The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #165 Kid, Man, Boy

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

Nikki and Andrew are in Mexico to film a TV show, that they probably aren't supposed to talk about but do anyway. Nikki tells a story about a car accident she was in before leaving St. Louis and a great lesson learned from it. Andrew has his clubs and looks forward to getting a hook up from the golf connection he made at the airport. Nikki talks about the comments made about her song for Bob Saget and knows what she signed up for. They skip the news but can't resist talking about a Taylor Swift headline. Nikki's Reddit dump has a hodgepodge of topics from working nuns to hairy legs. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, How are you guys today? We're good. You're good? I mean, we've already kind of been on chat together today for, I don't know, going on an hour plus now. We're in Mexico. We're doing the show from Cabo San Lucas, right? Is that right? Yeah, or San Lucas. San Jose, Cabo, San Lucas.

I don't know things. I don't know things. I don't know where I am in Mexico at all. I know I'm a two-hour flight from Los Angeles because I flew in yesterday, but that's all I know, baby. And it's pretty fitting, actually, because I was saying to Andrew, I was getting a little nostalgic because as we were setting up the shots and the podcast in, um, my hotel room here in Cabo, I was reminiscent of when we began the podcast last March, also in my hotel room while on the set of a boy Island,

um, which I am here doing season two. I'm sure that's, you know, we're not supposed to say that, but honestly, are they going to take it from me? No one else is going to host that show.

Not yet. They're not going to take it from me. I was thinking, what if I get hit by a car? We're starting filming pretty soon. What happens if I die or something? Who's going to replace me? What would they do? Would they just go, we can't continue?

Maybe they would just weaken at Bernie and put you in some Pradas and throw you up depends on how mangled i got from yeah the accidento yeah i guess it's um i could see you though like i don't know who would do your voice maybe we could find like a raspy 11 year old man kid boy kid man boy you went over every possible age For That Not my gendered Person

Well thank you for that I'm excited to be here I have a couple things to just say right off the top That I didn't go over last week That are really pertinent to this podcast Okay They have to do with cars. Are you ready?

No. But okay, not catalytic converters as we all know. I know those things backward and forward. And sideways. Every which way. Man, boy, kid. No, it's too early for a ham drip. A callback has to be

A ham drip, a real ham drip For those of you listening, ham drip means we're doing a callback To a previous joke from another episode Or even from this episode It has to be a minute later At least That was 45 seconds No, I mean, let's roll the tape back

What's smaller than a ham drip? A turkey drop? A turkey drop? A turkey drop. A turkey. No, a. Turkey tear. A turkey tear. I like that.

That's when it's really close. Turkey tear. So, okay. Remember when I told you. Did I tell you about the fender bender I got into where I let the guy go? Because I'm just like Mother Teresa. The most amazing individual on earth. Yeah.

Who needs Bob Saget anymore? I mean, I'm around like the most amazing. I mean, I'm pretty much who needs Bob Saget anymore. I mean, I'm around. Yeah. Um, uh, no, I,

so I left. So if, if you didn't know really quickly, I was in a fender bender going to, um, my lover's radio show a couple of weeks ago. And the guy bumped my mom's I'm driving my mom's car right now. Cause I bought her a car last year and I just took her car.

It's a 2010 Lexus. It's really nice, but mom's car right now because i bought her a car last year and i just took her car it's a 2010 lexus it's really nice but it's just you know it's it has it's beat up and this guy bumped the the thing and i pulled over and i was just like dude who cares like just i don't there was a little bit of a bump but i was like just let it go he looked so nervous and i just wanted to get to radio i just was like not bothered. It also adds to the aesthetic that that car is going for anyways. It's really, you know, a couple of dents is like, Oh,

that makes sense. I never understood why people are obsessed with dents. I mean, I guess it looks shitty, but it doesn't affect how the car moves. I mean, I see some cars in St. Louis that are driving around without a hood,

without a complete back bumper. Dude, I've seen cars. And I'm like, if they go, then they go. Yeah. I've seen cars without And I'm like, if they go, then they go. Yeah, I've seen cars without doors or different doors that I don't even think it's the same car.

I think it's like a Cadillac door on a Yugo. My dad did that. My dad got his door hit on his car that he bought off of Craigslist. He got it hit, and he wanted to get it replaced. So he found another door on Craigslist somehow of the same car. But because it was in Texas, same color, same year, everything, it was more faded than his car because it was in Texas. And so it's a different color maroon. Very interesting.

I mean, I'd almost rather go with a blue on a maroon, a nice accent door. Than just slightly off. That's like your bedroom with a slight pink difference. Yes. Oh, I know. I tried to paint my bedroom walls two different color pinks, and they're just so simple. They were supposed to be very different,

but they're not different at all. Going back to the car incident. So I let the guy go. Cut to a week later, okay? And this was a week and a half ago at this point, maybe longer. So it was three weeks ago that it happened. And then a week later, and I meant to tell this on the podcast, but it just, you know, my mind wonders.

I was driving to the recording studio where I did that Bob Saget song among others. And I was late and I was at an intersection pulling up to a red light and I'm on my phone, to be honest with you, because I'm trying to ways my way to this recording studio, which I think is a normal thing to do on your phone, even though you shouldn't be on it. I was on ways. So, um, I was crawling to a stop and then I just went too far and bumped the woman in front of me pretty hard. I would play, I would say I was probably going five miles an hour, which is a pretty, it's a bump, you know, maybe even more. And, um, the woman stops, we're at a stoplight but we she puts it in

park uh all the other cars go when it turns green she gets alone she's alone what kind of car is she in i'm not not a banger okay not like a banged up you know car like a decent car okay i've i back up slightly so i could pull out go away no. And I see that I've created damage. I see a dent. And I'm like, alright, well, I can afford it. This is a blessing. I learned my lesson. This is way less than something I could do.

Ways less. Ways less than other damage I could do. Maybe this is a wake-up call to not be on my phone ever. It's not. People are going to use this footage when I die in a texting accident. So then I am, I park, I get out. I see the girl get out, look at her bumper, and just kind of go like sigh and not really look at me but get back in her car. And I'm like, is she just going to leave?

Because she hasn't looked at me at all. And then she turns on her blinker and she pulls to the side of the road. And I pull behind her and I get out and I go, girl, I am so sorry. I was on my phone. I'm such an idiot. I go, you know, and she goes, I don't care. She goes, and I go, but there's damage. And she goes, it's fine.

Just go. And I was like, are you serious right now? And I go, but there's a dent there. And she was like, I think it was already there. And I was like, are you serious right now? And I go, but there's a dent there. And she was like, I think it was already there. And I was like, it wasn't. And she was like, I just, I don't care. And I go, girl, you have no idea. I did this exact same thing

a week ago, but I was you. And I had the same reaction. I go, this is, you are such an angel. And I go, can I give you something? I was like, do you have a Venmo? And she was like, no, I have Cash you something? I was like, do you have a Venmo? And she was like, no, I have Cash App. And I was like, give me your Cash App. So she gave me her name.

And I sent her some cash. But she totally didn't take my number. And I said, do you want anything? I go, I'm Nikki Glaser. I'm kind of a famous comedian. You can look me up. Here's my email address. I'm going to text you right now so i'm accountable because i don't know

what is gonna be further down the road but i honestly think the only reason that happened and wasn't thousands of dollars of bullshit was karma because i've never heard a story where someone just lets a person go and this girl was not in a good mood she was how old um probably my age okay um but she looked like she was going through something like no she was like i don't want to do the paperwork she was just like me of like i don't care it's fine and you know what what a great it made me so fucking happy the rest of the day well and if if she lets you go right. Can she still have insurance cover it? That's what she's going to pay for.

No, she's probably going to want to deal with because then it raises her insurance rate and it's not worth it for a little debt. But it wouldn't raise mine, not hers, right? Because I was the one that hit her and my insurance would be the one that, you know? Yeah, but my thing is if you hit her and you drove away, could she go to her insurance company and be like, look, someone hit me and then I didn't get their information? Why are you asking me a question that adults would know the answer to? I'm just wondering because— No, I have no idea. I just wanted to give a shout out to Lakeisha McJames. My point is—

Because she's awesome. My point is that she just doesn't want to get there's a difference between I would have paid her a lot. She would have gotten it paid for completely. It would have been points on my record, not hers. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Some people, they'll overreact

and they'll say, oh, but my neck hurts and they try to get all this other stuff. They can get litigious and I just wanted to use that word and get all this other stuff so they can get litigious and i just wanted to use that word and really um all the other things they can get i mean someone if i hit donald trump like that it it not only would he shame me for it you know uh like this is just me making up a thing but i just feel like someone like that if i I would have hit a Karen instead of Lakeisha, let's all be Lakeishas

and just let it go if it's not that big of a deal. And if it is a big deal and you want to get it fixed, don't be an asshole about it because we've all been on our phones driving. The only reason why I asked that is that I think I wouldn't want the other person to get in trouble, per se,

but I would also want it to be covered. So I don't, I'm not in the hole. It's okay. They should get in trouble. Like the laws in place so that, yeah, your insurance should go up if you're negligent and you hit someone. So that's all fine. And I would have been fine with that. But the fact that it wasn't something she cared about enough to get fixed,

obviously, if you're that kind of person, let the person go. And what you can do is you can get the person to pay for it. Just don't make the person feel bad about it. Let's be forgiving. You can get compensated, but just not being an asshole made my day. It is possible, though, she didn't have insurance. Yeah, whatever it is, I, she didn't have insurance. Yeah, whatever it is, I'll take it.

I agree. I'm saying it's not just necessarily karma. I don't think just because you let that person go that she let you go. There could be a reason. She might have points on her license. She might have a suspended license. Well, karma happens not because – I believe karma happens not – it doesn't mean that it has to be another person doing a good deed out of the kindness of their heart. Because let's be honest. Mine wasn't a good deed out of the kindness of my heart more than I just don't care about my mom's car.

I wanted to get to the radio show. It's always circumstantial. Yes, that's what I'm saying. But yeah, that is nice. But it just felt like, whoa, this never happens. But maybe it does a lot. I don't know. You find out she just murdered somebody.

Like, God, she was so not. She just let me go. And there's someone in the trunk. James? Yeah, the one that's killed 15 people. The nursing home murderer? Yeah, the nursing home murderer. No, she was an angel to me that day.

And then last night, after I dropped you off at home, at your hotel, I came back to mine and I pulled into a one-way thing that was, there was no harm because there was no cars coming. But it was bad.

And a cop car turns on its lights and starts pulling me over. And then I pull, it's right before my hotel. I pull into my hotel and they just go on past because I, I kind of went out the window. Like I'm a dumb American, like kind of like,

and they just went on past. And then I pulled into the Valley and all the Valley. And I go to the Valley guys. I was like, I did the truck driver, like Hong Kong, like, yes,

yes. Cause they all saw it happening and they were laughing so hard. They kept doing my honking thing. They were like, oh, did you see her doing this? They were calling you a honky. That was probably it. They were like cracker, cracker, honky, honky. I yeah, I think like you went down a one way today.

I mean, the roads here are a little weird. There's no U-turns. You're going down a one way in the. Oh mean, the roads here are a little weird. There's no U-turns. You were going down a one-way in the... Oh, in the grocery store. And I wasn't... It's funny. Sometimes, like, I'll react to your driving, whether it's poor or not. And then you get upset.

You're like, you always tell me, like, oh, just relax. No, I was talking to the person. Oh, I thought you were talking to me. Oh, no, no, no. Because I was talking to the person in the car because I go, easy, calm down. Oh, I thought that was me. Oh, no, I always do a little whiny in response to like someone

who's like losing their mind when they're going. It is one of my favorite things of seeing you drive and other people getting mad at you and you go what's I go come on. Oh are you so sad. Oh I ran over your dog. Honestly it's

not it's these aren't traffic and you and things that I'm doing that are life damaging. These are just like me backing into a space the wrong way. You know, who cares? We are in Mexico. Andrew, anything to report on your end? Yeah. When you left, they give you a box here when you shop. They don't give you bags.

Oh, yeah, grocery shopping. Oh, well, yeah. Thank you all for your comments on the grocery shopping video of Andrew dancing last night. That was so fun. I barely had enough groceries to carry just a little over two hands, and I used one of those push carts because they give you a box. They don't use bags here, which I like, but they put it in a little box. And they also wash your car at the grocery store.

And they work for the grocery store, which is wild. They're not looking for money. They just detail your car. Well, they're looking for money, obviously. Yeah, but the people aren't there to... What do you mean? I know, but when they come back out and the guy's standing there being like,

Hey, look, it's pretty shiny. It's like hand over the money. I brought golf clubs here. There's a lot of golf courses in Cabo. And before you even leave the airport, like five different guys tried to upsell me on like to go to the golf. Like they have, you know, a relationship with one of these very fancy. Just for $40. You were interested.

Not only was I interested. Did you get some cards? I got some phone numbers to call Eduardo to hook up the Diamante for $45. But he wanted money then, and I didn't give it up. I actually stopped myself finally. But I am that person. I'm the guy that's like, hey, just come over here and talk. Oh, we're friends.

I just want a friend, I think. I know. You said that today about staying. So Andrew's staying at the hotel with all the crew and all the producers and everyone, because Andrew is a producer on the show, by the way. Yeah, it's dope. Applause break. Yeah.

Sit down, guys. Yeah, everyone sit down. But Andrew has a producer credit. That's so exciting. But you are staying at this hotel where they are all at. And I'm at a resort-type place away from everyone because I'm special. You're on top of a hill just looking down at us. I'm actually in a basement of this resort.

It's kind of weird. But Andrew said this morning that it was nice to go to like – there's like a continental breakfast. I love a continental breakfast. He goes to the gym and there's just – it's like a continental breakfast and i love a continental he goes to the gym and there's just it's like a social environment yeah because we're seeing all these people that we saw last time and there is something really nice about that because i was thinking you know i had carlisle stay with me last week and then i went to la this week and i was like alone in my hotel I really and then you've moved out and I had like a week alone but I really do need roommates even though sometimes I just it's it's interesting the difference between being a living alone and wanting to like have alone time yes does that

make sense yeah I mean I want to live alone next to my best friends. Like, I don't want the responsibility, because I feel like a lot of our arguments or, like, even minor arguments with Brandon, like, they're all, it always comes down to duties and, like, who's doing what. So I'd rather have my, if my room's a pigsty, it's my pigsty. That's what I feel like like i want my own every time there's there's been so many times where i'm sitting and i have so much shit everywhere and i know that like you think i probably never cleaned it up shit because of you but i'm now realizing like my awareness that you would always come home was always there was something in me that was like clean up a little bit don't be a total slob put on some pants stuff like that but every time it occurs to me there's a sadness where i go oh i guess i don't have to

put on pants i guess i can just keep eating like a slob and like there's no accountability yes and you could slide into sadness pretty quick which is great while i'm so glad i'm doing this podcast with you every day from my hotel room because i'm i've guaranteed company coming over every day and i love it i love coming like i i like how great is our relationship not living together it's very good i mean the only thing i'm wanting more of which we didn't get a chance to do is you and brenna coming over and like hanging socially which we will and you came over you know like we will your apartment's so cute yeah we'll do that once we fall into a groove which i'll never fall into because my life never ends in terms of work. But let's take a short break and let's get Andrew.

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on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. Hey, Noah. You hung out with my parents last week. You were so adorable. Can I just say that I was talking to my dad. My mom and dad were, my mom was nervous about hanging out with my parents oh my god last week you were so adorable can i just say that i was talking to my dad my mom and dad were my mom was nervous about hanging out with you i have to say because she just gets nervous about any like anyone new and especially someone young and who's friends

with me who might judge her like she has to like you know any hanging with anyone new is like stressful right we can all agree. It's just my mom has those stresses. And I was like, Noah loves you. It's going to be so easy. I swear to God, you're going to be nervous right until you get that, like hang out. And then it's going to be easy peasy. And then I was talking and they both fucking loved you. My mom flooded me with texts that night.

She had a couple of drinky poos and she was like going off. I got to read some of them they're gonna come over we're we're at that point of our relationship with them noah so i went um hiking with them and your dad is such a good hiker you know what it is you look enough like nicky but you like hiking like you're the daughter they never had oh my god blue contact shit they're they're wonderful parents and oh we we both got to the parking lot of sabino canyon at the same time and i go up to the visitor center because that was like our meetup spot and all of a sudden they hear no no and i go julie and we just kind of like run up to each other and I hug them and stuff.

They're so funny. I'm really lucky. They have a great relationship. I wish I had parents like that to model after. Tell me about what you witnessed. Yeah, because I just want to say to you, my mom said, I know you are. I said, she wrote me. She was a little bit, i think i had a couple

drinks and so she was texting me like crazy and she's like um uh you know i was going uh she said i hope jonah is okay in tonga which by the way that is a reference to summer heights high jonah is a character on that show that lives in new zealand and she was reading about the volcano in tonga and so she said i hope a character is okay in tong lives in New Zealand. And she was reading about the volcano in Tonga. And so she said, I hope a character is okay in Tonga. And I said, okay. I said, haha. And she goes, I know you are in LA.

Met up with Noah. She loves you and us. She's so cute. We better see her before we leave. Watching Brittany Murphy doc. What a sad world she lived in. Her fucking husband, Simon. I'm just glad you never fell for a Simon.

I said, Simon is so disgusting i love noah she goes ha ha ha you are so hip to what's going on stylist try on tomorrow and then she goes by the way noah loves you too have you met avi i said yes he's so nice she said we are going to meet him noah wants us to come over to her house that's so cute and then she talked a lot of shit but um no no what did you notice about the relationship that maybe i'm missing out on because i'm jaded and you know one your dad is a leader because although because i thought i was gonna have to figure out like the hiking trail at sabino, but he knew them all. And he was the one who led us. Your parents are very adventurous. They told me about their trip to Alaska and now they're in Tucson. And I just think it's, it's great that they travel together and do

all that stuff. Um, and your dad is so sweet. There was this woman who was mountain biking with her kids and she had no idea what she was doing and the kid fell off the bike and your dad helped him up and he helped him fix the bike chain and stuff and he kind of like gave them advice on on what to do it's very sweet okay i like it no i i love this trip for them you know for the listener doesn't know my parents just decided to go to tucson arizona for the month because they have a friend who has a house there that gave them like a deal on an Airbnb situation. And they're there the whole month. And I love them being somewhere where they're just living their best life and they're not working.

And my mom's not constantly rattled by like cleaning and figuring out, you know, bills and stuff. It's just, it's nice to have them on an extended vacation where I'm like, oh man, I want them to have, I want everyone to have that kind of life eventually. It was funny though. It was retirement. Before your parents left, they were talking to me. And, uh. Oh yeah? And, uh, your mom, your mom was like God damn, EJ's inviting a new couple.

Everyone is coming out to this. God damn, we got this house, and EJ is having so many God damn guests. I'm going to have to clean and cook and entertain. I don't even... And that's true. They didn't have time to call me about Bob Saget because they were so preoccupied with guests.

There was a jazz festival in town and they basically had a bunch of jazz musicians hang out and stay with them. Yes. That's how cool your parents are. My dad's best friend is a jazz musician named Steve Schmidt who's really a popular, famous jazz musician

in Cincinnati. And so they came out and went to the jazz festival. I don't think he played in it, but yeah, my parents are cool as fuck. There's just no doubt. If you have a friend that plays jazz who comes out and just is like, hey, you mind if I put my oboe over there?

Yeah, dude. Their friend John Vester is famous in Finland? No, Denmark. What does he do? He's a musician. John Vester, he lives in Venice, California, but he's super famous. He bought a place right off the Venice Boardwalk in the 1970s. And so he has this amazing...

It's where I lived when I first moved to LA. I lived in his spare bedroom right off the Venice Boardwalk with my dad's best friend from high school who is just this kind of hippie-ish dude. And he's famous in Denmark. It's so interesting when people are famousish dude. He's famous in Denmark. It's so interesting when people are famous. Oh, he's not from Denmark. He's just famous in Denmark. They just picked him up there, like that Sugar Man documentary.

Yeah, he was famous in South Africa and never knew. That's wild. Maybe I'm famous in Jersey. Something crazy. It is interesting to look at your stats of like where on instagram are your fans i got like three percent in australia what's up guys it's um we're fan from estonia well i mean i even know estonia was a real place i didn't i don't know

i think that sounds like a metal band um noah loves them She has a tattoo under her tongue. Noah, have you watched Kamikaze? Kamikaze. No, but your parents were telling me about it. Okay, yeah. I've gotten some besties into it, and Andrew obviously watched it way before I even finished it. I've watched it twice now. I love it so much.

I just want to reinforce that it's really good, and everyone should watch it. It's on HBO Max max and you should definitely watch it with in finnish like that's i think danish no it's danish oh my god john vester might be all over that thing yeah you should watch it in danish and then have the subtitles on but if you watch the first episode be warned that at the end there is a text message that they do not translate. And you can just Google what does the text message say at the end of the episode. But please do not do any research about what this show is about before you watch it. Just put it on and watch it.

Or watch it with English like I did. No. And then be like, wow, they're really good with English. And I was recommended to be to someone who watched it in English. I'm also, I reached out to the girl from Kamikaze. Her name is Maria Ruther. The one that got hurt in Tonka? No.

In her character? I mean, I matched with him on Raya once. Chris Lilley. He's amazing. I'm trying to think of like a different character that your mom would be worried about. Well, she should be worried about what's her name from the show. I posted about Kamikaze on my Instagram story.

Marie Ruther from the show DM'd me a heart eyes emoji being like, thank you for posting. I go, girl, thank you for bringing this character to my life. You are insanely good. Now we're instagram friends

and it's just so fun another show i'm so into right now afterlife yeah i've watched the first two seasons so the third season just came out did you watch already i'm getting through the second season i'm on the third episode of the second season let's watch the third season let's do that yeah um boy that show is great no have you seen afterlife yeah i watched the first season i have to catch up ricky gervais is i know he's been on you up before when we had it on serious he is so awesome and i was reading about him last night did you know he was a singer and in a band like a pop singer oh before he was a comedian well Well, he also worked in a regular office. He did? He didn't start... He didn't blow up until his 40s.

And he had all that stuff to write about because he actually worked. That was based off kind of a true story. I like how the afterlife kind of is like the office. They have an office setting. But Afterlife is on Netflix. If you haven't checked it out yet, I can't

recommend that enough either. That is a totally different kind of tone of a show than Kamikaze, but it's so good. I love that kind of tone of the show. The acting on that show, every single character is fucking brilliant. The funniest character is the psychiatrist

who is also in Game of Thrones. I i mean all these people are every british actor is in game of thrones i realized which is a show i haven't seen even though i know it would probably be one of my faves and succession is all like australians and british actors did you read that new yorker piece about jeremy strong no uh kendall from succession so it's all about how serious of an actor he is yeah it's pretty good i'll send it to you it was um it got a lot of headlines when it came out so there's this new yorker article about jeremy strong who plays kendall in succession and it's all about how his acting

process and he's very method meaning like he's in it and wants to he makes everyone else's lives miserable to get the role right and if you're watching curb this year he's almost kind of like that guy on curb that player plays young larry who wants to like have the perfect glasses and everything and it's like you read this and you're like this guy is obnoxious it was interesting though because i was reading what did i read that mean um oh i was reading the um a new york times piece about kathy griffin and about her comeback who i'm a huge kathy griffin fan and always will be and after she got she said i wasn't canceled after the trump mask thing i was ruined and they tried

and she was like she couldn't work but she was talking about coming back from that and how and they were talking about in the article how women, when they have similar, so everyone came, so the article about Jeremy Strong was not, it didn't paint him in a good light. Some of his, you know, co-stars were like, yeah, it's annoying. He's annoying. Brian Cox, you know, who plays his father, it's like, it's a whole thing with him. And then after it came out and everyone's kind of making fun of them all these people aaron sorkin all these people come out and say like we support him he's an actor like he has nothing to be ashamed of like that's just the way he is he's

not an asshole all this stuff and then they were comparing that to like when a woman acts the way if a woman were to act the way jeremy strong acts on set it's very interesting to play that out and see how that would be accepted because i don't think it would be and i think that we but what was like what was i'm just trying to wrap my head about like specifically like what does he do that like does he just obviously he doesn't break character but is he does he act like an asshole and be like well that's the character he does anything to get the role he calls people to like he he he's calculating and how he gets roles and how he follows up with people he's really talented but he you know he made kind of a connection with chris evans back in like his theater camp days and so he emailed him and like tried to get through his

agent like just i kind of love that the hustle of it like but yes there was just something about i've you know i'm not doing a good job of painting it but um i was reading the subreddit he cut a president's head off and put in the thing about the kathy griffin thing can i explain what happened which is kind of interesting yeah so we all know she's in the same article no. No, Kathy Griffin one is separate from the Jeremy Strong one. Okay. So the Kathy Griffin incident happened because she, he had just said that thing about Megyn Kelly where there was blood coming out of everything. And he was kind of commenting about her being on her period.

Do you remember that? Yeah. And so she was doing a photo shoot and they went to the Halloween store to get a mask of Trump. And they put a like the they put it in like one of the styrofoam wig things. So it was filled out. And then they were like, we'll put blood on it because he said blood coming out of everything. And then, of course, it looks like a severed head. But it was in the context of that line, which, you know, later on, completely out of context.

And she and she was investigated by the secret service for wanting to like decapitate the press i mean it was ridiculous and it was just and he sicked his and she's also a redhead yeah i mean they're both redheads is he a redhead no no with the blood oh yeah anyway i just she's just so cool i've been through so much i just really admire her but i also like Jeremy Strong. There was nothing about it that made me go, he's an asshole. I just thought it was interesting. I don't know.

I think when you have someone, just a visual. So much of the things where people, if it's a story of Jeremy Strong being a dick, but if it was caught on video, right out of context of Jeremy strong, like throwing coffee on someone's face and being like, that's the character, you know, like, or whatever,

you know, then it changes everything. Like if you just heard, I did a really bad job because honestly, it must not have been a dick, but I just remember people making a thing of it. And then everyone came to his defense. And I just,

I'm not trying to play the, if it was a man card because i know that some women can be divas and people like really respect that about them but i just tend to notice that when if women like have like a way they do things and it just i mean even with this situation with this hotel room i don't love it and i want to switch to a better one and i know there's some money in the budget to get me a better one but i don't want that to be a thing that hbo and like everyone knows about me is like nikki is i don't want to be a diva ever i don't want to be a nag i don't want to be a slut i don't want to be a tease i don't want to be diva

what are other things women don't want to be what do you not want to be you you don't want to be a pussy uh a creep men don't want to be pussy but i i have i mean i'm kind of like with you on this stuff like for me to ask for a better fucking you're the same way i'm very similar in a way but also but there are people that just think they deserve it and they don't care like how people perceive it like i i'm not one of those people like i asked for a little bit more money than what they offered me for this and that was a huge good for you and i didn't get it but i was happy that i did it yeah and uh you know and it wasn't like crazy amount of money and then i was you know my thing though is if I was on Shark Tank, I was like 40 percent. And they're like, well, we'll give you 4 percent.

I'll be like, you know what? Who needs the tea? Yeah. But that's what I would do. Like, I'm not really like, but I'm glad that I did it. But yes, I see your point. But maybe there's a room in the building that's similar priced in a different area. And honestly, I'd be willing to pay the extra. Like with my HBO special right now, it's been pushed.

Like the air date has been pushed four months because I didn't get the edit done in time because I'm just being too nitpicky about it. And, you know, they have a certain budget allocated for like this is how much money we can spend on editing. And I'm blowing past that severely because i just want it to be great and it's just not yet to me and it really has the potential to be and i wrote in the email to the guy yesterday i'm like i i got a really good song for it that i've wanted forever and it costs like thirty thousand dollars which is what any song that you would recognize or any that you wouldn't even recognize the song but it's what it costs and i said um you know i'll pay my own money for extra editing i just want this to be great i think i could win an emmy and i just want um or we could just get rid of the song and i could

literally like we could do a sound alike that will cost five dollars you know so i'm but it's interesting when people ask for more like i No, but so you asked for that. What did he say? He hasn't written me back yet. But in the Kathy Griffin article, this is what freaked me out. So this is what frayed her relationship with CNN long before the mask incident. So she called, I think it's, I forget who was the president of NBC at the time, like Jeff Zucker or something like that. And she called him like 10 days before

she was supposed to do Christmas Eve CNN with Anderson Cooper and or New Year's Eve, Christmas Eve, the countdown to Christmas Eve. They're just counting like the five, the 12 days of Christmas. So she was called Jeff Zucker. Noah, you'll love this too. Cause I was thinking of you. Cause you're, you're really good when it comes to like stepping up and trying to negotiate and fight for yourself if you think you deserve it. And she said to him, I want this much more money because I think Anderson's making that and I want this much more money. And he thought it was a threat that she would walk if she didn't get it. So he said, well, you're fired. I don't take threats.

Don't threaten me with this and he fired her and then she apologized and then she he hired her again and then gave her less than she was making before oh man and yeah but this bitch like kathy griffin the reason she i resonate with her when she says i hate when people say I resonate she resonates with me when she says that she never sought out to be someone who is offensive or who like had people hate her I mean we all get into this because we want to be loved and yet she but then you just get into it you realize the hypocrisy and like how much bullshit there is and you're just like fuck it like I just wanna I you know if

people are gonna not like me that's fine like I read a you did I say that I read a YouTube comment the other day under one of my most popular videos I accidentally read it because it was there and it was nice because it said this is as nice as it can get for me by the way when it isn't a bestie it said

gotta admit she kind of killed this one guys yeah so that is all they're gonna give me so what they were doing was writing in response to all the hate and i constantly get guys telling me like oh my god your youtube comments do not represent how we feel about you and i'm like i did i don't read them so don't tell me that but you know it's people the more people that know you, the more people are going to hate you. It's just the way it goes. And I am getting so good at being okay with that. I'm so grateful that my fame has come in gentle waves and ebbed and flowed.

And because I would not have been able to handle this when i was in my 20s of people having opinions about me and making fun of me or like you know just and your you know uh there was like a podcast that some people were making fun of me on recently and it was like my peers like people that i i'm you know not friends with but comedy acquaintances and they're like trashing me on it and it's all like good nature trashing they're not saying they're not like it was it's not the kind of stuff that i wouldn't be able to see them and be like oh that was nice you know i texted some of them about it but it is interesting when you get to a certain level of fame if i were a nobody they wouldn't be talking about this you know they would but because i'm at a certain level of fame

you become a part of the like like, everyone can comment on it. Like, I have a bit about, I say Pete Davidson's name in my special. Yeah. I am now able to comment on Pete Davidson's personal life in my special. Because he's that famous. Because he's that famous. Yeah. I'm able to comment.

And then the other night I was going to Supernova in L.A., which a lot of besties showed up to those shows thank you so much because they emailed uh no or uh carlisle that's awesome and mulaney was supposed to show up this weekend he didn't because of whatever reason but um i remember i didn't want to go to one of the shows because i it was after i found out this podcast was talking shit about me i'm like all the comics are talking shit about me. Everyone's laughing behind my back. And it was about the Bob Saget song. They're just saying that I was like cringe. And it was cringe. And I admit like there's cringe, there's cringe things about being sincere and it's fine. Like I, I predicted it, but, um, I was just like in this state of mind where it's like, I just heard all these nasty things about me. Howard Stern

made fun of me and was like, this is the kind of thing like Nikki would make fun of. Like, what is she even talking about? And I was just feeling like, Oh, everyone's like, listen to this behind my back. And they're probably like texting each other,

making fun of me, which could be true on some scale. I'm not like completely, I'm not thinking everyone, but I didn't want to go to the show. Cause I'm just like, I'm going to see other comics and they're going to be like snickering.

And then I was like, wait a second. John Mulaney might show up to the show john mulaney who i read speculation about his personal life i went on the daily mail two seconds like two seconds before i was leaving to go and i see pictures of him and sarah silverman walking the reservoir and him holding his baby i'm like everyone is following him and commenting on his life how must he feel showing up tonight knowing that his acquaintance nikki glazer is probably mouthed off on his life. How must he feel showing up tonight knowing that his acquaintance, Nikki Glaser, has probably mouthed off on many podcasts about his personal life knowing nothing about it. And it's kind of what you sign up for.

I'm not saying that I'm not going to stop commenting on celebrities' lives. But what I'm going to do is accept that mine is commentable too. And I'm able to be mocked by other comedians. And it's okay because I know who I am. I know where I know why I do things and the thing about them making fun of me for the Bob Saget song

on this podcast like first of all, they're not wrong. It is a little cringe being like that sincere and saccharine. It's so cringe. What I don't care about it though is that i didn't put out that song so i could get attention so that i could i know in my deepest heart of hearts that i wasn't like look how close i am with bob if anything i'm like i don't i'm not we were only we weren't that

good of like i feel guilty i've said it on this podcast i'm guilty we weren't that good of friends i wasn't trying to get attention for it i wasn't trying to make myself more famous because of it i was just putting something out there that reflected how i felt i would never have done it i not already been in a recording studio recording songs that i never intended to release which i could even prove that i wasn't going to tend to release them with multiple conversations i had i was paying thousands of dollars just to do this thing that I wanted to do for fun. And that's why it happened. And also, my final thought about this is that because no matter what other people say you're doing something for, because I think I didn't listen to their thing, but I think they just said it was cringe and that it's like Nikki

thinks she's like sweet. She doesn't sound that good, whatever it was. And them saying, I know what I would say if someone comic did this, let me just say that is that they're trying to get attention. They're trying to be like, I was so close with this famous person. I know I wasn't doing that.

That's all I need. That's all that needs. I don't need to prove that to anyone, which I could because I have proof that I've talked about not being that close with them. So obviously I'm not trying to pretend like I was. I just was feeling something and that's all that it was. And if my motivations were anything other than that, I would feel it would have stuck with me that they made fun of me because they would have nailed it. You know?

Yeah. made fun of me because they would have nailed it you know yeah i remember even before like you know people like commented on and you're like should i post this because it feels like i'm promoting like you felt weird about it yeah to me i remember also it's like part of me is like you've matured in a way where you can be sincere and you've removed yourself from this toxic situation that's that is in these these comedy communities that if you're not the most toxic, you're not being real or you're not being edgy. You know what is not edgy? Always being edgy. Exactly. of edginess to me and actually pushing the boundaries is doing things that are risky for you because they might make you look stupid they might make you look foolish they might make you look

weak but you want to say them and do them anyway comics who are live on the edge and whose main objective is always to say the most offensive thing and make fun of everything. There's nothing risky about it. Maybe the first time you went on stage and did that act where you're like, say the most offensive thing, maybe that was a risk. But once you have a fan base, there ain't nothing risky about going on a podcast.

And, and granted, I like these guys that make fun of me and they are so funny and i like i like offensive humor i like this you know i like that type of humor that's how i started in comedy was like saying the worst thing obviously my roast jokes are you know representative of that and a lot of my stand-up act but the thing i look what comedy doesn't give me anymore and doing those offensive jokes used to give me was the thrill that I might piss someone off

and they might hate me forever and it might ruin me. It might make me look stupid. I might say something that's out of line, that challenges the way someone thinks. They're not challenging anyone anymore. They have their legion of fans who agree with anything they say.

There is nothing they're putting out there anymore that is ever going to make them look stupid or embarrassed or there's no risk anymore. And I'm not saying that I still think it's valid to have that kind of comedy out there. It doesn't mean every comedy, all comedy has to be risky.

But what I did and what I'm doing with music is so embarrassing. It is the level of this is going to make get me it is yeah I know because it's going to it makes me doing Dancing with the Stars was also another thing I'm not saying I'm the best at this but at least I took a fucking chance on something I wanted to do because it felt good but might have made me look so dumb and did because I got first this thing that i sincerely tried i failed terribly at i've looked more stupid than these guys have so much more

and to me and i'm not even the one doing the most there are people that do this more than i even do it but to me being an edgy comic is the safest shit going and we need to start acknowledging that because what really is edgy and what is like you know is doing things that might make you look dumb and like you dancing in the supermarket someone like made said something about like nikki went from being like a great stand-up to now you're posting pictures like video of this guy dancing a supermarket you dance like a little spastic ballerina in a fucking aisle you tell me that is comedy you asshole that is funnier than any one-liner i could have written on twitter or some like sweet tiktok i could have made of like when you go to the supermarket and

you can't find the time like yeah that is so much or a original at all. And guess how many times I watched that and laughed in bed last night when I couldn't sleep. Like, 35 times. And how that, to me, is way riskier than saying some, like, line about, like, race or trans rights or whatever the fuck. Or, like, someone's mom. It's just, like. My thing, too, is that, like, it's, like, if. And I know we have to get to news, but like if your fan base attacks the person you make fun of,

not in a comical way, but in the most, uh, harsh and egregious way to really rip at them and make them feel horrible about themselves. And you don't fucking tell your audience like, Hey, look, we agree that this is funny but attacking other people outside of us yeah you know in a way where they flood

the troll and it's fucking it's whatever you're fucking trolls you're fucking right oh did they flood my comments on the second video they comment on on our youtube page like a hundred of them and maybe even more. Oh, I got so many messages on Twitter like, where's your Louis Anderson song? Where's your Robert Durst song? It's just like, it's going to follow me for a while. Which is fine. But I'm going to put out an album and actually have success and I'll get made fun of so much. I have so many more things up my sleeve that are going to be embarrassing.

Bring it on. These fucking pussies that comment this shit, they would never do anything that would ever make them look a little bit stupid in the name of being sincere and putting out actual feelings. And the second one of these guys' heroes perishes, God forbid,

let's see if they don't fucking do something a little bit sweet and and by the way the way anyone who is listening to these guys thinking they are like so brave and don't give a fuck and they're don't they don't try at all look at what they're wearing look at the outfits they wear look at the gloves they have on they think about what they look like and how they appear all the time. So do I. I'm just saying, it bugs me that they came after me. It hurt my feelings. It made me feel stupid. It made me feel

exactly how I knew I was going to feel and how I predicted I was going to feel. It's embarrassing to be made fun of. It just is. Especially by comedians whose comedy you respect. There's a way to be sincere in this. Their fan base, whatever, they're like, oh, we're sincere.

When we have festivals, we all come together and we're so open to everything. I love you, man. And we close every roast with, I love you, man. You're like my brother. But there's a way that they do sincerity where it's still manly and edgy. It's like, I love my baby son i taught him how to shoot a gun and uh kill his first rabbit and then we ate it together right out there on the woods you know and it's like wow man you fucking have some heart but if it was like

you know i don't know really putting yourself out there or really like just like but then i'll be like well you know or like i kissed a man or i blew him it's like yeah we understand this but you're it doesn't mean that your fan base don't fucking attack people and because i i interpreted it completely and here we are talking about it yeah no no i wanted to know what so i i watched it and like your song was the impetus for like one of the funniest moments they've had on their podcast, which was the tribute song that Jay and the guy from the comedy jam wrote. But it was about Bob Saget. So it had nothing really to do. They wrote like a mock song.

Yeah. So they're like, OK, well, this inspired us to write our own songs. And Lewis wrote a song, a parody song about meeting bob saget in the green room at skank fest and bob saget not knowing who he was to tears in heaven and then uh jay and adam wrote a song um like a like a metal song the the lincoln park song and then they did like a thing that corn did anyway. Yeah. And it was, it was really funny.

It's like, it is funny. I would probably be making fun of me too, but I'm just getting defensive because I'm me, but I will say that like the, the, their, I don't mind what they did as much as like what their fans did.

Of course. Yeah. I like that. I like this. I like, I like, I love, there's, you know,

I do think they are terrified of looking like pussies ever or look, or being vulnerable and really almost looking sincere, like, or, or being made fun. I mean, I would be terrified of being made fun of too. If all my friends constantly were on the lookout to make,

to call me gay and make fun of me, like it's just, and as a comedian, you can't do sincere things. too, if all my friends constantly were on the lookout to call me gay and make fun of me. As a comedian, you can't do sincere things. I've chosen a profession where I'm going to get made fun of, and this will haunt me for the rest of my life, but given a chance to do it again, I might have released it under a different name or something so that no one could accuse

me of it, but that would have been weird because it's like, why is this random person singing about Bob Saget? And maybe I would have been weird because it's like why is this random person singing about Bob and maybe I would have put more jokes in it but the day I recorded it I wasn't in a mood to make jokes and it just happened and that's just what happened and you know what

but I think that this can be a lesson to everyone because I was thinking about how I could make this like oh how is this about a larger thing than just myself? And it's just you can't control what people think about you. And if you know what your own intentions are and you know who you are, even if someone's calling you racist, someone's calling you a diva, someone's calling you a bitch, someone's calling you lazy. If you know someone's calling you fat, if you know you don't, you actively don't want to be that thing.

Maybe you are fat, but you don't want to be it. You know that that's it's not your fault. And also that it matters what I think. Like, I remember Rachel Feinstein. She I remember one time she was worried about some person she was working with thinking something about her because they knew someone who probably would have lied to her about her to them and i was just like rachel it just doesn't matter because you can't control it what are you going to call them and say i think you might have heard this thing about me it's out of your hands and you know that you're not that and all you have to do is just keep living from that place of not being the person that they are thinking that you are.

And it'll catch up. There are so many times I have heard things, shitty things about people. And I go into a situation thinking a person's going to be one way because I've heard rumors. And how quick, how easy is it to disprove that once you get to know a person? And even if you don't get a chance to disprove it,

like I'm not going to get a chance to makeprove it like i'm not gonna get a chance to make these people like they'll never like me these guys and and the the the haters but um i know who i am and that's all that matters and they're not affecting my well-being they're not like you know hurting me uh i'm not reading their comments my friends and family might but i know even if i did put that out to get attention for being friends with bob taggett and because i wanted everyone to hear my cool new voice that i think i deserve to win a fucking emmy for um which is not true but even if that were true who the fuck cares that's another thing when people like put an

instagram post where you know you'll you'll go nikki isn't this guy just trying to get attention for this and i go even if he is isn't that sad shouldn't we just like let that like and it's not that's not i'm not hurting anyone but if i were really like god i want everyone to know i'm so close to bob saget and that like famous people love me if that were me that's not that's really in the scheme of things to be a bad person that's not really that bad it's not true but like even if it were it's but i know who i am how many people were probably talking shit about childish gambino when he was like trying to do like r&b music when he was a stand-up comedian i mean and now he's off to making one of the best shows on tv and i'm not saying people go well that's not the same because he's more talented.

Like, whatever. Like, you know what I mean? Like, they have this idea of, like, and they want to keep everyone in a box because they don't want to go outside that box. That box is scary. I don't want to step out there. It's so scary to potentially look stupid. And that's why I love you. That's why I was so attracted to you and your version of standup because you, you've taught me to lean into that of like, who cares if my, I'm looking in the Instagram and I'm trying to look a little bit hot here. And it's also funny.

It's also funny. That's good enough. And maybe I am trying to look a little hot cause I look good. Who the fuck cares? It's okay. And what if I like, i look like i do a silly dance and it's like i don't know it's just i i get comments though like look there i i lean like i know like there's a way of me being like oh i could just dance down the thing and like but i

also want to be respected for my jokes you know because i do think i'm a good joke writer and i do think like i i actually can tell a story very – whatever. I'm very compelling on stage, and I don't just rely on – You're more than that, of course. And I'm not saying that that's what you think, but I get comments all the time where it's like, you're nothing without Nikki. But you know that's not true. I know, but even if you read it – But I'm saying that's what I'm saying.

No, no, I agree. That's what I tell myself. I do tell myself. I go, look, I actually worked eight years or seven years before I even met Nikki. I actually am extremely talented on my own. But you read that and people from afar, it still enters my brain. But you just got to go back to what you can control. And in trying to convince people, no, no, no, actually this.

Just keep telling good jokes. Just keep telling good stories. Because you do know you're a good storyteller. You do know you're a good comedian. They might not know that or see that yet, but you can just keep doing it and then it will eventually get out there. They might not see it, but in the end. It's so funny how you come up, though, is how you're perceived. Everyone gets a break from someone else.

Everyone can always go, you wouldn't be anything if you didn't do that. So many people have helped me along the way that they could. And by the way, people could say the same thing about I'm nothing without you. What do I have to be? I feel that way about you sometimes, a lot of times. So do we have any time for any news? No, we do I have to be? It's the same. I feel that way about you sometimes a lot of times. So do we have any time for any new, no, we have to go to a break.

Let's come back with, why do I care? And just cut right to it. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show, which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast. The daily show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get

anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, why do I care? Why do I care? Let me get to it, sorry. Oh, yeah, have all the swells out there. It's Tuesday, folks. You know what that means?

We didn't even do news. It is Tuesday. But why do I care? Taylor Swift fires back at singer Damon Albarn for claiming she doesn't write her own songs. Can you listen to his quote? Yeah. Have you read the quote? Yeah.

I don't even want to comment on this. I'm so upset about it in a way that you don't think i would be so so he goes uh she doesn't write her own song oh so damon went on to say that doesn't count i she co-writes most some of them or the reporter said whatever he goes that doesn't count i know what co-writing is co-writing is very different to writing i'm not hating on anybody i'm just saying there's a big difference between a songwriter and a songwriter who co-writes. Doesn't mean the outcome can't be really great. That is not attacking at all. He didn't say that she doesn't

write some of her songs, but maybe she does co-write some of them. Does she not bring in producers from music? She does co-write, but he was insinuating. He definitely was insinuating that when it says co-write that she's not doing the writing. Oh, is that what you got from it? I didn't get that. Yeah, I mean, absolutely. But the truth of the matter is, this is exactly what we were just talking about.

I was a little disappointed with her reply because, can you read her reply? She wrote, fuck you, bitch. I'll find you. I mean, she essentially did. Oh, sorry.

That was a different quote. Okay. Uh, I was, by the way, this guy is, uh, the,

was in the band, the gorillas, you know, with the Z the yes. I ain't happy. I'm feeling sad. He's one of the gorillas. I'm feeling bad.

I got sunshine. I was such a big fan of yours until i saw this i write all of my own songs your hot take is completely false and so damaging you don't have to like my songs but it's really fucked up to try and discredit my writing wow and then she writes a follow-up she goes ps I wrote this tweet all by myself in case you were wondering no co-writing on that tweet here's my

here's when I saw that I first read Taylor's response before I saw his thing and I thought this guy must have really been harsh really mean and then I read his quote and I go, we would never hear about this guy's quote unless Taylor commented on it.

Um, ever who is reading an article about what the co-founder of gorillas who had a hit in 2001 says, Andrew, you want to scoot up closer? Oh, sorry. Um,

so the only reason we know about this, I get it. I get this is exactly what we were just talking about. When someone says something about you that isn't true and how you respond and how hurtful it can be when you know it isn't true and you perceive that maybe a lot of people are saying this about you.

I gotta be honest, no one thinkslor swift ain't writing her songs that girl i mean i know i mean you know what i don't want to say no one because it's almost the same thing i was just saying of like when one person says something the people can latch on to it and then it can be the come the narrative about you but there are so many documented uh you know it's so well documented that taylor swift writes literally everything she does and she has a hand in everything she's almost uh you know it's almost too much sometimes where you're like girl like she's writing songs for other people like that she should record on her own this girl is one of the greatest songwriters in the history of the world there's no doubt about that the fact that she got so upset about this hurts me because i'm like taylor you have nothing to prove anymore you don't need to get mad at this guy because his voice means truly nothing. You are so solidified in the annals of music history as one of the most prolific singer-songwriters who will ever exist right up there with the Beatles.

Like, with the Beatles. That answering this guy is just beneath you. And the fact that he made you so upset makes me think, babe, what's going on? Like, this doesn't, you... Yeah, but I guess the competitive... It makes me feel sad for her that she got so upset about this.

And... But don't you think this mindset is the same reason why she writes 40,000 songs? It's the same reason why you write and do everything you do? Like... Yes, but I think she should have kept it to herself because I think this guy's life is ruined now same reason why you write and do everything you do. Like, every artist is sensitive. To herself, because I think this guy's life is ruined now

for a while because of how much her fans hate him. And I just think it was, I think it was an overreaction. Even like Taylor, too. But thank God for Taylor Swift's overreactions. I have... But her fans are going to go off on this guy, right? Oh, I know. And she'll never once write, hey, you know what?

Back off. Back off. off look it was between me and him i made this public it's not really you don't have to fucking i completely agree swat him or whatever when you said that about those guys about me it was immediately what i thought about is this i was thought i felt bad for this guy yesterday because he followed up with the greatest response ever and i'm on the the Taylor Swift subreddit yesterday. What was his response? I didn't see that. It was like, I would never want to discredit

you as a songwriter. I am so very sorry. And it was taken out of context, he said, a little bit. It was absolutely. They were talking about co-writers in general. I bet her name was thrown into it. They took out any other name that was associated in that mix. I'm sure it was taken out of context. And the thing is, maybe he was feeling a little jealous of

her. And he threw under the bus because he was like, I like Billie Eilish more than Taylor Swift. He said a couple other things that were not nice. So I would be fired up too if I were her. It makes you realize there's no one that's immune to feeling really attacked when

there's ridicule, especially when it puts into question the thing that you pride yourself on the most that no one can take from you is that you write your own stuff. And it comes from a peer that you were. Man, if someone said that someone else co-wrote my jokes, I would fucking lose my goddamn mind. You know, like that is what really. When people say I suck dick for stage time, I was like, okay, I know I didn't do that.

But when someone said no men wrote jokes for you, I was like, how fucking dare you? And I did blow him for the joke. No, but my thing is, it also comes like you like these guys that were talking shit. She respected this guy. So I'm sure she's like, wow, this guy's a great song or however she viewed it. Yeah. I think it's interesting to say you're a fan of someone until they insult you because does that change if other music sounds that's a little weird that's the difference yeah yeah um i just felt so wait i'm sorry so you're reading the

subreddit to meditate more but that's it but i will say that she um yeah i was reading the subreddit and i thought taylor swift fans would be like that was a sincere apology people cannot fucking apologize anymore no No one will take an apology. There's no apology that's ever good enough for people once they want you once they want to burn you at the stake. Once you apologize, then you're weak, and then they jump on you more.

Apologizing is worse. There's nothing. You guys, open your minds to people apologizing. It's so weird. And my fans don't need to hear this because they're fucking open to it, but I'm just sad about it. Let's get into reddit um it's time for reddit dump karaoke mode this is your reddit dump um all right so let's be real quick yeah go pee i'll stay on here and keep this going um so i wanted to play a really funny clip from, I guess, Magnum P.I. Did you see the one?

And it's like, I don't know if it's going to go well on audio, but you can check it on the video if we can put it on. It's Magnum P.I. and he's like obviously investigating some kind of crime. And it's, you know, what's his name? Tom Selleck. Tom Selleck. And he's running up some stairs and he sees a nun on a ladder. And he has his gun drawn. And he's like searching for whoever the suspect is.

And he sees a nun on a ladder. And he kind of looks at the nun. And she looks back at him. And he's like kind of like, oh, okay, she's just a nun. And then he says that. Then he runs back up the stairs. He runs back up the stairs. He runs back up the stairs. And then he gets a little bit of a suspicion.

And then all of a sudden, you see her from behind pull out a gun. Guns don't work on Sunday. And he's... He says to himself, right before he realizes that the nun so the nun is in the background pulling out her gun and you can see her about to shoot him and then he like you know he just kind of thinks to himself and then right before he turns around to see her he goes nuns don't work on sunday then he turns around and he shoots the nun before she's able to shoot him. But it's just so funny how, like, you would never put that together and go, it's Sunday. Nuns don't work.

It's just like the dumbest thing. Especially fixing windows. What nuns fix windows? Why would a nun? Nuns don't work. Why is this not on a ladder fixing a window? Like a very high ladder, too. She's like 35 feet up.

It just made me laugh. That was from the subreddit. Funny. Wait, I have a question for Andrew because when I was watching that clip, has anyone ever said that Tom Selleck and you could be related in some way? Here, wait till you see this photo

and I think we should post it. I'll send you a photo, Noah, where I'm very Selleck-y. Okay. Mixed with Ron Jeremy. Oh yeah, you got a little bit of Ron it. I'll send you a photo, Noah, where I'm very Selicky. Okay. Mixed with Ron Jeremy. Oh, yeah. You got a little bit of Ron Jeremy. I see that.

On the top. No Selick? No, I see the Tom Selick, especially in this last clip that we just showed. This was from True Off My Chest is where people just like vent something and this thought made me think of you, Andrew.

It said, the fact that women's legs are naturally hairy to me is such a mind fuck. My dislike of hairy legs on a woman feels so natural to me, but it isn't. It's a socially imposed preference, and if I had been born any time before the 1900s, women would be all walking around with hairy legs, and men wouldn't give a shit because it would be normal. It's hard for me to believe my preference for hairless legs is a social construct

because it doesn't feel that way even though it is it makes me wonder what other aspects of myself that i believe are inherent are actually not um andrew you feel the same way about women's hair on their legs uh don't lie i'm not gonna lie i'm gonna say that if i if so bruno might not shave her legs during the winter and, or like she lets them grow a little bit. Like they're, they do feel a little tarantula, but not full. But you said the look of ankle hair on a woman's leg could make you unattracted to her. No, no.

It was the happy trail. It was the happy trail of a woman. But a woman with fully grown out leg hair, it does not help my penis stay hard or get hard i agree with that i have the same thing with um men not driving teslas just kidding yeah yeah yeah what i mean what is it about a man that like where a man grooms themselves where it's like i couldn't date a man unless he was groomed in a certain way i'm just trying to think there's nothing i mean i don't really mind a lot of body hair or anything like that.

I mean, there are women that will go, if you have back hair, I'm not dating you. Uncircumcised penises. With hair on them. There are women that are probably grossed out by that, but you should be grossed out by penises in general. The fact that we haven't learned to crave penises is weird.

Like, just want them in us We do but physically They don't look more appealing I guess because we don't need to put them in our mouths It's just something we do for fun It's the dicks you've seen your whole life It's what you see your whole life If I saw leg hair my whole life

It would be more acceptable Although I do remember in 4th or 5th grade When girls had hair Some girls would shave until their knee yes and then it would be like even if it was blonde they go it's blonde i'm like yeah but that's a lot of blonde right you know what i mean even then i kind of knew that like i wasn't that attracted to it i'm the same way i mean i feel like so much more of a woman when i have shaved legs but it is interesting that makeup though is just something that highlights things that are already natural for a woman when I have shaved legs. But it is interesting that makeup, though,

is just something that highlights things that are already natural for a woman to look pretty. Yeah. Like, that are already, like... But the hairless leg thing is completely... I wonder what that is signaling to a man's brain that they are more sexually attractive that is kind of an evolutionary thing.

What's that? The hair thing? Yeah, hairless. Being like, if a woman's hairless. Young, young. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, young. It's youth. You're right. You don't get hair on your legs until you're older.

It's totally- If I saw a dolphin with long hair, I would be turned off. There's something about- Oh, God, have you seen that TikTok of someone putting those hard spaghetti through a hot dog and then cooking it? Oh, no. It looks like a centipede. So you put it through a hot dog and then you throw it in boiling water. And then afterwards all the spaghetti is,

you could strike it through. You know what I'm saying? And you put it in the water. And so it looks like a, and then you pull it out and it's just this, and then they put it in a bun and it's like a spaghetti dog. It just makes me sick. So this is one from life pro tips.

I just thought this was good for me and the besties and you to know. Life Pro Tip. Always tell kids that they have a cool helmet. Positive reinforcement with helmets can cause them to wear them more in the future and potentially save their life. I thought that was good. Yeah, I mean, again, that goes to being manly and being tough

as opposed to, is it stupid? Tony Hawk wears a helmet. That's what it says here. Also, buy your kids helmets that look cool like their friends have. That's a good point. Was there anything when you were a kid that you were like, so, I needed to have like a cool backpack. Like I was so worried that I was going to have a lame, lame gym shoes, lame backpack.

Lame backpack. Lame bike. Lame binder. Yes. Remember the Velcro binder came out. Oh, five star. And it's like it couldn't be too colorful because I couldn't be a girl. So it'd have to be manly, maybe like a dark blue.

Okay. That I'm wearing now for a shirt. Let's go to the final thought and let's play the clip that I just found on Reddit this morning. That is so weird of this guy trying to pick up this girl in like a thrift store. So it says, it actually reads it for us so we can listen. It's so creepy.

You're going to love this. I was just trying to thrift. Excuse me. My name is Lori. All right. I just think you're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met. Oh, thank you.

Could I buy one of those things for you? Oh, no, it's okay. I'll be fine. You sure? Yeah, I'm fine. Okay. Yeah. Are you engaged with someone or involved with someone?

No, I'm not. I'm not either. I'm only 17, so. Okay. Well, that's a good age to be. Yeah, it is. I'm not quite that. All right. I got injured about a month or so ago. My knee is kind of, I'll tell you, it's kind of banged up. I get bitten by a tick, actually. Maybe you can guess which one is bad. Oh, I have no idea. No, I can't tell. It's the right one. Anyway, I live out in the country

and I got a bunch of stuff that I was kind of trying to keep up on for work, but it's kind of falling behind. I'm looking for someone to help me. Okay. It's a paying thing, but it basically involves getting my stuff out of the garden and processing some things like tomatoes and that kind of stuff. Right. All right. I'm getting a phone call. I actually have to go.

Okay. Ugh. God. What the fuck? I mean, that's a guy that eventually he tries that a bunch of times and obviously it never works. Or he tries it on a mentally ill person and they do it.

But he's going to murder her. And then he just goes and kidnaps someone. I don't know about murder, but he'll definitely sexually harass her. But, no. Well, someone commented and said, yeah, I have a farm with an empty storage container that i'm currently looking to lock someone up in are you interested she's like actually yeah that sounds

cool uh one of my acid vats has sprung a leak uh do you know how to weld oh i do that's another comment these people are so funny on reddit um yeah and also girl, want to check out my gross knee? Like my pussing knee that got bit by a tick. Like what is wrong with people? And also that girl, uh, teach our children to say, leave me the fuck alone, dude. Or like go get. You don't want to like elevate it, I guess. It's hard. I know, but there, she's in a public place where there could be other people, but like,

man, that is so creepy. The hanger sounds add to the tension, too. Oh, yeah. Ring, ring, ring, ring. I freaking, yeah. Have you ever tried to pick up a girl in public? Like, total shift of tone because, obviously, you would never do anything like that. But has there ever been an attempt to talk to a girl in public that you had an attraction to from afar?

I'm going to say this right now and you might not believe me. I don't think I've ever. Maybe not. Okay. Silber. Sober. Sober. Right.

Not drunk. I've never hit on a girl in like a hitting on way in my life. Yeah. I know. I mean, I i believe you i don't think i've never been at the gym and been like oh are you like lifting that's cool like i love to lift i've been hit on maybe a handful of times like that but i think it happens so often i i think i really put out a vibe of like don't fucking talk to me and not that i'm like i'm the other girls are asking for it i'm not saying that i just i just don't get it to me. And not that I'm like, other girls are asking for it. I'm not saying that. I just don't get it a lot.

And I have to imagine it's not because guys don't want to rape me. But it's like... But I'm talking about like just even just like... No, I get it. Just want to sleep with me. No, it doesn't. It's never...

I'm almost offended that people don't do it more often because... But I've... I think I've done... I've given my number to like, God, I've like just gone up and like given my number and walked away back in my twenties a lot.

Not so, I mean, sober. Yeah. I mean, and they never do. It's a good move though, because you're kind of like,

you're not really, you're risking it without kind of risking it. Cause you're kind of like, you're going for it. But if they don't call back, I know you did that at the hotel that one time there was the bellman there was a bellboy at the hotel i just checked out of yesterday and i went downstairs and i had all my luggage in my room stacked up and i had a tip on

it because i was going to go down to the lobby and be like hey can someone go up and get it and i go down they're like oh this guy can get it and he rounds the corner and be like, hey, can someone go up and get it? And I go down and they're like, oh, this guy can get it. And he rounds the corner and he's the most attractive person I've ever seen maybe. And he's the bellboy and he's probably like 22 or something. Like he's way young, but he's just gorgeous. I

couldn't talk. In front of all these employees at the front desk, I was like, I have... And I had to look at the front desk. I was like, I have. And I had to look at the ground. I felt insane. Like you were kicking dirt? I was so.

It wasn't like I was trying to be flirtatious. I couldn't. I was too astounded by how attractive this person was. And I felt embarrassed to be in their presence. And I was like, it's my luggage is. I couldn't look at him. Have you ever seen someone so good looking you couldn't look them in the eye uh yeah yeah i think so i can't like put my finger on it but i've been around attractive enough people that are just like oh you're not even uh you're not the same kind of person as me

like there's two different kinds of people and you're in some kind of weird cheekbone family. I felt like if I looked him in the eyes, he would know how much I felt he was hot. That something in my eyes might turn to hearts. Or I don't know why I couldn't make eye contact because I thought he would know everything, and it would be so embarrassing that this old woman thinks this guy is so cute.

But it was, it was like, I was a seventh grader and there was like a hot boy at the locker next to me. It was so funny. I felt like kind of alive again. I was like, Oh my God, that's so funny.

And then I was like, how does my room look? What did I, what kind of shape? You also don't expect it. Like it's your, Oh yeah. And he also just saw all your like room.

He's like my dirty luggage. I'm like, Jesus Christ. No, I mean, I was just, saw all your room. He's like, my dirty luggage. I'm like, Jesus Christ. No, I mean, I was just. Also, then it's like, do people not try to fuck the bellhop? Or do they just try to fuck the bellhop? Do we think we're better than the bellhop? I was like, this is a White Lotus episode, season two, waiting to happen.

I mean, this kid. I've never seen someone just where they just walk in and I'm like he's definitely in LA modeling acting he was so sweet he was just like a young maybe he was older than 22 but he was just nice he wasn't like like he thought he was cool he was just like a sincere bellman that was like I'm sorry I don't know your he was like what's your name again because they're all is a hotel where they're supposed to like know your names but he didn't know my fucking name and I'm like uh Miss Glazer, it's Miss Robinson to you. Yeah, yeah.

It's funny. This makes me think of, so last night I watched Euphoria, episode three of this past season. And there's a beginning episode. At the beginning of the episode, it's about these two high school boys that end up, they love each other, but they can't be together because it's like the 1950s or 60s or whatever it's like an origin story for like one of the other

characters like the fathers okay whatever long story short i'm like god there's one guy like they're both extremely attractive guys that look like they're in their 20s playing high school kids whatever but the one looked just like brad pitt like like a young brad pitt and i literally typed it like i don't know why i just had to google it i had to find out like who this guy was look like brad pitt like so you looked up i'd like typed in you know euphoria episode three guy that looks like a young brad pitt oh my god and it's just like so funny and i found him on instagram and i'm like going through it but i was like it kind of looks like brad pitt like Oh, my God. And it's just so funny. And I found him on Instagram. And I'm going through his... I was like, he kind of looks like Brad Pitt.

I'm analyzing how hot he is. Does he look like Brad Pitt? I do the same thing late at night. It's so lame. Oh, my God. The wormhole I got into last night was so embarrassing. I was looking at some couple that looks perfect. Yeah.

And I'm like like what are you doing nikki it's 3 a.m you should go to bed and i was just like oh my god i'm so happy for them they're really cute but like oh let's i want to hear what her voice sounds like she's really hot but i bet she's got a weird voice and i'm like and then i'm just like god they seem so happy and i'm like oh just go back to like just get off of this and so i go back to reddit and it's just a picture of a wart being dissected and i'm like what is and it's just i just i'm in the subreddit warts like looking and i'm deep in it like two years down yeah and i'm like it just was such a quick reminder of like who i am i'm like this single woman with a uti staying up late watching some couple being

like they're not that happy and then i go back to like me and my wart vids. And then the next morning you go, hey, I got to sleep in an extra 20 minutes. Because that's what I was up late doing last night. It's ridiculous. We got to go. Thank you for listening to the podcast. We'll be here all week and all month, really, in Mexico.

Thank you so much for listening. Don't be kuh. And Jack. Jack Cabo. i just said a whole list of them and we couldn't even pull one catch john stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts