The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #170 It’s Wild… Canyon

Episode Date: February 3, 2022

Nikki and Andrew have an early morning epiphany that is linked to the opening of Look Who's Talking. They hung out with camels yesterday and Nikki shares a co'uhl moment from the beach. You Heard It Here First, playing lotto at the counter is probably an addiction, truth about frozen yogurt and nighttime at the fridge. Nikki shares her Reddit Dump that has a NY moment, sweetness from André 3000 and a funny reveal. Before the Final Thought, Nikki takes a record breaking "balcony" and returns to share a funny video about Beethoven. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, get a chance to look at any of it because i mean i was highly anticipating the release of our murder one-off murder murder podcast recap episode that you could have learned more from listening to the actual one that we one and a half times listened to um andrew did you hear any i saw a little bit of feedback a few people actually decided to murder their spouse just because they're listening around minute 25. They were a little upset that we weren't

doing segments. Four more Mary Morrises lost their lives just today. And that's all that's left. That was all of them. Oh my God. Yeah. No more Mary Morrises until there's another baby in nine months or six. Nine months. I mean, it could be any amount. Yeah, No more Mary Moreses. Wow. Until there's another baby in nine months. Yeah. Or six.

Nine months. I mean, it could be any month. Yeah, it could be any time. There are babies that aren't being... Today. Isn't it weird that someone's having sex right now and that a human will walk on the earth and be like, I'm hungry. It's five o'clock somewhere.

There's some idiot that's being made right now that's going to say those tacky phrases in 30 years or whatever. Or like, I mean, I did this joke in my special, but like when girls are like, I want a baby. Oh my God, we're having a baby. Like it's going to be a man someday. Do you ever think about that? Like no one wants like, even a woman. Women are a little bit like to say i'm having a

but no one says i'm having a man no like a teenager who that's what you're having though you're having a teenager that's gonna listen to music that you don't like really loud who's gonna hate you yes who's gonna say dude fucking my mom dad suck. Is it worse to have a teenager who hates you or one that's like you're their only friend? Oh, my God. I think hates me would be way better. I'd rather them hate me. And like have their own friends? Rather than be like, dad, what are you doing today?

I kind of think, though, that most of the time the dad, you're my only friend, is precipitated by the dad loving that. You know? And the parent kind of starting that like kind of incest. They're not calling it incest anymore. What did my fucking therapist call it? She was like, we want to take away the word incest. Oh, incest. When your parent treats you like a spouse or like spousifies you,

that's what it's called now, I think. Spousified, wow. Spousified. I'm like, I'm glad someone's going to spousifies you. That's what it's called now, I think. Spousified. Wow. Spousified. I'm like, I'm glad someone's going to spousify me. Might as well be my dad. Might as well be, yeah.

Honestly, I can see how you could be attracted to your parents because if they look like you and you think you're hot, they made you. It's their cum and stuff in you. Yeah. Their cum in you?

Yeah. Well, yeah, you are their. Yeah. Where their late cum and stuff. It is weird. Remember the very beginning of Look Who's Talking? Of life? Where their cum?

Where the sperm are swimming. Do you remember that? Mm-hmm. It's round, round, get around. I get around, round, get around. And they're like, the little tadpoles are swimming. Yeah.

First of all, that was amazing footage if it was real. I don't know how they got in there. I remember watching that when I was five. Wait, what are you talking about? I don't know what you're talking about. Wait, it's a video that came out?

No, no, no. At the beginning of Look Who's Talking, the movie, they show the inception of the baby that's going to be Bruce Willis' voice, right? Got you. And so the sperm are all swimming and it's doing like the opening credits.

It's a really cool scene that is cemented in my brain because I remember seeing it when I was four or five because it was on TV and I remember asking my dad what it was and he was like, he had to be like,

it's like cum. I'm just kidding. I remember knowing- Hey, Nikki, the scientific term is nut. Yeah. That's nut. That's like a bunch of nut in a woman's pussy area yeah inside it

gushy pushy thanks dad for making that palatable um i remember no do you remember as a kid knowing that things are naughty or that things are adult that you uh you know there's something going on here that you aren't ready to know. And that your parents, I hated it because it felt like an inside joke that everyone, when I left the room, they were all going to go, oh my gosh. Oh, can you tell? She almost guessed it. And that's why I was on to Santa. I was on to sex.

I was on to so many things that I played dumb for because I did not want to have that talk where they were like, well, the penis goes inside. Not that they were ever going to give me that talk. Spouseify. But they do you know that Spouseify just dropped? Neil Young. Yeah. Neil. Neil Hong.

I heard any. Wait. They didn't drop him. What was I going to say? I feel like, though, if I have a a kid do you ever feel like like go back to your dad of being like what's sex what's santa like and i know people comedians have done this joke before not being able to like trust them i know i just won't be able to answer so many of their questions like i feel like let's play okay i want to play being a mom all right fine um mom

how do fire trucks work well Well, I actually don't know Where does the water go? The water goes into the fire Okay, is it inside the truck? No, it's connected to the plumbing underneath the city That's those fire hydrants You know, the things we can't park in front of that the dog pisses on Where does the water come from in there?

I really don't know Do you want to go to the local library and learn about it? No, I'd rather you just tell me now, Mom. Well, I'm a dumb bitch. No, that's what I say behind your back. And I never wanted you. Man, that seems rude, Mom. Mom, that's rude.

Round, round, round. It's all cum, honey. Oh, okay. I thought so, Mom. I thought it was a fire come No I like I think it'll be Here let me go

You ask me questions I'm not gonna be one of those parents That makes up things Like well sometimes The sky is sad Cause I didn't listen once In fifth grade To what happens

With precipitation Like Can I try Can you ask me Can you ask me a question Okay What What are those on your ears uh they're earrings no

those things that you're wearing on your ears what are those oh these are headphones what what are they they connect to the um to the zoom here and then you can get sound why because the computer is talking inside my ears. Why? Because C++. What's cum? It's like the headphones that comes out of your dick. It's headphones for your dick. I honestly would be so bad. I really had no...

You got me. I started thinking about what's going on inside the computer that gets the sound into your ears. Well, you can just say, I'm not good at that stuff. And that's why you're going to be better at that than me. And that's, if you're interested in that, why don't we go get some books about it? Then you got to learn it. And you talk like this.

Well, then you learn it. And that's the beauty of having a kid is that you learn about things. You become smarter. Yeah. Like my parents, they had me so they could learn about Taylor Swift. God, they regret that. Yesterday we met some camels. Oh my God.

I fucking love camels. Did you ride them? No. Okay, so we were at a place shooting a bunch of stuff that did not involve the camels. That's why I couldn't even post about it. Yeah, Perfect Strangers 2 is coming along so well you guys crazy i are you balky or am i i'm balkanine oh um so we were on location at this place called wild canyon and it was just uh it was in the middle of a desert. Like to drive out to it, you have to drive like you're the FedEx truck in seven.

Like you got to drive really far into the desert in the middle of this desert over rough terrain in our Mitsubishi. Yeah, you bury a body out there. That's what's going on. If you're driving out there, you're either bungee jumping or burying a body. There's a canyon. There's a canyon and it's wild. And know bridge i couldn't think of the word bridge a big rope bridge that you can go across there's you know um rope swing bungee jumping there's the hang line not hang late what's the one where you do a um where you go zip Zip lining. Come. Coming. Zip line. And we were there shooting some stuff for Perfect Strangers 2. And there was also camels there that you could ride camels.

And at the very end of the shoot, we were supposed to do. God, it was such a long day. So we started at like. What time? I mean. I don't even know. We were out there for a while. In the wild.

Well, the whole day like i started at this one place and i had to do a bunch of spins on the beach in a tiny dress and i was getting so dizzy and so disoriented that was the hardest thing i've ever done i have to say it was funny like the first time you did it you were kind of like doing it comedically it seemed like but then you got so dizzy that you actually fell. Like, for real. Yeah, I fell a couple times. But it's the sand, so I kind of just meant to fall. You know what I mean?

It's better than catching it and going, it's easier just to fall and just sit there. My favorite thing is when the PA told those three very rich women that they can't walk behind the scene. Oh my god. They were so angry. They were like these thin, angry, tan women

that you can just tell. Have never been told no in their life. Never. And they're watching this girl that's being filmed and they're probably thinking- They have brown hair. You're an American. She's not even that hot.

What's even going on here? And they're watching me. They were so annoyed. And they they also i have to say they pretended not to give a shit they wouldn't look over i know so just to be like we don't we're not going to give that any attention even though this is this cool production happening they were just so like annoyed that they had to walk around and then they wouldn't look at us at all like it wasn't happening it's just like yeah they wereuh. Are we kuh for taking over their we're like conquistadors.

They just have to walk around it. It's kind of cool. In New York City, you live amongst productions all the time and when you walk by them, sometimes it's a little annoying, but being annoyed by things being shot, just stop being... If the production's rude to you,

that's another thing, but if it's just you to cross the street, look at who it might be. Ask a PA what they're filming. They'll lie to you because it's all top secret and PA's fear for their lives. And then it's cool. That's why you get to watch things in your fucking bed when you get home. And it's not all done on a green screen. It's because they got to be out in your life, bitch. We can't all be on the Warner Brothers lot.

Do you want everything to look like Batman forever? On the streets of Gotham City? Come on. Not everything could be an old Western. Speaking of old Westerns, so we're out in Wild Canyon. Oh my God, I fucking knew. Oh, I thought you were going to reference something else.

Oh, what did you think I was going to reference? I mean, there were often times I felt like I was in the set of a movie that stalled production last year. Oh. That I don't want to say. You made a joke about it. Not a joke, but you said, at one point I kicked off my shoe during the beach scene.

Because I was wearing these fucking high heels in really soft sand. And I was like, why am I wearing heels? I would just sink in and look ridiculous. This was unbelievable. And so I kicked my it was like a sandal and I kicked it off to get it out of the way. And it wasn't a sandal. There was a heel on. Well, it's just for girls to understand.

Like it was a it didn't have a back to it except a heel. Yeah, but it had a heel like it could kill a heel. Yeah, but it had a heel. Like it could kill a man. Oh yeah, it has a chunky big heel that was sharp. A mule? It was like a, yeah, a mule.

But it's a lucite, so it was see-through. It's invisible. I kick it, and there's a guy holding, was he holding a camera? Or like audio? I think he was looking at the screen, like a little screen. Oh a guy holding was he holding a camera yeah like audio i think he was looking at the screen like a little oh yeah he was looking at us he had a monitor to look at what

the camera looked like so he i thought he would see it coming straight for his head and he did not and it definitely hit him in the eye socket i thought it was the neck but either way you alec baldwin him i know and andrew i get off set set and Andrew's like, you Alec Baldwin that guy. And I go, too late. Too late. Too late on that show. You were too late. Just kidding.

Not stopping killing the guy. And then we went to this Wild Canyon place after we went to the beach scene. And these camels. So we walk up to these. So tall. Andrew had already met the camels. Yes. I met Oscar.

And then he was like, you know, we had a bunch of scenes to shoot yesterday. I was like scaling walls. And it was in this tiny little dress. It was a wild day. It's really nice to get all of this stuff out of the way because the rest of it's going to be just like, you know, me and Balki hanging out on a couch. Man, people are like, dude, Perfect Strangers 2 is fucking weird. It's going to get wild this time around are like, dude, Perfect Strangers 2 is fucking weird. It's going to get wild this time

around. And I love that Perfect Strangers 2, it was a TV show at first, but now we're making a movie and we're just calling it 2, even though there's never been a Perfect Strangers 1 movie. No, we're going straight to 2. Yeah. But we did a lot of stuff yesterday that wasn't involved in like the, it didn't look like the genre of which

we're shooting, if that makes any sense. And it was really fun. And then we, I went to go to the bathroom. At the end of the day, we were supposed to do this. So we were supposed to, we went from, I think my call time was like 8 a.m. And then we shot until five. And then five o'clock was lunch for some reason.

Lunch on TV, movie production sets is called, it's called lunch and it happens at five and the whole day you just get craft services and stuff. And by the way, as the talent, I can eat whatever I want whenever I want it and be like, I want it. And they'll bring it to me,

but I don't do that, but I could, but they don't. But we, um, we shot all day and we had some breaks. mean it's not like grueling it's it was honestly really really fun but we had this we were gonna break for dinner lunch and then we were gonna resume at um 6 30 and shoot until like 7 30 and we had the scene that was gonna be a

little bit like scary to do because it was on this bridge it was going to be like very like heights and stuff and at the end of the five o'clock shoot it was five o'clock and the crew was wrapped for lunch and we were walking back and i was like i just developed this really weird like allergy you guys and everyone's kind of like what's going on i was like i just like developed this like bridge allergy that like i can't be around like bridges anymore because i was just really trying to put it in their heads like can we can we not do this bridge scene like can't we've got enough footage we can we don't need a bridge and um and then they were just like ha ha ha nikki fun and then i went to go change into my regular clothes to go to lunch and um then i heard the greatest words i've ever heard. Andrew comes into

the dressing room. He's like, can I come in? I was like, yep. He goes, my anal fissure's gone. Yeah,

he said, hey, those little swimmy things were cum. And then I said, there's a wild canyon in my asshole.

He said, the bridge scene is canceled and I was so, I love canceled things. Oh, they're the best. It's so good.

We were so stoked. So we got to go home and eat on the way. And meet the camel. And then we went up and met the camels up by the bathroom. And so we went over this barn and we were kind of like, I was looking at the camels and then the camel wrangler was like, hey, do you want to meet them? And I was like, yes.

And so we went over there and he was like, do you want to hear about them? Some of them were rescued from circuses. And so we went over there and he was like, do you want to hear about them? They were, some of them were rescued from circuses. The ones that were, were so abused and scared and like their lips were all fucked up from like just being beaten and stuff like circuses are terrible. Do not go to that.

It didn't stop you from singing the song. I was like, I was trying to trigger them that's like you hearing a dave matthews song that you got fingered to in the back of a car i mean that would bring back good memories yeah that's true i like that you think i got fingered in high school never who said anything about high school this was last week in the back of your mom's car so oh my god because I am driving her car that's so funny

but we met these camels and I just want to say that the guy was we were like are they dangerous and he's like no they're not aggressive and he was like this one's really nice it's never been in a circus it's never even heard about circuses don't even fucking mention the candy circus

peanuts to it and so it was a happy camel it only appeared on pack of cigarettes yeah and it uh i went up to it and it kisses you i put all the footage on the thing and then the picture that you saw on our instagram yesterday where it's kissing me and andrew's in it too literally 0.7 seconds after that was shot the camel opens its mouth to bite my head aggressively and I dodged out of the way and that was I I'm so glad that I saw it because I was in my periphery it was next to me so I wasn't really looking but and it was kind of moving its lips to kiss me at one point or do whatever it was trained to do so that people can go like it

likes me mama look take a picture i want to come back to wild canyon post it on trip advisor and then it opened its jaw and it it tried to bite me and i dodged out of the way and the guy like was like whoa and like got scared yeah you tell it was like an animal attack yeah he got left he's scared he's scared it's left yeah yeah he got left. He scareda. He scareda. It's left. Yeah. He got left. You got left. You got scareda.

You got scareda. Wait. So wait. Did you? We got to go to break. You're very calm with animals. Yeah. Let's talk about it when we get back.

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We're back. Andrew, I'm calm. Yeah, you get nervous around animals. I get calm around animals. I get nervous around sports. You love sports. Yeah, you get nervous around animals. I get calm around animals. I get nervous around sports. You love sports. Yeah, yes. Like the dog yesterday who has no leash,

who probably lives in the canyon. He lives off cactus. He looks like a hyena 100%. There was a canyon dog that was just around the premises. He was not giving me, hey, pet me vibes, and you still went in for the pet. Well, I, oh, later on. Yeah.

You're like, it's Rio friendly. And Rio was, once that guy left, he didn't want to be pet by you. Well, the guy said I could. I know, but then you just trust a random. Because he wants to see Gringo get her hand mauled. By Rio. Yeah, Rio. Well, I can just, I've been around dogs enough, and I've read enough books that I feel like I know,

if I sense anything about that dog that looks like it's going to attack me or it's like nervous, I wouldn't do it. But he looked like he wanted it. All right. I don't know. I mean, he didn't sign the form. I was a little bit scared at first, though,

when we saw that dog appear out of nowhere because it looked, I mean, that dog could have killed us if it wanted to easily. We learned so much about camels. Camels live to 20 to 25 in the wild. Right before they can drive a rental car, they lose their lives. Oh, what about the three that get out

and if they get out, they let them run around, but there's three of them. They don't let them run around. It's like seven. They don't let them run around. It was clear that those camels do not have great lives

no offense to the people that say they rescued them from circuses at least they're not being beaten but those camels don't get to roam around because if they do three of them run to the beach they just run the beach is not close it's we were so far from the fucking beach these camels to think of a camel just being like, I'm getting out and just running towards the sunset is one of the saddest things I've ever. But it's kind of beautiful to see if I saw them running. They are the most prehistoric animal I've ever seen.

If you look at a camel, legs, like just it coming towards you, it is so dinosauric. You know what they look like? They look like the, not the human, the animal version of those things in Star Wars,

those big white things. Do you know, Noah? Oh, the ones that walk? Yeah, I know what you're talking. Well, probably that was inspired by a camel because usually- Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.

Get their ideas from nature. That's so true have you ever seen a giraffe in real life oh yeah the zoo and only like its head popping up there's a why do you think giraffes are more they look like dinosaurs especially like if you can get really up close you just are like, oh my God, I'm traveling back in time. Animals are so freaking cool when, especially the ones that you just, you know, we get to see squirrels and birds and dogs and cats all the time.

But when you, and you think you know what a camel is going to look like, you think you have an idea of what it's going to be. And its face was just, there was so much skin and mouth. I guess horse people probably work with that a lot. The eyes are what gets me with animals like that. Because they're so big. And then they're usually like, they have some kind of like cataract or they're scratched a little bit. And you look inside them and you're like, what is in that your eye what's in your brain i don't know i get really

lost in the eyes of an animal it's really because a lot of times they look sad yeah and and they can kind of communicate with you with like i made eye contact with a fucking wild whale i know i did he looked at me and that's it's a special. Do you think giraffes laugh about giraffe laughs? Do you think giraffes? Giraffes? Do you think they laugh when there's the guy in the herd or whatever who has the biggest dick in the herd, and then he's like,

dude, you're not going to be able to take all this dick, and then the giraffe has the longest neck ever, and they're like, come on, dude. I could take your dick. Wait, what like a giraffe could deep throat another giraffe wait like when you said take your dick yeah you meant blow yeah like yeah no i don't think the drafts do that i don't think they do you know what i mean though can i talk about animal eyes for a second yeah i don't know what, though? Can I talk about animal eyes for a second? Yeah.

I don't know what you mean. Animal eyes? I want to talk about animal eyes. Animal eyes. Animal eyes. When my dog accidentally, like, has, or, like, sometimes Marion will have multiple, like, hairs in her eye, like, jutting into her eye,

scratching her eye, and she just acts like nothing's going on. And there's so many times that like there are like just you like you said like scratches on animals eyes and sometimes I will hit accidentally like throw something and it will like I know it will hit Luigi in the eye I'll see it hit his eyeball you know how painful that is when you're a human and something hits your eye and potentially scratches your eye I I want to understand animal pain because Marion doesn't even flinch when there are hairs in her eye.

Whereas if I get a little piece of dust, I'm like, everyone calm! I can't function. Right now, my eyes, I got dust in them yesterday, and it's caused me to have migraines because my vision's a little off. So I'm just wondering, animals just like don't they they they don't like whine about pain they just deal with it but then you i don't mean to compare it to human suffering but then i think about sometimes you remember when

you would see i i mean it's going on now but like flies around starving people and they would be like in their eye and on their face and all over them and then after a while you just stop they like and you go why aren't they batting those flies away well it's like horse flies right but horse yeah horses get annoyed by the flies they like yes they do yeah they definitely do but some point, I think that you just become used to just discomfort constantly plaguing your body. And when you're an animal that has a paw that can't manipulate something to get into your eye, like dogs just have to go like, that's why with Luigi, I always go, I just scratch its eye. I just go like, you know, like over its eye and give it a good nice eye rub.

And dogs are just like, oh, i've never been able to get that yeah yeah it's like when you get your first massage ever you're like what the fuck is this i don't know three-legged dogs are stoked they just don't have that like connection of like i'm missing something that's the beauty of an animal no ego yeah they're like oh i'm not like that four-legged dog he's just like i'm chilling'm chilling. It would be so funny if a dog had ego. Or like an animal that was like, thought it was better. I mean, there are some fucking little dogs, like Malteses. And I'm like, fuck you, dude.

You're not richer than me. But he is. They can be a little bit more territorial. But I don't think it's because they think they're better than anyone. And they don't get, I guess dogs do get insecure. I've seen some dogs with like painted toenails in New York City. My parents would always go, you need to give both of them a treat Nikki they because one will get jealous and I'm like but they didn't the other one didn't do a trick they don't get a trick like treats are for when you do for winners good behavior you know

like let's get the dog to do a trick but I'm not gonna do it Luigi was the one that sat I'm not gonna give Wiley one just because he sat there and he, and because he wants it. Maybe I'm mean, but I'm like, doesn't that refute the idea of training a dog? Yeah. But then Wiley ended up biting people. So maybe you shouldn't. It's your fault.

It's all my fault. Let's get to the news. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh man. I hope you're having all the swells out there. It's Wednesday heard it here first. Oh, man. I hope you're having all the swells out there.

It's Wednesday. You know what that means, folks. It is Wednesday. We got some great stories for you. Let's start it off with a fun one. Fortune Cookie gives a North Carolina man lottery numbers to win $4 million. Whoa. Whoa. Yes.

So after a weekly meal at Charlotte's Red Bull Restaurant. Charlotte's Red Bull? I guess. Bull or restaurant? Bull. Red Bull? Bull. B-O-W-L? Yeah.

Okay. Red Bull Restaurant. He used the numbers to buy a Mega Millions ticket online, added a dollar to make it a Mega Plyer ticket so when he watched all five white balls on january 18th to win one million it was quadrupled four million dollars he took home two million eight hundred forty dollars 401 eight two million eight hundred forty four hundred one dollars two million eight forty he paid half the taxes a little bit up so that we you don't look like a sad grandpa on a bench? Why? I feel like people like this.

I think it's becoming a thing. I've gotten so many messages. I think you forget there's a camera in front of you sometimes. Yeah, I mean, that's how you become freaking naturalized. Okay. How does Stevie Wonder know how to play the piano? Okay, that is the fortune cookies.

Did one of the balls say in bed? Does anyone get that joke? Oh, because you add in bed to all your... Because you always add in bed to fortune cookies. I've never... Fortune cookies were like the... It's like you're a Virgo and here's like you always like attribute it to whatever you're going through like you'll read it be like man this fortune

fortune cookie knows me at least as a kid it's helpful in that way like because they're always good messages they're never like your friends all hate you yes yeah yeah yeah your asshole is a wild canyon i'm like what no i'm not eating here again wait so did you ever have the thing too where they go well your fortune's not gonna fucking happen unless you eat the cookie like you gotta eat the cookie oh no those cookies are so disappointing i love those cookies really they're my guilty pleasure oh really i i like that you like those because i think they're lower sugar than most cookies because they're my guilty pleasure oh really i i like that you like those because i think they're lower sugar than most cookies because they're a little bit like there's just a there it's just a blandness

to them that never really did anything for me but i loved cracking them open and wasting plastic and then just leaving yeah and pay all that paper i mean i i'm trying to think of a fortune that like it's usually like you know you will come across something that you really want to do in three weeks like it's like there's never an amount it's never really specific yeah no and i um you know guessing a number from a fortune cookie and winning is just as, it's just a coincidence more than like, we all have to go to Red Bull now. You know? I've never, yeah, I've never.

Did you play the lottery? Did you ever play like numbers, like the Powerball? I think I played one time and I never checked it. Oh my God. You know what I mean? You could have been that guy. I think I won. Where they go, there's the, someone won.

I didn't know how to check it. They bought this ticket. I didn't know. I remember I Googled it. Or no, I don't even I remember I googled it Or no I don't even know If Google was around yet And what made Oh you just got it

Maybe because someone else Was buying it At the grocery store I just thought like This is like Fate You felt like This is the time

Yeah this is the time My mom used to play a lot I remember those little Like you know White and pink Pinkish Like pieces of paper a lot in her purse

with the lipstick on it where she would blot her lipstick. What about when you get stuck behind someone at a fucking convenience store who buys like 70 of them and he's like, I'm going to do you pick them. I'll do 30 you pick them and then I'm going to do a 5, 18, 12, 9.

And then when they take those scratchers and they go off and scratch them, that is someone who's at like stage three of an addiction where it's like you're doing something kind of embarrassing where everyone in line knows what's up, but at least you're taking it elsewhere to start fucking using. But the people that have just started scratching it

on the counter there are some of the biggest addicts you'll ever, there is bad, they're steps away from being on the counter there are some of the biggest addicts you'll ever, there is bad. They're steps away from being on the street shooting up. You know, the people that you just see shoot up in front of you and you go, Oh my God, I'm watching heroin right now.

It's because they don't give a fuck anymore because they're, they're so clouded by addiction that, you know, most people keep their addictions hidden away from people because it's so, you know, the depths of it is so shameful. Yeah. And I bet you anything as someone who used to be addicted to things, you know, like I used to go only, I used to only eat frozen yogurt, like only this low-cal frozen yogurt. At the counter at 7-Eleven.

Well, I used to go to different frozen yogurts. There were three different places in LA that served it. That, what'd you say? I know. I'm just thinking about you going to different ones because you don't want people to see you at the same one. Yeah. And I would wait until the person, this is a common eating disorder thing.

Anyone out there with an eating disorder that binges and you have your spot you go to, this is something I hear about all the time. It is, because you think it's unique because you figure out ways. And I bet you anything, people who are gambling addicts, they also do the same thing where you don't want to go back when these people, you wait like six hours.

So the person's shift has ended and it's a new group of people that aren't going to judge you for being there twice in a day. You know what I would do? I would go, I would lose the money to my, you know, remember you used to have limits on your atm card yeah like 200 bucks i would lose that around like i don't know 6 p.m per se and then at at midnight i could get another 200 so i would just sit around nor in the quarter and not even be able to drink because i had no money and i would just wait six hours like figure out a way to do something for six hours get the money

and then go right back yes that's a fucking that's a yeah that's enough yeah yeah that's an addict i mean i'm sure that alcoholics for sure get embarrassed with how much they're drinking and they have to hide it because they'll get cut off whereas at a frozen yogurt place i'm not going to get cut off they'll maybe talk about me behind my back but like i used to do this so what would you do so you'd go in you got the same thing there was one so there's uh at olympic and i think fucking what's the cross street it doesn't matter there's uh a it's the one that demi lovato was in line at and she got in trouble because she was like this place is like anorexic eating disorder breeding ground it's true it is it's like it's called the big chill no offense to them

no judgment they're a business but you're that's what an anorexic will go somewhere else it's not like if they shut down like but there's one across the street called penguins and then there's the big chill and they're on across from each other and i would go to one and then i go the other and i would then have two giant things of it and I would eat it until I was literally like puking up like I couldn't keep it down because I was so sick but I was so mad because I would be so full that I would be mad that I was full because I couldn't have any more of the thing that was like would make the pain go away or whatever and so then you're but you then you're so sick that the sick feeling takes away whatever feeling you were feeling that you're so it's just this constant thing and then yeah

i would um go back the next day every single day would see the same people and i would see the same customers too all these girls just swimming in size zero jeans like it was honestly you know what's crazy it was crazy is that depending on what you're buying it's more judgmental like we go to the same starbucks every morning no one gives a fuck you're addicted we're all addicted to starbucks i will say that i have shame about starbucks and i do kind of the same thing yeah with our starbucks the mobile order makes it easier because you don't have to like order it and look someone in the eye but my starbucks people definitely know that there are days where I have three venti lattes and no one needs that. No one needs a three venti lattes that are like these.

And it's just a very specific drink. And it's not, it's not even about the caffeine. It's just about this like treat that I want. I mean, it's definitely goes into like eating disorder stuff, but there are days where I truly will wait or not go back because I'm too ashamed to see those people see me get a third,

even though I want it and that's not why you should not put it on disguises to get another oh I I used to like you put it on a little mustache and a hoodie oh my god like be like no no no different order like you add one extra stevia just so it's like a little different. You're like, yeah, no, no, no, no. I'm not Nikki here. I would get so excited when I do mobile orders that has multiple people because I'd be like, see, I have friends. It's just not my three lattes a day.

Other people are in on this. And so now you start ordering like, oh yeah, Tom got milk. And I know this is a common one. You just add different orders. This is a very common one for anyone out there with eating disorders. And you might do this and you don't even, whenever someone jokes that they,

I ordered food and I had to act like there were other people here or that I was having a party because I didn't want the delivery person to judge me, you have an eating disorder. Unless you're like stalking, but I used to do that all the time of like whenever i get food by the way i get at least four things of silverware because they think i have a huge family now i don't eat all of that food generally but sometimes i do i eat massive amounts of food still um i feed myself but it is interesting when I come home

and you've set the dinner table with like four plates. And then I just go around. I go clockwise, sometimes counterclockwise. I switch it up. No, that's why I wanted a roommate because I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to hide my... Yeah. Like I eat weird for sure,

but like when it keeps me in check more of like not doing disgusting things. You live with someone now. You can't eat as disgustingly as you probably wanted to. You're not eating in bed anymore, right? Not the way you used to, though. Not the way I used to. There's accountability.

No, I don't do sushi with my hands and have soy sauce everywhere. I doubt that you're eating habits the same. There's some popcorn in the bed at time yes uh the other day brennan came out to the kitchen and it was like 2 a.m and i'm just naked in front of the fridge just like looking through like what do we got you know yeah there's i i really love the 2 a.m what do we got you know like or like leftover. Oh, my God. Nothing to me is better than cold leftovers. I love, like, old, like, not old. Nothing better?

I don't know. I fucking love it. I love when the fucking cream, like, becomes. Kind of like congeals? Yeah. Not too congealed. Let's do the next news story. What was the one that was making you laugh?

Because you don't like aspic salad. Have you ever heard of what that is? What? Aspic salad? He needs an ass pick to get things out of that canyon as fix aspic oh as i want to google what aspic salad is aspic yeah it's like a gelatin salad oh it's like eastern european food oh no no i've seen that it's all congeal my book yeah he would like that no i don't act like you wouldn't eat oh wait that is that actually looks really good but the gelatin kind of concerns me i've eaten so much sour cream in where we're at like i heard you say that yesterday and i was like i i haven't seen you eating any i know the last four days though i... Because I don't really eat Mexican food that much.

Yeah, we're eating a lot here. In perfect stranger area. Yeah, in Mexico or something. Okay, research finds that people who are seen frowning in old photos are five times more likely to divorce. I mean, this is just so on the head, like... Yeah, I heard Andrew giggling heavily today. And I thought he was writing jokes for the show.

And I thought he was laughing at his own jokes. And I go, what are you laughing at? Your own jokes? And he goes, no, one of the things. No news stories. It's so funny. Okay, so people, if you look at your photos of you at your wedding. I mean, what are we talking about

here i was just thinking old old timey photos no i was like isn't everyone frowning in those no like old photos from when you were first like dating and stuff like if you're or like just people in general yeah that smile more so if you if you're in the top 10 of like big smiles, you're less likely. Your relation. Yeah, because I think people, divorce is symptomatic of people who are, that probably got married to fix something that is broken inside them.

Yeah. That causes them to frown in every picture anyway. And that you're more likely to make decisions to just temporarily alleviate that. I just love picturing someone picture anyway and that you're more likely to make decisions to just you know temporarily alleviate that i just love picturing someone on their wedding night their wedding night in front of the cake they're just i know like who do you know that actually frowns in photos like

a legit frown not frown but i i didn't smile for a while living in new york you know you just do that straight face kind of thing you're like afraid to smile i also don't love my teeth when i smile um but you can do it like a smize you know like a closed toothed you know yeah i i but that wouldn't be in the top 10 i also think though that people that really smile big, they tend to not be as aware of how maybe unhappy they really are. And so they'll just stay married because they don't really get in touch with their feelings that much. So then they're just like, everything's great. And then I die.

You know what I mean? No, I think that people that are naturally smiley people, it comes from within. They're just happier people maybe i mean i think yeah sometimes people are trying to mask it and you would never know how sad they are i mean let's talk about the miss usa oh yeah who jumped to her death and like you go on her instagram you go there's no indication there's no even like sometimes it's hard to get up in the Instagram and you go there's no indication there's no even like sometimes it's hard to get up in the morning you know like there's no everyone has something

on their Instagram that would maybe you could go oh that's why like literally everyone of like today was a hard day but I'm persevering you know like we all have little things there was nothing on this girl's she just seemed like so full of life so that is it makes me think there must have been like some medicine she took, you know,

because some people can just have one episode triggered. I mean, a lot of drugs, you know, prescription drugs have like suicidal thoughts as side effects. I don't know. It's so sad. I think like, uh, you know, they always like joke,

like not about this thing, but like with marriage and stuff, or if you're dating and you overdo it on Instagram of how great your relationship is, how amazing it is, you're guaranteed to be broken up in like a few months. Yeah. If you got to tell everyone how great things are and how much you love someone. It is kind of great though when people do that

and they're like, this is the best. I found my soulmate. And then they break up, but they don't announce the breakup, but you can tell that they're broken up. All of a sudden it's like seven pictures without them in it. And then it's eight and then it's nine

and it's going deep. And then they start removing them, but it's slow. Yeah, it's a slow remove. Oh my God. And then you go, are they following that person still? That's when you know. And the person's hair starts changing

and they start like losing weight and like posting pictures of their back muscles. And like, you're like, oh, they're, or like just hanging with their girlfriends a lot or whatever. And you're like. What happened to Tommy? That was your best.

Cryptic captions of like living my best life or like sometimes the rain shines on the other side of the pillow like just something where you're like mmm this is a quote that she's trying to talk to someone here that isn't us I don't

need you Tommy it's like that seems pretty like on the nose yeah that's pretty on the nose let's go to break and come back with Reddit Dump. And yes, we're doing a Wednesday edition. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my dog.

Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together,

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Hey, guys. We're back. Let's get to—we skipped it yesterday because we did a murder podcast. About murder. You guys did a wonderful job, I just want to say. It was very entertaining. Thank you, Noah. And I didn't even listen to Morbid.

You didn't listen to Morbid. Listen. No. I don't think you need to i mean i almost want you to because i honestly think we could be the new morbid of morbid like we could take their story do it ourselves and you'll be fine yeah that's how i felt after listening to yesterday's show. I skipped all the things you didn't really need to know. And I mean, Andrew had zero new information to share. Yeah, because I was sleeping. He was sleeping. And the fact that there are two Marys involved,

this was not a great episode to fall asleep to, I got to say, because he was sharing details about the one Mary that didn't happen to the other one. It was tough. And yeah, he was in and out of a dreamlike state. Next one we do will be one person's baby. I love the idea of a podcast that covers, we listen to an episode of a murder podcast that you don't want to listen to.

It's too much. Like not you, but like you, the bestie. And then you fall asleep halfway through. And then you try to retell. I like that kind of premise yeah i do too i mean i make you listen to it when you are the sleepiest you are and you try to stay away from it for it and memorize all of it i mean i i we really like the idea of doing wild card episodes that are just out of nowhere the halloween episodes of

our show yeah christmas episodes of our show. Yeah, Christmas episodes of our show where it's just like, we're just going rogue today and we're doing something new. I hope you guys liked that yesterday. I mean, I think Bestie's like, whatever we do. No, we got positive feedback.

I mean, people really liked it. There was no feedback that was like... Not yet. That's a feedback sound. I thought that was a toucan. Oh God, I hate that sound. It's the worst sound. Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.

Sounds like a knife on a chalkboard. Yeah. Okay, so let's get into a Reddit dump. Karaoke mode. This is your Reddit dump. It's the Reddit dump. All right, so this first one is from the subreddit holeup. That's where something happens

at the end of the video that you wouldn't have expected and it's like hold up h-o-l-u-p and so this one i really liked and we almost kind of touched on it before um it says hole up what kind of insanity do new yorkers go through to not look question mark and then like that lowercase o big o that makes it look like an eye being like what and um so this is a girl on the street. Noah's going to play the video. You can go watch it on our YouTube in a couple days if you're listening to this live. It'll be up there. Make sure you go subscribe and leave a nice

comment. It's a girl on the street and she's talking about how she can tell there's a bunch of people walking behind her on the street and here she'll explain if they looked they're not from new york she just that's her screaming and all these people walk by and she goes if they looked at me

screaming then they're not a real New Yorker. Because you hear stuff like that so often. It's like the fly thing. If there's flies buzzing around your head all the time, if there's one fly, you're going to shoo it. Someone's screaming like that in any other place, you're going to go, what's going on over there? But in New York, there's those screams all the time and you become immune to it. I just thought it was really funny. And you sit next to them on the subway without a care in the world. Literally screaming like that and you become immune to it. I just thought it was really funny. And you sit next to them on the subway

without a care in the world. Literally screaming like that and you have to ignore it. Because your neck would break if you fucking looked every time. Yeah, yeah, that's true. You become like desensitized. If you looked every time someone yelled for help in New York,

yeah, you'd be exhausted. Yeah. This next one is from Made Me Smile. This is just a This isn't a video It says wholesome Andre 3000 This guy named Jason Roth wrote Once Andre 3000 was on my ferry ride

To Alcatraz and I said hi My six year old autistic son came over And started talking his ear off about German shepherds His obsession at the time Andre talked to him about dogs For like 20 minutes We exchanged numbers. Four years later, I got

this text. Hi, Jason. I was searching for a name and yours popped up. I remember our cool encounter on the boat. Ha. How's the kid? I'm living in NYC now. So if you're ever here, please reach out. How cute is that? That's the

cutest. I mean, it kind of tells me that he should probably be doing a new outcast album instead of focusing on jason but one thing i noticed in his i message and this was in 2017 that's like the nicest thing ever but he he writes hi jason and for every period that he writes like at at the end, hi, Jason, he does a space before the period. Hi, Jason, space, period, space. That's like his style. Even for the question mark, how's the kid?

Space, question mark, space, new sentence. Very interesting style that Andre 3000 has. Did you know? There's a lot of stories about people running into him and him being him being cool like the cool like he plays i think a clarinet or something some kind of instrument he'll just be playing it at like a gas station like is that andre 3000 playing the clarinet like and everyone's like oh my god that is andre three in new jersey do you have to do that you have to have him play the clarinet for you yeah Yeah, he plays. Well, the other.

You know in New Jersey, you can't pop your own guess. They hold the clarinet while he plays. That's the joke. We got there. I realized yesterday, because I got a text from someone, and I saw it come up. Or I texted someone, and I saw it delivered, and then I saw it read 6, 19 PM. You've called me out on this many times. Yeah, and I go, why are your texts on red? And you go, I saw it delivered. And then I saw it read 6, 19 p.m. You've called me out on this many times.

Yeah. And I go, why are your texts on red? And you go, I don't know. And I'm like, I just think it's such a weird choice to be someone who wants to let people know when you've read it. I think it's someone who's playing games with someone and it always is. Oh, interesting. That's why.

That's why. Why'd you leave me on red? It's a way. That's where that phrase comes from. It's a way for girls and guys to fuck with each other and be like, I'm not thinking about him. And if you're left unread, which by the way, you're able to read some things without making it go to read.

Oh, yeah. When it first comes up. Yes, yes. And it's a way to make someone seem like you're not that into them. Here's the thing. Or to send a message. Robin had a good point though about that where it's a way to make someone seem like you're not that into them. Here's the thing. Or to send a message. Robin had a good point, though, about that, where it's like, oh, if you left me on read, I wouldn't take it personally.

It's about the person and how they take it. Right. But if my friend, the thing is, when I see that you have texts read and unread, I go, I don't think you're trying to send me a message. I go, who are you fucking? What's going on in your life right now that you have your text on red? Oh, okay. Like, who are you trying to communicate something to?

I would say 80% of red is you've reset your phone because it's not working correctly, and it goes right to red. But this is the thing. So I say this yesterday in the car, and I go, who the fuck puts their phone messages on red? It's such a weird thing to do. And Jen and Robin go, yours are on red.

And I was like what yeah jen thought you were fucking with us like you were like being sarcastic i was like i'm a person that has their text on red and she goes yeah and then i texted anya i texted you they all say and by the way i went to my settings it isn't enabled there's no i have it disabled i i make sure my texts aren't right so i've been sending everyone this message that I'm one of these shady twats putting their texts on read I am not a text on read person

toilet paper on my shoe or having like this makes me think your relationship how many times has your lover seen that you've read a message and not written back oh he doesn't care about the stuff he would never look into any of that as like yeah he always doesn't care like you've been

and i was delivered for me yeah you've been delivered to me too what about yesterday when i wrote you no you were delivered i thought you said red oh i was kidding writing back oh it was delivered okay so some people's phones well anya said mine are red it'll be like red at 6 20 p.m and i'm like that's so gross i don't want to be that person it felt it felt like oh my god i've had this sign on my back that says kick me i'm red yeah um okay next next red i think it's so weird that it only works on certain things. I wanted to pose this question to you, Andrew. This is on Too Afraid to Ask. Oh, God. It says, we named hair differently based on where they grow,

such as a mustache, beard, pubes. So what do we call hair near the butthole? Oh, man. Pubes. A cover, thank God. Yeah, sewer grate. The butt hair inside your butthole yeah around it um tassel i think yeah tassel tassel the tassel i like that

um that's perfect i can't come up with anything better than that this is a barrier this is from um ask reddit it says what are the worst song lyrics you've ever heard and i really like these um uh this is we call it the bangs for your asshole the the but it has to have like a pun you know what i mean like it has to have like why mustache isn't a pun i know but we're making a joke mouth is that why it's mustache moose mouth stash maybe so ass stash no that's the heroin you're smuggling across the border okay what are the worst song lyrics you've ever heard? Probably Crash Says Dummies.

What? Once there was this boy who got into an accident and couldn't go to school. Is that the lyrics? Is it the lyrics or the voice that bother you? Both. But it's also very catchy.

I like some of these. Noah, do you have any that come to mind? I can't pull them off that quick. Oh, yeah, you're not a lyric person. Okay, I'm so sorry to put you in that position. That's okay. I thought I had heard you go, okay, someone said the Little Yachty song.

This gets referenced a lot on the different music subreddits I find. There's a little Yachty song where he says, she blow that dick like a cello. Because he thought that he was referencing the instrument Squidward plays. Which is a clarinet. But he thought a clarinet was a cello. Yes.

And so no one in the studio goes, man, you can't blow a cello. That shows how many yes people are around Little Yachty. Are you sure that's the story behind it? Yes, it is the story. I've heard it a bunch. What if, because a cello is bigger than a violin. Like, it's kind of hot. But you can't blow a cello.

If you're sucking the cellos, like, if you have a big mouth. But he was trying to make a joke about, like, you blow it like a. I'm just saying. A giraffe could fuck it and suck it. Someone said, you're easy breezy and I'm just saying a giraffe could fuck it suck it uh someone said you're easy breezy and i'm japanesey i don't remember oh uh utada is the name of that lyrics are great okay uh um i got a mansion in wisconsin what's that it's T-Pain. Oh, I like that. It's stupid. He just rhymes things that don't actually rhyme. Oh, I know my favorite one.

My favorite one is Billy Currington. Yeah, that's his name. Where he goes, God is good, beer is great, people are crazy. And he goes, I read in the obituary he was a millionaire. That's fun. I mean, it's stupid, but that is so fun. I like ones that are obviously like we're being funny here. Yeah. You know, that's a funny one.

I don't think he was really trying to be. I think he was trying to sneak in some. Really? Oh, well, that's pretty sad. Wait, so what was the other one? Someone said Lou Reed and Metallica coming out with the classic I Am the Table. kids really oh well that's pretty sad wait so what was the other one what's the one someone said um lou reed and metallica coming out with the classic i am the table i've never heard that song what is that so it's basically lou reed going um or maybe james i i forget who does the chorus but

it goes i am the table i am the root or something i am the chairs it's like oh my i am the root or something. I am the chair. I am the walrus. I have to pause really quick because I am going to have explosive balcony. Oh. Uh-oh. So anyways, no. We might be able to hear it. Wait one sec, folks.

No. Well, Nikki's really fast in the bathroom especially if it's explosive so maybe we just wait i'm a quick pooper are you a quick pooper no i like but i do it on purpose i like taking my time what are you doing there i usually like read just on your phone yeah like a book no read on your phone yeah or like a book no no on my phone it's funny to bring a book in

to just take a shit because it's like oh you're playing and I'm getting a couple chapters and like what are you doing I think I'm just like used to it because the bathroom was like the only place

I could get privacy growing up because we lived in such a tiny apartment and it was like the one room that like I could just be by myself. I'm just used to it now as an adult. You know your relationship's going well where you take longer shits

just to not talk to your spouse. Yeah. That was a very quick shit. That was very quick. I mean, that's wild. We can keep this in. I started my period. That was amazing. I have had kettlebell tits amazing i have had my i have had kettlebell tits i have had congratulations oh my god i have had a migraine that started last night that i

thought was due to dust in my contact lenses and now and then i just thought i had to poop so bad which i did but at the same time i you know when I went to wipe I'm like oh no I'm shitting and then it was just is my I started my period it's such a there's something about starting your period it's like getting a diagnosis it's a relief things that are going on in your life yes it's such a relief because every woman can relate to this I know because as much as we know we're gonna get it it just there's something about when you're having all these symptoms you just your brain is so clouded you can't think you it couldn't possibly be pms like ever right now my headache's going away like as soon

as you know the source that's why that pain book the healing back pain is so good because when you know that your back pain is coming from your mental anguish you don't have to heal the mental anguish does not have to heal just knowing the source makes it go away and that's why when i know i'm on my period like my headache is now i'm starting to feel like lighter i mean yeah i just got rid of a lot of things that were going on wait did you poop though oh yeah, yeah. Oh. So much. And then you're also bleeding. Yeah.

Well, sometimes like when you go to the bathroom number two, your period will start. Yeah, like a release. It'll like kick it off. It's like the opening band. I like when you went with number two to like make up for the sentence before. Like now you're like just, I went number two. You were the one that said the other word. What did I say?

Poop. Trying to be a lady. Trying to get married at some point. Okay, I gotta clean my act up here. Okay, so let's keep going on these. Oh, the lyrics that we hate. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. You got that yummy, yummy, yummy, yum.

I mean, that is terrible. She's 17, but I fuck her like she 25. I don't use a rubber on that hoe. I just roll the dice. That's by Half Bay and it's called Pouya. I mean, that's just statutory rape, isn't it? Someone said, I'm serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer. Speaking of my least favorite one that is somewhere on this list,

but said, I hated that like, are we human or are we dancer? No, dancer. Oh. Are we dancer what no dancer oh are we dancer that's that's crazy i hate it are we dancer yeah that do you know the song i'm talking about right yeah of course it's um killers yeah the killer um wait can i ask a question yeah or don't you hate when rappers take um lyrics from other raps not Not even samples. They actually take and then they make them worse. Like they make an amazing line that was in a rap song, like a Biggie rap song, and then put it in theirs.

Oh, I've never heard that. Just to like take up space in a fucking verse. It fucking makes me so angry. Oh, I've never heard that. Anyhow. Final thought. I liked this video. Noah, can you play the one um that i sent second

where it was uh yeah it's a tiktok and it said hiding pregnancy test under his waffles didn't expect his reaction oh well so this guy's about to eat waffles his girlfriend is filled wife or girlfriend is filming him and she has a pregnancy test underneath the waffles and it's like you know a plastic pregnancy test like the one you'd pee on which is so gross i mean this video is gross but it's so funny his reaction getting pregnancy test under his waffles didn't expect his reaction what the fuck is that what it look like why is it my food it's a test it's a pregnancy test what that mean you pregnant maybe yes i just wanted to like surprise you why you messing my food with that great question that's a divorce that's a frown yeah that's a frown if you have tiktoks where

you tell yeah that's another new study coming out. Yeah, if you fuck up a man's one waffle and he's more mad about the waffle than excited about the pregnancy. Yes. Not a good sign. That's a man that loves waffles. I mean, that's so funny.

Maybe it was the last waffle in his defense. I mean, it's just gross to have a plastic, those plastic pregnancy tests. Are you human? If someone's filming you when have a plastic, those plastic pregnancy tests. Are you human? And if someone's filming you when you're taking the first bite of food. Or are you awful? The person filming you is pregnant

or they're about to propose to you or you're about to eat something that tastes like shit or you're about to start your period. Oh, I was trying to poison and choke you. Like, it would have been funny if she's like, I was trying to choke you. I just wanted to film you dying, honey. Okay, so today i learned this is from today i learned um this will just take us out noah this is good news for you today i learned til that classical music and metal fans have the most

similar personalities based on a study of 36 000 people in more than 60 countries both have the same basic motivation to hear something dramatic and theatrical a shared love of the grandiose quote unquote so you have more in common with people who love classical music than say someone who loves rock or rap or anything like in classical music let's be honest and metal you would think those two are so far apart yeah but it makes sense like they're because i've always wondered why do people like like classical music is lacking lyrics for me and so it bothers me or opera for me in italian i can't it's hard for me to get the emotion unless i know the lyrics or what they're saying um but you don't need to know what the metal people are saying.

You just want to feel the intensity. You have a love of the grandiose. And antisocial. Oh, yeah. My grandpa loved classical. He did? I mean, that's all he would listen to, and I'd be like, what the fuck, dude?

But now when I get it, he just was tired of words. You would just go to your grandpa and go, what the fuck, dude? Yeah. He fucking loved when I kept it real. Oh, my God. You're fucking really putting on fucking Chotsky again or whatever. Chotsky. I don't even know.

I know the composer you're thinking of, but I don't know. Choplin or whatever. Wellotsky. I don't even know. I know the composer you're thinking of, but I don't know. Chaplin or whatever. Chaplin. Chopin. But I know the one you're thinking of has like a T-S-C-H. Tchaikovsky.

Yes. Really? Grandpa Marvin? Oh my God. Did you see Lisa Gilroy's post about she's the one that I always post on Instagram. She's so funny. Oh my God. The Beethoven one. Yes.

That was so hilarious. It was so funny. Let me just play it really quick. Lisa Gilroy is the Lisa Gilroy on Instagram. You guys got to follow her. Everything she does is funny. Whoa. It's 1778. Little Beethoven. I came all the way back in time to find you. I have to tell you

something. In the future, something amazing is going to happen about you. What is it? Something you'll be remembered for for the end of time. There's going to be a movie named after you about a big, messy dog. The dog is a st. Bernard kind the hugest kind he causes all sorts of big messes and the dad goes Beethoven and people really like the movie it's a family movie not my kind the dog is named after you not my music and the dad's going we gotta get rid of this big old klutzy beast and the kids are saying oh dad we love Beethoven we can't get rid of him. Daddy is so lovable.

I don't know if you do anything else. I think you play piano, but the movie is so funny. The dogs don't nod. Beethoven was tearing up for the audio. Yeah, yeah. The whole time there's a little Beethoven who's just like, put up my music.

All right, we're going to go. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back tomorrow with a fresh ep. Guys, don't be coo out there. And Jack Reacher. Jackie. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears

on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story And what I heard wasn't good You really f***ed last night

It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout I was trapped in addiction You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls And then, I decided I wanted to tell my own story Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty. And my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply

going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance.

You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source

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