The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #185 Besties Question The Pod

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

Nikki, Andrew and Noa meet up late in the day and buck the regular format to answer questions that Besties submitted on Instagram. Nikki talks more about her friend Hül (with the closing curtain) and loves that she went on a friendship blind date with Noa. They also talk about a Nikki's butt dial before getting into questions. The Besties questioned the pod ...and they did good! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape

your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect

Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me michael rapaport and my gift to you is a free subscription to the i am rapaport stereo podcast where i discuss entertainment sports politics and anything and everything that catches my attention i am here

to call it as i see it and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, and wherever you get your podcasts. Snakes, zombies, sharks, heights, speaking in public. The list of fears is endless. But while you're clutching your blanket in the dark, wondering if that sound in the hall was actually a footstep, the real danger is in your hand when you're behind the wheel. And while you might think a great white shark is scary, what's really terrifying and even deadly is distracted driving.

Eyes forward. Don't drive distracted. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council. Happy Wednesday to y'all. I know it's Wednesday because we did Reddit yesterday, and I know Reddit's on Tuesday. That's how I keep track of the week. Good. It's how many days after we talked about my Reddit finds. Tell them to keep a track.

Today's podcast might be out a little bit later than usual. Not sure, but I just want to say that we could have skipped it today. It's late in the day. We weren't able to do it this morning because I, perfect strangers too, needed us both so early. But we said, no, we want to do a pod. We need to do a pod. We gave them three last week because of the holiday.

What holiday was it? President. Yep. It was President. I don't know which one. And so we're doing it. And it's going to be a special one. We're not going to talk about murder unless it comes up.

Right. I mean, there's probably five topics that always come up. Right. Well, I just want to cover a couple of things. Okay. Murder. Molestation. Murder.

Moles. And Columbine. Just saying mm at the end of it. You didn't say, I didn't say where the M was. I didn't say where the M was. Man, we did not get to it. I mean,

I guess we could maybe get to it today. What one of our besties wrote to us about Columbine. And we still haven't talked about Taylor Swift's Heavy Metal. Maybe we never get to those.

Who knows? But they're coming. We're coming up on a year of the podcast. We have a lot of people who obviously during Fan Threx, we always hear people that are like, I've been listening since i'm an og fan like started at the beginning some

of you are working your way back to put together the pieces of the inside jokes that we ourselves don't even know the origin of at this point but um regardless of it we we just love our fans so much and you've heard me say it before but if you're listening this podcast either it's your first time or your last time i'll miss you but uh i really appreciate you guys giving us a shot and having us in your lives and um i wanted to follow up on one thing that i'm dying to know about just for my own personal interest noah um hung out with my best friend from high school who i talked about earlier this week um Her curtain was threatening to close. Yes. Holla, also known as H-E-R,

because my friends in high school, we just got lazy saying things. So we went from Laura Holly, which is her name, to Holla, to H-E-R. Why do I feel like H-E-R is harder to say than Laura Holly? Like it just...

We added an umlaut over it. We didn't even know what that meant. She was the goalie of our field hockey team, the one that I wasn't on after sophomore year. You were playing hard to get on the bench. You're like, I could play. I mean, part of you wanted to be competitive with it, I feel like. No, no.

Really? I know when I'm not good at something, I just know. You clam up. Do what you're good at. Be fun to be around. But you're not unathletic. I know, but I'm not good at something, I just know. You clam up. Do what you're good at. Be fun to be around. But you're not unathletic. I know, but I'm not good at coordination and balls. Really?

You swing a golf club. I disagree. I just knew I was. For not playing golf, you have a good golf swing. You know what? I get so nervous on the field if it's going to come to me. Even during kickball back in the day in high school or middle middle school grade school even terrified the guys are gonna say you suck yep and the guys are gonna make fun of me the girls were always on my side i never felt like that but

it just and then by high school i think with field hockey i wanted to do it because my friends were doing it it's fun and you run a lot i like the running part of it. And I loved how good water tasted. Because it would be so hot. I always think back to just chugging my iced up igloo cooler of water. And thinking this is the best taste I've ever had. And how satisfying the end of practice was. And I kind of missed that. But when I got shin splints that made me not be able to walk. I was so grateful that I had to quit.

You know what was amazing? Before football. And I think they probably do that a lot in a lot of high schools they the parents would make pasta for the kids yeah we would carb load before before a game yeah yeah that's something i'm like literally salivating right now because i'm just thinking about how good the fucking i always got uh What's the one that starts with an R? Rigatoni. Roll-a-station. Yeah, that was it. Roll-a-mine. Bake Ziti.

Wait, what was it? It really was Bake Ziti. Oh, Bake Ziti. I don't know why I thought... Sorry. Ravioli starts with an R, but it was Bake Ziti. Oh, okay. And honestly, I don't know if this was the best food to eat

before this whole carbo loading i think that was an early 2000s late 90s you're like you got a game in 30 minutes take down this fucking pizza it's like really but also don't go swimming if you've just eaten you know like which is it you can get a cramp and drown so what is it um and also if a shark gets you you don't want them to have a second meal. That's why you really don't eat before. You don't want to give them something extra. They tell you don't go in if you're bleeding or if you have rigatoni. You don't want to be like one of those little kinder balls where once he bites you open,

there's another surprise of some rigatoni. Oh, man. I've been thinking about that guy a lot more than if we haven't made jokes about his tragic passing. I want to say that jokes keep someone alive sometimes. Tragic thing to think about. And we're never using him for fodder. That is not it. It probably doesn't help that we look out at the ocean every day.

Yes, and are reminded of thrashing waters and a floating torso. We also saw a guy swimming alone yesterday. What are you doing swimming alone? I go, haven't you heard of Simon? simon simon cal who's taller younger brother what i was gonna say about field hockey is that holla was our our goalie and she's just we came up with this thing of like holla don't care because she would just be like i don't care in sixth grade she wore a shirt that we made fun of that said whatever and we were like oh holla really this was this was popular in sixth grade it was this was before we had we would make fun of people that would go like whatever yeah you're a moron

just walk away and you would do the w turn it to an m and then just move your fingers to make it walk and then hollow showed up one day with a cat in the hat hat on you remember those they were pretty cool i do remember that she like got a cat a hat hat and she was wearing a shirt that said whatever. We were just like, when did you become counterculture, sixth grade, suburb?

You're just searching for any kind of identity and I turned into a holly donker. I do love when you wear a ridiculous hat and then you already have a comeback

on your shirt. You are already anticipating people making fun of your hat. Yes. And then you're going, whatever. I had all said, it's all here. It is good though.

And then your shorts are like, just kidding. They just said, um, bro. Yeah, yeah. How boring. Um, bro, what's with your shirt? Logic, bro. Inside joke. Real inside.

Real inside. Like, that's not even a ham drip. That's a ham river. No one wants to go swimming a fucking roast beef cloud um noah how was it hanging out with holla and did she cur and did she say anything about nikki that did her curtain close what did she say about nikki in high school anything that we don't know um i guess i heard more about like um your friendships in in college we're talking about that and um i so she hashtagged in our text as we were anticipating the morning because like she's in tempe arizona she was in tempe arizona and we met there so i had like this long drive

and it was the first time i was meeting her in person we had just only been texting here and there and she hashtagged it blind date and i was like you know what i do feel like i'm about to go on a blind date like a friendship blind date because i i really commended you on doing this thanks well i was a fan of hers hers from like all the stories that you tell about her. And then when I came over, you had sent her a message that I'm here and I say hello. And then you tagged her on Instagram and I was like, I'm just gonna start following her and like say hi. And she she's like the coolest person over text she's very social and you could just feel her like like good vibes even in like a text message she's just awesome she's a good hang i got really lucky yeah yeah so you had fun but you that is scary to me going on a new date with a new friend like it's all very intimidating i really commend you for being like i'm open to hang out with someone new and like drive to meet them and I don't know it's all that that that makes me nervous I'm sure some of our listeners can probably relate to that nervousness of like oh new friend yeah and also I'm very like I feel like my natural inclination is to be anti-social

so this was a really good way to push myself out of that. And even though on the surface we might not have anything in common or we come from two very different places, after we spent time together, we actually learned that we have a lot in common. And it was just... It was so great. And then after the fact, like even...

What music did you listen to on the way there? I'm just oh that's a good point that's a good question what do you listen to before going to meet a new friend and you're kind of nervous well there's a new band that i like uh it's crib death what was it what's it called i was was they're called unprocessed so I was listening to them just getting familiar with their catalog

their album okay you know what I commend you on all of this because I am someone who not only

new friends I want to meet I'll meet someone in person I'll go okay I already know you like the idea of meeting someone

online and even online dating was very hard for me. What if this person shows up and they totally suck and they're so different on text and it's awkward? All these dumb fears that are never realized because you can always just go, I did this once and now I have to do it again. But also listening to new music,

I find very hard to do. I'm impressed with all of it. She did a double. She did a new catalog and a new friend. But you know how Noah just said, I, I have a tendency to be antisocial. So I wanted to do the thing that was the opposite of that,

that would challenge that. Like, that's what I love about Noah is that she, in the face of those things, you do the opposite. Like you are aware of the things you're not just stuck in your ways of like, well, this is just the way I am.

You're like i i can tell i'm missing out on something and i don't want to just be that way and and or if i am that way i want to know that i at least tried the other way like when i went canoeing one time in my adulthood in recent time i was just just like, I say I hate this all the time. Let me get another shot to see if it really holds up that I hate it. And it turns out I was totally right. Yeah, for sure. You saw where that was going. Yeah, I mean, there were parts of it I liked,

but for the most part, it wasn't something I would pick to do again. And at least you can say you did it. I went with my brother-in-law with his Big Muddy Adventures. It's a St. Louis company. If you're coming to St. Louis and you want to do an outdoorsy and like canoe on the mississippi river

like past the arch and all the shit that people don't ever get to do big muddy adventures shout out to them but not my not my bag and i on my last podcast um when i was doing it over covid i had described one of the guys that was on the canoe trip with us as a wet old man because he was doing this demo of showing us like if you fall out of the canoe here's how you get into another one so he jumped out of his and came over to ours and i just didn't my sister and i were just like we just don't want to deal with like a wet man because we're this big group so we called this guy a wet old man on my podcast i had no idea that he would ever hear it but of course someone told him that i called him a wet old man so then

this is really funny so then i felt so embarrassed i didn't want to see this guy again even though he works for the company that my brother-in-law is at and i do run into him because he's there all the time so i was so embarrassed he thought it was funny everyone was like no he gets it it's a joke so one day i was visiting my brother-in-law's office and they had this whiteboard with all this like to-do list and so i drew on the to-do list i wrote like in the middle of it i i wrote dry out the wet old man did he see it and then there was one night when the wet old man got a little drunk at some kind of Christmas party or something. And the next day he had overslept for work.

And so he later saw that and thought it was them. It was everyone planning an intervention to dry him out. And he goes message received matt message received and matt was like what do you mean he's like what this is ridiculous and it was a total like miscommunication and the wet old man who is not even old and he's actually there was one time where i was like who's that and i was like oh my god that's what old man he looks good i heard he just got his two-year chip but he yeah, yeah, he said to Matt, message received. I got it. And Matt's like, what are you talking about?

He's like, I saw what you wrote on the board. I get it. You know what? Got it. And he's like, wait, I don't know. And he goes, because I didn't even tell Matt I wrote that, I don't think. And so it was just sitting up there. You know on whiteboards when people write stuff and it's like, it looks like an active

board, but it's all been sitting there forever. So yeah, it was really funny that he was just like got it that's like wait he's like i got the sign like they would confront him about his drinking by writing dry out wet old man i love that's the idea of his intervention plan an intervention his intervention is just him uh like accidentally walking in on the board and and the board's like, look, you got a problem. Speaking of dry erase board, I remember Rusty, back to Rusty, his aunt one time sat us down. She opened an office, and she sat us down, and she brought us into this room real quiet. Like, you guys got to see this. And we're like, what the fuck?

What could it be? And we walk in, and it's like what the fuck like what could it be and we walk in and it's like a conference room nothing else in there except a dry erase board and she writes rusty on the board yeah and she takes the eraser and she erased it and goes huh no swear to god no like this is what you're doing with your life? No. No. You're going to be erased? Not everything's a sign. No, she was literally just bragging.

That they got a dry erase board? Can erase. What? Was this the first time she was seeing a dry erase board? Oh, I thought she was doing an intervention like, see you now? Look what drugs can do to you. I thought it was another dry erase board intervention story

look if you have a dry erase it i do love dry erase boards how great is that crisp feeling of like writing with one for the first time it is nice i like erasing what about when they erase the teacher would erase it and there would be one little like the the tail of the t would still be on it and it's all you can think about. I love that that's such a common feeling. I know, but I'm a lefty, so it would come off. That's the problem. Oh, yeah.

Any lefty out there knows your fucking hand here? Just done. I saw it on Reddit the other night. Oh, really? Yeah, people were like, lefties understand it was just a guy's hand that was just all marked up. Yeah, just marked up.

Yeah, black hand. Sucks. Yeah, well, today we're gonna do something different where you during today's perfect stranger shoot you put out a call on our instagram i guess to for for besties to send in questions for us yeah correct q a open to anything what's so funny is your ass fucking thumbs downed it no way i swear to god and i'm looking at you well my ass doesn't want to do it i know your ass doesn't but maybe your brain does but you were looking at me i'm looking at you looking at the other people on perfect strangers and i'm going was so sweaty out there and i sat on my phone and it but dialed you a bunch but it also thumbs down it's thumbed down i love that my ass has an opinion where noah goes yeah it goes noah goes open to anything like like is that

what you want to name the segment and you just go thumbs down i'm looking at you like how is she doing every and then i thought maybe robin had your phone that's what i thought and i thought she was fucking with us got it and then you start doing join FaceTime calls. I'm like, what the fuck? I am so glad it called you guys instead of anyone. And I love I FaceTimed you with my literally I was sitting on my phone with my bare ass because my dress was so short. I mean, not that you would have been able to see anything, but I could have FaceTimed

nearly anyone. Thank God. Oh, my God. It would have been an upskirt, but I could have FaceTimed nearly anyone. Thank God it was you. Oh, my God. It would have been an upskirt. Yes. Or an in-skirt. Whoa.

It would have been, yeah. That's a lot. That's up close and personal, boy. I'm so glad it didn't pick up for you. Was it picking up? Could you see anything? Could you hear anything? I mean, there was a black hole.

Did you hear my lines to Balky? I thought something had happened. Did you hear the- Because usually when you do a FaceTime call it's you know especially with me and Andrew it was a group call so I was like oh no I hope everything is alright so I picked up and I did video

you were on audio and I started hearing stuff but like so I just hung up real quick because I felt like it was like an invasion of your privacy because I realized that you had butt dialed us oh thank you I was like at least of your privacy because I realized that you had butt dialed us. Yes. I was like, at least it's on our message.

I wonder how many butt dials have, like someone's got caught cheating or caught like doing, or you're just talking shit about someone. I have some stories from our besties about that, of like the worst times you've called. I mean, there's always the story of people talking shit about someone

and then you send it to that person. Oh, yeah, you send the text to that person. Oh, my God. But I do want to say that during the, what was I just going to say? Fuck, hold on. During the Perfect Strangers taping, fuck, it was something good. You owe me brain not working. No, not whale. No, no just uh okay never mind well i'm sorry that i

thumbs down that oh just the idea that i would be just like oh i know what i wanted to say i want to say today was full of fuck-ups for me you thought i might be dead this morning because i didn't wake up to my alarm clock I didn't wake up to the phone call 25% of me thinks you're dead yeah like Robin was so scared she's banging on my door for 20 minutes she said and finally her pounding like you know was in my dream because I was getting pounded in my dream too and so it started to sound like fucking knocking wood um and I woke up but just to have my friend I'm like when your friends think because you are not waking up that you've killed yourself you aren't doing something right like something's wrong and

so i told rob and i go i would never kill myself before i thought you killed yourself on the plane that one time i know i thought you've killed yourself maybe 75 times i know i promise you i'm never gonna kill myself so if i do via suicide, it's like an Epstein situation. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Like I had an island for pedophiles. That's what I mean by that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if, no. I told you molestation would come up. It was funny today because I go. And murder have already came up. I go, you thought, I go, you thought I could kill myself? And Andrew goes, no, I just thought you died of old age. Which then you killed yourself after you heard that yes so good okay well we have a lot of questions to get through today

that's what we're doing on the show today we're answering real crazy though what you know what how old jesus was when he died 35 33 you know what the age to life expectancy back then was what 35 wait so he died young? Two years before the life expectancy. So he would have, he was due to die in two years. I just saw a bit on this and people were like, you could have just waited it out.

He would have been dead in two years and then no one would even be talking about him anymore. What would you die of back then? Just probably flu stuff. Are you looking too hot on a cross or something? Yeah. I mean, all right well that's someone's bit yeah leprosy oh yeah maybe leprosy oh that's a tough one really oh my god

have you seen pictures of people with leprosy just uh it's it's bad there's always these 1800s photos it was life was already so hard back there back then that to walk around with an open wounds on your face and then you would have you get shipped to an island didn't they end up going to like being shipped to like hawaii or something i hope so at least it was like tropical i remember there was a movie where there were lepers and they were like out on that was leopards and it was uh jungle book so that was a different oh yeah but we're gonna get to your questions in one second. Coming back right after this. Coming in now.

2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending. Or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early.

Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys. I'm Katherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet and i've got a new podcast it's called throttle therapy this season i'm gearing up to make history competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events starting at the indy 500 join me as i travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing i'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported

me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Throttle Therapy with Katherine Legg, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.

I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose.

We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie in the sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too.

The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's How To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Snakes, zombies, sharks, heights, speaking in public. The list of fears is endless. But while you're clutching your blanket

in the dark, wondering if that sound in the hall was actually a footstep, the real danger is in your hand when you're behind the wheel. And while you might think a great white shark is scary, what's really terrifying and even deadly is distracted driving. Eyes forward, don't drive distracted. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council. That was Leprechaun. Jennifer Aniston movie. Oh, I thought it was... We're back.

We're going to answer your questions. We got a lot on Instagram. Noah, are you going to take us through these? I haven't seen any of them. Andrew saw a lot of them he said there's enough to like take us and you know we could do like i mean this could just be the new show yeah yeah well let's let's get to some of them how about andrew and i do it love it like we'll ping pong back and forth would you rather no you could pick go ahead no honestly you could have this in the news i won't have anything it's all you i love that guy no no it's fine i just like won't eat or like you know what that guy is

the guy with the cat in the hat hat and whatever shirt yeah whatever yeah it's cool whatever no you do you all right all right you do you know what's the first question? Okay. So from Carlito Burrito One, mac and cheese or oatmeal? I mean, I'm going to go oatmeal. You know that. Mac and cheese. I mean, those are such different foods. Not vegan. But if I'm going with like in a world where, you know, health is not concerned, fucking

mac and cheese, yo. Mac and cheese all day craft double up the cheese put in more milk yes oh put in more milk oh i mean i wonder what mac and cheese is like with almond milk or like an oat milk like what you would even use really any mac and it's good i hate these people the best mac and cheese yeah it's just cheese and fucking it's great i like cold mac and cheese actually next, it's just cheese and fucking... It's great. I like cold mac and cheese, actually. Next day. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. And everyone always says that mac and cheese sounds like fingering a girl or something like that or like a wet pussy or whatever. Have you ever heard that? No, but I guess it's a mac inside some cheese. No, it's like when you squish your finger around. Like when you squish it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like a wet puss. What about you, Noah? Do you like oatmeal puss or mac and cheese puss? What do you like your pussies to sound like? I'll probably go it sounds like a wet puss what about you know you like oatmeal puss or mac and cheese puss what do you like your pussies to sound uh probably go for the mac and cheese puss all right yeah just wet sloppy what's your favorite kind of mac and cheese though there is i guess a lot of different kinds i just uh you know i really like i don't like eating broccoli unless it's in mac and cheese. Add broccoli to it.

Ooh. Yes. It's the way that your parents got you to eat vegetables. Why aren't more things added to mac and cheese than just bacon, broccoli,

green chili? What else is added to it? Oh, wow. Hot dogs. No, really? Oh, no, that's pork and beans. That's really good, too. That was a big meal

when I was a kid I used to do the instant mac and cheese where you just you know peel the lid back on the cup I mean

what's why is that so much worse microwaving is an art and I'm really good at it I have to say I know exactly

how much time well with your bagel bites and pizza rolls what are you doing oh I gotta put those in the oven because those get chewy those bagel bites get are too chewy and then they're inedible they're you literally can't

get through them i think i'd like to think that like the blink 182 song like you know you know you're an adult what and they're a song this is growing up oh yeah i guess this is growing up i honestly felt like i was finally a mature adult when I would put bagel bites in the oven because I was a microwave man. Oh my God, anytime I use the oven, I feel like I could run for president. I feel like I should be at some global summit of some sort. Dude, I didn't use a big oven until 35, 36.

Recently, and then remember the pizza rack incident? I mean, you didn't know how to get things out of it you could put things in it pizza rack was worse than pizza gate okay next question we're off to some really yeah that's a good question that's an interesting question yeah that's a head scratcher okay here's a here's a good one from Hank's daughter. Have Nikki, Andrew, or Noah ever had an obsessive person in your life or been stalked? Thanks. Been docked. What does that mean?

No, stalked. What's it called when you... Stalked. This is not the place I would talk about it if I had been because usually stalkers are... You have plenty of like... It seems like he's offering.

He's like, do you guys want one? I mean, have you ever had a... There's a difference, I think, between like online stalk versus person stalk. I'm sure you've had some friends obsessed with you that where it got a little weird. I've never... Especially the more you become a celebrity? No, it hasn't happened. I don't...

I really don't want it to. And, um, there've been people that I could tell her like, Nikki, I love you so much. Like they, they think we have a relationship that we don't,

um, based on whatever they saw or something. And it's usually really law. Like I don't even read it because I don't want to let it in because there's nothing I can do about it. Um, so that's kind of been the only times. And then we've had a couple incidents on the road that I don't really want to it in because there's nothing I can do about it. So that's kind of been the only times. And then we've had a couple incidents on the road that I don't really want to talk about

that have been terrifying. Oh, shit. Yeah. Remember the one time, though, that there was a guy that came to the meet and greet? I still use the thing that he eventually pulled out. He was this guy. Oh, my God. It was in L.A., I think, at the Ace Hotel.

Everything about the scene, you would think he's got something scary he just didn't look like he was like a norm like a one of my fans he was there at the show alone he was at the meet and greet he went to the end so he could have more time with me you could tell he was like hanging back in the line which is a lot of things that stalkery people do oh man I had another stalker not a stalker but a guy that I had to you know I couldn't meet people after the show because he was there a couple times um that was in my club club days but this guy he was so he ended up being so sweet and just like kind of eccentric looking but he had a bag of things he wanted to give me and one of them was jeans with a bunch of like drawings on them that had nothing to do with me or him or anyone

they were just jeans he found another was like a random old shirt that he found that it was like it wouldn't even fit me the jeans were children's jeans by the way like i i was flattered that he thought they would fit me and then at the very end he's rummaging around this bag noah and it's me andrew matt and emile all just kind of andrew and matt and emile are already like tired of this guy's shit it's the end of the meet and greet they're like they're just like suspect of him and i'm trying to be nice because i'm like maybe he's just like special and and so i'm like oh thank you so much what else do you have and he's he's rooting around and it seemed like he was like gonna be like and one more thing gone i mean that's what we all thought

separately all of us because he was searching this bag that didn't seem to be like there's not much in it it seemed like he was waiting to get the to like put it right in like to hold it the right way or to like undo it whatever you do how do you take the lock i thought either a gun or a knife or a gun with a knife on the end of it like a yeah a bayonet a baron a baron trump and so he but then he pulls out a brush and which is weirder than a gun honestly i screamed i know uh matt it was funny because matt was like i was ready to tackle the guy i was it was seconds away from tackling the guy yeah and amil and andrew were like i was ready to run they were dixie chicks ready Oh, I already got out of there quick. Yeah, but he gave me a brush. There's no point in both of us dying, huh?

And he was like, it's just a brush. And there was no hair in it. It was new. And honestly, I fucking love the brush. And I still use it to this day. It was like a goodie brush is what the brand was. And I've never seen one like it. And I have it with me here.

So joke's on us. Whoa, that really took a turn. Yeah, I know. I remember getting a brush and being like i don't even want to touch this thing and then i looked at it and i was like i kind of love this and so uh thanks to that guy noah have you ever had any kind of situations that made you scared um well situation that made me scared yes um one time i was walking home from elementary school and I felt like this guy following me and there was like a corner store

that I used to go to all the time. It was Mr. Kim's grocery store. So I was like, I'm just gonna go in the grocery store and I'll see, because he had been following me for a couple of blocks. So I went in and the guy stopped in front of the store with his back face to the door and i was like oh no so i snuck out and i ran and then um i just like looked from like behind the car and i

saw i'm going into the store and then i just like ran home oh my god it's good that you're aware yeah i would have suggested you just like stay there and tell Mr. Kim and wait instead of like try to outrun. But I'm glad that you, yeah, you just, have you ever felt that like someone's watching you and like been right about it? Why do we know?

Yeah. Because we have senses. Cause we were fucking cavemen. We had to get fucking away from cyber tooth, cyber tooth tigers. That sounds like a great, like, um,

virus protection service. Right. It sounds like a great like um virus protection service right it sounds like wait wasn't there another saber tooth tiger like joke that we did on the show because the tooth coming out of the guy's nose i said he was like a saber tooth no i don't think it was that i think it was long ago no i think it was one episode no it was way back some best people know what i'm talking about there was a saber-toothed tiger joke on the show ham drip wait so you wait so you think that we have you ever felt that someone watching you no but i well yeah i mean in new york there's been times where i've been on the street and i'm like is this person following me anytime someone has a carry-on or a roller bag on the street i always feel like they're chasing me i fucking hate that i like that because that means that they oh because

you can just hear that i just hate that sound so much it's like one of my least favorite i'll stop and wait until they walk like six blocks this is a new thing i'm learning about you is that you don't like certain sounds i don't like the sound of that i don't like the sound of air conditioning and i don't like the sound of shitty fans okay nice fans though this one overhead is that bothering you it's not bothering me but an oscillating fan looking at you weird yeah he has a fucking weird look on him fucking old cyber tooth fan so call back into uh real quick uh 30 seconds ago um so uh no but I had a guy. So this girlfriend, I had a crazy ex-girlfriend who faked having a pregnancy. She said it was, and it ended up being atopical or something, which is when it's outside. But I think she made it all up.

And she was just nuts. She was nuts. And she had an ex-crazy boyfriend. I thought you had only had like two girlfriends who is this one this one wasn't that long it was like four months anyway so she had a crazy ex-boyfriend crazy like when we were dating like he like at any moment he would like call her 40 times or like threaten to show up at our house the new guy when the past guy is dude my little brother was in the bed and an ex-boyfriend showed

up and he opens his eyes and the kid's in the in the room with him and the guy was like six five 250 pounds he's like you're in my bed and he's like what so anyways that's a whole nother story but um so i'm like trying to break up with her but I know this guy's jealous. So I start getting random texts from a number that I don't know. Like, I'm going to fucking kill you. If you go to sleep at night, I'm going to fucking murder you. Shit like this. So I'm like, this is the fucking crazy ex-boyfriend. So I start sleeping with a knife underneath the mattress.

Like, ready to go. Should have gotten a brush. Yeah, it's scarier. But I would have ended up giving it to the guy, and then he would have used it and fallen in love with me. But anyway, so I end up fucking sleeping with a knife for like a month. Oh, my God. And I'm like freaking out.

I'm like looking out windows. I can't sleep. Turns out it wasn't the ex-boyfriend. It was just a friend of mine that I'm not that close with that I just made fun of one night when we were drinking. And he took it so personally that he's like, hey, I'm going to keep pranking Andrew because I'm so fucking. It was a prank.

It was a prank. Right. A weird prank. Right. But he's like, ha ha, got you. You thought I was going to murder you. You're sleeping with a knife under your bed. Oh my God.

I'd sleep with like one eye open. And it ended up being just a guy that like i fucking i think i called i made fun of him for being poor or something and he got so offended do you that's interesting that so many things happen when you're drunk and you're just like i don't even remember saying that or doing that do you though do you ever relate to the thing of like you'll be in bed and you'll be totally having a normal night everything's fine and you just read something or you just think about ghosts or you think about someone being outside and then suddenly they're there like you just you can conjure up someone watching you and

then get so scared and then you like the other night i couldn't even go to my the bathroom because i was so i got myself into such a tizzy in my head that there was going to be a ghost but they're not there like you've thought of like just walk through it it's invisible but i still no but the way you set that up is that you thought there was a ghost there then you went in there there was a ghost no there wasn't no no no but the way you said it you go have you ever thought of something and then it was no you conjure it like in your head i mean like it becomes so real and then you just go but two seconds ago everything was fine like what and i've i've said this on the podcast before but i wonder when people are murdered or there's someone like that breaks into their house or something if there is that spidey sense beforehand we'll never know because they don't make it or

if it was truly out of nowhere and it was just normal. Like, you know, when in retrospect, people always like to tell themselves a story about like, I felt something weird. Is it really that only in retrospect or do people really sense something is off, you know, like that you could smell like is, how do we know? I mean,

how many times have you woken up in the middle of the night? You're like, I hear a noise. And then you're like, yeah, I'm fucking, it's all in my head. Zero.

I mean, it could wake up to Robin fucking. The other day I did think that if there was a tsunami warning, I wouldn't hear it because the white noise is so loud that I would just die in it. And, you know.

Yeah. I thought about, like the white noise sometimes might be the wrong way. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. So I'm going to stop using white noise

from now on if anyone's interested in stalking me. I'm going to fucking hear you. Maybe just do it in one ear or something. Can you turn it down some? Yeah, Interesting. So I'm going to stop using white noise from now on. If anyone's interested in stalking me, I'm going to fucking hear you. Maybe just do it one ear or something. Can you turn it down some? Yeah, but- By the way, I despise white noise. That's another thing I despise.

Yeah, I know you do. We've been over that too. Let's get to the next question. Okay, let's do one more question quick and then break. One quick question and then go to break. Yeah. One quick question. Okay.

So this one's from kathleen mp underscore oh yeah do you think do you think you all would have been friends in high school oh good question 100 percent um i think we'd be how would we i don't think we'd be best friends but i think we'd be friends. I think Noah, you and I, it's a little bit different because I think Noah would have been so quiet and it would have made me feel like intimidated by her. So I might have in the way she like dress kind of alternatively,

like kind of, I would have just thought we don't have much in common. So I probably wouldn't have, you know, I probably would have been nicer and she, you were probably nice in high school, I'm guessing. But I don't know that our paths would have crossed as much. I guess, wait, what were you like in high school?

Maybe, were you emo? Or like punk rock? I don't know if I was emo. I was just like a wannabe in the freaks club, but didn't make it in there. Like not freaky enough. Yeah, I hear that. Like you were trying to, you were trying to like not blend in though.

Like you, you weren't, you didn't want to be seen, but you didn't want to be like everyone else. It's so funny when you want to be like the coolest loser and they're like, nah, we're good. Andrew and I,

we were like in high school, but yeah, I feel like i feel like i would have been friendly yeah yeah oh yeah the old project for you would have been like uh you would have done i feel like you would have been like in the tech for like plays and i'm not saying that as like you would have been in some kind of production thing and I would have been trying to be a talent and it just like how we met naturally and I think that's how a lot of times you cross paths with people that you would because you stick with

people who I don't know yeah I met a lot of I don't want to say a lot of the alternative kids that dressed in black and were a little bit like moody and I was kind of scared of just their anger or like just. Four people think you're going to go to Columbine right now. Yeah.

Four people are like, oh this is when she's going to talk about Columbine? Yeah. I think I like got, I got to know those kids either, you know, working on a class project together. You went to a bigger school though. How many kids were in your school? Our graduating class was like 500 and something. See dad, then we're not. The chances are very slim

that if you went to my private school we would not have crossed paths you know what i would have though if we would have been in the same class i would have laughed very i would have thought you were very funny and i would try to be your friend because you were nice i was very nice people i was nice but i was a fucking class clown but i was so there was like a tier of like, like really like the hot popular girls that were like, and I feel like you would be, no offense, but in the second tier. Oh yeah. But like the cool girl. With tears in my eyes that I couldn't be in the first tier.

Who you think is attractive, but you don't know if she's attractive yet because she hasn't really found her like fashion sense or anything. But she's cool. I didn't find it until I was like 32. But she might not like shave like above her knee, you know know just because she like developed late or like thinking about cock late so like you would be in that area but i'd be we'd be friends and we'd have some moments yes but at a party i wouldn't fucking seek you out right but we in between classes or like maybe like yeah you would have been popular you would have been i was i was always friends with the popular guys that weren't quite as

no offense good looking tall like the because you were a short kid that's why I'm basing that off of right like you weren't like the stud right so I would have I was always friends with those guys on the outskirts the guys that were

popular because they were friends with the guys that were popular but that I felt like they were still approachable because they like, weren't getting, that was me. Yeah. If I was taller, I'd, I'd spit on top of your head, but because I was four foot 11. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, but I w I was like the popular. And then I was like, definitely popular, but just like, just, but I might've been scared of you because you were so funny, but as long as you weren't a funny kid that made fun of other people, I would have been friends with you. But if you were one that made fun of other people, oh boy, I would have avoided you. I wasn't. Stayed out of your line of fire.

Unless you came at me and then I was fucking guns blazing. No, I think we would have gotten along. I think we probably would have teamed up and caused the kid to really be sad. No, no, no. I didn't bully. I think I bullied someone maybe a little bit. We would have bullied up and caused the kid to really be sad no no no i would i didn't bully i think i bullied someone maybe a little bit we would have bullied noah grade accidentally look at this loser trying to be a loser oh but no i i i think we i definitely talk shit about dorks behind their backs but never to their face never to make someone intentionally to i was i

never understood doing that and one day there was one of the dorkier girls that would sit over in this collection. There were these turtle sculptures in our common area. And we called the goth kids that sat over there that were kind of like the outcasts. I went to school during Columbine. That was our ninth grade.

So those Columbine-y kids were over like in the turtle we called them the turtles right and but we didn't say this to their face and one day we were like looking over at them for some other reason like we're point i remember it wasn't about making fun of them and this girl this brave turtle came over to us and was like slowly oh she walked up and was like all you guys do is make fun like she was taking out her anger at the table that was over there of the really popular girls out on us. But I remember being like,

I respect that she was tired of being the brunt of jokes because she was a turtle and she fucking let us have it even though it was misplaced because I remember being like, Laura, I would never, I'm on your,

we were in Girl Scouts together. But I was sitting at a table maybe with some girls that were doing that. So, and it's hard to speak up when you're terrified of not being cool. I was best friends with the most popular kid in school. Yeah. In my grade. And then the other cool kids that love to be friends with him,

even though he was the best friend with me. Yeah. Like kept me around because of him like we're friends with me because of him yes but i never felt that close to them no because they were like waspy and didn't love jews you know yes and so then just barely hanging on so i got tired of them to the point where i almost didn't even hang out with my best friend i was friends with them to then hang out with the kids playing bond with like hemp necklaces smoking bond listening to fish playing bond bond is like a video game that i've read oh oh bond oh yeah yeah okay so i started hanging out with them and i got a hem necklace i went to fish

yeah you're just but i couldn't handle drugs i didn't want to be a drug yes but i didn't want to be a druggie either yeah oh yeah so you're like i don't want to be a druggie either. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So you're like, I don't want to smoke weed. You just were trying to find a place to fit in. I was just trying to get away from where I couldn't win. Never going to win. They were never going to accept you. You were always going to be. It feels a lot like how stand-up was, to be honest. Yeah.

Yeah. Stand-up can be so isolating, so bullying, and so elitist. And you're in groups. And you can't get in. I still struggle with it to this day. Even with success, there are still some people that I'm just like, they're the cool kids and they'll always look at me and roll their eyes

at any success I have. It's just, and there's a part of me that I'm gonna prove them wrong. But in the end, I just, now I know those people are miserable and they don't like themselves. Anyone that's like so mean to other people and thinks they're so cool and has to make other people feel bad. And like, you're not going to sit at our table. They're so miserable and they weren't loved. And I truly know that now,

but it's still fucking hard to get to. Let's take a quick break and come back with more questions. This question seems great, by the way. I love it. Good enough. Awesome. All good topics. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays,

and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to how to money on the I heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast. Dive into john's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the

show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio apps, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys. I'm Katherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy.

This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Throttle Therapy with Catherine Legg, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships,

how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours

is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's how-To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Snakes, zombies, sharks, heights, speaking in public. The list of fears is endless. But while you're clutching your blanket in the dark, wondering if that sound in the hall was actually a footstep, the real danger is in your hand when you're behind the

wheel. And while you might think a great white shark is scary, what's really terrifying and even deadly is distracted driving. Eyes forward. Don't drive distracted. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council. All right, we're back. Let's get some more questions. These are great. Oh, wait, are we not doing news at all? I guess not. We'll just do it tomorrow.

It's only questions. Oh. Okay. Here's one from Chelsea Vale. Do you think jealousy in Mr. Brightside sounds like Chelsea? Can we hear it? Jealousy turning saints into this. I bet you we were reading it.

Jealousy. Yes, I do think that. If we read it, we would think it. You know what I mean? Like that fucking TikTok. You have to like read it when you hear it. No, I absolutely will never hear that song the same way again

jealousy because they're British if it was three syllables though I would say it's hard hey Chelsea hey Chelsea well that song

I thought was hair jealousy no way yeah I bet I told you this I bet my brother 20 bucks that it was hair jealousy hair jealousy

yeah like hair gel like hair gel no just hair jealousy just I thought it was which it should be about because that's what most men deal with and they had nice hair actually hair jealousy i'm back in the 90s they had long like curly you can trust me not to wash and not to fucking conditioner and if you don't have a good hairline, I'm not going to be threatened. It's all I really want is a thick old mullet.

Feel like I'm 32. Yeah, thank you. I was trying to rhyme something with mullet, but it wasn't going to happen. Yes, it does sound like that. Good question. Next question. Okay, so here's one from Ellie, Ellie Sioda at Ellie Sioda.

How do I make new friends as an older single woman in her fifties in New York? Hmm. Um, I would, man, it's tough with like COVID stuff, but I would, well,

things are inching back to normal the beauty thing the beauty thing the beauty thing about new york yeah the beauty beautiful about new york yeah um there's millions of activities that if you just pick what you are excited about book club fucking whatever it is. Yes, meetup. And I don't mean book club because you're in your 50s. Is it called meetup groups, like meetup? Yeah, go play fucking dodgeball.

Go fucking, I don't know. Yeah, I still get emails about a girl's beginning soccer, an adult women's, like to learn how to play soccer for the first time in your life. And I still get emails and was always like, God, a different version of myself would have made new friends that way. Or take a class.

I think that's a great way to meet people, especially at that age. You know what I mean? Yeah. What were you passionate about and that you never got to do? Take a class. That's a good idea.

And then people in that class will have similar mind as you and you'll probably end up being friends with them. Go places alone because I think that people are more apt to like involve you in their group and like have you join along did you see you watched unorthodox right yeah a while a long time ago no have you seen unorthodox is it unorthodox or i think it's just um hey this is not my story you know what i really liked about it i just started watching it I'm only two episodes

in but I liked how Esty the girl when she goes to Berlin she is so she you know she escapes the her Williamsburg and her life as an unorthodox wife and

she escapes Berlin she's never communicated with like people who aren't orthodox jewish she's never done she's never talked to anyone and so she's so open to meeting new people she just like is at the coffee shop and it's just like can i help you carry those coffees like she was just friendly and i think that friend like you just got to take that you got to take risks you got to be like noah and go on a blind date you got to do the thing that's telling you don't go to that thing alone don't strike up the conversation don't ask about that thing and also I would say if you have any like thing that you struggle with there are like 12 step groups that are great places to meet friends if you want

to like meet with like-minded people who might be struggling with a similar thing. And it doesn't have to necessarily be struggling to be, um, like not an alcoholic or something. There's like a group called Al-Anon that is like, even if you had like an alcoholic aunt, you're qualified to go.

And it's just people talking about being a good human. And it's pretty awesome. Also your expectations, like, I don't know how many friends you're going to want, but i would i would say i just need like two or three good ones yeah that's all you need yeah don't think like maybe now you're like newly single or did she say that or she said she was single but yeah

i mean you need two or three just find two or three people that you like hanging out with every five days in new york you can be 50 and be friends with 20 year olds like i have oh yeah there's no age gap yeah in new york that's the best place to be because be open to any age because there's 20 year olds living like 50 year olds there's 50 year olds living like 20 year olds like there's no you can really mix it up there it's a great place to be great question good luck okay yeah all right this is from at a town beads if you weren't in comedy what would you do for a living oh i love that question andrew what about you um i don't know i did real estate before the older i get i i wasn't my mind wasn't ready for

real estate at that time i never bought a house i still only have bought one condo but like i kind of have an understanding i like commercial real estate a little bit i like putting together deals i like figuring out like who could buy like you'd be a good salesman i'm not that good of a salesman i'm a good um i'm a good like what is it like a schmoozer i'm a good schoozer. Like you'd be a good guy that takes like the clients out and like shows them a good time and it just like takes them out on the golf course, whatever that is. I'd be great at that.

The problem is, is alcohol is so involved in that shit. At this point, you can't do that. Especially in real estate in New York. But I do like, I like getting in my car and being like, oh,

you got to go look at a property two hours away and like kind of figure out like that shit's fun and then meeting up with the city and like oh no that kind of stuff's fun yeah so you think you'd be doing that i guess you want to be doing that if you couldn't do comedy and you couldn't do anything in the entertainment world what would you do right now if it was taken from you i mean i guess that i guess that i, it depends how much money I have in the bank now, too. I mean, that's the other thing. I know. The money thing comes into play.

Noah, what about you if you couldn't do this job or anything in radio? Like, what other? Super easy. I so badly, but I don't have the discipline for school to study it, but I so badly wanted to work in crime scene investigation okay yes like that's interesting to me do you listen to a lot of murder podcasts and stuff like do you do you why i don't know you as a like a you know law and order svu person no because um i used to really be into it with podcasts and stuff. I think because I work in podcasting, I don't really listen to too many podcasts

because I can't listen to it while I work. Right. But I really, so the field that I would have gone into is called serology, which is blood splatter analysis. And you basically figure out where the person and the murder happened through the blood splatter analysis and you basically figure out yeah person and the murder happened through

the blood splatter and uh all that how do you say serology and are you good at science stuff would you have done well in the classes that would you know you'd have to do leading up to that uh i probably only would have done good in the classes with the topics that i would have wanted to learn about right all the other stuff like chemistry. I know. You have to do all the other stuff before that. How do you spell serology? I don't even know what that word looks like.

S-E-R-O-L-O-G-Y. Oh, so it's S-E-R. God, I just love Noah so much. I know. Isn't she so fascinating? It's just so funny because it's like either I'm going to do a comedy podcast or I'm going to figure out some blood. Or I'm going to look at the way someone's brain exploded on a wall to figure out who

did this. We're going to tell some little jokes. That's my nightmare, by the way. Really? Fucking, I hate blood. Who loves blood? I love crime scenes. I always am trying to look for photos of it.

Do you ever watch the first 48, Noah? That's a really good show that really gets you into like what it looks like right away and all that stuff. That's more of a homicide detective work. Yeah. Most recently I like Mindhunter,

but when I was younger, I used to watch Autopsy, Forensic Files, like all those shows on like the ID network. Wow. Oh my God. Well, that's really cool. I love that answer.

I would not have guessed that for you. What about you? Let me guess. Yeah, let me guess, Andrew. If you weren't doing anything in entertainment. I can't do entertainment, yeah. Shit. I mean, I know you're a teacher for a little while.

It depends if you'd want to make money make money oh you'd be a psychologist um i think i probably would because it would be easier for me than what i would really want to do but i'd want to be a podiatrist and like oh yeah like scrape uh people's foot lesions all day long it would be maybe honestly heaven for me i wonder if though people that get into that stuff because they love they're really like satisfied. They watch videos of it because you always find out like when you do what you love it takes some of the fun out of it like for a living. Like comedy

I love obviously but it's it's lost its glamour to me. But I wonder if scraping down people's warts would ever lose its glamour. I think it would. Man I am so excited. A bestie is going to let me get at her foot in Vancouver, and I can't fucking wait.

Now just imagine a millionaire waiting for you there. I would love it. I mean, I'm not kidding you, and I was kind of nervous about her work because she was like, I'm going to send you a picture of it. Like, I asked her to send me a video of it, and I was like kind of nervous it was going to be one that I'm just like, eh, I don't really care.

It's so good, and I was like, girl, I feel bad you didn't have to walk on that thing and because I know how painful they are but she says it's not causing her pain and I cannot wait to get at it and I don't know like I'm gonna I'm gonna bring like something to treat it with like I'm gonna try to like actually look at our um look at the towns we're coming to if you have a wart let us know bring it backstage and i will scalpel it and i'm breaking you down and you have to just surrender the fact that i don't know what i'm doing and i might i don't want to hurt anyone but i just want to get at it look if you hurt someone no one can

figure it out you don't understand there's literally anyone who has like a sex fetish there's anyone who will fulfill that for you you can you can pay an escort to really do anything you want but for someone like me whose deepest fantasies is scraping down a fort award, there is no way to do that without going to medical school or I can't go to, I can't do it voluntarily. Like for volunteer purposes, you have to have a degree. So it has to just have someone,

you have to find a friend that trusts you. Yeah. So it's, it, and none of my friends trust me. Like Robin even was like, I wouldn't let you touch me with a fucking thing. And I like you're probably right but i'm really excited because we see you go after your own skin like a fucking banshee sometimes look at my yeah i do but it's so

satisfying and sometimes i watch you go after your nails with the fucking uh yeah a file and you're talking to me like a nail let's go Let's go over jokes. And I'm just looking at you, look, going after your nail. Try to get that hangnail and just rip it out. I mean, I'm sure I do things that fucking make you want to jump out of it. No. Let's get to the next question.

Okay. One more question and then we got to wrap this up. This has been fun. And this is just a bonus. So if you didn't enjoy it, it almost didn't happen. And we're going to do it tomorrow. No, we'll be back tomorrow with the real podcast.

This is from Katie Kosick for Nikki. Okay. Maybe Andrew. What do you do to get out of the looking down at the ground while playing guitar moments hmm well Noah plays guitar too so let's let's all talk about this looking down while playing guitar moments oh oh I know what she's talking about when I was playing guitar and I got sad and I looked down um I actually just, I think you're talking about just depressive moments in general. Like how do you get out of those?

The guitar moment was not so, that was early. That was like almost like the sniffles before a cold. Like it was just felt really good to me just to stare. For depression, I talk about it. I tell everyone that will listen how bad I feel. And I'm not asking for like them to solve it. I just want them to like, I just want to get honest about it and like talk about how I'm really feeling. And then there's something that lifts once you're able to be like brutally honest about it that I found is really soothing. But generally I just try to tell myself

this isn't going to last forever. Um, and if it doesn't get better, I call a doctor. Honestly, you got to get a doctor involved. You got to call someone and get some help. But when I feel those spells coming on. I love her at home just being like, how the fuck do I play a G chord? She's like, no, I mean, how could I not stare at my hands when I'm trying to do an A? No, I just feel like, yeah. But I just found the freedom, being honest with yourself about how you feel

and other people without scaring them so when you sleep in a month later, they don't think you killed yourself. But just being honest because you're not a bad person to be really sad no matter what your your situation is and also just get get help you know like and if it is guitar like just that simple just like it what that's what not what she was talking about if you're playing chords it's easier you can't look up when you're reading the news yeah that's why you lost your job i didn't lose my job i gave it away there's two different stories wait mine's the truth how do you get out of depression when you're in it like when you don't listen to you make fun of me for not

being able to read that's it don't do that don. Huh? Wait, what do you really do? Oh, what gives them more? Yeah. No, I'm not trying to do that. But do it. Write a letter or something. I don't write it. You piece of shit. Wait. No, what do you do?

I don't know. I try to like, I'll do an activity. I'll go hit golf balls. I'll go to the gym. I'll try to better myself. Even if everything's telling you not to do it, you'll always fucking feel better after you do it. Have you ever felt like I should go do that and you just can't? Yeah, all the time. And then what do you do with that?

You just wait until you can? You just fucking jerk off and you fucking don't even clean up and then you watch a documentary and then you fall asleep with jizz in your bed and then you wake up and you go, man, I'm still sad. And then you hit some golf balls and you're like, shit, I shoved jizz on my hand. Taking a shower is so hard to do but it and you as a girl you're like oh i gotta blow dry my hair

just like take a shower let your hair dry the way it is and actually try to film a scene in the shower like you're in if you can't get yourself to really emote just like try to like act like you're in a movie of someone who's depressed and like get it out and like just have also like a moment with understanding that it will pass yes like the thing that helps me a lot that it's gonna go that it's not always gonna be this way because it wasn't always that way i saw tom hanks talking to other actors he's like when things are terrible you're not getting any jobs everything's bad this too shall pass when things are feeling great everything's wonderful this too shall pass yeah that's it always passes but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't enjoy it but just know that

these might be temporary feelings and you'll get through it whatever it is yeah and just try to talk to someone anyone even if you know fucking record a podcast to yourself. Just verbalize it, journal it. And if you can't do any of that shit, be nice to yourself about not being able to do anything and just be like, I can't. If I could, I would. And just fucking be depressed and own it and wallow and feel bad for yourself.

Do all those things. Just don't be mean to yourself when you're depressed. Don't shit on yourself for not being what you need to be, not being able to get out of bed. Don don't add to it you're already depressed you already spilled water on your computer you don't like use the analogy when i spilled water on my computer i wanted to like punish myself i already lost my computer why punish yourself more you're already depressed and you're you're feeling sad don't be mean to yourself on top of that please god don't do that and if it's tough playing an A chord,

just use one finger and cover over. Right, and then just mute the high E string. But that's really what this is about. Thank you guys so much for your questions and for being our besties. And we'll be back tomorrow with more show. Don't be cut and dry. Excellent.

Five. I came up with it. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it.

For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B,

as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections.

Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapaport. And my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days.

Listen to the I Am Rapap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Snakes, zombies, sharks, heights, speaking in public, the list of fears is endless. But while you're clutching your blanket in the dark, wondering if that sound in the hall was actually a footstep, the real danger is in your hand, when you're behind the wheel. And while you might think a great white shark is scary, what's really terrifying, and even deadly, is distracted driving. Eyes forward. Don't drive distracted.

Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council.