The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #173 More On Time

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

Everyone is in a giggly mood and they have some fun with words and the times they cried in movies. Nikki and Andrew talk about a taco spot in Mexico that knows Andrew all too well. This prompts a story about what Andrew would show for beads at Mardi Gras. Nikki is excited to go whale watching this weekend and gives Andrew a pep talk to get him on board. You Heard It Here First, death by orgasm, saying burglar is hard and over acting in Hollywood. Nikki's Reddit Dump shows us 2 uncanny coincidences and makes us ask questions about turn offs and things we would never do again. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast. It is Tuesday. What are we doing, Andrew? What are we doing? He'saser podcast. It is Tuesday. What are we doing, Andrew? What are we doing? He's flexing. He is turtling. To me, it looks like you're turtling. You're like a turtle waking up in the morning. Will you push your camera down a little bit because you got a lot of head space. That's bothering me. Yeah, that's more like it. No, I was just about to say that, well well we were talking about um we were snapping before the show to get like the the video synced up it's you know behind the scenes stuff you guys but um and whenever we snap we're on like such different feeds that it's always like not synced up for the

editors what are who are the editors dcj dcj dem Demetrius, Christian, and Jack O'Lantern. Dorsey, Christian, and James. Dorsey, Christian, and James are the ones that go through all of our video every single episode and edit it. So special shout out to DCJ. Make sure you throw them some love as as well where besties i don't know in there and they can say like hey no drukie and dcj because like it is fun whenever i'm doing a show and i know that there's going to be a guy in an edit bay usually like this kind of dark room that's going to be watching me over and over and probably just hating. Like whenever I watch something too much,

I end up like hating it, especially when you're just like toiling, especially on my special. Yeah. Because I've been giving so many notes that I'm just sure this person wants to fucking murder me. And, um,

yeah, so it's just nice to give them some love. But sometimes I just talk down the lens and I'm like, are you having a rough day? Maybe go out and get some sunshine. Vitamin D is really helpful for your whole immune system. And do you have an animal with you in the edit bay? Go take them for a walk.

They probably need to get in. Like, are you happy in your career? I'm glad. I want you to love what you do. Is there anything, like I try to talk to them a little bit and I'm sure they resent it. Before the show started so we were snapping for DCJ and I said that oh that snap was probably that we all did a snap one by

one that was very off time and I said that one was probably more on time than the other ones and you said more on time yes like it's not like I was saying more on time. More on time. Yeah. That's a great name for a podcast, actually. That is a good name. More on time. I'm going to write it. More on time. Analyze. Similar.

Similar. Dog eats bone. But I love when things sound like other things. Yes. I think it's called homonyms, but those are more words that sound the same. But I really love when I heard one the other day that involves noah so there's lots of songs that i hear like the lyrics just sound so weird that you just put other things in their place and one of the most famous ones was in high school i i forget who discovered it. I think it was Kirsten. We have a friend named Laura Holly.

She said discovered like she was Magellan. Honestly, wait till you hear about this discovery and you tell me if it's not up there with Magellan. I don't know if discovery should be the word here. I love that whenever you talk about discovery, we always just say Magellan because we don't know. Columbus, Magellan.

Columbus, Magellan, Cable, Good Hope. There was one with a name T. Fuck, I always forget. Tyrannosaur. No, it was something Tybalt or something. I don't hope. There was one with a name T. Fuck, I always forget. Tyrannosaur. No, it was something Tybalt or something. I don't know. I think that's a Romeo and Juliet character. There's that couple that crossed the country.

Lewis and Clark? Yeah. The couple? I went anywhere. I'm thinking of the other one. It was like Lois and Clark? No, I'm thinking of Thelma and Louise. Lois and Clark.

It's Lois Lane and Clark Kent. Wait, did they mean to do that? More on time. More on time. But seriously, my friend Kirsten was... Pocahontas walked around with someone, didn't she? She did not go discover. She was not one of the pioneers, I don't think.

I'm sure she discovered things in her time. I was literally seeing... Yeah, I think that was a guy. Jackpot things in her time. I was literally singing. Francais de Leon? Yeah, I think that was a guy. Jackpot. More on time. I was singing the Pocahontas song. Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?

I love that song. Or ask the grinning bobcat why he grins. Oh, I love when she wrote that and sang it for the first time. It's an underrated Disney song. But Kirsten discovered our friend Laura Holly. The song Come on Eileen. I probably brought this up before.

But it goes, the song starts and they say Laura Holly. And it is so clearly Laura Holly as opposed to anything else. It really is come on Eileen, but it sounds like Laura Holly so much. And come on Eileen is just a funny phrase too. Yeah, and that's, I mean,

we didn't even know what come was at this point in our lives. Like I think we would have just said it was there's another song that says your name yes there is but I just want to if tell me you don't hear

Laura Holly Laura Holly is the what you're listening for oh god sorry we're getting sued i know this is like more than 10 seconds okay god damn it that's not even the right part, is it? Here we go. Whoa. Come on. That was very Columbus. Right?

So Laura Holly. We freaked out. So then there was another song, you know, and I'll be your client. And I thought it sounded like there was a girl on our field hockey team named Kate Albee. And I was like, Kate Albee. And I was like, Kate Albee. And she was like, whoa. And she really liked it.

So then two days ago, I think you had said to Noah, I see Noah. And I was like, why does that sound familiar to me? And I realized I was singing the other day during an Instagram live. Step back from that ledge, my friend. Oh, legend. And they go go I sing over a secret phrase you know you don't belong but they

go I see Noah and I was like oh my God that sounds the same as I see Noah so there's another one another discovery have you ever heard Andrew Collin it doesn't really have a nice float to it there are probably places where you

could hear and call on Eileen yeah Colin yeah come on Colin come all over my face and then yeah put your uh you know it's 50k magic or whatever that Bruno Mars song is put your picky rings up to the moon but it sounds like put your Nikki Glaser to the moon but it sounds like put your nicki glazer to the moon i love people that just like throw their name in every song though they're just like yeah it's just like you know who's name shows up so much all the people you know you could hear it right it reminds me of that david spade joke where he's like when you go see someone in concert and they're like they try to put the name of the town in the song and you're just like, we get it.

And they're like, on a dark Arizona highway. And he's like, we get that you know you're in Arizona. Tone it down. Hotel Florida. Yeah. But it is,

there's something so nice about a musician saying your town's name. Yeah. They're acknowledging that they know where they are which is nice you know i mean it gets so much credit though that's the funny part or like a joke in between songs yeah i mean they say anything and people are like what is it you said it smells pretty good out smells pretty good out there and it means he smells weed and we all just go my god dude i'm smoking weed dude dave is so my god he's like it smells weed dude i'm smoking weed dude

dave is so fucking cool he's just one of us an illegal substance that we're all fucking passing around bro oh shit dave i did cry at his concert you did yeah were you on something? Just my heart. Were you? Did you really? What song made you cry? Love or Lay Down? I think it was Grave Digger. Because my grandpa just died. Wait, was it really about your grandpa?

I blamed it on my grandpa, but I think it was more about how much I love Dave. I cried at Dave too. I was like, go to Rusty he goes are you crying Rusty the third yeah you know

he goes are you crying it was probably like crash one of his like slow ones it's a sweet song it's a sweet song

and I was like I'm crying and he looks over he's like are you crying I was like dude you know my grandpa died

and I he's like your grandpa's like that was like seven years ago that was like nine you know my grandpa died and i he's like your grandpa's like that was like seven years ago that was like nine years ago your grandpa died oh my god were you like on the lawn or where yeah yeah he just looks over at you to be like dude you want another yeah you want to fucking you want to do a jaeger bomb and he looks over I'm just fucking crying and be like dude

I miss Grandpa Marvin so much you were thinking about how your mom won't be able to go swim again ever be on the lawn at Dave Matthews concert she'll never hear

fucking crush again on the lawn I can't cause I can't push her wheelchair up the grass. And though you're crying, it's so funny. Have you ever cried at a concert? I cried at Dave Matthews.

Who died? Because I loved him so much. What song? I mean, it was probably Crush or Say Goodbye, like one of my favorite songs. Number 41. I was so, even Kirsten recently was like, I remember you crying at his shows.

And we were all like jesus christ nikki but i mean if anything i was probably trying to force the tears to be like this is how much i love him you know what i'm saying i was trying to be like beetle mania probably um but i think i've cried i've cried at um i don't know i'm probably wilco concerts when he plays um she's a jar i really love that. There's just sometimes that you just... What's the Wilco song you want at your funeral? She's a Jar. Okay.

Just want to make sure. Thank God. Okay, Jesus Christ. That doesn't pretend well for me. I just want to know what I'm going to play in a week. I don't want you to play it. We all heard about Noah crying at Slipknot. What song was it?

Fuck My Mother in the Ass or something? No, I was crying because I wanted to get out of there. I'm not really a Slipknot fan, you know. What song? Have you ever cried at a concert, Noah? Yeah, have you ever cried? Yeah, I think it was a dying fetus show. It's a real band.

What happened? Did you hurt your ankle moshing? Noah moshing? I just love Noah getting jacked up for a dying fetus. Like early, like three hours before the show, be like, dude, throw some fetus on, dude. Throw some fucking dying fetus on dude throw some fucking dying fetus on now put on that df yo don't put on fucking their new shit either i'm talking old

school fetus when it was before fetus when it was just come and their daddy's fucking nuts put on umbilical news all these are great no that was their album yeah because it was a dying penis oh isn't it fun to talk about that fuck i remember i did a show in new york boys i'm just trying to think of other things we can't even think of any i can't i know i was i was waiting for you to jump on it that's a great name for a big eggs that is kind of a good one fucking runny eggs wait what were you just about to say oh i did a show one time in in the lower east side at niagara bar have you ever been there no in new york city and it's a famous it was a very famous like 80s rock like bad brains like all these like random yeah no i was into it but like they have like a

plaque on stage and it's just all the most absurd names of bands ever and i just went through that was my whole set was just making fun of like bad brains like damn it for sure i would have loved to see that so wait at the dying fetus concert when you cry and what song and how like no she didn't really cry at a time no i didn't i was it was a joke i ever cry at movies uh yeah but it's like probably like a movie like um uh fox and the hound i think that's the movie that always made me cry. Disney movies. That one gets a lot of people, I think. Yeah. What movie did you cry at? Animals.

Free Willy. Right, yeah. And City of Angels was the one that I couldn't be, I had to wait till everyone left the theater because I was sobbing so hard I couldn't collect myself. I don't know what was happening. I think my hormones were changing. It was eighth grade.

And anything about like, I like were changing it was eighth grade and anything about like i like because it was at the end when meg ryan and this guy and nicholas cage finally get to be together and then she's going down the mountain on a bike and she fucking is just like enjoying it and she gets hit by a fucking truck and i'm like jesus christ and then like just something about people trying to be together and then something taking them apart was just, and also Romeo and Juliet. I cried at the ending of that.

I've just like her going, ah, ah, that's Claire Danes' cry at the end of Romeo and Juliet. So if a woman dies at the end of a movie. It sounded like the truck horn that hit fucking Meg Ryan. If you ever watch Claire Danes' crying at the end of Romeo and Juliet, it's such a good cry because it's just not.

She's just like. Oh, my God. That scene killed me. I cried in. I would cry watching the movie Beaches. Oh, I've never seen it, but I've heard that's a huge tear to the throat. Oh, yeah. Bette Midler. Bette Midler. And this girl has cancer. Her friend has cancer. well i've never seen it but i've heard that's a huge my hero oh yeah that song bett midler and this girl has cancer her friend has cancer her rich friend who like has everything you would

think you know married to the rich guy and bett midler is like still like a struggling either artist or whatever still poor yeah and the girl's like you don't you're just jealous of my money blah blah blah and then she gets cancer and then bett miller fucking fucks her husband no no no that would be such a better movie oh my god and that's when i cry yeah everyone always talks about beaches as yeah beaches was sad as shit saddy because it showed them as any movie that has like flashbacks of them as kids being great and then them dying later, that always hits me. Any movie that has a nice flashback to when they really became friends.

Selena. I never saw that movie. That's such a good movie, dude. It really is. I know it sounds crazy. Her assistant killed her, right? Mm-hmm. They really kind of just don't cover it.

They don't show that scene. They just show a rose falling on stage and you know that like, then they show the headlines of like, her assistant killed her. They chose not to like recreate that scene for some reason. Anything for Salinas.

That sounds racist, but that's exactly how that guy sounded. Me and my sister were like, they called her Salinas. You know, Radio Flyer? Oh, another saddie? About two little boys who's like... Octopus teacher.

Married. Yeah, that was sad too. Anything, yeah, animals. Octopus teacher, that's a sick band. Or a stepmom when, what's her name is dying? Susan Sarandon. Oh, I don't know that one. know and she's like i just want you to

accept julia roberts as your new mother it's like all about julia roberts coming in and like being the new mom and she's like villainized by the by susan sarandon's character and then susan sarandon gets cancer and is dying and then she kind of like passes the torch to the stepmom and like to julia roberts and it's beautiful and sad so so sad god i can't stop thinking about radio flyer now it's two boys and their mom dates a stepdad who's abusive and they want to get away and their whole way whole way of getting away is they build their own little airplane out of like a radio flyer oh yeah wagon wagon oh my god dude oh my god it's so sad it is so sad if anyone's seen radio flyer you know that it's fucking probably one of it's such a heartfelt movie it's insane

probably because i wanted to get away yeah probably a little radio flyer yeah but i couldn't figure out that the mechanics i tried it flew like three inches and then I broke my arm. Did you ever try to run away? I did, but I was just out of shape. No, really? Did you like pack your like little bindle stick?

I ran away one time. I got to the end of the cul-de-sac and was just like, I'm not, I gotta, I didn't even bring a sandwich. Yeah. You know?

No, well, you don't bring sandwiches for like an 18 hour plane ride. Yeah. You know? No, well, you don't bring sandwiches for like an 18-hour plane ride. Yes. You don't prepare. You going camping would be a nightmare. Oh, I would die in a second in the apocalypse. You would go, we'll just get something out there.

Yeah. Andrew, it's the woods. I'll just be like a possum won't make me a tuna fish. All right, let's take a quick break and come back with the news. Andrew! Coming! Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears

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Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody. Every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they pave the way for those

that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Peel chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else,

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Wow. Very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless.

I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour? He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny

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We're back. What are you giggling about? That was funny man sometimes you make me laugh sorry nikki i'm sorry i'm sorry you make me giggle gaggle last night we went to go eat uh after we went we went to the grocery store and then we were like oh let's just go get a bite at this tacos place and andrew shows up and the guy, one of the waiters, like, knows him very well. Yeah. He's a regular already at this place. Yeah, it's like one of the – that used to be my thing.

Like, I'd go into a bar, and the guy, you know, behind the bar would be like, hey, hey. He wouldn't know my name. He'd be like, there's the guy that drinks too much and throws up on the bar and pisses himself. And I'm like, yeah. How much did you fucking love it? It was great. Oh, man.

Oh, dude. Tommy from fucking Snake and Jake's knows me. There was a bar in New Orleans called Snake and Jake's. We had an Abe and Jake's. A what? Abe and Jake's. So Jake got around. He had a lot of different partners business

partners snake and jake fucked him all over if you took out your dick you got a free drink if you were naked in the bar i swear on my life louis would have fucking killed it uh no but i'm serious oh oh shit i went there that's what an audience would do oh louis ck would love to show his dick oh anyways but yeah if you were naked if you got naked in the bar guy or girl you get free drinks um what a fucking concept yeah i mean i feel like that is a uh but it's it's illegal to be uh expose yourself in public. In New Orleans, it's illegal to keep the pants on. I mean, I think at Mardi Gras, they kind of just look the other way, you know? Because the other way, there's more tits.

There's everywhere you look. Oh, my God. So many times I would show my dick for beads. You never took your dick out. But I would make sure it was fluffed and fluffed to the brim. Wait, you showed your dick for beads? Yeah, hammered. I would just be like... I didn't do it. I would show like half. Wait, you showed your dick for beads? Yeah, hammered. I would just be like...

I didn't do... I would show like half my dick, you know? Even if you were hammered, you were always aware that it was not what you wanted it to be. There'd be nothing worse than a girl from a balcony going, and then not throwing the fucking...

Or throwing the beads, like the small ones. Oh, God. Because they always had these giant beads. Yes. And those were for the amazing tits or the amazing cock or whatever. So guys would show their cock for beads? Yeah.

I don't remember that. I mean, it's not like I was down. St. Louis has the second biggest Mardi Gras celebration in the country. Oh. And so we kind of get it, but I don't remember that. Girls show their tits? Well, yeah. That's a whole thing. I mean, but I don't remember that. Girls showed their tits? Well, yeah, that's a whole thing. I mean, that's a commonly known thing,

but I think dick for bees is... You guys want jewelry too? Oh, shit. I love also that Andrew cares about, or, you know, cared about the size of the beads. Yeah, it's... You could get the small ones. You wanted... Yeah, she just threw me one bead, not even the beads. Yeah. You couldn't get the small ones. You wanted...

She just threw me one bead, not even the necklace. I just got... There was just a bead of sweat. She threw me a green bead. Yeah, it was pretty amazing. You would fluff it beforehand? What do you do?

You just try to get aroused? Not fully. I mean, that's the key. But if you just knock it around, do you get aroused like not fully i mean that's the key but if you just knock it around do you get aroused do i what like i mean like yeah you gotta knock it around you you play with it a little bit and it just sort of wakes up yeah it's kind of like going like this to your eyes after you wake up to be like okay yeah it doesn't actually help you wake up but it just makes it feel like you you know what'm saying? Like you're not like jerking it. No, you don't jerk it. You're just touching it.

Yeah. You fluff it. It's called fluffing. You know, you fluff it up a little bit. Because you gotta go like this. Because you can't over fluff because then you're, you don't want to whip out a hard penis because then you're trying too hard. Right.

Oh my God. That's so, you're walking a fine line. It's like girls with nipples, I guess. Like if you show your tits, a lot of girls will probably make sure their nipples are hard before they show their tits. Or would want to. Maybe. Yeah, I would probably just go, I'm just gonna wing it, because they're good either way.

Or they're like, you know, but yeah, hard nips are always probably the better way to make your, yeah. No, you ever show your tits in public? No. I don't think i've done that it was on a plane wait no well okay only when i had them pierced but i don't i haven't showed i never showed them no or at least i don't think you never were flashing

yeah did you hear the sentence only when I had them pierced. No, I never showed them. Well, to people who were like, hey, did you get them pierced? Yeah, to show them. Oh, wait a minute. Then maybe I did. Just to show my friends or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You ever flash your tits for beads or anything? No, I've never flashed. I really haven't. I would do it because it's so funny. It's such a quick thing that people kind of go, did I see that or not? But I was always very, and I've got pretty good boobs. It's like,

I don't know why I haven't done it. I never mooned anyone because I was felt the same way about my ass that you felt about your dick. I'm like, it's, it's going to be like so disappointing that no one's going to throw anything at it. And,

but my boobs, yeah, I should try flash. But girls don't flash that much. Like, when would I flash? Just at Mardi Gras, really. Robin flashed. Oh, yeah. Like, we were on a boat last year in the Caymans,

and Robin, my friend, makeup hair girl, yeah, she has great boobs, and she has no problem flashing her tits. And she just did it for fun to be like, woo at at the people back on the boat like get in the water and they were like we just it's it's a funny thing to do to people but again i don't want to anyone i would flash i would be sexualizing myself too so i would never flash you because i don't want that would just that's not our vibe and it's not like you could moon me because asses are not sexual. Especially mine because it's covered in hair.

Yeah, would you ever moon people? Or are you insecure about your ass? No, I'm fine with that. Okay. I remember... Yeah. I wonder what they do in Europe though because tits are not a thing there. Yeah, they put on their shirts.

Yeah. If you want beads, put on nine bras. They put on a jumper. Jumpers are sweaters everywhere. He never went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. No, only in St. Louis. Oh, my God. It is hell.

There's no part of me that wants to go to a place that is the most crowded on the day that it's the most crowded. Oh, my God. Never in my life has that been something I wanted to do. It's fucking hell. Even when I was wild and kooky. You're on Bourbon Street and you can't,

if you want to get 10 feet that way, you just wait for the crowd to like push you that way. Yeah, it's like a Travis Scott concert. Oh my God. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh shit, She went there. Yeah, I hate crowds so much. That's why I'm so excited this weekend. We're probably going to go whale shark swimming. And we're doing it on Sunday, which is Super Bowl Sunday. And I think that most people just block off that whole day. We're going to be back by kickoff. No worries there. I don't know if I'm

going to. Why? Because I don't think it's scary. You can stay on the boat but you can still see whales. Can you see the whales? It's nice. There's food on the boat. It's whale watching.

You can watch them but I'm going to swim with them. It scary at all it's like you don't need to snorkel they're not dangerous if you pull up a photo of a whale shark they're gigantic i know but they're gentle there's they've never once killed anyone in the middle like yeah it's it's nothing scared yeah i mean saralina was scared when we went the last, I went, you know, last two years ago and I just held her hand

and like she just, I just swam with her holding my hand and we just like stayed together. So I could just do that with you. Can you put your head just on the water

and look from the boat? No, because it's like a big, no, no, I'm sorry. Do you want to request one of those and pay the extra money it is? Yeah.

Don't not go because you think you might be scared of whale sharks. And the word shark just intimidates people, but they don't. They're just big old fish. They're giant fish. What do they eat? Like fucking algae and shit. Plankton.

If I showed my dick, would they be cool? This is the same thing as these fucking stingrays in Cayman. You're making up things to be scared of when there's no evidence that they've ever hurt anyone. I understand having fears, but there's nothing to be scared of. All right. On that case. What's your biggest fear that they're going to

just decide to eat a human after a friend that went for millions of years they never have? If you're down there, it's not just like a whale shark tank. There's other fish.

I know, but like... Like what if an orca showed up and was like, hey, what's up? Orcas don't hurt you either. Killer whales are here. Yeah, I know, but they don't hurt you.

Have you seen a rombay or whatever? A rombay? I don't hurt you either. Killer whales are here. Yeah, I know, but they don't hurt you. Have you seen a rombay or whatever? A rombay? I don't know. No, that one was in a... That one was in a... Killer whales have killed people in the ocean.

In captivity. Well, no. Stop it. Stop it. You could also drown. You could also... I know, but I'm just saying I'm not afraid of sharks

when I'm surfing. It's not a shark. Huh? Exactly. If you're not afraid of killer whales I'm surfing. It's not a shark. Huh? Exactly. If you're not afraid of killer whales when you're surfing, then you can fucking do this. Stop being a baby. I'm not going to let you have anxiety about this. You can have anxiety, but I'm not going to let...

It's such a cool experience. Talk to Sarah Lena about it. Let's get to the news. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Hey, it's the news, folks. It's Tuesday.

You know what that means. It is Tuesday. Hope you're having all the swells out there. We sure are. Here we go. Lots of people die every year during or just having sex. Pathologist explains in most cases caused by physical strain of sexual activity or prescription drugs. Oh.

Drugs to treat ED, erectile dysfunction, for example, or illegal drugs such as cocaine or both. Wait, why eat? So Viagra? Yeah, Viagra. Because it can just impact your blood flow. Oh. Yeah. Cause stroke or something.

So sudden death occurred mostly in men average age around 59 and most frequently it's a heart attack oh my god new studies suggest that sudden cardiac death in people under the age of 50 is mainly due to sudden 59 seems oh i guess that's the age where you like are still having sex because i think it drops off pretty severely in your 60s yeah then you die thinking about having sex a disease of the heart muscle so if you have like prior and you don't know that your heart's fucked up yeah and what a way to go would you want to go having sex sometimes i feel like i am really going to because like because you know like we'll fuck for a long time and i'll just be like you'll be so exhausted there's i'm like i stand up out of the bed sometimes it was like yeah yeah it is such a

strenuous activity for the man involved and and sometimes the women you know for sure the women but i and i'm just getting a lot of this from the porn i watch but the men do so much work there's so much work doing this constantly like that's a lot i also don't want to die for one orgasm like it doesn't i wouldn't i wouldn't like the idea of like you're dying what about if you were in some like berries boot camp bullshit like would you want to die for that like doesn't that get your heart rate up just as much that's a good point if you're comparing it to berries like why would you you're gonna die somehow like if you have a heart condition it's gonna get you if you it's if it's you know an unknown one well it says it's extremely

low and accounts for 0.6 percent of all cases of sudden death oh wow and then two percent is when you see a whale shark it says here which is weird um no that's i would go fucking a whale shark well it says also i read the article it's only about like 39 year old guy like like the age like i'm past the age that like it happens when it does happen 59 that will wait you oh yeah yeah i mean i don't think i'll be fucking at 59 really i mean my dick's soft at 41 i can't i mean how many viagra am i gonna have to take just one i think probably uh-huh just one but you said you're not taking viagra anymore no well butrin's been helping with yeah yeah that's good yeah i mean i don't know what's in that drug but dude i i tried to masturbate last night and just nothing there is literally

and our our internet connection is pretty slow here and so i just wait and wait for these clips to load knowing that it's probably not going to work for me anyway based on the little um previews that they've shown you know the pictures the pictures where I go, okay, maybe, and then I read the details to see if there's all the things that I want in a video. Yeah, there's nothing worse than coming to buffering. Like to a buffer. I can't.

Oh, 48%, 49%. I have to search through an hour-long video to find if a guy calls this girl a good girl because there's no way to search for good girl porn where the guy says good girl. There's no way to search for good girl porn where the guy says good girl there's no way to search for porn where the guy is encouraging and sensual

and like it's also hard but also kind it's like there's no way so i just have to sift through all this shit looking for the one thing that's gonna do it and some nights i'm like do i want this kind or do i want this other kind and i I can't even tell what I want. And then last night I was just like, it can't be done. There's nothing. Maybe like TikTok for porn would be good for you. That's what I go to. It's called Red Gif.

And it's just gifs. Seriously? Yeah. And it's just you go like they're minute long and you go and they load. And once you find one one it gives all ones that are like that in the feed and then and it has sound and everything i've never heard of this yeah red red gif re red gif it's a dot com or an app i don't know i you know it it uh on the i go to subreddits for the kind of porn i like, and then they, uh, on Reddit,

the sound is muted, but then they have a link at the top that says red GIF. And I always click that link and then it takes me to this red GIF thing. And so it's like, so if you just type in good girl into red GIF and it was now because they don't categorize it that way. But if you type in like, like I go to certain subreddits and then I'll see something that I like. And like last night I clicked on one cause it was some double penetration one that I was kind of into.

And then I went to the red Jif version and said, started looking like, Oh, what about this video is like all these other videos. And it was just American. And I was like, I don't need American girl. Like what about this?

Was she wearing like a fucking USA flag? Yeah, no, she wasn't. She was just like a blonde girl. Eating hot dogs by a barbecue. And so I guess they were like, whoever watches this is into Americans.

Yeah. And so it was just a... It's just... I am grateful for porn. I'm grateful for all the women who've given their careers and their social lives and risked things to make this stuff.

But it's just... There there's gotta be a better way and yeah having having um i need to get back to basics of like fantasizing but there's just nothing i want to fantasize about i guess it's yeah anytime i try to use my brain it just and i can't stay on the subject no me neither i wonder off i get lost in the woods and i can't stay on the subject. No, me neither. I wander off. I get lost in the woods and I can't get back. Yeah. Okay, next story. A burglar. Burglar.

Burglar. Does that have three? A burglar. I've always said burglar. Is it burglar? It sounds like you're saying like a burglar. It sounds like the Hamburglar. Look at the word.

I feel like I'm doing hamburglar, but I've shortened it. The burglar, which is actually better. You don't need the ham there, how I say it, because it already says burger. Wait. So you got the hamburglar. Yeah. From McDonald's. My way is Burglar.

So then you got burger in it already. Oh, yeah. So you don't need the ham. Burglar. Burglar. Burglar. But do you see why there's nowhere for that uh in the way that it's written?

Yeah, it's like when I say tubular. Or no, turbulence. No, that makes sense because there's actually that syllable. I take it out in that. Some words I take out. Turbulence. Turbulence. Burglar.

Okay, people are going to kill themselves. Turbulent. No, no, no. You just go buh. You do a hard B instead of buh. You go buh. Turbulence. Turbulent. No, no, no. You just go buh. You do a hard B instead of buh. You go buh. Turbulence. Turbulence.

It's turbulence. Yeah. I leave out the U. And regular. Regular. Regular. Burglar. Burglar.

So I throw a U. So I take the U out of. Okay. So what happened with this burglar? So he was in turbulence. Oh my God. Could you imagine? He was just a regular burglar? So he was in turbulence. Oh my God. Could you imagine? He was just a regular burglar.

I mean, look at you reading that. Can you just hold it up so that you just don't disappear for people that are watching? I always forget. It's okay. Okay.

A regular burglar. I just want to see that face. A regular burglar. Okay, burglar. Wait, we try to say burglar. Okay, I can do it. Burglar. Ilar. Okay, burglar. Wait, wait. Try to say burglar. Okay, I can do it. Burglar.

I just think of turbulence. Oh, boy. I can't wait for this fucking headline. More on time. Okay, a burglar left. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. A burglar. Okay.

A burglar. Yeah, there you go. A burglar. A. A burglar. Yeah, there you go. A burglar. God, it's really short there. It's really short. It's going to save you so much time. I feel like someone stole the you. I wonder who it was.

I think it was a burglar. Your life is about to change. You're going to have so much more free time now. All right. Okay. A burglar left $200 on an apology note when victims came home to find a window he broke, and then he ate shrimp, drank beer, and bathed inside the home. Oh, my God.

This sounds like if you burglarized a home. I wouldn't leave $200. I'd leave like $40. Okay. burglarized a home. I wouldn't leave 200. I'd leave like 40. Okay, while it's not completely unheard of for a homeowner to come home in the middle of a burglary,

it is quite uncommon for the suspect to be non-confrontational about the crime. Mm-hmm. So he... But I thought they didn't come home

during it. Yeah. They did. I think that was just... Oh, they did. They did, and they found him in the house.

Yeah, keep going. Bat just... Oh, they did. They did, and they found him in the house. Yeah, keep going. Bathing. Oh, got you. And eating shrimp in the bathtub and a beer. So he left $200 like, hey, don't arrest me. So I wonder if he would have left the $200 if he didn't get caught. He just felt really embarrassed and was sad, and he left the $200 because he broke a window to get in and but i

wonder like once they caught him he was like just hold on hold on let me just like i got some money and then did he like how do you leave $200 if the people are like get out of my house you know what i'm saying maybe they were just like hey who are you and he was like here you go here's for the shrimp i ate i mean there's no way you ate 200 worth of shrimp and it with the window oh the window probably would cost about 150 and the bath god knows what he left behind that's gonna need cleanup have you ever been burglarized uh no but i would i stole plenty? Really? I would steal from my roommate, but just quarters. He had a quarter jar, and I would just steal them to eat double stacks from Wendy's.

Oh, my God. I was like, they're just quarters. He doesn't care. He's a rich guy. It's just $100,000. He's a millionaire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You never stole?

Well, no. You would steal from stores. I stole from... Yeah, I did some stealing. I stole one time from someone who was like a friend, and it's like one of these things that haunts me that I have to like do. What happened? Can you say it?

No, no. I just don't want to, like it's one of those things in my past that I was like really just not a good person and like i have to uh do a like you know when you're in a 12-step program you ultimately have to like get to a point where you uh was it cash though or was it yeah it was i stole money from uh a business i was working for and like it was not good and you know but you justify it's weird how you could justify yeah I would justify it and um and yeah I owe I have to um you know I've given back to that

establishment a lot to make up for it but they don't know why I've done that you know I'm saying you have to actually at some point I'm gonna have to explain what happened and like to them yeah what if you go to jail can you go it was i mean the statute of limitations is way i mean this was forever ago this is high school goes to jail for stealing scrunchie but it still weighs on me though you know like doing something like that where the person those people trusted me and i stole from them and um and it wasn't a lot but it was just like i knew it was wrong and i lied to them about it and it's just like i just can't get over i i it's it definitely is like affects me subconsciously at times i think a lot of times it's like where you're at in your mind and where you're at financially you know i

remember like and how you justify people hurt people hurt people i was i'm not making a excuse for it but because i know that about myself when people do things like that to me or like i witness them i can go that person doesn't want to you're in a sociopath if you are stealing so that you can hurt someone yes that's that's just like that's different than just like having a fucking something's wrong with you on the inside you hate yourself and so you're just doing bad things i had like uh i don't know when i was dog walking for you i don't know how much money i had i barely paid rent and you you would have like gigs on the

weekend and then you would have like just so much cash just sitting on and i'm like she won't care if i did i never took it i swear to god no i don't think but i had the thought of like what's a hundred she won't even i would never have known i know i know but i would have known but i really was just trusted you you know like and clearly i could yeah because i really didn't do it i really would tell you because I think it would be good content. Yeah, but there are a lot of people that leave out cash too. I just, that was me being just like,

I don't have respect for money because it scares me so much. So like, I don't like to count my money. I don't like to like have all the bills facing one way and know exactly how much is in my wallet at any given time because I just, money scares me. I don't even know how much, like I've talked about this, I don't know how much is in my wallet at any given time because I just, money scares me. I don't even know how much,

like I've talked about this, I don't know how much money I have. I really, if I took a guess, I could be off by so much it would make you, like I would probably, you know, like I'm really dumb when it comes to that stuff but it's just because it scares me

and so that wasn't me trying to be like, look how much money I have. Oh no, I didn't take it like that at all. But I think sometimes people do that, and it's really icky. Like, I remember my friend said that he lived with this girl once, and they were all, like, starving artists. And she, like, got a bunch of commercials, and she would leave checks out for, like, $42,000 that she would just be like, I forgot to cash.

Like, I'm just like, and she would leave it out purposely on the kitchen counter to be like. She put it on the refrigerator. She's like, I don't know how it got there. Yeah. It got behind the magnet? It's a happy face sticker on it. How did it get behind that magnet? It's like my test refrigerator. She's like, I don't know how it got there. It got behind the magnet? It has a happy face sticker on it. How did it get behind that magnet?

It's like my test score. And then what's the note about how you guys are poor pieces of shit and I'm the best? Oh, my God. It's weird. I saw that same girl one night. We were all hanging out. And she stumbled out of her bedroom and was catatonically drunk

and didn't even see a bunch of people were in the kitchen hanging out comics. She just stumbled out and saw through us and then just got it um got out a pan and was like cooking eggs at like four in the morning but like wasted and we were all just kind of watching this because she didn't acknowledge us and we were like hi and she's just like and then she just decided to wait for the eggs to cook and like lean up against the stove like with her back to it and like slink down it and just like sit there and she had like shit all over her underwear and it was like so she was in her underwear it was so embarrassing and i think at the time i probably didn't have a lot of empathy so i was just like haha she's fucking

shit in your bitch she's such a piece of shit but now i God. But now I'm like, that is horrifying. And I've been that girl before. I mean, I've been drunk enough that I've shit myself. Have you ever? I've shit myself, but sober. Never drunk.

Oh, well, that's respectable. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, and I only had 40 bucks

in my account, so. Yeah, I mean, I think. I used to wipe with my fucking cash yeah that's the one I stole

that's the one you stole I knew it I gotcha I'm shit out of luck alright let's get to let's go to break and why do I care come back with why do I care Jon Stewart is back at the Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts good people what's up it's's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss.

Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the people who were the face of some movements. Some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers. But we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes. And they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations.

Like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland. Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe. And I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy model. Lingerie, topless.

I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses.

But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music.

I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Careful, Hey. Hey.

Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. Why do I care? Why do I care? Tomand from spider-man and zendaya's boyfriend

thought mark walberg gifted him a sex toy the two men recently shot the movie uncharted and spent some time hanging out together this included walberg 50 giving holland 25 a gift and driving him back to his hotel one day essentially Mark Wahlberg was kind enough to give me a massage gun after I left his house in LA and he drove me back to my hotel I was confused as to what kind of massage gun this was having never seen one before and I thought it was the type of self-pleasure I thought Mark Wahlberg was driving me back to my house for other reasons than just being a gentleman. I didn't know.

It's Hollywood, baby. Who knows what's going to happen? Is that what he said? That's what Tom Holland said in an interview. Tom Holland, by all accounts that I can tell, is just awesome. Yeah. And funny. I honestly, yeah.

Mark Wahlberg, did you know he murdered a fucking guy to hate crime? He just blinded him? Yeah, he just beat him to almost death. Well, you know, facts aren't important. Yeah. But he made up for it because he gave Tom Holland a massage gun that he used to kill a man. Just over time.

It's like one of those... The man had a migraine and he used the massage gun to poke him in the the eye for six years yeah yeah the guy eventually died from old age um okay so not we're not mocking anyone's death by the way no the guy was fucking um he was 39 okay so i gotta stop this is burglar um ham drip ham drops ham drop uh what do you think like i got tom holland to me every interview i've seen he's like it's like how are these people so humble and so good at what they do are they like that good at acting where i don't know you know i've met a bunch of cool people in my life, and sometimes they just end up being actors. You know what I mean?

Yeah. But usually you ran against actors. What? You've ranted against actors in the past. Oh, yeah. I thought you said you ran against actors. I know. That was a moron time.

Yeah, that was definitely a moron time. I was like, for class president? Yeah, I think that some actors can just yeah be actually cool and i don't know but um he he seems great and you love zendaya i do she's phenomenal do you watch euphoria no i watch season one i have to watch season two i don't i've never i don't know literally anything about it except all the memes about like this is how people in euphoria high school dress this is how people at regular high school dress and i was typing i typed into twitter i go zendaya emmy after i watched the latest episode and i was just like reaffirmed that like every single person was saying like how incredible it was she plays a drug like um a kid addicted to drugs. I mean, it's a little over the top.

Some would say too over the top. Like, okay, come on. What are you doing? And how is no one noticing that she's on drugs? There's a lot of shit. Oh, right. Yeah, there's a fine line between good acting and overacting. I know.

It's close. She's right on the line, but I don't know. She does something within her eyes where like you, she looks like. Good acting is totally subjective. Like what people think good actors are. I mean, I think we could all agree on some people, but like some people just love the way some people do things. And other times you're just like, oh, I like a more like, oh, that's exactly how they would

talk. But a lot of times that's just like, oh, I like a more like, oh, that's exactly how they would talk. But a lot of times that's just like the dialogue that they have to do. People in film and TV just do not talk like normal people. And it really bugs me. Yeah, you hate that. You're like, this is not how a conversation works. No one would ever talk that way. You know, like the whole tropes of when people hang up on the phone, they never say goodbye on TV.

There's never a goodbye. It's just a thing. I never noticed that. It bothers me. When people are eating phone they never say goodbye on tv there's never a goodbye it's just a thing i never noticed it bothers me when people are eating they never eat they never take bites of food i know these are all things that you know either waste time or will mess up the shop but like i like i like realism you know like i do too those are my favorite shows they really are they're my favorite shows right and the more. They're my favorite shows. The more like... Curb. Curb, that borders on people.

That's very realistic, I would say, because they're also not following a script. They're just talking the way they would talk if given that scene. They're just given a prompt. But then there are times I watch Curb and I go, no one would ever act like this. No one... And then you just have to suspend disbelief a prompt but then there are times i watch curb and i go no one would ever act like this no one

you know and then you just have to suspend disbelief that like okay larry is just a magnet for people being upset with him everything he does and everyone is irrationally upset every step of the way for him so okay that's the world he lives in but at least the people talk like normal people yes yeah i'm trying to think of a show that is very just like... They tend to be pretty boring and slow. Afterlife, they talk like normal people. Yeah. They talk the way people would talk.

Ricky Gervais is a comic, so I think he does a really good job of like... Peaky Blinders. Hey, I'm Peaky Blinders. I was talking to Bill Dixon, the EP of the show we're working on, Perfect Strangers 2, and he said that when he's hiring reality show producers or people that he likes to hire comics as reality show producers because they notice things, like human interactions, they notice the things beneath the surface. Because that's a comic's job is to like look at the world and see it

through a different lens where you go, Oh my God, I never even saw it that way. Holy shit. And so he likes to hire comedians because he knows that they're good at reading people and knowing what the motives are. And like what, I mean,

that is like, that's the skill I've always had that sometimes gets in my way when you like overanalyze, overanalyze things. that is like that's the skill i've always had that sometimes gets in my way when you like overanalyze over anal lies yeah things but last yesterday i came up with a motive for something and andrew was like if that is true because i go i don't know why this person is doing this or whatever and i go i have a theory and he was just like if that is why that is so fucked up and i go i sometimes you know how like people get in the mind of criminals and they're like, he used her ear as a fucking locket.

Yeah, you connected like four dots that just weren't there. But then when you acknowledge that, you're like, oh, they were there the whole time. Yeah. That's fucking wild. But then you're like, wait. But were there the whole time. Yeah. That's fucking wild. But then you're like, wait, and then you say that a lot with you had been so wrong where I'm like,

I get why you wrote that caption on that thing because you were trying to let this person know that. And you're like, no, it's just, sometimes you're right. Sometimes you're right. But then sometimes I'm like,

yeah, it's so odd. Like sometimes I feel like you come in and you're like, I'm like, yeah, obviously. Like in my mind, I'm like,

yeah, you figured it out. Like, obviously. Well, sometimes I'm trying to yeah, you figured it out. Like obviously. Well, sometimes I'm trying to draw attention to the fact that like you're being too obvious. So it's not even like I'm going,

I'm going, Andrew, be a little bit more obtuse about your motivations for things. What? I just wanted to steal from you, Nikki. What? What's the big deal?

That's my shit money, dude. You just leave a pot. Oh man. That's a whole nother thing we did. Oh, man. I didn't do it. But these kids, as a prank.

Oh, God. Oh, no. I can't even. Oh, no. We got to get to Reddit dump. Yeah. They Reddit dumped on a dollar bill and then would put it in the street. And have people pick it up?

Yeah. Oh, gross. But in fairness, it was like like normal like rich football people not like they weren't like fucking with homeless people well how do they guarantee the people walking down the street are gonna be rich football people because it was right after oh my god those people have a story forever i picked up a dollar and had shit all over it yeah yeah let's get to reddit dump karaoke mode this is your reddit dump it's time for reddit dump this is where i go through all my reddit

uh saved posts that i wanted to share with you guys where i go through reddit late at night um no will you play the thing that i just uh texted you and um this is the new Britney Spears. Perfect. This is the new Britney Spears song that, you know, I want to play the first one. Can we play the first Britney Spears? She released in her bathroom a couple weeks ago. This was on Instagram.

We covered it on the show. This was Britney Spears singing in her bathroom. And she just released a new one. But let's listen to the first one. Okay, great.'s a great flashback okay now there's a new one that i found on reddit and i want to play it for you guys noah hit it this was found in funny and funny i'll tell you the her wait one more time let's hear it dude i gotta put this on my instagram it's too perfect you can do them next to each other holy shit um that was from funny animals and that's definitely a cat meowing and they did not connect to the brittany video i did and that is a that is a dead ringer i didn't

even play them next to each other last night when i came up with that joke i mean it's uh that was incredible i mean i heard that cat though is still has under conservatorship that's what i've heard it's just a rumor free free kitty um this is one i found on next fucking level the subreddit and it was tornado sirens harmonizing this guy was in the middle of four tornado sirens in his area and they all started harmonizing it's one of the most beautiful things you might have heard this it was going around months ago but it resurfaced i wanted to share with you that one time all the tornado sirens in my neighborhood accidentally harmonized

middle of about four sirens so it may have been that four sirens were going off perfectly seriously this is crazy I'm in awe. Doesn't that sound like the end of Free Willy? Or something like... It's like that movie, August or whatever. Wait, what is it? The movie where the kid heard music everywhere. No, I don't know that one.

It's called Charlie Puth. Charlie Puth made that up. Does he hear music everywhere? Oh, yeah. He'll be like, oh, there's four tornadoes that's e sharp f f really oh he no he's like uh he's good at yeah that's like his whole thing uh what's it called his new song is light switch or something and he took a light switch oh yeah you told me that so that's like tornado fucking um this was from ask reddit. It said, straight men of Reddit, what instantly makes a woman unattractive?

The top rated one was a couple, three or four ankle hairs on an otherwise perfectly shaved leg. So you're not alone. I'm just kidding. That was just a joke. No one would ever say that. Happy true. Happy true. I don't know.

No, I just remember it was specifically ankle hairs. Was it ankle hair? Yeah, there was time. Yeah. Someone said, when a woman says, I'm a bitch, it's just who I am. Or, it takes a special man to handle me. Like, you are grown. Handle your damn self.

Red flags all around. I'm like, don't watch F. Boy Island. Yeah. Don't watch Perfect Stranger. It is. If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. It's probably the worst mindset to come across in a person.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't like those. Another person said not being self-aware, meaning not admitting when she's wrong and getting mad until you apologize, even though it is her fault. Hobby interest shaming. Unless, of course, your hobbies and interests are interesting I don't

know what that means being addicted to heroin or meth oh that's a good one that one really stood out there being mean to animals I mean duh okay okay so beating the shit out of your mom you know what I mean like some of these are just waiters oh yeah the number one thing that everyone always says like the way that they treat the help i guess you could call it is just so indicative of someone i mean i rarely witness someone being like i don't think i'm friends with anyone who is mean to no people that work places i mean it'd be ridiculous. But the thing is, you don't know. A lot of people are, yeah. Unless you're around those, you don't know, you could be.

Okay. Today I learned, and I don't think a lot of times those people even know they're being mean because they just do it. Today I learned, today I learned an Albanian superstition about hiccups is that when they occur

when someone mentions the hiccuping person's name, that they occur when someone mentions the hiccuping person's name in conversation. To stop mentions the hiccuping person's name in conversation to stop the hiccups one must say the names of anyone they think talked about them the hiccups will cease once the gossiper's name is spoken i kind of like that so if you have hiccups you just start saying names of people you think might be talking about you and if they are the person that you got it right then your hicccups will stop. I mean, I think eventually you get to it and the hiccups would have stopped anyways. Have you ever tried to scare someone out of hiccups?

Oh, yeah. Does that work? Yeah, because it disrupts your... There's something going on, like some kind of tick inside your limbic system and it disrupts it. Yeah. Or you drink water through a napkin.

I always drink water, plug my nose my nose plug my ears put my head between my legs and then swallow and it always works always take a sip of water i'm serious it has never not worked for me or i hold my breath that i always think about like till i pass out daring like the jfk speech you know like or, or like Lincoln and they got hiccups. How funny that would have been. It's interesting. You never, for anyone who gets migraines or hiccups or fucking anything, you rarely, it rarely happens in a time or trust when you are performing.

It goes off. There's something about it. Like I've never once gotten a migraine on a day I have to work. It happens on a day i don't have to work i've never gotten because the shit's building up while you're working i think no i think it's something about it that's mental that that's what i'm saying though but i think it gives you the the idle brain is the time when it i think my brain goes do you if you you cannot get this migraine during this there's just no way we're gonna let you get that. So we're going to protect you.

There's something that, and it just makes me realize. Four scores and seven years ago. What about your special taping if you got the hiccups? It would never happen. It would never happen. Insane fucking diarrhea. That's the thing. It doesn't, even when I have to poop really bad,

like say I'm about to go in and I have to poop poop it goes away when i'm on stage or if i'm any kind of sickness or anything i'm dealing with when even a sore throat or like i lose my voice it will come back on stage a little bit better it's so weird there'll be times where like i'll have indigestion and i'll be burping while the person's calling my name. I can't get this burp out. I'm like, I can't, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna fuck.

I won't be able to say my first set of, and then literally get on stage and then it's like completely gone. I don't know. It's so mental. Until the second of getting on stage. Yes. Wow. Let's go into final thought.

This is from ask credit. It's called anti bucket list. What's something you'll never do again? Someone said rent a car while visiting New York City. Someone said that's like asking to babysit someone's kid on vacation. I just had to burp. Yeah.

So someone said assume that every coworker, something that you'll never do again, assume that every coworkerworker someone that something that you'll never do again assuming assume that every co-worker is a friend I like that one there's some really good ones here setting settling for a relationship knowing you are not really happy I was a server for five years it was

fun most of the time but god almighty the worst customers could drive a person to murder I don't know what they're saying they'll never do again go to Times Square for new year's eve looks great on tv not great in person unless you pay to get in the walled off area go to disney world's magic kingdom on christmas day shoulder to shoulder people insane lines and nothing special i couldn't see earlier in the month swim in the sea at night whilst drunkesh. Go swimming with whale sharks. They fucking eat you, I promise.

Wait, I want to skip that one. I went surfing hammered one time. Dude. And I almost drowned. I'm such an idiot. Someone said, I refuse to do retail again. People are literally such assholes

and don't realize you're trying to help them and still get their job done and still get your job done. I like these. I do too. Childbirth in the postpartum period. Love my daughter to still get your job done. I like these. I do too. Childbirth and the postpartum period. Love my daughter to death. One and done.

Pulling an all nighter. Age is catching up on me. Binge drink. I used to go to Bender's for a week or two. Now I barely even drink. Feel that one. Yeah. Stay at a job I'm unhappy at.

Bungee jump. Oh, this is the one I wanted to read. Bungee jump. As soon as my feet wanted to read bungee jump as soon as they as my feet left the edge all I could think of well that was stupid it was exciting and probably safe enough but it was enough for me to know I will never willingly do that again have you guys bungee jumped no I jumped

out of a plane oh yeah with a bungee yeah you got them mixed up actually the guy's hair could have bungee jumped he had like really long hair and it just like bugged you huh did it bug you no it's just like interesting like because they strap you in they literally like yeah you're so scared uh it was really early in the morning and so it got you like you were vulnerable and no no i was like i didn't really think about it that much i just went out to think about it the night before when you agreed to do it or whenever you agreed to do it i don't think

i did it with rusty i knew it was worth rusty yeah and i paid for it and then he didn't pay me back for years and i wouldn't be like dude did i cry yeah yeah yeah yeah because he was playing because you landed on the lawn of the dave matthew Yeah, no, it's widespread panic. Noah, I would never, I don't understand why people do it. And I know that if I do do it, I'm gonna be like the small percentage of people where it gets like caught around the neck or something. Yes.

Someone said in this thing, I agree with you, I would never do it. It's just one thing I could definitely die without doing. I mean, it was also the same. But I'm more about that, about my, like like i don't want my face to go like this to stretch i didn't mean scary because the plane you go up in is from like 1930 yeah it's like fucking one working propeller barely so someone said so fun fact that i learned after bungee jumping was that apparently if you have severe myopia it's not recommended at all i had gone

and had a blast until i felt a pop in my eyes and got a migraine and spots in my vision turns out i had mild vitreous detachment in my eyes that had left a small dark spot in my vision seven years later so yeah probably won't be doing that again um this one someone said i know someone whose cousin died from bungee jumping she wasn't connected and she fell to her death it's also on video and the person edited their comment said quit asking me for the video go to hell um someone said my aunt jumped and her harness broke she broke her butt but luckily she's fine now someone said how can you tell that she broke her butt there's a big crack in it um so this one this was the one that I wanted to read to you guys.

I told Andrew about this. There's another one I recently heard of where the guy running it, running the bungee jump company said, no jump, but with a heavy accent, the person heard now jump and she jumped to her death.

And it is true. They connected me to the news story. I want to read this to you bungee jumper plunged to her death due to instructors poor english um this was june 27th 2017 two bungee jumping staffers have been found guilty of manslaughter after a teen heard now jump instead of no jump from an instructor with poor english a court has heard a court has heard dutch teenager vera mole 17 plunged to her death before her rope was secured.

When she misheard a Spanish instructor, it happened on the bridge of cab is cabezon daily. Sal located in the Northern Spanish province of Cantabria in 2015. Oh, this happened in 2015. This girl, look at her. What a cutie.

Poor thing. Yeah. I wonder what they weren't licensed to organize jumps from the bridge both operators face sentences of between one and four years in jail oh it's crazy that like why when they put the rope on away from the fucking well that's why they this would never have happened if it was a real company yeah the bridge was not even meant to be used for bungee jumping um yeah have you ever ziplined like insane zipline like through the mountains and shit no pretty wild and i didn't because i heard about someone getting like a cut on their leg and then getting like a bacterial infection that like made them get their skin like started turning black and they had to cut off everything up to their fucking head what i'm not kidding you like a little tiny

cut like someone jumps in a pond in fucking mexico and they get a little tiny cut on their thing the bacteria from the fish oh yeah yeah yeah we almost went and got our our skin eaten at the fish pedicure place but then we googled pita fish pedicure and it turns out the fish only eat the skin not because it's a part of their diet but because they're starving and they just might as well eat that so that's already bad but then also they can they carry disease they're like animals that carry disease and these if they're not properly these animals are not cleaned and they're or the water is not clean the water's not clean and you can get like a disease so don't go to those places do not support businesses that use animals and pretend like these animals like you go oh i'm just giving the fish a meal no they're just like

start they'll just eat anything at that point it's really sad like bestiality but i can't i wish i would have tried it before i knew the facts you know it's one of those things yeah i mean that's... But everything you could find, like, oh, a guy walks down the street, got hit by a car. I can't walk down the street. You know what I mean? Like, every...

No, but once you know that it's cruel to animals... No, cruel to animals, but I'm saying, like, one person dying. Like, you can find one person dying in every single activity you've ever done. My point about your whale shark adventure, mister. My point about you not jumping out of an airplane. Well, I don't want to do it because my skin's going to stretch. I don't want to do it because whales will stretch my fucking nipples.

They're going to try to breastfeed on those puffs. Alright, guys. We are done with the show today. We'll be back tomorrow with more. Thank you for listening. Don't be cuh and jack. Jacky Jacks. That's not listening. Don't be Kuh and Jack. Jackie Jacks. That's not one.

Look it up. There's one. There's a person named Jackie Jacks somewhere. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special

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