does aloof mean? Isn't that what aloof means? Aloof means like you, it kind of means you're kuh. Oh. It's like you're so cool.

You're not aware, I feel like. No, I mean, that's what I thought it meant, but it means like you are acting like. Cold shoulder. Yeah, you're acting like a little too cool. And she was like, ugh, Hollywood's just so kuh.

She pretty much is like, ugh. And what's ennui? Ennui means boredom in French, but I don't think that's what it means. She was like, I'm tired of the ennui. It's like a malaise, like, ugh. Yeah, bored, sort of soul sick. She's just like over it.

But she was so famous. I mean, so famous i mean so famous she couldn't go anywhere without being hounded like everywhere she would land there would be like 10,000 fans like there to meet her people were dressing like or like and they were saying like she to her credit she became super famous by wearing her own clothes she wasn't styled she wasn't there was no one that did a revamp of her. She was just who she was. There was no marketing plan behind her. And then as soon as she came out,

they started and got way too famous and was around for, everyone was excited about her. Then as soon as she reached like, okay, she's been around a minute, people started going, wait a second, she co-wrote all these songs with this Glenn guy?

Oh, he wrote all of them for her. She can't possibly be this talented. I remember that. And then theyote all of these songs with this Glenn guy. Oh, he wrote all of them for her. She can't possibly be this talented. I remember that. So then they gave all of her credit. And they also said she was just angry. Why is this girl so angry? And the truth is, there was only that one song. You Oughta Know was super angry.

And then it's like, you live, you learn. Yeah. And then it's like, you know, Ironic isn't angry. None of her songs are really angry. but then she was just, they just. Was she angry in interviews or something? No, and honestly, she was never angry. She didn't even write You Oughta Know as like a fuck you song. You know, Taylor Swift definitely has said before,

I write songs so that guys can later hear them and feel bad. Like, so they know how they hurt me. But Alanis was like like if i was writing that song as like a revenge that would be a weird thing for me to do i don't i don't even the guy that i wrote it about doesn't even know it's about him people think it's about dave coulier she was like that is not who it's about the person who it's about doesn't even know it's about them and i liked i would intend because if i wrote it for revenge that's not who i am and it was interesting because it was like oh that's what everyone thought that song was about or like you know so why doesn't she keep writing songs like

what's the reason she does oh sorry she's just older it is funny when you call a girl angry or whatever it's like just because she's not wearing makeup, you just think like, there's like that like, oh, you don't care. Oh, you're mad. You're mad at the world because you're not like trying so hard to be beautiful. Oh my God. In my special, I realized I'm wearing a dress and I'm just like, there's something about it for me that I'm like, why is it not like capturing me?

And I'm like, it's because i don't seem angry enough i was a little bit too happy that day and i'm just too happy oh in the special yeah for me i'm missing this like angst that anger that i kind of had and it comes out in like a couple spots but i'm like i think i was i think naturally i mean i was in the moment that night. There's nothing about it, but there's something missing from it for me of the anger that I felt when I first wrote all those jokes. And in it, I just feel like, I mean, it's there, but I was just like, oh, this girl, I wanted to look pretty. I wanted to look hot.

I like the way it looks, but it's hard to deliver the type of material i'm delivering in a tiny little dress yeah i gotta say it's it for me i don't regret it but that's why it could be intriguing though because typically that would be like people will watch it because of what i'm wearing yeah and because of how my boobs look unfortunately that's the way the world works like you're more you want to think stare at something that is you know the whole time i guy is watching it he just is like jesus christ your boobs jesus like i'm like okay well if you're not listening you'll actually we're going honestly i mean like because yeah i could have worn just like whatever but i'm trying to i wasn't trying i wanted to wear that and it looks fucking awesome

it's a vintage Versace dress. It's fucking cool as shit. It is interesting. Does fashion get inside your brain where it's like, I look pretty. There's nothing like- You have this joke in your set where you're physical, and I won't tell it or ruin it, but you move your leg far, okay? Yes.

And then you move your body around a lot in that chunk of the set. You could, imagine doing that in a tiny mini dress. Yeah. You can't, like, you move your leg four feet out in front of you. Yeah. And it's like when,

so picture being in a tiny dress. And in heels. Also, it's like- And it's my fault, though. Like, I decided to wear it. And when I am in sneakers whenever I dress for a park how about this when you went to Canada

and you didn't have your bag and you're just wearing I was pacing around the stage it was so fun and I've talked about that with you before does outfits affect how you perceive yourself but I also have more confidence when I feel super duper sexy and I feel powerful

I can't play a show in flats but is feel super duper sexy. And I feel like I can't play a show. But is comedy super duper sexy? Sometimes. No, it can be. I'm not saying that. Not that I feel like I want to be like fuckable. I want to be. And that's like the whole kind of part of my special.

But it's about feeling powerful. Like I feel I feel great about myself. I feel confident and I need confidence out there. Whereas if I'm wearing just like a cool outfit that like you know girl like i don't know i know anyone would like me in anything but there is something to it where it's like this is my special you're supposed to dress up what is dressing up look like as a woman it looks like this and i wore a fucking blazer and pants for my last special so everyone can suck my dick i remember you were like i don't feel i don't know if i should be wearing this when you were wearing the blazer you're like this i'm covered up i'm

like too covered i don't i'm not used to that either you know like i don't i don't really know but i do know that uh i just think about like like i don't know it's weird it's like funny it's like it's like seeing the chancellor of germany that woman like in like a well granted she's like older and whatever but it's like seeing a woman trying like aoc right if she was wearing that same dress and then talking at in front of the senate people would be like what is she no one can take her serious to challenge that because that's what i'm saying exactly so it's pretty fucking badass but if that's gonna fuck with you mentally to then go because think about our whole lives when we get dressed up it's like for a wedding or like and at a wedding we can have fun and then we end up like taking

off like our shit at a wedding i also feel super confident i feel like i can like i feel beautiful yeah and there's confidence that comes but do you feel funny i don't know i don't know yeah i always feel funny yeah i think it's just about um you know it's i didn't do anything wrong there were things that i will do differently next time for my next special but i don't think i'm going to be wearing like you know i'm not going to be dressed like adam sandler for my next special but there will be different choices but i just um i think it's cool though i will say i was there that night i watched both sets because you did an early and a late one and you were pretty in your body and physical wearing that teeny tiny dress so you didn't really let it stop you from like

moving around and being goofy and being sexy and being angry and being like a multitude of things yeah and there's something so funny about talking about how you're gross wow looking yeah that was the thing the whole special is about me being disgusting. And so that to me was a fun juxtaposition. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah, so I mean. There could be a title there. What?

What are some puns with gross? I thought of them all. And we've kind of thought like, if you're cruising through things, you don't want to see a girl just saying like, I'm gross. Like you don't want to read, I'm gross. You kind of want something eye catching

that I think I landed on a good one. Let's, wait, do we have to take a break? News. News. Let's get to the news. Yeah, there's something like, what's like a bougie word for like when you get dressed up? Like a gross gown or gross, I don't know. Grotesquely beautiful

yeah something like that yeah gauche gauche remember when I was on that date wait what is it euges

euges euges oh yes euges wet gorgeous you heard it here first you heard it here first yeah you heard it here first

it's Thursday, folks. You know what that means? It is Thursday. We're having all the swells. Anya Marina's here. Can't be more happy than I am right now. That didn't come off sincere at all, but it really, I just couldn't find the words. Yeah.

But I do have all the swells that you're hearing. It is awesome. I love you. I came to St. Louis and became my third roommate. Okay. Made. Third roommate he went to St. Louis and became my third roommate. Okay. Maid. Third roommate. Maid in St. Louis.

All right. Scientists have discovered that female dolphins are a state bird. Ham drip. Write it down. All right. All right. Female dolphins have large and well-developed clitorises. Yikes.

And speculate that they are intended to provide pleasure. Yeah. The female bottlenose's sex organ is enveloped in a hood. It has a hood. Oh, wow. You're talking about hoods and clits the other day. And if you lift the hood up. When you masturbate manually.

The dolphin pleasure theory is supported by the fact that their vaginas are located in a spot that would make it cordial stimulation nearly inevitable. Not only that, but the animals have sex year-round even when they can't conceive and have been observed probing each other's genitals with flukes, flippers, and snouts. So they're doing it. Wow. They're freaks.

I don't understand why all animals, I i mean don't feel pleasure from it because it wouldn't that make you do it that's why we feel pleasure so that we'll fuck and have babies like that's what makes us you know like we don't get pleasure from it for any other reason than then it uh will inspire us to do it a lot more of us do like gorillas not fuck when they're not make trying to make babies? They only fuck to procreate? I don't know. I feel like they masturbate.

No, do we know that? Nobos are the ones that just have like threesomes and are always fucking real freaky. They're the closest related to us. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, I'm glad to know that dolphins have clits and that they use their noses to, they, they part their clits with their noses.

You're felt a dolphin. Just the clits. Just the clits. Have you ever swam with a dolphin, with dolphins clits? You actually are swimming with their clits technically. Cause they're, the clits are the water.

There's something so funny about a guy being like, can they like turn over um oh my god is there anyone who can swim on their back because i just want to touch their clit i had to wash luigi last i give luigi a bath and i'm like he got his penis is like probably the dirtiest part of him because there's like you know pee and i'm like i don't want to maybe i could wash it with the back of my hand and just like but i don't want to do it I could wash it with the back of my hand and just like, but I don't want to do it with my actual like hand, you know? He knows what we're talking about. I mean, he just woke up.

Oh, did you get? You know, I walk dogs for these like show dogs. People would jerk them off. Yeah, there's human fluffers for dogs. What? They jerk them off until they get them ready to have sex and then they like bring in the female. Oh.

While they fluff them. Like someone's job is just to jerk off dogs all day where's the line between that and molest yeah that's their whole thing wow that's their job isn't it abusive there's got to be other parts of their job that can't just be what they do maybe mouth what's the hourly rate for them yeah hourly rate it depends if yeah they come early yeah i don't i don't know. I mean. Have you ever done a sperm sample and had to like just jerk off to get like a sperm sample?

No, I've never sperm sampled. I piss. Yeah. We've all done that. It's so weird how warm your pee is and how quickly it fills up the cup. It's wild. Yeah. I mean, there's times when I've been driving.

Do you think you could use a magazine? You know, like if you go into a room and they just had magazines, do you think you could probably beat off to a magazine? Still. At these days? Yeah. You know what I would do? I would fuck the magazine.

Oh. Like the actual photo. Oh, that's interesting. You just said John Mulaney. Oh. I put my penis like, I wouldn't cut a hole in it, but I would just like. You'd fold it up like you're about to beat a dog with it. No.

You don't care about the paper cuts. No. You wouldn't roll it up like you were about to beat a dog with it. You don't care about the paper cuts. You wouldn't roll it up? Old magazines, they had the pull-out ones. Yeah, the centerfold. So the vagina was actual human size. No, it was not. I mean, centerfolds are like this big, dude. That's just their half a body.

Just that part of their body. It would be this big. They would just have a pussy centerfold? Pretty much. Just a torso. No. Yeah. Yeah, guys don't need the face.

They would not have that. Yeah, the face would take me out of it. Okay, so you would fuck the pussy on the page. I would put my penis on the page. Yeah, this is like you kissing your phone when Halsey's picture was on it. And I kissed a mirror a lot. But kiss yourself? My mom caught me

because there were tongue marks all over the mirror. Wait, you were kissing yourself? Yes, he was practicing. I was practicing kissing another gorilla. Bonobo or whatever. Wait a second.

So it's enough for you just to the image on the paper? At the time, yes. Yeah. I think I could, yes. I think... You're not alone in that. I'm sure a lot of people did that.

I feel like whenever I would want to kiss a picture or like I wouldn't like want to tongue kiss it or like because it doesn't feel the same as a mouth. Yeah, but it's right there. Like Kirk Cameron's face was right there when I was on the Teen Beat magazine. Jesus was there too. You just didn't know it.

He was on your shoulder jerking off. Cameron always has Jesus nearby. He has like nine kids. Yeah. Wait, so you never looked, when you guys started masturbating, when you were kids, you didn't have play girl, right?

You didn't look at dicks, did you? We talked about our friends' dad's stuff. But no, we didn't look at dicks. I thought it was gross. I didn't think about sex. It's weird that girls- I thought about making out and kissing and all that stuff, but I didn't think about, like,

ooh, I can't wait to see a hard penis. You didn't have stages. Like, guys, we went from magazine to whatever, to tape, to now porn on the internet. You guys went straight to just video guys fucking on the internet. Yeah. What did you masturbate to when you were like 17? I didn't masturbate.

Oh. Everything was up here, Andrew. Is it still up there? But what was up there if you didn't have experiences? Kissing boys. Everything's up there. Just fantasizing about a guy meeting me in the locker room or like in the hallway or like at a party.

It's like, okay, this is where it's going to happen. Coming up with a good nickname for you. Wait, so you thought the first time you were going to lose your virginity was in a locker room? What is that? Nicky Poppy? Nickel Pickle Pearl. Nickel Pickle Pearl.

No, what did you think about when you were 17? Getting your hard nipples sucked. I'm like, no, I'm like Billie Eilish. I started watching porn really, really young. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm like Billie Eilish. I started watching porn really, really young. Yeah. Yeah. So I was totally exposed. How young though?

Because you're. Third grade. I don't know. You know what? I'm feeling left out of third grade. Yeah. Wait, what? On tape?

My friend had not on illegal cable, which is illegal cable. Ah, yes. And we stumbled upon the Spice Channel and Playboy Channel, and we were just like, what is this? And that was that.

Would you go back for more, or was it just a one time? No, of course. I would be at her house all the time and her parents were both working and we would just watch porn all day. Yes. Wow.

As an eight year old. Yeah, like third or fourth grade. That's when it started. Wow. That is young. I would have been so freaked out. I was obsessed with porn when I discovered it, but it was like eighth grade.

Oh my God. I was like. So you did see porn. Yeah yeah but i wasn't masturbating to it um my parents my dad worked for a cable company and so we had pay-per-view like the spice channel but um it was blocked obviously because it but we we got cable for free you know it was we didn't get a bill so i figured out one day that i just typed in a random number and i realized there's no code you just type in anything and you can unblock it so my parents were out of town one weekend i just watched it all weekend and my you know my vagina was on fire i remember feeling like it just felt like i was on a roller coaster constantly it just felt like this amazing feeling down there but it nothing

occurred to me to touch it not because it was like sinful or dirty i just didn't it didn't occur to me to do something with the feeling i think i maybe rocked back on my heel a little bit or was just but i just again i think it's just the build up it's not the orgasm it's like the build up of like what is this exciting like getting turned on is more exciting to me sometimes than coming it was funny as a guy like we would have like two you'd have two tapes so you'd have to masturbate to the same it felt like a relationship like oh who are you dating oh tanya 3000 or whatever i don't know what her name is but yeah like you like literally like become part of this i get sad when i discover a porn that is like really good because i will never it will feel, I will never be able to have that feeling with it again because I've already

seen it. It's done. You know, like it, it makes me sad. Like that's how I feel about, I'm feeling kind of like a dude. They say like men just want novelty and I cannot rewatch porn.

That's why I need new porn. Like I, I know there's so much porn out there, but I think i've been through a lot almost all of it all the stuff that has appealed to me i'm not joking you hours and hours of sifting through clips and pretty much seeing every gangbang there is like i'm at the point now where it's i go on subreddits and i look for new things and i've seen all of i'm seeing repeat of like, Oh, this old one.

Oh, that's a scene from 10,000 hours. I know. I know it all. Think of all the money you could make with these skills though. Like you've clocked a lot of time in, I bet you could review porn. There's gotta be a job for this, for someone that has that much experience.

Yeah. I mean, I'm, but I'm flipping around on them. I'm not watching the whole thing. I don't start at the beginning. I just go right to the scenes from the still image that I go,

oh, that attracted me to this video. So I try to find that scene. I just flip around to like each thing. And all I got to say is Mike, the fucking men, and men need to talk more. I'm not kidding you. Everyone always,

I was reading something on subreddit about anal sex and like how do women come from anal? That doesn't seem possible. And I'm like, I can come not from anything physical i can come from words from a guy saying the right thing so the idea that men are calling bullshit on you know there were a lot of men on the subreddit being like it's impossible a woman can't come from anal like alone you know she needs other

stuff and there were women saying that i could come from a guy saying something hot and not even touching me i'm serious like i think what men say is more important than so okay so let's say so let's give out some some that's why i watch a lot of femdom porn which is like women doing stuff to women because the women the women talk so much more and they say all the right things because they're nurturing, and they're kind, but they're also stern. So top three lines a guy could say in bed. Oh, you think you want to come right now? I don't think so.

Okay, that's one. There should be like a Bart Simpson thing where you can pull it. Yeah, yeah. The string. Don't have a cow, man. I just always want wait what else I just want I guess

good girl that's a good girl that's a good girl things I'd say to Luigi you're a good boy I know that moaning like hearing a guy moan girls like love that yeah i love a grunt i love like an animal like i'm like whoa are you human or

did i get stuck in a cave with a neanderthal i look back and matt has like a fucking piece of wood in his hand. I own your holes. Yeah, that's a good one. Jesus Christ. I own this mouth. I own these whole like your. Whose pussy is this? It's mine. Yeah.

Like. God. Oh, does that hurt? Just fucking take it. You whore. Say too much for you i don't think so it's like a guy like spotting another guy benching oh it's like you got it it. Thank me. Thank me right now. Thank me. That's good. When I start thanking, man, does it turn them on, and then it turns me on to be like, thank

you. Thank you. Can I have, like that kind of thing. Thanking is hot. Yeah, thank you. So girls can start that one, and that will kind of get the conversation going, because it's like, start thanking a guy for what he's doing, and that's a good way to go to, it's another way to say, right there, oh yes, that's so doing. And that's a good way to go to another.

It's another way to say right there. Oh yes. That's so good, but it's a different way. Oh, right. Positive reinforcement. Yes.

Let's take a break and then come back with, why do I care? Or let's go. Let's get into the family. Oh yeah. We have, we don't have to do it. No,

we can do it. Let's come back with our sports moment. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

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What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner, Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new

set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.

I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour.

He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills.

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Why do I care? Sports moment. Yes. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. All right. Oh, man. You seem thrilled. Okay.

No one had a better time than Kodak Black at an NHL game, Florida Panther game. He enjoyed a raunchy twerk sesh from a woman in a box suite, and the internet went crazy. So his camera zoomed in, and he's in the box, which can be seen by everyone. Yes. And it straight up looks like he's fucking doggy style. Like, straight up, like. Is he? They said they're just twerking that he's not in her.

Okay, so what's the story here? Should you be... Why do I care? I mean, I don't know. There's no real story. I don't know why I picked it. It just seemed better than the other two. Everyone was talking about it. Yeah, everyone was talking about it.

Are people mad at him? Did they show it on TV? Yeah, they showed it two. Everyone was talking about it. Yeah, everyone was talking about it. Are people mad at him? Did they show it on TV? Yeah, they showed it everywhere. Who was the girl? The girl was like a stripper kind of girl, I look like. Okay, so she's basically bent over in front of him and she's twerking

and she's wearing really short shorts so it looks like she's almost naked. But what I love about this is that there's photos of him taking pictures with fans. And he's just having such a good time. And then he goes to the suite. And this video that we just played, the person pans to all the executives who are just kind of looking. And then pans back.

And he's dancing and generating with her. It's such a great publicity stunt. I wonder if other rappers are going to be like, oh, you think that's good? I'm going to eat this girl's ass. Because you're allowed to, are you allowed to simulate sex in public? I guess so.

I mean, if you're not having it. I mean, if you pay enough for a suite. It is interesting. How do you not get a boner when you're like an ass is rubbing up against you? I think. How do you not get a boner when an ass is rubbing up against you? Or do you? I always talk about the half chub. Okay.

What about on Dancing with the Stars? Because you guys have so much rubbing on there. Don't people? I think dancers can switch it on and off. It would be the same as if we were like, what if you got a boner when you were on stage? Like,

you're just not in that mindset. Maybe that's what, I don't get like, turned on on stage. Maybe he was just twerking. Twerking in the booth. No,

that's what I'm saying. I think so, but I'm wondering if you're not a professional dancer. But Kodak Black might be. He's a rapper. When you were dancing, and this might

would you feel a penis on your leg no never because Gleb is a professional you know so what he put it inside his

he probably I'm saying when he's working he's not getting turned on he put it in his own butthole he's not looking at dancing as this

sexual thing no I know but still a flaccid penis you could still feel it through no I never felt it I really didn't.

And I was so nervous that I wasn't getting horned up during it either. It takes a certain level of comfort to feel that way too. So I just don't think. You guys were never the grinders in a club. Never. I never grinded. Have you ever backed your ass up into a guy? Never.

Never. One time my friend Mike told me I did. That's my move. What, really? That's how I dance with Nikki. No. Into a guy. Have you ever backed that ass?

I grind up next to anyone. I just like to stick my butt out. No, you don't. For real. She does not do that. When you were like, never. You've never backed that ass up. I wish I never understood girls that do that.

You are asking to get fucked. Then you are putting it out there that like you're ready to fuck see to me and i know that's not true but to me that would have been like telling a guy i'm ready to fuck him it is right but but then i would i would feel like if he tried to fuck me later i would like have to do it because i i i may i was a tease i never wanted to be a tease you don't want to be as a woman you don't want to be a nag you don't want to be a tease and you don't want to be a a whore yeah but if any guys are listening if a girl is robbing her butt up against you in a club that is not consent yeah but i would feel like the guys are so stupid and drunk that they're gonna i never wanted to disappoint a guy and like

get his hopes up so then he might go you're fucking ugly i don't want to fuck you anyway yeah i was always mitigating against getting called ugly there is something i think just i guess growing that's why i didn't grind i think in florida i think grinding was just like it was like a way because it's like how my dad would eat and just talk about the food we wouldn't have real conversations it's part of the culture that's the like like animals we would just like oh she's hot. I'm going to go grind on her ass. And then you'd be grinding with a girl and another guy that you don't know.

Come up and go, count to three. Call back. That story is on YouTube, by the way, if people want to go check it out. Yeah, that was so funny. So essentially, though, like you'd grind and you wouldn't even know the other guy. And then the girl, I swear to God, there'd be times where I'm like, oh, I have no blood flow. So she's probably not feeling my penis on her butt at all. And then she would leave me.

Because she wouldn't feel your erection. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I could have been analyzing it. Did you ever want to stick something in your pants? I bet you were tempted to. A bigger dick. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, no, or like I would get like a half chub

and I would like put it like, you know, you'd put it like kind of. Out in center, front and center. Or to the left so then they could feel it on their butt. Because if not, then they're just, like I really do feel like there were times where, you know, the girl was just like, I'm not feeling anything on my ass.

I never felt a random penis on my butt really oh disgusting i have a question have you ever yeah when when you were younger like junior high school high school have you ever gone to school dance and um had like a guy like a boy or whatever like ask you to dance or or grab to dance. And then they do that like swinging thing where they go down to the floor. Yes. Is that happening in your time? What do you mean swinging thing? Yeah, like they get like this where they're like la, la, la, la, la.

And they're like all the way down. Yeah. And they go all the way down with you. Where are you? Oh, you're sitting on his knee. Yeah. Like you're facing him. You're facing each other and your legs are in between

each other's legs and you have to like swing your hips side to side and go all the way down. It's like you're squatting together. Oh, I see what you're talking about. I did not. I avoided dancing

because I was so scared that I still, when I go to like a place where there are men dancing, I always dance away from men because I don't want any man coming up and grinding against. It would be such a violation and so disgusting to me if a random man came up and rubbed his body on me. Oh, I can't imagine doing it.

Yeah, it's wild. It's a wild thing to think of. I'm always aware of my surroundings. I want to dance with gay men and women. And I just, men, straight men dancing horrifies me. Get away from me. Well, I'll tell you a quick story about that. Yeah. i went out

with my friends um and we went to a gay club and i thought okay well this is great i can dance with all these men and they won't be attracted to me so i was grinding on a man and i had like my god my butt on him and he and i was wearing a um a short dress, and as we were grinding down, he put his hand inside my dress, and I was like, wait, I thought this was okay. I thought I'd be fine here. Was he gay? I mean, unless he was just wearing a gay costume. Do you think he was a gay man?

He could have been gay. Yeah, sure. But did you think he was gay? I thought he was gay, and I thought, okay, well, I'm going to go to this club, because I'm the same like you, Nikki. I don't want to dance with gross men and feel their boners on me. So I was like, I do want to dance with men.

So here, they probably won't have a boner for me because I'm a chick. In Florida, girls are like, I'm only going to a bar with boners. Florida's so different, man. I'll never forget the time I was driving around Florida with my friend who was raised in Florida. And she was just like, oh, that's where we had my 16th birthday dinner. And oh, my God, that's where I went to elementary school. Oh, that's the house I was molested in. That over there is where my dad told me.

I was just like, wait, what? It was so like, oh, that's where I was first molested. Yeah, that's Chuck E. Cheese. It was just part of the tour, the life tour of like, oh, you just get molested. That's just what happens. I mean, Florida is lawless, man. I'm going down there again, like just seeing it through like, you know, just an outsider's lens. Yeah.

And it's just like, oh, these people are just like, it's like I saw that guy die in the street like like and everyone was just like like people get fucked up like just fuck and i guess people get fucked up everywhere yeah i don't know i just i just avoid that altogether now so when i was in florida i saw i love going to florida but i but it is hilarious that the stories that come out of that are there's something going on in florida it's not just a hack joke yeah of course yeah i mean i you know i used to joke that like that's what makes it exciting like like what did happen in your city it's kind of like mexico like yeah yeah you don't know what's gonna happen yeah yeah yeah vegas vegas vegas vegas um vegas speaking of florida bob saget you know died in in Florida And I just read last night He died peacefully in his sleep

He was tucked in When they found him Oh really He was still tucked in And so they think It's gonna take 80 days 8-0 days To get a

To find out what he died of Several Several days And But They're They're saying Heart attack or stroke

And that he was You know he wasn't like up and like his sheets weren't off. He was like asleep. So that's good. I was just thinking of the alarm going off and how annoying that must have been for him. And then I was like, wait a second, he was dead. But like, you know, like I was just like,

this morning I was in the shower and my alarm went off. I was meditating and then I was like, fuck this. And then I went in the shower and my alarm went off and I ran and I was like, Luigi, I'm so sorry. Because it was like ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. And it was just like going off next to Luigi's fucking head. Because Luigi sleeps on my bed.

And I felt so bad. Alarms are so goddamn annoying. Dude, alarm when you're in mid-shower. And you have to get out and your finger's still kind of wet. So it doesn't respond to your finger. And then you have to dry your finger somehow and then you hit it. Or if it's too far and then you gotta walk and you get

water all over the floor. It's a fucking mess as you forget. It ruins the whole shower. The whole shower. I know that's like first world problems but god damn do I hate it. I mean it literally is because people don't have hot shower. Alright let's get the fanthrax.

The fanthrax. Fuck yeah. Yeah. What do you got for us, Noah? Eat a salad. Okay. Eat a salad. Oh, just that voice giving helpful advice.

Yeah. Make your bed every morning. Fucking mom. Oh, little boy voice giving helpful advice. Yeah. Make out with your fucking mom. Call your grandmother. That's really good. That's really good. Give me any line I can. Take your vitamins. Take your fucking vitamin C.

And probiotics. And zinc. Make sure to brush your teeth twice a fucking day. Take a deep cleansing breath. Take a deep cleansing breath. Oh, that was good. All right, let's get to it. No, because that was good. He's going to be the new singer of Cannibal Corpse.

Don't be playing a lot of the Palooza. Okay. The first message is from Taylor. Ooh. I like it. Hey, New Jerky. This is Taylor, day one bestie, first time caller. Nikki and Andrew, I'm the girl who sent you guys copies of the Time Capsule Journal,

which I can only hope are serving as very sturdy coasters for Zevios and Starbucks and Celsius. I just wanted to call in and say how sorry I am about the passing of your friend Bob Saget. I really loved the interview that he did on the pod. He seemed like he was such a genuine and fun person. And it reminded me of a story that I wanted to share with you, which is that you know how in junior high kids are always looking for ways to kind of secretly swear or talk secretly around adults. Well, when I was in junior high, this kid came up with the idea of replacing swear words with Bob Saget.

And it just took off around the school like wildfire. And you'd be sitting in class and some kid's pencil would break and they'd be like, Bob Saget. And I really want to bring that back in his honor and um i wanted to share that with you love you guys love the pod and bob saget that's really good i love that she's great it is a great thing. Bob Serkin. Let's use that today in the studio. It's really good. I love it. That's so funny. Thank you for sharing that.

Yeah. I watched Jeff Ross and John Mayer were going to pick up Bob's car at LAX yesterday because that's where he left it for his flight. And so they went to go pick it up and they were driving it back and they were doing an Instagram live and it was so good. And it made me feel good because John was talking about how

he's feeling guilty about feeling so sad. Pretty much what I was saying, but it's funny because he was the one I was thinking of when I was like, John deserves to be this sad. I don't. He was so much closer to him. And he was saying that closer to him and um

and he was saying that i forget exactly his quote but he said bob you know he he had the people in his life he had his wife kelly he had his you know three beautiful daughters and then tied for third place worth 30 000 people and i really liked that because it's true. It's just like, you can lump yourself in that and we can all be in that and it's fine. and then, yeah, you just said a lot of other things that I was, I really needed to hear. And he just,

just says, I'm, he said something. He goes, I'm just a guy now who, when he makes coffee, just says, I love you,

Bob, like just to him, mutters it to himself. And I was like, Oh, I've been doing that too. I've just like, just,

just saying it randomly or like in my head or whatever and so it's like oh yeah we're just gonna be those people now that just say that and um yeah which means i love the fuck yeah i love i love i love i love fuck next uh fanthrax all right. Another one from a different Taylor. Ooh. Another Taylor heavy. Hi, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. So I was just listening to an episode where, Nikki, you talk about being hit by a car.

And I just wanted to tell you about the time when I got hit by a car. So I was on my way to an exam in college. And I was running a little late. So I decided to grab one of those line scooters and I was riding down the bike lane on the main road of our campus. But I was riding down the lane in the wrong direction. So someone was turning left and we kind of like hit each other. And the guy like got out of the car asked me if i was okay and then immediately it told me that he needed to see my id and everything

because it was a government-issued vehicle and he had to call the police and so that's when i kind of started panicking i was like i can't sit around here and wait i have an exam in like three minutes so he finally was convinced and just took my id number and so then i started walking to my exam from there as i have like blood gushing down my leg and i run into my professor while i'm crying that his exam I'm going to take. And he apparently witnessed the entire thing. And he let me take the exam the next week. And I got 100 on everything in that class the rest of the

year. So I guess it kind of worked out. Yes! I mean, I would have gone to the professor right away and been like, I got hit by a car. I would have gone home and emailed, I got hit by a car. I mean, what a world where we have to feel like like you feel almost responsible because she was maybe going the wrong way she's like you know what is my fault yeah my leg is my bones out of the skin but i gotta yeah i gotta take this test it's i still can technically take it so i

should yeah but the thing i found in But that does something to your brain. Just because bodily, you're not fucking. You know what I mean? No, it's. Yeah, you just got hit by a fucking car. You deserve. And I always found in college that if you appeal to your, if you are really going through something and need an extension,

most professors are cool. They don't fucking care. Yeah. And they know your track record if you're a student who turns things on time if you're you that's why you should go to class all the time and be accountable the rest of the time so that when something like this happens and you need an extension they go okay this isn't just one another excuse from a slacking student the guys i saw your grandma die so we're gonna let you extend a week my joke you know like i liked the fact that

the guy had to see her yeah get hit like oh i saw you roll over the car nine times so yeah blood helps blood does help yeah you always want to be bleeding yes always have a packet of ketchup on you what did happen to you i used to my my joke used to be, I would always, to get out of English papers or get extensions, I'd say, my grandma died or my computer froze. But sometimes I'd get a mix up and say,

my grandma froze to death. She died of frostbite. It was just a dumb little joke. I love that joke. But you can't really use my computer froze anymore. I mean,

that does happen, but everything's constantly getting backed up if you're working in Google Docs. There's certain things I use. Also like you don't know how to force quit or force restart yeah but like you lose used to lose stuff if your computer froze right because you you know you wouldn't save it but now things save on their own yeah so you got to come up i wonder what the new excuse is what these kids on tiktok are saying um all right let's keep going okay um i use covet a lot as an excuse my computer died

of coven all right this next one might be a good segue for something uh from spencer that last girl was on a segue hey yo hamdra hey hi nicky, Nikki, Andrew, Noah. My name's Spencer. I'm actually a newer bestie. I just started listening within the last couple of weeks, but I really love the podcast. It's so helpful to me to have you guys as part of my day-to-day routine. And, Nikki, I wanted to especially thank you for being so vulnerable and honest through the loss of Bob Saget. I listened to that part of the podcast on repeat. It really helped me work through a loss I dealt with last year that I kind of hadn't felt a lot of those feelings the

way I should to try and work through that. And the pod helped me feel that grief, which is tough, but it's a good thing. My friend who passed was a former NASCAR driver. So his death was all over social media. And there were a lot of people grieving him. And I almost felt like I wasn't justified in grieving him because I wasn't one of his best friends, or his family member or something like that. What you said about, it's one less person who loves me, one less person that I love, really, it really hit home. And it helps me process a lot of the ways i felt um my friend eric was somebody who had a ton of people in his life like that where everyone he met just felt so close to him and it i i really feel a lot of what you're going through and i'm really sorry for your

loss i appreciate so much the way you shared it with everyone to help me and I'm sure plenty of other besties as well. So please keep me and you guys. Thank you so much for that. Don't be cut. And Jack. Cut off. Jack what? Jack off?

He ran out of time. We just got the Jack. We'll never know. Well, Spencer, thank you so much. That's so sweet. That game made me emotional. I'm so glad that it helped you, and it really helped me being able to talk about it on here with you guys.

And, yeah, I was thinking another thing that kind of helped me that might help someone else is that, you know, if I died and someone who maybe I wasn't really that close with, but someone knew me peripherally or like an acquaintance and was really upset about my death even you know certainly besties if they were upset about my death i would dead nikki glazer would be would allow anyone who wants to be sad about me to be sad about me and i think you would do the same thing so like when you when you feel that feeling of like i don't deserve to be sad i think the person who you're grieving over would be very

touched that although you might not have spent as much time with them as their sister or their best friend or their coworkers or whoever else is posting on Instagram. Yeah. That they would still like you to feel that way about them because your sadness means that they meant something. And don't we all want to mean something? So I think it's like to actually don't don't question it don't think about it you know and if i die tag me because i still make sure you tag him yeah just tag me i want to get to 46 000 it'll mean a lot to me even though i'm in heaven or hell yeah i mean that's i'm going to bob's funeral not because i think i want it to people

to know that i was friends with him or because i you're gonna put on your story and get i'm gonna put you know it's because i know that he would do it for me i'm like thinking or and i would know that i would actually want bob to be there at mine i don't know that i believe in an afterlife or like that bob can even or his he's gonna see it in any way but i just know that he would do it for me and so i can't not go because of that. But no other reason than that. I think it's helpful sometimes to put yourselves in the shoes of the deceased person and go,

if they were crying about me this way, would I go, you stop it? No, and certainly you wouldn't. You would appreciate that. That brings us into our final thought, which, Anya, you want to cue this up? Well,

are we going to debut your beautiful song, song for Bob? This is what we've been working on. I would say the last few months, if we're, if we're honest, although the lyrics really came together the day that Nikki found out about Bob's passing.

And, and sometimes things happen that are strange, melancholy, good luck. This was a terrible thing that happened, but this is one of the most beautiful songs that I've heard in a while. Nikki and Matt Pond worked on this together and we recorded it the other day here in St. Louis

at a great studio called Native Sound. Thank you, David and Ben, for helping put this together. And Chris Hansen back in Kingston, New York. And I don't know what else. Yeah, a lot of people rushed to make this. Because we recorded a bunch of songs this week. But this one we rushed so we could get it out in honor of Bob. And yeah, enjoy it.

It's called Song for Bob. Our last run in was in Milwaukee We were cracking jokes At first for different crowds, then for ourselves Around the table, we laughed at stupid shit If I had known that you would die, what would I change? Sometimes I speak to the sky Don't hurt the people I love Don't hurt anyone

Well, I'm sorry to ask so much of a stranger And I'm sorry to ask so much of a ghost We are now at Upper Session Road Our last run in was in Milwaukee We were cracking up Two lonely souls, now two old friends Your jokes were dark, your eyes so bright and kind I guess I knew one day you'd die, but just not when Sometimes I speak to the sky Don't hurt the people I love, don't hurt anyone Don't hurt the people I love Please don't take anyone

Don't hurt anyone Please don't take anymore Please don't take anymore Don't take part That song for Bob. That's so pretty beautiful, man. That's so pretty beautiful. That's so pretty beautiful, man. That's so pretty beautiful. That's so pretty beautiful. I hope you guys enjoyed it.

It will be available on Spotify today, right? Yeah, I think so. And it's up on SoundCloud probably by the time you hear this. Yeah, we'll link it on Nikki Glazer Pod. We'll put the lyrics up on SoundCloud too. They're so beautiful you killed it you your voice is oh one of my favorite things to listen to now oh well thank you babe uh i really appreciate everyone who made the song possible matt uh ben chris uh chris david uh anya

and luigi who is in studio as well thank. Thank you guys so, so freaking much. And to Bob for inspiring it. I love you, Bob. All right. We'll see you on Monday, guys. We're not going to be on Monday. Oh, yeah. Monday's a holiday.

MLK Jr. Day. So we'll see you Tuesday here on the pod. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Don't be cool out there. And a G. You don't have. And a Jack. You don't have one? Just Jack.

Jack's. We never did just Jack. Just Jack? Just Jack. That's good. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer.

If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radio app apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of nontraditional relationships

and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcastitty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts.

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