The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #177 Learn To Toggle (the Big Announcement!)

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

It's Big Announcement Day and Andrew is out of breath because he appeared too confident walking out of his hotel. Nikki introduces her new reality show Welcome Home Nikki Glaser? Which will premiere o...n E! on May 1st. Nikki and Andrew call Julie, Nikki's mom, to ask her if she knew that she had posted a picture of Nikki's nephew on the Nikki Glaser Pod Instagram account by mistake. Andrew corrects his hazy memory, Nikki explains how to pitch a show to a network and they have a quick chat about yesterday's Wordle. Nikki shares videos of kids being cute, learns about gold and a sexless generation in her Reddit Dump. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:03:38 Hey, guys. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. What's up, guys? Stop it. guys stop it just stop it I pulled both hamstrings coming here running uphill both
Starting point is 00:03:51 ways boy Andrew had a little bit of a debacle getting here today I like that word I did too I just said it and I was like oh that's a crunchy word what's that debacle spackle spackle spackle
Starting point is 00:04:04 that's a funny. Any cull at the end there. It sounded a little bit almost slurry. Spackle. Spackle. Yes. You know? It's getting close.
Starting point is 00:04:15 Eh. Eh. Eh. Okay. So you got over here and you, first of all, I hate when people are like, I got to check out at my hotel. I'm like, no, you don't. Never once. Just walk out.
Starting point is 00:04:25 How many cities have we been in? How many cities have we gone? Like 100? Yeah, 100 at least. 100 hotels at least in the time that we've been friends. Never once have I ever checked out. So I'm walking out. So I'm just telling you people, if you think you got to check out, you don't got to check out ever.
Starting point is 00:04:42 Unless you're at this hotel. Well, yeah, unless there's a gate stopping you leaving. I almost got shot. Why don't you just say, oh, so you were saying I'm leaving for good? Yeah. Because yesterday I did that and they were like, bye. They just checked my license plate and they were like, okay, bye. There was a long line.
Starting point is 00:04:58 There was a long line. So I was like, fuck this. I'm just walking out. I walk out all the time. Just charge my card. You have my card. I'm not running away like you don't need my signature guilty you must have looked like you were done did you have your bag with you i did okay well i had my bag and i was running saying i was going to the border and they were like okay come on man don't rub it in that you
Starting point is 00:05:18 have a passport you know i felt like in a green card or whatever you have. I, I ran and I go, okay, see you later. And I tried to walk out. Like I own them. You ever like walk out with too much confidence where you look. Yeah. You're like, see you later.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Like you're like leaving cheers where everybody knows your name. I was like, so long. They're like, my name's not Tony. I was like, yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Tony. Yeah. So I was doing that and I get past the gate and I was halfway to your hotel. And the guy goes, Mr was halfway to your hotel. And the guy goes, Mr. Cullen! Mr. Cullen! And I'm like, what, man? I got to get to a pod.
Starting point is 00:05:51 They don't know what a pod is. So I'm trying to explain. I'm going, radio. Podcast-o. Radio. Radio-o. Radio-o-o. Podcast-o.
Starting point is 00:06:00 And they're like, man, look, we know where you are in the charts. You could come back. They don't need you. Oh, they've been following the charts? Yeah, it's fucked up. So anyways, I get back, and there's a long line. Maybe they're talking about puddles. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Well, it's been a while since I released one. It's been a while! Since I released one on the... Anyways, we are charting well. So I get back, and there's a long line, and the guy actually skipped a line, and let me check and sign it,
Starting point is 00:06:23 which was nice. Nice. So you had to sign shit to get out? Yeah. Which is whatever, but it's just like when you're in a hurry. You got to look at that bill. That's what I don't want to see. I don't want to see the money that I've spent.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Not in pesos. Just send it to the bank, man, and then take it away. I don't care what it's in. In pesos, it looks... God, Andrew the other day was like, Nikki, you should just get a printout of your bank statement in pesos. You're going to feel like Jeff Bezos, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Bezos.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Cause it's 20 times. It's 20 pesos per dollar. So everything is like you go out to eat and you're like, Oh my God, these vegetables are $320. Like it's just everything. But also I don't know how to do the math, so I think everything is so cheap
Starting point is 00:07:08 because I'm doing poor math. Oh, yes. And so I think, oh, it's like... Not me. I'm so dumb. I see a high number. I go, well, that's cash. I'm broke now.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Oh, yeah, yeah. That apple really set me back. Well, you just got to divide by 20, and God, is it harder than you think. Well, you divide by 10 or times 10 times two like when you do a tip uh you times it oh you times it and then it gives you i don't do that but i'm saying that might be easier for you wait so you times so if something's 300 pesos you times 10 so 3 000 and then no 300 pesos you times point one zero okay so three 30 no you just move one
Starting point is 00:07:50 the point over why don't you divide dividing's easy or than dividing's easier than doing times agreed i thought this might be a lot of people do could also do it... Let's just say you do it times 10. So let's do... Okay, so 3,000. And then you say, then do half of that. That would be 1,500. That's 50%. Right, but then you just move the decimal later on. Do you ever do that?
Starting point is 00:08:20 Don't look at me like I'm stupid. I'm not. I'm not. First of all, my eyes are closed. Well, before you close that... I'm looking at you through my eyelids i know there is it's boring through your lid skin what i know is that i always associate 20 with the number five because 20 goes into 105 times and i will always know that there's like certain things that are just like in like that's just a rule in my head i'm not great at math but i've created little rules where i'm like okay i know 20 goes into 100 five times so yeah so you divide everything by 20
Starting point is 00:08:54 so the bill okay there's a thousand bucks 20 or a thousand pesos 20 it is 200 bucks. See, if a bill was 1,000 pesos, I'd go, okay, what? No, wait, that's not right. It'd be $50. $50. Yes. Do you want to see my fucking? People are.
Starting point is 00:09:18 I'm looking at you through my lids now. Oh, man, I can feel it. Even though my lids are closed, I can feel your lids looking through. Yeah, that's how strong that glare is. let's have a big announcement let's have an eyes closed contest yeah whoever opens first you ready one no we're not doing this on a podcast three no i i'm not doing this we just do it for an hour that interesting because you don't, you can always lie because you could just say when you open your eyes, I just opened mine too.
Starting point is 00:09:48 Ah, yes. So you could always just say it's the first one. You're the first. Or you could see someone start to open their eyes when you're already looking at them and close yours again. Oh, it's like the underwater trick. What is that one? Some people go underwater, they close their eyes and then you could, you know, who could
Starting point is 00:10:01 hold their breath longer? Uh-huh. You come up, you get a real quick blowhole air, like whale come back down and be like whoa yeah if i could go back in time oh you would have won a lot and do that also did you cheat in marco polo be honest not marco polo the one oh uh jailbreak jailbreak i don't know jailbreak when you go back and forth and your eyes would be closed you know I always kind of cheated on those Heads Up, Seven Up. You would look at the floor to see their shoes
Starting point is 00:10:30 and who touched your finger. Do you remember that game? No. Marco Polo, your eyes are closed. Heads Up, Seven Up was a classic. You put your head down, you put your thumb up, and if your thumb gets touched, then you look up and everyone who gets their thumbs, you put your thumb down if it got touched, and then you look, and if who gets their thumbs you put your thumb down if it got touched yeah and then you look and if you guess who touched your thumb then they have to
Starting point is 00:10:48 really replace with you and you get to be the thumb toucher it's so fun i do kind of remember god i used to feel like so cool if like a cool boy touched my thumb i'd feel like finally i'm seen someone acknowledged i exist and they touched me and then you're like was it you Chris and it's like no it was the weird kid in the corner and he's like I like your thumbs I'm getting like my heart is beating fast even thinking about looking at Matt Johnson and whether or not he may have touched
Starting point is 00:11:16 my thumb and I'm like he's not looking at me because he touched it and then he never did big announcement today oh my god yeah the thing He touched it, and then he never did. Big announcement today. Oh, my God. Yeah. The thing, the cameras. The cameras that were following us around.
Starting point is 00:11:32 We didn't know what it was. It was a reality show for the E! Network that will be debuting May 1st, and it's called Welcome Home Nikki Glaser? With a question mark. Is it with a question mark? Yeah, dude. Oh, I didn't know that.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Yeah. And I refused, on the announcement, I refused to say it any other way. They took the one. So you say like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman? Exactly. Because to be honest with you, I didn't understand the name of the show for a while. That was a big thing for you. I always end up kind of getting into a lot of back and forth about the name of different shows that I've had.
Starting point is 00:12:15 And this one, they came up with it, Welcome Home, Nikki Glaser. It was either that or Anal Eyes, right? Yeah, and Anal Eyes, they got a little pushback from some of their sponsors. But the E in Eyes was going to be like the E for the network, which would have been cool, I thought. Whoa, it has so many meanings. Yeah, yeah, whoa. Welcome home, Nikki Glaser.
Starting point is 00:12:36 And I told them, if we go with this name, I will never say it like the way you might want me to say it. I kind of like that, though, saying it like that, because we don't know if you're home yet. We never know if you're home. No, it's a good, it actually, I embrace the name now
Starting point is 00:12:48 and I think it's, they made the right decision because it is like, I don't know. And do they even want me there? And do I even want to be there? And is it home? And so,
Starting point is 00:12:57 welcome home Nikki Glaser. Debuts May 1st. I'm Ron Burgundy. Sunday, May 1st. Oh my God. On the E! Network. Sunday, May 1st. Oh, my God. On the E! Network. This is the old Kardashian spot. That's wild.
Starting point is 00:13:09 Big deal. Yeah. On E! And we've already seen the first episode, Andrew and I, and it's fucking good. It really does flow. It's wild. It flows.
Starting point is 00:13:17 That's what you want to hear about a show. Yeah. If you want to show that flow. The pacing's good. Honestly, the pacing is great. Yeah. No, I think it's intriguing. It's so fun. It's a really fun show. Your mom is a star, I think. The pacing's good. Honestly, the pacing is great. Yeah, no, I think it's intriguing. It's so fun.
Starting point is 00:13:26 It's a really fun show. Your mom is a star, I think. No offense. Yes. None taken. Speaking of your mom, how about that post last night? Speaking of my mom, God, I wish the reality show was here now because she did it. You guys, I apologize to any besties who might have been up between the hours of 12 a.m. Central Time and 4 a.m. Central Time.
Starting point is 00:13:45 I saw a post from my mom. I remember doing it and being like, she'll never toggle between the two. It's impossible. I had to log on to our account for some reason on her phone. I forgot why. Oh, because I was using my phone for something
Starting point is 00:14:04 and I wanted to go live, and so I used her phone because it's a better version than my dad's so i went live on her phone and then i put it back to her account and i thought she'll never how did she even get over and i thought it would be hilarious if it accidentally because you to press it twice no i know no i know how to do it i just can't imagine i mean i can't maybe she saw it twice she must have been so disappointed with her feed. It's only following like iHeart and Jessica Kearson, which is a great follow. And like, who else are we following?
Starting point is 00:14:33 We're following. Oh, for our podcast? Yeah, like seeing who we were. She was probably like, where is everything? But she posted a picture. She posted a screenshot of her phone. Can we pull it up? Can we pull it up, Noah?
Starting point is 00:14:49 Yeah, it's right there. It is. It's a screenshot of her. Zoom in on that thing because the caption is incredible, by the way. Yes. This is where the picture didn't. First of all, you go into it. The picture is of Arlo and it is. I believe,
Starting point is 00:15:05 I can see almost the numbers of the time on her phone. It's a screenshot of her face, the face of her phone. Okay? Yeah, because it shows 94% up top, which is wild. It's an accidental. No, I think that's my phone. It's an accidental. Oh, maybe.
Starting point is 00:15:21 No, it's hers. It's hers. That was part of the post. It was an accidental screenshot. So my mom went to post something, so she couldn't so but she went through her feed and was just like oh this is cute and she didn't realize she was posting a screenshot of the face plate or of her phone screen and it's of arlo my nephew her grandson from years ago many years ago because he is probably two in this photo several four and a
Starting point is 00:15:46 half or he's almost five now just under several and the caption says i love this picture that's because i took it and the picture he looks it looks like a missing child photo i i i i so i saw this in the middle of the night yeah so did i and i went for the morning i got worried for you because i go what is going on with with you with you like i really think could possibly be i was just like i was so embarrassed when i saw this because i'm like everyone's gonna think i did this the bragging that you took it i go who is this i i thought i was living with a stranger my whole life oh my god it's it i go who is this i i thought i was living with a stranger my whole life oh my god it's so humane and then i saw the likes i was like 35 likes and
Starting point is 00:16:30 i was like that's not even good either like this whole thing is this is just embarrassing did you one comment that i couldn't even read i'm like what i know there's one comment that we couldn't read no one commented as good for you guys, by the way, not commenting on that because you should have just immediately called 911. I'd rather it get hacked. I'd rather your account get hacked and you say insanely racist stuff,
Starting point is 00:16:57 like terrible things, than whatever that was. It was disturbing. It's one of the scariest things I've ever seen. Yeah. But now it's so funny. Now it's funny. My mom was clearly had a couple of drinks.
Starting point is 00:17:09 We might have to post it again. Because that's what my mom posts to Instagram. She gets like a little bit. My mom gets, she's like one of those people that gets cocky when she drinks. That's the only time she has self-esteem. No offense, mom. The car post is still my favorite. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:23 The one where she posted of these four teenagers in a car and she she's in the back of an uber i think and she posted four teenagers in the back of their car let me go to it it's so funny just calling them out for looking cool they're looking over at her and she says four girls out and about in an Uber, all tagging each other, I'm sure. I gotta call her to get some answers on this. One second here. I mean, just kidding. It's been a while since we've even had... Been a while.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Okay, let's... Hey, Nikki. Oh. Oh, Nikki. Oh. Oh, hello. How are you? I'm good. Why is my phone such a bad sound?
Starting point is 00:18:14 Mom, you're on the podcast. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God. What's going on? What do you want to know? I want to know, did you know that you posted on my Instagram, on our podcast Instagram last night, a picture of Arlo thinking it was your Instagram because somehow you toggled between the two.
Starting point is 00:18:35 I had once logged into my, my podcast Instagram, um, back in the day. Of course not. Of course not. I didn't know that. Okay. So I'm going to, I'm going to teach you later on how to go to your Instagram and go back to, because you must be seeing only, yeah, it's you're on the wrong Instagram and you posted a picture of Arlo.
Starting point is 00:18:55 Do you remember what you posted? No. What did I post? It was a picture of Arlo, a screenshot of your phone, like the, you know the picture you had, the home screen, yeah. Okay. And you said- Wallpaper, that's what it is.
Starting point is 00:19:12 I love this picture. And do you know why you love that picture? Why? You said, because I took it. Hold on, I gotta look at oh there it is that's because I took it baby well um it is a cute picture
Starting point is 00:19:36 no it's alright well T2 had to get back to it I don't know if we should make I think maybe if she my mom just posts she can post whenever she wants just say from Julie. She won't... She doesn't know how to toggle back and forth, though. She won't know.
Starting point is 00:19:50 She's not going to know how to toggle. Yeah, we got to teach you how to toggle. So if you want to know, just go to the bottom right of the Instagram account and just tap it a bunch until it switches over to your account. That's pretty much how you do it. My God.
Starting point is 00:20:04 Yeah. That's so sad. You'll get to show me later. I can't do it right my god yeah that's so sad you'll just show me later i can't do it no it's very confused it is confusing i don't under i would never expect you to understand it's it's a thing that sometimes i get tripped up on and post on our podcast when i mean to do our own so it's it's it's a normal thing but i woke up at four in the morning and i just saw this like ominous picture of arlo looking like a missing child and it said I love this picture because I took it and I was horrified that Andrew saw it in the middle of the night too mom and he thought that I need it he he thought he he was gonna do a wellness check I was gonna baker act you yeah he was gonna he was worried about me he was like who why is she
Starting point is 00:20:39 bragging that she took this one woman's normal picture is another woman's call for help. Oh, my God. Well, I'll teach you how to toggle, Mom. I got to learn to toggle. All right. Well, I'll call you later to catch up on everything. Go check out my Instagram, though, because the reality show
Starting point is 00:20:59 was just announced today. Oh, okay. I will. All right. Hello, everybody. Okay. Thank you. I i'll i'll tell everyone hello for you they just heard that but um yeah go check out the there's the trailer is out i'm sure dad will see it and he'll show you all right love you mom love you mom in the middle of a meeting okay all right bye oh my god i wanted to bring up the whole um
Starting point is 00:21:24 that i remembered that story wrong. Should we do that later? Oh, yeah. About the Dave Matthews? Just say it now. All right. So, as you know, we said we both cried at it. No, you cried at Dave Matthews, too, right?
Starting point is 00:21:35 Yeah. So, I said I cried at Dave Matthews with Rusty. Yeah. So, Rusty watched the podcast. Mm-hmm. And he said, I just get a text one morning. He goes, you cried at Coldplay, the scientist. We were in box seats, and Chris Martin stood on the speaker next to us
Starting point is 00:21:54 and was singing to scientists, and me and Kelly stood up and look over, and you're sitting down still bawling crying. Bawling? I'm bawling. I was just guessing at numbers. It's in reverse. Oh, wait. Why is it in reverse?
Starting point is 00:22:09 Because it's a video. My tears are going back in my eyes. Because the video. Oh, the video of the scientist. Yeah. The music video. All right. We got to go to break, and we'll come back with more on this and everything else.
Starting point is 00:22:19 Andrew. Coming. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,
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Starting point is 00:24:39 And it doesn't stop there. What about how Gleam reinvented knowledge search with AI? You can learn about how a Michelin star chef is redesigning seeds for flavor and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast brought to you
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Starting point is 00:25:24 And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class.
Starting point is 00:25:35 I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network,
Starting point is 00:25:55 the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. Snakes, zombies, sharks, heights. Speaking in public. The list of fears is endless. But while you're clutching your blanket in the dark, wondering if that sound in the hall was actually a footstep, the real danger is in your hand when you're behind the wheel.
Starting point is 00:26:19 And while you might think a great white shark is scary, what's really terrifying and even deadly is distracted driving. Eyes forward. Don't drive distracted. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council. All right, we're back. Andrew, so, yeah, our memory deceives us. I could have swore I was at Dave Matthews, but apparently I was crying at Coldplay. I go, I don't think Kelly was there.
Starting point is 00:26:42 He goes, yes, that was the night we lost him, and he went with that girl. We had a room at Colony. We each drank a fifth of Johnny Walker Black. Colony, the place that I stayed? Oh, yeah. I guess so. Yeah. It's a nice hotel.
Starting point is 00:26:53 So you've stayed there before? I guess. Oh, my God, Andrew. So then he goes, we drank a fifth of Johnny Walker Black before this show. I remember it vividly. Well, this is probably why I don't. We found Kelly walking around Coconut Palm Drive like a lost puppy dog the next morning. He remembers the street.
Starting point is 00:27:14 So I guess he's got a good memory. Yeah, he really does. Let's just rely on Rusty for all your stories because he's involved in all of them anyway. Fact check. Yeah, that was pretty much it. yeah i mean yeah so i cried at coldplay but maybe i cried at dave too you know who knows um it's uh yeah that's a sad song i can see that getting you you want to look up yeah what the lyrics you were just this for the last two minutes it's pretty confident considering i don't love my hair yeah i'm like don't watch this one if you want to keep your confidence
Starting point is 00:27:53 so then i'm feeling cool as a cucumber um so wait what was i gonna say oh noah was telling me that we got a message from someone that it was too much text for me to read, so I kind of skipped it. But it was about someone's memory. One of our listeners, Besties, has a Mary Lou Henner memory, which Mary Lou Henner is one of very few people in the world that has photographic, remembers every little thing. Was she on Facts of Life or something?
Starting point is 00:28:26 I think she was on 60 Minutes. She was. Well, she was on 60 Minutes talking about it. Yeah, yeah. She starred on that. But she was a star of... Yeah, which is 80,000 pesos if you divide by 20 times 7. Which she would know that date.
Starting point is 00:28:42 Oh, yeah. So she remembers what she wore. She remembers the time. She remembers the time. She remembers the weather. I mean, that's crazy. She remembers what movies were out. She remembers every detail about every single thing in her whole life. It's insane. But we have a bestie that has the same condition.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Noah, what did the guy say? He said that he used to listen to You Up, and he listens to the pod also, and he could probably remember more details than we can. Oh, 100% he can. I don't remember yesterday. Yeah, I'm so bad at it. I really am.
Starting point is 00:29:14 There are certain times that I think that I've said something on the show because I remember when I said that thing, I was having a good time. And so I just remember the feeling of telling a story, and if it was told to people I'm comfortable with, like if the feeling feels like, oh, I wasn't anxious when I told the story or I wasn't, oh, there's some birds taking a bath out in that little basin.
Starting point is 00:29:35 You remember that. They're so cute. Oh my God. If I remember the comfort, then I'm like, oh, it must have been the podcast. Well, this is the wild part about like when you testify on a stand, when you're like where were you monday at 3 p.m or
Starting point is 00:29:49 when people pick out someone in a lineup and are like it's a hundred percent him and it's like no that guy may have like cut you in line once yeah yeah or he just may have the same skin color as the guy you think may have done it to you but yeah you you think because you would have been you would have bet a lot of money on dave matthews right percent yeah a lot of money and i still don't think kelly was there like i still have trouble believe like even though rusty remembered all these that's another way to tell someone a lie is to remember details and then they'll be like wow you remember coconut drive Coconut Drive. Yeah, Paul Tree Street. And you're like, fuck, that must be right. I did kill that guy, I guess.
Starting point is 00:30:28 It's like, I saw you kill that guy on Fern and Eagle. And you're like, yeah, that was me. Oh, man, I don't remember that. But if you remember the cross streets, I must have done it, man. I must have done it. I'm telling you. Yeah, if you remember specifics, it's very believable. Who's calling me right now?
Starting point is 00:30:43 No, Sally. My Aunt Sally just called me. She should get on. If my fucking phone was working, the lube was at, no, she's not connected. She's not toggling anything. But my phone speaker is still busted
Starting point is 00:30:57 from that lube explosion. Oh. Yeah, it really got in there. These phones are supposed to be waterproof. What happened with, well, lube is not, it's just above water. It's almost a, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:31:09 Man, I got a massage the other night and they definitely watered down the lube. To save money, you think? The oil, yeah, to save money. It was like splish splash and they were just like, you know, like oil doesn't splash. I like splish splash.
Starting point is 00:31:23 I know, the other day I said it on a set of Perfect Strangers. A Perfect Strangers. I was like, Splish Splash, who's here for the cash? Or something like that. And the guy in my ear was like, Andrew liked that one. And then you had me come up with another one. I don't know if you used mine. Splish Splash, your answer was trash.
Starting point is 00:31:41 Oh, I never used that one. Which is weird to say on Perfect Strangers. Yeah, that seems like a weird one. You said the choked one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't do the answer was trash. Oh, I never used that one. Which is weird to say on Perfect Stream. Yeah, that seems like a weird one. You said the choked one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't do the answer was trash one. That would have been good. Missed opportunity.
Starting point is 00:31:51 Let's get to the news. The news. Here we come, apparently. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, man. It's Tuesday, folks.
Starting point is 00:32:00 You know what that means? It is Tuesday. I hope you're having all the swells. The biggest news today is the Welcome Home Nikki Glaser is going to be on the E! Network starting May 1st on Sunday in the Kardashian spot. Move over, Kim. Move over, Kylie. There's a new K in town, and it's two of them inside Nikki.
Starting point is 00:32:18 Woo! That actually wasn't that bad. That's really good. Maybe I could do voice or whatever those things are. Well, we'll get someone else to read it, but that was a great idea. We'll do a couple rewrites on it, but the gist was right where it needed to be. If I had to read that, it would have came out terrible. That was actually real good.
Starting point is 00:32:38 A woman accidentally, apparently, records herself mocking the job interview questions during a one-take pre-recorded video interview. In the clip, which has over 6.9 million views, the troubled TikToker is seen complaining about SkyWest interview questions to an unnamed male friend on the phone. Is SkyWest like a airline? It's a company she was interviewing with. Oh, okay. However, she accidentally begins recording herself on the company's video application platform while she's bad mouthing the brand the question is the
Starting point is 00:33:10 stupidest cheesiest question i've ever read in my life what is your impression of sky was company culture and how does that resonate with you she mockingly reads aloud in part and she gives her answer she goes you have to record yourself answering it this is so awkward once she realized she was recording she said i'm so sorry i didn't realize it was recording i was practicing problem is she apologized i think i think if she went i know what's in there got you sky west right oh that moment when you realize that you've been trash talking and they heard you. But truthfully, it is dumb. Corporate culture is dumb.
Starting point is 00:33:51 No one is proud of a corporation or being like no one. Your corporation isn't a human. Stop them and do it. What's your impression of like, just stop. I can't see you in an interview. When's the last interview? Well, other than, you know, what when's the last interview well other than you know you interview all the time kind of but like for corporate kind of like sit down interview
Starting point is 00:34:10 i don't think i mean i've definitely had job interviews before yeah you don't remember any but it's just like i i mean it honestly is like pitching a tv show to a network or i've been in a lot of the like dozens of those where you just sit down and you act like i actually walk walk through love walk people through that because i think they'd be interested in like knowing like do they ask for the log line because everyone's like what's the log line is it alley meets big bill or whatever yeah a log line is like you know the elevator pitch kind of thing where you are supposed to be able to tell. The log line is essentially a sentence or two of what the show is and no longer than that.
Starting point is 00:34:49 And then the elevator pitch is about what you would say to someone in an elevator if you had to pitch your show before they got off on the fucking ninth floor or whatever. So like a 30 seconds pitch. So can you remember one that you did where you feel like you actually crushed it or actually the opposite where you're like,
Starting point is 00:35:09 holy shit, that went bad? Oh my well one it depends you know going into these places it depends on whether or not you are like we saw in this season of curb larry david did his pitch for young larry and they bought it right away because they know larry he created seinfeld he's going in there like they want him happy to work with him yeah so there's different vibes of like when i was pitching uh welcome home nikki glaze it was all it was last it was summer 2020 and it was all over zoom and it was on in my dad's like office because i was living with my parents and that was me just going into zoom meetings. And, um, I had, so I came up with the idea of wanting to do a reality show while I was living with my parents because I was like, what else am I going to do here? And this, and I've
Starting point is 00:35:57 always wanted to do a reality show. And so then, and I was single, I was like, oh, I can go on dates and who knows what's going to happen with the the pandemic even if it doesn't lift up there's gonna be some way we're gonna be able to make tv we'll figure it out and so um I called my manager and I said um I want to do a reality show here's my idea and he was like okay and then he took it to my agent who I have um an agency and they there's like a separate agent for my public appearances which is like my book tour booking so I have an agent working on my tour then I have an agent working on theatrical appearances which is like acting roles and that guy is not busy because I don't do those things but I'm starting to get into it a little bit more. So, and then there's a, like an unscripted,
Starting point is 00:36:46 like host a TV, like another agent that were, I forget like his title. He'd be annoyed that I forget it, but he's the one that books me on like game shows and me, Nikki Glaser being herself on TV. Gotcha. So we went to him and said, hey, what do you think of this idea and he said i think the
Starting point is 00:37:07 best way to sell it is to attach a production company first which a network is more likely to buy a package so if you're like working with like okay if someone has a script idea yeah the script might be really good but if you have jennifer lawrence saying she wants to be in it there's more likely to get a studio to buy it because this person's already interested and we can package it so a package can come with a production company and talent or with a director or with just you know producers so they were like let's get a production company so then i interviewed with production companies and i met with one called evolution who i really liked and they've done a ton of reality, including the Vanderpump stuff, and I believe Jersey Shore.
Starting point is 00:37:50 They've just been around forever. And I just really liked them. And they just seemed to want to do what I wanted to do and were interested in what I... I just knew that they were people that were going to... Does the pitch with them feel less formal because it's like, yeah, I mean,
Starting point is 00:38:07 all of this is not formal because I'm supposed to always just be the talent. And then, and so they know that if we get paired to get there, they want me, the production company wants me, otherwise they wouldn't be working with me. So this is an interview that of they wanting to pair with me. And so then I picked evolution and then they um
Starting point is 00:38:26 shot did they shoot they wanted footage and and different stuff from me to build out a deck which would be a like a pretty much a powerpoint presentation of what the show would look like that we then take out to um networks and then we got, we booked a bunch of networks to pitch it to and met with them all and presented the whole idea. And that is more like formal of us trying to sell them. And, but still me being like funny, irreverent and like just, and I have a little bit of like clout because people, they might be, you know, the, the network people might know who I am or might be a fan. And so it's an opportunity for me to not do much of the heavy lifting and for them to all do all the logistical stuff and that was the way it went when i pitched i'm not safe with nikki glazer with my
Starting point is 00:39:15 um boyfriend at the time chris we we just came up with the show like oh a sex talk show and chris and i like developed the whole thing but when we went into pitch it i was more like i said the punch lines and he did all like so this is how we see it breaking down act one will be this yeah yeah yeah yeah and then um and then we waited and then e uh nbc was interested interested which is the umbrella network of e bravo nbc peacock all those things and then they thought then we shot a sizzle um pilot last year and then they decided to pick it up and they didn't pick it we thought it was maybe dead in the water at one point right yeah i mean it took like sometimes it takes like six months before you deliver a pilot
Starting point is 00:39:55 and then you hear back so i just didn't even think it was gonna go and then they picked it up so i pitched in the summer of 2020 and then it was picked up in the summer of 2021. And then we shot it in the fall of 2021, and a little bit in the winter and into this year, actually. And then it's going to air in May. So it takes about a year. It takes about two years to get a show from inception to happening on TV. It still doesn't even feel real. I mean, I know it's not like I'm on it somewhat. You're on it a lot. A lot. inception to happening on TV. It still doesn't even feel like real. I mean, I know it's not like I'm on it somewhat,
Starting point is 00:40:27 but like you're on a lot, a lot, but like, it just doesn't even feel like when I think of like Kardashians or just like TV, like, yeah, like reality TV,
Starting point is 00:40:38 uh, families. Yeah. There's been a lot of them. I have to say I'm one of many and who knows that this will just be one season thing, but I think that it will be, it of many, and who knows if this will just be a one-season thing, but I think that it will be. It's so fun, and there's not anything like it,
Starting point is 00:40:49 and I think that I really was myself the whole time. I didn't try to... I didn't get a new wardrobe. I didn't clean my room. I didn't get new makeup. I didn't even wear makeup for most of it. I'm watching this first episode, and I'm like, I look like I didn't try.
Starting point is 00:41:06 I didn't try at all. No, it felt very real. It didn't. It felt very real. Like even like with your mom and like, I don't know. It just, nothing felt that forced. Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 00:41:17 And I thought it was, and I had a really good time doing it. And I got, obviously have, all the stuff that you see happen on the show was like real stuff and real like drama and real. Like maybe those things wouldn't have happened had I not done a reality show because it forces you to have conversations and kind of think about what you want in life and have stakes. But those things are still the results of going through this show are still happening. My life is so different now because of the things that happen on the show so they were all real and had yeah for sure ramifications and
Starting point is 00:41:49 i can't wait for y'all to see it it is interesting it's like reality is like if we just live through that life there wouldn't have been as many discussions about the life or like that's what reality shows do it's just what your brain is already thinking, but it's acted out. You know what I mean? What your normal life would be. It's like being a woman. You talk about your feelings. And this show, Reality TV,
Starting point is 00:42:13 makes you talk about your feelings. That's why people fall in love on reality shows so fast. Because people go, oh, they're fake or whatever. And you've heard me say this before, but if you are falling in love with someone or dating someone and you're every single second of your life is spent outside of seeing that person spent talking about that person and what that how much you like them and what it means you're gonna fall in love that's why girls fall faster i think is because we're constantly talking
Starting point is 00:42:39 to each other about like i like him so much whereas guys are like so i got this new putter like guys don't talk i you know i have i have men in my life who i uh you know when i started going that i don't want to like i've had men say that something that they've been thinking about for years they find i finally get them to like explain it to me or their feelings about it and they go wow that really helped that was the first time I've ever said what I was thinking out loud. And I'm just like, what are you talking? Are you kidding? You've never said, you've never worked that verbally.
Starting point is 00:43:13 And that's why I said the other day, yesterday, it's so important to journal in your thoughts and to say them because you think that you can just think things through, but your mind is a fucking alphabet soup of thoughts. And you really need to articulate them to see how you actually feel and it feels so good and you don't think it will you think you can just keep it in there but you can't i saw a video the other day where it says uh women are into people and guys are into things like we care more about things whatever that is like hobby that was mark mark norman's clip does he say that yeah he said women
Starting point is 00:43:47 men like to talk about things like what did he say he's describing like a golf club yeah describing some like watch and he's like look at like uh he if you ask him like what's your girlfriend's birthday he's like i don't know just fucking in the summer at some point i think weather's nice and if you ask him to describe his watch, he's like, oh, it's a 1938. And he's going through all the details. And he's like, that's why women, when they complain about being objectified, it's like, but you want to be.
Starting point is 00:44:12 We love objects. We care so much more about them. Yeah, that's good. It wasn't where I heard it. Wow, you heard that like a study or something? Yeah, yeah. I just heard it not in joke form. I can't remember who said it,
Starting point is 00:44:24 but it was about essentially that. Does that make you feel like you're that's a prop like that to me doesn't make me feel if i were a man i'd be like oh that's a shitty thing to care about things more than people oh for sure and i think i'm somewhere in the middle there i think you could call them betas or whatever you want but i do think I have feminist, feminine characteristics, whatever, where I do care more about people than things. Like, I really do feel that way. Not completely. What's Brenna's last name?
Starting point is 00:44:55 Putter. Set it up. Your boy knocks it down. You knocked it down buddy hairpiece should we go to reddit dump or should we do one more news we do one more news
Starting point is 00:45:13 one more news alright I kind of want to go to this one now that Wardle is on in New York did you do it yet today no I haven't yesterday's really pissed me off so it pissed off a lot of people pissed off a lot of people cynic pissed off a lot of people fans are complaining that the puzzle is too difficult now
Starting point is 00:45:29 under the new owners and more than one answer is being published as a glitch what i don't know what that means but fans have noticed several problems including the puzzle becoming too difficult oh well i like a difficult puzzle but it really did um it did you get cynic i honestly skipped yesterday which i'm still happy because i got it today it's cynic was hard because you i got nic and then i eliminated every other vowel besides y and i'm like what the fuck i've typed in ionic maybe there's a double i it was so confusing and then cynic was the last one i was like oh my god that's hard because you have two c's so if you get one c it's you think that's the end of c's a double letter that isn't used a lot in words like two it's it's tough yeah that was a really i thought it was good i'm happy that the
Starting point is 00:46:16 new york times took over people can why are people complaining about wordle isn't there better things to complain about it takes two minutes of your day is it really that important to you so if you're complaining about wordle try a crossword puzzle you know what i mean like in comparison they do complain about those that they're too hard i mean well i'm i'm in the crosswords um for reddit and there's constantly complaints about certain is it a cynic someone that complains like someone yeah so no a cynic is someone that is always like you're kind of a cynic you're cynical when it comes to sincere posts on instagram yeah but i'm getting better yeah i am i really am yeah like was he just doing that to get publicity like you thinking kanye is being you said that the other day kanye is being he's
Starting point is 00:47:01 coming out with donda too in between his fucking rants he gives promotion i don't think i'm wrong i just i'm not being a cynic no but i i do i do believe that there could be some motivation of just wanting to be in the spotlight but i don't think it was like his pr team was like i think in order to get donna to your team he's a pr team if he's going fuck skeet and fucking all he loves hillary and then the next post is donda too coming out kid cuddy you weren't on it because you're friends with skeet fuck you motherfucker it trends man and he doesn't all capital letters and he also wants kim back sure okay so both can be true both can be true okay i thought you were saying it's just for that oh no no no but i think
Starting point is 00:47:43 one i think it's just a mental illness and also i think yeah but i think that could also be something by the way people are so quick to go let's you know we can't judge him he's going he has a mental illness everyone who does anything has a mental illness someone who murders someone has a mental illness someone who fucking beats their wife has a mental yeah i'm not i'm not saying that that we can't excuse it and feel sorry for them, but let's just extend it to everyone then. Just because you can say it's bipolar, someone who literally murders someone has a brain abnormality
Starting point is 00:48:17 or has gone through terrible things in their life where we can find sympathy for them, but you're a fucking demon if you have any sympathy for someone who well maybe he'll murder pete davidson and people are gonna go hey man dude back off man that's kanye being kanye right okay well we gotta go to uh break uh i love kanye you do yeah i mean i think he's very entertaining he's obviously somewhat off his rocker but i think he's a genius, and it's all mixed in one pot that's really fun. I think some of his songs are my favorite
Starting point is 00:48:50 songs ever. That's for you, Kanye. Sorry, I wasn't really listening because I'm reading the barrage of congrats texts I'm getting from people about the show. It's so nice. Oh, barrage. Let's get... What was the word I used?
Starting point is 00:49:06 Carbonacle? Car carbuncle we'll be right back with reddit um catch john stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Starting point is 00:49:39 or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.
Starting point is 00:50:04 I really wanted to be a player boy in my dog. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread
Starting point is 00:50:25 than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever.
Starting point is 00:50:49 I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe.
Starting point is 00:51:05 With guests like Corinne Stephens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all I was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school.
Starting point is 00:51:25 And Slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Starting point is 00:51:43 or wherever you go to find your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, the insights behind what it takes to create a world-renowned product, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. There's so much to learn, like how Patagonia innovates with its supply chain. We had to go out to farmers and convince them. It was really damn hard. Or the way Adobe thinks about the first interaction somebody has with Photoshop.
Starting point is 00:52:14 I was always so fascinated by how people navigate and find their way. Ever wanted to know how Nike builds emotion into the Jordan brand? You have to be obsessed with the current state of the human condition. And it doesn't stop there. What about how Gleam reinvented knowledge search with AI? You can learn about how a Michelin star chef is redesigning seeds for flavor and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:52:46 Snakes, zombies, sharks, heights, speaking in public. The list of fears is endless. But while you're clutching your blanket in the dark, wondering if that sound in the hall was actually a footstep, the real danger is in your hand when you're behind the wheel. And while you might think a great white shark is scary, what's really terrifying and even deadly is distracted driving. Eyes forward.
Starting point is 00:53:11 Don't drive distracted. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council. All right, let's get to Reddit Dump. This is your karaoke mode. This is your karaoke mode. This is your Reddit dump. Oh, you can hear the laugh. I always hear it. I never heard it until last week.
Starting point is 00:53:33 Oh, wow. All right. Well, welcome to Reddit dump. Okay, let's get right to it. Noah, why don't you start us off with a video? This one you may have seen. It was making the rounds last week. This is from the subreddit Made Me Smile.
Starting point is 00:53:50 It said, Dad mics up a four-year-old while he's snowboarding so this dad dad puts a microphone in his little four-year-old's um you know helmet while he's snowboarding down the mountain and it's adorable to hear what this kid says to himself while he's snowboarding let's get up Go in that secret path Oh yeah, sweaty dad Someone's in our secret path This way You'll slip I won't fall Maybe I will That's okay
Starting point is 00:54:17 Cause we all fall Have fun, dad Have fun, dad Let's Down this big old hill Have fun, Dad. Let's down this big old hill. He falls.
Starting point is 00:54:33 Wee-woo! Wee-woo! Wee-woo! What kind of dinosaur are you? A powder-saur. A powder-saur. He said, what kind of dinosaur are you? And he said, a powder-res. He said, what kind of dinosaur are you? And he said, a powder sore.
Starting point is 00:54:50 And it says indiscernible verbal struggles. And then he said, I'm a stuck-a-saurus. That's the cutest thing I might have ever seen in my life. It's so cute. It's so freaking cute. And it's such a great message everyone falls everyone falls it's okay i'd be so scared to put my kid on a if i had a kid on a snowboard or skis
Starting point is 00:55:14 i just i'd be so afraid and then i i put a a i i saw this and i was like i gotta put a microphone in our uh in i found a four year a little four-year-old girl's um helmet when she went to a farm there's a white chicken there's a brown chicken there's a black chicken there's an orange chicken there's a red chicken how many chickens are there? Wait, there's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. We don't have food. Sorry, guys. Baby, where are they going? They're just chilling. Is that a turkey? Wait, don't they belong in a barn?
Starting point is 00:55:55 Don't they belong in a barn? Oh, no. They're in the water. So that was a four-year-old that I put up. That's pretty cool. Why did they need to wear... I don't know why she's calling a grown man baby. Why were they wearing a helmet?
Starting point is 00:56:09 I'm sorry. For those of you who didn't know that was Britney Spears, didn't you think that was a four-year-old at first talking? Yeah. That's Britney Spears though. Still adorable. Still really cute. It's just insane.
Starting point is 00:56:22 I've never, I cannot get over that clip. I play it for everyone. One chicken, two chicken, brown chicken. Baby, where are the chickens? Don't they belong in a barn, baby? Can you imagine hanging out with that all day? It would be like, why?
Starting point is 00:56:40 But why? Like, I just... We have to get an Uber, a black one there's one with wheels with wheels and an engine and they go round and round am i making fun of britney spears yes am i making fun of her mental illness no i'm just saying she sounds like a four-year-old that's okay but it's it's it's it's yeah you had a controversial post the other day with the cat yeah it started here and i put it on my instagram and people were like you're disgusting you're disgusting to mock her mental illness and i'm like i'm mocking the fact
Starting point is 00:57:18 that she sang a weird note i will never be able to hit any of the notes she hits including that one nor would i want to with that one but it's under people just stop it why do we live in like not the real we don't live in the real world like a lot of people don't have a mental illness you can't make fun of them i'm not making fun of the mental illness people who have mental illnesses including myself do funny stupid things that you can still go her baby voice has nothing to do with her having a conservatorship. No. Or maybe it does. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:57:50 Well, explain that to me if I am very insensitive for making fun of that. Okay, let's go to more things on Reddit. But I just cannot get over it. Okay, this one was. Oh, sorry. One second. Let me just go up to the top. This one was on explain like I'm five.
Starting point is 00:58:08 Oh, this is a theme we got going. Yeah, it is. This one, I love this because you get to ask questions that are complex and someone just explains it to you like you're an idiot. Why is gold so valuable? Is it really as simple as, oh, pretty rock makes shiny things? What do you guys think
Starting point is 00:58:25 why do you know there's a limited amount of gold so then the value is what it is but they're more rare things in the world than gold sure but they might be more expensive what's more rare than gold though that and also it like takes a place of like like you have gold bars which will keep its value so people have that i know but it's kind of like well it gets into all this but this is why it's not this is why it's more it's better than the other ones i found this interesting gold is rare but not too rare nothing too common can be built can build up a lot of monetary value but something too rare wouldn't build up enough cultural significance to become valued as a store of wealth and medium of exchange. So it's perfectly rare, but not too rare that you see it a lot.
Starting point is 00:59:07 So you want it, but it's not easy to get. Gold has aesthetic value. People, as you note, like shiny things. This is probably as universal as human nature, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Number three, gold is unreactive. That is very important because when you want to store value, you don't want to lose value. Most metals rust away. Organic things rock rot most colorful things discolor but you can toss gold in a pit in the dirt and come back 100 years later and it will be in good condition like a
Starting point is 00:59:34 diamond yeah but die but then they said gold is um it's not like a gem that might crack and lose its value and if it if it is in some form you don't like, you can melt it down and reform it, whereas you can't do that with diamonds. Gold is hard to fake. Gold is easy to work with. I just found that very interesting because you're sometimes thinking, you go, why is it?
Starting point is 00:59:55 Just because it's pretty? And okay, this is from AskReddit. What did you learn at an embarrassingly late age? Someone said, my dad once told me that gullible isn't in the dictionary. He said, 18 years later, I got the joke. Someone said the meaning of birthday suit. I was 26 at the time.
Starting point is 01:00:18 That's one that you just hear a lot. And then at some point you go, oh, I guess it's naked. I have words that i didn't like off-putting i thought it was off-putting yeah prima donna how do you think you spell prima donna uh p-r-e-m-a-d-d i know this is wrong but a-d-d-o-n-a it's it's two words prima and donna oh yeah fuck yeah it's not pre, it's not like before Madonna. I just learned that.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Oh, I liked this one. I don't know why, but whenever someone mentioned that a piece of furniture was walnut, think about what you think about when someone says this is walnut, okay? Edible? I kind of thought they meant that nuts and shells are all crushed up and smoothened. No, I didn't think that. I thought the color of like a walnut. Then in my 30s, I realized that it was probably made it from the tree that makes walnuts too.
Starting point is 01:01:13 And that is from, it's from the wood of the walnut tree. And the walnut is the walnut that the tree produces. Whoa, I'm learning all this in real time. I know, me too. Someone said they didn't know that milk curdles or bread molds because they lived in a house with 18 kids and nothing ever sat around long enough for that to happen um oh this one i learned last night and i wanted to share it with everyone because i think we all don't know this i was into my d i was into my deep i was deep into my teens when I realized it's make ends meet, M-E-E-T,
Starting point is 01:01:47 instead of make ends with an apostrophe, M-E-A-T. I always visualized it as procuring the last bit of food you could in tough times. No, it's making two ends meet. Ah, shit. I would never have known that, Noah. I thought it was like the ends of meat. Ah, shit. I would never have known that. I thought it was like the ends of meat. Yeah, wait. Is it make men's meat or make ends meat?
Starting point is 01:02:10 Make ends. Like two ends come together in meat. Oh, okay. So I knew that. Oh, you did know that. Okay, I did not. I never thought it would be make men's meat. Speaking of ends, what's that funny?
Starting point is 01:02:21 Make men's meat is so funny to me. Oh, speaking of ends someone said i i didn't know that the ends of loaves of bread are there to seal in the the the freshness so that when you when you eat the ends or you chop them off the bread gets drier which i didn't know either but this one was the funniest one to me this guy goes um i was 16 years old when i learned the word floriting was not a word okay i'm confused too he grew up watching a lot of spongebob and it was always his favorite show on the show spongebob always failed his driving test because he would always floor it okay instead of driving slowly so when he was little he thought that floor it was a single word that
Starting point is 01:03:14 meant to go fast so you could go slowly or you could floor it okay so he thought floor it was a verb that you could do so fast forward to driving. I'm in the car with the instructor and another student. I'm driving slowly on the highway and someone aggressively passes me. I made some nervous comment like, man, he's really floriding. And the car just gets really quiet for a second.
Starting point is 01:03:40 Then the other student in the car goes, floriding? What? And that's when I realized it. It all came crashing down at once. Floor it. It was two different words. And I just thought that was really cute and funny. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:52 If you're listening, send in words you've gotten wrong in conversation where it's not just, I guess we do that already with whatchamacallit. Yeah. Yeah. Like misheard or like misunderstood or when they said someone said daiquiri oh yeah you told me that one and i didn't what was it did you hear that one noah the phanthrax where the person miss miss mispronounced daiquiri yeah was it daiquiris because it had an s at the end di Diakary. Or something like that.
Starting point is 01:04:26 Like, diakary. Or, like, diakary. Diarrhea? Yeah, it sounded kind of like dire. Yeah, anyhow. Let's go into final thought. This is from the subreddit Science. It says 26% of Americans ages 18 and up
Starting point is 01:04:42 didn't have sex once over the past 12 months that is 26 of adults 18 and up did not have sex for the past 12 months for the past year that is a that is more than i what is it normally before covet though i wonder um does it say that it's been this number for a while actually i think yeah that's one of the articles i sent yesterday and it said that? It's been this number for a while, actually, I think. Yeah. That's one of the articles I sent yesterday. And it said that it's for a while before pandemic. Yeah, it reached an all-time high in 2018. Adults reporting no sex reached an all-time high in 2018, underscoring a three-decade trend line
Starting point is 01:05:16 marked by an aging population and higher numbers of unattached people. Yeah, I wonder how much the 62 are fucking though the most of these men most of the people are 20 are um 20 something men for most of the past three decades 20 something men and women reported similar rates of sexlessness but the chain that changed it has changed in recent years since 2008 the share of men younger than 30 but the share of men younger than 30 reporting no sex has tripled to 28 percent um there are several potential explanations for this labor force so these because there's less people working labor force participation is one of the reasons when men don't
Starting point is 01:05:59 have jobs they don't feel sexy oh i thought they fuck people at their job i thought that too but it's apparently men do not feel like viable sex partners when they don't have jobs and then they don't also have money to probably fuck at your parents house too when you're living back with them that's another reason is more of us are living at home with our parents and you can't fuck as much i mean this is this explains why the idea of a metaverse is only getting more real. Because people are just living on the internet. And they're getting all their happiness from their computer or their phone. I mean, so these numbers are going to keep getting higher, I think.
Starting point is 01:06:36 Yeah, I think so too. I mean, in Japan, aren't people just fucking celibate? No, I mean... Like men are just... They have romances with their pillows and stuff. aren't people just like fucking celibate no i mean like men are just they they like have their like they have romances with their pillows and stuff there's a huge like a huge problem in japan of no no one fucking yeah and like not having more kids it's interesting i i but for me i always was like sex is so hard to like get to the point where you're naked with someone and
Starting point is 01:07:05 comfortable you meet someone else which everyone is so isolated you meet someone and then you get comfortable enough with them to take off your clothes and like that's why i never understood tinder like you could just meet a stranger open the door and then have them be inside them it's insane to me so i think that these numbers to me make sense also bars being closed a lot of people fuck when they're drunk and not as many people are drinking, maybe at least socially. Yeah. But this has been going down since 2008,
Starting point is 01:07:30 dude. Yeah. I think a lot of these people are just like, I wonder, like, I think about like the 72% that are fucking already fucking even more than back in the day. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:07:40 Like, you know, and I, out of how did, how many of these 28% really just can't get laid. You know what I mean like you know and out of how did how many of these 28 really just can't get laid you know what i mean right like be like it's not a choice it's not a choice it's like yeah i know i think this is not a choice for a lot of them i don't care all asexual this is um like more like heteronormative relationships because i know that my friends who are on grinder have no issue
Starting point is 01:08:03 and have had no issue fucking over the last couple of years. Yeah, I think it's a half a percent of men on Grindr have not fucked. I've always thought of men though as just like, they are the ones that have less of an issue having sex because they just aren't ready. They could just do it whenever.
Starting point is 01:08:20 Women, you have to like get to know someone a little bit more and feel a little bit more safe to let it happen. So it's surprising that women aren't the ones that whose numbers are smaller because for me i'm just like every man i know is just well what are men's not i'll have sex with anyone you women's met the the the numbers have increased exponentially uh they said by they've tripled for men and the women's have only gone up by 8%, I think. Well, I think women are more liberated now
Starting point is 01:08:47 and they're having sex more freely than back in the day. I just don't understand how people are so comfortable getting naked with people. Drunk. Why is no one talking about that? That that's the fucking number one thing. What, getting drunk? That that's why sex happens.
Starting point is 01:09:01 Yeah. It's because alcohol. It's alcohol. But no one talks about it. Everyone just acts like, no, we met. Well, that's why sex happens yeah it's because alcohol it's alcohol but no one talks about it everyone just acts like no that's just a fun thing it's like i had four tequilas he had five and next thing you know we fucked and now we're married with four kids it's like it's not a big deal to people when i used to ask people in the audience how many of you have had sex for the first time with someone totally sober it used to be like no one and now people say yeah it's me because i'm performing for older audiences.
Starting point is 01:09:26 But ask yourself that, listener. What was the last time you had sex with someone for the first time and you weren't a little bit inebriated? Yeah. If you're in college, you don't fuck silver. No, no, no, no, no. Even the person you're dating, you don't fuck silver. Because it's a smart thing to not fuck a stranger.
Starting point is 01:09:43 And the only way to do it, it's smart to not fuck someone too soon. In a lot of ways, yeah. Yes, in every way. Disease, pregnancy, you don't want to just do it with, we're not in tribes anymore where you're destined to see this person at the fireside later that night. These people can escape without accountability
Starting point is 01:10:03 after they fuck you and give you whatever they give you and it's emotionally fraught like you shouldn't be having sex too soon and that the only reason it's happening is because of alcohol people do not men are the only ones that get horny enough to have sex right away without alcohol i've said this a billion times women need to like like someone or trust someone's of course there's some women that have more masculine energy in that way and like just want to get fucked but i do not think that that is that common i wonder if drinking is like a good uh scapegoat for people like we're like i you know it's like it's a good excuse to be like oh i'm not a slut i was just drunk or i'm not i'm not a womanizer i
Starting point is 01:10:41 was just drunk like it's a great excuse i'm not rolling my eyes there's something in it i know but you know what i mean like i think it's a way for people to kind of get out of bad behavior they just have and maybe it's something they do want to do sex we all want to have sex but it's so scary to like be vulnerable enough to first of all like put your mouth on someone else's mouth what What if they reject you? When you just, you know, that analogy I gave of like, you just feel like it's liquid courage to do the things you're scared to do.
Starting point is 01:11:10 When really it's just, you're stupider. Yeah. If it were like a courage, firefighters would get loaded before they went into houses and fuck. Yeah. And fuck that fire. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:19 We got to go. Fuck that fire. We got to go, but thank you for listening to the podcast today. We'll be back tomorrow with more. don't be cut. And G Jackson state. Fire. We got to go, but thank you for listening to the podcast today. We'll be back tomorrow with more. Adopica and G. Jackson State. That's where Deion Sanders' son goes.
Starting point is 01:11:33 Well, there you go. Both his sons, actually. Big head. Mom's vagina. It's beginning. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.
Starting point is 01:11:52 Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right.
Starting point is 01:12:33 Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:13:20 Hey, you guys, I'm Katherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events. Tune into my new podcast, Throttle Therapy with Catherine Legg, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Snakes, zombies, sharks, heights, speaking in public,
Starting point is 01:13:56 the list of fears is endless. But while you're clutching your blanket in the dark, wondering if that sound in the hall was actually a footstep, the real danger is in your hand when you're behind the wheel. And while you might think a great white shark is scary, what's really terrifying and even deadly is distracted driving. Eyes forward. Don't drive distracted. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council.
Starting point is 01:14:22 People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of course love supreme man we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season but you know i don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far i mean we talked to a marie johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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