The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #169 Bucked Tradition, A Murder Podcast
Episode Date: February 2, 2022Nikki and Andrew are doing a nighttime pod and decide to throw out the rundown and review a podcast from the top of the charts called Morbid: A True Crime Podcast. They both listened to episode 295, e...xcept Andrew fell asleep during the assignment. Nikki learns why Andrew never wears a belt, ponders how she would be as a murderer and gives a hack to beat a lie detector test, all while summarizing and analyzing the Mary Morris' murders. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Here I am
Hey guys, welcome to Tuesday's show
It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast
Right out of the gate, this is a special episode
We're recording it on Monday night because we have a full day of shooting on Tuesday
And otherwise we were going to have to get up at like 6am to do it And that's just not going to happen This is a special episode. We're recording it on Monday night because we have a full day of shooting on Tuesday.
And otherwise, we were going to have to get up at like 6 a.m. to do it.
And that's just not going to happen.
And we would be all groggy and weird.
And this way, we're like jazzed.
What is it?
Eight o'clock at night?
Yeah.
Here in Cabo?
Yeah.
Andrew's here.
Noah is not here.
Yeah.
She had jujitsu class or something.
Fun.
Right?
I mean, I thought you fired her.
Well, this is just the beginning of the end.
Oh, okay.
No, Noah's not going fucking anywhere.
No, no, I'm kidding.
If you notice anything during this show,
it's that it's very,
you can tell Noah's not here.
No one's steering the ship.
Oh, no, no, no.
We are.
There's an old man.
There's just a claw. I don't know anything about sails. And the ship is just. Or steering the ship. Oh, no, no, no. We are. There's an old man. There's just a claw.
I don't know anything about sails or steering.
Yeah.
We're no compass.
We're in the night sky trying to use the northern star.
I'm using the big zipper.
And I'm even looking at the little zipper.
And also, that doesn't tell you much of anything.
No, it just makes me want ice cream. Do you ever see Orion's belt?
Those are the ones I can see.
I don't wear belts. You don't? No. No, it just makes me want ice cream. Do you ever see O'Ryan's belt? Those are the ones I can see.
I don't wear belts.
You don't?
No.
Wait, why?
I've never seen you wear a belt.
Yeah.
Why not?
Guys don't wear belts anymore.
It's not a thing.
That's not true.
I only wear a belt if I tuck in a shirt.
I never tuck in a shirt.
Why don't you tuck in a shirt?
Because when do I need to tuck other than golf? And then I've learned that I don't even have to tuck on a golf course. There's
just morals and morals.
Yeah.
There's no morals on a golf course.
There's like the idea. There's it's country
club etiquette type stuff.
It's weird because you dress
as you dress perfect. You could talk about
how you cheated on your wife
with your maid. Yes.
And everyone laughs, but you got your shirt tucked in,
so you're a good guy.
I'm so fucked up.
Yeah, so...
So we're doing an episode without Noah
just because she couldn't be at this one,
but by God darn it,
she's going to be putting in all the things that we need,
all the sound effects
that we're not even going to probably use today.
And no one doesn't even know we're doing this.
We're being bad little podcast hosts.
Yeah, don't tell anyone.
Please don't tell Noah, you guys.
She will listen to it, but don't tell her.
She has to listen,
but do not tell her after she's listened to it
and put this out there
because we're doing something bad.
We're going off script big time.
Yeah, we're trying something here
that might burn worse than what
well what we'll talk about later later uh future ham drip um okay drip ham post ham
ham drops ham drop so that's a future callback that you'll get later and you'll go, Oh, that really wasn't worth how much time they spent on that.
Um,
so this is what we're doing.
We got into a conversation on the way back from a shoot today about the
charts.
You said that we were doing pretty well in the charts.
I said,
how well,
and you were like,
well,
I had to dig a little bit,
but I found us.
Yes.
We charted.
We're chart.
We're charting.
Thank you so much. You guys for listening to us and telling your friends about us.
I'm so flattered that people enjoy us.
And I'm always looking on the subreddit podcast to see if people are talking about us.
They never are.
But those people are snobs and they listen to very highly curated podcasts, which ours
is more free-flowing daily show.
And I think they're more listening to ones that we're going to cover
today because what are we doing today we're taking on uh the top number one podcast yes
we're not taking it oh I'm taking it on oh we're going after it well we're kind of we're we're just
gonna we're actually going to do a podcast about a podcast yes because we were talking about the
number one podcast and you said that
the number one podcast
is this podcast called Morbid.
Yes.
Right?
It's a murder podcast.
Mm-hmm.
I actually heard about this podcast
last week
because I was talking with David Spade
who has a new podcast out
that's doing very well
and it was number two in comedy
but he was like a little annoyed
because he was like,
Morbid,
this podcast Morbid was number one but is it a comedy? It's like a murder annoyed because he was like morbid this podcast morbid was number one
but is it a comedy it's like a murder podcast and i'm like well there can be comedy podcasts but
also just know that you're number one in comedy because you can't don't count them because morbid
is number one overall yeah so they can have overall and like that's great like do you but
do you need it's like when um at the emmys where they do like a musical or comedy series and it's like
what musical series are there yeah and then mamma mia wins yeah okay maybe there are musical series
i don't know there's some kind of category i get what you're saying category i get what you're
saying um so anyway i was like what's this morbid about? Because it's doing pretty darn well. And I like murder podcasts.
I've listened to Generation Y.
I've listened to-
Yeah, Serial was my very, very favorite.
The first one.
The second one, I just couldn't really get into,
like most people.
But I definitely dabble in murder podcasts.
If I read about a cool murder
or something very interesting on the subreddit podcasts where they're like this episode check out this episode i'll like
go into that episode of that podcast but generation y is one that i really liked and it's just bare
bones i don't really want comedy mixed in with my murder okay you don't need like a little ginger
with your hot freaking sake or not hot sake and i do oh
a palate cleanser yeah well i take the palate cleanser as the me undies ad that i have to
sift through okay after i hear about a woman being brutally raped and i mean it goes together i guess
alive the guy went in under me undies i don't know i'm just saying like it
it works for you like a little but you don't listen to murder podcast well here's the thing
a lot of times the ad will be like she was brutally murdered and her skin was pulled off her body
all right now here's an ad from stamps.com like it has nothing to do with it which is i think even
weirder i think you got it connected kind, oh, like SPF sunscreen should be with someone
that got their body skin peeled off.
No, that's, well, let's don't connect because it would not protect you from fire.
Huh?
SPF would not protect you.
Maybe it'd protect you for one second.
Yeah.
SPF 6,000?
That'll protect you from a flamethrower.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
I just think it's fun.
Okay.
So what we wanted to do was we go, let's listen to this podcast.
Let's listen to the latest episode of this podcast, Morbid.
Maybe we could learn something, like what we could do.
Listen, it's great to consume other podcasts, especially the number one podcast, and I decided
to give it a try.
So we listened to the same episode.
This is episode number 185.
Or 275. Do something like one of those. The latest one. The 275 do something like the latest one the latest one yes
the latest one but it was on saturday and it's uh the murders of mary morris and yes i said murders
of the mary morris says because there are two women named mary morris who were murdered yeah
well there's a tongue twister 295 295 um they were murdered on uh the day after
each other one after the other in uh the houston texas area about 40 minutes or 40 miles from each
other now i don't know which one i'm sure they're they're not both the same but does it really
matter to you how if it was 40 minutes or 40 miles right it
doesn't who cares no i mean for it depends on if you're driving 100 miles per hour same thing
hindsight's always 40 40 so true you go uh let's go back to the year 2000 we're talking pre-911
towers haven't fallen yet i always date things when i see a date around that time i go oh my
god either we were just affected by it or it hadn't happened yet.
But do you think a murder in Houston is getting affected by whether the towers fall or not?
Yes.
There's just a different vibe in the air after 9-11.
People are a little bit more anxious.
That's when we started to turn against each other.
Things started.
I just I do.
I think I think things were weird.
There was anxiety going on.
Okay.
Right after.
And right before.
So this was before.
So there was.
You were taking people to the gate to say goodbye.
So the guy that murdered these women.
TSA was just like a pat on your fucking shoulder to make sure you weren't.
The guy that murdered these women wasn't anxious at all because it was pre 9-11.
This guy was normal who just had a bad day.
So it must have taken a lot for this to happen.
And you think, what I think about the towers is that pretty much, yeah, I think cell phone towers.
Because around 2001, that's when cell phones became ubiquitous.
And that's a big thing in solving crimes is if they're cell phones.
That's a big word.
I really thought you were going with it. It is a big word, and I'm proud I used it in a correct way.
Okay, can I ask a question?
When did you get your cell phone, your first cell phone?
I didn't believe in cell phones.
I didn't believe in email.
I am quoted as saying.
You can't not believe in it.
You didn't believe in it for yourself.
In college, sophomore year in college, in the year 1999,
I am quoted as saying, I don't believe in email.
I don't see it being a thing.
And boy, was I right for my email.
You get way more emails than me.
I mean, you also weren't using Amazon until COVID.
You really stay away from things that are going to keep you
from connecting with your fellow man.
But were you actually going to the post office to send letters?
I feel like you weren't someone who would ever find a stamp.
You wouldn't have even known
how to go about that.
So you weren't corresponding
with anyone.
I might have bought
nine stamps in my life.
When did you finally go,
okay,
I gotta get an email address,
I guess,
when you started doing comedy
and they were like,
how are we gonna book you?
with real estate.
I remember getting a Gmail
when I started real estate.
I had a Hotmail account
in college,
just,
you know,
because that's how
professors started to get in touch with you i didn't believe an email i didn't want a cell
phone i didn't believe in cell phones and then i really didn't believe him when i got one and then
i called my girlfriend and i would talk to her on the phone for about it you know like a thousand
minutes over i would just hear her breathe i was like do you want to just sleep together
on the phone throughout the night and then my dad called me the next day he's like really fucking you're 800
above actually he didn't call me i just realized that yeah but he was paying the bills yeah yeah
yeah so i would have to call him be like hey you know i fell asleep listening to this person who
hates me breathe i fell asleep listening to her grinding against another guy. Yeah, I was listening to white noise. Yeah, yeah. While she was fucking the quarterback.
Speaking of.
Which one?
Quarterbacks.
Oh, yeah.
You're really into it.
Is he a quarterback?
Let's throw it out there.
We'll see what happens.
Does anyone know?
No, I'm a taken woman.
I have no interest.
For me.
For you?
Jimmy Garoppolo.
If you're out there
and you want to do
a threesome.
Oh, my God.
Why aren't more people
talking about that guy? They are, man. Are you're out there and you want to do a threesome. Oh, my God. Why aren't more people talking about that guy?
They are, man.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Really?
Yeah.
He's one of the most perfect looking people I've ever seen in my life.
Like movie stars.
And he's not even in movies, you know?
He's like if Joe Namath had a nose job.
I don't know.
I know the name Joe Namath.
Yeah.
I know Joe's Namath, but I don't.
Yeah.
I couldn't put a face.
Didn't he have blonde hair, Joe Namath?
No, Joe Namath had long, wavy hair, and he wore big feather coats, and he played for
the Jets, and he won the Super Bowl, and he's from Alabama, and he talks like this.
Okay.
And he was just a sex symbol.
Okay.
He was like Harry Chest.
Right.
I mean, I've heard the name a bunch.
It's one of those guys that I know the name i could never pick them out of a lineup speaking of lineups there's not one for
these murder cases because no one knows who the fuck did it but we have some speculation
now what happened was in october 2000 this is october 12th and i believe like 13th or something
2000 sorry the 12th and 16th so i guess they were a couple days apart. These two women named Mary Morris were murdered outside of Houston.
That is weird.
Do you know any Mary Morrises?
Because I was thinking in my brain.
I knew two.
No, no.
I never knew a Mary Morris.
I know there's that singer Maren Morris.
Oh, yeah.
I've never listened to anything she's done.
She's great.
Yeah? She's so little and cute. I think it made to anything she's done. She's great. Yeah.
She's so little and cute.
I think it made me jealous, and I go, I don't need this.
I saw her at Sirius once, I remember.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, they were doing the Birds of Country tour.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was the Lilith Fair of Country with her and two other country artists.
So, yeah.
So, no, I've never met a Maren Morris.
So, the fact that two of them die
within a few days from each other that is weird it is wild and um yeah because i don't know a
mary morris either and that's i mean let's be honest one of this woman's name is mary lou
morris and the other is mary mcginnis morris not that i think maybe they're just being like it was
i don't know if it was their maiden name was more
like they're trying to make it both Morris's
but I think they were both Mary Morris's
so they were murdered
some would say like right away
they go this is a hitman who
got the wrong Mary Morris and then had to
quickly find the other one did you get to
that I fell asleep this is the interesting
thing is this is Andrew's idea was
to take a murder podcast,
listen to it,
and then talk about it on our podcast
while Noah is away,
the mice will listen to a murder podcast
and talk about it
and not really have any extra added information
that you couldn't get from listening to Morbid.
What point did you fall asleep
in the scheduled listening of,
and by the way,
you, hilarious, you fell asleep we're supposed
to record at eight i got a text from you at 7 15 that said do you just want to do it now
if you fell asleep why wouldn't you use the time between 7 15 and 8 o'clock now i'm
suspecting you have some foul play during the hours of 7 15 and 8 o'clock you could have finished
the podcast what were you thinking we were gonna do here's the thing i did finish the podcast but i i missed about 20 minutes of when
i was sleeping right but wouldn't then i could have gone back and listened to 20 i kind of had
an understanding of what happened at the end this is what we're gonna do okay we're gonna find out
what andrew knows about the murder things happened okay And have him tell me about it. And I'm going to actually do
what I've noticed
in this murder podcast
that I listened to
called Morbid
that I thought,
I'm going to be honest,
was going to have
something other
than just two people
talking about
the bare bones of a murder.
Yes.
I thought it was going to be more.
Why did you think
it was going to be more?
Top of the charts?
Top of the charts.
I want to know.
Yeah. I thought it was going to be like... He thought he was going to be more top of the charts top of the charts i want a cereal yeah i thought it was going to be like he thought he was going to get a serial episode of like
really great orchestration like uh you know uh it felt like i feel like we could easily i'm not
trying to be a dick but or whatever i'm kind of complimenting us like if one of us actually
decided to learn a little bit about the story we could do this kind of podcast i'm gonna
do my best to do my best my and honestly this is just me listening to one podcast and then half of
another one about the same case and i'm going to try to make it compelling to you about this murder
when we get back and to see if i could do it because i give these girls a lot of credit they
started the podcast in 2018 they didn't get famous overnight they're not top of the charts it's not
something i can go these girls just came out of nowhere.
They earned this spot.
It's also a scary thing to do, I think,
as two women doing a podcast that's number one in the fucking world.
And there's fucking freaks out there that would love to fucking probably murder these women.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't know.
I'd be scared to do a podcast like this.
It became that huge.
About murder?
You'd think that people would want to murder you?
Yeah, yeah.
No, they don't.
Murders aren't thinking that way, I don't think.
How many murders do you know?
I'm sorry, but if you're going to murder someone,
wouldn't you just be scared of murdering anyone?
Why would a murderer go,
I'm going to go after someone who likes murder?
Because he wants to get on Netflix.
He wants to get his own special.
But who's going to report on it if he murders the people that are talking about
it us no i don't think murder murders do do it to get talked about but i just i don't know i
wonder if it doesn't happen i mean yeah of course but i i will say that listening to these girls
talk about murder and this is why i don't listen to murder podcast it made me fucking scared yeah and i'm living alone here yeah i had my fucking little porch uh veranda open because it
goes out into nothing and i closed it after listening for 15 minutes even though these girls
both have delightful little cheery voices and there's nothing really that gruesome but these
murders i just started getting i started getting the willies huh no i mean not not that viscerally
compared to other stuff i've listened to and it seems like compared to the people that did this
aren't going to yeah compared to the searches i'm doing over there so let's come back i'm going to
try to give you an actual good murder podcast based on what i heard from morbid and i'm also
going to give commentary along the way that I would offer as a
comedian.
And I might do an impression of the girls podcast a little bit.
I'd like to hear that impression because I have the,
I have a,
they.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Enough said.
We'll be back with more Nikki Glaser.
The Nikki Glaser podcast covers the morbid episode
about the Mary Morris morbid murders.
Pre 9-11.
Andrew!
Coming!
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We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness,
and we want this to stop.
Wow, very powerful.
I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist.
When a group of models from the UK wanted my help,
I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.
I really wanted to be a player boy model.
Lingerie, topless.
I said, yes, please.
Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator.
You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour.
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And we're back. All right.
It's October 2000.
2000.
You thought I was going to say another number?
I wasn't, baby.
I was waiting for a second, and then I remembered.
Nope.
There's no other number coming with that.
Now, Andrew.
Yeah.
Tell me about Mary Lou Morris.
That is the first woman whose body is found.
Okay.
I know a lot about this one.
Yes.
Because I was wide awake for this.
Her murder happened October 12, 2000. yes okay so what happened with her is she woke up early in
the morning she blew her husband maybe i don't know allegedly allegedly no there's actually no
one has alleged that and 17 years by the way all the numbers that we throw out unless they're a
very pertinent number they're gonna be off yeah
something's not gonna add up i like that you're using words that detectives use
okay so mary lou moore's wakes up she wakes up she goes to work a little bit earlier than her
husband she turns down uh the road where what are you looking at? I'm just thinking to myself.
Okay.
I thought you were looking at notes or something.
No, I'm actually envisioning the story like freaking...
Not Mission Impossible.
He's up on the board.
We all know what you're talking about.
Yeah.
The one in the future where he's doing the things with the air and the screen.
Everything's like...
Minority Report.
Yeah.
Minority Report is just Bumble. But yours is on the ground. Yeahity report. Yeah, minority report is just bumble.
But yours is on the ground.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're using your eyes closed.
So, yeah, he figured out murder.
Okay.
Most people are just trying to find a date or swiping through TikTok.
But anyway, so she goes to, she makes a left instead of a right.
That means she's going to get gas at 7 a.m.
Wait, you're not saying this like
these people. Can I just take you through this?
No, no, no. I'll do a good job. I promise.
But you just said she goes right instead of left.
That means she's going to get gas. Why do you know that?
Because her husband saw her through the window.
Right. No. He walked her out to her car.
Yeah. Kissed her goodbye.
And then he watched her peel off.
Yes. I assume she peeled off yes i assume she peeled yeah she
peeled off in her dodge and then he goes yeah and she popped her collar her jean now what was she
driving a lumina a chevy lumina yeah okay um now that is going to lead to a joke later on for us
now we're planting the seed for a little there's gonna be a ham drop later that is which is a
future a future ham drip it's a call back a call forward it's a foreshadow a forward charity of a joke yes okay so she peels
off in her chevy lumina yeah she peels off she goes to get gas she never gets to work she never
goes to work and he knows that because the office called him and said hey no no no he doesn't know
that he just gets a call at two o'clock they do not say it's the office later on they find out it's the office but they're calling to see
where mary is yeah she never shows up apparently it was her supervisor saying where's is mary there
and he said no she's at work and then the person just hung up which is a good way to cover if you're
already office if you killed her and then you're like oh where is she she never showed up but
that's weird. So,
people see there's a- What happened at 10 a.m. that day?
People see a fire going off.
About 10 a.m., right?
About 10 a.m.
Yeah.
And apparently,
there's a lot of fires
in this town outside Houston.
Yeah, because the cops
get the call and they go,
fire's there.
Yeah, we don't really care.
We're not really gonna check in on it.
But then,
when the guy gets a call
and his wife isn't there,
they get a phone call to cops.
And now they start thinking, wait, what's going on with this fire thing?
At 7 o'clock, someone else.
Fires still go.
Oh, yeah, someone else calls about a fire.
Someone else calls.
And they realize that she's not in the passenger seat up in the front.
And the car's on fire or was on fire.
She's burnt.
She's illuminated or was illuminated. Chevy Illumina. She was Chevy Illuminated. Ham. She's illuminated. Or was illuminated.
Chevy Illumina.
She was Chevy Illuminated.
Ham drip.
Ham drip.
Ham dropped.
Back to drip.
And then she's dead.
This car's been burning for seven hours.
Yeah.
Seven hours.
I guess it's found at five o'clock, and it was reported at ten o'clock.
So it's burning for seven hours.
That does add up.
Now, the reason why-
Now, is this adding up?
It is adding up.
And the reason why it's adding up is we didn't talk about this that her funeral was happening and uh someone
called about a funeral and then there was someone else's funeral another merry funeral oh god you
guys I'm so sorry that was weird what I just said there it was if you're confused believe me so was
the girl that called the funeral home we're trying to get you
in the same state
as the daughter
who called the funeral home
yes
about her mom
Mary Lou
who had died
in the burnt car
she called the funeral home
yes
after her funeral
and said
hey I would like to get
my mom's
personal belongings
oh yeah
that were
I'm guessing the burnt jewelry
that was on her
and they said we'll do that after the funeral.
We'll give those to you.
And she's like, what?
We buried her yesterday.
What are you talking about?
And then that's when they realized
there were two Mary Morrises murdered.
Mary McGinnis.
Mary McGinnis.
Now here's the thing.
So then the guy kills her.
They don't find anything.
Can I stop you one second?
All he took was her wedding ring.
Yeah.
See, I remember that.
And her purse. And her purse. But the purse could have
been burnt up because this car was burning for seven
hours. Or it could have been a really cheap ring.
Could have been a really cheap ring.
And what did they use to burn the car?
Manure. What did they also
say about this woman before she died?
That she was a great person. No one had one
bad thing to say about her. Not one person.
They searched the whole town and they said,
is someone going to give us something bad about this woman?
No one did.
Because who is going to say anything bad about a murdered woman
after she's been murdered?
No one's going to see a woman charred alive and go,
hey man, she owed me 20 bucks.
No one's going to do that.
Except her husband who filed a life insurance policy.
No, that wasn't her husband.
That was the other husband
okay i don't know about this because this is where i fell asleep i didn't fall asleep yet
so now wait can i i'm about yeah go ahead i just want to make a comment the the husband coming out
and walking her to the road and kissing her goodbye and then watching her car go off and
going oh wow she was going to work she would have turned right but i guess she's going to get gas in is he in a steve
martin romcom like is this father of the bride for who watches someone's car go off and just
kind of gazes at it as it drives off in the morning all the way to the end of the road yeah
do you know i'm saying like yeah it's a weird thing to take note of and we used to have that
joke where you would put me in a cab if i was going to the airport. I'd be like, watch.
Oh, yeah.
And I'd hit the top of it.
He'd go, take care of her, man.
And I'd go, Andrew, stop it.
I'd go, he is not anyone.
He's my friend.
And you'd be like, dude, take good care of her.
And then you'd like pat the car, keep patting it.
And then you had to be left alone in that.
And then I had to be alone and go, he is not like my husband or anything.
He does not care if I'm going to be taken care of you can drive any way you want but don't you think if
someone if i'm a husband and i know my wife is going to be murdered that day i'm gonna go well
i walked her to the car i took her here like you have like all these like it's like that husband
has been fully exonerated out by everything he has. He has nothing to do with it. But I just think it's a little weird.
What I think happens is that when someone dies,
you put in these moments of sweetness and these tender moments that maybe just make it
so that your last moments together
are a little bit more special than they maybe were.
But I don't know.
If you're out there,
how many times have you watched
your significant other drive off? Maybe through the blinds so you can wait until they're turned around the corner
so you can then put on porn yeah yeah on the big screen or something you know what i mean that
happened to my buddy he was in his full suit and she left for work and he just he's jerking off
through the hole in his suit and she came home she goes, you dress up for that?
No, he was already dressed up.
Wait, so he was going to work
and then before he went to work.
He's like, yeah, all right, you're going to work, honey.
Bye.
And she leaves and he's like all dressed.
He's holding his briefcase and he leaves
and then he's like, all right,
I'm going to catch a beat while she's gone real quick.
And she came back and he's full, you know,
Versace suit fucking illuminating his cock wait a second do you feel like when now that you're living with someone
is watching porn just like a well i guess your girlfriend works yeah and you so you spend enough
time that she could jerk off you go you go golf and if she wanted to she could
and that if you if she were at work, you could.
Yeah, yeah.
But you save your stock.
I usually save my stock.
But since Wellbutrin, I've been able to,
a couple days before, I'm good.
Two days.
There are times when I'm regularly hooking up
that I miss porn because it's not,
you don't have to take care of someone else.
It's very physically untaxing at all.
Even as a girl who just lays back and gets it,
there's a lot that goes into like having your body
like penetrated and like having someone be on you.
That I love.
I mean, it's the best.
But it's very funny to say goodbye to your husband
and you're in full work clothes
and then you're just masturbating through your,
you know, your ball gown or whatever you wear to work.
You know?
Yes.
I mean, that would be very, very weird.
So anyways.
Yes.
Mary Morris.
So her husband watches her go off
and then she is found charred.
Yeah. Yeah. Uh,
yeah.
Yeah. Well,
very well done.
Yeah.
Andrew.
I mean,
her body was too,
but yeah,
good job on,
on recapping.
Yeah.
Anything else?
When I kind of fell asleep,
I,
I heard doing as you were listening to this,
like I was laying in bed with your eyes closed and I'm like a meditative
position.
And then I was like,
man,
the wedding ring's gone.
And then, oh, you know what?
The last thing I know.
What's the last thing you remember?
What's the last thing you saw that day?
I feel like I'm trying to interrogate you about what happened to this woman.
We should do a podcast called Sleepy Man Listens to a Murder Podcast.
And then we try to piece together the facts.
You try to make him the murderer.
And it's a solved case, but he doesn't get to the end of it.
And you have to solve it based on the things he remembers.
It's like Wordle.
He gives you a promo code for bowling branch sheets.
Isn't it like Wordle?
Like you kind of give me little hints, and I have to figure out the end?
Okay, the last thing I remember, though,
is that the husband said he found the wedding ring.
They thought it was stolen.
That's the other woman.
So you are coming in later. Oh, so that's why I fell asleep, and then I went into the other. Okay, so now you go. You take it was stolen. That's the other woman. So you are, you're coming in later.
And then I went into the other.
Okay.
So now you go,
you take it from here.
The other woman that was murdered was,
she was a woman that worked in healthcare.
She was formally divorced.
Now had a new husband of about four years named Mike.
Jay.
There's a guy named Jay.
That was the other woman's husband.
I'm crazy.
Feel free to keep shouting things that you remember.
But wasn't there a guy, her job, that they think it was her?
Yeah.
Him?
Yeah.
Okay.
Which one?
It was the one I'm about to tell you about.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
So there was a guy that she, this girl worked in healthcare, and she worked with a guy named
shit.
What is his name?
I,
Oh,
Dwayne young,
which do you remember any reference to Dwayne young?
So interesting.
Okay.
Well,
she,
Mary McGinnis was working in healthcare.
She was married to a guy for about four years,
new marriage.
She had a previous,
she had a daughter from another marriage,
I believe named Katie,
his stepdaughter.
Um, she goes missing.
I forget how she was missing.
Okay, so let me just walk you through this.
Are you minority reporting over there?
I have so many notes on this woman.
She was killed days before
and she was discovered on the day
of the other woman's funeral.
She was bubbly. She lived life to the fullest she was in plays she was in local theater she had relocated her family from west virginia to texas a couple years prior with mike but she
had a lot of stresses in her life unlike the other mary um she her husband had uh accused her of her ex-husband no her husband current husband jay okay no mike
had found out she had been cheating on mike oh um they she had been having an affair
mike found out about he confronted the guy who he thought it was the guy and his wife both were
like that's not happening and apparently they patched it all up and it was fine and there was no issues there um but mary says things were mary's sister said things were not not that good in her relationship
and that mary was definitely looking towards going to divorce even though they had been
through couples counseling and things like that that they that mary was on her way to divorcing
this guy she also had work stress because she worked in health care and there was this guy at work that was like she just butted heads with a lot what was his name duane okay his name was
duane what did i just say duane young okay and she actually went to the hr department to complain
about duane because he would just one day she came back to her desk and all of her photos were
facing the other way and then there was a threatening letter and then he also wrote a threatening
note on her desk allegedly him not sure if it was him that said um like you're like uh death
becomes you death becomes her oh i thought i ate your second half of your death will find you i thought sorry i i was dreaming so duane at the time um
he's also like active on message boards okay i don't know what that has to anything to do with
i thought that just placed us in the 2000s where people were the they were like i am kind of stuff
no i mean message boards that was a whole other place where people would get on.
I don't know what he talked about in those message boards,
but he was active in them.
This got so bad that she went to the HR department.
They decided that they were going to fire Dwayne.
Dwayne claims they never fired him.
He put in his two weeks.
No one can tell what's happened.
What everyone in Mary's life says
is that Mary complained to the HR department.
Dwayne the next day was fired but
Mary was asked not to come into work because
Dwayne it was because of Mary they didn't want
Mary there when Dwayne was asked to leave
but apparently when he was asked to leave
he came back and was banging on the windows and doors
and asking to speak to Mary
and he claims none of that happened
he is still active on like different Facebook
groups about her murder and claiming
his innocence and saying that this was all not, this did not take place.
And that him and her.
Weren't there other witnesses?
She and, exactly.
I'm like, where do these other people, why don't we talk to these people?
If I was doing this podcast, I'd talk to a couple more people.
Yeah.
For sure.
So then Dwayne's saying, no, we like hung out afterwards.
We still had mutual friends.
Everything was cool.
This was not an issue.
Then there are other, oh, the note said death to her.
I mean, what is he going to say?
What's this guy going to say?
You know?
Well, what if it's true?
Okay, I'm just saying.
This is a reason, though.
We're just going to take him for his word?
If you're an asshole to someone at work and you're just a little work scamp,
when that person gets murdered, everyone's going to think it's you no matter what.
Because this guy could have just been an asshole at work.
Who doesn't have someone at work that if they disappeared you could go it's
that person like if you died who do you think people would think killed you no way of course
you're duane yeah they would go you know how many notes you've left no i think i think uh
no they probably think you hired someone but no i would never that's the thing if i ever wanted to murder someone yeah i would never hire someone you would do it yourself yeah no way you couldn't do it i'm sorry
no offense first of all i wouldn't do it because i would just be so scared of that's what i'm saying
go i just it would be wrong first of all to take someone's life you're not getting rid of this body
what are you gonna do if it was in self-, I'd have no problem murdering someone. Or if it was like they hurt my niece or nephew in some way and it was like just retribution.
Yeah.
Dude, I saw this clip the other night on Reddit.
It was so good.
This guy, his son was kidnapped and taken to another state.
And yeah, I saw it taken on Reddit.
I watched the whole movie.
Taken seven.
There's another one coming out.
Anyways, go ahead so this guy this was in like the 70s and this was on broadcast tv before 9-11
way before 9-11 i think i mean again it doesn't add up it doesn't um so this guy
his son was kidnapped and definitely molested all of the things that happen
when kids are kidnapped and he was taken over state lines.
And then they caught this guy and they freed the kid and the kid went home.
And I guess the guy got information about what happened to his child when the
child was kidnapped.
And the guy gets brought back,
flown back to the state where he's going to be tried,
where the kid is from,
where he originally kidnapped him.
And the guy,
the,
the, the father goes to the airport from, where he originally kidnapped him. And the guy, the father,
goes to the airport incognito
and you see him.
Like a mustache on fake nose?
Yes.
And you see him at one of the pay phones.
And this is pre 9-11,
you know that.
So there's no security
and you can just hang out at the airport.
He probably was friends with cops
in the area who tipped him off
that this guy was being brought in at this time
and his plane was landing at this time.
And the cameras are there covering the whole thing.
And on live TV, you see this guy on a payphone
pull his gun out and shoot this guy point blank in the head,
kill him on national TV.
And then he goes back to the payphone and hangs it up.
And then the cops arrest him and go,
why did you do that?
I think he did hardly any time. Well, what does it have to do with the did did someone listen to about me being
murdered me murdering someone that's what i would do no no no no no no i get that but why did he
hang up the phone like was he worried about the charges no no it's just a true fact that he went
back to the payphone after he shot the guy and hung it up and then they go i call paul put your
hands against the wall why'd you do this paul we're tipping you off because we thought you were
gonna have a sign or something see this is a great morbid this should be an episode maybe it is an
episode and we don't know it probably is there was a paul one that i saw but wait so a paul one
paul something i don't one of the morbid episodes had a name Paul in it. Wait, is this guy's name Paul?
Didn't you say his name Paul?
No.
He was a Paul.
No, you said Paul.
Oh, did you just make up a name?
No.
I don't think I said Paul.
You said Paul.
We were just letting you know so you can make a sign.
Oh, I think I just made up a name.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah.
Okay.
I was like, why did you get Paul from anywhere?
Which is one of my favorite names,
by the way, Paul.
Here's the problem
with this idea for a podcast
because I think
you're very good at the story
part of it.
I was just getting off on a tangent
because it was an interesting thing
and I read it on Reddit
and we have to do Reddit dump.
You're already jumping ship here.
I know.
I was on a tangent
but that's the way this podcast does.
I'm not saying you're jumping ship
from me giving you a compliment.
Oh. Okay, continue. Well, now that's the way this podcast does. I'm not saying you're jumping ship from me giving you a compliment. Oh.
Okay, continue.
Well, now I'm debating on giving it to you.
Well, I'm talking about whether or not I can murder.
I think that's pretty interesting and could be used against me someday.
For sure.
But you'll never be on a pay phone.
No.
God, no.
Do they even exist anymore?
And post 9-11, you're not getting near that airport.
No, I'd buy a ticket just to get in the gate area.
So how many people died while they were getting moved i don't think i could shoot someone
it's just such a terror it's such a loud noise i don't even like popping balloons but so many
so many people well so many i know like three died while they were getting moved from like one
like they were in on it like that doesn't happen anymore where they they're like, we're moving. Oh, Jack Ruby shooting. Yeah, yeah. We're moving the guy now.
It's like, what are you doing?
Yeah, when did they stop doing that?
Because that would be.
Because you wanted to see him.
Everyone wanted to see him.
Everyone loved the perp walk.
Yeah.
I think is what they call it.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So here's the thing.
You'd be extremely good at doing the research,
but you don't have the time to do what this girl does on the episode.
I don't know.
Maybe you do, which would be fantastic.
Because I'd love to be the guy that just chimes in while you're telling me the story.
I think I'm not like, I'm sure these girls do deep dives on certain things.
It wasn't that deep.
This would take a couple hours of reading.
But for me, I'm pretty fast with this stuff.
And I feel like if I did a murder podcast, it would just, I'm just going to leave out the stuff you don't even need to fucking know i'm just gonna leave you like the really
weird details and we're gonna make some jokes along i want to do murder of when an ex-girlfriend
or an ex-wife murders the husband and that's our that's our thing only women who are murdering only
women that murder i think it's no because that's like that makes it yeah it makes it sexist in the other way
and it i kind of like drawing attention to the fact that women get murdered a lot more because
it makes us more on alert okay so so back to mary mcginnis oh should we take a break
yeah we can take a break if we want we're gonna go to break
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So, Mary McGinnis is is it's tuesday folks you know what that means it's tuesday she's bubbly she lived life to the fullest now okay you know what i used to almost have a joke about this in
my act when people say when when someone's died her smile she would just walk into a room and
she would light up the room and i wanted to do a joke
about every room that i walk into i just turn on all the lights for the rest of my life so that
when people when i do die they go when she walked in a room she lit up the whole room
literally i would go on and turn on every light and then my dad going you know what when she would
walk in she'd leave every light on all night long there's a smokestack
burning somewhere then there's a nicky you know when you leave a light on in a room there's a
smokestack spewing out garbage clouds of smoke into the sky because you left this light on and
i then i would shiver in bed all night and just think the world was ending and it is so duane is
the guy she works with who's causing trouble who who's turning around her pictures, left the note that said,
death to her.
We don't know if he left it, but anyway.
Death to her is very like Hezbollah, or not Hezbollah.
So Mary gets trained in gunfire.
What's that called?
What?
It's like jihad?
Yeah.
Very jihad-ish of Dwayne.
Yeah.
Death to her.
Anyways, go ahead.
Maybe he just didn't like the Joaquin Phoenix script movie
that was floating around
at this time.
The movie, Her.
Oh.
It was ahead of its time
because it's about
falling in love with an AI.
And they didn't really
even have cell phones
back then.
But Mary McGinnis
did have a cell phone.
Oh.
Because she called her friend.
She was at Eckert's.
Yes, I know this part.
Okay, tell me about
this part that you remember from your sleep i thought this was a dream okay so eckert's was a
drugstore that was similar to walgreens a pre-night 11 walgreens bottom actually i know that because
eckert's was everywhere in florida at the time okay big southern. Blue and white, I remember. So she was in Eckerd's and she called her friend
and said, this guy is acting real strange.
Which guy?
This guy in the store following her around.
But she didn't say Dwayne.
She didn't say she knew him.
No, she said he looked like a guy that hung out,
that she met through Dwayne.
So I'm like, why are you meeting people through Dwayne?
Is he just a guy that has people come by his office
to hang out with him?
Also, if you've cheated before, aren't you gonna, maybe she was through Dwayne? Is he just a guy that has people come by his office to like hang out with him? Also, if you've cheated before,
aren't you going to,
maybe she was fucking Dwayne.
But anyways, but yeah,
so she's at Eckerd's.
I don't think that's happening.
She's at Eckerd's,
guys following around.
And she's talking to her friend.
She calls back again
and the next time she calls.
So she calls her friend
and she goes, listen,
I'm going to go back to the office
because I have to log out of my computer.
She was going around all day.
She worked in healthcare
and she would go do like visits with people and stuff. So she had to go log, go back to the office. She goes, I'm going to log out of my computer. She was going around all day. She worked in healthcare and she would go do visits with people and stuff.
So she had to go back to the office.
She goes, I'm going to log out of my computer
and then I'm going home because I'm scared.
Now, before this, because of the Duane incident
and who knows what else,
she asked her husband to,
she wanted to get a gun
and she went and got trained to use a gun.
Oh yes, I know this part.
So he buys her a gun.
Yeah.
She calls 911.
She's getting brutally beat to death, killed.
Why do you ruin the most crunchy parts?
No, no, this is it.
No, you just kind of throw away the parts
that are the moment of scariness.
Oh, okay.
And you just go, so when she's getting brutally...
She calls 911.
Nine, one.
Then she hits one.
12 minutes after she hangs up the phone with her friend at Eckert's.
And she pulls out of there.
She calls 911.
Yes.
And?
She says, oh, wrong number.
What does she say?
Do you remember?
She goes, I'd like a thin crust.
She calls 911.
She calls 911. Pre-911. And she said, I'd like a thin crust. She calls 9-11.
She calls 9-11, pre-9-11, and she goes, she's saying, oh my God, I'm getting attacked.
Yeah.
And apparently on the tape you hear her murder.
She gets shot by the gun that her husband got for her.
Yes.
And they find her car.
She is, and the other woman by the way was found in the
passenger side seat her wedding ring missing her other jewelry on her her purse missing that was
the first mary this mary was found in her car it's not burnt there is one bullet hole her gun
is in the passenger seat the passenger side door though is open and has blood on it so
anyone who looks at this would
at first maybe think it was a suicide because it's like a bullet hole to the head but once you
examine the body and like all the forensics she was also beat up before that because she had bruises
on herself she also had cloth fibers in her mouth so she was either like an Andrew Collin and would like chew on things or she was gagged.
Or both.
Yeah, and it's very sad and she was murdered with her own gun.
And her ring got taken.
Which she kept,
and her ring got taken,
which she kept underneath the seat.
Now the cops say they're not gonna release this 911.
Because it's too brutal.
It's sent chills through the bloodstream
of anyone who's listened to it.
Are you someone who likes to hear that kind of stuff?
I say no, but then every now and then a death will come up on TikTok for no reason,
which is really fucked up.
It's like some weird Russian video of someone getting just murdered, and I watch it.
Like what?
What's the worst thing you've seen?
Reddit dump.
What's wild is it's so fucked up that I probably like protect myself.
Really?
By not remembering it.
Or you fall asleep in the middle of it.
Yeah, it's 15 seconds.
Jake.
So mind you.
So then.
But you really don't remember the most.
I pretty much know every single disturbing video that is on the internet that people talk about
that they saw back in the day
when they would go to watchpeopledie.com,
when they would go to-
Murders of death.
What was it called?
Faces of death.
Yeah, faces of death.
And there were all these,
a lot of those were fake, but a lot were real.
But I pretty much know what happens in all of them.
I've never seen any of them.
I would never want to watch a beheading video.
I would never want to,
I've never seen any death on,
on anything,
but I can tell you what happens in all of them because I read descriptions
about it.
And the one that everyone says is the worst audio is a man.
Is everyone trigger warning?
Is everyone,
and please don't look this up.
Like really don't be one of those people that's like,
I actually,
I want to look at it because I want to,
because these are really not good for you.
Honestly, murder podcasts are not good for you.
I was in a funky state of mind after listening to this thing.
I was too.
It does not titillate me.
It definitely is morbid, which gives me.
They talk about it too, how they talk about it.
They're very.
Wow.
Yeah, wow.
Oh my God.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Geez.
I wrote down geez at one point oh she goes so um the
passenger door was left open mary had been uh beaten severely and gagged at some point and she
goes jeez yeah wow there was a lot of that there was a lot of they didn't really break down anything
it was weird they just go whoa it was like a oh, oh my God. It was like a video when someone watched, a reaction video.
They would do commentary on it, but that's what people want.
They want to have a Wikipedia article read to them in soothing tones of two people going like,
no, this is weird.
This next part.
Like giving little things like, no, you don't normally seen this.
Now this made me scratch my head.
That's what it was.
Wow.
But to say, geez, geez wow after you say someone
i mean is it better that i'm like oh she was either andrew and shoot on something and then
no it's not any better but it's at least a little bit more specific ouch yowza she was found with
several bullet holes to the temple ouch whoa whoa uh just kidding yeah we just have like it it was a little bit i was
i it's it seemed like an snl sketch of what a girls murder podcast would be at times which
listen number one on the charts i have no reason they're doing it right they're doing something
right yeah um why are we talking about it Why are we doing a whole episode about it?
They're winning.
Winning.
So this is crazy, though, that they find two women named Mary Morris that were murdered in their cars 40 miles minutes from each other.
We don't know which because this is an official murder podcast.
Yeah.
Not yet.
Also, both their wedding rings are missing, which I didn't know this, but they say in the podcast that when someone's wedding ring is, and sometimes I say wedding wing. Yeah. And also both their wedding rings are missing, which I didn't know this, but they say in the podcast that when someone's wedding ring is,
and sometimes I say wedding wing.
Yeah.
Because you will.
I have to infantile infantilize it because I'm never going to get one.
One day,
one day a man's going to get on his knees and give me a wedding wing.
Today I had the boat cat.
We were on a boat filming some things in the boat.
Captain I had on MIDI rings.
Do you know,
do you know what midi rings are?
No.
Are they on the middle finger?
Yeah.
Well, no, they're in the middle of your finger.
Oh, okay.
Most rings are midi rings for me because they can't go past my big old knuckles, but they're
in the middle, and they can slip off easier because they're just not fully on.
So I gave him my midi rings because I was going to jump in the water.
It should be a bracelet for a normal person.
How dare you?
Or a cock ring for you.
Thank you.
Oh, wait.
No, damn it.
The other way.
Yes.
Damn it.
Old tuna can cock.
Ham drop.
Take it back.
You can't ham drop
a ham drip.
So I gave the guy my rings
and then at the end,
I go, can I get my rings back? And he like oh yeah yeah and i go will you get on one knee to give them to me and he was like what and i was like
it's just a joke about you it's right and he was like oh i thought they were earrings and it was
just a totally missed bit oh man but i tried man are you marrying him yeah i have to you're engaged
he gave me earrings that he thought were
rigged so why so just because of the name so then if the names are the same well what they thought
it was a hit man who got a hit from mike the second mary's husband okay because mike asked
actually also had an insurance there was an insurance policy that he was going to cash in on
but it wasn't going to go to him it was going to go to Katie, her daughter. And we don't know how much it was for,
but Mike also,
when he reported the murder,
the cops wanted to talk to him.
He wanted to lawyer up immediately,
which is suspect,
but would you murder up immediately?
Let's say if someone-
Lawyer up.
Lawyer.
Would you murder up too?
I'd murder up.
Would you?
Yeah, I would need a lawyer.
If I went missing
and someone said they wanted to talk to you,
would you say,
and you didn't do it,
would you get a lawyer?
Knowing me,
I'd probably.
No,
if you did it,
you would probably not get a lawyer.
Or would you?
If I did it?
No,
if you,
okay,
so say I get brutally murdered,
and you're at the scene,
like you're my closest of kin at that moment,
and you didn't do it,
would you lawyer up before you talk to the cops?
The only reason why
is because i remember at the crime scene make a murderer yeah there's that guy who's the kid that
was kind of slow to him yeah he's very slow and i know i'm just a little quicker than him but
they told him if he confessed to the murder he could go home and watch the royal rumble yeah i
would do the same thing but it would be the masters or something the US Open yeah I'd be like yeah I murdered Nikki can I go on
it's day four
I mean you should lawyer up because
you don't know what you're doing but
if I was innocent I wouldn't think to lawyer up
but that doesn't mean this guy is guilty yes
but he did ask to lawyer up immediately before he talked
to them and he refused to take a lie detector which also
does not mean you're guilty because those can be willy nilly
do you know how to beat a lie
detector test yeah you tighten up your asshole yeah and then when you answer a lie you let it go
because it will counteract the tenseness that you will have from having that line yeah it's
really weird i could hook it up to your asshole how do you know no but wait that is a wait what
why is that why does everyone tell you to do that?
I don't know.
I think...
And I recently heard if you're getting attacked by a dog,
you put a finger up the dog's asshole.
Why did you almost start doing baby voice again
when you started saying that?
And I heard that if you're ever attacked by a Wattwiler,
you just put your little baby little finger
up the Wattwiler's butt.
And the Wattwiler will stop wallowing in your face.
If it's biting you yes that
is a thing like lockjaw the only way to unlock a lockdoor is to horn them up and then suck their
no i'm just kidding like it's just funny to think like rottweilers will stop killing you if you
fucking make them come you just play with their balls a little bit yeah it's just like gentle
be like gentle not too hard i'm gonna bite
down harder i'm not mad at you um so back to the story so they think mike did it yeah they
everyone kind of well the family on facebook now apparently you know like all these murder
podcasts i also listened to the generation y why version of this story too before you knocked on
the door and you remember when you knocked on the door what i said duane here yeah i said is all right is that duane young yes which is the
name of the guy the one when worked with that they said his name a million times in this podcast
so when so andrew was like no it's andrew and i go duane duane young from work and you're like
what and you go i go does not not ring a bell and And you go, no. And I'm like, then we're going to have a good old podcast
because that is a major plot point.
Look, I don't know.
When I hear Dwayne, I think The Rock, and sorry.
I will never think anything bad.
Here's the thing.
Why weren't they able to figure it out?
So what's the ending?
What's the conclusion here?
Or should we not get to that yet?
No, well, the things that I thought were interesting
was that the daughter, Katieie gets the life insurance policy she won't say how much it's for
it doesn't really matter it's probably a couple hundred thousand dollars but katie people are
starting to notice months weeks after 40 years 40 miles after the murder, she has her mom's wedding ring on.
And everyone's going,
wait, that was a big factor of this case
because the case was like
obviously getting a lot of news
around the Houston area
because it was two Mary Morrises,
both their wedding rings were missing.
And often when your wedding ring is missing,
that's what a hitman steals
to then bring back to the husband
to be like, I did it.
Now, if I'm hiring a hitman
to kill my wife,
I'm gonna go, don't bother my wife, I'm going to go,
don't bother with the ring part.
I know that's a whole like part of what you do.
And he's like,
no,
that,
you know what?
That's like tradition,
man.
He has a shirt tucked in.
Yeah.
Save it for the movie with a belt on.
I think that might've been the first episode that we did,
but wait,
but like,
do not ask a question.
Bring it back.
I don't need you to do your little ritual.
So the ring was my wife and let's not ever talk again. No, that but the ring was taken from mary and then the next thing you know the
daughter's daughter's wearing it around town and people go what the fuck but then he goes
nope she we actually found it around the house we thought it was missing oh that was the other one
but she she didn't she wasn't wearing it that day which doesn't really make sense because
well i want to know is she someone that would take off her wedding ring why don't we know that because there are certain women that like
yeah they'll take it off do the dishes they'll take it off when they're like you know getting
fingered by someone else or fingering someone else or maybe she was cheating so she took the
ring off they're about to jump off a yacht to film a show yeah she took the ring off it's a bitty
no it's a downy cock ring it's all the ring. It's all the way down. Yeah. Thing. Bottom-y.
And then... So the daughter is wearing it,
which I think is a little weird
because she's the daughter from her first marriage.
That's what I was gonna ask.
So she's just hanging out with this new guy.
So she's not Mike's real daughter.
Okay.
So Mike and her are just like eating dinner
with this ring on.
Yeah.
And then also,
Jay,
remember Jay?
Remember when you screamed his name before? Yeah. We'll tell you what happened what happened with this is the creepiest part of the whole thing jay who is the first mary's
husband the one that was all burnt up okay very savagely and sadly with horse manure by the way
and she enjoyed riding horses so it's a little bit like wait did this person know to use the
thing she loved most against her?
That would be like someone, you know, using golf clubs as kindling to kill you.
Yes.
You know, but it turns out that horse manure actually is really good to generate fire. Well, it would probably be they'd use the woods instead of the irons.
Are they actually made of wood?
No.
Oh.
But it's just for the joke.
Yeah.
Oh, that's not bad.
Not bad.
Do you think Tiger Woods was like kind of happy that his last name was a golf club?
Yeah, he has the best golf name ever.
He's a fucking Tiger Woods.
That's like Lion Irons.
Fucking badass name.
Do you wish you had a different name?
It's like fucking Cheetah Putter.
Do I wish I had a different name?
A lot of times. Yeahey golf golf cart yeah no it has to be an animal tommy title oh yeah okay barker our bark giraffe golf cart
i'm doing a soft g and a rg
you do wish you had a different last name now are there other andrew collins like if you got
murdered what are the odds that have you met with no s there's very few in the world how many people
did you ever think about just adding an s to make life easier for you for everyone who tries to say
your name isn't even real my grandpa changed it from cohen my name's not even real and i don't
even know his real name is andrew cohen yeah and he changed it
to not sound jewish he changed it to get a job in texas not houston i don't know maybe 40 miles out
okay a new suspect has just arrived yeah marvin collins my grandpa nay cohen was cohen he changed
it to colin to kill mary okay now we're on to something. This is adding up. It is.
So he changes to Colin.
Why?
Because his friend
didn't get a job
who had a Jewy last name.
Oh.
So he changed it,
got the job,
apparently.
So Colin is not,
there are no Collins out there?
There's a very few.
One guy hit me up
just because we had
the same name one time.
Is there Colin Andrews?
Have you ever met someone
named Colin Andrews?
Oh, that has a nice ring
to it, though.
That's cool.
Would you ever name your son Colin, Colin Colin? I think that's cool. That has a nice ring to it, though. That's cool. Would you ever name your son Colin?
Colin Colin?
I think that's cool.
That's pretty nice.
That would be awesome.
You gotta have a son.
Or Colin Colin would be cool, too.
Colin Colin is awesome.
Two hard Cs.
No, you want to name your son Henry.
I do, but wait, can we?
So my grandpa got the job, never took the job in Texas, but he kept the name.
Weird.
He just didn't want to sound too Jewy, apparently.
Yeah, Cohen is such a cool name, I think.
Well, there's Andy Cohen.
Yeah, Mark Cohen.
He's a comedian.
Oh.
There's no other Nikki Glaser.
How many Nikki Glazers are there in the world?
Probably not a lot.
There are others, though.
I've met them.
I met one who was a Nicole Glazer.
She looked like you?
No,
no,
not at all.
And we had different middle names,
but there are Nikki Glazers a lot.
And I,
there's definitely a lot of Andrew Cohen's that probably look a lot like me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
Andrew Cohen,
I might've done better.
Well,
I think I've met an Andrew Cohen and gone.
I,
that's my name.
Well,
Andy Cohen.
Oh my God. Yeah. Wait, that's your name? Well, Andy Cohen. Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Wait, that's your name?
That's my name.
That's Wyatt.
I know, it's weird.
Wait, why have you never said that to me before?
Because I didn't want you to freak out.
Oh, my God.
Watch what happens live.
I know.
Whoa.
I know.
Well, we've been in an elevator with Andy Cohen.
Wouldn't you think it's interesting to be like, my real name's Andy Cohen?
He wouldn't care.
No, he actually wouldn't at all. He would go, wow, actually, I'm Andy Cohen. Because't you think it's interesting to be like, my real name's Andy Cohen? He wouldn't care. No, he actually wouldn't at all.
He would go,
wow, actually I'm Andy Cohen.
Because it's actually a common name.
Yeah.
Well, I would be Andrew Cohen.
But here's the thing.
But you went by Andy and...
My dad told me
to take my middle name
as my last,
like Andrew Todd.
Yeah.
That's not...
What are you just throwing in
boys' first names
for last names?
You can't do that.
Well, I have two first names,
which is kind of cool.
Andrew Cohen. Well, no, I know. Yeah. Wait two first names, which is kind of cool. Andrew Collin.
Well, no, I know.
Yeah.
Wait, who's that's kind of cool?
It's me.
Oh, no one, really.
George Michael.
Yeah, someone said that if you have two first names.
So what did Jay do?
Jay, the sweet husband of 17 years who watched his wife go to work every morning.
Yes, who clocked in.
He starts getting calls.
He gets three calls yes from a weird number that just asks for his wife that says is mary there
and mary's been dead very high profile death everyone knows about it and their number is not
listed in the phone book and this is happening i don't know how many months afterwards but it's
happening a while after the murders.
And he calls the detectives after the first two calls.
And he says, I'm getting a call asking for Mary.
And I think he says Mary isn't there,
but the detective says, hey, give them this number to call next time and say you can reach her here and then it'll be my line
and then we can record it.
But I'm like, why didn't you just tap his phone at that moment
so we could hear the voice?
Like they're going to call again.
And they did call again.
So he gives the number.
And in the middle of giving the number, the guy goes, oh, got it.
And then just hangs up.
So who knows what that is.
But that creeps me the fuck out.
Any kind of call afterwards just really.
Like a star six, seven situation.
Yeah.
Oh, well, one time.
My sister. Why is the phone call? why is that the thing that got us because that made me chill a little bit isn't that so
creepy that after the fact after she said someone's just asking to talk to some man and they would
call at weird times like 9 a.m and then 10 p.m and then 12 a.m here's the thing though if it's a high
oh my god i just got a chill i felt like a ghost just walked no i think the air vent just went on
yeah thank god i felt that too and I was like, what the fuck?
Oh Jesus, Mary.
Here's the thing.
Mary Morris.
If there's a ghost in here, they speak Spanish
and they don't know what we're talking about anyways.
That's a good point.
Okay.
Isn't it so funny a ghost speaking different languages
and be like, dude, I don't know that.
Also, so at one point they find a, that someone has made calls from a, uh, a phone card that
was in Mary's purse.
The first Mary whose car was burned up that was in her purse, a phone card.
I guess people used to call, use phone cards that had minutes on it.
And someone had used like 2000 minutes or something. $2,000 in minutes.
And it was someone in a town in Texas
hours away.
Damn drip.
Hard one.
So they find, they trace the calls
to a pay phone.
Is it the guy that killed
them? Oh wait, they did trace those weird
calls to a pay phone. Is it Paul? No, it's not Paul. They did trace those weird calls to a pay phone.
Is it Paul?
No, it's not Paul.
They did trace those one calls that I just talked about, the creepy ones,
and they were at an apartment complex, and they could not find who did it.
So they still to this day don't know.
Well, they found that this girl in Texas, this young girl,
was using this phone card that she found in a purse
that she found outside a convenience store.
And this is many, many miles and moons, at least 40 to 50 miles away yeah from the crime scene later in a
purse now they go where's the purse and she goes i gave it to my neighbor apparently this purse was
ugly she didn't want anything to do with it she just took the phone card i'm just weirded out
about by a person that has nothing except a phone card in it that is just disposed of.
So then they find the purse.
The purse, they go to the neighbor who she gave it to.
The neighbor gives the purse and is like, here you go.
They bring it back to Katie or to, no, to Jay.
Yes.
And his daughter.
And they go, that's not mom's purse.
She's never worn that.
So this weird phone card that was hers, that was traced to her, ended up in a different purse.
Or they just don't pay attention to what their moms wear.
Could you pick out your mom's purse from childhood?
No.
I could.
For sure.
I loved my mom's purses.
They smelled like lipstick and cigarettes and bubble gum and lottery receipts.
No, I couldn't.
Oh, I love the smell.
There was Marlboro light cigarettes, cigarettes hundreds with red lipstick on them yeah no there wouldn't be red lipstick on them that'd be after
the fact but oh yeah they would she wouldn't yeah she doesn't like mark them all up before she smokes
up how you know who i hate the most who do you hate the most the daughter no wait not even part
of the story okay maybe you could think of it.
We're talking about cigarettes.
I like doing this with you because I think where our brains are very...
Sometimes they are synced up in such a weird way.
Think about cigarettes
and the person you hate the most
when it comes to cigarettes.
I mean, I don't know who you would openly talk about hating.
No, it's not...
Who smokes cigarettes.
It's many individual. It's not an individual a it's it's many individual it's not an
individual oh it's this kind of person that does this that throws out their butts out the car
window no and doesn't dispose of them in the trash like a good person i hate the one with the lucky
cigarette who fucking flips it over when they open the pack what do you mean they take one cigarette
and they put it upside down i I don't know that person.
Man, we're off, dude.
Oh, I don't want to know.
Oh, so they save one for the last?
It's like the lucky one. Man, I used to fucking, when I smoked Parliaments,
I liked the recess filter because I felt like it wasn't directly on my tooth,
like yellowing my tooth.
Oh.
I loved those.
I wanted to say, though, that the phone call is so creepy.
One time my sister, my cousin JD, and me were all left alone during the day.
I think my mom was out of town.
My dad had to go to work.
During the day, my cousin JD was like 13.
I was probably 11.
We were fine to be at home.
It's a good neighborhood, whatever.
My dad would be home.
It'd still be light outside.
We were playing Nintendo and then we got a call.
My sister does the classic when she
picks up the phone final thought when my sister picks up the phone she does the thing that my
parents have trained her to do and say if someone asks for us when we're not there just say we're
in the shower right so we're home but we're like oh my god i'm like getting chills from this so
oh we were fucking freaked out it was during the day so she goes he's in the shower and the guy goes yeah
oh is he all naked and soapy and my sister hangs up the phone and she goes nope before she hung up
she goes i mean i guess because because i mean how did you fuck that line up i don't know i
freaking forgot i'm so bad with telling stories like it
really is criminal how bad that was criminal but it was very funny that you added it after
that i added i forgot the funniest by the way this seems to be in your stand-up it's one of
the funniest stories i guess so i guess so it's so because it is true i think she analyzed it
and was like yeah and then the guy just hung up and she she comes downstairs we're playing like
donkey kong or like fucking Sonic.
What's the Crash Bandicoot on PlayStation?
I think it was around by this point.
She comes running downstairs and she's like, you guys, someone just called and said his dad naked and soapy.
And we just, you know, when it gets into that, like it just an echo chamber of crazy, of like conspiracies.
You're envisioning this guy. We're Facebook 2019.
In our own little world of like,
now the house is surrounded by creeps
that are coming to murder us.
We lock ourselves in my parents' bathroom.
My cousin JD starts screaming,
I have a gun, motherfucker!
Like to no one.
We start getting razor blades
out of my dad's shaving kit to wield against someone who's not.
This is during the day, 3 o'clock in the summer in the St. Louis suburb summer.
Like nothing is going to get us.
Then we get so scared we call the cops.
And so they arrive and the cops are just like, okay.
And then my dad is called at work and he comes home and he's like, what are you doing?
How old are you guys? cousin jd was probably 13 i was probably 11 and my sister's probably so were the cops saying anything that you were left alone i mean i think they were a little bit like
yeah and my dad was like oh gee you know it was not like the best thing to do but this was the
90s so it wasn't like now so you knew that the story added up. He was like, I've been home this whole time.
I'm so ball over me.
I just remember my dad just being so disappointed at us and kind of looking
at me like,
Nikki,
you're smarter than this.
And I just kind of caught,
got caught up.
I would get caught up in a heartbeat.
But I just remember my,
I just think he,
my cousin was so cool.
Cause he was like,
motherfucker,
we have knives and guns.
And I was just like,
Oh,
I could fuck you right now.
I mean, I didn't say that to my cousin, but I just remember being whatever horniness is for your cousin. motherfucker we have knives and guns yeah and i was just like oh i could fuck you right now i mean
i didn't say that to my cousin but i just remember being whatever horniness is for your cousin that's
gonna protect you and like finally step up my cousin who was kind of a pussy all the time
and like just a little bit nervous about doing any sport and like swam with his shirt on finally he
was like making up that we had guns can you imagine if you go we got guns
motherfucker and then he is here from outside the door go are they soapy guns oh my god oh my god i
mean i thought about that voice for so long and it was probably some telemarketer that was just like
i don't and my sister probably made it up dude who shack so here this is
amdrip so uh so wait one time my sister called me in college crying my sister's very beautiful
person when she called me drunk crying and i and i told this story earlier today in the car
she called me crying in college and i this is this is a girl that like did not have any problems with
her looks she was very popular she never tried but she just got attention always told she was
a model beautiful beautiful girl she called me crying one night we were not close in college but this made us very close because she called me crying
she said Nikki I was walking down Tennessee which is a street she was like and this car
drove by me and my friends and he goes hey Shaq because I'm tall I was just like Lauren fuck you
and I laughed so hard and she was really upset but that for some reason that just like, Lauren, fuck you. And I laughed so hard and she was really upset. But that for some reason that just like really made me love her so much because I saw a vulnerability of like, oh, even beautiful people can feel really insecure sometime.
And like my sister who I project so much perfection on to felt really sad in that moment.
It was weird.
She was in blackface, you know, but it was Halloween and it was it was a different time.
It was a different time.
It was post.
I'm kidding.
It was pre post. Yeah, she wasn't in blackface but um i have a question wait shit
oh people don't know people don't know what happened who did this by the way no one was
ever arrested for this these murders they're still on the loose and we may never know if it
happened if it happened like a year ago connected they're not connected people would have found out mary and mary people would have found out so i mean there's so much shit now
with dna and everything that like these people would have been caught if it happened now i think
yeah i think so here's the thing but they first of all the girls on the podcast did you remember
the part where it's like and the car was burned that's actually a really good way to cover your
tracks it's like who doesn't think of...
Are murderers not burning things?
Because I thought that was the number one way
to get rid of evidence is to just...
But it's hard to burn a body.
Oh, is it?
Mm-hmm.
Which is really weird, actually,
to think that your body is like...
If you had to murder someone,
if I was gonna murder you,
if you didn't murder someone,
how would you do it?
Wait, oh, I gotta murder someone else would you do it wait oh i gotta murder someone
else nikki glazer podcast i would uh i'd have them watch a lot of my stand-up the
and then just they watch you murder and then they kill themselves uh because i kill so hard
anyways wait the phone call yeah can we go back to that for a second yes no one if you're like a teenager now
you don't know what a phone card the fear of hearing a house phone call after watching a movie
like scream or like we're like sydney yeah what's your favorite scary movie rings at 2 a.m and you
have to like it either keeps ringing which is scary as fuck or you have to get up in the dark and go
pick up the phone late at night fucking wild i sometimes do get scared though when i'm listening
to something on my phone like that's a little bit scary or watching something and all of a sudden
facetime or something pops up and i'll kind of jump like if like or a text will come through
or just a phone can't be the same, though.
No, there's nothing like a...
I'm a jumpy bitch, though, man.
I'm easy to scare.
No, but a phone is like,
fuck you, fuck you.
I'm mad I have to...
I'm mad I had to listen to a murder podcast today
for this episode.
And now you have to sleep alone.
And now I have to sleep alone
in this weird section of this hotel.
Yeah, I'll be fine.
Yeah, you'll be great.
But I'm melatonin-ing tonight because... No, but then you'll be fine. Yeah, you'll be great. But I'm melatonin in tonight because...
No, but then you'll die easier.
No, I'll be asleep for it.
Just like you were.
I'll sleep through mine like you slept through Mary McGinnis'.
Now that I think about it, I think you're getting close to that.
Thank you.
Well, now that we're doing murder podcasts
and you think that murder is one of
murder murder yeah podcast yeah yeah makes sense you know who is the one in number one people
wanting to be murdered the guy from america's most wanted you know that's not true it was
wait did you just make that up huh i will tell you what i'm doing though i don't understand do
you i made out with his daughter whoa cool dude um or not i don't i. Do you lock? I made out with his daughter. Whoa. Cool, dude. Adam Wong.
Or not Adam Wong.
I wonder if girls do this.
I will lock my bedroom door if I'm staying in a place.
Or even in my own apartment.
If you ever once tried to open my bedroom door when I had said,
goodnight, Andrew, you wouldn't be able to get.
I lock my door because I think that if just having an extra barrier up is good.
Anyone who sleeps with their bedroom door open,
you are fucking asking to get murdered.
I don't know.
I think it's like when you take a condom out,
you take a condom out and like put pot sauces.
No.
When you go to,
when you go out like to a club and you bring a condom,
you're not going to get laid.
You don't bring a condom.
You'll get laid.
It's kind of like if you lock the door, if you lock the door, you're not going to get laid. You don't bring a condom, you'll get laid. It's kind of like
if you lock the door,
if you lock the door,
you're getting killed.
If you keep the door open,
you'll be fine.
But no, you'd make so much noise
I would at least scream
and be able to alert some people.
What about you lock the...
They would just be having sex.
What if you already locked
the killer inside your room?
Oh, well then it's just
an easy door open.
It's just the difference
between opening the door.
No, I'm saying the killer's in your closet in your room. You just locked them... You locked yourself inside with the killer. But it's just an easy door open. It's just the difference between opening the door. No, I'm saying the killer's in your closet, in your room.
You just locked yourself inside with the killer.
But it's not like I lock it and I have to go like,
well, I have to do a bunch of bolts and stuff.
I just open the door and it locks.
It's like the same as if I just opened it.
Yeah, but he's inside there now.
Well, fuck, Andrew.
I know you're bad.
What if there was a guy right here right now
listening to this whole thing being like,
it's so ironic I was going to murder her later and she's doing a murder podcast. It'll be the last thing that people hear. Like he's guy right here right now listening to this whole thing being like it's so ironic i was gonna murder her later and she's doing a murder podcast it'll be the last thing
that people hear like he's in the cabinet right now kind of like folded up like god when are they
gonna finish this thing and then he he's just i would just love a murder to go it's so ironic
if there was a loud noise right now i would shit i'd fucking pissing shit right now. I know.
I'm so happy there isn't.
Thank you, God.
Oh, my God.
Please, no.
Wait.
Spirits.
If there are any spirits in this room, make it known right now.
Here, wait.
I got this.
Eora est spirito no bueno.
Spirits have rhyming dictionaries.
Just give them a second.
Translation?
All right.
Man, this was actually really fun
and I think people
are really going to like this.
I hope.
We'll see.
They're going to like it
or they're going to hate it,
but I think some people
are really going to like
what we just did.
At least we tried something new.
You got to take risks.
If you didn't like it,
that's fine,
but a lot of people,
listen,
this was the best murder to cover,
but I do think that we should do deep dives on just things that are interesting that i find on reddit that i go into a really that i just want to like tell you all about because even the casey
anthony story is insane and people i know so many facts about it that people don't know that are so
fucking interesting and i love it like on uh you heard it here first I have to tell you like what's going on
no dive and now or wait
no people know that you don't
dive you don't do any
deep dive you don't even do shallow dive on
ours when I bring up stories
wait for when you heard it when you
hear it here first oh yeah oh yeah
those are shallow you want to do yeah and now
I want a deep dive yeah oh yeah I don't know
what that'd be so funny if you want a deep dive into a. So now you want to do, yeah. And now I want to deep dive. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know. That'd be so funny if you were like.
You want to deep dive into a shallow grave.
Yeah.
I want to dive into, I mean.
All right.
This is getting long.
Yeah.
We got to go.
Okay.
Hey, don't be cool out there.
And Jay.
Jay.
The Ripper.
Jay.
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