The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #162 White's Bottom w/ Carlisle Forrester

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

Between you and Nikki, things get silly when you have your besties Andrew Collin and Carlisle Forrester around. Nikki shares a little bit of her experience going to Bob Saget's funeral. We learn about Nikki's famous TV family, Carlisle's upbringing and what Andrew did on his old bed. You Heard It Here First, Tesla fart hack, Icarus movie review, semen skincare, accident selfies and couples who dress alike. Nikki shares her Reddit Dump before they "jump the dog" in the Final Thought. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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You know what? Today's my day off. Today's your day off? Yeah. Yeah, I don't have anything after this. What are you going to do? What does Nikki Glaser do? You know what? I was supposed to go watch my special with Chris and go over it.

And he was like, I could do it a day, hang and do that. And then we could go take a break. And then I'd come back and hang out at night. And I said, no. Because I have my eyes set on a nap. Man, I got two naps in yesterday too. We shot at, we had to wake up early.

I had to wake up at 10 to let the people in to set up the shot. Then I got a nap in from 11.30 to 11.45, 15 minute. Then I shot a thing at 12 to 12.37 and I got a nap in from 12.50 to 1.30, 1.25.

That was a pretty, two naps snuck in, in a very small window. Sometimes a sneaky nap is better than a full nap. It really was restorative, but I'm definitely napping later today. I feel like I've been needing a lot of naps recently. Let me just introduce our guest. She's here with us. She's sitting in the chair next to me. You can watch it on YouTube in a couple days.

Welcome to the show. Big longtime fan, longtime listener. Listens to, I think, almost every show. Certified bestie here. Certified bestie. Hell yeah. It's Carlisle Forrester. What's up?

You can follow her on Carlisle Forrester on Instagram. C-A-R-L-I-S-L-E. Forrester. F-O-R-R-E-S-T-E-R. Hey, wait a second. My nephew's name is Forrest. Yeah, I heard that. Forrester.

I didn't even think about it, how it's part of your name. Did you get a lot of like, run, Forrester, run? I got a little bit of that, yeah. Yeah. If I had a son, I'd probably name him Forrester. Because I'm my mom's maiden name. Forrester, Forrester? No, because it wouldn't be my last name.

Oh, right. What's your real last name? Carlisle is my mom's last name, and I like that as a trend. Her real name is Esther. Yeah, Esther Carlisle. But I don't go by that. Wait, what's your dad's last name? What's your dad?

You take your dad. Forrester. Oh, duh. Do you guys understand how the games work? Oh, because you dad? You take your dad. Forrester. Oh, duh. Do you guys understand how the names work? Oh, because you're going to take your husband. Andrew, maiden is your mom's last name. I know. Her mom is a fair maiden.

Yes, I know she's a maiden. Wait, your mom's maiden name is Robin Thicke. Robin. God, wait, will you give me the first initial? G. Gershwin. It's not far off, actually. Gershuni.

Think Jewish. I guess you were. Greenblatt. No, it's... Greenspan. Greenhorns. No, it's not. Greenhorns.

Greenhorns. I'm thinking Jewish. Greedy. Greedy. There's so many bad horse. Green horse. I'm thinking Jewish. Greedy. There's so many bad. Great with money. Horrible names I want to say. No.

No, it's even worse. It's a gindel. Gindel. Oh, I wouldn't have gotten that. Which is actually Jewish for I'll rob you and take your money and add interest. You know who you can tell is Jewish? Who makes anti-Semitic jokes? Of course.

That's like when you are watching TV when you see a comedian or someone like making Jewish, who was doing an impression of a Jewish person the other day and it was pretty anti-Semitic and you go, oh, is he Jewish?

Like we just were like, oh, I guess he's Jewish. I don't know. Maybe it was Saget. I guess it's like when, you know, black people get to say the N word and so Jews really lean into. into oh that's the jerry

seinfeld thing of like i think he just converted to judaism purely for the jokes yes yeah so does that make you offended as a jewish person no it offends me as a comedian yeah so and in curb this year there was a uh the guy that ran the studio just was too jew-y. And he just led with Jew, like every joke, because he was Jewish. Yeah, because what it does, if you're, let's say you were Jewish. And Elon is like that. He makes everything about me. I'm sure he probably casted him. And I think that's why he liked me initially.

Because he thought you were Jewish. So, and who else thought you were Jewish? Bob Saget. Bob Saget thought you were Jewish. He died thinking I was Jewish. I looked at our last text exchange. And he said we were long lost relatives that were terminated in Europe or in Russia. And I was like, and someone goes, oh, he thought you were Jewish.

And I go, that's what that means? I was like, damn it. His last Google search was, is Nikki Glaser really Jewish? I'm glad he died of thinking, I think that makes you Jewish. If Bob Saget, if a male Jew dies thinking you're Jewish. No, it's got to be a female. No, that's only if you... Well, that's the mother thing. I mean, it's all

so stupid. Yeah, the mother has to be Jewish for you to be Jewish. But I loved that Jewish funeral ceremony. Have you ever been to one, Carla? No, not a Jewish one. A ceremony of any sort? An abduction? Have you ever put on a dress? It was so beautiful. First of all, they did the Hebrew prayers, and they sang, you know, it's like,

Ha-shaladah, like, and there's a lot of, like... No, keep going. No, you know, it's like... That might be the most anti-Semitic thing I've ever heard. Then they read it. Then they had the English version and read it, and it took two seconds. Like, it was the singing it, and he would really – I'm wondering when you sing in Hebrew. It's the cantor.

The cantor. Yeah, when the cantor sings – Or cantor. Do they, like, take liberties with what becomes, like, a longer thing to say? Yeah, it's kind of like the Star Spangled Banner. You know, people just make it their own. Yeah, I mean, I'm wondering. To be honest, I have no idea.

It was fascinating to listen because they wrote it phonetically so you could follow along with it. Shema Yisrael Adonai Elohecha Adonai Echa. Yeah, it was cool. I liked it. They guys sing better in Hebrew. It was a short service, too. They didn't fuck around. They sang two prayers and then we're out.

And then we go to the grave site, and we each, everyone at the grave site, got to shovel some dirt. Yeah, that surprised me that you did that. I thought you were joking. No, it really happened. That was awesome. I'm surprised that everyone got to do it, I guess. Is it like a handful or an actual shovel? Shovel.

I was kind of intimidated because I had to put down my purse because you have to put some heave-ho into it. First time that many celebrities have done hard labor. What? We were looking for someone to do it for us. Can I have my driver? So, you know, it is. It's touching. It's nice.

Do you know why they do that? Why? Because it's the last thing that they can't do for themselves. The dead person. What about engrave the stone and put it up? Yeah, I guess that's the second to last thing. Maybe that's already done by the time you put the dirt on. But no, it was really, I felt honored to be able to do it, even though it was incredibly

sad. It's pretty insane when the sand, when you do it and it hits the coffin. Yeah. It's intense. It was. Yeah. For sure. Did sure did you cry no i didn't because i just cried already so much um not during that no there was no jokes made you know especially during the internment but like the you know the speeches people were making jokes they were you know some guy did a um guy said the top 10 things he learned from Bob Saget, and one of them was being famous is way better than not being famous.

Another one was if you ever accidentally say a – what's it called when you make a poop joke? If you ever make a scatological joke in front of children, always follow it up with, that was fucking wrong. You seem like old kind of Jewish jokes. I mean, that's kind of the way Bob was. Yeah. But no, it was really touching.

But I didn't cry that. I cried when his daughter spoke and his wife spoke, and a little bit at the party when Stamos was sharing. They were just touching moments, but no, not like – it was just too – there's too many – Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are right in front of me. There's too much to take in, and you're trying to stay centered, but there's so many people. It was just a lot, and it's – there's too much to take in and you try trying to stay centered but there's so many people like it was just a it was a lot and it's yeah and i already cried so much um they were like it wasn't

many at the funeral i was surprised there was maybe like 70 and then at the the party i hesitate to call it a party but it was like hundreds afterwards so yeah now could people choose not to go was the funeral like a cap thing because i don't know i got invited jeff jeff ross told me about it because i asked him yeah and then so i just went it wasn't like they checked your name at the door or anything i sat i was in the very last row outside it was actually beautiful they were like birds chirping and they had it all they had a speaker outside and a screen so you could see what was happening inside. And it was a very small, what's it called? Synagogue.

Yeah. Yeah, it was small. I didn't know it was Jew. There was nothing about it that said it was like it was just a cemetery. It didn't seem different. It didn't say Jew place? I just thought it might be a different shape or like the pews looked like catholic pews you know yeah yeah yeah it didn't look any different well synagogues are just you know uh first run

in the mill there was a burning cross in the front yard oh that's different that's been happening a lot he was cremated no it was um it was short and great. I love a short service. Anything, a wedding, funeral. I could have kept going. The speeches were really good, and there was such good sound. Bob would have been happy. Because my funeral has shitty sound, and people can't really hear what's going on. That bothers me so much.

And people that give speeches talk like this, and they don't know how to hold it because they're just not professionals. They talk like this. But you could hear everything so crystal clearly. It really good and you could see it yeah when it's outside there's you have to turn the speaker way up i went to our you know our friend ari finling's wedding and he had like a literally 145 year old rabbi doing the service and they gave him i don't even know if the speaker worked or the speaker was down where you couldn't hear a one word so it was just for like 40 minutes just and everyone's like this it was it was really shitty did he comment on it later yeah oh did our yeah yeah yeah i mean he was probably embarrassed a little bit but because it's like the one thing you need it's kind of

like a comedy show when the mic doesn't work and you're like really that's you couldn't get that right yeah yeah what um so what was the like is the vibe like of a la funeral different have you ever been to a regular funeral uh yeah my grandma and uh friends yeah i've been to i've been to funerals does it feel like people are like, so what project are you working on? Does it feel kind of like network-y? I mean, a little bit like the memorials afterwards. It was at Jeff Richards' house,

who is one of the creators of Full House. And his house, this house was like a rented house that he just owns to rent out. It's $250,000 a month to rent. It's like, you walk in, it's like a rented house that he just owns to rent out. It's $250,000 a month to rent. You walk in, it's like a bachelor. It felt like you were at the Bellagio. It's just so ornate. Big hallway.

Marble everything. Big shark tank. Barbara, Lori, and Mr. Wonderful World. Yeah, there's like a fish tank that had like big sharky fish in it. So it was just like your grandma's funeral. Yeah. Well, this was the after service thing. Great food at that thing.

Part of me feels like you should not deserve the party unless you go to the funeral. No, because I think that it was – funeral was smaller for more close friends and just those who found out about it. Like I'm not – I wasn't more – That's what I'm saying. Like I'm just surprised that... No, it was a bigger thing. It held more people,

so it was like more people were able to... And everyone was giving speeches. It was just like a free-for-all. It was great. Was there a band? No. But John Mayer and Chappelle got up and talked. John Stamos...

Would Chappelle do four hours? He went on for a little bit but not too long no they were the rest of full house died the whole cast of full house went up first like one but when i walked in stamos was on and then it was um joey and then it was um oh no then it was a producer from full house and then it was and it was just you know story after story at some point we were in the back i was wearing like shoes that were uncomfortable and we were starving and so we went and got food and like sat out for because we were in the back we couldn't really hear that well it wasn't mic'd as well as a funeral and so we missed out on a little bit and then I came back

in when Chappelle and Mayer were on and then Mike Young his opener who I met when I was in Milwaukee went up and um just fucking killed he's like I have to follow Chappelle and he went up and um just fucking killed he's like i have to follow chapelle and he went up and he did really well it was awesome um but it was um yeah it was it was it was good it was uh yeah i have a couple more stories from it but i'll save those for another time but it was great yeah what um funeral do you remember carlisle the most memorable the last funeral i went to my grandmother's funeral and um where was it i got laughs it was in oklahoma mississippi you got laughs what did you say this is why because the priest was giving the talk and like we all called my grandmother nana like everybody knows that and they get this priest that like did not know nana at all i don't know why. They had her priest first. He did half of it.

And then they called in some outside priest. And this priest came up and he kept being like, and Nana was a great woman. Nana lived a good life. We all loved Nana. And I just go, Nana!

I screamed it from the pews. Oh my God. You angled a priest at a funeral? And then everybody was like, oh, thank God. And it was like that relief laughter. Because everybody was like looking around, you know. But I couldn't take it. Nana!

I had to say it. It was like, dude. Same thing happened at my grandma's funeral. Same thing? They kept calling her Patricia, which is her daughter's name. Oh, my God. Who's alive. And so they kept saying Patricia Burke.

What's her name? What's your grandma's? Marge. Like your first dog and your porn star name. Marge River? This is such a common thing because very commonly the priest will get the family wrong and they'll be like, his wife, so and so. But you can't get the name of the dead person. that's the thing you need so he kept calling her patricia

and then what did you said her name's marge no i didn't go it's a perfect name to yell it's like peewee's playhouse i didn't yell marge i got up and i did a speech and I said that grandma was a badass. And everyone was like, blasphemy in the Catholic Church. You said ass. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I remember we were in. Wait a second. What about, did you go to your, is your grandma having a funeral?

She didn't have a funeral. She just had like a thing on Zoom, to be honest. And then we were supposed to do a party, but then everyone got COVID. So, no, it wasn't really that touching uh but yeah um what you would call it i remember my couple funerals but like one was my grandpa henry i was in the greek islands and we couldn't get to an airport fast enough and we're like grandpa would want us to keep getting hammered drunk in the creek. Me and my older brother. Everyone convinces themselves of that. That's what Grandpa would have done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wouldn't want us to fly. You toasted into him that night if you remembered to do so. Well, I think I did. You probably got laid by saying my grandpa died today. And I missed the flight. I can't be there. I really miss it.

That was the night we did the pub crawl and saw Pacey from Dawson's Creek. Oh, yeah. And you put on snorkeling gear for your grandpa. For my grandpa. Your grandpa would have wanted you to cock block Pacey. For sure. I remember my grandpa's last words was, I love Dawson. Just represent when you're in great high.

It was pretty long and specific. Your grandpa was team Dawson he was always the Dawson head for sure yeah and you know I just remember he climbed through my window in the middle of the night but yeah that was the night we saw Paisley.

I jumped in the pool. But I just remember, so I wrote a poem. You wrote a poem? Oh! And I spelled grandpa wrong. How did you spell it? I can't even. It's embarrassing. Let me guess, G-R-A-M-P-A

yes did you do I'm guessing you anything there was definitely a Tampa rhyme. Oh my God. I would give anything to read. My cousin Billy read it. That has to exist somewhere. Did you email it?

Yeah, I emailed it. So find it. I don't know if I had Gmail. Just type in grandpa. Grandpa is like if you called your grandmother Graham and then you merged the name. You know how they do the celebrity when they make them one word? That's what you thought of them as a couple.

Yeah, they were grandpa. That was their branch leader. I didn't have... I typed in grandpa and Google goes, did you mean grandpa? But you Googled it? Like it's going to exist online? No, no.

I looked through my email. Oh my gosh. No, I just don't have like, I think I had Hotmail then. But yeah, I was, yeah, something like. Hotmail will let grandpa slide. They're not going to correct you on that. He loved drinking Miami V vices in tampa he was my rock my lovely grandpa was his name rock huh was his name rock the rock no no it was henry

oh okay oh yeah that's right but that's what henry would have wanted that is so funny to be like to put it on them that that's what they would want it's so funny it's i did that a lot with bob stuff of like yeah he would have won like i well i did it in the sense of like i don't want to go to this fucking party thing i don't feel like being around all these celebrities it's stressing me out but like bob would go to mine if he felt social anxiety he would still go to mine so i was like okay bob would do this for me so i gotta do it for him yeah bob would not listen to his speeches and get food before everyone else he totally would he would listen to a few and then he would go take a break that's what bob would do but that's what i think bob would do how do you spell bob

the three b's bob is a great name it is cousin Bob, who was with me when I met with the last time I saw Bob Saget, he went by Bobber as a kid. And I still call him Bobber, which is a fun name. Oh, I met Bobber. Yeah, you met Bobber. He had a cool vibe to him. He's very cool. And his dad's name is Tommer.

I grew up with his. I didn't even know. Wait, don't you have like 90 aunts and uncles? How many aunts and uncles do you have? I have, well, my mom has a family of 10, so I have nine on her side and then two on my dad's side. Can we go over? Can you name the nine?

Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie, Tomer, Peggy, Chuckie, Pock. Wait. Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie, Tomer, Peggy, Chuckie, Sally, Bob, Mom, and Dad or something like that. Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie, Tomer, Peggy, Chucky, Sally, Bob, Mom, and Dad. Or something like that. Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie, Tom, or Peggy, Chucky, Sally, Patty, Bob, and Dad. And are you close with any of them? Well, actually, I've met a couple. TV is my other uncle, TV Bob.

His name is Bob, but my dad gave him the nickname TV Bob because he should have been on TV. Because he was so funny. He literally is one of the funniest people ever. And so we call him Uncle TV. There's Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie, Tom. What about Aunt Bunny hairs? Bunny hairs. Then I have Uncle Blu-ray.

Yeah. DVD Tim. Aunt Satellite. And Cousin Dish. Cousin Dish. I don't know just naming all the types of ways you can get

and we just got a new second cousin streaming Bob Cable he's young though he's young yeah he's a baby

in the family oh my god we will never forget R.I.P. baby Quibi you were gone too soon ah Tivo oh Tivo he's on drugs now Quibi. You were gone too soon. Ah, TiVo.

Oh, TiVo. He's on drugs now. Yeah. But he's doing his thing. He's just, you know, he's still around. That's what happens when you're a young actor. He became big way too soon. He really did.

Too fast. Yeah, too fast. But yeah, that's so funny. I mean, you don't really think about you as like white trash. And then. What about Bobber and Tommer and TV makes you think white trash? Because he's the only one family that had a TV. Yeah, yeah.

We used to all go into his trailer. All 15 of us. And Aunt Nancy would hold up the antennas. We were not white trash, but we were, they're, you know, Catholic poor. But like, yeah, there's a little white trash in me. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, but the word trash is so mean. Oh, I thought white is worse.

Have you been seeing this TikTok trend or like on Twitter when people want to make fun of white people or like, you know. What do white people do? They write YT for white. Oh, wow. They do that so that it doesn't get like, so people don't Google. I don't know. It's just to protect the algorithm so that people don't know that you're talking about white people. But it's YT is white.

I always thought it was YouTube. So it was like, oh, a YouTube. I don't think it's white. I think it's whitey. Whitey. Whitey. No, I think it's Y i think it's whitey whitey whitey no i think it's y like the letter y with t and white oh oh yeah like eight would be like wait no shit wait eight with a t and then it would be 80 wait no it'd be eight keep going we gotta go to break. I want to know white trash stories from Carlisle. Yeah, I mean, we'll come back with those.

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ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Carlisle has been sleeping in your bed. That's what you just said. Yeah. How's that bed? It's a little rocky. It's a little rough.

Yeah. I got nervous last night because I like i like to sleep with the pillow like all around me and there was a pillow on the floor that i think was in here that was made out of this like rough stuff no that's yours that little those little pillows yeah we would have sex on those a lot i knew it i picked them up with like my the tips of my fingers that are calloused yeah yeah so they wouldn't soak in any of the fibers i snuggled it for half the night because i just wanted like a fluffy thing to lay on and i woke up in the middle of the night so itchy and i threw that pillow down and i was like god why did i get that off the ground like what is it and you know you're might you're like half

asleep and you're like making something? Yes. And I was like, I bet like this is Luigi's pillow. It might have fleas. And I was just like itching. But now I know it was your cum. Oh, my bad. No, it wasn't my cum.

Why didn't you take those with you? Because I wanted to leave it. Those little ones. The little ones. Yeah, the little ones. I don't know. The dumplings that we call them. Yeah, they were so little.

Where did you even get those? They are the size of like airplane pillows. There's like that store. It's like Muji or something. Yeah, Muji. I knew it was like one of those little tiny Asian stores. Yeah. It has like little practical small things.

Yeah, I love those stores. Everything's so simple there, but apparently they're too small. Those are very tiny. Like my coffee table I bought bought so that was like your sex prop up pillow it's for one coffee yeah it's a it's a side it's like a coaster yeah i went up and saw his apartment yesterday he has a great rug um really cool new chair you got in that tiny little coffee table but the coffee table is cool and i think it it goes. It actually works with what the – Yeah, you visited my room for the – or my apartment. What were your thoughts? Yeah, well, it's a one-bedroom.

No, it's nice. I like it a lot. Are you surprised with how adult it looks? It looks pretty adult for me. No, because you have an adult in there. Yeah, that's true. If it was just you, I would be surprised. Yes, yeah, that's a good point.

But Brenna lives there, and she has good taste. That's a good point. It does not surprise me. No, it looked great, and it's a bigger space than I thought. And it's like, yeah, I think it's perfect for you two. Yeah, it's awesome. Did you, that pillow I didn't come on, by the way. The square blue one?

Yeah. No. Where do you come most of the time when you are finishing with your gal? Can I ask that? You can ask it. May I? Sure. Most of the time when you are finishing with your gal. Can I ask that? You can ask it. May I? Sure.

I mean, wherever. Not in her. Yeah, but like where? Just like on her though? Or do you do it on like, do you get a tissue or a hand or a pillow? It's a fun time. I used to, my girlfriend in college would make me put down a towel and then. Come on the towel? Come on the towel. Oh God. Which was just very embarrassing. It's not a fun time. It's not. I used to, my girlfriend in college would make me put down a towel and then. Come on the towel?

Come on the towel. Oh, God. Which was just very embarrassing. It's very. Well, because I'm sure. Demasculating. That towel. Demasculating.

Boy, I've been through so much. It was something. Well, it was multiple. She would clean the towel. It wasn't just the same towel over and over again. Well, if it was at your place, it would. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I don't understand. I bought my towels with cum already yeah i got this when i'm

come they're stiff like the kind the rugs you put in your car on the you know well we all know the famous carpet story from when i was a kid when you would just wipe your cum and then they moved finally one day and there was just this slick spot slick it was crusted over i bet it looked like that pat you know when you drive on a highway and there's like that black road up ahead it looks like shiny black and it's like a mirage it looked more like my eyes when i wake up in the morning oh gross just crust there's so much crust and i think my mom i was like mom i think i was eating peanut butter and jelly a lot of jelly wait so you're white trash Carlisle yeah what I'm waiting to watch the tender bar the other night have you seen the tender no what's that it's on Amazon it's like that Affleck's movie he's in

so good it's based off a book no it is not so good why Why does Carlisle love it? George Clooney directed it. I like that. It's just cliche. The whole thing's cliche. It's like a young boy who is smarter than his white trash family, and his mom believes in him. She's a single mother who's been abandoned by the father, and the uncle's cool, and he gets into trouble. Their family business is a bar, so I relate to that. Look, this thing's going to win Twitter Oscars, okay?

It is. Wait, is it's gonna win Twitter Oscars, okay? It is. Wait, what? Is it a movie? It's a movie. It's a new Ben Affleck movie. Is it on HBO Max? It's on Amazon. Amazon, okay.

The Tender Bar, yes. It just sounds like chicken tender. I don't know why. Well, it's like bartender. No one knows that but it's the Tender Bar. But I said to Carlisle during it, we were watching it

and I was like, does this remind you of your life? Because it's like a kid growing up at a bar kind of. Kids always hanging out at the bar. But I said to Carlisle during it, we were watching it, and I was like, does this remind you of your life? Because it's like a kid growing up at a bar kind of. The kid's always hanging out at the bar. Her family owned a bar since the early 80s before she was born. Is Ben a bartender in it? Yes. Ben is the cool uncle that's a bartender.

God, he's so hot in this, too. The whole movie, I'm waiting, when is he going to bang someone? I just want to see him passionately hook up with someone he has sexual tension with. And he doesn't? And he never gets away. No, he never does. The whole two hours. What the hell? Why is he in a movie where he's not having sex? Or doing pull-ups.

Maybe he just didn't want to paint his back. He's just being a good uncle. But he has to get rid of that tattoo. I don't care for that. No one wants that. They could probably paint over that tattoo. So you grew up in a bar, Carla?

I grew up in a bar. I spent a lot of time playing those games. They could probably paint over that tattoo. So wait, so you grew up in a bar, Carla? I grew up in a bar. She's born in a bar. I spent a lot, a lot of time playing those games. Darts? No, like the four kinds. We had a basketball game. So my dad would like open that up. So the balls would just come roll back the whole time.

Was it like built? And I could stand in the cage, which was cool. So I could actually make the basket. And then you'd be in a cage like they always wanted you to be. They're like, yeah, go in that basketball game. Yeah, we can see you over there. That's fun. Tetris was a big.

Tetris is awesome. Tetris came out, and it was like a huge Tetris. It's so huge on the corner of the bar. I think they just had her stacking boxes. That's what I'm thinking. I'm also thinking the basketball. I feel like the basketball game was just a milk carton in the back. Yeah.

Go say now, I love this game, Daddy. But that one, he couldn't rig to stay on. So they would just give me a huge sack of quarters. For Tetris? For Tetris. And I would just play it endlessly. So that was like your iPad. Yeah, totally. Just a sack of quarters. for Tetris for Tetris and I would just like play it endlessly so that was like your iPad yeah totally

just have sack of quarters I just heard on the radio today that Tetris has been known if you get in a car accident and you play they you know if you have trauma

and you play Tetris right away after the trauma which is weird to like hand someone a Gameboy right after they've been in like a horrible like T-boned

and their leg is like you know missing T-boned and their leg is like you know missing T-bone your uncle? Call back Amdrip. Write it down. I'm not white trash. I'm poor Christian. Christian poor sounds so Catholic poor. Catholic poor. My bad. Where they have too many kids.

So wait so what happened? So didn't you get. Where they have too many kids. So wait. So what happened? So didn't you get an act? The dad's an alcoholic. So yeah. Tender bar too. If people play Tetris after a traumatic event, they don't have memories of the event. They don't have as much PTSD of the event because – This is another one of your weird stats. It was on the Courtney show today for Tuesday Tidbits.

So what happened? So someone gets in a horrible PTSD. Yes. PTSD. So then they grab a Tetris. Yeah. So then they play the Tetris after the PTSD. On the boy a game.

Compared to people that would just ruminate on it and write down what happened to them. Would it be any video game or just Tetris? No, it's Tetris that they found. And it kind of makes sense because when you close your eyes after playing Tetris a lot during the day, you see Tetris. Oh, yeah. And it doesn't happen with like, you know, today on the Courtney Show, Courtney was like, oh, it doesn't happen when I play Candy Crush. But when I play Tetris, I see it. And it's like that is interesting that Tetris can kind of just like get your mind off things in that way

and kind of rewire your brain to – because trauma actually has a physical manifestation in your brain. I mean it's not just energy. No, it makes sense because like that's emotional. And then Tetris is like the most analytical thing you can – you're just literally putting together squares. It's like a puzzle. I bet you a puzzle would help too. Whenever someone starts telling me about their molestation, I'll just go,

I'll be like, that was the song that would happen. Oh my God, that is the song. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like it's triggering because that would remind me of my childhood of when it happened. So I don't know.

I mean, I think it depends on what your relationship to Tetris is, but I'm just saying a game like Tetris will get people to listen. No, it's good. It's the only way i got through my drum i like snood too did you ever play snood no i played snake oh yeah snake was cool got me that's how i got caught cheating in college oh yeah because you were playing snake after you already entered all that is so you to just like quickly do something he had all the answers to a test already. Which weren't even right.

That were in his calculator. And then he put them all in. Like he didn't even mime like he was doing the, like how long it might take someone who did the test. He just quickly filled out all the answers. And then wait, he decided to wait the rest of the time and play snake. And so the professor saw and was like, there's no way you're done. Yeah. And he's like either he's coming, there's no way you're done. Yeah.

And he's like, either he's coming up with some weird equations, left, left, right. This is, this is how Andrew Colin works. Yesterday we got lunch cause we were having,

doing the thing with a bunch of cameras around us and they bought us lunch and we got our lunch and Andrew quickly got his and went up to it or went down. Let me just make clear. He went down to his apartment and the woman that gave us our lunch came back and was like i forgot to give andrew his sauce he has no sauce so he's just eating like sauiceless food like sauce on the side food and it was already three minutes after andrew had left so i said don't even worry about it he's already eaten it there's no way that he goes this doesn't have any taste i'm not gonna keep eating it until i get the

right amount you and i texted you and i was like grace is bringing you sauce and you were like ah it's okay don't worry about it i go i told her you already ate it and you were like already dead i know and then she brought it i put it on and i was like it is better so much better it is i mean but it had sweet potato beans chicken it had. It had things inside it. I know, but sauce is everything, man. It is. And you just settled for like... Yeah, I just didn't want to come back up nine floors. And we both live in the most annoying apartments ever.

They're so far away from the elevator. I was just like, I don't need miso today. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. Also, we only had 30 minutes between whatever. So wait, so you grew up in a bar what's the most redneck thing ate a lot of chicken tenders you grew up on tenders a lot of i like the idea that you got these quarters and then it just went back to the bar and then they just recycled them yeah wait so what's like the most like rednecky thing that you can remember um what was your first car my

first car wasn't redneck II it was an Isuzu trooper you know this is a Catholic poor I'll randomly see one sometime I'm like oh that's my high school car but it was great I had like a huge sunroof we could all like hang out in it she won state I wasn't popular girl I wasn't the trash well it was both it was stunts dance

I thought you were like the hot girl that everyone hated I got bullied my 9th grade year then I made up with all my friends like each girl there was always a girl that got bullied ninth grade year. Why did you get bullied? Because my tits exploded over the summer.

Ah, the old explosive tits. Didn't have enough money for a complete new wardrobe with these new tits, so I was wearing, like, really tight stuff. This is pretty redneck. And, like, all the older girls were just like, she's a slut look at that little whore and they wrote slut on my locker like one day after lunch i was like i left the cafeteria

and there were all these older girls following me like the juniors and seniors and i was like why are they following me it's so weird and they were going carly forrester is a whore because they used to go by carly because kids can't pronounce carlisle in the south yeah uh and they were like carly forrester is a whore carly forrester is a slutore Because they used to go by Carly Because kids can't pronounce Carlisle in the south Yeah And they were like Carly Forrester is a whore Carly Forrester is a slut And just like saying that Really loud

And I was like What the fuck And then I got to my locker And it said slut Really big on it Oh my god You're made in Maine But

The assistant principal Coach Howell Rest in peace Coach Howell Did he actually die? He loved me so much. Yes, he died. And he was so sweet, and he loved me so much.

He had that painted over, I think, in 20 minutes. With four? Yeah. He was such a good man, man. RIP, Bobbitt. So sad. Did you cry? God, yes.

But you know what was worse? Did you get tears all over your chest? I told my mom, and she cried so sad. Did you cry? God, yes. But you know what was worse? Did you get tears all over your tits? I told my mom and she cried so hard. And that's when I was like, okay, I'm never telling you anything again. Like I felt so bad. It made her so sad. It made me strong. I lived through that shit.

Well, you played Tetris after. You're fine. What did you want her to do? Isn't that nice that she was sad on your behalf? Or what did she make it about her? No, it was so nice. But I just felt bad. Like it made me hurt all over again to see how sad. like isn't that nice that she was sad on your behalf or what did you make it about her no it was no it was so nice but i just felt bad like it made me hurt all over again to see how sad it made her and my two i had two like you were failing her like i had two friends that were sophomores

so they were one year older than me and they always drove me to and from school so they were there with me and they were like we got her miss pat we're not gonna let that happen again and they like we were all just like telling her that it was gonna be okay patricia yes oh my god that's so sad so would you would you would you have a lot of redneck parties though like out in the woods like just on a truck listening to jason aldan or something? Okay, Jason Aldean. Remember when we sang 90s country together? Yes, yes. That's what we did in high school. We would go out to this place called White's Bottom.

There would be a bonfire. And we would drink. And it was white. I just think it was white, like the color. It was Wyatt. It was W-Y-A-T-T. And just everybody pronounced it wrong yesterday it was why it was yeah it was why it's bottom listen to her say l-a-w-y-e-r

lawyer liar she said last night she goes well you can the lars showed up and i go the lark she goes lars called her that's what you're saying you're talking to our friend Jamie and she goes well she guess what did you hear that Lars called her and now she is gonna get a settlement

she goes Lars and I go the drummer from Metallica Lars and I go Lars and she goes

Lars yeah Lars and the real girl yeah and the real girl the good girl yeah that's the porn first thing.

That movie's so weird. Did you ever see that movie? The Lars and the real girl? Uh-uh. Who's in that? Ryan Reynolds. No, Ryan. Not Phillipy.

God dang it. People are screaming it right now. Ryan, the hot one. Yeah, he's in everything. The one that everyone loves. Yeah, he's in everything. The one that everyone loves. Yeah, he's literally in everything. He's like the most, the notebook. You were talking about Ryan.

Ryan Reynolds. No, that's, that's. Ryan Gosling. Gosling. Yeah, your mom's maiden name. Listen, guys, we gotta get. Lincoln live. We gotta get to the news, so let's do it.

We'd all go down to White Bottom. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. White, White's Peak. Wait a what a great day it's tuesday folks you know what that means it is tuesday we got carlyle forward wait what's your middle name again esther. Carlisle is my middle name. Oh, that's right. Esther.

She drove in a Zuzu Trooper, but that ain't redneck. Nikki is, no, that is my middle name. My first name is Esther Nikki. Wait, I don't even know if they make a Zuzus at all anymore. I don't think they do. Not even, yeah. So that, yeah. They do.

My cousin just had a baby named Susan. She's making them still. Oh my God. On the Blu-ray? One of my cousins has so many fucking kids, dude. She has like seven or eight kids. I can't keep, I see a picture. My friend sent me a picture, or my friend, my other cousin sent me a picture the other

day of her family. And I just was like, I thought it was the Duggars. I thought he was sending me a picture of my friend, my other cousin sent me a picture the other day of her family, and I was like, I thought it was the Duggars. I thought he was sending me a picture of the Duggars. I was like, I cannot believe how many fucking kids my cousin has. My young cousin has. See, yeah, that's wild. It's so wild. I'm making up for all the ones you're not gonna have. That's

true. Yeah, you're fine with your family tree. Keep going. No, Glazer's dead. Oh. But it would be even if I had a kid. Oh, yeah. Unless I have a kid as a single mother. That's kind of like, it's kind of resting on my shoulders to have a kid.

It sucks that a name will end. You should be able to have both names. I know. Well, you could do hyphenated, but then what if my daughter, who's named Glazer Reynolds or Gosling, Glazer Gosling, what if Glazer Gosling then marries someone who is hyphenated?

No. And then they have a baby. And then it has to be Glazer Gosling, Phillips Houston. You know what they call those babies? Seymour Hoffman. What? Lawyers. Lawyers.

Oh, you're right. Those are lawyers. I'll be rolling out all the swells out there. All right. First story is about a hacker. Hacker 19. That's out there. All right. First story is about a hacker. Hacker 19. That's his age. All right.

He takes control of more than 20 Tesla vehicles in 10 countries through a flaw in a third-party software. Oh, that's funny. That let him unlock doors and windows, start the cars without keys, disable security systems. And do the fart thing? Spy on the drivers, I'm sure. Maybe do the fart thing. Because all Teslas, I'm sure. Maybe do the fart thing. Because all Teslas can fart. We learned that from an Uber driver.

And Kyle Dunnigan. And Kyle Dunnigan. Kyle Dunnigan's car farted, and then we got in an Uber in Monterey to go to our show, and I did not feel like talking to the Uber driver. And Andrew's like, Ah, Tesla. Okay.

Hey, does this thing fart? And I just looked at him. I go, no, we're not doing that. I'm not going to be hearing fart sounds all the way show because i was working on my notes and the guy goes i'll tell you something all teslas fart he goes don't because because andrew goes i think one of my friends he has a tesla i couldn't fart he goes well he's lying to you because every tesla is capable of farting it's like the new women don't fart it's like yeah it is oh oh tesla women all women named tesla fart um the amazing thing about this is this guy he wasn't like trying to

be like a piece of shit like he reached out to elon musk and was like hey here's a flaw in your system oh wow so i wonder if the guy got it. He should get a job, to be honest. I think he will probably get a job or murdered. Seriously. Or he'll commit suicide. By getting run over by a Tesla. Who farted. A self-driving Tesla.

And then the Tesla played Tetris. That would be funny if, like, Teslas farted. Like, you know how sometimes you fart because you're holding one in and you go to pick up a box or something? You bend a weird way? Yeah. When it's Tesla. You back up at an angle.

Yeah. It runs over a person and it's embarrassed. Not an A in a person and also farted. My leg's broken. I know. I farted. You did the zip test? Yeah. Oh, that leg's broken. I know I farted. Like when you were doing the sit-up test? Yeah.

Oh, that was the worst. I testled bad that day. That would be cool to call it testling. Oh, man. Yeah, I farted during the presidential award. Yeah. Whatever. I was doing the sit-ups and just was doing it.

On the third one, I farted so loud, I did five sit-ups in a minute. Or two minutes. That was so embarrassing. And someone was holding my feet. I feel bad for that person. That person is dead now. You know how some people say they want to go back in time and like, who killed Kennedy? Or like go back and say, I just want to witness that moment.

That's the only thing it is. And you looking out the window crying, writing. What was great too is like a month before that i farted in class but i sneezed i snorted and i blamed kareem basali to this day i blame kareem for i go there's no way i could fart and sneeze and everyone bought it everyone bought it and kareem was so pissed it's like opening your eyes when you're sneezing. You're like, it can't be done. It's like rubbing your belly while you're beating the shit out of a dog or something.

Yeah, yeah. What? I got dark. Okay. But yeah, no, but this hacker stuff, like, have you ever seen Catch Me If You Can? I love it. So that guy, after he got arrested and got out of jail, ended up working for the FBI because he was catching the people that can do it.

They use the criminal because they're the ones that can beat the system. I mean, have you seen the movie Icarus? I thought you were going to say Hackers. Oh, God. This movie. Have you seen Icarus? Icarus, Icarus, Doc? Have you seen Icarus, Noah?

Well, it's an award-winning documentary about cycling. I want to know. We're trying to get through it. Why does this movie... You should two Tesla parts down. Is it worse than Tender Bar? Well, I wanted to watch the movie because I love documentaries,

and this thing won an Academy Award or maybe an Emmy over my friend who produced Jim and Andy, the one about Jim Carey and Andy Kaufman. He said that they got beat by Icarus and everyone that was in the van with us was like, well, Icarus was fucking great. And so I've been watching Icarus and I don't, I am so sick of documentaries that are made

by guys that think they're cool. Wait, was Icarus the one where he started? I feel like every documentary by a dude is like, and they're like acting like they're doing it nobly. They really just want to be on camera and be like quirky and like and they're like acting like they're doing it nobly they really just want to be on camera and be like quirky and like they're supposed to be behind the camera but now we're like forced to watch this person like in front of the

camera being like a little bit like inquisitive and you know just like questioning things and wait what is it about though it's about a guy who wants to do doesn't he take steroids himself like a regular guy? Yes, he takes a regular guy.

Yeah, him too. Takes steroids under the- Guys. Good word for you, Sandra. Not in that sense at all. Thanks, car guys. It wasn't. So he wants to be in the Tour de France.

No, it's a- There's this huge- It's Tour de France on steroids. I mean, literally. Oh, it's a... There's this huge... It's Tour de France on steroids. I mean, literally. But it's like Tour de France for people who are insane. It's like all the hardest parts of Tour de France in one thing. Tour de France and Italy. And they don't test for it,

but he wants to see how much he can change with steroids. And he wants to see if he can beat all of the piss tests to see how Lance Armstrong did this. So then he's using using this russian doctor that ends up being like uh fired from the it's just i don't understand why it's interesting i don't get what the stakes are yeah i understand that this guy now is being like you know it's kind of like the guy that ate mcdonald's every day i love that one yeah but that's kind of a similar theme then but that's the thing, the thing about McDonald's, you can eat McDonald's every day and not gain

weight. Look at me. You'll have bad, like, but you just, the problem is people eat too much of it. If you eat a normal amount of McDonald's, you're not going to die. But there's never a normal amount of McDonald's, I feel like. There is. There is. Paris Hilton eats it.

McDonald's fucks me up. Even if I eat like one Big Mac, I'm fucked up. No, it's not good for you, but I'm just saying you won't be fat. I don't know. I mean, I think there's a lot of people that are very fat. No, it's not good for you, but I'm just saying you won't be fat if you eat a normal amount. I don't know. I think there's a lot of people that are very fat. No, they're eating big amounts. If you eat 2,000 to 2,500 calories of McDonald's a day, you're not going to gain weight

because it's not... You're going to have terrible cholesterol and have heart disease and all this. It's bad for you, but it won't make you fat. Just stick to the Happy Meal. Yeah, I mean, honestly. That's a perfect portion. But there is bad fat inside the calories. Yeah, but it'll clog your heart, but it's not make you fat bad fat doesn't make you fat it's then why is everyone

obese because they eat because they eat too much so what do they get at mcdonald's they supersize it yeah and then they also on top of that they get they eat all during and it's empty it doesn't make you actually feel full and so you keep eating. And it has sugar and salt in it that makes you crave more. Do you eat McDonald's every day? I eat it a lot. That surprises people. Yeah, but she... No, I'm not about weight,

but I'm just saying like it doesn't register in your head like, oh, this is bad for me. Sometimes it's all I can afford and I'm really hungry. What's your order? It's satisfying to me. It always tastes the same.

It's like Starbucks. No matter where you go, it's there. I get a Happy Meal. No, I love this, it's there. I get a Happy Meal. No, I love this. That's it. You get a Happy Meal? Yeah. What do you do for toy meals? Throw it away. You should keep those. You should give me a sex toy and get a bigger burger.

What do you get? What Happy Meals do you get? The cheeseburger. So I get the cheeseburger Happy Meal. But sometimes I'll also get a four-piece McNugget on the side. Because I like variety. So I like a little bit of things, but different things. also get a four-piece McNugget on the side because I like variety. I like a little bit of things, but different things. If you eat a Happy Meal three times a day,

you're not going to gain weight. If you're a grown-up eating a Happy Meal, you're going to lose weight. They give you apples now. That is the amount of calories you should be having. I bet you if you go back to 1960s sizes. Have you ever eaten a McDonald's cheeseburger? It's like a Taco Bell taco.

They disappear in your mouth. I know, but that's what I'm saying. It's not actually good food, but if you eat 2,000 calories at McDonald's, you're not going to gain weight because that's how much. Nate Bargatze had a bit on – he was on Fallon recently. He's talking about how he was at McDonald's, and a guy recognized him who was on a road trip and he's like yeah on a road trip just stopping by what about you he's like oh no i

live and he was googling diabetes because his friend said because he's been having some like whatever physical issue he's googling diabetes in line at mcdonald's and i wrote him i was like that's like googling AIDS at a brothel. But like, yeah, I don't know. It's just really funny to think like, I get Chick-fil-A all the time. It's the same thing. Yeah. For some reason in your mind, though, you think Chick-fil-A is healthier.

It's not, though. It's the exact same thing. It's just more expensive. Taco Bell fucks me up, though. I tried Taco Bell on my last road trip. It's cheap meat. It's bad for you. It's cheap meat. It's bad for you. It's so quick. It's actually not meat.

Huh? It's not meat? Taco Bell is like rat meat. I mean I'm sure McDonald's is a degree of that too. I don't have to worry about heart disease and my cholesterol because I don't eat. I eat very healthfully but do you guys think about that? I'm not trying to be like I don't have to worry about it. I'm wondering like does it register when you eat? Because I don't eat fried foods ever.

Does it register like this is bad for you? Or like cheese and lots of like... Honestly, do you think about it? Because you're Bob Saget. I'm not kidding. You were talking about that on the podcast about the fried food thing. And I have been really trying to eat more salad. Yeah.

Now that I've been here, have you noticed that? I've been eating like tons and tons of salad. Well, that's not going to change things. salad first of all you go singular there what i eat more salad yeah she goes no but most people go i'll eat more salads no wait what you're wrong here come on florida noah we need a judgment on this uh i think both work to be honest yeah salads like are portions like single portions are salads but salad in general i've been eating more chicken like if you were eating more chicken sandwiches you'd say chicken you wouldn't say i'm eating more chicken sandwich but you would say i'm eating more you're not gonna say i'm eating more chickens i get that but i think with salad salad

is a is a thing it can bead is like any kind of lettuce. Like pants or like a chair. Yeah, dude. I don't know. Next story. Oh. It's amazing how we can get from Teslas to salads. I am worried about my heart, by the way.

Yeah. Because everyone in my family have had heart attacks. And I've had minor heart attacks. Eat more salad, I'd die. A 26-year-old beauty blogger claims that using semen as face cream is the secret to glowing skin. No, no. Nikki's been doing this for years, and she's been trying to get the word out. No, it's my secret, you guys. Don't give it away.

For cheap homemade alternative to expensive products. So products are too expensive. She called her friend on FaceTime.etime hey can i get your semen she puts the semen with lotion and she's been using it on her face she put on tiktok trying to get followers i mean we're there's no way when you get semen on your face it dries it kind of like pulls it back almost like those um remember those face masks that used to like you look like a perky, wavy, halo. Yeah, but that's exactly what face masks do. I put on a face mask yesterday. I felt like someone came all over me. I mean, it is a protein.

It's dry and it pulls exactly what you're saying. But that doesn't mean it's working just because it dries and pulls your face. That doesn't mean it's doing what you need it to do. But why wouldn't it work, though? My thing, what is in there? A lot of these things have like four skin of babies or whatever right isn't one of them i don't think that there's four skin and in calm four skins i don't know i mean like i think there would be science behind it if calm was really good for your

skin there wouldn't just i think this is a tiktok you're trying to get follows i'm she has great skin i don't know if it's a filter or what, but. It's probably a filter because men can never tell when there are filters. They always, they think everyone has great skin. Men need to be a lot more discerning. I mean, this is an amazing photo. I mean, look at this. It's just her with cum on her hand. Yeah, that's a filter.

Look, I'll give it a try. I'll use it on my 11s. That's the part you want tight. I got Botox and I didn't get any 11s. Can you guys test it out? Yeah. Will you test it out for two weeks? I'll report back.

I mean, I'm not going to be able to get a steady supply of it for a while. Why? Get a jar. Cabo. Get a to-go cup. But I want all of it every time. Oh, in your belly. No, my...

Yeah. Your stomach is... I like to swallow it. Yeah, my stomach is glossy No, my... Yeah. Your stomach is... I like to swallow it. Yeah. Yeah, my stomach is glossy and shiny and as... Yeah. No, I don't want to like... When I have sex, the final part is like a fun part. I don't want to like hold out a jar and like screw on the top and go put it in my little

refrigerator in my bathroom. Put it on your hand and then... That's exactly where she keeps hers. Yeah. A little tiny fridge, right? A jar? Yeah. A refrigerator in my bathroom. That's exactly where she keeps hers. A little tiny fridge, right? A jar in the fridge. That is wild. That reminds me of this Icarus movie. They're all freezing piss.

My girlfriend was like, hey, I want your cum for my face. It's pretty intense to hear that, to be like, I want your cum for my skin care. do you like it i mean it'd be helpful if i'm helping her i don't know if my come after i eat chick-fil-a you're gonna break out you know i don't want to come on my face outside of a sexual thing you know how like when you're horny come on your face is like a great idea but when you're not

yeah it's ridiculous it's gross yeah it's gross. Yeah, it's wild. But what are we putting on our faces? What are in those face masks? It's my dermatologist's cum. Nicole? Call back to a thing that we didn't do in the show. Oh, that wasn't even on the show. Yeah, it wasn't on the show, buddy.

You'll see it on something we taped, maybe. Probably even on this show. Yeah, it wasn't on this show, buddy. Ah, crap. You'll see it on something we taped. Maybe. Probably not. Next story. A woman snaps a selfie on top of her... Wow. Speaking of car crashes. Rapidly sinking car after crashing through the ice of a frozen Canada River.

While good Samaritans rush to save her. So this girl crashes her car and is standing on top of it, taking a selfie of her car going into the lake i'd probably do that because you're like i'm gonna be rescued this is insane this is gonna be a funny picture like what's she supposed to do just sit there i guess it is hilarious no i mean i wouldn't be standing up i mean that seems like a very risky situation to be standing i'd sit and i'd still take a picture i don't think there's anything wrong with taking selfies when something horrible is happening. Look, it's content. That's not horrible. That's her

horrible thing. If it's something horrible to someone else, if her baby was strapped in the car seat in that thing, I think that would be inappropriate, but I mean, she seems to have a handle on things. Yeah, a fucking selfie handle stick. I want to see her selfie picture of that.

That is hilarious. hilarious i mean it's very funny but i do think it's just like it just shows where we are i know it's not cheesy as a society of like oh i got stabbed like we want likes like your car is literally i wouldn't take a selfie because i want likes i would just be like it's hilarious that my car is doing this it is already happened it's happening i just have to wait for it to go under i mean what was she gonna do i mean i don't yeah you just i don't know just not everything it looks like it's not sinking it looks like it's like stuck that way so i feel like she's it's she's on a sturdy car but you're right i i don't think that i would

think to do that believes charger with one count of dangerous operation of a motor vehicle so it doesn't help your case if you're in front of a judge and it's like oh so after you accidentally crashed your car you put it on tiktok you know what i mean that's a good point yeah that's not gonna help you you you think a lot about likes i'm just thinking i want to capture it to show my friends and be like isn't this wild yeah you would definitely post it yeah but i'm not thinking about like, people are going to like me. You're thinking about content.

You think about content all the time. I'm thinking it's funny, but I'm not like, oh, this is, people are going to like. I don't think about likes. You think about content, which equals likes. I think about like, oh, this is interesting, and I want to show people something that's interesting, but I'm not like, this will get me likes.

Do you know what I'm saying? The difference between that of like, this is something entertaining for the masses, and this is- I have to document this because get me likes. Do you know what I'm saying? The difference between that of like this is something entertaining for the masses and this is... I have to document this because it's hilarious. Yes, when I say likes,

I mean, I think that goes hand in hand. I think a funny thing that's good content... Do you pay attention to likes is what I'm saying? I pay attention to the first 10 minutes of likes

and then I don't care anymore. And then you erase it if it's not doing so well. And then I kill... Yeah, and then I cut my wrist. And then I don't care anymore. And then you erase it if it's not doing so well. And then I cut my wrist. And then I film that while I'm in a car. I just don't think about likes ever. Like yesterday I had to go onto my Instagram and send. But you were saying that you were getting shadow banned.

So you obviously pay attention to likes. No, people told me that I was shadow banned because I wasn't showing up. I would have never noticed. And then I started paying attention. But I truly wouldn't have noticed. All right. Well. Truth.

Touche. Touche. Let's go to break and come back with Reddit dump. Now why do I care? Oh, yeah. Why do I care? Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture you get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment politics sports and more from john and the team of correspondents and contributors the podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines listen to the daily show ears edition on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts okay andrew why do i care why do i care uh why do you care uh pitcher justin uh oh pitcher pitcher justin verlander jokes about coordinating outfits with model wife Kate Upton on Instagram.

Uh-huh. We may or may not have coordinated these matching outfits. And by we, I mean Kate Verlander quipped. Yeah. They're cute. How do you feel about matching with your spouse? Me and Brenna, we match when we don't talk about it and that's really fun actually yeah when you're like oh my god we're twins yeah i think it's cute

but when it's on purpose it's a little it's kind of there's that couple that's like i'm wearing whatever makes you two have fun yeah like i think it's like whatever can bring some spice to a relationship that's a monogamous years long committed thing. If you're goofing around together and something's fun to you, just do it. I think it's sweet. I see a lot of people making fun of the matching Christmas pajamas and I love it.

Yeah? Did you do those? Yeah. Yeah, you've done them? No shame. I think Christmas pajamas are stupid because you can only wear them once. I mean, that's the rule. What's the rule? I mean, it feels stupid. I think Christmas diamonds are stupid because you can only wear them once. I mean, that's the rule. What's the rule? I mean, it feels stupid. I think people are supposed to try to wear them. There's people putting cum on their faces.

I mean, we can do whatever we want. You can wear them more than once. I actually brought mine here because I thought it was going to be cold. Oh, my God. Carlisle thought she was walking into a tundra. I seriously have them with me. I was going to do some studies of penguins in antarctica because you brought this is what i thought i have so many furs and hats and like this leg warmer

look is my thing while i'm here in st louis because i just i felt like it was gonna be cold and you were gonna be used to it and cranking the ac the whole time yeah which i am i mean like she turns it up to like 74 sometimes and i walk out here and it is. I'm just like, how would you sleep with that? I sleep with it 59 in my room. I like it to be outdoors cold and bundle. Yeah. It's so good. We never really found the right thermometer.

Yeah. Or whatever. Yeah. I keep it around 68. Yeah. That's the right temperature. So when you sleep, do you sleep in long clothing? And then you also have it to 74?

You like it to be hot in the room, hot in the... I have sleep in long clothing because my boyfriend is like you, and he wants to crank up the AC. He sleeps with AC blaring. And I like the white noise too. Because you grew up in a barn in Mississippi. Because we didn't have a door on that barn. And I'm used to it. The boxed wine cellar back in the...

I just slept on a box of Buds. She slept inside a box of wine. Okay, yeah, I don't mind. Kate Upton and that Justin Verlander, I'm always kind of jealous of their relationship. They seem really cute. I mean, they're very successful and hot. Yeah, definitely. Their kids are going to be hot.

All right, guys, let's get to Reddit Dump. Karaoke mode. really cute i mean they're very successful and hot yeah they're gonna be hot um all right guys let's get to a reddit dump karaoke mode this is your reddit dump all righty let's see what we got here saved let me look let me look let me look where the hell is this? Okay. All right. Oh, this was really funny. So this girl was doing a TikTok and then her boyfriend was like walking. She probably lives with her boyfriend. This is a young girl. She's probably like 20.

And her boyfriend interrupts her TikTok to like say something. And it just like shows their kind of cute relationship. And like she's getting a kick out of him. Okay. So she's about to do like some kind of dance. And she's like, this is for all my girls or something okay so this one is really for the girls okay so hey what have you eaten any pizza rolls since the night that i made those pizza rolls no okay so listen i'm keeping track of how many pizza rolls he's outside the door 36 of them hose out the other night and the bag tried to tell me there was 100 in there which means that He said all of that without knowing she was filming.

He's just like outside the- You don't think that stayed? I don't think it stayed. No, and they're not good enough actors. I watched it twice to check and see if it was fake. To break it down. Yeah. And people in the comments will always kind of bust it if it's fake, and no one did.

Also, that wouldn't make me think she had a guy over. What? She ate 36. Oh, well, you should see her answer it. She's like, no, I didn't. Oh. But he's just cute that he's like, that's what he's keeping track of. Yeah, well, you should see her answer it. She's like, no, I didn't. And he's like, but he's just cute that he's like, that's what he's keeping track

of. Yeah, yeah, I know. And I liked it because she got a kick out of how cute he was. And she's just like looking at the camera as he's talking, knowing she's capturing it, being like, because he's like, because I'll tell you what, there's less than 70 in there. Blah, blah, blah. It was so funny. It was, guys. This is from

Suspiciously Specific. This is the. This is from Suspiciously Specific. This is the subreddit, Suspiciously Specific. And that's when someone has, you want to try to say that? I'm good. This is when something is just too specific and it's funny. So this is a tweet from a guy named Mark Liedner. Each morning I put one uncooked ravioli in a thermos. I pour hot water over it, steeping it like tea.

And then I drink it all day at work. I work at the White House. At the end of the day, as I take the last sip of the tea, the soft ravioli slides into my mouth and I eat it. Ew. It grosses me out so much. Is this true? No. Oh.

This guy says he works at the White House. Yeah. It just seems like something that like a- It just- It was probably during Trump era. Having a fucking ravioli just sit on the bottom. And then just slide down the thermos in your mouth. It's like an oyster.

It's like a human oyster. It's like – yeah. Okay. This is from the subreddit Psychology. And it says, yes, your dog can understand what you're saying to a point. Graduate student working on dog scent detection abilities says this and then um a really interesting thing i found within the subreddit is that um people go seeing as we all agree that dogs are highly empathetic and intuitive they understand a lot more than just what one is saying sometimes words are not even necessary and then this was interesting dogs and humans co-evolve together dogs can read a lot of human

body language and facial expressions from birth dogs are one of the only animals that watch our faces for cues. There was a study done that I read about a few years ago where puppies would follow a human's eye gaze to determine where a toy or treat was hidden. There has also been research showing that humans can differentiate between different barks and can tell if a dog is excited or distressed. I definitely can tell when a dog is, like, fucking scared scared dogs and humans both had an impact on each other's development i think that's very interesting and dogs are one of the only animals that look you in the eye

and that you can go over there and they'll you like look at something and they'll look in that direction i like that you talked though when you did the impression over there no no you wouldn't even have to say it yeah Yeah, there. Yeah. Well, it's a podcast. Well, I think dogs know if you're on the couch and you don't want to be talked to, they know. Yeah. They'll go and lay on their bed.

You just have to kick them real hard, and they get it. They can read your body language when it hits them. Yeah, it's interesting how they know what a foot is. And someone said, there was a study recently, this was really cool, that found dogs can tell the difference between their native language, a foreign language, and a gibberish language designed to sound like their native language. So if I was just like, like something that sounded like, that didn't sound like it, but

it sounded like English. You know those things that sound like what English would sound like if you didn't speak English? Have you ever heard that? No, but like giddy-guy, giddy-go? Yeah, kind of like that. Well, Luigi knows gibberish. Did the go-to-the-goo-loo-goo-loo-ee-gee-gee-gee.

That was a bad one. I got to look at him. Wow. But it is interesting when you've – I remember hearing that dogs were one of the only animals that look you in the eye. And it really is like that look to you for, and oh no, I heard that they're the only animals that can understand a point and will look towards a point that you do.

I mean, anytime I think about this stuff, dogs help blind people walk across streets. Dogs are amazing. But cats don't follow a point. Squirrels won't follow a point. Other birds won't follow a point. Like to point at something and have the dog look and know that you're sick,

that's a pretty incredible thing. My dog that I have now is the first one I've ever had that watches TV. Ah, that's so cool. She legit watches TV, and if something's too violent, we have to turn it off because she's watching it. Does she respond? I've got to show you videos, dude. Well, you have human eyes.

Your dog has human eyes. Oh, your dog does have human eyes. Looks like a white walker. Yeah, your dog, it must be the human eyes thing. Did Bruno watch TV ever, Noah? I don't think he did. My dog knows when another dog's on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He has his own Kindle. Wait, your dog knew when a dog was on TV? Yeah, he would attack the TV if he saw a TV dog. That's cool. I wish Luigi watched TV sometimes because he's just staring at a pillow. And I'm like, dude, we got Bachelor right up here. You could be entertained by moving shapes and colors at least. It's like there's so much cum on this pillow.

But she likes to watch stuff about animals. So we put on those nature shows with wolves and all kinds of stuff. And she's so entertained. Well, there's a dog channel. This is a girl. This is from Hole Up. H-O-L-U-P. It's where something at the end of the video is like, wait, what?

And this girl reminds me of myself. This is a joke that I would have made. But she's sitting in the backseat of her car and her dad is asking her, what'd you just say? And her mom's driving. She's a teenager. What'd you just say? Everyone in mom's driving. She's a teenager. What'd you just say? Everyone in this car has been inside of you at one point or another.

She's just like, What'd you just say? Everyone in this car has been inside of you at one point or another. That's so something you would say to your parents. That's so something I would say when I was 13 and everyone would just be like nikki why would you say that i like her sister's reaction too she's like oh my god you're crazy yeah her sister's like why would you and her dad's just like giggling um let's see what that's a great family great family i'm jealous of that family right i i picked this one for you andrew this is from subreddit dating.

Girls who've tried a massive dick and an average dick, what do they feel like? For measurements, massive being eight plus inches, average being five and a half to six and a half inches. Like, what's the difference? Do you prefer one at all? Do the styles differ at all? Asking for a friend. Dot, dot, dot. Someone said, I feel I've had a pretty good range of dicks

I've enjoyed, but ultimately I think I'm going to land on the best sex I've ever had has been with someone with an average size for a few reasons. Number one, with a huge one, only so much of it is useful. After that, it's extra and it's extra like that's likely to get smashed into my cervix. Also, I got considerably more UTIs with large ones.

Two, with an average size, I can enjoy the fact that he's all the way inside of me and it doesn't hurt. Purely pleasurable can enjoy the fact that he's all the way inside of me and it doesn't hurt. Purely pleasurable. And the fact that he's all the way inside of me and I don't have to feel fearful of it makes a huge difference. Dope. Any comment? Have you had a huge massive dicks? Yes.

And I feel like it's stretching you out for the next guy that you're going to date that's not a player. Because guys with huge dicks always have a big ego to go with it, I feel like. Oh, so they're not someone that you're going to be with for a while. They're fuckboys, yeah. So they're stretching you out for a nice guy with a big dick? They're stretching you out for no reason because they're not going to date you. But do they really stretch you out? Can you really feel

a difference like what do you feel what's the difference you feel no it's probably not it's more spots i just i've only had big you know huge dildos in me yeah and it feels fucking great but it's like it's uh it's painful so it would be hard to have that all the time for penetrative sex it would be something that I would be like, this needs to be a special occasion. Final thought, but also guys with tiny dicks. Like I wouldn't want to date that.

And not even about the size. It's again, the ego that goes with it because micropenis person has a micropenis personality, but they shouldn't. I think if we change the culture about it, if they don't grow up hating themselves because of it, won't deal that that won't be the fact if everyone can just like who they are and not feel so insecure about it or if the guys with the huge dicks aren't so

and have to be like i'm shit because i have a big dick which i just feel like just comes with it in my experience i don't know i don't know i mean i've i guess i've i don't remember dicks really that well but i do know that i love the idea because i remember thinking a guy had a big dick and then i talked to someone who hooked up with him she's like no it wasn't i was like really but she might have had gigantic no like i just i just guess i didn't have much of a reference but um i will say that i am very interested in, like, fisting and, like, having a lot of things up there. Like, seeing how far, like, stretching. And I never thought I would be because I hate lending my, like, sweaters to friends that I think might stretch them out.

Like, I hate getting shirts stretched out. I don't want to have a kid because I don't want my stomach stretched out. But for some reason down there, I it can like snap back pretty easily and there's just something about like getting there i never thought fisting would be something i'd be interested in or like would ever want to achieve i've never done it before but like it's a lot of the porn i watch and i remember a lesbian friend of mine telling me that she fisted her girlfriend it was like the biggest orgasm so you wouldn't ask for that no i've asked for it i'm on my believe me i'll get there but it's that's not that's the thing you have to work your way up to yeah yeah you

can't that's the problem a lot of porn they just have anal right away they just fist her right away and it's like it comes after you come a lot like you gotta like really relax to be able to like like you have to have like an epidural to get it so you can't just go right in and i think that um it's something that i'll work my way up to. But I think it's so hot. And I never would have thought that was hot. But it's not because I'm like I need something bigger. It's just like fun once in a while thing.

Yeah. I guess it depends on like how big their fist is. No. I mean everyone has – like a guy has like a pretty normal size. Like I'd want maybe a girl fist. Like, that is not that big. You're going thumb in? Yeah, you go, like, or you go like this, that.

That is not that big. I would probably be able to take that today. Yeah, you could take that today. I have a pretty small. Like, I could definitely fist myself. I mean, you could take a nap after. But a fist is this. Well, yeah. This is like trying to get a coin also depends how far you go up the arm like some people can go to the elbow well that's when it's hitting your cervix that i really related to that like

something that's going too deep i don't like deep i rather like wide than deep i saw something that i googled and stayed up all night uh searching but no no that women's vaginas are actually built for five and a half inches like naturally that's what the vagina is built for not for anything more than that that's so sweet that i typed that in specifically and then i ate why that number huh 5. No, my dick's longer than six inches. I figured it out. I did the calculations. Wait, your dick is longer than six inches?

Yeah. That's a big dick then. No, it's not. It isn't? Isn't six long? I think six average. I measured it the other day. What I need is more blood.

I need more girth. You need more ruler. Huh? You need a funky ruler. New ruler. If you're measuring your dick get a ruler that's made in china sloppily yeah no i meant i i just i could use some more girth some more width some more blood flow well i'll tell you what you do i've um i've had uh where you put like a smaller dild, and then you put your dick with it.

Oh, the old twin bed. And you get double pen with your dick, and that makes a massive one. Sometimes I'll throw a finger to- With it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll bring a couple friends to the party. Yeah. Hey, you know who fucking Dave is, cool dude?

He's cool, man. He brought some fucking natty lights. Yeah, Hey, you know, fucking Dave, he's cool, dude. He's cool, man. He's got a fucking, he brought some fucking natty lights. Yeah, I don't think that, uh, some Smirnoff ice. I was a little reluctant

to tell my guy, like, um, I kind of want to get fisted someday, but also, like, and I'm not really, like, I don't want to be ruined, but there's ways

to do all of these things and not ruin you. I mean, women have babies and everyone goes, oh my God, she's such a fucking whore. She's at her not ruin you. I mean, women have babies, and everyone goes, oh, my God, she's such a fucking whore. She's had her pussy all stretched. I mean, I say that.

That's because they had a baby? Well, a baby is way bigger than a fist, by the way. Way bigger. No, I know, but you're not calling women that have babies whores. Well, I should, because they've had sex, for sure. No, I was just confused. You're talking about- They're the only ones you definitely know. Fuck.

But growing up, you're like, oh my God, she got fisted. Like fisted for some- Fisting sounds insane. Has a very strong connotation. Yes, yes, it does. And so I'm pretty reluctant to even admit that I- Maybe knuckled. Watch that.

Maybe knuckled. I want to get knuckled. That sounds, that's harsh too. Maybe- I want to get fist pounded in my, oh no, that doesn't sound like- I would take fist out of it. I want to get- What's another?... Oh, no, that doesn't sound like... I would take fist out of... I want to get... What's another...

El Mono? Plankoed? That's when you punch... No, what's the game in... Oh. Is this right? What about like Monoed or something? Like another word for hand that doesn't sound...

I don't know. Maybe someone could think of something. Yeah, maybe we'd get Monoed. El Monoed. Luigi, point, shoe. Oh, he looked. He did it. Yes, he looked. Yeah someone could think of something. Yeah, maybe we'd get mono'd. Oh, Luigi's. El Mono. Luigi, point, shoe. Oh, he looked. He did it. Yes, he looked.

Yeah, he's got Hunter. You are so smart. You're so smart. When he's outside, he's like a little pointer. He changes so much from being such a cocky badass on the streets. Oh, not in a Catholic church. But then you bring him inside, and he turns into this like, I've been in this. I'm a puppy in the window. He puts on

such an act. Look at if I just go, are you a baby? Are you a little baby? Oh no. Oh you're a baby. Come here baby. Come here baby. Come here. Like if you just baby him, he'll turn into a little baby. Come on. You can do it.

Oh that's my baby. Oh that's a little baby. if you just baby him, he'll turn into a little baby. Come on. You can do it. Oh, that's my baby. Oh, that's a little baby. Are you a baby? Are you so scared of the world? Oh, no. I can show you the world. He's a little baby. If you look at the video right now, you guys have to. He's such a little.

But then he can be like such a little bitch. You know, it's so funny. He's just a baby digging his head in my arm. Oh, look at this. It's pretty cute, right? That was really cute. I was kind of suffocating him. Alright guys, we gotta go. I love when a dog digs his head.

I'm just playing with a fucking dog on a podcast. We've really jumped the dog. We've jumped the shark tank today. Who knows? Oh, God. We have another, we have two more shows coming for you this week.

It'll be tomorrow and Thursday, so don't miss it. Carla Forrester's here all week. Let us know what you want us to talk about. Let us know

anything you want. Yeah, man. We're around on it. Thanks for that analyzed poster. That was awesome. Why did you, it's blurry.

It was given to me blurry. There's no way. I'll show you. There's no way that girl gave it to you blurry. Look at the messages. Oh, I'm going to give it to you blurry. I'll blur it up. Thank you to our fans for making art for us.

It's so sweet. We loved the Analyze poster. And we loved how it's blurry. And we loved the, you know, Bit by Bees Lollapalooza headlighting. Good stuff. It's going to be so fun to put that up. I'm going to print that and put it up on the wall.

Thank you guys for listening. Don't be cut. And Jack Daniels. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.