The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #175 The Magellan Effect

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

Nikki was up all night watching a documentary about The Amazing Johnathan. Andrew knows he's seen it but can't remember anything. He does remember when he started puberty. They both talk about getting bullied as adolescents. You Heard It Here First: wordle saves a life, first date attire and an athlete who has nothing to left to prove. Besties come through with funny stories in Fanthrax. In the Final Thought they talk about the photos they got of girls in relationships vs. single and further dissect Nikki's theory. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the

rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You don't need another podcast. You've got too many already. But if you're looking for one that actually changes something, a way to take control of the chaos

and find meaning, well, then maybe the one you feed is for you. I'm Eric Zimmer, and I bring real conversations with real people to help you feed the for you. I'm Eric Zimmer, and I bring real conversations with real people to help you feed the best part of yourself. No hype, no fluff, just wisdom that works. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.

Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast. It's Thursday. It's Thursday. I'm a baby. Thursday, Thursday. I'm a little baby.

Um, oh my God. So, I don't even know where to begin. I'm still waking up. I just got up like 15 minutes ago, I think. I'm just, I have not been able to sleep very well yeah recently because yesterday i only had four hours of sleep or the night before and then last night i was like oh this will be easy and i just couldn't go to bed i was up till i think four uh no i watched um two jonathan amazing the amazing jonathan. You watch back to back different docs? I guess one and a half because I gave up on the second one because I was like, oh, wait, this is actual.

So the first one is like a documentary that thinks it knows what it is at the start and then it takes on a different life. And it's on Hulu. And I was like, why are there two? It annoys me that there's two i remember comedian steve burn he did one of them the one i didn't watch or the one i only watched half of and he had asked me to like come on our show to promote it or something back then and i was like so last night i'm scrambling to find the one he made but then all i keep getting is this other one and then it turns out it's a documentary about how there's two people making a documentary about him because as this guy's

making a documentary about the amazing jonathan suddenly he finds out there's other people doing documentaries on him and everywhere every like every couple months he's got a fourth crew and it starts to become like he starts to kind of go insane because he's like is this guy fucking with me is this a magic trick because if you don't know amazing jonathan is like a guy who does magic and he would um do you remember did he die no not yet at least we're not the whole thing though yes it is also another thing is that he was diagnosed so he was gonna die in a year yeah and then four years later, he's still alive. And so the guy,

I mean, spoiler alert, the guy ends up being like, are you fucking with me? Like, are you even dying? And he's like, how could you add like,

according to amazing Jonathan, it is not a joke that he's still alive, that he got a year to live. He's just like, I'm baffled by it too. Like I'm confused as well. And he smokes meth every day. What?

As vitamins. Okay. What? Yeah. Amazing. And he gets the documentary. He goes, you can't show me smoking meth on camera unless you do it too. So then the documentarian calls up a law office and is like,

what are the ramifications if I smoke meth one time on camera because my subject wants me to smoke it i mean what is the um hi this law office like it's just like someone at the you know front desk they're like yeah what's up i don't know so because he keeps seeing methamphetamine to make it seem more like druggy like more like like. Like science-y. Yeah. Or official, you know, litigal, whatever the lawyer word is, and judicial. And then the guy's like, the guy at the front desk is like, wait, so he wants you to smoke meth? Like he like kind of like just gets right to it. And then they talk to the lawyer and she's like, um, I wouldn't, but just don't like. And he's like, what if i have a black box over it so he looks like he's just like smoking this black box and then they just cut the

film because i mean maybe that's very interesting maybe that's the cure for whatever can i just tell you what happens what do you mean are you gonna see this documentary i've seen it you haven't it's been a while you saw this stop one of them wait which one did you see the one where he smokes meth all the time i guess so i don't know i was probably looking at my phone this was a long time ago andrew it came out in 2019 it is pretty amazing that i don't remember any of it but amazing andrew i do remember him not dying at the end and he was supposed to die like i do remember that that's literally like i would say not even a big part of it do you remember that so the amazing jonathan he has this guy following him for uh yeah on this documentary and this guy's taking it very seriously his name's ben berman and it also gets into the fact that ben's mom

died when he was young and he kind of filmed his dad a lot as a kid not a lot but there's like one scene where he's asking his dad about like his feelings about his mom dying so he's kind of like they kind of set up the story of like he's there's only one scene where he's asking his dad about like his feelings about his mom dying so he's kind of like they kind of set up the story of like he's there's only one scene where he does it but it seems like he was like always following around people talking about death and so he in the end he kind of is like wait because john amazing jonathan was like oh so i'm i'm fucking up your documentary because i didn't die yet so sorry ben and ben's like fuck am i like using this guy to die like am i is my film dependent on him dying and i'm mad about that but he's really just mad about the fact that he's filming

him and all these documentary crews are filming him too and amazing jonathan is like but these are gonna be better ben sorry yours is gonna come out second these guys are gonna come out first because they're oh they're they made they're from the same guy who made man on wire and searching for sugarman and he's going on all these radio shows talking about oh this documentary crew is following him around this guy that's filming me right now he's a nobody but these other guys they're from searching for sugarman and man on wire he does all these interviews and then ben looks into it and he's like the other documentary crew has nothing to do with that searching for sugarman guy he's like a director in london who they who they told the those crew guys are fucking with him or maybe amazing jonathan's fucking with him but amazing

jonathan's like no they told me they were with that guy and that he's just not involved because he's got other projects and now he kind of just like you know sends crews out on things he wants to do so then he goes to london to talk to the guy that did man on wire and searching for sugarman and he sits down with him and says are you doing a documentary about the maizey jonathan he's like no and he's like okay well um and he goes i've heard some things about like some people saying i was the thing is you can just say you're doing something and the guy at the top won't even be like, no,

you can, I can just say I'm in, I'm in a works on a movie with Spielberg. He's not firsthand involved, but his production company is doing, is really interested in me in there. He's got, you know,

it's lower levels of the network. You wouldn't know their names, but Spielberg, I'm doing a thing with. That's great. What is it? Um, it's, uh, it's a it's a

movie about um my life oh that's amazing yeah he's into that my um my my adolescence it's just a year of my adolescence oh man spielberg would have 27 i would love to see how he would frame that yeah well you're going to. His boys are on it. He's busy with other, like, E.T. three. Rosenstein? Yep, Rosenstein. Jim Mackwell. Oh, fucking... You know Jim Mackwell, right?

Well, people always say he gives a lot of Spielberg credit. Jurassic Park. He put the... I believe he was in charge of making the... He took the little eggshell off when the dinosaur came out and went, and he said the raptors- That was his hand. The raptors are actually smaller in real life,

and it was his decision, I think, to make them twice the size. To make them bigger. Yeah. So he goes to this guy in London, and he's like, is there a documentary about fucking Amazing Jonathan? He goes, no. I've heard rumblings, but no, that's not mine. And he goes, well, do you want one?

Because I'm making one. Do you want to produce it and the guy's like and you wait and then he goes to the amazing jonathan and amazing jonathan's in a wheelchair at this point they've had a big falling out and he goes to him and he's like so you know that guy that you're doing a documentary with and he's like yeah he's like well he doesn't you're not those guys that doesn't exist he says he has no idea what it is but i pitched him ours and he's gonna produce it so now you are so maybe that's all it takes maybe you gotta go to spielberg with this adolescent story of when you were four to five no it's 27 oh it's delayed uh yeah four to five also wait do you think adolescence is four to five also is... Wait, do you think adolescence is four to five? Several.

Several. Yeah. Adolescence, I thought, is like teenager childhood. Well, four to five is not teenage. Well, I know that, but anything in your childhood. No. Adolescence, I would say, is 12 to 17. Noah?

I thought it was like in the teens. Yeah, teen teens. Oh. When did you sprout pubes? Like when did you turn into a man? When did your voice drop and all that shit? Still waiting really to turn into a man. My voice dropped.

I was a very small boy, as you know. I was a head shorter than anyone in my class, by far. His school picture is so funny, you guys. He is smaller than all the girls, and he is standing with all the girls in the front row. I mean, yeah. He's a foot shorter than all the girls. If he was any higher, I wouldn't be in the photo. Someone goes, I posted a photo.

They're like, why does this look like you're in a school in Australia in the 50s? That's true. It does look like that. And so I wanted to be so bad. You look like the little boy that they got from the circus. Like the littlest boy. Oh, yeah. You look like Simon Birch.

Do you remember that movie? Kind of. He was a little, little boy. A little, little, tiny boy.. He was a little, little boy. A little, little tiny boy. I was a very tiny little boy, and I was a cute kid, but God, did I want pubes. I wanted to fucking grow,

because all the girls were a head taller than me, and I wanted pubes so bad. I told you the story. I used to look for my pubes. In the front yard, in the backyard. In the backyard, in the sunlight. Because there was more sunlight, and I would fucking pray to God.

You didn't realize that you could just put a lamp on them and just use a light i wanted to use the sun is strong this was before ring lights you couldn't this a regular lamp wasn't doing the trick and i went all the way out to the yard and my mom was watching the whole time how do you know that because i looked over and she was in disbelief that her son is looking for pubes i bet you anything she didn't know you were looking for pubes she just thought you were probably looking at your penis in the light trying to see if it you could find it no she yelled out the window have they grown out no she didn't are they out yet your mom would not probably think about pubes if i saw a little boy pulling down his pants and looking at his penis area in the sun i would just think he was looking at his penis to see if it was like there was something down there i wanted to

puke so bad and because the cool kids all had pubes like as you know i've told you the kid that wanted to suck his own dick yeah who i helped by grabbing his legs by sucking his dick while holding his legs you're like imagine it's your own mouth i said and then no but i wanted pude because he was the cool everyone just cool it's good yeah you just wanted to be cool oh so um well one time this i was looking at my own dick in the mirror like before like i think i might have just started to get pubes but i was like hoping my dick grew too like like it came like a package this is the saddest story i'm looking at my dick and like i'm not trying to fluff it at all like it couldn't be any smaller like at the time and both my friends were in you remember them in the

room they were in the closet for no reason like other than like i don't know what they were doing maybe they were doing something did you know they were in the closet no and so i'm just looking at my dick like a sad little oh no what grade is this adolescence no no several seventh grade probably seventh grade or eighth grade oh did they and they come out they're like what are you we were just sucking each other's dick in this cloth it's not as embarrassing as what we're seeing out here dude oh my god it was so sad do you know those guys still? Do I know them? Yes, I do.

I wonder if they would remember that. One is silver now. He's silver now? Sober. Oh. His boobs are silver. They're silver now. He's fitted.

He's the one that wrote me apologizing for all the anti-Semitic stuff he did to me. Oh, I didn't know that someone did that. That's nice. Yeah, because he was in, I didn't know that someone did that. That's nice. Yeah, because he was in, I guess, a 12-step program. Yeah, yeah. His stats was Jew-hating. Repenting for all the... Well, he's the one that put the swastika in the driveway

and lit it on fire. You know, I think so many times kids bully and do shit like that, and they don't know... Oh, no, they don't connect it. ...that they're being an asshole. They don't know oh no they don't connect asshole they don't know how bad it is yes it's nice that he and i think that they can also rewrite history and pretend that that didn't happen and also the holocaust yeah rewrite history never there's nothing that's never good yeah well yeah i mean they i think that they can also just go oh i

didn't do that especially even by the time you get so for him to be able to remember that it definitely made at the time yes you could tell he probably felt a little bit bad about it too i'm sure to stay with you because if you didn't really think anything of it i think a lot of times bullies like forget i mean i was like i'm not gonna brag but i was such a cute little kid. Yeah. And girls gave me attention. I got attention. Yeah. I think guys went after me.

The Jew thing. Because the Jew thing is easy when you're in an all-Christian school. Yeah, that's the one thing. But you were so short, too. They could have gone after that. You would think. That's how much they hated Jews, because I was really short. Oh, my God.

That's so fucking sad uh it was fine i really do what would you say in response to it i had to be creative like i'd go after a kid's acne like i couldn't be like you christian you know because yeah because the jew thing is so easy because it's just like oh you don't pay money because you're a jew you know you don't tip or whatever you're cheap because you're a jew and jew is just such a strong word on its own that it got such a hard laugh on its own you know what i mean right so then i would have to be like you know make fun of his weight make fun of his acne make like specific things yeah and it was funny though because i'd go to camp in the summer and that was all jewish and then you were they'd make, like, specific things. Yeah. And it was funny, though, because I'd go to camp in the summer, and that was all Jewish.

And then you were. They'd make fun of me for being short and having weird nipples. You were like, I can't. I was just like, can you just call me a dirty Jew, please? They made fun of your nipples? Is that where you get that? Or did you? No, the nipples thing actually.

Nipples thing came from my brothers, to be honest. Oh. Yeah, that'll get you. Yeah. You can't escape it. No, the nipples thing actually came from my brothers, to be honest. Oh, yeah. That'll get you. Yeah. You can't escape it. Like, yeah. I was trying to think of like the meanest things that were said to me as a kid,

and it's always hurt my sister. It was always hurt. Yeah, because I didn't. I mean, I was called like a bitch and stuff and like a bucktooth beaver and stuff, but I would never say anything back because then they could just come up with something else that I would be like, oh, fuck. Now, like they would just keep going. Like if I were you, if I had, if I had been you, I would have just taken it because I would be scared if I called a kid fat, they'd be like, well, also you're short and you're

this and they'd start going after my looks. Like I would be scared that it, you know, like the, if they came after me for one thing, it's not like they could stop there and I would just be too scared they would keep listing things and i would run out of things about them and then the hard thing is if you're getting made fun of buck teeth if you talk back your buck teeth you have to like go fuck you man like you can't but it was funny because like like you said like oh it, it's so brutal. But you get to a point when you get made fun of so much for something that you can't control where. Orthodontist. I think it made me funnier in a way.

I would end up flipping. I would already say the joke about Jewish people. Yeah. Before. Yeah. They could get to it. Yes. You know what I mean?

That's what you do. You start making fun of yourself before anyone can say anything. Yeah. Yeah. get to it yes you know what i mean you start making fun of yourself before anyone can say anything yeah yeah the other day i was wearing like a dress on set that i just looked i felt like it looked like a little baby doll on a shelf like it was just a really short dress but it was like poofy and like had big puffy sleeves so it just looked like like a big t-shirt on a little like a little rag doll but it's really cute but i just was like dying to make a joke about it before any of the perfect stranger guys cass he was looking at you weird could say anything but it was like on my mind the whole time of like i gotta make fun of this before any of them think that they can make fun of it ahead of me oh yeah that's deep-rooted deep-rooted did you do it i didn't hear it no

no i was gonna say something i had a couple lines but they just never came because a lot of times it's like they're not thinking about me and my fucking dress like no one cares sometimes i want to sit down people after that and be like were you thinking about the dress were you looking at my shoes like like yeah like you want to know like get into where did you care about me at all but here's the thing, we do notice things. That's the problem as comedians or whatever ADD or whatever we are. We notice those things on other people sometimes.

And they don't see it in us. Yeah. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's a great talent to be able to call out the things that, because you're a hack then if you make fun of someone and they've already given you the thing that you're making fun of, you're a hack then if you make fun of someone and they've already

given you the thing that you're making fun of you're a fucking hack yeah and then there's nothing worse than being someone who's unoriginal and so yeah you you you just constantly try to beat them to it and a lot of people are like i wasn't thinking that you don't need to say that like stop it yes um i wasn't even thinking i was jewish or wait i don't know so what would your brother say about your nipples we gotta go to break we'll come back and find out john stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast dive into john's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's

correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheartartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places.

I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community and I made my way back. This season,

join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports,

new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Throttle Therapy with Catherine Legg, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships,

how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you.

Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's how- To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you.

One says, you're not enough. The other says, keep going. You can do this. They're always talking. The one you listen to shapes your life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love.

It's not about perfection. It's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What did your brother say about your nipples? We're back.

We're back. What did your brother say? Do you remember a moment specifically? It was like when we would swim in the pool. And your nipples were different than theirs yeah that's a bummer most kids look like like y'all have the same kind of bodies and stuff well when you're like 13 you get guys get um fucking like nipple rocks like rocks like it's calcium calcium or something oh okay yeah yeah girls get it too even puff makes your nipples even puffier but I just like I guess compared to guys

the word puffy is so funny just calling them puffs oh well puff cheese puffs calling no I just like so I would make them hard all the time before I got in the pool

like before I would take my shirt I still do it I still if I'm gonna take my shirt off at the pool I'll grab my nipples before I take my shirt off but my nipples aren't that I shirt off but my nipples aren't that i've showed you my nipple and you've seen my nipples do you yeah i mean they're cheetos they're

not puffs i maybe i've grown into it maybe my nipples i just would never that's not i mean i do know what you're talking about though when guys do have that it's it's a thing yeah yeah do you um oh it's gonna be like i'll make my nipples hard by myself in the shower do you know who when you see men with their shirts off are you looking for other puffs they'll be like i remember being jealous is there anyone on perfect strangers there's this dude alex horton from high school and he was he was jacked yeah he had really tiny nipples and i always thought if I had his nipples, I would look,

my body would look so much better because my chest would look so much more jacked. If I had his nipples, my nipples took away from my chest muscles. Right. Oh my. I mean, I love that question of like what you have that you were always like, if it was just this, my life would be so different.

Alex Horton's nipples. Dream of Alex Horton's nipples. I mean, there must have been a girl's nipples that you saw in the locker room where you were like. Nipples were not my thing, though. You know, like everyone has their thing. I like, mine are good. I think that I'm probably an Alex Horton of sorts. You know, like, I gotta say, I got pretty good nipples when I, I've never once been

like, oh, I don't like my nipples. I've seen worse nipples, way worse nipples than mine on men. Yeah. And they're called, like, pepperoni, where they're like a weird orange. My color is nice. I have a nice color for nipples. Yeah, so it could always be worse. Also, if my nipples compared to a woman, my nipples are fine and they –

like I should be worried if a woman thinks my nipples are puffy. But if they think my nipples are puffy, their nipples are definitely puffy. Most women's nipples are puffier than mine. You know what I mean? So if you don't, I'm worried about what my brother thinks about my puffs. I gotta be worried about what the fucking hot. Do you know what?

So they started saying that you had puffs like around in adolescence when they started coming through. Yeah. And you just remember like being like, Oh shit. And your brothers did not have the same nipples. My little brother, Dan has the smallest out of the three.

And then my little brother has, he looks like me and my brother mixed, and his nipples are right in between. That's so stupid. That is also stupid. I remember, I told you one time when I was taking a bath with my sister. Yeah, what did she have?

She saw my clitoral hood, which was coming in more than hers. And she said to my mom, Nikki has a penis. And I was devastated. How old were you? Fifth grade. Yeah. And she was what then? She was third?

But I wasn't developing yet. And by the way, I don't look like that. I just have a normal. No, you grew into it. I mean, I watch a lot of porn my vagina is really basic um but at the time it was i mean what could be more devastating than having a saying you're you have a penis when you're a girl in the bath with your sister so it just went into like okay well i'm never gonna get naked around this girl again and now it's always gonna be and i found a diary entry of like of mine from diaries from when you're young oh my god no it wasn't a diary i'm sorry it was a it was a note to kirsten that kirsten sent me

oh and it was a picture of the note and i can't this is how close kirsten i were like i could tell her as that's why i thought it was a diary. I'm like, why would I write this down to someone? But there were like, I remember, it was in seventh grade and my mom was doing, my sister was such a brat to me. She like saw my underwear

and they had like shit, you know, like maybe a little shit and not shit, but like a shit streak. Yeah, yeah. You know,

I don't know, I was just a fucking kid. It was just a streak. It wasn't like a whole crowd. And she was like, you're disgusting. Ew, Nikki. And my mom and her laughed at me. And I wrote in the note that my mom and her laughed.

And I'm like, I can't picture my mom ganging up. I'm sure my adolescent brain was just like, everyone laughs. And my mom was just like, Nikki, shut up. Who cares? Everyone has shit in their pants or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was less pointing and more like, come on, Nick, it's not a big deal.

I read it as like, like my mom just being so cruel. It's like a movie when they, it's like a real close zoom it. And they're like, and you just see people laughing at you. Oh my God. And holding a martini like,

and I was just listening to a hidden brain podcast about memory and how like, you know, we all know that our memory is completely skewed based on what really happened. So you wrote this to Kirsten. What did she write back? I didn't have like the correspond. I didn't have like a historian put together it in sequence but um because i don't i i have all the notes that they gave me but mostly they my friends are better at like keeping things than i am and so i have all my writing but they have none of theirs because it was all went to me you know what i'm saying

so it's kind of nice that i got all my shit um but i was listening to this podcast about memory and it's it's so much worse than i thought in terms of what we remember and what we think happened and you know how like when you see a picture of yourself in a photo album and you can suddenly like kind of be like oh yeah i do remember that birthday party or that thing like you can almost even though before you saw the picture it is not in your memory at all you were two or whatever it's like when you know a question from Jeopardy and you're like, what? How'd that get in there? No, this is more like, this is more like you,

if you've seen a picture or enough pictures of an event that otherwise you probably would not remember, but you think you remember it because you've seen pictures of it. Oh, okay. So that is a completely

false memory that has been put back in your brain. It's not the same one that, it's not from when you did that thing it's a fake memory because they found that when researchers put people in photoshop in photos of events that they did not witness and ask them to look through the photos and then tell them about the events they make up a story where they went in a hot air balloon and they've never been in a hot air balloon.

And because of the photo exists and they go, oh yeah, I do remember that. And I was trying to think of if I saw myself in a hot air balloon. I mean, that's so drastic. It's true though. Because I was thinking about it. If I saw myself in a hot air balloon as a kid,

like just standing in one, like someone did a good enough Photoshop, I would just go, I guess I forgot that. And I would would make up the memory and i could probably come up with a memory that feels really real and they i didn't i originally started listening to podcasts because i'm a 9-11 head and i was in a deep reddit thread about um people on 9-11 don't really they they found that people's 9-11 stories are completely fabricated. Not like I was in Build Tower 2 and they were in fucking, you know,

Connecticut, you know, Nebraska. Let's hear Steve Rinezisi. Right. But not like the ones that are made up on purpose, but people really do think that different things, like that it was different times of day. Like there's certain things where you

go oh there's this there's this amazing um what's the magellan effect or the um sorry good mandela effect yes magellan effect is where you think every explorer is named magellan and that's a common thing that happens on the show uh there's a mandela effect of in South America. I've got to look up this up. Mandela. It's so, you guys, there's a Mandela effect I found about on Reddit that I cannot, but you know the classic Mandela effects where you think something happened. Everyone in, everyone you know is like, that's certainly a thing. And then you look back and it's like, it's not.

Classic one is Berenstain Bears. It's not Berenstain Bears. It's Bernstein Bears. Something like that. Or the other way around. back and it's like it's not classic one is berenstein bears it's not berenstein bears it's bernstein bears something like that way around i don't know yes i see what you're saying so the mandela effect was first going in 2009 um she created a website to detail her observance of the phenomenon broom was at a conference uh this is the woman's name talking with other people about how she remembered the tragedy of former south african president nelson mandela's death in a south african prison in the 1980s however nelson mandela did not die in the 80s in a prison he passed away in 2013 as she began to talk to other people about her memory she learned that she was not alone others people remembered seeing the news

coverage okay so notable examples are uh luke i am your father um what does he say people remember darth vader uttering the famous line luke i am your father you might be surprised to learn that the line was actually no i am your father uh mirror mirror on the wall mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of them all you may be shocked to learn that the line was actually magic mirror on the wall oscar meyer some people claim to remember the brand being spelled m-e-y-e-r instead of it's being spelled mayor like john mayer um burns berenstein bears people remember berenstein bears is they're not uh people remember that the name being beren Bears, spelled with an E instead of an A. And it's actually Berenstain Bears. Yeah, it's interesting that like...

That one's crazy, but there's one. What about Shazam? Do you remember Shazam? Yes. Who's in Shazam? Shaquille O'Neal? That's true. People think Sinbad was in a movie called Shazam in the 90s.

What was he in? He was in Jingle All the Way or some shit. Oh, I thought he was in like Kazam. There's one though that is so insane that I could not believe. Oh, that everyone's freaking out about. Fruit of the Loom. Yeah, that one gets me. Do you know that one?

I always thought it was Fruit of the Loom. I think I put a B in there somewhere. No, that's not it. Fruit of the Loom. Do you know that one? I always thought it was Fruit of the Loom. I think I put a B in there somewhere. No, that's not it. Fruit of the Loom. Do you remember? I don't think this would get you. I think you're misremembering. Did Mandela wear him in jail? fruit of the loom do you remember what the the graphic looks like for fruit of the loom underwear do you remember what like the icon is there's like grapes or something yeah okay

do you remember cornucopia no do you know what that is do you know you don't know what a cornucopia is? Kind of. Noah, do you know? No, I haven't heard of that. It's a cone-like thing that, like, a basket that turns into a cone and then the fruit spills out. Yes, yes, yes. Did it have a cornucopia?

I thought it had a basket. Yeah, I thought a basket, too. There's no basket. There's no cornucopia. There never has been. And it's not fruit of bloom? But people cannot believe it. And if you go, people have drawn images

of what they think it looked like, the cornucopia. And you look at the image and you go, oh my God, that's totally what it was. But it's just a rendering based on memory. It never existed. That's wild. There's all these ones that are so good. It's weird to me, though,

the mandela thing sparked this kind of stuff because i felt like john madden he died this year i thought he died 15 years ago like i get that one i think it's like a different but i'm surprised that this sparked this for her you know what i mean what do you mean like she just thought mandela died oh right it'd be one thing if you thought his name was like mandela not mandela you know what i mean um does that make sense yeah yeah i'm surprised that her thinking that guy died sparked looking into these things there's some one in south america that i can't find but people believe that when a big event happened,

it was something like on... It's like when I was watching... When the OJ Simpson trial was happening, when the OJ stuff was happening, they got into a... Obviously, he was on that highway chase. And I remember Sister Sister being on, and it was interrupted for Sister Sister. So that's my memory. I almost want to check the timeline to see if it could even be possible

that Sister Sister was playing at the time because that's the way I remember it because everyone in South America remembers some big event like that. Yes. Interrupting a children's show that a bunch of kids were watching. I forget the event.

I'm sorry that I can't. This is not. But they all remember it or interrupted this children's show and that show was not on at that time. And so no one understands how that could possibly be. I wonder if it's like a game of telephone. You know what I mean?

Did one person have that memory, and then they maybe went on TV and said, I can't believe this, and then it kind of steamrolls from there. I have no idea. You know what happens? I think the cornucopia thing, I think Fruit of the Loom probably had a commercial

where they had their logo on a lot and it was this fruit and then I think there was another commercial at the time that probably had a cornucopia with fruit and they just got mashed in our brains and now no one can remember the other thing that was running at the time. It's like, it's so much,

but I just realized the other night listening to this podcast, I always think that I'm better than people who don't remember very well. I'm always like, actually, no, my memory is correct. You're all wrong. I know that everyone's susceptible to their memories being changed, but now I realize anything I think from my –

Could be wrong. Yeah, or it's just a picture I saw. Well, that's the story we tell ourselves. Then we go to therapy and then we tell these people and then they diagnose us with like but we could have had the whole memory like i've definitely brought up things to my parents and i don't know i know that's where i kind of go it's gaslighting maybe on their part where they don't think they were as bad or like and so that you know you oh remember when you did this be like no it's like when i told my dad i was

like i don't remember yet that many of my games. He's like, what are you talking about? I went to all your games. Oh my God, who's right? Well, then he goes, well, I was at all the games I was at. He died in a prison. That's what he said. He was on his phone the whole time. Yeah.

Yeah, and he wasn't, yeah, yeah. I can't believe you watched that fucking documentary. It's wild to me. I don't think- Oh yeah, that goes back to that. You watch so many things and you don't watch them. I don't think oh yeah that goes back to that so many things and you don't watch them i don't think you can say you watch things if they're just on the background in the background when you're watching tiktok golf videos do you know i mean yeah but you know what i

i have a pretty good memory like i especially things i hear like i'm an auto auditory learner but you can't multitask people this is another thing everyone thinks they're exception to it your brain literally cannot take in two different kinds of information at one time and actually give them the amount of attention needed to understand them it's impossible yeah yes your hand can do one thing on the piano over here and one thing on the beat like that's different that's like you're not processing that information you you cannot be on your phone and listen to something at the same time and pay attention to both it's impossible there was that episode of louis though where his daughter was on her phone while they were at like uh either like a show like you're shifting you're doing a tennis match but then he like talked to her about it and she remembered everything and

he's like oh their generation is different because they can multitask because they've been doing it so weird a fictional thing proves me wrong. Let's get to the next one. From what I remember. A fictional story he used proved me wrong. No, I know what you mean. You heard it here first. You heard it here first.

Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, man. If you didn't hear it here first, where did you hear it? Because, boy, would I be upset if you heard it somewhere else. It's Thursday, folks. You know what that means?

It is Thursday. I hope you're having all the swells out there. It's pretty much the weekend. So go have fun. Get naked. Do some bad things. Regret it on Sunday and then get right back to Monday. All right.

Chicago police. I do. I hope people get naked when they shower this weekend. That's what I think of when you go get naked. And don't pinch your nipples. Let them loose in the shower. Unless you're in there with someone else and then fucking pinch your nipples. Yeah, unless you're in there with your brother.

Then tighten them up. Or what was the guy with good nipples? What was his name? Alex Horton. Yeah, or if you're in there with Alex. Great nipple. God, I mean, wanting someone else's thing and thinking it's going to change your life. We got to go around robbing on that one and come up with ones.

Chicago police rescue 80-year-old woman held hostage for 17 hours by a naked intruder after her daughter raised the alarm because she hadn't sent the solution for the day's wardle. So... Wait, I understand. she hadn't sent the solution for the day's wordle so wait i don't understand the woman was asleep in bed when a mentally ill man naked broke into her house and climbed into bed with her she knew her mom was in distress when she had not sent her wordle yeah she did it on a regular base on a daily basis so she was concerned there was no answer she thought her mom probably died

or something happened so a crazy guy did the guy do anything to the poor woman uh yeah he actually got the last he got the word on the fourth one for her oh that's that's what i heard uh no he then dragged her in the shower and then the bath before locking her in the basement bathroom with no windows her eldest daughter in seattle noticed that her mother was not responding she called the police and a standoff lasting several hours the man was stunned and arrested and halt was rescued unharmed oh good um yeah i think that that really does make me think about i get every single day i I get world results from Chris. And if I didn't get them,

I'd feel like he was just mad at me or something. I wouldn't even check on his wellbeing. I'd just be like, Oh, I guess I did something or I guess we're not, we're in a fight. He's being held up for 18 hours by a naked woman. I'll kill her.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, I mean, it's pretty amazing. It's a great way to connect with people. Yeah. You know, like, and I've heard it's pretty amazing. It's a great way to connect with people. Yeah.

You know, and I've heard of this before, of like someone orders a pizza every day from the Domino's and then one day they don't and they do a wellness check because it's like, well, something must be up because this person, I see them every day doing this thing. But Wordle is a great way, like every, I'm like, I'm back in it too. I'm sure the people at Starbucks in St. Louis, if you didn't show up,

they think you're dead. The girl here already knows. I know. She knows you through your order through me. I was thinking about it today and I think it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me because she doesn't seem to be annoyed with me like, oh, this dumb gringo getting her fucking

drink. She's like, she doesn't seem to hate me yeah when she goes are you nikki like when she says that and then people from the show have been going to perfect strangers go to get me a coffee she has said to them is this for nikki yeah and she like kind of likes it yeah yeah that's so cute it is really cute and isn't it funny that you get the same exact drink as me now i do but cold yeah but it's the same drink completely different so different don't you think that maybe that drink should be like you know how taylor swift had her like own starbucks drink it's a good drink right

like it's not just me yeah it's a solid can you tell your order again yes it is a venti uh extra hot because i drink things fast so i need hot. I can't stand a cold thing. Venti Extra Hot Almond Milk Latte with one pump in Mexico, because the sugar-free syrup is a little strong here. But generally, two pumps of sugar-free vanilla, and then two Stevia. This was the thing. I went to order for you. No almond milk.

You don't want anything, which you have almond milk you don't want anything which you have almond milk here I know but it's not the same as theirs and it's not it's not steamed which gives it a frothiness that I like I mean that's how that's like the we're very similar in a lot of ways that's like the well that's why that's why I I am like why do you like anything in particular like why don't you just get what you like instead of what I like if nothing really matters to you? No, but I like that. Right. But I'm fine with it changing.

Right, right. That's the difference. You know, it's got to be my way or no way. But you've had other drinks at Starbucks before that you've enjoyed. Yes. And you want the caffeine, right? Like you do coffee black. I've seen you do that. Yes. And you want the caffeine, right? Like you would do coffee black. I've seen you do that.

Yes. So why didn't you do coffee black this morning? Because I'd rather just have a Diet Coke to get the coffee. Gotcha. Or caffeine. Yeah, to get the caffeine. A lot of times I will do black coffee if it's like I'm cold on set. Sometimes I want a coffee because I want the warmth of it.

And this morning I wasn't really dying for the warmth. And iced coffee black is abhorrent to me. I would never do that. And yeah, so I will never, and I don't want black coffee if you can do stevia but no milk. I will do an iced coffee with almond milk with no sweetener or with no like vanilla, but it's all fucking, I just like it the way I like it no

I get it I'm not I'm not trying to give you shit I'm just saying it's it's just interesting I'm sure there's people out there that have a coffee order before you met me because I feel like so many of your tastes have now been hijacked by you well you eat healthier than me so obviously you know you've taken probably some traits from me somehow that don't yes that don't involve food but like what the hell does that sound it's me going i'm trying to think of traits i've taken from you i've made you more relaxed as a human more silly yeah i guess yeah okay that's true

so you've taken some of my silliness and i've taken your starbucks order no but if you eat healthier like you get the vegan cream cheese yes i do have like a lactose thing whenever i have fucking like cream cheese or like milk regular milk it fucks my belly up how do you not know about these things before i start doing them though like would it if milk fucked my belly up i would just look into alternatives but you just keep doing it until you go oh yeah you're eating that thing what is that like because you're a guy that just goes to the grocery store we'll go down one aisle and that's if you're in a hurry i will go down every aisle to find the thing i want you'll just

go whatever you got is fine yes so interesting to me i don't know i just don't give different approaches you just don't give a shit i really don't but one aisle over there could be something better see this is what i'm talking about when it comes to like marriage and relationships what if the better choice is one aisle away and you you know that meme where they always show a guy digging and they show him giving up right before and it's like um it's showing a guy digging in the ground and there's like gold or something he's trying to get to or it's like a room like he got something before the gold no no no there's like a big room with all, like a crypt, you know, with all this gold and sarcophagi and stuff like that.

Yeah, cornucopia. And he's digging through and there's a long dig. And then he's just tirelessly. And then you just see him going like, I can't anymore. And there's just this much left to dig through. And he would have gotten to the crypt. But instead he's going to give up because it's just been too long i'm always thinking that there's going to be that room that i shouldn't settle for whatever i get because there's always could be something better until i've gone to every

aisle of the grocery store especially a new one that i don't know where everything is it's in a different country i need to see every crevice to know that I'm getting the best thing that for me and that, and that is why I struggle with dating is because, or not even dating because dating doesn't lock you in. It's not like you're like eating it yet. Getting married. Getting married. I feel like is until you've made sure that you've, you have the best.

I don't want to do it. I guess. And how could you ever know? Until you've made sure that you have the best, I don't want to do it. And how could you ever know? I mean, I guess even like a relationship where it's like you think it's all perfect. There is a possibility that somewhere around the world or maybe. A hundred percent there's someone better out there for you. That could be better. They're in India or China because that's where most people are. But there's someone better out there for you.

Or someone as good. The odds that you met the best person for you. No, I know. It's crazy. Is just, it's not possible. And especially given the history of humanity and everyone that's ever lived, there's definitely been people in other, you know.

But what's worse? The unsettling of like, of trying to find that person for the whole your whole life and never finding them and you're always feeling incomplete you you put the things in your shopping cart until there's other things that are better and if those things that are better come along you can dump the things in your shopping cart unless they stack up to it okay because that's how i feel about relationships if if i was dating a guy. I mean, that's why divorce is 60%. People are getting rid of their cart.

Like, it happens. Yes. Yeah. And I'm not saying. But I think that's fucked up, though, too, to be like, to take something less just in case. And then when something more, it's like, all right. No, you take the best you can get at all times.

If I'm on a road trip and I don't know what food options are going to be coming along, it's not time for lunch yet. Like you don't do this because you don't plan ahead. But like if I'm going on a road trip and we stop at a gas station, I don't know if there's going to be a hundred miles of nothing ahead, but it's not time for lunch yet. Let's say it's 11. I'm going to be hungry at one, but I don't know what's going to be around us at one. I will get something at 11 at that gas station that will suffice me at 1 o'clock

if there's no other options. But I won't eat it until it's time to eat it and I know that there's no other options. Does that make sense? Meanwhile, I'm eating the chicken salad sandwich at a 7-11. You'll eat whatever the fuck. Yes. And you won't plan ahead. I've been a

little bit better about that. Maybe probably because of you. Or growing or growing up yeah of just preparing yeah or like just you know the other day oh like yesterday on set of perfect strangers they had a bunch of like sandwiches just sitting there at like 11 in the morning and the old me probably would have taken down three of those and not even thought about it and then be like all right then i'll eat later at like five yeah i didn't eat them because i was like no i don't want this i just want this to fill me up so instead i had a protein bar and then had a healthier lunch right that's like a big improvement for me to not just eat sandwiches i'm not saying sandwiches are that bad i'm just saying like it just wouldn't it wasn't the food i wanted yes waiting till it's

the thing you want oh it's hard all right next story but it also gets in my way for sure oh speaking of this uh oh wait uh oh a personal stylist recommends you never wear this one piece of clothing on a first date um your fucking confederate flag bandana. No, actually, that's the only thing you should wear. That's what she says. A nude bra. A white shirt. I would tell my clients to avoid anything that is fussy or difficult to clean or to keep clean.

A great first aid outfit should be less about fashion and more about you. Because of that, you may want to skip extremely bright colors patterns puff sleeves puff nipples and over the top ruffles and ruffle nipples this is all so stupid it's very dumb i love these kind of stories though because they are so i have gone on i you know i went on a couple dates like over the summer i guess i don I don't know, with someone. And it was like, you know, first dates, didn't know the person at all, like online meeting. And like what to wear was such a,

I've never dealt with that of like, usually I'm dating people that I already know in my life. So I'm not like thinking about, well, oh my God, it's the first time they're seeing me. There was a lot of like, I don't want to try too hard. I also want to look like really natural. I want to look like I'm not like, there's a lot of like i don't want to try too hard i also want to look like really natural i want to look like i'm not like there's a lot of thoughts i mean i still remember what i wore i mean it was a white uh tank top because it looked like sexy but casual just plain white tank top nothing over it no it was like a white like spaghetti strap but the

spaghetti straps had like this like really cute like lacy kind of thing on it so it was decorate it was you know definitely cute but i've never worn it again for some reason because i just didn't i don't know i looked i looked great but i definitely my hair i think was like kind of not even dry yet because i was doing like natural waves and i was just a little bit running late i mean i was running my seven minutes late yeah i just so early there was a part of me that was like i remember pursuing guys back in the day of like that i needed to look perfect for and be this like perfect image of what they wanted me to be and i just i was even yeah i i and now i'm just like okay i can look i want to look

80 as good as i can look i want to leave a little bit to go, but bam, wait, look at this. That's smart. Yeah. That's really smart because we all dress 80% as well as we can. You know what I mean?

I do about on a daily basis, 20%. Oh yeah. I mean, look, I'm yeah, I wear the same thing every day, but I'm yeah,

I know on a first date, I'll wear. Women have so much more room though i'll wear makeup and hair to like do to look better that's true i wore i wear like um you're probably leather boots honestly right now how much you would change if you were really trying on a date with a casual look you probably wear that hat you probably wear that shirt at 90, I'm probably at 90%. You're probably at 90% right now, dude. And this is you waking up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With women, right now, I do have makeup on,

and my hair, if I brushed it out, is probably good from last night. I would definitely wear this on a date. I'm probably at about 40% right now. Yeah. 30%, but my outfit is garbage. Yeah. I mean, I think it's funny,

because for me, my 90% on a date, I'll wear like boots, like leather boots or whatever. And I never, you know me, I never wear them. I never wear them. And I'll wear those on a first, and that's like me. We all act so different on a first date too. I'm gonna show off by like wearing this regular,

like they're not even like boots that are like really gonna stand out. I'll eat differently on a date. I'll eat like, like I'll get get dessert i'm not trying to say that like i'm not usually a dessert person but i'll like i'll just be it's not even like i'm trying to be like i'm normal i just like i just am on a date it just becomes who i am it's like this woman that presents as normal and it's not a you're just eating a cheeseburger honestly this is who I am I the things I've eaten on dates like the meals I've

chosen where I'm like I just want this I'm just like I surprise myself I'm like I it's just never something I would order with my friends but I'm like craving different things it's it's it's interesting I always order dick yeah you always get dick and uh balls on the side wait why do you not but this is the problem though if you don't eat exactly what you eat on that first date when do you break out the two salads or whatever it is i always do what i want to do i'm just saying on date for on first dates for some reason i don't want my normal like i definitely on a first date plan on kissing someone and i'm a little bit nervous so i'm generally not as hungry and when i'm not hungry i know that i can eat like a smaller

amount and so i get something that's going to be filling in a smaller portion because i know that i just i'm going to be sick if i eat if i eat too much but generally i like hogging food and shoveling in my i love big amounts of food. If I'm not nervous, I'm eating tubs and tubs of food. So in that sense, I want something like lighter and it's not because I'm like calories. I just know that I won't be able to eat voluminous amounts of food if it's

really dead. Also talking so much more on a first date than like, like that's the most you speak to the person you're going to date. I remember me and Brenna on our first date, we got like a hummus thing or like eggplant, whatever. Like there we, you know, by the end of the date, there was still hummus left. That's how you know how much we were like trying to like, yeah, we were nervous trying to impress each other, having a great time. But if you know, there's hummus left, it's probably, you might actually enjoy the person. If you're there and there's hummus left,

and you're not doing this with your finger and scraping it off the plate. Yeah, if I'm not eating the plate, someone got a lot of attention. Like, I cared a lot. Let's go to break and come back with our weekly sports moment. Sounds exciting. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show break and come back with our weekly sports moment. You sound excited. Catch

Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's

happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding.

I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened. and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community.

And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crumbs as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys. I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast.

It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing,

and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Thrustle Therapy with Catherine Legge, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.

I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie in the sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you.

Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's How-To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you. One says, you're not enough. The other says, keep going.

You can do this. They're always talking. The one you listen to shapes your life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love. It's not about perfection, it's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Alright, it's a weekly sports moment. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. I feel like it's been a long time since I've heard it. All right. I know the clock is ticking. Serena Williams, 40 years old, said she's prepared for retirement from tennis, and she wants more kids.

The 40-year-old star has admitted she's been getting herself ready to step away. Man, they mention her age twice already in this. Yeah. Yeah, that is true. I am prepared for today. the 40 year old stars has admitted she's been getting herself ready to step away and they mentioned her age twice already in this yeah yeah that is true i am prepared for today the first time journalists of course daily mail you know at the end of the day i think it's really important to always have a plan and that's kind of what i did i always had a plan serena has a four-year-old daughter olympia with her husband a Alexis. Even the daughter's age. Has a wealth of business ventures.

Oh, wait a second. Did they mention the husband's age? No. Wow. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah, it is interesting. I guess he's not the main focus, but still.

Why is the daughter's age? Is there? Because she's, depending how young a kid is, you have to pay more attention to them or something, probably. But yes, I see what you're saying. I don't think it's a thing about the girl, the daughter being a woman or anything. Has a wealth of business ventures aside from a tennis career,

and she admitted sometimes her pack schedule can be overwhelming. Again, she has a four-year-old daughter. Does she have more to prove in tennis? I guess it would be cool as a 40-something-year-old daughter more to prove in tennis i mean i guess it would be cool as a 40 something year old woman to like win fucking she has nothing to prove i mean she's one more i mean it's insane what yeah she can go do other things and i think she she's someone who looks like she really enjoys being a mom yeah i mean i think at what you know people keep living longer i feel like well tennis is tends to be a young

person sport like the fact that you know i would say the average winner of most grand slams is probably like 25 tops yeah so she's 50 you know what i mean like yeah but they're you know fetter is 40 and he's still doing it but you know when know, when do you quit? When do you just say, it's hard, all right? Like, that's your whole, that's who you are. That's what everyone values you as. Yeah, I mean, yeah, the Amazing Jonathan thing, he was like, said, you know, everyone, there comes an end for everyone.

Everyone. You gotta just, you fall out of favor. You're not as strong. You're not as good as you used to be. It will happen to all of us at whatever we do for a living. We're gonna peak and then it's gonna, people don't really get that much better at things when they start getting past adolescence.

Never being successful or quitting being very successful. I think they're both very hard times to quit. You know what I mean? The idea of like, oh, it can still happen and then stepping away. quitting being very successful. I think they're both very hard times to quit. You know what I mean? Like the idea of like, oh, it can still happen. And then stepping away. Yeah.

You got to think though that most people don't become what they want to be. I know. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's fucking. Including me. Yeah. I'm a pop star.

You know, like. Yeah. And I'm not playing professional baseball. A lot of. you just it's it's rare you get your dream and walking away from it would be tough but that just means you have to fulfill your life with other things because it's not about playing tennis or it's not about doing stand-up it's about like how it makes you feel it's about it gives you worth and if you are able to have self-worth without those things then

or you know when people are moms and all they are are moms and they don't know what else the fuck they are without being a mom and all their kids become self-sufficient that that's when moms start going fucking crazy and begging you to have grandchildren so that they can keep it go keep it fucking up because they don't have anything else. They start playing tennis. They really do. They do. And then they become like the best at their club.

But like, yeah, it's never reversed. It's never like I was a mom until I was 40 and then I became a Grand Slam tennis winner. Yes. Yeah, it is hard to fill that gap. Yeah, and I don't know. I mean, she could play doubles until she's probably 55 years old and still be competitive.

Do these people even like tennis? I don't know. They're good at it. I mean, I remember Andre Agassi in his book. He fucking hated tennis. It's just something. These girls, weren't they forced to play it at a young age? Did they actually like it

um i think they did i mean it got them to i i don't know i think the end result i'm sure they enjoy the game but like they can still play it's not like you're they're barred from playing it they can still play it they just can't compete anymore it's it's it's competing is that still and having a crowd i mean a crowd i would go people would still go to see her play it's the it's the you know competing yes that people caring about like if it's winning at the start of the article though it was interesting because it was her dad that was encouraging her to consider retirement oh wow he's like you're finally he's gonna start training her to do that yeah yeah he's like you finally you finally made it to where i thought you'd be 20 grand slams later like like he's like

you could quit now yeah or he's just like listen you're not as good as i wanted you to be it's never gonna happen for you oh my god can you imagine i wanted you to win 20 grand slams so it's really not even, you should probably quit at this point. Yeah, you're never really gonna live up to what I thought you were gonna be. Let's get the Phanthrex. Phanthrex!

All right, let's hear it. What have the besties got to say this week? Okay, let's start off with a voicemail from marla in the podcast opening song i swear i hear nikki's name right before noah says here's nikki and i always wondered if that was a little hand drip for us or if it's unintentional and i really want to know if i'm the only one who hears it um i've been wanting to message this for ages but i hate my voice and then i'm home with covid so i decided i don't care i'm gonna just ask because no one has so love you guys this is marla i'm from canada

hi marla wait so right before. Yeah, she has a great voice. I mean, COVID helps. It gives it a raspiness, but. I'm sorry that you have COVID in Canada. So she hears us say. Yeah, where? Nikki right before you say.

Yeah, so it's just the Nikki Glaser podcast. And then I say, here's Nikki. But she hears Nikki right before it yeah maybe Nikki doesn't do they say Nikki Glaser podcast very quietly and no one hears it on should we play it again yeah hold on I'm gonna

let's listen for Nikki right before Noah would say here's Nikki so don't say here's Nick. The Nicky Glitzer Podcast. The Nicky Glitzer Podcast. And that's when I would say it. Maybe she's talking about that like high thing that's going, Nick. No, I think this is the Mandela. I think she's. Maybe.

Maybe. I don't know, Marla. Did you hear it then? I'm really. It would be weird if we had a secret message. If you play it backwards, it says Paul is dead. But that is... Yeah, that's weird. That's not what she's talking about.

I don't know. I do love her using ham drip incorrectly. But also it's like the word fuck, how you could use it in so many different ways. Yeah, oh, ham drip can be anything. I think she meant fashion egg. Fashion egg, yeah. That would be a fashion egg. Or a ham drip. Thanks, Marla think she meant a little egg fashion egg yeah that would be a fashion or a ham drip thanks marla you have a great voice please call again with anything i didn't listen to that voice yeah i want to know like where you

really hear it so if you can like specify and i want to shout out to our fanthrex from i think last week um who was it i asked her she was in missoula do you remember that girl she had a beautiful voice and i asked her please make an asmr oh yeah of her just talking she sent me one she wrote on um she wrote me on um what's it called uh oh fuck um instagram yeah and she was like hey i know maybe you weren't serious but it sounded like you were and I decided to tell you about Missoula in a five minute thing and I gave her my email and I'm looking for it now because it probably got sent to a little spammy uh mailbox but I will be listening to that I'm so excited that she did that I'm so psyched I should have listened to it

last night when I couldn't sleep I forgot but thank you for that okay next one's from marnie marlin marnie love it hi nikki andrew and noah this is marnie um i've called you guys before and you told us about marnie schlappy um but i wanted to call you guys and ask if you've heard the new song gospel by dr dre and eminem um they rhyme full throttle and hits the bottle um just like andrew i think they were maybe listening to the pod and they plagiarized but i wanted to give credit where credit was due um dr dreidel and if you haven't heard it i'll sing it for you it goes a little something like this please yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah dre are you ready check check check check and then a bunch of verses and then guys this shit here that problem living at the bottom

of the bottle full throttle my mama you guys. You guys got to listen to it. Oh, my God. And he also says mama. Also, I want to say I love you guys. Love you. And I know I don't have an ASMR voice, but I hope you listen to Gospel by Eminem and Dr. Dre. All right.

Love you. Bye. From one not ASMR voice to another, you have a great voice. And it's very... I'm not judging. I don't want anyone to not call voice to another, you have a great voice. And it's very... I'm not judging. I don't want anyone to not call in because you don't have an ASMR voice.

I think I started something here. And I don't want anyone to be insecure about your voice. As someone who also hates the sound of their own voice when I hear it, just know that you're wrong. Everyone thinks they hate their own voice. I'm a broadcaster and i hate my own voice so you know don't worry about it we i don't think there's anyone's voice that i hate so

much that i would ask you to not call in um she did a great job do singing that song i want to know is she listening did she oh i want to know does she is she listening to every like new dray eminem drop i guess that's guess everyone's excited about the Super Bowl. Will they sing Full Throttle there? Oh, probably. What's the song called again? Gospel. Gospel.

Oh, Gospel. How did you find it? Because Andrew did send this to us the other day. I had a couple people just write me. Maybe she was one of them. But yeah, a few people wrote me saying that I should sue Dr. Dre. Full Throttle, Bottle, and he says mama. I know. The mama part, really.

I'm like, really? Really, Dre? She goes full throttle. Fuck, dude. You're a genius. Who knew? Dude, I did. Oh, my God.

Oh, Joe Lynn is the one who sent me the Missoula, Montana five-minute ASMR thing. And I just found it, Joe, so thank you so much for sending that to me. I'm not gonna play it, but I will be playing it tonight, or actually probably in an hour when I take a nap. Oh my God, I can't wait to hear about Missoula

and the dulcet tones of Joe. Oh, the fishing there. Okay, we have a story from ashley about her therapy session oh hey nikki and andrew and noah uh this is ashley um i was calling because today i had a therapy appointment and um i don't know i thought that you guys might appreciate this, mainly Nikki. But I referenced Taylor Swift's All Too Well during my session today talking about a guy who basically gaslit me and minimized what the context of our relationship was. And I was talking to my therapist and I was like, you know, like that Taylor Swift song, All Too Well, and she was like looking at me like,

what the hell are you talking about? She goes, the Ted Redford? You know, like the Jake Gyllenhaal one. Anyways, there's this line where she's saying, you never called it what it was. And that's how I feel right now. She just kind of looked at me blankly. And I was like, oh my gosh, is this my

rock bottom? I don't know. No, it's not, girl. I just thought that maybe you guys would appreciate that. Thank you for everything. Bye. Oh, that's my favorite new lyric in that song. Oh my gosh. What was her name again? Ashley. Swift? Let me just get it. Ashley.

That was my favorite new lyric in that song. You were always skipping town and you were and I was thinking on the drive down anytime now you're gonna say it's love you never called it what it was it's so good it's happened to me so many times

too Ashley where you just these after the fact it's easy for them to you know girls do it to guys too it where you just these after the fact it's easy for them to you know and this girls do it to guys too it's easy for them after the fact to because no one wants to break someone's heart no one wants to hurt someone so if they can convince themselves it wasn't really anything real and that they don't have any accountability then they can escape any kind of blame and then they can make you out to be the crazy one so dude it's such a perfect lyric and it does it it definitely hit me hard and that's

happened to me a bunch and it's a common thing and maybe and then we're talking about memory now and now i'm like god did i remember it wrong like you that's what gaslighting is they make you think like oh fuck am i like a crazy girl who like thinks things are- Yeah, we had something more, yeah, like it was on the verge to marriage. But the- Yeah. Regardless of if you're a crazy girl or not,

like you felt that way and it still sucks. I'd love to see you, Nikki, talking to your therapist and you're only talking in Taylor Swift songs and see how long, like it would be amazing because I've seen the thing where like they like a guy or girl will text their you know only lyrics like one line at a time

and then be like yeah dude I'm not like I don't know it's just really funny to see the response all he had to do was stay he had me in the palm of his hand okay why do you have to let me go and lock me out when I was trying to let him in I mean i don't know what how were you feeling at the time like um you know if i wanted to know who he was hanging with i would have while i was gone i would have asked him well is he honest with you you think well yeah i mean he's casually cruel in the name of being honest. That happens. Yeah. I could do this. I could really do this. We should make a video like that.

It'll be really funny. I'll play you to therapists if you want. Yeah, that would be fun. Yeah. All right, let's go to the next one. Thank you so much for that. Okay. Any Taylor Swift stuff I love.

The next one is Bobby with a story. Hi, Andrew, Nikki, Nikki and Noah this is Bobby calling in from Berlin um I was listening to the pod the other day and you guys were talking about the mile high club and I was just inclined to share a story so uh when I was in high school I did this exchange program where like 60 international students get together and you live on a tall ship and you travel and you study and you become sail trainees and as you do when you put 60 teenagers together everyone ends up coupling up and falling in love blah blah blah uh so i was one of those kids and my boyfriend and i we at the end of the semester we were flying home to separate places and we were on the plane before we had to say goodbye holding hands across the aisle crying it was a whole thing we ended up going to the bathroom

and one thing led to another and we had sex um so yeah one thing they don't tell you is that it gets extremely steamy and hot in the bathroom after you have sex and the mirrors completely fog up and there's always going to be like 10 people outside wanting to use the bathroom. So my boyfriend scoots out past this line of people. I try to fix the mirrors, rub my eyes to make it look like I was crying. Like that's not what we were just doing in there. Oh, that's good. Smart.

And anyway, and I joined him on arguably the worst walk of shame that you can ever do so yeah anyway no one ever said anything and I think they just felt bad for us so we got away with it anyway love you guys love you oh my god that's such a good idea I was always cause I was always like oh my god people are always gonna

know what you do in there just act like you're having like an episode like no I was just taking a horrible shit. Just smear shit all over your face afterwards. Put shit all over the bathroom. That's the only way to do it is to be like. Oldest trick in the book. But why would you if your boyfriend come in and help you with your like explosive diarrhea?

He's such a good man. You can only get away with it. Or maybe you act blind and he's like your seeing eye boyfriend or guy you know seeing eye boyfriend there was another story of another girl like i was listening to these the other and she was on a church group and she jerked off these teen tours don't let your kid go because they're gonna get fucked in the air i mean no it's awesome i mean it's awesome it's just amazing yeah there was another church group and she's like i jerked him off on the plane but i didn't do it to complete because i was still afraid to come i relate to that so much

let's get to the final thought oh final thought we should talk about um instagram photos yeah we got sent a good amount the it didn't really help the debate because some yeah here's the problem it's my my my whole hypothesis is based on women who have a a big male following yes and i realized i went to go get a diet coke before we did the show and i was trying to find example like i was going through all my girlfriends and people i followed to be like okay let me just find some examples here why can't i just like search here because i can see how many likes things get i could do this and i realized i wanted i want to spend some time on it um to build my case but i think that reliable I was trying to think of female comics.

Who have big male followings. I couldn't really think of that many. I did find a great example of the girl. That's in the new Jackass. Okay. She. Perfect example of her and her boyfriend. The only picture she has of them.

900 likes. Everything else is like thousands and thousands. It's going to. It's my hypothesis hypothesis about if you have a mostly female following female are supportive of relationships whether they like the guy or not okay that they're following it's it's if you have a male following as a woman you are going to get way way less likes on a picture of you and your boyfriend it's just going to be the way it is because men are threatened and like i think it's kind of what i said yesterday is brilliant women know that if a man that they like is with a girl they could still fuck them because men are yes

more non-monogamous by nature there's still a chance even if that guy's a good person there's still a chance he might fuck you whereas when a girl is coupled up off limits do like women just aren't as non-monogamous and so men are much more threatened as they should be from not being able to fuck you if you have a boyfriend as opposed to women seeing you a guy with a girl also even if it's the case or not we've learned too or at least i've learned that a lot of people are sending them photos where when you're solo you're like in a bikini or you're wearing like no bra or a lot of skin is showing and then with your boyfriend you're wearing 19 you're looking like bridgerton over there you're wearing like 19 layers and then you're comparing

those two and that's not a fair comparison it's really like i was thinking about it the quality of a photo, which you don't understand because you just put whatever photo you'd fucking take. You don't understand like making a photo look sharper, an image or like cheating or just turning the color up. Yeah. Yeah. Making it look more aesthetically pleasing. You know, wiping off the lens. Lying. Yeah.

Wiping off the lens and turning on a lamp. Yeah. That's not who you are. That's going to make get you more likes that the photo just looks nicer so there's all these variables but i do think my new thing that i'm going to go really deep in this afternoon probably is women who are musicians men like female musicians yes female comics there's not a lot of female comics that men prefer like most most men like i was thinking of all my female comic friends and it's most of them have female followings i would think

i mean i wouldn't have guessed that mine i'm 70 fucking men on instagram more men than me it's it's really weird and actually that makes a lot of sense because i have 70 women yeah the whole your your whole theory as well as like so when i put up a picture and i'm relationship yes it gets more likes because yes yeah interesting yes women will very much support that you know what i want to see i want to see women dress as scandalous as possible next to their boyfriend and i want to see that well i'm gonna go through female because female musicians i'm friends with a lot of them yeah and they have huge male followings because men always think that like this singer-songwriter woman is like they there's a part i've i've had guy friends who are

like fans of you know the maggie rogers is the anya marina is the like vinson same vinson yeah and they have this like they they love the idea of fucking this girl they think that they get this girl on a different level like i these guys just sit in the front row like she gets me and it's these are the ones i'm gonna go look through their following yeah and also girls that do like are on male podcasts they probably have a lot of male followers too and i'm to go look through them and see if I, this or athletes, athletes,

stars. No, that one doesn't work. That one doesn't work. Actually. It depends. There's some female athletes that guys really like. Yes.

Guys are very picky and choosy about which women they support. I'm grateful to be one of those women as, as a whole. Um, I do appreciate it as the whole that I am. But man, there are many men who loathe me. Loathe. Just fucking hate me.

It's so upsetting. How much you get hated when you get famous-ish is just, it's, as much as you get so much love the more love you get the more you're gonna get hate too people do not hate people that aren't like in the spotlight you just don't care you would not hate someone that had nobody following them and no one was talking about it just wouldn't happen think about it if you say anytime you start talking where i start talking a comic it's because they're getting heat we would never talk about a person that just released one clip with five people watching and go look at this sucks so much we would only talk shit if people were enjoying it yes it's always started from

jealousy it never isn't anyone i've ever hated or been like god they suck it's because they're popular and i'm jealous but here's the thing well you could say because i saw a thing with john stewart they're like you know you don't get as much slack as you know this kind of comedian or this kind of person he's like i could go on twitter right now and say i mean he's a little bit of like, whatever. That might be a bad example. He's a little bit polarizing. But like someone that you would think like, oh, everyone loves you.

If you go on Twitter and search your name. Everyone gets a shit ton of hate. But yeah, it's because the more people that know you, the percentage of people that hate you and that contingency is going to go up. And it's going to go. But don't you believe that when you and I bitch about someone, like sometimes you'll bring up, the other day you brought up a community to me

and you're like, they're fucking, they're just saying things that have already been said. None of this is original. And I never really heard of this person. And I go, why are we talking about them?

Did they just get us? And you're like, because they're blowing up online. It's like, we wouldn't be talking about them did they just get us and you're like because they're blowing up online it's like we wouldn't be talking about them if they just were a random person that released the clip that sucked you know what I mean I'm just jealous and they were all original thoughts no they I mean

you started playing it and you go actually that one's good yeah that one's actually good he's just a guy of all you see when you watch it it's confidence he's just a guy. All you see when you watch it, it's confidence. He's just a guy that's confident. It's all it is. People are so susceptible to it, including me.

Guys, be confident this weekend. Go out there. So confident. Get naked. Get naked. Do something terrible. Take a shower. Wake up Sunday.

Be very depressed. Monday morning, get right back after it. Thanks for listening to the pod this week. We'll see you on Monday, besties. Don't be kuh and... Jack Black. Have we not done that one? I don't think so, and it got sent to me just now. Holy shit.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and In Your Ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.

I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You don't need another podcast. You've got too many already. But if you're looking for one that actually changes something, a way to take control of the chaos and find meaning, well, then maybe the one you feed is for you. I'm Eric Zimmer, and I bring real conversations with real people to help you feed the best part of yourself.

No hype, no fluff, just wisdom that works. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.

Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.

Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.