The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #183 Captain Crunch Lung

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

The format takes a backseat but not in a car that Andrew is driving and trying to suppress his road rage in. Nikki learns more about memories from a Reddit thread that explains it like she's 5. They talk about taking criticism and the art of recalling and building jokes. Nikki and Andrew plug their tour dates in Vancouver and Winnipeg in April and share a fun fact about each place. They play a geography game before getting into a news story about a Bestie. In Top1 Bottom1 they discuss cereals and in the Final Thought they tease a lot of topics that they'll never get to. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him.

From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no uh oh no wait what's day dia diaz i'm trying ever since my speech last week about not trying and i really thought about how when people try in english even if they know nothing i'm always like good like yeah i've never once said to someone that goes my english very bad i've never gone it is yeah i've always gone no i'm like so impressed and i've never not meant that even if they know literally only know how to say my english very bad and i appreciate you saying that to me or not saying that to me oh to

you about your english i'd mess that up i even messed up that english i didn't even say that right you know though I was reading less yellow you know though I was reading last night about oh my god who what what reddit is the only place where I get at literally every talking point I have it was some video and it was talking about how oh it was talking about memory that's so funny.

It was talking about memory and how it was a, it was explained like I'm five and it was asking, why do I always forget things that I used to be a master of? You know, a couple months ago, let's say you learn a song on piano and then two months past, you never play it and you don't, you don't know any of it. Um, and and they pretty much they explain like i'm five which is

amazing because they explain it to you like you're five is that your brain needs to constantly make room for more information so when you don't use another thing like say you learned how to hunt for a certain type of berry and you found the berry and you ate the berry and whatever and then a month goes by and you don't hunt that berry anymore well clearly that berry didn't taste good it didn't like fulfill you so let's let's lose how we found out how to get that berry because we got to learn how to find more berries because the other night i was trying to play a song on guitar that i practiced so much nothing Nothing? One week, and I already forget all of the core transitions. You get it back, but it slags. But anyway, they said about language,

it made me think of Hilaria Baldwin. Now, one of the most damning videos about her being fake Spanish was when she was on the Today Show, and she was doing a cooking segment, and English-speaking is her native language. She was looking at cucumbers and she was like, and then you put in how you say cucumber. And she struggled for cucumber. But a lot of people in this thread were saying that when they, their native language,

they forget certain words when they've been speaking another language pretty often. It doesn't even have to be like they've only spoken that language. It's like you forget. So I learned to cut her some slack that maybe she actually did forget the word for cucumber because it was just so, there were so many people going,

I always forget like simple words in my native tongue. Yeah, it is weird because like you can remember i can remember certain rap songs or certain things that you never would think would stay in your brain and then other things you can't recall when you want to it's an interesting because there's probably some songs that you probably learned around the same time that are still in there somewhere so it's interesting that your brain gets rid of certain things and not others. So what do you say to somebody you hate or anyone trying to rig W.A.?

Whenever it's all things in a bloody way, just send me a tape of N.W.A. One day I was walking by with a Walkman on. When the Walkman on. Bah. I could be your hype man. There's seven different levels of devil worshiping, horses, human sacrifices, cannibalism,

candles and exorcisms, animals having sex with them, camels, mammals, and rabbits. But I don't get into that. I kick the habit. Wait, who hits that? Is that Eminem? Shakespeare. All back. Ham drip. Nine episodes. I like when you give a time stamp which isn't even accurate.

It might be right. I'm gonna go six episodes. Okay. That's on way off But anyhow That's Eminem in a song called Dead Wrong Where Biggie Smalls Do you have a song in your head? Noah go

Don't even think I can't do it I don't listen to lyrics What about Candyman tempting Sweet tooth torture Program That was gonna be What about Candyman tempting Sweet tooth torture by weight loss Program cutting the corner

Loosen That was going to be my joke for a while That's the only rap that white people know Is that Dave Matthews And the Barenaked Ladies one And Billy Joel What's the Barenaked Ladies one Fuck

It's been one week isn't it that song Yeah I don't know I mean probably shouldn't use that then because we can't remember it Fuck. It's been one week, isn't it, that song? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, probably shouldn't use that then because we can't remember it. But again, that's something. Chickity China, the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick, get your brain stuck, stick it.

Watch the next found with no lights on. We're down the maze on. Oh, this one goes to this one. Like Harrison Ford, I'm getting frantic. It's a good tantric. You can't just eat a salad. Now, that's so funny because I had no idea. I lost it. And then you said two words

i know that's what i needed the other day when i looked up this chord transition i needed one chord and then i remembered that because when i'm learning songs on the guitar i learn like a pattern of like okay then my hand goes in this way then it goes over here i don't go by sound of like that's that no because i don't know what chords sound. I can't conjure it out of my mind. I just go like, okay, that song goes in a clockwork fashion. And then I memorize the patterns. It's weird how memory, what you do to remember things.

Do you have any devices to remember things in your life? Well, it's interesting you say that because I was driving over here and I was just – sometimes I'll go over new bits in my mind to see if i can remember it for when eventually i i do say it you're so good about that i'm okay i used to be in your mind is amazing well i was driving and like the new grandma bit i just wanted to make sure i could hit each yeah so what i do is like to remember it i'll separate it's little thing but i'll separate it in paragraphs so each joke i'll just when i'm writing it in my notes just separate where it's new yeah so in my mind i separate it then the other thing that i've noticed is that if i don't

try to speed through it and just like let it come to me while i'm don't try to push it yeah i can remember things way easier. I think, do you ever do the thing, which I think you're hinting at is that you rely on yourself to discover where it's going, the way you discovered it when you wrote it like, and then you can add things.

Of course, that thing will lead me to the grandma part. When I say she's a hundred is going to lead me. Cause when I think of someone who's a hundred, I think of that thing. That is the, that's the thing I thought of when I think of someone who's a hundred, I think of that thing. That is the, that's the thing I thought of when I thought of that joke where you just kind of count on that.

When I was smoking so much weed and like performing, it was, I would say, you know, 30 times a show, I would be in the middle of a sentence and go, I don't know how this ends. I don't know how this,

and it's so much different than a song. You guys are like, uh, just any sentence like, like you, let's say you're memorizing a speech, you know, you're giving your company or something.

I have to say that. I think comedy is more crucial to memorizing details because it's reliant on it being a joke at the end. And if it's a specific thing, whereas if you know, you're like talking about, and then our numbers last year were on a steady incline, uh,

throughout the September. What? I can't even think of any business words, you know, like you can just make up things cause no one's listening anyway. And it doesn't rely on them going. That's so funny. You say that though,

because I think we both, when we had to give speeches in school for me, that's what you were doing right there. If I had to do that in front of like an office would scare the living shit out of me. Maybe after I've done it a few times, I was just scared of boys thinking of ways to make fun of me. Gotcha. I was scared that I wouldn't remember the words.

I felt bad that everyone in the room had to look at me. And like, I was probably like so ugly that like the boys like didn't, we're like, I don't want to look at her. Ms. Gross. She's ugly.

Like, I thought there would be something like that of like, Hey, you need to pay attention. Well, she's like ugly. And I don't even want to, I thought that was my biggest fear was that they were going to,

cause boys always do that shit. I'm so tight. Like boys do it all the time of like, you call them on something. was that they were going to, because boys always do that shit. I'm so tired. Boys do it all the time of you call them on something and then they instantly hurt someone to deflect. I mean, we've seen that a lot on Perfect Strangers. Yes. I mean, within seconds, they go from cool, chill,

Balky's like chill, and then you deny him once and then you see his true murderous instincts it's pretty interesting it's people need to and i'm included in this people need to be okay with being wrong not be defensive or or being or making a mistake you know like you know sometimes you are talking during a presentation of a students and the teacher is going to yell at you. That's a,

that's a normal thing to be reprimanded about. Sometimes you are talking too loud in a restaurant or something. Just suck it up and realize that you made a mistake and you're allowed to make mistakes. You don't always have to have a defense. You don't always have to go, but it's because you were, or,

well, it's because I thought this thing. I mean, driving here is that happens every single day. Own it and well, it's because I thought this thing. I mean, driving here is, that happens every single day. Just own it and say, oh yeah, I fucked up. Are you living in a world

where you have never made a mistake? There are some people who walk around truly thinking that they've never done anything wrong and will have an excuse for every bad thing that has ever happened to them. Every time they've been arrested or pulled over or broken the rules there's always an excuse sometimes you just hurt people's feelings because you get angry sometimes you just are an asshole the other day i was defending someone you

know online called me a bitch it was like oh she treats her family and all of her friends like such she thinks she's better than them and i was like the reason you know this is because i put it on my podcast yeah yeah you do the same thing yeah you're talking about i'm sometimes rude to my family oh you mean the meme that you see every christmas when people around their family I live around my family. I work with my family. I admit, sometimes I get a little bit, I get either hormonal. This is not an excuse, by the way. These are different than excuses. Like I, sometimes I get angry and I am backed into a corner and I have no coping mechanism because I'm a flawed person that doesn't have it all figured out and I lash out at the people I love. And it sucks, but at least I could say that's what happens instead of going, well, they deserved it.

Well, they came at me first. It doesn't matter. Like, just own some shit, you guys. And not you besties, but like just being able to say. A few of them. A few of the besties need to own it. Yeah, I'm sure there's a few of them. There's a few.

I'm sure there's someone listening to here who's gotten defensive about something. They got to learn. They got to learn. But I even have to remind myself of this. When someone cuts you off while driving, and my first instinct is to murder their whole family. No, you want me to do an impression of you driving? Yes.

What are you doing? What? Okay, well, then go. Well, then go. Well, then go, motherfucker. What is this? But then if I just get one of these, and I know it's the cheesiest thing ever, but if a driver cuts me off and goes,

Like, I'm sorry just this and sometimes this is funny because like you could run over someone's dog and then they're like my bad like it doesn't work all the time sure but Putin can't be like yeah were you carrying

my bad yeah which I'd forgive him no I wouldn't but I've gone bad. Yeah. I'd forgive them. No, I wouldn't. But I've gone on record and said I would forgive literally. It doesn't mean that I'm okay with what they did and that I'm not still angry about the fucking ramifications of what they did. But I think anyone who goes, My bad. Well, you know, this gets back into the Sam Harris thing and maybe new listeners haven't

heard me on this spiel before but like anytime the book free will he has this example of a crazy guy that shot up a bunch of people at like the university of texas in the 70s and he's from a he was at a clock tower or something like that on campus and just picking people off mass shooting one of the like first big ones in the nation in modern times i think and um everyone uh was like you know obviously this guy's the fucking worst and let's throw him in jail and everything and then i think he died he died either during the thing or later on and they examined his brain and they realized that there was a tumor growing on some part of his brain that triggered um that often triggers anger his gun

yeah yeah that pulls that triggers your finger to go to walmart and buy a gun and everyone goes oh okay it's not his fault it wasn't like yes he did something crazy but whenever there's a tumor growing on someone's brain or they have rabies let's say and they attack everyone or whatever it is that dog had rabies it didn't mean to attack whereas if a shark attacks a guy it's like he's the we have to fucking kill that shark yes we kill an animal with rabies too but we have a little bit more sympathy for the animal that has rabies but if you open up anyone's brain after they murder someone or if they cut someone off in traffic after they lie to you and cheat on you something in their brain that was not in their control did it it might not be a tumor but everything you do is your brain so if we're gonna excuse people with tumors in their brain we should excuse everything

because none of it is up to us can i just say something like everything is your brain saying but that doesn't mean that i wouldn't want to stop that person and put them in jail. No, that's different than stopping someone. Yeah. Like, yeah. I guess forgiveness is different than stopping. Yeah. Stopping, you do it to protect the public.

Yeah. This isn't to like, oh, no, we shouldn't put murderers behind bar. I mean, that's preventative, but it's not punitive. We're not doing it to be like, you're bad and we want you to suffer because you chose to do this we want to keep you away from choose to get molested by their dad and then fucking beat by their mom neglected by their school and then what eminem eminem no what were you gonna say um going back to the criticism point that you were making so i was a person who was not able to really handle the criticism and i would react to it as opposed to respond i now can take criticism

i can withhold a reaction but i have a hard time responding to it and i think that's where a lot of people kind of hit a roadblock because it's like you just don't know how to communicate um what you know that acknowledge you give an example of that Noah like what do you mean by how like how to respond to it where it's like not too vicious or not too soft no it's not even that it's just kind of like um validating the other person like if let's say i do something uh i don't know let's say i'm i'm arguing with my partner and uh he has a pretty valid point about my uh irrationality which i know is a is is a thing that i've been working on uh but then i just it's like okay you know what this is something I've been working on. But then I just, it's like, okay, you know what?

This is something I've been working on, so here it is manifesting again, but I can't verbalize that he's right about it. It's hard for me. And I think a lot of people kind of hit that roadblock and they just tend to, I think, go in and... But why is that? Because you're kind of giving, roadblock and they just tend to i think why is that because you're you're kind of giving you are you saying like yeah what's the what's the roadblock there i know what it is

in my family growing up um we would just have arguments and then we would disperse there was never like a conversation about what started the argument we would just like slam the door everyone goes to their room and then two hours later we all meet in the kitchen and it's like nothing happened. We just avoid it. So I just don't know how to talk about it. It's very hard for me. Yeah, I think the key is to when you get criticized about something, even if you're like completely like this person so out of line is to say is to try to figure out how because I've dealt with this too with so out of line is to say, is to try to figure out how, because I've dealt with this too with my partner of like not understanding how they could feel that way

and being like, but I didn't mean to do that. So get over it, you know? And like, what's the issue? Like, I don't ever mean to hurt you. Let's say, you know, I think that it's about saying, I'm really sorry that I made you feel that way. It's something that I'm working on. And clearly, I'm not working on it hard enough. And these are important moments to bring to my attention so that I can be more vigilant about it. But I promise you, like, it's something

at this moment that's out of my control and I would really like you to stay on me about this and I know that it was probably hard to confront me and I'm sorry that it makes you feel bad it's just something that it's a way of communicating or whatever you did that I developed out of fear anger and sadness so when I'm feeling those I go to, like this could even be said for literally anything. Like if you get caught shoplifting. Like this is something I've developed

to make me feel better and I know it's wrong, but I can't help it because I just don't, I need to stop. And the only way to stop a bad habit or a defense mechanism is to have it be shown to you so as hard as that is you have to like thank that person for being able to show you how you hurt people because we have to be accountable to hurting people even if we don't mean to and it's so hard it's fucking sucks hearing that you are that maybe people have been talking about you behind your back saying like you're like

and then someone finally, that's the thing that really gets me is when people have been like. It's been like conjuring. Yeah. It's been a conversation going on. It's an intervention of sorts where it's like,

why didn't you just say this right away? Why am I coming up to a list of things? We've all done the same thing. You know what I mean? But then you realize it's because you have created a, you don't seem, because they're, they have a fear of confrontation.

So like their, your fear that's causing you to be whatever way to them is stoking their fear of confrontation. And so they should have maybe brought it to you sooner. But also like it's, but that doesn't mean

you get to be like, well, you should have brought this to me sooner. I'm just fine it's but you but that doesn't mean you get to be like well you should have brought this to me sooner i'm i'm just fine doing what i do it's like you just there's this great book i'm reading called on living i think is the name of it and it was about living in the gray area of life and there was a part i i highlighted to share on the podcast and i'll do it in a little bit but but it's God, this book is so fricking good. It's yeah. On living by Carrie K E R R Y E G N E G A N.

And it's, she's a chaplain in a hospice and she's the person that goes in and like, they just tell all their secrets to all these people at the end of their life and their lessons. And like, it's just so much better than I thought it would be. I'm learning like so much. And it's exactly what we're talking about here is a whole chapter.

But let's go to break. Andrew! Yeah, coming in. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop.

Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my dog. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world

is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me.

We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places.

I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the

Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. All right, we're back. Hey, guys, I want to remind you that I'm coming to Canada.

We are coming to Canada very soon. I don't know who is going to go with me to Canada. I'm guessing you, Andrew. I guess so. We're coming to Canada. We are coming to Canada very soon. I don't know who is going to go with me to Canada. I'm guessing you, Andrew. I guess so. We're coming to Canada. April 8th and 9th, I believe, are the dates. Let me just double check it. Yep, I'll be in Winnipeg on April

8th, and on the 9th, I will be in Vancouver. Make sure you get tickets to those. NikkiGlaser.com um I've been to Vancouver I don't know that I've been to Winnipeg I don't think I've been to Winnipeg I've been to Vancouver very clean city from what I remember oh my god so clean I don't know why I just I went there going to Alaska I think I took a cruise and came back to Vancouver potentially. I just remember I saw Les Mis there for like the third time.

Whoa, really? Yeah, I've seen Les Mis in many different venues. Have you been to Vancouver, Noah? I think I was with an ex on tour, but it was like probably like one day. So I don't remember much from it. Like just one night. Yeah. Yeah, I just remember the shopping district has like a hill going up.

Yeah, it's a hill. I remember a hill. I do. I really do. It's on the water. Yes, on the water. Yes, there's a hill on the water. It's almost like San Francisco-y kind of.

And then I know that there's a huge population of Chinese there because something to do with Hong Kong. I don't know. Someone was describing it to me of like there. And then I was staying over at the Westin. It's a beautiful hotel there. Anyway, it doesn't matter. We're going to Winnipeg. And Winnipeg is there. Did you know that Winnipeg is the capital?

Oh, wait, sorry. Oh, that was Vancouver. Winnipeg, though, is the capital and largest city of the province of what? I would never get this. Man. Explain. Eh. Chester. Toe. largest city of the province of what i would never get this man explain eh chester toe perfect oh my god you didn't get to that perfect oh my god i didn't know there could be capitals geographically let me just look where winnipeg is just so i understand whoa i had no idea i thought win't know there were going to be capitals of provinces. Geographically, let me just look where Winnipeg is just so I understand. Whoa.

I had no idea. I thought Winnipeg was going to be on the West Coast. Guess what state it's above. I have to look at what state this is, by the way. I mean, Michigan? Kind of. Yeah, it's on the border of Michigan, and I'm guessing that's fucking Montana or something.

South Dakota? I love that you're like, I'm guessing that's fucking Montana or something. South Dakota. I love that. You're like, I would assume it's West Coast because that's where Vancouver is. And that's how you should do a tour. I know. Exactly. I'm basing this off of the fact that my agents should probably schedule me so I'm not flying across a fucking continent.

You're like Atlanta. In one night. Okay, I'm doing two shows in Atlanta and San Francisco. Thank you, I'm sorry I'll be fucking tired for your show. No, I won't be. I sleep so well on a plane. Yeah, Winnipeg is like straight above, God, it's gonna be cold as fuck still, Michigan.

And whatever state is next to Michigan at the very top, I don't know the United States as well as I should. Yeah, and what else about Winnipeg? I just wanna read some facts so we can learn something. You know what my favorite thing to go to is famous people from there, but they don't have that on there.

That's usually for colleges whenever I'm doing a college. I always look at notable alumni. Yeah. And it's always funny to go like, the man who invented the wheelbarrow handle. And you're just like, oh, good job, guys.

University of Rhode Island. Yep. Winnipeg the bear. Wait a second. Oh, I have one. Winnipeg has the capitals. What do you got? Good hockey.

Okay. Winnipeg was the first city in the world to develop the 911 emergency number. Whoa, cool Winnipeg fact. Whoa, that came to Americaica that's really good how many people were getting like stabbed there they're like we gotta get a number i mean i can't keep dialing this long without you know what i mean like whoa wait a second remember when i said last week i didn't know anything about inuits yeah well the winnipeg art gallery has the biggest collection of contemporary

inuit art in the world there you go interesting in you and interesting um man winnipeg is actually pretty freaking gorgeous okay sweet so we're coming to winnipeg and we're coming to vancouver and um winnipeg we know all these facts now in vancouver we know it has a hill so tell us what more we can learn about it. It's interesting that you can learn more about a city reading two sentences versus us going there for a year. It's insane. You know what I want, though, when I go into a town,

which we often get from the drivers or whatever, is what's the thing to make fun of here? Yes. What's the thing that we can reference? And the most crime city. Yeah, I mean, I have a joke

where I just like fill in a blank of like the most crime, the city, the part of the city. I always ask the driver, what's, if you,

if your partner wanted to go pick up a Craigslist item from this part of town, which, give me the part of town that you'd go like, you're not going there.

Yeah. And I go, and also don't make it a black thing. Don't pick the part of town where you go like, you're not going there. Yeah. And I go, and also don't make it a black thing. Don't pick the part of town where there's like, make it like the white shitty part of town. Because I don't want that energy. You asked me the other day where St. Louis was. Oh, this was hilarious, Noah.

He said a million. I've lived there for how long? You lived there a year and a half. Yeah. And on a map, did you look on the map now? No, I would say on a map would be kind of cheating. But even on a map, I have trouble. I'd have trouble.

On a map, can I just, will you pull up, can I send you a blank picture of Missouri and I want you to just point where you think we are? Noah, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Do you think I are? Noah, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Do you think I have too much skin between my nose and my top lip for the shaved face?

No, I think you look really good. I like this better than the goatee, to be honest with you. Wait, you have more skin? What are you talking about? That's why I grow my hair on my face. My dad, too. We just have two... The Collins have... Too much skin here? Andrew, it's a normal amount of skin. What are you talking about? That's why I grow my hair on my face. My dad too. We just have two. The Collins

have too much skin here. It's a normal amount of skin. It looks great. Who told you that? It looks like the same amount as mine. Yeah, who said that to you? Was it your dad? I don't know. My dad always had a mustache.

I believe my mother told me it's because of his of this thing thing of that thing called where you have the asshole on your top lip kind of cupid's bow no not cupid's cliff okay all right did you send me missouri no here you go i want you just on this map hold this up and show it to the camera and then show me where Missouri is. And then I want to show you where we are. Oh, fuck. So that's a map of the United States.

Don't touch it too much because it's, you know, it's a. Okay. So there's the map. Yep. There's the map, buddy. Oh, man. Where's Missouri? Where's the place you've lived a year and a half?

I swear to God, I'm not fucking around, but I'm guessing this one wait yep that's it okay now zoom in on that and tell me where st louis is the only reason why i would know is because of it's because i've driven to chicago okay well that that that's helpful i would say it's right here by the corner here. By the corner there. Wait, on the top or bottom? Bottom. No. Not complete bottom. Just in that little...

Oh, shit. I would say it's southeast, but not fully southeast. So south, just below center. Just below center. Well, you're very wrong. Okay. Where is it? It is completely center. That little bulge that sticks out of Missouri? Yes. That below center. Well, you're very wrong. Okay. Where is it? It is completely center.

That little bulge that sticks out of Missouri? Yes. That's St. Louis. The little bulge on the side. Not the bottom bulge. Not the little boot heel. Yeah. The side bulge.

But the thing is- Okay, here's the thing. But I don't know fucking anything about anywhere, so I wouldn't blame you. No, I know. I mean, I do blame you for living there a year and a half. I think at some point, I think in a year and a half, I would have looked up on a map where I am. But maybe not. I have to say that I did think Los Angeles on a map, if I would have just picked it on California map,

I would have put it way higher than it is. It's so low. Okay. Also, Connecticut. Also. Connecticut, New Jersey, all that shit. Yeah. Oh, that's a nightmare.

That's a fucking nightmare. I don't know where New Jersey is. I don't know where Connecticut is. I don't know where any of that is. How long have you lived in New York? I used to think Boston was below New York. New York City, I know that because it's this fucking stupid island that sticks out. Or like that sticks out, but it's kind of like centered in between.

Is Connecticut north or south of New York? It's north. Sure? Yeah. Okay. Or like that sticks out, but it's kind of like centered in between. Is Connecticut north or south of New York? It's north. Sure? Yeah. Okay. I think you're right. My brother lives in Connecticut. Because I just know when I'm driving to like, you know, Rhode Island or something for a

wedding, I had to pass through Hartford. Like you see Hartford on Waze places, and then you also see you go through New Jersey on other places. So I think that's driving does help you a lot. And the bigger the state, the easier it is to know. Because we have a general idea of where things are in the whole country. I could pick a state. Yeah.

But when they start getting really little. They get too little. They get little in there. They get too little. It's like finding the last piece of a puzzle. But then they get too square. Some of them are just squares. And you're like, come on, square.

Differentiate yourself from the other squares. Nevada gives me a little bit because it kind of tilts to the side. Arizona and Nevada are the same state. I think. No. Arizona is pretty square. No, it's like a trapezoid almost. They're pretty.

It is? Fuck. Like one side of the planet. I think. Texas, though, I could one side of the club. I think. Texas, though, I could tell you where Dallas is. I could tell you where Houston is. Oh, really? I don't know any of that stuff.

None. I mean, it would be comical for me to place different towns in Texas. I met a guy the other day from Iowa, and he was trying to describe where he was from. And I was like, I don't even know the place you're using as a reference. Yeah you know what i mean he's like you know iowa city it's about three and a half hours southeast i know when they say that i'm just like oh boy why did i ask yeah what am i doing here oh god yeah they go it's a small town in iowa oh oh where i mean you know des moines yeah yeah yeah so if you take 95 south uh-huh and then it it's about 30 miles east of the Havens. Oh, that seems like a nice area.

That's what you got to say, too. No, it's actually shit. I wouldn't let my wife go pick up a crib on Craigslist. They always sell it to you, too. People always sell it to you. Like if they live in a place that isn't. I feel like they don't. A lot of times people are like, oh, don't even worry about it.

It's just a fucking shitty town. You don't even know. I've been sold a lot lately. Really? On the golf course? Yeah. The guy will be like, yeah, I'm from Glenbrook Springs. Well, those are white people with a lot of money who are very proud of their, they're

probably from rich parts of town. I'm talking to mostly like PAs who are like, oh, I'm just from this fucking shitty town outside of Wichita. I don't need to tell you about it. True. I'm not talking to the elite. Yeah. The elite golfers of,

I mean, you're playing some golf courses that are fucking expensive. Those people are rich. It is funny though. The guy was like, there's some golfers or just people you meet in general where they'll tell you a story that they've told thousands of times. Right. Yeah.

And they don't want a story from you. They don't, they're not good listeners they're just they tell their story they get their story out and then that's the end of the conversation and then you're like well do you want to know a little bit of them out no they don't they don't so he told me the story he's like so we had oh this rich guy bought the dock area, the waterfront area, and he was going to redevelop it, but the people spoke, and we got together, and we filed a lawsuit through the one lawyer in town.

And I'm like, what? How many times have you talked? And we won it back, and we won it. He was practicing his had all the... He was practicing his delivery all the way over. Yeah. And then I was like... And then that was the end of the story.

And I was like, you don't even care if I'm listening to this story. You just need to get it out of your mouth. I don't know. It was interesting. I watched... Yeah, I watched my man was talking. I remember I was walking in front of him

talking to someone else behind me. And this guy was just talking. Like my man had a story that was like- Your partner. In the same, yeah, my partner had a story that was like in the same ballpark as this guy's story. Probably a better story actually than this guy's. So the guy gets done telling a story

and he wants, he does, and we talked about it later the guy did not give he i heard i heard chris try to start the story like five times and he would just keep talking over it and it got to the point where it's just like oh god i cannot wait to talk about what i'm witnessing right now because it was just this guy just some people just don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves they don't want that they don't give a fuck get those people out of your life that's why i'm just like when people when i hear people complain about someone being like when people just complain about other people constantly this has happened

with my mom this has happened with certain friends of mine where like all they do anytime someone's name comes up a friend of theirs theirs, a family member, it's always just. Negative. Yeah. Yeah. I just go, why do I have to suffer and hear all this? Stop hanging out with them. But their family, I don't care.

They're abusive. They're mean. They will never, ever compliment the new sconces you made, mom. That's the thing that bugs me about people complaining about people. People don't change unless they're actively going to a 12-step program or going to therapy or going to do ayahuasca or meditating every day. People don't change. So you complaining about a person that fucking only talks about themselves

always is passive-ag passive aggressive to you. Like those people, if you're waiting, you're at some point, you enjoy it. You enjoy having an enemy in your life. You enjoy, yes, you enjoy having something to bitch about. And this person gives you that because the person's not going to change. My mom and dad have both complained about certain people in their lives for years and years and i just leave the room now because it's good every time i go why do you hang out with this person if every time you talk shit about them and they go

well because they're my friend nikki what am i supposed to do and i'm like because i do enjoy sometimes i do enjoy hanging out with it i go do you because i've never once what is the benefit you're getting out of this person and i've had to ask myself that sometimes about people and then i go wow i'm just keeping them around so i have stories to tell about how fucking awful they are to my own yeah because sometimes people are so fascinatingly awful that it is fun to hang out with them. I used to have a friend where I would wait for him to ask me anything about myself. Do you ever do that?

Yeah, every day with you. Come on, just ask him. Oh my God. Come on. Stop. No. Let us fight. I can be that way sometimes. I'm fucking around.

But I do find that I try to care about other people's lives. But when I have something, like recently with Chris, I've been just really talking about my life constantly and not asking about his because he's so helpful. And he has no problem just giving me, just listening. And I get off the phone, I'm like, I didn't ask him anything about him. And it's like, we can't live like this. I can't do this i do this

thing where and i think you sometimes will do it to me and i've done it many times where you'll ask someone a question so they could do their thing just so you could get to your thing so you pretend you go oh oh that's interesting anyways here's i really try not to do that. I think that's what... I mean, if I do do that... I've done it with Ari. Ari goes, did you call me to ask me at all about my kid or my life? Or did you just call to tell me that you putted well today? I know.

And I'm like, oh, shit. You're like, Ari, how'd you putt today? He's like, what are you talking about? I don't even play golf. That's such a pet peeve of mine. Sorry. It's such a pet peeve of mine. Sorry. It's such a pet peeve of mine. What's that?

How so? No, well, like when you say something that happened to you and then someone else just has to make it about themselves, even if they talk about friends of theirs that you don't even know. Instead of asking you a follow-up question about your experience. Out of control. like it's noah every bestie listening right now knows this person you know get them out of your life yes everyone we need they need to be called on it or get them out because they i this is what makes you know what

makes me more mad than people like that are people that still are friends with people like that and put up with someone that it just doesn't care about them I remember one of the last draws with a friend of mine we were like best friends but a lot of our friendship was based on doing drugs together and by when I say that sounds like we're doing hard drugs it just it was just smoking pot and like going on myspace and stuff like that yeah there there was and i think he had a crush on me and then i think that he was a little annoyed because at one point i was like listen we are never going to be anything more than friends ever ever and i i need you to know that and be okay with that if we're gonna be friends and how did you bring that up though like did you just have a feeling about the dude yes because

anytime i talked about other guys he would kind of shut down. Anytime, and I love this guy so much and he was such a good friend of mine. It would be like me saying that to you. Like, if you were like, I would want your friendship so bad because you mean more to me than that weirdness that I would be able to confront that with you.

You know, like, there's some people you can confront things with. And get through it. Yeah, and he wasn't a mean, caustic person. So he wasn't gonna be mean to me about it, but, um, he was really sweet and understanding,

but then the more his drug use and drinking got worse. And by the way, this is always people who drink generally people who abuse drugs. Like they are the most selfish people on the planet and not because they're bad people, but because they're in pain and they are being an alcoholic. You learn when you get into like 12 step stuff, any kind of addict is the most selfish person on the planet. So if you're surprised that someone who drinks quite often is selfish and

everything is about them, don't be, that is the way, that is the way they were born. that's a, that's a, that'd be like, um,

you have a cold and you don't have the sniffles that would be insane if you're like this person is a cold and they're like totally talking clearly you'd be like well that doesn't go together but that's how much being a narcissist is a part of being a drug addict or a any kind of addict but um i remember one time this guy i was just like i remember i was it I remember I was very much less mature and not at the point I am in my life and I was dependent on him for drugs and friendship so I remember telling

my mom like he never asked anything about me or the family or anything watch and he was a friend of the family and he came over one day and we were just testing to see how long it took before he asked anything about us and it never happened and it was an hours hangout what would he do just talk about his own life anything that would come and it never happened. And it was an hour's hangout. What would he do?

Just talk about his own life? Anything that would come up, it would just become about him, and there would be no comment on the thing that we would be like, oh, my dad would show him this new fucking artifact that some guy from a movie set made. And it would just,

it would maybe be like, cool, and then it would be something about him. You know what I mean? And that was the day I was just like, I'm done. i'm done and i did you ever bring it up to him no because at that point it's such it's about alcoholism it's not about his personality and i think i knew that even then like people if you have someone in your life who's abusing drugs or alcohol and you're trying to fix these little idiosyncrasies about the personality stop don't waste your time it's it's and it's not even the alcohol it's about their self-esteem and being able to handle the pain that they are going through based on childhood trauma just

fucking uh you know whatever they're dealing with it's that's the basis of it um it's not about the alcohol even it's really complex but they can't the best thing you could do is go i can't be friends with someone i can't be friends with you they have to like lose stuff unfortunately let's get to the news you heard it here first yeah you heard it here first how's that smile right there you go it feels so it had to have felt ridiculous for a while when you started doing that smile. No? Oh, no.

I was telling them last night that my smile... One time, we were saying who we look like, like celebrities. And I one time got Wallace and Gromit from a guy I liked. Which Wallace and Gromit is that cartoon where everyone's like this. And I used to smile like this,

like with my teeth closed. No, you didn't. Yes, because why wouldn't you smile like this with your teeth closed like this? Like that's how I smile. Like that's me smiling with my teeth closed. Yeah. That's not me trying to be Wallace and Gromit.

That's just, but then I realized it makes you look so jaw jawy when you saw it like this like even if i'm trying to do it like little it still looks jawy right now watch this now i have a longer jaw so what i do when i when i smile now ever since 2000, probably 13. When I started seeing myself on TV, I opened my mouth slightly and I go, hey. Yeah. We, any picture you will never see me smile. You gave us a tutorial.

Oh, that's right. I do it all the time. So you got to say, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And it doesn't look like I have my mouth open. Hey, hey, hey. Come here a lot. Hey. And it doesn't look like I have my mouth open. Hey. Hey. Hey. Come here a lot? Yeah. And Andrew, fresh-faced Andrew, show off those teeth.

See, your gap is endearing, dude. I appreciate that. But I do think, I mean, this is pretty personal. What if you have veneers? But I think my, I don't want veneers. But I just want my teeth to be even whiter. Because I feel like my teeth color and my skin color are too similar where my teeth don't tell it all

blends. Right? Wait, you're supposed to say no. Nude nail polish. I mean, I don't, I don't agree with that at all,

but it definitely is not. Look, I'm seeing your teeth and they look white to me. But it's so funny though. When someone goes goes you know my hips look fat you're like yeah i just i mean i don't i don't it's clearly not true because look at how white your teeth look on there i'll take it yeah but i think you should look into finnears i would if i was ashamed of my gap teeth like you are gap well then why don't you ever smile

i smile now i do because i don't know ever smile? I smile. Now I do because, I don't know. I mean, if we really want to get into it, I feel good right now. I feel happy. But, oh, you didn't feel happy before.

Yeah, I think I was pretty depressed now that like I'm kind of, whatever, quitting Zoloft, I'm not saying Zoloft made me depressed. I think I was numb and I wasn't really like realizing certain things about myself.

Huh. And now I feel like I'm kind of... I just feel good. You're accepting yourself. Yeah, and I'm bettering myself. Yes. But you get on these tracks a lot. I do.

But I want to stay on this track. I get it. Of course you could stay on it. Because my teeth look like a track. A train track. That's been run over. Okay, let's get to the news my teeth are terrible they're great veneers cam drip all right nine episodes is the new same brain oh god okay i wish we could pair up. You know those history things of what happened to you at this age?

And it's like, I wish we could do that for each other where we can overlap of why we have so many similar thoughts about things and why so many, even though we're different in a lot of ways. But I think... Because the longer we hang out together, the easier it is for us to come up with our own language of what's funny. Because us saying ham drip, nine weeks,

that stuff, that didn't exist for both of us before with anyone else. And so now it's our own, like I did it with my cousin, my dead cousin. We had a talk called Funti Talk where we would just talk in this weird way and we would laugh at all the same things. Now that language of comedy is completely gone.

That kind of comedy we created is gone. Whereas this, us going ham drip, that doesn't exist anywhere else for you or I. And so that's why we could do it. My point though is like, if you go like 1994, this happened. It would be interesting just to overlap it. I think it would really be based on our comedic influences as kids or throughout our life, what made us really giggle. And right now it's Seinfeld clips.

And a drunk mom. And a drunk mom. Let's be honest. News. Okay, news. Shit. Noah news. All right, so this actually segues perfect into the second article,

which I'll change to the first. After writing a 300 to 500 word essay on the Nikki Glaser podcast, a bestie named Sarah gets into a media studies major at a university. And she mentioned Hamdrip and our own language and all this. Okay, so here's an excerpt i'm fascinated by the language the coast the co-hosts have managed to create how they transformed a collection of inside jokes into a form of communication among an in-group oh my god she used the word in group i know or the phrase um that is so great congratulations she was a great writer i love that whatever she wrote well we saw the whole thing right i didn't have time to i was just i have a real problem i can't read anything about myself or like anything

nice like every week fanthrax i buckle even though it's been chosen by noah to i know it's all going to be nice because noah would never share anything that was like hurtful i still like i don't get anything i can't handle it what i don't get anything hurtful i just want to say all the messages are no i know right and if there was anything that challenges you i would play it i can't deal with um but i think it's the compliments though i feel like and you know what i think it is i was saying this the other night on my instagram live i think i am scared of compliments because i think it gives fence people are gonna see that and go oh oh, she thinks she's pretty sweet. Well, I'm going to need to take her down.

I feel like when on my Instagram live, sometimes people will be like, that song was so good. Good job, Nikki. You fucking killed it. And someone's going to be watching that being like, no, she didn't. And here's my chance to let her know.

Whereas if there were no compliments, the negative person would never talk because they don't need to take me down. I just feel like sometimes whenever someone's feeling too good about themselves, that's when you get the people being like, you fucking think you're so sweet. I need to take you down. And I'm just, I would rather never be brought up to avoid those. I'm just, I think I realized that my whole life is avoiding people saying mean things

about me. Like even talking about early on, like my fear of presentations it was fear of boys having to look at me and the teacher yelling at them during talking and then them saying but she's ugly it's always about that it's real it's it's i would think i would think how people are going to perceive me before i got to a party like does that make you worry an hour before i got there like like while driving there i'd go i, I'd play conversations of what's gonna happen. See, I don't have that. But do you have that?

Where like hearing, that bestie that just got through school and does any part of you go, someone's gonna see that and go, I don't see this at all. That girl doesn't know what she's talking about. It's fucking dumb

and I'm gonna say, I think it's like someone, it's gonna trigger someone to be the opposite. Is that, why and I'm gonna say I think it's like someone, it's gonna trigger someone to be the opposite. Is that, why do I think that? I get that with like the success I've had.

I guess it comes, you know, just like from afar people can go, well, this is the reason why he's successful or this is,

I get those kind of thoughts. The more compliment, I guess you know what I was saying to my friend, The more success I get, the more I think people are thinking that I don't deserve it. Yeah. Last night I was saying to my more success I get the more I think people are thinking that I don't deserve it yeah last night I was talking to my friend Ailey there's a part of my reality show coming out that the intro they made me kind of do this thing where

I'm like I'm one of the best comedians out there no one you know I'm the most successful comedian out there I'm one of the baddest bitches and they made me say all this stuff Noah and at the time I was just like I don't want to say any of this is not how i talk i don't even believe it and they're like it won't we'll just like just we'll pepper it through it's not gonna stop and then of course the show starts with me being like i'm the best fucking comedian out there which is i don't even believe that and um my parents watched it and last night they're like i think you need to take out that first part because it really looks like you think you're pretty sweet. And I'm like, I get that.

And I will take it out because I don't think I'm pretty sweet. But what is wrong with someone saying the truth? Because when men do it, we find it quite, we go, they know who they are. I have to say, we need women to constantly shit on themselves and if they and if they do feel like they're like too badass like j-lo or mariah carey they get labeled a bitch or diva yeah but any man like do you think fucking andrew schultz saying like i'm one of the best comedians out there do you think people would go no they would go they would fucking be like dude fuck yeah bro yeah no i get it like over the top bragging.

Now, Burt Kreischer has a different kind of humility. He almost has like a feminine humility that is expected of him. Or Tom Segura. Like these guys are sensitive guys, but alpha males saying they're the best, we go, fuck yeah, you are. And even if I don't think you are, I'm going to believe you are because you just told me.

But the second a woman does it, it's like, what a cunt. She thinks she's sweet. Let's take her down. It stood out to me too when I heard the line. Yeah. And I just think like, yeah, I get it. Because I know you so well.

And I know that you see- That's what I told Ailey. I said, if E needs me to sell myself like that at the top of the show to get people to watch, well, they're not gonna watch it because that's not what anything of the show is about like if that gets them in well they're going to drop

off because very quickly i turn into someone who has no like very low self-esteem so we're giving them a false reason to watch in the first place if that's it if you need to tell them all my impressive things that i've done show clips of all the things I've done and just have me talking over it like I never thought that I would do this you know like let's think of a way to do it in a more humble way yeah but I do think you could start this show by literally going um you know I mean look I'm what I have three specials on Netflix I'm apparently one of the biggest say the facts instead of saying the brags. But then there is something too about going, someone that goes,

you know, they make so many like asterisks of like being, but while bragging, but also being like, but I'm humble. But it's like. I know we get mad at people if they're too humble because they're obviously,

they think they're hot shit and they're trying to play it down. So it's like, but I don't know. I mean, I think it's set, what it does is it sets it up where you fall from grace. Well, I told Ailey,

the woman that I'm communicating about this, and I was like, hey, you know, I've recently seen some people talking shit about me being like, I think I'm famous and all this stuff.

Like there was this fucking subreddit of someone who definitely listens to the show because they put it in a subreddit they know I frequent. And they were talking all this mean stuff about me that I constantly start sentences with. I'm a lot more famous than I was before, which have I ever said that to brag? Yeah, no. Famous is a thing, you know, like it's not or being rich is a thing. Like I'm not saying I'm a lot more famous.

I don't think I'm very famous, but I am a lot more famous than I was five years ago. That's not me saying that's not the end of the sentence. You guys, I'm so much more famous than I was five years ago. That's never you've never once taken it. I can't think of like one time in my life that because of your fame or your notoriety you've used it in a way to think you're over the top like sure like we all have but like i'm with you you could call and be like hey i want this you know granted we got furniture you know what i mean yeah but i did a deal where i no no i'm just saying though like like you don't wear celebrity like someone in

your position would i think right i really do i think you are to not do that because it is i've talked about before it's hard when you start i don't think by the way i don't fame is a fucking thing it's a thing that you can you know more people more strange more people, more strange, more people. This is what fame is. Fame is not me bragging fame to me. When I say I'm more famous, it equals people who I don't know, know me more people. When I say I'm got more famous, it's means more people who I've never met, know who I am and think they know about me. That's what fame is to me. And that's why I comment on it because it is a weird feeling and I'm not playing a victim. It's, it's what I asked for. It's what I always wanted. I always wanted to be famous because I used to put, I used to think fame was like of cool thing. And obviously

it is valuable because you can get free stuff. You can get more money, but all these things, but it is a weird thing to have people who don't know you think they know you. And that is not a, that is not normal for a human to feel. And I don't like it. And it's made, I, you know, I talked about on this show before, like, I just, I want to just stay at this level. I, if I could just sign a contract that makes me like stay here, I would, because I don't want any, because it just means more hate. People just hate you more. And Ailey wrote that to me. She was like, the more famous you get, I've seen it with everyone that I've worked with,

the more people who know you, let me stop saying famous because people think that that's a brag. The more people who know you, who you don't know, the more people that are gonna hate you. It's just the way it goes. And I said, well, I don't feel like this happens to men. Truly.

I just don't think it happens to men as much. And it doesn't happen to actresses. And I've said this before. It's just, i just don't think it happens to men as much and it doesn't happen to actresses and i've said this before it's just i just don't want it i really and there's a part of me like thinking about the nuclear fucking missiles that are probably going to be launched soon and i was like let's just bring them on i just want to go like i was like because and it made me realize none of this fucking matters well that's that's that's true. I don't want him to bring him on. But I'm like, why am I worried about people hating me on the Internet when we could be nuked in five days? You could be grabbing an AK-47 to fight for your fucking St. Louis. Yeah, it's so dumb to talk about any of this.

I'm sorry. No, it's not. It's it's it's your real life. The only thing with fame that that anytime I think of fame is and I do this as well, is like you watch something on YouTube, right? And you're like, who's this guy that she's talking? I don't know this person. So I'm not going to listen to anything they have to say or whatever. There's no weight to what they have to say because they're not,

they haven't had their own special or whatever it is. Yeah, yeah. Then I go, oh, you're not even listening to me because you think I'm not famous or i'm not good enough without even like taking and that's where i get rubbed the wrong way where i'm like because you you want more of that clout of like where they just give you the benefit of the doubt beforehand yeah because they know who you are yeah yeah other than that i don't really it's not really about like i want everyone to know me and i want to have all this influential fucking shit i don't

give a fuck about any of that i just like i that stuff that's just ego though I but I don't I really you know me I don't walk around thinking that people know I've never I never think people recognize me or like oh my god I can't go there because it's gonna be people are gonna know me first of all they don't but I've I don't I think there's like walking around there's not there's never a time where i there's maybe been one time in the past year where i've been like oh i maybe don't want to do this thing because oh it was at my own show at the casino where i'm like i don't want to go to the bar because my face is on fucking posters and i just don't want people staring at me and being like what is i just don't want to be watched but that was because my face was

on posters all over the fucking casino i'm not someone who's like i need to be protected because i'm whatever it's just i'm i don't want any of that and it just really pained me to read someone say that i think i'm like famous it's not like like it was me saying i'm like people just think that when you say you're famous it means you you think you're better. Yeah. And that's not what I think at least, but you know what? That's them putting that on it. And I just have to let go of what other people think about me, but God,

is it hard? Because when you, when you get more people know you, they really have opinions about you that you cannot. It's like trying to talk sense into into someone who supports Trump it's just deaf ears there's no defending yourself it's just it all goes back to the original

thing when you're like talking about we want someone to complain about and they want you're that person to a lot of people that like oh I get to fucking my life you know like they don't want to get better they don't

want to fucking see the positive in you they want to break down and find the negative in you because then it makes them feel better about themselves and that's and you're not gonna ever stop that i'm like you listen to every podcast of mine why if you hate me it's the same thing like why do you hang out with people that are that you don't like that's what I'm saying that's the same thing because yeah but honestly I'm so grateful for all the people who do like me because man the other night I will say on Instagram live

we got to go to break I'll tell you what I'm sorry we didn't get through any news guys sorry this happens I'm gonna tell you after I get back from break what me and the besties got into the other night on Instagram live it's Monday so you know what that means. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your

relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.

I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere.

It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control.

My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls, and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps.

Listen to Crumbs as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast,

brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened.

And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh, dad, all you were doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school.

And Slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you go to find your podcasts. The other night, I went on Instagram Live live as i'm prone to do um and you were on with me that was fun naked yeah you were naked and afraid and afraid um that was so fun i love i freaking love our instagram and like the the best we have 20 000 people i know i saw a lot of people wrote to you back being like thanks for standing up for nikki yo lisa obviously wasn't doing it for the oh lisa lampinelli yeah she wrote to you that's not why i was doing i was just like fucking just this is i like how you're like no i wasn't standing up for you no i i know i was but i hate those people are like i stood up for her yeah yeah it goes on to the same thing. I'm the best comedian.

We have the same brain like that. But I just wrote it because I was like, I read something about like, I want to suck on your labia or whatever. I'm like, this, first of all, that's very nice of you. So nice. But there's a different account for that. It's Nikki Glaser. Yeah, if you're going to suck on labia, go on to 800,000. Everyone says that shit so i was

just like i just don't want our little world to be and that's why we keep it private yeah to be tainted now don't get me wrong i can tell well we were going to talk about that accepting i accept a lot of the me and noah kind of do it but i do it a lot and i'll go through you know there'll be like 80 requests to become our friend on Nikki Glaser Pot. And if I had to cipher through of who I think is going to say, I want to suck on your fucking long labia. You could tell. It would take me a while. It's a profile of like a dragon cartoon.

Or a man on a beach with his kid on his back. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's either the most personal, nicest guy. It's a guy with sunglasses and holding a baby. Yeah, or a guy with like a gun and just another gun. Well, yeah, you put a story out the other day that was like, you're going to get blocked. Look, this isn't the place for that.

We keep it private to fucking just have a positive atmosphere. And then people go, oh, you can't uh we just can we have a fun place can there be a place for fun can't criticism what happened live um it was so fun so i played a bunch of songs and then afterwards we were all just like talking and i was like eating my oatmeal and like just hanging out and people started sharing like things that were going on in their lives that like really suck and like how and their anxieties and panic attacks and all the stuff and then a couple of the besties in the chat like communicated about like I get those kind of panic attacks too and we were just all offering each other advice and it was just turned in this like this one guy was like my life sucks i would no one would ever switch places with me and then i was like well tell me about your life it can't suck that bad i was like i'm sure there's someone in ukraine who's like

arming themselves right now who would kill to switch places with you watching me live on instagram he was like i'm in a i don't know i'm bedridden and i can't breathe and i have like days to live and i was like oh oh never mind like it got to be but it was just like yeah it was just people sharing their fucking feelings and feeling like um and just a girl sharing about how her medication makes it so she can't poop and we were sharing like you know uh different supplements for you know it was just like a yeah yeah it just felt like i was hanging out with some friends it was awesome and that was it was just it was cool i just like and then every 15 of those there's just a guy like hey let's see your nipples

they're always so fucking the other thing too is like i don't people go what we're joking you're so bad at joking a joke is not i want to see the inside of your pussy and hang it on my wall. That's actually funny. That's actually not that bad. Yeah. Sorry for being funny. But just see the inside of your pussy. How about that?

Yes, yes. Like, a joke is not just your inner thought with your cum and your dick, and it's your grossest thing that you think of. Yeah, they just always go, I would suck. I would stick my tongue six inches into your asshole and suck a fart out. And you're just like, that's not funny. You're just trying to say what's been said a million times.

I don't mind funny. I don't mind dirty. Man, I can't believe how many of these men have children in their profiles too that write to me. Someone wrote a message. He goes, oh, it's interesting for you to say when you're the biggest creep. And I'm like,

yeah, I am kind of a creep. I'll be honest. No, you're not. I wouldn't label myself a creep. No. But I would say that I have creepy thoughts

and then I'm- Who doesn't? I have dark humor. I'm sure you've looked at pictures before and been like, I want to suck that fucking whatever

when you were single guy. But you don't write it. No. We all have these thoughts. You show up at their house like a man you write it in blood on their window like a fucking man all right let's get to um our monday segment which we haven't had for a while i feel like uh top one bottom one this week's category is cereal cereal have we done this before even if we have i feel like we have but i have i don't care i'll do it again okay noah noah's good at because we did talk about cereal at some oh my god i

fucking love cereal so much i mean i'm this is my cereal is my favorite did seinfeld make you get into cereal you think no or help no i never really liked what kind of cereal he was into he was into like frosted flakes i think you got paid do you think they paid for that advertisement eventually no um what uh what's your favorite cereal or let's start with the best yeah i don't know we start with bottom you're right yes yes you're right andrew can i go can i go next can someone else go um i'll go um i'm gonna go with uh Crunch. As your fucking bottom? Listen, I'm picking a bottom that isn't Grape Nuts. You know what I mean?

Okay. For me, it's just... This is the bottom of the top. Actually, Grape Nuts would be over Captain Crunch because if I'm going to do a sugary cereal and really commit to a fun sugary cereal, I would much rather just say, nope, I'd rather just not have sugar and do Grape Nuts.

So I actually would pick Captain Crunch as my bottom what about with berries i'm just wondering berries i will like it a little bit more but captain crunch i i love a soggy cereal captain crunch it takes longer to get soggy it is cuts through from my mouth it has a weird aftertaste i don't like the dust it leaves behind in the cereal bowl. It's the kind of dust that makes you choke like you're in Ground Zero at 9-11. It's like asbestos. I don't like it. I'm following a class action for when I

fucking get Captain Crunch lungs someday. I just see you trying to get the last few out of the box and you come out like you walked out and you're like, just covered. Like, oh, we lost a lot of men in there. Yeah. And the captain's like, eh.

Shit. What's your bottom, Noah? My bottom is either Fruit Loops or Fruity Pebbles. Because they have the same- What is going on here with you guys? Food coloring flavor. Fruity Pebblesbbles i will admit uh there's something that hurts the back of my throat with fruity pebbles even though i do like fruity pebbles it does leave uh it hurts the back of my throat fruit loops i do not find that to be

the same thing and i like that um there's a certain tea that kirsten brought to my attention that smells like fruit loops i think it's an earl gray okay it smells like fruit loops and it's fucking if you like fruit loops check out earl gray tea um but i think fruity pebbles definitely does leave a weird aftertaste and like a tinge in the back of your throat even though i would not kick it out of bed well now this changes my whole thought process because i thought we were gonna go like corn flakes for our bottom bottom. You know what I mean? But it's what you. I mean, cornflakes.

I hate sugar so much. So I'm not going to. I would never. I would never. Like, I don't want to eat sugar. If I'm forced to eat sugar and a sugary cereal, I'm going to go with something great. And then if I can't have that great, I would rather just do grape nuts, which is probably the worst.

Any cereal you have to add like blueberries or like something else. What is that? Who wants that? Although it's healthy. You get your brand in or your fiber. Oh, my God. I can't even decide on my favorite cereal. I'm just thinking about it.

It's really making my mouth water. Okay. What is your number one? What's your bottom? Sorry, bottom. You know what isn't that great that you would think would be great? Twit.

Not twit. Tricks. I like tricks. Tricks are for kids. Oh, yeah. With the bunny rabbit? Their tricks are good. I love tricks.

Talk about a great advertising. Tricks are for kids. Yeah, just anything that makes you feel special. That's what I thought Fruit Loops was. I just want to say. Okay, okay. Okay, gotcha. Whoa. Yeah, just anything that makes you feel special. That's what I thought Fruit Loops was. I just want to say. Okay, okay. Okay, gotcha. Whoa.

So tricks. I'm with Andrew on that. Shots fired. You thought Fruit Loops was tricks? We're getting into a battle of Captain Crunch and General Mills. I would love that. No, we're going gonna get fucking emails again me and Noah

got fucking messages from zaps and uh what did you get oh I want to thank Utz yeah Utz sent me

and Utz makes zaps by the way of cheese balls yeah I saw it on the box so thank you to the bestie who listens there's a bestie there

that was listening to the podcast and he or she like they could not believe that we were talking okay so thank you andrew oh fuck top no wait what was your worst my worst is cornflakes uh oh really yeah fuck it just regular cornflakes yeah just stop it i like cornflakes you put some stevia on it. That's what I'm saying. I get it.

I get it. You're talking just plain. I don't. A couturement on these cereals is a part of it. But then you're making it. It's not the cereal anymore. That's a different thing. I'll still take it.

It's like I love. I love that layered. Like layered and like you wait it. You make it sit for probably like five minutes and it gets that. I just love a super cereal. I'll fuck with frosted flakes, which is like. like yeah it's got some sugar on it yeah spicy yeah um okay let's go to best i'll kick us off okay here's here's what i'm gonna do and there are no rules so i'm gonna give you if i'm going with one cereal i'm going with honey bunches of oats almonds

interesting it is so fucking good. I used to eat it every single day after school like five bowls and that is how I gained about 20 pounds between my junior and senior year. Honey bunches of oats with almonds is the culprit. Now if I'm going with now if we're

really going there. Go there. I'm gonna go Lucky Charms. Now I'm I'm going to go Lucky Charms. Now, I'm going to do a half bowl of Lucky Charms. And I want half of it to be marshmallows, the other half the regular, okay? I don't want to do all marshmallows. I want it half and half.

Then I'm going to top it off with Rice Krispies. Plain. Take down the sugar a little bit. I love a Rice Krispie. I love the way it gets soggy. I love the way it gives some consistency that's almost like gelatinous. And I know that disgusts everyone listening.

And then. Wait, more in the same bowl? I don't know. What are you doing here? I'll just do anything. I'm going to do some Cocoa Krispies to give it a little cocoa flavor because we don't have that going on with any of the other flavors. I might throw a handful of kicks in it. Okay, now you're fucking losing it.

You're buying five boxes. Vanilla almond milk. Yeah. Why not? To mix them in it. Okay, now you're fucking losing it. And then pile on the vanilla almond milk. Yeah! Why not? To mix them all together. Oh my God, I just thought of pops, corn pops. You might be onto something here. Oh, I do a suicide of cereals. You know when you used to do that?

Yeah, with all the different sodas. Suicide of cereals. Is this a thing? I can't stop thinking of cereals. And you know what a really good cereal is? Frosted mini-wheats. Also, the mini-wheats that have raisin inside. Is that also going in the same bowl?

No, because those are more of a savory. Frosted mini-wheats. The one side that has the powder on it. Why do they not both have powder on it? Why is it one side? The ones that have raisin inside the mini-wheat. No, that's crazy. Those are so good.

They're like the raisinette of cereals no that's crazy that is those are so they're like the raisinette of cereals you guys those are like really slept on my dad used to get it all the time oh fuck final thought best best cereal i mean you took down six in one bowl i'm sorry i couldn't stop i couldn't stop no i think you're onto something cereal in the goddamn house because i will eat all of it i literally can't have cereal because I don't trust myself. Oh, me neither. I buy a box. And when I was bulimic, it's a one serving.

Can I just say, cereal comes up real easy because it's liquid. I don't mean to, please trigger warning, ham drip trigger warning. Yeah, nine months. I mean, episodes.

But like, I used to eat a lot of cereal and then if you've ever been bulimic, I hope that if you have, please, and you don't want to be anymore, please write me and I'll teach you something that will help you. But,

um, I, to any of those people who are bulimic out there that feel disgusting, I've been there and like, I used to always do cereal because it came up so easy and I'm not telling bulimics anything. They don't know. Bulimics all know which stuff apples are a nightmare and they cut up your

throat. Um, and I'm not giving tips. I promise you I'm not giving tips. I'm just tips throat um and i'm not giving tips i promise you i'm not giving tips i'm just shots tips no i'm not giving tips but seriously rice crisps and fro-yo come up real easy i'm not giving i really am not giving tips i promise you it's also uh what's her name died of bulimia uh um i don't want to go to rehab oh amy weinhaus yeah she died of bulimia don't don't believe the lies about it was drugs and it was whatever it was bulimia it's a very

dangerous disease that a lot of women have that they're doing other things that will they'll be like but your bulimia is so fucking dangerous don't fuck with that you guys and if you are fucking with it don't be ashamed. Reach out to me and I will be happy to guide you in what has helped me with that stuff. I can see her eating Count Dracula. Remember those? Oh, yeah.

Because she's got that goth look going. Yeah, she has a very Count Dracula look. All right, Noah. On after me describing throwing up. Count Dracula? Is it really? Cookie Crisp? It's not Count Dracula.

It's Frankenberry, which is one of the, it's like a strawberry version of Count Chocula, but Frankenstein serves it. Frankenberry serves it. Wait, what? I gotta look up Frankenberry. Halloween now? And I get so ritualistic with how I eat it.

Noah's like a guy buying Supreme clothes. You gotta wait. Wait a second. Frankenberry looks like Between October 12th and 14th. Okay, so you're looking at like, it's like Lucky Charms but it also has the little other

pieces are like pink or orange. What are they? They're pink. It's gotta try strawberry shortcake cereal it's oh my god does the milk get strawberry yes so i separate the cookie part from the marshmallows and i eat the all the cookie part and then i save all the marshmallow i can't believe i just said that okay here's that's what happens i don't i don't love doing sugary cereals but i'm doing frankenberry this year know what you we gotta do a taste test like at a live or something halloween i'm gonna send you look so good okay andrew okay andrew drum roll i mean i guess look it's gonna be this is boring

i know come at me. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. No, dude. Come at me. We've been sleeping on that one the whole time. It's so fucking good. When I'm fucking stoned or when I was hungry in New York. Once every four months in New York, I just was like, I need cereal. And I couldn't even stop myself.

Sorry. That was my computer. computer oh i thought that was great that was great though music effect i felt like you know what it sounded like it didn't come through on on it was where you go with my best friend it was me learning uh she's a jar by wilco oh shit anyways it reminded me of like uh from Big Lebowski of me floating from my apartment to the, you know, fucking aisle four to get this. Like that would have been great music. Oh, yeah. Like.

I'm just grabbing. I grab chocolate almond milk. Or no. Cashew milk. Chocolate. Cashew milk. Oh, hello. With fucking cinnamon toast crunch. Woo. If you'rehew milk. Oh, hello. With fucking cinnamon toast crunch.

Woo! If you're not doing- Hobox gone. If you're not doing nut milks with cereal, like flavored nut milks, like a vanilla almond, you are missing the boat. I think that soy milk and nut milks

changed the cereal game from that just like skim watery. And I know some of you are just whole milk realists in which case what are you doing do you no no no don't do you we went to a farm yesterday and we'll talk about that tomorrow we've got a lot to catch up on Columbine and we're going to talk about Columbine we're going to talk about

heavy metal Taylor Swift we're going to talk about seeing goats and pigs this would be funny to always tease something that we never get to it's like a rest get to. It's like- Arrested Development. Or it's like Jimmy Kimmel, every episode he goes, I want to apologize to Matt Damon. We didn't have time.

Did you know that? Oh, he does, no. He does that every single show. But Arrested Development would give, for next week and it never happened. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is so funny. I like that.

That they went through the time to make another- We should do teasers though where they have to listen to the next episode to figure out something like pretty juicy. You know what I mean? Like we actually will fulfill like a secret or something. Next week, I'm gonna talk about how I bought a putter from Taylor Bade.

Oh God. Did you really buy a putter from Taylor Bade? It's a whole long story. I don't wanna come at Taylor Bade, but me and Taylor Bade, we have some issues. So, no. I think my favorite guitars are Taylor's. Well.

Ironically. And Taylor Swift. A lot of Taylor's in our lives. Find out next week. You might be having me on a golf tourney. I would love for that to happen. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens.

Guys, thank you so much for listening to the show. Noah, sorry we didn't get to all of the news. Congratulations to Bestie Sarah, was it? Who got into a media program by talking about our in-group, which sounds almost like a racist term, but

it makes me feel so good. Yeah. Anything else? No, don't be and Jackalope. It's coming. John F. Kennedy. John Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight

straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. We'll be right back. to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.

I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. Barney Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday.

Yeah, we're moms, but not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you go to find your podcasts.