The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #184 Kanye Does It Too!

Episode Date: March 2, 2022

Nikki and Andrew adore their DP...that's Director of Photography...on the set of 'Perfect Strangers 2'. Yesterday was a productive day for Nikki, she wrote theme music and her first full song. Andrew watched the Euphoria finale and did not feel the same way the internet did about it. Nikki talks about the time that Andrew made her laugh the hardest before they pivot to dissecting the Kanye documentary on Netflix jeen-yuhs. You Heard It Here First, teeth can hide and how to cover up a loud coital session. Nikki's Reddit Dump covers ventriloquist tricks, poking fun at American accents, asparagus pee, mispronunciation, thongs and daily hacks. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh City, you can go see her March 17th, Thursday at Rockwood Music Hall. I told her I'd give her a shout out for this because she's doing a live show for the first time in forever. And yeah, so if you're in New York City, Rockwood Music Hall, stage three, Thursday, March 17th. I know she would love to see any besties who are like, oh, I'm here because I love your theme song. Speaking of a theme song, I wrote one yesterday for- We? Oh, I knew you would do this.

You son of a bitch. I want not only writer credit, production credit. And if it goes syndicated i want millions i'm gonna i'm gonna someday i'll kill you i just want you to be warned if you ever die it will have been me just stop looking listen back to this episode i did it y'all i did it who are you carla i did it y'all. Nikki, I did it. That's who you would get to kill me, for sure. Yeah, I'd get her to hire you a Lars. She's my hit woman.

I'll need lots of Lars. And then her boyfriend will go bury me. He'll put me on a skateboard. Take me to the park. Good morning, you guys. How are you? Andrew's been up since the crack. Yep, crack, baby.

5 a.m. workouts. Beat the sunlight. David Goggins listened to Goggins again. Did you really? Are you listening to Goggins? You're into Goggins? When's this going to be your life now? No, it's all going to fall apart.

Wait, what did you say to me about a meme you read that was so funny about people that get up early? Oh, people that get up early. People that are't like i get up at 5 a.m you're you're like yeah that's cool you also go to bed at 7 p.m you fucking loser and that's me now i went to bed at 9 p.m last night i know i went to dinner with um robin and woo and woo is our... I love Woo. She's the best. We have a funny joke going. Well, Woo was the DP, the double penetration of our reality show. Yeah, director of photography at our... Yeah, director of photography at... I know I love DPs too.

That's like all I watch. I don't like DPs. What? Really? I don't like them. It almost sounded like you said, I don't like DPs. What? Really? It almost sounded like you said, I don't like to eat pizza. Goggins. Am I saying, do I not? I should write

Goggins says don't. I don't like DPs. Okay, so DPs. Yeah. Wait a second. Before we get back to Woo. Noah, you like watching DPs. Yeah. Wait a second. Before we get back to Woo. No, you like watching DPs. I had my phase, yes. I know.

Isn't it interesting we go through phases with stuff? What's your ideal DP? I'm up to, dude, it's not good, dude. It's not good. Would you date a guy with two dicks? I mean, that would be your dream then. No, because they have to be like apart from each other enough that they can be both. Oh, you don't want like a splitting head turtle.

Well, there's, you know, you watch a lot of porn. Yeah, I don't want to. Well, there's a lot of porn that's like DP in V. Oh, that's a lot of porn that's like DPNV versus or DPNV. And sometimes, I mean, I've watched Quadruple. Where's the fourth? Two, two, baby. No mouth?

I would have thought the mouth would have been. I mean, sure, but you don't count. That's called a spit roast. Wait, you've seen a Quadruple? Dude, there's so, I've seen everything quadruple dude they're so i've seen when does it stop that's what i'm asking when does it stop i have seen women that i'm very concerned about what is going to happen afterwards to them but it's no different than watching a childbirth uh yeah sometimes they just put the dick in through a C-section scar.

It's too big. They got to put it through a C-section scar. Oh, they got to cut her open first. Yeah, just to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking just the scar. I mean, they got to fully. Yeah. When does this end?

I don't know. That's what I want to know because I, let me just tell you something. It's so funny to have a big enough dick that you got to go C-section to get to the pussy. Yeah, I know. That's what I want to know because I, let me just tell you something. It's so funny to have a big enough dick that you got to go C-section to get to the pussy. Yeah, I know. Oh God. So funny. Well, I'm at a point where if there isn't DP going on,

I don't want to watch it. Okay. It's like amateur. It'd be like two teens making out. I'm like, this ain't going to do it for me. This is not what I need in my own life. me just tell you but this is absolutely what i need i can't i i won't even i it's like child's play to me and i don't mean to bring the word child into this twice actually a couple yeah three times yeah yeah three when did i say child

oh child birth child birthing kissing oh yeah okay well that those were 18 year olds teaser and what i said um but this is where what's your idea one guy and obviously in the butt one so what are what is the position though because my favorite is when they're holding the girl hostage um well that's yeah that's part of the whole arrangement. That's the more figurative holding. When I like a girl that is not doing any work, they're holding her hands, they're holding her legs, they're holding her up. She's just being used.

But she's having a good time. Da-da-da-da-da. What's that? She needs a side to drink. She needs a hand to help. She needs a leg to help. She needs a cock in the ass. Oh, tiny boy. Wait, what was the song

that you guys wrote yesterday? You started talking about it. Oh, it was the theme song. No, she wrote it and then I definitely helped with everything. He just goes, yeah, I like that one. Not true. can you give me credit a little bit no you you helped like say which one but if i was a producer right and you came in and you didn't know me at all and you came you helped you did help you were like i think that should be if i was alone if i was for so i came up with another word that rhymed with home that

wasn't alone and And that was me. No, you added alone before home. And then you took out but. And that was mine. Okay, I took out the word but that was like a connector. It's only three sentences. That's 38% of the song. This was the theme song for Perfect Strangers 2.

This is my theme song for my reality show. Oh, okay. No, for my reality show. So I got asked by Lee to write my reality show. So they, I got asked by Lee to write my theme song, which is really nice of them. It's really good. I'm not kidding.

I was singing it walking back to the car. Oh, that's nice. It's very catchy. Oh, good. I almost want you to sing it now. Now, if you want to wait. We'll wait.

I don't know. I mean, I probably could, but I don't even remember it. It's like, I want to wait. We'll wait. I don't know. I mean, I probably could, but I don't even remember it. It's like, I want to miss my flight. I think I'll spend another night. Wait, I'm sick of going. Wait, I want to miss my flight. I can't.

Something about the road. Alone on the road. Yeah, hold on. I'll let me look up the lyrics. I already forget the lyrics to a seven-second song. Yeah, as your producer, I also forget the lyrics. It's literally a seven-second song. That's Pharrell.

I'm just like Pharrell. Okay. I want to miss my flight. I spent too many nights out on the road. Can you welcome me home? Welcome home, Nikki Glaser. Oh, perfect. Perfect.

So they're going to talk to the higher ups at E to see if. Maybe Avi can do it instead and be like, I'm going to miss my flight. Yeah. I want to miss my flight. I feel so all alone out on the road. Wait, I'm not even. Can you welcome me home? Yeah.

Fuck yeah. I'm going to put needles in my dick. Wait a second. What is... Can you welcome me home? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Put needles in my dick. Wait a second. What is your joke with Woo, our DP? She's also the DP. She wasn't only the double penetration on reality shows. She was also the double penetration on Perfect Strangers 2. Forpy.

If my job title was DP, I would love it so freaking much it's a prestigious role it's a very big role your number she's like so badass I don't really know exactly what she does but she sets up camera shots she's in charge she's awesome

I joke with her a lot she's an Asian woman and I go I had no idea you were Asian until I saw you without a mask. And so now every time I see her, she goes, Asian. And she'll take her mask down and go, I'm Asian. Wait, this is going to sound like a racist joke, but it's not. It could be.

No, no, no. What I'm about to say. Oh. I only knew she was Asian because she was wearing a mask. Oh, old school. I'm not talking her face I'm talking the mask I used to have a joke about getting a manicure

and what a dumb thing it is like getting manicures in a stupid prison of vanity for women you're paralyzed these women doing your nails you can't do anything you can't even talk to the woman doing your nails because

she doesn't speak the same language as you because she's like a fucking slave most of the time. Well, in New York City, that was the way it was. And then I was like, and they're always wearing them. It doesn't fly anymore because everyone knows masks. But the only people that were wearing masks before this were like your manicurists. Yeah. Ass magicians.. Yeah, ass magicians. Yeah, hand ass magicians.

Yes. Right, Noah? In life, you don't see people. Doctors? You would see it on the subway and it was Asian people because I think wherever they originate from or came from, they probably wore masks because there's way more people. So there's way more likely. And there are people who care about other people. Well, that too. Or they just care about themselves a lot. No, it's way more people so there's way more likely and there are people who care about other people well that too or they just care about themselves a lot and so when they're sick

that no it's about other people actually i know i always thought because it's not that person must be really sick that's how the american way i was like no that is that's true they think they're sick and so they're trying to protect other people from it in case they get sick but they're also um i someone that i knew taught in china and said that he was, like, hitting out the chalk, the erasers. And he was, like, beating them out, you know, on, like, the playground. And the kids, like, screamed and ran because of the dust. Like, they're very, their culture is scared of, you know. Obviously, their air is extremely polluted.

So maybe masks help with that. It's better to breathe in your own oxygen. But i used to say about manicurists in the joke i was like they wear those masks because they know they're breathing in the same chemicals we are where they're just as close to it as we are yet they know these are very harmful and i go that's probably their only good part of their day is that they know we're getting cancer and they're not from like dipping our hands in different things but now it doesn't really work because ever you know masks are ubiquitous well now they wear two yeah probably i always wondered if you had one hand would you get half off a manicure and that is not me being quirky or funny i really do wonder that well why don't you do this chop off i go shark swimming

just go in there and go i just want one hand done can we do a half off and see what they say you don't have to lose your whole arm to figure this out but what if i want to shark it shark it shark tank shark arm shark hey what if she goes on shark i have an idea i get one of my hands bit off okay so that i can go into a nail salon and finally answer the age-old question if you have one hand can you get a half-off manicure? I'm listening. But do you think so? I would do that if I ran a manicure salon.

I think. Half-off or half the job? It depends how close it was to when they lost the arm. I think you get 10 years of half-off, and then after that, I'm sorry. Also, let's paint the nails on the little robot thing the robot arm you know if we're if we're really going at it i mean children's clothes are cheaper than adults clothes because it's less fabric correct now do i don't know is extra large like clothing that's a whole nother thing that's a whole other bag of words that we don't want to open up.

Well, shoes, big ass sneakers are more expensive if you have to order. They should be. It's more fabric. It's more stitching. There's more to do. Yeah. But also, you shouldn't have to pay

because your body is the way it is. Exactly. But also, if I was a little person and I was getting a spray tan, it's going to be less spray. I'm serious. It's going to be less. It would take way less time if I was a dwarf. and I was getting a spray tan. It's going to be less spray. I'm serious. It's going to be less. It would take way less time if I was a dwarf.

That's just true. So. Yeah. Oompa Loompas paid barely nothing. I've heard. I wonder what they used. I wonder if it was Sally Hansen on the set. They were really orange.

I know. I mean, it was. That's my goal. That's my goal. That's my goal color. Yeah. I told. Did I say it on the podcast the other day?

No. I posted a picture of me, us with that fucking camel. Oh, yeah. And someone was like, Nikki, I love you, but you look like a legit carrot. Did I tell you guys that? And I said, thank you. That's the goal. I would rather look orange than pale. That's not an insult to me, you guys.

That's why the camel tried to bite you. That's a good point. You were a snack. I am a snack. I love that when people are like, you're a snack. I gave you to the camel

open palm. You gotta go open palm. Oh, you gotta. That's classic Penn Zoo. You gotta go open palm. I like that bit you have with Woo. What was I gonna say?

Oh, not only did I write a, did we write the theme song yesterday? No, I'm just fucking around. I'll give it to you 88 you thank you um out of 300 i also wrote my first song top to bottom when yesterday yesterday was that included yes i did it i wrote three verses it was cool i motivated you to wait sorry two verses a, a pre-chorus, a bridge, and a fucking outro. I did it. I finally did one song.

Thank you to everyone who believed in me. Oh, here we go. You sure you don't want to do this over Twitter? I mean, what do you mean? An acceptance speech. Oh, yeah, because thecars are on twitter now yeah um i having it out of the way i got because i've been writing so many like little lyrics here and there i've been writing verse like you know just verses or choruses and like never putting it all

together and yesterday i sat down i said you're not getting up until you can just it doesn't matter if it's good you just gotta finish it and it And it's shit, you know, but I finished it. I don't know if it's shit. It's the shit. You are a very good writer, man. You gotta get this fucking negative shit out of your head. Whoever tells you you can't be good for 30 years. Your first song should be kind of shit.

You're a writer before you were a musician. I know, but. You're not a fucking 12- old kid being like i like cheese cheese is cool no you know what everybody the words i don't care about as much as like i want it melodically to sound cool and different and like actually sound professional and that's what that's what makes it not that good because it takes so much it takes so long to become good and unique about what your music sounds like i mean it's like comedy you know it takes so much, it takes so long to become good and unique about what your music sounds like. I mean, it's like comedy.

It takes forever to find your lace. But words, I'm always like, oh. My point, though, is you writing jokes for 20 years has helped you write songs. It's word economy. It's how rhythm, you understand rhythm better than, when we rhyme, when we're doing Perfect Strangers, you're extremely good at it off the cuff.

Thank you. Like, just. Jeff Tweedy, I was reading his memoir, and he was talking about how he writes songs. So he'll get like a melody, let's say, that's like, let's do the theme song. We just did. Da-da-na-da-na-da. Da-da-na-da-na-da-na-da. Da-da-na-da-na-na-na.

And he just makes up gibberish. Mm-hmm. And he just makes up gibberish. That was for you, Ukraine. Yeah. You want to sing that again for our brother? What if that translates to I stand with Russia or something? Oh, my God. Putin is the best. Nikki,

this is not the best. I swear to God I was doing gibberish, you guys. Nah, I heard Putin. But he does that

and he listens to it over and he starts like to sing it along because I've noticed, I'm not, I've noticed, I hate to be like as a songwriter,

but like when you are working on a song, it just gets stuck in your head and you just like keep singing it over and over and he says that the words will find him like the lyrics and that's what makes him such a great lyricist to me is because it's he's very different than like taylor swift where she's like very deliberate she has like a storyline whereas he's more poetic like whatever whatever words just seem to naturally go and fit in that. Sometimes his lyrics, I'm just like, what the fuck does this mean? But they're so, they have such imagery that makes me put my own story into it.

I just, I love the way he writes. But I thought that was very interesting, a different approach. Because sometimes with comedy, I think even, you just got to trust it's going to come out. Like Wilco, when I did listen to them for a little while, I got into one song a lot, obviously, that everyone did. Jesus, don't cry. That was one. You can't rely on me, honey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that album. The lyrics, when they're a little obscure, or obscure? Yeah, sure. When they're obscure, they got to be a little obscure or obscure yeah when they're upskirt i can't they gotta be a little simpler for me or like a merle you like a um country like i went down the road but even the strokes don't really give you the whole story i mean are we human or are we a dancer i know that's not the strokes but that that lyric bothers me so freaking much i think

we've talked i know we have but it's coming up again i don't like it it's coming up again like i'm about to vomit i hate are we dancer it bothers me i introduced you to dominic fike a couple days ago remember yes and uh so i watched a euphoria finale last night yeah and he's an amazing musician yeah we were talking about like hot guys yeah Yeah, and I was like, how about this young stud? Anyways, he played a song on the finale where I thought it was acoustic and he played it for Rue or whatever, Zendaya. And I thought they were going to do like five seconds of this song. Like, hey, what do you think of this?

They did like a straight up, like three minute song. Yeah. And then everyone on the internet was like what the fuck was like can we get back to this like just destroying this and i thought this song was it was a beautiful moment like i'm almost crying with how good this song is but but but obviously you kind of felt that way too a little bit at first yes at first i guess because i thought it would be quicker yeah Yeah, I got really into it. And I like him a lot.

Let's talk more about this kind of thing when we get back from break, because I have some thoughts on music. Inside a show? Just inside anything. Coming in now. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges

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Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? podcasts. we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique.

Listen to many questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast

is we got something for everybody, every type of musical effort. We enjoy speaking to the people who were the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers. But we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed, you know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations. Like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with

hit maker Sam Holland, sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna,

and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please.

Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Get out of the ball. I need to calm down now. When you say, whenever I go, Andrew, and you go, get out of common, it still reminds me so much of the time that I laughed harder than I think you've ever made me laugh, which is saying a lot because I laugh very hard at so many things you do.

We were at the baseball game, and every time a foul ball would get hit, and it would come up in our section. No, not even. Any foul ball. Any foul ball. It could be a home run. Any ball that not even. Any foul ball. Any foul ball. It could be a home run. Any ball that just goes in the stands. Before it even starts going in the stands, I swear to God,

before it even gets hit, Andrew knows it's going in the stands, and he just starts going, now come down, now, now, now. Come on down now. Yeah. Come on down now here, ball. He wants the ball to come, like, because we were sitting down, like, you know. We had pretty good seats that day. Yeah, so, like, on the ground.

I don't know where that is in baseball talk, but we're, like, on the level with the baseball players. And so we would get hit up into the stands, and it would bounce, you know, people are trying to catch it, and he would just go, come down, down, down, down, down. My favorite part about that bit is the people looking at me like I'm an insane person. It's so funny because my favorite part is that I know it started as a joke, but it became sometimes you, when you get positive affirmation for something that's funny. Yeah. And I think this is for most people. What causes you to do that funny thing again is not like, I'm going to be funny right now.

It's like your brain just has automaticity of just, let's now do the funny thing always. It's like when we say ham drip. Yes. It's like it just, it's in our brain. You have that like Tourette's. You have comedy Tourette's. And I don't mean to diminish Tourette's.

I know it's a serious thing that people throw around a lot. Same with comedy. What? You don't mean to. I don't mean comedy either. Oh, God. I would never, ever associate what Andrew does with comedy. I know that comedy is a very serious art that many people take.

Way closer to Tourette's than comedy. Yeah. No, but you would just, the knock of the ball, and you wouldn't even think. Usually for me, it's like something funny is happening. Let me think of something funny to say now i'll say it there's a delay of a split second but with you it's hitting there's just no i think that's why you like me sometimes it's because ucb shirts that say don't

think and that's what good comedy is is like when you stop thinking and you just do the funniest thing happens what was the other thing the other day you were you were doing something the other day and i was like god you remind me so much of something that in my life and then i remembered it was ava ryan the little girl the little five-year-old ava ryan oh my god and i tried to have her on you up back in the day she is so funny her mom katie ryan if you look at her up on instagram youtube she's all over but she does there's this one clip of she's the funniest little girl ever and she's not one of these instagram she was around during the vine days she was probably like you know three or four when vine started and now she's like 13 or

something so she's like modeling for bait like gap kids she's so cute but um she's one of the most naturally talented funny people i think ever to exist that i've seen and as a baby she makes me want to have a baby so fucking bad because there's that one there's this one clip that's my favorite and it took me so long to find the other day and i'm not even gonna play it because i can just do an impression of it her she. Her mom's filming her and she's just like Two Jews going to a bar, right? Yeah, it was that one. She's like playing with her purse

and she's like three years old. And her mom's like, what are you doing in there? She's like, just putting some crap. And then she realizes she said crap. And then she looks at her mom and she's just like, crafts! Cats! She just tries to cover it up and it's so funny. It is perfect humor.

Andrew, I got to find it. I send it to you, right? I think I don't. I can find it. Man, we fucking text a lot. You ever go back and look through text and you're like, Jesus Christ. I went to look for your Starbucks order the other day and I was like, God, are we having a mental breakdown?

You could search your text. No, I know. But I don't even know how to search for what I was looking. Oh, here it is. Oh, yeah, I searched venti or fired and then it came up. Oh, this is a George Costanza clip. God damn it it i did send you a picture of megan fox yesterday i oh my god i mean it's no what's going on here well they just got a new cat and i thought i thought it was her oh ham drip eight days that was cute wait didn't we have another word for

that when we said a word at the same not jinx obviously but i don't remember we had another word for it um yeah it's out of control what these girls are doing to their face i you know if you want to go get on a deep dive can someone put megan fox's head on that cat please thanks or the other way around i appreciate it i don't know do we want to do we want to yeah we want that i'm not cat shaming it's more about her i would never make fun of cats it's insane like i'm looking at the picture right now i'm gonna show it just on here just don't get it it's just i'm not trying to be a dick i just don't it's a film meow she looks like a brat or like a filter like i don't i really i mean that's the look everyone's going for dude it's like it's called

the ponytail lift and it makes your eyes go like this like if i holy shit i saw a tiktok of what you were talking about ponytail lift it's for girls who are under 40 who don't it's not a facelift it's not gonna like fix sagging skin it just pulls that's what bella hadid has that's what gg hadid has this with aria grande has everyone's getting it and it's a facelift i mean it's very invasive you go i feel like i'm about to get attacked by a puma it really looks like i felt like i need to slowly back away i was like remember your survival skills right now when you sent me that fucking it's just going it's just and these wastes and these butts have you seen Kanye, who every woman he dates is just a Kim Kardashian? Yeah, replica.

It's like that Eminem video where he has all of the, hi, my name is, like all those. It's just, it's that for her. He literally is just finding girls that look like Kim with less of strong opinions. We both watched, well, I watched half of the Kanye doc. Have you watched the Kanye doc on Netflix, Noah? Oh, I didn't even know there was one available.

Yeah, it's called, well, it's the worst name. It's called Jeen-ya. J-E-E-N-Y-U-H. Jeen-ya, like genius. Yikes. And it's not a good name. Sorry. I thought there was an S at the end there.

No, it's Y-U-H. I'm almost positive. Oh. It should have an S. Because genius has an S. I know. I don't know. It's genius.

Maybe that is genius. It's all about Kanye when he first started. I don't know why this... Here's my thing. It's the best documentary on Earth. If you guys have seen it, the guy who's the narrator talks like this. The whole movie, he's talking like this. The whole movie, he's talking like this.

Kind of a Morgan Friedman vibe. Sometimes Kanye, I believed in him and then he didn't. That is a spot on impression, by the way. No, it's very good. When you sent it to me, I was like,

that is Cootie. Cootie. He was a stand-up comedian who started this. You had a funny bit in the show. Did you see it? Yeah. He had a stand-up comedian who started this... He had a funny bit in the show. Did you see it? Yeah. He had a cable access show in Chicago,

and he started following around all these rappers in Chicago. He started noticing that Kanye was this up-and-coming phenom. But I didn't realize... I don't know the history of Kanye or R&B or rap or really anything. I mean, European... Soccer? War? Anything.

I don't know anything. Any dynasties in China. I'm bad. I literally looked up the difference between NATO and EU because I know that Ukraine got in the EU. And I'm like, is that NATO? Is that a different word for NATO? Is it?

Do you know, Andrew? It's not. Do NATO. Do you want to know the difference between NATO and EU? Well, I can't tell you because I read about it, but it didn't stick. Just like football rules, baby. I can tell you how Kanye I can tell you everything about Kanye.

We should go toe-to-toe on what we both got from that Kanye documentary and who knows more. Let's go right now. I bet you were ticking and talking all the night through. No, I wasn't.

Not that one. Because I watched it on my fucking phone. Oh, okay. Well, maybe a TikTok on your old desktop. Well, I did learn that you could watch HBO Max

while looking at Instagram last night. Oh, I know. You can put it up in the corner. That's amazing. That's a nice little feature that they have. So now their numbers can be, even in the corner. That's amazing. That's a nice little feature that they have. So now their numbers can be good,

even though they don't release their ratings. HBO? Streaming services. Here's the thing. Kanye, that documentary, no one filmed themselves so much before making it than him. You know what I mean? He had this guy follow him.

It's like me being followed. Remember there was that comedian Lev? He did a documentary of himself when he was like 20 and everyone made fun of him. Yeah. But if he was Kanye and that talented, he would have been a genius for doing that. I have to say though,

Kanye was having a documentary follow him, but he did produce. The Blueprint. Yeah. Six songs. He produced. You want to keep going? Well, he produced like H to the Izzo, like whatever. Izzo? Izzo. he did produce the blueprint. Yeah. Six songs. He produced, well,

he produced like H to the is a like whatever is. Yeah. Do you know what Hova is? Do you know where that came from? Cause I looked up, I'm always like, why does Jay-Z call himself Hova? What does that even mean? I know Hova as the HOV line lane is like the carpool lane.

Is that it's those shoes do you know what hova is i looked it up because i was like i need to understand this i know he goes like this i can't well hova is you know i got jehovah oh and so he took hova off of jehovah which is like the a biblical name that he maybe he's like a witness to things. Maybe. Maybe he's knocking on doors, bugging people during supper time. That's what Kanye did. That was the beauty of it. He was playing a song. He just had no shame.

Well, Kanye did have shame. The thing about Kanye is he knew he was the best. And that's what I loved about him. Sometimes, I gotta say, I feel this way about myself is that I related to Kanye because maybe sometimes I got to say, I feel this way about myself is that I, I related to Kanye because maybe I'm a narcissist, but I related.

Nope. I mean, I'm not like, but I feel like, you know what he said in the thing? He said the difference between me and, and I'm not, I'm,

I'm, I think, you know, there's many better comedy writers than like most better. Like I'm pretty good, but like, I'm not the best comedy writers than most better. I'm pretty good, but I'm not the best comedy writer by a stretch. And Kanye would definitely say he's the best. So I'm not doing Kanye thing,

but I related to when he said, so he was releasing his own rap album and he had only produced up until that point and no one was taking him seriously because they just saw him as a producer, a really good producer that would make amazing beats and he would sell beats to people. So the biggest rappers in the world

would just go to him and go, let me see what you got. And he would literally pull up in his car and like play them the beats and they'd go, great. And he would like hand them a CD and it's like 500 bucks or whatever. 500, like 50 grand. Well, eventually.

Yeah. But then some people were wanting them for free because they were such big stars that they were like, you should be happy to even have this. But then he said, when people weren't taking him seriously, he goes, well, guess what? Now I get to make my own beats. So you're going to, people are going to ask, oh my God, where'd you get this beat? And it's like, it's mine. You never even got to see it because I made the product. So like, that's kind of how i felt about um i guess jokes or something like i could

write these for other like i being a joke writer for a tv show would have been very hard for me and i would have felt a little bit like kanye like of like i gotta get because i know kanye probably didn't like having his name super small in the bottom of the thing on the record yeah i think i related to that of like i don't think i'd maybe i would do well as a writer but i i feel like sometimes when i you know i write jokes for perfect strangers for you and like you're the star of perfect strangers there are times where i'm like i could host something you know what i mean in my brain but then i and i go that could come in due time too, but I could also do this at the time

where I'm making good money and it's like, I could think past my ego. Well, you can think, yeah, instead of being like, I want that now.

It's like, I aspire to that because I used to be behind the scenes of things and write for other people and be on people's shows and be like, I was not, I was the same way.

Like, I'm happy to be here. It'd be cool to do this someday. I don't know that i'm necessarily ready but i'm learning a lot i think i'm learning a shit ton through this stuff yeah i did i coached some perfect strangers hosts the other day yeah that was cool to see sorry not having watched the documentary i also think that like everything is a process and maybe if kanye didn't see his music played you know like by someone else and like being like okay well i want to do this for me maybe it wouldn't have pushed him to become what he is today yeah yeah that's a part of it how oh man because sometimes you give a joke to someone and,

and I know that happens with Andrew. You'll give me a joke and I go, it's just not for me. And you're like, no, it's so funny. And we all laugh in the room cause Andrew's delivery. And it's like, it must be hard to go,

Oh, she's not going to use this joke that I know would work if she just said it like this, but she's not going to. And so it's not going to work. Like Kanye was probably like, they're taking this beat that I could make fucking spin gold out of and they're just gonna well kanye was if you watch like there's a couple things about the documentary that i noticed about him one he's a little awkward

obviously we all see that he's awkward now but even back then i think he i don't know if he's on the scale of autism or not but he's not like scale he or yeah i don't know if he's on the scale of autism or not, but he's not like... Yeah. I don't know if he's standing on the scale, but if you see the other rappers, they're all very similar, and they're all very tough and confident New York rappers. And then here you have a Chicago kid wearing a backpack with a teddy bear on his head. With his retainer.

That's where I related to him. Oh, when he took out his retainer. And that was before the accident, I think. Yes, it was. So I think he got overlooked because he was a little awkward. I want to say when people roll their eyes at me when I have my Invisalign on the counter, just a random counter that I

haven't wiped down and I plop them right back in my mouth or Kanye does it too. And I know that's maybe not the best thing that maybe two years ago saying kanye does it too did it doesn't sound the same as it does now but when i saw kanye do that when he was at like the pinnacle of his coolness i mean it was a big producer he was a big rapper he was with like the biggest rapper like yeah at the time uh i got i forgot his name uh fuck he called him

who i didn't i don't remember his name but he came in to listen to some of kanye's beats and that album that they're going over is like the kanye album that i know the best so it's just so gratifying and um but the guy the guy goes what the fuck are these and he points at kanye's retainers and kanye goes to my retainer so he goes man don't get that shit out of here he's like i don't want to see that that's not a place for it he goes that's not the place literally on the production and he didn't even move him. He just like left him out. And then Kanye plops him back in his mouth

as soon as the guy leaves. It was so funny. So I think that behavior and stuff like that, I'm sure other rappers were like, I don't know what the fuck to do with this guy. I mean,

when he goes in with his tape, college dropout, he's playing, and it all falls down until you, that that song all falls down he brings it in which is one of the best fucking songs ever and who knows if upon first listen you think it's the best he's playing it for these a and r people at uh rockefella records i'm almost

like tearing up because it's so amazing he sits in these women's office and he puts it you know on a cd player in these women's offices and they are just having people come in and out with papers. They could give two shits. And the song is about black women and the struggle of a black woman. And he's trying to have it resonate with them. And they are just like, he's so awkward. He's playing with the pictures on the wall. He's so awkward.

And they're like, oh, Kanye. Look, he's going to. He's like playing with the pictures on the wall. Like he's so awkward. Like, and they're like, Oh, Kanye, look, he's going to make it someday. And they're kind of like putting, he's doing a documentary. Kanye.

Like giving him a noogie almost like, Oh, look at you. But he knew, he knew all along. And I always used to kind of roll my eyes about his mom. Like, I'm just like anyone who just puts their mom in this pedestal.

I always kind of go, what? And, and you know, obviously it was very tragic that she died and he, she was a single mother. And, you know,

I, I didn't, I didn't realize how amazing she was. And I don't know. And I know that's stupid. That I was talking about being humble, like that whole thing, but just the way she remembered his rap.

Yeah. And was like, remember that one Kanye, Kanye, remember that one teacher. That's where she kept saying Kanye, Kanye. Yeah. And she'd go, Kanye, remember that one? She was an English teacher. That's where he is. And she kept saying, Kanye, Kanye. And she'd go, Kanye, remember that one?

That was so good, Kanye. She was just so gentle, so sweet, so encouraging and very, very adamant about him staying humble and not being too braggadocious. But also saying, you're a genius. When he rapped with Mos Def, remember when they're just backstage? Yes. Oh, my God.

That became awkward, too. But how good was it? It went from awkward... No, because... Oh, because he kept going? Mos Def does, like, this thing where he's like... But that wasn't... He wasn't freestyling.

That was a real thing. No, it was... Yeah, it was a rap. So he's with Mos Def backstage. It was after a concert, and they're all, like, kind of getting lit and, like, fucking drinking, and there's the documentary camera which cameras weren't like always around back then so i think they're kind of hamming it up and most deaf is like doing this

rap that him and kanye did together and he's doing his lines and it sounds amazing then it goes over to kanye you gotta see it because it goes from being like wow that's good like kanye and him are like getting along they're both doing this and then kanye doesn't stop and it goes does that same thing in comedy that family guy uses all the time yeah where pita would do something like so dumb and just it'll keep doing it and it goes from being funny then not funny to hilarious again because it keeps going and that's what happens with kanye goes from great yes awkward to like, oh, everyone in the room is like, oh, you show off like enough and then it goes to like, wait a second. He's closing it out strong

and then at the end you're kind of waiting like, is everyone going to like this as much as he just did? And then there's, oh my God, there's so much to talk about. And then when he wrapped for Jay-Z and Jay, I mean, Jay-Z taking him under his wing I mean, changed everything. I mean, I gotta see everything. Oh, you saw at the concert, at Jay-Z's concert no in the production room

Jay-Z gave him a verse on one of his songs oh I didn't see that yet spoiler and he just fucking destroys it just fucking destroys

yeah you gotta be talented though you gotta be talented yeah and that's what he knew he was he had no question about that and that's

that's what you need is like the ability to you just need that confidence man uh spaceship by kanye is like one of my favorite i love that i mean that whole album um came out my sophomore year i just transferred to ku career sophomore three years i ain't put the career she like fuck it i'll just stay down here and do her because that's enough money yeah i love it um okay let's get to the news like one story i love we gotta do deep dive on rap i think it's so fun yeah just two white people just deep dive and rap i mean yeah i i could i i need to learn more no let's get to the news. You heard it here first. You heard it here first.

Oh boy, it's Tuesday folks. You know what that means? It is Tuesday. I hope you're having all the swells out there. And when I say all the swells, I mean all of them. Gobble them up. Let's have a good time. Noah, what is the lines? Okay, the

headlines are... Shorten it up save the time genius burglar okay a man who was struggling to breathe was flabbergasted

after Mount Sinai surgeons discovered a half inch long tooth growing inside his right nostril oh my god a half inch long that's pretty long tooth I mean he was turning into like a saber tooth tiger right nostril. Oh, my God. A half inch long. That's pretty long tooth. I mean, he was turning into like a saber tooth tiger.

In his nostril. Yeah, teeth can hide out in weird places. That might be the funniest sentence you've ever said. They do. Oh, that was rich. Can we just let that sit for a second? Because was a fantastic line that was so funny well teeth can hide out and you said it's so they sure can nikki they sure can they sometimes are in people's chins. No, my roommate had one in her fucking stomach. A tooth.

What? That she didn't eat. It grew itself. Yes. She had to get it removed. Yeah. Yeah, teeth are weird, man. She had like a whole other animal growing in their stomach.

I don't know what it was, but she had a tooth. And it had an eye, I think. I don't know. Oh my God. I mean, yes. Okay. The condition that he had affects 0.1 to 1% of the population. Well, don't you think we hear about it more if it was every thousand people?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are we here? When they give these stats of like, it affects this disease where the boy who has no skin, it affects 0..01 people I go wait there's a skeleton walking around no like there's a like there's all these things that I watch from this fucking YouTube channel

follow the YouTube channel truly and you will see the boy with two heads the boy who can't go outside the girl who has an umbrella head call back the boy with two heads bringing up teenagers again fifth time okay okay wait wait let's go back because if i told you that i was having trouble breathing

and i said i think there's a tooth in there you would go andrew read the book how to get i would say andrew read the book how to get rid of healing nose teeth by dr john sarno um yeah i would go you're full of shit and but if you go it's one in every thousand people i'd go well maybe you're a fucking one in a thousand but don't you agree those stats when they go affects point one that means it's one in a thousand right point one percent i guess in the world is one in um like no it's way lower than that point one percent point one percent of people would be a thousand one in a thousand i don't i can't agree with that i don't think one in a thousand people how many is that one percent we've met millions of people i'm telling listen to me

though if they say it affects 0.1 of the population if they said it affects one percent of the population how out of how many out of a hundred is that? One. Okay. So 0.1 goes into one how many times? I would say I'm not disagreeing with your math. I'm saying I don't know. Can you type? What's the name of this disease? I want to see.

Noah just read it. It affects 0.1% of the population, Andrew. I'm serious. That's one in 1,000 people. I swear. I hear what you're saying. Yeah. But I don't agree. That's what I'm serious. That's one in a thousand people. I swear. I hear what you're saying. Yeah. But I don't agree with this. That's what I'm saying.

I don't agree either. When they say that, I'm like, there's no way it's one in a thousand people, but that's what it says. What's the disease called? This might make it more palatable

because it has to do with a deviated septum. Right? And we know so many people with deviated septums. Well, or just big noses that wanted to get it fixed.

AKA big nose in high school, yeah. Big nose in high school is so funny. That's a new band that we've added to the swell-a-palooza. Big nose in high school. And tooth noses playing too. Wait, what? Wait, so, okay. So basically, the deviated septum pushes the partition

to the side and it allows the tooth like teeth to grow up okay so i love the description of these things of like the tooth being like get out of the way partition like it's like i'm coming through it always reminds me wait a second no did you hang out with holla the other day yes you did yes i did a picture so you guys have fun we had so much curtain clothes her curtain okay this is holla's gonna be laughing if she's listening to this holla was born prematurely i don't know why i'm laughing already holla please forgive me but holla um was told she was really premature oh my god the picture of her as a preemie baby she was so skinny i mean she was it was 1982 she was not supposed to live and they when they took a picture of her she looked like a little elf on the shelf like doll and they crossed her legs for

some reason so she looks like she's just like like modeling and it's like a fetus with crossed legs it's so funny looking even though it's very sad because she was just so tiny. And because she was born premature, she has like obviously, she's pretty like, she grew up unscathed. I mean, she pees when she laughs sometimes, but that could be a whole other issue. But she has this thing where,

I don't know if it's macular degeneration or something, but it's something in her eye that her doctor told her in high school that she would at one point go totally blind and that the the curtain would close oh that it would just one day look like it wouldn't be gradual it would just be but i always pictured like a little man inside her eye being like the show's over folks and like the curtains like and like roses are being thrown into her eye like encore.

Yeah, bring it back and you can't. She used to get something in her eye and she'd be like, the curtain's closing, the curtain's closing. Oh my God, that is so scary though. I know. She was wearing sunglasses the whole time, just so you know, because you're outdoors. Oh, she does love Stevie Wonder.

Wait, can we go- Was she bumping into cacti? Have they done anything medically where they think that... No, I mean, her curtain hasn't closed, so she's still fine. No, I know, but do they still think the curtain's going to close? I don't know. We'd have to ask Hala. Oh, man.

But I just remember us laughing about it. Why do I feel like that's like a woman going into menopause? The curtain closes. You know what? Someday your curtain will close. Oh, my God. I can't believe I'm at an age where talking about menopause is starting to be a thing that I even wrap my head around. It's fucking nuts.

Okay. Let's keep going with news. Okay. What other story? Abnormalities are found in bodies. All right. A wave of sex mayhem has apparently been sweeping New York City, prompting residents to lodge an increasing number of noise complaints to a government helpline.

Oh. People calling 311 about some banging? Yep. One complaint that was filed was about people dressed up as Freddy Krueger, Pennywise, and the Easter Bunny having sex as the theme song of Velveteen Dream, a pro wrestler blasted in the background. I think the Easter Bunny got the wrong invitation. Yeah, the Easter Bunny showed up to the wrong theme party.

He's like, what's going on here, Freddy, Pennywise? I understand doing some fun sex stuff with like masks but not a halloween mask like i i understand like not wanting your identity to be shown it makes you kind of freer to like be yourself like sometimes i like a good um sleep mask on so i can doze off in the middle of it but also because i just want to i i want to lose control right yeah and i feel like and protect like you know and in a group sex setting i could see how people would want a mask but yeah i mean that is i mean fucking freddie crew that's like a boy with no skin did you ever get did you ever very loud what have you ever heard your neighbors about you have have you ever had I love when I hear fucking hotel room people

I love it yeah it's kind of hot I love it I don't know why have you Noah oh my gosh I used to live in an apartment and I could hear the people upstairs banging all the time from the bed I heard my dad banging once

that was a lot really your stepmom I hope so thank god i've never heard my parents i think one time my sister my sister came in my room because my sister her room was above my parents room and i think one time in high school my sister was like nikki i can't sleep and she's like mom and dad are making noises and i was just like get in and i just was like we just held each other like we were fucking and they were just singing louis armstrong yeah well i you go downstairs your mom's like and they are oh they are funky don't tell me

like my mom can really hit some good notes on that song. She sings with my dad sometimes and she hits, she could does the hit the road, Jack. She does the, um, that's what he was referencing. Ham drip. Um,

uh, Robin was saying that there's someone. Oh yeah. In the room above her at the hotel you're staying at. Sorry. Things are happening. There's a tooth in my throat. Um,

1%. I hit the 0.1%. Oh no. you're staying at. Sorry, things are happening. There's a tooth in my throat. One percent. I'm at the point one percent. Oh, no. I believe you. And you kind of do. Robin said she heard someone jerking off, which is such a different sound. Oh, that's a way sadder sound. You know, just like... It's just a...

You sound like a dog who needs water. Oh, and just going... And just hearing the tissue thing go yeah yeah did i ever tell you i've told this story before i have to have of when i got caught written up oh i was um that's cool i was staying at a i was renting a place for like a month um in la and it was like in this courtyard and i guess and i i really i really i know i talk about sex a lot my sex life and i'm so free with it and everything i never want someone to hear me in the act doing it it's not something i would ever be like let's be loud so people know we're having sex like cool which obviously seems like something i would do because i talk about my sex life so

much but there's something nothing makes me more you are loud though that we've talked about this before i didn't know that i was loud until people started going like making little comments you know like you know my the people i'd be with their family and friends would be like oh i heard something last night and i'd be like i wouldn't even know what they were talking about because i would try to be so quiet it would boggle my mind that they could hear me but one time i got written up um i got a message while i was at work from uh the guy i was renting the apartment from and he said Nikki I have to ask you are you okay my I've gotten there's been several complaints coming from my apartment of a woman screaming at night and I just want to make sure everything's okay and I was so hor I mean I know exactly what

I was so horrified I didn't know what to do and I was in a writer's room at the time and i shared it with my friends to be like what do i do and my friend benji alfalo i'll never forget he was like just tell them you had an audition you were working you were working on an audition for a horror that's really smart and i was like thank you so much and that's what i wrote back and the guy knew what it was he was trying to make it into a domestic abuse situation so that it would be like, he was trying to be like, I'm worried about you as opposed to like, you're fucking and it's really annoying, so stop it.

You know, it's like a different vibe to be like, I'm worried about you. There's someone screaming, but like people knew what it was. No, it'd be great if like you kept going with that like audition. You're like, I got the part. And like four months later, you're on location in like the

sahara desert you're like oh oh i write a movie around that scene so that i can the guy can it's like a seinfeld episode that gets you know like now i gotta do the movie jerry well he's gonna know i don't want him to think i'm a failure and didn't get the part i gotta do it jerry and then it's like i write a movie so that the guy it all comes to fruition i wanted to use the word fruition in this do you know what the sound you were was it just sounds or were you saying words because i wonder if you actually thought you were getting abused or something i think i'm like i think i was screaming just screaming not like like not like i listen who knows what i was doing sometimes someone once heard me having sex and they said i sounded like they called me wolfie the rest of the

trip because they said i was howling like a wolf i have i don't even know what that could be but we got to go to break we'll come back with uh we'll come back with reddit now 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme

with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they pave the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture.

This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations like I'm Pete Peel chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox,

star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories

and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out. We want to raise awareness and we want this to stop.

Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator.

You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever karaoke mode this is your reddit dump it's time for reddit dump dump away uh i will i will thanks so much okay let's see what i got for y'all um oh okay so this was a really funny thing it was on tiktok cringe it's a video but i didn't send

this one to noah because it's like it's not even worth um okay like playing it's this guy that went around his brooklyn neighborhood and he's like imploring to all of like the guy at his bodega all the guys on the street corner like all these people in his little brooklyn neighborhood he goes around he's like i'm about to go on a date with my ex-girlfriend. I know this guy. And I just, you just act like you know me. And like that I like saved your life and that I was there for you during COVID. And so like, then he walks around with his ex-girlfriend.

All these guys are like, hey, Tony, you were the best man, man. This guy's a hero. And they're like, hey, you still dating that supermodel? Like they had all these like hilarious lines. I mean, it's total bit. I mean, there's no way this girl actually believed it or whatever but yeah the camera guys just have it now that's uh he's he was an open mic comedian he's funny who what's his name sam something uh sam brunown brunowski yeah um so funny okay this one oh this is so interesting today i learned

okay less than half the population can actually smell asparagus pea oh do you guys smell asparagus pea right away okay noah you have the gene that that has it i guess andrew if you don't know the smell of asparagus pea then you don't have it no i got it i got it you do it smells weird to you yeah well this is interesting i do not uh it says there are two separate genes at work here no this is interesting one is the gene that causes smelly asparagus pee the second is the gene that allows you to smell it so some people don't their pee after a spare eating asparagus does not smell and they can smell other people's asparagus pee and some people have smelly asparagus

pea and can smell it and some people can't don't have smelly asparagus so i don't smell asparagus asparagus pea but i could have it i wouldn't know though because i don't smell it you can't smell your own smell but noah has both because i'm guessing you smell your own pea not others oh i hate it that's why i don't like eating asparagus what What does it smell like? It's almost like if you turn pee into a soup. Just imagine. Pee soup.

Do you also hate, is cilantro like soap to you? You're one of those people, right? Yeah, I can't eat cilantro. Don't like it. I don't mind it. I'm not huge. Okay. I want not huge. Okay. I want to play the one, the poor Peter Parker one, Noah.

This one is about how to do a ventriloquist trick. This guy is teaching you how to say things with your mouth shut, and you can say poor Peter Parker by following this guy. Poor Peter Parker. This guy looks like Anthony Cass on that. In the world of Spider-Man, this one is perfect. The letter P is very hard to say as a ventriloquist because you got to go puh, puh.

You got to move your... Puh, puh. The P is hard. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to replace all those P's with T's. So I'm going to say Tor-teeter-Tarker. And I'm going to try to do the lizard's voice at the same time. All right. So I'm going to touch my tongue on the roof of my mouth for every syllable.

So I'm going to go like this. Tor-teeter-Tarker. I'm going to put my lips slowly together. Tor-teeter-Tarker. Tor-teeter-Tarker. Tor-teeter-Tarker. Tor-teeter-Tarker. I'm going to put my lips slowly together. Poor Peter Parker. Poor Peter Parker. Poor Peter Parker. Poor Peter Parker. Poor Peter Parker.

Poor Peter Parker. Wow. So there's all these, I went through the subreddit, like the comments. There's all these tricks ventriloquists use to make the sounds. To say fuck, to do any kind of F sound, you use... Wait, let me just look. Fuck, it's taking forever to load. There's a trick for every letter that's hard to say with your mouth closed.

For P's, you say T's. Tear, tear, tear, tear, like, so for P's, you'd say T's. Tear, tear, tear, tear, tear, tear. Tore, teeter, talker. Are you saying? Okay, yeah, say it. Tore, teeter, talker. Put your tongue at the roof of your mouth. Tore, teeter, talker.

And put the mic to your mouth. Tore, teeter. Yeah, that could help, too. That could really help. Are you good at beatboxing? Can you beatbox? Have you ever tried? Poutine cats.

Poutine cats. Oh, yeah. Poutine cats. Poutine cats. Poutine cats. Poutine cats. Are you? I mean.

All I know is poutine cats. Poutine cats. Poutine cats. That was taught to me by Radu Bandar. Shout out. Okay. This was from Too Afraid to to ask the subreddit is the sole purpose of wearing a thong to reduce panty lines or is there another reason great question because thongs annoy the fuck out of me and i really think it's just because

women don't want panty lines but what is the problem with a panty line? It just tells people you're wearing underwear. What is the problem with wearing underwear? If you're not wearing underwear, then you're just getting all your juices all over your pants or your skirt or you're not wearing underwear. And is it to seem sexy? Is it so distracting to see a panty line?

Like, what is it? Why do we fear the panty line i'll tell you it's because whenever i wear regular underwear it always bunches up and gives me like a wedgie so i'd rather a thong than a wedgie thong is you rather just commit to the wedgie because a thong is a committed wedgie it is a committed way it is i like commitment yes by like an hour of having the wedgie do you even feel the wed like an hour of having the wedgie, do you even feel the wedgie anymore? Do you feel the wedgie?

No, because it's not, it is a constant wedgie. That's what I'm saying. And so after a while, it becomes like tinnitus, tinnitus, tinnitus. Yeah. I think that's the way you say it.

It's just like, you don't, if you focus, tinnitus is annoying for people all day long, but it's like that fan. You know when we, you hate the sound of a fan whirring, but you's like that fan you know when we you hate the sound of a fan whirring but you're like sometimes you forget about it that's to me what wearing a thong is like anything i haven't getting shit on it because i would think about yeah i i used to have a joke

that my dentist used to know i wasn't flossing or wasn't wearing a thong because wait what was it he knew i used to don't you hate when you have to lie to your dentist about that you haven't been flossing wearing a thong or something and that how my thong had like he knew i was like i didn't wear it because my thong had blood on it oh blood yeah um no uh someone said that they wear a thong in the comments they said they wear a thong because they get acne on their butt cheeks okay and then they don't when they wear a thong someone said um no that was a good reason someone said i use cotton thongs and they are the most comfortable underwear i've ever had i don't someone says i don't like feeling the sensation of the underwear edge on my cheeks when i regular we

were regular underwear i feel the line on my butt of where the underwear ends um yeah okay so i guess that's settled but i still maintain that i think they're mostly for avoiding panty lines and i don't like them i'll buy a thong and i'll wear it all day and i'll just see different with with balls and stuff you know like because it really pulls sometimes even my i have like a baggy pussy day and i don't want it to be so scrunched up in that thong. And sometimes it splits your vagina in half. Like the thong rides up in between your vagina too. Like Noah giving a blowjob. Yeah, it splits you with her nose.

Callback. Hand grip. Like 83 episodes. 84 episodes. This is from the subreddit BoneAppleTea, which is a great one for us because it's about mispronunciations and miswritten things. And it's obviously bone app-a-teet. Someone just one time on the

internet wrote bone apple tea instead, and everyone thought it was so funny. So this is from the subreddit Bone Apple Tea, and it says, and it's a review of a business, and it's giving it one star. And this is someone writing a review of a business who just didn't really know what this turn of phrase is and maybe you recognize this andrew what kind of business is this they hire off-putting delivery drivers who look sketchy and like hoodlums off-putting i mean that's dude you're not the only one i don't think i'm alone pudding there it is folks did she get shit for it no i mean it's it's a screen grab of someone else. You know what I mean?

Oh, so you don't see comments on it. Feels nice. I love it. So then there was the Ask Reddit. Men of Reddit, what's something you've always wanted to ask a woman but thought it would be too embarrassing to ask them? So some of the questions are, it loads so sorry come on do you ever know what what do you want to ask me underneath your chin by putting your tongue on the roof of your mouth i just thought of it because

it's a peter thing if you suck on the roof of your mouth this fat will suck will go in well i remember girls used to be able to do like a froggy thing where you go like and i think that's where you know yeah i think that's doing it so final thought men have read it what's something you always wanted to ask a woman but thought it would be too embarrassing to ask someone said i always assume periods were a constant stream of blood apparently this is like cut, as another Redditor put it. Apparently, this is wrong. So how does it work? Small gushes.

So he didn't think it was blood gushing out all the time. He just meant during your period, it was constantly dripping out. Is that something you relate to thinking? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, sure. Okay. I thought that was interesting. I don't think it's constant.

I would probably think the same thing. Is it? No. It's like it comes out with your muscle. When you sneeze, when you get up from a chair, different kinds of gravity push it out. But it is. And then there's days where it's heavy.

There's days where it's light. And it can go back and forth between those days. It's not like it starts light, goes to heavy, and then goes light again. days where it's heavy there's days where it's light and it can go back and forth between those days it's not like it starts light goes to heavy and then goes light again it's not always like that right Noah

would you say the same thing mm-hmm yep exactly so wait it starts heavy gooey and warm but sometimes it can go start light go heavy

go back to light go back to heavy like it's not one like you know curve like perfect bell curve like a family guy bit yes yeah yeah it's like a family guy bit.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a Kanye fucking freestyle. Here's another question. Do you really like it when men roll up their sleeves? Oh, that is a good question.

I loved that question and the truth is yes because it just looks like you're getting down to business. With every shirt? Someone said, yes, can't really tell you why.

Something about the forearms. It's important to note that it's a phenomenon specific to having long sleeves that are rolled up. A shirt with three-quarter sleeves does not produce the same effect. Noah? I never thought about it, but yeah, I guess I do like it

when sleeves get rolled up. It just already gets me kind of horned up to think about that, to think about my guy rolling up his sleeves. Yeah, it's like I'm down to fuck like i'm ready to go um or build you a house uh okay let's go to one more thing oh okay you know i love um foreigners doing american accents or like non-speaking english people doing fake english it's just so funny to me to hear what we sound like to other people.

So this is an Irish man doing an American accent, a thick Irish accent. You can hear it slip out sometimes, but he's pretty good at saying, and this is the funniest part about this is the things he picks to say that are so American. And this guy is so hot by the way. And this is on Tik TOK cringe. Howdy dudes.

Sorry to barrage in on your game of Texas. Hold them. But I have not chill news. Brett and Cody are in hospital. They were driving their Mustang Chevrolet truck up in Boston city, but the motorway was slippy and they almost hit tree trees and ended up hitting a Starbucks bullet Starbucks. The car looks like absolute shite, but the boys will be grand.

Hey, the American football match. Wow. Is that a HD television? H. Remarkable. Remarkable. Pass me some crisps and a red solo cup and a Budweiser camouflage. A Budweiser camouflage.

A Starbucks bullet factory. Wait, what? Is he an actor? No, I mean, he's just a fucking irish tiktok guy but he should be gorgeous man he's a good looking man but i just like the idea of what people think of us a starbucks bullet factory or whatever the fuck he said um hey now there are i just send me any people doing fake english things i love when we're made fun of by other people to close this out um i liked this what life hack became your daily routine what life hack became your this is from ask reddit um someone said i flip my pill bottles

after taking them so i remember if i took them or not really helps if you take the same pill in the morning and at night wow that's a good one that is good because i really forget if i take shit all the time i forget every time and i only take one pill now wow that's good okay someone said sleeping with a pillow between my knees no more lower back pain um someone said the chef who taught me to cook said at at the get-go 90% of cooking is cleaning so just like clean while you cook pretty much um someone said don't put it down put it away don't don't put it down that's like put it away that's so good you're gonna have to do it twice um washing dishes while cooking someone said that's another one of those cooking ones i bought 24 pairs of the same socks and threw the rest of mismatching ones away man i gotta do that but i

can never find a sock I want to commit to. I don't understand where they go. I know it's an old hack, but boy, where is that? Where the fuck do they go, man? Well, you just learned how to clean out the dryer lint thing, so maybe they're all in there. You didn't know that that was a thing to clean out. I thought that was socks in there.

Someone said, moisturizing my face right after a shower. Oh, God, welcome to being a woman. That's a man, I'm sure. Someone said- Bringing tissues into bed before you masturbate. Oh. So you don't have to get up and carry the puddle or walk with it on you? When I'm trying to sleep in bed at night,

I go over what I did that day and think of everything I did in a positive light or as if it's part of the goal I'm working towards. Wow, is this fucking Kanye? I've never been depressed or at least diagnosed with it, but this helps feeling like I've accomplished something and I can feel better about what I've done. Celebrate every little thing you did and also it helps me fall asleep a bit faster. That's good to go over your day even if it's been completely worthless to go. This one thing helped me get to this next thing. It's like counting sheep. Reminds me of. Counting crows. Counting crows.

It's been a long day and I spent most of it in bed. But at least I can say that. Maybe I'll write a bit about depression someday and be able to use what I learned today. Okay. Right? I mean, even on a day where you spend all day in bed, maybe that day is, maybe something that happened that day is going to lead towards

there's no wasted moments but God it feels like it especially like that last riff all right guys thank you so much for listening to the podcast we'll be back tomorrow I got zoned in it zoned me in though

oh man I felt like you were zoned out I was zoned out while being zoned in if that makes sense no it seems like a compliment wrapped in an insult. That's what it was. We got to go to Perfect Strangers set. Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you tomorrow on the podcast.

Make sure to subscribe on YouTube. Hey, I'm coming to Austin coming up and also a lot of other dates. Winnipeg, Vancouver, Austin, other places in texas uh fucking nashville rhyman auditorium um i mean so many dates i can't even like jacksonville poor lauderdale new orleans houston dallas come out and meet us vip tickets available at uh you know they'll be at the the uh if you if you can't get them online, you can purchase them at the merch booth too. So I hope to meet you guys there and see you there. I can't wait. All right. That's it for us. Don't be cut and yeah.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance.

You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season.

We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to... the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party,

your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeartWomen sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.